Original subtitles

Previously on Scorpion...

That's Quincy Berkstead.

The man who stole your fiancée?

Quincy, really? Nobody wants to see me in my bikini.

- Amy? - That's Amy?

Toby doesn't gamble anymore.

He quit gambling? How?

Well, if he didn't, I would have walked.

The new Chair of Blades book comes out today,

and I had it delivered here instead of my apartment.

It took J. Randall P. Smythe

ten years to write this.

So I saw you talking to Flo earlier.

You glad I convinced you to keep her around?

Yes. I have to admit

the reason why I didn't want her to come was, uh, childish.

- What was that? - It's very silly, actually.

I-I dreamt we were married and we kissed.

What?!

Question number one:

Where did you two first meet?

Hup. Please read the question in the proper form.

Absolutely not doing that.

Come on. The contest is tonight, and we want to win.

Didn't your football coach say "Practice like you play"?

No, actually he said, "If you're complaining

"about how the ball bounces,

you're probably the jackass who dropped it."

Wonderful tangent. Game, please?

Fine.

A query,

my dearies:

Where did you first meet your deary?

Nemo's Diner.

Next question. Bring it on.

A query, my dearies:

What was the first foreign country you traveled to

with your deary?

Bosnia.

We must be like butter

'cause we're on a roll.

A query, my dearies:

Where did you first kiss your deary?

At Kovelsky's. In the garage.

Huh?

- Wrong. - Uh-oh.

That's the sound of a couple that is about

to lose their desks.

Our first kiss was in Kovelsky's

coat closet.

Actually, my deary, our first kiss came

at your desk, when we were testing

to see if we had any attraction to each other.

That wasn't romantic, it was an experiment. It doesn't count.

Did our lips press against each other in a passionate encounter?

That's a kiss.

Engine block will fit nicely.

You're not taking our desks.

We had a deal.

After we beat your tuchases in this game,

Happy and I get your desks.

Asinine.

No, it's scientific.

I'm trying to fertilize my wife.

Gross. Gross.

And studies prove that couples that see each other

more often have a higher rate of success

when the tadpole train pulls into the ovulation station.

You can see her from your desk.

No, no, no. I want to be right across from her.

I want Happy to get pregnant as much as anyone,

but I am office manager.

My desk needs to be centrally located,

not over by all that greasy stuff.

Yeah, and I think it's stupid, so we'll win the game,

you two will owe us dinner at Kovelsky's,

and we will retain our work stations.

Don't be so sure, my dearies.

You're both wrong.

Huh? Your first kiss

was when Paige kissed Walt

when he was out cold in the hospital.

Pretty sure that's a crime.

Oh, what's really a crime is that these guys

have to practice to beat us.

Don't take our no-look high five.

We've been no-look high-fiving way before you two.

This is going nowhere fast. We need to get

to the airport and catch our flight.

Yeah, Paige is right. Okay, Happy,

quick brush up: What did you find about the schematics?

Power plant's actually well designed.

According to the diagnostic reports,

last week's quake resulted only in moderate cracking

in the core's walls,

all through here.

Should only take a few hours to repair.

I spoke with the Mexican Power Authority this morning.

They approved our use of our sonar technology

to precisely pinpoint all fissures and seal them.

Great. Government gig,

helping an ally, good payday. Let's pack.

Paige.

What do you want? I'm not giving you my desk.

It's not about that.

You know I'm an enthusiastic lover, right?

And?

With all the procreation recreation,

I slipped a disc in my lower back.

We are all way too involved in each other's lives.

Be that as it may, Coach Quinn isn't gonna put me on the bench,

so I need to heal up before the next big game.

Since you're the office manager, you think you can

manage to get me off duty?

Okay, fine.

Walter?

Any way Toby can pass on today's mission?

His back hurts.

From what?

Enthusiasm.

Fine. Yeah, I don't want to know.

And where is Sly?

He's supposed to be here running tests

on the reactor's performance.

He knows we have to leave soon.

He's probably preparing software on the bus ride back here.

I have to say, out of all the costumes here,

ours are the most authentic.

I don't want to be that guy, but I saw a Klentorian warrior

walking around with a pewter amulet instead of brass.

How do you expect to meet a girl when you make a gaffe like that?

Indeed.

Paige. What's up?

Sky, we're leaving for Mexico shortly.

Great Falcon's feathers, it's already Wednesday.

You have a genius IQ.

I know you know how to use a calendar.

I'm sorry. I've been waiting on line for J. Randall P. Smythe

outside The Warlock's Chest since yesterday.

I lost track of time.

Chair of Blades author?

Are you in your smock? I bet you're in your smock.

It's called a tunic, and yes.

Paige, the thing is, J. Randall P. Smythe only gives a window

for when he'll show for a book adornment.

And sometimes, he doesn't even show at all.

Sounds like a tool.

If I leave, I might miss him.

You hanging out with that dork you're always with?

No, just me.

Dyfrost.

Hey, why don't we let Sly wait there

during our flight down, and see if the author shows up.

And if he doesn't, then Dyfrost can take his books

and get them signed.

All the books.

You gave Sly a book to get signed, didn't you?

Clam it.

Fine, Sly, but you need to be back here at work when we land.

Is that clear?

Absolutely. Bye.

I get it. My mom's only letting me stay till 4:00.

Women, right?

Okay, we're off.

Toby, hold down the fort.

Feel better, Doc.

Tell Sly to call us when he gets here.

Rest up.

Tonight, you are back on the job.

Huh. How romantic.

All right, hurry up. They're gone.

Coast is clear?

Yeah. I thought they'd never leave. Come on in.

I hate having to sneak around like this. I'm sorry.

Well, it's not like you and Happy are long-lost chums.

And, look, we're-we're trying to preggo her Eggo.

Any undue stress could make that more difficult,

so it's best she not know.

I understand.

Uh, okay, so, look,

you were a little emotional and rambling on your voice mail.

So why don't you just lay out

exactly what's going on with Quincy.

And I hate to be a jerk, but can you talk fast?

Running around with my ex-fiancée

won't make Happy too happy,

so I'd like to get this over with ASAP.

Yeah, okay, um, you know, so like I said,

whenever everything went down in the bunker,

I decided to end things with him, and he took it very poorly.

You know, the-the bunker business died,

there was bad press,

his speaking engagements dried up, no more TV appearances.

So I-I went to the bank

to find my accounts drained.

My credit was ruined.

I mean, he-he stole my driver's license, my passport,

my Social Security card, everything.

And with no way to prove your identity,

there's no way to prove your identity's stolen.

That's a classic 21st century dilemma.

I can't believe that he did this.

I mean, he is a very desperate man.

With an even more desperate beard.

Anyway, I-I figured

he was hard up for money,

and so he sold my identity for a couple of bucks.

Amy, your identity is worth more than a couple bucks.

You're a felony-free citizen with solid credit.

Quincy made a nice chunk of change there.

See, this is why I came to you.

You know all of the down and dirty stuff.

And I-I don't, I don't mean to insult you,

it's just, you know, when we were together,

you knew every lowlife, loan shark

or backroom card hustler.

That was your world.

No offense taken. I was a dirtbag.

I'm gonna make a few calls.

There's some people I think might have Intel

on stolen paper in L.A.

And they move their Koreatown setup every few months.

Hey.

Thank you.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's, um... It's no problem.

Amy, when we were together, I put you through the wringer,

stealing all your savings for my long shots and underdogs.

So if someone else is doing this to you,

that's the least I can do.

So I've found, as my Fantasies 'N Frolics scores ascend,

so does my career.

The same week I went from a level five

to a level six player,

I went from assistant manager to co-manager at the Pic 'N Save.

I'm only at level two.

But audiology takes up most of my time.

I see.

Hey. You're supposed to be my wingman.

I'm trying to impress this pretty stereo salesperson.

She doesn't sell stereos.

She's a doctor. This is why I need a wingman.

By Elvin Hooves.

Take my books.

I don't feel that well.

We've had success with this sonar equipment

in the past, Maria.

We'll be able to locate the most

microscopic cracks in the reactor core.

Which we'll seal with a special compound

Happy Quinn designed just for this job.

It's quick-drying, waterproof, stress-resilient.

Your reactor will be at full power in no time.

We can't thank you enough.

This community was once a dying fishing village.

This plant brought jobs, enough energy so we could expand.

Our population has grown to almost 10,000 residents.

And most of them rely on this plant to feed their families.

Since we've been shut down, people are hurting.

Well, Scorpion is happy to help.

Speaking of helping, I am at the garage now,

setting everything up as we speak.

Hey, Sly.

You take care of business?

I have a man on it.

Is that man wearing

a blue dress with stars on it?

Get off my back. You'll get your dumb autograph, okay?

You okay, Sly? You seem stressed.

I'm not stressed.

Well, you sound bothered.

I'm not bothered, either.

Except by this third degree I'm getting.

All right, well, Sly, why don't you just give us the readings?

Scanning them now.

All the cracks are up.

The visible ones should be easy enough for you to spot.

The sonar is picking up on the microfissures now.

Be careful.

Slow and steady.

If you want it slow and steady, hold it slow and steady.

I am holding it steady.

You're shaking it.

No, I'm not doing anything.

This sucker is shaking on its own.

Oh, man. Hold on!

Is this another quake?

Technically, but...

it doesn't seem to be more than a light aftershock.

It's already over.

Sly, what are the details?

I know it may have felt like a light aftershock,

but it was actually part of the seismic waves

from a 9.1 earthquake

that hit in the Pacific 72 miles off the coast!

Oh, no. What is it?

Our tsunami warning system.

There was a huge surge off the Pacific.

Fuente Roja is 12 feet below sea level.

- This is bad. - It gets worse.

NOAA estimates 38 minutes until landfall.

And based on the reported size of the surge,

there's a 100-foot wave headed your way!

♪ Scorpion 4x15 ♪ Wave Goodbye Original Air Date on January 29, 2018

== sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man

_

We need to get the hell out of here.

We can't till we seal those cracks.

Now, if the tsunami floods this reactor

with those cracks still exposed,

it will melt down just like Fukushima.

There's no way we can seal all these cracks in 38 minutes

and still get out of here alive!

We can if we construct a pulley system.

I can Spider-Woman around here.

It'll slash the time needed to do the job.

Okay, do it. Paige, go help them

find what they need for the build.

Copy that.

Where's the exterior exhaust vent?

On the south wall. Why?

We need to plug it.

Now, if the ocean water from the tsunami seeps

into the core through that vent...

Also Fukushima. Exactly.

I'll alert the authorities to begin an evacuation plan,

and I'll have a helicopter pick your team up from the roof

once you're finished. Great.

Uh, Paige, once you're done helping Cabe and Happy,

meet me outside the south wall.

Got it! Toby!

Any advice for Maria on the best way

to evacuate a town of 10,000?

Uh...

Toby's not here.

What do you mean he's not there? Where the hell is he?

Um...

Running errands?

Look, there's only a handful of people that deal

in that kind of paper, so our best bet

is to start with Rhonda Duffy.

How do you know her?

Uh, played in her card game back in the day.

Rhonda's, uh, a real pistol.

And she carries one, too, so tread carefully.

Are you sure we're gonna be safe?

Yeah, yeah. We'll be fine.

Rhonda loves me.

You conniving, scheming, backstabbing, little creep.

How was your Christmas?

I knew you'd come out eventually

from whatever rock you been hiding under,

you hat-wearing turd.

I'm not a turd, Rhonda.

If you sat in a sandbox, my cat'd bury you.

Now, you owe me

$8,213.

So where is it?

Or do I have Lugo take your ear?

Well, for one thing, my entire body isn't worth eight grand.

And two,

we both know you like to keep your books clean.

So I'm gonna bet

that you sold my debt to some knuckle-dragger

for 40 cents on the dollar. Am I right?

Yeah. My bill with you is square.

So, Rhonda, I need a little favor.

You got to be kidding.

No, no, no, no. I'm dead serious.

You see, this woman right here is a civilian, and...

Hi. Dr. Amy Berkstead.

She doesn't care.

See, Amy, she got her identity stolen.

And I figured, classy lady like you

would know who might trade

in that kind of paper. Tell you what.

You walk out of here right now, I won't have my guys

beat you dizzy in front of your little friend.

All right. Have it your way.

It was lovely to see you.

You know, it's a shame, 'cause if I go,

I'm not gonna be able to tell you

how you're getting robbed blind down there.

Bull.

You see the rack in front of that guy right there?

Now, I'm gonna assume

that this gentleman's been coming to your establishment

for, eh, couple weeks now.

He hasn't won yet. He loses two or three grand.

And then all of the sudden, today, bam!

Oh, boy, is he incredibly lucky.

Looks like he's up, uh, what is that, 20 large or so?

Wow.

Rhonda, this man set you up like a bowling pin.

Come on.

She doesn't want your help, and I don't have time

for this nonsense, okay? You heard the lady.

Hold it.

You catch me a cheat,

I'll tell you who has Mrs. Doctor's identity.

Deal.

Cabe, you sure you can handle this?

I'm gonna be 115 pounds

of swinging spider monkey in there.

I won't let you fall, kid.

Sly, where do I need to be?

The first crack cluster

is 12 feet down at exactly 45 degrees.

Done and done.

Hold on tight, Pops.

Whoa!

It's okay. All right.

Happy, you all right?

I'm on. Ready to patch.

Sly!

I'm at the exhaust vent.

We need to figure out a way to plug this thing.

Sand is an aggregate in concrete.

Can that work? Possibly.

But we need to add something to create a slurry.

Oh.

Aha! Oil.

Yeah, that'll cause a coagulation.

But if it's gonna hold the water out,

we'll need a thickening agent.

Seaweed! Seaweed is used as a thickener

- in nail polish. - Brilliant.

Seaweed has carrageenans known for gelling properties.

Now, I'm gonna mix sand into the oil.

When you get here, gather as much seaweed as you can.

The sealant is activated by high heat.

After I apply it to the cracks, I'll use my torch to harden it.

Okay. Last group of micro cracks,

11 o'clock, six feet from the rim.

Got it!

Sly, is Toby back yet?

No. He's still busy.

Doing what? We're dealing with a tsunami here.

I'm not sure.

You're lying. I can hear it in your voice.

Like when I caught you ordering that poster

with all the girl superheroes on it,

and you said it was for your cousin.

Okay, okay.

I saw Toby and Amy in a car together,

and I don't know where they were headed.

Amy?

As in ex-fiancée Amy?

What's he doing with her?

Sly, you better find out what he's up to.

Don't make me spy on my friend.

I'm gonna make my foot spy on

the inside of your butt if you don't.

That's a nice line. I'm gonna use that.

Okay, I'm searching. Uh...

New England Journal of Medicine articles.

A coupon for Spam.

What's at 452 San Marino in Koreatown?

He's taking her to Koreatown?

That's it.

I want to make some money!

You want to make some money?! Yes!

Come on! There you go!

There it is, right there.

Here we go. You ready?

Yeah, yeah.

That was a great bluff with Rhonda, by the way.

She really bought that you were leaving.

Well, I learned bluffing from the best.

You okay?

Yeah, yeah. Just saying hi to an old friend.

Hello, gambling.

Place your bets.

Oh, looky here. All right!

Looks like we got a hot table.

Why don't you give me, um...

Give me $100 on every hard-way.

Money plays.

Smart man, riding my bet.

I'm on fire! Yeah, looks that way, boss.

Hard six! Attafella!

Yeah!

Press it.

Press my bet.

Let me see you do that again.

Buddy, I've been doing it all night.

Boom! Boom!

Winner, winner!

Kovelsky dinner!

This feels good.

Attaboy. Attaboy.

Attaboy.

Sorry, honey, not right now.

You know what?

Double my bet.

I got a horseshoe up my butt; I'm so lucky.

Technically, what's helping you isn't what's up your butt.

It's what's on your neck.

What the hell?

Hey, Lugo, this gentleman's got a little bit of

clear resin on the back of his neck.

You see, just a dab will do you

if you're looking to weigh the dice

for snake eyes or boxcars or really

- whatever roll you want. - No, no, no, no!

Wait. No, wait.

Wait. Ah!

Spotted that 'cause I ran the same exact scam

on a riverboat casino.

Oh, I recall.

That was the night of our engagement party.

You missed it.

We should talk to Rhonda.

Okay.

Paige, spread it evenly so it dries faster.

We won't get a second shot at this.

Right, like our first kiss.

Huh?

I can't believe you consider the garage kiss

our real first kiss and the kiss at Kovelsky's

our second crack at it. Thing is,

when there are two events,

I consider the one that happened first

the first event, and then the second one the second event.

I'm weird like that.

The Kovelsky's kiss was right after you said

you were in love with me, which makes it our first real kiss.

- Well, not without a time machine. - You suck.

Just cover the holes. It's covered.

Okay, great! Happy, where do you stand?

Right now, I am pretty anti-Toby.

No! Where do you stand on patching the reactor core?

Oh. I'm done.

Not a moment too soon.

The helicopter's on the roof,

but pilot has to take a longer route to the airport.

Why the change?

Tremors toppled over the Fuente Roja bridge.

He needs to maneuver around the ash cloud

that was created by the collapse.

That bridge

is the only way out of town.

How will the residents evacuate?

They won't.

We'll have to try to find higher ground.

We're below sea level.

There's no way to get 10,000 people to safety in time.

Authorities are doing the best they can.

Please. I need to get back to my family and you need to go.

There is no more that you can do here.

We can't just leave these people

here to die. Walt, any ideas?

Yes. We're gonna have to stop it.

Stop what? Please don't say the tsunami.

Please don't say the tsunami.

Guys, we're gonna have to stop the tsunami.

A query, my deary, but how the hell

are we supposed to stop a tsunami!?

I read a paper by Dr. Kadri

at Cardiff University School of Mathematics

that theorized that you could stop a tsunami

by creating acoustical gravitational waves

triggered by an underwater avalanche.

The sound waves would reduce the amplitude of a tsunami

and redistribute its energy across a larger space.

So we could save the town, and thousands of lives.

Walter, I'm the one who showed you Dr. Kadri's paper.

And it clearly states that his thesis is only theoretical.

Tell you what isn't theoretical is the death and destruction

that's gonna hit this town in 20 minutes.

Walt, can we pull this off?

We have everything that we need right here.

Sly, pull up the oceanographic map

of Fuente Roja. I have a plan.

Roger that.

Maria, you got to get your family

and head to higher ground ASAP.

Thank you. But what about Scorpion?

We've been in situations like this before.

We're professionals. He's still not picking up.

I am gonna cover him in parsley and feed him to the snails.

Most of the time.

Okay, I got eyes on the Mexican coastline.

What about it?

Does the Mazatlan Shelf

extend into Fuente Roja?

Yes. It forms an underwater canyon due west of the bay.

Canyon walls are 40 feet tall.

They're 3.7 meters from the shoreline by the power plant.

Okay, 40 feet... that's just high enough.

Oh, I think I know where you're headed, boss.

We ramp the reactor to full power, pressurize the core

and heat the water to highly-pressurized steam.

Correct. Then we release that steam through the intake pipe

and into the ocean.

Creating a bubble that will collapse

the canyon wall, causing an underwater avalanche.

Sending acoustical gravitational waves

straight towards the tsunami and knock that sucker out.

Two years ago, we created a tsunami

to reverse the flow of a river.

Now we're creating an avalanche to kill a tsunami?

Can't say we're not well-rounded.

Cabe, you and I will increase the number

of uranium rods necessary

- to fully power the reactor. - Paige and I can reverse

the turbine fan so it's blowing all the air from the reactor

into the core, instead of out, and it can become pressurized.

And then you'll boil the water in the core

to create the steam bubble.

And then release it through the intake pipe

directly at the canyon wall. Let's get to it.

When is Rhonda coming back?

No idea.

Do you think his knuckles are raw from beating up the cheater?

It's not from tenderizing chicken.

Hey, Lugo, how's the family?

Your mom still smoke those Guatemalan cigars?

Finally. Was getting worried you were gonna back out on our deal.

I had to make some calls. So, can you "Help Me, Rhonda"?

That wasn't funny years ago and it ain't funny now.

Here's where you can find

the guy who has her paperwork.

And you're not gonna like it.

Pinto Goochelli?

The guy who locked you in the car trunk.

Multiple car trunks. No, no, no.

The Gooch works the East Coast. What's he doing here?

Franchising. What the hell do I care?

Oh. And by the way, he's the guy I sold your bad debt to.

Oh, crap.

Damn bolts are old and stripped.

Okay, hold this.

Okay.

Uh, that is good enough to get

to the controls to reverse the turbine.

Um... that was pretty impressive.

Yeah? I just imagined it was Toby's neck.

Happy, Toby loves you.

I don't know what he's doing at that address with Amy,

but it's not what you think.

He wouldn't jeopardize your relationship.

He's trying to have a baby with you, for Pete's sake.

Okay, here's an idea: you take that socket wrench,

you head to the beach, and you loosen the bolt locks

on the intake pipe release valve.

And I will meet you there when I am finished here.

You want me gone so you don't have to talk about something

that's clearly bothering you.

Right on both counts.

Now beat it.

Fine.

Attaboy. Attaboy.

Attaboy.

You should call her.

That would be a bad idea.

My Happy isn't always so happy.

You know, with the way that things ended between us,

I never imagined you would've

stuck your neck out like this for me.

The way things ended with us was completely my fault,

with the gambling and...

getting into trouble and losing all your money.

You were a mess.

But you turned it around, pal.

Look, I'm-I'm really glad that, you know, you...

you figured your life out.

Unlike me. Yeah, I have

a-a failed engagement, a marriage down the drain.

I'm just...

I'm starting to think that I'm snakebit, so...

You do know that that's nonsense, right?

That you're smart and you're beautiful and you're kind.

You just got engaged to an addict.

And then you married Quincy Berkstead,

and he's a schmuck, so that's on you.

You know, even in the bad times, you always made me laugh.

And speaking of bad times, I still think

that we should call the cops. Absolutely not.

The Gooch is just gonna deny having your I.D.,

and then they'll come after us for being rats.

Okay, but the guy has his offices in a funeral parlor.

That's unsettling.

The Gooch is finishing up a call.

He'll be with you in a couple minutes.

You should get settled. It's almost showtime.

Okay, all the rods are in place.

Reactor's fully powered.

Fill the core with water.

This better work.

NOAA is estimating the tsunami

will hit shore in 11 minutes!

Just about finished the bolt lock on the intake pipe.

Where's Happy?

Right here!

There.

Okay.

Okay. Uh, the wheel must be corroded by the salt air.

It's gonna take both of us

to turn it when it's go time.

The steam's building in the reactor core.

When I say,

turn the valve and release it into the ocean.

Right, so it creates a giant bubble that'll

knock down a giant underwater wall

that'll make giant sound waves

that'll destroy a giant tsunami.

That's the gist of it.

Walter, you better be right about this.

Well, that depends; I need to open

two chambers here to release the steam toward the ocean.

Chamber one has to be opened before chamber two

or the whole reactor explodes.

Should I do it in that order, Paige?

What the hell are you talking about?

Well, according to you, order of events don't matter.

So if a second kiss can be a first kiss,

then the second chamber can be the first chamber.

I might not be able to identify our first kiss,

but I sure as hell can tell you when our final kiss was.

It was last night, buddy!

Oh, now you're being childish.

Save the lover's spat for later.

She's totally wrong. You're a man.

You should be on my side.

The core is filled.

Releasing the steam now.

In proper sequential order.

And, Happy,

turn the valve now!

What the hell?

Where's the steam?

Going through the pipe, right?

No, the PSI gauge is not moving.

The steam is stopped in the pipeline.

There's a blockage.

Oh, man. This place is gonna blow.

Not good.

It's a pipe that only carries steam.

What could possibly be blocking it?

I bet the earthquake damaged the interior baffles.

We turn the wheel up here, but nothing happens in there.

I'm trying to find a backup override to open it up,

but I'm not finding anything.

What are you doing?

If I don't open those baffles,

the reactor blows, the tsunami hits,

and the only one who survives this is Toby.

And that'll really piss me off.

Um...

what about me? I'd survive.

Right. Sly, if I die,

you give Toby a gooty-punch when you see him.

- I'd prefer not. - Happy, if you go in that pipe

and open up those baffles, that steam'll cook you alive.

The plant oil dispersant!

If it has the right composition, it could work.

Okay, it's, uh, silicon-based.

Similar to the compound

stuntmen use for protection when they get lit on fire.

- I can use it. - You need to be totally covered.

Any portion of your body that is exposed will be roasted!

Happy, it's too risky.

We need to find another way.

Too late.

I'm dousing her in dispersant as we speak.

No, Happy! I'm your boss.

You are my employee, and I'm telling you not to do this.

Wait until I get there, and I will go down in the pipe.

Okay? Do you understand?

I understand that you're on the other side of the plant

and it'll take several minutes

for you to get here and we don't have time.

Don't worry, boss.

I won't ask for workers' comp.

That's not funny! The goop will only protect you

for a few seconds down there!

That's all it'll take for the steam

to blast out of there. Okay, Happy, close your eyes.

Okay. Ready?

Tell Sylvester not to punch Toby in the crotch.

Okay.

And tell Toby that I really did love him.

You tell him yourself.

Paige, you got to close that hatch.

We're down to our last five minutes.

Happy, according to the schematics, you should be

coming up on the baffles.

I see 'em!

Before you open them, you need to make sure that your eyes

are closed and you don't breathe in for at least ten seconds.

The steam will blast over you incredibly fast.

But if you inhale at all, you will fry your lungs.

Got it.

Okay. On three.

One,

two,

three!

She did it! Steam's rushing through the pipe!

Ooh. It's hot as hell.

I can't believe she's in there.

The steam is creating a giant bubble. Hold on.

Canyon walls are collapsing.

I'm pulling up a reading

on severe acoustical gravitational waves

headed out towards the tsunami.

Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.

No more PSI! Steam's gone!

Happy! Happy!

Oh, God, please answer! Happy!

Shut your yap!

It echoes in here!

Man, I feel like a baked potato.

Are you okay?

I've been better. A little warm.

Walt, is this gonna work?

It better. Or in three minutes, it's our funeral.

So you want your name back?

Her name, Social Security number, credit rating--

the whole kit and caboodle.

Anything else?

Cup of tea? Sure.

Some cookies? That sounds lovely.

Foot massage? You're just being ridiculous.

No, you're being suicidal.

You come here when you're on the wrong side

of my balance sheet, and you ask for a favor?

When you should really be asking for mercy.

Toby, what do I look like?

Jason Statham's uglier brother.

You have a death wish.

No. I don't.

But I do have something that you need.

I got a brain that can profile and can compute

faster than any gambler you know.

And it's yours if you just give my friend her paper back.

I don't follow.

I'll break down every college quarterback

with a drinking problem,

every point guard who's gonna choke with the game on the line,

every angle that the linemakers miss but I see.

I'll give it to you, Gooch.

I'm gonna give you the inside scoop,

and you will clean up.

If you could still do that, you'd be doing it.

But from what I hear,

you don't like the action anymore.

I do. I love it.

I just promised someone I'd break the habit, but...

things have changed.

What do you say? We got a deal?

I'm new to town.

I show mercy to a guy who owes,

and I'm a mutt.

So...

I'm just gonna kill you instead.

Huh? Grab her.

No. No! Toby? Toby! No, no, no, no.

Come on, we don't have to do this.

No. Toby, please...

We're old pals!

Guys, the gravitational wave will hit the tsunami

in ten seconds; plug your ears!

Why plug our ears?

Because a sonic boom will follow the wave collision.

At least, I think that's the order it happens.

Lately, I seem unable to figure out which comes first.

Time to plug my ears.

You just can't stand to hear the truth.

Did it work?

There is still a wave heading towards you.

Theoretically, it should be

less strong and much smaller, but there's no way to tell

until it's right on top of you.

I think I see a wave out there heading inland.

Do we run? There's no point.

And there's no point in us fighting.

I don't care which kiss came first.

I just care that we kissed. I'm sorry.

Me, too.

Guys, heads up.

The wave will grow rapidly

over the last several meters to shore.

There's our wave. It's coming in.

Is it growing?

It's a weenie wave.

So that's it?

No. We take the two-hour flight back to L.A.,

find Toby, and I kick his ass.

Wait, when you were in the pipe, you said you still loved him.

That's when I thought I was gonna die.

Now I've got a tracker on his key chain,

and I don't want to breach that trust,

but he's forced my hand, so I'm gonna go hunt him down.

Who'd have thought Toby'd be the one to die today?

Where the hell is he? It's been three hours.

He said he had to get some guys to help.

He'll be here.

If they were gonna kill us, why don't they just do it already?

I assume they're waiting to find someone

who can dispose of a casket and two bodies.

God...

Amy, I am so sorry.

I just keep messing your life up.

No, you were trying to help.

I'm the one who got you trapped in a coffin.

This is a casket.

Coffin's tapered at the head and the foot.

Really? That's the last conversation

that you ever want to have?

Correcting someone's word choice?

Probably not. It's just that you...

you don't want to go out being wrong about...

Why did you do that?

What do you mean?

You told the Gooch that things had changed.

No, I-I meant that I had a friend in need,

so I was willing to gamble.

I'm not willing to gamble my marriage.

Look, I loved you once, okay?

And I'm scared, and you tried to help me today,

and it's been a long time since anyone's done

anything nice for me. I don't care.

Look, if I only have a minute to live,

I don't want to spend it with another woman's lips

on mine; I love Happy. Shut up. Shh.

I will not shut up. You made me an adulterer

in my last moments on Earth. Shut up. I hear something.

Took you long enough.

My cousins were way up in Ventura.

- You didn't give me advanced notice. - Whatever.

Here. That is a grand more than you asked for.

So don't mess this up. Nice, deep,

and in a plot no one visits, so nobody notices disturbed soil.

I know just the place.

Get the cargo ready.

All right.

Pull that out.

No! Here we go.

Hey, Curtis.

When I see you in the next life...

I'm still gonna want my money.

- Freeze! - Hands up!

Don't move!

Easy.

There's an open grave over there!

You move an inch, I'm gonna fill it with your ass!

Happy, you don't know what you're gonna find in there.

Maybe you should let me.

No, I got it.

Happy?

Jackass. I see your back's better.

This is not what it looks like.

Really? It looks like you're gooty to gooty

with your ex in a coffin.

It's a casket, actually. A coffin is tapered...

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah... ♪

Look at us. We may have had

a silly spat today, but now we are totally in sync.

Absolutely. And if I recall, NSYNC was the first concert

you went to as a teenager? Indeed.

And yours was Mahler's 9th Symphony

played by the Dublin Philharmonic.

They were resplendent.

Man, we are gonna wipe the floors

with those saps tonight.

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah... ♪

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

That we should give them the desks.

Temporarily, but yes. They've had a rough day.

Let's give them a win.

I love the way your brain works.

Really?

He signed his name in gold-flaked ink?

Full name and everything?

Even the "P"?

Don't feel bad, Dyfrost.

It was one autograph per customer,

and we both know that J. Randall P. Smythe

does not bend the rules or make exceptions for anyone.

I guess not even his biggest fans on Earth.

By Apollo's Healing Hands!

- Um... - Sly.

I think you know this gentleman.

J. Randall P. Smythe.

I understand

you couldn't make my book adorning

due to pressing matters?

Uh, I-I had work.

He had to save some people.

It's something he's done on numerous occasions.

How are you here?

Well, I, uh, stopped by the Wizard's Trunk...

Warlock's Chest.

Whatever. On the way back from the cemetery

to see if I couldn't get a couple signed copies,

since you missed it, and Randall here

heard all that you do and wanted to meet you personally.

But you never sign after an event.

Unlike the characters that spring from my mind to page,

you, Sylvester Dodd,

are a true hero.

It's a pleasure to sign for you.

Thank you!

Okay, well, Randy here's a busy guy,

so we should let him get going.

Good-bye, brave sir.

So are we good now?

I don't need the IRS looking into my appearance fees.

And they won't be, as long as you sign my copy, too.

And don't forget the "P."

Here's your coffee.

If you think coffee can fix this,

you are more delusional than I thought.

Nothing happened.

Except we kissed-- but she initiated it, and I stopped it.

And I would never do anything with her or anyone else,

you got to believe me.

I believe you. I never thought you were stepping out on me.

Well, Paige said that you've been pissed all day.

Because I know you used to go to Koreatown to gamble, stupid.

I have spent years fixing you from the mess that you were.

And then some chick from the past gets you to go

to all the backroom games and loan shark huts

that used to get you into trouble.

And we both know how bad you can get when you lose control.

I love you. We're trying to make a baby.

And I cannot let you lose control again.

I can't lose you.

I'm sorry I made you worry.

You know, there were temptations that would've broken other men--

gambling and casket kissing.

Those other men don't have Happy Quinn to lose, but I do.

I'm never gonna be a mess again, Happy.

You don't have to worry about that.

Guys.

We made a decision about the desks.

No, no, we had a deal. You can't chicken out

just because you guys were fighting all day.

We're not chickening out.

You know what, let's kick their asses.

Absolutely.

Shall we? Hmm. Yeah.

Mind if we query first?

Well, it makes no difference.

Paige and I are completely in sync; no matter what the order

or the question, we will be victorious.

Fine. Here we go.

"A query, my deary:

Where did you first kiss your deary?"

- In the garage. - Kovelsky's.

Damn it.

== sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man