Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,328 --> 00:00:03,561
- As you all know,
profits for Hampton DeVille
2
00:00:03,561 --> 00:00:05,261
are at an all-time high.
3
00:00:05,261 --> 00:00:08,195
Unfortunately,
the well-being of our employees
4
00:00:08,195 --> 00:00:10,095
is at an all-time low.
5
00:00:10,095 --> 00:00:14,228
Let's take a look at the average
Hampton DeVille employee.
6
00:00:14,228 --> 00:00:16,995
The average life expectancy
for a Hampton DeVille employee
7
00:00:16,995 --> 00:00:19,461
is 57.1 years.
8
00:00:19,461 --> 00:00:20,461
They get 5.2 hours
of sleep a night...
9
00:00:20,461 --> 00:00:21,561
- I'm so tired.
10
00:00:21,561 --> 00:00:23,061
I wish I could be asleep
all the time.
11
00:00:23,061 --> 00:00:24,995
- You just described death.
12
00:00:24,995 --> 00:00:27,061
- Hmm. Yeah, I guess
I want to be dead.
13
00:00:27,061 --> 00:00:28,195
- I can't wait to die.
14
00:00:28,195 --> 00:00:29,528
It sounds so relaxing.
15
00:00:29,528 --> 00:00:32,528
- The average employee
is half man, half woman.
16
00:00:32,528 --> 00:00:33,995
They have one testicle,
17
00:00:33,995 --> 00:00:36,761
one breast, and half a vagina.
18
00:00:36,761 --> 00:00:39,561
Every year,
the average employee consumes
19
00:00:39,561 --> 00:00:42,095
561 cups of coffee...
20
00:00:42,095 --> 00:00:43,895
- I feel nothing
when I drink coffee.
21
00:00:43,895 --> 00:00:44,928
- Coffee is a scam.
22
00:00:44,928 --> 00:00:46,161
Be an adult.
Take an Adderall.
23
00:00:46,161 --> 00:00:47,795
- The average
Hampton DeVille employee
24
00:00:47,795 --> 00:00:50,328
strongly agrees
with the following phrase.
25
00:00:50,328 --> 00:00:52,795
"If I see a pill,
I eat a pill."
26
00:00:52,795 --> 00:00:56,361
They smoke 275 cigarettes
annually,
27
00:00:56,361 --> 00:00:58,161
97 marijuana cigarettes,
28
00:00:58,161 --> 00:01:00,895
and due to some
statistical outliers,
29
00:01:00,895 --> 00:01:03,295
the average employee
does heroin.
30
00:01:03,295 --> 00:01:05,228
- [whispering]
I would never do heroin.
31
00:01:05,228 --> 00:01:06,828
Unless I was dying,
32
00:01:06,828 --> 00:01:08,361
or someone just
offered it to me.
33
00:01:08,361 --> 00:01:10,495
- I don't have a 401(k),
so as of now,
34
00:01:10,495 --> 00:01:12,528
my retirement plan
is to overdose on drugs.
35
00:01:12,528 --> 00:01:13,528
- Smart.
36
00:01:13,528 --> 00:01:14,628
- The average employee
37
00:01:14,628 --> 00:01:17,995
has 7.8 suicidal thoughts
per day,
38
00:01:17,995 --> 00:01:20,495
18 panic attacks a year,
39
00:01:20,495 --> 00:01:23,395
and wonders once an hour,
every hour,
40
00:01:23,395 --> 00:01:25,528
why this is happening to them.
41
00:01:25,528 --> 00:01:27,528
And that concludes
my presentation
42
00:01:27,528 --> 00:01:29,328
on how Hampton DeVille employees
43
00:01:29,328 --> 00:01:31,461
cope with the pain
of being alive.
44
00:01:31,461 --> 00:01:32,795
- [applauding]
45
00:01:34,795 --> 00:01:36,795
- Okay.
Thank you, Grace.
46
00:01:36,795 --> 00:01:38,495
Should we talk next steps?
47
00:01:38,495 --> 00:01:40,861
- First step: let us never
speak of this again.
48
00:01:40,861 --> 00:01:42,261
- Yes, that's right.
49
00:01:42,261 --> 00:01:43,795
That's really the only step.
50
00:01:43,795 --> 00:01:46,428
[slicing, sloshing noises]
51
00:01:46,428 --> 00:01:49,428
[rock music]
52
00:01:49,428 --> 00:01:56,361
♪
53
00:02:07,928 --> 00:02:10,928
[suspenseful music]
54
00:02:10,928 --> 00:02:14,095
♪
55
00:02:14,095 --> 00:02:15,395
[car beeps twice]
56
00:02:15,395 --> 00:02:22,328
♪
57
00:02:24,261 --> 00:02:27,428
[car seat squeaking]
58
00:02:27,428 --> 00:02:29,095
- You've heard of
enhanced interrogation, right?
59
00:02:29,095 --> 00:02:30,928
- Yeah.
- Well, it's like that,
60
00:02:30,928 --> 00:02:32,428
but with acupuncture.
- Ah.
61
00:02:32,428 --> 00:02:35,028
I know a masseuse
who does this amazing thing
62
00:02:35,028 --> 00:02:37,461
where she wraps her hands
around your neck
63
00:02:37,461 --> 00:02:40,561
and just oh-so-subtly
suffocates you.
64
00:02:40,561 --> 00:02:42,695
- Is that Matt?
- Oh, no.
65
00:02:42,695 --> 00:02:45,161
Finding a dead body
is one of my top 25 fears.
66
00:02:49,028 --> 00:02:50,161
- He has a neck pillow.
67
00:02:50,161 --> 00:02:51,995
- He died in his sleep.
68
00:02:51,995 --> 00:02:53,328
- [snoring gently]
69
00:02:53,328 --> 00:02:54,861
[horn blares]
Oh!
70
00:02:54,861 --> 00:02:56,695
- Hi, Matt.
- Oh, my...
71
00:02:56,695 --> 00:02:57,695
God!
- Ah!
72
00:02:57,695 --> 00:02:58,795
- John.
- Ah!
73
00:02:58,795 --> 00:03:00,595
- What?
- What?
74
00:03:00,595 --> 00:03:03,161
- Matt, the fact that you
have been sleeping in your car
75
00:03:03,161 --> 00:03:04,995
means we have not been
challenging you enough.
76
00:03:04,995 --> 00:03:07,895
But that's about to change.
77
00:03:07,895 --> 00:03:09,528
- We need you to digitize
78
00:03:09,528 --> 00:03:12,428
all the employee injury
and death reports
79
00:03:12,428 --> 00:03:13,995
from the past 50 years.
80
00:03:13,995 --> 00:03:15,161
- I'm gonna be honest with you,
81
00:03:15,161 --> 00:03:16,595
it's an upsetting amount
of work.
82
00:03:16,595 --> 00:03:18,028
- It sucks.
83
00:03:18,028 --> 00:03:19,828
- I'm sorry, but how does
digitizing old files
84
00:03:19,828 --> 00:03:21,795
fit into my job description?
85
00:03:23,828 --> 00:03:26,428
I'm gonna lose my mind
if I don't get my nap.
86
00:03:26,428 --> 00:03:27,595
I don't know what I'm gonna do.
87
00:03:27,595 --> 00:03:29,895
- Wow, Matt.
That sounds awful.
88
00:03:29,895 --> 00:03:32,795
Almost as bad as having
spinal surgery!
89
00:03:32,795 --> 00:03:33,861
Because the chairs here
90
00:03:33,861 --> 00:03:36,895
don't provide lumbar support!
91
00:03:36,895 --> 00:03:38,561
But let's get back
to how you're a victim.
92
00:03:38,561 --> 00:03:39,561
[knock at door]
93
00:03:39,561 --> 00:03:41,895
- Jake, buddy!
94
00:03:41,895 --> 00:03:44,461
It is so good to see you
back in the office, man.
95
00:03:44,461 --> 00:03:45,995
The place wasn't the same
without you.
96
00:03:45,995 --> 00:03:47,328
I brought you these.
97
00:03:47,328 --> 00:03:48,795
- Wow, thanks, Baron.
98
00:03:48,795 --> 00:03:50,228
I kind of thought you hated me
99
00:03:50,228 --> 00:03:52,028
'cause you've said that
to my face many times.
100
00:03:52,028 --> 00:03:54,595
- [scoffs]
101
00:03:54,595 --> 00:03:57,128
Uh, so anyway, um...
102
00:03:57,128 --> 00:03:58,895
what'd they give you
to manage the pain?
103
00:03:58,895 --> 00:04:00,528
Must be some serious stuff.
104
00:04:00,528 --> 00:04:02,461
- They gave me hydrocodone,
oxycodone,
105
00:04:02,461 --> 00:04:03,795
lorazepam, diazepam.
106
00:04:03,795 --> 00:04:05,061
- You know, I get, um,
107
00:04:05,061 --> 00:04:07,861
uh, retinal pain
from staring at screens all day,
108
00:04:07,861 --> 00:04:11,395
so if you have
any leftover pills,
109
00:04:11,395 --> 00:04:13,361
remember who brought you flowers
110
00:04:13,361 --> 00:04:16,495
when you were down and out...
111
00:04:16,495 --> 00:04:18,595
and in need of a friend.
112
00:04:21,295 --> 00:04:23,261
There's a Benji in the card.
113
00:04:25,128 --> 00:04:27,095
- Wow, that was pretty blatant.
114
00:04:27,095 --> 00:04:28,561
- I've been dealing with this
all morning.
115
00:04:28,561 --> 00:04:31,595
Turns out painkillers
are pretty valuable currency.
116
00:04:34,561 --> 00:04:36,628
- Jake, heard about your back.
117
00:04:36,628 --> 00:04:38,528
That sucks, man.
118
00:04:38,528 --> 00:04:39,995
Quick question, though.
119
00:04:39,995 --> 00:04:42,061
What kind of pills
are you taking?
120
00:04:42,061 --> 00:04:45,228
- Hey, Jake.
121
00:04:45,228 --> 00:04:46,828
- Hey, Jake.
- Jake.
122
00:04:46,828 --> 00:04:48,061
- Jake!
123
00:04:48,061 --> 00:04:49,395
- Jim, buddy.
124
00:04:49,395 --> 00:04:51,661
- I am so sorry to hear
about your back.
125
00:04:51,661 --> 00:04:53,995
- I can only imagine
the pain you're in.
126
00:04:53,995 --> 00:04:54,995
- You are a hero.
127
00:04:54,995 --> 00:04:56,161
- What'd they give ya?
128
00:04:56,161 --> 00:04:57,895
- What was it,
Norcos, Vals, Vics?
129
00:04:57,895 --> 00:04:59,461
- You are not supposed to take
all of 'em.
130
00:04:59,461 --> 00:05:00,861
- That would be dangerous.
131
00:05:00,861 --> 00:05:03,228
- My carpal tunnel's
been really acting up.
132
00:05:03,228 --> 00:05:05,561
- This weekend, I have to meet
my mom's new boyfriend.
133
00:05:05,561 --> 00:05:06,795
- That's not good.
134
00:05:06,795 --> 00:05:08,061
- He used to be my boyfriend.
135
00:05:08,061 --> 00:05:09,828
- I'm just really bored.
136
00:05:09,828 --> 00:05:10,828
- I'm a drug addict.
137
00:05:10,828 --> 00:05:12,461
- I would be so grateful.
138
00:05:12,461 --> 00:05:13,928
- If you love me,
you'll give me the pills.
139
00:05:13,928 --> 00:05:15,661
- I'll give you something;
you give me something.
140
00:05:15,661 --> 00:05:17,095
- I need the pills.
- Just give them to me.
141
00:05:17,095 --> 00:05:18,495
- Please.
142
00:05:18,495 --> 00:05:20,195
- Don't act like
you're the only one in pain!
143
00:05:20,195 --> 00:05:21,895
- And that would really
help me out, man.
144
00:05:21,895 --> 00:05:23,661
- What's in it for me?
145
00:05:23,661 --> 00:05:25,428
[liquid sloshing]
146
00:05:25,428 --> 00:05:28,428
[solemn vocal music]
147
00:05:28,428 --> 00:05:31,428
[woman singing indistinctly]
148
00:05:31,428 --> 00:05:34,161
♪
149
00:05:46,328 --> 00:05:52,228
♪
150
00:05:52,228 --> 00:05:53,228
- [yawns]
151
00:05:53,228 --> 00:05:55,328
[keys clacking]
152
00:05:57,028 --> 00:05:58,295
Is that a new suit?
153
00:05:58,295 --> 00:05:59,861
- Yeah, I got it from Hank
in accounting.
154
00:05:59,861 --> 00:06:01,595
His in-laws are visiting
this weekend.
155
00:06:04,361 --> 00:06:07,328
- Is that a Kandinsky?
156
00:06:07,328 --> 00:06:08,595
- Here's another batch.
157
00:06:09,928 --> 00:06:11,361
- Well, now I really
want to be dead.
158
00:06:13,961 --> 00:06:15,628
[sighs]
159
00:06:16,961 --> 00:06:18,495
- Hi, Matt.
You look like you're dying.
160
00:06:18,495 --> 00:06:19,795
- Thanks, Grace.
161
00:06:19,795 --> 00:06:20,861
- Jake.
162
00:06:20,861 --> 00:06:22,128
- Oh, hi, Grace.
163
00:06:22,128 --> 00:06:23,495
Let me guess, you want
to exploit our friendship
164
00:06:23,495 --> 00:06:24,561
for some pain pills.
165
00:06:24,561 --> 00:06:27,195
- What? No.
166
00:06:27,195 --> 00:06:28,995
I just brought you
these balloons
167
00:06:28,995 --> 00:06:31,561
because I care about you.
168
00:06:32,628 --> 00:06:34,228
- That's so sweet, Grace.
169
00:06:34,228 --> 00:06:35,595
You're such a good person.
170
00:06:35,595 --> 00:06:39,061
- Yes. I am good.
171
00:06:41,361 --> 00:06:43,395
[bleep], [bleep], [bleep].
172
00:06:46,328 --> 00:06:47,895
- [sighs]
173
00:06:49,495 --> 00:06:50,795
God, I need a nap.
174
00:06:50,795 --> 00:06:53,795
[phone ringing distantly]
175
00:06:55,461 --> 00:06:57,261
- Matt, we know you need sleep,
176
00:06:57,261 --> 00:06:58,961
but we're counting on you.
- You're young.
177
00:06:58,961 --> 00:07:00,795
You're not allowed to sleep
until you're dead.
178
00:07:01,795 --> 00:07:03,195
- [exhales]
179
00:07:03,195 --> 00:07:06,195
[suspenseful music]
180
00:07:06,195 --> 00:07:08,395
♪
181
00:07:08,395 --> 00:07:11,395
[phone ringing distantly]
182
00:07:11,395 --> 00:07:16,228
♪
183
00:07:16,228 --> 00:07:19,228
[phone ringing distantly]
184
00:07:19,228 --> 00:07:22,228
[suspenseful music intensifies]
185
00:07:22,228 --> 00:07:24,428
- [gasps]
186
00:07:24,428 --> 00:07:26,695
I don't think employees
are allowed to smoke in here.
187
00:07:26,695 --> 00:07:27,928
- What are you gonna do,
fire me?
188
00:07:27,928 --> 00:07:29,295
- No, it's just that...
189
00:07:29,295 --> 00:07:31,361
cigarettes are bad for you.
190
00:07:31,361 --> 00:07:33,195
- Cigarettes can't kill me.
191
00:07:33,195 --> 00:07:34,461
- Why not?
192
00:07:34,461 --> 00:07:36,795
- Because I'm a [bleep] ghost!
193
00:07:36,795 --> 00:07:37,961
[knock at door]
- Hey, Matt!
194
00:07:37,961 --> 00:07:39,628
- [gasps]
- Ooh.
195
00:07:39,628 --> 00:07:41,661
I thought you were dead,
but turns out
196
00:07:41,661 --> 00:07:43,261
you're just sleeping
on the toilet,
197
00:07:43,261 --> 00:07:44,861
which is somehow worse.
198
00:07:44,861 --> 00:07:45,795
[toilet flushes]
199
00:07:48,295 --> 00:07:51,295
[intense electronic music]
200
00:07:51,295 --> 00:07:58,228
♪
201
00:08:04,028 --> 00:08:06,361
- Good morning, Matt!
202
00:08:06,361 --> 00:08:09,595
I'm gonna show you
how I get through my day...
203
00:08:09,595 --> 00:08:11,128
without falling asleep
on the toilet.
204
00:08:11,128 --> 00:08:12,528
- John, how is waking up
at 6:00 a.m.
205
00:08:12,528 --> 00:08:13,995
to play basketball
gonna help me?
206
00:08:13,995 --> 00:08:15,495
God.
- Endorphins.
207
00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:16,661
Intense physical activity
208
00:08:16,661 --> 00:08:19,061
floods your brain
with endorphins.
209
00:08:19,061 --> 00:08:20,361
You don't need sleep
210
00:08:20,361 --> 00:08:22,328
when you can trick your body
into thinking
211
00:08:22,328 --> 00:08:23,895
that you're constantly
212
00:08:23,895 --> 00:08:25,861
in a life-threatening situation.
- John.
213
00:08:29,061 --> 00:08:30,561
♪
214
00:08:30,561 --> 00:08:31,895
With endorphins,
215
00:08:31,895 --> 00:08:35,928
you can power your way
through any obstacle.
216
00:08:35,928 --> 00:08:36,928
Oh!
217
00:08:36,928 --> 00:08:38,928
Foul.
218
00:08:38,928 --> 00:08:41,795
With adrenaline in your veins,
219
00:08:41,795 --> 00:08:43,328
nothing can get in your way!
220
00:08:43,328 --> 00:08:45,361
[grunts]
Oh, Jesus.
221
00:08:45,361 --> 00:08:46,795
That's a goal-tend.
222
00:08:46,795 --> 00:08:51,561
Okay, nothing can get in my way.
223
00:08:51,561 --> 00:08:52,861
[grunting] Gotcha!
224
00:08:52,861 --> 00:08:54,095
Oh, gotcha, big man.
225
00:08:54,095 --> 00:08:56,028
[grunting]
226
00:08:56,028 --> 00:08:57,561
[exclaims]
Let me get it!
227
00:08:57,561 --> 00:09:00,995
You're a filthy, scumbag,
dirty-ass...
228
00:09:00,995 --> 00:09:03,428
- I get it.
- Trifling player.
229
00:09:03,428 --> 00:09:05,828
And you're always gonna be
a dirty player.
230
00:09:05,828 --> 00:09:07,095
Let's go!
231
00:09:07,095 --> 00:09:08,928
With endorphins...
232
00:09:08,928 --> 00:09:10,528
everything is possible!
233
00:09:11,628 --> 00:09:12,628
Oh!
234
00:09:12,628 --> 00:09:13,561
What?
235
00:09:15,128 --> 00:09:16,128
How?
236
00:09:16,128 --> 00:09:18,195
[woman singing indistinctly]
237
00:09:18,195 --> 00:09:19,828
- Ow!
238
00:09:19,828 --> 00:09:22,428
- So there was an incident
239
00:09:22,428 --> 00:09:24,961
on the basketball court
this morning
240
00:09:24,961 --> 00:09:28,795
involving two
Hampton DeVille employees.
241
00:09:28,795 --> 00:09:30,195
You and me.
242
00:09:30,195 --> 00:09:33,095
And I think
what we've learned
243
00:09:33,095 --> 00:09:35,961
is that people--
244
00:09:35,961 --> 00:09:37,328
me and you--
245
00:09:37,328 --> 00:09:39,928
make mistakes.
246
00:09:39,928 --> 00:09:42,295
And nobody is really
at fault here.
247
00:09:43,361 --> 00:09:44,428
Okay?
248
00:09:45,895 --> 00:09:47,395
- Yeah, it's okay.
249
00:09:47,395 --> 00:09:48,628
- Good.
250
00:09:48,628 --> 00:09:49,628
Good meeting...
251
00:09:49,628 --> 00:09:51,261
and great game.
252
00:09:54,128 --> 00:09:56,728
- [sighs]
253
00:09:56,728 --> 00:09:58,161
You ever have
one of those dreams
254
00:09:58,161 --> 00:10:00,761
that are so vivid,
you'd swear it's real?
255
00:10:00,761 --> 00:10:02,028
- All the time, man.
256
00:10:02,028 --> 00:10:03,695
[laughs]
257
00:10:03,695 --> 00:10:04,695
- Who are you?
258
00:10:04,695 --> 00:10:06,328
- I'm Kevin.
259
00:10:06,328 --> 00:10:08,028
I've been hitting the drugs
pretty hard since my dog died,
260
00:10:08,028 --> 00:10:10,995
so I traded my office to Jake
for painkillers.
261
00:10:10,995 --> 00:10:12,028
- Oh.
262
00:10:13,361 --> 00:10:15,228
- How are you?
263
00:10:15,228 --> 00:10:17,228
- [stammers] I'm having
a little bit of a rough day,
264
00:10:17,228 --> 00:10:18,628
but I'm okay.
265
00:10:18,628 --> 00:10:19,728
How are you?
266
00:10:19,728 --> 00:10:21,428
- Good. I'm on drugs.
267
00:10:21,428 --> 00:10:23,095
- No, don't do that.
268
00:10:23,095 --> 00:10:24,261
Do what I said.
269
00:10:24,261 --> 00:10:25,795
Trust me, if you saw how I look,
270
00:10:25,795 --> 00:10:26,795
you would do what I said.
271
00:10:26,795 --> 00:10:27,795
- Can I help you?
272
00:10:27,795 --> 00:10:28,961
- Come on, this is ridiculous.
273
00:10:28,961 --> 00:10:31,328
- Um, I just came
to talk to Jake.
274
00:10:31,328 --> 00:10:33,328
- Do you have an appointment
with Mr. Levinson?
275
00:10:33,328 --> 00:10:34,728
- It's okay, Jane.
276
00:10:34,728 --> 00:10:37,095
Tell him to wait a minute,
and we'll grab some grub.
277
00:10:37,095 --> 00:10:38,695
Mom, how many times
do I have to tell you
278
00:10:38,695 --> 00:10:40,095
he's not hot enough for you?
279
00:10:40,095 --> 00:10:43,395
You're an amazing woman,
and you deserve the hottest.
280
00:10:43,395 --> 00:10:44,861
Thanks for picking up lunch,
Grace.
281
00:10:44,861 --> 00:10:46,395
- That's what friends do:
282
00:10:46,395 --> 00:10:50,095
give each other stuff that
makes their bodies feel good.
283
00:10:50,095 --> 00:10:51,995
[suspenseful music]
284
00:10:51,995 --> 00:10:53,828
- [exhales]
285
00:10:53,828 --> 00:10:56,061
♪
286
00:10:56,061 --> 00:10:58,061
- So, Jake, how many pills
do you have left?
287
00:10:58,061 --> 00:11:00,328
- I blew a bunch on a key to
the 49th floor vending machine,
288
00:11:00,328 --> 00:11:02,928
but I've got enough left
for one big trade.
289
00:11:02,928 --> 00:11:06,795
Ooh, and I think I know
what it's going to be.
290
00:11:06,795 --> 00:11:09,961
[choral music]
291
00:11:09,961 --> 00:11:10,995
- A car?
292
00:11:10,995 --> 00:11:13,161
- No, I want that parking spot.
293
00:11:13,161 --> 00:11:14,228
It's right by the elevator,
294
00:11:14,228 --> 00:11:15,528
no cars on either side.
295
00:11:15,528 --> 00:11:16,828
It's convenient,
but more importantly
296
00:11:16,828 --> 00:11:18,461
a real status symbol.
297
00:11:18,461 --> 00:11:21,561
- Uh, there's no chance
you're gonna get that spot.
298
00:11:21,561 --> 00:11:23,195
It belongs to Peg Peterson.
299
00:11:23,195 --> 00:11:26,028
She's the most well-balanced
person I've ever met.
300
00:11:26,028 --> 00:11:28,561
I don't think she's been sad
a day in her life.
301
00:11:28,561 --> 00:11:31,461
- Okay, well, it was good
hearing from you.
302
00:11:31,461 --> 00:11:32,995
Yeah. Have a great day, Todd.
303
00:11:32,995 --> 00:11:34,028
Okay.
[phone hangs up]
304
00:11:34,028 --> 00:11:35,195
Oh, hello.
305
00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:36,895
I'm sorry,
that was a telemarketer.
306
00:11:36,895 --> 00:11:38,395
What can I help you with?
307
00:11:38,395 --> 00:11:40,461
- I'm sorry, but I was walking
by your office,
308
00:11:40,461 --> 00:11:43,395
and I couldn't help but notice
that your name is Peg Peterson.
309
00:11:43,395 --> 00:11:44,795
This is a long shot,
310
00:11:44,795 --> 00:11:47,795
but do you happen to know
a Lenny Peterson?
311
00:11:47,795 --> 00:11:48,861
- Uh, I don't think so.
312
00:11:48,861 --> 00:11:50,228
- Well, he's great,
313
00:11:50,228 --> 00:11:51,895
and it's great to meet
another Peterson.
314
00:11:51,895 --> 00:11:53,328
Anyway, how are you?
315
00:11:53,328 --> 00:11:55,828
- I'm doing really well,
thank you for asking.
316
00:11:55,828 --> 00:11:57,195
And how are you?
317
00:11:57,195 --> 00:11:59,395
Um, what's that back brace for?
318
00:11:59,395 --> 00:12:00,528
- Oh, this old thing?
319
00:12:00,528 --> 00:12:01,961
I just had
a little spinal surgery.
320
00:12:01,961 --> 00:12:03,228
Don't worry about me.
321
00:12:03,228 --> 00:12:04,428
Yeah, it hurts a little bit,
322
00:12:04,428 --> 00:12:07,028
but everyone has pain, right?
323
00:12:07,028 --> 00:12:08,361
Right, Peg?
324
00:12:08,361 --> 00:12:10,195
- I'm sorry to hear
about your spine,
325
00:12:10,195 --> 00:12:12,395
but you know what always
makes me feel better
326
00:12:12,395 --> 00:12:13,795
is a candy cane.
327
00:12:13,795 --> 00:12:15,495
- Candy, huh?
328
00:12:15,495 --> 00:12:17,161
Ever had this kind of candy,
Peg?
329
00:12:17,161 --> 00:12:19,261
[dramatic musical sting]
330
00:12:19,261 --> 00:12:22,195
- Are those
prescription painkillers?
331
00:12:22,195 --> 00:12:24,528
- These make everybody
feel better about everything.
332
00:12:24,528 --> 00:12:25,961
I could give you
the rest of the bottle,
333
00:12:25,961 --> 00:12:28,895
but I'm gonna need
more than a candy cane, Peg.
334
00:12:28,895 --> 00:12:30,928
Maybe your parking spot?
335
00:12:30,928 --> 00:12:32,028
[phone chiming cheerfully]
336
00:12:32,028 --> 00:12:33,795
- Oh, it's 2:00.
337
00:12:33,795 --> 00:12:35,928
It's time
for my afternoon treat.
338
00:12:35,928 --> 00:12:38,828
Ice cream sandwiches
are the only drug I need.
339
00:12:38,828 --> 00:12:39,995
- [sighs]
340
00:12:39,995 --> 00:12:42,528
- [sighs]
341
00:12:42,528 --> 00:12:45,061
[knocking at door]
342
00:12:45,061 --> 00:12:46,095
- Bonne nuit.
343
00:12:47,595 --> 00:12:48,828
- Buenas noches.
344
00:12:54,595 --> 00:12:56,061
- What?
345
00:12:56,061 --> 00:12:57,395
[sighs]
346
00:13:04,795 --> 00:13:07,895
[eerie music]
347
00:13:07,895 --> 00:13:11,495
[jazzy piano music]
348
00:13:11,495 --> 00:13:14,495
[typewriter keys clacking]
349
00:13:14,495 --> 00:13:21,428
♪
350
00:13:21,428 --> 00:13:23,028
[typewriter keys clacking,
bell dings]
351
00:13:23,028 --> 00:13:24,528
Hey, ghost?
352
00:13:24,528 --> 00:13:25,928
What are you typing?
353
00:13:25,928 --> 00:13:28,328
- [muffled] I have to finish
these bullshit reports.
354
00:13:28,328 --> 00:13:31,261
[eerie whooshing]
355
00:13:32,395 --> 00:13:34,061
- Hey, ghost?
356
00:13:34,061 --> 00:13:35,795
What's it like being dead?
357
00:13:35,795 --> 00:13:37,428
- [exhales deeply]
358
00:13:37,428 --> 00:13:39,328
Being dead is great in theory.
359
00:13:39,328 --> 00:13:40,561
You know?
360
00:13:40,561 --> 00:13:41,628
You don't feel any pain.
361
00:13:41,628 --> 00:13:43,495
You can have sex
without condoms.
362
00:13:43,495 --> 00:13:45,961
But the problem is, you just
get used to it, you know?
363
00:13:45,961 --> 00:13:49,328
And then being dead just sucks
as much as being alive.
364
00:13:49,328 --> 00:13:51,795
It's like,
there's no greener grass.
365
00:13:51,795 --> 00:13:53,895
There's just more grass.
366
00:13:53,895 --> 00:13:56,528
[bleep], you just made me
type "grass"!
367
00:13:56,528 --> 00:13:59,228
♪
368
00:13:59,228 --> 00:14:00,228
- Paper cuts!
[knocking at door]
369
00:14:00,228 --> 00:14:01,895
Oh!
- Hi, Matt.
370
00:14:01,895 --> 00:14:04,695
Did you know
this is the women's restroom?
371
00:14:05,961 --> 00:14:08,795
And also you're asleep
on a toilet.
372
00:14:08,795 --> 00:14:09,661
[toilet flushes]
373
00:14:13,328 --> 00:14:15,861
- [sighs deeply]
374
00:14:15,861 --> 00:14:17,328
- What's wrong, Matt?
375
00:14:17,328 --> 00:14:18,695
- I don't know, Kevin.
376
00:14:18,695 --> 00:14:20,995
These death records
are giving me weird nightmares.
377
00:14:23,795 --> 00:14:24,828
Madeline?
378
00:14:24,828 --> 00:14:26,695
Smoker, foul-mouthed,
379
00:14:26,695 --> 00:14:29,095
died of an amphetamine overdose.
380
00:14:29,095 --> 00:14:30,095
Oh, my God.
381
00:14:30,095 --> 00:14:31,695
[suspenseful music]
382
00:14:31,695 --> 00:14:32,828
She's real.
383
00:14:32,828 --> 00:14:34,095
- Who's real?
384
00:14:34,095 --> 00:14:35,461
- The ghost from my dreams.
385
00:14:35,461 --> 00:14:36,628
Wait, no, I'm sorry.
386
00:14:36,628 --> 00:14:38,428
[stammering]
I don't believe in ghosts.
387
00:14:38,428 --> 00:14:39,428
- I do.
388
00:14:39,428 --> 00:14:41,428
If ghosts aren't real,
389
00:14:41,428 --> 00:14:42,495
how do you explain
390
00:14:42,495 --> 00:14:44,595
the existence of ghosts?
391
00:14:44,595 --> 00:14:45,795
Huh?
- You're right.
392
00:14:45,795 --> 00:14:47,128
You can't explain it.
- No.
393
00:14:47,128 --> 00:14:49,528
I listen to ghost hunting
podcasts while I work,
394
00:14:49,528 --> 00:14:51,395
and they all say
that if you meet a ghost,
395
00:14:51,395 --> 00:14:52,995
you're supposed to find
where they died
396
00:14:52,995 --> 00:14:56,895
so they can be released
to the afterlife.
397
00:14:56,895 --> 00:14:58,928
- It says she died on floor 33.
398
00:14:58,928 --> 00:15:01,695
- I know all about floor 33.
399
00:15:01,695 --> 00:15:02,961
It's abandoned.
400
00:15:02,961 --> 00:15:05,828
Supposed to be pretty spooky.
401
00:15:05,828 --> 00:15:07,461
I'll go get my ghost rods.
402
00:15:07,461 --> 00:15:08,661
- Thanks, Kev.
403
00:15:08,661 --> 00:15:11,695
- [chuckles]
404
00:15:11,695 --> 00:15:14,795
- Are you gonna go get
your rods?
405
00:15:14,795 --> 00:15:16,128
- Oh!
- Yeah.
406
00:15:16,128 --> 00:15:18,528
- Yeah, right, ghost rods.
Right.
407
00:15:22,095 --> 00:15:24,061
- What's wrong?
408
00:15:24,061 --> 00:15:25,995
No ice cream sandwiches?
409
00:15:25,995 --> 00:15:29,228
- Someone threw them
into the sink and smashed them.
410
00:15:30,895 --> 00:15:32,528
- Oh, no.
411
00:15:32,528 --> 00:15:34,595
I guess the world is cruel.
412
00:15:34,595 --> 00:15:36,161
Right, Peg?
413
00:15:36,161 --> 00:15:38,661
Lucky for you...
414
00:15:38,661 --> 00:15:39,828
I have these.
415
00:15:41,795 --> 00:15:42,828
- You know what?
416
00:15:42,828 --> 00:15:44,261
I think I'm gonna treat myself
417
00:15:44,261 --> 00:15:46,028
to a walk in the park.
418
00:15:46,028 --> 00:15:47,628
Why don't you come join me?
419
00:15:49,595 --> 00:15:51,461
[door rattles]
420
00:15:52,561 --> 00:15:55,561
[suspenseful music]
421
00:15:55,561 --> 00:16:00,661
♪
422
00:16:00,661 --> 00:16:02,895
- Why'd they shut this floor
down?
423
00:16:02,895 --> 00:16:04,328
- It wasn't wheelchair
accessible,
424
00:16:04,328 --> 00:16:06,328
and they didn't want to pay
to install a ramp.
425
00:16:06,328 --> 00:16:08,495
- Oh.
426
00:16:08,495 --> 00:16:09,561
Spider!
427
00:16:09,561 --> 00:16:10,828
- [exclaiming]
Oh, don't.
428
00:16:10,828 --> 00:16:11,795
[shudders]
429
00:16:14,595 --> 00:16:16,261
- Oh, my God.
Kevin, it's her office.
430
00:16:16,261 --> 00:16:17,928
[ghost rods shaking]
- Oh, man.
431
00:16:17,928 --> 00:16:19,795
My rods are really
starting to [bleep] out.
432
00:16:19,795 --> 00:16:21,061
Uh, maybe we should go back
to the office
433
00:16:21,061 --> 00:16:22,928
and take some pain pills
and forget about this.
434
00:16:22,928 --> 00:16:24,861
- No, I'm going in.
435
00:16:24,861 --> 00:16:26,095
- [breathes shakily]
436
00:16:26,095 --> 00:16:28,361
Matt! Matt, no!
437
00:16:28,361 --> 00:16:35,295
♪
438
00:16:36,695 --> 00:16:40,828
It says
"deceased found on couch."
439
00:16:40,828 --> 00:16:42,561
[eerie exhalation]
440
00:16:42,561 --> 00:16:44,595
Oh, my God, we found
her final resting place.
441
00:16:44,595 --> 00:16:46,361
Now she can be released.
442
00:16:46,361 --> 00:16:47,528
Kev?
443
00:16:47,528 --> 00:16:49,195
[voice echoing]
444
00:16:50,261 --> 00:16:54,795
Huh. Resting place.
445
00:16:54,795 --> 00:16:55,961
- Look, Jake,
446
00:16:55,961 --> 00:16:57,795
it's not like I don't understand
447
00:16:57,795 --> 00:16:59,795
that there's darkness in life.
448
00:16:59,795 --> 00:17:01,261
Okay, let me tell you a story.
449
00:17:01,261 --> 00:17:03,528
So when I was a kid,
my parents were divorced,
450
00:17:03,528 --> 00:17:05,361
and I lived with my mother.
451
00:17:05,361 --> 00:17:06,928
And one night, we woke up,
452
00:17:06,928 --> 00:17:08,328
and the house was on fire.
453
00:17:08,328 --> 00:17:09,495
So we ran out,
454
00:17:09,495 --> 00:17:12,961
and my mother ran back in
to save my dog,
455
00:17:12,961 --> 00:17:15,961
and that's when my father
kidnapped me.
456
00:17:15,961 --> 00:17:18,995
Because it turns out that
he had started the fire
457
00:17:18,995 --> 00:17:21,028
to get back at my mother, so...
458
00:17:21,028 --> 00:17:22,795
anyway, three months later,
459
00:17:22,795 --> 00:17:24,561
the FBI found us
460
00:17:24,561 --> 00:17:27,195
and shot my father
through the brain
461
00:17:27,195 --> 00:17:28,628
right in front of me.
462
00:17:28,628 --> 00:17:31,328
But on the way
to the police station,
463
00:17:31,328 --> 00:17:34,861
a federal agent handed me
an ice cream sandwich.
464
00:17:34,861 --> 00:17:35,961
So yeah,
465
00:17:35,961 --> 00:17:37,961
I could easily
466
00:17:37,961 --> 00:17:39,061
look back at what happened
467
00:17:39,061 --> 00:17:40,795
and focus on the negative.
468
00:17:40,795 --> 00:17:44,195
Or I could remember that
no matter how bad things get,
469
00:17:44,195 --> 00:17:45,695
there's always
an ice cream sandwich
470
00:17:45,695 --> 00:17:47,128
around the corner.
471
00:17:48,795 --> 00:17:49,861
- I just want to take a minute
472
00:17:49,861 --> 00:17:51,395
to deeply apologize
473
00:17:51,395 --> 00:17:54,095
for throwing away
your ice cream sandwiches.
474
00:17:54,095 --> 00:17:55,928
- There's just one more thing
I want to show you.
475
00:17:55,928 --> 00:17:57,928
[hawk screeches in distance]
476
00:17:57,928 --> 00:17:59,428
- [snoring]
477
00:17:59,428 --> 00:18:00,961
- Well...
478
00:18:00,961 --> 00:18:02,328
you released me.
479
00:18:02,328 --> 00:18:04,328
So now I get to move on.
480
00:18:04,328 --> 00:18:05,495
To hell.
481
00:18:05,495 --> 00:18:07,361
- Oh, I'm sorry.
- It's fine.
482
00:18:07,361 --> 00:18:09,161
I was a terrible person,
so it doesn't matter.
483
00:18:09,161 --> 00:18:11,328
Hell's better than working
at Hampton DeVille, right?
484
00:18:11,328 --> 00:18:12,961
- Yeah, I'm not cut out
for working here.
485
00:18:12,961 --> 00:18:14,595
- No one is.
486
00:18:14,595 --> 00:18:17,095
You just find your way to cope,
and you just keep going.
487
00:18:17,095 --> 00:18:18,395
- So is that it?
488
00:18:18,395 --> 00:18:19,628
- Yeah.
489
00:18:19,628 --> 00:18:21,928
Unless you want to make out.
490
00:18:21,928 --> 00:18:23,395
- Do you want to make out?
491
00:18:23,395 --> 00:18:24,495
- Yeah, whatever.
492
00:18:24,495 --> 00:18:26,628
I mean, I'm a ghost.
Who cares?
493
00:18:26,628 --> 00:18:27,628
[eerie exhalation]
494
00:18:27,628 --> 00:18:28,795
- Oh!
495
00:18:32,661 --> 00:18:35,495
[upbeat music]
496
00:18:35,495 --> 00:18:37,195
- You know, Jake,
I really do believe
497
00:18:37,195 --> 00:18:39,195
that putting positivity
into the world
498
00:18:39,195 --> 00:18:41,428
is kind of its own reward.
499
00:18:41,428 --> 00:18:43,828
That's why I'm giving you
my parking space.
500
00:18:43,828 --> 00:18:45,795
- Wow. Peg.
501
00:18:45,795 --> 00:18:47,295
Thank you.
502
00:18:47,295 --> 00:18:49,428
But after all you've been
through, I feel kind of bad
503
00:18:49,428 --> 00:18:51,328
taking your parking spot.
504
00:18:51,328 --> 00:18:52,595
I definitely still will,
505
00:18:52,595 --> 00:18:53,995
but I feel bad.
506
00:18:53,995 --> 00:18:55,795
- Don't worry about me.
507
00:18:55,795 --> 00:18:57,128
Oh, and remember,
508
00:18:57,128 --> 00:18:58,361
always look on the bright--
[tires screeching]
509
00:18:58,361 --> 00:19:01,061
- ♪ Nothing is good enough
510
00:19:01,061 --> 00:19:04,228
♪ For people like you
511
00:19:04,228 --> 00:19:08,428
♪ Who have to have
someone take the fall ♪
512
00:19:08,428 --> 00:19:10,528
[Aimee Mann's "Nothing is
Good Enough" playing]
513
00:19:10,528 --> 00:19:13,628
♪ And something to sabotage
514
00:19:13,628 --> 00:19:18,595
♪ Determined to lose it all
515
00:19:18,595 --> 00:19:21,695
♪ Nothing is
516
00:19:21,695 --> 00:19:24,461
♪ Good enough
517
00:19:24,461 --> 00:19:29,361
♪
518
00:19:32,695 --> 00:19:34,461
- John told me
to drop these off here.
519
00:19:34,461 --> 00:19:36,428
[dramatic musical sting]
520
00:19:36,428 --> 00:19:37,495
Whoa!
521
00:19:37,495 --> 00:19:38,895
You're the ghost.
522
00:19:38,895 --> 00:19:40,995
I found out where you died
and took a nap there.
523
00:19:40,995 --> 00:19:42,428
- What are you talking about?
524
00:19:42,428 --> 00:19:43,695
- Oh.
525
00:19:43,695 --> 00:19:45,495
I guess that was a dream.
526
00:19:45,495 --> 00:19:47,061
- Gross. Don't dream about me.
527
00:19:47,061 --> 00:19:48,528
- Oh, no, it wasn't you.
528
00:19:48,528 --> 00:19:50,695
You were a dream ghost,
and I released you to hell.
529
00:19:50,695 --> 00:19:51,961
And then we made out,
530
00:19:51,961 --> 00:19:52,961
but it was your idea.
531
00:19:52,961 --> 00:19:53,995
I--listen.
532
00:19:53,995 --> 00:19:55,395
I'm not explaining this well.
533
00:19:55,395 --> 00:19:57,228
Here's the thing.
I'm a good guy.
534
00:19:57,228 --> 00:19:59,395
And if we got to know
each other,
535
00:19:59,395 --> 00:20:01,495
we'd laugh about this,
and, uh...
536
00:20:01,495 --> 00:20:03,995
if we hung out, uh,
we'd probably become friends.
537
00:20:03,995 --> 00:20:06,228
I know that this is
a weird situation.
538
00:20:06,228 --> 00:20:07,695
We all know that, both of us,
539
00:20:07,695 --> 00:20:09,261
and, uh, I just want you to know
540
00:20:09,261 --> 00:20:11,361
that I'm with you on this.
541
00:20:11,361 --> 00:20:12,895
Bottom line,
I need you to trust me
542
00:20:12,895 --> 00:20:14,228
that I'm a good person.
543
00:20:14,228 --> 00:20:15,461
That's it.
544
00:20:15,461 --> 00:20:16,828
- Don't ever talk to me again.
545
00:20:16,828 --> 00:20:18,061
- Okay.
546
00:20:20,161 --> 00:20:21,795
- I hate all men.
547
00:20:21,795 --> 00:20:24,795
[upbeat music]
548
00:20:24,795 --> 00:20:31,728
♪
549
00:20:34,661 --> 00:20:35,661
- Hey, Grace.
550
00:20:35,661 --> 00:20:36,661
Here you go, kiddo.
551
00:20:36,661 --> 00:20:38,928
- Jake!
552
00:20:38,928 --> 00:20:41,795
♪
553
00:20:41,795 --> 00:20:43,095
- Man, Kevin,
554
00:20:43,095 --> 00:20:44,428
it's been so much easier
to get my work done
555
00:20:44,428 --> 00:20:46,361
now that I found
my new napping place.
556
00:20:46,361 --> 00:20:47,895
- Who's Kevin?
557
00:20:47,895 --> 00:20:51,028
- Jake? But what happened to...
558
00:20:51,028 --> 00:20:53,795
was Kevin a ghost?
559
00:20:53,795 --> 00:20:55,328
- No, I just gave him
his office back.
560
00:20:55,328 --> 00:20:56,595
- Oh.
561
00:20:56,595 --> 00:20:58,095
That makes sense.
562
00:20:58,095 --> 00:21:00,295
- There's a spider
on your shoulder.
563
00:21:00,295 --> 00:21:01,228
- [exclaims]
564
00:21:06,428 --> 00:21:07,861
- Wow, buddy.
565
00:21:07,861 --> 00:21:08,861
You play dirty.
566
00:21:08,861 --> 00:21:10,061
[breathing heavily]
567
00:21:10,061 --> 00:21:11,861
Filthy.
568
00:21:11,861 --> 00:21:13,061
I like that.
569
00:21:14,128 --> 00:21:15,595
I like that, buddy.
570
00:21:15,595 --> 00:21:16,595
Let's go!
571
00:21:16,595 --> 00:21:19,061
[grunting]
572
00:21:19,061 --> 00:21:20,028
Foul.
35478
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish (Latin American)
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof