All language subtitles for 1How To Succeed In Business

[ Author's Voice ]
DEAR READER, THIS LITTLE BOOK
IS DESIGNED TO EXPLAIN...

EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW
ABOUT THE SCIENCE OF GETTING
AHEAD IN BUSINESS.

YOUR FIRST STEP IS TO MEMORIZE
ALL THE SIMPLE RULES
IN THE CHAPTERS WHICH FOLLOW.

IF YOU HAVE EDUCATION,
INTELLIGENCE AND ABILITY,
SO MUCH THE BETTER.

BUT REMEMBER THAT THOUSANDS
HAVE REACHED THE TOP
WITHOUT ANY OF THESE QUALITIES.

IF YOU ARE ANXIOUS TO RISE
QUICKLY AND EASILY TO THE TOP
OF THE BUSINESS WORLD,

THE TIME IS NOW--
STRIKE WHILE THE IRON IS HOT.

ARE YOU READY ?
I'M READY !

GOOD. YOU ARE ABOUT TO BEGIN
YOUR SWIFT AND DARING RISE
TO THE TOP !

?? HOW TO APPLY FOR A JOB ??

?? HOW TO ADVANCE
FROM THE MAIL ROOM ??

?? HOW TO SIT DOWN
AT A DESK ??

?? HOW TO DICTATE
MEMORANDUMS ??

?? HOW TO DEVELOP
EXECUTIVE STYLE ??

?? HOW TO COMMUTE
IN A THREE-BUTTON SUIT ??

?? WITH THAT WEARY
EXECUTIVE SMILE ??

?? THIS BOOK
IS ALL THAT I NEED ??

?? HOW TO, HOW TO ??

?? SUCCEED ??

?? HOW TO OBSERVE PERSONNEL ??

?? HOW TO SELECT
WHOM TO LUNCH WITH ??

?? HOW TO
AVOID PETTY FRIENDS ??

?? HOW TO BEGIN
MAKING CONTACTS ??

?? HOW TO-- ??
[ Author ] HOW TO CHOOSE
THE RIGHT COMPANY.

BEFORE APPLYING FOR A JOB,
MAKE SURE THE COMPANY
IS A LARGE ONE.

THIS IS ESSENTIAL.
IT SHOULD BE AT LEAST
LARGE ENOUGH...

SO THAT NOBODY QUITE KNOWS
WHAT THE OTHER FELLOW IS DOING.
[ Elevator Bell Dings ]

HERE ! HERE !
SOMEBODY, HERE, HERE !
YOU FELLAS.

DENVER HAS RUN OUT
OF WICKETS ! CALL THE
WORLD WIDE WICKET FACTORY...

HAVE THEM SEND 50,000
TWO-TONED WICKETS AT ONCE !
[ All Exclaiming ]

DON'T ARGUE WITH ME !
DO YOU WANT ME TO HAVE
ANOTHER NERVOUS BREAKDOWN ?

WHO IN THE HELL IS THAT ?
WHERE THE HELL
IS THE FACTORY ?

WHAT THE HELL
IS A WICKET ?

THE RIGHT COMPANY !

?? THIS BOOK
IS ALL THAT I NEED ??

?? HOW TO, HOW TO ??

?? SUCCEED ????

[ All Exclaiming ]
NEVER MIND, NEVER MIND !

LEAVE ME ALONE.
I'M ALL RIGHT.
EVERYBODY BACK TO WORK.

BACK TO WORK.
BACK TO WORK !

DID YOU HEAR ME ?
I SAID EVERYBODY
BACK TO WORK !

SORRY THAT I BUMPED INTO YOU,
SIR,

BUT I'D LIKE TO APPLY FOR A JOB.
A JOB.
DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM ?

NO, SIR, I--
I'M J.B. BIGGLEY, THE
PRESIDENT OF THIS COMPANY.

THAT'S WHY I'M--
THAT'S WHO THE HELL I AM.

OH, MY.
HOW DARE YOU COME TO THE
PRESIDENT AND ASK FOR A JOB ?

WHY DO YOU THINK I HAVE
A PERSONNEL MAN ?

WHY DO YOU THINK I HAVE A WHOLE
DAMN PERSONNEL DEPARTMENT ?

YOU BUMPED INTO THE WRONG MAN.
DAMN, DAMN, COAL-BURNING,
DITHERING, DING, DING, DING.

DING, DING, DING, DING,
DING, DING.

YOU JUST COMMITTED
INDUSTRIAL SUICIDE, BOY.
THAT'S THE BIG FELLA.

OH !
HELLO.

HELLO.
DID YOU HURT YOURSELF ?

NO, NO.
I'M ALL RIGHT.
I KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO--

WHAT ?
I KNOW HOW HARD IT IS
TO FIND A JOB.

I'VE BEEN THROUGH
THAT KIND OF THING MYSELF.

THANK YOU, YOU'RE VERY KIND.
COULD YOU TELL ME WHERE
THE PERSONNEL OFFICE IS ?

PERSONNEL ? WELL,
IT'S RIGHT THERE.
OH. THANK YOU.

WELL, LISTEN !

YOU MEAN YOU'RE
NOT DISCOURAGED ?
OH, NO, NOT AT ALL.

I'M PREPARED FOR
EXACTLY THIS SORT OF THING.

SAY, MY FRIEND SMITTY
WORKS IN PERSONNEL.
MAYBE SHE CAN HELP YOU.

SHE'S AROUND SOMEWHERE.
I'LL FIND HER.
NO ! THAT'S NOT NECESSARY.

PLEASE !
YOU DON'T HAVE TO
GO THROUGH, UH--

[ Sighs ]

WHERE DO YOU THINK
YOU'RE GOING ?
TO SEE THE PERSONNEL MANAGER.

I'M THE MANAGER.
WE'RE NOT HIRING ANYONE.

WELL, I WAS JUST SPEAKING
TO MR. BIGGLEY.
BIGGLEY ? J.B. BIGGLEY ?

YES, SIR.
HE TOLD ME TO SEE YOU.

YOU WERE SPEAKING
TO J.B. BIGGLEY HIMSELF ?
I JUST BUMPED INTO HIM.

HE'S A FRIEND OF YOURS ?
I DON'T THINK A MAN SHOULD TRADE
ON FRIENDSHIP TO GET A JOB.

BY GEORGE, I LIKE A MAN
WHO STANDS ON HIS OWN TWO FEET.

MY NAME IS BRATT. YOU'RE--
FINCH, SIR.
PIERREPONT FINCH.

PIERREPONT. COME IN.
YOU KNOW, MAYBE THAT OUGHT TO BE
J. PIERREPONT FINCH !

[ Laughs ]

AS A MATTER OF FACT, SIR,
IT IS.
OH !

GOOD GAD, ROSEMARY.
YOU COULD AT LEAST LET ME
FINISH MY METRECAL.

WHAT'S THE BIG URGENT URGENCY ?
OH, HE HAS THAT WOEBEGONE LOOK.
A PUPPY DOG.

WELL, YOU COULD JUST TELL
HE'LL NEVER GET ANYWHERE.

I FIGURED YOU COULD INTRODUCE--
WHERE'D HE GO ?

HOW SHOULD I KNOW ?
ROSEMARY,
WHAT'S GOT INTO YOU ?

WHERE IS THIS CREEP DIFFERENT
FROM ALL OTHER CREEPS ?
HE'S NOT A CREEP !

SMITTY, HE HAS
A SORT OF UNDAUNTED
SORT OF NOBLE COURAGE.

YET DEEP DOWN, YOU SENSE
HE'S A HELPLESS
LITTLE MUFFIN.

[ Laughing ]
...THE MAN
IN THE MANHOLE COVER.

THAT'S A GOOD ONE.
IT'S ALL SETTLED, THEN.

NICE TO HAVE YOU ABOARD, FINCH.
WELL, I'M HAPPY TO SHIP OUT
WITH YOU, SIR. REALLY.

YOU DON'T HAVE A--
OH, YES, YES.
LET ME DO THAT FOR YOU.

IS THAT THE--
HELPLESS LITTLE MUFFIN.

MY SECRETARY WILL
FILL OUT THE FORMS.
OH, SMITTY ?

YES, MR. BRATT ?
THIS IS OUR NEW MR. FINCH.

HELLO.
MY NAME IS PILKINGTON.
ROSEMARY PILKINGTON.

HELLO.
HI. I'M
LUCILLE KRUMHOLTZ.

MR. FINCH WILL BE
STARTING OUT IN OUR MAIL ROOM.
GLAD YOU DON'T MIND THAT, FINCH.

OH, SIR, IN A BIG POND
LIKE THIS, EVERYONE MUST
BEGIN AS A LITTLE FISH.

EVEN A BARRACUDA.
WHAT'D YOU SAY ?

SAY, BUD. HAVE YOU GUYS
IN THE MAIL ROOM SENT OUT
THOSE NEW WICKET CATALOGS YET ?

I DON'T KNOW.
I'M GOING TO THE BARBER SHOP
TO GET A SCALP MASSAGE.

AT THIS TIME
OF THE MORNING ? WHY ?
BECAUSE I'M THE BOSS'S NEPHEW.

[ Mutters ]

[ Laughing, Chatting ]

EXCUSE ME.
OH, BUD.

THIS IS BUD FRUMP,
MR. BIGGLEY'S NEPHEW.
SAY HELLO TO OUR NEW MR. FINCH.

HE'LL BE WORKING WITH YOU
IN THE MAIL ROOM.

HELLO, FINCH.
I'M BUD FRUMP,
MR. BIGGLEY'S NEPHEW.

HOW DO YOU DO ?
SMITTY ?

YES, MR. BRATT ?
GET MR. FINCH'S
VITAL STATISTICS.

YES, MR. BRATT.
NICE TO HAVE YOU
ON THE TEAM, FINCH.

GOOD TO BE PLAYING
WITH YOU, SIR.
ARE YOU AMBITIOUS ?

NO, NOT NECESSARILY.
GOOD. YOU JUST
KEEP THAT IN MIND.

IF YOU JUST REMEMBER
WHO I AM AND WHO YOU ARE,
WE'LL GET ALONG FINE. IF NOT--

YOU'LL GO CRYING
TO YOUR UNCLE.
I BEG YOUR PARDON !

I DO NOT GO CRYING
TO MY UNCLE !

IT JUST HAPPENS THAT MY MOTHER
IS MRS. BIGGLEY'S SISTER.

IF SOMETHING IS WRONG,
I PHONE MY MOTHER.
SHE PHONES MRS. BIGGLEY,

AND MRS. BIGGLEY
PHONES MR. BIGGLEY.

THAT'S THE DEMOCRATIC WAY.

[ Chuckles ]
YOU DON'T HAVE TO
WORRY ABOUT BUD FRUMP.

EVERY COMPANY HAS A COUPLE
OF RELATIVES FLOATING AROUND.

SMITTY, YOU WERE GOING
TO GET MR. FINCH'S
VITAL STATISTICS.

OH, YES. THE FIRST
QUESTION IS--
MARRIED ?

MARRIED ? NO.
I'M NOT, AND I DON'T EVEN
HAVE A GIRLFRIEND.

GOOD !
GOOD. I MEAN, IT'S GOOD YOU
ANSWERED WITH THE RIGHT ANSWER.

FOR THE QUESTIONNAIRE,
THAT IS. IT'S NOT VERY WISE
TO HAVE A GIRL.

NO, IT ISN'T.
I'M GLAD YOU UNDERSTAND THAT.
SOME WOMEN WOULDN'T.

I FEEL THAT
WHEN A MAN WANTS TO RISE
IN THE WORLD OF BUSINESS,

A GIRL, OR LET'S SAY
AN EMOTIONAL INVOLVEMENT,

CAN ONLY LEAD TO GETTING
INVOLVED... EMOTIONALLY.

WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT ?
THAT'S VERY INTELLIGENT,
MR. FINCH.

ARE YOU QUITE FINISHED
WITH MR. FINCH ?
FOR THE MOMENT.

IRVING ! TAKE MR. FINCH
TO THE MAIL ROOM AND INTRODUCE
HIM TO MR. TWIMBLE.

YOU CAN FILL IN
THE PERSONNEL FORMS LATER.

COME ON, FINCH.

OH, WELL, GOOD LUCK,
MR. FINCH.

THANK YOU, UH, MISS--

PILKINGTON.
ROSEMARY PILKINGTON.

PILKINGTON.
ROSEMARY PILKINGTON.

COME ON, FINCH.

POOR BABY.
HE LOOKS SO UTTERLY VULNERABLE.

THEY'LL EAT HIM ALIVE
IN THIS JUNGLE.

- COFFEE BREAK !
- WELL, IT'S ABOUT TIME !

[ Everyone Exclaiming ]

[ Machinery Whirring ]

JUST TAKE CARE OF THE EXECUTIVE
MAIL ! THAT'S ALL YOU
GOTTA TAKE CARE OF !

LOOK, LOOK, DON'T WORRY !
I'M DOING THE VERY BEST
I CAN, MR. TWIMBLE !

WELL, DON'T ARGUE ! JUST GET
THE EXECUTIVE MAIL OUT. THAT'S
ALL YOU'VE GOT TO WORRY ABOUT !

LEMON DROPS ?
WHERE DID THESE LEMON DROPS
COME FROM ?

OH, THEY'RE MINE,
MR. TWIMBLE.

I JUST THOUGHT
I'D SHARE THEM
WITH OUR MAIL ROOM FAMILY.

LEMON IS MY FAVORITE DROP.
OH, I'LL BE DARNED.

UH, FINCH ?
YES, SIR ?

I'VE BEEN WATCHING YOU
THIS FIRST MORNING, AND I'M
VERY PLEASED WITH YOUR WORK.

THANK YOU, SIR.
THAT'S EXCEPTIONALLY KIND.

I-- WELL, I TRY
TO FIT IN.

NO, NO, IT'S MORE THAN THAT,
FINCH. YOU HAVE AN INBORN
GIFT FOR "MAIL ROOMERY."

[ Phone Rings ]
THANK YOU--
OH, EXCUSE ME, SIR.

HELLO, MAIL ROOM.
HOLD THE LINE.

MR. TWIMBLE, IT'S FOR YOU.
IT'S MR. BRATT, IN PERSONNEL.

THIS MAY BE AN IMPORTANT CALL
FOR SOME OF US ! HELLO ?

GOOD MORNING, MR. BRATT !
OH, YES, YES.

HEY, WHAT'S THE IDEA ?
THE IDEA OF WHAT, BUD ?

YOU'RE TRYING TO BUTTER UP
MR. TWIMBLE. WELL, IT WON'T
DO YOU ANY GOOD.

GOOD GOSH ! JUST BECAUSE
I'M BEING NICE TO AN OLDER MAN--
I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE UP TO,

AND IF ANYBODY'S GONNA GET HIS
JOB--
MR. BRATT.
THANKS VERY MUCH.

WELL, BOYS, THEY'RE FINALLY
GONNA PROMOTE OLD TWIMBLE
TO THE SHIPPING DEPARTMENT.

CONGRATULATIONS.
UH, YEAH, CONGRATULATIONS.

WHO'S GONNA BE NEW HEAD
OF THE MAIL ROOM ?

MR. BRATT IS GONNA
LEAVE THE CHOICE TO ME.

"TWIMBLE," HE SAID, "THE
MAIL ROOM IS THE NERVE CENTER
OF THIS MIGHTY ORGANIZATION.

"YOU'VE BEEN AN OUTSTANDING
MAIL ROOM HEAD. WE WANT YOU
TO CHOOSE YOUR SUCCESSOR.

"WE WANT YOU TO CHOOSE HIM
ON MERIT.

ON MERIT ALONE."

THAT'S NOT FAIR !

I'M GOING OUT
TO HAVE A SMOKE.

SMOKE ?
HE'S GONNA CALL HIS MOTHER.

IT WON'T DO HIM ANY GOOD.
BRATT SAID I WAS GONNA
SELECT THE NEW HEAD.

[ Scoffs ]
MR. TWIMBLE ?

YEAH ?
YOU'VE BEEN WITH THIS COMPANY
A LONG TIME NOW, HAVEN'T YOU ?

A LONG TIME.
LAST MONTH I BECAME
A QUARTER-OF-A-CENTURY MAN.

OH, THAT'S BEAUTIFUL.
A QUARTER OF A CENTURY ?
QUARTER OF A CENTURY.

HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN
IN THE MAIL ROOM ?
TWENTY-FIVE YEARS.

IT'S NOT EASY TO GET THIS MEDAL.
TAKES A COMBINATION OF SKILL,
DIPLOMACY...

AND BOLD CAUTION.

?? WHEN I JOINED THIS FIRM ??

?? AS A BRASH YOUNG MAN ??

?? WELL, I SAID TO MYSELF
NOW BRASH YOUNG MAN ??

?? DON'T GET ANY IDEAS ??

?? WELL, I STUCK TO THAT
AND I HAVEN'T HAD ONE
IN YEARS ??

YOU PLAY IT SAFE.
?? I PLAY IT THE COMPANY WAY ??

?? WHEREVER THE COMPANY PUTS ME
THERE I'LL STAY ??

?? BUT WHAT IS YOUR
POINT OF VIEW ??
?? I HAVE NO POINT OF VIEW ??

?? SUPPOSING THE COMPANY
THINKS ??
?? I THINK SO TOO ??

WELL, WHAT WOULD YOU
SAY IF--
I WOULDN'T SAY. I WOULDN'T SAY.

?? YOUR FACE
IS A COMPANY FACE ??

?? IT SMILES AT EXECUTIVES
THEN GOES BACK IN PLACE ??

?? THE COMPANY FURNITURE ??
?? OH, IT SUITS ME FINE ??

?? THE COMPANY LETTERHEAD ??
?? A VALENTINE ??

IS THERE ANYTHING
YOU'RE AGAINST ?
UNEMPLOYMENT.

?? WHEN THEY WANT
BRILLIANT THINKING ??

?? FROM EMPLOYEES ??
?? THAT IS NO CONCERN OF MINE ??

?? SUPPOSE A MAN OF GENIUS
MAKES SUGGESTIONS ??

?? WATCH THAT GENIUS
GET SUGGESTED TO RESIGN ??

?? SO YOU PLAY IT
THE COMPANY WAY ??

?? OH, COMPANY POLICY
IS BY ME OKAY ??

?? YOU'LL NEVER RISE UP
TO THE TOP ??

?? BUT THERE'S ONE THING CLEAR
WHOEVER THE COMPANY FIRES ??

??
?? I WILL STILL BE HERE

OH, YOU CERTAINLY
FOUND A HOME.
IT'S COZY.

?? YOUR BRAIN
IS A COMPANY BRAIN ??

?? THE COMPANY WASHED IT
NOW I CAN'T COMPLAIN ??

?? THE COMPANY MAGAZINE ??
?? BOY, WHAT STYLE
WHAT PUNCH ??

?? THE COMPANY RESTAURANT ??
?? EVERY DAY, SAME LUNCH ??

THEIR HADDOCK SANDWICH,
IT'S DELICIOUS.
OH, I MUST TRY IT.

EARLY IN THE WEEK.

?
?? DO YOU HAVE ANY HOBBIES ?

?? I'VE A HOBBY
I PLAY GIN WITH MR. BRATT ??
MR. BRATT !

?? AND DO YOU
PLAY IT NICELY ??
?? PLAY IT NICELY ??

?? STILL, HE BLITZES ME
IN EVERY GAME LIKE THAT ??
WHY ?

?? 'CAUSE I PLAY IT
THE COMPANY WAY ??
THE COMPANY WAY. YES !

EXECUTIVE POLICY.
?? EXECUTIVE POLICY
IS BY ME OKAY ??

?? HOW CAN YOU GET
ANYWHERE ??
?? JUNIOR, HAVE NO FEAR ??

?? WHOEVER THE COMPANY FIRES
I WILL STILL BE HERE ??

?? YOU WILL STILL BE HERE ??
?? YEAR AFTER YEAR
AFTER FISCAL ??

?? NEVER TAKE A RISK-AL
YEAR ????
?? OH, YEAH ????

ALL RIGHT.
I'LL GET THIS OUT
AS SOON AS I CAN.

NOT AS SOON AS YOU CAN !
I WANT IT BY NOON,
MISS PILKINGTON !

YES, SIR.
[ Slams ]

WOW. HI. DO YOU WORK
FOR MR. OVINGTON, MISS--

PILKINGTON.
YOU CAN CALL ME ROSEMARY.

OKAY, HI, ROSEMARY.
HI. HOW'S IT GOING,
MR. FINCH ?

OH, WHY DON'T YOU CALL ME,
UH, PONTY.

OKAY, PONTY.
I LIKE THAT.
HOW'S IT GOING ?

OH, PRETTY GOOD.
I'M JUST DELIVERING
THE EXECUTIVE MAIL.

SORT OF GETTING THE FEEL
OF THE PLACE.

EVERYBODY'S SO BUSY.
THEY DON'T EVEN NOTICE ME.

OH, THEY WILL.
YOU JUST BE PATIENT.
PATIENT ?

DO YOU REALIZE THAT I'VE
BEEN WORKING HERE FOR,
UH, TWO FULL HOURS NOW.

[ Laughs ]
I KNOW, PONTY.
I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN.

OH, HERE.
HAPPY TWO-HOUR ANNIVERSARY.

THANK YOU.
AT LEAST YOU NOTICED ME.

WELL, I WISH I WERE
AN EXECUTIVE. I'D--

[ Woman ] MR. ANDREWS--
UH-OH, HERE COMES
THE MOTHER OF US ALL.

THAT'S MISS JONES,
MR. BIGGLEY'S SECRETARY !

THE MEETING MAY BE DELAYED.
I'LL CHECK WITH J.B.
AND LET YOU KNOW.

[ Man ]
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

I'LL SEE YOU LATER,
ALL RIGHT ?
OKAY. BYE-BYE.

GOOD MORNING.
GOOD MORNING,
PONTY.

PARDON ME, MA'AM,
BUT YOU SHOULD BE WEARING THIS.

IT-- WELL,
IT GOES WITH YOUR HAIR.

YOUNG MAN.
YES ?

YOU JUST WANT ME
TO HAVE THIS FLOWER ?
YOU DON'T KNOW WHO I AM ?

IT DOESN'T MATTER.
WHAT MATTERS IS THE FLOWER.
IT SEEMED TO CRY OUT TO BE WORN.

BY YOU.
YOUNG MAN.

I'M MISS JONES,
MR. J.B. BIGGLEY'S SECRETARY.

[ Gasps ]
OH, NO !
NO. YOU COULDN'T BE.

WHY NOT ?
WELL, FROM BUD FRUMP'S
DESCRIPTION OF YOU.

I'D NEVER HAVE--
WELL, YOU--

YOU'RE NOT
A FRIGHTENING PERSON.
THANK YOU.

AND IF IT'S NOT OUT OF PLACE
FOR ME TO SAY SO, MISS JONES,

I THINK YOU'RE VERY ATTRACTIVE,
NO MATTER WHAT BUD FRUMP SAYS.

WHAT DID YOU SAY
YOUR NAME WAS ?
FINCH. F-I-N-C-H.

FINCH. PIERREPONT FINCH.
WHY HAVEN'T I SEEN YOU
AROUND HERE BEFORE ?

I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO DELIVER
THE EXECUTIVE MAIL.

THAT'S HIS JOB.
BUD FRUMP. F-R-U-M-P.

HMM. WELL, THANK YOU
FOR THE FLOWER, FINCH.

YOU'RE A VERY INTERESTING
YOUNG MAN.
YOU'RE WELCOME, MISS JONES.

JONESIE, I'D LIKE AN APPOINTMENT
WITH THE BOSS AT AROUND 3:00.
I'LL LET YOU KNOW, MILT.

AH, FLOWERS.
GOT A NEW BOYFRIEND,
JONESIE ?

THIS WAS GIVEN TO ME
BY A VERY NICE YOUNG MAN.
YOU SHOULD KNOW HIM. FINCH ?

YES, MA'AM ?
FINCH, THIS IS
MR. GATCH.

HOW ARE YOU, SON ?
MR. GATCH IS GOOD TO KNOW. HIS
DEPARTMENT IS VERY IMPORTANT.

I KNOW ALL ABOUT MR. GATCH.
HE'S MANAGER OF EXECUTIVE
PERSONNEL PLACEMENT.

WONDERFUL MEMO THAT YOU PUT OUT
THIS MORNING, SIR,

ABOUT THAT, UH, EXECUTIVE
PERSONNEL PLACEMENT SERVICE.

YOU READ THE MEMOS ?
AND YOUR NAME IS--

FINCH. F-I-N--
C-H.

C-H. YES.
SAY, JONESIE,
THIS IS A SMART ONE.

WE'LL HAVE TO
KEEP AN EYE ON HIM.

AH, THAT'S A VERY FINE MAN,
MR. GATCH.

I HEAR HE HAS A FINE OPENING
IN HIS DEPARTMENT.

BUT HE HASN'T BEEN ABLE
TO MAKE UP HIS MIND.

WELL, AGAIN, THANKS
FOR THE FLOWER, YOUNG MAN.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

I CAUGHT YOU !
YOU GIVE ME THAT.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?
A FELLA CAN'T GO FOR A SMOKE
WITHOUT GETTING STABBED !

IT'S THE EXECUTIVE MAIL !
THE EXECUTIVE MAIL
IS MY JOB.

MR. TWIMBLE TOLD ME--
IF YOU HAVE ANY IDEAS ABOUT
CLIMBING THE LADDER HERE,

THE VIEW IS GONNA GET
AWFULLY MONOTONOUS.

EVERY TIME YOU LOOK UP,
YOU'RE GONNA SEE
THE SEAT OF MY PANTS.

HIYA, JONESIE.
"MISS JONES" TO YOU,
IF YOU DON'T MIND.

[ Phone Rings ]

MR. BIGGLEY'S OFFICE.
ONE MOMENT, PLEASE.
[ Buzz ]

YES, MISS JONES.
WHAT IS IT ?
YOUR WIFE IS ON LINE TWO.

TELL HER I'M BUSY.
TELL HER I'M IN A MEETING.
TELL HER I'M OUT.

DAMN IT. PUT HER ON.

HELLO, GERTRUDE.
GLAD YOU CALLED.

DEAR, I WANT TO TALK TO YOU
ABOUT BUD.
I'M BUSY.

NOW, JASPER,
THIS IS IMPORTANT.
WHAT IS IT THIS TIME ?

HE'S HEARD THERE'S
GOING TO BE AN OPENING
IN THE MAIL ROOM MANAGEMENT.

I CAN'T HELP BUD THERE.
THE HEAD OF THE MAIL ROOM SHOULD
CHOOSE HIS OWN SUCCESSOR.

YOU'RE THE HEAD OF THE COMPANY.
I CAN'T SWITCH SIGNALS
IN THE MIDDLE OF A PLAY.

IT WOULD UPSET THE TEAM.
IF YOU WANTED TO,
YOU COULD !

IF I INTERFERED,
IT'D BE NEPOTISM.
IT WOULD BE WHAT ?

NEPOTISM !
WHAT'S NEPOTISM ?

THAT'S WHEN YOUR NEPHEW
IS A DAMN POOP.
NOW, LOOK HERE, JASPER--

I'LL DO SOMETHING.
I'LL DO SOMETHING.

DAMN, DAMN COAL-BURNING,
DITHERING, DING, DING.
MISS JONES.

YES, MR. BIGGLEY ?
YOU KNOW THAT TALKING
TO MY WIFE UPSETS ME.

YOU SAID TO PUT HER ON.
NEVER MIND THAT. I NEED
SOMETHING TO CALM MY NERVES !

WHERE IS MY--
YOU KNOW.

[ Softly ]
I PUT IT IN THE BACK
OF YOUR RIGHT-HAND DRAWER.

AH, YES, YES, YES.

HERE IT IS.

[ Author's Voice ]
CONGRATULATIONS.

YOU HAVE FOLLOWED INSTRUCTIONS
AND HAVE MADE IT TO THE FIRST
RUNG OF THE LADDER.

YOU ARE WORKING
IN THE MAIL ROOM.

ONE WORD OF CAUTION
ABOUT THE MAIL ROOM.

IT IS A PLACE
OUT OF WHICH YOU MUST GET.

WELL, TWIMBLE,
WE'VE GOT GREAT NEWS FOR YOU !

YES, MR. BRATT ?
BOYS, BOYS, GATHER ROUND.
GATHER ROUND.

BOYS, AS OF TODAY YOUR BOSS
IS BEING PROMOTED TO HEAD
OF THE SHIPPING DEPARTMENT.

ALL RIGHT, BOYS.
BACK TO WORK. BACK TO WORK.

NOW LET'S TALK ABOUT
YOUR SUCCESSOR.
OH, SAY, MR. BRATT !

HAVE YOU HEARD FROM
MY UNCLE TODAY ?
NO, BUD.

ALL RIGHT, TWIMBLE, YOUR SHOES
ARE GOING TO BE HARD TO FILL,
BUT WHO HAVE YOU PICKED ?

I'VE GIVEN IT A GOOD DEAL
OF THOUGHT,

AND I THINK THIS IS OUR MAN.

CONGRATULATIONS, FINCH !
I'M GOING OUT FOR A SMOKE.

THANKS.
NO, I CAN'T ACCEPT.
ARE YOU TURNING THIS JOB DOWN ?

YES, SIR. I THINK THERE'S
A MAN WHO'S BETTER QUALIFIED,

AND A MAN WHO'S BEEN HERE
LONGER THAN I HAVE.

GENTLEMEN, I RECOMMEND
BUD FRUMP FOR THIS JOB.
YOU'RE KIDDING.

NO.
BUD FRUMP. YECH.

AS LONG AS HE FEELS SO STRONGLY,
I'LL GO WITH THE RECOMMENDATION.
I GOTTA CALL MY MOTHER !

SHE'LL BE SO HAPPY !
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

YES, UH, WELL, MR. TWIMBLE,
LET ME EXPLAIN.

KNOWING YOU HAS TAUGHT ME
A LOT ABOUT-- WELL,
THE CORPORATE SETUP.

HELLO, MAIL ROOM.
OH, YES, J.B.

THIS IS BRATT.
THAT'S THE BIG BOSS.

THAT SISTER-IN-LAW OF MINE HAS
BEEN CALLING MY WIFE AND GIVING
ME A BAD TIME ABOUT BUD FRUMP.

I UNDERSTAND YOUR PROBLEM, J.B.
ACTUALLY WE HAD PICKED SOMEONE
ELSE, BUT IT'S TURNED OUT FINE.

THE YOUNG FELLOW
TURNED THE JOB OVER TO BUD.

HE THINKS BUD'S
BETTER QUALIFIED.

NO, HE DOESN'T SEEM
TO BE OUT OF HIS MIND.

HE WAS EXPLAINING
WHEN YOU CALLED.
GO AHEAD, FINCH.

MR. TWIMBLE, THE GREAT THING
THAT YOU'VE TAUGHT ME...

IS THAT NO INDIVIDUAL IS AS
IMPORTANT AS THE WHOLE COMPANY.

NO INDIVIDUAL
IS AS IMPORTANT
AS THE COMPANY.

THE WHOLE TEAM IS GREATER
THAN ANY SINGLE PLAYER.
THE WHOLE TEAM IS GREATER.

THE WHOLE CREW IS GREATER
THAN ANY ONE OARSMAN.
THE WHOLE CREW IS GREATER !

THE WHOLE SALAD IS LARGER
THAN ONE PIECE OF LETTUCE.

THE WHOLE SALAD--
OH, YOU CAN HEAR HIM.
THE WHOLE OMELET...

IS LARGER THAN ONE EGG
THAT YOU MIGHT--

SEE--
ISN'T THAT GREAT, J.B. ?

SORT OF CHOKES YOU UP.
HIS NAME'S FINCH.

F-I-N-C-H.
F-I-N-C-H.

WHAT IT MEANS IS--
I WAS JUST GOING TO SAY
THAT SAME THING, J.B. !

WE SHOULD KEEP AN EYE
ON THAT YOUNG LAD.

NICE TO CHAT
WITH YOU, J.B.
SEE YOU LATER.

OH, FINCH, YOU
GOT ME OFF THE SPOT
WITH MR. BIGGLEY.

I'M GLAD
TO BE OF HELP, SIR.
OH, THAT FEELS GOOD.

WELL, TWIMBLE, GOOD LUCK
IN THE NEW JOB, SIR.
THANKS, MR. BRATT.

KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.
MR. TWIMBLE ?

DON'T I HAVE TO TAKE
THIS MAIL UP TO MR. GATCH ?
GATCH ?

GATCH.
GATCH ! SAY, I JUST
REMEMBERED SOMETHING.

GATCH IS LOOKING FOR
A BRIGHT YOUNG FELLOW TO FILL
A JUNIOR EXECUTIVE VACANCY.

HE IS ?
FINCH, I'M GOING
TO TALK TO HIM ABOUT YOU.

YOU KNOW, FINCH, YOUR GENEROSITY
AND THOUGHTFULNESS MAY HAVE
PROVEN A GOOD THING FOR YOU.

BY GEORGE, ETHICAL BEHAVIOR
ALWAYS PAYS, SIR.

BOYS AND GIRLS !
BOYS AND GIRLS !

I WANT YOU ALL TO MEET
THE NEW HEAD OF THE MAIL ROOM,
BUD FRUMP !

[ All Exclaiming ]

I STILL THINK
MY ORIGINAL CHOICE WAS BETTER.

NOW, WAIT A MINUTE,
MR. TWIMBLE. PONTY OKAYED IT.

COME ON, EVERYBODY.
IT'S A CELEBRATION !

WE'RE ALL GONNA GO HAVE LUNCH,
AND IT'S ON ME !

[ All Cheering ]

BOYS AND GIRLS, MAY I
HAVE YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE ?
I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE.

MR. GATCH IS TAKING YOUNG
FINCH INTO HIS DEPARTMENT
AS A JUNIOR EXECUTIVE.

[ Cheering ]

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.
JUST A MINUTE.
LUNCH IS DUTCH.

IN FACT, IT'S CANCELLED !
WAIT ! LET ME DOWN.

CONGRATULATIONS.
THANK YOU.

OH, PONTY, THAT'S WONDERFUL !
SEE, I TOLD YOU TO BE PATIENT.

YOU SURE WERE RIGHT, ROSEMARY.
YOU SHOULD HAVE SOMEONE AROUND
TO HELP YOU THINK THINGS OUT.

WELL, MAYBE I SHOULD.
I'M ALWAYS AVAILABLE.

OH, LISTEN.
YOU SURE ARE WONDERFUL,
ROSEMARY,

AND ONE OF THESE DAYS
I HOPE THAT I CAN SHOW--

LUNCH. I SAID LUNCH.

WHAT ABOUT LUNCH ?
I'D LOVE TO !

YOU'D LOVE TO WHAT ?
YOU SAID WHAT ABOUT LUNCH.
I THOUGHT YOU'D NEVER ASK ME.

LET'S SEE, WHERE SHALL WE GO ?
OH ! I KNOW THIS LITTLE
TEA ROOM.

WAIT, YOU SAID LUNCH--
AND IT'S VERY REASONABLE.

I'LL GET MY THINGS
AND MEET YOU
AT THE ELEVATOR.

ROSEMARY, LOOK !
I DIDN'T MEAN WHAT ABOUTLUNCH,
I MEANT WHATABOUTLUNCH.

FINCH. COME ALONG.
I'LL SHOW YOU
TO YOUR NEW DESK.

YES, IF YOU WORK HARD, AND KEEP
YOUR NOSE TO THE GRINDSTONE,

THERE'S NO TELLING HOW FAR
YOU CAN GO WITH THIS COMPANY.

BY THE WAY, THIS'LL BE
YOUR NEW DESK, RIGHT HERE.

ALL RIGHT, MEN.
YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE.

I'D LIKE TO HAVE YOU
MEET THE NEWEST MEMBER
OF THE JUNIOR EXECUTIVE POOL.

J. PIERREPONT FINCH.

THESE ARE THE FELLOWS
YOU'LL BE WORKING WITH.
HI.

COME ALONG FINCH. I'LL BUY
YOU LUNCH IN THE EXECUTIVE
DINING ROOM ON THE ROOF.

WANNA HAVE LUNCH,
ROSEMARY ?
NO, THANKS. I'M BUSY.

OKAY, SEE YOU LATER.

ROSEMARY, THE MOST WONDERFUL
THING HAS HAPPENED. MR. GATCH,
HE'S TAKING ME TO EAT WITH HIM,

UP IN THE EXECUTIVES'
DINING ROOM.

COULD WE MAKE OUR DATE
SOME OTHER TIME ?
SURE, PONTY. ANY TIME.

THANKS.
HEY, HOW DO I LOOK ?
YOU LOOK FINE, PONTY.

YOU LOOK FINE TOO.
YOU'RE JUST FINE.

YOU HAVE A GOOD TIME,
OKAY ?
OH. THANK YOU.

BUT THOSE WICKETS
OUGHT TO BE SHIPPED.

ROSEMARY, SEEING YOU
ALWAYS BRIGHTENS MY DAY.

PLEASE !
MR. GATCH !

I'LL HAVE TO STOP
READINGPLAYBOY.

[ Author's Voice ]
IF YOU HAVE FOLLOWED
THE SIMPLE INSTRUCTIONS...

EXACTLY AS OUTLINED,
YOU SHOULD BY NOW
BE A JUNIOR EXECUTIVE.

CONGRATULATIONS.

GOOD MORNING, MR. BIG SHOT.
HELLO, MRS. NEEDLEMAN.
HOW ARE YOU ?

NEW SUIT ?
[ Wolf Whistle ]

[ Author's Voice ]
YOU HAVE NOW OCCUPIED
THIS POSITION LONG ENOUGH.

THE TIME HAS ARRIVED FOR
YOU TO SET YOUR SIGHTS
ON YOUR NEXT ESCALATION.

BE ALERT. OFTENTIMES
IT IS SOMEONE ONLY REMOTELY
CONNECTED WITH YOUR COMPANY...

WHO MAY LAUNCH YOU
INTO YOUR NEXT PROMOTION.

???? [ Humming ]

[ Ringing ]

MR. BIGGLEY'S OFFICE.
HE'S BUSY ON ANOTHER LINE RIGHT
NOW. WHO'S CALLING, PLEASE ?

YES, YES. BUT, DAMN IT,
GERTRUDE, I HAVEN'T GOT TIME
FOR THIS NONSENSE ABOUT BUD.

MM-HMM. YES, I KNOW THAT BLOOD
IS THICKER THAN WATER.

BUT BUD FRUMP
IS THICKER THAN ANYTHING.

I'LL PROMOTE HIM WHEN I'M READY.
THE NEXT TIME BUD COMPLAINS TO
HIS MOTHER, AND SHE CALLS YOU...

AND YOU CALL ME,
YOU'RE ALL FIRED.

[ Buzz ]
YES, MISS JONES.
WHAT IS IT ?

A YOUNG LADY ON LINE THREE,
MR. B. SHE INSISTS ON SPEAKING
TO YOU. SAYS IT'S PERSONAL.

WHAT DOES SHE WANT ?
I CAN'T TALK TO EVERY SILLY
WOMAN WHO CALLS THE COMPANY.

WHAT'S HER NAME ?
SHE SAID YOU'LL KNOW.

OH.

HELLO. YOU KNEW
I WOULDN'T FORGET.

I'LL TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING.
JUST A MOMENT.

MISS JONES, GET ME BRATT
IN PERSONNEL RIGHT AWAY.

THERE, YOU SEE, IT'S ALL SET.
COME IN ANY TIME.

ASK FOR THE PERSONNEL MANAGER.
HIS NAME IS BRATT.

HE'LL TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING.
?? GOOD-BYE ????

BRATT, THIS IS J.B.

I'D LIKE YOU TO DO ME A FAVOR.
I WONDER IF YOU COULD FIND
A SPOT FOR A YOUNG LADY ?

SHE WANTS TO BE A SECRETARY.
SHE'S AN OLD FRIEND
OF THE FAMILY.

DAD WAS A CLASSMATE OF MINE
AT OLD IVY.

SHE'S A BRIGHT GIRL, GOT
A GOOD HEAD ON HER SHOULDERS.

HER NAME ?

LaRUE. HEDY LaRUE.

UH, MAY I HELP YOU, HONEY ?

"SCA-ROO."
[ Everyone Gasps ]

DID YOU WISH TO SEE SOMEONE,
MISS ?
OH, HOW DO YOU DO ?

I'M SUPPOSED TO SEE
A MR. BRATT.

I'M A SECRETARY.
OH, I SPOTTED THAT
THE MINUTE SHE CAME IN.

OH, MISS LaRUE.
YES ?

[ Squeaky Voice ]
I'M BERT BRATT.
[ Clears Throat ]

I'M BERT BRATT, PERSONNEL.
SORRY TO HAVE KEPT YOU WAITING.

OH, NOT AT ALL, SIR.
IT IS I WHOM AM LATE.
[ Men Chuckle ]

OH, NO, NOT REALLY.
OH, YES. I WAS VERY NAUGHTY
THIS MORNING.

I'M STILL NOT ACCUSTOMED
TO EARLY "ARISAL."

[ Chuckling ]
OH, I UNDERSTAND.

WELL, WHY DON'T WE
MOVE UP TO MY OFFICE,
MISS LaRUE.

I HOPE YOU DIDN'T HAVE ANY
TROUBLE FINDING THE BUILDING ?

OH, NO, THE TAXI DROPPED ME
RIGHT OFF DOWNSTAIRS.
THIS IS MY SECRETARY.

MISS, UH-- MISS--
SMITH.

HOW ARE YOU, DEAR ?
OH, FINE, DEAR.

MR. BRATT, I HAVE TO GO DOWN
TO ACCOUNTING--
MR. BRATT ?

YES, SMITTY ?
I HAVE TO GO DOWN TO ACCOUNTING
AND GET SOME WITHHOLDING BLANKS.

YES, YES, YOU DO THAT.
JUST THROUGH HERE, MISS LaRUE.

AND WE'LL GET ALL
OF YOUR VITAL STATISTICS.

39-22-38.

OH, I WIN THE POOL !
YEAH, YOU ALWAYS DO.

BERT, I REALLY NEED
A NEW SECRETARY.

GENTLEMEN, MISS LaRUE
WILL BE ASSIGNED ACCORDING
TO NORMAL PROCEDURES...

AS SOON AS HER QUALIFICATIONS
HAVE BEEN DETERMINED.

I'LL DETERMINE 'EM.
COUNT ME IN.

GENTLEMEN !

?? A SECRETARY IS NOT A TOY ??

?? NO, MY BOY
NOT A TOY ??

?? TO FONDLE AND DANDLE ??

?? AND PLAYFULLY HANDLE ??

?? IN SEARCH OF
SOME PUERILE JOY ??

?? NO ??

?? A SECRETARY IS NOT ??

?? DEFINITELY NOT A TOY ????

YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT,
MR. BRATT.

WE WOULDN'T HAVE IT
ANY OTHER WAY, MR. BRATT.

IT'S THE COMPANY RULE,
MR. BRATT.

[ Typewriter Keys Tapping ]

????

??
?? A SECRETARY IS NOT A TOY

?? NO, MY BOY
NOT A TOY ??

?? SO DO NOT GO
JUMPING FOR JOY ??

?? BOY, A SECRETARY IS NOT ?
?
[ Typewriter Bells Ding ]

?? A SECRETARY IS NOT ??
[ Ding ]

?? A SECRETARY IS NOT ??
?? A TOY ??

?? A SECRETARY IS NOT TO BE
USED FOR PLAY THERAPY ??

?? BE GOOD TO THE GIRL
YOU EMPLOY, BOY ??

?? REMEMBER NO MATTER WHAT ??

?
?? NEUROTIC TROUBLE YOU'VE GOT ?

?? A SECRETARY IS NOT
A TOY ??

????

???? [ Whistling ]

?? A SECRETARY IS NOT
A TOY ??

?
?? AND WHEN YOU PUT HER TO USE ?

?? OBSERVE WHEN YOU PUT HER ??

?? TO USE ??

?? THAT YOU DON'T FIND
THE NAME LIONEL ??

?? ON HER CABOOSE ??

?? A SECRETARY IS NOT A THING ??

?? WOUND BY KEY
PULLED BY STRING ??

?? HER PAD IS TO WRITE IN ??

?? AND NOT SPEND THE NIGHT IN ??

?? IF THAT'S WHAT YOU PLAN
TO ENJOY ??

?? NO ??

????

?? A SECRETARY IS NOT ??

?? IS DEFINITELY NOT ??

?? EMPLOYED TO DO A GAVOTTE
OR YOU-KNOW-WHAT ??

?
?? BEFORE YOU JUMP FOR JOY ?

?? REMEMBER THIS, MY BOY ??

????

?? A SECRETARY IS NOT ??

?? A TINKERTOY ????

[ Bell Dinging ]

[ Chattering ]

MISS JONES, BE SURE THAT I CALL
KIMBALL IN OUR TEXAS OFFICE
MONDAY MORNING.

PUSH THAT BOARD MEETING
UP TO 10:00. AND DID YOU
CALL MRS. BIGGLEY...

AND TELL HER I WOULDN'T
BE HOME FOR DINNER ?
YES, SIR.

INCIDENTALLY, YOU LEFT YOUR
GOLF CLUBS IN THE OFFICE.
TOMORROW'S SATURDAY.

REMEMBER YOU'RE PLAYING GOLF
WITH THE CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD.

YES. I'M STAYING IN TOWN.
I'LL COME DOWN TO THE OFFICE
AND PICK UP THE CLUBS.

YOU ASKED TO BE REMINDED ABOUT
YOUR COLLEGE ALUMNI ASSOCIATION.

SEND THEM THAT SAME CHECK.
I GET A KICK OUT OF THINKING
OF THEIR FACES...

WHEN THEY GET THAT FAT CHECK
FROM OLD LEAST-LIKELY-
TO-SUCCEED.

J.B., THERE'S A PHONE CALL
FOR YOU. YOUR WIFE.

MY WIFE. DAMN IT.
I'LL TAKE THE CALL
IN YOUR OFFICE.

THAT'S ALL, MISS JONES.
HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND.

THANK YOU.
SAME TO YOU, SIR.
HI, MISS JONES.

HELLO, PONTY.
HOW'S THE YOUNG
JUNIOR EXECUTIVE ?

JUST FINE. THANKS TO THE
HELPFUL ADVICE THAT I'VE
BEEN GETTING FROM YOU.

GLAD OUR LITTLE TALKS
HAVE PROVED VALUABLE.
THEY SURE HAVE.

BY THE WAY, GOOD LUCK
TONIGHT AT THE BOWLING
TOURNAMENT.

I HEAR YOU'RE THE BEST BOWLER
ON THE COMPANY TEAM.

HOW SWEET OF YOU TO BE
INTERESTED IN A LITTLE THING
LIKE THAT.

OH, WELL, I'M FASCINATED
BY THE HOBBIES OF PEOPLE
THAT I LIKE.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO WATCH US
BOWL TONIGHT ?

I'D LOVE THAT, BUT
I SHOULD GET TO BED EARLY.

SEE, I HAVE TO WORK
TOMORROW.
ON SATURDAY ?

YES.
PONTY, YOU'RE
A VERY UNUSUAL BOY.

YOU'LL GO FAR.
MISS JONES, THAT MEANS A LOT,
YOUR SAYING THAT.

YOU'RE MR. BIGGLEY'S SECRETARY.
HE'S THE MAN THAT I MOST
WANT TO EMULATE.

HE'S SO CAPABLE,
AND HE'S THOUGHTFUL.

I HEARD HIM REMEMBERING
TO SEND A CHECK
TO HIS OLD SCHOOL AND ALL.

HARVARD, ISN'T IT ?
HARVARD ?

DON'T EVER LET J.B. HEAR YOU
SAY THAT. HE'S A GROUNDHOG.

BUT WHERE'D HE GO
TO COLLEGE ?
OLD IVY.

OLD IVY.
THEY'RE THE GROUNDHOGS.

WELL, GOOD NIGHT.
SEE YOU MONDAY.
GROUNDHOGS.

WITH PIN CURLS.
I CAN'T BELIEVE HER !

HELLO, STRANGER.

OH, HI, ROSEMARY.
HI, PONTY.

HELLO, PONTY.

LOOK, I WAS--
GOOD NIGHT, ROSEMARY.

OH. SEE YA MONDAY.

IT'S BEEN A LONG DAY,
HASN'T IT ?
IT SURE HAS.

HAVEN'T SEEN MUCH OF YOU
SINCE YOU GOT YOUR NEW JOB.

OH, YES.
WELL, I'VE BEEN PUNCHING
PRETTY HARD.

IT'S A NEW JOB AND ALL.
NEW PEOPLE TO MEET.

[ Laughs ]
LISTEN--
GOOD NIGHT, ROSEMARY.

GOOD NIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT.

MY !
IT'S BEEN A LONG DAY.

OH !
REALLY LONG.

IT HAS BEEN A LONG ONE.

SAY, ROSEMARY.
YES ?

WHERE ARE YOU HAVING
DINNER TONIGHT ?

OH.
I DON'T KNOW.

THAT DEPENDS.
ON WHAT ?

ON WHERE
I'M HAVING DINNER.

OH.
[ Muttering ]
OH, NO.

?? WELL, HERE IT IS 5:00 P.M. ??

?? THE FINISH
OF A LONG DAY'S WORK ??

?? AND THERE THEY ARE
BOTH OF THEM ??

?? THE SECRETARY
AND THE CLERK ??

??
?? NOT VERY WELL ACQUAINTED

?? NOT VERY MUCH TO SAY ??

?? BUT I CAN HEAR
THOSE TWO LITTLE MINDS ??

?? TICKIN' AWAY ??

?? NOW SHE'S THINKING ??

?? I WONDER IF WE
TAKE THE SAME BUS ??

?? AND HE'S THINKING ??

?? THERE COULD BE
QUITE A THING BETWEEN US ??

?
?? NOW SHE'S THINKING ??
?? HE REALLY IS A DEAR ?

?? AND HE'S THINKING ??
?? BUT WHAT OF MY CAREER ??

?? THEN SHE SAYS ??
[ Yawn ]

?? AND HE SAYS ??
UH--

?? WELL, IT'S BEEN
A LONG DAY ??

?? WELL, IT'S BEEN A LONG
BEEN A LONG, BEEN A LONG
BEEN A LONG DAY ??

?
?? NOW SHE'S THINKING ??
?? I WISH THAT HE
WERE MORE OF A FLIRT ?

?? AND HE'S THINKING ??
?? I GUESS A LITTLE FLIRTING
WON'T HURT ??

?? NOW SHE'S THINKING ??
?? FOR DINNER
WE COULD MEET ??

?? AND HE'S THINKING ??
?? WE BOTH HAVE GOTTA EAT ??

?? THEN SHE SAYS ??
[ Sneezes ]

?? AND HE SAYS ??
GESUNDHEIT.
THANK YOU.

?? WELL, IT'S BEEN
A LONG DAY ??

?? WELL, IT'S BEEN A LONG
BEEN A LONG, BEEN A LONG
BEEN A LONG DAY ??

HEY !
?? THERE'S A YUMMY FRIDAY
SPECIAL AT STOUFFER'S ??

?? IT'S $1.90
VEGETABLE PLATE ??

?? AND AT THE BOTTOM
OF THE AD ??

?? NOT BAD
SERVICE FOR TWO
THREE FIFTY-EIGHT ??

?? TO MAKE A BARGAIN
MAKE A DATE ??

WONDERFUL.
IT'S FATE.

?? NOW SHE'S THINKING ??

?? WHAT FEMALE KIND OF TRAP
COULD I SPRING ??

?? AND HE'S THINKING ??

?? I MIGHT AS WELL
FORGET THE WHOLE THING ??

?? NOW SHE'S THINKING ??
?? SUPPOSE
I TAKE HIS ARM ??

?? AND HE'S THINKING ??
?? WELL, REALLY
WHAT'S THE HARM ??

?? THEN SHE SAYS ??
YA HUNGRY ?

?? AND HE SAYS ??

YEAH.
YEAH !
YEAH !

?? WELL, IT'S BEEN
A LONG DAY ??

?
?? WELL, IT'S BEEN A LONG
BEEN A LONG, BEEN A LONG ?

?? BEEN A LONG DAY ??

?
?? WELL, IT'S BEEN A LONG
BEEN A LONG, BEEN A LONG ?

?? BEEN A LONG DAY ????

J.B. !
BLITHERING, BLATHERING !
YOU'VE BEEN CALLING YOUR MOTHER.

SHE WANTS YOU PROMOTED.
WHY NOT ? OTHER PEOPLE
ARE BEING PROMOTED.

I TOLD YOUR AUNT--
OH, THERE YOU--

GOOD EVENING, MR. BIGGLEY.
GOOD EVENING,
MISS LaRUE.

UNCLE JASPER, I WANT--
I TOLD YOU NEVER TO CALL ME
THAT AROUND HERE.

HAVEN'T YOU SOMETHING
TO DO ?

I WAS JUST GONNA GET MY HAT
AND GO HOME.
GOOD. DO IT !

HOW DO YOU LIKE
YOUR NEW JOB, MISS LaRUE ?
IT'S A BIG FAT NOTHING.

DON'T TALK LIKE THAT HERE !
I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA HELP ME
BE A BIG BUSINESS WOMAN...

LIKE HELENA RUBENSTEIN
OR FANNIE FARMER.

SO WHAT HAPPENS ?
I'M STUCK IN THE LOUSY
STENOGRAPHIC POOL...

WITH NO ONE TO FISH ME
THE HELL OUT.

BUT ANGEL, THESE
THINGS TAKE TIME.
YOU HAVE TO LEARN--

YES, MISS LaRUE,
IN A LARGE OPERATION
LIKE WORLD WIDE WICKETS,

THERE ARE MULTIPLE FACETS
WHICH ARE VERY IMPORTANT
TO THE SCHEME OF THINGS.

I GAVE UP A WONDERFUL JOB.
HEAD CIGARETTE GIRL AT THE COPA.

I THOUGHT YOU HATED
ALL THOSE MEN STARING
AT YOU, MAKING ADVANCES.

WELL, IT'S NO DIFFERENT HERE
IN BIG BUSINESS.

AT LEAST AT THE COPA, WHEN I
GOT PINCHED, I GOT TIPPED.

AROUND HERE, A GIRL CAN'T EVEN
BEND DOWN TO PICK UP A PENCIL
WITH CONFIDENCE.

YOU MEAN SOMEBODY'S BEEN
BOTHERING YOU ? WHO ?
JUST LET ME KNOW WHO HE IS--

YES ! MISS LaRUE, IN A LARGE
OPERATION LIKE WORLD WIDE FACETS
THERE ARE MULTIPLE WICKETS--

WHO PINCHED YOU ?
I DON'T CARE ABOUT THAT.
LOOK.

YOU DID NOT KEEP YOUR PART
OF MY BARGAIN.
BUT DARLING, I MEANT EVERY WORD.

TELL YOU WHAT. I'LL MEET YOU
AT YOUR PLACE IN TEN MINUTES.
WE'LL TALK EVERYTHING OVER.

NO.
BUT ANGEL--

YES, MISS LaRUE,
IN A LARGE OPERATION--

WHY DON'T YOU GO HOME ?
I'M WAITING
FOR THE ELEVATOR.

WHY DON'T YOU WALK DOWN ?
IT'S 30 FLOORS.

WHY DON'T YOU JUMP ?
[ Giggles ]
OH, J.B.

A VERY ATTRACTIVE GIRL,
MISS LaRUE.
YES, SHE IS.

I WAS JUST TRYING
TO PUT HER AT EASE.
SHE'S A VERY SHY PERSON.

YES. WELL, YOU JUST
GO AHEAD, J.B.

I'M MEETING MOTHER
FOR DINNER.

MOTHER JUST LOVES
HAVING DINNER WITH ME.

I TELL HER EVERYTHING
THAT HAPPENS ALL DAY
AT THE OFFICE.

?? NOW HE'S THINKING ??

?? THE KID COULD REALLY
PUT ME THROUGH HELL ??

?? AND SHE'S THINKING ??

?? THE KID COULD EVEN
NAME THE HOTEL ??

?
?? NOW HE'S THINKING ??
?? I WONDER
IF HE'D DARE ?

?? AND SHE'S THINKING ??
?? THERE'S BLACKMAIL
IN THE AIR ??

?? AND HE SAYS ??
IT'S A HOLDUP.

?? AND SHE SAYS ??
DOWN !

WAIT A MINUTE.
OKAY, YOU'RE PROMOTED.

?
?? WELL, IT'S BEEN A LONG
BEEN A LONG, BEEN A LONG ?

?? BEEN A LONG DAY ??

?
?? WELL, IT'S BEEN A LONG
BEEN A LONG, BEEN A LONG ?

?? BEEN A LONG DAY ????
HAH !

REALLY, I MEAN IT.

YOU'VE GOTTA SEE THIS.
THIS IS MY OLDER SISTER,
BERNICE.

THE ONE THAT GOT MARRIED
AT 17. AND THAT'S SAM
AND THE SEVEN CHILDREN.

YES. PRETTY.
SEVEN !

TOO MANY ?
I DIDN'T SAY THAT.

NOT ENOUGH ?
NO, I DIDN'T SAY
ANYTHING--

YOU DON'T LIKE CHILDREN.
ACTUALLY, I COME FROM A
RATHER LARGE FAMILY MYSELF.

I KNOW. SIX.

HOW'D YOU KNOW THAT ?

SMITTY HAD YOUR PERSONNEL FILE
OUT, AND, UH, SHE WAS JUST
CHECKING OFF A FEW--

MAYBE WE BETTER ORDER.
HUH ?

MAYBE WE BETTER ORDER.

OKAY.

ACTUALLY, IT'S INCUMBENT
ON BIG CORPORATIONS TO FIND
BRIGHT, YOUNG MEN.

I SUPPOSE YOU'RE RIGHT.
BUT IT'S VERY DIFFICULT,
BECAUSE ONCE--

HOW DO YOU LIKE
THOSE VEGETABLES ?
WELL, IT'S DELICIOUS.

I DO MY CARROTS IN A BOUILLON
WITH JUST A DOLLOP
OF WORCESTERSHIRE.

DOLLOP ?
JUST GREAT. I WOULD REALLY
LOVE YOU TO HAVE IT SOMETIME.

WHAT WAS I TALKING ABOUT ?
BEFORE THE DOLLOP.

YOU TAKE THE AVERAGE YOUNG
PERSON TODAY. THE TROUBLE
IS THEY'RE LOOKING FOR...

INSTANT POETRY,
INSTANT PSYCHOANALYSIS,
INSTANT MASHED POTATOES...

AND INSTANT
OLD-FASHIONED LOVE.

I MEAN, THEY DON'T REALIZE
THAT IT TAKES--

TAKES, UH, TIME TO ESTABLISH
A MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIP.

DON'T YOU AGREE ?
WELL, NO. I AGREE WITH
SOME OF THAT, ROSEMARY.

BUT IN THE WORLD OF BUSINESS,
I-- I SEE NO REASON...

WHY A PERSON HAS TO WAIT YEARS
TO BECOME A SUCCESS.

I DON'T KNOW. IN THE WORLD
OF BUSINESS WHERE OLDER
AND MORE SOPHISTICATED--

WHAT'S THE MATTER ?
THIS IS WHERE I LIVE.

OH !
I'VE GOT MY KEY
IN HERE SOMEPLACE.

HERE YOU GO.

THERE.
THANK YOU.

OH, YOU BETTER GIVE ME THOSE.
THAT HAS THE KEY TO MY DESK,
AND I LOST IT TWICE...

...IN THE LAST--
OH, HERE, HERE.
LET ME. LET ME GET THOSE.

THANK YOU. I LOVE TO CURL UP
IN BED WITH A GOOD MAGAZINE.
DON'T YOU ?

ROSEMARY, THIS IS
THE DARNDEST THING !

YOU'RE THE FIRST GIRL
THAT I'VE MET THAT I--
THAT I FEEL I CAN TRUST.

ANYONE WHO CAN CURL UP IN BED
WITHFORTUNEANDBUSINESS WEEK--

WELL, THAT'S SUBSTANCE.
THANK YOU.

LISTEN, I WANNA--
HERE. I WANNA THANK YOU
FOR A VERY STIMULATING EVENING.

I DON'T KNOW. I'VE BEEN
ENJOYING MYSELF SO MUCH THAT
I FORGOT THAT I WAS DEPRESSED.

DEPRESSED ABOUT WHAT ?
I'VE BEEN WORKING SO HARD,
TRYING TO DO MY BEST,

AND I DON'T EVEN HAVE
MY OWN OFFICE YET.

[ Chuckles ]
YOU'VE ONLY BEEN
WORKING THERE TWO DAYS.

YES, BUT...

I FEEL I'M NEVER
GONNA GET ANY PLACE.

SOME MEN SPEND YEARS TRYING
TO ACCOMPLISH WHAT YOU'VE
JUST DONE IN TWO DAYS.

YES, BUT I'M 27 YEARS OLD,

AND I'M ONLY
A JUNIOR EXECUTIVE.

I'M NOT GETTING ANY YOUNGER.
YOU'VE GOT A WONDERFUL CAREER
AHEAD OF YOU.

[ Moans ]
OH, NO.

I'VE LOST THE VISION.

WELL, I HAVEN'T.
NOW, YOU LISTEN TO ME,

J. PIERREPONT FINCH.

?? YOU HAVE ??

?? THE COOL ??

?? CLEAR EYES ??

?? OF A SEEKER
OF WISDOM AND TRUTH ??

?? YET THERE'S
THAT UPTURNED CHIN ??

?? AND THE GRIN
OF IMPETUOUS YOUTH ??

?? OH, I BELIEVE IN YOU ??

?? I BELIEVE IN YOU ??

?? I HEAR THE SOUND ??

?? OF GOOD SOLID JUDGEMENT ??

?? WHENEVER YOU TALK ??

?? YET THERE'S
THE BOLD, BRAVE ??

?? SPRING OF A TIGER
THAT QUICKENS YOUR WALK ??

?? OH, I BELIEVE IN YOU ??

?? I BELIEVE IN YOU ??

?? AND WHEN MY FAITH
IN MY FELLOW MAN ??

?? ALL BUT FALLS APART ??

?? I'VE BUT TO FEEL YOUR HAND
GRASPING MINE ??

?? AND I TAKE HEART ??

?? I TAKE HEART ??

?? TO SEE ??

?? THE COOL, CLEAR EYES ??

?? OF A SEEKER
OF WISDOM AND TRUTH ??

?? YET WITH
THE SLAM-BANG TANG ??

?? REMINISCENT
OF GIN AND VERMOUTH ??

?? OH, I BELIEVE IN YOU ??

?? I BELIEVE IN YOU ????

ROSEMARY.
YES ?

YOU'VE GIVEN ME
A GREAT IDEA.

GOOD NIGHT, ROSEMARY.
I'LL SEE YOU MONDAY
AT THE OFFICE.

[ Door Closes ]
UH, GOOD NIGHT.

[ Elevator Bell Dings ]

[ Snoring ]

GOOD MORNING !

OH. OH, MY GOSH.

IS IT MORNING ALREADY, SIR ?
GOOD HEAVENS, HAVE YOU
BEEN WORKING ALL NIGHT ?

YES. I-- I JUST, UH--
I HAD SOME WORK
I HAD TO FINISH UP.

I SHOULDN'T BE HERE
MUCH LONGER, SIR.

BY GEORGE,
YOUR NAME ESCAPES ME.
FINCH. F-I-N-C-H.

OH, YES. I'VE BEEN
HEARING GOOD THINGS ABOUT YOU
FROM MY SCOUTS.

OH, THANK YOU VERY MUCH, SIR.
GOOD TO SEE A MAN CARRYING
A BALL. MAKES ME FEEL GUILTY.

I JUST CAME IN TO PICK UP
MY GOLF CLUBS. HAVE TO PLAY
WITH OLD WALLY WOMPER.

HE'S CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD,
YOU KNOW.
I SUPPOSE WE ALL...

HAVE TO DO THAT SORT OF THING
ONCE IN A WHILE.

I'LL JUST GET THOSE CLUBS.
RIGHT, SIR.

???? [ Humming ]

???? [ Continues ]

WHAT'S THAT YOU'RE HUMMING ?
HMM ?

I-- I DIDN'T REALIZE
THAT I WAS HUMMING, SIR.

YOU WERE HUMMING
THE OLD IVY FIGHT SONG.

DID YOU GO THERE ?
WERE YOU A GROUNDHOG ?
OH, WELL--

SAY IT. OUT WITH IT !
YOU'RE NOT ASHAMED OF OLD IVY,
ARE YOU ?

NO, SIR !
NOT A BIT !
THAT'S THE GROUNDHOG SPIRIT.

I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN
YOU WERE OLD IVY !
WHAT YEAR ?

WHAT ? UH--
WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE ?

OH, I'M SORRY, SIR.
I-- I WAS THINKING
ABOUT THE BIG GAME TODAY.

I'M SORRY I HAVE TO MISS IT,
BUT, UH-- WE'RE PLAYING
THE CHIPMUNKS.

YES. I CAN'T MAKE IT EITHER.
I HOPE THOSE DAMNED CHIPMUNKS
DON'T GIVE US TOO MUCH TROUBLE.

NO, I THINK WE'LL TAKE 'EM,
SIR. CHARNOWSKY'S KNEE,
YOU KNOW, IS--

IT'S MUCH BETTER.
YES, WITH CHARNOWSKY BACK, THE
TEAM'S MORALE SHOULD PICK UP.

HE'S THE DIRTIEST PLAYER
WE'VE GOT.

YES. AND EVEN THOUGH WE'RE
NOT THERE IN PERSON, WELL,

WE'LL BE ROOTING
FOR 'EM, RIGHT ?
RIGHT !

GROUNDHOG.
GROUNDHOG.

?? STAND, OLD IVY ??

?? STAND FIRM AND STRONG ??

?? GRAND OLD IVY ??

?? HEAR THE CHEERING THRONG ??

?? STAND, OLD IVY ??

?? AND NEVER YIELD ??

?? RIP, RIP, RIP ??

?? THE CHIPMUNK OFF THE FIELD ??

?? WHEN YOU FALL
ON THE BALL ??

?? WHEN YOU'RE DOWN THERE
AT THE BOTTOM OF THE HEAP ??
?? THE BOTTOM OF THE HEAP ??

?? WHERE THE MUD IS, OH
SO VERY, VERY DEEP ??
?? THE CRUDDY, MUDDY DEEP ??

?? DON'T FORGET, BOYS
THAT'S WHY THEY CALL US ??

?? THEY CALL US GROUNDHOG
GROUNDHOG ??

??
?? STAND, OLD IVY ??
?? GROUNDHOG, GROUNDHOG

?? STAND FIRM AND STRONG ??
?? RIP, RIP THE CHIPMUNK ??

?? GRAND OLD IVY ??

??
?? HEAR THE CHEERING THRONG

?? STAND, OLD IVY ??
?? GROUNDHOG, GROUNDHOG ??

?? GOD BLESS YOU ??
?? AND NEVER YIELD ??

?? RIP, RIP
RIP THE CHIPMUNK ??

?? OFF THE FIELD ????

OH !

OH, I--
I ENJOYED THAT, SIR.

SO DID I.
I'LL GO ALONG AND GET MY CLUBS.
OH, YES. YES, SIR.

GOOD-BYE, FINCH.
HAVE A NICE DAY, SIR.

[ Softly ]
TWENTY-FIVE, TWENTY-SIX,
TWENTY-SEVEN,

TWENTY-EIGHT--
WHAT'S THAT
YOU'RE DOING ?

I'M SORRY, SIR.
I JUST WANT TO,
YOU KNOW, FINISH THIS ROW.

I GUESS THIS LOOKS
PRETTY SILLY, BUT,

WELL, I FIND THAT
KNITTING HELPS ME
THINK MORE CLEARLY.

WELL, I'LL BE DAMNED !
YES ?

[ Softly ]
TWENTY-NINE, THIRTY.

I KNIT TOO !
YOU KNIT ?
YOU DO ?

YES, I'VE BEEN
DOING IT FOR YEARS.
I FIND IT'S GOOD FOR MY NERVES.

WHAT'S THIS GOING TO BE ?
OH, YES.
WELL, I THOUGHT I'D--

UH, WHAT'S IT--
WELL, I THOUGHT I'D
MAKE A, UH--

[ Stuttering ]
A BIRDCAGE COVER.

A BIRDCAGE COVER ?
YES, BIRDCAGE COVER.

NEVER MADE ONE OF THOSE,
BUT HOW DO YOU LIKE THIS ?
OH, MY GOODNESS.

THAT IS GORGEOUS.
REALLY IS BEAUTIFUL.
DID IT ALL MYSELF !

MADE THE COVERS
FOR THE GOLF CLUBS.
POM-POM STITCH !

WHAT WORK.
THAT'S LOVELY.

OH, GOSH.
YOU KNOW, MR. BIGGLEY,
I DON'T--

YOU KNOW, AH--
I FEEL SORRY
FOR MEN WHO DON'T KNIT.

THEY LEAD EMPTY LIVES.

I LIKE THE WAY
YOU THINK, FINK.

[ Sighs ]
NO, IT'S,
"THINK, FINCH."

THINK FINCH, THINK FINCH.
WHERE ARE YOU HEADED FOR ?

WHAT'S YOUR AMBITION
IN THIS OUTFIT ?

SMART FELLOW LIKE YOU
MUST HAVE IT ALL FIGURED OUT.
SIR, I DON'T KNOW.

I'D LIKE TO BE
WHERE A MAN COULD GET
HIS TEETH INTO SOMETHING.

WHERE HE COULD, UH--
DO SOMETHING REAL,
SOLID, YOU KNOW--

DOWN-TO-EARTH.
I'D LIKE THE, UH,
ADVERTISING DEPARTMENT.

YES !
ADVERTISING ?
WOULDN'T DO FOR
AN OLD SCHOOLMATE OF MINE.

TOO ROUGH, TOO INSECURE.
OH.

WHY, WE'VE HAD 15
NEW ADVERTISING MANAGERS
HERE IN THE PAST YEAR ALONE.

THE POOR DEVILS DISAPPEAR
AT THE RATE OF ONE A MONTH.
WHY IS THAT ?

I FIRE 'EM.
BUT, SIR--

IF YOU HAD A MAN
WITH IDEAS--
IDEAS ?
THAT'S WHAT I LOOK FOR.

I KEEP HIRING A LOT
OF FELLOWS WHO ARE SUPPOSED
TO HAVE BRILLIANT IDEAS,

BUT NOT ONE OF THEM
WILL EVER DO WHAT I TELL HIM.

NO, SON, YOU STICK
TO WHAT YOU ARE DOING.

DAMN FINE DEPARTMENT !
BY THE WAY, WHERE ARE YOU ?
WHERE AM I ?

I'M-- WHERE AM I ?
I'M-- WHAT IS-- IT'S
MR. GATCH'S DEPARTMENT !

DAMN FINE MAN, GATCH.
STICK WITH HIM, AND
I'LL KEEP AN EYE ON YOU.

THANK YOU, SIR.
HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY
ON THE LINKS, ALL RIGHT ?

I HAVE TO FINISH THIS
WORK BEFORE MIDNIGHT.
MIDNIGHT ?

THAT'S THE GROUNDHOG SPIRIT !

?? GROUNDHOG ??
?? GROUNDHOG ??

?? STAND, OLD IVY ??

?? AND NEVER YIELD ??

?? RIP, RIP, RIP ??

?? THE CHIPMUNK
OFF THE FIELD ????

GOOD MORNING, SIR.
GOOD MORNING, YOUNG MAN.
HOW DO YOU FEEL ?

WELL, A LITTLE FUZZY.
BUT DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME.
I'LL BE FINE.

KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.
WELL, THANK YOU.

?? STAND, OLD IVY
STAND FIRM AND STRONG ??

???? [ Continues ]
WHY DON'T WE HAVE
LUNCH SOME DAY, FINCH ?

?? OFF THE FIELD ????

GOOD MORNING, J.B.
DAMN IT, BRATT. WHAT ARE WE
RUNNING HERE, A SWEATSHOP ?

A SWEATSHOP ?
WE'RE WORKING
THAT BOY TOO HARD.

WHO ?
WHO ? FINCH.
F-I-N-C-H.

OH, FINCH. I HAD NO--
POOR DEVIL WORKED
HERE ALL WEEKEND.

ALL WEEKEND ?
I OUGHT TO KNOW.
I WAS WITH HIM,

WORKING SIDE BY SIDE !

I HAD NO IDEA, SI--
THE LAD NEEDS HELP.
AND FIRST OF ALL,

I WANT HIM TO HAVE
AN OFFICE OF HIS OWN.
AN OFFICE, SIR ?

HE DESERVES THE BEST
YOU HAVE AVAILABLE.
I'LL GET ON IT RIGHT AWAY.

BUT NOTHING FANCY.
DON'T WANT HIM GETTING IDEAS.
NO, NO.

[ Executives Chattering ]

SO LONG, FELLAS.
I'LL NEVER FORGET THIS
JUNIOR EXECUTIVE POOL.

I'VE SPENT SOME
OF THE HAPPIEST MINUTES
IN MY LIFE HERE.

[ Junior Executives Grumbling ]

WHERE'S MR. FINCH ?

PONTY, YOU'VE GOT
YOUR FIRST OFFICE, AND--

AND-- AND
IT'S JUST BEAUTIFUL !

OH, THANK YOU.
[ Giggling ]
HERE !

OH, THAT'S SWEET.
HERE. OH, PLEASE. PLEASE.

SIT. SIT.
[ Chuckles ]
WELL, THANK YOU.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ?
I MEAN IT'S-- IT'S--

IT'S NOT BAD CONSIDERING.
I DID WANT MY NAME
ON THE OFFICE DOOR,

BUT I DECIDED NOT TO ASK,
'CAUSE THERE'S NO DOOR.

[ Laughing ]
WELL, IT'S BEAUTIFUL,
AND IT'S YOURS.

OH, YES.
LISTEN, PONTY, I JUST CAME BY
TO TELL YOU THAT...

I HAD A REAL GOOD TIME
THE OTHER NIGHT.

OH, ME TOO.
LISTEN, I--
[ Chuckles ]

I ENJOYED
THE CONVERSATION.

I GUESS
I TALK TOO MUCH.
WELL, I LIKED IT.

BUT JUST ONE THING,
PONTY, SORT OF BOTHERS ME.
WHAT ?

ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED LATER.
I MEAN, YOU KNOW,
WHEN WE SAID GOOD NIGHT.

I KNOW IT WAS OUR FIRST DATE,
AND I DON'T WANT YOU TO GET
THE WRONG IMPRESSION,

BUT WELL,

I GUESS IT'S ONLY NATURAL
FOR A FELLA TO TRY TO GET
A LITTLE FRESH WITH A GIRL...

AND MAKE A PASS AT HER.

BUT YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING !

[ Clears Throat,
Sighs ]

WELL, I HAD
TO GET UP EARLY--

SIR, UH, MISS--

I'M MISS LaRUE, HONEY.

YES, WELL, I DON'T, UH--
WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU ?

A SECRETARY WAS ORDERED
TO BE ASSIGNED TO YOU.

I'M YOUR ASSIGNATION.

[ Moans ]
YOU DIDN'T TELL ME
YOU WERE GETTING A SECRETARY.

I JUST FOUND OUT MYSELF.
I DON'T KNOW--

- ROSE--
- WELL, HAPPY DICTATION,
PONTY.

BYE.

ROSE--
[ Chuckles Uneasily ]

OH.
[ Clears Throat ]

UM--
[ Coughs ]

UM--
[ Sighs ]

I DON'T KNOW.
OH.

W-WON'T YOU SIT DOWN,
MISS LaRUE ?

THANK YOU.
YES.

YES, NOW--
[ Coughing ]
MISS LaRUE--

OH, JUST CALL ME HEDY.
WELL, YES, BUT I THINK
THAT PERHAPS, YOU KNOW,

IN A BUSINESS
RELATIONSHIP--
YOU'RE CUTE.

EXCUSE ME A MOMENT.

[ Author's Voice ]
CHOOSING A SECRETARY CAN BE
FRAUGHT WITH PERIL.

TAKE A GOOD LOOK
AT THE YOUNG LADY WHO
HAS BEEN ASSIGNED TO YOU.

IF SHE IS SO ATTRACTIVE
THAT YOU FEEL THINGS
ARE TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE,

BE VERY CAREFUL.

IT MAY BE THAT ONE OF
THE BIG MEN IN THE COMPANY
IS INTERESTED IN HER CAREER.

THERE'S A SIMPLE TEST FOR THIS:
CHECK ON HER SECRETARIAL SKILL.

THE SMALLER HER ABILITIES,
THE BIGGER HER PROTECTOR.

[ Sighs ]
YES.

UH, MISS LaRUE,
LET'S TRY SOME DICTATION.
TAKE A LETTER FOR ME.

SHOOT.
YES, UH, THIS IS
TO MR. GATCH.

UH, "DEAR...
MISTER... GATCH.

UM--

[ Pencil Scratching ]

[ Scratching
Continues ]

"PURSUANT...

TO OUR DISCUSSION OF--"
WAIT A MINUTE. YOU TRYING
TO CATCH A TRAIN ?

MISS LA-- HEDY.
WHAT--

WHAT ARE YOU TAKING
THIS DOWN IN ?

LONGHAND. IT'S SAFER.
I MAKE UP FOR IT
WHEN I TYPE.

OH, I SEE.
OH, YOU TYPE FAST, HUH ?
LIKE A JACKRABBIT.

TWELVE WORDS A MINUTE.

MISS LaRUE. HEDY.
TELL ME SOMETHING.
I'D LIKE TO KNOW.

WHAT-- NOW-- WHAT--

WAS YOUR LAST...
POSITION ?

HMM ?

I WAS IN THE TOBACCO BUSINESS.
IN THE TOBACCO BUSINESS.

- BUT THEN MR. BIGGLEY...
- MR. BIGGLEY ?

WAS INTERESTED IN WICKETS,
SO I MATRICULATED MYSELF
INTO BUSINESS SCHOOLING.

WELL, HERE I AM.
OH, YES, YOU ARE.
YES, YES.

GO AHEAD, DICTATE SOME MORE,
I'M GONNA LIKE THIS JAZZ.
MISS LaRUE. HEDY.

LOOK, PUT THE LETTER
ASIDE FOR A MOMENT.
I WANT YOU TO DO ME A FAVOR.

I HAVE A VERY IMPORTANT
JOB FOR YOU NOW.
OH, GOOD !

I WANT YOU TO TAKE THIS
IN TO MR. GATCH.

MR. GATCH.
NOW, MR. GATCH,
HE'S MY BOSS.

Y-YEAH.
WAIT A MINUTE.
I WANT YOU TO GIVE IT...

TO MR. GATCH HIMSELF,
ALL RIGHT, HEDY ?

DID YOU GET THAT ?
FINE.

H-HEDY !

- [ Chuckling ]
PERSONALLY.
- OKAY, CHARLIE.

MR. GATCH.
I'M MR. FINCH'S SECRETARY.

HE ASKED ME TO GIVE YOU...

THIS.

[ Stuttering ]
MISS ! MISS !
MISS, UH--

WHAT ARE YOU
DOING TONIGHT ?
I'VE GOT
A DATE WITH MY GENTLEMAN FRIEND.

OH, COME ON. YOU'RE
IN THE BIG TIME NOW.

DON'T FOOL AROUND
WITH SMALL FRY.

-[ Telephone Ringing ]
- HELLO, MR. FINCH'S OFFICE.

IT'S THE
PRODUCTION DEPARTMENT.
OH.

HELLO. FINCH.
N-NO, NO.

I'M RUNNING EXECUTIVE
PERSONNEL PLACEMENT
DEPARTMENT NOW.

OH, Y-YOU WANT TO SPEAK
TO MR. GATCH ?

WELL, UH--
NO, HE'S BEEN TRANSFERRED...

TO ONE OF OUR--
OUR OUT-OF-TOWN OFFICES.

VENEZUELA.

[ Author's Voice ]
VERY WELL. IT IS TIME TO LOOK
TO YOUR NEXT STEP UP THE LADDER.

THIS IS AN IMPORTANT STEP.

WEIGH CAREFULLY
THE NEXT POSITION
YOU WANT TO OBTAIN.

MISS KRUMHOLTZ,
TAKE A MEMO FOR ME,
PLEASE.

YES, I WAS JUST
STRAIGHTENING UP YOUR DESK.
THAT'LL WAIT.

THIS IS AN INTEROFFICE
MEMO TO ALL DEPARTMENTS:
"WE ARE REASSIGNING...

"MR. J. PIERREPONT FINCH
TO THE WORLD WIDE WICKET
ADVERTISING DEPARTMENT.

SIGNED, UH, MANAGER,
EXECUTIVE PERSONNEL
PLACEMENT."

WHO THE HELL PUT THROUGH
THIS ASSIGNMENT ?
I DIDN'T ORDER ANY HELP.

WHO ARE YOU, ANYWAY ?
WELL, UH, FINCH, SIR.
J. PIERREPONT FINCH.

IAM THE ONE WHO DECIDES
IF THIS DEPARTMENT NEEDS
REPLACEMENT PERSONNEL.

AND IF I NEED THEM,
I PICK THEM. ME. PERSONALLY.

SOME SILLY BOOB
SENDS THROUGH A DAMN MEMO
AND JUST DUMPS YOU IN MY LAP.

WELL, NO, THANK YOU !
WATCH IT !
EXCUSE ME.

HI, ROSEMARY.
WHAT ARE YOU PLAYING,
MUSICAL OFFICES ?

LISTEN, I CAN'T EXPLAIN NOW,
BUT I WON'T BE ABLE TO HAVE
LUNCH WITH YOU TODAY.

- FINCH !
ARE YOU LISTENING ?
- YES, SIR, MR. OVINGTON.

I HEARD EVERY WORD, SIR.
WHO THE HELL TRANSFERRED
YOU INTO THIS DEPARTMENT ?

WELL, IT WAS THE MANAGER OF
EXECUTIVE PERSONNEL PLACEMENT.

WHO IS HE ?
WHAT'S HIS NAME ?
NO ! HE--

SIR, HE'S NOT THERE ANYMORE.
HE'S BEEN, UH-- [ Whistles ]
TRANSFERRED TO--

DAMN SYSTEM.
[ Slamming Down Phone ]

DAMN
CORPORATE PROCEDURES.
I AGREE WITH YOU, MR. OVINGTON.

WHY, IT'S CRIMINAL
THE WAY THEY SHIFT PERSONNEL
WITHOUT CHECKING.

BUT I JUST WANTED TO SAY
SINCE THEY HAVE MADE THIS--
THIS DREADFUL REASSIGNMENT,

I PROMISE YOU I'LL--
I PROMISE.
I'LL DO MY BEST...

TO MAKE YOU HAPPY
WITH ME, SIR.

[ Snoring ]

[ Snoring Continues ]

OH, REALLY.
[ Laughs ]

[ Man ] ...PLANNED SO THAT
IT WILL TAKE IN ALL COUNTRIES
IN EUROPE AND THE NEAR EAST.

[ Man Continues,
Indistinct ]

HEDY ?
PERSONALLY.

OKAY, CHARLIE.
[ Chuckles ]

HELLO THERE.
WHO SENT YOU WITH THIS ?

WHAT HAPPENED ?
HE WANTS TO SEE YOU.
PERSONALLY.

[ Coughs ]
SIT DOWN, FINCH.

OH. THANK YOU, SIR.

YES ?
FINCH, I'VE BEEN WATCHING YOU
FOR THESE LAST TWO DAYS.

OH, WELL--
WOULD YOU LIKE TO KNOW
MY APPRAISAL OF YOU ?

WELL, YES, I WOULD, SIR.
FINCH, YOU REMIND ME OF MYSELF
WHEN I WAS A YOUNG MAN.

WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
SO BEFORE YOU TRY
TO TAKE OVER MY JOB,

I'M FIRING YOU.

- FIRING ME ?
- I'VE PUT THE PAPERS THROUGH
AND NOTIFIED PERSONNEL.

YOU'LL GET THE NORMAL
TWO WEEKS SEVERANCE PAY.
OH, AND THE PARTY.

I'VE SCHEDULED YOUR FAREWELL
PARTY FOR TOMORROW AFTERNOON
ON THE ROOFTOP GARDEN.

WELL, I BELIEVE
THAT'S EVERYTHING, FINCH.

YOU MAY SPEND THE REST
OF THE AFTERNOON CLEANING OUT
YOUR PERSONAL BELONGINGS.

GOOD-BYE, FINCH.

[ Mumbles ]

UH, DON'T YOU FEEL--
GOOD-BYE.

FINCH.

PONTY, I'M TERRIBLY SORRY.
I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

[ Stammering ]
HE JUST FIRED ME.
JUST LIKE THAT.

EVERYONE IS JUST SHOCKED.
ABSOLUTELY STUNNED.

YOU WERE ADVANCING SO NICELY.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.

DO YOU KNOW, HE WAS SO
DISPASSIONATE AND COLD.
HE'S-- OH.

HE'S THE ONLY ONE
THAT I COULD NEVER
GET AN ANGLE ON.

LOOK. LOOK, YOU'RE
HIS SECRETARY.
YOU MUST KNOW...

ONE WEAKNESS THAT HE
HAS, SOME LITTLE ANGLE
THAT I COULD WORK ON.

PONTY, I SWEAR TO YOU,
WE HARDLY KNOW HIM.

NO ONE KNOWS
ANYTHING ABOUT HIM.
HE'S THE COMPANY MYSTERY MAN.

BUT, HEY, WHAT ABOUT
HIS PERSONAL PHONE CALLS ?

NO, NO, NO.
HE HAS A PRIVATE TELEPHONE
HE KEEPS LOCKED UP IN A CABINET,

AND HIS PERSONAL PHONE CALLS
NEVER GO THROUGH ME
OR THE SWITCHBOARD.

PONTY, YOU'D HAVE TO BE
A FLY ON THE WINDOWSILL
TO LEARN ANYTHING ABOUT HIM.

BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT I'D DO ANYTHING
IN THE WORLD TO HELP.

SAY THAT AGAIN.

I SAID I'D DO
ANYTHING IN THE WORLD
TO HELP YOU.

NO, BEFORE THAT.
WHAT DID YOU SAY ?
I SAID,

[ Speaking Together ]
"YOU'D HAVE TO BE A FLY
ON HIS WINDOWSILL."

YEAH.

IT SHOULD BE DE-ACCENTUATED.
I AM VERY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU.

HE MISSED
THE WHOLE POINT.
HE ALWAYS DOES.

HERE'S A NEW APPROACH
TO WHAT WE'VE BEEN SAYING.
WELL, THAT IS MORE--

[ Phone Ringing ]
OH, GENTLEMEN, WOULD YOU LEAVE
ME ALONE FOR A FEW MOMENTS ?

[ Chattering ]

[ Man ]
WE'LL BE OUTSIDE, BURTON,
IF YOU NEED US.

[ Door Closing ]
[ Phone Continues Ringing ]

[ Ringing Continues ]

- HELLO ? YES ?
-[ Voice On Phone,
Indistinct ]

-BEEN WAITING FOR YOUR CALL.
YES, TONIGHT.
- [ Indistinct ]

I'LL SEE YOU
RIGHT AFTER WORK.
TOODLE-OO.

[ Party Horns Squealing ]

HAPPY REUNION.

[ Chattering, Laughing ]

[ Horn Blasting ]
[ Cheering, Applauding ]

ALL TOGETHER NOW !

?? CHIPMUNKS, CHIPMUNKS
RAH-RAH-RAH ??

?? CHIPMUNKS, CHIPMUNKS
SIS-BOOM-BAH ??

?? CHIP, MUNK, MUNK
CHIPMUNK, CHIPMUNK ????

OVINGTON, I'M NOT A BIGOT.
I'VE HIRED MEN
FROM ALL COLLEGES.

TIGERS, BULLDOGS, TROJANS,
BEARS, GOPHERS, BADGERS,

BUT NEVER,
NEVER A CHIPMUNK !

YOU MAY CALL THE SHOTS
AROUND HERE, BIGGLEY.

BUT THE IMPORTANT THING IS,
WE CHIPMUNKS MURDERED
YOU GROUNDHOGS....

IN LAST SATURDAY'S BIG GAME.
[ Laughing ]

- EASY. EASY, J.B. !
-GET HIM OUT OF HERE !

?? CHIPMUNK, RAH, CHIPMUNK, RAH
CHIP, CHIP, CHIP, CHIP
CHIPMUNK ????

[ Blustering ]
IT'S ALL RIGHT. TAKE IT EASY.
TAKE IT EASY, J.B.

THAT WAS A NARROW SQUEAK.
IMAGINE, A DAMN CHIPMUNK
WORKING HERE IN THE BUILDING.

IT WAS A BIG SHOCK TO ME,
SIR, WHEN I FOUND OUT.
I KNOW THAT.

FINCH, IT'S A GOOD THING
YOU'RE ON THE BALL WHEN
IT COMES TO ADVERTISING.

WHAT ARE WE
GONNA DO FOR A NEW
ADVERTISING MANAGER ?

FINCH, IT COULD BE FATE
THAT YOU DISCOVERED THIS
BEFORE OVINGTON FIRED YOU.

WHY, SIR ?
YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED
THIS ROTTEN JOB.

YOU THINK
YOU CAN HANDLE IT ?
WELL, I-- I DON'T KNOW, SIR.

I'VE NEVER HAD--
IF THERE'S ONE THING I ADMIRE
IN A MAN, IT IS HUMILITY !

UM, WELL, HMM.

FINCH, I'M MAKING YOU
VICE PRESIDENT IN CHARGE
OF ADVERTISING.

VICE PRESIDENT ?
EASY, J.B. I DON'T WANT
TO QUESTION YOUR DECISION.

FINCH IS BRIGHT,
BUT HE'S HAD NO EXPERIENCE--

[ Shouting ]
I LIKE HIM !
I LIKE HIM !

[ Together ]
WE LIKE HIM !

LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN.
THE FAREWELL PARTY'S READY,
J.B.

UP ON THE ROOF, EVERYBODY.
HURRY, BEFORE THE ICE MELTS.
[ Smooching Sound ]

SEE YOU UP THERE, PONTY.
[ Laughing ]

???? [ Big Band ]

BRATT,
WHY IS FINCH SMILING ?

HAVEN'T YOU HEARD THE NEWS ?
OH, NO.
I DON'T WANNA HEAR.

ALL RIGHT, THE HELL WITH YOU.
OVINGTON'S OUT.
FINCH IS IN.

OH, I KNEW I DIDN'T
WANT TO HEAR. I KNEW
I DIDN'T WANT TO HEAR !

BOYS AND GIRLS,
YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE.

MOST OF YOU KNOW
THAT THIS WAS TO HAVE BEEN
A FAREWELL PARTY FOR MR. FINCH.

BUT I'M HAPPY TO INFORM YOU
THAT MR. FINCH IS STILL WITH US.

NOT ONLY STILL WITH US,
BUT HE IS THE NEW VICE PRESIDENT
IN CHARGE OF ADVERTISING.

LET THE FUN
AND MERRIMENT CONTINUE.
ON WITH THE DANCE !

I TOLD YA.
THAT'S MY BOY.

WHO WANTS TO DANCE
WITH HEDY LaRUE ?

I DON'T THINK SHE'S FEELING
TOO WELL. HAVE BUD TAKE
HER HOME IN THE COMPANY CAR.

HEY, BUDDY-BUD.
LET'S DANCE.

NO, NO, NO,
HEDY, NO.

J.B. SAYS YOU'RE
TO TAKE MISS LaRUE HOME.
WHY ?

"SHE DOESN'T FEEL WELL."
MM-HMM.

OKAY, COME ON, HEDY.
COME ON.
I FEEL FINE !

- NO, YOU FEEL TERRIBLE.
- FINCH !

HOW DOES IT FEEL
TO BE A VICE PRESIDENT ?

WELL, SIR, I FEEL IT'S ONE
OF THE BIGGEST CHALLENGES
I'VE EVER HAD IN MY CAREER.

I THINK WE'VE HIT
ON SOMETHING HERE, BRATT.
THIS BOY IS LOADED WITH IDEAS.

- IDEAS ?
TELL US ABOUT THEM, FINCH.
-WHAT HAVE YOU GOT, FINCH ?

[ Man ]
YES, LET'S HEAR YOUR IDEAS.
YEAH, SPEAK UP, SON.

WHERE ARE THOSE IDEAS ?
PUT UP OR SHUT UP, SON.

GET ON THE BALL OR YOU'RE
OUT OF HERE LIKE A SHOT !

WELL, UH, WHEN I PRESENT
MY IDEAS TO YOU, SIR,

I WANT TO PRESENT A WHOLE,
CLEAR-CUT CAMPAIGN.

NOT JUST ONE LITTLE
SILLY LITTLE IDEA, SIR.

AHA, WELL
THOUGHT OUT, FINCH.
SAY, J.B.

THE BOARD MEETING IS SET
FOR NEXT MONDAY.

- FINCH COULD PRESENT
HIS WHOLE CLEAR-CUT CAMPAIGN.
- BY MONDAY ?

FINCH, I'LL GIVE YOU
48 HOURS TO COME UP WITH
YOUR ADVERTISING PRESENTATION.

BETTER GET GOING, FINCH.
YOU ARE NOW VICE PRESIDENT
IN FULL CHARGE OF ADVERTISING.

FRANKLY, UP TO NOW,
I'M PRETTY DISSATISFIED
WITH YOUR WORK.

[ Executives Chuckling ]

[ Elevator Dings ]
OOH ! OOH,
I LOVE THIS FLOOR !

HEDY, NO, IT'S
THE WRONG FLOOR.

NOW, LOOK WHAT YOU DID.
CATCH ME IF YOU CAN.

[ Chattering ]
I DON'T THINK THIS
IS VERY FUNNY.

THERE IS A CAB WAITING
DOWNSTAIRS.

OOH, LOOK, A TELEPHONE.
UPSY-DAISY !

HELLO, I'D LIKE
A DOUBLE MARTINI, PLEASE.

WITH TWO OLIV--
J.B. SAYS
YOU HAVE TO GO HOME.

[ Hangs Up Receiver ]
NO, NO, NO.
I'M NOT GOING HOME.

I'M GOING
TO J.B.'S OFFICE, BECAUSE
HE HAS A PRIVATE SHOWER,

AND I'LL TAKE
A NICE, COOL SHOWER
AND THEN I'LL FEEL FINE,

AND I'LL COME BACK
TO THE PARTY.

CHA-CHA-CHA !
[ Laughs ]
A SHOWER.

A SHOWER !
YEAH, UH, HEY, WHY DON'T
YOU DO THAT, HEDY ?

YOU GO TAKE A NICE SHOWER
IN J.B.'S OFFICE, HUH ?

OH, THANKS, BUDDY-BUD.
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE CUTE.
[ Chuckles ]

NOT AS CUTE AS FINCH,
[ Clicks Tongue ]
BUT YOU'RE CUTE !

CHA-CHA-CHA !
[ Chuckles ]

?? CHA, CHA, CHA-CHA-CHA ??

THAT'S THE MOST FLAGRANT
THING I EVER HEARD.

OH, YEAH.
COME ON, GIRLS.

J.B. WANTS YOU TO GO DOWN
TO HIS OFFICE. HE'LL MEET
YOU THERE IN TWO MINUTES.

I WAS JUST WITH J.B.
WHY DON'T--
SHH !

HE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING TO--
THERE'S SOMETHING
BIG IN THE WIND.

HE DOESN'T WANT
TO TALK ABOUT IT IN FRONT
OF ALL THESE PEOPLE.

HE SAID
IT'S VERY IMPORTANT.

WELL, I'VE NEVER SEEN
J.B.'S OFFICE, ANYWAY.
[ Simpers ]

WELL, THANKS, BUD.

???? [ Cha-cha ]

[ Laughing Uncontrollably ]
SHH !

GUESS WHO ?
UH--

MR. BIGGLEY,
IS IT--
SURPRISE !

HEDY ?
WH-WHAT ?

LISTEN, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING DOWN HERE ?
OH ! I CAME DOWN...

TO TAKE A SHOWER,
BECAUSE-- [ Giggles ]
YOU--

I GOT A LITTLE DRUNKIE UP THERE.
YES, WELL, I THINK
I BETTER GET BACK THEN.

WHAT'S YOUR HURRY ?
IT IS MUCH MORE FUN DOWN HERE.

HEDY, LOOK. I THINK
I SHOULD GET BACK--
DON'T YOU WANT TO STAY WITH ME ?

J.B. IS COMING--
?? CHA-CHA-CHA ??

CHA-CHA-CHA. HEDY, PLEASE.
HE'S GONNA WALK IN THAT DOOR.

I'VE BEEN
WATCHING YOU, BUSTER.
I'M SURE YOU BEEN WA--

YOU'RE A CUTIE PIE.
YES, HEDY, LISTEN--

IF YOU WANT MY OPINION,
YOU'RE GOING PLACES.

WELL--
[ Coughs ]

YEAH, VENEZUELA.
HEDY, PLEASE, LISTEN--

WOULDN'T J.B. DIE
IF HE CAME IN AND
FOUND YOU KISSING ME ?

WELL, I'D RATHER
HE DIDN'T, HEDY.
COME ON, LET'S TRY IT.

HEDY, NO KISSES.
HE'S GONNA WALK--
YOU BETTER, FINCH.

IF YOU DON'T KISS ME,
I'LL TELL J.B. YOU DID.
HE'S GONNA WALK--

[ Sighs ]
OKAY, LOOK.
JUST ONCE, THEN.

[ Whimpering ]

MM-MM.
MM. MM.

MMM.
[ Sighs ]

?? ROSEMARY ??

HUH ?
LISTEN. LISTEN.
CAN'T YOU HEAR IT ?

?? ROSEMARY ??
ROSEMARY ?

[ Gasps ]
THAT KISS !
WHAT ABOUT THAT KISS ?

- I DON'T KNOW. ROSEMARY !
- FINCHIE, THINKING
OF TWO BROADS...

IN THE MIDDLE OF ONE KISS
IS DIRTY.

I'M SORRY, HEDY, I-I--
SOMETHING MUST HAVE HAPPENED.

I DON'T KNOW,
I CAN'T EXPLAIN !

FINCH, YOU ARE IN LOVE !

[ Laughing ]

[ Makes Popping Sound ]
YES ! YOU'RE RIGHT !

YOU'RE RIGHT.
FINCH IS IN LOVE.
IT'S THE-- IT'S--

IT'S LIKE MUSIC
ALL AROUND ME.
IT'S LIKE A SYMPHONY.

I MUST HAVE BEEN IN LOVE
WITH HER ALL ALONG !

YOU FOUND OUT YOU WERE
IN LOVE WITH ROSEMARY
BY KISSING ME ?

- YES, YES.
- "IT IS A FAR, FAR BETTER
THING I DO...

THAN I HAVE
EVER DID BEFORE."

[ Tapping Imaginary Baton ]

???? [ Orchestra ]

???? [ Cymbals Crash ]

??
?? SUDDENLY, THERE IS MUSIC

?? IN THE SOUND
OF YOUR NAME ??

?? ROSEMARY ??

?? ROSEMARY ??

?? WAS THE MELODY
LOCKED INSIDE ME ??

?? TILL AT LAST
OUT IT CAME ??

?? ROSEMARY ??

?? ROSEMARY, JUST IMAGINE ??

?? IF WE KISSED ??

?? WHAT A CRESCENDO ??

]
???? [ Piano Plays Dramatically

?? NOT TO BE MISSED ??

?? AS FOR THE REST
OF MY LIFETIME PROGRAM ??

?? GIVE ME MORE OF THE SAME ??

?? ROSEMARY ??

?? ROSEMARY ??

??
?? THERE IS WONDERFUL MUSIC

?? IN THE VERY SOUND ??

?? OF YOUR NAME ????

PONTY ?

PONTY, I HEARD BUD FRUMP
TALKING AT THE PARTY.
WHERE IS SHE ?

ROSEMARY, LISTEN.
THE MOST WONDERFUL
THING HAS HAPPENED.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ?
CAN'T YOU HEAR IT ?

I DON'T HEAR A THING.
IT'S ALL AROUND ME.
IT'S-- OH !

IT'S LIKE
A BEAUTIFUL PINK SKY.
NOW LOOK HERE, J. PIERREPONT.

HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND ?
ROSEMARY, DARLING. WILL YOU
MARRY J. PIERREPONT FINCH ?

NOW I HEAR IT.
[ Laughs ]
I HEAR IT !

OH--
GEE, I'VE BEEN SO WRAPPED UP
IN-- I DON'T KNOW.

JUST TRYING TO GET AHEAD.
I JUST NEVER REALIZED.

IT'S ALMOST AS THOUGH
I'M SEEING YOU
FOR THE FIRST TIME.

HI, ROSEMARY !

OH--

[ Chuckles ]
WELL,
WHAT'S THE MATTER ?

ROSEMARY.
DON'T LET ME KEEP YOU.
GO ON !

GO BACK TO MAKING LOVE TO HER.
KISS HER ! TAKE HER HOME
FOR THE WEEKEND !

I DON'T CARE.
ALL RIGHT,
NOW WHAT'LL I DO ?

LET'S DO WHAT SHE SAID.
[ Clicks Tongue ]

HEDY, WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP--
YOU ! GET BACK
IN THE SHOWER !

[ Both Chattering ]

GET BACK IN THERE.
I HAVE
NOTHING TO HIDE.

OH, YES, YOU HAVE,
AND YOU KEEP IT HIDDEN.

YOU SNAKE, KISS ME !
LET ME EXPLAIN.

KISS ME !
WHAT ARE
YOU TALKING ABOUT ?

[ Moans ]

I BEG YOUR PARDON.
I THOUGHT I WAS LOOKING--

BUD FRUMP SAID--
IT'S ALL MY FAULT,
MR. BIGGLEY.

I, UH--
I INSISTED THAT MR. FINCH
SHOW ME YOUR OFFICE.

I SEE.
ACTUALLY, I JUST CAME IN
TO, UH-- TO WASH UP !

OH !
EXCUSE ME !

FINCH, I GUESS
I OWE YOU AN APOLOGY.

Y-YOU DO, SIR ?
FOR WHAT ?
NEVER MIND.

I WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT I DO NOT APPROVE...

OF WHAT YOU WERE DOING
WHEN I WALKED IN.

I DON'T CARE FOR THAT BETWEEN
AN EXECUTIVE AND HIS SECRETARY.

BUT MISS PILKINGTON
WON'T BE MY SECRETARY
UNTIL MONDAY.

THAT'S A GOOD POINT !

[ Knocking ]
YOU CAN COME OUT
NOW, GIRLS.

[ Chattering ]
ROSEMARY, I WANT
TO THANK YOU SO--

[ Chattering Continues ]
I WANT TO THANK YOU
FOR--

ROSEMARY,
WHERE ARE YOU GOING ?
I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

ROSEMARY, COME HERE. LISTEN.
YOU'RE GOING TO BE MY SECRETARY.

I WOULDN'T BE YOUR SECRETARY
IF WILD HORSES DRAGGED ME.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ?

I'LL TAKE THE JOB !
HEDY, HEDY.
I WOULD LOVE THAT.

I REALLY WOULD.
BUT ROSEMARY'S GOING
TO BE MY SECRETARY.

NOW, LISTEN TO ME.
HEY.

I CAN EXPLAIN EVERYTHING
LATER ABOUT HEDY.
ABOUT EVERYTHING.

DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND ?
I'VE JUST BEEN MADE
VICE PRESIDENT.

IN CHARGE OF ADVERTISING.
NOW, YOU KNOW WHAT
A TOUGH JOB THAT IS.

HEY !
AND I CAN ONLY DO IT
IF I HAVE YOUR HELP.

ROSEMARY, I NEED YOU.

WELL, WHEN YOU
PUT IT THAT WAY--

GUESS I'LL WAIT
FOR THAT PIGEON TILL
AFTER HE'S MARRIED.

[ Door Closes ]

[ Chattering ]

SURE A LOT OF
WHISPERING GOING ON.
IT'S
THE MERCHANDISE MAFIA AT WORK.

EVER SINCE FINCH BECAME
VICE PRESIDENT, THEY'RE ALL
SCARED OUT OF THEIR WITS.

THEY CAN'T WAIT FOR HIM
TO LAY AN EGG.
[ Groans ]

WHAT TIME IS THE BIG
MEETING THIS AFTERNOON ?
4:30.

[ Author's Voice ]
SO, YOU ARE NOW
A VICE PRESIDENT.

YOU HAVE CLIMBED
THE LADDER OF SUCCESS,
RUNG BY PAINFUL RUNG,

UNTIL YOU'VE ALMOST
SCALED THE TOP.

YOU HAVE DONE BEAUTIFULLY--
UNLESS YOU ARE VICE PRESIDENT
IN CHARGE OF ADVERTISING.

IN THAT CASE,
YOU'RE IN TERRIBLE TROUBLE.

THERE IS ONE THING
THAT CAN SAVE YOU.

YOU MUST GET
A BRILLIANT IDEA.

NOW, THE QUICKEST WAY
TO GET A BRILLIANT IDEA...

IS TO STEAL
SOMEONE ELSE'S !

HI, PONTY.
I HAD TO TALK TO YOU.

- HI, BUD.
- HEY, FIRST TIME
I'VE SEEN YOUR NEW OFFICE.

HEY, QUITE A LAYOUT.
MY FAVORITE STYLE.

CHINESE PROVINCIAL.

PONTY, I WANT YOU AND ME
TO BE FRIENDS.
OH, BUD. NOW, COME ON.

YOU KNOW,
"SMOKE-UM PEACE PIPE."
OH, LOOK, WOULD YOU--

YOU NEVER LIKED ME.
BUD, NOW DON'T--

DON'T DENY IT.
IT'S TRUE, AND
I DON'T BLAME YOU.

I'VE BEEN A NO-GOOD,
BACKBITING FINK !
OH, NOW BUD, COME ON.

I THINK THAT PUTS IT
A BIT STRONG.

HOW WOULD YOU PUT IT ?

I GUESS
YOUR WAY IS BEST.
I WANT TO CHANGE ALL THAT.

NOW, I KNOW YOU'RE STUCK
FOR AN IDEA, SO--
I-- WAIT A MINUTE !

I'M NOT STUCK FOR AN IDEA.
I KNOW YOU'RE STUCK
FOR AN IDEA.

YOU'RE STUCK FOR AN IDEA,
AND I WAS THINKING THAT
GIVEAWAY SHOWS ARE COMING BACK.

I DON'T NEED ANYONE ELSE'S IDEA.
WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT
A GIVEAWAY SHOW ?

I HAVE THIS DANDY IDEA
FOR A GIVEAWAY PROGRAM.
A GIVEAWAY PROGRAM.

YEAH. IT'S CALLED
THE WORLD WIDE WICKET
TREASURE HUNT.

A TREASURE HUNT.
WE HIDE A $1,000
SAVINGS BOND SOMEWHERE.

AND EACH WEEK
ON TELEVISION, WE GIVE CLUES
TO WHERE IT'S HIDDEN.

LOOK, LIKE YOU SAY,
YOU DON'T NEED AN IDEA.
NO, I DON'T NEED IT.

LET ME LEAVE IT WITH YOU,
AND IF YOU GET A CHANCE,
LOOK IT OVER.

YEAH.
BECAUSE THE MEETING'S
IN A FEW LITTLE WHILE.

I MEAN, IT'S SOON.
[ Makes Cutting Sound ]

WHAT DID YOUR UNCLE SAY
WHEN, UM-- WHEN YOU TOLD
IT TO HIM ?

I HAVEN'T TOLD IT TO J.B.
IF I BROUGHT IT TO HIM,
HE WOULDN'T LISTEN.

THAT'S WHY
I BROUGHT IT TO YOU.

YOU NEVER MENTIONED THIS
TO YOUR UNCLE AT ALL ?
NO, PONTY.

BUT HOW CAN I BELIEVE THAT ?
AN IDEA LIKE THIS ?
NO, PONTY.

IF YOU'RE NOT INTERESTED,
THAT'S ONE THING--
NO, ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT, I'LL--
HMM.

WELL, I'LL GIVE IT
A BIT OF A THINK THING.

MULL IT AROUND A BIT.
FEEL FREE TO USE IT.

"TREASURE HUNT."

ARE YOU PREGNANT
OR SOMETHING ?
HEDY, I TOLD
YOU NEVER TO COME--

I DID NOT INTEND
TO EMBARRASS YOU, I JUST
CAME FOR A BUSINESS PURPOSE.

BUSINESS ?
I WISH TO TENDER YOU
WITH MY RESIGNATION.

YOUR RESIGNATION ?
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

HEDY !
YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME.

J.B., J.B., J.B. !

OH, I'M SORRY.
WHAT THE HELL
DO YOU WANT ?

J.B., DO YOU REMEMBER
THAT TELEVISION IDEA
I TOLD YOU ABOUT,

THE TREASURE HUNT ?
I'VE TOLD YOU WHAT I THOUGHT
OF THAT STUPID IDEA.

I JUST WANTED TO REMIND YOU
THAT YOU HATED IT.
OUT !

YOU DO HATE IT.
I'M GOING, I'M GOING, I'M GOING.
I SAID, OUT !

NOW, WHAT IS THIS
RESIGNATION NONSENSE ?
WHERE ARE YOU GOING ?

I DON'T KNOW.
ALL I KNOW IS, I AM
CLEARING OUT OF HERE !

I AM BEGINNING TO ROT IN
THAT SECRETARIAL POOL.

NOT ONE PERSON WILL
USE ME AS HIS SECRETARY.

THEY STAY AWAY FROM ME,
LIKE I HAD AN EXTREMELY
TROPICAL DISEASE.

JUST BE PATIENT. I PROMISE
WE'LL FIND A SPOT FOR YOU.

PROMISES, PROMISES, PROMISES.
BUT NO ACTION.

NO, NO, NO.
I AM FED UP WITH
THAT SECRETARIAL POOL.

I'LL GIVE YOU
24 HOURS. AFTER THAT,
IT'S GOOD-BYE WICKETS,

HELLO SOMEBODY
WHO CAN DO ME
SOMETHING FOR REAL !

HEDY, ON MY WORD OF HONOR
AS A GENTLEMAN,

I PROMISE YOU'LL BE OUT
OF THAT SECRETARIAL POOL
BY TOMORROW !

YOU BETTER, OR ELSE !

[ Ringing ]

EXECUTIVE WASHROOM.
YEAH, WE'RE ALL DOWN HERE.

THE MEETING'S AT 4:30.
COME ON DOWN.
WE'LL MAKE PLANS.

[ Hangs Up Receiver ]
BIG MEETING TODAY,
HUH ?

HEAR ANYTHING ABOUT
WHAT FINCH IS PLANNING ?
J.B. SET THE BOARD MEETING,

SO HE MUST HAVE
COME UP WITH SOMETHING.

YOU KNOW, FELLAS,
I'M GETTING A LITTLE
AFRAID OF FINCH.

ME TOO. IF WE DON'T
STOP HIM, PRETTY SOON--

HE'LL PROBABLY HAVE US ALL
WORKING IN THE MAIL ROOM.
GOOD LUCK TO US.

HI, MEN !
HELLO, BUD.
HI, BUD.
DID YOU HEAR ANYTHING ?

CHAPS,
OUR WORRIES ARE OVER.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN ?

OH, I'M SO HAPPY I COULD CRY !
FINCH IS GOING AHEAD WITH--

WHAT ?
WELL, BELIEVE ME,
HE'S DEAD, DEAD, DEAD.

OH, I'M GLAD
TO HEAR THAT.
I DON'T KNOW.

FINCH HAS A WAY OF BOUNCING.
I WOULDN'T BELIEVE HE WAS DEAD
EVEN IF I READ HIS OBITUARY.

OH, YOU MAY BE RIGHT.
ORDINARILY,
I'D AGREE WITH YOU.

FINCH IS VERY SMART.
BUT LET'S NOT FORGET THAT
HE'S NOW INADVERTISING.

[ Chuckles ]
AND THAT DOES SOMETHING
TO MEN'S BRAINS.

UH, FRED !
FRED, I'LL SEE YOU
AT THE BUS STOP.

HAS ANYBODY SEEN
MY WILDROOT CREAM OIL ?

[ Chattering ]

HI, MEN.
[ Chuckles ]
[ Men ] HELLO, FINCH.

ALL SET FOR THE BIG MEETING ?
WELL, COULD BE.
WISH ME LUCK.

GOOD LUCK.
GO GET 'EM, BABY.

GOOD LUCK.
ALL THE BEST.

LOTSA LUCK !

[ Executives ]
?? GOTTA STOP THAT MAN ??

?? I GOTTA STOP THAT MAN ??

?? COLD ??

?? OR HE'LL STOP ME ??

?? BIG DEAL
BIG ROCKET ??

?? THINKS HE HAS
THE WORLD IN HIS POCKET ??

?? GOTTA STOP
GOTTA STOP ??

?? GOTTA STOP THAT MAN ??

?? THAT MAN ??

?? NOW THERE YOU ARE ??

?? YES, THERE'S THAT FACE ??

?? THAT FACE
THAT SOMEHOW I TRUST ??

?? IT MAY EMBARRASS YOU ??

?? TO HEAR ME SAY IT ??

?? BUT SAY IT I MUST ??

?? SAY IT I MUST ??

?? YOU HAVE THE COOL, CLEAR ??

?? EYES OF A SEEKER
OF WISDOM AND TRUTH ??

?? YET THERE'S
THAT UPTURNED CHIN ??

?? AND THE GRIN
OF IMPETUOUS YOUTH ??

?? I BELIEVE IN YOU ??

?? I BELIEVE IN YOU ??

?? I HEAR THE SOUND OF ??

?? GOOD SOLID JUDGMENT
WHENEVER YOU TALK ??

?? YET THERE'S THE BOLD
BRAVE SPRING ??

?? OF THE TIGER
THAT QUICKENS YOUR WALK ??

[ Growling ]

?? OH, I BELIEVE IN YOU ??

?? I BELIEVE IN YOU ??

?? AND WHEN MY FAITH
IN MY FELLOW MAN ??

?
?? ALL BUT FALLS APART ?

?? I'VE BUT
TO FEEL YOUR HAND ??

?? GRASPING MINE ??

?? AND I TAKE HEART ??

?? I TAKE HEART ??

?? TO SEE THE COOL, CLEAR ??

?? EYES OF A SEEKER
OF WISDOM AND TRUTH ??

?? YET WITH
THE SLAM-BANG TANG ??

?? REMINISCENT
OF GIN AND VERMOUTH ??
[ Hiccups ]

??
?? OH, I BELIEVE IN YOU

?? I BELIEVE IN YOU ??

?? GOTTA STOP THAT MAN ??

?? GOTTA STOP THAT MAN ??

???? [ Buzzing Electric Razors ]

?? OR HE'LL STOP ME ??

???? [ Razors Continue ]
?? BIG WHEEL, BIG BEAVER ??

?? BOILING HOT
WITH FRONT-OFFICE FEVER ??

?? GOTTA STOP, GOTTA STOP ??

- ?? GOTTA STOP THAT MAN ??
- ?? OH, I BELIEVE IN YOU ??

?? DON'T LET HIM BE
SUCH A HERO ??

?? I BELIEVE IN YOU ??

?? STOP THAT MAN
GOTTA STOP HIM ??

- ?? YOU ??
-?? STOP THAT MAN
GOTTA STOP HIM ??

?? YOU ??
?? STOP THAT MAN
GOTTA STOP THAT ??

?? YOU ??
?? MAN ??

[ Blows Kiss ]

?? GOTTA STOP THAT MAN ??

?? I'VE GOTTA STOP THAT MAN ??

?? COLD ??

?? OR HE'LL STOP ME ??

?? I BELIEVE IN YOU ??

?? I BELIEVE ??

?? IN YOU ????

[ Chattering ]

RIGHT IN HERE, BOYS.
PUT THE PROJECTION
OVER ON THE RACK.

FOLLOW HIM.
GOOD AFTERNOON.

UH, THANK YOU.
GENTLEMEN,
I'D LIKE TO PRESENT...

MY NEW APPROACH
TO WICKET ADVERTISING,

WHICH IN MY HUMBLE OPINION--
I THINK IT'S BRILLIANT !

SOUNDS PROMISING.
PROCEED, FINCH.
THANK YOU.

[ Clicking ]
[ J.B. ]
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ?

THAT IS A PICTURE
OF MOUNT VESUVIUS
IN ERUPTION,

WHICH GIVES YOU THE IMPACT
THAT OUR NEW TELEVISION SHOW
IS GOING TO HAVE.

NOW, J.B., THE TYPE
OF NATIONAL PUBLICITY
THAT YOU...

AND, WELL, YOU ALONE
CAN LOOK FORWARD TO:

[ Finch ]
THE COVER OFTIMEMAGAZINE.
[ J.B. ] OH, YES, YES !

YES, AND THE COVER
OFNEWSWEEK.
DELIGHTFUL !

AND FINALLY, J.B.,
THE GOLFER OF THE YEAR.

BRAVO, J.B.,
YOU'VE DONE IT AGAIN.
THANK YOU.

NOW, GENTLEMEN,
THIS IS A MAP OF
THE POTENTIAL WICKET MARKET.

IT'S DIVIDED INTO
SOCIAL, GEOGRAPHIC
AND ETHNIC GROUPS.

[ Executives ]
ETHNIC ?
ETHNIC.
IT SHOWS HOW...

WE WILL MAKE DEEP PENETRATION,
OVERWHELMING SATURATION
INTO THOSE AREAS...

WHICH HAVE LONG REMAINED,
UH, PEAKIEST !

[ J.B. ]
I LIKE THIS THINKING !
NOW, THIS IS A SALES CHART.

THIS IS A SALES CHART
OF THE PAST FISCAL YEAR,

WHICH REFLECTS
THE DISASTROUS EFFECT OF OUR
FORMER ADVERTISING POLICY...

IN TERMS OF PER CAPITA
CONSUMPTION OF WICKETS.

NOTE, GENTLEMEN,
THE SHARP DECLINE
FROM NORMAL REGULARITY.

DOWN, DOWN, DOWN.

BUT THIS IS WHAT'S GOING
TO HAPPEN TO OUR SALES...

AFTER MY NEW TELEVISION PROGRAM
SEEPS INTO THE PUBLIC MIND.

- [ Clicking, Roaring ]
- UP, UP, UP !

UP, UP, UP.

AND THERE YOU HAVE IT.
WHOO !

[ Executives Grumbling ]

FINCH, I THINK YOU'VE
DONE IT. VERY GOOD.
THANK YOU, SIR.

YES, YES, YES.
CAN I ASK A QUESTION,
J.B. ?

NOT "CAN I," DAMN IT, "MAY I."
YOU WENT TO COLLEGE.

MAYI ASK A QUESTION ?

YOU MAY.
WHAT'S HIS IDEA ?

YOU HEARD. IT'S A TELEVISION
SHOW, DESIGNED TO GIVE US
PENETRATION AND PEAK REACTION.

DON'T YOU EVER LISTEN ?
SOUNDS GREAT, FINCH, GREAT.
DOESN'T IT, MEN ?

[ Executives Agreeing ]
[ Clanging ]

[ Chuckling ]
BUT WHAT IS HISIDEA
FOR THE SHOW ?

I DON'T SEE WHY
YOU HAVE TO BE
SO DAMNED NEGATIVE.

THE ONLY THINGS YOU EVER
COME UP WITH ARE LOUSY IDEAS
LIKE TREASURE HUNTS !

ALL RIGHT, FINCH,
WHAT IS THE IDEA FOR THE SHOW ?

I DON'T THINK I'M GOING
TO TELL IT TO YOU.

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN ?
- YOU KNOW, J.B.,
LOOK, I'VE--

I'VE ALWAYS THOUGHT OF YOU
AS A MAN OF, UH--

A MAN OF
PERSPICACITY AND VISION.

OPEN TO NEW IDEAS !
BUT NOW I-- [ Chuckles ]
I DON'T KNOW.

I'M THROWN.
BY WHAT ?

THE WAY YOU TALKED TO BUD !
ABOUT HIS IDEA.

FOR A TREASURE HUNT.
YOU DISMISSED IT.

THERE ARE TREASURE HUNTS
AND TREASUREHUNTS.

AND AT FIRST-- AT FIRST
I THOUGHT BUD'S IDEA...

WAS A ROTTEN IDEA
MYSELF.

BUT GENTLEMEN,
IN THE FIELD OF MEDICINE,
THERE WERE MEN LIKE...

HIPPOCRATES, UH,
LOUIS PASTEUR,

SIGMUND FREUD,
JONAS SALK.

GENTLEMEN, THEY ALL HAD
BRILLIANT IDEAS, BUT IT TOOK
MODERN TECHNOLOGY...

TO TAKE ALL THESE IDEAS
AND DEVELOP THEM INTO
A GREAT TELEVISION PROGRAM.

- LIKEDR. KILDARE.
- [ Chuckling, Chattering ]

THE PUBLIC ALWAYS LOVES
A SHOW WHERE SOMEONE
WINS A LOT OF MONEY.

AND THE FIRST ONE
WHO COMES UP WITH A--

WITH A NEW, AN UNRIGGED,
AN UNFIXED WAY TO GIVE AWAY
SOMETHING FOR NOTHING...

IS GOING TO SWEEP
THE AIRWAVES.

IT CAN'T BE DONE, J.B.
[ J.B. ]
CAN'T BE DONE.

BUT IF IT COULD, J.B.
IF IT COULD.

WOULDN'T IT CREATE
TREMENDOUS EXCITEMENT ?
IT CAN'T BE DONE !

BUT IF IT COULD !
BUT IT CAN'T.

JUST FOR A MOMENT,
SAY, "IT COULD BE DONE."

NOW, WHAT IS YOUR ANSWER ?
I FORGOT THE QUESTION !

[ Chuckling, Chattering ]

I HATE GIVEAWAY SHOWS.
THEY LACK DIGNITY.

PLEASE, BE PATIENT.
GENTLEMEN.
[ Clicking ]

THE WORLD WIDE WICKET
TREASURE GIRL.

[ Chattering,
Wolf Whistling ]

WHAT IS THIS ?
THIS IS THE
SECRET INGREDIENT.

IT CAN'T MISS.
I'M COMBINING GREED
WITH SEX. GO AHEAD, HEDY.

HELLO THERE.
I'M YOUR WORLD WIDE
WICKET TREASURE GIRL.

OOH.

EACH WEEK, I'M GOING
TO GIVE YOU A--
CLUE.

CLUE... TO WHERE
THE WORLD WIDE TREASURE
HAS BEEN STASHED.

BURIED !
BURIED TREASURE.
OH, YEAH. BURIED.

THIS EYE PATCH
GETS ME MIXED UP.

J.B., MISS LaRUE IS,
WELL, SHE'S JUST
HELPING ME WITH THE IDEA.

SHE WILL NOT BE OUR
REGULAR TREASURE GIRL.

ACTUALLY,
WHEN WE GO ON THE AIR,
WE'RE GOING TO NEED A--

YOU KNOW, WE'LL NEED
A BIG NAME PERSONALITY.

SOMEONE LIKE, UH,
ELIZABETH TAYLOR.

WHY DON'T YOU GET
QUEEN ELIZABETH ?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN PROGRAM.

THIS IS INSANITY, J.B. !
LET'S TELL THIS MANIAC OFF
AND GET ON WITH BUSINESS !

I'LL HANDLE THIS.
WILL YOU GENTLEMEN
AND MISS LaRUE...

KINDLY LEAVE ME ALONE
WITH MR. FINCH.

I CAN EXPLAIN THIS, SIR.
I KNOW IT TAKES--

NOW, WAIT A MINUTE !
THAT'S NOT TRUE AT ALL.

BUT GENTLEMEN, UH, SIR--
[ Muttering ]

GIVEAWAY SHOW.
I'LL HAVE TO MULL THIS OVER.

WHERE IS THE TREASURE
GOING TO BE HIDDEN ?

SIR, THIS IS A COMPLETELY
HONEST SHOW. NOT EVEN
THE TREASURE GIRL...

IS GOING TO KNOW WHERE
THE TREASURE IS HIDDEN.

I MEAN, WHOEVER SHE MAY BE.
I'M THE ONLY ONE
THAT WILL KNOW, SIR.

AS PRESIDENT OF THE COMPANY,
DON'T YOU THINK I SHOULD KNOW ?

YES. WELL, I'M GONNA HIDE
5,000 SHARES OF STOCK...

IN EACH OF THE TEN
WORLD WIDE WICKET BUILDINGS
THROUGHOUT THE WORLD.

NOW--
WELL, NOW YOU KNOW, SIR.

BUT IT JUST MUST BE
A SECRET BETWEEN YOU AND ME.

FINCH, YOU'RE A BRILLIANT
YOUNG MAN, BUT I'M AFRAID
YOU'VE LET US DOWN.

[ Sighs ]
YOU'VE MISSED THE BOAT !

HAVEN'T THOUGHT
THIS OUT PROPERLY.

WHY, SIR ?
I DON'T--

TELL ME, WHY DOES THIS
TREASURE GIRL HAVE TO BE
A BIG-NAME PERSONALITY ?

[ Traffic Roaring,
Horn Beeping ]

RIGHT THIS WAY, SIR.
[ Chattering ]

DRESS REHEARSAL WENT
EXCEEDINGLY WELL.

[ Man On P.A. ]
QUIET, PLEASE.
FIVE SECONDS TO AIR.

[ Man ] FIVE, FOUR, THREE--
I THINK YOU'LL BE ABLE
TO SEE IT ALL FROM HERE, SIR.

[ Man, Continuing ]
ONE--

[ Applauding ]

[ Male Announcer ]
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
THE WORLD WIDE WICKET...

MASTER OF CEREMONIES,
MR. GEORGE FENNEMAN.

[ Applauding Continues ]

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
THE WORLD WIDE WICKET COMPANY,

WHOSE SLOGAN FOR OVER 100 YEARS
OF SERVICE TO YOUR COMMUNITY...

HAS BEEN,
"A DAY WITHOUT A WICKET IS
LIKE A DAY WITHOUT SUNSHINE,"

BRINGS YOU NOW,
IN LIVING COLOR,

THE WORLD WIDE WICKET
TREASURE HUNT.

HERE WITH US TONIGHT,
TO INSURE ABSOLUTE INTEGRITY
TO OUR GIVEAWAY SHOW,

WE WELCOME THE DISTINGUISHED
SUPREME COURT JUSTICE,

LELAND ANTHONY HOWSMEYER,

UNITED STATES SENATOR
WELLINGTON WASHBURN...

AND DR. STANTON J. NOBLE
OF THE AMERICAN UNIVERSITY
ADVISORY COMMITTEE.

AND YOUR JOB, GENTLEMEN:
TO ENSURE AN ABSOLUTELY...

UNRIGGED, UNFIXED
GIVEAWAY OF MONEY TONIGHT.

GOOD TOUCH, FINCH.
NICE TONE OF DIGNITY
AND DISTINCTION.

AND NOW, LADIES
AND GENTLEMEN, THE MOMENT
YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR:

THE WORLD WIDE WICKET
TREASURE GIRL !

???? [ Fanfare ]
HELLO THERE !

I'M YOUR WORLD WIDE WICKET
TREASURE GIRL !

OOH !

I'M HERE TO GIVE YOU
THE FIRST CLUE...

TO WHERE 50,000 SHARES
OF STOCK ARE HIDDEN.

- OOH !
- [ Drum Roll ]

SAY, I'M BEGINNING
TO WONDER WHERE
THE TREASURE IS MYSELF.

YEAH, PONTY,
WHERE IS IT HIDDEN ?
NO, NO.

NOBODY IN THE WORLD KNOWS
BUT J.B. AND MYSELF.

RIGHT, J.B. ?
RIGHT, FINCH.

ALL RIGHT,
TREASURE GIRL.

- MAY WE HAVE
THE FIRST CLUE, PLEASE ?
- [ Together ] THE FIRST CLUE.

OOH !

THE FIRST CLUE IS--
ONE MOMENT,
MISS TREASURE GIRL.

THIS MAN
IS CARRYING A BIBLE.

WOULD YOU PLACE
YOUR RIGHT HAND
ON THE BIBLE, PLEASE ?

NO, YOUR OTHER
RIGHT HAND.

DO YOU SWEAR THERE
HAS BEEN NO FIXING OR RIGGING
IN CONNECTION WITH THIS SHOW ?

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH HER ?
SHE LOOKED
SURPRISED.

YES, SHE IS.
HEDY DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT THIS.

I WANTED THIS PART OF THE SHOW
TO BE COMPLETELY SPONTANEOUS
AND SORT OF UNREHEARSED.

THAT CAN BE
VERY DANGEROUS.

DO YOU SWEAR THAT YOU
YOURSELF DO NOT KNOW...

WHERE THE TREASURE
IS ACTUALLY HIDDEN ?

IS THIS A REAL BIBLE ?

[ Audience Gasping ]
YES, THIS
IS A REAL BIBLE.

YOU SEE, WE'RE GOING
TO GET INTO TROUBLE.

WHY, J.B. ? YOU AND I
ARE THE ONLY ONES WHO KNOW
WHERE THE TREASURE IS HIDDEN.

I MEAN, SHE DOESN'T KNOW,
DOES SHE ?

[ Fenneman ]
PLEASE. TIME IS SLIPPING BY.
DOES SHE ?

UH, TREASURE GIRL.
THE ENTIRE NATION
IS WAITING.

-I'LL REPEAT THE QUESTION.
- NOBODY TOLD ME ABOUT THIS.

MISS TREASURE GIRL--
I DO NOT WISH
TO TAKE A BUM RAP.

MISS TREASURE GIRL--
MY MOMMY AND DADDY
TOLD ME NEVER...

TO SWEAR FALSE WITNESS
AGAINST PERJURY.

IDOKNOW WHERE
THE TREASURE IS HIDDEN.

I FOUND OUT LAST NIGHT !

THERE IS TREASURE HIDDEN IN ALL
THE WORLD WIDE WICKET BUILDINGS.

- RIGHT NOW.
- [ Clamoring ]

[ Fenneman ]
PLEASE, FOLKS, COME BACK.
EVERYONE TAKE A SEAT.

[ Continues, Indistinct ]

[ Clamoring Continues ]

SAM, STOP THAT !
WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?

IT'S ANOTHER TREASURE HUNTER.
THIS LITTLE CREEP TRIED
TO SNEAK PAST ME THREE TIMES !

TAKE YOUR HANDS OFF HIM !
I'M TERRIBLY SORRY, SIR.

THIS IS THE LITTLE CREEP
WHO HAPPENS TO BE
THE CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD.

CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD ?
THEY ALL LOOK ALIKE TO ME.
OH !

I'M VERY SORRY, MR. WOMPER.
IF YOU'LL COME WITH ME,
MR. BIGGLEY'S WAITING.

MISS JONES,
HAVE YOU SEEN PONTY ?
NO.
EVERYBODY'S LOOKING FOR HIM.

OH, POOR BABY.
I'VE GOT TO FIND HIM.

HE WAS A NICE BOY,
BUT SOMEBODY'S HEAD
HAS TO ROLL.

[ Author's Voice ]
HOW TO HANDLE A DISASTER.

IN EVERY BUSINESSMAN'S CAREER,
THERE ARE TIMES WHEN
EVERYTHING GOES WRONG.

THIS IS A TIME
FOR MAINTAINING A COOL HEAD...

AND FOLLOWING
THE ONE, SIMPLE RULE:

PUT THE BLAME
ON SOMEBODY ELSE.

OH, PONTY !
I'VE BEEN WORRIED TO DEATH.

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT ?
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ?

I'VE BEEN JUST
WALKING THE STREETS.

I'VE JUST BEEN
THINKING, THINKING--
WELL--

OH, YOU'VE GOT
A BRUISE ON YOUR HEAD.
I KNOW !

I KNOW,
I GOT IT LAST NIGHT.
THEY--

WELL, THEY THREW ME
OUT OF A SALOON.
WHY'D THEY DO THAT ?

I DIDN'T BUY ANYTHING.
THE BRUTES.

OH, PONTY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT ?
I WAS SO WORRIED, AND EVERYONE'S
LOOKING FOR YOU.

YES, I BET.
I'M GONNA
BE ALL RIGHT.

BUT BEFORE THEY FIND ME,
I HAVE TO READ UP ON HOW
TO HANDLE THIS DISASTER.

READ UP ?
WELL, WHAT DO YOU MEAN ?

WELL, I MIGHT AS WELL
TELL YOU. SEE, BEFORE
I CAME TO THIS COMPANY,

I WAS A--
WHAT WERE YOU ?

I WAS A WINDOW WASHER.

THEN I CAME ACROSS
THIS BOOK.

HOW TO SUCCEED IN BUSINESS.

IT JUST MUST EXPLAIN
HOW TO PUT THE BLAME
ON SOMEONE ELSE.

OH, PONTY, YOU WOULDN'T.
THAT'S DISHONEST.

IT WAS YOUR IDEA.
YOU'VE GOT TO GO IN THERE
AND FACE THE MUSIC.

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHAT IT'S LIKE
IN BIG BUSINESS.

THEY-- THEY'D FIRE ME.
I'D HAVE TO GO BACK
TO WASHING WINDOWS.

PONTY, I COULDN'T LOVE
A MAN WHO WASN'T HONEST.

IF YOU DON'T
MAKE A CLEAN BREAST
OF EVERYTHING,

I'LL NEVER HAVE
ANY RESPECT FOR YOU.
ROSEMARY, LOOK.

IT'S NO LIFE FOR YOU,
BEING MARRIED TO A--
A WINDOW WASHER.

PONTY,

ARE YOU GONNA GO IN THERE
AND FACE THEM HONESTLY OR NOT ?

GOOD-BYE, PONTY.

[ Footsteps Receding ]

ROSEMARY, WAIT !

ROSEMARY, WAIT !
ROSEMARY !

AHA ! FINCH, YOU'RE WANTED
IN J.B.'S OFFICE.

YEAH, WELL, I THOUGHT
I'D WASH UP FIRST.
THEY WANT YOU NOW.

THAT'S WHAT I FIGURED.

LET ME TELL YOU BEFORE WE GO
ANY FURTHER. I'M THE PRESIDENT
OF THIS COMPANY,

THE MAN WHO'S RESPONSIBLE
FOR EVERYTHING
THAT GOES ON HERE.

I WANT TO STATE RIGHT NOW
THAT ANYTHING THAT HAPPENED
IS NOT MY FAULT !

[ Sighs ]
THERE'S ONE BRIGHT SIDE
TO THIS THING, WALLY.

YOU'LL BE HAPPY
TO KNOW WE'VE SOMEONE
WE CAN PIN IT ON.

YOU'LL SOON SEE
WHERE THE RESPONSIBILITY
FOR THIS WHOLE THING LIES.

WHEN FINCH GETS HERE,
I'LL DO ALL THE TALKING.

THIS IS A VERY SLICK
YOUNGSTER, WALLY.

[ Chattering ]
HERE HE IS NOW.

ALL RIGHT.
MR. BIGGLEY, PLEASE--
I'LL DO ALL THE TALKING.

BY THE WAY, YOU HAVEN'T MET
MR. WOMPER. THIS IS
THE CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD.

HOW DO YOU DO, MR. WOMPER.
MR. WOMPER--
NO SPEECHES.

IT'S ALL SETTLED.
I WANT YOU TO SIGN
A LETTER OF RESIGNATION...

IN WHICH YOU ACCEPT
ALL THE BLAME
FOR WHAT HAPPENED.

[ Whispering ]
ROSEMARY.
WHAT ?

ALL RIGHT, MR. BIGGLEY, I--
ALL RIGHT. I'LL BE GLAD
TO SIGN THE RESIGNATION.

IS THIS ONE
OF YOUR TRICKS ?
NO, MR. BIGGLEY.

I'M THROUGH WITH ALL THAT.
TH-THIS FIRM HAS BEEN
PRETTY GOOD TO ME.

NOW, I'M JUST GOING TO RESIGN.
I'M GONNA TAKE THE BLAME...

AND GO BACK TO WHAT I DID
BEFORE I CAME HERE.

- WHAT DID YOU DO, FINCH ?
- [ Sighs ]

- I WAS A WINDOW WASHER.
- NO KIDDIN' !

I STARTED AS
A WINDOW WASHER MYSELF !

[ Chattering ]

YOUWERE
A WINDOW WASHER ?

WHAT THE HELL
DID YOU THINK I WAS,
A RAIL-SPLITTER ?

[ Chuckles ]
COLLEGE MAN.

SO YOU WERE A WINDOW WASHER ?
CALL ME WALLY.
YES, MR. WOMPER.

OKAY, WALLY.
WHY DON'T YOU CALL ME PONTY ?
TELL ME, FINCH--

OKAY, PONTY. IT'S BEEN
A LONG TIME SINCE I HAD ANYBODY
AROUND HERE I COULD TALK TO.

HOW'D YOU HAPPEN TO GO
INTO THIS BUSINESS ?
WELL, SIR--

LET ME TELL YA,
I HAD A BOOK--
ME TOO.

IT WAS A BOOK ON
HOW TO SUCCEED IN BUSINESS.

MY BOOK WAS MORE USEFUL.
I BOOKED BETS FOR ALL
THE OTHER WINDOW WASHERS.

CLEANED UP A BUNDLE.
SHOULD HAVE STOOD
IN THAT BUSINESS.

EIGHT BUILDINGS WRECKED,
OUR STOCK IS DOWN FIVE POINTS !

- WE'RE THE LAUGHINGSTOCK
OF THE INDUSTRY.
- UGH ! I KNOW, WALLY.

- IT'S GHASTLY.
- PONTY, HOW DID THIS HAPPEN ?

I COULD UNDERSTAND A COLLEGE MAN
PULLING A BONER LIKE THIS,
BUT NOT NO WINDOW WASHER !

NOW, THIS IDEA OF YOURS
ABOUT A TREASURE HUNT--

NOW, HOLD IT, WALLY.
LOOK, IF THERE'S ONE THING
THAT I WON'T DO,

IT'S TAKE CREDIT
FOR ANOTHER MAN'S IDEA.

ESPECIALLY WHEN
HE'S THE BOSS'S NEPHEW.

[ Nonchalant Chattering ]

YOU NEVER TOLD ME
YOU HIRED YOUR NEPHEW.

NEPHEW ? OH, NEPHEW.
HE'S NOT REALLY MY NEPHEW,
HE'S MY WIFE'S NEPHEW.

I NEVER SHOWED HIM
ANY FAVORITISM.
IN FACT, I HATE HIM.

BUT YOU LOVE HIS IDEAS.
NO, WHEN HE TOLD ME THE IDEA,
I THOUGHT IT WAS A LOUSY IDEA.

WHEN FINCH BROUGHT IT
TO ME, I STILL SAID
IT WAS A LOUSY IDEA.

IN FACT, I TOLD FINCH
IT WAS A LOUSY IDEA !

WHY DID YOU BUY IT ?
SEEMED LIKE A GOOD IDEA.

TREASURE HUNT,
TREASURE GIRL.
FINCH DRESSED IT ALL UP.

HE CAN'T DENY THAT THE IDEA
OF THE TREASURE GIRL...
WAS HIS !

[ Executives Agreeing ]

WALLY, THAT WAS MY IDEA.
AND NOT A BAD ONE,
PONTY.

BUT WHO THE HELL PICKED
THAT BUBBLE-HEADED TOMATO ?

[ Executives Murmuring ]

[ Clears Throat ]

AHA !
DON'T GET ANY WRONG IDEAS,
WALLY. SHE'S A FINE GIRL.

YOU SHOULD HAVE
A TALK WITH HER.

I INTEND TO.

WELL, I THINK I GOT
THE WHOLE PICTURE.

NOW, THE QUESTION
IS WHAT TO DO
AND WHO TO DO IT TO.

WALLY, BEFORE YOU MAKE
ANY HASTY DECISIONS, I'D--

WELL, I'D LIKE TO SAY
A FEW WORDS.
ABOUT WHAT ?

ABOUT, WELL--
ABOUT HUMANITY.
OH !

NO, LOOK, EVEN THOUGH
WE'RE ALL PART OF
THE COLD, CORPORATE SETUP,

DEEP DOWN UNDER OUR SKINS
THERE'S FLESH AND BLOOD.

- WE'RE ALL BROTHERS.
- BUT SOME OF US ARE UNCLES !

?? NOW YOU MAY JOIN
THE ELKS, MY FRIEND ??

?? AND I MAY JOIN
THE SHRINERS ??

?? AND OTHER MEN
MAY CARRY CARDS ??

?? AS MEMBERS
OF THE DINERS ??

?? STILL OTHERS WEAR
A GOLDEN KEY ??

?? OR SMALL
GREEK LETTER PIN ??

?? BUT I HAVE LEARNED
THERE'S ONE GREAT CLUB ??

?? THAT ALL OF US ARE IN ??

?? THERE IS
A BROTHERHOOD ??

?? OF MAN ??

??
?? A BENEVOLENT BROTHERHOOD

?? OF MAN ??

?? A NOBLE TIE THAT BINDS ??

?? ALL HUMAN HEARTS
AND MINDS ??

?? INTO A BROTHERHOOD OF MAN ??

?? YOUR LIFELONG MEMBERSHIP ??

?? IS FREE ??

?? KEEP A-GIVIN'
EACH BROTHER ALL ??

?? YOU CAN ??

?? OH, AREN'T
YOU PROUD TO BE ??

?? IN THAT FRATERNITY ??

?? THE GREAT BIG
BROTHERHOOD OF MAN ??

NOW, WALLY, I WANT YOU
TO REMEMBER THAT BEFORE
YOU CONSIDER FIRING MR. BIGGLEY.

WHO'S CONSIDERING THAT ?
GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE !

YOU SEE, I KNOW WHAT'S
ON YOUR MIND. YOU'D LIKE
TO CLEAR OUT THE WHOLE PLACE.

FROM TOP TO BOTTOM.

IT'S THE OBVIOUS MOVE,
BUT STOP AND THINK.

?? ONE MAN
MAY SEEM INCOMPETENT ??

?? ANOTHER NOT MAKE SENSE ??

?? WHILE OTHERS LOOK
LIKE QUITE A WASTE ??

?? OF COMPANY EXPENSE ??

?? THEY NEED
A BROTHER'S LEADERSHIP ??

?? SO PLEASE
DON'T DO THEM IN ??

?? REMEMBER MEDIOCRITY ??

?? IS NOT A MORTAL SIN ??

?? THEY'RE... IN... THE
??
[ Executives ]
?? WE'RE... IN... THE ??

[ Executives ]
?? BROTHERHOOD OF MAN ??

?? DEDICATED TO GIVING ALL ??

?? WE CAN ??

?? OH-H, AREN'T
YOU PROUD TO BE ??

?? IN THAT FRATERNITY ??

[ All ]
?? THE GREAT BIG
BROTHERHOOD OF MAN ??

OW !
WHAT'D I DO ?

NO KIDDIN' !
?? IS THERE REALLY
A BROTHERHOOD ??

?? OF MAN ??
?? YOU ARE A BROTHER ??

?? A BENEVOLENT BROTHERHOOD
OF MAN ??

?? OH, YES, OH, YES
A NOBLE TIE THAT BINDS ??

?? ALL HUMAN HEARTS AND MINDS ??

?? INTO ONE
BROTHERHOOD OF MAN ??

?? OH, YES
OUR LIFELONG MEMBERSHIP ??

?? IS FREE ??

?? KEEP GIVIN' EACH BROTHER ALL
YOU CAN ??

?? OH, AREN'T YOU PROUD TO BE ??
[ Miss Jones ]
?? YOU, YOU GOT ME ??

?? IN THAT FRATERNITY ??
?? ME, I GOT YOU ??

?? THAT GREAT BIG
BROTHERHOOD OF MAN ??
?? YOU ??

[ Miss Jones ]
?? OH, THAT NOBLE FEELING ??

?? FEELS LIKE BELLS
ARE PEALING ??

?? DOWN WITH DOUBLE-DEALING
OH, BROTHER ??

?? YOU, YOU GOT ME ??

?? ME, I GOT YOU ??

?? YOU ??

[ All ]
?? OH, THAT NOBLE FEELING ??

??
?? FEELS LIKE BELLS ARE PEALING

?? DOWN WITH DOUBLE-DEALING ??

?? OH, BROTHER ??

?? YOU, YOU GOT ME ??

?? ME, I GOT YOU ??

?? YOU ??

?? OH ??
?? OH, THAT NOBLE FEELING ??

?? FEELS LIKE
BELLS ARE PEALING ??

?? DOWN WITH
DOUBLE-DEALING ??

?? OH, BROTHER ??

?? YOU, YOU GOT ME
ME, I GOT YOU ??

?? YOU ??
?? YOUR LIFELONG MEMBERSHIP ??

?? IS FREE ??

?? KEEP A-GIVIN'
EACH BROTHER ALL ??

?? YOU CAN ??

?? OH, AREN'T YOU PROUD TO BE ??

?? IN THAT FRATERNITY ??

?? THAT GREAT BIG
BROTHERHOOD OF MAN ????

OH, MATT, MATT.
OH, MATT.
ANY WORD ?

SOMETHING BIG IS BREWING.
OH, MISS JONES. WHAT'S UP ?

ALL I CAN SAY IS THERE ARE
GOING TO BE SOME CHANGES.
OH.

[ Whimpering ]
YOU HEAR THAT ?
CHANGES.

BOYS AND GIRLS,
BOYS AND GIRLS.

MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION,
PLEASE ? GATHER ROUND.

GATHER ROUND. I HAVE
AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE.

AS YOU KNOW, THERE HAVE
BEEN A FEW CHANGES MADE
AT WORLD WIDE WICKETS.

[ Mournful Chattering ]
I'M SPEAKING TO YOU NOW
IN MY NEW CAPACITY...

AS VICE PRESIDENT
IN CHARGE...

OF EMPLOYEE MORALE AND
PSYCHOLOGICAL ADJUSTMENT.

[ Applauding, Cheering ]

MR. TACKABERRY HERE IS NOW
IN CHARGE OF PERSONNEL.

AND NOW, I'D LIKE TO HAVE
YOU HEAR A FEW WORDS...

FROM OUR HARD-DRIVING,
HARD-WORKING PRESIDENT.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
BOYS AND GIRLS, I HAVE
VERY GOOD NEWS FOR YOU.

I CAN TRUTHFULLY STATE
THAT WORLD WIDE WICKETS
IS NOW STRONGER THAN EVER.

AND MUCH OF THE CREDIT FOR THIS
SHOULD GO TO A VERY LOYAL
AND VERY ABLE YOUNG MAN.

COME HERE, FINCH.
OH.

MOST OF YOU ARE AWARE
THAT THIS YOUNGSTER'S RISE
HAS BEEN RAPID.

FOR A WHILE I THOUGHT
HE WAS AFTER MY JOB.
AW. [ Chuckles ]

LUCKILY FOR ME,
HE DIDN'T WANT IT.
NO, NO, J.B.

YOUR JOB IS
MUCH TOO TOUGH FOR ME.

IF ANY CREDIT IS DUE,
IT SHOULD GO TO A GREAT MAN
AND A GREAT HUMANITARIAN,

I MEAN
THE CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD,
MR. WALLY WOMPER.

HEAR, HEAR !
INCIDENTALLY, FOLKS,
MR. WOMPER...

HAS HIS
CHARMING NEW WIFE
WITH HIM HERE TODAY.

LET'S GET THEM
BOTH OUT HERE,
MR. AND MRS. WOMPER.

[ Applauding ]

THANK YOU. THANK YOU,
BOYS AND GIRLS. THANK YOU.

AND NOW, I HAVE
AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE.

AFTER 30 LONG YEARS
OF SERVICE TO--
[ Stammers ]

AFTER 30 LONG YEARS OF
SERVICE TO THIS COMPANY...

AS CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD,
I'VE DECIDED TO RETIRE.

MY WIFE AND I ARE TAKING
A LONG HONEYMOON TRIP
AROUND THE WORLD.

SWEETIE, WHAT A SURPRISE !
YOU DIDN'T TELL ME !

I DIDN'T KNOW MYSELF UNTIL
FINCH HANDED ME THE TICKETS.

WELL, WHAT THE HELL.

IT'S NOT A BAD IDEA.
I'LL CONCENTRATE ON YOU.

[ Chuckling, Coughing ]
WALLY, WHO'S GOING TO BE
THE NEW CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD ?

- AS IF I DIDN'T KNOW.
- I'LL KILL MYSELF.

PONTY, IT'S YOUR BABY NOW.
TAKE GOOD CARE OF IT.

I DON'T KNOW
IF I COULD--
CONGRATULATIONS.

I'LL ACCEPT.
MISS JONES WILL TAKE
MR. FINCH TO HIS NEW OFFICE.

- RIGHT THIS WAY, PONTY.
- [ Happy Chattering ]

HAVE ANY OF YOU GIRLS
HEARD FROM ROSEMARY ?

SHE PACKED UP HER THINGS
AT THE APARTMENT.

SHE LEFT WITHOUT A WORD.
WE THOUGHT
YOU'D HEARD FROM HER.

RIGHT THROUGH
HERE, PONTY.

WELL, PONTY,
WHAT DO YOU THINK ?
[ Chuckles ] LARGE.

[ Laughing ]
SMITTY,
YOU DON'T THINK THAT ROSEMARY
WENT HOME TO HER MOTHER ?

SHE JUST HAS TO BE HERE.
I MEAN, IT'S JUST--
IT'S JUST NO GOOD WITHOUT HER.

I'LL CALL HER FAMILY'S PLACE.
MAYBE THEY'VE HEARD FROM HER.

LET ME KNOW, YOU KNOW,
IF YOU HEAR--

GOOD MORNING.
GOOD MORNING, ROSEMARY.

ROSEMARY,
MAKE UP YOUR MIND.
IN OR OUT ?

I HAVE OTHER CLIENTS,
YOU KNOW.
[ Elevator Dings ]

I JUST COULDN'T LEAVE YOU.
I'M STUCK WITH YOU, I GUESS.

I ADORE YOU.
[ Rosemary Laughing ]

OH. WOW.
UH--

OH, THAT REMINDS ME.
THEY WANT TO MAKE ME
CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD.

LOOK, IS IT
ALL RIGHT WITH YOU ?

DARLING, I DON'T CARE
IF YOU WORK IN THE MAIL ROOM,
OR YOU'RE CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD,

OR YOU'RE THE PRESIDENT
OF THE UNITED STATES.

I LOVE YOU.
AWW.
[ Chuckles ]

SAY THAT AGAIN.
I LOVE YOU.

NO, BEFORE THAT.
ABOUT--

???? [ "Hail To The Chief" ]

GOOD MORNING,
MR. PRESIDENT.

?? WE'LL PLAY IT
THE COMPANY WAY ??

?? EXECUTIVE POLICY
IS BY US OKAY ??

?? YOU'LL NEVER BE PRESIDENT
BUT THERE'S ONE THING CLEAR ??

?? WHOEVER THE COMPANY FIRES ??

?? WE WILL ??

?? STILL BE ??

?? HERE ????