Original subtitles

As the fed lowers rates,

cheers erupted on the floor

of the New York stock exchange.

That was quickly followed by a...

Beverage and oil issues are the stand-out performers.

The dow industrial average is up 16 points to 5,114.

The dow industrial average is up 16 points to 5,114.

Inflation outlook for its latest credit easing.

That was all the bond market needed to hear

as it closed with further posted gains--

Shareholders support for a petition,

pulling for the spin-off.

♪ Got an itch for the bottom line ♪

♪ I will scratch your back if you'll scratch mine ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ It's a matter of give and take ♪

♪ As long all the benefits ♪

♪ As long all the benefits ♪

♪ Are on my plate ♪

♪ It's nice doin' business ♪

♪ Nice doin' business ♪

♪ With you ♪

♪ You'd better save all the kisses ♪

♪ It's all strictly business ♪

♪ You foo-oo-ool ♪

♪ There's nothing in this world that hasn't got a price ♪

♪ A date with Lucifer ♪

♪ A place in paradise ♪

♪ Got to raise my sights ♪

♪ I've got to stock my store ♪

♪ Why be satisfied ♪

♪ Why be satisfied ♪

♪ If I can get some more? ♪

♪ It's nice doin' business ♪

♪ Nice doin' business ♪

♪ With you ♪

♪ Nice doin' business ♪

♪ Nice doin' business... ♪

Very impressive.

Nice work, Walter.

Well, this was frank and Laurel's show.

I'm just here to make you feel important.

Don't let Mr. Manchester yank your chain, Carl.

Don't let Mr. Manchester yank your chain, Carl.

Everything that comes out of this company has his stamp on it.

Laurel and I just do the grunt work.

Eh! I didn't grunt once.

You know, it's amazing.

I'm making money,

and I don't even understand

what fuzonics does.

Well, fuzonics is gonna change the way the world uses energy.

Is that so?

Reader's digest just ran a big article on it.

He's such a kidder.

Science digest.

Eh-heh. Oh, wow, look at the time.

We're gonna be late for our meeting. Oh.

Keep up the good work, you two.

They're quite a team.

Reader's digest, frank?

Like they would've checked.

If you hadn't corrected me,

I would've slid right under it.

Well, if you occasionally would look at the material I gave you,

we wouldn't have to be worrying about it.

Laurel--heh-- I have a life.

Come to the floor!

I know somethin', and I'm not gonna tell ya.

I can make you tell.

I can make you tell.

No, you can't,

not unless you're a whole lot nicer to me.

I don't have to be nice. Watch.

Ow. Ooh.

That was nice.

All right. Here it is:

Manchester's movin' c.W. Up to senior v.P.,

which means...

Which means the standards for senior v.P.

Must have dropped dramatically.

That, too, yes, and...

It means there's a v.P. Spot open,

and guess who's next in line to fill that spot?

Who? I think you know who.

No. I want you to say it.

You. It's you, baby.

You've got seniority, and, thanks to me, you've got the most kills.

So if we kill tonight, you are in.

So if we kill tonight, you are in.

Now, come on. We gotta go in 2 minutes.

Don't be late. Sally?

Yes. 2 minutes.

All right.

Harry, you got those proposals for me?

Well, get that promotion, and maybe I'll get some respect in xerox.

I need them in 2 minutes.

Eh-ehh.

Oh, wow!

Tie emergency.

Oh, this-- These clouds--

This new age thing

is gonna render people mute.

Well, Mr. Peterson, why did you pick it?

Oh, it was a present from that moron Carl bode.

He didn't even notice.

Save me here, please.

Save me here, please.

Harry, I need those proposals--

30 seconds.

Proposals.

Oh! Thank you.

Uh, what about the magazine article?

You doubt Harry?

Great.

Metals, the depletions of resources,

soaring costs of mining... Mm-hmm.

And something about the iron ore made me weep.

Ok, thanks, sweetie.

You're welcome, sweetie.

Come on. Come on. Let's go. We're late.

Ok.

Is--wait. Is that what you're wearing?

Yes, that's what-- what are you, Mr. Blackwell now?

You thought I was gonna run home for 2 minutes

and change my clothes? Never mind.

Where we're goin' is very dark.

Where we're goin' is very dark.

We're going to the Huntley club.

What are you talking about, it's dark?

No, we're not going to the Huntley club.

I hate that place.

We're going someplace much hipper.

Fine, just as long as it's quiet.

Don't worry, mom.

♪ Ow, she's a brick ♪

♪ House ♪

♪ She's mighty, mighty ♪

♪ Just lettin' it all hang out ♪

See? You're just satisfying your need for raw material.

But once you pick up recon recycling,

you're gonna cut that need 30%,

saving your company $13 million annually.

Saving your company $13 million annually.

♪ House... ♪

And save $13 million annually.

How does she do it?

I think I'm in love!

Oh, yeah. I want to have her baby.

What's the payback period?

16 months. Look, it's right here on page 6.

Hey, hey! Hey, hey, hey!

Hey, you need numbers?

This deal has the frank Peterson seal of approval,

and you need numbers?

Aw, holy shit! Look at that.

Here. Take it up.

Here. Take it up.

Go.

Yeah.

♪ She's mighty, mighty ♪

♪ And she's lettin' it all hang out... ♪

What are you doing, frank?

I'm giving the clients what they want.

I don't think it's what Sandy wants.

Trust me, it's not a new experience.

See?

Come on, hurt me, baby.

Could we get another round?

Uh-huh.

Do you like her breasts?

What?

I'm thinking about having mine done.

But why?

Why not? It helps.

Why not? It helps.

Next time you're in a really important business meeting,

try showing some cleavage, see what a difference a chest makes.

Would you excuse me?

Enh!

Oh!

Yes, I love it!

We need to talk.

Now?

Now.

Ah!

♪ She's a brick ♪

What makes you think we can get any business done

with these guys throwin' money at a naked contortionist?

But this is business.

We're male-bondin' like crazy over here.

We're male-bondin' like crazy over here.

Look, I think it's time for us to go now.

Now, come on. You did your job,

and very well I might add.

So if you want to leave, leave,

but it's a done deal. It's not a done deal, frank!

We haven't closed yet.

They're goin' back to Chicago tomorrow.

You do it on a conference call. When?!

In the morning.

Frank, I'm gonna close this tonight.

All right, OK, fine.

I want you to go over there and tell them it's time to go back to work.

Fine. No, no, no! Come on.

Fine. No, no, no! Come on.

Don't do that. Just-- Just--just go home.

You killed him. He loved you.

Oh, yeah!

I know what I'm doin'.

You're drunk, you know that?

Come on. Go. Go on. Go home.

Go celebrate or somethin'.

♪ Shake it down, shake it down now ♪

♪ Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down ♪

Go ahead.

♪ Shake it down, shake it down ♪

♪ She's a brick ♪

♪ House ♪

Yeah!

Whoo! Coupla brews!

Coming through! Coming through!

Morning, Sally.

Morning, Sally.

Good morning, miss ayres.

Frank in yet?

Got in at 8:00.

What, I'm in late?

I would not presume to say you were late, miss ayres.

Good.

Where is he?

He's at a staff meeting.

What staff meeting?

The one Manchester called for 8:15.

Thank you.

Sure thing. Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

I thought they were gonna arrest us.

I thought they were gonna arrest us.

Anyway--anyway, they keep playin' hard-to-get,

typical dog-and-pony show bullshit.

They're concerned about recon's debt and payback period.

Masters of the obvious, these guys.

Anyway, I work 'em, I work 'em,

I hack away at their concern,

and then about, oh, 3:00 this morning,

pfft! I close it.

Good show.

Helluva score, frank!

Well done.

Well done.

Oh, well, of course, I couldn't have done it without Laurel.

Attagirl, Laurel.

Way to share the praise, frank!

There's always enough to go around

after you make a score like this one, huh?

Way to hang in there.

So you tell me to go home last night.

You tell me I can close my own deal on a conference call.

Our deal. Jeez, I mean, I thought you'd be happy.

They liked it so much,

they wanted to present it to the board

as soon as they got back.

This is a big win for us.

For you. For you, Laurel.

For your promotion, Laurel.

For your promotion, Laurel.

You killed, man.

Chester was eating it up.

What are we fighting about?

We should be celebrating.

What are you doin' for lunch?

Nothing.

Great.

Oh, by the way, um...

Manchester put us in charge

of buying Anton schuller's wedding gift.

We'll pick it up after we eat.

Oh, wait a minute.

Damn it! I already have a lunch. It's too late to cancel.

Ahem.

What do I know about buying a gift?

Take Sally with you. She's got great taste.

Take Sally with you. She's got great taste.

Oh, I just--

Why don't you just send Sally

and I can finish my work?

'Cause Sally doesn't have authorization

to use the company charge account.

Well, if miss ayres doesn't want me to go--

No, no. Nonsense. Nonsense.

Women love shopping together, right?

Listen, Sally knows Manchester's tastes,

and we really want to keep Manchester happy,

right?

Thanks, sweetie.

All right, we're done.

All right, we're done.

You go have lunch. I'm going back to the office.

My lunch is at the office.

Do you want to walk together?

I'll tell you what, we'll grab a cab.

My treat.

Uh, sorry, miss ayres.

I forgot my place for a minute.

Uh, get a cab. I'll walk.

Uh, hey, just--say!

What are you talkin' about?

I see the way you look at me,

when you look at me,

like I was the ghost of Christmas past or something.

What, has frank finally driven you nuts?

Oh, frank's a jerk. I can deal with that,

oh, frank's a jerk. I can deal with that,

but you--you treat me like I was some sort of relic.

I treat you?

Yeah, like a sec-- Like a secretary,

like a career secretary.

You know, I'm good at what I do,

and in case you haven't noticed,

the women's movement, it didn't quite make it down to wall street,

and affirmative action didn't help me!

Oh, wait a minute. It wasn't supposed to.

And just so you're clear,

I got here through talent and hard work.

Yeah. Miss ayres, would you just come with me for a minute?

I--I've got somethin' I want to show you, please.

It won't take long. Just right over--

All right. Just-- it's right.

All right. Just-- it's right.

All right. Just let me show you something.

So what? Frank's havin' lunch with Manchester.

Now, of course, I've never had lunch with Manchester.

No. No, no, no. You.

Why wasn't I invited to that lunch with Manchester?

So much for times changing.

You? You-- I trained you,

you? You-- I trained you,

and you take my promotion?

Hey, you got screwed, OK?

But I don't think that should change things between us.

Look...

Even though... I am your boss now,

I really want you to think of us as a team.

Should I move my desk?

The sun's gonna be hittin' me all afternoon here.

What?

Sally?

Sally!

Can't you see that I'm in a meeting?

Can't you see that I'm in a meeting?

Can we have some privacy?

Laurel, I went to the mat for you,

but Manchester had already made up his mind.

So should I be screaming at Manchester?

That's right. Very good.

Except he's on a plane to London. Convenient.

And, uh, listen, confidentially,

he thinks that women who get passed over

tend to exhibit...

Negative attitude.

Then explain to me why it's always a man who gets passed over

who shows up at the door with an uzi!

Hey, hey, I'm your friend here.

No! You are not my friend.

Friends do not do this to each other.

Friends do not do this to each other.

You are a lowlife,

brain-sucking pig,

who would sell his mother up the river to get the deal!

A v.P. Has to be a closer.

How can I close? I do all the work, you take all the credit.

You better be premenstrual.

Baby, if I was premenstrual, you'd be dead.

All right, can you handle the truth?

Can you tell the truth? Yeah. Here it is.

There is no way in hell you would ever make v.P.

It sucks, but that's the way it is.

You're better off workin' for me than some stranger.

You're better off workin' for me than some stranger.

At least I can protect you.

Well, let me be the first to inform you, frank, as my new boss,

I quit.

It's cold out there, Laurel.

Sally!

Sally!

Well, hello, gorgeous.

Hey, color you Barbra.

It's the new me. Am I not fabulous?

Like butter.

And does babs command top dollar?

Honey, I'm makin' twice the amount of tips

I made when I was doin' Marilyn and Judy.

May they rest in peace.

Which reminds me.

I have your rent check here for July and August.

Now all I owe you for is September and October.

Now all I owe you for is September and October.

Well, you know, it's November now.

Eh, you would have to rain on my parade.

Heh! God, how the months keep mounting up.

But Barbra never ages.

Well, here, girlfriend, I gotta run.

I'm late for the midnight show.

Good night, Mrs. cupchick!

Good night, Barbra!

All right, girls, just talk amongst yourselves.

Good night.

You're home late.

Yeah. I had a great day, so don't ruin it for me.

It's nice you young girls have your careers,

but when you come home to an empty apartment,

what do you really have?

What do you really have?

Independence.

It's overrated.

I'm going to make some cocoa,

and you are not invited.

I'll be up in 5 minutes.

Have the little marshmallows I like.

150,000--that's quite an ambitious start.

Yes. Well, I've put together a prospectus for you,

detailing the startup costs of the firm

and the overhead and the projected business profits.

Are you currently employed?

Well, if I was employed,

I probably wouldn't have time to start up a business right now, now, would I?

Do you have any assets?

Do you have any assets?

Well, yeah, I have drive and courage and ambition,

and if you look at the prospectus,

you'll notice that I have a very, very sound business mind, too.

I was thinking more like stocks, bonds, property.

Ah.

Now we're starting to sound a little like a men's bank, now, aren't we?

Oh, I see.

Because we're the women's bank,

we should go against standard banking practices

and give you this very large, unsecured loan

because you're the right gender?

Because you're the right gender?

Well, you know, it might send a message.

Right, that women don't know how to run a bank.

Touché.

We have depositors to protect, miss ayres,

just like the boy banks.

I'm sorry.

We must have collateral.

I have a 6-unit apartment building that my father left me.

Miss ayres, I admire your courage,

miss ayres, I admire your courage,

but... Are you sure?

No, but my father took a chance buying that building,

and I'm sure he'd like me to take a chance on this.

All right, then I'll draw up the papers.

Thank you.

♪ Ah-ooh oh-ooh ah-ooh ah-ooh ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Shadoop doop ♪

♪ Shadoop doop ♪

♪ Shadoop doop ♪

♪ Sha-doobie dah-how ♪

♪ Shadoop doop ♪

♪ Whoa-oh oh ♪

♪ Shah-doww ♪

♪ Shadoop doop ♪

♪ Shadoop doop ♪

Yeah. Hi, Lisa. It's Laurel ayres.

No, I'm not with Manchester anymore.

I have my own firm, Laurel ayres investments. Yes.

I have my own firm, Laurel ayres investments. Yes.

Is Mr. Anderson in?

We were very excited about this.

Wonderful, wonderful.

But the west coast partners, they didn't get it.

Sorry.

No, no. No, I'm, uh...

I'm no longer with Manchester.

I'm, uh--I've got my own place now--

Ayres investments.

Is Mr., uh, Johnson in?

Hell of a piece of work, Laurel. I was impressed,

but my partner, the idiot savant didn't get it.

I didn't know you had a partner.

My wife.

No head for business, but her father left her the company,

no head for business, but her father left her the company,

and she's wild in the sack.

Come on. All you have to do is look at it.

What do you mean "what's in it for--"?

I'll tell you what's in it for you.

How about 2 tickets to the ranger/detroit game,

the one that's sold out?

Yes. I happen to have tickets.

Yeah. I'll tell you, if you let me read the proposal to you,

all you have to do is watch the game and listen to me.

Let's hear it for your own,

Let's hear it for your own,

your very own New York rangers!

Uhh! Unh!

Well, most of the payments are tax-deferred.

You're lookin' at a 191/2% return in the first year.

Sounds good, Laurel. My partners will never go for it.

They don't want to tick off Manchester.

No, thanks.

Oh, no. I-- I understand, but, eh...

♪ Holy Moses... ♪ did you look at it?

'Cause I'm sure if you'd--

No, but if I could--

♪ I have seen the spectre ♪

No.

♪ He has been here ♪

♪ Too ♪ I understand.

♪ Distant cousin... ♪

No. What can you do with a partner like that?

All right.

Thank you.

♪ Holy Moses ♪

♪ I have been removed... ♪

Miss ayres.

Come in.

Thank you.

What are you doing here?

Oh, a friend got your announcement.

And, uh... What did he say?

Oh, he, um...

He didn't say anything. Um, he just laughed.

This is beautiful.

Thank you.

Oh, my gosh.

Just... Beautiful.

So... Did frank send you here to spy or something?

No, no. I wouldn't, uh...

No, no. I just came, hoping that you might, um... I--

No. I just wanted to see how you were doing.

Oh, I'm doin' great. Everything's fabulous.

Oh, I'm doin' great. Everything's fabulous.

I don't even have time to take my hair down,

everything's goin' so quick.

Great.

See?

Does that all day, all day, all day.

Yeah.

Well...

Oh.

I'm just gonna let the machine get it, you know.

Oh. Oh, you know, I can do this.

Let me just get this. No.

I don't need you to do that.

Don't worry about it. Here.

Ayres investments.

Uh, Mr. Carl bode?

I'm sorry. She's in a meeting with a client right now.

I'm sorry. She's in a meeting with a client right now.

Argh! Oh, just a moment. Just one moment.

She's coming out of that meeting.

Miss ayres?

Carl.

Oh, you got it.

So what did you think?

Oh, great. And you loved it.

I knew you would. That's why I sent it to you.

I said, "who can I send this to? Carl bode."

Is it, uh--.

Is it something I can handle?

Can I talk to them? I mean, I don't mind taking a meeting.

Can I talk to them? I mean, I don't mind taking a meeting.

Oh, well...

No, I understand. No. It's--it's fine.

Yeah. No.

I understand.

Yeah. Bye-bye.

Isn't it funny...

That all the businessmen in this city

all have partners who hate everything that they love?

I mean, doesn't that strike you as amusing?

Of course, I'm kidding myself. I know that.

These guys don't have any partners.

They're just...

Brushing me off.

Sal, would you mind calling frank for me

and telling him I would like to have my old job back?

Sure.

Sure, and, uh, while I'm doing that,

um, could you just set your head on fire?

Who, exactly, are you calling?

Mr. Donald fallon.

Fallon industries?

I already tried him. He's not gonna see me.

Hello? Hello, Betty?

Hi, uh, Betty, it's Sally dugan.

Hi, uh, Betty, it's Sally dugan.

Yeah. I heard you were great on the lanes.

Oh, great. Great. Yeah, um...

Betty, I need a favor if you could manage.

Um... Could you put Laurel ayres in on Mr. Fallon's calendar?

He's booked for a month? Duh!

Betty, uh, if you could manage it for me, it would be great.

Monday night?

We'll take it. Monday's great.

Yeah, great. Ok.

Yeah, great. Ok.

All right, I'll see you on the lanes.

Oh, your coke.

Bye-bye, Betty.

Ok, you're in.

The rest is up to you.

Go get 'em. Go get 'em.

Go get 'em.

After that hand, I gotta take a leak.

All right, boys, 5-minute break.

All right, boys, 5-minute break.

You know, you just can't lose, can ya?

You must have a full deck up your sleeve.

Bissel.

Get me an orange juice and soda, please.

Yes, Mr. fallon.

So...

I'm Laurel ayres. Pleased to meet you.

You're Laurel ayres?

Yes. Bissel.

This is Laurel ayres.

I didn't set up the meeting, sir.

He's a control freak.

That's why he's so good.

Ah. Well, I have a prospectus here

I'd love you to take a look at.

Give it to bissel.

Give it to bissel.

He'll pass it on to the partners.

It was--it was nice meeting you.

No.

No? No.

No partners. This is for your eyes only.

All proposals go through Mr. fallon's partners.

Yes, and then they don't read them.

Are you brushing me off?

Yes, I--

But I thought I was nice.

Listen,

I'll be honest with you.

I thought Laurel ayres was a firm.

You know, 2 guys.

I thought I was meeting a Mr. Laurel and a Mr. ayres.

I thought I was meeting a Mr. Laurel and a Mr. ayres.

Oh, the--the losers are going in.

I'll have to join them.

I'm sorry about the mix-up.

Well, you are, actually, meeting 2 guys.

I mean...

I'm not a guy, but my partner is a guy,

and there are two of us.

If this is so damned important, where is your partner?

Away...

In Asia...

At the Asian economic summit

where he's... A guest speaker.

Are you trying to impress me?

Are you trying to impress me?

That's good.

What's his name?

His name?

Yes. They give them to babies, don't they?

Of course, and--

And they've given one to him.

Come on, Donald! It's your deal!

I'm coming. I'm coming.

By the way, I accept credit cards.

Cutty.

Cutty?

Oh, it's his name.

First name Robert, second initial "s," last name cutty.

First name Robert, second initial "s," last name cutty.

Robert s. Cutty.

Never heard of him.

Well, he's heard of you, Mr. fallon,

and he's very concerned about one of your corporations--

Bamf refrigeration?

Tell him to stop worrying. It's doing fine.

Until 1998 when the cfc ban goes into effect.

Ban?

Yes, and you'll have to convert,

but he's found a company that has a device

that makes conversion unnecessary.

It would save you millions, but, of course, you're not interested so--

No. Wait. Wait. Hold on.

Hold on. Yes. Yes, I am interested. Let me see that.

Hold on. Yes. Yes, I am interested. Let me see that.

No. What do you mean, "no"?

Let me see it.

No. Yes.

Here. Hand it over.

Hand it over.

All right! I'll have it.

I'll read this carefully.

If it's any good, you'll hear from me.

All right.

All right.

Thank you.

Damn.

Strange woman.

Bissel, move your ass!

Any of you boys heard of this guy cutty?

Hi. Who's this?

Hi. Who's this?

Ashley?

Ashley, this is Laurel.

I want to talk to Sally.

Sally, frank's assistant?

What do you mean, you're frank's assistant?

Where is Sally?

She's Harry's assistant?

Harry is an assistant.

Look, you don't have to take that tone with me,

and, yes, I do know the extension.

Good-bye.

Harry.

I can't believe Harry got my old job.

I can't believe Harry got my old job.

Yeah?

Mrs. cutty, I have a note for Mr. Cutty.

I think you have the wrong address.

It's from Mr. fallon.

Mr. cutty?

No. He's in the bathroom.

I'll take that. Thank you.

Yes!

Hi. I'm here to see Donald fallon.

That's impossible.

Actually, it's not. My name is Laurel ayres,

and if you check your book,

you'll see I have an appointment with him.

The only guest Mr. fallon has listed

is Mr. Robert cutty.

Oh! He's, uh... He's my partner.

I'll just go tell him he's not coming.

Miss ayres...

This is the peabody club.

I'll see if Mr. fallon wishes to come out.

I'll see if Mr. fallon wishes to come out.

Women aren't allowed past the lobby.

Oh, really?

Mm. Just for the last 150 years or so.

We couldn't get into the lobby

until 1989.

I'm Camille Scott...

Oh, hi. Mr. fallon's personal broker.

Hello, Camille. You look incredible.

I knew I'd be seeing you.

Nice to see you again, Ms. ayres.

Sir. But I wanted to see Mr. Cutty.

Oh, well, he's stuck in a meeting.

More important than this one?

Call Mr. cutty.

Tell him he's got 5 minutes

tell him he's got 5 minutes

to get out of his meeting and get over here.

Well, actually, Mr. fallon,

I--i-- I can't do that.

He's--it's not that he's in a meeting meeting.

Really?

The fact of the matter is that

he doesn't really-- I can't--

No, j-just stop. Stop, stop, stop.

I--

I don't jerk people around, Ms. ayres.

I wanna be in business with Mr. cutty.

Well, he doesn't--

So even though I'm under no obligation...

I'm giving him a full commission.

I'm giving him a full commission.

Whoo.

Wow, does it--

This means you...

Bought the entire company.

You just tell Mr. cutty

be at my office 9 A.M. tomorrow.

I--look, I--

I don't wanna lie to you, Mr. fallon.

I'm an honest person. He doesn't really--

He's not--

You tell Mr. cutty

that Donald fallon doesn't do business

with people he's never met.

But, Mr. fallon, you just did.

Thank you very much.

Ok.

Damn. Damn.

Ok, Mr. cutty,

time to bring you to life.

Welcome.

♪ What a man, what a man ♪

♪ What a man, what a mighty good man ♪

♪ He's a mighty, mighty good man ♪

♪ What a man, what a man ♪

♪ What a man, what a man ♪

♪ What a man, what a mighty good man ♪

♪ Gotta sing it now ♪

♪ What a man, what a man ♪

Yes. ♪ What a man, what a mighty good man ♪

Mr. cutty.

♪ I wanna take a minute or two... ♪

Date of birth. He's gotta be over--oh!

Over 29? 1929 is perfect.

Black Thursday. Financial world crashin',

a new savior is born.

I like you, Mr. cutty. I really, really do.

I like you, Mr. cutty. I really, really do.

1967. So where have you been all this time?

♪ What a man, what a mighty good man ♪

You've been retired. Yes, living in sin.

♪ What a man, what a man ♪

♪ What a mighty good man... ♪

You made your fortune, so you left. Now you're back.

Where are you?

Ooh, at the Plaza. You have such good taste.

Ooh, yes. A jock's jock.

Because you play Polo.

Because you play Polo.

You're a big-game hunter 'cause you are such a man.

What about your wife? You're married...

To a widower? No.

Hey! Hey!

Maybe you've never been married,

but you're 67. So why didn't you--oh!

Looking for someone to love,

and you've searched the entire world,

and you haven't found her yet...

♪ What a man, what a man ♪

♪ What a man, what a mighty good man ♪

But you're a little bit different.

Now we'll make you hot to everybody that's cool.

♪ What a man ♪

♪ What a man ♪

♪ What a mighty good man ♪

Stockbrokers--don't they wanna know everything?

What is your net worth, Mr. cutty?

Unknown.

Would you like a cup of coffee, Mr. cutty?

You look a little pale.

Ah!

Hi.

Oh, Ms. ayres. Hello, hello.

Hi.

I got you a present.

I just wanted to say "thank you"

I just wanted to say "thank you"

for setting up that fallon meeting.

You know, he bought the proposal. Oh.

Oh. Great. Yeah.

So now I got offices, new partner, stationery.

A partner?

Yeah, it's no big deal.

You didn't have to do this.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Well, if there's ever anything I can do for you,

you just call me, OK?

And, uh, thanks again.

Ms. ayres?

Ms. ayres?

Oh, Ms. ayres?

Yeah?

I, uh--i need a job.

What are you talkin' about?

You already got a job.

It's a dead-end job. You and your partner,

you're gonna need an assistant, right?

And if the company grows,

there might be room for advancement.

Well, you know,

my--my partner actually does all the hiring.

Well, then set up a meeting for me.

Well, that--that'd be kind of difficult.

Why?

Why?

Because he's got somebody he wants to work with

and I don't wanna step on his feet, you know?

Not you of all people.

What are you talkin' about? What?

"I want you, but my partner doesn't."

Oh, come on, Sally. That's not a brush-off.

All right, it's a little brush-off.

Look, why do you wanna work for us anyway?

We're a new, little, tiny company.

Oh, gosh. I've been watching you for 5 years.

You know, I know how you work.

There's no one like you. You're so good.

There's no one like you. You're so good.

And--and you don't know this.

But there's nobody better than me.

But we don't have a lot of money.

I'll take it.

Ok. You're hired.

Wow.

Wait'll you see Mr. cutty's office.

Oh, my gosh. Can I put--

Put your stuff down. Yeah.

Thank you.

Of course, it's not really my taste,

but what's a girl to do?

Oh, it's beautiful. Oh, it's so beautiful.

It's beautiful.

I'll tell him.

Look at the fireplace. Oh, my.

Did he shoot that rhino?

Uh, it's possible. You know, he travels so much,

he brings all kinds of things back.

Oh, my gosh.

Look at all the famous people he knows.

Yeah, there's enough here to open a deli.

Yeah, there's enough here to open a deli.

I can't wait to see your office.

My off--well,

I don't exactly have an office per se.

So I'll be using this one.

There's only one desk.

Is there a problem?

No problem. It's just--

It's beautiful.

Good.

So, um, h-how did you meet him?

So, um, h-how did you meet him?

Who?

Uh, your partner, Mr. cutty.

Oh. Heh heh.

He read one of my proposals.

Oh. How'd he get that?

I don't know. You know, somebody gave it to him.

He loved it.

He made some extraordinary changes to it.

You know, we got together over the weekend

and worked on it.

I like the name "cutty." It's strong.

Yeah, it's been a wild Turkey.

Huh?

Wow.

What?

I just thought I saw s--

Oh, my gosh. It is. It's him.

Aesop Franklin.

Seriously, his name is aesop?

Yeah.

What's he do?

What's he do? Don't you read Omni magazine?

The guy's only the ceo of syntonex.

Ooh, here he comes.

What is he doin' here?

Don't look. Don't look.

That guy's a ceo?

Yeah. He started a software business in his basement.

Yeah. He started a software business in his basement.

Oh, man. He should get out more.

Oh, Mr. Jacobson.

Hi, how are ya? I'm sorry I'm late.

I was outside. I looked in the window.

I didn't think this would be the place...

Oh! We gotta go. We gotta go. Come on. Get your coat.

No, no. The food hasn't come.

No, no, it doesn't matter. Shh, shh.

We haven't eaten yet.

We didn't eat. Just go.

All right. Oh, gosh.

All right. Oh, gosh.

Jeez. Ow. What are you doin'?

Don't you get it? Aesop Franklin

is meeting with Randall Jacobson.

He's the president of hewlett packard's

personal computer division!

So what? What do you mean, so what?

You know what that means?!

It means it's possible that hewlett packard

is gonna take over syntonex.

How do you know that?

Look at where they're meeting.

Stingy Lulu's?

So?

They're meeting someplace

they figure no one is going to see them.

Hey. We saw them!

Yes, we did.

We saw them!

Yes, we saw them.

So I gotta figure out who to tell.

We're gonna tell somebody

who's gonna blab.

Somebody with a big-- Oh, I know who! I know!

You can trust me, Laurel.

Discretion is my creed.

Yes, it's written all over you.

Well, let's face it.

Men like doing business with men.

Men like doing business with men.

You got that right.

But they wanna sleep with us,

and that's our power.

Ah.

Why doesn't cutty

just buy the stock himself?

Well, you know, personal reasons.

He doesn't want everybody knowing his business.

Maybe I should meet with him first, in person,

see what he's attracted to.

Well, to be perfectly honest with you,

he's awfully attracted to syntonex.

Syntonex? That stock is in freefall.

Their marketing strategy and distribution base are a joke,

their marketing strategy and distribution base are a joke,

and they're carrying a shit load of debt.

It would be a miracle for that stock to move up.

Well, Mr. cutty likes miracles...

And I trust this will remain between the two of us, eh?

Laurel. I'm a professional.

I know.

♪ Joy to the world, the lord has come ♪

♪ Let earth receive her king ♪

♪ Let earth receive her king ♪

♪ Joy to the world ♪

♪ Yeah! ♪

Syntonex stock has tripled

and it's still climbing.

Like I don't read the paper?

What about cutty?

Well, it took some digging,

but I did manage to find this file from the business--

You can tell me inside!

You can tell me inside!

Yes, sir.

Everything going OK for you out here?

Yes, thanks.

Um... Um, Ms. ayres,

when do you think I could meet Mr. cutty?

Well, probably never.

Never?

Well, not never never. You know,

just not ever. He's a real globetrotter.

Well, doesn't he ever truck to New York?

Of course he does. He just left.

Of course he does. He just left.

But with, you know, faxes and phones,

I mean, why bother?

Mr. fallon.

Good morning, Ms. ayres.

So nice to see you again.

Is cutty in?

He's never in.

This early.

He's never in this early.

Sally, you can go.

Ms. ayres, um, this is where my desk is.

Oh, of course it is. Heh heh.

It's where her-- Why don't you come with me

into Mr. cutty's office?

Into Mr. cutty's office?

Well, thank you.

Congratulations on syntonex.

Thank you. Camille, you weren't supposed to say anything.

You know how this town is.

I'm learning.

Why didn't cutty let his friends in on it?

Well, his friends are also his clients,

and unfortunately, you're still with Manchester.

He knows Barbra Streisand?

They dated.

Listen, by the way, Mr. cutty wants you

to sell all of his syntonex shares at 54.

54? Most analysts predict

it'll peak in the sixties.

It'll peak in the sixties.

Well, Mr. cutty's not like most analysts, now, is he?

Ms. ayres?

Sir?

I'm ready to throw a lot of money cutty's way--

My money.

All he needs to do is meet with us.

Well, I did speak to him about that,

and unfortunately,

it's just not gonna be possible.

However, I could cancel my 10 A.M.

Well, I might just fly down to Florida

and crash that meeting with Harley Mason.

You know about that?

You know about that?

Yes. Harley called me to gloat.

Ah. Well, he may not be gloating for long.

You see, Mr. cutty won't be making that meeting, either,

and has put me in charge.

Really? What's your handicap?

Oh. I don't play golf.

You see? Mr. Harley Mason

goes to Florida to play golf.

He never talks business

unless it's on the back 9.

Have cutty call me and have a nice trip.

Come on, bissel. Move your ass.

I'll take this one.

The back 9, you boys disappear.

Yes, sir.

I wanna speak to cutty alone.

Yes, sir. Of course.

Yes, sir. Of course.

Mr. Mason.

I'm Laurel ayres. I'm Mr. cutty's partner.

Unfortunately, he's been tied up in Bangkok,

but he did send a replacement.

You?

Heh heh heh. I'm the queen of the windmill hole.

That's what I do well. But, Johnny--

Johnny Miller.

It's Johnny Miller. Yeah.

Mind if I tag along with you gentlemen?

Tag along? Hell, no.

And I won't even mention how much money I lost

when you pulled that upset at pebble beach in '94.

When you pulled that upset at pebble beach in '94.

Well, sorry about that.

Oh, well, don't be. Just let me win a few holes

so I have somethin' to brag about. Heh.

Well, now, you boys have a good time,

and when you're done, Mr. Mason, you come and see me,

and we'll talk about that proposal.

Uh, Ms. ayres? Sir?

Consider it sold.

No.

And you tell Robert cutty that...

He's in a class by himself.

Ain't he, though? Heh heh heh.

You go ahead and play now.

Johnny's waitin' for you.

Johnny's waitin' for you.

Just hit a couple-a for me.

Bye.

Ooh, excuse me, child.

Donald, you're more than a client.

You're a friend, and as a friend,

I feel that I have to warn you of the danger.

Nobody even knows who this cutty is.

He bought syntonex before it went up,

and he sold it one point before it went down.

And now that bastard Harley Mason

just put a bundle with him.

He got lucky once.

He got lucky once.

Look who cutty chose for a partner,

for Christ's sake.

I fired her.

If I were you, frank,

I wouldn't spread that around.

Sorry, Walter. That's the way the cookie crumbles.

Good-bye.

If Donald fallon leaves,

others will follow.

Either get something on cutty

or get us into bed with him.

And now the buzz from wall street.

Move over, Dean witter.

Step aside, Walter Manchester.

Step aside, Walter Manchester.

There's a new bull in town,

and his name is Robert cutty.

This is Cindy Mason, the New York post.

Thank you for all your faith in Mr. Cutty.

He will not let you down.

Uh, when will Mr. cutty contact us?

Probably never.

What?

He never calls clients unless something's wrong.

That's why no one ever hears from him.

Oh, I see. Thank you, Laurel, very much.

Gentlemen?

Thank you. Bye-bye now.

Good day. Thank you.

Good day. Thank you.

Good day. Good day.

Good day. Good day.

So tired.

But Ms. ayres, I'm sorry. You can't relax quite yet.

You have 3 more Cindy Mason readers

due in one half hour.

All right. That means I gotta go pull out the box.

The box?

Yeah. The box.

The one that has all my great ideas

that Manchester hated.

Oh. That box.

I--i got rid of it.

It was such a clutter in the closet.

You what?

Um, I got rid of it.

Um, I got rid of it.

Go get it.

No. I, well-- It--it's in the garbage.

Are you crazy? Did I hire you to take my box

that had all the great ideas that I loved

and cutty loved and Manchester hated and put it in the garbage?

You threw my future in the garbage?

Ms. ayres, I--i put it all, um... What?

In here. What are you doing?

All your files are in here

in a--in a program that I designed.

It's catalogued, it's categorized,

it's cross- categorized,

it's indexed, and it's referenced.

The box is in here?

Yes.

This is great!

Who knew you had this in you?

Oh, I did. Heh.

Boy, were you wasted on frank.

Yes.

Cutty-ayres.

Just one moment, miss Scott.

It's that woman for Mr. cutty.

Oh.

Camille. Hey.

Oh, Laurel, hi.

I asked to speak with Robert.

Oh, well, you missed him.

He was in Washington this morning.

You know, he's on his way to Rome to see the pope.

You know, he's on his way to Rome to see the pope.

- The pope? - Oh...

You know, the pope doesn't make a move without him.

Really? The pope!

I wanted to thank him for the flowers.

He sent you flowers?

Oh, you didn't know?

No. Well, how could I know everything that goes on in this man's--

I mean, he's just fab-- What, Sally?

Hold on. What?

Oh, I'm sorry, I've got to go, Camille.

Robert's on the other line.

Robert's on the line? Tell him I'm on the line.

Laurel?

Bye-bye now.

Hello?

Hello?

Yakita, yakita, yakita. This woman!

This is fabulous.

This is incredible.

This is amazing! You are just--

You're a find.

Would you tell Mr. cutty that?

Yeah. Sure!

Gosh.

The pope.

Mr. Carter.

Hi. Frank Peterson from Manchester investments.

Hi. Frank Peterson from Manchester investments.

Right. I totally understand. I'll get right to the point.

Robert cutty.

Well, I was wondering if, in any of your overseas operations,

you've had any contact with him.

His company-- Small. Insignificant.

Yeah, I can't even find anyone who's met him.

♪ Mr. big stuff ♪

♪ Mm-hmm ♪

♪ Who do you think you are, Mr. big stuff? ♪

♪ Tell me ♪

♪ You're never gonna get my love ♪

♪ You're never gonna get my love ♪

♪ Mr. big stuff ♪

♪ Mmm ♪

♪ You're never gonna break my heart ♪

♪ Mr. big stuff ♪

♪ Mmm... ♪

But I hear he's very weird,

eccentric.

He won't even take meetings.

C-u-t-t-y.

Yes, sir, I believe it is spelled

just like the scotch.

His phone number?

♪ Mr. big stuff ♪

Yes, I understand you have a reservation.

Yes, I understand you have a reservation.

It'll be at least 20 minutes.

With this it's just a fad.

Cutty is gonna crash and burn

and take his clients with him.

Excuse me.

Dalton, I am here with Donald trump.

For god's sake, how long is it going to be?

I have checks sitting on 2 tables.

Ah, miss ayres, how nice to see you.

I have Mr. cutty's usual table.

Cutty? They're lookin' for you.

Sorry, frank, but I'm gonna go

crash and burn with cutty.

Call me.

♪ Mr. big stuff ♪

Newspaper, sir?

Hello, and welcome aboard.

Please fasten your seatbelt.

Slip the metal fitting into the buckle,

then pull on the loose end of the strap to tighten...

You're aesop Franklin, aren't you?

How was your meeting with the stockholders?

Hewlett-packard.

Hewlett-packard.

Do I know you?

Actually, no, you don't.

I'm Laurel ayres with cutty-ayres investments.

We've been talking a lot about you, actually.

Seems like you're going to need some investment counseling.

Yeah, I, uh-- I don't understand.

Well, you're selling your company,

all that money.

You're not gonna be able to just stick that

in a savings account.

Oh, see--there's the misunderstanding.

There's no money. There's just a job.

What do you mean, "there's no money"?

You do this for a lousy job?

You do this for a lousy job?

The job is not lousy.

The deal is lousy.

Then why are you doing it?

Well, I have to.

Why?

Syntonex, is...

Bankrupt.

What?!

Bankrupt.

And the only way I can save it is to give it away.

Oh... You don't just give up the company. So...

Well... All right, all right,

imagine that you had a company

imagine that you had a company

and that you loved this company-- nurtured it.

You--it's your whole life.

Right? Right.

But your company's dying.

Well--no.

Actually, uh...

There may be another way to save it.

I have a guy I'd like you to talk to.

His name is Robert cutty.

Robert cutty. Mm-hmm.

Who are you?

I'm Laurel ayres.

You're Laurel. Well, I'm aesop.

Aesop... Franklin.

Yeah, Franklin. That's right.

Page 15. Robert cutty.

If anybody can save it, he can.

If anybody can save it, he can.

Sally, I'm back.

Hi. Welcome. Welcome.

Sally, aesop. Aesop, Sally.

Hello.

I wanted to go home, but--but...

But we have work to do.

Mr. cutty's going to save aesop's company.

Now, tell me, did any files arrive for me today?

I think so.

It's on your desk, next to your mail.

Very good. Thank you.

Come on, aesop.

Uh...

Uh...

These are your files?

It's a mess, isn't it?

Is there anything living in here?

It's hopeless. I know it.

I can't run a company.

I can't even run a bath.

What am I doing here?

What if hewlett-packard finds out?

They'll pull out. I'll lose everything.

Aesop. What? Sit down.

Oh. Sit down.

Sit. Yeah.

Sit. Yeah.

Sally, can you come in for a second?

I have a challenge to that fabulous program of yours.

Think this is gonna be a problem?

No problem.

Really?

Well, maybe a little problem.

Oh, by the way,

the envelope on top,

you're supposed to r.S.V.P. By this evening.

Mr. fallon has invited you and Mr. Cutty

to his annual Thanksgiving charity ball.

It's black tie.

Well, unless you're a pilgrim.

Well, unless you're a pilgrim.

Sorry.

I'm--I'm--um...

Everybody in the financial world will be there.

That's good.

That's actually very good.

Aesop.

Aesop! Huh?

Would you mind being my date?

It's a perfect opportunity to introduce you

to the movers and the shakers.

Ok.

I mean, I love black tie parties.

Even I look good.

I'm sure you do.

All righty, then, thank you, Sally.

♪ Go... ♪

♪ On with the show ♪

Fabulous

oh, there's no business like show business.

So, girlfriend, what look are we going for this time?

Well, I don't know, Charlie, it's such a big night,

and all these bigwigs from wall street will be there.

And all these bigwigs from wall street will be there.

Well... The slut look never fails.

I know, but I have to look intelligent.

After all, I'm representing Robert cutty.

Slutty, yet intelligent.

News anchor.

♪ A fine romance ♪

♪ With no kisses ♪ right there.

♪ A fine romance, my friend ♪

♪ This is ♪

♪ This is ♪

♪ We should be like a couple of hot tomatoes ♪

♪ But you're as cold as yesterday's mashed potatoes... ♪

This is what I call giving thanks.

Please don't leave me alone with these people.

Aesop, that's my hand you're crushing.

Shall we go in?

You all right? Yeah.

That was a very profitable merger.

Thank you. Arigato!

Thank you. Arigato!

Miss ayres. Excuse me.

Miss ayres, my money has never been

in more beautiful hands.

Nor has it ever had a better rate of return.

Cutty's amazing. No doubt about that.

The governor remembers him from wharton.

Isn't that funny? He's never mentioned it.

Where is Robert tonight?

He sent me a personal note saying he'd be here.

Well, you see, Camille, he's actually swamped in Bangladesh,

so he won't be here,

but I managed to bring someone equally brilliant.

But I managed to bring someone equally brilliant.

Huh? Aesop Franklin,

ceo of syntonex.

Ceo? Not anymore.

Congratulations on the sale.

Uh...

Well, actually, Mr. cutty may end up

disappointing hewlett-packard.

I'm intrigued.

Camille, get Mr. Franklin a drink.

Sure.

I love your tux.

Laurel...

It's OK. Go ahead. Go ahead.

Tell me more. Tell me more.

Well, Robert seems to think that if left independent,

well, Robert seems to think that if left independent,

syntonex can be a money machine.

He does know what a mess it's in.

Oh, yes, but he's fixed worse than this.

You mean cutty's going to reorganize

the entire company personally?

And oversee its management.

He's that sure?

He's putting his own money in...

Until, of course, he finds a few select investors.

Let me talk to a few people.

I'll be back.

I know you will.

I know you will.

Oh--oh--ooh.

Laurel? Laurel ayres.

I'm Cindy Mason.

I write a little column.

Oh, yes. I loved what you wrote about Mr. cutty.

Thank you. Thank you.

I'm flattered.

You know, Laurel, I'd love to write

your fascinating story.

Would you?

Now I'm flattered.

A young woman starts at the bottom,

a young woman starts at the bottom,

stays there, and then gets fired

and winds up being partners

with the most talked-about man on wall street.

That sounds like fiction to me.

Well, the best stories always do.

Well, they do when I tell them.

Of course, in order to make this story really work,

I'd have to speak with Mr. cutty in person.

To do a story on me,

you want to speak to Mr. cutty.

Well, it's a perfect arrangement, isn't it?

But it's not so perfect.

But it's not so perfect.

You see, Mr. cutty doesn't speak to the press.

Nice to meet you.

Laurel, it doesn't pay not to talk to Cindy.

You know, I like your 'do.

Do you?

Mm-hmm.

I do, too.

I'm a little shy, so I don't want you to leave me, OK?

You stick right with me.

Wow... Laurel!

Wow... Laurel!

You look great.

What happened?

I'm told it's what happens to women

when they leave bad relationships, frank.

Oh, come on. Let's be friends.

Dance with me. I don't want to dance.

Come on, dance with me.

I've got some very good news for you,

and I'm not gonna tell you

unless you dance with me.

Dance faster, frank. You're making my skin crawl.

Ha, ha, I've missed your sense of humor.

Ok, here it is.

Manchester wants you back.

Really? What happened?

Did they discover that all your original ideas

did they discover that all your original ideas

were mine?

He respects you, Laurel.

He always has.

He wants to make you a senior v.P.

V.P.? Senior?

You'd be one of the highest-ranking women execs

in the business. Wow.

But I'd also be your boss, frank.

Well... Of course, I'd move up, too.

Uh-huh. Just think about it.

With Manchester and cutty together,

we'd own wall street.

Heh heh heh. Forget it, baby.

Manchester doesn't get cutty,

Manchester doesn't get cutty,

and he doesn't get me.

Well, if it's not Manchester,

it'll just be someone else.

Everybody wants cutty,

and without him, you're nothing.

You know, frank,

I can afford to have you killed.

Should I take that as a no?

See, interlinks will make the nets obsolete.

Here you go.

Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh!

You can conference

with the library in Moscow

and--and your grandmother in south America.

Here, you. You try it.

Very good!

It's all on a point and click interface.

Anybody can do it.

Not me.

Hey, should we check out your portfolio, Mr. fallon?

Don't you dare.

See...

Did you know about this interlink software

he's developed?

It could be revolutionary.

It could be revolutionary.

We know.

And check this out.

Laurel, we need to meet cutty on this.

In person. Robert cutty in person.

You get it?

I'll try.

He's really, really not into having personal meetings.

I'll do my best.

That's not good enough.

All I want to hear is when and where.

All I want to hear is when and where.

Well I'll-- I'll call him

and I'll see what I can set up,

and then I'll call you.

Look, look, look.

No, Mr. cutty is not in.

No, I don't. I'm sorry.

Cutty-ayres. Oh, dear.

Oh, just one moment. Cutty-ayres.

You seen the paper this morning?

That Cindy Mason! You see what she wrote?!

This trash? The cow didn't even mention my name!

Is it really true he's having all these affairs?

I thought Mr. cutty was searching for true love.

I thought Mr. cutty was searching for true love.

He's a man. That's how they search.

Did something happen last night?

Happen to me? Oh, no.

What could've possibly happened to me?

Nobody wanted to know anything about me.

They only wanted to know about cutty.

I'm telling you, the guy's a pain in my behind now.

I regret the day that I ever made him a--

Part... Of my life.

It was like I had nothing to do with cutty-ayres,

like I didn't exist.

Ok, um, let's go back 2 months ago.

Ok, um, let's go back 2 months ago.

Yes, 2 months b.C.

"B.C."?

Before cutty.

You just don't have enough to do, do you?

You make these up at your desk?

Well, before cutty you had no job,

no prospects, and a big debt.

Minor details.

You yourself call him a genius.

He's more elusive than Howard Hughes.

I've never even met him.

And you give him all the credit.

And you give him all the credit.

I gave him the credit because I wanted him to have a little respect.

Well, you got what you wanted.

Thank you.

Ok, now, what's this secret cutty meeting

that everybody's been calling me about?

You don't want to know.

Well, CNN called, the times called,

Cindy Mason called and offered me $1,000

if I'd give her the location--

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Cindy Mason offered you $1,000 for the location?

Uh-huh.

What? Heh heh heh heh.

Heh heh heh.

Call her back and tell her you'll take it.

Call her back and tell her you'll take it.

What?!

Tell her you will take the money,

and call all those people back

and tell them you'll take their money, too.

Oh!

What are you going to do?

I'm gonna perpetrate a great big whammy.

Heh heh heh heh.

Where the hell is cutty?

My feet are killing me.

That camera touches my hair one more time,

that camera touches my hair one more time,

you'll be sending video from your lower intestines.

Yeah, yeah.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Hello, darling. How are you?

I thought this meeting was secret.

So did I.

I can't believe this!

Sir? Your door's locked.

Robert, please.

Come on, come on, it's him!

Go get it.

They're here for you, Robert! Robert!

Mr. cutty, could we get it right here, please?

Please, Mr. cutty!

Oh, nice!

Oh, nice!

Mr. cutty!

Why can't you people just leave him alone?

You should know better, Cindy.

Oh, please!

Who the hell does cutty think he is,

standing us up like this?!

Preposterous. I thought we were gonna get to meet cutty.

I'm wasting my time here.

I gave up a board meeting for this.

Obviously, someone tipped off the press,

and he didn't want to come through

that throng of reporters.

Look if cutty can't even show up for a meeting,

how the hell's he gonna run a company?

You wanted Mr. cutty, he's here.

His ideas are right in front of you.

His ideas are right in front of you.

Well, thank you very much, miss ayres.

I'm sure this'll make for fascinating reading.

But frank is right...

Without cutty, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to pass on this one.

I agree. Me, too.

Garcon! My coat.

I tried. My conscience is clear.

What?

I said to Robert, "these are important men.

"Some of them are clients.

"We made promises.

We have a moral obligation to these people."

We have a moral obligation to these people."

Just a minute.

Just a minute. You--

You mean that cutty wants--

Yes. He ran the numbers...

And he wants to keep syntonex to himself.

I'm sorry, darling.

I'm sorry.

This is bullshit.

Go ahead, you tell Mr. Manchester

that you recommended to Mr. fallon

not to go through with this.

Mr. fallon, I didn't say that.

What I said was--

Shut up. Shut up.

Just a minute. Calm yourself.

I don't want to. No, I don't want to.

All right. Please, control yourself.

All right. Please, control yourself.

I'm sorry.

Gentlemen, turn to page one. Let's begin to read.

I'm so sorry.

It's all right. It's all right.

Syntonex consolidated financial state.

Page 2 is better.

Page 2.

Its consolidated financial state, and consolidating--

Come on, bissel. Move your ass!

Mr. fallon? Mr. fallon!

What's the matter, frank, trouble in paradise?

What's the matter, frank, trouble in paradise?

What happened? What happened?

What happened?

They went for it. They went for it.

Yeah!

They went for it! They went for it!

They went for it! They went for it!

Come on, I got a surprise.

Ok.

Oh, my god! They went for it!

Ok, we all pitched in

and got a little something, you know,

to show our gratitude.

I hope Mr. cutty smokes cigars.

Tell him thanks.

Tell Mr. cutty thanks for saving our jobs.

I gotta tell you, this is my favorite time of the year.

I gotta tell you, this is my favorite time of the year.

When I was a kid, every Christmas

my dad would give me a railroad ticket.

One way?

No.

He'd buy a ticket for him

and a ticket for me,

and we'd get on the train and just take trips.

One year, we ended up in Cleveland,

and he managed to make Cleveland wonderful.

You don't do that anymore?

No.

He passed away, so now I go,

I light a candle every Christmas Eve, you know.

I light a candle every Christmas Eve, you know.

That's a great story.

Thank you.

Think you can handle another story?

Sure.

Robert cutty doesn't exist.

No, you don't understand.

I made him up. He's not real.

Oh, I've known that for weeks.

What do you mean, you've known that for--

What do you mean, you've known for weeks?

Well, sure.

I mean, because every idea cutty had,

it was already in your files,

or I saw you come up with it.

Why didn't you say anything if you knew?

What, and stop getting all those great presents?

No.

Besides, I loved it.

Besides, I loved it.

If you had to make up a white male

in order for people to recognize your talent,

then I thought, well, it's my job to,

you know, keep the illusion going

and support you.

Ha ha ha!

I cannot believe that you knew

and didn't say a word.

Yeah. Yeah, sure.

You are something else.

Oh. Thank you.

Listen, you know, when I take over syntonex,

I'm gonna need somebody

to help me organize the company and run it.

To help me organize the company and run it.

You interested?

Are you serious?

Yes.

Yes? Yes!

Is that a yes?

That's a nice little yes dance. I see.

Oh, yeah!

I love the headline.

It's so exquisitely cheap.

Oh, god.

If this doesn't flush cutty out,

nothing will.

Know what? I think I know someone who could help us along.

I thought you might.

I have a friend at the s.E.C.

I have a friend at the s.E.C.

I'm gonna have Eddie on Laurel's tail

24 hours a day.

Incognito.

Great. Great.

Agent thompkins, this is frank Peterson.

I'm sorry to bother you at home,

but I thought you might wanna hear

what's in Cindy Mason's column

before it's published in tomorrow morning's paper.

Good morning, Sally?

Be right there, miss ayres!

Oh, great.

You know, you made me feel so much better,

I had to go shopping.

I had to go shopping.

I had to go shopping for you.

Merry Christmas.

Miss ayres, agent thompkins of the s.E.C.

Is waiting to meet Mr. cutty.

Agent thompkins?

How are you? I'm Laurel ayres.

Pleased to meet you. How can I help you?

Well, if it's not too much trouble,

I'd like to see Mr. cutty.

You and the rest of the world.

Unfortunately, he's not available,

but I will tell him that you came by.

Wasn't aesop Franklin your date

wasn't aesop Franklin your date

for Donald fallon's Thanksgiving party?

Yes, he was. Is that illegal?

Well, I'm sure Mr. cutty can explain everything when we meet

if you could see that he gets this.

A judicial subpoena?

You're subpoenaing him

because I'm in a picture with aesop Franklin?

Well, Mr. cutty's the one

that profited personally from the syntonex stock.

But he didn't do anything illegal.

I'm sure that will all be cleared up

when I meet with him.

And if he doesn't cooperate,

then I'm afraid we'll have to

then I'm afraid we'll have to

conduct a full-scale investigation.

Happy holidays.

Well, this isn't even close to rational.

I've gotta go see Charlie. He's my only shot.

Well, this is just an idea,

but what about if you told the truth?

Are you crazy?

What do you mean, tell the truth?

I committed fraud. They're gonna put me in jail.

This is insane.

You know, if I had just been able to close that syntonex deal,

everything would've been fine.

I could've gotten rid of cutty.

I could've gotten rid of cutty.

Merry Christmas! Ho ho ho!

Is Santa claus following us?

Please, don't get paranoid on me now.

I've got big fish to fry here.

Come on.

He's following us.

This is crazy.

This is nuts. Nuts. Nuts.

Not that door, this one. Come on.

Hello, ladies.

Ok, what is it this time?

Well, I need, kind of, a new look.

Well, I need, kind of, a new look.

Well, honey, it's what I live for.

I hope so.

It's gotta be distinguished,

rich, powerful,

old, and male.

Well, now it's getting interesting.

And white.

White?

Yeah, he's gotta be white.

Oh, shit.

I told you this was crazy.

You got a better idea?

I don't think it's crazy.

Charlie can work miracles.

Well, honey, I could sure use a miracle right now.

Oh! I'm on.

Here, slip into Ethel.

Let a little sand out of the tits.

Let a little sand out of the tits.

I'll be back in 10 minutes.

May I never get this old.

Hello, my name is Robert cutty.

Lower your voice just a few octaves.

Uh, hello, my name is Robert cutty.

Deeper.

My name is Robert cutty, and--

Deeper.

If I go any deeper, I'll be talking out of my uterus.

Throw a little male attitude in there.

Throw a little male attitude in there.

My god. All right.

That's me, Bob cutty,

and I'm just gonna take you

and bite your Booty in the back of my truck.

I said male, not moron.

Done.

Is this gonna fool the s.E.C.?

Wow. It's a miracle.

I never go on stage with a new look

until I try it out in public first.

Public?

In public.

Mr. cutty.

Mr. cutty.

Of course, he can expect the best without any notice.

Confidentiality?

Madame, this is the Plaza.

But what about cutty?

He has to show up for the s.E.C.

Fallon will approach him there.

So you're sure hewlett-packard is in?

H.P. Is in if fallon is in.

Hold that!

Jacobson's gonna tell him at dinner.

At the Plaza.

His favorite place.

Nice work, frank.

Charlotte, Mr. cutty is on his way.

I want you to inspect the royal suite personally.

I want you to inspect the royal suite personally.

Simon, fresh flowers all over the suite.

I don't care if you have to abduct them from our other guests.

Jose, our best champagne and caviar delivered at once.

Thomas, out front. You wait for Mr. cutty only.

Now, everyone, go!

Wait.

The privacy of our guests is sacred.

Get me Levy at the business desk.

Randall, good to see you.

Frank.

You remember Walter.

Randall.

Well, fallon's meeting us

in the palm court. Shall we?

Taxi! Taxi!

Camille, it's me, Tommy.

Guess who's coming to town?

Miss Mason? Frederick from the Plaza.

He is coming.

Hello, my name is Robert cutty.

Mr. cutty?

That you, Mr. cutty, sir?

Hello, I'm, uh, I'm Robert cutty.

Well, can I get your bags for you, sir?

I'm not gonna be here long enough to need any.

Excuse me.

Mm-hmm. Got ya.

Yes, I did.

All the flowers are in place?

The champagne, caviar, all the appointments?

Can I get your coat for you, Mr. cutty?!

Oh, thank you.

Oh, thank you.

Ah, Mr. cutty. Welcome to the Plaza.

I'm Frederick the manager.

We're so deeply honored to have you.

And if there's anything I can do for you

to make your stay more pleasant, more comfortable,

please, please, don't hesitate to call me personally.

I just want to get to my room.

Oh, of course. Of course. Everything is in order.

I personally have seen to every amenity.

Hey, Tony.

You heard of that guy cutty?

Guess what? He's here.

Cutty?

Robert cutty, here?

Robert cutty, here?

Maybe we could get him to join us,

get this whole thing finished tonight.

Frank?

Now, miss ayres...

Hmm?

Stipulated that all charges be on her account.

Excuse me. I'm looking for Robert cutty.

Well, cutty?

Robert cutty.

I'll find my room myself.

Thomas. Thomas.

Maybe you can help me. I'm looking for Robert cutty.

Please don't hesitate to call me.

Mr. cutty?

Mr. cutty?

Sorry, sir. It's a private elevator.

Mr. cutty?!

If everything isn't satisfactory in your room,

sir, just call bell hop Thomas.

The key. Thank you.

I won't say good night,

because I know you'll be having a great night.

Hi.

Robert.

It's me. Camille.

It's me. Camille.

Camille.

Camille.

Oh, Camille.

How'd you get in here?

Oh, let's just say I bribed a bell hop.

Well, what do you want?

You said you couldn't wait to meet me.

Yes, I did, but--

Are you disappointed? Oh, no. No. No.

But, surely, you must be, my dear.

Not at all.

You're drop-dead gorgeous.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Whoa! Oh! Robert.

You're a genius.

All geniuses are gorgeous.

You think I'm a genius?

I knew it the moment I saw the Van proposal.

You really knocked me off my feet with the syntonex deal.

It was luminous, insightful,

brilliant.

And those notes you sent.

A woman waits all her life looking for things like that.

I know.

Here, just sit there.

Here, just sit there.

Now, Camille--

Shh.

I don't, uh-- Robert?

No, Camille! What're you doing?

Don't take off-ooh, Camille. Ooh, Camille.

Oh, my goodness.

La Perla.

Ooh, you are a man of the world.

I want you, Robert.

I want your genius.

Fill me with your genius.

No, Camille!

Aah! Aah! Camille! Aah! Camille!

What's the matter?

Oh, golly. Oh, Camille.

Oh, golly. Oh, Camille.

Oh, I got a charleyhorse.

Oh, here, let me help you.

No. No! No! Stop that!

Isn't that what you want?

No, it isn't.

And it shouldn't be what you want, either.

But-- you know, you're an intelligent,

beautiful, smart woman.

You wanna get ahead in business?

Use your brain.

Whoa.

No one's ever said anything like that to me before.

Yeah, well, I'm not surprised.

Oh, look, I'm shaking.

Hold me.

No, I don't want to hold you.

No, I don't want to hold you.

Hold yourself.

Oh, Robert.

Look, Camille, it's not what's down here that's important.

It's what's up here.

Think about it.

In the meantime, get yourself together.

I'm very pleased that you wanted to meet me.

What a man.

Listen, Thomas,

listen, Thomas,

I would really like to do business with you,

but you're gonna have to tell me

what room Mr. cutty's in.

Is he with anybody else?

I'm so sorry, miss Mason,

but I'm not at Liberty to say.

Oh, Mr. Frederick, what room is he in?

Ha ha ha!

You mustn't ask such questions.

Mr. cutty?

Mr. cutty!

That's confidential information.

I mean, I'm not supposed to tell you that.

Mr. cutty!

Oh, my god!

Oh, my god!

...if you know what I'm sayin', so--

Mr. cutty, I-- Oh, shit.

Excuse me, Mr. cutty?

Sorry to bother you, but I'm frank Peterson from Manchester investments,

and Walter Manchester and I are having dinner tonight

with Donald fallon,

and, uh, well, it's to discuss you--

Ahh! Gotta run.

Ah, hell. You got me.

Mr. cutty, wait.

Ow! Shit!

Mr. cutty, I don't know what Laurel ayres told you about me,

Mr. cutty, I don't know what Laurel ayres told you about me,

but I have no--ow! Ow! Ohh! Ooh!

Aah!

Where the hell is the--

Mr. cutty! Mr. cutty!

Mr. cutty! Ooh! Ooh! Ow!

Aah! Uhh!

Oh, my god! Oh, my...

Well, frank, will you help me?!

My car. Just my car. Leaving so soon?

Frank!

Stupid jerk! Cutty's getting away!

Mr. cutty needs his car right now!

Mr. cutty! Mr. cutty! Mr. cutty!

Mr. cutty!

Do you see him?

Get the bag!

Get in, get in!

From the frying pan, into the fire!

Mr. cutty! Mr. cutty, wait!

Mr. cutty! Mr. cutty, wait!

Taxi, yo!

The press treats you like a rock star.

How 'bout a good cigar?

Thank you.

Actually, I was just on my way to a business dinner

where you were going to be the main topic of conversation.

Yes, I know. I ran into frank Peterson in the head.

Can we talk man to man?

Man to man.

That's it. I like that.

Hewlett-packard wants to stay involved with syntonex,

hewlett-packard wants to stay involved with syntonex,

and Robert, with you at the wheel,

they'd be damn fools not to.

Syntonex is Laurel's baby.

If Laurel wants a baby,

she can go find a man and have one.

Oh, that...

Are you all right?

I suddenly got a very bad taste in my mouth.

Is this Cuban?

Uh, no. It's Dominican.

I don't smoke crap.

I don't smoke crap.

Oh.

I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.

It won't happen again.

I'm surprised you would even give me something like that.

Listen, Robert, frank has made a deal.

You get Laurel to cooperate,

and they'll accept a plea bargain.

She'll get a slap on the wrist, probation,

lose her license.

You, old friend,

you'll be totally in the clear.

That's a hell of a deal.

She'll be well-compensated

and we'll end up big winners.

And we'll end up big winners.

Pull over.

Now, wait--wait, wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

If you don't like the deal, that's fine.

Just make the s.E.C. Problem go away

and forget the whole damn thing.

Nice to speak to you, Mr. fallon.

No, wait--wait a minute!

Syntonex needs you, Robert,

and you need us.

Now, you think about that.

Next time, they'll be Cubans!

Damn, damn, damn.

Looked like Brando there for a minute.

All right, Mr. cutty,

what are you up to?

Go on, follow him.

Pull over!

Hold it, hold it!

All right, park it, cabbie.

We're just gonna hang out here for a while.

Oh, yeah, cutty, you gonna die.

You are gonna die.

Doesn't make any sense.

Ok, let me get this straight.

You saw Laurel go to the club,

but she never came back.

But she never came back.

I stayed until closing.

Cutty showed up at the Plaza in her car

and you followed cutty to Laurel's apartment.

He went in, but he never came out.

I was out there all night,

and after Laurel left there this morning,

I knocked on the door and nothing.

Huh? What?

What?

Nothing.

Nothing.

They obviously knew they were being followed,

so they gave you the slip.

Do you know what?

I say live and let live.

I say live and let live.

Merry Christmas.

To you, too, you son of a bitch.

Ooh, I cannot believe this.

Even when I create the perfect man,

he ends up stabbing me in the back.

Mm-hmm.

Do you want to talk about this?

No, I don't want to talk about it!

I'm gonna kill him.

Well, that's a good idea,

but there's one, small problem.

What?

How are you gonna kill someone

who doesn't exist?

Well, I don't know, but I know he can't show up

in front of the s.E.C. If he's dead.

That's good.

That's good.

...Cause of the accident...

This is just the nicest thing you've ever given me.

I'm large like that. It's beautiful.

...Wreckage of the craft

was found this morning off the coast of Albania

with no signs of life.

Authorities fear the worst.

Oh, my god.

What?

Mr. cutty was on that ship.

Oh, he was not. Stop it.

He was.

Hello?

It was the ship.

It was the ship.

Of course. Of course!

Cutty and calimeras are best friends!

And now he's dead.

Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh! It's perfect!

Do you have a black dress?

Yes.

Wear it, girl.

I will!

He was just the most generous,

giving, loving man I ever knew. Don't you think?

He was the best thing that has ever happened to me

and I--I'm just so crushed that he's...

Fish food at the bottom of the ocean.

Fish food at the bottom of the ocean.

Knowing that his body will never be recovered.

They have rescued everybody, um, on the yacht

and Mr. cutty wasn't even on board.

Where was Mr. cutty?

Aah! It's a miracle!

You had the watch inscribed?

Yeah.

"Dear Robert, keep searching."

Who's Jane?

That's one of those women he dumped

in his eternal search.

Ooh!

Got power.

Mr. cutty's missing a foot.

Well, he had 2 when I dressed him.

You know what? Forget about it.

They'll just figure it came off in the explosion.

It'll be really realistic.

Um, speaking of realism,

don't you think we should remove this hook

that's sticking out of the top of his head?

That's sticking out of the top of his head?

You're standin' there. Take it out.

Aah!

What?

Ohh! He moved!

Are you sure this is the right thing to do?

The hook?

No. Getting rid of Mr. cutty.

This is sort of drastic.

No more drastic than creating him.

Oh, I found it!

What?

Just throw it in there.

Just throw it in there.

Release the brake?

Pull the brake.

Brake!

Ha ha!

Good-bye, Mr. cutty.

Oh, god. Do you know I'm gonna miss him?

Aah...

It didn't blow up.

What are we supposed to do if it doesn't blow up?

I don't know.

Well, maybe we should just leave it alone.

No, we can't leave it alone.

How are we gonna explain it?

Well, we can't go down there,

so it's just-- It's resting.

No, no! Explosions don't rest.

They either explode or they don't.

See?

Oh.

Bye-bye.

You all right?

Yeah, I'm great now.

Whoo. It's a good thing

we don't do this for a living.

Yeah, ain't it, though?

All right, well...

Let's get ourselves together,

get in the car, and go home.

We came in that car.

I thought you were supposed to be efficient.

I thought you were supposed to be efficient.

I thought you would have had this all figured out by now.

We blew up the damn car.

What do you want from me?!

We just blew up the damn car.

Listen, listen, listen!

It's Christmas Eve.

The market is closing in a half an hour.

There's nothing I can do. You're gonna have to wait.

Here you go. Thanks.

Whoo.

Laurel ayres?

Yeah. Who are you?

Police officers.

Something wrong?

You could say that.

Who are you? Hey!

Who are you? Hey!

You're under arrest for the murder of Robert cutty.

What are you talkin' about?!

You have the right to remain silent...

Are you kidding?! This is a joke.

What are you doing?!

Hey, hey! Watch my hair!

I just had it done. Hey!

If we could get this settled kind of quick,

it's Christmas Eve.

I need to go light a candle for my dad.

Oh, that's nice.

Well, starting with the truth

usually saves a lot of time. Do you mind?

No, please.

But I'm tellin' you when I tell you this story,

you're gonna just die laughing.

It's too much.

You ready? Go.

I could not have killed Robert cutty

I could not have killed Robert cutty

because he doesn't exist.

I made him up.

Well, if he doesn't exist,

then who's this at the Plaza?

Ooh, that's me.

I'm dressed up like Robert cutty,

and this is a great picture.

Help me understand this.

First you pretended there was a cutty. Right.

Then you pretended to be a cutty.

Right. Then you pretended to kill him?

Yeah. I mean, he was takin'

all the credit for everything.

You know, I saved an entire company?

A whole company,

a whole company,

and you know what they did?

They gave him a box of cigars.

And you resented that.

Absolutely.

So you felt worthless.

Yes. Like you didn't exist.

You know what I'm talkin' about.

And as long as cutty was around, this wasn't gonna change.

That's right. So you killed him.

I did!

Dead! Killed him, blew him up in the car!

I mean, dead, dead like a doornail.

Poof! He was gone.

And how did that make you feel?

Ohh, good. Like I knew that it would.

Thank you. Yes! Thank you, Ms. Ayres.

Uh-uh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Wait a second.

I've seen Kojak.

I've seen Kojak.

I know what you just did. No.

I didn't kill the guy.

Look, all you gotta do is call my secretary.

Her name's Sally dugan.

She will come down, she will explain it all.

She was my accomplice. Not my accomplice.

She was not my accomplice.

She's accomplished. That's what I mean to say.

She was my helper in--

She--she can tell you everything you need to know.

You'll see.

Sally dugan? Yeah.

We'll do that.

Sally, what happened?

Oh, they arrested me

in front of my whole family at Christmas Eve dinner.

I guess they didn't believe you, either, huh?

No, I'm an accomplice.

I'm really sorry. I'm sorry.

It's not your fault.

No, it isn't. It's cutty again.

Yeah.

You OK?

Yeah. I have to go to the bathroom.

Isn't there a bathroom we can go to?

Yeah, but did you see it?

No.

Ooh, I couldn't. Mm-mmm.

I couldn't. Really?

Yeah. This could be a very long wait.

Oh, my gosh.

Frank, I'm almost finished with the tree.

Just a second.

Reeling in the holiday spirit!

Reeling in the holiday spirit!

Uh, just, uh, give me a couple more minutes, here.

I've already unwrapped your present...

And I'm getting cold.

Ok...

Just, uh, keep your chestnuts roasting.

Santa's up here making sure

it's gonna be a very merry Christmas...

And an amazing new year.

Ho ho ho.

Mr. Manchester! What can you tell us about Mr. cutty?

Peterson will answer all your questions.

All right, all right, here it is.

Robert called me after that commotion at the Plaza

to reschedule a meeting,

and on his way to that meeting, he was carjacked.

Carjacked? Was he robbed?

Yes, he was robbed.

His wallet, watch, jewelry,

everything was taken.

And then what, Mr. Peterson?

I don't know if there were witnesses.

Obviously, the carjacker had enemies of his own.

And how is he now?

And how is he now?

Mr. cutty is fine.

He was understandably shaken.

He was in fear for his life.

He wanted to get out of New York,

so he called me

and we got on the first plane to Europe.

All right, that's it!

This is Garrett findlay for c.N.N.

Robert cutty is alive.

Apparently, the wall street mystery man

was the victim of a carjacking...

Ok, I'll call you. All right.

The charges have been dropped against you, too.

When'd you guys figure out

we were tellin' the truth?

You know that guy you said didn't exist?

You know that guy you said didn't exist?

Son of a bitch.

We also have a sworn affidavit

from frank Peterson

stating that cutty is alive and well

and on vacation in the south of France.

I don't know.

For some reason, I thought she'd be happy.

Laurel, please!

Please, Laurel, don't do this to me.

It's been 3 days, Laurel,

this is not healthy.

...At 5,114.

The s&p 500 index is up over 2 points,

the s&p 500 index is up over 2 points,

the nasdaq composite is up over a half point.

Taking a look at some of our top stories in business,

the s.E.C. Has cleared Robert cutty

of all insider trading charges.

This news has prompted an announcement.

By Walter Manchester

that his company and cutty's will now merge.

As expected, frank Peterson has been named president...

Sally, on answering machine: Laurel, it's Sally.

This is the 12th time I have called you.

You've got to pick up the phone and talk to me.

Everybody's worried sick about you.

Everybody's worried sick about you.

We're all worried. You've got to stop this.

Just stop what you're doing right now

and pick up the phone.

Pick--

The s.E.C. Has also announced

that they have suspended the license

of Laurel ayres,

Robert cutty's former associate.

Officials say an investigation--

We are talking to women,

expecting but abandoned

by wealthy but elusive fathers.

By wealthy but elusive fathers.

When's the baby due?

Late July.

Have you told Mr. cutty that he's to be a father?

He won't return my phone calls.

I love Robert cutty,

and all I want is to meet with him...

And to talk about the future of our son--

Our baby.

Talk about your immaculate conception.

Excuse me, he won't take your calls?

I don't care if this cutty

is the richest guy on wall street.

You take his ass to court!

You sue his butt! Am I right?

You sue his butt! Am I right?

Laurel, answer the door!

All right, Laurel, I'm sorry,

but we're coming in.

I hate to do this, but here it comes.

Thank you so much. Thank you.

Laurel? Ok.

Laurel? I'll take it from here.

Thanks. Thanks, honey.

Oh, my, what a mess.

You crazy?

Go away.

Go away.

My gosh.

Look at this. You know, your door's broken.

My, haven't you been busy.

Goodness sake.

Oh, you're driving everybody crazy.

People are worried sick about you.

Well, now I guess you can go back and tell them that I'm fine.

I'm ensconced in my own little world--

My couch, my TV,

and lots of people who deliver food.

Now go away.

Oh, gosh, that's a shame, you know,

to let them come and take away

to let them come and take away

this beautiful building

that your dad worked all his life for.

Oh, please, leave my father out of this.

I bet you didn't even bother to go

and light a candle for him this year, did you?

Where were we this year?

I think we were in jail, were we not?

Well, you're not in jail now.

Come on, get up and go out and light a candle.

No. Come on, gonna get up,

gonna get dressed. We're gonna go out.

Come on. Come on. No.

No. We're gonna get up,

don't fight.

Get up and get dressed

and we can go out and light a candle--

No. Go home. Go home!

No. Go home. Go home!

Oh, my gosh!

The first thing you're gonna do is brush your teeth.

Thank you, Sally.

Thank you.

So, my friend, what are we gonna do?

I'm going back home and I'm going to bed.

No, I mean about the future, you know.

Your future, my future.

Don't tie your future up with mine, you know.

I'm done, you know. Frank's got cutty--

Listen, you've got to snap out of this.

Frank's got cutty. So what? Good riddance!

He's a bunch of trouble.

Yeah, you're right. Right!

Right. Oh, uh, by the way,

um, you're gonna love this. What?

The peabody club? Mm?

They're making cutty a member.

They're making cutty a member.

Really? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

And they're voting him businessman of the year--

As they should.

Yeah. Nobody else had a year like cutty.

No, that was my year.

Nobody had a year like me.

I know. Should be your name on that plaque.

Yeah, it should.

They're probably gonna have

a big dinner of some sort

with pressed chicken and fruit cocktail.

And frank.

Yeah. Frank's gonna have to accept the award for cutty.

Yeah. Frank's gonna have to accept the award for cutty.

How is it possible?

I mean, he got my promotion, he gets cutty,

he just--

You know, as long as frank's got cutty,

he's got you.

Yeah. Because...

I am cutty.

You know what?

Yeah?

Call me. I'm gonna call you.

Thank you.

Thank you very much. Thank you.

Gentlemen, good evening.

We're here tonight to welcome

the peabody club's newest member

and to honor him with this year's

peabody businessman of the year award.

Peabody businessman of the year award.

Pardon me, ladies, excuse me.

Pardon me.

Excuse us.

Pardon me, ladies.

I'm afraid, however, I have some very bad news.

I've just received word

that Robert cutty

will not be with us this evening.

It seems there's a typhoon in Hong Kong,

so his plane has been grounded.

So his plane has been grounded.

But I spoke with Bob,

and, uh, I can't tell you how disappointed he is.

He asked me to convey his deepest regret,

and his Sincere gratitude

for being welcomed into this illustrious club,

and for this--this prestigious award.

So, on behalf of my close friend

and colleague Robert cutty,

I'd like to humbly accept this on his--

Mr. cutty's here.

No, he's not. He's here.

No, he's not. He's here.

No, he's not. He's here.

I would like to humbly accept this...

Cutty made it in. He's here.

I don't believe it.

Yes! Very good. Hear!

You're not gonna get away with this.

Watch me.

Donald, I see you're still smoking those cheap cigars.

It's nice to see you, Robert.

And you, Walter.

My new partner-- no, frank, don't go anywhere.

I like it when you're close.

Without you I wouldn't be here tonight.

You know, gentlemen, I managed to rent the concorde

and I beat out that damn typhoon.

You know, on one hand, there's something wonderful

you know, on one hand, there's something wonderful

about being accepted into an exclusive club.

It makes a man feel, well, damn good.

Damn good.

You didn't know a damn thing about me,

but you accepted me as one of your own,

which I find amazing.

You let my work speak for itself and look what's happened:

You've made me businessman of the year.

But in the words of Groucho Marx,

but in the words of Groucho Marx,

"I don't want to be part of a club

that would have me as a member."

And we've got to encourage our young people,

which is why I want to share this award

with the young man standing to my left

for his hard work.

He's been an inspiration to me.

I really owe it all to him.

Take a bow.

Woof!

Holy shit!

Figures.

You know, gentlemen...

There's something about exclusivity.

You know the word exclusive means "to exclude."

You know the word exclusive means "to exclude."

And I thought that would be the case with me.

So I played by the rules.

I worked really hard.

I was very, very honest.

But I knew that I didn't have the right image

to be accepted into this club,

and that chances were I would never have the right image.

Image is a funny thing...

Because underneath the right image...

Because underneath the right image...

Could be the wrong one.

And underneath the wrong image...

You may just find the real Robert cutty.

Far out.

Possibly the man who's serving you coffee

or offering you a cigar.

Or it could be a busboy or your waiter,

or it could be a busboy or your waiter,

you just never know.

And gentlemen, I want to congratulate you

for inducting into the peabody club

your first woman member.

Yes! Yes, yes, yes!

All right, all right.

Thank you very much.

All right, Laurel!

All right, Laurel!

Yeah!

Next week we'll do lunch. I'd like that.

Ha ha ha ha! Laurel, you were fabulous!

Atta girl! You did it!

♪ What I need, what I need is to change my situation ♪

♪ Find a new direction ♪

♪ All that I need and to hold my head high ♪

♪ It's all that I need and reach for the sky ♪

♪ That's all that I need and I-i-i-i ♪

♪ I, it's all that I need... ♪

♪ I, it's all that I need... ♪

I used to think that doing business

meant, uh...

Being insensitive, cruel.

Why is it men always hurt the ones the love the most?

Anyway, I've done a lot of soul searching.

I feel reborn.

Uh, liberated.

I've really gotten in touch with my feminine side,

and I feel...

Ready to change

ready to change

into the kind of caring,

feeling executive you want for this company.

I humbly ask for the chance to prove that to you.

That's really wonderful.

It's remarkable

how people can change.

However...

Knowing my associate as I do,

knowing my associate as I do,

I'm afraid it would really piss her off.

♪ Hey-ey! ♪

♪ Because I believe ♪

♪ That's all that we need ♪

♪ Is to stand together ♪

♪ It's all that we need ♪

♪ And I-i-i-i ♪

♪ I'll be all that I need ♪

♪ I'll be all that I need ♪

♪ What I need, what I need is strength that you give me ♪

♪ Helped me see completely ♪

♪ Opened my eyes ♪

♪ What I need, you and me, we can learn from each other ♪

♪ Take part in one another ♪

♪ In building our dreams ♪

♪ Because I believe that's all that we need ♪

♪ To stand together is all that we need ♪

♪ And pride ♪

♪ Pride is all that we need ♪

♪ Pride is all that we need ♪

♪ And a little trust is all that we need ♪

♪ And faith in us ♪

♪ Is all that we need ♪

♪ And I know love, love ♪

♪ Love... ♪

♪ Love is all that we need ♪

♪ So many times playing someone else's game ♪

♪ It's time the game has changed ♪

♪ Heh heh ♪

♪ This time I make the rules ♪

♪ I won't be nobody's fool ♪

♪ Ain't no one can hold me down this time ♪

♪ This time ♪

♪ This world's gonna be mine ♪

♪ This world's gonna be mine ♪

♪ There's a brand-new strength I've found ♪

♪ Now I ain't looking back ♪

♪ Ain't backing down ♪

♪ And if the river's too wide ♪

♪ I'll get through it ♪

♪ And if the mountain's too high ♪

♪ That won't stop this dream of mine ♪

♪ I'm on my way ♪ ♪ I'm on my way ♪

♪ I've got a plan ♪

♪ I'm making my way any way that I can ♪

♪ I'm making my way any way that I can ♪

♪ River's too wide ♪

♪ Mountain's too high ♪

♪ I'm on my way, I've got a plan ♪

♪ I'm making my way any way that I can ♪

♪ If the river's too wide I'll get through it ♪

♪ Af the mountain's too high ♪

♪ That won't stop this dream of mine ♪

♪ That won't stop this dream of mine ♪

♪ I'm on my way ♪ ♪ I'm on my way ♪

♪ I've got a plan ♪ ♪ I've got a plan ♪

♪ I'm making my way any way that I can ♪

♪ And if the river's too wide I'll get through it ♪

♪ And if the mountain's too high ♪

♪ That won't stop this dream of mine ♪

♪ I'm on my way ♪ ♪ I'm on my way ♪

♪ I've got a plan ♪

♪ I'm making my way any way that I can ♪

♪ I'm making my way any way that I can ♪

♪ Oh-ohh-oh ♪

♪ Keep hope alive ♪

♪ And you, then you will realize ♪

♪ It's true ♪

♪ Everything in me is coming through ♪

♪ For you ♪

♪ Keep hope alive in you ♪

♪ Keep hope alive in you ♪

♪ Then you will realize it's true ♪

♪ God is blessing you ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ If you just keep hope alive ♪

♪ If you just keep hope alive ♪

♪ Today in your life ♪

♪ Today in your life ♪

♪ All you got to do ♪

♪ Is open your heart, yeah ♪

♪ Keep hope alive ♪

♪ And you, you will realize ♪

♪ It's true ♪

♪ Everything in me is coming through ♪

♪ For you ♪

♪ Keep hope alive ♪

♪ Keep hope alive ♪

♪ And you, you will realize ♪

♪ It's true ♪

♪ Everything in me ♪

♪ Is coming through ♪

♪ For you, keep hope alive... ♪

I'm gonna perpetrate a great big whammy.

♪ Amen ♪

Ooh, yeah.