All language subtitles for The.Wedding.Guru.S02E02.540p.WEB.h264-TVC_track3_eng

Nestled in the heart of the
Rhondda Valley is an Indian empire.

There's a corner shop...

Nice coconut rings with your tea
today, is it?

..a 35-bed hotel...

Hold it, one hand!

..and a family events business...

FEEDBACK

..run by Wedding Guru
Onkar Singh Purewal...

Give me five, give me five.

..and dad Dev,
known locally as Dave.

I don't want anybody coming in here.
I know, I'll tell them.

So you hold them.

But this father and son team...

..have a somewhat spicy
relationship.

You listen to me, I'm your father.

I just don't like you in meetings.
Honestly!

Ladies and gentlemen...

Onkar's been a part-time wedding
planner for almost 20 years,

and he's seen it all.

Sorry, just trying to find the
priest. He's gone...

Oh, there he is.

What's happened?

He brings his unique brand of
catering and personal attention...

Would someone tell him
to please shut up?

We need to get this food on.

..to every last detail...

See how BLEEP expensive
this BLEEP is?

..to ensure every big day...

Sharon, guard this with your life!

He said it's going to topple -
it's happened!

..goes without a hitch.

http://Scene-RLS.net

Onkar's dream is to make it
big in the wedding business,

whatever it takes.

The name's Guru - Wedding Guru!

Toppshop on Brynna high street,
near Bridgend, is open for business.

I fucking hate this.

Onkar's party to celebrate
the Punjabi New Year

was a big success, and wedding
bookings are starting to trickle in.

You haven't got a Pepsi Max?

Nope. Why?

Because I sold it, Dad,
and you did stock-take yesterday.

Who's in charge of purchasing?

We have to do everything here.

Oh, he has to do everything, yes.
He does.

Do you have to open the shop?

Eight o'clock in the morning?
Do you close in the night?

Do you mop? I go to cash-and-carry.

You do? Do you put it out
on the shelves, like, for two hours?

Building up the wedding business has
to play second fiddle to the

more pressing joys of shopkeeping.

You're sitting here,
you've got empty Coke here,

you've got empty Pepsi here.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right?

You've got a case in the back.
Yeah, all ready here. Yeah.

So what are you doing all day
and this morning?

HE IMITATES DEV

Fuck me, he does my head in, man.

Comes in and goes, "Why's this not
out, that's not out?"

Because I'm planning a wedding, Dad!

I can't worry about fucking salt
and vinegar Walkers crisps!

You know what I'm saying?

Every day.

Onkar's wedding planning
business has been in real jeopardy,

but a Muslim wedding for 230 guests
could turn things around for him

and show his dad what
this Guru's really made of.

19, 20, 21, 22, 23...

Oh, for fuck's sake.
One, two, three, four...

If I had a choice, I wouldn't
give him a job in the shop.

He's bloody hopeless.

You see?

20 miles away from Onkar in
Cardiff Bay, bride-to-be Fahima,

with chief bridesmaid and big sister
Suma, are preparing for the big day.

Are you wearing this on the
wedding? Yes. Ahh.

Do you like it? Yeah.

Right, let me empty the bed.

Wedding plans are still being
finalised by phone.

He tried this on, it's nice.

This is an arranged marriage,

so Fahima and fiance Hassan have
only met a handful of times.

So far, I've been getting good
feelings, you know, from it.

And slowly I just felt like it was
the right thing to do.

It made my life easier,
in terms of having to find someone.

Suma's got a masterplan for
Fahima's wedding.

I discovered something new
the other day.

They both grew up watching
Teletubbies.

We're the same age.

And so, no lie, I want to...

A piano version of Teletubbies.

But the family are really upset.

She'll just, like, stand,
and then just go...

Dun-dun dun-dun-dun!

It's fair to say that Suma's
very excited.

Teletubbies may be wishful thinking,

but they're both at least
agreed on the dress.

So, this is the top, the dress.

And then it has, like, a skirt
underneath.

Yeah, this is how the whole piece
looks when it's on.

Went to London with the family
and we tried a few shops,

and my friend got married last year,
she got her dress from there.

So she recommended it to me.
And I went in there,

and that was the first thing I tried
on and I loved it.

And it fit me.

So I didn't need to get it
altered or anything.

I got it for a really good price.
Yeah, we got a good bargain on it.

I think it's a good bargain,

but how often do we go out and buy
wedding dresses? That's true.

We don't actually know
how much it is.

We like to think
we've got a bargain,

because it makes us happier.

It's an Asian thing. We just
love it.

"Yeah, I got more for my money."

THEY LAUGH

Back in the Valleys, Onkar's
on a PR mission to big-up the family

businesses by catering at the
biggest event Brynna's ever seen.

So, today, we're going to be
serving food at a carnival.

And then all the profits that we're
doing's going to go back to

Brynna Primary School, who
are the ones who are organising it.

So, we want to do
something for the community.

At the family hotel, uncle Gurmeet

and dad Dev are already cooking up
the perfect carnival curry.

So, we're making chicken curry with
rice and vegetable samosas.

They said there were going to be
a couple of thousand people there.

So I think we can serve maybe
300 people or something?

Just here, Mel, like that?
I guess so.

Onkar's got his crack team setting
up the carnival store,

ready to do a roaring trade.

You're the customer. Right.

So, curry, rice, you get a staff
discount. Free?

Free, OK, it's free.

There, there.
You come down here, samosa.

Dave's there, arguing with Mark.
"Hurry up and get the curry."

And then arguing with my uncle.

I'm staying round the corner,
letting them deal with that.

You know how Dave is.
What are you doing?

And then I'm taking the money.

So, Brynna Carnival is basically
the school get-together,

and they come in, they do all songs,
they perform for the community,

and the whole community joins us.

Everybody comes down,
they make a really big day of it.

It's a really lovely,
tight-knit community.

And this is just testament to that,

because everybody comes down,
everybody joins in.

I told Onkar,
bring everything down, it's amazing.

So, it's really
good that they're down here now.

Everybody can meet them, get to know
the people behind the shop.

This is for me? Yeah.

Nice one? The bigger one.

Bloody hell, this is...

LAUGHTER

What the hell is this?

What have you
got such a big head for, man?

Good afternoon, everyone,

welcome to Brynna
Community Carnival.

Though Dev's not
convinced about all the fuss,

he knows how important it is to get
the locals on board.

Everybody coming, chicken curry
and rice here.

Chicken curry twice, is it? Yes?

While Dev serves up a feast...
Hi, there.

..Onkar's gone into salesman mode.

Toppshop, we're based from the curry
stand over in the corner.

But defining exactly what
he's trying to sell...

It's not too spicy,
is it? No, it's fine.

..is no easy task.

And if you need some
booze later, we've got

some good deals up there, anyway.

Onkar's brimming with big ideas
to expand the Purewal empire,

but to go full throttle, he needs
his dad to take more of a backseat.

I said it two years ago,

"Oh, we should do carnival
food and all that."

He said, "No, no, stick to that."

Actually, I'm enjoying myself today.

I think we should do it more often.

Then he comes over to me, going,
"That's good money, you know."

Fuck, I've been telling
you for years.

There you go, madam. Thank you.
Thank you very much.

It's been a long time coming,

but today feels like one small
victory for Onkar.

I'm really enjoying myself.

We'll do more,
we'll definitely be doing more.

Central Cardiff.

The Wedding Guru is suited
and booted

for a planning meeting
with his priority client.

In less than a week,
he'll have to transform

the Temple of Peace
into a temple of love

for Fahima and Hassan's big day.

But for this wedding, big sister
Suma is running the show,

landing Onkar with an
additional layer of stress.

The bride is clever,
if you think about it.

The bride is letting someone else do
it and they're just chilling,

it's quite clever, I think. They put
it all on me, you know what I mean?

It's like I'm losing my shit, man.

But she's running late.

Really late.

When it's work and it's my team,
I hate when they're late.

But with the clients,
what can you do? You can't say...

You can't. That's just rude,
isn't it?

I'm doing a new philosophy
lately, stoicism.

Control what you can control,

but don't stress about what you
can't control.

So I can't control their time.
So, what am I going to do?

I can't stress about it.
So that's really...

I'm trying to get zen, you know?

I'm like I'm Stressed Eric.

I'm trying to get some zen, man.
Trying to get some zen.

Suma, it's OK, don't worry.

You come when you can, OK?
Don't worry.

We'll get there.

Ever professional Onkar
puts his wait to good use,

by working out how he'll seat all
the guests in an unfamiliar venue.

I hate surprises. And it happens,

but not the things you
should have sorted.

I'm more than the average person,
so that's fine. So that's fine. OK.

I can't come in with a Lazy Susan
and then basically say,

"Oh, it doesn't fit." Well, you
should have fucking checked, innit?

That's perfect.
Then we can use this as a surplus.

Almost an hour late,
Suma's here at last.

Boo! How are you?

What's happening? Are you OK?
I'm so sorry I'm late.

Don't worry, don't stress, man.

The two need to get
straight down to business.

Fitting 230 guests into this
space will be a squeeze,

and it's not long before Suma puts
Onkar's seating plan to the test.

We're going to
stick 14 seats in the front, here.

It'll be a bit tight,
though, yeah? Not really tight.

It's not going to be...
So how we're going to do it is...

What are we doing with this space
here? Is this all empty?

This is the thing.
We'll stick some chairs there.

We'll stick some chairs. OK. How
big is this? These are five foot.

Yeah, but you need to stick
the chair there.

Will it not fit between here?

But then you've got the two
chairs on the sides. Oh, right.

Know what I mean?
So you're losing...?

You're losing two chairs.
And if you did that, what?

One, two, three, four - you lose 16.
It is quite a few, yeah.

Onkar's won that battle,

but as they move on to timings,
it seems Suma's invitations

might be at odds with Onkar's
precision planning.

Doors open 1:00. Hmm. OK?

Have you got that on your...? No.

Oh, yeah, on the card?
Did you see the card?

No, I haven't seen the card.
Oh, yeah, you have to send the card.

Don't put it at 2:00!
I probably did.

You put it at 2:00?

I don't even remember. Wait.

It was supposed to be one o'clock.

Wait, let me check.

Oh, so we put 1:45.

One o'clock, she told me.
One o'clock.

1:45.

People say, "It's only 45 minutes."

In the game of events, that's
a fucking eternity!

Drinks. Oh, yes!

I know. That's the biggest thing
I need to know.

I need you to tell me how many
bottles of what I need to get.

I've never worked with
a wedding planner,

and we've had, what, one, two,
three weddings?

So I'll see.

It'll either be, like, "Oh, my God,

"how could people have weddings with
no wedding planners?"

Or it'll be like, "Oh,
yeah, don't bother,

"because they're a waste of time."

People think, weddings, "Oh,
weddings, just happens, like that.

"Yeah. I could do a wedding."

People say to me, "I want to be
a wedding planner." Yeah, fucking...

Honestly, if you want to be
a wedding planner, you can

kiss your weekends goodbye.
Which is fine.

"Oh, I did my sister's wedding,
so I could do it."

You know what I mean? "I'm a fully
fledged wedding planner."

Fucking... You're not!

Suma's interventions have sent
Onkar's stress levels

into overdrive.

He's called a team meeting back
at the family hotel to make sure

everyone is fully
briefed for the big day.

And Onkar needs everyone to know
he's in charge.

Can we let you know, I am the chair
of this meeting, please, Dad, yeah?

So I will ask for information,
and we'll go from there, OK?

Don't take it personally.
I'm just saying. Is that all right?

Not really. It is, you've got no
choice, really, OK? So...

Oh, I'm starving. OK?

Because I'm
the boss, I can do what I want, OK?

Give me a second. Just here.

OK.

The 23rd is something new,
because we're doing a new venue.

So we need to go for bit by bit
by bit, OK?

The starters are going to be
going from two o'clock.

Two o'clock starter.

So you're looking at half an hour
to 40 minutes, from two o'clock,

to 2:40, yeah? I don't want to know
how long they take to eat.

I know, I'm giving you a rough idea.
I just... Give me the time to...

What I'm saying to you is between
two o'clock and 3:15...

Onkar's trying to keep his cool,
but a power battle is brewing.

Can you write that down?
You're making too much confusion.

I'm not making confusion! Just wait.
You are! I haven't finished!

At the end, you can
ask me questions.

Like a bloody university lecturer
or something, isn't it?

And if there's one person guaranteed
to stress him out, it's Dev.

You listen to me, I'm your father...

Yeah, I'm the boss. We're not at
home.

We're not going over the same thing.
I'm the boss for today.

Now I'm boss, OK? Listen.
Listen, you're in the kitchen.

OK, listen to me now.

Two o'clock your starters
start, exactly? Yeah.

OK. So what time are you
leaving the kitchen?

I'm not telling you when I'm
leaving. I'm saying I need to know.

You need to leave by
one o'clock, then.

Now I'm breaking it...
Oh, come on. Dad!

I'm breaking it down that you have
to leave by one o'clock!

You're talking like...
I'm not talking...

Dad, it's simple things! No, you're
not talking simple things.

You're talking nonsense.
1:00, you finish cooking the food.

I just don't like you in meetings.
Honestly!

Literally, the kitchen...

LAUGHTER

No, no, don't stress...

ALL TALK OVER EACH OTHER

He knows I stress.

This is a simple itinerary, yeah?

A simple itinerary, and I've got to
deal with egos. Keep your hair on.

I've got no hair left! Exactly.

That's your plan?
That's nothing to do with the food.

You're a cheeky shit, you are.

You know, he goes stressed
and makes other people stressed.

Yeah. You don't want to get in his
way when he's like that then.

Something he believes in, he wants
to make sure it gets done properly.

Pay close attention
to your feelings...

After locking horns with his dad,

Onkar's sought some professional
relaxation advice.

Settle back
as comfortably as you can.

But with less than 48 hours
until the wedding,

he's possibly a little TOO relaxed.

Shut up, you. I'm going to sleep.

Best he puts his feet up now.

Cometh the hour,
there'll be no time to rest.

SNORING

Showtime -
Onkar's up and at it early.

All kitchen stuff go into there.
Gel boards into here.

In four hours' time, this place
will need to be transformed into the

classy, beautiful venue the bride
and big sister Suma are expecting.

But the Wedding Guru has been struck
down by a debilitating condition.

My God, I've got the worst
man flu of all time.

Man flus exist, you know.
It does exist.

I don't care what anyone says.
It hits men hard.

No, don't do it that way,
don't do it that way! No, no!

Fuck's sake! No, no, bro!

I know, the lid's come off. Oh, God.
You've got it everywhere! I know.

You go too hyper. I know, I know, I
know. That's it. That's fine.

Fuck's sake.

They all need to be picked up, Mark.

The furniture and decor team
are already working hard,

but Onkar's waiting staff
are still nowhere to be seen.

Fuck's sake, where are you?

I've been trying to ring you.
Where are you?

All right.
Just come and see me first.

To complicate the situation,
there is no kitchen at the venue, so

Dev's had to cook the food back at
the family hotel, 30 minutes away.

You got fish pakora?

According to the plan,
it'll get driven to

the venue in plenty of time
to be plated up and served.

But Dev's got a bit of a
reputation for being late.

All Onkar can do
is be as prepped as he possibly can

and try to keep his cool.

It's Onkar. What's up now?

Something I need to ask...

HE SIGHS

Just deal with that.

They clash, that's what they do.
Because they're so much alike.

They are so much alike, and they
both think they're in the right,

when half the time
neither of them are.

They love each other,
that's the main thing.

It's just family. You can't work
with them. It kills you off.

Is that too tight? It's
because you put a chunk together.

You're meant to put them in
like this. Ah, OK. Go on, then.

In Cardiff Bay,
the wedding outfits, make-up

and jewellery are nearly complete.

I just can't wait now to go to the
hall, get it over and done with.

But Suma can't help

but keep a close eye on what's
happening at the wedding venue.

Oi, Onkar!
Show me the stage, please. OK.

Is he going to drape that? Yeah,
they're draping it. Brill. Brill.

Amazing. Amazing.

Oh, Onkar? Yeah.

I've got some... You know the
chocolates that go on the table?

Yeah, bring those,
I can put them on the napkins.

Yeah, I'll tell my husband
to find you, then, yeah?

Yeah, yeah.
OK, because it's in his boot.

I feel good now that
my make-up's on.

Almost ready, just need my scarf.

Just make sure
the Port Talbot people sit with

the Port Talbot people.

Just make sure everyone is sitting
with who they're comfortable,

and make sure
that no seats go empty.

Everyone has... All the seats
have to be used, yeah? Beautiful.

Back at the Temple of Peace,

the finishing touches
are being put in place.

It's going to be
a very good wedding, this.

Hunky-dory.

But Onkar's still battling man flu

and struggling to keep
on top of things.

OK. What was I doing?
I've got the wrong fucking shoes.

I've just realised
I've got the wrong shoes.

OK. Does my hair look all right?
Yeah. Don't take the piss now.

Hamid's your guy, OK?
You're going to do a crack...

You're going to do a cracking job,
not a crap job, I didn't say that.

Oh, listen.
You need to wear a hat, please.

Are you having a laugh?
Net! Put it on! You have to.

Never stopped me before.
No slippage of standards, OK?

Yeah, standards, you're right.

It's 1:45,
and finally the doors are open

for the groom to make his arrival.

But there's no sign of the food
to feed the 230 guests,

and Onkar's stress levels
are once more on the rise.

Yeah? You on the way?

So you're going to be here
in ten minutes?

OK. Please make ten minutes now,
because it's gathering up now.

We're ready to... Going to be going.
OK, please. Bye.

After prayers and blessings,

the groom is welcomed with gifts of
sweet dates from the bride's family.

But now the guests are seated,
they're hungry and impatient -

a bad combination.

Yeah, yeah,
we're getting prepped now,

so about five, ten minutes,
it'll start coming up.

Fuck's sake.

The food is now
over 30 minutes late.

HE SIGHS

Keep coming!

That'll do, side. You can bring
everything from the side. Quick!

I need the chicken tikka first.

And there's nothing like
a sense of urgency, is there, Dev?

OK. Ready? Come on. Come on, boys.
Presentation.

I want the presentation right.

They're now running an hour late.

Can I have four spoons, please?
Nice and hot.

The food can't come out fast enough.
Come with me.

Guests are complaining,

and an overheated Onkar
is right in the line of fire.

Let me direct it, please, yeah?

Let them do it, OK? No problem.

I will co-ordinate it now, yeah?
You relax, relax. No worries.

Sit, sit.

This is my job.

With all the panic over the food,

it seems like everyone has forgotten
that other wedding essential -

the bride.

Go to the back, yeah?
Hamid. Go to Hamid.

The bridal party
has arrived on time,

but the guests are still eating
the pre-wedding buffet.

To the lady on the left-hand side.

It's all getting a bit crowded.

Sorry, sorry, sorry. Sorry.

Right next to her.

How do you do this for a living?

I don't know how either.

The bride mustn't get a glimpse of
her groom just yet, so Onkar ushers

her into a side room to wait as he
tries to get things back on track.

I don't know
how long I have to wait,

but I'm becoming
impatient in here now.

I just want to go to the hall,
enjoy the party and have some food.

I think we're going to go on the
stage and have more pictures

and do the ring exchange,
and we're going to exchange garlands

and things like that, and then the
families get together, take photos,

have the cake moment, cutting
the cake, and then that's it, then.

Fahima might be in for
a long wait for cake.

The main course
is still leaving the kitchen,

but some guests are already
on the hunt for seconds.

Yeah, we will come with refills now.

Haji, Haji, please.
We'll sort it, we'll do it.

No, no. No, no. There is
a system when people come in.

The plate is empty. We need more
rice. Some of them need refills.

I know. As soon as I know it's
all done then we'll go on to it,

but give me a second.
Some of the tables need refills. OK.

Chief bridesmaid Suma decides
it's time to take matters

into her own hands.

Onkar? Yeah. You know table one,
where my father is?

He's kicking off. There's not
enough food in the little plates.

So, right to the top, by the...
They need, like, double portions.

Yeah. Sorry, sorry.

Meanwhile, bride Fahima's
got no option but to wait.

And wait.

Two minutes, please. Just tell
Onkar, he will get it for you, OK?

Onkar, give him two rice
and one chicken, please. A chicken?

I'm doing that for you now.

With Suma and her guests serving
themselves from the kitchen,

even Dev is getting stressed out.
I don't want anybody coming in here.

I know, I'll tell them now.
So you hold them.

Before it teeters into complete
chaos, Onkar is saved by the bride.

Ladies and gentlemen, can you please
take your seats, please?

After waiting for two
hours in a side room,

Fahima has decided the time has come
to make her entrance.

A nervous groom
can finally meet his bride.

Can you sit down? Sit down.

The bride's coming through,
can you please sit down? Yeah?

Could you take your seats?

MUSIC PLAYS

It's not the Teletubbies theme tune,
but finally Fahima

and Hassan can exchange their vows
and start to enjoy their big day,

together.

Well, it was really good, it was
amazing. Beautiful hall, and, yeah.

Bit tiring,
but that's good, really.

Hopefully we're moving
to Bangladesh next month,

and I'm Going to be reunited
with my family.

And, yeah, we're going to have
a big function over there as well.

We have been doing the video calls
while we were doing

the engagement thing, and they were
witnessing everything, and, yeah,

they're happy,
and at least they could see it.

No, no, no.

After all the chaos,
suddenly it's over.

For man-flu-ridden Onkar, it's been
a long day. I'm a perfectionist,

so I'm never completely happy.
I'm relieved.

The client's happy, they're happy.
One or two other issues.

The problem is that they were
taken off the tables, refilling.

We were just finishing, we were
getting there.

That's not the problem. But they
were taking it, given to the staff,

and then the staff were then
disappearing to go

and do the refills when they've
still got to do the table.

It was hard work. It was hard work.

We did manage,
but it is hard work, you know,

because it's not big enough,
the venue.

But it is very difficult when the
family coming in the kitchen

is disturbing us.

But it was nice fun.

It was hard, but it was
a good experience. God!

I pulled it off, though.
I'm happy with that.

Oh, I can't get up.

I literally can't get up.

My arse is all wet as well.

That's the glamour of wedding
planning right there!

Next time...

Onkar helps out
at a luxury London wedding.

The groom's side to
the left-hand side, the bride...

The groom's side, the groom's
over that side, please. Sorry.

Father and son
try to secure a big new client.

I'm the main guy.
You're the main guy today, Dad.

He wants to meet you, so...
Seal the deal. To seal the deal.

And has Onkar finally
proved himself to his dad?

Now you're the Wedding Guru now,
innit? Look at that.

I know, Dad. I love you, big man.

I know. Me too.
Come on, then. Let's go.

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