Original subtitles

Moving on to the last name on the list--

Lieutenant Commander Thomas Dodge.

Third in his class at sub school.

Did even better in the advanced course.

Cited for tactical excellence, joint NATO exercise.

1-8-0 and closing, sir.

Ahead one-third. Steady on course.

Ahead one-third. Steady on course. Aye, sir!

Target at 1-7-5 and closing, sir.

Let's try a shot.

This is the third time Tom Dodge has come up for command.

If we don't give him a boat, he'll be dropped from the command program,

which would be a personal tragedy for him...

and a mistake for us, given the years and dollars spent training him.

Well, I'd have to disagree with you, Admiral Price.

Dodge's fitness report also presents a man...

who three years ago brushed against a Russian missile sub...

he was tracking just off Murmansk.

Not exactly a promotional bell-ringer.

Target at 1-6-0, sir.

Five-knot aiding wind.

Delivery seven. We have a shooting solution.

More to the point, I simply don't approve of his command style.

He's impulsive. He's often undisciplined, even reckless at times.

Fire one!

Oh, get up there, you miserable little puke.

[ Whistles ] That's a fine shot, sir.

Well, what the heck? Why don't we pull in so you can putt out?

I will simply remind the selection board...

of one irrefutable fact...

that seems to sum up Dodge's character.

There is physical evidence that as an ensign,

Dodge became so physically intoxicated...

that he not only allowed himself to be tattooed,

but tattooed on his genitalia.

Now, call me a prude if you want,

but I don't think it's good policy for the navy...

to hand over a billion-dollar piece of equipment...

to a man who has "Welcome aboard"...

tattooed on his penis.

Captain, sir, after 80 days under the ice pack,

I thought a little recreation might be in order. Priority message, sir.

I was not endangering the boat. I was only trying to have a little fun.

But your actions were totally inappropriate.

It's not the way a prospective captain acts!

A failing I've noted more than once in your fit rep.

As much as I like to see my men advance, I have an obligation to the service...

to be as honest as I possibly can. Then I'm in trouble.

This wreck you call your career is entirely of your own making.

This is a confirmed kill.

Twenty years down the fucking drain.

Watch your language, Dodge. You know how I hate that.

Oh, gee. Now I've gone and done it, ruined my career.

Apparently not.

This is just in from COMSUBLANT.

You are to report to Norfolk immediately...

to take command of your own submarine.

- That's not funny. - No, it's not. That's why they decoded it twice.

Congratulations.

[ Dodge ] A-ha!

* Oh, yeah *

I just hope they have one in turquoise. Thank you!

[ Man ] It's good to see you again, Dodge.

It's been about four years. Something like that, sir.

Not since we were both at Kings Bay.

Well, you're about to join the elite...

of the submarine service,

the best the United States Navy has to offer.

Damn good feeling, sir.

As a matter of fact, there she is right now--

your new boat.

U.S.S. Stingray, SS-161.

That?

This can't be my boat, sir! Well, it most certainly is.

Balao-class, refitted 1958.

Balao-class? But that's a diesel sub.

This is a joke, right? The navy doesn't even use diesels anymore.

They do now. She's been recommissioned.

Well, no disrespect to the U.S.S. Rustoleum here,

but I'd be better off in the Merrimack!

I was trained to command a nuclear boat.

Are you refusing to take command?

No, sir.

Good. Meet your crew here tomorrow morning, 0700.

They also left over from World War II, sir?

No, Captain.

They've been handpicked by me.

[ Man ] Come on in.

Thank you for seeing me on such short notice, Admiral Winslow.

Certainly, Captain. Take a seat. Thank you.

[ Chuckles ] Well, how do you like your boat?

It's a complete piece of...

antiquated equipment, sir.

I've dedicated a substantial portion of my life to getting my own boat.

I was wondering why the navy chose to embarrass me in this way.

No embarrassment intended, Captain.

You've been chosen for a specific mission.

To turn her into a museum, sir? The Wonderful World of Corrosion?

Hardly.

Here are some recent satellite photos of Russian naval bases...

at Petropavlovsk and Vladivostok.

That's where the Russians have got their diesel sub fleet.

They're in dock there, but each week there are fewer...

because they're selling them off like hotcakes...

to countries like Iran, Iraq and Libya, to name a few.

With all due respect, sir,

one American nuclear attack sub could defeat several diesels.

In conventional battle, certainly that's true.

But what if you had one renegade diesel captain,

decided to hit us, bam, suddenly without cause or warning,

like a terrorist intent on getting a nuclear warhead into one of our harbors?

Do you think we could catch and kill a bogey like that in time?

Absolutely, sir.

Well, the Department of Defense and most of the admiralty, they would agree with you.

But me, personally, I'd like to know for sure.

That's why you're gonna clean up the Stingray and take her out...

off the Atlantic Coast for a series of war games.

One rebel diesel against the U.S. Nuclear Navy. Come on.

First you're gonna attempt to invade Charleston Harbor.

And if you're good enough to evade further pursuit,

you're going to attempt to sink shipping...

right here at the naval base in Norfolk.

Simulated, of course. What do you think, Mr. Dodge?

I think I'm gonna get my ass kicked, sir.

Don't think like that! Damn it to hell! Don't go by the book!

Think like a pirate. I want a man with a tattoo on his dick.

Have I got the right man?

By a strange coincidence, you do, sir.

However, the task you've given me here...

is close to impossible.

If I pull it off--

that is, get both ports--

I would like command of my own nuclear sub.

Setting terms now? No, sir.

But without command, once this exercise is over, I'm headed for a desk job,

which means I'm out of the navy.

I can't make you any guarantees, Dodge,

but this is what I'll do.

I'll give you two live torpedoes.

I'll set a dummy ship at Norfolk Harbor.

If I see that baby go up, then we'll talk about your boat.

Thank you, sir.

Nice pants. Lose the cigar.

Oh, you better burn that shirt, sailor.

It's the crew from hell.

Good morning, sir!

Martin T. Pascal, executive officer of the Stingray, sir!

You come with a volume control, Pascal? Excuse me, sir?

Lieutenant Commander Tom Dodge.

You're kind of young for an Ex-O, aren't you?

Excellence knows no age, sir. Uh-huh.

Speaking of age, what do you think about our boat, Pascal?

I feel I need a tetanus shot just from looking at it.

The only thing holding her together are the bird droppings, sir.

Mm-hmm. We have our crew here, I see.

- What do you say we board them? - Yes, sir. Seaman Stanley Silversterson, sir!

Welcome aboard, Sylversterson. It's Sylvesterson, sir,

but my friends call me Spots. Spots?

[ Chuckles ] Well, I'm a bit of a gambler, sir.

What happened to your shoes?

You ever bet on a sure thing and the horse gets a cramp, sir?

- Grab a bunk. - Thank you, sir.

Next. [ Man ] Hey! Hey!

Get your hands off of me!

Oh, good. Our chaplain has arrived.

Sonar Technician Second Class E.T. Lovacelli, sir!

Goes under the name Sonar.

Welcome aboard, Sonar. Excuse me, sir.

This is an actual navy submarine,

not a float in a parade or something?

I'm afraid so, Sonar.

Huh.

Isn't that odd? Don't tell me. Deaf as Beethoven.

Oh, no. Great ears, sir.

Watch what you say around him. He hears everything.

His last C.O. thought he was a security problem.

Excuse me, sir. I don't hear everything,

and I'm quite trustworthy too.

Right.

Shoot.

Engineman First Class Brad Stepanak!

- Sit on it and rotate, sir. - [ Pascal ] What?

What did you say, sailor? You can't say that!

He can't say that! Pascal, down. Down. Heel.

By the Uniform Code of Military Justice,

that constitutes gross insubordination,

punishable by one month in the brig.

I'm ready to go, sir.

Board the boat. I like a challenge.

You'll throw me off within a week.

I'm a dedicated pain in the butt, sir.

Stepanak. What?

If I throw you off, it'll be in the middle of the Atlantic.

Board the damn boat. Oh, man.

What's our mission, rescue Gilligan?

You're mine, maggot! Ha!

I love this job.

And who's our next contestant?

Ooh!

Sorry. Name's Buckman.

Uh, Nitro. Hi.

Interesting nickname. What's your real name?

Nitro.

I'm working on a nickname, though. Oh, yeah?

Yeah. Listen to this.

Mike.

You're Stoneball Jackson, aren't you?

Who the hell are you calling Stoneball?

I lost a grand on that Army game because of you, butterfingers.

Yeah, well, for your information I was mugged.

Gaines was all over me that play, all right? Oh, yeah? I saw that play.

I saw the replay. I saw the slow-motion.

There was nobody near you but the mascot, and he could have made that layup.

That's-That's cute. But it's on now. Yeah.

It's old, but, uh, filthy.

Come in.

Hell of a day, huh, Marty?

Um, it-- it's not over yet, sir.

Lieutenant Lake is here.

Show him a bunk. Uh, there's-- there's a problem, sir.

Lieutenant Lake reporting for duty, sir. And there's no problem.

Oh! I get it.

Please, don't take off your clothes.

It's nice of the guys to get me a stripper, but, uh, I've got a lot of work to do.

Thank you. Thank you. Nice job on that uniform though.

I am not a stripper, sir.

I am Lieutenant Emily Lake, your new dive officer.

Well, that's impossible, Lieutenant.

They must be confusing you with Emilio Lake.

Women aren't allowed on submarines.

They are now.

Admiral Graham instituted a trial program.

- I'm it. - Good old Graham.

[ Chattering ] [ Dodge ] Men, at ease.

I'd like to introduce our newest crew member--

Lieutenant Emily Lake.

Emily is part of a pilot program...

to test the feasibility of women serving on submarines.

She's going to be our diving officer.

Can she do a back inward one-and-a-half in the layout position?

[ Laughter ]

Now, look, gentlemen. I know this is an unusual situation.

Can't be easy for Lieutenant Lake here to be thrown into a jungle such as this,

and I know it will make things hard on all of us.

[ Laughter ]

Let me rephrase that.

It's gonna make things difficult on all of us as well.

But if we just work together as a team, I'm sure we can handle ourselves--

[ Laughter ]

Bing.

Comport ourselves as professionals.

That is all.

[ Kissing Noises ] [ Wolf Whistles ]

[ Muttering, Indistinct ]

Come on. Put some muscle into it.

Stepanak, what are you doing?

As little as possible, sir.

I'm a detriment to the entire operation.

Total morale crusher.

You know, of course, that the submarine service is entirely volunteer.

All you have to do is quit.

My old man won't let me.

He's an admiral. He thinks sub duty will shape me up. Ha!

Well, I'm afraid you leave me no choice, son, but to relocate you.

- Really? - Really. Buckman!

Yes, sir?

Thank you, Buckman. That'll be all.

1-B-- cold.

1-C--

Hot.

Let me guess.

Our electrician. Yes, sir.

Naturally, you would take the light end.

What's the matter? You can't handle it, sweetheart?

Hey, this is the navy. Don't call me sweetheart. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hey, Gomer, can you get this hatch?

This week. Yeah.

[ Gasps, Yells ]

Uh-oh.

Buckman!

What the hell are you doing?

Stocking the pantry, sir.

You forgot like an idiot, Buckman,

because you're stocking the pantry like an idiot!

What are in these cans, Buckman?

That one's coffee. That one looks like cooking lard, sir.

And which one do you think we're gonna be using more often, sailor,

the coffee or the lard?

You think we're all gonna jump out of bed in the morning...

and have a big, hot, steaming cup of pig fat?

Well, it depends. If it's a cold morning, sir, you might go either--

The lard... is in your head, Buckman!

Now you take a look at that galley chart! [ Gasps ]

'Cause I want that cabinet repacked regulation style by 1100.

Do you know what time 1100 is? That would be after 1000, sir.

- Marty. - What... sir?

Can we speak, my cabin?

Carry on.

Marty, I'm a little worried about your health.

You're not exactly a people person, are you?

Afraid you're headed straight for an ulcer if you can't ease up a little bit.

I-I-I-- I'm not happy with this boat, sir.

Requesting permission for a transfer.

What?

Commander, this-this boat is--

It's a rust bucket! It's a shit box!

This crew is the most incompetent bunch...

of retards and assholes in naval history!

I mean, I know why you're here, but I don't know why...

I was even considered for such an assignment! Excuse me. Excuse me.

- Why am I here? - Well, you know.

- Your thing. - What thing?

The weenie tattoo.

[ Chuckles ] Wow.

Look, Pascal, I hate to disappoint you,

but I may have had some other things going for me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I believe you, sir.

Now, about my transfer.

This post could seriously jeopardize my chances for advancement.

I am this close to command, sir. Forget it.

You think you're the only one embarrassed to be here?

You think this is the command I dreamed about?

Well, we're all in this mess together, mister. And you and your career...

are in the hands of those very assholes, including this one.

Does that answer your question? Yes, sir.

Dismissed.

Jesus Christ.

[ Buckman ] You sure her clothes are in there?

Uh, unless this is yours.

[ Dodge ] Well done, guys.

She may not be the youngest girl at the ball, but she'll turn a head or two.

If she drives as well as she looks, we may even survive.

Dive test, tomorrow morning, 1000.

The rest of you are on leave until--

Lieutenant Lake, you're almost out of uniform.

Either you're confused about your dress size,

or there's been some foul play.

Hey, if it's a disqualifying offense,

I'd like to take full and sole responsibility, sir.

Gentlemen, I want to know who did this, or shore leave is cancelled tonight.

Very well. Everybody, back into the boat.

- [ Groaning ] - You heard the captain! Back on the boat!

[ Dodge ] Lieutenant Lake. Sorry.

- It won't happen again. - Thank you, sir, but I can take care of myself.

All right, gentlemen. Let's kick this pit!

Bowline clear!

[ Engines Revving ]

* Anchors aweigh, my boys *

* Anchors aweigh *

* Farewell to college joys *

* We sail at break of day, day, day, day *

* Through our last night on shore *

* Drink to the foam *

* Until we meet once more *

* Here's wishing you a happy voyage home **

Okay, Marty, let's get the lookouts below and button her up.

Aye, aye, sir. Prepare to rig for dive!

[ Man ] Aye, rig for dive.

Be sure to watch your drift here, Lieutenant. Strong crosscurrents.

I'm aware of that, sir. I've already compensated.

Excellent. So, have you ever dived a boat before, Lieutenant?

I mean, on purpose.

I've done over 300 on a simulator, sir.

Seventy-five of them were strong-current dives.

- And I'm sure you scored high, but-- - Higher than you, sir.

Oh. How would you know that?

I looked up your scores. I have a printout, if you'd like.

I have no doubt. Still,

a simulator is not a boat.

Nobody talks about brave men in their proud simulators.

Way to go, sir. [ Laughing ]

[ Dodge ] All right, gentlemen. Let's take her down.

Prepare for dive! [ Man ] Aye! Prepare for dive!

[ Alarm Sounding ] [ Man #2 ] Prepare for dive!

Uh, does he mean underwater?

What, uh--

Dive! Dive! Rig for deep submergence!

Make your depth 6-2 feet. 6-2. Aye.

7, down 6-2. Full ahead two-thirds. Blow negative to the mark.

Okay, boys. Down we go.

[ Sinister Chuckling ]

Whoa!

Hey!

Uh-oh. [ Groaning ]

Oh, my God.

What the hell did you do? What the hell did you do?

We're dead. Five to one says we're dead.

Cool. Did we hit an iceberg?

Off the coast of Virginia?

Sir, we have 12 degrees tilt starboard.

Lieutenant Lake, check all emergency vents open.

The board indicates that all vents are open, sir.

- I can see that. - Captain, maybe it's not a vent.

Maybe we're taking on water! Mr. Pascal, it must be a vent.

I'm fine! I'm fine!

[ Man Over Intercom ] Emergency vent two-Bravo appears shut.

- Well, then open it. - Roger.

[ Panting ] What?

Lieutenant Lake, that bump looks bad. You better get to sick bay.

I'd rather not, sir. I want to finish this dive.

Very well. Continue the dive.

Let's take her down to, oh, say, 500 feet.

Yes, sir.

Make your depth 5-0-0 feet, seven degree.

Down bubble.

This is good coffee, Buckman.

Thank you, sir.

I better go see if any of the other rooms are still tilted.

This one's all right.

1-0-0 feet, ma'am.

Passing 100 feet.

Now, keep an eye on this string,

'cause the water pressure is gonna squeeze the hull of this boat...

like an empty beer can.

[ Sinister Laughter ]

2-8-0 feet, ma'am.

Passing 280 feet, Captain.

Jackson, adjust trim.

No, it's okay.

Passing 300 feet.

[ Metal Creaking ]

Passing 350 feet, sir. [ Clanging ]

[ Clanging Continues ]

Bet you never saw anything like that on one of them big nukes.

No. We didn't have clotheslines.

We had those dryer things with the window in the front.

400 feet. No leaks.

Sir, I believe this is crush depth for this particular boat.

I have to know what she can do, Lake. You nervous?

[ Clanging Continues ] No, sir.

Maintain seven down.

[ Metal Creaking ]

[ Loud Bang ]

[ Metal Creaking ]

[ Creaking Intensifies ]

Bingo! 500 feet!

God, I love this job.

All right, everybody, I think that's enough for today. Let's get the hell out of here.

Mr. Pascal, please, periscope depth.

Periscope depth!

Ladies and gentlemen, let me be the first to congratulate you...

on a textbook dive.

[ Snoring ]

Carl, you and the Orlando are about to take part...

in a highly experimental war game...

conceived by Admiral Winslow.

Now, the objective is for the Orlando to protect Charleston...

against an unknown submarine...

that'll try to invade the harbor.

I would love to be able to tell you more,

but the conditions of the exercise prohibit it.

However, I can tell you this.

Given the nature of the intruder, you won't have much trouble.

We'll be more than ready, sir.

[ Imitating Frank Sinatra ] * I'm going to feel the way I do today *

* 'Cause you, you nutsy chick You broad *

* You make me feel so young ** Boom.

Look, boys, that was terrible. I'm gonna go outside, I'm gonna have a smoke.

When I get back in, you better have the horn section figured out.

I can't work like this.

[ Imitating Sports Announcer ] There's two on and two outs. Bonds is up again.

Swung on-- Ooh! Fouled down the right field line.

It struck the ball girl, knocked her cold.

Today's game, by the way, is brought to you by--

That boy's absorbed a lot of voltage.

Conn sonar.

So far, sir, I'm only picking up some faint merchant traffic.

Roger that, Sonar. Captain, I'm just wondering.

We're now in the engagement zone.

Shouldn't we be running silent at this stage? Not just yet.

They'll find us in no time like this, Captain.

They'll probably find us in no time anyway, Marty.

Lieutenant, anything unusual up there? Still just fishing boats.

The weather's gotten bad, though.

[ Moans ]

The intruder is probably coming from Norfolk.

Naturally, her captain will assume we'll concentrate our efforts to the north.

But her captain is undoubtedly a cunning man,

so we shall do the opposite and deploy southerly.

Ex-O, come to 1-7-6, ahead full.

Aye, sir. Course 1-7-6, ahead full.

Picking up anything, Sonar?

Oh, uh, nothing much, sir.

Buckman's eating an Oreo up in the galley.

Stepanak's taking a leak. In the ocean, I mean.

Oh, uh-- No, just a couple of biologics, sir.

Would you like to listen, or-- No, no.

I'll pass on that, thanks. What are these tapes you got here?

Oh, those are-- those are whales, sir.

I tape 'em, try to learn their language a little bit.

You know, just basic chitchat and so on.

I do their hailing call against the hull.

Sometimes they actually answer back.

Had a nice young couple alongside two or three hours ago.

Well, if you happen to hear them talking about the new nuclear attack sub in town,

you be sure to let me know, okay?

Aye, aye, sir.

Conn sonar. I've got a noise level bearing 3-4-6...

that may be a contact, sir, but it's pretty shallow to be a sub.

Make normal one-third turns. Come right to 3-4-6.

[ Man ] Maneuvering conn. Let's try to get a definitive classification.

Secure the engines. Periscope depth.

Answer bells on batteries. I wanna hear if anybody's out there.

Aye, sir. Kill the engines.

Conn sonar. Captain, we've lost the contact.

Continue course and speed.

[ Man ] Aye, sir. Continue course and speed.

Sonar originally classified this contact as a possible submarine,

but now they think it may have been a diesel engine.

Well, if it's a diesel contact, then it's not a sub.

- Aye, sir. - Wait, wait, wait.

Better check it out just to make sure.

- Bring me to single ping range. - But that will give away our position.

Minimal risk with this contact. May I have single ping range, please?

[ Pinging ]

Ah, geez! Just been pinged big-time, sir.

Bearing 0-3-0.

Well, that didn't take long. This could be the shortest command stint in history.

I knew we shouldn't have come in from the south! Goddamn it!

Yeah. Nice tactics, Captain Custer. Not that I give a damn.

We should be home in a couple hours.

It's the Orlando, sir. No question.

I know her machinery signature.

Judging by that ping, she's about 12,000 yards off and closing.

The Orlando. Carl Knox.

We still might have time to go deep and run, sir.

We might, but I doubt it. Lake, prepare to surface.

Surface? What for?

I mean, aye, sir.

Sir! Respectfully,

I can't concur with your decision to surrender this quickly.

I'm proud of you, Marty. Engine Room, once we're on top, run on one screw only.

Rig for red. And send somebody forward with a droplight and a roll of duct tape, okay?

[ Howard Over Intercom ] What is this, a scavenger hunt?

Mr. Jackson, you look like you could use some fresh air.

Uh... no.

Conn sonar. We have the contact steady at 5,000 yards.

Come to periscope depth. Make your depth 6-4 feet, ahead two-thirds.

[ Thunderclap ]

R.J., I want you to climb the periscope... Yes, sir?

and put that lamp up on top of it.

You want me to climb all the way up there? Yeah!

Look, I need an athlete, and you're the only one I got. So get going!

- Oh, shit! Aah! - Hang on, R.J.!

You're not gettin' out of it that easy! Now get your butt up there!

[ Groans ] Damn!

I never saw this shit on the recruiting poster.

All right. Latch the lamp to the scope.

Okay, okay.

Passing 9-0 feet.

Got it, sir!

* Be all that you can be ** That's the army song, Jackson!

Raise the periscope!

Sonar, plug that in. Running lights on now.

Running lights? Turn 'em on!

All hands, we are not running silent. Now, listen up.

[ Knox ] Oh, my Lord. What is that?

Looks like nothing but a fishing trawler.

* Louie, Louie *

* Oh, no We gotta go *

* Hey, hey, hey, hey * * Ay, yay, yay, yay *

** [ Singing Continues, Faint ]

* Oh, babe We gotta go now *

* Ay, yay, yay, yay, yay *

* A fine little girl is waiting for me *

[ Continues, Faint ] * Me catch the ship for cross the sea *

Captain?

Listen to this.

[ Over Loudspeaker ] * Never think I'll make it home *

* Louie, Louie *

* Oh, babe, we gotta go now *

* Ay, yay, yay, yay, yay Louie, Louie *

** [ Continues ] Perfect. We just chased down...

a boatload of beered-up fishermen.

Officers of the deck, come to north at full speed.

Set your depth at 200 feet.

* Louie, Louie Oh, baby **

Contact is breaking off, sir,

leaving the area fast and noisy.

I-I think we did it, sir.

[ Cheering, Hooting ]

Pay up. Pay up. [ Dodge ] Well done.

Mr. Pascal, let's go to Charleston Harbor and blow something up.

Now we're talking.

Are we really gonna blow something up, sir?

No, no, Sonar. We just use flares.

Storm's passed. Right.

Not a word on Dodge.

Appears he doesn't wanna come anywhere near the engagement area.

That's too bad for me.

That's why you invited me down here to Charleston-- to gloat that he didn't show up?

No, sir. Not at all.

Dodge was simply outclassed.

I've never lost a war game, and I'm not about to start right now.

I'm in line for a third star.

Oh, my God. I'll no longer outrank you. What a horrifying thought.

[ Flare Fired ]

Oh, boy. Look at the fireworks.

No. I believe that's a flare.

Oh, no. It can't be!

[ Winslow ] Chalk one up for the diesel navy!

He got Charleston. One down, one to go. Yeah!

Damn it to hell! War game record's starting to look shaky,

not to mention that third star.

I don't know how he pulled this stunt off,

but I guarantee you one thing, sir.

There will not be a repeat of this embarrassment,

because I will have his tattooed hide nailed to my office door!

- What is this doing here? - Oh, this?

It's to remind me what I'm gonna be driving next year, instead of this.

How do you figure that?

Well, I got four months to go on my navy hitch.

I'll spend a couple of months in the CBA until some NBA team need a point guard.

Then I pick up my ride.

Another loser fantasy from the league leader, huh?

Loser? Well, at least I can say I played in front of 19,000 people.

What the hell have you ever done besides lose money on me?

More than you know, homely,

including being chauffeured around in your dream car.

The only thing you ever been chauffeured around in is a paddy wagon.

- Fifty bucks. - It's a bet.

Ha! Big Jimmy, a guy I owed money to, had one.

His boys tied me up, they threw me in the trunk,

and they dumped me naked in the country.

Nice car. Even the trunk had cut pile carpeting.

Give me the money. Pay it up. Fifty bucks.

Ulysses S. Grant. [ Sneezes ]

Oh, that's so nasty.

Sorry. Dusty in here.

Admiral Graham on the radio for you, sir.

[ Dodge ] Thank you. Patching you through, sir.

Radio's working like a Swiss... car.

Dodge here.

"Stairway to Heaven"?

Led Zeppelin, 1971, right?

Okay! Hey! Good news, guys.

We just won the Billy Joel tickets and the WROK T-shirts.

Nitro, you want to get me Admiral Graham now?

Okay.

Oh! That's a little tickle. Go ahead, sir.

Go ahead. Try it now.

Hello, Admiral Graham. Called to congratulate me?

[ Scoffs ] I'd say the, uh, weather...

was the determining factor, wouldn't you?

All part of my strategy, sir. Mm-hmm.

Look, Dodge, for the rest of this exercise,

there's been a reconfiguration.

Shoot. Well, your new orders are...

to operate only in sections 3-A and 3-B,

and as usual, you will surrender...

upon confirmation of a shooting solution.

But that cuts the containment area in half, sir.

Does Admiral Winslow know about this?

Admiral Winslow is not administering this war game.

You have your orders, Captain.

- Do you read me? - Loud and clear.

Good. And, Dodge?

Remember: It's just a game.

Buckman! There was a fingernail in my food,

you fat-ass moron!

Yesterday, it was a Band-Aid!

I'm sorry, sir. The Band-Aid was holding the fingernail on.

What else do you put in your sauces, Buckman?

It's an old family recipe, sir. It's a secret.

Oh, my God. There's cockroaches in the flour!

Your cigar ash is in the spaghetti!

Jesus, Buckman! This stuff's been on the Stingray since Korea!

This can expired in 1966!

What's the matter, sir? It still tastes like creamed corn.

Except it's deviled ham! That would be a problem.

The captain's gonna hear about this!

[ Yells ]

Nobody saw that.

You should be more careful, sir.

Remember, when you rush, that's when accidents happen.

Shut up, Buckman!

[ Pinging Sounds ]

Uh-oh.

Excuse me, sir, but I'm picking up all kinds of stuff.

Up periscope.

Oh, my God. They got three destroyers and a frigate up there.

Active pinging, sir, from aircraft sonar buoys.

Down periscope. Emergency deep.

Rig for silent running. Battle stations.

[ Lake ] Pump negative. All ahead full.

- All planes on full dive. - [ Alarm Sounding ]

Full negative to the mark!

- Passing 100. - What's going on?

Any way I can cause a problem? No.

We're pretty well covered for now. Shit.

Passing 120. Let the air out of this thing, Lake.

We gotta get below that P-3 sonar. Twenty degrees down bubble.

Take her all the way down to the bottom.

- To the bottom, sir? - Yeah. It confuses their sonar.

They can't distinguish between us and the ocean floor.

Passing 300 feet.

Approaching the bottom, sir.

I can hear a couple of lobsters duking it out.

[ Lake ] Two degrees down bubble. No.

One and a half degrees down bubble.

Everything in hand, Lake? Yes, sir.

Just didn't do much bottoming on the simulator.

Nothing to it. Piece of cake.

One degree down bubble. No. Yes.

Uh, approximately 10 feet to bottom, sir.

All stop. Half degree down bubble.

Conn sonar! Hot noise in the water!

[ Creaking ]

What did it sound like? It was loud, sir. Two heavy bangs.

Nice job, Lake. Like dropping a piano.

Hey, why don't you do it again in case they didn't hear you the first time.

It's all right. Everybody, back to stations.

Begin damage check.

All hands, we are now going silent. Repeat: Full silent.

[ Groans ]

P-3s reported possible submarine in the same area-- approximately 9,000 yards.

Shall I go active?

Passive sonar only. Let's not give away our position.

Chin up, Lake. It wasn't your fault.

[ Grunts ]

That's the approximate area of the last sonar buoy contact, sir.

Don't hear anything, but they may be playing possum.

Give me a pack of gum. The Fruit Stripe.

That's 25. Chew it silently.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Sir? It's the Orlando.

Somebody just dropped 45 cents.

You sure? Oh, yeah.

A quarter and two dimes.

[ Passes Gas Loudly ]

Hear something?

Yeah.

Almost sounded like... an explosion.

Aw, man!

Ohh!

Anything else? Not yet.

Somebody need to sew his ass shut!

[ No Audible Dialogue ]

[ Imitating Whale Sounds ]

Is it a biologic?

Sounds like a whale.

Must be a whale. It's moving around.

Now it sounds like there's two of them.

[ Continues Whale Sounds ]

Ah, the heck with it. False alarm.

Back to periscope depth. Ahead full.

[ Squeaky Voice ] Orlando--

Orlando, sir. 300 yards and opening.

Okay.

Somebody find Buckman, launch him out a torpedo tube.

Ex-O, let's get this boat moving.

Course is 0-2-7, and vent this smoke.

Sir, that's out of the quadrant. Yes, it is.

Captain, I must protest. We have direct orders from Admiral Graham...

to stay in this containment area.

I know my orders, Ex-O. Course 0-2-7.

When we're clear surface, then run all full.

Stepanak, you missed an opportunity there.

One noise from you, we could have been in a world of trouble.

No. That would have been unethical, sir.

I'm only out to screw myself. That would have screwed everybody.

Live to fight another day, Captain Boone.

[ Knocks ]

Permission to enter, Lieutenant Lake.

Lieutenant Lake?

I didn't give you permission to enter.

Well, sometimes a captain must take unilateral action.

I could have you put on report.

[ Scoffs ] Be my guest.

Look, Lake. There is no way you could know...

what the contour of the ocean floor was like.

It's as much my fault as anybody's.

No, it was mine.

I don't have the necessary training, the blue-water experience,

to continue to be the dive officer on this boat.

Especially considering the high-risk maneuvers you're doing.

Let me be the judge of that.

No one could have set this boat down in any better condition...

under the circumstances.

Sir, I not only gave away our position,

I potentially endangered the crew.

Would you be this easy on me if I was a properly experienced sailor?

I'd like to think so.

Thank you, Captain.

Good night.

Good night.

Sir?

The Murmansk brushing incident--

how did you get over that?

Got drunk and passed out.

Woke up the next morning with a hangover and a tattoo.

I wouldn't recommend the tattoo.

Polishing the old torpedo, sir?

Shut up, Stepanak. Thank you, sir. It's nice to be noticed.

Oh, get outta the way.

Come on. Get back to bed.

May I have a word with you in private, sir?

Sure.

Sir, uh...

your decision to leave the engagement zone...

is a direct violation of our standing orders.

I'm aware of that, Ex-O.

And now, uh, we appear to have broken off radio contact.

You are right on top of things, as usual, Marty.

Captain, we are not following the parameters of this exercise.

I have been individually briefed.

I believe we are following the spirit of this exercise and its intent.

And--

And I believe that you are deluded.

You've hijacked your own boat.

And I think it's my duty to inform the crew...

that we are operating outside of the navy's control...

and ask you... to relinquish command.

Relinquish command?

Yes, sir. To who?

To me.

Excuse me.

Huh? C-Captain! Sir!

Sir, I checked the manual,

and I am well within my rights.

All hands, this is the captain speaking.

Executive Officer Martin Pascal has something he'd like to say to you.

[ Clears Throat ] Men...

Ex-O Pascal here.

I feel it is my duty...

to inform you...

that we are no longer in contact with COMSUBLANT.

And we have left the containment area...

in direct violation of orders from Admiral Graham.

The captain does not deny this.

[ Chuckles ] So, I need-- I would like--

your support in asking... that the captain...

hand over command of the Stingray... to me.

[ Both Laughing ]

Marty Pascal. God-- God bless you all.

This is Captain Tom Dodge.

No man or woman in the U.S. Navy has ever been court-martialed...

for following the captain's orders.

However, if any of you would like to support Ex-O Pascal,

you may speak up now without fear of punishment...

or reprisal from me.

Well, Mr. Pascal, looks like you're guilty of attempted mutiny.

That's absurd! These men love me!

Mr. Stepanak, would you come to the control room, please?

* Come on, ye young fellows who follow the sea *

* Yo-ho and blow the man down *

* It's time to be bathing Lieutenant "Marteen" *

* Yo-ho and blow the man down *

* Oh, give me a plank that looks out on the sea *

* Yo-ho and blow the man down *

* It's a short little walk wrapped with eternity *

* Yo-ho and blow the man down *

* Blow that not-so-kooky punk back downtown **

Captain Blood, bring forth the prisoner.

[ Men Cheering, Whooping ] Hey, Nitro, ain't that one of my chickens?

Uh, no, it's a parrot, uh, from the Caribbean.

Don't let it fly away. That's supper.

Arg!

[ Men Yelling, Whooping ]

Mr. Pascal,

have you any last words before you walk the plank, sir?

You can't do this, you maniac!

This is the modern navy! People don't walk the plank!

Captain Blood, consign him to the briny deep!

- [ Men Whooping ] - Sonar?

Play me a dirge, matey.

** [ Dirge ]

** [ Men Vocalizing ] Arg!

Arg! ** [ Vocalizing Continues ]

[ Dodge ] Luck be with ye, Mr. Pascal.

Walk!

This is crazy! This can't be happening!

You've lost it, Dodge! You're going around the bend!

You'll hang for this! Stop, or you'll all hang!

[ Dodge ] Eternal oceans from which we came,

receive Lieutenant Martin Pascal.

May God have mercy on his soul.

Now you're mine, maggot. Watch that last step.

Mommy!

[ Men Whooping ]

The U.S. Navy thanks you for your help, gentlemen.

Anytime!

You bastard, Dodge! [ Groans ]

[ All Cheering ]

Now that wasn't so bad, was it, Lieutenant?

All right, all hands below.

We're going back inside the containment area.

He made him walk the plank?

Sir, this exercise has gotten out of hand.

Not only has he violated the rules of this war game,

but he's gone AWOL with U.S. Government property.

The man should be court-martialed.

Maybe, but you can't find him. I don't have to.

Dodge wouldn't have pushed it this far, unless...

he was planning to make a run on Norfolk itself.

I'll be waiting for him.

- You'll be waiting for him? - Yes, sir

I plan on taking charge of his capture... personally.

Yeah, there are about 15 ships up there.

They got 'em set up like a picket line.

They must know we're coming.

Down periscope.

[ Knox ] Attention on deck!

That's all right, men. Carry on. Welcome aboard, sir.

Just what the hell is that supposed to mean?

I haven't been getting much sleep. I--

Everything's set to go here though, right? Yes, sir.

The harbor is effectively blockaded. Good.

Then have all surface ships begin their active sonar search.

Aye, aye, sir. Officer of the deck, submerge the boat.

Now, gentlemen, now! Let's go! Like it already happened!

Active sonars in all quadrants, sir.

Air, ship, ocean floor sensors--

they got everything on. Arg!

No surprise. From here on out, no unnecessary conversation.

We have a faint echo, Captain. 15,000 yards at 3-4-9'er.

Track steady.

[ Pinging ]

We're being actively pinged, sir.

Repeat, active sonar, 12,000 yards.

Steady on course. Keep an ear out for commercial traffic.

11,000 yards and closing.

Okay, let's prepare torpedo guidance.

[ Man ] Aye, sir. Prepare torpedo guidance.

[ Siren Wailing ]

What's the surface traffic like?

Uh, five destroyers, three frigates...

and a commercial supertanker, sir.

The Denali out of Philadelphia.

All right, ladies and gentlemen, we have fulfilled every requirement of this mission,

except one-- Norfolk.

Presently, there are several ships positioned outside the harbor...

to intercept us.

To get in, we're gonna have to use a tactic...

that is somewhat bizarre and extremely risky.

If any of you feel it's not worth it, please let me know now.

Uh, actually, sir, I think we prefer to go with the bizarre and risky.

It worked for us so far.

I think we should continue to kick ass, sir.

Yeah!

[ All Agreeing ]

Very well, then.

Make for the tanker. All ahead full.

The tanker, sir? We're gonna use it as a hat.

How do we get in? Right between the screws.

Why don't we just come up from underneath, sir?

Never fool them that way. You gotta go through the cavitation.

They lose us for 20, 30 seconds, then all they can pick up is the tanker.

I've never done a maneuver like that, sir.

Sure you have. Pinpoint drills in the simulator.

Captain, this is way over my head.

Just focus on your procedures.

You've all worked so hard to get this far.

I don't wanna be the one who screws it up for you. Emily.

Please... don't ask me.

Okay, I'll take it, Lieutenant.

Thank you, Captain.

Make your depth 1-2-5 feet.

1-2-5. Aye.

[ Beeping ]

8,000 yards and closing, sir. Confirm torpedo range.

Fix position. Prepare for guidance lock.

I got you now, Popeye.

100 yards and closing, sir. Two minutes till contact.

Three degrees down bubble. Three degrees down bubble. Aye.

Three degrees, sir?

- What is it, Lake? - Nothing, sir.

Captain, the propeller turbulence is becoming a problem.

Two degrees down bubble. Make that two and a half degrees down bubble.

Two and a half degrees down bubble. Aye. Maybe one and a half, sir.

Be quiet, Lake, or do it yourself.

It's getting tough to hold in all of this wash, sir.

I must be right behind one of the props.

One degree left rudder. No, sir!

Chop's heavier to port. We need right rudder.

You think you know better, then get up here and drive.

- I don't think I should, sir. - You're the only one who can. I'm guessing here.

All back one-third! Right full rudder! Right full rudder. Aye!

Ten feet and closing, sir.

All ahead two-thirds! Rudder amidships!

Zero bubble! Steady course!

2-7-0. Balls to the wall, boys!

Stay right full! Hold steady now!

We're holding, ma'am! Hang with me, Jackson! I've got you, tight on it!

Uh, sir, sonar contact is breaking up.

- We're having some trouble tracking them now. - What?

Don't you dare tell me that.

Comm, engine room. We're taking on water!

I'll take care of it, sir.

Maintain course. Help is on the way.

Hey, Howard, the leaks are too strong!

We got to abandon!

You're not abandoning shit!

I hate these stinkin' submarines, but I sure as hell am not gonna die in one!

Block those leaks!

Bump it up to full! Keep your trim!

One and a half down bubble. All ahead full!

Come on, guys. Let's work on this one.

Oh, shit, it's the main!

Dress rehearsal from hell, boys!

[ Yelling ]

You all right, Howard? Yeah. Did I miss anything?

Just a little water.

- We're through. - [ All Cheering ]

How about some quesadillas? [ Laughs ]

Nice work, Lake. Thank you, sir.

Spots, Jackson, you too.

How you doing back there, Howard?

We'll be up in a couple of minutes.

- I just got out of the shower. - Glad to hear it. Hang in there.

Now that was fun!

[ Laughs, Groans ]

I'm sorry, sir, but we've lost them.

Nothing out there but commercial traffic, sir.

I just don't believe it.

I can't goddamn believe it!

The man's gotta be out there somewhere!

He can't just have vanished!

[ Sighs ] Oh, boy.

[ Knock ] Come in.

Excuse me, Captain.

Hi, Lieutenant. Yes?

I was just wondering how much longer you would have waited before doing it right.

Half a heartbeat.

[ Chuckles ] You know, you scared the hell out of me, Emily.

Permission to speak freely, sir.

Granted.

Sir. [ Giggles ]

[ Horn Sounds ]

[ Horn Sounds ]

Hey, Spots. Yes, Mr. Jackson.

You know that layup at the end of the Army game?

I know. You were fouled. I choked.

Just wanted you to know that.

You got the best hands in the navy. You were tomahawked.

No, man, I'm a mediocre player, Spots.

I never started for any team I ever played for.

Don't gimme that. You are NBA material. You remember that.

Yeah... I guess you're right.

What, are you kidding?

It's not in the area, sir. It must have headed back out to sea.

Oh, no, not him. Not now.

Trust me, he is out there.

- Uh-oh, tanker's turning. - What?

It's not going to Norfolk, sir. We're gonna be uncovered here real soon.

Damn! You want me to stay with them, sir?

No. We got a lead on the Orlando, and we're past the surface ships.

We gotta make our run on Norfolk now.

There's a lot of active sonar out there, sir.

Orlando's on definitive search and destroy.

Can't be helped. At least we'll know where she is.

- [ Beeping ] - Got 'em. 2-5-0, 12,000 yards.

Christ, he's already ahead of us.

The admiral has the conn!

Admiral, all due respect, this is my boat.

Not right now it's not, with all due respect.

Ahead full. Course 2-5-0!

They're on us, sir. We're being actively pinged. 11,000 yards and closing.

Arg!

Up periscope.

Okay, we got cloud cover up there. Low overcast.

Their planes will have trouble seeing us.

Prepare to surface. We're gonna run on top.

All right, everybody, it's time to kick this pig!

Leave Graham squealin' from the feelin'.

- Squeakin' from the freakin'. - Oinkin' from the boinkin'.

10,000 yards and closing.

Prepare for torpedo guidance. Let's get a shooting solution.

8,000 yards and closing, sir.

Radio call for you, Captain. Some guy named Graham and ham ham.

- Put it on the overhead. - Uh, just a minute, sir.

[ Electrical Charge ] [ Yells ] Go ahead, sir! Aah!

Dodge here. Dodge? This is Admiral Graham.

I'm on the Orlando,

and I'm putting you on notice.

When informed of a shooting solution,

I expect you to acknowledge it in accordance with the rules of this war game.

Since when have the rules become important to you, sir?

You watch yourself, Dodge.

You are addressing a superior officer.

No, merely a higher-ranking one.

- Catch us if you can. - [ Both Laugh ] Yeah!

- [ All Cheering ] - Gimme all you got, Howie.

Aye, sir. This is what I live for-- D.B.F.

What are you doing? Whiskey. Thins out the mix.

Gives us another 50 R.P.M.s.

5,000 yards and closing!

Confirm torpedo range. We have guidance lock.

Report when you have a shooting solution.

Put on some speed. Aye, sir.

Orlando, 3,000 yards and closing.

Conn, torpedo, request permission to arm flares, sir.

Hell, no. Ready torpedo tubes one and two.

- Aye, sir. - Torpedoes?

Trust me.

1,100 yards to target and closing.

Ha-cha-cha!

Up periscope.

We're lit!

- Chamber! - [ Yells, Indistinct ]

- Seal! - Walk on hands free.

Bearing... mark.

2-6-3.

Range 9-0-0.

- Second mark, sir. - Haven't got the time. Gotta shoot from the hip.

Bearing 2-6-3, fire one!

Fire one!

Bearing 2-6-4,

range 8-5-0, fire two!

Fire two!

[ Beeping, Buzzing ]

Sir, we have a shooting solution.

Well. Get the Stingray right away. Give 'em the coordinates.

I wanna tell him-- he's targeted.

If he has the guts to acknowledge.

Sir, it's that General What's-his-name again.

Forget the phone. Put it on the squawk.

Okay. Yes, sir.

Submarine Stingray, this is Submarine Orlando.

It has been confirmed, you are targeted.

Submarine Orlando, this is Submarine Stingray. Stingray One speaking.

We acknowledge the kill and congratulate the Orlando and all the fine men on that boat.

Well, thank you, Captain.

However, at the time of your transmission,

I had already fired two torpedoes.

What?

You can probably hear them in the water. And though we are dead,

our fish are on their way to the naval station dummy ship.

They hit, we still win.

Har har!

You son of a bitch!

Were those hot torpedoes or exercise shots?

Sir, our fish our running hot, straight and normal.

If we aimed them right, any kills should be visible in your scope.

- 10 seconds. - Nine...

eight... seven...

six... five...

four... three...

two... one--

- Sweet! - [ All Cheering ]

- Arg! - [ All Cheering ]

- Yeah! - God, I love this job!

* Har har har har har Har har har har har **

[ Sighs ]

[ Cheering ]

Hey! Whoo!

Sir, this entire exercise is invalid. Dodge left the containment area--

After you had narrowed it without proper authorization.

He ignored a direct order.

Stow it, Yancy. He had higher orders.

And you can forget about that third star.

To the right, to the left, to the right, to the left.

[ Howard Continues Yelling Commands ]

[ Howard ] Crew, halt!

Crew, salute!

Welcome back, Captain. You certainly pushed my order to the breaking point.

Thank you, sir. I mean, if that's a compliment.

However, under the circumstances,

I will not be able to give you your own Los Angeles-class...

nuclear submarine. Yes, sir.

You will be given instead a new Seawolf-class nuclear submarine...

and will attend its launching on Friday.

And this time, you'll be given a proper crew,

one commensurate with your tactical and leadership abilities.

- Thank you, sir, but I'd have to decline. - Decline?

I would not be in line for such a promotion without the help of my present crew.

I could not, in good conscience, accept another command without them.

Still setting terms, huh, Dodge?

Just respectfully requesting, sir.

Well, at least you got my son to face forward.

- [ Snickers ] - Your son? Stepanak, sir?

Yes. It's his mother's name.

His salute still leaves something to be desired.

We'll work on that, sir. You do that, Commander.

Dismissed!

Live it up, guys. You earned it.

Thank you, sir. I'll try not to overdo it.

What exactly is this tattoo I keep hearing about?

Well, it's a long story.

It was just after the Murmansk brushing incident.

I believe you're familiar with that.

* Where can you find pleasure Search the world for treasure*

* Learn science, technology *

* Where can you begin to make your dreams all come true *

* On the land or on the sea *

* Where can you learn to fly Play in sports or skin-dive *

* Study oceanography *

* Sign up for the big band or sit in the grandstand *

* When your team and others meet *

- * In the navy * - * Yes, you can sail the seven seas *

* In the navy * * You can put your mind at ease *

- * In the navy * - * Come on, people and make a stand *

* In the navy * * Can't you see we need a hand *

- * In the navy * - * Come on, protect the motherland *

* In the navy * * Come on and join your fellow man *

- * In the navy * - * Come on, people and make a stand *

- * In the navy, in the navy * - * In the navy, in the navy *

[ Rhythmic Clapping ]

* They want you, they want you they want you as a new recruit *

* If you like adventure don't you wait to enter *

* The recruiting office fast *

* Don't you hesitate There is no need to wait *

* They're signing up new seamen fast *

* Maybe you are too young to join up today but *

* Don't you worry about a thing *

* For I'm sure there will be always a good navy *

* Protecting the land and sea *

- * In the navy * - * Yes, you can sail the seven seas *

- * In the navy * - * Yes, you can put your mind at ease *

* In the navy * * Come on, people and make a stand *

- * In the navy, in the navy * - * Can't you see we need a hand *

- * In the navy * - * Come on, protect the motherland *

- * In the navy * - * Come on and join your fellow man *

- * In the navy * - * Come on, people and make a stand *

- * In the navy, in the navy * - * In the navy, in the navy *

[ Rhythmic Clapping ]

* They want you, they want you they want you as a new recruit *

* Who me * * They want you, they want you as a new recruit *

But--

But--

But I'm afraid of water!

Hey, look, man.

I get seasick just watching it on the TV.

- * They want you * - Oh, my goodness.

* They want you *

What am I gonna do in a-- in a submarine? * They want you *

No, they don't want me. * They want you *

* In the navy * They want you.

* In the navy * * Yes, you can sail the seven seas *

- * In the navy * - * Yes, you can put your mind at ease *

* In the navy * * Come on, people and make a stand *

* In the navy * * Can't you see we need a hand *

* In the navy * * Come on protect the motherland *

* In the navy * * Come on and join your fellow man *

- * In the navy * - * Come on, people and make a stand *

- * In the navy, in the navy * - * In the navy, in the navy *

[ Rhythmic Clapping ]

* In the navy *

* In the navy *

* In the navy *

* In the navy In the navy *

* In the navy *

* In the navy *

* In the navy *

* In the navy In the navy **