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0
00:00:17,183 --> 00:00:21,313
Hello there and good evening.
1
00:00:21,421 --> 00:00:23,321
How y'�ll doing?
2
00:00:23,423 --> 00:00:25,357
Because I'm fine, thanks for asking.
3
00:00:25,458 --> 00:00:28,256
Everything is going good with the kids.
4
00:00:28,361 --> 00:00:30,625
Listen, I'm not gonna even front.
5
00:00:30,730 --> 00:00:33,790
Everything is great. I am the glue...
6
00:00:33,900 --> 00:00:35,868
that holds the family together.
7
00:00:35,969 --> 00:00:37,596
Y'�ll know the story.
8
00:00:37,704 --> 00:00:39,797
Y'�ll know my sister
had a little problem with drugs...
9
00:00:39,906 --> 00:00:42,306
and I'm taking care of her kids
till she get herself together.
10
00:00:42,409 --> 00:00:44,309
Y'�ll know about it.
Ain't no big secret.
11
00:00:44,411 --> 00:00:46,641
Now I bet y'�ll thought
those crumb-snatchers...
12
00:00:46,746 --> 00:00:48,646
were gonna run all over me by now.
13
00:00:48,748 --> 00:00:50,648
Well, you were wrong.
14
00:00:50,750 --> 00:00:53,116
What, you don't believe me?
15
00:00:53,219 --> 00:00:55,187
Check it out.
16
00:00:55,288 --> 00:00:57,188
Stop looking at me and check it out.
17
00:00:57,290 --> 00:01:01,124
- Here you go, baby girl.
- Uncle Bernie, where's my backpack?
18
00:01:01,227 --> 00:01:05,254
On the kitchen table, son. And your lunch
right next to it. I got you. I got you.
19
00:01:05,365 --> 00:01:07,458
Did you remember my apple?
20
00:01:07,567 --> 00:01:10,365
Baby, it's cut, cored and
ziplocked. Right there.
21
00:01:10,470 --> 00:01:12,961
Uncle Bernie, you forgot
to refill my asthma medicine.
22
00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:14,973
Uh-uh. Your ear cream
is inside too.
23
00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:18,272
- You gotta apply it twice a day.
- Aw, but it smells funny.
24
00:01:18,378 --> 00:01:20,437
Ain't nobody gonna
smell your ear, boy.
25
00:01:20,547 --> 00:01:23,072
Here, sweetie.
26
00:01:23,183 --> 00:01:25,083
It's pizza day.
I'll need another dollar.
27
00:01:25,185 --> 00:01:28,154
- It's taco day, senorita. Taco day.
- [Car Horn Honks]
28
00:01:30,056 --> 00:01:32,752
Trying to get the Mac man.
Adios, amigos.
29
00:01:32,859 --> 00:01:36,351
- [Door Opens, Closes]
- I got this.
30
00:01:36,463 --> 00:01:39,091
- Hey, baby.
- Hey, baby.
31
00:01:39,199 --> 00:01:41,827
- You want some breakfast?
- Oh, honey, I don't have time.
32
00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:44,529
Oh, I set up a playdate
forJordan this afternoon.
33
00:01:44,637 --> 00:01:49,097
- A playdate?
- Yeah, it's Cameron, my senior V.P.'s son.
34
00:01:49,209 --> 00:01:51,177
- Why you just now telling me?
- I'm sorry, baby.
35
00:01:51,277 --> 00:01:53,336
I've just been
so busy with work.
36
00:01:53,446 --> 00:01:56,711
- Baby, you messing with my plans.
- Did you have something planned?
37
00:01:56,816 --> 00:01:59,614
Yes, I had something planned.
I planned on going with the flow...
38
00:01:59,719 --> 00:02:02,153
and a playdate
messes with my flow.
39
00:02:02,255 --> 00:02:05,383
And you clogging up
my flow, you know?
40
00:02:05,492 --> 00:02:07,460
- Oh.
- Oh.
41
00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:09,460
Just for me?
42
00:02:13,299 --> 00:02:16,632
- Hey, I ain't that easy, baby.
- I know, baby.
43
00:02:21,674 --> 00:02:24,666
Jordan, I want you and Cameron
either to play in your room or outside.
44
00:02:24,777 --> 00:02:27,302
'Cause I've cleaned
this whole house up today...
45
00:02:27,413 --> 00:02:30,974
and I don't want you all running
in and out like maniacs, okay?
46
00:02:31,084 --> 00:02:32,984
Okay.
47
00:02:33,086 --> 00:02:35,111
Hi, Bernie. I'm Tracy,
and this is Cameron.
48
00:02:35,221 --> 00:02:38,088
- Hi, Cam.
- Get your finger out of your nose.
49
00:02:38,191 --> 00:02:40,352
Hi, I'm Carrie.
50
00:02:40,460 --> 00:02:42,360
- Allison, we do not throw plums.
- [Children Clamoring]
51
00:02:42,462 --> 00:02:44,760
That's Allison. She's mine.
52
00:02:44,864 --> 00:02:47,628
- And this is Joy and Brian.
- Oh, Lord.
53
00:02:47,734 --> 00:02:50,999
- Brian and Joy belong to Renee.
- Inside voices! Inside voices!
54
00:02:51,104 --> 00:02:53,402
- Please tell me you have Valium.
- Hi.
55
00:02:54,941 --> 00:02:57,466
- Hi.
- Hi. Tracy, listen.
56
00:02:57,577 --> 00:02:59,807
Wanda just told me that
Cameron was coming by himself.
57
00:02:59,913 --> 00:03:03,246
Oh. No, no, no. I told Wanda
I was bringing the whole gang.
58
00:03:03,349 --> 00:03:05,374
I'm really sorry.
59
00:03:05,485 --> 00:03:07,976
That's okay. She just didn't tell me.
That's all right.
60
00:03:08,087 --> 00:03:11,056
- Oh, my husband does that to me all the time.
- Mm.
61
00:03:11,157 --> 00:03:13,648
Did she at least tell you about
the company picnic this Saturday?
62
00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:17,719
- Company picnic?
- Uh-huh. Same thing.
63
00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:24,229
What am I going to do with
a house full of women? I'm a man.
64
00:03:24,337 --> 00:03:27,898
- Bernie Mac's a man's man.
- [Carrie] What a gorgeous crystal bowl.
65
00:03:28,007 --> 00:03:31,101
Hey, don't touch!
I'll be right back.
66
00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:33,907
I love, love this house.
67
00:03:34,013 --> 00:03:36,573
Wanda's got such
impeccable taste.
68
00:03:36,683 --> 00:03:39,083
Actually, sweetheart,
I designed all of this.
69
00:03:39,185 --> 00:03:41,085
What? Get out!
70
00:03:41,187 --> 00:03:43,087
No, no. I did, I did.
71
00:03:43,189 --> 00:03:46,590
I picked out the tile, the cabinets,
the whole nine yards, everything.
72
00:03:46,693 --> 00:03:48,820
[Chuckling]
I forgot you're a comedian.
73
00:03:48,928 --> 00:03:51,795
- He's pulling our leg.
- "Picked out the tile." Hilarious.
74
00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:54,560
I'm serious. Come here,
come here. Look at this.
75
00:03:54,667 --> 00:03:58,159
You see this? I know a cat
downtown, about this high.
76
00:03:58,271 --> 00:04:00,262
This guy speaks no English.
77
00:04:00,373 --> 00:04:02,637
You come in, show him what you got
He'll make it for you.
78
00:04:02,742 --> 00:04:04,767
Designer look, Target prices.
79
00:04:04,877 --> 00:04:06,777
- [All Together] No.
- Yeah, I'm serious.
80
00:04:06,879 --> 00:04:09,712
And you know what? It gets better.
You wanna see the rest of the house?
81
00:04:09,816 --> 00:04:11,716
- My God, yes.
- Come on.
82
00:04:11,818 --> 00:04:14,719
I just didn't want boring terra-cotta
in here. I needed more color.
83
00:04:14,821 --> 00:04:17,449
So I went with
the Santa Fe feel.
84
00:04:17,557 --> 00:04:19,582
More old school
to offset the new school.
85
00:04:19,692 --> 00:04:21,956
My husband wouldn't know
terra-cotta if it hit him in the face.
86
00:04:22,061 --> 00:04:24,393
[Chuckles]
Wow.
87
00:04:24,497 --> 00:04:26,431
I used to draw when I was
a little boy. Now this room...
88
00:04:26,532 --> 00:04:29,057
this is my favorite
'cause I like the colors.
89
00:04:29,168 --> 00:04:32,137
I wanted something real different.
You know what I mean?
90
00:04:32,238 --> 00:04:34,138
Uncle Bernie, we need food.
91
00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:36,208
- Excuse me?
- Please.
92
00:04:36,309 --> 00:04:38,709
All right. I'll whip you cats up
something to eat.
93
00:04:38,811 --> 00:04:41,905
- No, no, Bernie.
We'll feed the kids when we get them home.
- No, no. It's no problem.
94
00:04:42,015 --> 00:04:44,882
- You all like quesadillas?
- You're just gonna whip up quesadillas?
95
00:04:44,984 --> 00:04:48,818
- I sure will.
- Uncle Bernie has to give me soy cheese...
96
00:04:48,921 --> 00:04:51,549
because regular cheese
gives me diarrhea.
97
00:04:51,658 --> 00:04:54,388
Aw. That is so thoughtful.
98
00:04:54,494 --> 00:04:58,328
No, actually I do it for myself. Baby
girl, she's little, but she's deadly.
99
00:04:58,431 --> 00:05:00,194
[Laughing]
100
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,768
- Come on, ladies. What you think?
- Fabulous.
101
00:05:02,869 --> 00:05:05,497
- It's really good. Man.
- What's your secret?
102
00:05:05,605 --> 00:05:09,598
Well, it's an old family recipe...
103
00:05:09,709 --> 00:05:12,041
and if I tell you, I gotta kill you.
104
00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:16,104
[Laughing]
105
00:05:18,818 --> 00:05:21,719
- Good afternoon, Vanessa.
- Hey.
106
00:05:24,390 --> 00:05:26,119
- Teenagers.
- [Sighs]
107
00:05:26,225 --> 00:05:28,591
Would it kill them to be civil?
108
00:05:28,695 --> 00:05:31,129
I've got two, and I'll be honest,
sometimes I just want to...
109
00:05:31,230 --> 00:05:33,630
Bust their head
till the white meat show!
110
00:05:33,733 --> 00:05:35,758
- [Laughing]
- That's great.
111
00:05:35,868 --> 00:05:37,961
- Can I use that?
- You sure can.
112
00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:41,006
[Together] Bust their head
till the white meat shows.
113
00:05:41,107 --> 00:05:44,599
- Oh, yeah.
- If that don't work, hit 'em in the throat.
114
00:05:44,711 --> 00:05:46,611
- Oh!
- [Laughing]
115
00:05:46,713 --> 00:05:49,409
No. Don't really
hit them in the throat.
116
00:05:49,515 --> 00:05:53,281
Beat 'em in their sleep.
117
00:05:53,386 --> 00:05:55,718
Pow! Kick 'em
like an extra point.
118
00:05:55,822 --> 00:05:58,484
Good.
[Cackling]
119
00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:08,334
Ladies, I just don't know
how to describe it.
120
00:06:09,836 --> 00:06:12,202
It's peace.
121
00:06:12,305 --> 00:06:14,773
I mean serene peace.
122
00:06:14,874 --> 00:06:17,035
My heart just fell wide open.
123
00:06:18,077 --> 00:06:20,170
My soul was laid bare.
124
00:06:21,280 --> 00:06:25,341
Ladies, I knew.
I swear to God I knew.
125
00:06:25,451 --> 00:06:28,011
I found my wife.
126
00:06:28,121 --> 00:06:30,612
I knew I was in love.
127
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:37,090
- Another margarita?
- Ah, yeah.
- No, Bernie.
128
00:06:37,196 --> 00:06:39,824
I'm having a great time
with you all today. I really am.
129
00:06:39,932 --> 00:06:41,832
[Wanda]
You wouldn't believe my day.
130
00:06:41,934 --> 00:06:43,993
- Hi, Wanda.
- Oh, hey.
131
00:06:44,103 --> 00:06:46,628
Wanda, you have got
the greatest husband.
132
00:06:46,739 --> 00:06:48,639
Really, he is quite the man.
133
00:06:48,741 --> 00:06:51,209
- Thank you, sweetheart. Thank you.
- I know.
134
00:06:51,310 --> 00:06:53,210
Baby, I'm famished.
135
00:06:53,312 --> 00:06:55,371
Oh, did I tell you the whole
gang was coming today?
136
00:06:55,481 --> 00:06:57,381
No kidding.
137
00:06:57,483 --> 00:07:00,384
Honey, if you weren't gonna cook,
you should've called.
138
00:07:00,486 --> 00:07:02,716
I would've picked something up.
139
00:07:02,822 --> 00:07:04,722
- Just like my husband.
- Okay.
140
00:07:04,824 --> 00:07:06,883
- See you at the...
- Later.
141
00:07:06,993 --> 00:07:08,893
See you at the picnic.
142
00:07:10,029 --> 00:07:12,657
Honey, did I tell you
about the picnic?
143
00:07:12,765 --> 00:07:17,099
- I don't know. Did you?
- Can we go?
144
00:07:18,704 --> 00:07:21,138
Drop it like it's hot.
145
00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:23,504
- Can we still go?
- Yeah, I wanna go.
146
00:07:29,182 --> 00:07:32,242
Oh, I see the guys from my division.
Honey, you sure you got the kids?
147
00:07:32,351 --> 00:07:34,819
I got 'em. Go ahead.
Do your thing.
148
00:07:34,921 --> 00:07:36,821
Tie your shoe up, son.
149
00:07:36,923 --> 00:07:39,949
Hey, there's Cameron.
I'm gonna go play.
150
00:07:40,059 --> 00:07:41,959
Go ahead. Go ahead.
151
00:07:42,061 --> 00:07:45,155
Stay where I can
see you, Jordan.
152
00:07:45,264 --> 00:07:47,425
And don't go past
the trash can.
153
00:07:47,533 --> 00:07:50,832
- And don't play in the trash can.
- I need your keys.
154
00:07:50,937 --> 00:07:53,462
- I'm gonna wait in the car.
- Oh, no. You're gonna stay right here...
155
00:07:53,573 --> 00:07:55,473
and pretend like you're
having a good time, baby.
156
00:07:55,575 --> 00:07:58,135
Hey, don't you go
to Baja Vista?
157
00:07:58,244 --> 00:08:00,269
- All right. I guess I'll stay.
- Yeah, all right.
158
00:08:00,379 --> 00:08:04,042
- Hey, Bernie, over here.
- Hey. Hey.
159
00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:08,814
[Together] Bust your head
till the white meat shows.
160
00:08:08,921 --> 00:08:11,651
Y'�ll been drinking without me?
161
00:08:11,757 --> 00:08:14,282
- Thank you, baby.
- When are we getting together again?
162
00:08:14,393 --> 00:08:17,157
You make the call. Give me a notice.
I'll send the kids to the pound.
163
00:08:17,263 --> 00:08:19,993
- I know, put 'em to sleep.
- Mm-mm.
164
00:08:20,099 --> 00:08:22,966
- That's your last one. You done had enough girl.
- I'll take that.
165
00:08:23,069 --> 00:08:25,936
- Boy, y'�ll something else.
- Bernie. Hey, Tracy.
166
00:08:26,038 --> 00:08:27,938
- Hey, baby.
- This is Marshall, my boss.
167
00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:29,940
- This is Greg. I'm his boss.
- Okay.
168
00:08:30,042 --> 00:08:32,670
- And David, we're up for the same job.
- What's up, David? Good.
169
00:08:32,778 --> 00:08:35,076
I finally get to meet
the man behind this great lady.
170
00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:38,082
Aw, I wouldn't say
behind nobody, man.
171
00:08:38,184 --> 00:08:40,584
I think me and her
are more side by side.
172
00:08:40,686 --> 00:08:43,052
Now, if she want me to get
behind her, I can get behind her.
173
00:08:43,155 --> 00:08:45,646
- Drop it like it's hot.
- Bernie, that's my boss.
174
00:08:45,758 --> 00:08:48,352
- So, uh... So, Bernie.
- Yeah.
175
00:08:48,461 --> 00:08:50,929
I understand that you're, uh,
you're a stay-at-home dad.
176
00:08:51,030 --> 00:08:54,295
- I have to tell you, I really admire that.
- I ain't no stay-at-home dad.
177
00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:58,530
Now my kids, they stay-at-home kids
'cause I let them stay at home. Get it?
178
00:08:58,638 --> 00:09:00,697
- [All Laughing]
- Oh, I see.
179
00:09:00,806 --> 00:09:02,706
Yeah, Wanda told me
that you were a comedian.
180
00:09:02,808 --> 00:09:05,709
Well, I think that's just great.
You know, I wish, uh...
181
00:09:05,811 --> 00:09:07,711
I wish my Tracy
had an outlet like that.
182
00:09:07,813 --> 00:09:10,338
I don't really have an outlet.
I got a successful career.
183
00:09:10,449 --> 00:09:13,907
- Listen. You wanna talk about career, my friend?
- Uh-huh.
184
00:09:14,020 --> 00:09:17,080
Your wife is on
the fast track. Oh, yeah.
185
00:09:17,189 --> 00:09:19,123
If she keeps going
the way she's going...
186
00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:21,193
you'll be able to give up
this whole stand-up comedy thing...
187
00:09:21,294 --> 00:09:25,958
and, uh, you know, stay home,
be a stay-home dad, huh? [Laughs]
188
00:09:26,065 --> 00:09:28,499
- You think so? You got it figured out?
- Yeah. Sure.
189
00:09:28,601 --> 00:09:30,694
Man, you might be right.
You might be right.
190
00:09:30,803 --> 00:09:32,964
Look. I'm gonna get me some beef.
Let y'�ll talk.
191
00:09:33,072 --> 00:09:36,303
Okay, stay-at-home dad
right over there.
192
00:09:37,843 --> 00:09:40,073
What's going on here, America?
193
00:09:40,179 --> 00:09:42,841
Bernie Mac ain't no
apron-wearing, stay-at-home...
194
00:09:42,949 --> 00:09:46,214
Betty-Crocker-baking,
Susie homemaker.
195
00:09:46,319 --> 00:09:48,219
What the hell is this?
196
00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:53,688
Who's been eating Cheetos
in my chair?
197
00:09:53,793 --> 00:09:55,693
I just cleaned
this whole doggone place.
198
00:09:55,795 --> 00:09:57,820
Now, hold on.
Hold on, now. Hold on.
199
00:09:57,930 --> 00:10:00,228
This don't make me less
of a man because I like things...
200
00:10:00,333 --> 00:10:02,460
a little neat and tidy, America...
no, it don't.
201
00:10:02,568 --> 00:10:06,436
Y'�ll getting the wrong impression about
Bernie Mac. Y'�ll not seeing the real me.
202
00:10:06,539 --> 00:10:08,769
Stop, Bryana, stop.
203
00:10:08,874 --> 00:10:11,104
Yeah, Mrs. Bailey gives
way too much homework.
204
00:10:11,210 --> 00:10:15,237
- I know. And why does she wear
the same blue dress every day?
- [Chuckles] Yeah.
205
00:10:15,348 --> 00:10:18,249
- Hey, are you gonna go to
the '70s dance tomorrow night?
- I don't know. Maybe.
206
00:10:18,351 --> 00:10:20,251
Aw, come on.
You have to be there.
207
00:10:20,353 --> 00:10:23,618
All right. I'm going as Superfly. I got
the hat, the long coat, everything.
208
00:10:23,723 --> 00:10:27,318
- Who are you coming as?
- It's a surprise.
209
00:10:27,426 --> 00:10:30,759
Surprise?
Okay, all right.
210
00:10:30,863 --> 00:10:32,990
I'll find you.
You are comin' right?
211
00:10:33,099 --> 00:10:34,930
Yeah.
212
00:10:44,243 --> 00:10:47,178
Talkin' bout outlet, man.
He don't know nothin' about me, man.
213
00:10:47,279 --> 00:10:49,247
People out here in L.A.,
they crazy.
214
00:10:50,349 --> 00:10:52,544
- Excuse me, Mr. Mac?
- Yes.
215
00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:56,349
I overheard you talking to the guys,
and I just want to say thank you.
216
00:10:56,455 --> 00:10:59,788
- For what?
- For sticking up for us stay-at-home dads.
217
00:10:59,892 --> 00:11:02,417
Those men over there,
they just don't get it.
218
00:11:02,528 --> 00:11:05,156
See, they go to offices,
but we go to work.
219
00:11:05,264 --> 00:11:08,233
And I'm not ashamed to say
I love my kids, my wife...
220
00:11:08,334 --> 00:11:11,826
my house, my garden,
my arts and crafts.
221
00:11:11,937 --> 00:11:13,837
It doesn't make me
any less of a man.
222
00:11:13,939 --> 00:11:18,308
- Hey, you want to get together sometime?
- No.
223
00:11:18,411 --> 00:11:19,178
Hell, no. Bernie Mac
is 100% real man.
224
00:11:19,178 --> 00:11:22,238
Hell, no. Bernie Mac
is 100% real man.
225
00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:26,341
Yes, sirree, Bob, baby.
One hundred percent man.
226
00:11:26,452 --> 00:11:29,421
Smell the "tostesterone"
up in here.
227
00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:33,891
Smell it! I can smell it!
And I can feel it too.
228
00:11:33,993 --> 00:11:36,223
I can feel gum.
229
00:11:36,328 --> 00:11:40,128
Who in the hell put gum...
Somebody put gum under my chair.
230
00:11:40,232 --> 00:11:42,757
I'm gonna kill somebody
up in here tonight.
231
00:11:42,868 --> 00:11:44,927
You watch.
232
00:11:48,007 --> 00:11:51,204
Jordan, I'm gonna knock
the "ba" off this ball, man.
233
00:11:51,310 --> 00:11:53,210
- I want you to take off running, you hear?
- Okay.
234
00:11:53,312 --> 00:11:56,008
You can do it.
You can do it. Yes, sir.
235
00:11:56,115 --> 00:11:58,015
Man coming up now.
You know that, don't you?
236
00:11:58,117 --> 00:12:01,814
Huh? Hey, center field, get back.
237
00:12:01,921 --> 00:12:04,355
- [Woman] Go, Bernie.
- Get back.
238
00:12:04,457 --> 00:12:07,449
Get all the way back.
Keep on going.
239
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:10,256
The police will stop you.
Pitching to a man now.
240
00:12:10,362 --> 00:12:12,853
Yeah, come on.
241
00:12:12,965 --> 00:12:14,865
Come on up here.
242
00:12:14,967 --> 00:12:17,060
Son, put the ball right here.
243
00:12:17,169 --> 00:12:19,729
- Put the ball right here! Right here!
- I'm trying, okay?
244
00:12:19,839 --> 00:12:22,603
- Try harder!
- Hey. Ease up, Bern. Ease up.
245
00:12:22,708 --> 00:12:25,734
He ain't got no business out there
if he don't know what he doing.
246
00:12:25,845 --> 00:12:28,746
Tired of this.
I ain't here for no foolishness.
247
00:12:28,848 --> 00:12:31,214
I'm gonna show you
what a... Yeah.
248
00:12:31,317 --> 00:12:34,286
- [Crowd Cheering]
- I'll do it myself.
249
00:12:34,386 --> 00:12:36,946
- [Cheering, Booing]
- Drop it!
250
00:12:42,728 --> 00:12:45,060
[Crowd Booing]
251
00:12:50,536 --> 00:12:52,663
[Yelling]
252
00:12:55,007 --> 00:12:57,100
Safe!
253
00:12:58,144 --> 00:13:00,339
Get off me.
254
00:13:00,446 --> 00:13:02,380
Boom! Took 'em out,
didn't I?
255
00:13:06,519 --> 00:13:10,148
I can't believe how you acted
out there. I work with those people.
256
00:13:10,256 --> 00:13:13,657
I can't believe you going around telling
people I'm some kind of Martha Stewart.
257
00:13:13,759 --> 00:13:16,956
Martha Stewart? Oh, honey,
she could never do what you do.
258
00:13:17,062 --> 00:13:19,121
You are Martha Stewart times ten.
259
00:13:20,933 --> 00:13:23,766
Oh, baby, I didn't
mean it like that.
260
00:13:23,869 --> 00:13:25,996
- Where are you going?
- You don't ask a man where he's going.
261
00:13:26,105 --> 00:13:28,232
Where are you going?
262
00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:32,543
I love you.
263
00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:34,977
I gotta find Bernie Mac.
264
00:13:35,080 --> 00:13:37,844
I gotta get Bernie Mac back.
265
00:13:37,950 --> 00:13:40,009
I don't like what I've become.
266
00:13:40,119 --> 00:13:45,853
I need to go to the one place where they
understand me, speak my language.
267
00:13:45,958 --> 00:13:50,019
[Woman Speaking Korean]
268
00:13:51,130 --> 00:13:53,394
- I guess you're right.
- Sure I'm right.
269
00:13:53,499 --> 00:13:57,492
- You're a strong black man, Bernie Mac.
- Damn right.
270
00:13:57,603 --> 00:14:01,437
- Right, Papa Kim?
- Mm. Bernie Mac proud black man too.
271
00:14:02,541 --> 00:14:05,908
Yeah. Yeah.
272
00:14:06,011 --> 00:14:10,641
"Bernie Mac, what you doing in a nail salon?"
Now, hold on, now.
273
00:14:10,749 --> 00:14:14,241
America, keeping your nails
and skin up is no woman thing.
274
00:14:14,353 --> 00:14:16,253
Not at all, not at all.
275
00:14:16,355 --> 00:14:21,054
Let's not forget that Bernie Mac
is a public personality, an entertainer.
276
00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:24,220
It ain't just an outlet.
I have to look good.
277
00:14:24,330 --> 00:14:27,060
Gotta keep my game
nice and tight.
278
00:14:27,166 --> 00:14:29,760
Bernie Mac don't wake up
looking like this.
279
00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:32,633
See, Mama Kim's
is where I relax.
280
00:14:32,738 --> 00:14:35,332
I've been going to
Mama Kim's for years.
281
00:14:35,441 --> 00:14:38,308
They're like family.
Like you and me, America.
282
00:14:38,410 --> 00:14:40,674
They help me focus
on my thoughts...
283
00:14:40,779 --> 00:14:42,713
see things more clearly.
284
00:14:42,815 --> 00:14:45,409
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
285
00:14:45,517 --> 00:14:48,281
[Chuckles]
Take care of myself.
286
00:14:48,387 --> 00:14:51,049
Mama Kim,
can I ask you a question?
287
00:14:51,156 --> 00:14:53,818
I don't know why Asian girls
are all into black men.
288
00:14:53,926 --> 00:14:56,918
- They like the "bling bling."
- No, no, no, no.
289
00:14:57,029 --> 00:15:01,796
Mama Kim, I wanna know how can I
get people to see the real Bernie Mac.
290
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:03,801
I mean, Bernie Mac, the man.
291
00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:07,634
Don't worry about other people,
Bernie Mac. Just be yourself.
292
00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:11,403
- That's all you can do.
- Just be Bernie Mac.
293
00:15:11,510 --> 00:15:14,206
And they are right.
294
00:15:14,313 --> 00:15:17,840
Just be Bernie Mac.
Doggone it.
295
00:15:17,950 --> 00:15:20,441
And Bernie Mac ain't
gonna be nobody's mama.
296
00:15:20,552 --> 00:15:23,248
That's for damn sure.
297
00:15:23,355 --> 00:15:27,086
[Chuckling]
They're right.
298
00:15:27,192 --> 00:15:29,752
?? [Man Singing]
299
00:15:29,862 --> 00:15:32,353
[Poker Chips Clicking]
300
00:15:38,570 --> 00:15:41,869
?? [Fades]
301
00:15:41,974 --> 00:15:44,943
Brother Bernie,
you gonna fold or what?
302
00:15:47,579 --> 00:15:50,673
- Huh?
- Fold.
303
00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:52,751
Hell, no.
304
00:15:52,851 --> 00:15:56,287
I ain't gonna fold or fluff
or iron or prewash.
305
00:15:56,388 --> 00:16:00,119
And I'm not gonna soak fine washables
no more either. I'm tired.
306
00:16:00,225 --> 00:16:03,388
- How 'bout playing? You gonna play?
- Hey, man.
307
00:16:03,495 --> 00:16:05,486
Bernie Mac don't play.
308
00:16:05,597 --> 00:16:08,327
Uncle Bernie, I need you
to put in my ear cream.
309
00:16:08,434 --> 00:16:11,562
- Go ask Aunt Wanda, Jordan.
- She's still at the store.
310
00:16:11,670 --> 00:16:13,968
All right, come here.
311
00:16:15,774 --> 00:16:17,833
- Which ear giving you the problem?
- This one.
312
00:16:17,943 --> 00:16:20,878
- Bye!
- Ow. Ow.
313
00:16:22,214 --> 00:16:23,841
- Ow.
- I'm tired, man.
314
00:16:23,949 --> 00:16:27,817
- Every time I turn around, man...
- Uncle Bernie, I'm thirsty.
315
00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:30,150
Can you get me
something to drink?
316
00:16:30,255 --> 00:16:32,416
Baby girl, go in the kitchen
and pour yourself some juice.
317
00:16:32,524 --> 00:16:35,960
- But I might spill it.
- If you spill it, you got a cleaning job to do.
318
00:16:36,061 --> 00:16:38,723
- Now get. Go.
- Okay.
319
00:16:40,632 --> 00:16:44,898
Anytime I turn around, the kids
come asking me. I'm not their mama, man.
320
00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:47,234
- Uh, Bernie.
- What?
321
00:16:47,339 --> 00:16:50,866
- What?
- I wanna ask you a question.
322
00:16:50,976 --> 00:16:53,706
No you don't. You wanna...
Y'�ll hear that?
323
00:16:53,812 --> 00:16:56,076
Vanessa wanna ask me a question.
Can you believe it?
324
00:16:56,181 --> 00:16:58,081
- Never mind.
- No, no, no, no.
325
00:16:58,183 --> 00:17:00,651
Cause I wanna hear this.
I wanna hear it.
326
00:17:00,753 --> 00:17:04,086
Okay. Do you...
Do you think this looks '70s?
327
00:17:04,189 --> 00:17:06,521
Seventy what?
328
00:17:06,625 --> 00:17:09,287
My costume for the '70s dance.
329
00:17:09,395 --> 00:17:12,387
Oh. Who you dressed as?
330
00:17:12,498 --> 00:17:14,398
It's stupid.
331
00:17:14,500 --> 00:17:17,230
I'm supposed to beJackie
from That '70s Show.
332
00:17:17,336 --> 00:17:20,362
You know, where she does the thing,
and then she has the other thing...
333
00:17:20,472 --> 00:17:23,100
and the other thing
and, you know, the thing.
334
00:17:23,208 --> 00:17:26,700
- What '70s show?
- That 70's Show.
335
00:17:26,812 --> 00:17:30,111
Do you mean Jackee from 227?
Wasn't that in the '80s?
336
00:17:30,215 --> 00:17:33,707
- Yeah. That was in the '80s.
- I'm not even gonna go.
337
00:17:33,819 --> 00:17:36,617
You're on your own.
338
00:17:36,722 --> 00:17:39,418
I wasn't gonna say nothing,
but that outfit was wack.
339
00:17:39,525 --> 00:17:42,551
- You not gonna help her out?
- No, I'm not gonna help her out.
340
00:17:42,661 --> 00:17:45,095
Nessa already think she's grown.
She on her own.
341
00:17:45,197 --> 00:17:47,324
I should help her out man.
I ruled the '70s.
342
00:17:47,433 --> 00:17:49,333
What do you mean,
you ruled the '70s?
343
00:17:49,435 --> 00:17:52,097
Man, I put the "P" in P-funk.
344
00:17:52,204 --> 00:17:54,104
Hey, I should help the girl out.
345
00:17:54,206 --> 00:17:58,040
You put the pee in your pajamas.
You were four in the '70s, man.
346
00:17:58,143 --> 00:18:01,408
I'll help her. Back in the day,
I was the pop-lock king.
347
00:18:01,513 --> 00:18:03,845
All right?
Just needing advice from a pro.
348
00:18:03,949 --> 00:18:06,747
Son, brother man.
Sit back down.
349
00:18:06,852 --> 00:18:10,720
If anybody gonna help my niece,
it's gonna be me. I ran the '70s.
350
00:18:10,823 --> 00:18:14,122
I was the first one to get up
on the down stroke.
351
00:18:14,226 --> 00:18:17,286
I'm the one that told Earth, Wind
they needed to pick up Fire.
352
00:18:17,396 --> 00:18:20,160
- [Laughing]
- I talked to Kool about getting a gang.
353
00:18:20,265 --> 00:18:23,496
It was me who went
toJames Brown about theJ.B.
354
00:18:23,602 --> 00:18:26,230
- I was one of'em, baby. I was all up in there.
- [All Laughing]
355
00:18:26,338 --> 00:18:30,274
- [Doorbell Rings]
- This is my house, and I live here.
356
00:18:31,376 --> 00:18:33,276
[Vanessa]
Tell them I'm not going.
357
00:18:33,378 --> 00:18:36,006
She's going. She'll be a few minutes.
Come on. Come on.
358
00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:39,949
You look pretty. Baby.
359
00:18:40,052 --> 00:18:41,952
Hey.
360
00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:45,215
Come on.
361
00:18:47,459 --> 00:18:50,394
Bernie, be nice, be nice.
362
00:18:51,430 --> 00:18:55,025
?? [Disco]
363
00:19:03,275 --> 00:19:06,403
?? [Continues]
364
00:19:14,319 --> 00:19:18,813
?? [Continues]
365
00:19:20,926 --> 00:19:24,020
?? [Continues]
366
00:19:34,139 --> 00:19:36,039
?? [Continues]
367
00:19:46,885 --> 00:19:50,150
- ?? [Ends]
- Come on now, man. Come on.
368
00:19:50,255 --> 00:19:52,519
There's Bernie.
369
00:19:52,624 --> 00:19:54,888
- Told you I got skills.
- Hold on, hold on.
370
00:19:56,195 --> 00:20:00,757
Men, boys and girls.
Introducing part of my heart...
371
00:20:00,866 --> 00:20:03,300
my niece, Coffy.
372
00:20:03,402 --> 00:20:06,701
Come on, baby. Come on. Come on.
You look beautiful. Come on.
373
00:20:06,805 --> 00:20:09,797
Come on, y'�ll,
look at this here. My girl.
374
00:20:09,908 --> 00:20:13,309
- Go on with your bad self, foxy mama.
- Look like a bag of skittles.
375
00:20:13,412 --> 00:20:17,212
- Yeah, mami. What's your name?
What's your name?
- [Wanda] I'm home.
376
00:20:17,316 --> 00:20:23,118
- Aunt Wanda, come here.
- Oh! Check you out.
377
00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:25,918
- Where did you get those boots, girl?
- He made them.
378
00:20:27,392 --> 00:20:29,485
Honey, you're too much.
379
00:20:30,796 --> 00:20:32,855
Just being Bernie Mac.
380
00:20:32,965 --> 00:20:34,865
- Let me see.
- Come on, guys. Let's go.
381
00:20:34,967 --> 00:20:37,834
[All Chattering, Indistinct]
382
00:20:37,936 --> 00:20:40,336
All right gang, let's go.
383
00:20:40,439 --> 00:20:43,533
Remember, ladies,
pretty is as pretty does.
384
00:20:43,642 --> 00:20:46,167
Bobby Seale, Rerun,
you better watch yourself.
385
00:20:46,278 --> 00:20:48,178
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
386
00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:50,578
- Why don't you get a sweater? It might get cold.
- I'm good.
387
00:20:50,682 --> 00:20:52,741
Sweetheart, sweetheart.
388
00:20:52,851 --> 00:20:56,582
Remember, if you need anything,
Nessa, just call me, you hear?
389
00:20:56,688 --> 00:21:00,556
- Okay.
- Bernie Mac, you are definitely the man.
390
00:21:00,659 --> 00:21:02,752
Aw, baby.
Wait, wait, wait! Nessa!
391
00:21:02,861 --> 00:21:05,261
- Let me take a picture. Hurry up.
- Ooh, baby, I'll get it.
392
00:21:05,364 --> 00:21:08,333
- Dang, he's worse than my mother.
- I got your mama!
393
00:21:08,433 --> 00:21:12,494
I can't help it.
It's just a part of who Bernie Mac is.
394
00:21:12,604 --> 00:21:15,095
Doesn't mean Bernie Mac
isn't a strong man.
395
00:21:15,207 --> 00:21:18,005
What's important is
that I know who I am.
396
00:21:18,110 --> 00:21:21,739
Doesn't matter what anybody think.
You remember that.
397
00:21:21,847 --> 00:21:25,112
Bernie, come on.
We made a fresh batch.
398
00:21:25,217 --> 00:21:27,708
I'll be right there.
399
00:21:27,819 --> 00:21:30,754
Excuse me.
400
00:21:30,856 --> 00:21:32,756
Still the man.
401
00:21:32,858 --> 00:21:34,792
[Laughing]
402
00:21:37,829 --> 00:21:40,320
I'm gonna show you
who Bernie Mac is.
403
00:21:40,432 --> 00:21:43,526
Bernie Mac is 100%
real man, baby.
404
00:21:43,635 --> 00:21:46,297
Yes, sir, 100%.
405
00:21:46,405 --> 00:21:48,464
Can you smell the "tartesta"...
What is it?
406
00:21:48,573 --> 00:21:52,600
- [Woman, Faint] Testosterone.
- "Testosto"...Test...
407
00:21:52,711 --> 00:21:56,147
Uh, testosterone.
408
00:21:57,949 --> 00:21:59,849
[People Laughing]
409
00:21:59,951 --> 00:22:02,351
Can you smell
the testosterone up in here?
410
00:22:02,454 --> 00:22:05,446
Smell it!
Smell this testosterone up in here.
411
00:22:05,557 --> 00:22:07,582
Smell like mendacity.
33272
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