All language subtitles for The Simpsons S29E08

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch Download
en English Download
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian Download
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian Download
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,807 --> 00:00:09,772 D'oh! 2 00:00:11,347 --> 00:00:14,845 Subtitles by explosiveskull 3 00:00:20,386 --> 00:00:22,620 - Here's your raise. - D'oh! 4 00:00:32,065 --> 00:00:34,965 Light! Light! Light...! 5 00:00:35,001 --> 00:00:35,999 Light! 6 00:00:36,035 --> 00:00:37,801 - It's your turn to get up. - Light. 7 00:00:37,837 --> 00:00:40,271 Oh. I'll never understand how something 8 00:00:40,307 --> 00:00:43,874 that came from inside of you became my responsibility. 9 00:00:45,178 --> 00:00:47,710 - Mm. - Out! 10 00:00:47,746 --> 00:00:49,380 Light! 11 00:00:49,416 --> 00:00:51,715 Daddy. Breakfast. 12 00:00:51,751 --> 00:00:53,783 Geez, this kid's kind of smart. 13 00:00:53,819 --> 00:00:55,185 Tuesday. 14 00:00:55,221 --> 00:00:56,320 Au-Autumn. 15 00:00:56,356 --> 00:00:58,354 - She's a genius. - Foliage. 16 00:00:58,390 --> 00:01:01,024 Like the guy who invented shoes with lights in them. 17 00:01:01,060 --> 00:01:02,826 Cornucopia? 18 00:01:04,096 --> 00:01:07,363 Aw, sweetie, it's no surprise you're awesome. 19 00:01:07,399 --> 00:01:10,633 We didn't have to pull you out by the elbow, like the boy. 20 00:01:10,669 --> 00:01:12,136 Mwah. 21 00:01:14,440 --> 00:01:15,472 D'oh! 22 00:01:20,913 --> 00:01:23,047 Harvard College, admissions essay. 23 00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:24,982 Lisa M. Simpson. 24 00:01:25,018 --> 00:01:27,417 I was born with one great advantage in life... 25 00:01:27,453 --> 00:01:30,053 A voice that would make a rhino stick its horn up its butt? 26 00:01:30,089 --> 00:01:32,255 Rhinos are extinct, nimrod. 27 00:01:32,291 --> 00:01:35,059 Not hippos. I just saw one in smelly, blue pants. 28 00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:36,193 Why you little... 29 00:01:36,229 --> 00:01:39,062 I'm not little. I'm 20, and I live at home. 30 00:01:39,098 --> 00:01:41,164 - Oh, man. - Why you disappointing... 31 00:01:41,200 --> 00:01:43,399 You know you're choking someone who can vote. 32 00:01:43,435 --> 00:01:45,268 - But did you vote? - No. 33 00:01:45,304 --> 00:01:47,238 - Why you little... - Oh, come on, man. 34 00:01:47,274 --> 00:01:49,607 ...not voting fascist-enabling... 35 00:01:50,976 --> 00:01:54,244 Must stop President Kid Rock. 36 00:01:54,280 --> 00:01:57,181 I was born with one great advantage, 37 00:01:57,217 --> 00:02:00,250 a family that never made anything easy. 38 00:02:00,286 --> 00:02:02,853 Never more than on my seventh birthday. 39 00:02:06,759 --> 00:02:08,459 It's my birthday! 40 00:02:08,495 --> 00:02:09,893 Seven years old! 41 00:02:09,929 --> 00:02:13,096 I'll wear my favorite blue dress. 42 00:02:13,132 --> 00:02:15,265 I'll wear red, just for today. 43 00:02:15,301 --> 00:02:16,767 It's my birthday. 44 00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:18,869 I want bacon! 45 00:02:20,139 --> 00:02:22,072 Shh! 46 00:02:22,108 --> 00:02:24,073 I can't get Maggie to sleep. 47 00:02:24,109 --> 00:02:27,543 I guess I'll just have to start using these. 48 00:02:29,081 --> 00:02:32,549 Whoa, okay, okay. That's enough for now. 49 00:02:32,585 --> 00:02:35,818 Geez, come on. 50 00:02:38,191 --> 00:02:40,693 Don't make me put you under warm water. 51 00:02:42,294 --> 00:02:43,464 I give up. 52 00:02:47,500 --> 00:02:49,299 Anyone have anything to say to me? 53 00:02:49,335 --> 00:02:52,136 Well, of course, honey. 54 00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:53,670 Get ready for school or you'll be late. 55 00:02:54,973 --> 00:02:57,073 Oy, this baby. 56 00:02:57,109 --> 00:03:00,244 Lisa, sweetie, I know why you're excited. 57 00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:02,279 This is a very big day. 58 00:03:02,315 --> 00:03:03,781 Happy... 59 00:03:03,817 --> 00:03:06,449 ...hour at Moe's was extended by an hour. 60 00:03:06,485 --> 00:03:08,185 - Wh-What? - Mwah. 61 00:03:08,221 --> 00:03:10,586 ♪ Happy hour at Moe's ♪ 62 00:03:10,622 --> 00:03:12,322 ♪ Now he'll never close. ♪ 63 00:03:22,234 --> 00:03:26,136 Class, today is a very special day. 64 00:03:26,172 --> 00:03:28,104 It's someone's birthday. 65 00:03:28,140 --> 00:03:30,674 Someone whose parents pretended to forget. 66 00:03:30,710 --> 00:03:31,941 Yes. 67 00:03:31,977 --> 00:03:35,112 And that someone is... Hubert Wong. 68 00:03:35,148 --> 00:03:37,114 Happy birthday, superstar. 69 00:03:38,852 --> 00:03:42,519 Lisa, please don't ruin Hubert's birthday. 70 00:03:42,555 --> 00:03:44,854 You wouldn't like it if someone ruined yours. 71 00:03:46,692 --> 00:03:50,526 I am sorry, but if you can't control yourself, 72 00:03:50,562 --> 00:03:52,363 I'll have to send you to the office. 73 00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:57,133 But you saying that makes me wants to cry more. 74 00:04:04,443 --> 00:04:05,876 Mmm! 75 00:04:05,912 --> 00:04:08,949 No, Hubert. No cupcake for her. 76 00:04:13,953 --> 00:04:16,686 Lisa, school is a place for sitting quietly. 77 00:04:16,722 --> 00:04:18,088 What about learning? 78 00:04:18,124 --> 00:04:20,224 No longer part of our mandate. 79 00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:22,393 Did your mom ever disappoint you? 80 00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:24,193 This isn't about mother, 81 00:04:24,229 --> 00:04:26,095 so don't say a mother word about her. 82 00:04:26,131 --> 00:04:28,331 Don't you dare, Mother, don't you dare. 83 00:04:28,367 --> 00:04:30,400 Ah. It's just me, a student. 84 00:04:30,436 --> 00:04:33,874 I can't hear you, Mother. 85 00:04:36,409 --> 00:04:39,042 She's everywhere and everyone. 86 00:04:39,078 --> 00:04:42,448 I'm everywhere because you're nothing. 87 00:04:43,917 --> 00:04:46,049 Thanks for getting me out of work, sweetie. 88 00:04:46,085 --> 00:04:48,285 - Want the rest of my donut? - No, sir. 89 00:04:48,321 --> 00:04:49,886 What? 90 00:04:49,922 --> 00:04:51,888 Aw, please tell me what's wrong. 91 00:04:51,924 --> 00:04:54,891 I can't tell you. You just have to know. 92 00:04:54,927 --> 00:04:57,261 - Would tickling help matters? - No. 93 00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:59,296 Well, that's really all I have in my toolbox. 94 00:04:59,332 --> 00:05:02,232 Okay, let me think. What's today? Tuesday? 95 00:05:02,268 --> 00:05:03,299 Yes. 96 00:05:03,335 --> 00:05:08,405 That would make you six years and 365 days old. 97 00:05:08,441 --> 00:05:09,405 Yes. 98 00:05:09,441 --> 00:05:11,275 It's your birthday! 99 00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:13,544 And you forgot it, Lisa. 100 00:05:13,580 --> 00:05:16,145 But because it's your birthday, I forgive you. 101 00:05:16,181 --> 00:05:18,448 And you're gonna have the best day ever. 102 00:05:18,484 --> 00:05:20,119 Optimism, you're back. 103 00:05:23,155 --> 00:05:25,054 Attention, world. 104 00:05:25,090 --> 00:05:28,991 It's little Lisa's birthday, and you all forgot. 105 00:05:29,027 --> 00:05:30,727 Not me. 106 00:05:30,763 --> 00:05:33,229 Now I suppose I got to get your kid something. 107 00:05:33,265 --> 00:05:35,068 Just remember them in your prayers. 108 00:05:35,104 --> 00:05:37,167 Both of them? Fine. 109 00:05:37,203 --> 00:05:42,806 ♪ Happy birthday, dear Lisa ♪ 110 00:05:42,842 --> 00:05:47,477 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 111 00:05:47,513 --> 00:05:50,184 ♪ We all forgot. ♪ 112 00:05:53,285 --> 00:05:56,152 And all was well, until the next year, 113 00:05:56,188 --> 00:05:57,688 when they forgot again. 114 00:05:57,724 --> 00:05:59,155 I mean, really, two in a row? 115 00:05:59,191 --> 00:06:01,357 Even Luigi remembers it. 116 00:06:01,393 --> 00:06:03,527 Well, we have-a the same-a birthday. 117 00:06:03,563 --> 00:06:06,892 Makes it easy. You, me, and Hubert Wong. 118 00:06:06,928 --> 00:06:10,970 That's a-right, Hubert. Cupcake for her. 119 00:06:13,633 --> 00:06:15,665 As I got older, 120 00:06:15,701 --> 00:06:18,669 I realized, as all must, 121 00:06:18,705 --> 00:06:21,508 that my parents were not demigods. 122 00:06:22,941 --> 00:06:24,741 You are going to die soon. 123 00:06:24,777 --> 00:06:25,943 Shut up. 124 00:06:25,979 --> 00:06:27,410 You are going to die soon. 125 00:06:27,446 --> 00:06:28,612 Shut up. 126 00:06:28,648 --> 00:06:30,280 Blood pressure spiking. 127 00:06:30,316 --> 00:06:31,681 Shut up! 128 00:06:31,717 --> 00:06:34,350 Calling your doctor. 129 00:06:34,386 --> 00:06:36,119 Hello? 130 00:06:36,155 --> 00:06:37,487 Shut up! 131 00:06:37,523 --> 00:06:39,155 No, they are a man and a woman 132 00:06:39,191 --> 00:06:41,458 trapped in a fragile marriage 133 00:06:41,494 --> 00:06:44,965 that nearly fell apart when I turned 14. 134 00:06:46,700 --> 00:06:48,698 Happy birthday! Happy birthday! 135 00:06:48,734 --> 00:06:51,100 I remembered! Don't tell your therapist. 136 00:06:51,136 --> 00:06:54,171 ♪ Lisa, it's your birthday ♪ 137 00:06:54,207 --> 00:06:57,607 ♪ Here's five brand-new verses ♪ 138 00:06:57,643 --> 00:07:01,177 ♪ Soon you'll be a woman ♪ 139 00:07:01,213 --> 00:07:03,980 ♪ Soon you'll be in love ♪ 140 00:07:04,016 --> 00:07:07,316 ♪ Who'd be better to take advice from ♪ 141 00:07:07,352 --> 00:07:10,220 ♪ Than a man who wears one glove? ♪ 142 00:07:10,256 --> 00:07:11,220 Hee-hee! 143 00:07:11,256 --> 00:07:14,657 ♪ Lisa, it's your birthday ♪ 144 00:07:14,693 --> 00:07:18,227 ♪ Happy birthday, Lisa ♪ 145 00:07:18,263 --> 00:07:21,364 ♪ Lisa, it's your birthday ♪ 146 00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:24,835 ♪ Happy birthday, Lisa. ♪ 147 00:07:24,871 --> 00:07:26,569 - Yeah. Mm-hmm. 148 00:07:26,605 --> 00:07:29,205 Thank you. It's a wonderful cake, Dad, 149 00:07:29,241 --> 00:07:30,474 but I'm 14. 150 00:07:30,510 --> 00:07:31,512 D'oh! 151 00:07:33,847 --> 00:07:35,044 Happy birthday, Lisa. 152 00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:37,246 We miss you in second grade. 153 00:07:37,282 --> 00:07:40,217 Oh, someday you'll get out of there, Ralph. 154 00:07:40,253 --> 00:07:42,386 I don't want to. I'm bigger than teacher. 155 00:07:42,422 --> 00:07:44,987 I broke my desk. Teacher cry. 156 00:07:45,023 --> 00:07:48,261 I'm growing a mustache under my long nose. 157 00:07:50,696 --> 00:07:53,466 Better use Mom's closet. 158 00:07:55,734 --> 00:07:58,571 Oof. It's full? 159 00:08:02,407 --> 00:08:05,174 Read me. Read me. 160 00:08:05,210 --> 00:08:06,410 Come on, help a letter out. 161 00:08:08,948 --> 00:08:10,246 "Dear Homer, 162 00:08:10,282 --> 00:08:12,181 By the time you read this..." 163 00:08:12,217 --> 00:08:13,350 I will be gone. 164 00:08:13,386 --> 00:08:15,551 Since we married, you've changed. 165 00:08:15,587 --> 00:08:17,287 Not once for the better. 166 00:08:17,323 --> 00:08:19,355 What's it say? I can't read. 167 00:08:19,391 --> 00:08:21,859 So I'm taking the kids and opening 168 00:08:21,895 --> 00:08:23,426 a bed-and-breakfast. 169 00:08:27,900 --> 00:08:29,433 Bitterly, Marge. 170 00:08:30,470 --> 00:08:33,106 Is Mom really leaving Dad? 171 00:08:38,411 --> 00:08:40,910 So, you finally left him. 172 00:08:40,946 --> 00:08:43,713 Well, good for me and good for you. 173 00:08:43,749 --> 00:08:47,217 I finally learned how to unhook a bra with one hand. 174 00:08:47,253 --> 00:08:49,486 Lisa, I know what you're doing. 175 00:08:52,691 --> 00:08:54,558 You're hiding when you're supposed to help me 176 00:08:54,594 --> 00:08:55,925 give the dog a bath. 177 00:08:55,961 --> 00:08:58,562 Mom, Mom! 178 00:08:58,598 --> 00:09:01,497 Hey, hey, hey, hey. I'm not going anywhere. 179 00:09:01,533 --> 00:09:03,333 Oh, God bless you, inertia. 180 00:09:03,369 --> 00:09:05,973 Not until I wash this dog. 181 00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:09,173 Bart, Mom's leaving Dad. 182 00:09:09,209 --> 00:09:10,439 Oh, the poor guy. 183 00:09:10,475 --> 00:09:12,976 Please let me tell him, please. 184 00:09:13,012 --> 00:09:14,178 Pass the gravy. 185 00:09:14,214 --> 00:09:17,514 We used to call it "grave," but that was too scary. 186 00:09:17,550 --> 00:09:20,950 So we modified it to "gravy," unless it had meat chunks. 187 00:09:20,986 --> 00:09:25,588 In which case, it was "gravier," but the war changed everything. 188 00:09:25,624 --> 00:09:27,591 Ugh. 189 00:09:27,627 --> 00:09:30,928 I wish you wouldn't drink so much in front of the kids. 190 00:09:30,964 --> 00:09:33,597 Marge, I tried to drink in the pantry, 191 00:09:33,633 --> 00:09:35,933 but you claim that's antisocial. 192 00:09:35,969 --> 00:09:38,267 Ugh. Why don't you just go to Moe's? 193 00:09:38,303 --> 00:09:42,171 You want me to go to a bar on my daughter's birthday? 194 00:09:42,207 --> 00:09:44,373 That is so messed up. 195 00:09:44,409 --> 00:09:47,443 I'm going, of course, but it is so messed up. 196 00:09:47,479 --> 00:09:48,612 Happy birthday. 197 00:09:55,321 --> 00:09:58,191 Harvard will save me. Harvard will save me. 198 00:10:00,259 --> 00:10:04,227 Kiss me, Lisa, in front of the hall my grandfather endowed. 199 00:10:04,263 --> 00:10:08,799 He made his money in opium, but we said it was molasses. 200 00:10:10,436 --> 00:10:12,501 First, I have to save my parents' marriage. 201 00:10:12,537 --> 00:10:14,237 Wait here in this fantasy? 202 00:10:14,273 --> 00:10:17,341 Yeah, can we, um, you know, see other people? 203 00:10:17,377 --> 00:10:18,378 Sure. 204 00:10:35,427 --> 00:10:37,593 Man, Moe, you sure are spry. 205 00:10:37,629 --> 00:10:40,100 The job keeps me young, eh. 206 00:10:45,305 --> 00:10:47,570 Dad! Mom is gonna leave you. 207 00:10:47,606 --> 00:10:50,406 Sweetie, marriages are like water heaters... 208 00:10:50,442 --> 00:10:52,174 they sit peacefully for years 209 00:10:52,210 --> 00:10:56,246 until they explode in a fireball ruining everything you own. 210 00:10:56,282 --> 00:10:57,747 Mom packed her bags. 211 00:10:57,783 --> 00:11:00,416 Which suitcase? The one with the broken wheel? 212 00:11:00,452 --> 00:11:03,020 Because she won't get more than a block away with that. 213 00:11:03,056 --> 00:11:04,353 She fixed the wheel. 214 00:11:04,389 --> 00:11:05,554 Oh, God! 215 00:11:07,292 --> 00:11:09,892 - Dad, you've got to shape up. - Hmm? 216 00:11:09,928 --> 00:11:11,461 I'm 14-years-old. 217 00:11:11,497 --> 00:11:14,298 These next four years are the last memories I'll have 218 00:11:14,334 --> 00:11:16,098 of all of us together. 219 00:11:16,134 --> 00:11:17,601 I'll do anything you say, sweetie. 220 00:11:17,637 --> 00:11:19,636 I want you to stop drinking. 221 00:11:19,672 --> 00:11:20,904 Stop drinking? 222 00:11:20,940 --> 00:11:23,807 But that's like asking a golfer to stop drinking. 223 00:11:24,744 --> 00:11:26,142 I never thought I'd say this, 224 00:11:26,178 --> 00:11:28,211 but I'd better text my sponsor. 225 00:11:28,247 --> 00:11:29,612 Homer's got a sponsor? 226 00:11:29,648 --> 00:11:32,482 Uh, what idiot would lean into that buzz saw? 227 00:11:32,518 --> 00:11:35,251 Hey, hey! I'm the man from A-diddly-A! 228 00:11:35,287 --> 00:11:37,654 Ned, I have to quit drinking. Now! 229 00:11:37,690 --> 00:11:40,589 All right, soberino, it's just 12 simple steps. 230 00:11:40,625 --> 00:11:42,159 Oh, 12? 231 00:11:42,195 --> 00:11:43,260 Fine. Nine. 232 00:11:43,296 --> 00:11:44,828 Oh! 233 00:11:44,864 --> 00:11:47,164 Okay, step one: Admit you're powerless. 234 00:11:47,200 --> 00:11:49,299 I'm powerless. Boom! Done. 235 00:11:49,335 --> 00:11:52,836 Step two: Admit there is a power greater than yourself. 236 00:11:52,872 --> 00:11:56,238 Um, if I'm powerless, isn't every power greater than myself? 237 00:11:56,274 --> 00:11:58,507 This is the 12 steps, not 20 questions. 238 00:11:58,543 --> 00:12:01,511 Now, make a decision to turn your life to God. 239 00:12:01,547 --> 00:12:05,247 God. He's in every deal, like undercoating. Fine. 240 00:12:05,283 --> 00:12:07,416 Make a searching moral inventory of yourself. 241 00:12:07,452 --> 00:12:11,254 If I have one tiny flaw, it's that I have many enormous flaws. 242 00:12:11,290 --> 00:12:12,756 Admit the nature of your wrongs. 243 00:12:12,792 --> 00:12:15,424 Well, I'm not the best parallel parker. 244 00:12:15,460 --> 00:12:18,929 Are you ready for God to remove these defects? 245 00:12:18,965 --> 00:12:20,863 Dear Lord, the Satan of Heaven, 246 00:12:20,899 --> 00:12:22,765 I order you to fix me. 247 00:12:22,801 --> 00:12:24,467 Okay, I'm just gonna fast-forward through this. 248 00:12:24,503 --> 00:12:25,935 - Make amends. - Here's your wallet. 249 00:12:25,971 --> 00:12:27,838 - Engage in prayer. - I pray you're not mad. 250 00:12:27,874 --> 00:12:29,909 And have a spiritual awakening. 251 00:12:31,310 --> 00:12:33,776 Things that cost $9.99 252 00:12:33,812 --> 00:12:36,313 are really ten dollars! 253 00:12:36,349 --> 00:12:39,315 The Lord has spoken, and it is good! 254 00:12:39,351 --> 00:12:41,217 That's it. No more drinking. 255 00:12:41,253 --> 00:12:43,453 Look at those, guys. 256 00:12:43,489 --> 00:12:45,521 I used to be like them. 257 00:12:45,557 --> 00:12:47,457 Oh, I'm overjoyed for thee. 258 00:12:47,493 --> 00:12:50,293 Call me anytime you hear the devil's seductive voice. 259 00:12:50,329 --> 00:12:51,727 Homer? 260 00:12:51,763 --> 00:12:53,163 Homer... 261 00:12:53,199 --> 00:12:55,664 Homer... 262 00:12:55,700 --> 00:12:59,302 How's about a Flaming Moe? 263 00:13:00,873 --> 00:13:02,572 Drink me! 264 00:13:02,608 --> 00:13:06,342 I'm the most overpriced thing at Universal Studios! 265 00:13:06,378 --> 00:13:08,382 No! I won't do it! 266 00:13:12,384 --> 00:13:16,086 Lisa, sweetie, let's celebrate your birthday! 267 00:13:16,122 --> 00:13:17,254 Yes! 268 00:13:17,290 --> 00:13:19,021 Ah, honey. 269 00:13:19,057 --> 00:13:20,256 I'm so sorry. 270 00:13:20,292 --> 00:13:21,861 I miss you so much. 271 00:13:23,229 --> 00:13:25,828 He did quit, for good, 272 00:13:25,864 --> 00:13:29,533 and it was the best birthday present I ever got. 273 00:13:29,569 --> 00:13:32,102 Well, the essay is pretty trite. 274 00:13:32,138 --> 00:13:34,938 But her grades are perfect, her extracurricular's stellar, 275 00:13:34,974 --> 00:13:37,573 and she'll be the first from her state, ever. 276 00:13:37,609 --> 00:13:39,910 Admit! And now for our instantaneous letter 277 00:13:39,946 --> 00:13:41,511 of acceptance. 278 00:13:45,417 --> 00:13:48,821 I'm in! And I accept! 279 00:14:03,689 --> 00:14:08,189 I'm here! And it's Ivy-er than my Ivy-est dreams. 280 00:14:08,225 --> 00:14:10,585 - Lisa Simpson. - Lisa Simpson? 281 00:14:10,621 --> 00:14:13,627 Hmm, I'm sorry, but there must be some mistake. 282 00:14:13,663 --> 00:14:15,796 - Oh, no! - Ha! Gotcha! 283 00:14:15,832 --> 00:14:17,799 My one moment of superiority 284 00:14:17,835 --> 00:14:20,468 before a lifetime of begging you for money. 285 00:14:27,010 --> 00:14:29,877 Come on, sweetie, let me carry you over the threshold. 286 00:14:29,913 --> 00:14:33,281 Dad! That's for weddings. 287 00:14:33,317 --> 00:14:35,049 I think Dad's turning into Grampa. 288 00:14:35,085 --> 00:14:36,284 Hey, I don't need 289 00:14:36,320 --> 00:14:38,051 to listen to that hooey! 290 00:14:38,087 --> 00:14:40,655 Because I make tie clips out of maple syrup, 291 00:14:40,691 --> 00:14:43,424 but only for Flag Day! 292 00:14:43,460 --> 00:14:45,260 ♪ By the sea, by the sea ♪ 293 00:14:45,296 --> 00:14:47,228 ♪ By the beautiful sea... ♪ 294 00:14:47,264 --> 00:14:50,297 This is great... we don't have to visit Grampa anymore. 295 00:14:58,375 --> 00:15:00,809 Chug, chug, chug. 296 00:15:00,845 --> 00:15:03,178 Really, man, I've had enough. 297 00:15:03,214 --> 00:15:06,680 The hazing ends when we say it ends. 298 00:15:06,716 --> 00:15:08,816 Do you need any help unpacking? 299 00:15:08,852 --> 00:15:12,189 Mom, I need to learn to do these things for myself. 300 00:15:18,361 --> 00:15:19,761 Sorry, friend, 301 00:15:19,797 --> 00:15:22,033 you can't pahk your cah in Hahvahd Yahd. 302 00:15:23,967 --> 00:15:25,967 I can't what my what in what what what? 303 00:15:26,003 --> 00:15:27,502 You can't pahk... 304 00:15:27,538 --> 00:15:29,603 - Yes...? - in Hahvahd Yahd. 305 00:15:29,639 --> 00:15:32,339 - Are you on Novocain? - Yes, but recreationally. 306 00:15:32,375 --> 00:15:34,508 Now, move your craptastic cah. 307 00:15:36,547 --> 00:15:38,112 Hi. I'm Caitlyn. 308 00:15:38,148 --> 00:15:40,013 My roommate. 309 00:15:40,049 --> 00:15:41,983 So, you play an instrument? 310 00:15:42,019 --> 00:15:43,617 Bari sax. 311 00:15:43,653 --> 00:15:46,387 - Are you good? - I played at Kenny G's funeral. 312 00:15:46,423 --> 00:15:48,555 Ooh, she's pretty impressive. 313 00:15:48,591 --> 00:15:51,659 Uh... any childhood heartbreak? 314 00:15:51,695 --> 00:15:54,061 My parents forgot my birthday three times. 315 00:15:54,097 --> 00:15:55,829 She beats me at everything! 316 00:15:55,865 --> 00:15:57,531 I don't belong here. 317 00:15:57,567 --> 00:16:00,034 While you were feeling inferior, I took the top bunk. 318 00:16:02,172 --> 00:16:04,738 Stroke, stroke, 319 00:16:04,774 --> 00:16:05,906 stroke... 320 00:16:05,942 --> 00:16:08,041 I'm not even gonna make it 321 00:16:08,077 --> 00:16:09,544 through freshman week. 322 00:16:09,580 --> 00:16:11,579 - Hey, little sister. - Well! 323 00:16:11,615 --> 00:16:13,915 At least you're having a good time. 324 00:16:13,951 --> 00:16:15,883 Yeah, these girls want me to piss off their parents 325 00:16:15,919 --> 00:16:17,484 before they head home. 326 00:16:19,456 --> 00:16:21,089 Get away from him, Mandy! 327 00:16:21,125 --> 00:16:22,589 I'll pay! I'll pay! 328 00:16:22,625 --> 00:16:24,324 Tell him I have two kids. 329 00:16:24,360 --> 00:16:26,965 The beauty part is, it's not a lie. 330 00:16:28,399 --> 00:16:30,864 You always know what to say, Bart. 331 00:16:30,900 --> 00:16:33,100 Well, try this. I've known you all your life, 332 00:16:33,136 --> 00:16:36,404 and if there's one thing I know, it's that you belong here. 333 00:16:36,440 --> 00:16:37,839 You're gonna study harder, 334 00:16:37,875 --> 00:16:39,574 you're gonna ask better questions, 335 00:16:39,610 --> 00:16:41,876 you're gonna get into their brains like an earworm 336 00:16:41,912 --> 00:16:44,045 and chew, chew, chew! 337 00:16:44,981 --> 00:16:46,414 Now, make Mom and Dad proud. 338 00:16:46,450 --> 00:16:47,848 And then I'll make 'em proud. 339 00:16:47,884 --> 00:16:49,754 - But you first. - Thank you. 340 00:16:57,961 --> 00:16:59,526 This is it. 341 00:16:59,562 --> 00:17:02,297 I'm on my own for the rest of my life. 342 00:17:03,933 --> 00:17:06,067 Huh? Are you my roommate, too? 343 00:17:06,103 --> 00:17:09,736 For now. Till they kick me out. 344 00:17:09,772 --> 00:17:12,040 Everyone thinks they're not gonna make it. 345 00:17:12,076 --> 00:17:14,041 I already got kicked out of a psycho single 346 00:17:14,077 --> 00:17:17,044 'cause my roommate didn't like me. 347 00:17:17,080 --> 00:17:20,147 She used all the "shampoo"! 348 00:17:20,183 --> 00:17:22,116 I just think you're funny. 349 00:17:22,152 --> 00:17:25,954 So I suppose you want to tell me your SATs. 350 00:17:25,990 --> 00:17:27,789 Very much. But I won't. 351 00:17:27,825 --> 00:17:29,089 Tell me about you. 352 00:17:29,125 --> 00:17:30,325 I'm already homesick. 353 00:17:30,361 --> 00:17:32,260 I was always the kid that didn't fit in. 354 00:17:32,296 --> 00:17:33,498 Middle child. 355 00:17:34,431 --> 00:17:35,996 Artsy. And I play 356 00:17:36,032 --> 00:17:38,598 the most unpopular instrument there is: 357 00:17:38,634 --> 00:17:40,635 the jazz clarinet. 358 00:17:40,671 --> 00:17:41,706 Hmm! 359 00:17:51,347 --> 00:17:53,947 You know your way around a licorice stick, kid. 360 00:17:53,983 --> 00:17:56,917 You blow a mean fish hook yourself, sister! 361 00:17:56,953 --> 00:17:59,987 - Let's talk normal now. - Thank you. 362 00:18:00,023 --> 00:18:02,255 You know, today I was hoping I would meet... 363 00:18:02,291 --> 00:18:04,125 - A lifelong friend? - Yes! 364 00:18:04,161 --> 00:18:06,159 Here I am. 365 00:18:07,297 --> 00:18:09,262 730 verbal, 790 math, 366 00:18:09,298 --> 00:18:10,932 800 telekinesis. 367 00:18:13,069 --> 00:18:14,868 740 verbal, 780 math, 368 00:18:14,904 --> 00:18:16,971 and I speak fluent cat! 369 00:18:19,009 --> 00:18:20,545 I have a friend! 370 00:18:21,577 --> 00:18:23,977 Oh. Maybe more than a friend. 371 00:18:24,013 --> 00:18:25,980 After that day, I never looked back... 372 00:18:26,016 --> 00:18:28,683 except for all the time I just spent looking back. 373 00:18:28,719 --> 00:18:30,685 But I never doubted 374 00:18:30,721 --> 00:18:33,120 that who I am was good enough. 375 00:18:56,079 --> 00:18:57,878 Light! Light...! 376 00:18:57,914 --> 00:18:59,813 Sweetie, you're one year old, 377 00:18:59,849 --> 00:19:03,184 and you're already the most amazing thing I ever did. 378 00:19:03,220 --> 00:19:04,918 Daddy happy. 379 00:19:04,954 --> 00:19:06,921 Daddy very happy. 380 00:19:06,957 --> 00:19:10,295 Daddy euphoric! 381 00:19:10,331 --> 00:19:12,800 Aw. She's making up words. 382 00:19:13,872 --> 00:19:17,094 ♪ Boy, the way Nirvana played ♪ 383 00:19:17,130 --> 00:19:20,547 ♪ Steroids caused a hit parade ♪ 384 00:19:20,583 --> 00:19:23,997 ♪ Beanie Babies had it made ♪ 385 00:19:24,033 --> 00:19:27,167 ♪ Those were the days ♪ 386 00:19:27,203 --> 00:19:30,971 ♪ And we had real heroes then ♪ 387 00:19:31,007 --> 00:19:34,975 ♪ Like Jar Jar Binks and Qui-Gon Jinn ♪ 388 00:19:35,011 --> 00:19:37,777 ♪ Mister, we could use a man ♪ 389 00:19:37,813 --> 00:19:41,814 ♪ Like Richard Simmons again ♪ 390 00:19:41,850 --> 00:19:44,784 ♪ Watching films like Gilbert Grape ♪ 391 00:19:44,820 --> 00:19:48,187 ♪ Then rewinding all the tape ♪ 392 00:19:48,223 --> 00:19:52,959 ♪ Gee, our modem dialed up great ♪ 393 00:19:56,866 --> 00:20:01,901 ♪ Those were the days... ♪ 394 00:20:01,937 --> 00:20:04,838 Very nice. See you in court. 395 00:20:04,874 --> 00:20:07,474 Light! Light! Light...! 396 00:20:07,510 --> 00:20:10,010 Au-Autumn. 397 00:20:34,162 --> 00:20:39,162 Subtitles by explosiveskull 398 00:20:54,890 --> 00:20:56,392 Shh! 28099

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.