All language subtitles for Boo 2! A Madea Halloween

(POP SONG PLAYING)

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Happy birthday.
Don't.

What?
Don't remind me.

It's your 18th birthday.
Aren't you happy?

Yes!

And it's the day
before Halloween.

Yes, all of that is good.

So? What's the problem?

You wanna see a problem?
I'll show you a problem.

Look at him.
What?

He's so lame.

Hi.

No, it's cute.

He's wearing a birthday hat.

He's excited.
It's your birthday.

He does this every year.
Like, when is it gonna end?

Hi, Mr. Simmons.

Hi, Dad.
BRIAN: Hi.

(BEAT BOXING)

Dad. Okay, you've been
doing this every year
since I was five.

Can you stop now?

What do you mean,
can I stop?

This is tradition.
We have to do it.

(SING-SONG) Happy birthday!
Happy birthday!

Thanks, okay. But can you
take off the stupid hat?

This hat is not stupid.
Come on.
It's stupid.

Take it off.
It's embarrassing.

Okay, all right. Fine.
(CHUCKLES) Fine. Fine.

Okay! Now what do you say?

I'm not playing this game
with you.

Fine. Then you won't
get your gift.

TIFFANY: Okay.

Okay, you know what?
On second thought, I'll play.

Yeah, there we go.
See? See, I told you.

BRIAN: Here we go, B.J.
Here we go.

Dad, what are you doing here?

I just came to pick you up.

Why did you come
to pick me up?

No reason.

Wow.

Mmm. She doesn't sound
convincing, Dad.

B.J., stay in your lane.
Can I have my gift now?

Well, listen, why don't we
just wait until you get home?

Everybody's at the house.

Can't I just open it now?

Nobody's at the house.
What are you talkin' about?

BRIAN: Nobody's there.

What's going on?

My tired after-school
birthday party.

Can I please have
the gift now?

Fine. Bam! Take it.

Thank you.

BRIAN: Here you go.

(LAUGHING)

It's headphones.
So when we're driving,

I don't have to listen
to your music.

You can just plug in
and listen to your own music
in my car.

Wait, where's the car?

It's right there.

Mine?

For my 18th birthday?

No, that's mine.
You're not getting a car.
What are you talkin' about?

Dad, no. This is the year
I'm supposed to have a car.

I'm graduating high school,
going to college. I'm 18!

BRIAN: Okay.
We talked about this.

First of all, you're not
responsible enough
to have a car, okay?

And your driving sucks.

Okay, that's...
But here's the thing.

If you're gonna have a car,
I think you need to earn it.

I don't think it should be
given to you, okay?

And you haven't earned it.
I'm sorry.

Mom lets me drive.

You're not ready
for a car, Tiffany.

You have to be responsible.

You have to learn
what's going on.

I know your mom
probably lets you drive

but your mom kind of has
a bit of an issue.

(TIFFANY SCOFFS)
I heard that.

Damn. Like Candyman.

I didn't mean you weren't,
like, the best judge...

You meant what you said.

Hi, honey!

Hi, Mom.

Hey, baby. Happy birthday.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Hi, Calvin. How you doin'?

Hi, B.J.

What's up?

Hey, happy birthday.

Okay.

Hi, thank you.

What are you guys doing here?

I knew your dad would be here
with that old hat.

And I knew
you'd be humiliated.

So we came to do
some damage control.

Happy birthday!
(GASPS)

Mom, what?

Yes!

Oh, my God! Thank you so much!
(LAUGHING)

You're so welcome.

This is from me
and your stepdad.

Oh, thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you!

DEBRAH: Yeah, go, go,
go for a ride.

Wait, wait, wait, hold on.

Hey, hey.
Don't ruin this for her.

Tiffany, I need you
to come home,
you can drive later.

Are you serious?
Yes!

For that tired-ass
birthday party?

It's a surprise. Do you mind?

You've been doing it
for 18 years.

It's not a surprise.

Go on, baby. Have fun.
Thank you. Thank you, Calvin.

Bye!
CALVIN: You're welcome.

Tiffany, I need you
to come straight home.

GABRIELLA: Bye, Mr. Simmons.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

DEBRAH: Have fun!

Okay. Did you have to do that?

Well, she's my daughter.

Okay, first of all,
you walk out on us,

then you undermine
everything I do...

Then you won't discipline her,

and you walk in here
like the hero.

I'm not doing this with you.

You're the one
with the problem.

How am I the one
with the problem?

She's 18 and you keep treating
her like she's still five.

Look, do not tell me how
to raise this child, okay?

She is not responsible enough
to have a car yet.

You need to learn
to give her some room

to make a mistake.

CALVIN: Can we not
do this, please?

Can we not? B.J.'s watchin'.

I'll see you at the house.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Are you comin' to my house?

What are you comin'
to my house for?

It's my daughter.

BRIAN: Get in the car, B.J.

Say hi to your Aunt Madea.

ALL: Surprise!

Oh, it's just Brian.

How many times am I supposed
to say "surprise"
for this little girl?

Y'all better get her ass
up in here.

I don't have breath
to be wasting like that.

Hell, I need my breath
for when I inhale.

Then you need to stop
smoking all that weed.

The devil is a liar.

I'm... I'm gonna be
smokin' till I die.

Wrap me up in weed paper
and cremate me.

I'mma get the whole
damn funeral jacked up.

(LAUGHING)

HATTIE: Oh, look at my baby.

Baby, you don't...
You don't look good at all.

No, he don't. What is it, boy?

BAM: Hattie.

Hmm?

It's you. You the reason
why he's not happy.

Bam, slow your roll.
Slow your roll.

Brian is into me.

You got me? Brian loves me.

Don't you, boo?

Come on over here, and let me
make you feel good.

MADEA: Hush all that.

Brian, what is wrong with you?

Nothing, nothing. I'm fine.

You don't look fine.

Speak up before I have to hit
you in the nut like I did
when you was a little boy.

What is wrong with you?

Yeah. I'm fine.
Is everybody here? I'm fine.

Well, just come on over here
and let me give you
a hug, Brian.

I'll pass.

Okay, go ahead.
Act like that, Brian.

You gonna wish you had
let me make you feel good.

Mmm. Damn.

Your breath came out
your mouth ass-backwards.

It was breech.

What the hell is that?

Joe, you smell it too?

I'm sitting right here by her.

Hell, that damn thing came
over here,

walked past me like,
"I'm funky."

Oh, y'all shut the hell up.

Girl, that breath smell like
it's been in the Civil War.

Girl, you need to just
bottle that up and sell it.

That cleared up
all my sinuses.

Anytime somebody got breath
like that, honey, that bad,

something is going on inside.

That ain't just your teeth.

That's her esophagus.

It's way down there,
below her belly button.

No, Bam, it's comin' lower
than her esophagus.

That's comin' from down low.

Y'all shut the hell up.
You shut up, Joe.

I know damn well
you ain't talkin' to me.

I know when my breath smell.

If my breath smell bad,
it's 'cause of
what I've been eating. Hello?

Joe, cut it out.

Where's Tiffany, boy?
I thought you went to get her.

Well, I did.
I went to get her.

And her mother
and her husband were there,

and they bought her a car.

JOE: They bought her a car?

A real one?

Wait, hold on.
They gave her a car for free?

She didn't
have to work for it?

That's... You see, that's
exactly what I'm saying.

Exactly what I'm saying.

Oh, hell no, honey. No.

Do you know how much work
I had to do
to get my first car?

Oh, I had to walk up
and down them streets.

My heels was run over
just like this

'cause I was walkin'
and workin' them
streets so hard.

Oh, that's not
what I'm saying.

That is not what I'm saying.

No, no. They say...

They say that people's pets
start to look like them...

I'mma tell you right now,
if you give up too much ass,

your ass start to look like
whatever you gave it up for.

That's why this ass look like
a Buick Electra 225.

You see that shit,
right there?

That's gonna make me throw up.

Madea, I'm not talking
about that. Okay? Thanks.

So, baby, so, you said that

they bought her a car
for free?

For what?

A car for free.

Ain't no P-R in "free," honey.
"Free. Free."

Not one dime did she have to
pay for it. Yeah.

I was pimpin' hard
to get my first Cadillac.

I had so many hoes out
on the street,

I couldn't even keep count.

I had every ho
from every nation.

Yeah, they used to
call me NATO.

BAM: What do you mean, "NATO"?

You don't know what
the hell NATO is? Damn, Bam.

NATO. I'm
the National Pimp Association

that tolerates all
the old hoes.

BAM: Oh!
Yeah, NATO.

What the hell? (CHUCKLES)

MADEA: Hush all of that.

Well, baby,
a car is a nice thing

even though
she got it for free.

No, it's not.
It's not a nice thing.

Why not?

She's not responsible.
Tiffany can't drive.

Duh, Brian.

You supposed to teach
her how to drive, honey.

I tried to teach her.
I tried to teach her.

What did she do?

I was trying to teach her
how to parallel park.

I said, "Put it in reverse
and back up," she hit a tree.

She hit a tree? Why?

I said, "Why'd you do that?"

She said,
"I didn't hear the beeps."

Oh, yeah.

MADEA: What you talkin' about,
"Oh, yeah"?

What do you know about
a damn beep?

Mabel, the new
cars nowadays...
She don't know.

New cars nowadays, honey,

they beep when you start going
backwards, baby.

That's all, honey.

But you wouldn't know
nothin' about that

'cause you ain't got
no nice car.

She done went off on you
about your raggedy-ass car.

MADEA: You ain't finna be
talkin' about my Cadillac.

My Cadillac is special.

I worked hard
for that Cadillac.

That pole was bent
when I leapt up off of it,

working for that Cadillac.
Do you understand?

And I didn't have them
kind of poles back in my day.

Them silver, gold ones.

They had telephone poles,
and I snapped it one night

when I was doing
my somersault.

It's called a helicopter.

Where you run up to it,
and you grab it
by the bottom of your legs,

then you come on down.

That's what I did.
That's what bought
my Cadillac.

Don't talk about my Cadillac.

And listen to me,
my car is nice too.

If I'm backing up
and I'm about to hit
somethin', I hear noise too.

It's from the bastard
I'm about to hit.

Okay, and so now,
what did you buy her?

Wait, that's a good
question, Bam.
What'd you give her?

I know you got somethin'
that just wiped her out here.

You ain't gonna
let her outdo you.

If she got a car,
what you got?

I bought her some headphones.

(EXCLAIMS)

(EXCLAIMS)

MADEA: I'm sorry.

Headphones like
you put on your ears?

BAM: That's what I...

Yes.

Oh, Brian.

(LAUGHING)

Now, don't you think that...
That...

That made your little gift
look like...

Shit.

I was going to say that,
but I was gonna say,
"bull squat."

JOE: Boy, what the hell
wrong with you?

You're just...
You're just a dork.

"Here's your car."
"Here's your headphones."

(LAUGHING)

HATTIE: That's
the same thing I said!

He's full of it
if he thinks...

MADEA: Where you goin'?

Come on, we wanna
see the headphones!

Keep the phone,
just give me the head.

(ALL LAUGHING)

(LOUD MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)

GABRIELLA: Tiffany, look out!

Can you slow down?

TIFFANY: I'm so excited!
Aren't you excited?

GABRIELLA: That was
a red light.

(MUSIC STOPS)

Oh, I love this car.

Yeah, it's a nice car.

But your dad was right.
You can't drive.

Yes, I can.

Uh, yeah. See, the thing is
you actually can't.

Wait, what are we doing here?

It's called a do-over.

What's a "do-over"?

See, last year I was too young

to come
to the Halloween party.

But this year,
I'm gonna be the life of it.

No, no, no.
This is not a good idea.

Yes!

No. Nope.

Okay, you think
everything is a bad idea.

You need to live a little.

No. Because I am not letting
you get me into trouble

like you did with Aday
last year!

Come on!

No! No, no.
Your dad got so mad,

Aday's dad was furious,

and Madea got everyone
into trouble,

and the cops were called.

Come on. It'll be fun.
No. Nope.

No, yes, you're doing
this with me.
We're doing this together.

We're best friends.
We're gonna do it. Come on.

(HORN HONKS)
Oops, sorry.

GABRIELLA: Not gonna
like this.

Wait! Your dad is not
gonna like this.

TIFFANY: I don't care!
I'm an adult. I'm 18.

He doesn't have to like it.

Aren't you excited?

No.

Be excited.
It'll be fun.
Come on, come on.

Stop! No.
I don't wanna go.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(DOORBELL RINGS)

DINO: Who is it?

TIFFANY: It's a surprise!

Whoa. Whoa.

Back up!

(LOUD MUSIC PLAYING)

GABRIELLA:
What is wrong with you?

TIFFANY: What's with all
the cloak-and-dagger?

Just being careful, you know?
Do I know you?

Well...
(CLEARS THROAT)

No. Missed me with that.
I ain't the father, all right?

Um, is Jonathan here?

Oh. He ain't
the father either.

I do know you. Okay.

Yeah, you're
the 17-year-old charlatan.

Go ahead, take a hike,
you rug rat.

Look, I just wanna talk
to Jonathan.

Jonathan don't live here
no more.

All right?
He moved to Shanghai.

Dino.
No Dino here.

I am the security
of this fraternity.

Right here,
you see these toasters?

Make bread, heat it up.

Dino, come on. The guest list
isn't gonna write itself.

Oh, can I get on it?
Hi. How are you?

(LAUGHS) Hey!
Yeah, I'm not talking to you.

Why not?
Oh, I don't know.

'Cause last time I checked,
you're 17.

Oh, well, last time I checked,
I just turned 18.

(CHUCKLES)

Really? She's 18?

DINO: Don't fall for it, dude.
She's a temptress.

Yeah.
I just wanted to apologize
for last year, all right?

And I wanted to see
if we could get invited
to this Halloween party.

"Oh, boo-hoo,
I wanted to apologize."

Yeah, you're the reason
we can't have
a Halloween party this year.

What?
Yeah, we can't have
a party this year.

But you just said you were
working on the guest list.

Well, yeah, but we can't have
a party here

at the frat house anymore.

Why not? Because of me?

No, 'cause of global warming.

Yeah, 'cause of you.

It's because of your dad
and his old gangster friends.

Okay, look. She's sorry.

No party. Okay, cool.
Let's go, okay?

Bye, guys, see you later.
But see,

the thing is...

Adiós.

My birthday's today,
Halloween is tomorrow.

I'm just sad that
I messed it up for you guys.

I'm sorry.

Bro.

DINO: ID. Fork it over.
Come here.

Put it right there.
All right, let's see.

There you go.

Wow.

Is she?

I'm not good at math.
She's definitely hot.

Was it is, 18 now?

18.

DINO: Fake.

Probably. It's all right.
Whatever. I don't care.

Here you go.

(SIGHS) I just wish
I could make it up to you.

(DINO EXCLAIMS)

DINO: She just gonna throw it
at you like that?

No, she's not talking
about it like that.

Sounds like she was to me.

You're so gross.

I just hate that you guys
aren't having a party
this year.

You know, I could show you
guys that I... I...

I actually know
how to have fun.

Well...

Don't do it, dude. I'll do it.

Don't do what?
Whatever he's saying
not to do.

I don't know.

What is that?

We are having a party!

(CHUCKLES) I know.
I knew you were just kidding.

What time should I be here?

Oh, it's not here.

No?
Nope.

It's at Lake Derrick.

(CHUCKLES)
What?

Yep.

Bingo.

Are... Where the people got
killed making out?

Yep.

Are you crazy?

Oh, my God.
This is gonna be so much fun.

Tell that to the people
who died there. It's not fun.

Yeah, you can't.
'Cause they're dead.

Look, it's gonna be
super creepy and scary.

But that's why
it's gonna be lit!

DINO: You're gonna
regret this, bro.

And for that reason, I'm in.

And that's why
it's gonna be epic!

Epic!

Epic!

Dude, what are you
doing here?

DINO: Seriously, dude,
you're like 40.

Just graduate.

Um, what time
should I be there?

Do you know how to get
to Lake Derrick?

No, but I have a car that has
a GPS and Gabriella...

Gabriella won't.

...will be there.

I'm not going.

Yes, you are.

It'll be fun!
No, no. Are you crazy?

Have you not learned
your lesson already?

I'm not hanging around
dead people.

All right, look.
I'll text the instructions

on how to get there tonight.

Alongside a shirtless selfie
that I took this morning

and only sent
to two other girls

that you can save
as your wallpaper.

We'll see you at midnight.

Midnight?

JONATHAN: Yeah.

We start at 12:01
on Halloween.

I'm not about to go
to this right now.

Okay? Come on.

See you there!

(SIRENS WAILING)

Stalker alert! Stalker alert!
Stalker alert! Everyone!

Go, go, go! Code red!

I will not bitch out.
I will not bitch out.

(HORN HONKING)

Bae!

GIRLS: Anna!

ANNA: Bae! Bae!

Anna, calm down.

Anna! Anna!

Anna!

ANNA: Why are you here?

We were just getting
invited to the...

Library! To the library
with books and knowledge.

Are you guys lying to me, huh?

No.

You guys are lying to me.

No, there's knowledge in books
which are at the library.

How are you?
Great parking job.

You crushed that.

Where's Horse?

Uh, probably shirtless, taking
a selfie in the bathroom

and stroking his hair?

Where's Jonathan?

Right next to him high-fiving?

Where's Mikey, where's Byron,
where's my boyfriend?
Where's everybody?

Anna, why are you here?

I've been calling Horse
every single day,
day in and day out.

He won't respond,
and I wanna know why.

Well...

I texted him 25 times
in the last 30 minutes.

Just three bubbles.

What does that mean?
Somebody tell me
what that means.

QUINTON: You have
really strong thumbs?

There he is. Baby!

GIRL: Anna, stop!

GIRL 2: Anna!

(SCREAMING)

ALL: Surprise!

It's just me.
Everybody calm down.
Calm down.

Do you kids mind?
Mind let us talk for a second?

Looks like
you need to calm down.

(SIGHS) Yeah,
it's this divorce.

Is it that bad?

I've been telling you about it
for years, man.

Yeah, it's that bad.
She is that bad.

And be glad that
your daughter loves you.

Come on.
Tiffany loves you too.

She tolerates me, man.
There's a difference.

She tolerates me.

It's all teenagers.

Teenagers. Yeah. Okay.

But how'd you get yours
to be so responsible?

Well, me and Liz, we sit down,
give her a little space.

Sometimes, space works.

Yeah, well, she's got all
the space in the world now.
You know why?

Her mother bought her a car.

Just bought her a car.

She's not responsible enough
to have a car. This woman...

You just need to
sit down and talk with her.

It'll work out.

Yeah, yeah.

It's a car!

Yeah. Thanks, Dr. Phil.
Finish eating that dip.

Damn. That's
a nice little sports car
they done bought her.

It's red.

Red, that means fire.

Bought her what looks like
a nice little car out there.

BRIAN: Yeah, it is, isn't it?

Debrah bought her a nice car.

You bought her
some headphones.

Why you let that
ho do that to you?

Do not say that
about my ex-wife, okay?

I don't want my son
to hear that. She's not a ho.

Ex-wife, old ho. Same thing.

Hear me good when I say this
to your ignorant ass, boy!

You don't let no ex-ho
show you up to your child.

You handle that!
Do you understand?

Listen to what I'm saying.
Call her up.

Do your pimp voice like
I used to do back in the day.

(CHUCKLING)

(HIGH-PITCHED)
"Look here, ho."

(CHUCKLES)

That was my pimp voice.
It had to be higher

so when you hit 'em low,
they didn't know
what was comin'.

You understand?

She bought a car, all you
gotta do is walk up to her,

"You don't buy my daughter
no damn car
unless I say it's okay.

"You better take this car back

"wherever the hell
you got it from

"or I'mma kick your ass!

"You finna take this car back.
Your raggedy ass...

"I shouldn't have married you
in the first damn..."

Excuse me?

Damn, she showed up
like Candyman, didn't she?

(CHUCKLES) Same thing I said.

What did you say?

I said, "Hey, baby,
how you doin'?"

(CHUCKLES)

I'm fine.

You know, it's always
good to see you.

Daddy?

You had the pony.
You didn't have the stallion.

Yeah, right. Come on, Calvin.

So, uh, who the hell is this?

Hattie, that's her
new husband.

Oh, that's how
y'all rollin' now?

That's how y'all doin' things?

You just gonna bring
your piece up
and all through here?

That's how you go?

That's what
the young folks do now.

That's how they all do.

Well, back in the day,
you would have
got your ass whooped.

JOE: Let me make sure
I understand this.

Boy.

Boy.

You gonna stand there

and let this girl bring
this nigga up in your house?

Joe, watch your
darn mouth, hush!

Have you ever in your life
known anybody

that was able to watch
their own mouth?

I bet you if I pulled
your darn eyes out,

and turn them around have them
look at your darn lips,
you'll see 'em.

I can't watch my darn mouth.

I can't see it.
That's ignorant.

Just shut up, Mabel. Hell.

Do you see my mouth?
I can't see it.

Joe, shut the hell up.
Just shut up.

Close your legs.

I know she can't
close them legs.

You know why? Nuts.

(HATTIE LAUGHING)

BRIAN: You wanna see
something funny? Watch this.

Hi, Calvin.

He never talks to me.

He ain't gonna say
nothin' back to you?

JOE: He don't speak to you
when you in your own house

and you won't set it straight?

That's all you got to say?

You don't let no woman bring
no man up in your house!

Beat his ass!

Daddy, we are not
those kind of people.

We are people with class.

Bitch, did you hear
one word that I said?

Class? We ain't never have
no damn class.

We didn't even go to class.

Calvin, this is
my father, Joe.

Hi, Mr. Joe.

Nigga, don't freakin'
talk to me!

I don't know you like that,
mothertrucker!

Joe, shut the hell up.

You are ruining my son's life.

Look at him, standin' there
lookin' like a...

(SIGHS)

Daddy, that's enough.

Don't you damn say
no damn "Daddy" to me here.

This woman...
MADEA: Joe, hush up!

You better watch your daughter
'cause she gonna be
just like her.

Ain't gonna be shit either.

MADEA: Joe.

Hello.

MADEA: Oh, there she is!

ALL: Surprise!

She's here!

Oh, hell. Surprise, then!

Get on out my damn way.

Oh, my.

JOE: Move!

I need a joint.

Surprise!

Surprise!
Thanks.

Oh, babe, I was gonna
get you somethin',

but my check was late,
and I, I...

But my heart was in
the right place.

Thank you.

You surprised?

Baby, you don't look
too surprised
to see us sittin' here

after I done drove
all the way over here

to this part of town
with no driver's license.

You need to
at least look surprised.

Well, I had a feeling
you'd be here

'cause it's the same people
every year.

BAM: Well, I mean,
that's stupid.

You have a birthday
every year,
what you expect?

Okay, somebody better get her.
Y'all better get her.

Hey, Tiffany, come here!

Look who's here!
Look who's here!

Look, your friends.

TIFFANY: From
elementary school.

GABRIELLA: Even I don't
deal with them.

I'm gonna put some music on.
This is gonna be so great.

B.J., put the music on.

Hi!
TIFFANY: Hi,
you're here too?

Happy birthday.

TIFFANY: Thank you.

Your dad called me like
ten times. So I had to come.

I'm sorry,
he does this every year.

I know, it's cute.

(CHUCKLES)

Hi, girls.

Hi!

Hi, Mr. Victor!

You guys are growin' up
so quickly.

Dad, would you stop?
You're so embarrassing.

He's so hot.

You have a thing with dads,

and I'm worried for you.
So what?
It's just a little thing.

Anyways, I'm so glad
you're here,
'cause I was gonna call you.

Why, what's up?

There's a party tonight.

Where?

Um, well,

it's at Lake Derrick.

The frat boys are having
another party,

but it's my year to turn up!

My parents are gonna kill me
if I tell them.

Don't worry about it.
I have a plan.

Oh, I gotta hear this.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

All right, all right.

Time for the father-daughter
dance.

Hey, hey, hey!

Dad, no, no. Come on!

Do the Fire Hydrant,
do the Fire Hydrant.

What is the Fire Hydrant?

It's the dog...
Do the Fire Hydrant.

Do the Sprinkler.

Do the Toilet Seat.
Do the Toilet Seat.

Oh, baby, how come
we can't dance like that?

Because that's embarrassing.
I'm not doing that.

Just one.

No. No, no.

Come on, dance.

No, I don't wanna dance, Dad.

Get it, get it, get it.
Get it, get it, get it.

Oh, get it, get it.
He done told you.

Come on.
Get it, get it, get it.
Come on, girl!

(EXCLAIMING)

What up, what up?
Get your donk on.

Get your donkey whipped.

LEAH: Look at that!
Uh, uh, uh.

BAM: Yeah, girl. Go.

I, I, I can't do this.
I'm gonna go get some water.

Oh.

You're not enjoying
your party, are you, baby?

No, I'm not.

BRIAN: It's okay.

Brian, that girl's
so damn rude.

I could just kill her!

Okay, all right.

And pass it.

Pass it back, pass it.

Take it, take it!

Okay. All right, sure.

You know what?
This party is bunk.

Mom, please.

(CHUCKLES)

I know you're not happy.

So tonight, I think
you should let Calvin
and I take you to dinner.

That sounds great, but I got
invited to a Halloween party.

Halloween is tomorrow.

But the party starts tonight.

What? All night?

Now you know
your daddy will not...

I know, but maybe...

I was thinking, I could
spend the night at your place

and you could just let me go.

You know what?
That's a good idea. (LAUGHS)

I mean, you're 18!

You're grown! Yes!

TIFFANY: Yeah!

So will you tell him
or will I?

Oh, no, no, no.
Let me tell him.

You know I love
getting under his skin.

Okay! (CHUCKLES)

BRIAN: Hey, hey!

Almost sundown.
You know what that means!

Pin the tail on
the donkey call! (CHUCKLES)

And you know
what else we gonna do?

I got a petting zoo outside.

A freakin'
petting zoo outside.

You are not going to
believe this.

I don't believe it.

BRIAN: Come on, come see!
It's a petting zoo.

I'm sorry.

This is a birthday party
for an 18-year-old.

Shit, Brian ought to be
ashamed of himself.

It's so lame.
He ought to feel bad.

Yeah, hell yeah, it's lame.

This girl don't bit
mo' wanna be here
than the man in the moon.

Hey. When I think about
a man in the moon...

(CHUCKLES)

You got one hell
of a moon on you.

Have you ever seen it?
It's full.

(CHUCKLING)

(MOCK CHUCKLING)

And here we go! Here we go!

Look what I have for you!

Look, a petting zoo!

TIFFANY: A petting zoo?

Hi. This is Rose and Renee.
They were in the circus

and they are a part of
the petting zoo.

They have these
horses for you!

Hi.

Hi.

We'll be out here
when you're ready.

Okay, thanks.

Thank you.

You used to love this
when you were little.

Yeah, when I was four.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

Lord, what the hell
Hattie doing?

JOE: Look at her.

BAM: Joe!

JOE: Look at that!

Watch it. Her knee's gonna
go out in a minute.

(SCREAMING)

How you know her knee
was gonna lock up, Joe?

That's nasty, Joe.

That's how I know.

HATTIE: Time for this, here.
I'm too old for this.

That hurt like a son of a...

He ought to feel bad.

Bought that child
some headphones.

Brian, you did
a good job, baby.

You did a good job
with this party.

You did a good job.

I don't feel like I did
a good job.

Baby, she loved this party.
She loved it.

Don't be lyin' to this boy.
He ain't do no damn good job.

That girl out there miserable.

MADEA: Joe, shut the hell up.

Son, if you gonna throw
a party for an 18-year-old,

there's some things you need.

You got balloons and confetti.

Blow... (VOCALIZING)

Eighteen-year-olds want drugs.

Ain't no 18-year-olds supposed
to be doin' no drugs.

What the hell
you talking about?

I, I was doing drugs
since I was eight years old.

And that's how
you turned out
as stupid as hell.

JOE: I may not be able to
remember nothin'...

My brain might be fried,
all I know is...

I don't know.

MADEA: It was nice, Brian.

You know you lyin'.
This party was suckin'.

Come on,
I'll help you clean up.

Well, that's my cue to go.

MADEA: Bam, you rode here
with me.

How the hell
you gonna go anywhere?

Come on here.
Let's go clean up.

Mabel...
Stop being so darn lazy.

Lazy?

Now wait a minute, Mabel.
I may be a lot of things,

but lazy ain't one of 'em.

And you know
I had hip surgery.

What that got to do
with anything?

Mabel, the doctor said
I can't have no sex

and I cannot stand up

for long periods
of time, honey.

(JOE CHUCKLES)

I actually like it
standing up.

Like horses.

(GRUNTS)

Shut the hell up, all this.

Come on, y'all, come on,
let's go on in the kitchen.
Come on.

BAM: Mabel...

Thank you, Madea.

BAM: Mabel...

You wanna get paid, don't you?

MADEA: You're right
I want some money.

Hell, I don't do
no services for free.

I don't think
this is cool at all.
Ugh.

Stop, all right?
You're coming
and it's gonna be fun.

Tell your dad you're staying
at my mom's place.

Okay.

We're gonna have a blast!

Yeah!
I'm so excited!
Aren't you excited?

Man, I don't know
what I'm gonna do

to make Tiffany happy.
I have no idea.

Teenagers. I've been
through it, man.

With Gabriella? No.

No, with my other kids.
Oh.

Gabriella? She's been nothing
but a delight.

Hmm. That's good, man.

Tiffany was a delight too,
when she was one.

It gets better.
It gets better.
It takes time.

Yeah, okay. If you say so.

She's 18.
How much more time?
I've been...

Feels like I'm in prison.
I don't know how many years
I gotta do this.

That's all right. I'm throwing
away one or two things.

That's all I'm gonna do.
Come on.

Your mom is seriously
the coolest.

Oh, thank you.

And get this,

she's letting us go
to the party.

DEBRAH: Mmm-hmm.

LEAH: Yeah?

DEBRAH: Wait,
will your parents know?

Well, they'll know that
we'll be at your place.

Tiffany...
Come on, Mom!

You're so cool! Please.

Okay. All right.

But you have to promise
to be responsible.

We will.
Yeah.

We will, right?

Yeah, yeah.

Wait, hold on.
Where's this party?

You won't get mad, right?

You're 18. No.

It's at Lake Derrick.

Lake Derrick?

It's a haunted
Halloween party.

Oh. Well, this sounds fun.

Yeah.

So you're gonna let us go?

Hmm.

Yeah, you can go.
(CHEERING)

You're only young once, honey.

You shouldn't be sittin' here
with a petting zoo.

You know?

Yeah, you're right.

So go, have fun.

But be careful.
We will.

Yeah, we will.
DEBORAH: All right.

You're the best.

I love you.

I love you.

(CHUCKLING)

I know this girl
ain't not have said...

I know this girl did not
just come out here

and say what
I thought she just said.

Now, I know y'all didn't
just hear that.
You ain't hear?

What?

Hear what?

Who said this?
What'd they say?

That girl back there,
her mama...

Debrah's gonna
let her go down
to Lake Derrick for a party.

Mabel!

MADEA: Yes!

Down there
where them children died?

All of them people got killed.

She's gonna let her go down
there for some party.

What the hell
they going down there for?

I just said, a party.
A Halloween party, Hattie.

Why do these children insist

on playing around
with the devil these days?

You tell me, honey.
You tell me.

Does Brian know?
MADEA: No, he does not know.

But I'm sure gonna tell him,
soon as we finish
cleaning up in here.

I was about to say...

Soon as we finish
cleaning up in here.

I was about to say...

Soon as we...

You know what?
I'll do it my damn self.

I ain't gonna be able to help.

So...

Okay, Dad, I'm off.

You're off?

Yeah.

Where you going?

She's coming with me
to my house.

Why?

Because we wanna have
a nice dinner

with her for her birthday.

Okay, great.
I'll get my keys.

Well, no, no.
You're not invited.

She wants to spend
the weekend with us.

BRIAN: Really?
DEBRAH: Mmm-hmm.

All right, fine. Um...

Well, be careful.

Okay, I will.

And I love you.

I love you too.

All right.
No driving after dark.

No, I won't.

And it's Halloween,
so be careful.

I will. Bye.

Hey, Dad.

Um, Tiffany's having
a sleepover at her mom's.

Can I go?

Well...

Come on,
you know you can trust me.

Okay.

Thanks, Dad.

You better make sure
you call me though,

as soon as you get there.
I will. I will.

Okay.

Bye, Mr. Simmons. Rad party.

Really?

Ah, hold on, hold on.

Yes?

Ain't there somethin'
that you wanna tell Brian?

No.

MADEA: Debrah...

DEBRAH: What?

Yes, there is.
What?

Debrah, don't be
sittin' there lyin'.
Yes, there is.

What?
MADEA: Brian,

Debrah gonna let Tiffany
go up to Lake Derrick
or somethin'

for a Halloween party,
and you need to know that.

What?

That's what she said.
That's what I heard.

Are you kidding me?

Look, she's 18.

Eighteen is not grown.

Well, I said she can go.

You have to
let her grow up
at some point.

Are you crazy?
People died up there!

Damn it, she's gone.

She's fine. She's an adult.
You have to stop doing this!

She is not fine.
I'm telling you...

You know what?
I'mma let y'all handle this.
I'mma let you...

Brian, y'all handle that.
I'm gonna sit down.
I'mma let y'all handle that.

DEBRAH: You're gonna
push her away

if you keep treating her
like a toddler.

Now the girls are gonna go,
they're gonna have
a great time.

And they'll all be together.
It's okay.

Wait, my daughter's going too?

Oh. Yes, but it's okay.

She lied to me.

BRIAN: Your daughter's not
going, and neither is mine.

Yes, she is. Goodbye.

BRIAN: Debrah...

Debrah...

Debrah, wait a minute. What...

Listen to what
I'm saying to you.

Debrah. Hey.

DEBRAH: I know you aren't
trying to tell me
how to bring up my daughter!

BRIAN: She is
my daughter, too.

We have got to
figure this out.

DEBRAH: Well, I said
she can go, so she's going.

BRIAN: What are you...

I heard them arguing
when I was sittin' here.

I know he's sayin'
somethin' to her.

DEBRAH: She is grown.
She is 18.

BRIAN: What are you
saying to me?

I am telling you, she's fine.

JOE: Oh, yeah. It's gonna
end up on Nancy Grace.

BRIAN: I don't care
You need to listen
to what I'm saying!

DEBRAH: Wonder why
we split up? This is why.

I don't know he gonna...
Gotta go see out there, girl.

DEBRAH: Get out of here! Move!

(CAR DOOR CLOSES)

(CAR DRIVING AWAY)

I heard y'all out there
fussing, Brian.

What happened?
Did you go get her?

You put your foot down?
JOE: No, he handled it.

That's my seed right there.

He went out there
and handled it like a pimp

supposed to handle a ho.

Did you handle it, pimp?

Daddy...

Wait a minute,
did you kill her?

You ain't kill her, did you?

I know you put them
big-ass foots down

when you went out there,
didn't you?

Or somethin' else down.
Did you put it down, player?

No.

Why not?
MADEA: Listen to me, Brian.

That girl cannot go up there.

You know all them folks
that died up there?

These kids is crazy.

Debrah lost her damn mind.

BAM: No, no, no.

He went out there,
but he didn't say nothin'.

I'm gonna let her go.
JOE: What?

Brian, I'm telling you
right now,

do not let that child
go up there.

You ain't gonna do nothin'?

Well, she thinks she's grown.

I'm gonna let her go
and see if she's grown.

That's crazy as hell.

But what if something happens
to her up there in them woods?

I'll just pray that
nothing happens, okay?

That's what
I'm gonna do, so...

No, pimps don't pray.
The hoes is the prey.

Daddy...

Your mama...

Your mama was... I guess...

I get sentimental
when I think about her.

'Cause your mama was
a hard-working ho.

She was committed to being
on top of the game.

All her teeth out her mouth,

she had her tonsils out
and everything.

She wanted to be
a professional.

You know what, Daddy? Okay.

You know, your mama was
my first, so she's my bottom.

Daddy, you know what?
Okay, listen.

I'm going upstairs.

I'm gonna say good night
to all of you.

See your way out, please.

Nobody's moving.

I think he wants us to leave.

Is anybody moving?

I don't damn think so!

Wait a minute.
I know damn well
you ain't trying

to put me up out
of this house.

We ain't leaving
till we good and ready to go.

You ain't gonna treat me
like this, you hear?

You got me?

We done cleaned up this place
for you

and this the thanks we get?

You're so darn rude!

I will leave when I get good
and ready to leave.

It takes my car a little while
to warm up anyway.

You know, your mama was my...

See your way out, please.
Thank you.

JOE: You just gonna
let her walk all over you?

He been drinking that buice.
(CHUCKLES)

BAM: Joe?

Yeah.

What is buice?

Bitch juice.

(LAUGHING)

Do you believe this?
Look. Look.

VICTOR: Wait, 14 murders?

14 murders.

VICTOR: This makes
me so angry!

I don't like being lied to.

This is not like Gabriella.

Well, it's definitely
like Tiffany.
She lies all the time.

Why would they wanna go
to a party

where people
have been murdered?

Even though
the killer's been caught,

this still is unsettling.

BRIAN: Yeah, paragraph two.
Two brothers.

The brothers were
never caught.

So they don't know
what's goin' on up there.

Look, look,
let me read it. Here.

It says, "In 1976,
crime scene investigators

"were baffled by the murders
at Lake Derrick.

"Authorities believe
that the two men died

"in the vast wilderness
surrounding the lake,

"but locals in the small town,
they take another view.

"'I believe they're still up
there,' says Ray Jones.

"The Connor brothers,
Jimmy Wayne Connor

"and Bobby Joe Connor,
were never apprehended."

(BLACK BEATLES
BY RAE SREMMURD PLAYING)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

♪ I sent flowers

♪ But you said
you didn't receive 'em

(CHEERING)

♪ But you said
you didn't need 'em

♪ That girl
is a real crowd pleaser

♪ Small world,
all her friends know of me

♪ Young bull
livin' like an old geezer

♪ Quick release the cash
Watch it fall slowly

♪ Frat girls
still tryna get even

♪ Haters mad for
whatever reason

♪ Smoke in the air
Binge drinking

♪ They lose it
when the DJ drops the needle

♪ Getting so gone
I'm not blinkin'

♪ What in the world
was I thinkin'?

♪ New day,
new money to be made

♪ There is nothin' to explain

(HORN HONKING)

♪ I'm a fuckin' black Beatle
Cream seats in the Regal

♪ Rockin' John Lennon lenses
Like to see 'em spread eagle

♪ Took a bitch to the club
and let her party on the table

♪ Screamin',
"Everybody's famous!"

♪ Like clockwork,
I blow it all

♪ And get some more

♪ Get you somebody
that can do both

♪ Black Beatles
got the babes belly rollin'

♪ She think she love me
I think she trollin'

♪ That girl
is a real crowd pleaser...

Honestly, I am never
riding with you again.

We're here, aren't we?

Yeah, barely.
We almost died along the way.

But did you die?

No, but a kitten died.

It was a kitten.

I hear music!

Yeah, let's dance!

We all know how she gets
when she hears music.

Yes, come on!

No, come on.
No, listen.

You know how much
I hate all this lying.

Okay, who are we
lying to though?

Your dad, my crazy dad?

No, no, no. We did not lie.

We just didn't tell them
the whole story.

Oh. Oh, please tell me
what the difference is.

The difference is,
I just didn't tell them
the whole story.

That makes zero sense.

What is she doing here?

I'm sorry. She followed us.
We couldn't just
leave her at home.

Tiffany, are you really gonna
ruin my party again?

No, I'm not. She'll be fine.
You'll be fine, right?

No, she's not fine!
Not for him.

Horse!

Who is that girl?

We are not together.

Yes, we are!

No, we're not.
You got my number

from some random guy at a bar.
What are you doing?

We're over
when I say it's over.

We never even went
on a date!
Yes, we did.

I've never even talked
to you on the phone.

You're my man, and you'll
always be my man!

We were never anything.
What are you talking about?

Bae!

That girl is mental.

Is she stable?
What was that?
She has issues.

That girl needs help!
Help!

♪ ...That girl
is a real crowd pleaser

♪ Small world
all her friends know of me

♪ Young bull
livin' like an old geezer

♪ Quick release the cash
Watch it fall slowly

♪ Frat girls
still tryna get even

♪ Haters mad
for whatever reason

♪ Smoke in the air
Binge drinking

♪ They lose it
when the DJ drops the needle ♪

(CRYING)

Are you okay?
No.

He doesn't want me anymore.

Well, I'm...

Don't say you're sorry!

Don't say you're sorry!

I wasn't gonna say that.

I think I should just...

What is that behind you?

What?

(BREATHING LOUDLY)

Hey, man, sick costume.

(CHOKING)

(SCREAMING)

(TWERK IT BY V.I.C. PLAYING)

♪ Twerkin' it for daddy
Twerk-twerkin' it for daddy

♪ She say she
Twerkin' it for daddy

♪ Twerk-twerkin' it for daddy

♪ She say she
Twerkin' it for daddy

♪ Twerk-twerkin' it for daddy

♪ She say she
Twerkin' it for daddy

♪ Twerk-twerkin' it for daddy

♪ Lil Mamma
'cause ya booty got swag

♪ I ain't never seen...
like that... ♪

Oh, hi. How are you?
Hey.

Looking good.
Costume's looking...

Damn.

Thank you.

Yeah, no doubt.

You look good too.
Yeah, I know.
It's all right.

This little thing right here.
How about that?

This party... Rockin'.

Yeah.

But the weak ones
are about to leave

because they're scared of
the Sheriff comin' out here.

Wait, we're not even
supposed to be here?

Oh, come on! This is
an underground party, baby.

Well, the music
is pretty loud.

Well, we're a long way
from town.

(LAUGHING)

Damn, habibi, you look good!

Thank you, thank you.
DINO: All right,
all right.

Abe Lincoln,
shots to the dome.
Who's doin' 'em?

Uh, no, no, no.
I don't do shots, okay?
I'm a Christian.

Well, you know, Jesus,

he turned water
into wine, right?

Don't you dare
bring Jesus into this.

We should all bring Jesus
into our hearts.

LEAH: That's true.
Hey, ladies.

Hi, Horse.
Do you remember me?

Of course I remember you.

What's goin' on?

You tell me.

Well, the DJ's killin' it.
Let's go get a drink.

Yeah, but we're outta ice.

I'll take care of that.
Hey, yo, pledgee!

Can you get us some ice?

Yes, sir.

(LAUGHING) See, I did that.

Let's go.

Let's go, let's go.

♪ Work, you better
Work, You better work

♪ Why you think you got high?
You better...

♪ Work, you better work... ♪

I'm tired of gettin' ice, man.

Need to get
their own damn ice.

(SCREAMING)

(CHAINSAWS BUZZING)

(SCREAMS)

♪ Kill it, zip it, flip it

♪ Can't nobody beat us, hey ♪

Is it me?

It's always you.

No. It seems like we've been
in this car for a long time.

Is it me
or we going a long way?

Joe, you're right.
We have been in this
car a long time.

Right.

BAM: Mabel...

Why are we not goin' home?

How you know
this ain't the way home?

Mabel, this ain't the way
to the house.

No, we ain't goin' home.

We goin' up there
to Lake Derrick

to look after
that little girl.

What?

HATTIE: The hell you...

Yes, we are.

What the hell
we goin' up there for?

Madea, why?

So we can go get that girl.

BAM: What?
Yes, we goin' to get her.

What the hell?

BAM: Mabel.

She shouldn't have lied
to her daddy.

She might be up there
in trouble or somethin'.

Look here.
Her daddy didn't care
if she was goin'.

I don't give a damn
if she goin'.

Put this chick in reverse.
Let's go back to the house.

Joe, shut your mouth.
We goin'.

Mabel, people got dead
up there for real.

This ain't like that last time
when we was playin' around.

That man named Derrick,

Mabel, he killed all them
children up there

for trespassing on his land.

We can't go up there.

Please don't forget
about Mr. Wilson.

You know Mr. Wilson up there
done killed all them children.

He dangerous.

I sure hope Wilson is there,
so he can take your ass away.

Hattie, shut up.

There ain't no Wilson
up there.

They were playin' around
with you.

Right.

And why you gotta sit
so damn close to me?

Ma, you let me out
this dang car
right now, and I mean it.

You sure you wanna get out
right now?

Let me out right now!

Okay.

JOE: Get on out.

HATTIE: I changed my mind.
I don't wanna go out there.

You did what?

I changed my mind.

What the hell is she saying?
She's shaying her mind?

Changed her mind.

JOE: Look, say
"changed your mind."

And girl, put your teeth in.

You ain't goin' to
work tonight.

HATTIE: I ain't
goin' out there
with them woods and things.

You know I don't
like the woods
and things out there.

You don't like woods,
but I sure love a nice bush.

Then sit there
and shut the hell up, Hattie.

Mabel...

What?

Why you didn't go up here
by yourself?

Yeah, Ma, go on, answer that.

Go ahead, Ma.

Shut up.

Y'all was in my car,
that's why.

I didn't wanna drop
y'all off at home

and then come up here
by myself.

So I had all y'all
to ride with me.

That is a lie.
Mabel, you scared.

Sure are.
I ain't scared
of nothin', okay?

Mabel, you are scared.
You know you are scared.

If Brian don't wanna
look after his own child,

then we gonna have
to look out after her.

Bruh, you better take me home.

And me too.

You know when them
children be having parties,

they have all
kind of drugs up here.

MADEA: That's right.
That's why we need
to go up there.

This girl might be out there
strung out on that Ever C.

Hold the hell on.
Hold the hell on.

Y'all say somethin'
about drugs?

Yeah, they be havin' all kind
of drugs up there, Joe.

Wait, we goin'
where the drugs at?

All kinds of good things.

Come on, let's ride.

What the hell are you
slowin' down for?

Speed up! Let's hurry up
and get there, girl.

Hurry up and get
over there before all
the good-good is gone.

I don't know
why everyone thinks
this place is so creepy.

I think it's kind of romantic.

Romantic?

TIFFANY: Yeah.

You're kind of out there,
aren't you?

I can be.

(JONATHAN LAUGHS)

Back up, frat.

This one here belongs to me.

Hey, relax. She does not
belong to anyone.

(LAUGHING)

She's jealous.
You see that?

Hey, you don't
gotta be jealous.
You got Dino.

That's capital D,
capital O!

Oh, no!

Not interested,
thanks.

Does she ever stop dancing?

No, clearly not.

Guys, get up. Let's dance.

There's no music.

So what?

Okay, I really think
we need to leave.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait, why?

You leaving, Panda?

All right, then. I'll see you.

Have a good one.

Yeah.

Bye.

That is like the 20th couple
I've seen leave tonight.

We need to get outta here.

JONATHAN: So?
We're not scared!

We're gonna ride this out
through the night!

I heard that.

No one is riding
anything, okay?

We gotta get outta here.

Why is everybody leaving?

This happens all the time.
People get scared.

They got curfews
and their parents.

And you know what?
It's usually the girls.

Yeah, but don't worry.
We're here for you.

JONATHAN: We work out,
like, three times a week.

We can protect you!

Yeah, and if there's no DJ,
I'm here.

All right?
I got my eye on you.

And I'm gonna get your number
before you leave, all right?

No.
HORSE: You're pretty sexy.

We can make our own music.

I don't care.

All right, well,
come sit down, then.

GABRIELLA: She's annihilated.

How much have you drank, Leah?

Not enough.

Speakin' of that...

Where's the ice?
Yeah.

DINO: Yeah,
where the hell is Kevin?

I sent him for ice, like,
a while ago.

All right, Dino, go check.

Hey, Horse, find Kevin.

I sent him for ice, like,
a while ago.

What? He just told you
to do that.

Yeah, and I told you.

It's like telephone.
Like, pick it up.

"Hello, Horse,
go get the ice."

Fine.

But only if you come with me.

Giddy-up, Horsey.

Attaboy.

JONATHAN: How many girls
is he talking to?

I know. He's talking to two
at once right now.

All right.

Looks like there's only one
thing left for us to do.

Oh, yeah? What's that?

Two words.

What?

Bang.

(LAUGHING)

That's not funny.
You're disgusting.

Look, look, you got them two.

You got Jonathan and Tiffany.

Then do the numbers,
crunch the math... (BEEPING)

Bingo! You're
the lucky winner!

No, thanks. None of this
is happening. Move.
Oh, come on!

Move over! I'm sitting. Okay?

Bro.

I'm tryin' here, man.

I'm bringin' my A game.
You're hearin' this.

It's true.

So tell me
what happened here.

You mean with the deaths?

Yeah.

We are not gonna
start talking about this. No.

Let's just say...

A couple of kids came out here

who shouldn't have
been out here.

They were trespassing.

Kind of like
we are right now?
Yes.

Legend has it,
they were out here

and Derrick saw them
having sex in the car

and started picking
them off

one by one, and now...

That's the fun part.

Tryin' to make it
to the next day.

Dying.

That's not fun.

How is that supposed
to be fun?
Will you relax?

How am I gonna relax?

Listen, the guys do this
so they can make us scared

and they can feel
like they're protecting us.

I am scared.
Okay.

Is it workin'?

Touch me, and you'll die
before Derrick gets here.

I'm already dyin'
for you, baby.

Know this.

Hey, Kevin!

Where is he?

I don't know.

Well, let's not keep
looking for him.

These damn pledgees.

Well, come on,
no one's around.

Oh, it's like that?
Yeah.

Especially your
crazy ex-girlfriend.

What are you doing? Oh!

HORSE: Is that blood?

What is that?

Oh, it's everywhere!

It's gotta be
some kind of joke.

What do you mean?

Kevin, the pledgee, he's gotta
be playing some kind of joke.

This isn't funny. Let's go.

(GASPS)

What is that?

I don't know.

(CHAINSAWS BUZZING)

LEAH: Oh, oh, my God.

Okay, we're gonna leave.

Yeah. Yeah.

(SCREAMS) Go! Go! Go!

(LEAH SCREAMS)

Hurry up and get over there
before all that
good-good is gone.

Joe, shut your mouth.
We goin'.

(SCREAMS)

Shit!

I'm gonna knock you
in your throat.

Did you see that?

See what?

Did you see that?

BAM: See what, girl?

What?

BAM: What?

That little girl.

I just seen a little girl.

Look, look,
you blowin' my high.

You better shut
the hell up, okay?

Girl, don't nobody see
no little girl.

MADEA: What the hell?
(TIRES SCREECHING)

BAM: Mabel! Mabel!

Mabel!

(TIRES SCREECHING)

BAM: What the hell is this?

The hell wrong with you?

Oh, my God!

What the hell is you doin'?

I hit the brakes!

We know that.
Hell, I almost threw up
all over the damn car.

All my Milwaukee's Best
was almost in Bam's hair.

Mabel, you hit somethin'!

No. I... No, no, I saw horns.

That was a buck.
That was a male deer.

Nuh-uh. I saw a white dress.

Well, maybe
the deer's transitioning.

JOE: What the hell
you mean, "transition"?

What the transition of a deer?

How the hell
a deer gonna transition?

Mabel, I saw a little girl.

And she had on white?

She did have on a white dress.

That's the same thing I saw.

How the hell you see a girl
that was back there, up here?

That don't make no damn sense.
She defies gravity?

I don't know,
but I know what I seen.

Mabel, what if you killed her?

Well, that little ho
is outta her misery now.
Let's get the hell outta here.

Mabel, you gotta
go check on her.

I ain't finna get out
this damn car

and check on nobody.

Mabel, what if
the little thing is hurt?

Then she'll die soon
like a deer
on the side of the road.

I'm not goin' out there
lookin' at her.

Hey, that's what I say. Put
'em out their misery, babe.

Put 'em out to the pasture.

Madea, stop it now.

Ma, you need to move
this here car now!

Joe!

I wish your big ass would ask
me to go out there

and check to see what you hit.

Hell, you'll scare
every damn thing out there,

looking like Sasquatch.

Fine. Fine.

You gonna get out?

What the hell else?
I'mma go check on this...
The deer.

I told y'all that was a deer.

Get your big ass out and go
check and see what's goin' on.

HATTIE: Yeah, go ahead, Ma.
You check on that.

Yeah, see what the hell I...
I know I hit somethin'.

BAM: Well, Mabel, what is it?

What is it, Mabel? What is it?

Bam, hush! Damn!

It's a little blood
on the car, that's all.

Must've been a deer.
That's all I hit, was a deer.

Mabel, you didn't hit
no animal.

(CRYING IN DISTANCE)

Okay, well, come on.
Get back in the car.

Hush!

What is it?

Shh!

(CRYING CONTINUES)

I hear somebody cryin'.
Sounds like a little girl.

It's a little...

(CRYING)

Oh, Lord, I see her.

I don't know.
Y'all come out here.

Joe?
What?

Get outta here
and go help your sister.

I don't like that dude.

BAM: Come on, Hattie.

HATTIE: Oh, now, Bam...

Here we come.
Get out, get out.

HATTIE: Y'all know good
and well

I don't like these here woods!

Hey, when all y'all got up
here outta this car,

it raised up nine inches.

Mabel, I don't like this.

These some ignorant-ass
fools right here.

I don't like this!

Mabel, look at that blood!

Look, I ain't high enough
to be dealin' with this bull.

You know what?
Yeah, y'all... Y'all do that.

Come here, Hattie. Hell.

(SOBBING)

MADEA: You see?

Hey, little girl.

You all right, little girl?

Mabel, I think she hurt.

Oh, you a Sherlock.
I know she hurt.

Maybe, you know what, Mabel?
She'll be fine.

If we give her some water,
she'll be just fine.

Bam, water ain't the answer
to every damn thing.

Let's go see about the girl.

Mabel, I don't wanna do this.
I can't do this.

Hush! Hush!

She might be...
What if she die or somethin'?

Mabel, you got
a record already!

Hush your mouth.

Come on, let's go.

Hattie, keep pullin' away
from me.

Keep pullin' away from me.

Come on! Come on!
Keep pullin' away from me.

She is cryin'.

Hey, little girl.
You all right?

BAM: Don't cry though.

(SCREAMING)

The hell?

(SCREAMING)

Mabel! What the hell is that?

MADEA: I'm out! I'm out!

BAM: Mabel, why you runnin'
down there? Get in the car!

MADEA: Get in the damn car!

Joe, what the hell
you doin' up there?

We gotta get outta here!

This ain't good!
HATTIE: Drive!

BAM: Mabel! Oh, Lord!

What the hell was it?
BAM: Drive, Joe!

The car won't start.

Oh, hell no!

MADEA: Where she go to?

BAM: Mabel,
I don't know where...

MADEA: Where did she go?

(THUMPING)

Where is she? Where's she at?

BAM: Mabel,
I really don't know.
I really don't know!

Oh!

I know that damn girl is not
on top of my damn car!

BAM: I don't know.
Where'd she go?

HATTIE: I don't know,
I don't know now!

Oh. Hey. Oh.

(CRYING CONTINUES)

Oh!

(HATTIE SCREAMING)

Drive! Drive, Joe!

MADEA: What is it?

JOE: Hey!
BAM: Look at this!

HATTIE: Ma, there she go!
There she go!

Get! Move!

HATTIE: Get it, Ma! You know
how to get this bitch started.

BAM: Joe, drive!

HATTIE: Go, Joe!

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Why are you so tense?
Will you relax?

Where's Leah?

She went with Horse.
You should go with Dino.

I'm not going
with that creep.

Gabriella...

No, come on.
I'm just gonna go
look for her.

Don't, don't.
Don't, don't, don't.

Why not?

You don't know
what they're doin'
out in the woods. Just don't.

You should go with Dino.

I don't wanna go with him!

Look, I just wanna go home.

No. Why?
We're having fun.

No, I'm getting sleepy.
I'm tired. I just...

Here, have a drink and...
And dance!

No! Are you not aware
of how creepy this place is?

Fine. Go in one of the tents
and zip it all the way up.

People do all kinds of things
in those tents.

I'm not going in one
of those tents, Tiffany.

Okay. Okay, listen, we got
another tent, all right?

You can stay in there.

Just us girls?

Yeah, just us girls.

Where is it?

DINO: Come on.

It's over there.
I could show you.

What? Okay.

Bye! Good night!

I'm coming back.

Why?

So we can go in our tent.

Honey, I'm staying
with Jonathan.

What?
Yes.

Are you serious?
Yes, I'm serious!

Bye, don't wait up.

Fine.

Fine!

Fine!

All right, come on. Let's go.

Don't touch me.
I'm not walking with you.

(WHOOPING)

(CHUCKLES)

Wait, wait, wait! Wait.

Hold on.
I need to call my dad.

Wait, what is your dad
gonna do right now?

I don't know!

There's no reception!

Where's your phone?
Give me your phone!

Leah, phones don't work
out here, all right?

What are we gonna do?
Let's go! Let's go!

(CHAINSAW BUZZING)
(SCREAMING)

(HORSE GRUNTS)

(LEAH SCREAMING)

No! No! No!

HORSE: No!

LEAH: I'm gonna get help!

MADEA: Joe, people like you
work on my nerve
when they drive.

Put a little bit on the gas,
let up on the gas.

That's how people get carsick.

JOE: Shut up! Let me drive.

You better shut the hell up
talkin' to me like that.

I will show you
how to talk back to a pimp!

MADEA: This car is old.
It can't handle that.

Why is you tryin'
to drive my car so hard?

Damn, that's what
the hell I do

with a car
and a woman and a ho.

I drive 'em hard.

(HATTIE LAUGHING)

Well, now,
we ain't goin' nowhere.

Well, look like I'm finna put
all you hoes out
on the streets to walk.

I'm not gettin' out this car
and walkin' goin' nowhere.

Do you know
what the hell exercise is?

Exercise and exorcism,
that's what the hell...

You need to
exercise, exorcism...

And a circumcism.
You need all them things.

Get out
and exercise sometime, Mabel.

I ain't gettin'
out this car.
I know that.

I know that I'm not either.

You know I ain't
walkin' nowhere.

'Cause you know
you ain't exercisin'.

And you know what?
You gonna be
the first one to go.

Why you say that?

JOE: You know
they gonna catch you.

'Cause everybody else
gonna outrun your ass

and that's all they need,

is one little piece of meat
hangin' around behind

and they grab
the low-hangin' fruit.

Hush, Joe.

LEAH: Help me!

(SCREAMING)

What the hell?

Girl, I almost punched
the hell outta you.

They're trying to kill me!

This that girl from the party.

BAM: Don't open that door.

They're trying to kill me.

Who tryin' to kill you?

Derrick!

BAM: Listen, baby...

Ain't no room in here.

(STAMMERS)

We already are
spread out in here.

Please, please,
you have to let me in.

I seen that ass.
Let her in here.
What's up, mama?

They already killed one man.

They're gonna kill me too
and they're trying
to get Tiffany.

Wait, who they kill?

Horse!

HATTIE: Horse?

Whores, huh?

That fine, sexy college boy?

What a waste of a man.

Please.

Calm down, baby. Calm down.

Ain't no need in gettin'
all excited. Big Papa here.

No, please help me.
Please, you have to help me.

HATTIE: Nuh-uh! Nuh-uh!

I want both of them in here.

BAM: Both of what?
Don't worry about it.

Girl, go ahead
and get in the damn car.
Get in the car.

LEAH: Thank you.

BAM: We don't have
enough room for her.

Get in the car.

It's always the ones
that's fat

tryin' to keep
the sexy ones out.

Okay, we gotta go right now!

Wait a minute.
Talk to me, honey.
Where's Tiffany at?

She's at the camp still!

Where is the camp at?

It's all the way up there.

We gonna have to go get her.

LEAH: Yeah.

No, we don't.
Uh-uh!

Mmm-hmm.

Let's put it to a vote.

JOE: Well, look here.
Go on and get her.

You know, they always need
a man to come rescue a damsel.

So go on, damn man.

I'm so sick of this.

Wait till this car
stops smokin'.

We will drive back there
and get her.

We'll what? (SIGHS)

(BAM SCREAMS)

What the hell wrong with you?

What the hell's
wrong with you?

Look, look, look, look, look!

Oh, no, no, no!

I ain't gonna see him
for a long time.

Yeah, you know what?
I ain't worried.

That ain't nothin' but them
damn frat boys
from that college.

No, no, no. It's not!

You sure?
Yes, I'm sure!

Look here, partner.

Go on out there
and see if that's them.
Go on out there.

No, that's not them!

You know what?
I'm not playing around.
I'm tired of this.

LEAH: No, no, no.
BAM: Mabel...

To hell with it. I got this.
Y'all sit there and hush.

BAM: He is not
turned on by you.

I'mma tell you this
one time, okay?

I'm not gonna deal with
none of this bull from y'all.

I don't deal with
this Halloween bullcrap!

Okay?

So let me make this
perfectly clear.

I know it's y'all frat boys
up in there

playing with this fake...

(ENGINE STARTING)

What the hell
are you doing, Joe?

I'm getting ready
to drive off.

You gonna leave your sister?

I don't like that dude.

(CAR ENGINE STARTING)

Where your eyes?

BAM: Mabel, here he come.

HATTIE: Ma!

Drive, Joe!

Joe, I think you better drive.

Mabel, where did he go?
Where did he go?

I don't know.
I don't know now.

Drive, Joe!

I told you, the tire flat.
(ALL GROANING)

Let me tell you somethin'.

You ain't never seen me run
from the po-po.

You better drive this
son of a...

Drive!

(CAR ENGINE SPUTTERING)

So, uh, this is the tent.

You've been saying that
for the past 20 minutes, okay?

Yep.

Sure you don't want me
to stick around?

No. I'm good, thank you.

Check for spiders?

You can go.

It gets kind of lonely
in here.

I can protect myself.
Can you just go?

What if Derrick comes?

I don't care. I'm fine!

Okay, so it's cool
if Derrick comes in.
I see how it is.

You know
you're a little uptight?

I don't care.

Yeah, it's a lot of fun.

(DISTANT LAUGHTER)
You hear that?

You hear that right there?
How much fun they're
having out there?

That we're not?

No, that sounds like
little kids.

(CHILDREN LAUGHING)

The hell?

GABRIELLA: What is that?

I think I'm tripping out.

Yeah. You hear that?
Definitely tripping.

Yeah, I hear that.
That sounds like little...

(GIGGLING)

Oh, my gosh. Do you think
those are Derrick's daughters?

(GIGGLING)

I'm getting out of here, okay?

I'm grabbing Tiffany,
I'm getting out of here.

Quick question.
What?

How fast can you run?

Why?
That.

(CHAINSAW BUZZING)

(SCREAMS) Oh, my God! Run! Go!

Get out of my way!

So you know what
I want for my birthday?

No. (LAUGHS)

You.

(CHUCKLES)

You should
take your clothes off.

Right now?

Yeah, right now.

(SQUEALING)

Dino told me this was
gonna happen.

No, no, no.

No? Do I look fat?

No, no, no, no!

Look, look, look!

(BOTH SCREAMING)

Oh, no, no, no!

(GROWLING)

(BOTH SCREAMING)

JONATHAN: Oh, my God!

No, no, no!
What?

We have to look
for Leah and Gabriella.

No, Tiffany,
they're on their own!

We came here with them.
We can't leave them.

Oh, Tiffany, come on.
We have to find them!

I don't wanna die!

I don't wanna die either,
but they don't wanna die!

Gabriella!
Oh, my God!

Are you okay?
We gotta go.

We gotta go.
We have to go.

There's something
going on around here.

I know. We need to leave!

I saw a road over there.
Let's go.

All right, who has a phone?

Um, uh...
It's in my boobs. Hold on.

(TIFFANY STRUGGLING)

(GRUNTING)

I have reception.
I have reception.
I can make a call.

Who are you gonna call?

I'm gonna call the police!

No! We don't wanna
get in trouble again!

Okay, then I'll call my mom.
She'll know what to do.

You're caring
about getting into trouble
when we're gonna die?

Yeah!
Oh, my gosh.

(LINE RINGING)

DEBRAH: Hello?
Hello? Mom? Mom?

You havin' a good time?

No!

You need to come and get us!

What's goin' on?

There's something happening.
There's a guy with a chainsaw.

What?

I don't know!

There's ghosts.
Where are you, Tiffany?

I don't know.
I'm in the woods.
Someone's trying to kill us!

Where? Where are you?
I don't know!

Stay on the line.

Hello? Hello?

The call dropped.

What do we do?

I don't know.

We gotta get outta here.

(CHAINSAW WHIRRING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

MADEA: Be careful, Joe. Hell.

JOE: Here we go again.
Tryin' to tell a man...

MADEA: Joe, pull over there,
pull over there.
You're going too damn fast.

Pull right here.
JOE: Look here, bruh.

MADEA: Pull up, Joe. Hell.
JOE: Shut up, dude.

MADEA: Get off the damn road
before somebody
hit my Cadillac.

JOE: Shut up, sir.
MADEA: Pull up right here.

Pull up. You got to
let it cool off, Joe.

JOE: Let a man drive.

MADEA: Pull up here.

JOE: We all know
you wanna be a man.

MADEA: Stop, stop, stop! Damn!

MADEA: Turn the car off.

JOE: Can't run with y'all.

MADEA: Turn it off. Hell.
They have a car out here!

MADEA: Is this where
they supposed to be?

LEAH: They were.
JOE: Need some air freshener
up in here

MADEA: The hell?
This girl got me out here
lookin' all over for her.

Get on out the car, y'all.

HATTIE: Ma, you sure?

MADEA: Yes, hell.

HATTIE: We really
gonna get out here?

MADEA: Yes, this girl
got me out here
lookin' for her.

Come on, Bam!

BAM: There's
another sign, Mabel.
Why, we need to...

Why, we don't need
to be out here at all.

I just want you to know

If they don't come back,
I'm here for you.

Uh... (SIGHS)

Good girl.

Look here, I'm just trying
to be me, you know?

It's okay.

Yeah, you, you
over 18, ain't you?

No. Mmm-mmm.

Oh, hell. Well, never mind.

No.

I was just gonna
make you feel like a...

Nope.

...a woman.

Where is she at?
Come on down here!

HATTIE: Ma!
Come on down here!

We need to get on
up outta here

before these here
people get back, Ma.

Which is another sign

why we need to get
outta here, Mabel.

Where is everybody at?

We need to go!

Ma?

What?

I gotta use the bathroom.

Well, do like Bam here.

Go on, squirt
and just piss on yourself.

I do not piss on myself.

Okay, well, do like Bam
and squirt a little pee then.

Squirt a little pee.

Mabel...

Who you know don't squirt?

I don't squirt. I shakes.

I'm gonna need y'all
to quit this here now.

I said I got to go
to the bathroom.

Well, where the...

That look like
an outhouse over there.

Go on over there and use it.
We'll be right here.

HATTIE: Say what?
That outhouse.

That's where
the bathroom's at?

Yes.

Over across the waters
over there?

Yeah, girl, go on.

Ma, you, you want...

What if that little girl
over there?

(BAM LAUGHS)
What?

What if that little girl
over there, Ma?

I ain't in the mood
for this tonight,

I ain't lyin'.

We left that little girl
way back there.

Hell, she ain't
round here nowhere.

Go on over there
to use the bathroom

so we can get
the hell outta here.

Ma, you'll go with me?

Why the hell
I gotta go with ya?
I don't gotta pee!

Ma, I'm scared to go
over there by myself, Ma.

I don't wanna go over there.
(SIGHS)

Look, I just need
to find this girl,
let my car cool off,

try to put some air in my tire
so I can get the hell
up outta here.

Come on.
Go with me,
Ma, please.

Hell, come on, then.
Hell, come on.

I know I ain't goin'
over there with y'all.

I'll be right here.
With ya'll, Bam.

I love your little outfit
you got on.

You see...
What is that?
A pussycat?

(CHUCKLES)

I'm a leopard.

You're a leopard?

Oh, okay, if you're a leopard,

then I will make sure
your stripes get in order.

(CHUCKLES) Shit.

I know you want me.

They say once you go black,
you never go back.

Once you go old,

you might get mold. (LAUGHS)

Molded into what
I want you to be.

(CHUCKLES)

Ugh.

Yeah. You know,
they call me a mule.

(GASPS) No! No, no, no!

(SHOUTS) No! Ah!

That's pretty much
what happens

every time I tell
a woman that, that I'm...

They call me "mule".

(CHUCKLES)

'Cause I'm hung.
(CAR SEAT STRAINING)

(CHUCKLES)

I know she run.

You better run,
'cause once you go old...

Little girl,

I don't know where
your mama and daddy at,

but I'm not the man
you wanna mess with.

They should have
warned you about me.

I'm a pimp
from back in the day.

I would slap your ass silly.

Go on somewhere
with that bull, little girl.

(SOBBING)

That's just what
the hell I thought.

MADEA: Come on, Hattie. Hell.

Walk on over here
to the bathroom.

HATTIE: Ma, that sure is
a long way across the bridge.

MADEA: Go on
across the bridge! Hell!

Scared of everything.

HATTIE: Ma, this here water
look kind of spooky.

MADEA: Ain't nothin'
wrong with it.

Just an outhouse over here.

Hell, we used to have these
back in the country.

Outhouse? Well, I don't know
nothin' about that.

MADEA: Go, come on! Go ahead.

This bridge bouncing.

HATTIE: I don't like the looks
of things around here.

This here... What is that?

Uh-uh, I play
about a lot of things,

but my life ain't one of them.

Ma, make sure
you stand here with me, hear?

Fine, there,
the outhouse is there.

HATTIE: All right.

You stay here.
You wait right here for me.

I'mma wait right here.
Go on in there.

All right.
I'mma wait right here.

Go on in.
All right.

I'm right here, Hattie. Go on.

Don't go nowhere, Ma.

Go on in the outhouse

I'll be right back, Ma.

Go on in there. Hell.

All right, Ma.
I'll be out directly.

Yes, okay. Go on in.
All right.

Okay. Ma?

Yes?
You still there?

If I wasn't out here, Hattie,
would I be saying "yes"?

All right, I won't
be a long time.

Be out in a while here.

In a minute.
Just give me a minute.

Just hurry the hell up.

All right, Ma.

It's crazy out here.

All right.

You still there, Ma?

(SQUELCHING)

Ma?

(GROWLING)

Ma?

Ma, you still there?

(MADEA SCREAMING)

HATTIE: Madea?

Help me, Jesus! Help me!

You still there, Ma?

Help me, Jesus!
Help me, Jesus!

Help me, Jesus!

Help me, Jesus!

Madea?

Help me, Jesus!
I need you, Jesus!

I repent all my sins!
Madea?

Help me, Jesus!

(WAILING)

Ma?

Madea?

Madea?

(MOANING)

(BANGING ON DOOR)

(SHOUTING) Madea!

Ma!

(SCREAMING) Ma!

Ma!

Madea!

Madea!

Yeah, Bam. Hell.
That's what I know.

So, you know, if it don't work
out with him, you know...

Just, I got you covered.
Don't worry about it.

(MADEA GRUNTING)

Mabel!

Get in the car.
Get in the car. Joe...

What?
Uh, I need you to go
check on Hattie.

(SCOFFS) Why you
ain't help out, bruh?

We got... We got to get
the hell outta here.

What happened?

MADEA: I saw him, girl.
He out there.

I saw Derrick, baby.
He out there.

He real.

What?

What the hell happened?
MADEA: I saw him.

Mabel, what?

I know this gotta be
them dumb college kids

playing a game, I know it.

HATTIE: (SCREAMING)
Madea! Madea!

Madea!
JOE: What the hell
is wrong with her?

HATTIE: Madea!
Ma, open the door!

Madea!
The hell is wrong with you?

Madea!
What?

Ma!

You didn't have
to leave me like that, Ma.

I sure the hell did.

You should've seen him comin'
up out that damn water.

I had to get
the hell outta there.

Around here,
it's every man for himself.

BAM: Ma, Ma.

I saw her, Ma!
JOE: Saw who?

That little girl.

That little girl's back there.
How the hell
you see her over there?

HATTIE: Joe, that little girl.
I just seen that little girl.

And she tried to get me!

You say she was what?
She was...

She was watchin' me piss!

I saw him too.

Nah, Ma.

Uh, uh, uh.

Joe, don't start nothin'.

Uh, oh... Hell no.

I ain't finna
look back there, Joe.

Somethin' back there,
I'mma punch you
dead in your face.

Look! Look!

Look!

(CHAINSAW WHIRRING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

JOE: Oh, hell.
HATTIE: Go, Joe!
Drive, Joe! Drive!

(YELLING INDISTINCTLY)

Sheriff? Sheriff.

Calm down.

My daughter
is at Lake Derrick.

We told those kids
not to go up there

and they sneak up there
all the time.

Okay, well, she needs help
because she says
she's in trouble.

Well, I've got a deputy
up there and I'll look in.

No, no, no.
I need help now, Sheriff.

I'm working on it.

Have a seat.

I'm not gonna sit down.
This is my daughter.

Well, there's nothing
you can do.

Oh, God,
I shouldn't have let her go.

I shouldn't have
let her go up there.

No, you should not
have let her go.

I know. I'm sorry, Brian.

But can you please help?

Well, I don't know
what I can do.

Please.

Do something!

How are you this calm?

Okay, fine. All right.

Sheriff, do you think...

SHERIFF: Okay, come on.
I'll take a ride.

I appreciate it. Thank you.

Calvin, it may be, uh...

A little dangerous up there.
Do you wanna go with us?

Uh, no, no, it's okay.

You guys got this, right?

I'll stay and, you know,
comfort her, okay?

Yeah, okay.

Yeah, thanks.

Really, she needs me,
you know?

My dad calls it buice.

Buice.

Thank you, guys.
You got this, you know?

MADEA: Joe,
this car ain't gonna make it.

HATTIE: Mabel...

MADEA: I don't know
what the hell goin' on,

but I don't believe
it's gonna make it.

BAM: That's what I mean
about this not a nice car.

HATTIE: We need
to take cover, Ma.

Hell no.

What the hell
you stoppin' for, Joe?

This car.
That's what she
was talking about.

You ain't got no nice car.

Joe, come on, y'all. Let's go!

Do you know what
a woman's car say about her?

It tells you
if she any good in the bed.

If a woman got a nice car,
that means a man done
put down some money

and got her a nice car.

You know what this car
say about you?

Don't nobody give a nuts!

You bitch ass!

JOE: Look here.
We gotta take cover, I say.

What?

Yes. That's what I did
when I was in the military.

Joe, you was a cook
in the army.

What you taking shelter for?

How the hell you know
what I was doin' in the army?

Was you there, bruh?

They only allowed
dudes in there.

Was it you who was
in the (MUMBLES) platoon?

And where the hell
is we supposed
to take some shelter?

Right.

There.

(WOMEN SCOFFING)

Ain't no way
I'm goin' up there.

No. First of all, Bam don't
climb no steps. Number one.

And she ain't goin' up in
that raggedy-ass house.

Look at that. Uh-uh.

Haunted house. No.

JOE: Bam, somebody tryin'
to kill your ignorant ass,

and you won't walk
up five steps?

Joe.

That's somethin', man.

You'll walk up them steps
for a honey bun.
I know that.

Your ass'll get up there
for a damn honey bun.

Ain't no dang way
I'm goin' up there.

Fine. Sit here
and be goat meat
for one of these killers.

You think somebody
livin' up in there?

Hattie, that's just ignorance

fallin' out your darn
lips right now.

That is ignorance fallin'

from your lips
through your brain.

That just don't make
no sense to me at all.

Look at that house.
Do you believe anybody
lives up in that house?

I know all that, Ma.
But doggone!

(STUTTERING)
Will you just hush?

MADEA: Please!

Y'all think they got
a telephone in there?

Is she serious?

Is she serious?

Why the hell
would they have
a telephone up there?

They windows is boarded up.

Right, if they can't
afford a window,

how the hell are they
gonna afford a telephone?

I don't care if they
got a phone in there.

That's shelter.
Y'all better go on.

Wait, wait, wait. Wait.

Joe, why don't you
just go up there
and knock on the door?

Right. Then why
don't you go knock?

Go on up in there and knock?

You go knock. I think a man
should go up there and knock.

Yeah, you just answered
your own question.

Go on up there and knock.
You know you got a scrotum.

(SCREAMING)

Hattie, you gonna
have to stop that!

HATTIE: That's that
little bim!

That's that little bim!
What's that, little bim?

Ma, look at that little bim!

That's that little bim!

Hattie!

Get off, get off!

Get out! Get out of here, Bam!

Here I go!

(MADEA SCREAMING)

(HATTIE SCREAMING)

BAM: Oh, Lordy!
Oh, these steps!

HATTIE: We gonna
need a bottle.

(INDISTINCT BABBLING)

BAM: Mabel, I can't take...

Yeah, got rid of them asses.

I told my dad and uncle
the awful things
you said to me.

And they wanna talk to you.

Hurry up!
Get the hell in here!

Hurry up! Go!

Mabel! Slow, nothin'.

Y'all tryin' to kill me,
ain't you?

Hell, somebody tryin'
to kill all of us. Damn!

Where they at?

Behind me.

Oh okay, I'll talk to 'em.

'Cause I'm sick of y'all
and this bull.

I saw this movie,

and I'mma show you what
they do to this kind of...

Good luck.

(CHAINSAW RUMBLING)

(CHAINSAW WHIRRING)

I changed my mind.

(GROWLS)

Where the hell is Joe?

I don't know and I don't
give a damn where he at!

We need a phone!

Old people,
we don't have reception!

(ALL SCREAMING)

Why are you screaming?

The hell y'all
doin' up in here?

We've been hiding out here!

You scared me!

I'm scared!

Who the hell else
in here with y'all?

Me and...

Jonathan.

And your boy.

Your boy's here.
And me.

Are you pranking us?

Hell no, ain't nobody
pranking you. Hell.

I thought y'all
doin' this to us!

No, it's not us!

And it sure the hell ain't us.

Oh, hell no!

What is it?
Ma, look!

MADEA: What is it?

(HATTIE WAILING)

What is it? What is it?

Joe!

Aah, look!

MADEA: Joe!

Look!

They got my baby now!
That's my baby!

Oh, Hattie,
that's too much damn drama.

Not my baby! That's Joe!
They got him, Ma!

You not gonna go out there
and help your brother?

Hell no, I ain't goin'
out there to help him at all.

He on his own now.

He been on his own
for a while.

Mama always said
he was special.

Damn. Cold-blooded, sister.

Well, he dead now.

We'll look for him
in the daylight.

Praise the Lord.
BAM: Mabel,

if he dead now,
what the hell we gotta look
for him for in the morning?

You know what? That's right.
When you're dead,
it don't matter.

We'll let Jesus find him
when he comes. Praise Him!

Right!

Right.

That's your boyfriend.

You carry your ass out there
and you look for him!

Well, I'm just gonna pray

and ask God for me
another one.

MADEA: I'm not gonna do this.

I'm not gonna be runnin'
from no man!

Do I look like I'mma be
runnin' from a damn man?

Let him come his ass over.

Let him come
his ass over here.

You know what I'm gonna do?
What?

Go out there
and I'mma beat his ass!

Okay, so I get it.

You are big and bad
and everything, Ma.

You just got to beat his ass.

That's all you gots to do.

That's right, that's right.
I'm goin' out there.

Soon as I catch my breath.

Them brownies
ain't sittin' right.

I shouldn't have eat
them little brown doughnuts.

(CHAINSAW WHIRRING)

Well, there he is!

Where? Where?
Who?

(CHAINSAW WHIRRING)

MADEA: What is he doin'?

Is that a chainsaw?

Yes, ma'am.

Is he about to
saw up my car?

He can't hear me, can he?
He can't hear me, can he?

You better leave my car alone!

Look here, Lake Derrick man!

BAM: Mabel...

What is it?
Oh, no, no, no.

Bam, don't start that wiggle.

Mabel, I gotta...

I gotta teet...

I gotta tinkle.
I gotta tee-tee.

MADEA: Bam.

Mabel, I gotta pee.

Come on.

Bam.

Tinkling is for little people.

Pissin' is for big-ass
people like us.

Well, Mabel.

Lord have mercy.

MADEA: You better
damn hold it!

Well, now, Ma,
you know good and well

she ain't able to do that.

(SHUSHING) Just hush.

I gotta figure out
what we gonna do.

Guys, we can make
a run for my car.
Yes!

Girl, how the hell all of us
gonna fit in a damn
Mini Cooper?

Well, I was hoping
that you'd stay here
and we'd go for help.

Yes.
You know what?

That's what we gonna do.
We that damn stupid.

We gonna stay here
and let you go
get in the car and leave.

MADEA: Y'all need some help.

GIRL: I'll go for help.

(ALL SCREAMING)

(ALL YELLING)

HATTIE: God almighty!

MADEA: Hattie, stop
swinging that damn purse
before you hit me!

Dad?
BRIAN: Hey!

(WHISPERS) Dad.
Gabriella.

(GRUNTING)

I'm so happy to see you.

What's goin' on?

There's people coming.

We have to go.

What?

We gotta go!
To the other side.
Other side!

TIFFANY: Run, run, run.

What is goin' on? What...

There's people in the house.

They're killing us!
And then the little girl!

Look!

(ALL SCREAMING)

Hey, hey!

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

You mean this little girl?

Yes! Yes, that's her!
Yes! Obviously, that one!

I'm just gonna talk to her.
TIFFANY: No!

Everybody, calm down.
I'm just gonna talk...

(ALL CLAMORING)

Come on, bro!
HATTIE: He talkin' to her!

Look at him!
He's crazy as hell!

Look at that girl.

He's the ghost whisperer.

Cool. Cool.

He bringin' her over here!

No, no, no!

MADEA: Hold
the hell on, Brian.

Why this little girl
not attacking you?

Why you got all that
damn mud on your shoe?

What you and Victor
been doin'?

Well...

Dad, did you do this?

BRIAN: Uh...

Well...

It's a good one.

We got you!
(LAUGHING)

BRIAN: So you think
this is funny, right?

No. I did not
think it was funny.

No, you wanna sneak up here
and come up to Lake Derrick

without talking to me.

This is not good.

This place is dangerous,
as you can see.

Really dangerous.

This was not funny.

BRIAN: I thought it was funny.
Didn't you, Victor?

I really did.

Seeing that you lied to me.

I'm sure you're sorry
now though.

Look, I'm sorry, Dad.
I didn't mean to lie to you.

Wait, so where are all
the other people
that were here?

BRIAN: Um, uh... Don't worry
about that. And you, son.

You wanna date my daughter?
Let me explain
something to you.

You have to come
and knock on my door

and say you wanna
take her out.

Do you understand?

Yes, sir.

You don't just
sneak up here with her.

Yes, sir.

BRIAN: Hey.

You remember Rose and Renee
who brought the ponies?

This is Rose and Renee.

Come on, let's go. Come on!

All right, everybody. Come on.

You wanna know
where they are, I'll tell you.
Get in the car.

Okay.
All right. Shotgun.

Get in the car.
Come on, let's go.

HATTIE: Yeah, let's get
out of here.
Scoot all the way over.

Sheriff...

Listen, I told you
I have a deputy up there.

But something needs to happen.
I've been waiting for hours.

You give me
no information.

Come on!

Mom!

Oh! Oh, baby!

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm okay.

Oh, my God!
You scared me to death.

I was scared to death.
But it was Dad.

What do you mean, it was Dad?

Dad and Mr. Vic
tried to prank us.

Hey, don't...
Now you know better.

Do not start with me.

You shouldn't have let her
go up here.

I know, I know.

You what?

You're right.

I know. I'm sorry.

(WHISPERS)
She said I was right.

(CHUCKLES)

Yes, I am right.
You're right.
I am right.

I'm right!

And we have to co-parent.

And we have to co...

(MOUTHING) That's right.

That's right.

She's 18,
but we've got
one more to go,

and we should co,
we should co-parent.

But I'm sorry.

I'm gonna do better, okay?

I'm gonna do better.

Come here.
Okay.

That's all right.

HORSE: Hey, man.

You came
to bail us out, right?

JONATHAN: What?
Everybody's locked up?

Yeah, trespassing.

Boo! Happy Halloween!

You were in on this, Anna?

Sure was.

Thought it would teach him
not to cheat on me!

I know you want it.
I know you want it.
You still want it!

You can't hide from me!

Dad, are you serious?

What? They all
had drugs on them.

We thought they were all dead.

Well, you happy they're alive?

Although, that one,

he'll be staying here
a little longer.

Wait, me?

Why... Why me?

You were hittin'
on my daughter!

But wait till
you get out here.

'Cause I'm gonna
braid your hair

and then I'm gonna mousse it.

I'll bail you out, baby.

Yeah, don't take
that deal, dude.

Uh, you're just, uh...
You're better off in jail.

Just spend the night there.
I think you're safer.

You sure about that?

I'll stay in here.
No, it's okay.

BAM: Hattie!

Leave that baby alone
before you give him worms.

HATTIE: Girl,
I ain't got nothin'

but some gummy worms for him.

Mabel...

Shh!

Don't call my damn name.
The government up in here.

Oh, Madea.

That's what the hell
they know me by. What?

What is you duckin' down for?

Hush, I'm trying
to be inco-gragrigo.

Inco-gragrigo?

Shut... Girl, yes.

We ain't goin' to no
inco-gragrigo this weekend.

Bam, hush.

I have to be on the low.

On what kind of low?

I have to be on the low
'cause I'm on the wall.

Look. Look on the wall.

BAM: Mabel!

MADEA: Bam!

Shut the... Hi, Officer.

Shut up. Don't be temptin'
my damn anger.

As soon as I can run
the hell up outta here,

I'm gettin' the hell up
out this bitch.

I'm telling you right now.

BAM: That is
a beautiful picture.

You look so pretty.

Do I? That was my good side.

That's one of them old ones
from back in the day, honey.

That's one of my early
mug shots

when I was
in the Black Panthers.

Is that right?

Yeah, they used
to call me Pussy Panther.

But Mabel, they got you
down for check fraud.

That ain't all.
You didn't read
all of them.

BAM: "Check fraud,
criminal trespassing..."

MADEA: Yeah,
attempted murder.

Assassination.

Deadly weapon.
Deadly weapon.

Wait! This is a joke, right?

No, no. Our work here is done.

You gotta bail is out.
Please! Please!

You guys figure it out,

and get everybody outta jail.

All on you.

We're done.

We got 'em.

We got 'em.

That's it!

It's nice when a plan
comes together.

Yeah, man.
And that thing with the water

that you did was really,
really great.

The water?

Yeah.

That wasn't me.

Come on.

That was you.

No, that...

(CHAINSAW WHIRRING)

(ENGINE STARTS)

(BREATHING LOUDLY)

Hey, partner.

They tell me you killed
your whole family.

That right?

Well, look,
I got this sister of mine

that I've been wantin'
dead for a long time.

She's a big old dude.

You think you can
help me with that?

I'll share some of that
good-good with you.

CREW MEMBER:
40 baker, take one.
B roll mark.

MAN: Hold on. Come on,

Brian. Wait a minute.

Wait, wait for "action."
Seven. Damn.

CREW MEMBER:
Forty baker, take one.

(CREW LAUGHING)
He ready to go. And action.

Them drugs done mess you up.
Y'all know he 32?

32 years old, sittin' there,
lookin' like he 99.

Mabel, anybody ever tell you
you just look like a man?

I mean, you just look
like a man in a dress.

Ain't nothin' soft,
ain't nothin' feminine,
ain't nothin' pretty.

You just look like a dude.

What is wrong with you?

Ma! Ma!

Madea!

Madea!

(CREW LAUGHING)

TYLER: Okay. One more time.

(LAUGHING)
One more time.

Deadly weapon.
Deadly weapon.

On the White House grounds.
Treason.

Let's try it again.

(CREW LAUGHING)

What the hell
is a car beepin' for?

'Cause it's a...

Oh, Lord.
She don't know nothin'.

When your ass
gets up in the morning,

you back up out the bed...
I hear, "Beep, beep, beep."

It let people know that
a wide load is comin' through.

Oh, damn.

Wait till you get out here!

TYLER: Great. One more time.

"I'm gonna braid your hair
and I'm gonna mousse it!"

One more time, okay?
Here we go.

All right, here we go.

Ready?

Only for you.

TYLER: Man, that's crazy.
All right, cool.

TYLER: Here we go.

CREW MEMBER: Action.

MADEA: What the hell, girl?

(LAUGHING)

TYLER: Are you all right?

(SCREAMING)

Mabel!

(CREW LAUGHING)

TYLER: Have we cut?
Check the gate.

(LAUGHING)

TYLER: So, go this way.
This way a little bit.

Do you have her?

Get your ass outta here.

(LAUGHING)

And your corn
wasn't even bread.

Did you say, "And your corn...

(CREW LAUGHING)

"And your corn
wasn't even bread?"

(SCREECHING) Madea!

Madea!

MADEA: What?

(CREW LAUGHING)

You know what?

That's you.

TYLER: Action.
You ju...

Mabel. You know what?

Yes, I know what.
This is the real... (STUTTERS)

Yes, I know what.

Bae! Come here! Horse!

TYLER: Cut.
All right, let's...

I'm sorry!

You did that?
Yeah, I guess so.

That's a great voice, there.
(LAUGHING)

(STUTTERING) I'm gettin'
ready to go out there.

You know what I'mma do?

What?

(DEEP VOICE) Beat his ass.

Okay, Mabel.
Well, come on, let's go.
Let's go.

The door this way.
Why you pointin' that way?

'Cause something's
gonna happen over here
and you need to cross.

You do it too much.
You know what I'mma do?

Drive. Drive. Drive.

The door's locked.
Door's locked.

(ALL CHEERING)

ACTOR: Oh, my God!

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

It's 4:00 in the damn morning.

We gonna lose...

We were over here
with my cousins.

They like, "Go on, TP,
do what you need to do."

When y'all hear the gunshots,
just get low.

It's way down there...

(STUTTERING)
Behind her belly button.

It's just in there.

It's desecrated in there.
That's all.

That breath done marched up
outta your mouth
like the Confederates.

Don't do that no damn more.

Walking dead comin' up
outta your lips.

(LAUGHS) Don't spray it now.

TYLER: Wait, get a little
wider there. Back there.

You dialed
1-800-choke-that-ho,

and we sent out pimps
from all across the nation

to come handle your situation.

(CREW LAUGHING)

No, it was good.

(ALL LAUGH)

That's a wrap on Boo 2, guys.

CREW MEMBER: All right, guys.
Thank you so much.

(ALL CHEER)

TYLER: Thank you, crew.
Great job, everybody.

(EERIE MUSIC PLAYING)

(POP SONG PLAYING)

(POP SONG ENDS)

(EERIE MUSIC PLAYING)