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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:26,467 --> 00:00:29,100 ( jazz music playing on radio ) 2 00:00:46,567 --> 00:00:48,333 ( music stops ) 3 00:00:49,967 --> 00:00:53,066 Man on tape: Hello, Alexander. It's Stuart. 4 00:00:53,066 --> 00:00:55,400 HELLO, STUART. 5 00:00:55,400 --> 00:00:58,800 ( slurred ) I'm admitting I've had lots to drink now, 6 00:00:58,800 --> 00:01:01,367 but I can't help reflect... 7 00:01:01,367 --> 00:01:04,633 Man's voice: I'M ALEXANDER-- THE BLOKE IN THE GLASSES DRIVING. 8 00:01:04,633 --> 00:01:07,133 NOT THE MUMBLY ONE ON THE TAPE. THAT'S STUART. 9 00:01:07,133 --> 00:01:10,533 Stuart: ...believe me. They didn't care. 10 00:01:10,533 --> 00:01:14,734 I GOT TO KNOW STUART IN 2000, AND DECIDED TO WRITE HIS BIOGRAPHY. 11 00:01:14,734 --> 00:01:17,400 ALL OF MY FRIENDS SAID IT WAS MAD OF ME. 12 00:01:17,400 --> 00:01:20,600 AFTER ALL, THIS MAN WAS UNKNOWN. HE WASN'T FAMOUS, NOT A CELEBRITY. 13 00:01:20,600 --> 00:01:23,000 BUT THE BOOK TURNED OUT OKAY. 14 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:26,233 ( Stuart continuing, slurred ) 15 00:01:26,233 --> 00:01:29,266 JUST WISH STUART COULD'VE BEEN HERE TO SEE IT. 16 00:01:31,633 --> 00:01:34,233 ( pop music playing ) 17 00:01:37,867 --> 00:01:41,533 I THINK IT WAS THE FIRST EVER BIOGRAPHY OF A HOMELESS MAN 18 00:01:41,533 --> 00:01:44,700 FROM BIRTH TO THE PRESENT DAY. 19 00:01:44,700 --> 00:01:46,900 ( pop music playing ) 20 00:02:41,734 --> 00:02:44,233 ( bike bell rings ) 21 00:02:50,500 --> 00:02:52,567 Alexander: SO BACK IN 2000, 22 00:02:52,567 --> 00:02:55,000 I WAS EARNING A BIT OF EXTRA POCKET MONEY 23 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:58,533 WORKING AS A FUNDRAISER AT WINTERCOMFORT, 24 00:02:58,533 --> 00:03:01,900 WHICH IS A BUSY LITTLE DAY SHELTER IN CAMBRIDGE-- 25 00:03:01,900 --> 00:03:03,767 NORMALLY FULL OF HOMELESS PEOPLE. 26 00:03:03,767 --> 00:03:07,333 FULL THAT IS, UNTIL THE MORNING 27 00:03:07,333 --> 00:03:09,767 THAT THE POLICE DECIDED TO RAID THE PLACE. 28 00:03:09,767 --> 00:03:11,233 THEY'VE BEEN ARRESTED. 29 00:03:11,233 --> 00:03:12,734 ALL OF THEM? 30 00:03:12,734 --> 00:03:15,000 ( chuckles ) WHAT A GOOD IDEA. 31 00:03:18,300 --> 00:03:22,266 NO, NO, IT WAS JUST MY BOSS RUTH 32 00:03:22,266 --> 00:03:24,834 AND HER DEPUTY JOHN. 33 00:03:24,834 --> 00:03:28,166 SOME OF THE CLIENTS HAD BEEN SECRETLY DEALING DRUGS ON THE PREMISES. 34 00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:30,333 BUT BECAUSE RUTH AND JOHN RAN THE CHARITY, 35 00:03:30,333 --> 00:03:32,233 THEY WERE HELD RESPONSIBLE. 36 00:03:32,233 --> 00:03:36,000 - THEY'VE GOT EVIDENCE... ON FILM. - ( banging on door, shouting ) 37 00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:39,633 I WAS FURIOUS AT THE INJUSTICE OF IT. 38 00:03:39,633 --> 00:03:41,300 ( banging, shouting continuing ) 39 00:03:41,300 --> 00:03:43,900 AND THEN REALLY, FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, 40 00:03:43,900 --> 00:03:47,500 I ACTUALLY BEGAN TO TAKE A REAL AND PRACTICAL INTEREST IN THE HOMELESS. 41 00:03:47,500 --> 00:03:50,233 FUCK OFF, PISSHEAD! 42 00:03:52,467 --> 00:03:55,667 I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE TO YOU ALEXANDER MASTERS-- 43 00:03:55,667 --> 00:03:57,800 A DEDICATED FRIEND OF THE HOMELESS HIMSELF, 44 00:03:57,800 --> 00:03:59,900 CHAIRMAN OF THE CAMPAIGN. 45 00:03:59,900 --> 00:04:02,867 ( applause ) 46 00:04:02,867 --> 00:04:05,533 OH, WE WERE CONVINCED THEY'D NEVER BE CONVICTED. 47 00:04:05,533 --> 00:04:08,133 I MEAN, IF PRISONS CAN'T CONTROL DRUGS, 48 00:04:08,133 --> 00:04:10,567 THEN HOW COULD RUTH AND JOHN BE EXPECTED TO? 49 00:04:10,567 --> 00:04:12,834 Woman: AS EVERYONE KNOWS, WE'RE HERE THIS EVENING 50 00:04:12,834 --> 00:04:16,100 - ABOUT RUTH WYNER AND JOHN-- - THE JUDGE, JUSTICE HOWARTH, 51 00:04:16,100 --> 00:04:19,734 - SENT THEM DOWN-- - FOR FIVE YEARS.. AND FOUR YEARS. 52 00:04:19,734 --> 00:04:21,467 - SHAME. - THANK YOU. 53 00:04:21,467 --> 00:04:24,333 - FASCIST. - THANK YOU. 54 00:04:24,333 --> 00:04:28,066 BUT THIS IS THE CRUNCH-- WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO ABOUT IT? 55 00:04:28,066 --> 00:04:30,967 HOW IS THIS CAMPAIGN GOING TO GET RUTH AND JOHN OUT? 56 00:04:30,967 --> 00:04:34,166 - YES? - WE COULD SEND THEM BOOKS. 57 00:04:34,166 --> 00:04:35,900 BUNYAN, HE'S GOOD FOR PRISONS. 58 00:04:35,900 --> 00:04:39,800 HARDLY. "MIRACLE OF THE ROSE" BY GENET IF YOU MUST. 59 00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:41,667 Man: EXCUSE ME. 60 00:04:41,667 --> 00:04:45,000 THIS ISN'T GONNA WORK. 61 00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:48,900 ( slurring ) SENDING THEM BOOKS, EH? 62 00:04:48,900 --> 00:04:51,633 THEY WON'T FIT IN THE BOX. 63 00:04:51,633 --> 00:04:55,133 - SORRY? - THE INMATES' BELONGINGS. 64 00:04:55,133 --> 00:04:58,266 HUH? 65 00:04:58,266 --> 00:05:00,133 EVERYONE'S GOT ONE. 66 00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:04,066 - WHO IS THAT? - NO IDEA. 67 00:05:04,066 --> 00:05:06,667 THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME TO ME. 68 00:05:06,667 --> 00:05:09,467 ...YOU'RE ALWAYS ALLOWED A PIECE OF CARPET. 69 00:05:09,467 --> 00:05:12,834 WHAT WON'T FIT IN YOUR BOX. 70 00:05:12,834 --> 00:05:14,200 AND A BUDGIE. 71 00:05:14,200 --> 00:05:18,066 OR A CANARY. 72 00:05:18,066 --> 00:05:19,266 AND OBVIOUSLY, 73 00:05:19,266 --> 00:05:22,667 THE CAGE IS NOT GOING TO FIT IN THE BOX. 74 00:05:22,667 --> 00:05:27,500 BUT IT IS RUTH AND JOHN THAT WILL SUFFER. 75 00:05:27,500 --> 00:05:29,834 ( whistling ) 76 00:05:30,734 --> 00:05:32,266 ( bird squawks ) 77 00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:38,000 ALL OF THEM BOOKS-- THE SCREWS'LL JUST CHUCK 'EM OUT 78 00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:40,967 'CAUSE THEY WON'T FIT IN YOUR BOX. 79 00:05:42,567 --> 00:05:46,133 NOT TO BE FUNNY, BUT YOU SHOULD REALLY KNOW ABOUT BOXES 80 00:05:46,133 --> 00:05:48,233 IF YOU'RE GONNA HAVE A CAMPAIGN. 81 00:05:54,133 --> 00:05:57,166 - ( sighs ) - ME NAME'S PSYCHO, 82 00:05:57,166 --> 00:06:00,700 BUT YOU CAN CALL ME STUART IF YOU LIKE. 83 00:06:00,700 --> 00:06:03,166 UM, WHAT'S YOUR ADDRESS? 84 00:06:05,667 --> 00:06:08,200 TWO LAUREL LANE. 85 00:06:10,367 --> 00:06:12,333 YEAH, THEY HELPED ME. 86 00:06:12,333 --> 00:06:15,633 DOCTORS AND A COUPLE CLOTHES. 87 00:06:15,633 --> 00:06:19,533 OUTREACH. SOME LUNCH AND TWO PUDDINGS. 88 00:06:20,800 --> 00:06:23,166 YEAH, THEY PUT IT ALL ON, THOSE TWO-- 89 00:06:23,166 --> 00:06:26,266 AND THE STAFF. 90 00:06:26,266 --> 00:06:29,700 I'M NOT BEING FUNNY, EH? 91 00:06:29,700 --> 00:06:32,467 BUT I AM REALLY GRATEFUL. 92 00:06:34,934 --> 00:06:39,033 - THE OTHER DAY I HAD A REALLY-- - OOH, GREAT. 93 00:06:39,033 --> 00:06:40,200 YEAH? 94 00:06:42,467 --> 00:06:44,233 - CAN I HELP? - YEAH. 95 00:06:44,233 --> 00:06:46,734 Alexander: THAT'S HOW I FIRST MET STUART SHORTER. 96 00:06:46,734 --> 00:06:49,433 STREET BRAWLER, ALCOHOLIC-- 97 00:06:49,433 --> 00:06:53,033 A HEROIN ADDICT, SOCIOPATHIC STREET RACONTEUR 98 00:06:53,033 --> 00:06:56,066 WITH A FONDNESS FOR WHAT HE CALLED, "LITTLE STRIPS OF SILVER"-- 99 00:06:56,066 --> 00:06:58,800 KNIVES, TO YOU AND ME. 100 00:07:11,633 --> 00:07:15,233 - OH, HERE WE GO. - THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR AGREEING TO STORE THESE. 101 00:07:15,233 --> 00:07:18,533 OH NO, NO PROBLEM. 102 00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:29,433 MIND THE STEP. OH NO. 103 00:07:29,433 --> 00:07:32,166 HERE YOU GO, MATE. 104 00:07:32,166 --> 00:07:35,834 WELCOME TO MY HUMBLE ABODE. 105 00:07:35,834 --> 00:07:39,333 TWO LAUREL LANE. 106 00:07:39,333 --> 00:07:43,200 WHAT? THEY ARE LAURELS, AREN'T THEY? 107 00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:46,166 ( groans ) 108 00:07:46,166 --> 00:07:48,800 I ONLY HEARD ABOUT THE MEETING THIS MORNING 109 00:07:48,800 --> 00:07:51,633 WHEN I WAS PICKING UP MY BREAKFAST. 110 00:07:54,333 --> 00:07:56,300 - YOUR ADDRESS? - MMM. 111 00:07:56,300 --> 00:07:58,533 A BAD IDEA, NUMBER ONE, MATE. 112 00:07:58,533 --> 00:08:01,300 YOU COULD GET ANY OLD RIFF-RAFF SHOWING UP. 113 00:08:01,300 --> 00:08:02,500 DEAR, DEAR. 114 00:08:05,667 --> 00:08:07,300 ( knocking on door, doorbell ringing ) 115 00:08:07,300 --> 00:08:09,533 ( Stuart moaning ) COME ON! 116 00:08:12,967 --> 00:08:15,400 - YES? - ( moans ) 117 00:08:15,400 --> 00:08:17,567 IT'S YOU. 118 00:08:19,633 --> 00:08:22,266 I'VE ADDRESSED SOME ENVELOPES. 119 00:08:27,700 --> 00:08:30,633 - WHICH... - THEY ALL RIGHT? 120 00:08:31,800 --> 00:08:33,567 HORRIBLE. 121 00:08:33,567 --> 00:08:36,867 I'VE HAD A BLINDING IDEA FOR THE CAMPAIGN. 122 00:08:36,867 --> 00:08:39,734 YEAH, GET US ON TELEVISION AND ALL. 123 00:08:39,734 --> 00:08:41,033 NOT EVEN VIOLENT-- 124 00:08:41,033 --> 00:08:44,834 IF WE LEAVE OUT THE KIDNAPPING. 125 00:08:51,433 --> 00:08:54,200 - DO YOU WANT TO COME IN? - OH, YES, PLEASE. 126 00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:56,734 BIT WET OUT THERE. 127 00:08:56,734 --> 00:09:00,033 OHHH! THAT'S NICE. 128 00:09:11,967 --> 00:09:14,400 Stuart: OOH! 129 00:09:16,934 --> 00:09:21,667 - HOW MANY SUGARS? - AS MANY AS YOU'VE GOT, MATE! 130 00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:23,734 MMM. 131 00:09:41,333 --> 00:09:43,900 OH. AAH! 132 00:09:43,900 --> 00:09:45,867 - OW. - SORRY. 133 00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:01,767 HOT, HOT. 134 00:10:06,533 --> 00:10:08,633 ALL THEM BOOKS, HUH? 135 00:10:11,300 --> 00:10:12,834 HAVE YOU READ ALL OF THEM? 136 00:10:12,834 --> 00:10:14,300 NO. 137 00:10:14,300 --> 00:10:18,767 - HALF? - NOT EXACTLY. 138 00:10:21,433 --> 00:10:24,934 "THE HUNTING WASP." 139 00:10:24,934 --> 00:10:28,867 A WHOLE BOOK ABOUT THEM LITTLE SUMMER THINGS. 140 00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:35,567 THIS ONE... 141 00:10:36,934 --> 00:10:39,367 WHAT IS THIS ONE ABOUT? 142 00:10:39,367 --> 00:10:41,967 THE COLOR MAUVE. 143 00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:47,500 ( exhales ) WOW. 144 00:10:47,500 --> 00:10:49,834 HOW DO YOU FUCKING GET AWAY WITH THIS? 145 00:11:00,233 --> 00:11:04,567 NOW, THIS BLINDING IDEA-- 146 00:11:04,567 --> 00:11:06,900 HAVE YOU GOT A CAR? 147 00:11:06,900 --> 00:11:09,066 NO. 148 00:11:09,066 --> 00:11:11,900 WHAT DO YOU LIKE BETTER, 149 00:11:11,900 --> 00:11:14,767 FORD OR V.W.? 150 00:11:20,233 --> 00:11:23,934 Alexander: AND THEN A FEW WEEKS LATER, I HAD THE IDEA ABOUT THE BOOK 151 00:11:23,934 --> 00:11:26,400 AND STARTED DOING A LITTLE RESEARCH. 152 00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:29,800 THAT BOY HAS SUFFERED. 153 00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:32,333 HE DESERVES A BOOK. 154 00:11:32,333 --> 00:11:36,333 YOU SHOULD WRITE A BOOK ABOUT ME. 155 00:11:36,333 --> 00:11:38,600 ALWAYS SUCH A CARING BOY. 156 00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:41,767 HAPPY-GO-LUCKY LITTLE THING. 157 00:11:41,767 --> 00:11:44,367 LEGS ALL OVER THE SHOW, BLESS HIM. 158 00:11:44,367 --> 00:11:46,300 THREE MONTHS AFTER THAT, 159 00:11:46,300 --> 00:11:48,633 WE CARRIED OUT STUART'S BLINDING IDEA, 160 00:11:48,633 --> 00:11:51,700 WHICH WAS A SLEEPOVER PROTEST IN FRONT OF THE HOME OFFICE 161 00:11:51,700 --> 00:11:54,066 TO PERSUADE THE THEN HOME SECRETARY JACK STRAW 162 00:11:54,066 --> 00:11:55,700 TO RELEASE RUTH AND JOHN. 163 00:11:55,700 --> 00:11:58,567 WHICH WAS BETTER THAN HIS FIRST IDEA, 164 00:11:58,567 --> 00:12:00,100 WHICH WAS TO KIDNAP HIM. 165 00:12:00,100 --> 00:12:04,667 STUART TOOK CARE OF OUR TRANSPORT... 166 00:12:04,667 --> 00:12:06,867 SOMEHOW. 167 00:12:06,867 --> 00:12:08,967 AND ON THE WAY TO LONDON, 168 00:12:08,967 --> 00:12:12,000 I READ HIM THE FIRST FEW PAGES OF MY BOOK IDEA. 169 00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:14,900 "STUART CLIVE SHORTER WAS A HAPPY-GO-LUCKY LITTLE BOY. 170 00:12:14,900 --> 00:12:16,967 - OHH! - 'THE MOST CONSIDERATE OF MY CHILDREN,' 171 00:12:16,967 --> 00:12:20,467 - MARVELS HIS MOTHER." - BOLLOCKS! BORING. 172 00:12:20,467 --> 00:12:24,467 WHY DO YOU WANT TO WRITE THIS FUCKING BOOK, ANYWAY? 173 00:12:24,467 --> 00:12:26,867 TO MAKE LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS OF MONEY. 174 00:12:26,867 --> 00:12:30,667 SERIOUSLY? DO YOU THINK YOU'LL MAKE MONEY OUT OF IT? 175 00:12:30,667 --> 00:12:33,300 - COULD, MAYBE. - SOMETHING AS BORING AS THAT? 176 00:12:33,300 --> 00:12:37,033 DON'T BE SO RUDE. ANYWAY, IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOU STARTED OUT SO DULL. 177 00:12:37,033 --> 00:12:41,200 OHH. AH, YOU GOT TO MAKE IT MORE EXCITING. 178 00:12:43,367 --> 00:12:47,600 DO IT BACKWARDS, LIKE A MURDER MYSTERY. 179 00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:49,900 LIKE A BESTSELLER. 180 00:12:49,900 --> 00:12:52,734 YOU KNOW, LIKE WHAT TOM CLANCY WRITES. 181 00:12:52,734 --> 00:12:55,266 YEAH, I'D LIKE IT TO BE LIKE THIS. 182 00:12:55,266 --> 00:12:59,433 WHAT MURDERED THE LITTLE BOY I WAS? 183 00:12:59,433 --> 00:13:02,166 MAKE THEM LIGHT A FIRE AND SIT UP. 184 00:13:10,133 --> 00:13:15,133 I MEAN, YOU PUT 10 SOCKS IN THE WASHING MACHINE, 185 00:13:15,133 --> 00:13:16,533 AND ONLY SEVEN COME OUT. 186 00:13:16,533 --> 00:13:18,400 - WHERE DO THEY GO? - STUART? 187 00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:20,533 - I'LL TELL YOU ANOTHER THING AND ALL-- - STUART? 188 00:13:20,533 --> 00:13:23,166 YOU TAKE THE MACHINE APART, AND THEY AIN'T IN IT NEITHER. 189 00:13:23,166 --> 00:13:24,166 - STUART? - WHAT? 190 00:13:24,166 --> 00:13:25,200 - WHAT'S THIS? - WHAT? 191 00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:28,066 - THIS. - OHH. 192 00:13:28,066 --> 00:13:30,600 THAT, ALEXANDER, 193 00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:32,600 - IS A LICE. - ( horn blasting ) 194 00:13:32,600 --> 00:13:34,266 - ( honking horn ) - ( man cursing ) 195 00:13:37,533 --> 00:13:41,767 THE MAIN PLACE YOU GET THOSE IS ROUND YOUR BOLLOCKS. 196 00:13:43,333 --> 00:13:45,567 THAT LICE-- 197 00:13:45,567 --> 00:13:47,000 THAT'LL GROW. 198 00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:50,467 SCABIES ARE SMALLER 199 00:13:50,467 --> 00:13:52,767 AND THEY GOES UNDER THE SKIN 200 00:13:52,767 --> 00:13:56,967 AND LIVE THERE. LITERALLY, NIBBLING. 201 00:13:56,967 --> 00:13:59,433 OH, YEAH. 202 00:13:59,433 --> 00:14:01,967 Alexander: IT TOOK FIVE AND A HALF HOURS 203 00:14:01,967 --> 00:14:05,767 FOR OUR CONVOY TO DO THE 50 MILES FROM CAMBRIDGE TO LONDON. 204 00:14:05,767 --> 00:14:09,700 STUART WOULD NEVER DRIVE ABOUT 30 MILES AN HOUR. 205 00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:13,500 Stuart: HEY, BUCKINGHAM PALACE. 206 00:14:15,166 --> 00:14:18,500 WHAT A LOAD OF BOLLOCKS! 207 00:14:18,500 --> 00:14:21,600 HUH? WHO NEEDS THE QUEEN?! 208 00:14:21,600 --> 00:14:24,166 ( raspberries ) 209 00:14:27,633 --> 00:14:29,600 IT'S ALL RIGHT. I'LL GET IT. 210 00:14:31,567 --> 00:14:34,300 OH, NO, NO, NO, NO. 211 00:14:34,300 --> 00:14:36,033 - NO, NOT LIKE THAT. - WHAT? 212 00:14:36,033 --> 00:14:39,600 USE THIS, RIGHT? UNDERNEATH. YEAH? 213 00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:41,033 - OH. - HERE YOU ARE. 214 00:14:41,033 --> 00:14:44,533 YOU LOSE MORE HEAT THAT WAY THAN YOU DO THAT WAY. 215 00:14:44,533 --> 00:14:48,834 ( all shouting ) RUTH AND JOHN RELEASE! EYES IN THE BACK OF THEIR HEADS! 216 00:14:48,834 --> 00:14:51,066 END THIS POLICE STATE NOW! 217 00:14:51,066 --> 00:14:54,266 - ( whistle blowing ) - RUTH AND JOHN RELEASE! EYES IN THE BACK... 218 00:14:54,266 --> 00:14:55,867 ...IMPRISONED FOR WORKING IN A CHARITY 219 00:14:55,867 --> 00:14:57,567 AND DOING NOTHING BUT HELP THE HOMELESS. 220 00:14:57,567 --> 00:14:59,734 ( shouting continuing ) 221 00:14:59,734 --> 00:15:02,400 CHARITY WORKERS IMPRISONED BECAUSE OF A MISCARRIAGE-- 222 00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:03,700 - NO THANKS. - OH, FUCK OFF. 223 00:15:06,567 --> 00:15:09,000 - OKAY. - ( shouting continuing ) 224 00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:10,767 HUH? 225 00:15:10,767 --> 00:15:15,567 RUTH AND JOHN RELEASE! EYES IN THE BACK OF THEIR HEADS! 226 00:15:18,133 --> 00:15:22,233 CHARITY WORKERS IN PRISON FOR A MISCARRIAGE OF JUSTICE. 227 00:15:22,233 --> 00:15:24,200 Policeman: TIME TO STOP EVERYONE. 228 00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:26,633 OKAY, EVERYONE, LISTEN UP-- 229 00:15:26,633 --> 00:15:28,967 - ( shouting stops ) - EVERYONE, PLEASE. QUIET, PLEASE. 230 00:15:28,967 --> 00:15:31,467 EVERYONE, WE NEED YOU TO MOVE THIS WAY. THANK YOU. 231 00:15:31,467 --> 00:15:32,700 WAIT A MINUTE, HOLD ON. 232 00:15:32,700 --> 00:15:34,166 WHY? THIS IS A PEACEFUL PROTEST. 233 00:15:34,166 --> 00:15:36,433 - FUCKING WHY? - YOU CAN'T CROSS THESE BRASS FLAGS 234 00:15:36,433 --> 00:15:38,100 IF THE HOME OFFICE DOESN'T WANT IT. 235 00:15:38,100 --> 00:15:41,500 - THAT'S SOCIAL FUCKING FASCISM. - WE MUST PUT A FENCE BEHIND YOU 236 00:15:41,500 --> 00:15:42,834 TO INSURE YOU'RE NOT TRESPASSING. 237 00:15:42,834 --> 00:15:45,734 AND ONES ON EITHER SIDE TO PROTECT YOU. 238 00:15:45,734 --> 00:15:47,800 - Stuart: WHAT? - Woman: PROTECTING? 239 00:15:47,800 --> 00:15:50,300 FROM THE PUBLIC, SIR. THEY MIGHT STEP ON YOU. 240 00:15:50,300 --> 00:15:53,066 AND A FENCE IN FRONT JUST IN CASE DURING THE NIGHT 241 00:15:53,066 --> 00:15:55,233 YOU ROLL ONTO THE ROAD AND GET RUN OVER. 242 00:15:55,233 --> 00:15:57,800 I SEE, YOU MEAN TO CAGE US IN COMPLETELY. 243 00:15:57,800 --> 00:16:00,233 I DIDN'T SAY CAGE, SIR, NO. 244 00:16:00,233 --> 00:16:01,400 THAT WAS YOUR WORD. 245 00:16:07,233 --> 00:16:10,133 DO PRISONERS REALLY GET WAGES? 246 00:16:11,667 --> 00:16:13,500 YEAH. 247 00:16:13,500 --> 00:16:15,300 I MEAN, A LOT, LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE? 248 00:16:15,300 --> 00:16:18,367 YEAH, MAKE A FUCKING FORTUNE. 249 00:16:18,367 --> 00:16:22,600 MILLIONAIRES COMING OUT OF NICK EVERY WEEK. 250 00:16:25,533 --> 00:16:27,533 ( laughing ) 251 00:16:29,867 --> 00:16:33,233 HAVE YOU BEEN IN A LOT OF PRISONS THEN? 252 00:16:33,233 --> 00:16:35,700 HAVE I? FUCKIN' HELL. 253 00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:39,834 HOW MANY? 254 00:16:39,834 --> 00:16:41,633 WELL... 255 00:16:47,867 --> 00:16:50,433 WELL, TO START OFF, 256 00:16:50,433 --> 00:16:54,233 WHEN I WAS A NIPPER THERE WAS SEND DETENTION CENTER. 257 00:16:54,233 --> 00:16:56,834 - ( screaming ) - STOP STRUGGLING! 258 00:16:56,834 --> 00:16:59,834 BLANTYRE HOUSE, BACK TO SEND AGAIN. 259 00:17:01,567 --> 00:17:03,700 OLD STONE, LAWRENCE... 260 00:17:06,300 --> 00:17:09,333 THEN I GREW UP AND WENT TO BIG BOY PRISON. 261 00:17:12,500 --> 00:17:14,200 WHITEMOOR. 262 00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:17,800 OH, NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL A REAL PRISON. 263 00:17:17,800 --> 00:17:19,667 YOU GOT EVERYTHING THERE, MATE. 264 00:17:19,667 --> 00:17:23,667 TERRORISTS, PSYCHOPATHS, 265 00:17:23,667 --> 00:17:27,567 SECURITY THREATS, MURDERERS, 266 00:17:27,567 --> 00:17:30,934 MANSLAUGHTERS, CRAZIES. 267 00:17:30,934 --> 00:17:32,600 WHICH LOT DO YOU BELONG TO? 268 00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:34,467 OH. UMM... 269 00:17:34,467 --> 00:17:37,734 CRAZIES, REALLY. 270 00:17:37,734 --> 00:17:39,533 MMM, YEAH. 271 00:17:39,533 --> 00:17:41,934 NORWICH... 272 00:17:41,934 --> 00:17:44,633 WHITEMOOR AGAIN. 273 00:17:44,633 --> 00:17:49,567 - GRENDON AND WOLDS. - DIE, YOU FUCK! 274 00:17:50,500 --> 00:17:52,467 31. 275 00:17:55,166 --> 00:17:57,700 I DON'T THINK I MISSED ANY. 276 00:18:01,834 --> 00:18:03,467 OH, YES, I HAVE ACTUALLY. 277 00:18:03,467 --> 00:18:05,867 I'VE BEEN TO LEICESTER THREE TIMES AS WELL. 278 00:18:08,500 --> 00:18:11,767 WAYLAND WAS ME LAST ONE. 279 00:18:17,300 --> 00:18:19,333 Policeman: GOOD NIGHT. SLEEP WELL. 280 00:18:19,333 --> 00:18:22,166 Alexander: THANK YOU. SAME TO YOU. 281 00:18:22,166 --> 00:18:23,834 Stuart: HEY, YOU. 282 00:18:23,834 --> 00:18:28,567 SINCE YOU GOT SO MUCH FUCKING TIME ON YOUR HANDS, 283 00:18:28,567 --> 00:18:30,767 ANSWER THIS ONE-- 284 00:18:30,767 --> 00:18:33,867 DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE 285 00:18:33,867 --> 00:18:37,834 GET KILLED BY SCREWS IN PRISON EVERY YEAR? 286 00:18:37,834 --> 00:18:41,600 MURDERED. OH, SORRY, GOV. 287 00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:44,200 EXCUSE US. HOW WAS WE SUPPOSED TO KNOW 288 00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:48,734 THAT BENDING HIM IN HALF, THE WRONG FUCKING WAY, WAS BAD FOR HIS HEALTH?! 289 00:18:48,734 --> 00:18:51,033 IT'S ONLY PEOPLE LIKE ME 290 00:18:51,033 --> 00:18:52,967 WHAT IS REALLY ROTTEN, ISN'T IT? 291 00:18:52,967 --> 00:18:56,266 REALLY BAD-- BEYOND HOPE. 292 00:18:56,266 --> 00:18:59,300 HAVEN'T GOT A FUCKING CLUE, HAVE YOU? 293 00:18:59,300 --> 00:19:01,467 - HUH? - ALL HE SAID WAS "GOOD NIGHT." 294 00:19:01,467 --> 00:19:05,600 - YOU FUCK OFF, AND ALL YOU FUCKING GEEKY-- - SHUT UP YOURSELF, STUART. 295 00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:07,800 YOU FUCKING WANKING 296 00:19:07,800 --> 00:19:12,200 MIDDLE-CLASS CUNT FUCK, ALEXANDER. 297 00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:15,033 YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW I BECAME WHAT I AM? 298 00:19:15,033 --> 00:19:18,600 I'M GIVING YOU FUCKING ANSWERS! 299 00:19:18,600 --> 00:19:22,667 WHY DON'T YOU WRITE A BOOK 300 00:19:22,667 --> 00:19:26,667 WITH NO FUCKING ANSWERS, EH? 301 00:19:26,667 --> 00:19:30,900 YEAH. WELL, YOU FUCK OFF. 302 00:19:30,900 --> 00:19:33,967 YOU FIND YOUR FUCKING ANSWERS. 303 00:19:49,467 --> 00:19:52,467 ON A SCALE OF ANGER, ONE TO 10, 304 00:19:52,467 --> 00:19:54,767 I'M PROBABLY ON FOUR, 305 00:19:54,767 --> 00:19:57,000 AND STUART'S ON 11. 306 00:19:57,000 --> 00:20:00,600 YOU NEVER CAN TELL... 307 00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:03,033 HOW FAMILIES HAVE BEEN DOWN AND THEY'VE BEEN UP 308 00:20:03,033 --> 00:20:04,467 AND THEY'VE BEEN DOWN AGAIN. 309 00:20:04,467 --> 00:20:07,166 JUST LIKE STUART, YOU KNOW? 310 00:20:07,166 --> 00:20:09,734 DRUGS, PRISON, 311 00:20:09,734 --> 00:20:11,767 BEING A BEGGAR. 312 00:20:11,767 --> 00:20:15,500 GO ON, GO ON. 313 00:20:20,133 --> 00:20:23,200 - OH! - ( laughing ) 314 00:20:24,233 --> 00:20:26,266 - YEAH, MATE. - BASTARDS! 315 00:20:26,266 --> 00:20:27,367 MORNING. 316 00:20:27,367 --> 00:20:32,000 - ( laughing ) - LIKE THE TASTE OF PISS, EH? 317 00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:35,066 YOU BASTARDS. 318 00:20:35,066 --> 00:20:37,500 THAT ONE SMELLS NICE. 319 00:20:37,500 --> 00:20:41,233 - ( laughing ) - Alexander: AFTER THREE MONTHS' PREPARATION. 320 00:20:41,233 --> 00:20:43,333 ( laughing ) 321 00:20:43,333 --> 00:20:45,000 WHOSE BLOODY STUPID IDEA WAS IT 322 00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:47,100 THAT WE CAMP OUT OVER THE WEEKEND, ANYWAY? 323 00:20:47,100 --> 00:20:49,700 THE ONE TIME MR. STRAW IS NOT GONNA BE THERE. 324 00:20:49,700 --> 00:20:52,433 - I BET IT WAS YOURS. - OH, FUCK OFF. 325 00:20:52,433 --> 00:20:55,667 - ( laughing ) - ( radio music playing ) 326 00:20:55,667 --> 00:20:57,900 NO. 327 00:20:57,900 --> 00:21:01,367 OH, I LIKE THIS SONG. 328 00:21:01,367 --> 00:21:04,533 THIS IS A GOOD SONG. 329 00:21:04,533 --> 00:21:07,767 ( Both singing with radio ) 330 00:21:16,333 --> 00:21:18,133 ( honks horn ) 331 00:21:25,100 --> 00:21:28,133 Alexander: STILL, ONE BLIMEY THING DID COME OUT OF THAT WEEKEND-- 332 00:21:28,133 --> 00:21:32,367 STUART'S IDEA THAT HIS LIFE SHOULD BE WRITTEN BACKWARDS. 333 00:21:43,433 --> 00:21:47,600 IT WAS KIND OF ME THROAT WHAT DONE IT. 334 00:21:47,600 --> 00:21:50,900 PUT A BEER GLASS INTO ME NECK. 335 00:21:50,900 --> 00:21:52,567 JUST LOST IT. 336 00:21:59,967 --> 00:22:03,133 Stuart: SOMETIMES YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE HOW HARD IT IS 337 00:22:03,133 --> 00:22:05,400 TO FUCKING DIE. 338 00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:09,900 SO YOU GOT A COUNCIL FLAT BECAUSE YOU TRIED TO KILL YOURSELF? 339 00:22:09,900 --> 00:22:13,266 WORKS A TREAT FOR THE OLD HOUSING POINTS, DOESN'T IT? 340 00:22:13,266 --> 00:22:16,500 WHOOSH, STRAIGHT TO THE TOP OF THE LIST. 341 00:22:16,500 --> 00:22:20,000 - HUH. - IT'S NOT ALL GONE THOUGH. 342 00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:22,233 WHAT'S NOT ALL GONE? 343 00:22:23,133 --> 00:22:26,633 THE HATRED. 344 00:22:26,633 --> 00:22:28,667 I GOT SO MANY ENEMIES. 345 00:22:28,667 --> 00:22:31,333 UP HERE, MATE. 346 00:22:31,333 --> 00:22:35,767 SOMEBODY'S GONNA GET HURT THOUGH, THAT'S WHAT SCARES ME. 347 00:22:35,767 --> 00:22:38,433 WHEN'S THIS THING GONNA HAPPEN? 348 00:22:40,533 --> 00:22:43,633 I CALL IT ME BLACK MIST. 349 00:22:43,633 --> 00:22:47,300 NEXT WEEK, NEXT MONTH, 350 00:22:47,300 --> 00:22:48,800 NEXT 10 SECONDS? 351 00:23:13,133 --> 00:23:15,233 OHH. 352 00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:19,633 THAT IS LOVELY LITTLE WORKMANSHIP. 353 00:23:21,767 --> 00:23:23,333 ISN'T IT? 354 00:23:27,700 --> 00:23:29,567 OOH! 355 00:23:29,567 --> 00:23:31,600 THAT'S VALUE. 356 00:23:31,600 --> 00:23:33,533 THAT'S VALUE. 357 00:23:35,367 --> 00:23:37,200 OH, OF COURSE. 358 00:23:39,433 --> 00:23:41,266 THIS FOR THE SERIES. 359 00:23:44,834 --> 00:23:47,200 YEAH. 360 00:23:56,600 --> 00:23:58,633 FOR MY SON. 361 00:24:01,133 --> 00:24:03,000 YOU'VE GOT A SON? 362 00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:04,734 YEAH. 363 00:24:04,734 --> 00:24:07,867 IN GLASGOW, WITH HIS MUM. 364 00:24:09,367 --> 00:24:11,834 14 YEARS OF AGE, TOMORROW. 365 00:24:13,100 --> 00:24:15,600 ALWAYS OUT ON THE GOLF COURSE, THE LITTLE 'UN. 366 00:24:15,600 --> 00:24:17,266 HEY! 367 00:24:23,133 --> 00:24:24,900 Stuart: GO ON BACK THERE, MATE. 368 00:24:24,900 --> 00:24:28,400 LOT BETTER THAN LAUREL LANE. 369 00:24:40,233 --> 00:24:42,367 HEY. WHOO. 370 00:24:42,367 --> 00:24:45,333 WINE ALWAYS SMELLS LIKE SICK. 371 00:24:45,333 --> 00:24:48,500 HERE. HAVE A BEER. 372 00:24:52,934 --> 00:24:55,300 FANCY A SARNIE? 373 00:25:05,934 --> 00:25:09,066 ( grunting ) 374 00:25:22,100 --> 00:25:24,367 ( moaning ) 375 00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:27,567 OW! 376 00:25:28,967 --> 00:25:31,934 Stuart: SO WHY DO YOU WANT TO BE A WRITER THEN? 377 00:25:31,934 --> 00:25:33,367 OH, I DON'T KNOW, REALLY. 378 00:25:33,367 --> 00:25:36,166 BIT LIKE A DISEASE. ALL MY FAMILY'S GOT IT. 379 00:25:36,166 --> 00:25:39,433 DIDN'T WANT TO BE LEFT OUT, DID I? 380 00:25:39,433 --> 00:25:42,300 NO. I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN, MATE. 381 00:25:42,300 --> 00:25:44,567 ME DAD IS A THIEF. 382 00:25:44,567 --> 00:25:47,166 AND ME MUM'S A BARMAID. 383 00:25:49,066 --> 00:25:52,266 WHAT'S THE COLOR ORANGE HIGHLIGHTER IN YOUR DIARY FOR? 384 00:25:52,266 --> 00:25:55,600 FAMILY STUFF. 385 00:25:55,600 --> 00:25:57,900 YELLOW? 386 00:25:57,900 --> 00:25:59,200 SOCIAL. 387 00:26:06,467 --> 00:26:09,100 KNOW WHAT? 388 00:26:09,100 --> 00:26:10,633 THIS BOOK... 389 00:26:10,633 --> 00:26:13,433 THAT YOU'RE WRITING ABOUT ME... 390 00:26:14,967 --> 00:26:17,100 IS IT JUST TO MAKE YOUR NAME? 391 00:26:18,100 --> 00:26:20,266 AND YOURS. 392 00:26:23,567 --> 00:26:26,400 I'VE HAD AN IDEA 393 00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:28,266 FOR A JOB TOO. 394 00:26:28,266 --> 00:26:31,100 YEAH? 395 00:26:31,100 --> 00:26:33,633 FOR THE FOREIGN BUSINESSMAN, 396 00:26:33,633 --> 00:26:36,333 WHAT DOESN'T HAVE TIME TO WASTE... 397 00:26:37,700 --> 00:26:39,166 WHAT DOES HE NEED? 398 00:26:41,867 --> 00:26:46,367 AN OFFICE... IN A VAN. 399 00:26:49,700 --> 00:26:52,000 IT'S NATURAL THINKING, ISN'T IT? 400 00:26:52,967 --> 00:26:55,467 GETS OFF THE PLANE AT STANSTED, 401 00:26:55,467 --> 00:26:57,767 STRAIGHT INTO THE BACK OF ME VAN. 402 00:26:57,767 --> 00:27:00,533 THEY WILL HAVE EVERYTHING. 403 00:27:01,667 --> 00:27:03,967 GOOD LOOKING BIRD, WHAT CAN DO SHORTHAND, 404 00:27:03,967 --> 00:27:06,967 FAX, INTERNET, 405 00:27:06,967 --> 00:27:10,900 WIRES ALL OVER THE FUCKING CAB. 406 00:27:10,900 --> 00:27:13,500 IT'S BRILLIANT. 407 00:27:13,500 --> 00:27:16,567 RED SAUCE OR BROWN? 408 00:27:16,567 --> 00:27:19,033 YES, PLEASE. I MEAN, RED. 409 00:27:19,033 --> 00:27:23,333 - WHAT-- WHAT'S...? - OH YEAH, THAT FELLA UPSTAIRS 410 00:27:23,333 --> 00:27:28,233 IS GONNA MAKE ME A BED WHAT FOLDS UP AGAINST THE WALL, 411 00:27:28,233 --> 00:27:30,000 LIKE WHAT JAMES BOND HAS. 412 00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:31,734 - OOH. - YEAH. 413 00:27:31,734 --> 00:27:36,333 ONLY IT'S GOT TO HAVE SPRINGS AND LATCHES 414 00:27:36,333 --> 00:27:38,066 ON THE-- ON THE FLOOR. 415 00:27:38,066 --> 00:27:41,367 OTHERWISE, IT'S BOING, BOING, WHOOSH, ISN'T IT? 416 00:27:41,367 --> 00:27:43,600 "BOING, BOING, WHOOSH"? 417 00:27:43,600 --> 00:27:47,700 YEAH, I MEAN, A BIRD'S NOT GONNA BE TOO HAPPY 418 00:27:47,700 --> 00:27:49,367 IF SHE GETS HER FACE 419 00:27:49,367 --> 00:27:52,900 SQUEEZED UP AGAINST THE PLASTER, IS SHE? 420 00:27:54,467 --> 00:27:57,033 - HEY. - ( woman moans ) 421 00:27:58,266 --> 00:28:00,367 - ( woman screams ) - ( glass breaks ) 422 00:28:00,367 --> 00:28:01,633 SORRY. 423 00:28:03,266 --> 00:28:05,333 GOOD STUFF, THAT. 424 00:28:05,333 --> 00:28:07,900 YOU CAN USE IT WITH ANYTHING. 425 00:28:09,000 --> 00:28:10,467 SEE THERE ON THE BED. 426 00:28:10,467 --> 00:28:15,166 THERE SHOULD BE A HUGE STAIN. 427 00:28:15,166 --> 00:28:17,934 I OVERDOSED THERE LAST WEEK. 428 00:28:17,934 --> 00:28:21,433 ALL THE SPILLED CANS AND VOMIT-- 429 00:28:21,433 --> 00:28:25,633 THAT CLEANED IT UP REALLY, REALLY WELL, ACTUALLY. 430 00:28:27,400 --> 00:28:28,467 BUT YOU WANT TO-- 431 00:28:28,467 --> 00:28:32,767 WANT TO LEAVE IT FOR ABOUT... 432 00:28:33,900 --> 00:28:37,233 ABOUT A WEEK BEFORE YOU VACUUM. 433 00:28:53,367 --> 00:28:55,567 ( crunching ) 434 00:28:55,567 --> 00:28:57,200 OW. 435 00:29:02,367 --> 00:29:04,200 ( mumbling ) 436 00:29:05,133 --> 00:29:06,633 HERE YOU ARE, MATE. 437 00:29:10,767 --> 00:29:13,500 BE CAREFUL THERE. IT'S REALLY HOT. 438 00:29:26,233 --> 00:29:29,567 I NEVER ASKED YOU WHY YOU WERE IN PRISON. 439 00:29:29,567 --> 00:29:32,533 THE LAST TIME, 440 00:29:32,533 --> 00:29:35,266 STUPID THINGS. 441 00:29:35,266 --> 00:29:38,367 ME MATE SMITHY, 442 00:29:38,367 --> 00:29:40,967 WE'RE OLD BUBBLEGUM CHAPS. 443 00:29:40,967 --> 00:29:42,867 I'M NOT BEING FUNNY. 444 00:29:42,867 --> 00:29:45,000 HE'S IN THE GUINNESS BOOK OF RECORDS. 445 00:29:47,567 --> 00:29:50,467 1983 EDITION, AS IT GOES. 446 00:29:50,467 --> 00:29:54,266 Stuart: LIKE BROTHERS FIGHTING THE WORLD. 447 00:29:55,500 --> 00:29:59,600 RESPECT, TRUST AND HONOR. 448 00:30:07,867 --> 00:30:09,166 GO, GO, GO, GO, GO! 449 00:30:09,166 --> 00:30:10,834 ( alarm bell ringing ) 450 00:30:10,834 --> 00:30:12,467 COME ON. 451 00:30:18,433 --> 00:30:20,867 - ( thuds ) - OW! 452 00:30:28,233 --> 00:30:30,233 ( police siren blaring ) 453 00:30:30,233 --> 00:30:33,667 Smithy: YOU'RE A FUCK. DID YOU GET MENTHOLS? 454 00:30:33,667 --> 00:30:36,867 - MENTHOLS? FUCK OFF. - SHE'LL FUCKING KILL ME. 455 00:30:36,867 --> 00:30:39,867 - SHE ASKED FOR MENTHOLS. - WELL, GIVE HER THE VODKA. 456 00:30:39,867 --> 00:30:43,567 SHE DON'T WANT VODKA, SHE WANTS MENTHOLS. 457 00:30:53,633 --> 00:30:55,734 Smithy: GO, GO, GO, GO, GO! 458 00:30:55,734 --> 00:30:59,600 I DON'T BELIEVE IT. THESE AREN'T FUCKING MENTHOLS EITHER. 459 00:30:59,600 --> 00:31:01,266 THEY'RE JUST IN A GREEN PACKET. 460 00:31:01,266 --> 00:31:03,800 I'VE GOT 10 PACKETS OF GREEN CIGARETTES. 461 00:31:07,900 --> 00:31:09,567 HURRY UP. 462 00:31:09,567 --> 00:31:11,233 25 QUID 60? 463 00:31:11,233 --> 00:31:14,066 WOMEN-- 464 00:31:14,066 --> 00:31:18,000 THEY THINK THEY CAN BOSS YOU ABOUT AND EVERYTHING. 465 00:31:18,000 --> 00:31:20,533 AND ONE DAY, 466 00:31:20,533 --> 00:31:22,867 SMITHY GOT A TIP-OFF. 467 00:31:27,367 --> 00:31:30,300 - 20,000 QUID? - JUST KEEPS IT UNDER THE COUNTER. 468 00:31:30,300 --> 00:31:32,433 NOT A COP SHOP IN 20 MILES. 469 00:31:33,567 --> 00:31:35,734 FUCKING-A. 470 00:31:35,734 --> 00:31:38,300 WHO'S FUCKING RESPONSIBLE? 471 00:31:38,300 --> 00:31:41,700 - NO CARD OF OWNERSHIP. - OH. 472 00:31:46,500 --> 00:31:48,567 GO, GO, GO, GO, GO! 473 00:31:52,500 --> 00:31:54,166 RIGHT. 474 00:32:00,433 --> 00:32:02,633 ( screaming ) 475 00:32:04,066 --> 00:32:06,767 LET'S JUST SAY IT WAS FUNNY. 476 00:32:06,767 --> 00:32:09,200 BECAUSE AS SOON AS WE WERE SENT DOWN, 477 00:32:09,200 --> 00:32:11,567 SMITHY'S MISSUS MOVED IN WITH THE FELLOW 478 00:32:11,567 --> 00:32:13,767 WHAT TOLD US ABOUT THE JOB. 479 00:32:15,100 --> 00:32:16,333 FIVE YEARS. 480 00:32:19,400 --> 00:32:21,066 PRETTY STEEP SENTENCE. 481 00:32:21,066 --> 00:32:24,333 - WERE YOU ARMED? - NO. 482 00:32:26,767 --> 00:32:29,333 UH... 483 00:32:31,667 --> 00:32:32,800 ONLY WITH A CROWBAR. 484 00:32:32,800 --> 00:32:35,967 ( screaming ) 485 00:32:35,967 --> 00:32:39,600 - ( dishes clanking ) - Man on TV: What sort of development? 486 00:32:39,600 --> 00:32:41,333 Dan Sullivan moved his toothbrush 487 00:32:41,333 --> 00:32:43,000 into my bathroom last night-- 488 00:32:43,000 --> 00:32:45,767 - and the rest. - You mean he's living in the Vic? 489 00:32:45,767 --> 00:32:47,767 Stuart: HEY, ALEXANDER? 490 00:32:47,767 --> 00:32:50,333 YOU WANT TO STAY FOR TEA? 491 00:32:50,333 --> 00:32:53,600 ME FAVORITE-- CONVICT CURRY. 492 00:32:53,600 --> 00:32:56,800 WE USED TO MAKE IT IN JAIL. 493 00:32:58,700 --> 00:33:01,066 MUSHROOMS. 494 00:33:01,066 --> 00:33:02,367 MMM. 495 00:33:13,300 --> 00:33:15,133 WHAT ABOUT THE FIRST TIME IN? 496 00:33:15,133 --> 00:33:17,333 FIRST TIME WHAT? 497 00:33:17,333 --> 00:33:19,633 THAT YOU WERE SENTENCED AS AN ADULT. 498 00:33:19,633 --> 00:33:22,333 UMM... 499 00:33:23,500 --> 00:33:26,000 I DON'T KNOW. 500 00:33:27,467 --> 00:33:29,300 ( metal pops ) 501 00:33:31,233 --> 00:33:32,900 I CAN'T... 502 00:33:35,767 --> 00:33:38,867 I CAN'T REALLY TALK ABOUT THAT, MATE. 503 00:33:43,033 --> 00:33:45,166 BUT I MEAN, 504 00:33:45,166 --> 00:33:47,767 ROBBING AN EMPTY POST OFFICE IS... 505 00:33:47,767 --> 00:33:49,533 BURGLE. 506 00:33:51,166 --> 00:33:53,734 ROB PEOPLE. 507 00:33:53,734 --> 00:33:55,934 BURGLE POST OFFICES. 508 00:33:55,934 --> 00:33:57,667 YEAH, BUT WHAT I MEAN IS, 509 00:33:57,667 --> 00:33:59,867 IT'S HARDLY A SCHEDULE ONE OFFENSE, IS IT? 510 00:33:59,867 --> 00:34:02,100 OF COURSE NOT. 511 00:34:04,266 --> 00:34:07,266 THAT'S SERIOUS, ISN'T IT? 512 00:34:18,867 --> 00:34:20,567 ( sniffs ) 513 00:34:20,567 --> 00:34:23,100 IT WASN'T KIDDY-FIDDLIN'. 514 00:34:30,667 --> 00:34:32,734 I DIDN'T SAY THAT IT WAS. 515 00:34:35,467 --> 00:34:38,066 IT WASN'T. 516 00:34:43,633 --> 00:34:46,266 WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT THURSDAY, YEAH? 517 00:34:49,367 --> 00:34:51,900 THURSDAY AFTERNOON. 518 00:34:54,033 --> 00:34:56,500 ( sniffs ) 519 00:34:56,500 --> 00:34:58,734 ANOTHER TIME, RIGHT? 520 00:35:01,533 --> 00:35:05,600 Man on TV: Finally, the mosaicist would carefully peel back the cloth. 521 00:35:05,600 --> 00:35:08,033 And then, hey, presto, an instant floor. 522 00:35:08,033 --> 00:35:09,867 Fantastic. 523 00:35:09,867 --> 00:35:12,600 This mosaic section would arrive on a cloth backing. 524 00:35:12,600 --> 00:35:14,934 - OOH. - Uncovering the reverse side with glue, 525 00:35:14,934 --> 00:35:16,667 the Romans would've used mortar. 526 00:35:16,667 --> 00:35:19,900 The most important design was usually the middle of the room. 527 00:35:19,900 --> 00:35:21,867 We think this was the dining room. 528 00:35:21,867 --> 00:35:24,633 And you see here is Cupid riding on a dolphin 529 00:35:24,633 --> 00:35:26,266 carrying a posting form. 530 00:35:26,266 --> 00:35:28,133 The mosaicist would work out from here 531 00:35:28,133 --> 00:35:30,734 towards the borders, and he'd probably leave his minions 532 00:35:30,734 --> 00:35:32,533 to do the less important bits. 533 00:35:32,533 --> 00:35:34,300 Because if there were mistakes out there, 534 00:35:34,300 --> 00:35:36,533 they'd all get covered up by the furniture... 535 00:35:36,533 --> 00:35:38,800 ( groaning ) 536 00:35:38,800 --> 00:35:41,800 Putting in each tile one by one with great care. 537 00:35:41,800 --> 00:35:44,567 But I suspect it wasn't really like that at all. 538 00:35:44,567 --> 00:35:46,934 The Romans were very keen on shortcuts... 539 00:35:46,934 --> 00:35:49,767 ( groans ) 540 00:35:53,066 --> 00:35:55,934 AND YOU MOP WITH THE BREAD-- 541 00:35:55,934 --> 00:35:57,867 MOP UP YOUR JUICES. 542 00:36:03,266 --> 00:36:04,834 ( laughs ) 543 00:36:09,767 --> 00:36:11,834 ( laughs ) MMM. 544 00:36:11,834 --> 00:36:14,734 SO SMASH THE WINDOW, 545 00:36:14,734 --> 00:36:16,066 BREAK THE STEERING WHEEL LOCK 546 00:36:16,066 --> 00:36:18,266 BY TURNING THE WHEEL IN OPPOSING DIRECTIONS. 547 00:36:18,266 --> 00:36:21,767 YEAH. AND IF THE STREET IS TOO PUBLIC, 548 00:36:21,767 --> 00:36:23,333 TO USE A BRICK. 549 00:36:23,333 --> 00:36:24,433 SLIDE STICK. 550 00:36:24,433 --> 00:36:27,667 MOVE THE METAL BAND FROM A PALLET OF BRICKS, 551 00:36:27,667 --> 00:36:30,600 REDUCE TO 18 INCHES, REMOVE A NOTCH FROM ONE SIDE, 552 00:36:30,600 --> 00:36:32,834 INSERT INTO DOOR PANEL. ( clicks ) 553 00:36:32,834 --> 00:36:35,066 BUKOW! I'M IN THE POST OFFICE. 554 00:36:35,066 --> 00:36:39,600 - BOOT IN THE RUBBLE. - NO, THERE'S NO POINT IN RAM-RAIDING THE POST OFFICE. 555 00:36:39,600 --> 00:36:42,433 - WHY NOT? - YOU DON'T PAY ENOUGH ATTENTION. 556 00:36:42,433 --> 00:36:45,767 THERE'S NO POINT IN RAM-RAIDING THE FUCKING POST OFFICE. 557 00:36:45,767 --> 00:36:48,600 THERE'S NEVER NO MONEY IN THE TILL, IS THERE? 558 00:36:51,600 --> 00:36:54,233 LONG GONE ARE THEM DAYS. 559 00:36:54,233 --> 00:36:56,600 NO MONEY. 560 00:36:57,867 --> 00:37:00,533 OH, HERE. 561 00:37:02,200 --> 00:37:04,800 - UM... - NO, NO, NO, NO. 562 00:37:04,800 --> 00:37:07,567 - HONESTLY. - I'LL GET A TAXI, I'LL STOP AT A BANK. 563 00:37:07,567 --> 00:37:09,600 Stuart: NO, HONESTLY, TAKE IT. 564 00:37:09,600 --> 00:37:12,467 IT'S ME BEER MONEY. YOU'RE DOING ME A FAVOR. 565 00:37:12,467 --> 00:37:16,100 YOU'D BE DOING SOCIETY A FAVOR. 566 00:37:18,066 --> 00:37:23,000 - AND BUY A FUCKING CAR. - GET YOURSELF A FUCKING LICENSE. 567 00:37:24,600 --> 00:37:27,233 Alexander: OH, I ALMOST FORGOT. HERE. 568 00:37:27,233 --> 00:37:29,033 - BROUGHT YOU THIS. - ALL RIGHT. 569 00:37:29,033 --> 00:37:32,133 YOUR BLACK MISTS-- 570 00:37:33,567 --> 00:37:36,633 I THOUGHT YOU COULD TALK INTO IT NEXT TIME YOU'RE IN ONE. 571 00:37:36,633 --> 00:37:39,967 - OH. - YOU'LL BE OKAY? 572 00:37:39,967 --> 00:37:42,133 CALL IF YOU NEED ANY HELP. 573 00:37:42,133 --> 00:37:45,500 2:00 A.M., 4:00 A.M.-- ANYTIME. 574 00:37:45,500 --> 00:37:49,033 YEAH, SO YOU CAN BRING A FUCKING CAMERA? 575 00:37:52,467 --> 00:37:53,934 OY! 576 00:37:58,700 --> 00:38:00,900 YOU'RE ALL RIGHT, ALEXANDER. 577 00:38:07,066 --> 00:38:09,300 ( bus door closes ) 578 00:38:20,433 --> 00:38:22,734 OFTEN USED TO SAY TO STUART, 579 00:38:22,734 --> 00:38:26,200 "I WISH I COULD JUST PICK YOU UP SOMETIMES, 580 00:38:26,200 --> 00:38:28,133 TURN YOU UPSIDE DOWN 581 00:38:28,133 --> 00:38:30,800 AND SHAKE ALL THE BAD THINGS OUT OF YOUR HEAD. 582 00:38:30,800 --> 00:38:33,533 THEN PUT YOU BACK UP THE RIGHT WAY AGAIN." 583 00:38:33,533 --> 00:38:36,467 HMM. THE CHANGE IN HIM, 584 00:38:36,467 --> 00:38:38,567 WE JUST COULDN'T UNDERSTAND IT. 585 00:38:38,567 --> 00:38:41,734 ( applause ) 586 00:38:41,734 --> 00:38:44,800 OF COURSE I'D LIKE TO THANK YOU ALL FOR COMING HERE TODAY 587 00:38:44,800 --> 00:38:47,200 TO HEAR ME TALK ABOUT THE CAMPAIGN 588 00:38:47,200 --> 00:38:48,734 AND THE PETITION. 589 00:38:48,734 --> 00:38:52,000 Alexander: STUART AND I GAVE NINE OR 10 TALKS TOGETHER 590 00:38:52,000 --> 00:38:53,900 ABOUT THE CAMPAIGN THAT SPRING. 591 00:38:53,900 --> 00:38:55,600 IN BIRMINGHAM, LONDON, OXFORD 592 00:38:55,600 --> 00:38:57,367 AND OF COURSE, VILLAGES AROUND CAMBRIDGE. 593 00:38:57,367 --> 00:38:59,567 MR. STUART CLIVE SHORTER. 594 00:38:59,567 --> 00:39:02,100 I'D SPEAK FIRST, AND THEN STUART WOULD GET UP 595 00:39:02,100 --> 00:39:04,033 AND KNOCK THE AUDIENCE OFF ITS SEATS 596 00:39:04,033 --> 00:39:05,767 WITH THE STORY OF HIS LIFE. 597 00:39:05,767 --> 00:39:08,700 A TYPICAL SUICIDE ATTEMPT 598 00:39:08,700 --> 00:39:12,500 IS JUST AN UNBEARABLE SENSE OF HATRED 599 00:39:12,500 --> 00:39:14,133 AND WASTE. 600 00:39:14,133 --> 00:39:17,200 "I AM THE NIGHTMARE YOU FRIGHTEN YOUR CHILDREN WITH," HE SAID. 601 00:39:17,200 --> 00:39:19,333 THE SORT OF PERSON THESE TWO CHARITY WORKERS 602 00:39:19,333 --> 00:39:21,667 WERE TRYING TO HELP TO GET OFF YOUR STREETS. 603 00:39:21,667 --> 00:39:23,834 WE SHOULD'VE AWARDED RUTH AND JOHN MEDALS 604 00:39:23,834 --> 00:39:26,333 INSTEAD OF SENDING THEM TO PRISON. 605 00:39:26,333 --> 00:39:27,700 SO I JUST TWISTED AROUND, 606 00:39:27,700 --> 00:39:30,166 AND I EMPTIED EVERYTHING... 607 00:39:30,166 --> 00:39:33,133 THAT REMAINED INTO MY RIGHT BUTTOCK. 608 00:39:33,133 --> 00:39:35,900 STUART DID TWO THINGS FOR THE CAMPAIGN, REALLY. 609 00:39:35,900 --> 00:39:37,600 HE FOLDED LETTERS 610 00:39:37,600 --> 00:39:39,900 AND HE EXPOSED HIS SOUL. 611 00:39:39,900 --> 00:39:42,734 ( applause ) 612 00:39:46,300 --> 00:39:48,100 THAT'LL WORK. 613 00:39:49,133 --> 00:39:51,300 ( slow trumpet playing ) 614 00:39:55,667 --> 00:39:58,533 - EXACTLY, SO IF WE WRITE-- - OH, THIS IS YOUR NAME. 615 00:39:58,533 --> 00:40:00,834 IF WE SOLVE THE PUZZLE DO WE SOLVE YOU? 616 00:40:00,834 --> 00:40:02,033 ( laughing ) 617 00:40:02,033 --> 00:40:04,166 HE'S JUST-- 618 00:40:04,166 --> 00:40:06,200 HE'S JUST VERY, VERY INTERESTING, YOU KNOW? 619 00:40:06,200 --> 00:40:09,734 HE TELLS ME ABOUT A WORLD I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT... 620 00:40:09,734 --> 00:40:11,600 AND I JUST LIKE HIM. 621 00:40:11,600 --> 00:40:13,834 HE'S ABSOLUTELY EXTRAORDINARY. 622 00:40:13,834 --> 00:40:17,867 HE KNOWS THE EXACT DAY THAT HE CHANGED INTO A SOCIOPATH. 623 00:40:17,867 --> 00:40:20,700 BETWEEN 4:00 P.M. AND 5:00 P.M.-- THE EXACT DAY. 624 00:40:20,700 --> 00:40:23,567 IT'S LIKE KNOWING WHAT WAS IN DR. JEKYLL'S POTION 625 00:40:23,567 --> 00:40:25,333 THAT TURNED HIM INTO MR. HYDE. 626 00:40:25,333 --> 00:40:27,033 ( helicopter buzzing ) 627 00:40:30,467 --> 00:40:32,700 Alexander: THIS THING-- STUART'S BLACK MIST-- 628 00:40:32,700 --> 00:40:33,900 CAME THAT NIGHT. 629 00:40:33,900 --> 00:40:37,734 APPARENTLY STARTED BY A KNIFE FIGHT. 630 00:40:39,533 --> 00:40:43,467 THE FIRST I HEARD ABOUT IT WAS A CALL A DAY LATER FROM HIS MOTHER. 631 00:40:54,900 --> 00:40:56,533 HE SAYS NO BLOOD. 632 00:40:56,533 --> 00:40:59,300 USUALLY THERE IS BLOOD. 633 00:41:01,633 --> 00:41:03,667 PERHAPS THE CLEANERS HAVE BEEN ROUND. 634 00:41:05,000 --> 00:41:07,166 JUST FOR THE BLOOD. 635 00:41:10,200 --> 00:41:13,467 - ( glass shatters ) - ( moaning ) 636 00:41:17,066 --> 00:41:19,000 CAMPAIGN'S HELPED HIM A LOT, YOU KNOW. 637 00:41:19,000 --> 00:41:22,200 KEPT HIM STRAIGHT. 638 00:41:22,200 --> 00:41:25,200 HE AIN'T BEEN THIS HAPPY SINCE HE WAS A LITTLE BOY. 639 00:41:34,333 --> 00:41:36,066 "ALEXANDER ONLY." 640 00:41:42,700 --> 00:41:46,900 Stuart on tape: Hello, Alexander, it's Stuart. 641 00:41:46,900 --> 00:41:50,900 You know, I'm admitting I've had lots to drink now, 642 00:41:50,900 --> 00:41:54,133 but I can't help reflect about-- 643 00:41:54,133 --> 00:41:55,367 ( button clicks ) 644 00:41:55,367 --> 00:41:57,834 - ( lighter clicking ) - STUART HAD BEEN BAILED 645 00:41:57,834 --> 00:42:00,500 TO APPEAR AT CAMBRIDGE MAGISTRATE'S COURT. 646 00:42:02,834 --> 00:42:05,000 I WENT WITH HIM FOR MORAL SUPPORT. 647 00:42:15,734 --> 00:42:17,967 ( woman laughing ) 648 00:42:21,767 --> 00:42:23,934 THEY DON'T LOOK TOO UPSET TO BE HERE. 649 00:42:23,934 --> 00:42:26,834 WAIT TILL THEY GET TO CROWN COURT. 650 00:42:26,834 --> 00:42:28,367 THAT'S WHEN IT GETS SERIOUS. 651 00:42:28,367 --> 00:42:30,100 GODSPEED THE DAY. 652 00:42:40,100 --> 00:42:42,767 - EXCUSE ME, YOU'RE ABOUT TO FALL OFF-- - FUCK OFF. 653 00:42:42,767 --> 00:42:45,967 GOOD LAD. SAY THAT TO THE NASTY MAN IN THE WIG 654 00:42:45,967 --> 00:42:47,200 AND EVERYTHING'LL BE FINE. 655 00:42:49,333 --> 00:42:51,467 SOMETIMES IT TAKES SO LONG 656 00:42:51,467 --> 00:42:55,700 YOU FORGET WHAT YOU'RE FUCKING CALLING FOR. 657 00:42:56,867 --> 00:42:58,233 HERE, LISTEN TO THIS. 658 00:42:58,233 --> 00:43:01,000 THIS IS THE LITTLE 'UN. 659 00:43:03,600 --> 00:43:05,900 Boy on phone: I don't know you, fuck off! 660 00:43:05,900 --> 00:43:08,700 I'm not in and I don't want to talk to you! 661 00:43:08,700 --> 00:43:12,533 - ( laughs ) - I DIDN'T THINK HE WAS LIKE THAT. 662 00:43:12,533 --> 00:43:16,767 I WAS THINKING MAYBE HE SHOULD GO TO BUSINESS SCHOOL. 663 00:43:16,767 --> 00:43:20,700 NOW I DON'T KNOW. 664 00:43:20,700 --> 00:43:23,000 IT AIN'T RIGHT. 665 00:43:23,000 --> 00:43:27,467 I'VE HAD TO HAVE WORDS WITH HIM ABOUT THE IMPORTANCE OF POLITENESS. 666 00:43:27,467 --> 00:43:32,734 - HE'S 14. - IT REALLY SHOCKED ME, TO BE HONEST. 667 00:43:34,667 --> 00:43:37,000 Man: MR. SHORTER? 668 00:43:37,000 --> 00:43:38,767 ACCORDING TO POLICE STATEMENTS, 669 00:43:38,767 --> 00:43:42,400 THEY COULD SMELL SMOKING OIL WHEN THEY ARRIVED ON THE SCENE. 670 00:43:42,400 --> 00:43:45,433 CHIP FAT. 671 00:43:45,433 --> 00:43:48,633 ( helicopter buzzing, men shouting ) 672 00:43:48,633 --> 00:43:51,133 - ( alarm beeping ) - ( men shouting ) 673 00:43:51,133 --> 00:43:52,767 ( moaning ) 674 00:43:52,767 --> 00:43:56,200 IT WAS THE ANNIVERSARY OF MY BROTHER'S DEATH. 675 00:43:59,333 --> 00:44:02,266 I WANTED TO BURN THE DEVIL OUT OF MYSELF. 676 00:44:06,200 --> 00:44:08,900 ( screaming ) 677 00:44:13,367 --> 00:44:14,934 YOU FUCK! 678 00:44:14,934 --> 00:44:18,767 FUCK ME! 679 00:44:18,767 --> 00:44:20,800 - DOWN! GET DOWN ON THE GROUND! - ( shouting ) 680 00:44:20,800 --> 00:44:22,734 THE DEVIL-- BURN! 681 00:44:38,967 --> 00:44:40,834 THE MAGISTRATE'S COURT DECIDED THEY COULDN'T 682 00:44:40,834 --> 00:44:42,900 HANDLE THE COMPLEXITIES OF STUART'S CASE, 683 00:44:42,900 --> 00:44:45,533 SO THEY REFERRED IT TO THE CROWN COURT. 684 00:44:45,533 --> 00:44:47,800 DISGRACE. 685 00:44:47,800 --> 00:44:49,800 40 POLICEMEN AND YOU STILL GET BAILED. 686 00:44:49,800 --> 00:44:52,000 BEATS ME WHY YOU HATE THE SYSTEM. 687 00:44:53,400 --> 00:44:56,734 MY MUM SAYS SHE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND IT NEITHER. 688 00:44:59,100 --> 00:45:01,467 WHAT DID THE BARRISTER MEAN WHEN HE WAS TALKING 689 00:45:01,467 --> 00:45:04,700 ABOUT "ATTEMPTED" MANSLAUGHTER? 690 00:45:06,567 --> 00:45:08,133 I RECKON I TRIED TO CUT 691 00:45:08,133 --> 00:45:10,367 MY NEIGHBOR'S HEAD OFF WITH A BREAD KNIFE. 692 00:45:10,367 --> 00:45:13,533 ( laughs ) YOU DIDN'T? DID YOU? 693 00:45:15,400 --> 00:45:18,133 YEAH. 694 00:45:20,734 --> 00:45:23,567 IF HE HADN'T'VE MOVED, I'D'VE GOTTEN HIM TOO. 695 00:45:28,467 --> 00:45:30,500 ( can pops ) 696 00:45:31,633 --> 00:45:33,567 SO YOU CALLED YOUR NEIGHBOR 697 00:45:33,567 --> 00:45:35,834 WHO MADE YOUR BOING-BOING-WHOOSH BED A POOFTER... 698 00:45:35,834 --> 00:45:36,934 ( burps ) 699 00:45:36,934 --> 00:45:38,867 AND THEN THAT'S WHY HE LOST IT? 700 00:45:38,867 --> 00:45:42,433 NO, HE THOUGHT I CALLED HIM A POOFTER. 701 00:45:42,433 --> 00:45:44,200 AND YOU DID NOTHING OF THE SORT? 702 00:45:44,200 --> 00:45:45,767 - NO. - WHAT DID YOU DO? 703 00:45:45,767 --> 00:45:50,066 I JUST ASKED HIS FRIEND IF HE WAS A POOFTER. 704 00:45:50,066 --> 00:45:54,433 - ( laughing ) - IT'S NOT A JOKE, ALEXANDER! 705 00:45:54,433 --> 00:45:58,033 - I MEAN-- - WHEN MY BAIL'S UP, I'M LOOKING AT LIFE! 706 00:46:05,433 --> 00:46:07,166 OHH. 707 00:46:09,200 --> 00:46:11,100 I'VE LOST MY KEYS SOMEWHERE. 708 00:46:14,300 --> 00:46:16,533 SO YOU DIDN'T CALL YOUR NEIGHBOR 709 00:46:16,533 --> 00:46:19,367 WHO MADE YOUR BOING-BOING-WHOOSH BED A POOFTER. 710 00:46:19,367 --> 00:46:21,533 WELL, WHAT-- 711 00:46:21,533 --> 00:46:24,467 WHAT DID HIS MATE SAY WHEN YOU CALLED-- 712 00:46:24,467 --> 00:46:28,233 WHAT DID HIS MATE SAY WHEN YOU ASKED HIM IF HE WAS A POOFTER? 713 00:46:28,233 --> 00:46:30,867 NO, NO, JUST... 714 00:46:30,867 --> 00:46:34,767 SAID HE SUFFERED FROM PREMATURE EJACULATION. 715 00:46:34,767 --> 00:46:36,734 ( laughing ) 716 00:46:38,133 --> 00:46:41,333 OVERALL, IT WAS QUITE INTERESTING AT THE TIME. 717 00:46:41,333 --> 00:46:45,700 BECAUSE I SUFFER FROM THE SAME COMPLAINT MYSELF. 718 00:46:47,800 --> 00:46:51,033 - ( groaning ) - ( thuds ) 719 00:46:59,233 --> 00:47:00,900 UMM... 720 00:47:00,900 --> 00:47:03,500 I'M GOING TO SEE SOME FRIENDS IN NORFOLK NEXT WEEK. 721 00:47:03,500 --> 00:47:05,667 - COME ALONG. - NO. 722 00:47:05,667 --> 00:47:07,400 I CAN'T. 723 00:47:07,400 --> 00:47:09,800 YOU HEARD THE MAGISTRATE. 724 00:47:09,800 --> 00:47:13,300 NOT ALLOWED OUT OF CAMBRIDGE TILL THE TRIAL. 725 00:47:20,367 --> 00:47:23,600 Stuart: AND ANOTHER THING ABOUT WASHING MACHINES-- 726 00:47:23,600 --> 00:47:27,066 THIS FELLOW ON THE TV, 727 00:47:27,066 --> 00:47:31,533 HE PUT THREE OF THEM WASHING MACHINE INNER BITS TOGETHER-- 728 00:47:32,567 --> 00:47:35,467 NOT INTO CONCRETE OR NOTHING-- 729 00:47:35,467 --> 00:47:38,834 AND HE SAID IT WAS A SCULPTURE. 730 00:47:38,834 --> 00:47:42,433 GOD. 731 00:47:42,433 --> 00:47:45,533 REALLY. AND SOMEBODY BOUGHT IT! 732 00:47:45,533 --> 00:47:49,166 I'M NOT BEING FUNNY, YEAH? 733 00:47:49,166 --> 00:47:53,033 BUT THERE IS A VIABLE BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY THERE. 734 00:47:55,600 --> 00:47:58,600 RENT A BARN, 735 00:47:58,600 --> 00:48:01,800 LAY OUT ALL THE BITS. 736 00:48:01,800 --> 00:48:05,767 AND WHEN THEY'VE HAD ENOUGH OF WASHING MACHINES, 737 00:48:05,767 --> 00:48:07,800 DO FRIDGES. 738 00:48:10,100 --> 00:48:13,667 YOU KNOW, THAT'S WHAT REALLY ANNOYS ME, ALEXANDER. 739 00:48:13,667 --> 00:48:16,066 I'M ALWAYS GETTING THESE GREAT IDEAS-- 740 00:48:16,066 --> 00:48:17,967 YOU KNOW, ABOUT HOW TO MAKE MONEY, 741 00:48:17,967 --> 00:48:22,066 AND PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS TELLING ME THEY'RE WRONG, YOU KNOW? 742 00:48:22,066 --> 00:48:24,700 I NEVER GET NO ENCOURAGEMENT. 743 00:48:24,700 --> 00:48:27,066 NO ENCOURAGEMENT AT ALL. 744 00:48:31,900 --> 00:48:34,266 - HERE, HOLD THE WHEEL. - HMM? 745 00:48:35,633 --> 00:48:38,033 WANT SOME? 746 00:48:38,033 --> 00:48:39,734 UH, YES. 747 00:48:39,734 --> 00:48:42,867 - THANK YOU. - SAVE ME SOME. 748 00:48:42,867 --> 00:48:44,433 I WILL. 749 00:48:47,400 --> 00:48:50,967 ( sniffs ) I THINK I'VE GOT A BIT OF A COLD COMING. 750 00:48:50,967 --> 00:48:53,133 ( coughs ) 751 00:48:59,300 --> 00:49:01,867 HERE, LISTEN TO THIS. 752 00:49:01,867 --> 00:49:04,867 Boy on phone: I apologize for not being currently available. 753 00:49:04,867 --> 00:49:07,667 Be so kind as to leave your name and message. 754 00:49:07,667 --> 00:49:10,066 WOW. 755 00:49:11,467 --> 00:49:15,467 SO WHY DON'T YOU JUST GET AN ORDINARY JOB? 756 00:49:17,100 --> 00:49:19,500 - 9:00 TO 5:00? - THAT'S THE ONE. 757 00:49:20,834 --> 00:49:22,567 GETTING UP IN THE MORNING, 758 00:49:22,567 --> 00:49:24,433 COMING HOME LATE AT NIGHT. 759 00:49:24,433 --> 00:49:26,967 - ON THE NOSE. - FULL TIME. 760 00:49:29,133 --> 00:49:30,934 YOU EVER HAD ONE OF THOSE? 761 00:49:30,934 --> 00:49:34,000 - NOPE. - OH. 762 00:49:35,100 --> 00:49:37,266 I'VE DONE A BIT OF VALETING WORK 763 00:49:37,266 --> 00:49:39,066 FOR A FRIEND OF ME BROTHER'S. 764 00:49:39,066 --> 00:49:40,934 AND? 765 00:49:40,934 --> 00:49:42,500 I HEAD-BUTTED THE BLOKE. 766 00:49:42,500 --> 00:49:46,467 YOUR VERSION OF PUTTING YOUR HEAD DOWN AND GETTING ON WITH IT. 767 00:49:46,467 --> 00:49:49,133 HE TRIED TO FIDDLE WITH ME SISTER. 768 00:49:51,433 --> 00:49:53,500 AND THEN LATER ON, YOU KNOW-- 769 00:49:53,500 --> 00:49:55,400 OH, I DON'T KNOW. 770 00:49:56,800 --> 00:49:58,166 YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT? 771 00:49:58,166 --> 00:50:00,800 ( sighs ) 772 00:50:02,066 --> 00:50:03,867 NOTHING. JUST LIKE WHEN-- 773 00:50:03,867 --> 00:50:07,133 WHEN MY BROTHER GAVVY KILLED HIMSELF. 774 00:50:07,133 --> 00:50:10,700 YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAY ANYTHING, STUART. 775 00:50:13,266 --> 00:50:15,000 TALK ABOUT IT ANOTHER TIME. 776 00:50:16,500 --> 00:50:18,100 YEAH. 777 00:50:18,100 --> 00:50:19,333 THANKS. 778 00:50:24,533 --> 00:50:26,600 Sister: WHEN THE POLICE FOUND GAVVY, 779 00:50:26,600 --> 00:50:28,533 THEY SAID HE'D REALLY SUFFERED. 780 00:50:28,533 --> 00:50:31,800 THE TABLETS HE'D TAKEN HAD EATEN HIS KIDNEYS 781 00:50:31,800 --> 00:50:33,967 AND HIS LIVER AWAY BEFORE HE DIED. 782 00:50:33,967 --> 00:50:36,467 AND IT HAD BEEN AN ABSOLUTE AGONY DYING. 783 00:50:36,467 --> 00:50:38,100 AND I'M GLAD. 784 00:50:39,500 --> 00:50:42,300 I'M GLAD MY BROTHER SUFFERED. 785 00:50:48,600 --> 00:50:51,533 "CHAINSAW CARVED MUSHROOMS." 786 00:50:51,533 --> 00:50:53,233 FUCKING HELL. 787 00:50:53,233 --> 00:50:55,533 WHAT DID THEY DO TO DESERVE THAT? 788 00:50:55,533 --> 00:50:56,867 ( horn honking ) 789 00:50:56,867 --> 00:50:59,633 - ( brakes squeak ) - ( doors open ) 790 00:50:59,633 --> 00:51:03,333 HEY, FUCKING NICE LITTLE NUMBER 791 00:51:03,333 --> 00:51:05,500 YOU GOT GOING HERE, MATE. 792 00:51:05,500 --> 00:51:07,867 GET MANY KNOBHEADS FOR AN INVITE? 793 00:51:07,867 --> 00:51:10,333 YEAH, PLENTY. 794 00:51:13,600 --> 00:51:15,734 ( groans ) 795 00:51:39,734 --> 00:51:41,967 OH, WOW. 796 00:51:41,967 --> 00:51:43,900 I'M JAMES. GOOD TO SEE YOU. 797 00:51:43,900 --> 00:51:46,333 ALEXANDER'S TOLD ME ALL ABOUT YOU. 798 00:51:46,333 --> 00:51:49,934 - RUBEN, YES? - I'M DIDO. 799 00:51:49,934 --> 00:51:51,834 Stuart: OH, YOU HAVE A LOVELY HOUSE. 800 00:51:51,834 --> 00:51:53,533 - HELLO, DARLING. - HI, HI, HI. 801 00:51:53,533 --> 00:51:55,867 - GOOD TO SEE YOU. - HERE, THIS IS FOR YOU. 802 00:51:55,867 --> 00:51:57,567 OH, THANK YOU. LOVELY. 803 00:51:57,567 --> 00:52:00,233 NOW ALEX'LL HAVE TOLD YOU I'M AN ALCOHOLIC, 804 00:52:00,233 --> 00:52:02,633 HASN'T HE? I'M ALSO A SCHEDULE ONE OFFENDER 805 00:52:02,633 --> 00:52:05,233 AND A THIEF. BUT I WON'T CAUSE NO TROUBLE. 806 00:52:05,233 --> 00:52:09,467 MAY I HAVE A TOUR OF THE ESTATE, PLEASE? 807 00:52:09,467 --> 00:52:12,033 IS THAT A PEAR TREE? 808 00:52:12,033 --> 00:52:13,967 YEAH. 809 00:52:13,967 --> 00:52:15,200 OHH. 810 00:52:15,200 --> 00:52:17,033 YOU MAKE CIDER OUT OF THAT. 811 00:52:18,266 --> 00:52:21,166 AND THEM APPLES, EH? 812 00:52:21,166 --> 00:52:23,967 FAMOUS ACTORS USED TO COME HERE AND PLAY TENNIS. 813 00:52:23,967 --> 00:52:27,100 - LAWRENCE OLIVIER-- - LAWRENCE OLIVIER? REALLY? 814 00:52:27,100 --> 00:52:29,767 WE'RE THERE. WOO. 815 00:52:29,767 --> 00:52:32,967 TWO-LOVE! 816 00:52:32,967 --> 00:52:34,700 HEY, HEY! 817 00:52:34,700 --> 00:52:37,133 YOU OUGHT TO KNOCK ALL THEM TREES DOWN 818 00:52:37,133 --> 00:52:38,967 AND BUILD A GO-CART COURSE. 819 00:52:38,967 --> 00:52:41,333 ( laughing ) 820 00:52:41,333 --> 00:52:44,500 FIX THIS PLACE UP, IT'D BE REALLY LOVELY, YEAH? 821 00:52:44,500 --> 00:52:46,400 ( laughing ) 822 00:52:46,400 --> 00:52:48,767 ( rock music playing ) 823 00:53:32,700 --> 00:53:35,100 - MIND, IT'S HOT. - OW. 824 00:53:37,533 --> 00:53:40,667 OOH, LAPSANG "SHEPONG" THERE. VERY NICE. 825 00:53:44,367 --> 00:53:46,233 ( rooster crows ) 826 00:53:46,233 --> 00:53:47,934 OH, IT'S VERY TASTY. 827 00:53:47,934 --> 00:53:49,600 YEAH. 828 00:53:52,300 --> 00:53:54,233 FUCKING AMAZING. 829 00:53:55,333 --> 00:53:59,000 ( inhales deeply ) MMM. 830 00:53:59,000 --> 00:54:01,633 YEAH, HE FUCKING WON THEM. 831 00:54:05,367 --> 00:54:08,734 SO FALSE. 832 00:54:08,734 --> 00:54:12,200 FALSE TITS. 833 00:54:12,200 --> 00:54:16,867 I PREFER A BIT OF NATURAL BOUNCE MYSELF. 834 00:54:18,567 --> 00:54:20,600 IF THEY'RE GOING TO SAG, 835 00:54:20,600 --> 00:54:23,000 THEY'RE GOING TO SAG, AREN'T THEY? 836 00:54:30,300 --> 00:54:33,300 I DON'T GET IT, ALEXANDER. 837 00:54:33,300 --> 00:54:36,266 HOW COME YOU'RE SO INTERESTED 838 00:54:36,266 --> 00:54:37,834 IN HOMELESS PEOPLE? 839 00:54:37,834 --> 00:54:39,800 I'M NOT. 840 00:54:39,800 --> 00:54:41,367 I WAS ONLY WORKING AT WINTERCOMFORT 841 00:54:41,367 --> 00:54:42,967 BECAUSE THE MONEY WAS GOOD. 842 00:54:42,967 --> 00:54:44,500 NINE QUID AN HOUR. 843 00:54:44,500 --> 00:54:46,867 AND THE HOURS-- SHIFT WORK. 844 00:54:48,333 --> 00:54:51,033 HOW LONG ARE THESE ONIONS MEANT TO COOK? 845 00:54:51,033 --> 00:54:54,800 OH, TILL YOU FEEL SATISFIED. 846 00:54:57,333 --> 00:54:59,467 YOU KNOW, I COULD WRITE IN THE MORNING. 847 00:55:01,834 --> 00:55:03,567 YEAH, BUT WHY? 848 00:55:03,567 --> 00:55:07,233 STUART, IF I WAS INTERESTED IN YOU AS A HOMELESS PERSON, 849 00:55:07,233 --> 00:55:10,033 I'D'VE BEEN SACKED FOR UNPROFESSIONAL CONDUCT AGES AGO. 850 00:55:10,033 --> 00:55:12,333 - SO? - SO I LIKE YOU AS A FRIEND. 851 00:55:12,333 --> 00:55:13,800 IS THAT SO BAD? 852 00:55:18,433 --> 00:55:20,800 FENUGREEK? 853 00:55:23,333 --> 00:55:26,100 IT'S A BIT WEIRD, IF YOU ASK ME. 854 00:55:26,100 --> 00:55:27,734 COULDN'T AGREE MORE. 855 00:55:33,000 --> 00:55:36,767 THERE'S ALWAYS SOMEBODY THAT WON'T WANT TO. 856 00:55:39,867 --> 00:55:41,934 OOH. 857 00:55:43,467 --> 00:55:45,367 YEAH, BUT WHY? 858 00:55:46,600 --> 00:55:48,066 BECAUSE YOU'RE FUNNY, INTELLIGENT, 859 00:55:48,066 --> 00:55:50,500 GOOD COMPANY-- WHAT DO YOU WANT, A FUCKING LOVE LETTER? 860 00:55:50,500 --> 00:55:52,633 NOW SHUT UP AND DRINK YOUR FRIGGIN' BEER. 861 00:55:52,633 --> 00:55:54,066 ( hiccups ) 862 00:55:57,633 --> 00:56:00,433 - ( laughing ) - MARVELOUS. 863 00:56:00,433 --> 00:56:03,934 - WHAT WAS IT AGAIN? - CONVICT CURRY. 864 00:56:03,934 --> 00:56:06,900 CONVICT CURRY. 865 00:56:15,834 --> 00:56:17,400 HEY, STUART, IT'S THURSDAY. 866 00:56:17,400 --> 00:56:19,333 YOU'VE GOT TO TELL. 867 00:56:19,333 --> 00:56:20,700 NO, NOT NOW. 868 00:56:20,700 --> 00:56:23,300 COME ON. A PROMISE IS A PROMISE. 869 00:56:23,300 --> 00:56:26,133 COME ON, YOU'VE TALKED OUR EARS OFF ABOUT EVERYTHING ELSE. 870 00:56:26,133 --> 00:56:28,233 GIVE IT A REST, ALEXANDER. 871 00:56:31,000 --> 00:56:33,633 - YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW. - STUART'S FIRST PRISON SENTENCE. 872 00:56:33,633 --> 00:56:35,600 HE'LL ONLY TALK ABOUT IT ON A THURSDAY 873 00:56:35,600 --> 00:56:37,800 BECAUSE HE GETS HIS DOLE MONEY WEDNESDAY AFTERNOONS, 874 00:56:37,800 --> 00:56:40,033 WHICH MEANS IF TALKING ABOUT IT UPSETS HIM 875 00:56:40,033 --> 00:56:42,700 HE'S STILL GOT ENOUGH HEROIN LEFT TO CALM HIM DOWN. 876 00:56:42,700 --> 00:56:43,800 IS THAT RIGHT? 877 00:56:48,867 --> 00:56:50,266 IT WAS NOTHING. 878 00:56:50,266 --> 00:56:53,433 I WAS-- 879 00:56:53,433 --> 00:56:56,667 I WAS IN THE PUB ONE NIGHT. 880 00:56:57,967 --> 00:57:00,600 IT WAS THE LITTLE 'UN'S BIRTHDAY. 881 00:57:03,667 --> 00:57:06,266 I WAS IN THE PUB CELEBRATING. 882 00:57:07,967 --> 00:57:10,033 IT WAS OVER 10 YEARS AGO... 883 00:57:13,433 --> 00:57:15,500 AND THIS BLOKE SAYS-- 884 00:57:17,166 --> 00:57:18,900 IT WAS JUST NASTINESS. 885 00:57:18,900 --> 00:57:22,500 - COME ON. - ALEXANDER, PLEASE. 886 00:57:22,500 --> 00:57:25,700 LOOK, THURSDAY'S THE DAY. 887 00:57:33,266 --> 00:57:34,967 SO I COME HOME. 888 00:57:34,967 --> 00:57:37,500 ( crying ) 889 00:57:43,433 --> 00:57:47,266 MAN SAYS YOU'VE BEEN FUCKING AROUND. 890 00:57:47,266 --> 00:57:49,066 YOU'RE DRUNK. 891 00:57:50,567 --> 00:57:52,867 - YOU WANT IT, YOU GOTTA RAPE ME. - I WANT IT. 892 00:57:52,867 --> 00:57:56,433 I WANNA KILL YOU! 893 00:57:56,433 --> 00:57:58,600 - ( woman shouts ) - STAY DOWN. 894 00:58:00,000 --> 00:58:03,066 FUCKING SLUT, I COULD KILL YOU, YOU CUNT! 895 00:58:03,066 --> 00:58:04,767 GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! 896 00:58:04,767 --> 00:58:07,734 - ( baby crying ) - YOU WANTED A FUCKING BABY. 897 00:58:12,200 --> 00:58:16,367 AND I THINK THEN I REALIZED 898 00:58:16,367 --> 00:58:20,400 THAT I HAD MADE A PROPER MESS OF IT ALL, REALLY. 899 00:58:20,400 --> 00:58:23,266 - I'M FUCKING LEAVING. - OW! 900 00:58:23,266 --> 00:58:26,066 - YOU FUCKING ARE NOT! - FUCK-- 901 00:58:26,066 --> 00:58:29,900 YOU FUCK AROUND WITH ME?! YEAH?! 902 00:58:29,900 --> 00:58:31,734 ( panting ) 903 00:58:33,767 --> 00:58:35,700 I'M A BIT ASHAMED OF THAT, 904 00:58:35,700 --> 00:58:37,633 TO BE HONEST. 905 00:58:45,000 --> 00:58:48,533 GO FUCK OFF! FUCK OFF, LOT OF YA. I'LL DO THE LOT OF YA! 906 00:58:48,533 --> 00:58:52,300 OH, FOR FUCK'S SAKES. GO ON, FUCK OFF! 907 00:58:55,133 --> 00:58:56,166 FUCKING HELL! 908 00:58:56,166 --> 00:58:59,133 IT'S ALL RIGHT. FUCK OFF! 909 00:59:01,467 --> 00:59:03,734 SO WE SAT AROUND FOR A BIT... 910 00:59:06,166 --> 00:59:08,700 AND DECIDED WE'D COME OUT TO GIVE UP. 911 00:59:14,133 --> 00:59:16,200 WE'RE COMING OUT, NOW. 912 00:59:16,200 --> 00:59:18,700 PLEASE FORGIVE, EH? 913 00:59:18,700 --> 00:59:21,100 I'M SORRY. 914 00:59:23,800 --> 00:59:25,367 - Policeman: GO, GET HIM! - OH, MAN. 915 00:59:25,367 --> 00:59:28,800 - ( shouting ) - ( baby screaming ) 916 00:59:28,800 --> 00:59:32,000 CAN'T YOU JUST SHOOT THE FUCKER? 917 00:59:34,400 --> 00:59:36,066 HE'S JUST LOST IT. 918 00:59:36,066 --> 00:59:38,967 IT'S NOT STUART. 919 00:59:42,100 --> 00:59:43,467 MOVE, MOVE! 920 00:59:43,467 --> 00:59:45,667 - GO! - ( shouting ) 921 00:59:47,533 --> 00:59:49,567 - OH! - AAH! 922 00:59:50,900 --> 00:59:54,166 ( screaming ) NO, NO! 923 00:59:57,667 --> 01:00:00,500 - ( pounding metal ) - ( Stuart moaning ) 924 01:00:46,000 --> 01:00:47,533 LOVELY STAY, ALEXANDER. 925 01:00:47,533 --> 01:00:49,133 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 926 01:00:49,133 --> 01:00:51,700 I REALLY ENJOYED IT. 927 01:00:55,900 --> 01:00:58,734 I WAS REALLY SURPRISED, 928 01:00:58,734 --> 01:01:00,567 ALEXANDER, TO BE HONEST. 929 01:01:00,567 --> 01:01:03,166 I THOUGHT MIDDLE-CLASS PEOPLE, 930 01:01:03,166 --> 01:01:04,533 THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH 'EM. 931 01:01:04,533 --> 01:01:07,767 YOU KNOW? THEY'RE JUST ORDINARY, AREN'T THEY? 932 01:01:07,767 --> 01:01:10,500 I WAS A BIT SHOCKED 933 01:01:10,500 --> 01:01:12,333 TO TELL THE TRUTH. 934 01:01:16,233 --> 01:01:17,934 Alexander: OVER THE NEXT FEW MONTHS, STUART'S TRIAL 935 01:01:17,934 --> 01:01:20,166 FOR THE ATTEMPTED MANSLAUGHTER OF HIS NOT-POOFTER- 936 01:01:20,166 --> 01:01:22,033 BOING-BOING-WHOOSH- BED-MAKING NEIGHBOR 937 01:01:22,033 --> 01:01:25,367 WAS POSTPONED ONCE... TWICE... 938 01:01:25,367 --> 01:01:27,700 Stuart: OH NO. 939 01:01:27,700 --> 01:01:30,867 A THIRD TIME... 940 01:01:30,867 --> 01:01:31,967 AND THEN A FOURTH. 941 01:01:31,967 --> 01:01:34,667 I'M-- OW! AAH! 942 01:01:36,066 --> 01:01:40,834 HE NEEDED SOME CASH, SO I GAVE HIM 250 QUID FOR HIS CAR, 943 01:01:40,834 --> 01:01:43,200 AND I'M STILL WAITING FOR THE PAPERWORK. 944 01:01:43,200 --> 01:01:47,400 MEANWHILE, THE CAMPAIGN WENT FROM STRENGTH TO STRENGTH. 945 01:01:47,400 --> 01:01:49,567 NEWSLETTERS, PETITIONS, PROTESTS, 946 01:01:49,567 --> 01:01:51,333 EVEN BENEFIT GIGS. 947 01:01:51,333 --> 01:01:56,367 AND THEN IT WAS STUART'S BRIGHT IDEA TO GO AND SEE OUR LOCAL M.P. 948 01:01:57,333 --> 01:01:59,367 OH, SHIT. 949 01:02:03,800 --> 01:02:07,166 I'M SORRY, MATE, I'M JUST A BIT NERVOUS IS ALL. 950 01:02:10,133 --> 01:02:13,033 MR. SHORTER IS NOT FROM ANNE'S CONSTITUENCY. 951 01:02:13,033 --> 01:02:14,800 I'M FROM ANNE'S CONSTITUENCY. 952 01:02:14,800 --> 01:02:17,433 - I WISH TO TAKE STUART AS MY GUEST. - ALEXANDER. 953 01:02:17,433 --> 01:02:19,200 YOU'LL HAVE TO MAKE A NEW APPOINTMENT. 954 01:02:19,200 --> 01:02:21,867 OH RUBBISH. SHE'S GOT NOTHING ELSE TO DO, HAS SHE? 955 01:02:21,867 --> 01:02:24,667 THE COUNCIL IS NOT GONNA HAVE 956 01:02:24,667 --> 01:02:28,367 NO EMERGENCY WINTER SHELTER FOR HOMELESS. 957 01:02:29,967 --> 01:02:32,533 AND I'M FRIGHTENED... 958 01:02:36,500 --> 01:02:40,533 IN WINTER, IT'S SMACK WHAT KEEPS YOU FUCKING-- 959 01:02:46,633 --> 01:02:48,800 I'M SORRY. 960 01:02:48,800 --> 01:02:51,633 KEEPS YOU WARM. 961 01:02:52,667 --> 01:02:55,300 BUT THIS YEAR, THERE'S GOING TO BE 962 01:02:55,300 --> 01:02:59,734 ONE MORE DEATH A MONTH AGAIN. 963 01:02:59,734 --> 01:03:01,133 WHY? 964 01:03:03,066 --> 01:03:04,433 PUPPIES. 965 01:03:05,834 --> 01:03:08,033 I'M NOT SURE I FOLLOW YOU. 966 01:03:08,033 --> 01:03:10,400 ON THE STREETS. 967 01:03:13,834 --> 01:03:15,500 PUPPIES? 968 01:03:21,967 --> 01:03:25,667 'CAUSE THE HOMELESS LOVE THEIR DOGS, RIGHT? 969 01:03:25,667 --> 01:03:29,200 BUT THE HOSTELS ONLY ALLOW 970 01:03:29,200 --> 01:03:32,066 TWO TO THREE PLACES FOR PETS. 971 01:03:32,066 --> 01:03:36,967 SO IF THERE HAS BEEN TWO NEW LITTERS, 972 01:03:36,967 --> 01:03:40,967 THEN LOADS MORE PEOPLE ARE GONNA HAVE DOGS, AREN'T THEY? 973 01:03:40,967 --> 01:03:43,767 AND THEREFORE WILL BE FORCED 974 01:03:43,767 --> 01:03:46,467 TO SLEEP OUT. 975 01:03:46,467 --> 01:03:49,200 AND HENCE, THEREFORE, 976 01:03:49,200 --> 01:03:51,834 FURTHERMORE, 977 01:03:51,834 --> 01:03:55,700 MORE DEATHS. 978 01:03:55,700 --> 01:03:57,633 HMM? 979 01:03:59,367 --> 01:04:01,300 YOU SEE, 980 01:04:01,300 --> 01:04:05,467 ON THE STREET, IT'S THE LITTLE THINGS THAT KILL PEOPLE. 981 01:04:10,567 --> 01:04:13,967 ( wolf whistle ) 982 01:04:13,967 --> 01:04:17,767 THAT JUSTICE HOWARTH MUST HATE THE CAMPAIGN'S GUTS. 983 01:04:17,767 --> 01:04:19,300 HUMILIATION! 984 01:04:19,300 --> 01:04:22,600 SEVEN MONTHS AFTER THEY WERE SENT DOWN, RUTH AND JOHN-- 985 01:04:22,600 --> 01:04:24,066 ...have been released on bail. 986 01:04:24,066 --> 01:04:27,700 ( cheering ) 987 01:04:27,700 --> 01:04:30,033 HEY, THAT'S NOT ALL. 988 01:04:30,033 --> 01:04:32,266 ...prison sentences four and five years. 989 01:04:32,266 --> 01:04:35,000 Male reporter: This was our first sight of Ruth Wyner... 990 01:04:35,000 --> 01:04:36,567 ( cheering ) 991 01:04:36,567 --> 01:04:38,934 ...steps of the Royal Court of Justice this morning. 992 01:04:38,934 --> 01:04:40,233 After seven months in jail, 993 01:04:40,233 --> 01:04:41,900 the so-called "Cambridge two" 994 01:04:41,900 --> 01:04:43,967 have been released on unconditional bail 995 01:04:43,967 --> 01:04:46,867 and are now free to challenge their original convictions. 996 01:04:46,867 --> 01:04:49,767 GOTTA SEE IF THE LIGHT'S ON. 997 01:04:49,767 --> 01:04:52,500 ( cheering ) 998 01:04:52,500 --> 01:04:54,500 STUART, IT'S ALEXANDER. 999 01:04:54,500 --> 01:04:57,900 STOP WHATEVER ILLEGAL THING IT IS YOU'RE DOING AND GET DOWN HERE. 1000 01:04:57,900 --> 01:05:00,133 ( elevator bell rings ) 1001 01:05:12,834 --> 01:05:15,567 IT'S ME MUSCULAR DYSTROPHY. 1002 01:05:17,166 --> 01:05:21,500 HUMERO SCAPIO SOMETHING. 1003 01:05:21,500 --> 01:05:24,233 MUSCULAR DYSTROPHY. 1004 01:05:26,066 --> 01:05:27,500 IT'S A REAL GOBSTOPPER. 1005 01:05:27,500 --> 01:05:28,867 I NEVER LEARNED THE NAME. 1006 01:05:28,867 --> 01:05:32,200 WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW CAN'T HURT YOU, HUH? 1007 01:05:33,300 --> 01:05:36,934 I ONLY CAME IN TO SEE THE NURSE 1008 01:05:36,934 --> 01:05:39,000 BECAUSE I WANTED TO CUDDLE 1009 01:05:39,000 --> 01:05:42,033 - AND IT SPITS TOO SOON. - STUART! 1010 01:05:43,967 --> 01:05:48,000 WELL, I THOUGHT MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE OF ME MUSCULAR DYSTROPHY. 1011 01:05:48,000 --> 01:05:51,400 YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE YOUR DICK'S A MUSCLE, ISN'T IT? 1012 01:05:51,400 --> 01:05:53,867 - ( laughing ) - SHH. 1013 01:05:56,867 --> 01:05:59,400 IT STARTED ON ME TICKER. 1014 01:06:01,333 --> 01:06:04,100 THEY'RE TRIED TWICE... 1015 01:06:04,100 --> 01:06:06,700 TO PUT A PACEMAKER IN ME TIT. 1016 01:06:08,734 --> 01:06:10,633 BUT THE VEINS JUST CRUMBLE 1017 01:06:10,633 --> 01:06:13,600 'CAUSE OF THE AMOUNT I'VE INJECTED. 1018 01:06:16,166 --> 01:06:19,000 GOTTA LAUGH, AIN'T YA? 1019 01:06:28,433 --> 01:06:30,266 Stuart: EH? 1020 01:06:31,133 --> 01:06:32,800 OHH. 1021 01:06:34,000 --> 01:06:36,100 I CAN'T BELIEVE HE HADN'T TOLD YOU. 1022 01:06:36,100 --> 01:06:38,533 HE TELLS EVERYONE ABOUT EVERYTHING. 1023 01:06:38,533 --> 01:06:41,433 - NOW, THAT'S NOT TRUE. - MOM, YES. 1024 01:06:41,433 --> 01:06:44,567 THAT'S HIS WAY OF COPING, ISN'T IT? 1025 01:06:44,567 --> 01:06:46,133 20 YEARS, 1026 01:06:46,133 --> 01:06:47,467 NON-STOP. 1027 01:06:47,467 --> 01:06:49,967 EVER SINCE HE FIRST WENT ON THE STREETS. 1028 01:06:49,967 --> 01:06:53,934 SORRY, 20 YEARS? BUT I THOUGHT IT WAS GAVVY-- 1029 01:06:53,934 --> 01:06:56,433 UM, BROTHER'S SUICIDE THAT MADE HIM HOMELESS. 1030 01:06:56,433 --> 01:06:57,967 DON'T BE STUPID. 1031 01:06:57,967 --> 01:07:01,233 STUART HAD BEEN ON AND OFF THE STREETS SINCE HE WAS 12. 1032 01:07:01,233 --> 01:07:04,200 THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN INSTANT LIL' HORROR. 1033 01:07:04,200 --> 01:07:06,400 12 YEARS OLD, THAT'S WHEN IT STARTED. 1034 01:07:06,400 --> 01:07:10,867 Sister: GAVVY HAD TO RUN TO FETCH MUM. 1035 01:07:10,867 --> 01:07:13,433 MUM, IT'S STUART! 1036 01:07:13,433 --> 01:07:16,133 Stuart: PUT ME INTO CARE! 1037 01:07:16,133 --> 01:07:17,900 YOU HEAR ME? DO ME NOW, 1038 01:07:17,900 --> 01:07:20,767 OTHERWISE I'LL KILL YOU! PUT ME INTO CARE! 1039 01:07:20,767 --> 01:07:22,734 NOW, OR I'LL DO THE LOT OF YOU! 1040 01:07:22,734 --> 01:07:24,400 PUT ME INTO CARE! 1041 01:07:24,400 --> 01:07:27,700 I SAID, "PUT ME INTO CARE!" 1042 01:07:27,700 --> 01:07:31,066 IN YOU GO. MIND YOUR HEAD. 1043 01:07:32,533 --> 01:07:34,300 Sister: HE WAS TAKEN INTO CARE THAT NIGHT. 1044 01:07:34,300 --> 01:07:37,066 WE DIDN'T SEE HIM FOR THREE WEEKS. 1045 01:07:37,066 --> 01:07:38,734 ANOTHER ONE FOR YOU, MR. LAVERACK. 1046 01:07:38,734 --> 01:07:39,767 YOU'RE GETTING POPULAR. 1047 01:07:39,767 --> 01:07:41,467 HE ASKED TO COME. 1048 01:07:41,467 --> 01:07:45,600 POOR BOY. POOR BOY. 1049 01:07:49,934 --> 01:07:51,934 ( boys screaming ) 1050 01:07:57,667 --> 01:07:59,734 OUT THE FRYING PAN, INTO THE FIRE. 1051 01:07:59,734 --> 01:08:02,500 - WE WEREN'T THE FRYING PAN. - YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. 1052 01:08:04,533 --> 01:08:06,300 WE JUST COULDN'T UNDERSTAND IT. 1053 01:08:06,300 --> 01:08:08,834 PEOPLE SAID SHE OUGHT TO DISOWN HIM. 1054 01:08:08,834 --> 01:08:12,700 HOW CAN YOU WASH YOUR HANDS OF YOUR OWN CHILD? 1055 01:08:12,700 --> 01:08:15,400 "HE'S MY FLESH AND BLOOD," I'D SAY. 1056 01:08:15,400 --> 01:08:17,433 "HE'S MY SON." 1057 01:08:17,433 --> 01:08:19,633 I JUST WISH I COULD DO MORE. 1058 01:08:21,667 --> 01:08:23,767 Alexander: WORKING ON THE BOOK 1059 01:08:23,767 --> 01:08:25,633 AFTER THE END OF THE CAMPAIGN-- 1060 01:08:25,633 --> 01:08:27,066 WRITING, RE-WRITING-- 1061 01:08:27,066 --> 01:08:29,100 I REALIZED THEN THAT I COULD NEVER HOPE 1062 01:08:29,100 --> 01:08:31,333 TO JUSTIFY OR EXPLAIN STUART. 1063 01:08:31,333 --> 01:08:33,200 AND WHATEVER HAD MURDERED HIS INNOCENCE 1064 01:08:33,200 --> 01:08:36,533 HAD LONG AGO CEASED TO BE SIMPLE ENOUGH TO SORT OUT WITH WORDS. 1065 01:08:36,533 --> 01:08:37,900 ( cell phone ringing ) 1066 01:08:37,900 --> 01:08:40,800 ALL I COULD HOPE TO DO WAS STAPLE HIM TO THE PAGE. 1067 01:08:40,800 --> 01:08:43,066 ( ringing continues ) 1068 01:08:46,000 --> 01:08:48,333 - HELLO? - Stuart: It's in me tick. 1069 01:08:48,333 --> 01:08:51,233 I'm at Papworth Heart Hospital. 1070 01:08:51,233 --> 01:08:53,767 Come visit. 1071 01:08:53,767 --> 01:08:56,700 On your way, can you pop in 1072 01:08:56,700 --> 01:08:58,967 to see me gran and grandpa? 1073 01:08:58,967 --> 01:09:00,600 They've got a present for me. 1074 01:09:00,600 --> 01:09:03,367 I told them it smells like sick 1075 01:09:03,367 --> 01:09:05,834 and they don't listen though. 1076 01:09:13,333 --> 01:09:16,033 WE HAVEN'T SEEN STUART IN YEARS. 1077 01:09:16,033 --> 01:09:18,033 LOTS OF YEARS. 1078 01:09:18,033 --> 01:09:22,200 WELL, THINGS HAVEN'T BEEN VERY EASY FOR HIM RECENTLY. 1079 01:09:22,200 --> 01:09:24,867 HIS MOTHER SAYS IT'S THE BUSES. 1080 01:09:24,867 --> 01:09:27,433 THEY'RE NOT CONVENIENT. 1081 01:09:33,600 --> 01:09:34,867 STUART? 1082 01:09:34,867 --> 01:09:37,300 NO, RALEIGH-- 1083 01:09:37,300 --> 01:09:39,734 HIS SON. 1084 01:09:46,667 --> 01:09:49,433 - STUART. - NO. 1085 01:09:49,433 --> 01:09:51,700 REX, HIS DAD. 1086 01:09:53,400 --> 01:09:56,033 A BAD MAN, HIS REAL DAD. 1087 01:09:57,967 --> 01:09:59,433 GYPSIES. 1088 01:10:07,367 --> 01:10:08,400 ( softly ) STUART? 1089 01:10:08,400 --> 01:10:11,433 Grandpa: GAVVY, STUART'S BROTHER. 1090 01:10:11,433 --> 01:10:15,834 ONE DAY, WHEN REX WAS BEATING OUR JUDITH REAL BAD, 1091 01:10:15,834 --> 01:10:19,233 GAVVY HIT HIM OVER THE HEAD WITH A BROOM. 1092 01:10:19,233 --> 01:10:21,867 HE WAS ONLY FIVE. 1093 01:10:23,133 --> 01:10:26,400 REX MOVED OUT AFTER THAT. 1094 01:10:30,934 --> 01:10:33,266 I KNOW WHY STUART CHANGED. 1095 01:10:33,266 --> 01:10:36,667 GAVVY CAME ROUND SPECIAL TO TELL ME. 1096 01:10:38,066 --> 01:10:40,033 PROMISED I'D NEVER TELL. 1097 01:10:43,100 --> 01:10:46,400 THREE DAYS LATER, HE COMMITTED SUICIDE. 1098 01:10:52,667 --> 01:10:55,367 HE SAID HE'D PRACTICE GETTING BETTER. 1099 01:10:55,367 --> 01:10:57,233 COULDN'T DECIDE RED OR WHITE. 1100 01:10:57,233 --> 01:10:59,567 Gran: TELL HIM TO COME AND SEE US. 1101 01:10:59,567 --> 01:11:01,734 WE'VE WAITED LONG ENOUGH. 1102 01:11:01,734 --> 01:11:04,900 CAN'T WAIT FOREVER. 1103 01:11:19,300 --> 01:11:21,100 ( knocking ) 1104 01:11:24,667 --> 01:11:27,567 OH, YOU FUCKING STAR. 1105 01:11:43,767 --> 01:11:45,600 I ALMOST DIED. 1106 01:11:50,767 --> 01:11:52,967 HOW ARE RUTH AND JOHN? 1107 01:11:52,967 --> 01:11:55,600 NOT GOOD. 1108 01:11:57,266 --> 01:12:00,333 HE CAN'T WORK. 1109 01:12:00,333 --> 01:12:03,133 WIFE SAYS HE CRIES IN HIS SLEEP. 1110 01:12:03,133 --> 01:12:05,600 AAH. 1111 01:12:05,600 --> 01:12:06,867 YEAH. 1112 01:12:06,867 --> 01:12:08,333 AND RUTH? 1113 01:12:08,333 --> 01:12:10,166 GOT CANCER. 1114 01:12:10,166 --> 01:12:12,533 OHH. 1115 01:12:14,300 --> 01:12:16,667 BASTARDS. 1116 01:12:16,667 --> 01:12:19,467 NOW DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN ABOUT THE SYSTEM? 1117 01:12:19,467 --> 01:12:23,467 THE SYSTEM. IT'S THE SYSTEM THAT'S GONNA KEEP HER ALIVE. 1118 01:12:23,467 --> 01:12:27,633 THE SYSTEM HAS JUST GIVEN YOU A £5000 PACEMAKER FOR NOTHING. 1119 01:12:27,633 --> 01:12:29,600 - ( knocking ) - HELLO? 1120 01:12:29,600 --> 01:12:32,133 EXCUSE ME. ANY OF YOU KNOW WHERE THE TOILET IS? 1121 01:12:32,133 --> 01:12:34,967 I SAW A SIGN. IT SAID DOWN THERE ON THE LEFT. 1122 01:12:34,967 --> 01:12:36,700 THANKS, MAN. 1123 01:12:39,934 --> 01:12:42,800 ( squeaking ) 1124 01:12:45,600 --> 01:12:47,200 FUCKING HELL. 1125 01:12:47,200 --> 01:12:49,533 I NEED A CIGARETTE. 1126 01:12:51,700 --> 01:12:55,700 Stuart: YEAH, THE WHOLE TOWN'S LIKE IT. 1127 01:12:55,700 --> 01:12:57,900 ALL CRIPPLES. 1128 01:12:57,900 --> 01:13:01,567 I SPENT SIX YEARS 1129 01:13:01,567 --> 01:13:03,100 IN A SCHOOL LIKE THIS. 1130 01:13:06,400 --> 01:13:09,600 DAY I END UP LIKE THAT, EH? 1131 01:13:09,600 --> 01:13:12,600 DEATH DAY. 1132 01:13:14,600 --> 01:13:16,500 - CARE WAS LIKE THIS? - NO. 1133 01:13:16,500 --> 01:13:18,233 "SPAGGY" SCHOOL. 1134 01:13:19,667 --> 01:13:23,333 THEY SENT ME BECAUSE OF MY MUSCULAR DYSTROPHY. 1135 01:13:23,333 --> 01:13:26,800 SAID I WASN'T ALLOWED TO GO TO "PROPER" SCHOOL. 1136 01:13:26,800 --> 01:13:29,400 WELL, IT WAS THE '70s. 1137 01:13:29,400 --> 01:13:30,700 FUNNY THING, THOUGH-- 1138 01:13:30,700 --> 01:13:33,033 THERE WAS NOTHING WRONG WITH ME AT THAT STAGE. 1139 01:13:33,033 --> 01:13:35,266 I WAS JUST A BIT UNCOORDINATED, 1140 01:13:35,266 --> 01:13:37,900 BUT YOU'D HARDLY NOTICE. 1141 01:13:39,266 --> 01:13:42,633 THEY SAID, SINCE I WAS GOING TO DIE A SPAG, 1142 01:13:42,633 --> 01:13:45,967 I MIGHT AS WELL GET USED TO THE IDEA. 1143 01:13:45,967 --> 01:13:48,667 All: UP AND UP AND UP... 1144 01:13:48,667 --> 01:13:51,467 BEFORE I WAS TOO SPAGGY TO UNDERSTAND, I SUPPOSE. 1145 01:13:51,467 --> 01:13:52,667 NOW ALL TOGETHER-- 1146 01:13:52,667 --> 01:13:54,800 Boys: DOUCHEBAGS, DOUCHEBAGS, 1147 01:13:54,800 --> 01:13:57,166 - DOUCHEBAGS! - ( eggs thudding ) 1148 01:13:58,367 --> 01:14:01,667 GIMPY! OY, GIMPY, COME HERE! 1149 01:14:02,800 --> 01:14:04,900 WHERE'S YOUR BROTHER NOW? 1150 01:14:04,900 --> 01:14:08,867 - HEY, HELP ME! - HOLD ME! 1151 01:14:08,867 --> 01:14:10,433 HELP ME! 1152 01:14:15,266 --> 01:14:18,900 Boy: WE'RE COMING TO KILL YOU! 1153 01:14:31,133 --> 01:14:33,800 Alexander: DID THEY KICK THE SHIT OUT OF YOU? 1154 01:14:33,800 --> 01:14:35,967 Stuart: EVERY DAY, MATE. 1155 01:14:37,400 --> 01:14:40,567 GIVE 'EM SOMETHING TO DO AFTER SCHOOL. 1156 01:14:40,567 --> 01:14:44,433 - ( crying ) - AND GAVVY WOULD CONSOLE ME. 1157 01:14:47,166 --> 01:14:48,934 PLEASE, NOT HOWARTH. 1158 01:14:48,934 --> 01:14:54,000 - PLEASE, NOT-- - Alexander: ONLY ONE MONTH OUT OF PAPWORTH, 1159 01:14:54,000 --> 01:14:56,066 STUART'S DAY IN COURT FOR ATTEMPTING 1160 01:14:56,066 --> 01:14:58,066 TO CUT OFF HIS NEIGHBOR'S HEAD FINALLY ARRIVED. 1161 01:14:58,066 --> 01:15:00,967 WE WERE DREADING IT WOULD BE RUTH AND JOHN'S OLD JUDGE. 1162 01:15:00,967 --> 01:15:03,333 OH, FUCK! 1163 01:15:03,333 --> 01:15:05,767 ALL RISE FOR JUSTICE HOWARTH. 1164 01:15:07,767 --> 01:15:11,633 AT THIS POINT, STUART REALLY WAS LOOKING AT BEING IMPRISONED FOR LIFE. 1165 01:15:16,000 --> 01:15:17,934 THE COURT IS NOW IN SESSION. 1166 01:15:25,834 --> 01:15:30,200 THIS CASE CONCERNS STUART CLIVE SHORTER. 1167 01:15:32,967 --> 01:15:34,734 A FRAY, 1168 01:15:34,734 --> 01:15:36,667 DISORDERLY CONDUCT, 1169 01:15:36,667 --> 01:15:37,900 RESISTING ARREST. 1170 01:15:37,900 --> 01:15:41,133 AN INCIDENT AT THE ACCUSED'S FLAT. 1171 01:15:50,000 --> 01:15:51,166 EXCUSE ME. 1172 01:15:55,967 --> 01:16:00,033 NO. NO, HE JUST SAID THE WHOLE THING WAS NONSENSE. 1173 01:16:00,033 --> 01:16:02,166 ALL THAT ADDING CHARGES, 1174 01:16:02,166 --> 01:16:04,433 TAKING HIM AWAY, ATTEMPTED MURDER... 1175 01:16:04,433 --> 01:16:07,400 Alexander: I DON'T KNOW. I MEAN, WHAT CAN I SAY? 1176 01:16:07,400 --> 01:16:10,600 THE LUCKY BASTARD GOT OFF ON A SERIES OF TECHNICALITIES. 1177 01:16:10,600 --> 01:16:13,066 COME ON. YOU KNOW WHAT? 1178 01:16:13,066 --> 01:16:14,667 JUDGE HOWARTH THINKS ABOUT US-- 1179 01:16:14,667 --> 01:16:17,200 - OOH! - SHIT, STUART, I'M SO SORRY. 1180 01:16:17,200 --> 01:16:18,233 ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? 1181 01:16:18,233 --> 01:16:19,900 - ( laughing ) - I'M SO SORRY. 1182 01:16:19,900 --> 01:16:21,000 COME ON. 1183 01:16:22,300 --> 01:16:24,467 HE'S FREE. 1184 01:16:24,467 --> 01:16:26,200 HE'S ABSOLUTELY FUCKING FREE. 1185 01:16:27,433 --> 01:16:30,967 COME ON! YEAH! 1186 01:16:30,967 --> 01:16:33,066 COME ON! 1187 01:16:33,066 --> 01:16:35,767 ( pop music playing ) 1188 01:16:55,033 --> 01:16:56,767 OH, CRAP. 1189 01:16:57,633 --> 01:16:59,233 - ( flatulence ) - OH. 1190 01:16:59,233 --> 01:17:01,133 - ( laughing ) - YOU'RE GROSS. 1191 01:17:05,633 --> 01:17:08,166 WAKEY, WAKEY. 1192 01:17:09,400 --> 01:17:12,066 WAKE UP. 1193 01:17:15,033 --> 01:17:16,834 SUN'S GOT HIS HAT ON, MATE. 1194 01:17:16,834 --> 01:17:18,867 SUN HAS GOT HIS HAT ON, MATE. 1195 01:17:18,867 --> 01:17:21,000 - ( blowing ) - RISE AND SHINE. 1196 01:17:21,000 --> 01:17:25,400 - OH. - I GOT TO TRY ON A SUIT FOR ME SISTER'S WEDDING. 1197 01:17:25,400 --> 01:17:27,767 CAN YOU GIVE ME A LIFT? 1198 01:17:38,567 --> 01:17:40,400 HAVE YOU LISTENED TO THE TAPE? 1199 01:17:57,834 --> 01:18:02,400 I WAS NINE, ALEXANDER, WHEN IT STARTED. 1200 01:18:02,400 --> 01:18:05,033 NINE. 1201 01:18:05,033 --> 01:18:07,667 IT WAS THREE YEARS OF ABUSE. 1202 01:18:07,667 --> 01:18:10,900 MY OWN BROTHER. 1203 01:18:16,266 --> 01:18:19,200 AND THEN HIS MATE JOINED IN. 1204 01:18:29,266 --> 01:18:31,433 THAT NIGHT, 1205 01:18:31,433 --> 01:18:35,200 I COULDN'T TAKE IT NO MORE, YOU KNOW? 1206 01:18:36,734 --> 01:18:38,867 THEY HAD DONE EVERYTHING. 1207 01:18:43,266 --> 01:18:46,500 THERE WAS NOTHING MORE THEY COULD DO. 1208 01:18:55,900 --> 01:18:57,734 ( muffled groaning ) 1209 01:19:13,667 --> 01:19:15,300 YOU GOT ANY MORE OF THESE? 1210 01:19:15,300 --> 01:19:17,567 YEAH, BACK SEAT I THINK. 1211 01:19:17,567 --> 01:19:21,333 I THINK THE REASON MUM STILL PAMPERS HIM LIKE SHE DOES 1212 01:19:21,333 --> 01:19:23,934 IS BECAUSE SHE FEELS GUILTY ABOUT WHAT GAVVY DID. 1213 01:19:25,200 --> 01:19:27,266 BUT HE DID THE SAME TO ME. 1214 01:19:28,900 --> 01:19:32,233 I'M THE SAME AS STU. ONE MINUTE, NICE AS PIE, 1215 01:19:32,233 --> 01:19:34,200 NEXT MINUTE, I'M A RATTLESNAKE. 1216 01:19:35,533 --> 01:19:37,834 Stuart: HOW DID I GET TO BE LIKE THIS? 1217 01:19:37,834 --> 01:19:39,633 WHAT MURDERED THE LITTLE BOY I WAS? 1218 01:19:39,633 --> 01:19:42,200 WHEN THE POLICE FOUND GAVVY, THEY SAID HE'D REALLY SUFFERED. 1219 01:19:42,200 --> 01:19:43,767 ( screaming ) 1220 01:19:43,767 --> 01:19:45,500 OH, FOR FUCK'S SAKE! 1221 01:19:45,500 --> 01:19:48,000 NOT GETTING AWAY WITH THIS. 1222 01:19:48,000 --> 01:19:50,100 Gran: THAT BOY HAS SUFFERED. 1223 01:19:51,767 --> 01:19:53,734 Judith: HAPPY-GO-LUCKY LITTLE THING. 1224 01:19:53,734 --> 01:19:55,934 Sister: USED TO LAUGH UP A LITTLE STORM. 1225 01:19:55,934 --> 01:19:57,700 - ( overlapping voices ) - POOR BOY, POOR BOY. 1226 01:19:57,700 --> 01:20:00,834 - OUT OF THE FRYING PAN INTO THE FIRE. - PUT ME INTO CARE! 1227 01:20:00,834 --> 01:20:02,333 ( shouting ) 1228 01:20:02,333 --> 01:20:04,100 DOUCHEBAGS, DOUCHEBAGS! 1229 01:20:04,100 --> 01:20:08,767 THE TABLETS HE TOOK HAD EATEN HIS KIDNEYS AND HIS LIVER AWAY 1230 01:20:08,767 --> 01:20:10,300 BEFORE HE DIED. 1231 01:20:10,300 --> 01:20:12,834 ALWAYS SUCH A CARING BOY. HAPPY-GO-LUCKY LITTLE THING. 1232 01:20:12,834 --> 01:20:17,066 Sister: AND I'M GLAD. I'M GLAD GAVVY SUFFERED. 1233 01:20:25,900 --> 01:20:28,567 THAT'S GAVVY. 1234 01:20:31,500 --> 01:20:33,834 THAT'S GAVVY AND ME. 1235 01:20:40,000 --> 01:20:42,533 SO HE'S WHAT MURDERED THE BOY YOU WERE... 1236 01:20:44,767 --> 01:20:46,300 WHAT MADE YOU CHANGE. 1237 01:20:46,300 --> 01:20:48,200 NO, IT WASN'T THAT. 1238 01:20:50,767 --> 01:20:52,633 WHAT WAS IT, THEN? 1239 01:20:54,166 --> 01:20:55,667 SO MANY PEOPLE 1240 01:20:55,667 --> 01:20:59,500 HAVE HAD THE SAME SORT OF CHILDHOOD 1241 01:20:59,500 --> 01:21:01,467 AND EXPERIENCES AS WHAT I HAVE. 1242 01:21:01,467 --> 01:21:04,900 AND THEY LEARN TO ACCEPT AND COPE 1243 01:21:04,900 --> 01:21:08,100 AND LIVE A VERY-- IN BRACKETS-- 1244 01:21:08,100 --> 01:21:11,333 "NORMAL" AND COMPETITIVE LIFE. 1245 01:21:11,333 --> 01:21:13,500 I'M QUITE PHILOSOPHICAL ABOUT THAT. 1246 01:21:18,400 --> 01:21:21,600 IF YOU HAD TO CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOUR LIFE, WHAT WOULD IT BE? 1247 01:21:21,600 --> 01:21:24,300 HOW MUCH IS ONE THING? 1248 01:21:24,300 --> 01:21:28,400 IT'S VERY EASY TO BLAME, ISN'T IT? 1249 01:21:29,967 --> 01:21:31,867 THE MUSCULAR DYSTROPHY? 1250 01:21:31,867 --> 01:21:34,934 NONCES? 1251 01:21:34,934 --> 01:21:37,066 GAVVY? 1252 01:21:37,066 --> 01:21:41,367 HONESTLY, IT'D BE EASIER TO CHANGE ME. 1253 01:21:41,367 --> 01:21:43,967 ONE THING ONLY. 1254 01:21:51,734 --> 01:21:55,333 THE DAY I DISCOVERED VIOLENCE. 1255 01:21:56,567 --> 01:21:58,667 ME STEPFATHER SAID 1256 01:21:58,667 --> 01:22:02,667 IF I DIDN'T GO OUT THERE AND STICK UP FOR MYSELF, 1257 01:22:02,667 --> 01:22:06,166 HE'D BELT US ONE. 1258 01:22:39,800 --> 01:22:43,467 FUCKING FANTASTIC. 1259 01:22:43,467 --> 01:22:47,100 ( groaning ) 1260 01:22:47,100 --> 01:22:49,934 WEAKLING GETS STRONG. 1261 01:22:51,000 --> 01:22:54,734 NO, THE DAY THAT I FOUND VIOLENCE, 1262 01:22:54,734 --> 01:22:57,600 I FELT 50 TIMES MORE STRONG. 1263 01:22:59,600 --> 01:23:03,800 AFTER YOU'VE BEEN BULLIED AND PUSHED ABOUT-- 1264 01:23:04,767 --> 01:23:06,934 AND CALLED SPASTIC-- 1265 01:23:06,934 --> 01:23:09,900 YOU LEARN THAT VIOLENCE, 1266 01:23:09,900 --> 01:23:11,900 AND THE FEAR OF VIOLENCE 1267 01:23:11,900 --> 01:23:16,433 AND MADNESS-- IT SCARES PEOPLE. 1268 01:23:17,533 --> 01:23:20,633 I USED TO DELIBERATELY GET MYSELF 1269 01:23:20,633 --> 01:23:22,600 INTO RAGES. 1270 01:23:22,600 --> 01:23:24,867 AND AFTER SIX MONTHS, 1271 01:23:24,867 --> 01:23:28,133 I FOUND I COULDN'T STOP THEM. 1272 01:23:28,133 --> 01:23:32,033 I WASN'T MAKING THE MADNESS UP NO MORE. 1273 01:23:35,400 --> 01:23:37,433 YOU KNOW WHAT, ALEXANDER? 1274 01:23:40,333 --> 01:23:43,734 I DON'T KNOW MYSELF WHAT GOT ME. 1275 01:23:45,200 --> 01:23:46,667 BUT HONEST, 1276 01:23:46,667 --> 01:23:49,133 SOMETIMES... 1277 01:23:50,266 --> 01:23:54,200 I THINK I'M THE CHILD OF THE DEVIL. 1278 01:23:54,200 --> 01:23:56,600 I LET THE DEVIL IN. 1279 01:23:58,367 --> 01:24:00,633 NOW I CAN'T GET HIM OUT. 1280 01:24:02,433 --> 01:24:04,300 I TRIED... 1281 01:24:04,300 --> 01:24:06,300 BURNING HIM OUT 1282 01:24:06,300 --> 01:24:08,633 AND CUTTING HIM OUT. 1283 01:24:10,500 --> 01:24:13,233 HE DON'T TAKE NO NOTICE. 1284 01:24:13,233 --> 01:24:17,233 WHY SHOULD HE? HE DON'T WANNA BE HOMELESS. 1285 01:24:29,633 --> 01:24:31,734 DO YOU KNOW THERE'S STILL ONE QUESTION LEFT? 1286 01:24:31,734 --> 01:24:34,166 - WHAT'S THAT, MATE? - GUESS. 1287 01:24:34,166 --> 01:24:36,066 OHH. 1288 01:24:36,066 --> 01:24:37,767 WE'RE WRITING THE BOOK BACKWARDS. 1289 01:24:37,767 --> 01:24:39,500 MMM. 1290 01:24:39,500 --> 01:24:42,600 SO WHAT'S THE LAST BIT OF INFORMATION WE NEED? 1291 01:24:45,967 --> 01:24:47,834 WHAT'S YOUR DATE OF BIRTH? 1292 01:24:47,834 --> 01:24:49,900 OH, RIGHT, YEAH. 1293 01:24:49,900 --> 01:24:51,567 WELL, 1294 01:24:51,567 --> 01:24:56,266 I AM STUART CLIVE SHORTER, 1295 01:24:56,266 --> 01:25:00,000 AND I WAS BORN ON THE 19th OF THE NINTH, 1296 01:25:00,000 --> 01:25:02,734 1968. 1297 01:25:04,700 --> 01:25:05,800 YEAH. 1298 01:25:05,800 --> 01:25:09,834 SO YOU'RE-- YOU'RE 33. 1299 01:25:09,834 --> 01:25:12,633 I AM 33, AND I'M GETTING OLDER... 1300 01:25:12,633 --> 01:25:14,700 AS THEY SAY. 1301 01:25:14,700 --> 01:25:19,333 AND I HAVE LED A VERY CONTROVERSIAL... 1302 01:25:20,700 --> 01:25:23,200 AND UNPLEASANT LIFE. 1303 01:25:24,867 --> 01:25:27,066 OH, YEAH. 1304 01:25:29,200 --> 01:25:31,000 - HEY. - ( chuckles ) 1305 01:25:31,000 --> 01:25:33,734 BEST MAN OR WHAT, EH? 1306 01:25:34,967 --> 01:25:36,900 ( mimics gunshots ) 1307 01:25:38,100 --> 01:25:42,133 IT IS GONNA BE GRAND. 1308 01:25:42,133 --> 01:25:44,300 ( upbeat music playing ) 1309 01:26:05,333 --> 01:26:09,734 ( radio jingle playing ) 1310 01:26:09,734 --> 01:26:13,266 Man: ...on 96 and 95.7 FM. 1311 01:26:13,266 --> 01:26:15,266 Woman: And 1026 AM. 1312 01:26:15,266 --> 01:26:17,400 Man: BBC Radio Cambridge here. 1313 01:26:17,400 --> 01:26:20,567 Reporter: The top story this hour... 1314 01:26:24,767 --> 01:26:27,000 ...the future of the Sangatte refugee camp 1315 01:26:27,000 --> 01:26:29,233 near the French entrance to the channel tunnel. 1316 01:26:29,233 --> 01:26:32,166 Police have now formally identified the man who died 1317 01:26:32,166 --> 01:26:35,367 after being hit by a train near Cambridge early this morning. 1318 01:26:35,367 --> 01:26:39,033 He was Stuart Shorter, a 33-year-old from Waterbeach. 1319 01:26:39,033 --> 01:26:40,867 The coroner has been informed, 1320 01:26:40,867 --> 01:26:44,166 and an inquest will take place at a date to be fixed. 1321 01:26:44,166 --> 01:26:46,600 ( news continuing ) 1322 01:26:56,266 --> 01:26:58,700 JUDITH? IT'S ALEXANDER. 1323 01:27:01,100 --> 01:27:03,433 ( bell ringing ) 1324 01:27:04,500 --> 01:27:06,633 BLESSED BE THE GOD AND FATHER 1325 01:27:06,633 --> 01:27:08,433 OF OUR LORD, JESUS CHRIST. 1326 01:27:08,433 --> 01:27:10,533 Alexander: WAS IT SUICIDE? 1327 01:27:10,533 --> 01:27:11,867 I DON'T KNOW. 1328 01:27:11,867 --> 01:27:14,000 HE DIDN'T LEAVE A NOTE. 1329 01:27:14,000 --> 01:27:17,266 BUT THEN, SUICIDES OFTEN DON'T. 1330 01:27:18,533 --> 01:27:20,800 ALL I DO KNOW IS THAT HE STEPPED IN FRONT 1331 01:27:20,800 --> 01:27:23,800 OF THE 11:15 CAMBRIDGE TO KING'S LYNN. 1332 01:27:25,367 --> 01:27:27,867 Priest: "I HAVE OVERCOME THE WORLD," 1333 01:27:27,867 --> 01:27:29,266 SAYS THE LORD. 1334 01:27:29,266 --> 01:27:32,000 SINCE THE EARTHLY LIFE OF STUART 1335 01:27:32,000 --> 01:27:33,567 HAS COME TO AN END, 1336 01:27:33,567 --> 01:27:36,700 WE COMMIT HIS BODY TO BE BURIED-- 1337 01:27:36,700 --> 01:27:40,033 EARTH TO EARTH, ASHES TO ASHES, 1338 01:27:40,033 --> 01:27:41,667 DUST TO DUST-- 1339 01:27:41,667 --> 01:27:43,567 IN SURE AND CERTAIN HOPE 1340 01:27:43,567 --> 01:27:46,000 OF THE RESURRECTION TO ETERNAL LIFE. 1341 01:27:46,000 --> 01:27:48,000 THROUGH OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST. 1342 01:27:48,000 --> 01:27:49,033 AMEN. 1343 01:27:49,033 --> 01:27:50,633 All: AMEN. 1344 01:27:50,633 --> 01:27:54,100 ( loud music playing, shouting ) 1345 01:28:23,800 --> 01:28:25,700 ( jazz music playing on radio ) 1346 01:28:44,133 --> 01:28:46,133 ( music stops ) 1347 01:28:46,133 --> 01:28:49,166 Stuart: Hello, Alexander. It's Stuart. 1348 01:28:49,166 --> 01:28:50,633 HELLO, STUART. 1349 01:28:50,633 --> 01:28:54,900 You know, I'm admitting I've had lots to drink now, 1350 01:28:54,900 --> 01:28:57,800 but I can't help reflect 1351 01:28:57,800 --> 01:29:01,967 about my brother and my brother's friend. 1352 01:29:01,967 --> 01:29:04,367 And they didn't believe me. 1353 01:29:04,367 --> 01:29:07,433 And they didn't care. 1354 01:29:07,433 --> 01:29:10,000 The abuse. 1355 01:29:10,000 --> 01:29:14,066 Being asked to do things I wouldn't have thought possible 1356 01:29:14,066 --> 01:29:17,867 that anyone could ask of an 11-year-old. 1357 01:29:20,200 --> 01:29:23,066 One just head-butted, 1358 01:29:23,066 --> 01:29:27,100 and head-butted and head-butted 1359 01:29:27,100 --> 01:29:29,867 and head-butted. 1360 01:29:29,867 --> 01:29:32,266 The more you speak, 1361 01:29:32,266 --> 01:29:34,834 the more they disbelieve. 1362 01:29:34,834 --> 01:29:39,567 Nobody was listening to anything I had to say. 1363 01:29:41,033 --> 01:29:44,367 While I've got my drink inside me, I sit here 1364 01:29:44,367 --> 01:29:48,700 having mad conversations with myself, 1365 01:29:48,700 --> 01:29:52,700 talking about mutilating myself, 1366 01:29:52,700 --> 01:29:55,500 killing myself. 1367 01:29:56,834 --> 01:30:00,500 Dragging down those who are responsible. 1368 01:30:01,800 --> 01:30:05,000 I want to just lay down and die. 1369 01:30:07,533 --> 01:30:09,700 I feel so dirty. 1370 01:30:09,700 --> 01:30:12,266 I'm fucking awful-- 1371 01:30:12,266 --> 01:30:16,233 hating and attacking anyone I get close to. 1372 01:30:17,500 --> 01:30:19,467 I just wish... 1373 01:30:19,467 --> 01:30:21,667 once... 1374 01:30:21,667 --> 01:30:25,867 there could be an escape from this madness. 1375 01:30:40,400 --> 01:30:42,800 Alexander: THE BOOK WAS FINALLY PUBLISHED 1376 01:30:42,800 --> 01:30:45,033 IN APRIL 2005. 1377 01:30:48,734 --> 01:30:50,533 I THINK STUART WOULD'VE LIKED IT. 1378 01:30:59,967 --> 01:31:02,400 ( pop music playing ) 91212

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