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1
00:00:01,798 --> 00:00:03,064
Terry:
Woo! Aggh!
2
00:00:04,701 --> 00:00:06,868
Woo!
(Sword clangs against dumpster)
3
00:00:06,936 --> 00:00:08,737
Who's the man
with the sword!
4
00:00:08,805 --> 00:00:10,504
Hey, Pete.
Can we talk?
5
00:00:10,572 --> 00:00:12,207
I don't know.
I'm kind of busy.
6
00:00:12,274 --> 00:00:13,908
I can see that.
7
00:00:13,976 --> 00:00:16,577
Look, uh, I'm worried
about you.
8
00:00:16,645 --> 00:00:17,946
You know, you spend
all your time in the shop;
9
00:00:18,013 --> 00:00:19,280
I think you might be
in a rut.
10
00:00:19,348 --> 00:00:20,581
- Unlikely.
- Hey!
11
00:00:21,851 --> 00:00:23,051
I know it can be hard
to meet people,
12
00:00:23,118 --> 00:00:24,652
but I think
you're a great guy.
13
00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:26,387
You just need help
showing the world,
14
00:00:26,455 --> 00:00:27,388
which is where I come in.
15
00:00:27,456 --> 00:00:28,556
Today is your lucky day.
16
00:00:28,623 --> 00:00:30,658
Oh, my God!
I got accepted to space camp!
17
00:00:30,726 --> 00:00:32,393
Uh, no,
for the thousandth time,
18
00:00:32,461 --> 00:00:33,594
you're not going
to space camp;
19
00:00:33,662 --> 00:00:34,762
That's for little kids.
20
00:00:34,830 --> 00:00:36,964
The luckiest little kids
in the world.
21
00:00:37,031 --> 00:00:38,966
I'm going to help you
get a date.
22
00:00:39,033 --> 00:00:40,033
No thanks.
23
00:00:40,101 --> 00:00:42,102
I already got a date
tomorrow night.
24
00:00:42,170 --> 00:00:43,871
(Laughs) Sure you do.
25
00:00:43,938 --> 00:00:45,572
Uh, that's why
I'm working out;
26
00:00:45,639 --> 00:00:48,041
Women love
a strong sword arm.
27
00:00:48,109 --> 00:00:49,676
Wow! You're serious.
28
00:00:50,845 --> 00:00:52,179
That's great.
29
00:00:52,247 --> 00:00:54,614
But - and honestly I mean
no offense by this -
30
00:00:54,682 --> 00:00:55,949
how is that possible?
31
00:00:56,017 --> 00:00:57,617
She enjoys my star wars
fan fiction.
32
00:00:57,685 --> 00:00:58,651
We meet up
33
00:00:58,719 --> 00:00:59,919
when she's in town
on business.
34
00:00:59,987 --> 00:01:02,955
Don't worry though,
there won't be much talking.
35
00:01:03,023 --> 00:01:04,257
It's a Booty call?
36
00:01:04,324 --> 00:01:06,058
A gentleman never tells.
37
00:01:06,126 --> 00:01:09,729
Let's just say
there will be intercourse.
38
00:01:09,797 --> 00:01:10,864
I'm impressed.
39
00:01:10,931 --> 00:01:12,565
And I honestly mean
no offense by this,
40
00:01:12,633 --> 00:01:14,734
but when's the last time
you had a date?
41
00:01:14,802 --> 00:01:18,170
Oh, I just... I had...
Um... huh.
42
00:01:18,238 --> 00:01:21,240
Now, if you will excuse me,
I must go oil my sword.
43
00:01:23,176 --> 00:01:32,776
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
44
00:01:35,254 --> 00:01:36,321
(Sighs)
45
00:01:36,389 --> 00:01:39,858
So Peter has a date
tonight.
46
00:01:39,926 --> 00:01:40,959
That's great.
47
00:01:41,027 --> 00:01:42,628
It is.
It really is.
48
00:01:42,695 --> 00:01:43,896
But here's
the confusing part:
49
00:01:43,963 --> 00:01:45,263
I don't.
50
00:01:45,331 --> 00:01:47,265
So? I haven't had a date
in months.
51
00:01:47,333 --> 00:01:48,666
What about that guy
you were seeing?
52
00:01:48,734 --> 00:01:51,403
Kroft? I just made him up
to make myself feel less sad.
53
00:01:52,805 --> 00:01:55,273
Oh, kroft,
you shouldn't have.
54
00:01:55,341 --> 00:01:57,142
He's out of your league.
55
00:01:58,377 --> 00:02:00,678
Turned out to have
the opposite effect.
56
00:02:00,746 --> 00:02:03,781
How can Peter
get more action than me?
57
00:02:03,849 --> 00:02:06,283
Could I be losing
my mojo?
58
00:02:08,587 --> 00:02:10,588
- Bernie?
- Ah! I wasn't lost in your eyes.
59
00:02:10,656 --> 00:02:13,758
I don't' know,
maybe I'm overreacting.
60
00:02:13,826 --> 00:02:16,327
If anything,
you're under-reacting.
61
00:02:16,394 --> 00:02:18,496
What? Really?
62
00:02:18,564 --> 00:02:19,931
Think about it.
63
00:02:19,998 --> 00:02:23,233
Last year you were this
big time Harvard success.
64
00:02:23,301 --> 00:02:24,801
Now you're stuck here.
65
00:02:24,869 --> 00:02:26,603
The only thing you have left
is your mojo.
66
00:02:26,671 --> 00:02:27,704
I don't know about
the only thing.
67
00:02:27,772 --> 00:02:29,373
The only thing!
Before you know it,
68
00:02:29,441 --> 00:02:30,841
you're gonna be
watching marathons
69
00:02:30,908 --> 00:02:31,875
with your brother.
70
00:02:31,943 --> 00:02:32,876
We did that yesterday!
71
00:02:32,944 --> 00:02:34,044
Oh, my God!
72
00:02:34,112 --> 00:02:35,079
I totally didn't know that
already!
73
00:02:35,146 --> 00:02:38,281
You need a woman, Terry.
Any woman.
74
00:02:38,349 --> 00:02:41,485
Maybe even a woman who's...
Right under your nose.
75
00:02:41,552 --> 00:02:44,955
You're right!
How could I be so blind?
76
00:02:45,022 --> 00:02:46,490
Rayna, I can't believe
I haven't asked you out
77
00:02:46,557 --> 00:02:47,924
until now.
78
00:02:47,992 --> 00:02:49,258
No, you ask me out
every day.
79
00:02:49,326 --> 00:02:50,527
Several times a day.
80
00:02:50,595 --> 00:02:51,761
In fact,
this is the second time
81
00:02:51,829 --> 00:02:52,762
in this conversation
82
00:02:52,830 --> 00:02:53,864
you've asked me out.
83
00:02:53,931 --> 00:02:55,465
(Chuckling)
Right, sorry.
84
00:02:55,532 --> 00:02:57,266
Here's your coffee.
Cream, no sugar,
85
00:02:57,334 --> 00:02:59,668
because you're hot enough.
86
00:02:59,736 --> 00:03:00,736
That doesn't even
make sense.
87
00:03:00,804 --> 00:03:01,904
It doesn't,
does it?
88
00:03:01,972 --> 00:03:03,239
Something about you
throws me off my game.
89
00:03:03,307 --> 00:03:05,208
Is it her vagina?
90
00:03:05,275 --> 00:03:07,210
I tell you what,
let me make it up to you
91
00:03:07,277 --> 00:03:08,478
by taking you
and your vagina
92
00:03:08,545 --> 00:03:10,213
out for a nice
steak dinner.
93
00:03:10,280 --> 00:03:11,179
Do you regret
saying that?
94
00:03:11,247 --> 00:03:12,214
Instantly.
95
00:03:12,281 --> 00:03:13,849
Speaking of changing
the subject...
96
00:03:13,917 --> 00:03:15,217
That's a nice
rabbit's foot.
97
00:03:15,284 --> 00:03:17,019
Oh, thanks.
It's for luck.
98
00:03:17,086 --> 00:03:18,353
When I rub it like this,
it makes my wishes come true.
99
00:03:18,421 --> 00:03:19,788
Oh yeah?
100
00:03:19,856 --> 00:03:21,590
Oh, look, it's working;
This conversation's over.
101
00:03:24,093 --> 00:03:25,327
Well, you handled that
102
00:03:25,395 --> 00:03:27,062
with all the grace
of a dickless turtle.
103
00:03:27,130 --> 00:03:28,430
What is that supposed
to mean?
104
00:03:28,498 --> 00:03:29,764
Peter:
I think he's implying
105
00:03:29,832 --> 00:03:31,099
that turtles with no penises
would be clumsy.
106
00:03:31,167 --> 00:03:32,501
It's a centre-of-gravity
thing.
107
00:03:32,568 --> 00:03:34,269
No, it's a terrible-
with-women thing.
108
00:03:34,337 --> 00:03:35,470
You're having worse luck
with women
109
00:03:35,538 --> 00:03:37,772
than I am
with online poker.
110
00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:39,207
You can't call that.
111
00:03:39,275 --> 00:03:40,542
Why don't you
just stop playing?
112
00:03:40,609 --> 00:03:42,244
Why don't you get
chemically sterilized?
113
00:03:42,311 --> 00:03:43,945
- Burn!
- I mean you too.
114
00:03:44,013 --> 00:03:46,347
Uh, for your information
I have a Booty call tomorrow night.
115
00:03:46,415 --> 00:03:47,515
Really?
116
00:03:47,583 --> 00:03:49,584
You're not even the coolest guy
in your family.
117
00:03:49,652 --> 00:03:51,419
- Double burn!
- He meant you too!
118
00:03:51,486 --> 00:03:53,621
Nah. That one was
just for you.
119
00:03:53,689 --> 00:03:55,023
Agh!
My contacts!
120
00:03:55,090 --> 00:03:59,226
Seriously, think about
the sterilization thing.
121
00:04:01,196 --> 00:04:02,396
Oh my God.
122
00:04:02,464 --> 00:04:05,832
Peter, I'm blind!
I can't see anything.
123
00:04:05,900 --> 00:04:07,368
- Can you see this?
- No!
124
00:04:09,193 --> 00:04:10,659
Terry:
All right. Okay.
125
00:04:10,728 --> 00:04:12,028
(Laughing)
Get it all out.
126
00:04:12,096 --> 00:04:13,395
Whenever you're done.
127
00:04:13,463 --> 00:04:15,965
- I think I peed!
- Ha, ha. Very funny.
128
00:04:16,033 --> 00:04:17,800
I'm blind as a bat
without my contacts,
129
00:04:17,868 --> 00:04:18,801
and I haven't bought
new glasses
130
00:04:18,869 --> 00:04:21,237
since high school,
so...
131
00:04:21,304 --> 00:04:23,472
So it's getting worse.
132
00:04:23,540 --> 00:04:24,973
What's getting worse?
133
00:04:25,041 --> 00:04:27,909
First you strike out,
now the glasses.
134
00:04:27,977 --> 00:04:29,712
You remind me of someone.
135
00:04:29,779 --> 00:04:33,315
Oh, I remember!
You ten years ago.
136
00:04:33,383 --> 00:04:34,950
But I hate that guy!
137
00:04:35,017 --> 00:04:36,652
Yeah,
we all hate that guy.
138
00:04:36,720 --> 00:04:37,986
Remember what they called you
in high school?
139
00:04:38,054 --> 00:04:39,487
Fatty, fatty, no dick?
140
00:04:39,555 --> 00:04:40,789
People called me that?
141
00:04:40,857 --> 00:04:42,190
Who knows?
The point is, fatty,
142
00:04:42,258 --> 00:04:43,524
your mojo's gone
143
00:04:43,592 --> 00:04:45,093
and there's only one way
to get it back.
144
00:04:45,161 --> 00:04:47,129
I'll do anything!
Or anyone.
145
00:04:47,196 --> 00:04:49,430
Whoa!
It can't just be anyone.
146
00:04:49,498 --> 00:04:51,332
It's gotta be someone
you've known for years.
147
00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:52,901
Someone you trust.
148
00:04:52,969 --> 00:04:55,703
Not just some random skank
out in the parking lot.
149
00:04:57,839 --> 00:05:00,975
Parking lot skanks!
Of course!
150
00:05:01,042 --> 00:05:01,876
Ah, shit!
151
00:05:03,879 --> 00:05:05,012
Yeah.
I'm almost there.
152
00:05:05,080 --> 00:05:07,515
I just, I just hit
a bit of traffic.
153
00:05:07,583 --> 00:05:10,418
Yes, I have the file
right here.
154
00:05:10,486 --> 00:05:12,920
Son of a bitch!
No, sir, not you.
155
00:05:14,156 --> 00:05:15,489
Oh, come on!
156
00:05:15,556 --> 00:05:17,057
Need a hammer?
157
00:05:18,260 --> 00:05:19,994
I guess I have
no other choice.
158
00:05:20,061 --> 00:05:20,895
(Glass shatters)
159
00:05:22,330 --> 00:05:24,231
Why the heck did you
do that?
160
00:05:24,299 --> 00:05:25,666
To get into my car.
161
00:05:25,733 --> 00:05:26,801
But your keys
are right there.
162
00:05:28,703 --> 00:05:30,270
Well what did you give me
the hammer for?
163
00:05:30,338 --> 00:05:31,672
I was selling the hammer.
164
00:05:31,739 --> 00:05:35,709
Not that anyone wants it
now that it's scratched.
165
00:05:37,745 --> 00:05:39,313
I know why I'm having
such rotten luck;
166
00:05:39,380 --> 00:05:41,014
My lucky rabbit's foot
is gone!
167
00:05:41,081 --> 00:05:42,081
You're superstitious?
168
00:05:42,149 --> 00:05:43,583
No. Of course not.
169
00:05:43,651 --> 00:05:45,151
There's no such thing
as luck.
170
00:05:45,219 --> 00:05:46,052
(Crow caws)
171
00:05:47,554 --> 00:05:48,721
I need my rabbit's foot.
172
00:05:48,789 --> 00:05:50,156
I accept your offer!
173
00:05:50,224 --> 00:05:51,457
I shall find
your rabbit's foot
174
00:05:51,525 --> 00:05:52,792
or die trying!
175
00:05:52,860 --> 00:05:54,260
No, no, Boyd!
No, you don't have to do-
176
00:05:54,328 --> 00:05:55,295
and he's gone.
177
00:05:56,530 --> 00:05:59,265
So, you're into golf.
Me too.
178
00:05:59,333 --> 00:06:00,533
There is something sexy
about a woman
179
00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:02,167
who knows how to drive.
180
00:06:02,235 --> 00:06:03,068
(Laughing)
181
00:06:04,671 --> 00:06:06,405
The mall's having
a new promotion.
182
00:06:06,473 --> 00:06:08,106
Buy a putter,
get a free drink with me.
183
00:06:08,174 --> 00:06:11,310
Ooh, why not?
Here, let me give you my card.
184
00:06:11,378 --> 00:06:13,212
Sorry about the glasses.
185
00:06:15,982 --> 00:06:17,049
Ahem.
186
00:06:17,583 --> 00:06:19,684
Um... this is just
your medical information.
187
00:06:19,752 --> 00:06:21,486
Oh!
188
00:06:21,554 --> 00:06:23,521
Wow. I mean...
189
00:06:30,330 --> 00:06:31,830
How can it be
so different?
190
00:06:33,099 --> 00:06:34,298
Why don't we just go
some place now.
191
00:06:34,367 --> 00:06:37,736
Someplace with dim lighting
and very soft food.
192
00:06:37,803 --> 00:06:39,838
Not too spicy.
193
00:06:39,905 --> 00:06:41,873
Well... just have
to lock up the shop.
194
00:06:41,940 --> 00:06:44,242
You work at
a comic book store?
195
00:06:44,309 --> 00:06:45,543
Mm-hm.
196
00:06:45,611 --> 00:06:49,481
Oh. I just remembered,
I forgot to take my nap.
197
00:06:49,548 --> 00:06:52,283
Here,
take some hard candies.
198
00:06:55,354 --> 00:06:57,388
Dan: Hey! Fatty, fatty, no dick.
Think fast!
199
00:06:57,455 --> 00:06:58,222
(Thud) Oof!
200
00:07:00,592 --> 00:07:01,625
Dan:
Sorry, dude.
201
00:07:01,693 --> 00:07:03,560
I was aiming
for your crotch.
202
00:07:03,628 --> 00:07:05,997
(Laughing)
You know how funny that can be.
203
00:07:06,064 --> 00:07:08,265
(Phone chimes) Ten bucks!
This is my lucky day.
204
00:07:11,969 --> 00:07:13,570
Rayna:Terry...
205
00:07:13,638 --> 00:07:15,506
I've been looking
everywhere for you.
206
00:07:15,573 --> 00:07:17,508
You have? Why?
207
00:07:17,575 --> 00:07:19,710
I want you.
(Chuckles nervously)
208
00:07:19,778 --> 00:07:20,844
Yeah.
Really?
209
00:07:20,912 --> 00:07:24,147
Yeah. I've lowered
my standards.
210
00:07:24,215 --> 00:07:25,715
Me too.
211
00:07:25,783 --> 00:07:28,385
I love how you smell
like an old guy.
212
00:07:28,452 --> 00:07:29,986
Maybe we could all do it.
213
00:07:30,054 --> 00:07:31,721
Wow! (Laughs)
214
00:07:31,789 --> 00:07:33,556
Hi, Terry!
215
00:07:33,624 --> 00:07:34,824
We're just friends!
216
00:07:34,892 --> 00:07:36,326
I know, Bernie.
217
00:07:36,394 --> 00:07:37,493
Sorry about that.
218
00:07:37,561 --> 00:07:38,861
Where were we?
219
00:07:38,930 --> 00:07:40,897
Never mind.
We want him now!
220
00:07:42,032 --> 00:07:44,233
He's a real ladies' man.
221
00:07:44,301 --> 00:07:45,835
I got a mind
for business
222
00:07:45,903 --> 00:07:47,470
and a body for sin.
223
00:07:48,605 --> 00:07:50,807
(Moaning and grunting)
224
00:07:52,208 --> 00:07:54,510
Who's slippery like
a dirty little monkey?
225
00:07:54,578 --> 00:07:55,745
(Moans)
226
00:07:55,813 --> 00:07:56,946
Great, it's a dream.
227
00:07:58,114 --> 00:07:58,948
Nooooo!!!
228
00:08:01,684 --> 00:08:03,352
Are you okay?
229
00:08:03,420 --> 00:08:04,519
Is that baby oil?
230
00:08:04,587 --> 00:08:05,921
Yeah, of course.
231
00:08:05,989 --> 00:08:06,989
I have a date.
232
00:08:07,057 --> 00:08:10,259
The chest isn't gonna
oil itself.
233
00:08:10,327 --> 00:08:12,127
Help!
234
00:08:12,195 --> 00:08:13,995
Rayna:
Bernie, I need a jacket.
235
00:08:14,063 --> 00:08:15,096
No problem.
236
00:08:15,164 --> 00:08:16,331
Preferably not something
237
00:08:16,398 --> 00:08:17,732
a slutty 19-year-old girl
would wear.
238
00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:19,000
Bernie:
Problem.
239
00:08:19,068 --> 00:08:21,035
But I can sell you
some lovely jeggings.
240
00:08:21,103 --> 00:08:22,537
Enh, never mind.
241
00:08:22,605 --> 00:08:24,806
Can you keep your eyes peeled
for a rabbit's foot though?
242
00:08:24,874 --> 00:08:26,675
Like the one
sports guy has?
243
00:08:26,742 --> 00:08:27,843
Who? Dan?
244
00:08:32,514 --> 00:08:33,647
Son of a bitch.
245
00:08:38,387 --> 00:08:40,888
Agh!
Thank you, contacts.
246
00:08:40,956 --> 00:08:42,090
Hi, Terry.
247
00:08:42,157 --> 00:08:44,325
Notice anything different
about me?
248
00:08:44,393 --> 00:08:45,526
Your hair?
249
00:08:45,594 --> 00:08:47,127
No, it's my new lip gloss -
250
00:08:47,195 --> 00:08:48,762
it's made from the venom
of a blowfish!
251
00:08:48,830 --> 00:08:50,163
It's called
"blow yourself."
252
00:08:50,231 --> 00:08:51,599
Okay.
253
00:08:51,666 --> 00:08:53,801
They say the constant stinging
causes nerve damage,
254
00:08:53,869 --> 00:08:56,403
but it's worth it
for Fuller lips.
255
00:08:56,471 --> 00:08:58,305
So I thought about
what you said.
256
00:08:58,373 --> 00:09:00,340
I knew you would.
257
00:09:00,408 --> 00:09:01,542
Time for last resort.
258
00:09:01,610 --> 00:09:02,876
Break in case of emergency.
259
00:09:02,943 --> 00:09:04,111
The Internet!
260
00:09:04,178 --> 00:09:08,181
I put up a profile
on Unexpected Connections.
261
00:09:08,249 --> 00:09:10,250
What?
But... emergency.
262
00:09:10,318 --> 00:09:11,518
If you hadn't panicked me,
263
00:09:11,585 --> 00:09:12,585
I'd probably have
wasted time
264
00:09:12,653 --> 00:09:13,987
hitting on every girl
in this mall.
265
00:09:14,055 --> 00:09:15,322
Every one?
266
00:09:15,390 --> 00:09:18,525
Every single one,
but not anymore.
267
00:09:23,831 --> 00:09:26,499
Hey, Terry, you still having
a bit of a dry spell?
268
00:09:26,567 --> 00:09:29,936
Want some tips
from "the sexual ninja"?
269
00:09:30,004 --> 00:09:31,170
Is that what
you're going with?
270
00:09:31,238 --> 00:09:33,039
Tip one:
Compliment women
271
00:09:33,106 --> 00:09:34,607
on the largeness
of their necks.
272
00:09:34,675 --> 00:09:35,607
They love it.
273
00:09:35,675 --> 00:09:37,176
That's not true.
274
00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:39,645
Tip two:
Foot massages!
275
00:09:39,712 --> 00:09:41,647
Women love to give
foot massages.
276
00:09:41,714 --> 00:09:42,748
Feel like you're just
making these up.
277
00:09:42,815 --> 00:09:44,116
Tip three:
278
00:09:44,184 --> 00:09:46,585
Come up with a great nickname
and theme song.
279
00:09:46,653 --> 00:09:48,787
♪ Sexual ninja ♪
280
00:09:48,855 --> 00:09:51,757
♪ able to have sex
without crying ♪
281
00:09:51,824 --> 00:09:53,224
♪ most of the time ♪
282
00:09:53,292 --> 00:09:55,961
♪ like a ninja would ♪
283
00:09:56,029 --> 00:09:57,295
This woman is real,
right?
284
00:09:57,363 --> 00:09:59,064
Not made out of potatoes
or something?
285
00:09:59,131 --> 00:10:01,833
Oh, she's real.
She's freaky.
286
00:10:03,102 --> 00:10:04,703
All right. She'd kill me
if I told you,
287
00:10:04,771 --> 00:10:07,405
but she likes to
dress up as Yoda
288
00:10:07,473 --> 00:10:10,141
and show me the ways
of the force. Yeah.
289
00:10:10,209 --> 00:10:13,945
(As Yoda) Do me, or do me not.
There is no cry.
290
00:10:14,012 --> 00:10:15,947
It's pretty hot
and disturbing.
291
00:10:16,014 --> 00:10:17,515
That is disturbing.
292
00:10:17,583 --> 00:10:19,016
(Phone rings)
293
00:10:21,487 --> 00:10:23,421
Well, well, well,
look who's got a date!
294
00:10:23,489 --> 00:10:24,889
Thank you Internet!
295
00:10:24,957 --> 00:10:26,323
And in your face,
Peter.
296
00:10:26,391 --> 00:10:29,193
And for the record,
you are not a sexual ninja.
297
00:10:29,260 --> 00:10:30,695
Now, I'm gonna go on
a normal date
298
00:10:30,762 --> 00:10:32,663
with a normal girl.
299
00:10:32,731 --> 00:10:34,966
You can stay here
and bang Yoda.
300
00:10:35,033 --> 00:10:37,702
Cute girl: (Yoda cadence)
Told him, you did?
301
00:10:37,769 --> 00:10:40,004
Call me again
you won't.
302
00:10:41,639 --> 00:10:43,873
That was her,
wasn't it?
303
00:10:45,110 --> 00:10:46,343
She's cute.
304
00:10:47,882 --> 00:10:49,015
Peter:
Look out!
305
00:10:49,016 --> 00:10:49,915
I haven't had sex
in almost a year
306
00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:52,218
and you chased her away!
307
00:10:52,285 --> 00:10:54,186
Terry: Peter, please,
it was an accident.
308
00:10:54,254 --> 00:10:55,320
(Clang) Yah!
309
00:10:55,388 --> 00:10:56,255
You're about to have
an accident!
310
00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:57,689
What is going on?
311
00:10:57,758 --> 00:10:59,391
I'm about to kill
Terry.
312
00:10:59,459 --> 00:11:00,626
Bernie: He didn't notice
your lip gloss either?
313
00:11:00,693 --> 00:11:02,394
Oh, he never notices
my lip gloss!
314
00:11:02,462 --> 00:11:04,363
And he ruined
my Booty call.
315
00:11:04,430 --> 00:11:05,664
Bernie:
Settle down!
316
00:11:05,732 --> 00:11:07,466
Peter, I wanna make
this up to you,
317
00:11:07,533 --> 00:11:08,900
I really do.
318
00:11:08,968 --> 00:11:12,036
Ooh. But, uh...
Not 'til after my date.
319
00:11:12,104 --> 00:11:13,472
Bernie:
You have a date already?
320
00:11:13,539 --> 00:11:14,740
The Internet's amazing.
321
00:11:14,807 --> 00:11:16,207
I didn't even have
to post a picture.
322
00:11:16,276 --> 00:11:19,278
So she doesn't know
what you look like?
323
00:11:21,781 --> 00:11:23,081
You should give her
to Peter!
324
00:11:23,149 --> 00:11:24,315
She's not a hockey card.
325
00:11:24,383 --> 00:11:25,716
I can't just trade her.
326
00:11:25,785 --> 00:11:27,385
I'll take her!
327
00:11:27,452 --> 00:11:29,387
But... no!
328
00:11:29,454 --> 00:11:32,456
I need this...
Really badly.
329
00:11:32,524 --> 00:11:34,458
Terry,
there are other girls.
330
00:11:34,526 --> 00:11:36,594
Girls who want you.
331
00:11:36,662 --> 00:11:38,029
No one wants Peter.
332
00:11:38,097 --> 00:11:40,598
Thank you! Finally,
a little backup.
333
00:11:40,666 --> 00:11:41,365
Bernie:
Then it's settled.
334
00:11:41,433 --> 00:11:42,633
Peter gets your date,
335
00:11:42,701 --> 00:11:43,834
and we get to discuss
your other options
336
00:11:43,902 --> 00:11:45,369
over dinner and wine.
337
00:11:45,437 --> 00:11:46,404
Sorry, Peter.
338
00:11:46,471 --> 00:11:50,408
Get your own girl,
this one's mine.
339
00:11:50,475 --> 00:11:52,242
Terry,
the choice is simple.
340
00:11:52,311 --> 00:11:55,446
Replace my girl
or suffer the super nurple!
341
00:11:55,514 --> 00:11:57,214
(Thunder rumbles)
What?!
342
00:11:57,282 --> 00:11:59,516
No. No way.
You can't.
343
00:11:59,583 --> 00:12:02,186
It's what honor demands.
344
00:12:02,253 --> 00:12:04,221
Damn it!
You're right.
345
00:12:05,423 --> 00:12:07,557
(Sighs) Fine.
You can go out with her.
346
00:12:07,625 --> 00:12:09,893
Excellent.
Oh, and Terry...
347
00:12:09,961 --> 00:12:12,329
The date must go perfectly...
348
00:12:12,396 --> 00:12:14,197
Or super nurple!
349
00:12:14,264 --> 00:12:16,132
(Thunder rumbles)
350
00:12:16,200 --> 00:12:17,900
What the hell
is a super nurple?
351
00:12:17,968 --> 00:12:19,068
It's from when
we were kids.
352
00:12:19,136 --> 00:12:20,203
You know how you come up
with punishments
353
00:12:20,270 --> 00:12:21,571
to do to each other,
354
00:12:21,639 --> 00:12:23,573
like nunchuck ball.
355
00:12:23,641 --> 00:12:25,342
(Hard thud,
pained grunts)
356
00:12:25,409 --> 00:12:27,510
Terry:
Or pillowcase burn.
357
00:12:29,012 --> 00:12:30,847
(Pained screams)
Woo-hoo!
358
00:12:30,914 --> 00:12:32,849
Well,
the super nurple...
359
00:12:32,916 --> 00:12:33,749
(Thunder rumbles)
360
00:12:35,853 --> 00:12:39,288
Was the worst punishment
we ever dreamt up.
361
00:12:39,356 --> 00:12:40,890
We never even tried it.
362
00:12:40,958 --> 00:12:42,524
It was too horrible.
363
00:12:42,592 --> 00:12:44,693
(Shaking metal sheets
makes sound of thunder)
364
00:12:46,295 --> 00:12:47,663
Could you stop that?
365
00:12:47,731 --> 00:12:49,598
Sorry. Looking for
a rabbit's foot.
366
00:12:49,666 --> 00:12:52,133
Yes!
Read 'em and suck it!
367
00:12:52,201 --> 00:12:53,469
(Laughing)
368
00:12:53,536 --> 00:12:55,237
Welcome to Sportapolooza.
369
00:12:55,304 --> 00:12:57,072
We've got all the balls
you can handle.
370
00:12:57,139 --> 00:12:59,274
I've come for what's
rightfully mine.
371
00:12:59,342 --> 00:13:00,942
I knew this day
would come:
372
00:13:01,010 --> 00:13:02,043
Tired of hanging out
with tweedledee
373
00:13:02,111 --> 00:13:03,611
and tweedle-no dick,
374
00:13:03,679 --> 00:13:05,680
decided you're ready
for a real man.
375
00:13:05,748 --> 00:13:07,148
All right, I'm in.
376
00:13:07,216 --> 00:13:08,449
Gross. I'm out.
377
00:13:08,517 --> 00:13:10,285
You sure?
I know a bowling alley nearby
378
00:13:10,353 --> 00:13:11,786
that has cheap wings,
light beer,
379
00:13:11,854 --> 00:13:13,922
and a jukebox that only
plays country music.
380
00:13:13,990 --> 00:13:15,156
That sounds awful.
381
00:13:15,224 --> 00:13:17,325
Oh, you know "awfuls"?
Yeah, it's a great bar.
382
00:13:17,393 --> 00:13:19,494
You stole my rabbit's foot;
I want it back.
383
00:13:19,561 --> 00:13:21,496
Wow. Put a woman
in a pantsuit,
384
00:13:21,563 --> 00:13:23,230
she thinks
she's a lawyer.
385
00:13:23,298 --> 00:13:24,399
It's my lucky
rabbit's foot.
386
00:13:24,466 --> 00:13:25,933
No, that's clearly mine.
387
00:13:26,001 --> 00:13:27,268
You have no idea
how much I need it.
388
00:13:27,335 --> 00:13:28,503
No. I need it.
389
00:13:28,570 --> 00:13:29,637
I'm 6 players away
390
00:13:29,705 --> 00:13:30,971
from winning
a poker tournament
391
00:13:31,039 --> 00:13:33,040
that I've been playing
for the last 7 hours.
392
00:13:33,108 --> 00:13:34,509
Fine. Why don't I just
give you the money
393
00:13:34,576 --> 00:13:36,010
you would have won
at poker.
394
00:13:36,077 --> 00:13:37,144
What is it,
like twenty bucks?
395
00:13:37,212 --> 00:13:38,979
Winner gets $10,000.
396
00:13:39,047 --> 00:13:40,381
Fine. Thirty.
397
00:13:40,448 --> 00:13:42,482
Take it or leave it.
398
00:13:44,452 --> 00:13:47,121
Wow, a romantic
afternoon date!
399
00:13:47,188 --> 00:13:48,088
It's like high tea!
400
00:13:48,156 --> 00:13:49,556
Don't say that.
401
00:13:49,624 --> 00:13:52,191
Hey, which shirt do you think
is gonna be better for a date?
402
00:13:52,259 --> 00:13:53,427
Oh, definitely go
with neither.
403
00:13:53,494 --> 00:13:55,194
Now, here's how
it's gonna work.
404
00:13:55,262 --> 00:13:57,964
You're gonna stay in here
with this headset,
405
00:13:58,032 --> 00:14:01,367
Bernie and I will be
out there on this phone.
406
00:14:01,436 --> 00:14:02,669
If you do
what I tell you to do,
407
00:14:02,737 --> 00:14:04,037
you say what I tell you
to say,
408
00:14:04,104 --> 00:14:05,772
it'll be just like
Cyrano de Bergerac.
409
00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:06,773
Wait! No, no,
I don't think that worked out
410
00:14:06,841 --> 00:14:08,441
for my character
in the book -
411
00:14:08,508 --> 00:14:11,044
or the movie,
or any subsequent remake.
412
00:14:11,111 --> 00:14:14,380
Which is exactly
why it's due to work now.
413
00:14:14,448 --> 00:14:16,149
This is never gonna work.
414
00:14:16,216 --> 00:14:17,984
It's got as good a chance
as any plan
415
00:14:18,052 --> 00:14:19,319
where one brother
coaches another brother
416
00:14:19,386 --> 00:14:20,353
through a headset.
417
00:14:20,421 --> 00:14:21,988
My mojo is gone!
418
00:14:22,056 --> 00:14:23,756
I can't even get
a girl for me;
419
00:14:23,824 --> 00:14:25,825
How am I gonna get
a girl for him?
420
00:14:25,892 --> 00:14:27,626
It'll be the blind
leading the...
421
00:14:27,694 --> 00:14:29,528
Slightly less
handsome blind.
422
00:14:29,596 --> 00:14:31,129
Peter: Um... you knowI can hear you, right?
423
00:14:31,197 --> 00:14:32,498
Wait. She's here.
424
00:14:34,468 --> 00:14:36,502
Oh, this is so unfair!
425
00:14:36,570 --> 00:14:37,837
Look at her.
She's hot.
426
00:14:37,904 --> 00:14:39,171
That's my type.
427
00:14:39,238 --> 00:14:41,173
Peter:
What? What do I say?
428
00:14:41,240 --> 00:14:42,274
What do I say?
429
00:14:44,077 --> 00:14:45,143
I don't know.
430
00:14:45,211 --> 00:14:46,811
Peter: Okay, breathe. Breathe.
431
00:14:46,879 --> 00:14:48,080
(Exhales) Okay,
what does she look like?
432
00:14:48,147 --> 00:14:49,348
Does she have
a large neck?
433
00:14:49,415 --> 00:14:50,949
I've got good lines
for large necks.
434
00:14:51,017 --> 00:14:52,851
Are you okay?
435
00:14:52,918 --> 00:14:53,986
It's getting worse.
436
00:14:54,053 --> 00:14:54,953
Now I can't even talk
to a girl.
437
00:14:55,021 --> 00:14:56,521
What am I gonna do?
438
00:14:56,589 --> 00:15:00,057
My, my, my, you have
very sensual elbow skin.
439
00:15:01,827 --> 00:15:03,628
Peter, don't worry.
440
00:15:03,696 --> 00:15:06,464
I think I know exactly
what a woman wants to hear.
441
00:15:07,633 --> 00:15:08,566
Hi!
442
00:15:08,634 --> 00:15:09,601
Hi.
443
00:15:09,668 --> 00:15:11,870
- So good to meet you.
- Yes.
444
00:15:11,937 --> 00:15:14,171
Um, and you're so normal!
445
00:15:14,239 --> 00:15:15,473
(Exhales) I was worried
that anybody I met online
446
00:15:15,540 --> 00:15:17,008
would be a freak.
447
00:15:17,075 --> 00:15:19,910
Yes, I am normal.
Super normal.
448
00:15:19,978 --> 00:15:23,247
I should be on the FBI's
most normal list.
449
00:15:23,315 --> 00:15:24,482
I don't have an axe.
450
00:15:24,549 --> 00:15:26,550
- Bernie!
- What? Sorry.
451
00:15:26,618 --> 00:15:30,354
I mean, why don't you
sit back and relax.
452
00:15:31,856 --> 00:15:34,591
Perhaps you could show me
pictures of your cats.
453
00:15:34,659 --> 00:15:37,460
I hope you have
more than one.
454
00:15:40,297 --> 00:15:43,734
Ha ha! Kidding!
Clearly kidding.
455
00:15:43,801 --> 00:15:45,201
Ignore Bernie!
456
00:15:45,269 --> 00:15:47,770
Repeat everything I sayand you'll be fine.
457
00:15:47,838 --> 00:15:50,373
Look,
I got you flowers.
458
00:15:50,441 --> 00:15:52,875
They pale in comparison
to you.
459
00:15:52,943 --> 00:15:54,377
Oh, thank you!
460
00:15:54,445 --> 00:15:55,311
Some champagne?
461
00:15:59,550 --> 00:16:01,884
(Companion giggles)
Thank you.
462
00:16:04,254 --> 00:16:06,355
The bubbles tickle my nose.
(Laughing)
463
00:16:06,423 --> 00:16:08,024
Great adlib, Peter.
Keep it up and she'll be...
464
00:16:08,091 --> 00:16:10,026
Putty in your hands.
465
00:16:10,093 --> 00:16:11,027
Excuse me?
466
00:16:11,094 --> 00:16:12,562
Wait, Peter,
467
00:16:12,629 --> 00:16:14,296
you're not literally repeating
every word I'm saying, are you?
468
00:16:14,364 --> 00:16:16,799
You couldn't possibly
be that stupid.
469
00:16:16,867 --> 00:16:19,101
Oh, you're funny.
470
00:16:19,169 --> 00:16:20,469
Phew!
Good save, Peter.
471
00:16:20,537 --> 00:16:21,503
Oh. My.
472
00:16:21,571 --> 00:16:22,404
God!
473
00:16:26,176 --> 00:16:27,242
Hey, is Bernie here?
474
00:16:27,310 --> 00:16:28,310
Let me check.
475
00:16:28,378 --> 00:16:30,011
(Calling out)
Free hot dogs!
476
00:16:31,181 --> 00:16:32,581
Yeah, not here.
477
00:16:32,648 --> 00:16:33,782
Yeah, thanks.
478
00:16:33,849 --> 00:16:35,917
So did you get
your rabbit's foot?
479
00:16:35,985 --> 00:16:38,019
No. Dan said
it was his.
480
00:16:38,087 --> 00:16:39,087
So you're just
gonna give up?
481
00:16:39,154 --> 00:16:40,321
Well, what can I do?
482
00:16:40,389 --> 00:16:41,322
Oh, I get it.
483
00:16:41,390 --> 00:16:42,657
You're just one
of those people
484
00:16:42,725 --> 00:16:43,458
who pretends to be successful
and confident
485
00:16:43,525 --> 00:16:45,126
by wearing a pantsuit.
486
00:16:45,194 --> 00:16:47,596
Why is everyone picking
on the pantsuit?
487
00:16:47,663 --> 00:16:48,797
I just thought you were
the kind of woman
488
00:16:48,864 --> 00:16:52,333
who would stand up
to a jerk like Dan.
489
00:16:55,504 --> 00:16:58,372
And that is how I saved
that busload of orphans.
490
00:16:58,440 --> 00:16:59,740
Wow.
491
00:16:59,808 --> 00:17:00,941
Yes, if it weren't for me,
492
00:17:01,009 --> 00:17:02,276
they would have seen
Transformers 2.
493
00:17:02,344 --> 00:17:04,445
But I stopped them.
494
00:17:04,513 --> 00:17:06,380
Wow! You know,
I am really having fun.
495
00:17:06,448 --> 00:17:08,716
I mean, I have to admit,
you're not really my type.
496
00:17:08,783 --> 00:17:10,017
I normally go fora slightly taller,
497
00:17:10,085 --> 00:17:11,852
hipper version of you.
498
00:17:11,920 --> 00:17:13,654
I cannot resist a man
like that.
499
00:17:15,223 --> 00:17:16,490
Someone's on a roll.
500
00:17:16,557 --> 00:17:17,958
Yeah.
No thanks to you.
501
00:17:18,026 --> 00:17:19,693
FBI's most normal list?
502
00:17:19,761 --> 00:17:21,128
Did you really think
that would work?
503
00:17:21,195 --> 00:17:22,630
No, but I thought
it might force you
504
00:17:22,697 --> 00:17:25,032
back in the game.
505
00:17:25,100 --> 00:17:26,133
Really?
506
00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:27,867
I couldn't stand
seeing you like that
507
00:17:27,935 --> 00:17:30,470
and I felt a tiny bit
responsible.
508
00:17:30,538 --> 00:17:32,305
You got my mojo back!
509
00:17:32,373 --> 00:17:34,073
Bernie, I love you!
510
00:17:35,209 --> 00:17:36,276
It may cost me
511
00:17:36,344 --> 00:17:38,345
the super nurple
of a lifetime,
512
00:17:38,412 --> 00:17:41,748
but a man's gotta do
what a man's gotta do.
513
00:17:44,317 --> 00:17:46,919
(Door slams)
Ahh! What's happening?
514
00:17:48,455 --> 00:17:50,456
(Exhales)
Why am I so warm?
515
00:17:53,293 --> 00:17:55,728
Um, are-are you okay?
516
00:17:55,796 --> 00:17:57,664
I'm sorry
I was quiet just then,
517
00:17:57,731 --> 00:17:59,198
I was deep in thought.
518
00:17:59,266 --> 00:18:02,568
I must stand now
and walk outside the store
519
00:18:02,636 --> 00:18:06,338
and not come back inside
no matter what I hear.
520
00:18:13,513 --> 00:18:15,747
Hi. Sorry about that.
521
00:18:16,515 --> 00:18:19,384
That was my special brother.
I look after him.
522
00:18:19,451 --> 00:18:21,586
When I'm not busy
being a taller, hipper,
523
00:18:21,654 --> 00:18:23,822
less retarded version
of him.
524
00:18:23,890 --> 00:18:25,090
That is so sexy.
525
00:18:26,292 --> 00:18:28,259
My God,
has anyone ever told you
526
00:18:28,327 --> 00:18:30,562
you've got
the neck of a swan.
527
00:18:30,629 --> 00:18:31,496
Champagne?
528
00:18:32,831 --> 00:18:34,599
Oh, look who's back.
529
00:18:34,667 --> 00:18:37,402
Decide you want a little
sex-a-polooza after all?
530
00:18:37,469 --> 00:18:38,369
(Chuckles)
I just made that up.
531
00:18:38,437 --> 00:18:39,437
This is your last chance
532
00:18:39,505 --> 00:18:41,339
to give me
my rabbit's foot back.
533
00:18:41,407 --> 00:18:42,807
I have no idea
what you're talking about,
534
00:18:42,874 --> 00:18:45,710
so I can only assume
it's somehow period related.
535
00:18:45,777 --> 00:18:49,479
Boyd, operation "Lucky Fluffy"
is a go.
536
00:18:49,547 --> 00:18:51,648
Who's this? Over.
537
00:18:52,884 --> 00:18:54,451
Boyd,
go with the plan;
538
00:18:54,519 --> 00:18:55,920
The one we talked about.
539
00:18:55,987 --> 00:18:57,654
Right. I'm on it.
Over.
540
00:19:00,291 --> 00:19:01,525
What happened
to the power?!
541
00:19:01,593 --> 00:19:03,360
I've been playing
for hours.
542
00:19:03,428 --> 00:19:05,662
I was about to win
$10,000!
543
00:19:05,730 --> 00:19:06,830
Maybe you should've
thought of that
544
00:19:06,897 --> 00:19:08,198
before you stole
my lucky rabbit's foot.
545
00:19:08,266 --> 00:19:10,434
It's my rabbit's foot,
psycho!
546
00:19:10,501 --> 00:19:11,668
Okay, you know what?!
547
00:19:11,736 --> 00:19:13,770
Your bullying
won't work on me,
548
00:19:13,838 --> 00:19:17,040
you doughy,
over-the-hill jock!
549
00:19:17,108 --> 00:19:20,110
I hope losing that money
taught you a valuable lesson.
550
00:19:20,177 --> 00:19:24,814
Boyd: (Over walkie-talkie)
I found your rabbit's foot.Over.
551
00:19:24,882 --> 00:19:25,915
I'm sorry,
what was that, Boyd?
552
00:19:25,983 --> 00:19:28,417
It was under your desk.
Over.
553
00:19:28,485 --> 00:19:30,820
So cutting the power
to Dan's store...?
554
00:19:30,888 --> 00:19:32,688
Was completely unnecessary.
Over.
555
00:19:38,062 --> 00:19:39,328
Did you really cut
Dan's power?
556
00:19:39,396 --> 00:19:40,929
That's awesome.
557
00:19:40,997 --> 00:19:42,197
No, it wasn't awesome.
558
00:19:42,266 --> 00:19:43,432
I totally overreacted.
559
00:19:43,500 --> 00:19:45,033
Now I have to give him
two months free rent.
560
00:19:45,101 --> 00:19:47,903
Yeah. I bet he was pissed
he lost the tournament.
561
00:19:47,971 --> 00:19:49,138
How did you know
about that?
562
00:19:49,205 --> 00:19:50,473
Oh, I've been playing him
all day.
563
00:19:50,540 --> 00:19:51,840
Thanks for taking him out.
564
00:19:51,908 --> 00:19:53,108
He was my biggest
competition,
565
00:19:53,176 --> 00:19:57,246
and now I'm one player away
from wining $10,000!
566
00:20:00,716 --> 00:20:01,884
(Liquid sloshes)
567
00:20:05,488 --> 00:20:08,690
Peter: Mmm... yeah.That's what I'm talking about!
568
00:20:08,758 --> 00:20:10,259
Mmm... yeah!
569
00:20:10,326 --> 00:20:13,094
What are you looking at,
creep?!
570
00:20:13,162 --> 00:20:15,196
Oh yeah,
mmm... you smell good.
571
00:20:15,264 --> 00:20:17,064
Yes, you do!
572
00:20:17,132 --> 00:20:19,200
Excuse me?
Perv much?
573
00:20:19,268 --> 00:20:22,170
Why don't you come over here
and sit on my lap.
574
00:20:22,237 --> 00:20:24,071
Yeah, I bet you got
soft lips.
575
00:20:24,139 --> 00:20:25,840
You picked the wrong day
to mess with me.
576
00:20:25,908 --> 00:20:27,842
Mmm... yeah, let's get you
out of those clothes.
577
00:20:27,910 --> 00:20:29,243
(Screams in agony)
578
00:20:31,513 --> 00:20:33,080
It feels good.
Oh yeah.
579
00:20:33,148 --> 00:20:35,349
Let's see what you got
up that skirt...
580
00:20:35,417 --> 00:20:37,551
(Moans)
It feels like a penis!
581
00:20:37,619 --> 00:20:38,585
Oh my God!
You have a penis!
582
00:20:43,489 --> 00:20:44,721
Will you ever forgive me?
583
00:20:44,764 --> 00:20:46,465
Yeah, well,
she wasn't really my type.
584
00:20:46,532 --> 00:20:48,300
I mean, her eyes were
too close together
585
00:20:48,368 --> 00:20:50,602
and she'd never seen
Seaquest.
586
00:20:50,670 --> 00:20:51,971
Also, she had a penis.
587
00:20:52,038 --> 00:20:53,839
Yeah, I guess.
588
00:20:53,907 --> 00:20:55,107
So, are you ready?
589
00:20:55,175 --> 00:20:57,709
(Sighs) Peter, I don't think
I'll ever be ready.
590
00:20:57,777 --> 00:21:00,545
Bernie: I still can't
believe that was a man.
591
00:21:00,613 --> 00:21:02,947
Yeah. Apparently,
I accidentally signed up
592
00:21:03,015 --> 00:21:05,283
for unexpected
cock'nections.
593
00:21:05,351 --> 00:21:07,151
Still... nice guy.
594
00:21:07,219 --> 00:21:08,587
I had a lovely time.
595
00:21:08,654 --> 00:21:09,488
Yeah...
596
00:21:10,757 --> 00:21:12,858
You really did
get your mojo back.
597
00:21:12,925 --> 00:21:15,126
Yes, but at what cost.
598
00:21:16,696 --> 00:21:18,662
Let's get this over with.
599
00:21:18,730 --> 00:21:20,899
Peter:
(Ding!) Super nurple!
600
00:21:20,966 --> 00:21:21,966
Yeah!
601
00:21:22,034 --> 00:21:24,568
Yow! Woo!
(Gags)
602
00:21:25,615 --> 00:21:34,483
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
41666
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