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1
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- [MUSIC]
- _
2
00:00:02,415 --> 00:00:05,408
The Fifth Annual Competitive
Aerobics Competition,
3
00:00:05,414 --> 00:00:09,232
it was my first finals and I
was the favorite to win it all.
4
00:00:09,238 --> 00:00:12,422
My dad made me train my
whole life for this moment.
5
00:00:12,503 --> 00:00:14,396
Today's the day, son.
6
00:00:14,438 --> 00:00:18,148
Moments like this separate
the men from the boys.
7
00:00:18,154 --> 00:00:22,533
And that routine puts
Barry Cross in the lead.
8
00:00:22,539 --> 00:00:23,955
Barry...
9
00:00:23,961 --> 00:00:26,479
Okay, that's me, Joe Force,
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00:00:26,485 --> 00:00:30,165
with every person I'd been trying
to avoid for the past 20 years.
11
00:00:30,171 --> 00:00:33,777
Barry Cross, my arch nemesis.
12
00:00:33,868 --> 00:00:39,034
Claudia, my high school girlfriend
that left me for my arch nemesis.
13
00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:41,632
My mom, former pageant queen,
14
00:00:41,638 --> 00:00:43,955
also bat-shit crazy.
15
00:00:43,961 --> 00:00:48,998
And finally, Colonel Force, my
dad, the Godfather of Aerobics.
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00:00:49,004 --> 00:00:52,802
Growing up, my dad took
this shit way too seriously.
17
00:00:53,108 --> 00:00:56,225
Win, or don't come home.
18
00:00:56,419 --> 00:00:58,600
Our next contestant,
19
00:00:58,606 --> 00:01:02,390
Joe Force!
20
00:01:02,701 --> 00:01:04,099
Well, I didn't win,
21
00:01:04,105 --> 00:01:05,828
- so I didn't go home.
- _
22
00:01:05,834 --> 00:01:09,710
♪ ...They say that every
rose has its thorn... ♪
23
00:01:09,716 --> 00:01:12,973
I became the lead
singer of Guns Van Bovi.
24
00:01:12,979 --> 00:01:16,692
We're available for weddings, bar
mitzvahs, and a mom's night out.
25
00:01:17,218 --> 00:01:19,602
- I love you!
- I wanna talk to you later.
26
00:01:19,608 --> 00:01:26,117
♪ Just like every cowboy
sings a sad sad song ♪
27
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- ♪ And every rose has its thorn ♪
- [CHEERS, APPLAUSE]
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Ladies and gentlemen,
we've been Guns Van Bovi.
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- Who's stickin' around for the next set?
- [CHEERING]
30
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- We are!
- Whoa,
31
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I got droopy yeses,
right there, thank you.
32
00:01:41,809 --> 00:01:43,497
Hey, where's my whiskey churro?
33
00:01:43,824 --> 00:01:45,024
Nice.
34
00:01:45,030 --> 00:01:47,338
Listen, kid, your mom called.
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You do remember your dad, don't you?
36
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A republican Richard Simmons.
How could I forget him?
37
00:01:51,922 --> 00:01:53,815
You two weren't very close, were you?
38
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No, no.
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00:01:55,485 --> 00:01:58,614
Our only contact is an annual
Christmas card with a, uh,
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00:01:58,620 --> 00:02:00,011
weight watchers gift certificate
41
00:02:00,017 --> 00:02:03,007
and a list of workout routines.
42
00:02:03,013 --> 00:02:04,516
Well, he died.
43
00:02:05,247 --> 00:02:06,447
What?
44
00:02:06,676 --> 00:02:07,952
He died?
45
00:02:07,958 --> 00:02:09,671
Your mom said his ticker gave out
46
00:02:09,677 --> 00:02:12,153
while he was teaching an aerobics class.
47
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Repeat after me:
48
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Cardio is not a plate of Mexican food.
49
00:02:18,937 --> 00:02:22,658
Cardio is not a plate of Mexican food.
50
00:02:22,836 --> 00:02:24,240
Cardio is...
51
00:02:24,246 --> 00:02:25,948
Cardio is.
52
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Heart's on fire.
53
00:02:29,036 --> 00:02:31,451
- Heart's on fire.
- Ah!
54
00:02:32,512 --> 00:02:34,896
I told him that fitness
shit would kill him.
55
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Those things happen.
56
00:02:36,804 --> 00:02:38,004
Oh!
57
00:02:38,010 --> 00:02:39,210
Hey...
58
00:02:40,263 --> 00:02:41,492
been there.
59
00:02:41,498 --> 00:02:44,371
I know what that's like. I
know what you're goin' through.
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00:02:44,935 --> 00:02:48,367
Listen, you know I'm lookin'
for a partner to invest
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in my baked potato buffet.
62
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You just told me my dad died
63
00:02:55,270 --> 00:02:58,283
and you want me to
put my inheritance into
64
00:02:58,289 --> 00:02:59,916
a baked potato buffet?
65
00:03:01,481 --> 00:03:04,964
Thanks for thinking of me,
but it's not a good time.
66
00:03:06,466 --> 00:03:09,083
- Hey, can you play Cat's In The Cradle?
- Okay.
67
00:03:10,638 --> 00:03:15,247
- ♪ Let's get physical, physical ♪
- Sync/Corrections PetaG - addic7ed.com -
68
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Man, this place is bigger than
two house codes put together.
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Oh, man, I need a drink.
70
00:03:24,221 --> 00:03:25,723
- Car bar?
- Car bar.
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00:03:25,729 --> 00:03:28,299
Drink up, boys. We're only
stayin' for a few days.
72
00:03:28,305 --> 00:03:31,285
I'm gonna find out what my dad
left me, sell it, and then we're...
73
00:03:31,291 --> 00:03:33,296
- Hittin' the road.
- Cheers to this shit.
74
00:03:33,302 --> 00:03:34,502
Ah.
75
00:03:34,597 --> 00:03:37,192
Oh, by the way, this is
wedding band behavior.
76
00:03:37,198 --> 00:03:39,304
Food and booze, open
game. Hands off the women.
77
00:03:39,310 --> 00:03:41,780
- Man... Dude. Yeah.
- I'm still gettin' laid.
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00:03:41,786 --> 00:03:43,903
So he really was a great, great loss.
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Thank you, though.
80
00:03:46,377 --> 00:03:47,577
Hi, Mom.
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00:03:49,326 --> 00:03:51,943
- Ah!
- That was for wearing that shirt,
82
00:03:52,146 --> 00:03:54,521
and for not returning
my calls for three years.
83
00:03:56,342 --> 00:03:57,542
Uh.
84
00:03:57,826 --> 00:04:00,160
There, that's for losing your father.
85
00:04:00,660 --> 00:04:02,152
I'm so sorry, darling.
86
00:04:02,862 --> 00:04:04,480
I'm sorry too, Mom.
87
00:04:05,854 --> 00:04:08,666
- A bit flabby.
- Yeah, life of a rock star.
88
00:04:08,672 --> 00:04:09,950
Well, actually I thought
89
00:04:09,956 --> 00:04:11,612
rock stars were skinny
90
00:04:11,676 --> 00:04:14,503
- because of the drugs.
- Donuts are a drug.
91
00:04:14,901 --> 00:04:16,792
Come, there's something you need to see.
92
00:04:18,272 --> 00:04:19,503
Good to see you too.
93
00:04:20,901 --> 00:04:24,756
I'm Colonel Tom Force, and this
is my last will and testament.
94
00:04:25,242 --> 00:04:26,670
Janet, my love,
95
00:04:26,676 --> 00:04:28,337
you must be devastated.
96
00:04:28,343 --> 00:04:29,745
He knew me so well.
97
00:04:29,751 --> 00:04:32,628
As for you, my disgrace of a son,
98
00:04:32,634 --> 00:04:34,327
I knew you'd show.
99
00:04:34,635 --> 00:04:36,327
You want your cut.
100
00:04:36,529 --> 00:04:38,007
He knew you well too.
101
00:04:38,122 --> 00:04:39,322
[MUSIC]
102
00:04:39,328 --> 00:04:45,155
- Our next contestant, Joe Force!
- How did you put this in your will?
103
00:04:48,561 --> 00:04:50,361
Don't look away, Joseph.
104
00:04:50,367 --> 00:04:53,270
You can't keep running from your legacy.
105
00:04:53,538 --> 00:04:55,230
Barry Cross,
106
00:04:55,236 --> 00:04:57,238
not only did he beat you,
107
00:04:57,244 --> 00:05:02,117
he married Claudia and started
a successful fitness brand.
108
00:05:02,123 --> 00:05:05,308
I'm getting the feeling I'm gonna
need to borrow some gas money.
109
00:05:06,012 --> 00:05:08,046
Janet, you get the house
110
00:05:08,052 --> 00:05:10,617
and a generous monthly stipend.
111
00:05:11,117 --> 00:05:12,317
Joe...
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you get the gym.
113
00:05:14,980 --> 00:05:19,092
But my hard earned money is
gonna have to be earned harder.
114
00:05:19,596 --> 00:05:24,095
That's why I'm donating
your $8 million inheritance
115
00:05:24,101 --> 00:05:25,888
to the winning gym
116
00:05:25,894 --> 00:05:29,477
of the Competitive
Aerobics Championship.
117
00:05:29,483 --> 00:05:30,779
What!?
118
00:05:32,935 --> 00:05:34,135
[SIGHS]
119
00:05:34,141 --> 00:05:37,629
Sell the gym and
finance your own demise,
120
00:05:37,832 --> 00:05:44,360
or man up, shave your legs, put
on spandex, and go for the gold.
121
00:05:44,451 --> 00:05:47,195
I believe there is still winners blood
122
00:05:47,201 --> 00:05:49,981
pumping through those clogged arteries.
123
00:05:54,780 --> 00:05:58,084
So we have three months to
get you back into finals shape.
124
00:05:58,090 --> 00:06:00,077
Tough, but doable.
125
00:06:00,399 --> 00:06:01,671
Are you serious?
126
00:06:01,677 --> 00:06:04,105
You think this is a good
idea? Mom, this is crazy.
127
00:06:04,111 --> 00:06:05,694
Look, your father and I made a pact
128
00:06:05,700 --> 00:06:08,175
that whoever passed first, the other one
129
00:06:08,181 --> 00:06:11,447
would dedicate themselves to
getting your life back on track.
130
00:06:11,453 --> 00:06:12,884
My life is on track.
131
00:06:12,890 --> 00:06:14,385
It's one big track.
132
00:06:14,595 --> 00:06:17,837
I play at packed houses
every night, women everywhere.
133
00:06:17,843 --> 00:06:21,196
I am not giving up my
musical career for this shit!
134
00:06:21,202 --> 00:06:24,814
If you try to sell the gym
or you resist going for gold,
135
00:06:25,337 --> 00:06:28,578
I will be forced to use
every tool in my arsenal.
136
00:06:28,584 --> 00:06:30,055
Do it. I dare you.
137
00:06:30,061 --> 00:06:33,066
I'm not afraid of you anymore.
That's why I left. I'm bulletproof.
138
00:06:34,936 --> 00:06:38,469
Now you have the key
and the deed to the gym.
139
00:06:38,670 --> 00:06:41,908
Mom, I know you want me to be
Patrick Swayze, but I'm not.
140
00:06:41,988 --> 00:06:43,491
I'm Axl Rose.
141
00:06:43,497 --> 00:06:45,587
I wish Patrick Swayze was my son.
142
00:06:45,593 --> 00:06:47,185
Patrick Swayze's dead, Mom.
143
00:06:47,191 --> 00:06:49,185
- He died, too.
- Yes.
144
00:06:49,509 --> 00:06:52,891
Oh, this is the worst day of my life.
145
00:06:52,960 --> 00:06:54,387
Yeah, join the club.
146
00:06:54,393 --> 00:06:56,882
[MUSIC]
147
00:06:56,970 --> 00:06:58,264
Rest in peace, Colonel.
148
00:06:58,654 --> 00:07:00,141
Fifteen years ago...
149
00:07:01,413 --> 00:07:03,815
[FUNERAL CHATTER]
150
00:07:09,892 --> 00:07:11,092
Claudia?
151
00:07:12,174 --> 00:07:15,079
- Oh!
- Wow, you look great.
152
00:07:15,085 --> 00:07:18,298
[SIGHS] I know. Uh, you look...
153
00:07:19,696 --> 00:07:22,894
Like you have a good story to tell
154
00:07:22,900 --> 00:07:24,314
- [CHUCKLING] Oh.
- or something.
155
00:07:24,376 --> 00:07:26,308
Oh! I think I broke a record.
156
00:07:26,314 --> 00:07:27,978
Hey, where's Joe?
157
00:07:27,984 --> 00:07:29,314
Oh, um...
158
00:07:30,286 --> 00:07:32,501
Holy! Phew, haha.
159
00:07:32,507 --> 00:07:34,596
- Hey.
- Barry Cross.
160
00:07:34,771 --> 00:07:37,982
Joe hopeless, shapeless
and now fatherless Force.
161
00:07:37,988 --> 00:07:40,088
Okay, that was, uh, a little too far.
162
00:07:40,094 --> 00:07:41,993
Yeah, we're in front of his dead body.
163
00:07:41,999 --> 00:07:43,384
Yeah, I was just joshin'!
164
00:07:43,390 --> 00:07:44,693
Why are you here?
165
00:07:44,699 --> 00:07:46,501
We're here to pay our respects
166
00:07:46,507 --> 00:07:48,376
- to the Godfather of Aerobics. So...
- Yeah.
167
00:07:49,181 --> 00:07:51,736
Hey, I apologize for the
casual attire, but it is black,
168
00:07:51,742 --> 00:07:53,381
and I was able to squeeze
some cardio on the way in,
169
00:07:53,387 --> 00:07:55,163
so not a total loss... For me.
170
00:07:55,169 --> 00:07:56,660
I mean, this is a loss.
171
00:07:57,551 --> 00:07:59,981
It's a sad moment for... for you.
172
00:08:00,151 --> 00:08:01,351
Another one.
173
00:08:02,441 --> 00:08:04,546
So what are you doing with your
dad's gym, because I want it.
174
00:08:04,552 --> 00:08:06,576
- Great, I don't. You can have it.
- Great, I will take it.
175
00:08:06,582 --> 00:08:07,734
- I'll sell it.
- I'll buy it from you.
176
00:08:07,740 --> 00:08:08,453
- Yeah, how much?
- Yeah.
177
00:08:08,459 --> 00:08:10,356
Well, when you're done grieving,
we can discuss this matter.
178
00:08:11,076 --> 00:08:13,102
Okay, done grieving. What's your offer?
179
00:08:13,108 --> 00:08:15,431
Okay, slow down. This is a funeral.
180
00:08:15,437 --> 00:08:18,248
Um, Fitness By Force is
in a really great location.
181
00:08:18,254 --> 00:08:19,562
- Yeah.
- But we...
182
00:08:19,568 --> 00:08:21,753
we'll probably take a few
hours to prep the offer.
183
00:08:21,759 --> 00:08:23,573
We're gonna franchise. We got big plans.
184
00:08:23,579 --> 00:08:25,646
Yeah, I don't care about your
plans. Where do I find you?
185
00:08:25,652 --> 00:08:27,649
Oh, just look for the building
with perfectly sculpted
186
00:08:27,655 --> 00:08:29,079
physiques walking in and out.
187
00:08:29,085 --> 00:08:30,761
[BOTH LAUGH]
188
00:08:30,942 --> 00:08:34,083
331 Metrics Avenue. Okay, if
you need to get there, Google it.
189
00:08:34,089 --> 00:08:35,475
- Do not use Apple Maps.
- Mmm.
190
00:08:35,481 --> 00:08:37,379
So glad you came.
191
00:08:37,385 --> 00:08:39,278
- Yeah, we gotta go.
- I'm sorry for your loss.
192
00:08:39,284 --> 00:08:40,579
And for how much you've gained.
193
00:08:45,573 --> 00:08:46,887
Um...
194
00:08:48,177 --> 00:08:49,807
- Okay.
- [MUSIC]
195
00:08:56,520 --> 00:08:59,520
- [MUSIC]
- _
196
00:08:59,528 --> 00:09:00,732
Have a good workout.
197
00:09:03,585 --> 00:09:06,992
I'm sorry, sir. Our plus size
terminal is at another address.
198
00:09:06,998 --> 00:09:09,285
- Terminal?
- Are you okay?
199
00:09:09,599 --> 00:09:11,488
Thank you so much for asking.
200
00:09:11,694 --> 00:09:14,680
My dad just died, and I
moved back in with my mom,
201
00:09:14,686 --> 00:09:16,166
- and our relationship...
- Please stop.
202
00:09:16,172 --> 00:09:18,282
We don't do negative
downloads at our terminals.
203
00:09:18,288 --> 00:09:19,548
Have a fit day.
204
00:09:19,955 --> 00:09:23,900
We call them terminals, because
this is where you plug in to turn on.
205
00:09:23,906 --> 00:09:26,971
Terminal's also a word used to
describe life-threatening illnesses.
206
00:09:26,977 --> 00:09:29,797
I mean you're a walking angioplasty,
but no, no, no illness in here.
207
00:09:29,883 --> 00:09:32,169
Our bodies are temples,
and treated as such.
208
00:09:32,175 --> 00:09:33,517
My body's a dive bar.
209
00:09:33,773 --> 00:09:36,591
Everybody's having fun
and much better stories.
210
00:09:36,597 --> 00:09:38,693
Gandhi once claimed
that his sense of humor
211
00:09:38,699 --> 00:09:41,286
was the only thing that prevented
him from committing suicide.
212
00:09:41,292 --> 00:09:42,771
I don't trust people that don't eat.
213
00:09:42,777 --> 00:09:45,093
Intermittent fasting is
physiologically beneficial.
214
00:09:45,099 --> 00:09:47,677
You are so boring. Will
you just sign the contract?
215
00:09:47,683 --> 00:09:49,353
- Yeah, I'll sign the contract.
- Good.
216
00:09:49,359 --> 00:09:51,070
- Yeah, good. Well, give me a pen.
- Great.
217
00:09:51,076 --> 00:09:52,994
- Okay, I'm gonna...
- You know, I'm gonna use my own pen.
218
00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:55,071
- Good for you.
- I have a superior pen.
219
00:09:55,077 --> 00:09:56,383
- I bet you do.
- Okay.
220
00:09:56,389 --> 00:09:57,603
Wait, um,
221
00:09:57,609 --> 00:10:00,297
do I have to walk, or do you
have, like, a scooter or a tram...?
222
00:10:01,177 --> 00:10:02,453
No, okay.
223
00:10:04,261 --> 00:10:07,143
Welcome... to the future of fitness.
224
00:10:07,339 --> 00:10:08,964
Metrix wearables,
225
00:10:09,136 --> 00:10:11,066
they monitor your stats and vitals.
226
00:10:11,279 --> 00:10:15,574
Everything and everyone is
plugged into our custom AI software
227
00:10:15,580 --> 00:10:17,480
that sends you a daily workout regimen.
228
00:10:17,486 --> 00:10:20,792
[LAUGHS]
229
00:10:20,798 --> 00:10:22,224
Ah, this is hilarious.
230
00:10:22,230 --> 00:10:23,677
You had to create all of this
231
00:10:23,683 --> 00:10:25,482
because you couldn't
get laid in high school.
232
00:10:25,980 --> 00:10:28,113
- Ha.
- You peaked at 17.
233
00:10:28,206 --> 00:10:29,482
I'm still blossoming.
234
00:10:29,488 --> 00:10:31,317
[SCREAMING]
235
00:10:31,323 --> 00:10:32,523
Rage cycle.
236
00:10:32,529 --> 00:10:35,318
One of our most popular
stress-relieving classes.
237
00:10:35,353 --> 00:10:37,825
Oh, you're gonna cut me off
in traffic? No, no, no, no.
238
00:10:37,831 --> 00:10:41,752
I'm gonna cut you off. I'll
cut your whole family off!
239
00:10:41,758 --> 00:10:42,958
[SCREAMING]
240
00:10:42,964 --> 00:10:45,606
I beat off to relief stress.
Do you have a class for that?
241
00:10:45,612 --> 00:10:48,520
The Daoist masters
regard seminal retention
242
00:10:48,526 --> 00:10:50,463
as the pathway to immortality.
243
00:10:50,469 --> 00:10:53,056
Now don't get me wrong,
Claudia and I bang like rabbits,
244
00:10:53,062 --> 00:10:55,552
but at climax, rather than spill it,
245
00:10:55,558 --> 00:10:59,556
I redistribute the jing chi
energy throughout my entire body.
246
00:10:59,562 --> 00:11:02,365
See, I'll be toasting my 125th birthday
247
00:11:02,371 --> 00:11:05,488
while you've splooged
your way to an early grave.
248
00:11:06,071 --> 00:11:07,757
You don't jizz?
249
00:11:08,270 --> 00:11:12,173
Not every woman wants to have kids, Mom!
250
00:11:12,179 --> 00:11:13,379
[SCREAMS]
251
00:11:13,385 --> 00:11:15,847
And our most advanced feature,
252
00:11:16,214 --> 00:11:18,436
facial recognition mirrors.
253
00:11:18,998 --> 00:11:20,321
They scan your face,
254
00:11:20,327 --> 00:11:22,813
find your most popular
social media post,
255
00:11:22,819 --> 00:11:25,371
and mount it on the
screen. Wanna try it?
256
00:11:25,457 --> 00:11:28,266
Not on social media. I
actually talk to real people.
257
00:11:28,272 --> 00:11:29,871
Well, that's the
definition of social media.
258
00:11:29,877 --> 00:11:31,161
Come on, let's see
what you've been up to.
259
00:11:31,167 --> 00:11:33,183
Stand there and look like a marshmallow.
260
00:11:34,366 --> 00:11:36,591
See, nothing. I'm off the grid.
261
00:11:36,667 --> 00:11:38,573
Everybody is in the Metrix.
262
00:11:39,500 --> 00:11:41,929
Match found, Joe Force.
263
00:11:43,068 --> 00:11:44,897
[LAUGHS]
264
00:11:47,308 --> 00:11:49,498
Another classic Joe Force stage fail.
265
00:11:49,504 --> 00:11:51,334
You should really start
charging for these.
266
00:11:51,511 --> 00:11:54,625
Dictation, post to all
social media platforms.
267
00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:58,640
Old rival fallen on hard/soft times.
268
00:11:58,646 --> 00:12:01,640
#whoops, #donutdiet.
269
00:12:02,131 --> 00:12:05,999
Status posted across all
social media platforms.
270
00:12:06,694 --> 00:12:08,308
Are you ready to talk terms?
271
00:12:08,314 --> 00:12:10,204
That's what businessmen
say to each other
272
00:12:10,210 --> 00:12:12,001
when they're about to negotiate a deal.
273
00:12:12,007 --> 00:12:13,384
You know what? Screw you, Barry.
274
00:12:13,390 --> 00:12:16,203
I'm not letting you turn my
dad's gym into some fitness cult.
275
00:12:16,499 --> 00:12:18,865
Well, I'd say you're about to make
the biggest mistake of your life,
276
00:12:18,871 --> 00:12:20,177
but I mean, look at you.
277
00:12:20,183 --> 00:12:23,770
I hated my dad, but not this much.
278
00:12:24,167 --> 00:12:25,367
Well, hey, uh,
279
00:12:25,373 --> 00:12:28,511
don't forget to grab a super absorbent
Metrix T-shirt on your way out.
280
00:12:28,517 --> 00:12:30,394
They're available in
triple small, double small
281
00:12:30,400 --> 00:12:32,220
and our plus size, kids medium.
282
00:12:32,226 --> 00:12:33,426
_
283
00:12:35,614 --> 00:12:36,822
[SIGHING]
284
00:12:38,385 --> 00:12:39,585
[SCOFFS]
285
00:12:39,591 --> 00:12:40,874
Joe,
286
00:12:41,362 --> 00:12:45,583
there were two places you would
run off to when you feeling down.
287
00:12:45,589 --> 00:12:47,547
The Chinese buffet is closed.
288
00:12:48,579 --> 00:12:50,167
Don't act like you know me.
289
00:12:53,536 --> 00:12:55,227
You broke my heart.
290
00:12:56,118 --> 00:12:59,040
You left me right after
I lost the finals, and...
291
00:13:00,134 --> 00:13:01,828
We never even broke up.
292
00:13:02,227 --> 00:13:04,951
You ghosted me before
ghosting was a thing.
293
00:13:04,957 --> 00:13:07,756
Then you married
dingleberry and started a gym
294
00:13:07,762 --> 00:13:09,678
- that turns people into robots.
- Okay, Joe...
295
00:13:09,684 --> 00:13:12,484
- They're robots!
- Joe, I regret leaving you
296
00:13:12,490 --> 00:13:13,805
like that, I really do,
297
00:13:13,896 --> 00:13:16,606
but I don't regret the
rest of my life decisions.
298
00:13:19,223 --> 00:13:20,832
You still have feelings
for me, don't you?
299
00:13:20,838 --> 00:13:22,038
No.
300
00:13:22,801 --> 00:13:25,023
Uh, sympathy, maybe.
301
00:13:25,152 --> 00:13:27,474
All I'm asking is that you just think
302
00:13:27,480 --> 00:13:30,175
about making a deal before you go
off and do something rash, okay?
303
00:13:30,181 --> 00:13:31,951
I've already decided I'm just gonna
304
00:13:31,957 --> 00:13:33,730
let it fill up with transient squatters
305
00:13:33,736 --> 00:13:35,870
- and turn into a soup kitchen.
- That's great.
306
00:13:35,876 --> 00:13:37,699
When your soup kitchen falls through,
307
00:13:37,705 --> 00:13:39,184
- we'll be here ready with the check.
- [MUSIC]
308
00:13:40,303 --> 00:13:44,497
And you know our gym is
already full of squatters,
309
00:13:45,082 --> 00:13:47,918
but they're like... the good kind.
310
00:13:49,218 --> 00:13:50,718
- [JOE BLOWS RASPBERRY]
- Bye.
311
00:13:51,341 --> 00:13:53,631
[QUIETLY] Damn. Christ!
312
00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:58,835
[MUSIC]
313
00:14:02,719 --> 00:14:03,919
[SIGHS]
314
00:14:04,500 --> 00:14:05,700
[GROANS]
315
00:14:07,007 --> 00:14:08,207
[SIGHS DEEPLY]
316
00:14:08,601 --> 00:14:11,451
You're a mean old
bastard, but you always...
317
00:14:13,029 --> 00:14:14,649
were a mean old bastard.
318
00:14:17,950 --> 00:14:19,544
"You're a disgrace."
319
00:14:19,638 --> 00:14:21,731
Oh, well, thank you Dad.
320
00:14:22,197 --> 00:14:23,559
[CHUCKLES]
321
00:14:23,565 --> 00:14:26,312
You old pervert. You liked it
when people looked at your dong.
322
00:14:26,466 --> 00:14:28,276
Look at that, your big dick.
323
00:14:28,282 --> 00:14:30,448
[LAUGHS]
324
00:14:30,454 --> 00:14:32,253
That's one thing you gave me.
325
00:14:32,500 --> 00:14:34,034
[GROANS]
326
00:14:34,601 --> 00:14:36,004
Ugh.
327
00:14:36,120 --> 00:14:37,948
Oh, I hope I die tonight.
328
00:14:37,954 --> 00:14:39,244
[SIGHS]
329
00:14:39,830 --> 00:14:42,830
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
330
00:14:48,328 --> 00:14:50,510
_
331
00:14:55,346 --> 00:14:56,546
[SIGHS]
332
00:14:58,347 --> 00:14:59,942
Tell me you didn't sell the gym.
333
00:14:59,948 --> 00:15:02,101
Tried. It doesn't matter.
334
00:15:02,499 --> 00:15:04,023
Don't judge me.
335
00:15:04,311 --> 00:15:05,616
I ended up this way
336
00:15:05,622 --> 00:15:08,790
'cause he was a terrible father who
forced me to do everything his way.
337
00:15:08,796 --> 00:15:11,004
Yeah, the right way.
338
00:15:11,010 --> 00:15:12,966
Fitness By Force way.
339
00:15:14,475 --> 00:15:17,571
[SIGHS] I'm so confused.
Everyone's taking advantage of me.
340
00:15:17,577 --> 00:15:19,900
Not me, I'm different. I'm your mom.
341
00:15:19,906 --> 00:15:22,370
And having you back's made
me realize what's important.
342
00:15:22,376 --> 00:15:23,576
You.
343
00:15:23,582 --> 00:15:25,259
Look this is not about the money.
344
00:15:25,265 --> 00:15:28,283
Good, 'cause there's no way
I can win that competition.
345
00:15:28,289 --> 00:15:31,087
Who cares? I got my baby boy back.
346
00:15:31,093 --> 00:15:32,519
Oh.
347
00:15:33,796 --> 00:15:34,996
Ooh.
348
00:15:35,482 --> 00:15:38,918
You still got some, uh,
solid muscle under that.
349
00:15:39,076 --> 00:15:40,990
What size unitard are
you wearing these days?
350
00:15:40,996 --> 00:15:43,576
- This is about the money!
- I just thought you could give it a shot.
351
00:15:43,582 --> 00:15:46,378
I am done with this. I
wasn't gonna sell this place,
352
00:15:46,384 --> 00:15:48,887
but if everybody else is
out for themselves, I am too.
353
00:15:49,986 --> 00:15:52,986
[MUSIC]
354
00:15:55,144 --> 00:15:56,756
Don't look at me like that.
355
00:15:57,232 --> 00:15:58,655
He's your son.
356
00:16:00,457 --> 00:16:03,970
Body fat index, 13%, now 15%.
357
00:16:04,168 --> 00:16:05,384
[DRAW BREATHE SHARPLY]
358
00:16:05,389 --> 00:16:07,660
Ooh, I'm detecting some fat deposits,
359
00:16:07,666 --> 00:16:10,200
which may present some
unflattering camera angles.
360
00:16:10,206 --> 00:16:11,491
- What?
- 20%.
361
00:16:11,497 --> 00:16:14,214
Shit, it must've been that goji
berry smoothie I had last week.
362
00:16:14,220 --> 00:16:16,997
- Mmm...
- Zero net carbs, my fat ass.
363
00:16:17,003 --> 00:16:18,203
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
364
00:16:18,209 --> 00:16:19,837
Barry, we need to talk!
365
00:16:19,843 --> 00:16:21,667
Cross Control, door open.
366
00:16:22,861 --> 00:16:25,050
Okay, it's cool that it opens,
but we need a snazzier cue.
367
00:16:25,056 --> 00:16:26,256
- Okay.
- Yeah.
368
00:16:26,367 --> 00:16:28,367
Is that the same shitty
shirt you wore yesterday,
369
00:16:28,373 --> 00:16:29,876
or a new shitty shirt?
It looks more yellow.
370
00:16:29,882 --> 00:16:31,085
Uh, I had a rough night.
371
00:16:31,091 --> 00:16:34,063
Um, I know we've had our
differences, but I, uh,
372
00:16:34,069 --> 00:16:35,999
really just need to sell my dad's gym
373
00:16:36,005 --> 00:16:37,259
so I can take my band on tour.
374
00:16:37,265 --> 00:16:39,616
Oh, yeah, yeah, no.
Yeah, we're not interested
375
00:16:39,622 --> 00:16:42,015
in acquiring your
shitty sweatbox anymore.
376
00:16:42,202 --> 00:16:43,530
You wanted it yesterday.
377
00:16:43,536 --> 00:16:45,977
Your mommy called, and
the Metrix no longer wants
378
00:16:45,983 --> 00:16:49,195
your shit gym because we wanna
go after your dad's 8 million.
379
00:16:49,824 --> 00:16:52,038
Janet told us about the will.
380
00:16:52,501 --> 00:16:54,839
And then she called me
a money hungry trollop.
381
00:16:55,135 --> 00:16:56,540
She made it personal.
382
00:16:56,923 --> 00:16:58,540
You mess with the queen,
383
00:16:59,136 --> 00:17:00,743
you get the king.
384
00:17:00,947 --> 00:17:02,845
It's time for me to
come out of retirement.
385
00:17:03,155 --> 00:17:04,355
[SIGHS]
386
00:17:04,361 --> 00:17:05,561
Great.
387
00:17:05,567 --> 00:17:08,979
Hey, how do I get up onto the
roof? I, um, I need to kill myself.
388
00:17:08,985 --> 00:17:11,182
Oh, no, that's a liability.
We can't have that here.
389
00:17:11,188 --> 00:17:12,870
There's a roof across the parking lot.
390
00:17:12,957 --> 00:17:16,071
Listen, pal, if you and your shit gym
391
00:17:16,077 --> 00:17:18,557
happen to still be around by the
time I win the aerobics finals,
392
00:17:18,563 --> 00:17:21,344
I will buy it back from
you with your dad's money.
393
00:17:21,859 --> 00:17:25,484
Barry, I think he's been
through enough, right?
394
00:17:25,577 --> 00:17:28,869
Let's just by the damn gym and then
eliminate him from the competition.
395
00:17:28,875 --> 00:17:30,617
That way we don't have
to deal with him later.
396
00:17:30,623 --> 00:17:31,922
That's a great idea.
397
00:17:31,928 --> 00:17:34,629
You've struck a sentimental chord
with my wife. That's very rare.
398
00:17:34,635 --> 00:17:36,328
Yeah, that's 'cause I used to plow her.
399
00:17:36,334 --> 00:17:38,040
- Oh.
- But the answer is shit no.
400
00:17:38,046 --> 00:17:41,600
- Cross Control, cue sad exit music.
- [PLAYING "TAPS"]
401
00:17:41,606 --> 00:17:44,226
- Yes, that cue I like. Yeah, save that one.
- Okay.
402
00:17:44,276 --> 00:17:45,887
Eat my ass, dingleberry.
403
00:17:45,893 --> 00:17:48,278
Cross Control, order a million dildos.
404
00:17:48,284 --> 00:17:49,489
No, no!
405
00:17:49,495 --> 00:17:51,988
- Cross Control, cancel. Cancel the million dildos.
- Order confirmed. Next day delivery.
406
00:17:51,994 --> 00:17:53,494
No need for a million dildos.
407
00:17:53,500 --> 00:17:55,174
Uh, pretty handsome, isn't he?
408
00:17:55,180 --> 00:17:57,646
Pack up your gear, boys. We
are getting out of here for...
409
00:17:57,652 --> 00:17:59,452
good... Oh, shit!
410
00:17:59,527 --> 00:18:01,051
Janet told you too.
411
00:18:01,551 --> 00:18:03,652
You just had to turn them
against me, didn't you?
412
00:18:03,824 --> 00:18:05,993
Let me guess, you guys
want me to go for the gold.
413
00:18:05,999 --> 00:18:07,275
Yeah, yeah, I get it.
414
00:18:07,281 --> 00:18:08,893
Why go on tour for thousands
415
00:18:08,899 --> 00:18:11,878
when I can win millions and fund
all of our rock star fantasies.
416
00:18:11,884 --> 00:18:13,582
Yeah, sure, fine, I'll do it.
417
00:18:13,588 --> 00:18:16,334
But I will fuck this up on my own
418
00:18:16,340 --> 00:18:18,576
before I listen to motivational speeches
419
00:18:18,582 --> 00:18:21,162
by three drunk trolls and
a goddamn pageant banshee.
420
00:18:21,168 --> 00:18:24,535
Get in the car, boys! The Joe Force
Shit Show Comeback Tour begins.
421
00:18:25,332 --> 00:18:27,465
What money is he talkin' about?
422
00:18:27,471 --> 00:18:30,280
[MUSIC]
423
00:18:30,286 --> 00:18:31,853
- [MUSIC]
- _
424
00:18:35,669 --> 00:18:37,656
Barry Cross,
425
00:18:38,046 --> 00:18:40,164
get your ass out here!
426
00:18:40,952 --> 00:18:43,160
Red cross alert. We have a problem.
427
00:18:43,166 --> 00:18:46,166
[BAND PLAYING "HOLDING OUT FOR A HERO"]
428
00:18:49,344 --> 00:18:50,544
[GRUNTS]
429
00:18:51,727 --> 00:18:53,649
[GRUNTS AND GROANS]
430
00:18:53,655 --> 00:18:56,655
[MUSIC]
431
00:19:04,034 --> 00:19:05,234
Woo!
432
00:19:05,831 --> 00:19:07,247
What the hell is he doing?
433
00:19:12,613 --> 00:19:15,299
♪ Where have all the good men gone ♪
434
00:19:15,305 --> 00:19:18,137
♪ And where are all the gods ♪
435
00:19:18,594 --> 00:19:21,635
♪ Where's the streetwise Hercules ♪
436
00:19:21,641 --> 00:19:24,618
♪ To fight the rising odds ♪
437
00:19:25,415 --> 00:19:28,119
♪ Isn't there a white knight ♪
438
00:19:28,125 --> 00:19:31,392
- ♪ Upon a fiery steed ♪
- No, no dancing out here.
439
00:19:31,398 --> 00:19:34,304
- No, no, stop dancing.
- ♪ Late at night I toss and I turn ♪
440
00:19:34,310 --> 00:19:37,063
♪ And I dream of what I need ♪
441
00:19:37,179 --> 00:19:41,398
- ♪ I need a hero... ♪
- [ALL] Aww!
442
00:19:42,319 --> 00:19:43,613
Ugh.
443
00:19:44,121 --> 00:19:45,787
You guys had fun out here today?
444
00:19:45,793 --> 00:19:47,605
[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]
445
00:19:47,611 --> 00:19:51,209
It's gonna be like this
everyday at Fitness By Force,
446
00:19:51,215 --> 00:19:53,161
so come on down and rock with us.
447
00:19:53,167 --> 00:19:54,770
- Everyone is welcome.
- Uh, yeah, no.
448
00:19:54,776 --> 00:19:57,763
Nobody's gonna join your
egalitarian gym. Gross!
449
00:19:57,769 --> 00:19:59,275
Imagine the showers.
450
00:19:59,357 --> 00:20:02,371
They will join my gym,
and we will beat you
451
00:20:02,377 --> 00:20:05,138
- in the aerobics finals.
- Ooh!
452
00:20:05,144 --> 00:20:07,029
You're saying your gym can beat my gym?
453
00:20:07,035 --> 00:20:09,335
- [CHUCKLES]
- Ooh!
454
00:20:09,506 --> 00:20:12,186
- It's time for a rematch.
- [ALL] Oh!
455
00:20:12,192 --> 00:20:14,630
I got the gym, the girl,
456
00:20:14,793 --> 00:20:16,609
and the body of a Greek god.
457
00:20:16,889 --> 00:20:19,702
- [ALL] Ooh!
- Well, I got my gym,
458
00:20:19,796 --> 00:20:22,903
my band, and...
459
00:20:22,909 --> 00:20:24,109
Me!
460
00:20:24,297 --> 00:20:25,733
My mom.
461
00:20:28,411 --> 00:20:29,926
Yeah!
462
00:20:29,932 --> 00:20:31,765
- Rock on!
- [CHEERING]
463
00:20:31,798 --> 00:20:33,182
You're a nobody!
464
00:20:33,188 --> 00:20:35,708
- Can't hear you.
- I'm gonna make sure that everybody
465
00:20:35,714 --> 00:20:37,788
knows you're a nobody again.
466
00:20:37,794 --> 00:20:39,677
♪ I need a hero ♪
467
00:20:39,966 --> 00:20:43,934
♪ I'm holding on for a
hero til the end of the night ♪
468
00:20:43,996 --> 00:20:47,509
♪ And he's gotta be strong
and he's gotta be fast ♪
469
00:20:47,515 --> 00:20:50,337
♪ And he's gotta be
prepped for the fight ♪
470
00:20:50,343 --> 00:20:52,320
♪ I need a hero ♪
471
00:20:52,663 --> 00:20:56,858
♪ I'm holding out for a
hero til the morning light ♪
472
00:20:56,956 --> 00:20:59,259
[CHEERING]
473
00:21:00,264 --> 00:21:01,464
Woo!
474
00:21:03,544 --> 00:21:05,147
♪ I need a hero ♪
475
00:21:05,153 --> 00:21:09,053
- [RIPPING]
- [CHEERS SUBSIDING]
476
00:21:09,059 --> 00:21:10,833
- Oh...
- [GROANS]
477
00:21:12,593 --> 00:21:14,500
That usually gets applause.
478
00:21:14,842 --> 00:21:17,210
[ALL MUTTERING]
479
00:21:20,193 --> 00:21:21,475
Oh.
480
00:21:21,711 --> 00:21:23,333
- Take a good look, Barry.
- [RETCHING]
481
00:21:23,339 --> 00:21:24,911
You may have the brains,
482
00:21:24,917 --> 00:21:26,822
but my son has the balls.
483
00:21:26,990 --> 00:21:32,932
[MUTTERING]
484
00:21:33,906 --> 00:21:35,917
On the next "Let's Get Physical"...
485
00:21:35,923 --> 00:21:38,862
I will never forgive you
for sleeping with my band.
486
00:21:38,868 --> 00:21:41,461
Don't cut me. I've
wanted this my whole life.
487
00:21:41,467 --> 00:21:42,870
We just started the team last night.
488
00:21:42,876 --> 00:21:45,359
Bingo, a crying girl. My specialty.
489
00:21:45,365 --> 00:21:47,081
How can you be sweating
just standing there?
490
00:21:47,087 --> 00:21:48,354
Wearin' a jean jacket.
491
00:21:48,360 --> 00:21:49,755
Lookin' for dancers.
492
00:21:49,761 --> 00:21:51,444
That's how we win Dad's money.
493
00:21:51,450 --> 00:21:54,039
Trust, teamwork, and
a whole lot of flair.
494
00:21:54,045 --> 00:21:59,045
Sync & corrections by PetaG
- www.addic7ed.com -
36509
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