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Scary intro music plays.
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Good evening. A warm welcome to all you
creatures of the night.
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We have a delightful mix of films to shock, terrify, and frighten you all.
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If you have a weak heart, a weak bladder, or are prone to nightmares you should turn back now.
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This film features terrifying ghosts, zombies,
demons, werewolves…
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and hamsters!
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MOM!
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I'm making my movie and Ray is ruining it!
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(off screen) You play nice with your brother!
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But mom…
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(off screen) I SAID play nice with your brother!
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Fine…
what do you want?
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Well, I like everybody else want to see hamsters.
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This is a horror anthology. That doesn't work at ALL!
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You heard mom you have to play nice.
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Fine. Can I go back to making my intro now? (Hiss).
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And I'm talking about a lot of hamsters, like 50/50.
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Really? is there anything else I can do for you?
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Yeah, you know what?
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I'd actually like to be in the movie. A BUNCH!
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MOOOM!
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(off screen) If I have to come in there,
you're going to be sorry!
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If you get to be in the movie, then I get
to be in it too.
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Sure, it's your movie!
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And now from the depths of hell we bring you
HORROR and HAMSTERS!
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Scary Music plays.
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You know… You should show a trailer
before the movie, like they do in the theatres!
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MOTHER FUCKER!
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Upbeat music plays.
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I can't believe your uncle's letting us
use his cabin for Thanksgiving! I can't
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believe you girls agreed to co-ed
sleeping arrangements! We'll see about
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that! You can brother better behave yourselves!
Hey! Brad and Andrew Warner are true
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gentleman and don't you forget it!
Speak for yourself man, I plan on being
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all kinds of inappropriate!
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Scary tone plays.
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Great, now what are we gonna do? Do what
the sign says
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I guess… follow the detour.
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What is this place? It's not our uncle's
cabin, that's for sure. We need to stop
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somewhere, we're only going to get more lost.
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What is this stuff? I think it's like a
laptop, but thicker. I think
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this goes into that.
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(Gunshots and shotgun blasts are heard along with screaming.)
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What's he doing to them?
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we shouldn't be here! Do you think the
snuff films were real?
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they can't be! You saw it with your own
two eyes Brad! He shot them, He shot
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them in the face over and over!
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There's someone outside!
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What is it? It's ducks.
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He shot their beaks off!
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The subject is beyond our help and
beyond our control.
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The psychological trauma has left a
severe speech impediment.
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We attempted to correct his aberrant
behavior, but our failed craniotomy has
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left his skull horrifically swollen.
The patient is homicidal. He is focused
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on one thing only. Killing every living
thing he encounters.
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(Scream)
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There's nowhere for you to run, you little rascal.
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(Quiet gasp)
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Come out come out wherever you are!
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Oh, hello!
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(Demented laugh)
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Okay! Dave is out in front with
Mark and Diane way behind. Dave you're
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having a banner night. You really know
your stuff!
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Thanks, I'm feeling really good right now.
I could get used to this! Well, don't get
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too comfy, this last question will
determine whether or not you join us
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again next week. Are you ready? I'm ready.
Alright, here we go.
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Who averaged one patent for every three
weeks of his life?
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Thomas Edison? Correct!
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00:06:39,700 --> 00:06:48,500
316 ohms? Correct! Ted Dibiase the Million
Dollar Man? Correct again!
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00:06:48,560 --> 00:06:52,320
Harmonium carbonate? Correct!
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00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:55,599
Dave, you have just set
the record for the longest winning
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streak in the history of our show!
Congratulations!
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I don't think you've missed a single
question this entire run. Dave how do you
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do it? It uh, it just takes hard work and
a little sacrifice.
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Well Dave you'll be joining us again
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next week for our season finale, where you'll be competing for $100,000.
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Good night everyone and thanks for joining us.
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Come, come in my needful hour. Rise, rise
destroy and devour!
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(Deep Rumbling)
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I rise from my slumber awaken my… oh
come on Dave… What the hell!
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00:08:48,280 --> 00:08:57,319
I'm so sorry Lord Belphegor. I know. I know you told me not to call on you again, but…
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I'm an ancient Godlike being Dave. I've got a lot going on.
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I can't just drop what I'm doing
every time you want to win a few
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thousand dollars on some game show.
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00:09:12,620 --> 00:09:14,569
I know, I know it's just…
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I swear, that this is the last time. Next
week is the season finale, and if I win
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I'm set for life.
I brought you another baby… for the ritual.
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Well, Dave, now I want two babies.
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What? No!
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No please! I've given you so many. What are you doing with all these babies anyway?
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I'm a Demon Dave. What do you think? And you know what? I'm trying real hard not
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to eat you right now. So give me another
baby, and I'll give you the answers.
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00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:09,860
Or don't. Either way, this is the last time.
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00:10:13,060 --> 00:10:15,380
Now what's it going to be?
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00:10:15,660 --> 00:10:18,560
All right! We've met the contestants and we've seen our
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prizes, so let's get started with our Boy
Wonder. You ready Dave? You bet!
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00:10:24,210 --> 00:10:29,140
All right then, let's get started!
97
00:10:29,220 --> 00:10:32,279
During the Vietnam War, North Vietnamese forces
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00:10:32,280 --> 00:10:38,429
were able to move soldiers and supplies
along the Ho Chi Minh Trail, which passed
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along the border between Vietnam and
which two countries?
100
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Cambodia and Thailand?
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The circumference of Jupiter?
The Godfather PartII?
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That is incorrect.
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I'm sorry Dave, but none of your answers
tonight have been correct. I'm afraid
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that ends your run on the show, but
you're not going home empty-handed, far
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from it. Tell us Dave, do you have any
plans for your record winnings?
106
00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:18,419
You know, I'm confident that I'll be back on the
show again someday. I'm gonna study hard
107
00:11:18,420 --> 00:11:24,179
and make the necessary sacrifices. in the
meantime,
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00:11:24,180 --> 00:11:28,900
I think I'm gonna use my winnings to
find children in need.
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There are a lot of helpless babies out there.
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(offscreen) What are you doing with all these babies anyway?
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(Singing) is that a wink or did you just blink at me? 'Cuz I don't mind, no, because when I come
112
00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:15,059
by you get stuck on my side, the whole
world could go by, you said you were mine.
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00:14:15,060 --> 00:14:23,109
Thirsty for me, put your ring in your
pocket, I'm 23. Thirsty, I see, that your
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heads wet from your sweat,
baby can't you see
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that I only like you, there's no
beginning and there's no end.
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One more drink before we call it a night? I can make you something special.
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(Sinister tone)
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What do you think?
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Not bad, Thanks! Special eh? What's in it? Ginger ale, um, ice and what else?
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It's really hot in here.
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HELP!
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HELP!
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(Crying and whimpering)
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Shh! Shh!
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No one can hear you. We're closed on
weekdays. Why are you doing this?
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You know, honestly, I like you.
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00:16:45,800 --> 00:16:49,320
I did almost just let you go.
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00:16:53,160 --> 00:16:55,940
Almost.
129
00:17:02,709 --> 00:17:07,808
Have you ever hallucinated before? Once
this stuff kicks in you're gonna be
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seeing some pretty amazing things. You
might not even notice when I get to work.
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00:17:13,149 --> 00:17:19,379
You don't have to do this. Just let me go, I
promise I won't tell anyone!
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You don't have to worry, I'm not the rapey type.
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I've got a… different set of urges.
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00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:29,200
Please don't kill me.
135
00:17:30,460 --> 00:17:37,480
Hmm I've changed my mind. It's a
bit of a waste, this is the good stuff.
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You're letting me go?
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It's your lucky day!
Well, not 'I'm letting you go' lucky, but
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luckier than most people who end up in
my chair.
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00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:51,278
Aren't you listening? I said
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it's your lucky day.
I just started watching a new show and
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00:17:55,149 --> 00:18:01,230
I'm at the season finale, so I want to
get back to it.
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00:18:02,820 --> 00:18:06,050
I'll make this quick…
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for both of us.
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00:18:08,060 --> 00:18:09,700
(SCREAM) (Empty Click)
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Ugh.
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Do you know how much I paid for this
thing?
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(Loud bang as shotgun goes off)
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SCREAM
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That's what you get, you sick FUCK!
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(Frustrated cry)
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(Crying)
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I'm gonna starve to death.
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I'm gonna die here.
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You're not giving up that easy are you?
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(SCREAM)
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That's a terrible noise, please stop.
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How…?
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00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:47,359
I know you've had a lot to take in, but remember, when I
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00:19:47,360 --> 00:19:52,240
injected you? Back before I accidentally
blew half my head off with a shotgun?
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00:19:56,100 --> 00:19:58,360
GET ME OUT OF HERE!
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00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:12,780
OK, I got this.
162
00:20:14,140 --> 00:20:17,400
Ok… I got this…
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(SCREAMS)
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Jesus Christ!
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You shouldn't take the Lord's name in vain.
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Shut up! Shut up! Shut Up!
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If you're gonna be rude let me throw a few pieces of reality at you.
168
00:20:43,480 --> 00:20:45,520
What are you talking about?
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You're right! Totally gonna starve to
death and die here!
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00:20:49,980 --> 00:20:54,300
But what you didn't count on is you're gonna lose all dignity first.
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You're gonna piss yourself and you're gonna shit your pants.
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Then, you're gonna get so thirsty you're gonna try and drink that piss.
173
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Can you feel it happening? Are you getting thirsty yet?
174
00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:12,140
I'm not gonna die here SHITHEAD!
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00:21:15,620 --> 00:21:18,499
You're a princess, you're not strong enough.
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00:21:18,500 --> 00:21:23,599
You don't know anything
about pain. Your life's been too easy.
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00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:30,379
you can't free yourself. You would rather die here in your own shit than experience
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any real pain.
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(Painful grunt)
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(painful struggling)
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(flesh ripping and crying)
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SEE? SEE? Not weak… Not going to die here…
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00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:13,200
BITCH!
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00:22:27,660 --> 00:22:29,719
What the fuck?
185
00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:33,119
Hi! You've been out of it for quite a while.
186
00:22:33,120 --> 00:22:37,869
Maybe I should have given you a
smaller dose. It sounded like you saw
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some pretty crazy shit though!
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I was free…I don't understand.
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Everyone sees something different.
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00:22:50,020 --> 00:22:56,440
I'm not a monster though, this is my final gift to you, and all my guests.
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00:23:01,640 --> 00:23:06,180
Let's get started. Shall we? (evil giggle)
192
00:24:42,240 --> 00:24:46,917
So, if we sign the papers today, we can
demolish by Thursday?
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00:24:46,920 --> 00:24:50,659
if you sign today, I'll make the call right now.
194
00:24:50,660 --> 00:24:55,949
Wait! Carl we should have our Halloween party here!
195
00:24:55,950 --> 00:25:01,379
Don't you think people might find that a
little unsettling?
196
00:25:01,380 --> 00:25:08,819
Oh that? Don't you worry about that.
They won't be back! I took their key.
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00:25:08,820 --> 00:25:12,139
No more squatter's rights for them.
198
00:25:12,140 --> 00:25:14,259
See honey? nothing to worry about.
199
00:25:14,260 --> 00:25:18,880
Also, if there was… I'd be more
worried about that.
200
00:25:23,180 --> 00:25:25,659
And the fact that there's no electricity?
201
00:25:25,660 --> 00:25:33,259
So we buy candles, and lights and glow sticks. Please?
202
00:25:33,260 --> 00:25:35,299
Alright, let's do it!
203
00:25:35,300 --> 00:25:36,600
Hee, hee, yes!
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00:25:41,800 --> 00:25:43,560
(Knock on door)
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00:25:46,820 --> 00:25:47,860
Shelly!
206
00:25:48,920 --> 00:25:52,019
I thought you were going to be Bride of Frankenstein.
207
00:25:52,020 --> 00:25:54,779
Nope! Sexy hobo.
208
00:25:54,780 --> 00:25:56,839
That's not even a thing!
209
00:25:56,840 --> 00:25:58,940
I've seen sexy hobos!
210
00:26:03,040 --> 00:26:04,639
Happy Halloween!
211
00:26:04,640 --> 00:26:07,440
Sexy hobo! Me likey!
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00:26:12,580 --> 00:26:16,300
(Heavy muffled breathing)
213
00:26:16,660 --> 00:26:21,380
(Party music plays)
214
00:26:25,040 --> 00:26:30,260
(heavy muffled breathing)
215
00:26:35,780 --> 00:26:41,519
Can I take my makeup off yet? it's so itchy! No!
216
00:26:41,520 --> 00:26:44,040
(Knock on Door)
217
00:26:48,280 --> 00:26:50,079
Trick or treat!
218
00:26:50,080 --> 00:26:52,857
Aren't you a little old to be trick-or-treating?
219
00:26:52,860 --> 00:26:54,940
Aren't you a little old in general?
220
00:26:57,920 --> 00:26:59,220
(Door Knocks)
221
00:26:59,660 --> 00:27:01,600
Ah, fucking kids…
222
00:27:04,460 --> 00:27:13,100
Don't let them have the key! End of the
world… your problem now…
223
00:27:14,100 --> 00:27:18,680
Is he dead? Ewww… I don't know.
224
00:27:31,700 --> 00:27:33,239
(Girlish Scream)
225
00:27:33,240 --> 00:27:35,140
(Female clown laughs)
226
00:27:35,920 --> 00:27:40,600
Whoa… scary mask bro…
227
00:27:40,640 --> 00:27:41,760
Honk Honk!
228
00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:44,860
(SCREAMS)
229
00:27:58,380 --> 00:27:59,640
(Girlish screams, Clown laughing )
230
00:28:04,480 --> 00:28:06,920
Shelly! Shelly!
231
00:28:12,620 --> 00:28:14,300
(Clown laughing) Oh God!
232
00:28:17,700 --> 00:28:20,300
Shelly! I don't want to die! Shelly!
233
00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:25,880
(Clown laughing, Carl crying)
234
00:28:27,520 --> 00:28:30,000
(Stabbing squelch, clown cries out)
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00:28:30,820 --> 00:28:38,400
(clown laughs)
236
00:28:40,060 --> 00:28:44,919
Why'd you come to the basement? Now we're stuck in the fucking creepiest place in the house!
237
00:28:44,920 --> 00:28:48,039
Carl! I just saved your fucking life!
238
00:28:48,040 --> 00:28:51,099
But I mean, the back door was right over there…
239
00:28:51,100 --> 00:28:52,500
Shhhhh!
240
00:28:54,760 --> 00:28:59,900
Did you hear that? I don't hear anything.
241
00:29:00,800 --> 00:29:03,240
That's the problem.
242
00:29:03,520 --> 00:29:05,799
(Door crashes open, screams)
243
00:29:05,800 --> 00:29:14,460
(Female clown laughs)
244
00:29:23,620 --> 00:29:24,800
(Whimper)
245
00:29:52,800 --> 00:29:58,279
Jesus! What happened? I took care of it.
246
00:29:58,280 --> 00:30:00,519
I would have beat the shit out of that fucking
247
00:30:00,520 --> 00:30:03,640
clown, but he sucker-punched me you know?
248
00:30:03,720 --> 00:30:10,140
(Female clown laughing)
249
00:30:17,540 --> 00:30:23,739
Our contestants are assessing the course.
the course consists of the hurdles,
250
00:30:23,740 --> 00:30:30,019
a seesaw, hoops, a hamster walk, and finishes with the weaving poles. Let's begin with
251
00:30:30,020 --> 00:30:34,920
our first contestant, Porkchop. She has a
question for the judges.
252
00:30:34,929 --> 00:30:38,299
Yes Porkchop, the race has started.
253
00:30:38,300 --> 00:30:43,020
Wow! she's like a flash! Let's see that in slow-mo.
254
00:30:47,140 --> 00:30:52,919
A cautious approach to the seesaw. Better take it slow, but accurate
255
00:30:52,920 --> 00:30:58,640
rather than chance losing some points.
256
00:30:59,940 --> 00:31:02,959
Yes! She made it!
257
00:31:02,960 --> 00:31:06,039
Now the hoops.
258
00:31:06,040 --> 00:31:07,928
Amazing! What an impressive
259
00:31:07,929 --> 00:31:13,580
mastering of this obstacle.
Let's get that from another angle.
260
00:31:14,580 --> 00:31:18,080
Who doesn't love a fluffy butt cam?
261
00:31:19,220 --> 00:31:25,240
Another slow but steady tactic as she
heads over the hamster walk.
262
00:31:26,860 --> 00:31:29,519
The next obstacle is the weaving poles.
263
00:31:29,520 --> 00:31:36,439
This is an assisted event because,
well they're hamsters.
264
00:31:36,440 --> 00:31:41,220
What a great finish for Porkchop! that's going to be hard to beat!
265
00:31:42,040 --> 00:31:46,220
Now it's Dumptruck's turn to impress.
266
00:31:47,100 --> 00:31:53,060
Wow! She'll need to go back and redo this
part if she doesn't want to lose any points.
267
00:31:54,180 --> 00:31:57,220
Smart choice Dumptruck!
268
00:31:58,700 --> 00:32:01,180
She's back on track!
269
00:32:05,960 --> 00:32:10,899
A determined run on the seesaw.
She's picking up speed and I think she
270
00:32:10,900 --> 00:32:13,640
gained some ground here .
271
00:32:14,540 --> 00:32:17,600
Now the hoops.
272
00:32:19,060 --> 00:32:23,960
Perfect first jump. Can she keep it up?
273
00:32:24,540 --> 00:32:29,620
Ouch, a handler assist that'll cost her.
274
00:32:31,420 --> 00:32:36,879
She's really picking up speed on the
hamster walk. Things could turn around.
275
00:32:37,420 --> 00:32:43,939
Weave… weave… weave…
Yes! a fantastic run at the poles.
276
00:32:43,940 --> 00:32:46,199
let's see our standings.
277
00:32:46,200 --> 00:32:49,320
Dumptruck finishes with the fastest time
on the course
278
00:32:49,340 --> 00:32:51,699
but don't get too excited yet,
279
00:32:51,700 --> 00:32:54,579
she's incurred a two second penalty for
280
00:32:54,580 --> 00:32:55,859
the handler assist.
281
00:32:55,860 --> 00:33:00,459
Final tallies: Porkchop is the winner!
282
00:33:00,460 --> 00:33:03,700
Congratulations Porkchop!
283
00:33:04,420 --> 00:33:09,040
A fantastic run for both of our competitors.
284
00:33:09,160 --> 00:33:14,560
Dumptruck will be going home with the silver medal. She showed some impressive speed in the
285
00:33:14,570 --> 00:33:18,439
race today, but it just wasn't enough to take the
286
00:33:18,440 --> 00:33:20,439
gold away from Porkchop.
287
00:33:20,440 --> 00:33:24,288
A well-deserved win. Let's have a big round of applause
288
00:33:24,289 --> 00:33:34,520
for both of our tiny fluffy athletes!
289
00:33:41,460 --> 00:33:46,400
Hey babe? Still here?
290
00:33:48,940 --> 00:33:50,280
Sarah?
291
00:34:08,060 --> 00:34:10,780
(Distorted voice on phone) Hello, Phil.
292
00:34:10,800 --> 00:34:13,319
Who is this? What have you done to my
wife?
293
00:34:13,320 --> 00:34:15,240
What have I done to her?
294
00:34:15,420 --> 00:34:19,860
Is it money you want? I can get you
money. Just no one has to get hurt.
295
00:34:19,980 --> 00:34:24,719
As much as you can from the bank. Head to the address I am sending you.
296
00:34:24,720 --> 00:34:28,000
You have fifteen minutes.
297
00:34:35,740 --> 00:34:38,639
So, what did you tell your wife?
298
00:34:38,640 --> 00:34:43,260
The usual, I'm working late.
299
00:34:44,480 --> 00:34:46,640
(phone rings)
300
00:34:47,020 --> 00:34:48,860
You're late.
301
00:34:48,960 --> 00:34:52,040
Get out of the car.
302
00:34:53,520 --> 00:34:57,319
I did what you asked, I've got the money.
303
00:34:57,320 --> 00:34:59,969
See that man over there? Give him every
304
00:34:59,970 --> 00:35:02,780
dollar that you have. (phone clicks)
305
00:35:09,340 --> 00:35:12,570
I'm supposed to give this to you.
306
00:35:13,740 --> 00:35:20,039
Then I'm supposed to give you this. I
didn't really believe her, but here you are.
307
00:35:20,040 --> 00:35:22,419
Her? What did…
308
00:35:22,420 --> 00:35:27,299
(Phone rings)
309
00:35:27,300 --> 00:35:31,299
I did what you asked, now let her go!
310
00:35:31,300 --> 00:35:37,960
Your wife will be free soon enough.
You've got ten minutes get to the gym.
311
00:35:43,680 --> 00:35:44,660
FUCK!
312
00:35:56,330 --> 00:36:01,419
You know she doesn't mean anything to me anymore… it's just it's just complicated.
313
00:36:01,420 --> 00:36:06,979
You told me months ago that you would
leave her. I'm not interested in being
314
00:36:06,980 --> 00:36:09,199
your… your plaything on the side.
315
00:36:09,200 --> 00:36:11,929
Angie! I just need more time.
316
00:36:11,930 --> 00:36:16,320
Tell her, or I'll take care of it myself.
317
00:36:16,980 --> 00:36:20,700
She's lost her fucking mind!
318
00:36:24,140 --> 00:36:25,340
Hello?
319
00:36:25,400 --> 00:36:28,199
I know who this is. I know it's you Angie.
320
00:36:28,200 --> 00:36:29,860
Aren't you clever?
321
00:36:29,900 --> 00:36:35,560
it doesn't have to be like this! I don't
love her anymore. You and I are meant to
322
00:36:35,570 --> 00:36:38,099
be together, but but not like this.
323
00:36:38,100 --> 00:36:43,480
I'm sending you one last address. Time to end this.
324
00:36:46,980 --> 00:36:49,980
Angie!?
325
00:36:54,560 --> 00:36:57,299
(muffle warnings)
326
00:36:57,300 --> 00:36:58,340
(WOODEN THWACK)
327
00:37:04,780 --> 00:37:07,539
(Muffled) Why are you doing this?
328
00:37:07,540 --> 00:37:14,080
(Click, sounds play from a sex tape. The voices are Phil and Angie's.)
329
00:37:14,720 --> 00:37:18,520
I wanted to hurt you, like you hurt me.
330
00:37:18,880 --> 00:37:22,320
I told you your wife would be free soon.
331
00:37:22,400 --> 00:37:23,459
NOOOO!
332
00:37:23,460 --> 00:37:24,360
(Gunshot)
333
00:37:24,520 --> 00:37:26,119
(Gunshot)
334
00:37:26,120 --> 00:37:27,640
Now I am.
335
00:39:39,920 --> 00:39:42,160
Ahhhhhh! Braaains!
336
00:39:44,180 --> 00:39:45,340
Braaains!
337
00:39:48,160 --> 00:39:49,220
Brains!
338
00:39:51,840 --> 00:39:54,240
Braaaaaaaains!
339
00:40:01,660 --> 00:40:03,640
Braaaains!
340
00:40:05,760 --> 00:40:08,260
Braaaaaaains!
341
00:40:09,780 --> 00:40:11,280
Brains!
342
00:40:18,220 --> 00:40:19,880
Braaains!
343
00:40:27,980 --> 00:40:29,140
BRAINS!
344
00:40:33,080 --> 00:40:35,759
BRAINS! Use your brains!
345
00:40:35,760 --> 00:40:38,640
You have to push, not pull!
346
00:43:34,700 --> 00:43:38,519
That was excellent James. I'm very
pleased with tonight.
347
00:43:38,520 --> 00:43:42,919
I'm glad you enjoyed yourself Mrs. Welton.
348
00:43:42,920 --> 00:43:46,879
Mmmm, so am I. I hate being disappointed, particularly
349
00:43:46,880 --> 00:43:52,099
when I've been looking forward to
something all week. That is so annoying.
350
00:43:52,100 --> 00:43:56,539
Well I can understand why it would be. I
do my best to avoid situations like that.
351
00:43:56,540 --> 00:44:03,679
That you do! There's no denying that. You
do your utmost, one might even say.
352
00:44:03,680 --> 00:44:06,800
Thank you. You're too kind.
353
00:44:07,360 --> 00:44:14,179
No. I'm not actually. Your envelope is on the Davenport in the vestibule.
354
00:44:14,180 --> 00:44:18,840
Shall we meet again on the
14th? Francis will be in Hong Kong.
355
00:44:18,850 --> 00:44:21,359
Certainly. At the usual time?
356
00:44:21,360 --> 00:44:24,059
Yes, that would be amenable.
357
00:44:24,060 --> 00:44:26,559
I'll see you on the 14th then.
358
00:44:26,560 --> 00:44:30,120
Good night James.
359
00:44:50,060 --> 00:44:53,500
Nearest bar. (GPS Chimes in acknowledgement)
360
00:45:16,380 --> 00:45:19,600
(Country Rock music plays in the bar)
361
00:45:27,260 --> 00:45:28,959
What can I get you?
362
00:45:28,960 --> 00:45:31,179
Glenlivet neat.
363
00:45:31,180 --> 00:45:32,839
Are you kidding me?
364
00:45:32,840 --> 00:45:38,460
Look around you. You think this is kind of joint that stocks Glenlivet?
365
00:45:38,480 --> 00:45:42,580
I guess Bowmore Black would be out of the question?
366
00:45:42,980 --> 00:45:47,360
Highland Park? Ardbeg?
367
00:45:49,040 --> 00:45:52,680
Okay what's your best scotch?
368
00:45:53,040 --> 00:45:59,619
How about some Old Onyschuk? Old Onyschuk?
Yep, Old Onyschuk.
369
00:45:59,620 --> 00:46:01,999
That's your best scotch?
370
00:46:02,000 --> 00:46:05,059
It's our only scotch.
371
00:46:05,060 --> 00:46:08,019
Okay let's make it a double.
372
00:46:08,020 --> 00:46:10,859
I feel like living dangerously tonight.
373
00:46:10,860 --> 00:46:13,440
It's your liver.
374
00:46:16,040 --> 00:46:19,140
That'll be $6.40.
375
00:46:20,140 --> 00:46:22,459
And worth every penny.
376
00:46:22,460 --> 00:46:25,759
Can't believe you actually drank that.
377
00:46:25,760 --> 00:46:27,419
Your not be as soft as you look.
378
00:46:27,420 --> 00:46:30,320
Oh yeah? watch this.
379
00:46:35,080 --> 00:46:36,920
I'll have another?
380
00:46:38,460 --> 00:46:40,019
Can you pass me the clicker?
381
00:46:40,020 --> 00:46:44,699
What? The remote for the TV. I can't watch
any more of that.
382
00:46:44,700 --> 00:46:47,159
That's what I hate about Halloween.
383
00:46:47,160 --> 00:46:51,299
All these stupid old horror movies come crawling out from the rocks they're hiding under.
384
00:46:51,300 --> 00:46:53,679
I don't know, I kinda like it.
385
00:46:53,680 --> 00:46:58,280
What if I told you I'm allergic to zombies?
386
00:46:58,960 --> 00:47:01,220
Fine, you win handsome.
387
00:47:01,320 --> 00:47:03,420
Thanks!
388
00:47:04,810 --> 00:47:09,139
Now that's much better.
389
00:47:09,140 --> 00:47:10,840
If you say so.
390
00:47:13,980 --> 00:47:18,519
Can I ask you another question? it's about the name of this place. How do you pronounce it?
391
00:47:18,520 --> 00:47:21,140
I don't know I just started working here last week.
392
00:47:21,320 --> 00:47:24,419
Oogies?
393
00:47:24,420 --> 00:47:28,579
Oogies? I doubt it. Would a serious
394
00:47:28,580 --> 00:47:33,199
drinker come to a joint called Oogies?
Certainly not these fine folks.
395
00:47:33,200 --> 00:47:37,960
You're probably right.
What would you call it smart guy?
396
00:47:38,040 --> 00:47:43,159
Well, originally it was two words… during
Prohibition this was a speakeasy without
397
00:47:43,160 --> 00:47:49,099
a sign. The two words were a secret
code for patrons so that they could
398
00:47:49,100 --> 00:47:50,959
identify that place without getting
busted.
399
00:47:50,960 --> 00:47:54,440
You think that's true? sounds kinda far-fetched to me.
400
00:47:54,540 --> 00:48:00,999
Sure! the two words were "oh geez". So one guy might say oh geez I'm
401
00:48:01,000 --> 00:48:04,739
really thirsty, the other guy would know
exactly what and where he meant.
402
00:48:04,740 --> 00:48:08,479
That'd be kinda cool, if it were true.
403
00:48:08,480 --> 00:48:11,520
Would I lie to you?
404
00:48:11,700 --> 00:48:15,499
As a matter of fact, you look exactly like the kind of guy who would.
405
00:48:15,500 --> 00:48:18,840
Are you flirting with me?
406
00:48:20,760 --> 00:48:22,818
You know, even today I bet some of the regulars still
407
00:48:22,819 --> 00:48:24,679
use the code name for this place.
408
00:48:24,680 --> 00:48:26,279
You really think so?
409
00:48:26,280 --> 00:48:31,140
Sure! For example "oh geez I can't believe I'm in this dump again."
410
00:48:33,640 --> 00:48:35,720
You're pretty funny, you know that?
411
00:48:35,760 --> 00:48:37,460
Well I do my utmost.
412
00:48:42,220 --> 00:48:43,519
What about you?
413
00:48:43,520 --> 00:48:45,479
How do you say the name of this place?
414
00:48:45,480 --> 00:48:46,679
Fuck you.
415
00:48:46,680 --> 00:48:49,039
No bugging the other customers.
416
00:48:49,040 --> 00:48:54,559
I know how to say it buddy.
it's Ojay's, like the band that sings Love Train.
417
00:48:54,560 --> 00:48:56,599
Ojays Tavern. I like the sound of that!
418
00:48:56,600 --> 00:48:59,040
Heh, damn straight.
419
00:49:01,040 --> 00:49:03,939
What about you?
420
00:49:03,940 --> 00:49:06,399
Um, pardon?
421
00:49:06,400 --> 00:49:09,979
You talk too much pretty boy.
422
00:49:09,980 --> 00:49:12,559
Hey! No trouble now, just take it easy.
423
00:49:12,560 --> 00:49:14,119
Hey, why don't you leave him alone
424
00:49:14,120 --> 00:49:16,799
cue ball we're just having some fun.
425
00:49:16,800 --> 00:49:19,399
What the fuck did you just call me?
426
00:49:19,400 --> 00:49:20,620
Cue ball.
427
00:49:20,640 --> 00:49:26,839
I called you a cue ball. I apologize
good sir, I shouldn't have called you
428
00:49:26,840 --> 00:49:34,040
a cue ball you're obviously not a cue ball.
More like a cue ball with a bad mustache.
429
00:49:34,100 --> 00:49:37,120
That's it, you're done asshole!
430
00:49:37,220 --> 00:49:38,500
(Door creaks open)
431
00:49:54,380 --> 00:50:01,699
Hands up bitch! Don't even think about
trying anything stupid. Get over there.
432
00:50:01,700 --> 00:50:03,160
The rest of you too!
433
00:50:11,660 --> 00:50:15,640
Hey! Take it easy Jack!
434
00:50:16,690 --> 00:50:24,169
Get over there with them, meat. Or what?
You gonna shoot me? I don't think so.
435
00:50:24,170 --> 00:50:29,080
I'm not going to ask you again. That thing's a fucking joke.
436
00:50:31,460 --> 00:50:33,858
And you… get in my way and
437
00:50:33,859 --> 00:50:37,608
I'll make you eat those fucking
Halloween masks. You shouldn't have come
438
00:50:37,609 --> 00:50:41,280
trick-or-treating here today asshole.
439
00:50:43,040 --> 00:50:44,480
(Crack)
440
00:50:44,500 --> 00:50:46,400
(Growl)
441
00:50:47,460 --> 00:50:48,760
(Crash)
442
00:50:57,100 --> 00:50:59,100
Holy Crap!
443
00:51:11,660 --> 00:51:18,339
Here, take it! It's yours. There's three
Mastercards and two Visas in it they're still clean.
444
00:51:18,340 --> 00:51:21,559
I could open the safe? I don't know how much is in it…
445
00:51:21,560 --> 00:51:23,900
(Terrible scream from the bathroom)
446
00:51:24,200 --> 00:51:27,500
You can keep your money.
447
00:51:27,520 --> 00:51:30,019
We want you.
448
00:51:30,020 --> 00:51:33,500
She's eating for two again.
449
00:51:36,280 --> 00:51:37,680
(crack)
450
00:51:57,180 --> 00:51:59,039
Who's next?
451
00:51:59,040 --> 00:52:00,599
(Retching)
452
00:52:00,600 --> 00:52:05,019
Oh please, is that really necessary?
Don't be such a diva.
453
00:52:05,020 --> 00:52:09,019
I don't think you should have any
of that second guy. Definitely not a prime cut.
454
00:52:09,020 --> 00:52:13,439
It's not good for the baby.
Okay then, how about this one?
455
00:52:13,440 --> 00:52:18,239
I've had it up to here with all these pukers. No! Please, not me. I have a daughter!
456
00:52:18,240 --> 00:52:20,379
Shut up, meat!
457
00:52:20,380 --> 00:52:23,199
Oh, what do we have here?
458
00:52:23,200 --> 00:52:25,239
a HERO?
459
00:52:25,240 --> 00:52:30,039
Aw, isn't that adorable he wants
to be the big hero who rescues the
460
00:52:30,040 --> 00:52:31,999
damsels in distress.
461
00:52:32,000 --> 00:52:35,139
How sweet. I hope he tastes the same.
462
00:52:35,140 --> 00:52:36,799
Only one way to find out.
463
00:52:36,800 --> 00:52:40,479
Save me a bite will ya?
I'm feeling a bit peckish.
464
00:52:40,480 --> 00:52:42,979
Of course. Thanks darlin'.
465
00:52:42,980 --> 00:52:46,059
Hey Rover, bite me.
466
00:52:46,060 --> 00:52:47,979
You think you're something special?
467
00:52:47,980 --> 00:52:51,960
You're nothing but a
walking talking Big Mac!
468
00:52:58,300 --> 00:52:59,920
Hi There!
469
00:52:59,940 --> 00:53:01,100
Wait!
470
00:53:01,940 --> 00:53:06,239
You gonna beg for your life, pretty little dinner?
471
00:53:06,240 --> 00:53:10,019
I know how to touch you.
472
00:53:10,020 --> 00:53:13,060
Clever little dinner!
473
00:53:16,400 --> 00:53:18,339
Oh geez!
474
00:53:18,340 --> 00:53:21,540
Don't stop!
475
00:53:21,780 --> 00:53:23,980
(suckling)
476
00:53:25,420 --> 00:53:26,520
(stabbing squelch)
477
00:53:27,200 --> 00:53:28,700
(sizzling)
478
00:53:29,140 --> 00:53:30,759
What happened?
479
00:53:30,760 --> 00:53:32,280
(stabbing squelch)
480
00:53:58,920 --> 00:54:01,059
Surprised to see me?
481
00:54:01,060 --> 00:54:02,219
What the fuck?
482
00:54:02,220 --> 00:54:05,860
By the way, she isn't coming back.
483
00:54:05,880 --> 00:54:07,679
AHHHHHHH!
484
00:54:07,680 --> 00:54:09,540
(empty click, stab sound)
485
00:54:15,000 --> 00:54:16,640
Fuck.
486
00:54:28,820 --> 00:54:32,020
Boy! I sure could use a drink!
487
00:54:37,860 --> 00:54:41,740
Of course it's not dead yet. Why would it be that easy?
488
00:54:50,240 --> 00:54:52,599
Can't you smell her on me?
489
00:54:52,600 --> 00:54:53,919
(Sniff)
490
00:54:53,920 --> 00:54:58,240
No! Marsha would never!
491
00:54:58,280 --> 00:54:59,660
(Loud gunshot)
492
00:55:04,240 --> 00:55:06,779
I think I love you!
493
00:55:06,780 --> 00:55:11,699
I'm sorry it took me so long. I didn't have a chance to use this until you distracted them.
494
00:55:11,700 --> 00:55:14,800
Is that whatI was doing? Distracting Them?
495
00:55:14,920 --> 00:55:17,419
I mean, I know you were doing your best to fight them.
496
00:55:17,420 --> 00:55:19,879
You know what? don't worry about it.
497
00:55:19,880 --> 00:55:24,460
We're gonna get out of this hole with our lives, and that makes this my favorite Halloween ever.
498
00:55:25,560 --> 00:55:29,540
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
You saved our lives!
499
00:55:29,550 --> 00:55:31,219
You're welcome…
500
00:55:31,220 --> 00:55:32,599
Sam.
501
00:55:32,600 --> 00:55:35,639
It's nice to meet you Sam I'm James. No offense
502
00:55:35,640 --> 00:55:37,479
but I'm never coming back here again.
503
00:55:37,480 --> 00:55:40,379
Neither am I. I never wanted to take this stupid job
504
00:55:40,380 --> 00:55:43,019
but I need the paycheck. Don't we all?
505
00:55:43,020 --> 00:55:46,799
Why did you run behind the bar? Why didn't you go for the exit?
506
00:55:46,800 --> 00:55:49,859
Not the smartest move was it? I thought I saw you reach for
507
00:55:49,860 --> 00:55:52,779
something back there when the big guy
was beating up on the drunk guy.
508
00:55:52,780 --> 00:55:54,179
My cell phone.
509
00:55:54,180 --> 00:55:56,839
That was not a good moment.
510
00:55:56,840 --> 00:56:00,319
One thing I don't understand though.
511
00:56:00,320 --> 00:56:07,479
I thought those, those things, could only be killed with the silver bullets or something.
512
00:56:07,480 --> 00:56:11,379
Well, evidently massive
brain damage also does the trick.
513
00:56:11,380 --> 00:56:12,940
(Loud gunshot)
514
00:56:13,880 --> 00:56:17,739
What the hell? Why'd you do that?
It was just a little kid!
515
00:56:17,740 --> 00:56:19,719
No! it was an abomination.
516
00:56:19,720 --> 00:56:26,179
Don't you see? I had to do it! I had no choice! It was gonna become one of them!
517
00:56:26,180 --> 00:56:30,539
I guess monsters come in all shapes and
sizes, don't they?
518
00:56:30,540 --> 00:56:33,739
What? What are you talking about?
519
00:56:33,740 --> 00:56:35,259
I'm out of here.
520
00:56:35,260 --> 00:56:37,259
What do you mean? what monsters are there
521
00:56:37,260 --> 00:56:40,160
more of those things out there?
522
00:56:42,920 --> 00:56:45,700
your mascara's running.
523
00:57:01,420 --> 00:57:03,220
oh geez.
524
00:57:19,980 --> 00:57:25,659
what a beautiful day for the beach! So many things to do today!
525
00:57:25,660 --> 00:57:28,879
Clean out my bucket!
526
00:57:28,880 --> 00:57:31,540
So much sand!
527
00:57:35,040 --> 00:57:37,119
Okay, sandcastle…
528
00:57:37,120 --> 00:57:39,159
Yes. very nice.
529
00:57:39,160 --> 00:57:43,340
Lots to do, lots to do, I need a break.
530
00:57:43,359 --> 00:57:52,259
My favorite! Milk and cookies. Well, at
least the cookie.
531
00:57:52,260 --> 00:57:55,439
That was good now back to work.
532
00:57:55,440 --> 00:58:00,280
These trees are a mess, my work is never done.
533
00:58:01,280 --> 00:58:04,240
What's that?
534
00:58:05,400 --> 00:58:08,259
Oh my gosh, pirates!
535
00:58:08,260 --> 00:58:12,069
Help! Help! Pirates! Pirates!
536
00:58:12,070 --> 00:58:13,909
Hey Dumptruck!
537
00:58:13,910 --> 00:58:16,199
It's just me, Porkchop!
538
00:58:16,200 --> 00:58:20,259
Oh hi Porkchop, you scared me!
539
00:58:20,260 --> 00:58:24,420
Just a sec I'll come to shore!
540
00:58:24,720 --> 00:58:26,240
(Splash)
541
00:58:26,540 --> 00:58:28,939
Oh no! She doesn't know how to swim!
542
00:58:28,940 --> 00:58:33,440
Hang on Porkchop! I'm bringing a life
preserver!
543
00:58:34,880 --> 00:58:38,700
I'm coming!
544
00:58:41,400 --> 00:58:45,640
I'm so glad you're okay,
but what are you doing with a pirate ship?
545
00:58:46,380 --> 00:58:50,680
It's great to see you too Dumptruck!
Just give me a minute I'll go
546
00:58:50,690 --> 00:58:54,789
change and then I'll explain everything!
547
00:58:58,780 --> 00:59:02,100
Hey! No peeking!
548
00:59:02,640 --> 00:59:06,940
So? Are you ready for this? I found a treasure map it leads to the
549
00:59:06,950 --> 00:59:11,319
legendary Community Chest! Let me see!
550
00:59:11,320 --> 00:59:14,259
Community Chest, you have won second
551
00:59:14,260 --> 00:59:20,240
prize in a beauty contest. No silly! The map is on the other side!
552
00:59:23,280 --> 00:59:26,159
Could you please not eat the map?
553
00:59:26,160 --> 00:59:32,980
Sorry!
Hey, look behind us! I know that tree.
554
00:59:34,240 --> 00:59:40,560
This is it. This is the tree on the map!
We need to head west from here.
555
00:59:41,420 --> 00:59:43,919
Hurry up Porkchop!
556
00:59:43,920 --> 00:59:47,879
The fire pit! This treasure really does exist, doesn't it!
557
00:59:47,880 --> 00:59:50,439
You betcha it does!
558
00:59:50,440 --> 00:59:56,280
Who on earth would burn sunflower seeds?
This is crazy!
559
00:59:57,040 --> 01:00:01,319
Break time over, let's go!
560
01:00:01,320 --> 01:00:06,439
Huh? Wait I have the map!
561
01:00:06,440 --> 01:00:09,880
We are so close I can taste it.
562
01:00:09,960 --> 01:00:14,020
Taste it? Wait, where did you get
popcorn from?
563
01:00:16,880 --> 01:00:20,399
Hotel! Hotel marks the spot!
564
01:00:20,400 --> 01:00:25,099
Community Chest here we come!
let's get digging!
565
01:00:25,100 --> 01:00:27,429
A dig dig dig, digging for treasure!
566
01:00:27,430 --> 01:00:32,079
I'll go get the shovel!
dig dig dig a digging for treasure…
567
01:00:32,080 --> 01:00:36,039
I'm so excited!
Porkchop, what are you…?
568
01:00:36,040 --> 01:00:38,319
Nothing! you saw nothing!
569
01:00:38,320 --> 01:00:41,199
Okay Porkchop, keep up the good work.
570
01:00:41,200 --> 01:00:43,859
I'll supervise from over here.
571
01:00:43,860 --> 01:00:46,019
I think I found something!
572
01:00:46,020 --> 01:00:48,839
Holy moly! The treasure!
573
01:00:48,840 --> 01:00:52,519
I'm so excited so excited!
574
01:00:52,520 --> 01:00:55,419
That was hard work I'm exhausted.
575
01:00:55,420 --> 01:00:58,539
Really? You're exhausted?
576
01:00:58,540 --> 01:01:01,679
Let's get the ropes and pull this sucker out of here.
577
01:01:01,680 --> 01:01:07,080
Ropes in place, we're good. Let's pull.
578
01:01:09,820 --> 01:01:12,979
Whoo! let's do this!
579
01:01:12,980 --> 01:01:16,819
I'm too nervous, you look first.
580
01:01:16,820 --> 01:01:21,500
Oh, Who am I kidding? Move out of the way!
Let me see! let me see!
581
01:01:23,920 --> 01:01:29,920
What? What is this? Where's the treasure?
582
01:01:30,360 --> 01:01:35,760
Hold up, I see something underneath
all this shiny junk.
583
01:01:35,880 --> 01:01:40,839
Sunflower seeds! Best treasure ever!
584
01:01:40,840 --> 01:01:45,400
We'll never need to buy treats again!
585
01:01:47,420 --> 01:01:52,800
Well, at least not until tomorrow!
586
01:02:51,700 --> 01:02:55,279
You must be Tim.
587
01:02:55,280 --> 01:02:58,400
I'm Cassandra.
588
01:02:58,700 --> 01:03:03,360
Yes, hi! I'm him, Tim.
589
01:03:03,760 --> 01:03:07,840
Sorry, I didn't mean for that to rhyme.
This isn't normally how I introduced
590
01:03:07,850 --> 01:03:11,959
myself to… stunningly beautiful women.
591
01:03:11,960 --> 01:03:16,480
Normally I am super cool, calm and collected.
592
01:03:16,500 --> 01:03:20,139
Sweating a bit right now though!
593
01:03:20,140 --> 01:03:22,799
It's nice to meet you.
594
01:03:22,800 --> 01:03:26,380
it's nice to meet you too.
595
01:03:29,180 --> 01:03:32,920
Nice pants by the way.
596
01:03:33,000 --> 01:03:38,580
Uh, yeah. I just got back from karate class.
Hiya!
597
01:03:38,840 --> 01:03:43,189
I'm one of the star students, and
normally I stay behind to teach the
598
01:03:43,190 --> 01:03:48,520
beginners and I forgot to take off my
karate pants today.
599
01:03:59,240 --> 01:04:03,279
Hey, do you want to get out of here?
600
01:04:03,280 --> 01:04:05,459
Yeah, sure that'd be great!
601
01:04:05,460 --> 01:04:11,419
We can maybe grab a coffee or something? Or tea if you're not really a coffee drinker?
602
01:04:11,420 --> 01:04:17,300
Or, we could go back to my place
and fuck.
603
01:04:19,320 --> 01:04:25,060
Coffee, tea, or me?
604
01:04:28,720 --> 01:04:32,759
Hey. that rhymes too doesn't it?
605
01:04:32,760 --> 01:04:37,920
Yeah, I'm not really a coffee or tea drinker.
606
01:04:48,580 --> 01:04:54,279
Can we maybe turn the lights off or
something, please?
607
01:04:54,280 --> 01:05:00,459
You're not gonna try any karate moves on me are you?
608
01:05:00,460 --> 01:05:05,799
I won't. I promise. Cross my heart and hope to die.
609
01:05:05,800 --> 01:05:09,260
I'm gonna hold you to that.
610
01:05:48,060 --> 01:05:51,699
Do you have any protection?
611
01:05:51,700 --> 01:05:59,220
Sorry. I uh, I didn't think I'd I need, you know…
612
01:05:59,280 --> 01:06:04,280
Don't worry about it, I got you covered.
613
01:06:40,360 --> 01:06:42,320
(Stabbing sound) AH!
614
01:06:51,780 --> 01:06:55,260
(Sucking Sound)
615
01:07:59,200 --> 01:08:04,579
So when I showed up to the date, she had
four kids with her!
616
01:08:04,580 --> 01:08:09,499
Seriously? Four kids? Yep four! That's unbelievable.
617
01:08:09,500 --> 01:08:15,899
Turns out she was looking for a babysitter, not a date. Can't say I blame her though.
618
01:08:15,900 --> 01:08:20,999
Single mom, four kids really needs to take a break every now and again.
619
01:08:21,000 --> 01:08:26,499
Hey, um where did you park? You didn't take me out here to attack me, did you?
620
01:08:26,500 --> 01:08:30,339
No, no. Attacking women
by dumpsters isn't really my style…
621
01:08:30,340 --> 01:08:34,459
unless of course you want me to?
622
01:08:34,460 --> 01:08:41,220
Sounds awfully tempting! I haven't been attacked by a dumpster in at least a week.
623
01:08:41,240 --> 01:08:45,960
Well let's fix that unfortunate situation
then. Sounds like a plan.
624
01:08:46,080 --> 01:08:47,500
(Crack!)
625
01:08:50,640 --> 01:08:57,699
Hey Anne? What are you doing?
I thought we had a connection?
626
01:08:57,700 --> 01:09:01,059
Yeah, I don't think so asshole.
627
01:09:01,060 --> 01:09:03,939
But we're going to.
628
01:09:03,940 --> 01:09:06,539
(stabbing squelch)
629
01:09:06,540 --> 01:09:14,179
(grunting and whimpers)
630
01:09:14,180 --> 01:09:19,660
Ha ha ha ha! I'm just joking.
631
01:09:23,760 --> 01:09:29,959
I'm not a vampire. Yes you are! You blood
sucking parasite.
632
01:09:29,960 --> 01:09:31,880
I'm not a vampire.
633
01:09:32,040 --> 01:09:34,119
I know what you've been doing on SPRK.
634
01:09:34,120 --> 01:09:36,840
I'm not a vampire!
635
01:09:36,980 --> 01:09:42,319
I'm an incubus.
636
01:09:42,320 --> 01:09:43,999
Incubus?
637
01:09:44,000 --> 01:09:47,199
Not like the band. You know I'm sure if I said succubus
638
01:09:47,200 --> 01:09:51,759
you'd know what I was talking about. You
have any idea how sexist that is?
639
01:09:51,760 --> 01:09:53,839
People like you always pretend to be so
progressive…
640
01:09:53,840 --> 01:09:55,760
I've heard enough bullshit from you.
641
01:09:55,880 --> 01:09:59,219
Oh- oh. You're really starting to
piss me off.
642
01:09:59,220 --> 01:10:02,619
Ooooh. Is this you in not angry mode? I mean I'd hate to see…
643
01:10:02,620 --> 01:10:08,180
(fight sounds)
644
01:10:10,920 --> 01:10:12,580
(Tim grunts)
645
01:10:18,940 --> 01:10:20,520
(large crack)
646
01:10:35,120 --> 01:10:39,380
Now, how do I kill you?
647
01:10:39,400 --> 01:10:43,560
I'm starting to think you're not my type.
648
01:11:10,840 --> 01:11:15,399
So why is Batman called the world's
greatest detective in the comic books
649
01:11:15,400 --> 01:11:19,468
anyways? I mean come on! he's not exactly Sherlock Holmes is he?
650
01:11:19,469 --> 01:11:21,639
What?
651
01:11:21,640 --> 01:11:24,009
Like, if Commissioner Gordon lights up
652
01:11:24,010 --> 01:11:28,448
the Bat-Signal because someone stole all
the fish from the Gotham aquarium…
653
01:11:28,449 --> 01:11:32,619
Was it the Riddler? Was it Two-Face?
Catwoman?
654
01:11:32,620 --> 01:11:38,159
No of course not! They're not interested
in a bunch of sharks and clownfish.
655
01:11:38,160 --> 01:11:41,540
We all know who done it… so why does Batman have to be the world's greatest
656
01:11:41,560 --> 01:11:43,799
detective to solve this crime?
657
01:11:43,800 --> 01:11:45,579
I really don't understand a word you're saying.
658
01:11:45,580 --> 01:11:47,739
It was the penguin silly!
659
01:11:47,740 --> 01:11:52,239
Who else would it have been? Bane?Actually that would be a cool twist…
660
01:11:52,240 --> 01:11:54,580
(Stabbing Squelch)
661
01:11:56,220 --> 01:12:00,440
Oh… that's different.
662
01:12:00,449 --> 01:12:05,849
Finally! I thought you've never shut up.
663
01:12:16,670 --> 01:12:18,799
What the fuck?
664
01:12:18,800 --> 01:12:21,619
I love you.
665
01:12:21,620 --> 01:12:22,639
You what now?
666
01:12:22,640 --> 01:12:24,519
I love you Tim.
667
01:12:24,520 --> 01:12:26,359
Why the hell would you love me?
668
01:12:26,360 --> 01:12:29,140
Because that's what I do.
669
01:12:34,080 --> 01:12:35,219
FUCK YOU!
670
01:12:35,220 --> 01:12:39,640
That's also what I do babe.
It's kind of a two-for-one deal.
671
01:12:56,840 --> 01:12:59,959
Do you think this is Fifty Shades or something?
672
01:12:59,960 --> 01:13:01,320
What?
673
01:13:04,440 --> 01:13:09,100
(Sucking Sound)
674
01:13:27,040 --> 01:13:28,939
(banging on floor)
675
01:13:28,940 --> 01:13:30,840
Hey! Keep it down up there!
676
01:13:30,880 --> 01:13:35,460
Sorry! Won't happened again!
677
01:15:09,740 --> 01:15:15,400
Sir? Mr. Hughes…
678
01:15:19,100 --> 01:15:24,430
I am truly sorry that your wife didn't
make it.
679
01:15:25,920 --> 01:15:31,280
But there's someone here who would
really like to meet you.
680
01:16:11,960 --> 01:16:14,579
I don't know whether to love you or hate
you.
681
01:16:14,580 --> 01:16:17,260
Be at peace, father.
682
01:16:17,760 --> 01:16:19,859
Holy God, what was that?
683
01:16:19,860 --> 01:16:23,939
It's me. Your as yet to be named son.
684
01:16:23,940 --> 01:16:27,279
That's crazy. I'm going crazy!
685
01:16:27,280 --> 01:16:30,618
No crazies here father. Through a
686
01:16:30,619 --> 01:16:36,078
completely random and brilliant
combination of DNA, you and mother have
687
01:16:36,079 --> 01:16:41,879
created the most evolved human being
ever to exist.
688
01:16:41,880 --> 01:16:44,289
Your lips aren't moving.
689
01:16:44,290 --> 01:16:47,239
This is all in my head.
690
01:16:47,240 --> 01:16:50,569
Correct on both counts, father. But it is
691
01:16:50,570 --> 01:16:56,029
taking place in both of our heads. I have
formed a telepathic link with you to
692
01:16:56,030 --> 01:17:01,189
express my thoughts, though I'm more
evolved than any 10 of you Apes put
693
01:17:01,190 --> 01:17:04,279
together; you included. no offense.
694
01:17:04,280 --> 01:17:05,659
None taken?
695
01:17:05,660 --> 01:17:10,919
I still have the vocal chords of a day old infant,
so brain talking it is.
696
01:17:10,920 --> 01:17:16,400
Now quickly I need your help and time is running out!
697
01:17:16,540 --> 01:17:17,759
What can I do?
698
01:17:17,760 --> 01:17:21,360
You can change me. I made a poopie.
699
01:17:22,100 --> 01:17:27,040
I'm not kidding!
It's all over the place in here.
700
01:17:35,200 --> 01:17:39,239
Thank you Father.
You know, when I bring the world
701
01:17:39,240 --> 01:17:42,929
underneath my heel,
I'll need good people to help do the
702
01:17:42,930 --> 01:17:48,599
disgusting jobs of the world. Play your
cards right and you'll have this job for
703
01:17:48,600 --> 01:17:50,439
the rest of your pathetic life.
704
01:17:50,440 --> 01:17:54,539
Hey watch your mouth I'm your father you should respect me.
705
01:17:54,540 --> 01:17:57,680
Right. Well, with all due respect father,
706
01:17:57,690 --> 01:18:02,249
I'm your genetic superior and you will
learn your place soon enough.
707
01:18:02,250 --> 01:18:03,719
Oh really?
708
01:18:03,720 --> 01:18:06,039
I'd like to see you try?
709
01:18:06,040 --> 01:18:08,579
Are you challenging me?
710
01:18:08,580 --> 01:18:10,649
Of course not…
711
01:18:10,650 --> 01:18:13,839
you're a baby. I win.
712
01:18:13,840 --> 01:18:17,339
Insolence! Do you know how many brain lobes
713
01:18:17,340 --> 01:18:24,300
I operate in my head?
Sixteen! Sixteen brain lobes.
714
01:18:24,380 --> 01:18:32,759
You don't seem to grasp the situation plebe! I call the shots now. I have power you can't
715
01:18:32,760 --> 01:18:38,999
even understand! You'll follow me on your
knees!
716
01:18:39,000 --> 01:18:40,799
Take it easy now son… don't you
717
01:18:40,800 --> 01:18:45,679
Dont you patronize me…
I killed mother and I can't kill you too!
718
01:18:45,680 --> 01:18:53,780
It was easy! And as soon as I can walk
I'm going to take over. Any of you
719
01:18:53,790 --> 01:18:59,699
monkeys that's hand in my way
will burn in fires built fifty feet high!
720
01:18:59,700 --> 01:19:07,599
I'll terrorize nuns and such puppies, and starve entire populations…
721
01:19:07,600 --> 01:19:09,800
(grunt and smash sound)
722
01:19:11,880 --> 01:19:14,340
Oh, Jesus Christ… what have I done?
723
01:19:15,480 --> 01:19:16,819
Oh no; You're good…
724
01:19:16,820 --> 01:19:20,759
I would have done the same thing.
That kid was totally fucked up.
725
01:19:20,760 --> 01:19:22,079
Really?
726
01:19:22,080 --> 01:19:25,619
If he was as smart as he said he was, he
would have learned to respect his elders.
727
01:19:25,620 --> 01:19:29,120
Thanks Jesus!
728
01:19:31,940 --> 01:19:35,399
Alright… I'll admit it! Your idea wasn't
half bad!
729
01:19:35,400 --> 01:19:37,519
I'm really glad to hear you say that
730
01:19:37,520 --> 01:19:41,920
because I've got a great idea for a
sequel!
57854
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