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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,100 --> 00:00:03,133 Ah. 2 00:00:03,168 --> 00:00:04,868 Who would have done this? 3 00:00:04,903 --> 00:00:08,223 Effective immediately, I am taking over as director of this department. 4 00:00:08,248 --> 00:00:10,549 I can't even confirm that his badge is authentic. 5 00:00:10,584 --> 00:00:12,651 Listen, you messed up. You got demoted... it happens. 6 00:00:12,686 --> 00:00:14,830 Oh, I know who bugged the office. 7 00:00:15,001 --> 00:00:16,577 Kenneth Lanier. 8 00:00:16,779 --> 00:00:19,617 The same dude who funded the documentary They Came from Space. 9 00:00:21,657 --> 00:00:22,949 What? 10 00:00:22,985 --> 00:00:25,852 I just noticed you don't have on your wedding ring. 11 00:00:26,304 --> 00:00:29,204 Anyway... I just wanted to... 12 00:00:29,229 --> 00:00:30,339 Maybe. 13 00:00:33,343 --> 00:00:35,783 And this light you saw, can you describe it? 14 00:00:35,808 --> 00:00:37,441 You've never seen light before? 15 00:00:37,469 --> 00:00:40,036 Excuse... Is that tape? 16 00:00:40,145 --> 00:00:41,377 It keeps out the spiders. 17 00:00:41,621 --> 00:00:42,663 How? 18 00:00:42,701 --> 00:00:43,724 With the sticky. 19 00:00:43,749 --> 00:00:45,584 And how did the light move? 20 00:00:45,918 --> 00:00:47,684 I don't know. I guess it was attached to a ship. 21 00:00:47,720 --> 00:00:49,820 Right, not what made it move but, 22 00:00:49,855 --> 00:00:51,722 like, what direction? 23 00:00:51,757 --> 00:00:53,891 Up, then back, then forward, then up really high. 24 00:00:55,432 --> 00:00:56,958 You're kind of short. 25 00:00:56,965 --> 00:00:58,746 How does the sticky stop the spiders? 26 00:00:58,771 --> 00:00:59,910 Taste of their own medicine. 27 00:00:59,945 --> 00:01:02,446 So, you saw the light in a field... 28 00:01:02,481 --> 00:01:04,781 Over the field. You stupid? 29 00:01:04,817 --> 00:01:06,650 No, but you are. 30 00:01:06,685 --> 00:01:07,718 So the spider thinks, 31 00:01:07,753 --> 00:01:09,519 "This is what it's like to be caught in a web"? 32 00:01:09,555 --> 00:01:11,922 The spider thinks, "Oh, no, this woman is a giant spider, 33 00:01:11,957 --> 00:01:13,490 and I better not mess with it." 34 00:01:13,525 --> 00:01:15,022 How did you hear about us? 35 00:01:15,047 --> 00:01:17,814 From The New York Times. Or, from where I'm from, The Times. 36 00:01:19,899 --> 00:01:22,804 Ooh, my spider soup is ready. 37 00:01:24,883 --> 00:01:28,960 synced and corrected by susinz *www.addic7ed.com* 38 00:01:28,985 --> 00:01:30,532 ♪ Girls hit your hallelujah ♪ 39 00:01:30,557 --> 00:01:32,590 - ♪ Hey ♪ - ♪ Girls hit your hallelujah ♪ 40 00:01:32,615 --> 00:01:34,315 - ♪ Ho! ♪ - ♪ Girls hit your hallelujah ♪ 41 00:01:34,340 --> 00:01:35,540 - ♪ Yeah ♪ - ♪ 'Cause uptown ♪ 42 00:01:35,565 --> 00:01:36,822 ♪ Funk gonna give it to you! ♪ 43 00:01:36,843 --> 00:01:38,464 ♪ 'Cause uptown funk's gonna give it to you! ♪ 44 00:01:38,489 --> 00:01:39,655 You've got that down, man! 45 00:01:39,691 --> 00:01:41,029 It's so exciting. We're gonna see him. 46 00:01:41,054 --> 00:01:42,625 - Tonight! - Ooh-hoo! 47 00:01:42,660 --> 00:01:44,904 We're just going to the concert, like it's no big deal. 48 00:01:44,951 --> 00:01:46,751 I'm telling you, he puts on a show, man. 49 00:01:46,786 --> 00:01:48,920 I can't wait. Can't wait. Uh... 50 00:01:48,955 --> 00:01:51,522 Oh, you know, I wanted to, uh... 51 00:01:51,558 --> 00:01:52,857 This is kind of weird, just because 52 00:01:52,893 --> 00:01:54,459 I'm not really a signal guy. 53 00:01:54,494 --> 00:01:55,760 - You know? - Signal guy? 54 00:01:55,795 --> 00:01:57,795 Yeah, like, I never did the sock on the doorknob. 55 00:01:57,831 --> 00:01:59,350 Ah. Okay, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 56 00:01:59,375 --> 00:02:01,566 But, if at a certain point tonight 57 00:02:01,601 --> 00:02:04,278 you see me do this... 58 00:02:04,351 --> 00:02:05,503 - Jazz hands. - Right. 59 00:02:05,538 --> 00:02:08,706 Maybe give, uh, Annie and I a moment? 60 00:02:08,742 --> 00:02:11,809 - A moment for you and Annie? - Yeah, I don't know, it's... 61 00:02:11,845 --> 00:02:14,181 You know, it's been a while since we checked in 62 00:02:14,206 --> 00:02:15,678 - on each other's vibes... - Oh. 63 00:02:15,694 --> 00:02:17,781 - You know. - I thought that was done and buried. 64 00:02:17,806 --> 00:02:19,873 Well, she's been on my mind, 65 00:02:19,909 --> 00:02:22,576 and, uh... I don't know. Whatever. 66 00:02:22,611 --> 00:02:24,014 I probably won't make a move tonight. 67 00:02:24,194 --> 00:02:25,612 I don't think you should. 68 00:02:26,267 --> 00:02:27,648 What? Why? 69 00:02:27,683 --> 00:02:28,782 Whoa! 70 00:02:28,817 --> 00:02:29,886 Oh, my God. 71 00:02:29,911 --> 00:02:31,544 - Whoa! - Hold on, hold on! 72 00:02:34,282 --> 00:02:36,624 We need to change this fast, get back on the road. 73 00:02:36,977 --> 00:02:39,794 Or we could change it in the time it takes to change it. 74 00:02:43,424 --> 00:02:45,900 Hey, what did you mean I shouldn't ask out Annie? 75 00:02:46,461 --> 00:02:48,627 Ah, you know, coworkers. 76 00:02:48,663 --> 00:02:50,663 Things get tricky with everything going on. 77 00:02:50,698 --> 00:02:54,467 Right. Is this because of the jazz hands? 78 00:02:54,502 --> 00:02:55,668 'Cause it's not a big deal at all. 79 00:02:55,703 --> 00:02:57,236 I could totally come up with another signal. 80 00:02:57,271 --> 00:02:58,571 You know, like, uh... 81 00:02:58,606 --> 00:03:00,272 something less Broadway, you know? 82 00:03:00,308 --> 00:03:01,987 Like, uh... Like, uh... 83 00:03:04,345 --> 00:03:06,212 - Is that a teapot? - It's a teapot. 84 00:03:06,247 --> 00:03:09,415 That's right. I could work that into a conversation. 85 00:03:09,450 --> 00:03:11,317 I don't think I can make it tonight. 86 00:03:13,337 --> 00:03:14,553 Okay, it's the restaurant confirming 87 00:03:14,589 --> 00:03:16,222 our reservation for tonight. 88 00:03:16,257 --> 00:03:18,290 Hello. Can you hold on one second? 89 00:03:18,326 --> 00:03:19,915 Are we still a party of three, or... 90 00:03:22,419 --> 00:03:23,645 No. 91 00:03:23,680 --> 00:03:25,557 Okay, Leroy, listen, 92 00:03:26,178 --> 00:03:28,478 I can't keep Petite Poire on hold forever, man. 93 00:03:28,513 --> 00:03:30,246 That's a very romantic restaurant. 94 00:03:30,282 --> 00:03:31,541 Is it? 95 00:03:32,661 --> 00:03:34,019 How about this? 96 00:03:34,566 --> 00:03:37,001 If you want to go out with someone, you ask her out, 97 00:03:37,026 --> 00:03:39,356 the two of you go, and we'll call that 98 00:03:39,391 --> 00:03:42,292 Max's private romantic life. 99 00:03:42,327 --> 00:03:45,428 Okay. Confirmed. Yeah, we'll see you tonight. 100 00:03:45,464 --> 00:03:47,497 Now, it's a patio table, right? 101 00:03:47,532 --> 00:03:50,400 Great. All right. 102 00:03:51,347 --> 00:03:52,455 Whoa. 103 00:03:52,480 --> 00:03:55,271 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 104 00:03:55,307 --> 00:03:58,141 Oh, check this out. I'm gonna send this to Annie. 105 00:03:58,389 --> 00:04:00,233 She's a butterfly nut. 106 00:04:04,009 --> 00:04:05,280 Max... 107 00:04:26,323 --> 00:04:27,626 - Did you... - I slept with Annie. 108 00:04:27,657 --> 00:04:28,710 ...see that? 109 00:04:29,425 --> 00:04:30,457 Huh. 110 00:04:35,986 --> 00:04:39,188 So, like, you and Annie? Or... 111 00:04:39,223 --> 00:04:41,356 I know it's kind of a bomb to drop on you, 112 00:04:41,392 --> 00:04:43,358 and I was looking for the right time to tell you, 113 00:04:43,394 --> 00:04:46,061 but then the UFO happened... 114 00:04:46,096 --> 00:04:48,030 Yeah, no, it's cool. I mean... 115 00:04:48,065 --> 00:04:49,198 You know, Annie and I never dated. 116 00:04:49,233 --> 00:04:50,614 - We were never even a thing. - Right, right. 117 00:04:50,639 --> 00:04:52,866 So, who cares? 118 00:04:56,106 --> 00:04:58,373 We may have seen an alien ship, like, a spaceship. 119 00:04:58,409 --> 00:05:01,420 Us! Paranormal investigators. 120 00:05:02,146 --> 00:05:03,979 - What are the odds, right? - Unbelievable. 121 00:05:04,014 --> 00:05:05,881 So, were you guys, like, on a date, or...? 122 00:05:05,916 --> 00:05:07,916 Max. Max, let's not go down this road. 123 00:05:07,952 --> 00:05:09,117 - It only happened one time. - Going down a road? 124 00:05:09,153 --> 00:05:10,319 - I'm just asking you a question. - No. Wha... Max. 125 00:05:10,354 --> 00:05:11,987 I just didn't want to hide it from you. 126 00:05:12,022 --> 00:05:13,322 Yeah. No, and I'm glad you told me. 127 00:05:13,357 --> 00:05:15,023 - Like, I love having this info. - Yeah. 128 00:05:15,059 --> 00:05:16,091 - You know? - Good. 129 00:05:19,230 --> 00:05:21,230 - ♪ Girls hit your hallelujah ♪ - ♪ Hey ♪ 130 00:05:21,265 --> 00:05:23,198 - ♪ Girls hit your hallelujah ♪ - ♪ Eh ♪ 131 00:05:23,234 --> 00:05:25,901 ♪ It's Saturday night, and we're in the spot... ♪ 132 00:05:30,313 --> 00:05:31,919 Sorry if I was a bad lover. 133 00:05:31,944 --> 00:05:32,932 It's just that, since the election, 134 00:05:32,957 --> 00:05:34,874 I can only climax in the fetal position. 135 00:05:35,012 --> 00:05:37,312 Shut up. Why are you after me, Lanier? 136 00:05:37,354 --> 00:05:38,819 And why did you bug the Bureau? 137 00:05:38,844 --> 00:05:40,965 We weren't in the room. All right! 138 00:05:40,986 --> 00:05:43,462 I'm part of an organization called the Triangle Group. 139 00:05:43,487 --> 00:05:45,420 Yeah, don't be confused by the hexagon logo. 140 00:05:45,455 --> 00:05:47,855 It was just a big, wild meeting that went sideways. 141 00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:49,048 Why are you targeting me? 142 00:05:49,073 --> 00:05:51,807 And why did you bring that Merv Minette in to replace me?! 143 00:05:51,832 --> 00:05:54,667 I don't know who that is or what you're talking about. Ha-ha! 144 00:05:55,065 --> 00:05:59,000 Ah... Now, I get to ask you a question. 145 00:05:59,036 --> 00:06:01,202 Who's the...? Oh, no, wait. 146 00:06:01,238 --> 00:06:04,005 What's the...? Oh. Uh, why could, uh...? 147 00:06:04,041 --> 00:06:06,007 Give me that, you idiot. 148 00:06:06,614 --> 00:06:08,176 All right... 149 00:06:09,525 --> 00:06:11,046 so there was no conspiracy against me. 150 00:06:11,081 --> 00:06:13,738 I, I just got demoted because... 151 00:06:16,253 --> 00:06:17,712 Oh, I'm sorry. 152 00:06:17,947 --> 00:06:19,914 You want to hear the kookiest part of all this? 153 00:06:20,629 --> 00:06:22,223 They're already here. 154 00:06:22,259 --> 00:06:23,737 Who's already here? 155 00:06:23,793 --> 00:06:26,285 We. We're already here. 156 00:06:28,572 --> 00:06:32,030 Okay, we're not saying for sure that this is an alien craft 157 00:06:32,055 --> 00:06:34,639 that you're about to see, but we have a pretty good... 158 00:06:34,664 --> 00:06:36,598 No, no, you're about to see it. You want to see it? 159 00:06:36,633 --> 00:06:37,857 Let's just watch it, please. 160 00:06:37,882 --> 00:06:39,515 Here we go. 161 00:06:39,540 --> 00:06:41,956 - Excellent camerawork from this one. - Thank you. 162 00:06:42,071 --> 00:06:43,437 That's a butterfly, I think. 163 00:06:43,462 --> 00:06:45,262 - Why would you film a butterfly? - Boring! 164 00:06:45,287 --> 00:06:46,551 Heckle, heckle, bang the gong. 165 00:06:46,576 --> 00:06:48,443 Guys, it's not about the butterfly. Okay? 166 00:06:48,478 --> 00:06:51,813 I mean, yes, it's very exciting to see a tiger swallowtail 167 00:06:51,838 --> 00:06:53,227 - this early in the season. Okay? - Rare. 168 00:06:53,252 --> 00:06:55,285 I get it, but just keep watching. 169 00:06:56,486 --> 00:06:57,485 Whoa. 170 00:06:57,520 --> 00:06:58,847 Oh, my God. 171 00:06:58,872 --> 00:06:59,913 It's zigzagging. 172 00:06:59,938 --> 00:07:01,910 - Whoa, no way. - Could be a punctured balloon. 173 00:07:01,935 --> 00:07:03,230 My wife cannot find out about this. 174 00:07:03,255 --> 00:07:04,388 That was definitely something. 175 00:07:04,413 --> 00:07:06,600 - Did you get closer? - Watch this turn. 176 00:07:06,625 --> 00:07:09,371 - It's probably just a drone. - Nothing can move like that. 177 00:07:09,466 --> 00:07:11,232 - That was no drone. - Right? 178 00:07:11,268 --> 00:07:12,533 - Did you... - I slept with Annie. 179 00:07:12,569 --> 00:07:14,276 - ...see that? - Turn it off. 180 00:07:14,844 --> 00:07:17,702 Turn... off. Max. 181 00:07:19,129 --> 00:07:20,932 You hear me? Max. 182 00:07:20,957 --> 00:07:22,013 - Turn it off. - I can't... 183 00:07:22,038 --> 00:07:23,337 - Max. - Yeah, I heard you. 184 00:07:23,362 --> 00:07:24,962 Still want to make a move, 185 00:07:24,987 --> 00:07:26,600 at least you know everything. 186 00:07:33,763 --> 00:07:35,309 Watch it again? 187 00:07:35,334 --> 00:07:36,549 Start right after the UFO leaves? 188 00:07:36,574 --> 00:07:37,873 - Yeah. - I think so, yeah... 189 00:07:37,898 --> 00:07:39,875 Hey, that-that's enough. 190 00:07:40,036 --> 00:07:41,102 That's enough. 191 00:07:41,127 --> 00:07:42,392 No one's watching anything. 192 00:07:42,946 --> 00:07:45,273 When I was your age, we didn't have TV at work. 193 00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:47,031 Just find out the real explanation. 194 00:07:47,056 --> 00:07:48,378 For the UFO? 195 00:07:48,403 --> 00:07:50,405 Or the Leroy-Annie thing? 196 00:07:50,430 --> 00:07:51,745 The UFO. 197 00:07:51,869 --> 00:07:53,422 The thing on the video. 198 00:07:53,432 --> 00:07:55,715 For the love of God, don't call it a UFO. 199 00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:57,310 Makes us sound stupid. 200 00:07:57,750 --> 00:07:59,310 So, how was it? 201 00:07:59,335 --> 00:08:00,465 Sasha. 202 00:08:00,524 --> 00:08:03,431 It just seems to me like you didn't have to tell him at all. 203 00:08:03,456 --> 00:08:06,090 To not to tell him would've been unfair to all three of us. 204 00:08:06,125 --> 00:08:07,817 How would it have been unfair to me? 205 00:08:08,017 --> 00:08:09,360 Okay, to me and Max, then, 206 00:08:09,395 --> 00:08:11,228 but I just wanted to include you. 207 00:08:11,264 --> 00:08:12,984 Well, you have made things really hard for me. 208 00:08:13,009 --> 00:08:14,572 He was gonna ask you out. 209 00:08:14,597 --> 00:08:16,930 So? What does that have to do with you? 210 00:08:18,371 --> 00:08:20,537 Okay, sure. 211 00:08:35,421 --> 00:08:36,551 Ava. 212 00:08:36,576 --> 00:08:37,641 Taking off? 213 00:08:37,666 --> 00:08:38,984 Just coming back, actually. 214 00:08:39,009 --> 00:08:41,776 Of course. You were missed. 215 00:08:41,801 --> 00:08:43,640 Maybe it's a good thing that you're here, 216 00:08:43,665 --> 00:08:45,370 in this office. 217 00:08:45,945 --> 00:08:49,516 Perhaps I haven't been fair about recognizing that. 218 00:08:49,551 --> 00:08:52,213 Was that one of the steps you learned at your mental spa? 219 00:08:52,238 --> 00:08:53,597 I just hope that none of my actions 220 00:08:53,622 --> 00:08:56,356 have compromised our mission in any way. 221 00:08:56,381 --> 00:08:59,118 Worst case scenario... you scared off a ghost or two, 222 00:08:59,143 --> 00:09:01,435 but we'll be fine. 223 00:09:10,481 --> 00:09:12,415 Uh, look. I'm here if you need me, so, you know, 224 00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:13,944 I know this place inside and out, and frankly... 225 00:09:13,969 --> 00:09:15,277 Do you know how to work that-that 226 00:09:15,302 --> 00:09:17,787 single cup pod plungey thing? 227 00:09:17,881 --> 00:09:18,880 The coffee maker? 228 00:09:18,916 --> 00:09:20,115 It's supposed to be simpler, 229 00:09:20,150 --> 00:09:21,850 but I just can't seem to figure it out. 230 00:09:24,688 --> 00:09:26,425 Well, maybe if there were, you know, 231 00:09:26,978 --> 00:09:28,753 posted, clear instructions. 232 00:09:28,778 --> 00:09:31,188 Yes, yes! You know, like, a one, two, three. 233 00:09:31,213 --> 00:09:32,675 - Brilliant. - Yep. 234 00:09:32,700 --> 00:09:33,790 Thank you. 235 00:09:34,652 --> 00:09:37,335 Ken, did you find anything from the NOAA database? 236 00:09:37,360 --> 00:09:39,285 No, nothing. 237 00:09:39,905 --> 00:09:43,598 Um, Bird, there was nothing reported from SpaceX? 238 00:09:43,633 --> 00:09:45,500 Did you say "space sex"? 239 00:09:47,404 --> 00:09:49,204 Really? 240 00:09:49,772 --> 00:09:51,272 Okay. 241 00:09:51,308 --> 00:09:53,045 The object wasn't on any known flight path. 242 00:09:53,070 --> 00:09:54,765 It didn't come from any regional airports. 243 00:09:54,790 --> 00:09:57,689 JPL has nothing, FAA has nothing. 244 00:09:57,714 --> 00:09:59,347 I-I just don't get it. 245 00:09:59,382 --> 00:10:01,084 Not what I heard. 246 00:10:10,660 --> 00:10:12,725 - Whoa, Ava. - Hey. 247 00:10:12,998 --> 00:10:14,358 Did you get your groove back? 248 00:10:14,564 --> 00:10:16,011 I did not. 249 00:10:16,372 --> 00:10:18,039 I heard about the UFO. 250 00:10:18,064 --> 00:10:19,497 And you and Leroy. 251 00:10:22,499 --> 00:10:24,428 It's hard to be a woman at work. 252 00:10:28,157 --> 00:10:30,119 I want to redefine myself. 253 00:10:34,983 --> 00:10:36,249 I want to get in front of this. 254 00:10:36,540 --> 00:10:38,580 I want to know what I'm about again. 255 00:10:38,626 --> 00:10:42,778 I want people to shut up about this and move on. 256 00:10:42,805 --> 00:10:46,207 You are going to seize control. 257 00:10:46,232 --> 00:10:47,542 You got that? 258 00:10:47,567 --> 00:10:49,937 You're a freakin' badass goddess, 259 00:10:49,962 --> 00:10:52,029 and you are scared of no one. 260 00:10:52,054 --> 00:10:53,821 You will control this. 261 00:10:53,846 --> 00:10:54,878 You. 262 00:10:59,091 --> 00:11:00,337 Hmm. 263 00:11:01,413 --> 00:11:02,679 Thanks. 264 00:11:05,884 --> 00:11:07,126 No. 265 00:11:07,151 --> 00:11:08,517 Thank you. 266 00:11:09,188 --> 00:11:10,379 You're welcome. 267 00:11:11,791 --> 00:11:12,929 - Hey. - Oh, hey. 268 00:11:12,954 --> 00:11:14,254 Can I hide in here for a minute? 269 00:11:14,279 --> 00:11:15,402 Sure. 270 00:11:16,006 --> 00:11:17,554 Hey, why the sad face, champ? 271 00:11:17,579 --> 00:11:20,380 I know I shouldn't be upset, Barry, but I am. 272 00:11:20,405 --> 00:11:21,527 Oh. 273 00:11:21,552 --> 00:11:23,618 Get rid of the word "should," just get rid of it. 274 00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:25,132 Right. 275 00:11:25,430 --> 00:11:27,916 I ought not to be upset... 276 00:11:27,951 --> 00:11:29,418 Oughtn't you? 277 00:11:30,652 --> 00:11:32,954 It's embarrassing, actually, to have this reaction. 278 00:11:32,990 --> 00:11:34,656 I never dated Annie. 279 00:11:34,691 --> 00:11:35,924 I never asked her out. 280 00:11:35,959 --> 00:11:37,826 What's this little girl saying in there? 281 00:11:37,861 --> 00:11:40,829 Tap, tap, tap. Tap. 282 00:11:40,864 --> 00:11:42,697 Sh-She's sad. 283 00:11:42,733 --> 00:11:45,767 Sad because you like Annie, and she screwed your partner. 284 00:11:45,802 --> 00:11:47,884 Okay, a-all right. 285 00:11:48,805 --> 00:11:50,138 How do I get past this? 286 00:11:50,173 --> 00:11:52,774 You have to shag somebody Leroy likes. 287 00:11:52,809 --> 00:11:53,975 That's bad advice. 288 00:11:54,011 --> 00:11:55,877 Or-or you could just get with Annie. 289 00:11:57,714 --> 00:11:59,080 Yeah, maybe I ought. 290 00:12:00,694 --> 00:12:02,536 - Hmm? - Maybe I ought. 291 00:12:06,532 --> 00:12:08,432 Oh, balls! 292 00:12:08,840 --> 00:12:09,906 So, 293 00:12:10,470 --> 00:12:11,756 I, um... 294 00:12:12,097 --> 00:12:14,398 just got off the phone with my lawyer. 295 00:12:14,423 --> 00:12:16,933 No, that's not a good way to start. Um... 296 00:12:17,763 --> 00:12:18,880 Hello. 297 00:12:20,011 --> 00:12:23,384 I... just got off the phone with a lawyer 298 00:12:23,855 --> 00:12:26,926 who says I cannot ignore complaints 299 00:12:26,951 --> 00:12:31,254 of a sexual milieu, as much as I'd like to. 300 00:12:31,279 --> 00:12:33,455 Any questions so far? 301 00:12:33,480 --> 00:12:34,513 Are you okay? 302 00:12:34,538 --> 00:12:36,505 No. Last time I had to do this, 303 00:12:36,530 --> 00:12:38,697 I was a head counselor at a camp in the Poconos. 304 00:12:39,163 --> 00:12:42,463 If anybody needs, uh, vodka, there's some in my office. 305 00:12:48,197 --> 00:12:49,490 Okay, look. 306 00:12:49,515 --> 00:12:51,240 These are difficult times. 307 00:12:51,414 --> 00:12:53,764 Everywhere you look, there's booby traps. 308 00:12:53,911 --> 00:12:55,076 You know, 309 00:12:55,101 --> 00:12:57,701 "Can you say this? Can you touch that?" 310 00:12:57,726 --> 00:12:59,189 Maybe I shouldn't have said "touch." 311 00:12:59,214 --> 00:13:00,849 Maybe you shouldn't have said "booby." 312 00:13:00,874 --> 00:13:03,104 I didn't. "Booby trap" is separate 313 00:13:03,129 --> 00:13:05,096 from, you know, chesticles... 314 00:13:05,121 --> 00:13:06,165 Who made the complaint? 315 00:13:06,190 --> 00:13:07,323 Oh, that's confidential. 316 00:13:07,348 --> 00:13:08,416 Was it Sasha? 317 00:13:08,441 --> 00:13:09,407 No. 318 00:13:09,432 --> 00:13:10,431 Ken? 319 00:13:10,456 --> 00:13:11,555 - No. - Barry? 320 00:13:11,580 --> 00:13:12,679 - No. - Davey? 321 00:13:12,956 --> 00:13:14,670 - Can't say. - Mm. 322 00:13:16,431 --> 00:13:18,046 I complained because I'm married, 323 00:13:18,071 --> 00:13:20,738 and I don't think it's fair for the single people in this office 324 00:13:20,763 --> 00:13:22,663 to be banging each other right in my face. 325 00:13:22,688 --> 00:13:23,955 That is disgusting. 326 00:13:24,073 --> 00:13:25,108 And sad. 327 00:13:25,133 --> 00:13:27,177 - Sad is not the half of it. - Okay. 328 00:13:27,202 --> 00:13:30,087 Why don't we just say "no dating in the office," 329 00:13:30,112 --> 00:13:31,368 and we can end this thing? 330 00:13:31,393 --> 00:13:33,063 I read they have a policy at Facebook, 331 00:13:33,088 --> 00:13:36,158 where you can ask an employee out once, and if they say no, 332 00:13:36,183 --> 00:13:37,780 you can't ask them out again. 333 00:13:37,805 --> 00:13:39,771 Well, that's good. Let's do that. 334 00:13:40,023 --> 00:13:43,991 Um, but what if you have a strong suspicion that the person 335 00:13:44,016 --> 00:13:48,424 only said no because of a beard, and then you shave the beard? 336 00:13:50,127 --> 00:13:52,790 Well, then you, you get to ask again. 337 00:13:52,815 --> 00:13:56,138 So, let's say you can... you can do it twice, you know, 338 00:13:56,163 --> 00:13:59,331 providing you have some significant physical alteration. 339 00:13:59,509 --> 00:14:02,243 Can we all just agree this entire conversation 340 00:14:02,268 --> 00:14:03,534 is unnecessary? 341 00:14:03,559 --> 00:14:05,225 Oh, is it? 342 00:14:05,250 --> 00:14:06,316 - Yep. - Really? 343 00:14:06,510 --> 00:14:08,026 - Really. - All right, 'cause I was 344 00:14:08,051 --> 00:14:10,489 wondering, I don't know, what if you had a coworker 345 00:14:10,514 --> 00:14:13,381 that you considered, like, your closest friend, 346 00:14:13,406 --> 00:14:15,564 and they went on a date with another coworker... 347 00:14:15,589 --> 00:14:16,817 This is the worst code ever. 348 00:14:16,842 --> 00:14:18,692 ...who you specifically did not ask out. 349 00:14:18,959 --> 00:14:20,746 That's right. They didn't. 350 00:14:20,771 --> 00:14:22,802 - That guy didn't. - Because you were still getting 351 00:14:22,827 --> 00:14:24,077 over a failed marriage, 352 00:14:24,427 --> 00:14:25,827 which said coworker 353 00:14:25,862 --> 00:14:28,374 totally knew about because of your numerous discussions 354 00:14:28,399 --> 00:14:30,398 on the drive in to work. I'm just curious 355 00:14:30,433 --> 00:14:31,866 - what the policy is on that. - Oh, my God, make it end. 356 00:14:31,902 --> 00:14:32,961 I'm trying. 357 00:14:32,986 --> 00:14:34,753 Maybe the policy should be acceptance 358 00:14:34,778 --> 00:14:37,060 because you are a grown-up 359 00:14:37,085 --> 00:14:40,086 with full knowledge that dibs are for kids. 360 00:14:40,111 --> 00:14:42,412 The world doesn't stop because you're not ready. 361 00:14:42,437 --> 00:14:44,637 Maybe the rest of the world has a bunch of drinks 362 00:14:44,662 --> 00:14:48,572 at Campos de Oaxaca and whatever "happah, happah." 363 00:14:48,604 --> 00:14:51,405 - You guys, we saw a UFO. - Campos de Oaxaca? 364 00:14:51,430 --> 00:14:52,463 I remember that night. 365 00:14:52,488 --> 00:14:53,899 Yes, we were all there together, 366 00:14:53,930 --> 00:14:56,376 having some drinks, and you chose to go home 367 00:14:56,401 --> 00:14:58,785 and binge-watch The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. 368 00:14:58,810 --> 00:15:00,043 Well, I didn't know there was a secret plan 369 00:15:00,068 --> 00:15:01,968 for me to go home and for you to go... 370 00:15:01,993 --> 00:15:03,692 Don't get hung up on the details. 371 00:15:03,717 --> 00:15:05,150 My place, okay? We went back to my place. 372 00:15:05,175 --> 00:15:06,908 Ooh, ouch. 373 00:15:07,637 --> 00:15:08,770 Ouchie, ouchie. 374 00:15:13,087 --> 00:15:14,693 Okay. 375 00:15:15,089 --> 00:15:18,156 Annie, can I speak with you, please? 376 00:15:18,192 --> 00:15:19,972 We're right in the middle of this. 377 00:15:27,501 --> 00:15:28,722 Okay. 378 00:15:31,579 --> 00:15:32,832 Um... 379 00:15:34,221 --> 00:15:35,592 Yes, it is totally 380 00:15:35,617 --> 00:15:39,552 on me for not doing this a long time ago, so here I am, 381 00:15:39,577 --> 00:15:41,462 risking it all, and, uh... 382 00:15:42,983 --> 00:15:46,051 Annie, will you go out to dinner with me? 383 00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:48,540 No. 384 00:15:49,784 --> 00:15:51,951 Um, right, uh... 385 00:15:51,976 --> 00:15:54,210 so let's just call it a date, and it can be any time, 386 00:15:54,235 --> 00:15:56,705 - like, dinner or whatever. - No, no. 387 00:15:56,730 --> 00:15:58,307 I'm sorry, but no. 388 00:16:02,226 --> 00:16:03,994 - Uh... - You okay? 389 00:16:04,019 --> 00:16:05,194 Yeah. 390 00:16:06,017 --> 00:16:07,939 You know what? I'm angry, actually. 391 00:16:07,964 --> 00:16:09,098 I didn't make him... 392 00:16:09,133 --> 00:16:10,566 Um, I am angry at Leroy 393 00:16:10,601 --> 00:16:13,302 - because he makes this impossible. - It's not Leroy. 394 00:16:13,498 --> 00:16:15,699 It complicates things, wouldn't you say? 395 00:16:15,724 --> 00:16:17,272 - No! - You and Leroy 396 00:16:17,308 --> 00:16:19,375 - may be complicating it? - No. No. I... It doesn't. 397 00:16:19,410 --> 00:16:20,822 I'm sorry. No. 398 00:16:21,245 --> 00:16:22,578 But... like... 399 00:16:22,613 --> 00:16:24,819 Just months ago we were, like, flirting all the time. 400 00:16:24,844 --> 00:16:28,418 You were flirting. You're great. I just don't feel that way. 401 00:16:30,946 --> 00:16:33,883 But... you said "maybe." 402 00:16:34,443 --> 00:16:38,668 Yeah, a big chunk of maybe is no. 403 00:16:39,248 --> 00:16:40,665 Right. 404 00:16:41,688 --> 00:16:44,022 So... you're not into me? 405 00:16:44,057 --> 00:16:45,415 No. 406 00:16:46,265 --> 00:16:49,004 You're really not-not-not into me? 407 00:16:49,029 --> 00:16:53,144 I-I'm usually not this off. This is... blowing my mind. 408 00:16:53,169 --> 00:16:54,969 Is it one of those things where, like, 409 00:16:54,994 --> 00:16:57,361 you can't get close to someone that you like? 410 00:16:58,071 --> 00:16:59,924 No, I can if I want to. 411 00:17:01,226 --> 00:17:04,042 Well... all right. 412 00:17:04,077 --> 00:17:06,466 I mean, you've, you know, thrown a lot at me here, 413 00:17:06,491 --> 00:17:08,308 and, uh, I feel like, uh... 414 00:17:08,942 --> 00:17:10,170 I don't know. I'll just take some time 415 00:17:10,195 --> 00:17:11,456 and mull it over and I'll let you know. 416 00:17:11,481 --> 00:17:13,070 - Sure. Okay. - Cool. 417 00:17:13,775 --> 00:17:15,449 But if you have any other questions, 418 00:17:15,474 --> 00:17:17,574 the answer is probably no. 419 00:17:17,599 --> 00:17:18,799 Yeah. 420 00:17:28,540 --> 00:17:29,660 So, uh... 421 00:17:29,685 --> 00:17:31,400 - I have a question. - Not now, man. 422 00:17:31,631 --> 00:17:33,001 No, it's okay, now is good. 423 00:17:33,026 --> 00:17:34,575 I went through a very similar experience, 424 00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:35,699 and I thought it might help 425 00:17:35,735 --> 00:17:38,369 you guys to hear it. Uh, two years ago, 426 00:17:38,404 --> 00:17:41,372 I was hiking in the Pacific Crest Trail 427 00:17:41,407 --> 00:17:45,542 when I came upon the most radiant beauty I had ever seen. 428 00:17:45,578 --> 00:17:48,331 For the purposes of this story, I'll call her Sierra. 429 00:17:48,356 --> 00:17:50,481 - Is that her name? - Is that whose name? 430 00:17:50,516 --> 00:17:53,113 Sierra. -I don't know anybody by that name. 431 00:17:53,138 --> 00:17:54,303 Meeting adjourned. 432 00:17:54,328 --> 00:17:55,630 So, we walk for some distance, 433 00:17:55,655 --> 00:17:57,321 and she invites me back to her place. 434 00:17:57,356 --> 00:17:59,390 - I say, "Okay," and... - Is this a question? 435 00:18:00,562 --> 00:18:02,163 There is no bigger question. 436 00:18:02,188 --> 00:18:04,152 Also, I wasn't interrupting you 437 00:18:04,177 --> 00:18:05,562 when you were sleeping with Annie, 438 00:18:05,598 --> 00:18:08,699 so I would appreciate similar courtesy. And, uh... 439 00:18:08,734 --> 00:18:10,594 right away, 440 00:18:10,619 --> 00:18:12,361 things get heated. Um... 441 00:18:12,386 --> 00:18:16,820 It would be inappropriate for me to tell you what happened, 442 00:18:17,355 --> 00:18:20,127 but let's just say there was some French kissing, 443 00:18:20,152 --> 00:18:21,472 that's the kind with tongue. 444 00:18:21,497 --> 00:18:25,888 She used her tongue to remove her clothes and my clothes 445 00:18:25,966 --> 00:18:28,769 and she led me down to her bedroom, 446 00:18:28,794 --> 00:18:31,795 where her friend was waiting. I'm gonna call her... 447 00:18:31,831 --> 00:18:32,959 Sierra. 448 00:18:32,984 --> 00:18:37,222 And they asked me to lie facedown on a table, 449 00:18:37,247 --> 00:18:38,869 and I said, "Absolutely." 450 00:18:38,894 --> 00:18:42,305 And we put the "F" in UFO. 451 00:18:42,330 --> 00:18:43,367 And... 452 00:18:43,392 --> 00:18:45,342 about a minute later, perhaps less, 453 00:18:45,367 --> 00:18:47,804 we put the "O" in UFO. 454 00:18:47,829 --> 00:18:50,237 And I woke up in the woods 455 00:18:50,262 --> 00:18:51,292 the next morning, 456 00:18:51,317 --> 00:18:54,695 and I didn't have a belly button anymore, but I felt amazing. 457 00:18:54,720 --> 00:18:56,568 - Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew. - So... Okay. 458 00:18:56,593 --> 00:18:59,065 And ever since that night, 459 00:18:59,172 --> 00:19:00,237 my penis... 460 00:19:00,480 --> 00:19:03,355 ...has become magnetized but to aluminum, 461 00:19:03,380 --> 00:19:06,730 and it makes cooking difficult, 462 00:19:06,766 --> 00:19:10,458 and it makes baking impossible. 463 00:19:11,622 --> 00:19:14,791 So, thank you for your supportive laughter. 464 00:19:14,816 --> 00:19:16,091 Mm-hmm. 465 00:20:06,816 --> 00:20:09,490 Hey, did you know that she didn't like me that way? 466 00:20:09,953 --> 00:20:11,063 No. 467 00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:14,674 B-But you know who does like you? 468 00:20:16,211 --> 00:20:18,378 The lady with the tape in her hair. 469 00:20:19,709 --> 00:20:23,342 Yeah. I slept with her, and I'm sorry for you. 470 00:20:23,367 --> 00:20:24,432 That must hurt to hear. 471 00:20:24,457 --> 00:20:25,812 It does hurt to hear. 472 00:20:26,976 --> 00:20:28,842 Spider lady trapped you up, huh? 473 00:20:30,239 --> 00:20:32,888 Well, I'm sorry about that. 474 00:20:34,463 --> 00:20:35,957 Sorry, too, man. 475 00:20:37,146 --> 00:20:38,913 Gross. 476 00:20:38,948 --> 00:20:41,343 My own vows weren't that romantic. 477 00:20:41,497 --> 00:20:42,763 We need to talk. 478 00:20:42,885 --> 00:20:45,080 Then Lanier started talking about this organization 479 00:20:45,114 --> 00:20:47,571 called the Triangle Group. Now, they may be based... 480 00:20:47,596 --> 00:20:48,928 - What, from the math? - What math? 481 00:20:49,005 --> 00:20:50,301 Gromov's non-Euclidean 482 00:20:50,326 --> 00:20:52,092 crystallographic theory of infinite light. 483 00:20:53,566 --> 00:20:56,400 Well, he-he didn't mention that, no, but, uh... 484 00:20:56,425 --> 00:20:59,660 - Oh! He did say, "We are here." - Who is here? 485 00:20:59,685 --> 00:21:03,095 If he'd said who, I probably would have led with that. 486 00:21:03,152 --> 00:21:04,118 We, we... 487 00:21:04,143 --> 00:21:07,344 We, we, we, we, we, we, we, we... 488 00:21:07,417 --> 00:21:08,583 That and triangle. 489 00:21:08,732 --> 00:21:10,699 Triangle, triangle, triangle... 490 00:21:11,033 --> 00:21:14,954 Tri-angle... That's three angles. 491 00:21:15,511 --> 00:21:16,969 I never thought about that word. 492 00:21:18,087 --> 00:21:19,987 How could that never have occurred to you? 493 00:21:20,500 --> 00:21:21,934 It's not "squa-are." 494 00:21:21,959 --> 00:21:23,580 - What? - Squa-are. 495 00:21:24,088 --> 00:21:25,821 Triangle, triangle, triangle... 496 00:21:25,846 --> 00:21:27,713 - Triangles. - Triangle, triangle, triangle. 497 00:21:27,738 --> 00:21:30,009 Triangles, triangles... 498 00:21:30,034 --> 00:21:34,449 synced and corrected by susinz *www.addic7ed.com* 35670

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