All language subtitles for Ramy.S02E01.720p.WEB.H264-TRUMP

Ramy, have you ever dated
a Muslim girl?

No, I‐I haven't. That's‐‐that's
why I'm doing this.

I'm trying to meet someone,
you know, different.

To be perfectly honest,
I made the intention

to meet with multiple people
for the purpose of marriage.

How much of the Quran
do you have memorized?

You know, the classics.

Every time I get close to figuring
something out about myself,

I end up in a relationship
or doing something stupid.

Allahu akbar!

You seem like
one of the good ones.

I'm trying to be good.

I received a phone call today
from a guy I knew from the mosque.

Apparently, you have been, uh,
seeing his wife, Salma.

You're all like, "I do these
things, and I don't do these things",

so I'm this kind of person,"
right?

It's a trick of the devil, bro.

Wow.

I want to know who I am.

I want to explore.

Help!

Do you want to hang out later?

I could change,
and we could go somewhere.

Yeah, yeah, cool.

Bro, that's your cousin.

Hot! Lock it up!

What part of "she's
my cousin" don't you get?

We're... cousins.

I'm sleeping.

What the fuck, man?

- You guys are back home?
- What the‐‐?

Dude, you haven't talked
to any of us

since you got back from Egypt.

Center for ISIS?

Smells like come in here.

Dude, why are you holding Steve?

- You don't have a ramp.
- He is a bag of bones,

but he's a heavy bag of bones.

- Did you fuck you cousin?
- No. Calm down.

Ramy didn't fornicate
with his cousin.

He's just sad
that his grandpa died.

Right, Ramy?
You didn't fornicate?

Yeah, no, I didn't fornicate
with my cousin,

and I'm not fucking anybody,
all right?

I'm sorry that I haven't been
hanging out with you guys.

I've just, um‐‐you know,
a lot happened,

and‐‐and‐‐and I've been
processing.

Processing?
You mean jerking off?

No. MO: What do you mean "no"?

Your mom says
you're not working.

You say you're not fucking.

So you're obviously jerking off.

Why are you talking to my mom?

You look like shit, okay?

Somehow you got fatter
and skinnier at the same time.

I don't know
what the fuck is going on.

Ramy, you don't seem
spiritually connected.

Are you praying
five times a day?

He's jerking off
five times a day.

Air me.

There you go.
Bring it home, buddy.

I think I need that too.

There you go.

Listen, I don't know if Islam
has interventions,

but get your shit together.

You're a fucking mess.

I'm gonna get him back
in his chair.

You disgust me.

Come on, Steve.

Bitch.

Ramy, you haven't been going
to Friday prayers

since you've been back.

I want you to come with me
to see the imam.

Your mom and I talked to him.

You talked to the imam
with my mom?

Yeah, we FaceTime.

Oh, man.

Oh, you got to open up
a window in here.

Close your eyes.

You want me to sing to you?

As-salamu alaykum.

Hello. Alaikum salam,

habibi. Good to see you.

Thanks for seeing me.

You're not leaving
the mosque, are you?

Uh, no, no.
I'm not leaving the mosque.

Um...

I‐‐I really didn't want
to come at first,

but I've been starting
to feel like

I maybe should talk to somebody.

Yes, your mom says
you haven't been going to work.

You are feeling sad
since your grandfather passed?

No, I

I mean, yeah,
I'm upset about that.

But... I think it's
a bigger problem

like, a problem
that I've had for a while,

and maybe I didn't realize it,

or maybe it's gotten worse,
but...

Mm‐mm.

It feels like every time
I get close

to figuring
something out about myself,

I

End up in a relationship

like, a sexual relationship.

And it's not just sex.
It's‐‐it's‐‐it's

it's also porn.

Like, a‐‐like, a lot of‐.

Okay, okay, okay, okay. Enough.

We don't need
too many details, okay?

Okay. I know the solutions.

First, read the last three
surahs of the Quran every night.

It will help keep
the shaitan away.

Second, I need you to maintain
your wudu throughout the day.

It will help keep Allah
on your mind at all times.

You go to the bathroom,
you make wudu.

You pass gas, you go make wudu
right away, no hesitation.

This is very important.

Lastly, try fasting.

If there's no food,

the other things do not get
so much energy.

Okay, um, I've tried a lot
of these things.

Like, I've prayed and fasted
all Ramadan, and I still‐.

So be like our prophet.

Our prophet did not watch porn.
Be like a prophet.

It's just the prophet
did not have porn, so‐.

The prophet is the prophet.

I gotta go.

And you should go to work!

Ramy! Salams, bro.

Yo, salams.

- Oh.
- I'm glad I caught you, bro.

It's my last day.

- What do you mean?
- I'm switching mosques.

I gave my two weeks.

I‐‐I didn't‐‐I didn't know
that you could switch mosques.

Oh, yeah, dude.

I knew a guy
who got traded once.

Traded? MICHAEL: Mm‐hmm.

Astaghfirullah.

No shade,

but this mosque just isn't
really my vibe anymore.

The truth is, I'm switching
over to the new Sufi center.

You ever hang out
with Sufis before, man?

Brodie, they're mad chill.

I actually went to a

like, a Sufi circle,
I guess you'd call it...

- No way.
- In Cairo with, uh...

Get out of town.

With my cousin.

That's so dope that you're
close with your cousin

like that, man.

Um‐MICHAEL: That's so cool

that your family's, like tapped
into this stuff, you know?

My family, they stopped talking
to me when I became a Muslim.

Yeah, I mean, it's good
to be close to family,

but sometimes you get too close,

and then you‐‐
that's not good either.

This is so right up your alley.

Maktub, bro.

We're actually having a hadra
tonight at the center.

Really? MICHAEL:
The sheikh who runs it,

Sheikh Ali Malik‐‐
you'd love him.

He's so fuego, dude.

He's all about the path
of love, like, real deal.

Man, I really‐‐ I wish I could,

but I gotta go to this thing
with my dad for his job.

Oh, yeah.

He's trying
to impress his new boss.

Yeah. It's all good.

All good, hombre. I get it.

Just hit me
if you change your mind.

Okay.

'Cause the sheikh‐‐
he's radical, bro.

Like, cool radical.
Not radical‐radical.

Yeah, that's what‐‐
I figured you meant that, yeah.

Oh, okay.
Just wanted to clarify.

My mind didn't go there.

Adios.

If you're gonna take it off
at night,

just put it on a winder,
and it'll make sure

the sensor stays balanced.

Let us know if you need
anything else, yeah.

There he is, back in action.

Um, thanks, Uncle Naseem.

You know, when you said
you were going to Egypt,

my plan was to fire you
when you came back.

Yeah.

I felt it was good timing,
you know?

The element of surprise.

But something strange happened.

The customers,
they asked for you.

They did?

They would come in here and say,

"Where is the little boy?

He is so helpful. We miss him."

I was shocked.

But then I think about it, hmm?

They like you
because you feel like them.

You have a Jewish energy.

Your weakness
makes them feel safe

because they are reminded
of themselves, you know?

Comfort, hmm?

Thank you. It's 2020.

They don't want
a man like me anymore.

Trump fuck it up too much.

He's too much a man, you know?

The people are afraid.

They want a man like you,

a man who feels a little bit
like a woman,

but is still officially a man.

Maybe transsexual, you know?

This is good,

which is why I want you
to join me

and become a small little
partner in the store.

It's your future.

Before you say anything,

I have a gift for you, huh?

You're gonna love it.

Come to the back. I show you.

I‐‐we have‐‐
we have customers‐‐we‐‐.

We'll be very quick. Come on.

What are you‐‐
what are you doing?

See, Uncle Naseem, what‐.

This is yours now.

I want it with you all the time.

Yeah, I don't

I don't want a gun.

I don't even know
if I want this job.

No, no, you want this job.

Your life
will finally mean something.

You're important now, huh?

Get used to that.

People know you have access
to valuables.

You need to protect yourself.

What am I supposed
to even do with this?

Where do I even put this?

Put it in your foo‐foo
kangaroo pouch, huh?

I'll get you strap later.

The food is great. Yeah.

Very good. Very good.

- Lovely.
- Yeah, it's very good.

So, uh, Frank,

did you and your wife
meet back in Egypt?

No, sir. Actually we, uh

we met in New York
during our studies,

but we try to visit
as much as we can.

It's really beautiful.

Mm‐hmm. BOSS: I'll bet.

- Ramy‐‐he just came back.
- Oh, nice.

And‐‐and how was it, Ramy?

Great food, I bet?

Yeah.

And you, Dena?
Have you been back?

Um, not in a while.

I'd thought I'd go back once
I just settled into law school,

but it's been
such a tough process.

Like, applications are brutal.

Our son Andrew's
alma mater at Stanford.

I'll tell you, he loves it.

You know where
you're headed, Dena?

Uh, yeah, I have‐‐it's, like,
between a few spots,

but probably not,
like, Stanford.

Oh.

Well, Mrs. Hassan,

that is such
a pretty shade of eye shadow.

Oh, thank you.

What is it?

It's called Honest Beauty
by Jessica Alba.

Ah.

Yeah, I get it on eBay
from a woman in Texas.

I know Jessica Alba from...

Desperate Housewife.

I love that show.

All the women‐‐they yell
at each other, and men cheat.

And the one that killed herself

this house, in fact,
reminds me of her.

Yeah.

She was so rich, like you.

It's Eva Longoria,
not Jessica Alba.

- Who?
- In Desperate Housewives.

No, no, Jessica Alba.

No it's‐‐ No, it's Eva Longoria.

You know nothing, okay?
Jessica Alba.

The woman from Texas told me.

Sure.

Yes, no, I know.

Anyway, you guys, um,
good for whiskey?

Oh, thank you. We don't‐.

Sure. Just one for me.

Ah, one for you.

One for pops over here.

Tossing back one of these
is, uh,

alas, one of the few things
the old man can still do.

Uh, can I use your bathroom?

Yo, I.

Um...

S‐‐sir

I'm‐‐I'm sorry.

Sir?

J‐‐just...

Dad, where are you?

Dad?

It's so dope you're here, bro.

The hadra's wrapping up now, but
the sheikh's down to meet with you after.

I told him all about you.

What should I say to him?

Just tell him everything
that you're dealing with, man.

I mean, should I really
tell him all of it?

The more honest you are
with him,

the better chance you have
at getting the bay'ah.

What's the bay'ah?

Oh, it's
a spiritual contract, bro.

He gives it to students

that he thinks
can follow him on the path.

You get to be bound to him
and have him be bound to you.

It's beautiful, man.

He can help you cleanse
all your demons.

He's got, like,
a direct connect to God.

I‐‐I need that, man.

I got it last Tuesday, dude.

And like, honestly,

on Wednesday, I was like,
not so sure about it.

But by like, Thursday, I was
like, yeah, this is kicking in.

Okay. MICHAEL: Yeah.

We're probably just in time
to catch the end.

You ready?

Yeah.

Amir.

Yes, sheikh?

Push me.

Sir?

Push me over the ledge.

I'm‐‐I'm sorry, sir. I

I could never.

I love you. I'd rather die‐.

Enough with
the flowery speech, Amir.

Push me! Now!

Bro, what is this?

Just trust the process.

No.

You don't want to push me?

Then why would you speak badly

about your own brother
on the path?

Backbiting is to eat
the flesh of your brother.

Is that love?

Is that what we teach?

Hmm.

It is better for you
to strike me in the face

than to harm one of my students,

your brother.

I messed up.

Come here.

It harms me
for you to be harmed,

and it harms me
for you to harm others.

And this is love.

Yes?

Yes.

Takbir.

Allahu akbar.

As-salamu alaykum.

As-salamu alaykum.

Jazakallah, as-saalam alaykum.

You must be Brother Ramy.

Yeah.

Welcome, beloved. Follow me.

Tell him everything, bro.

Brother Ramy

Michael told me about
your grandfather's passing.

I'm very sorry to hear that.

That's not why you're here,
are you?

- No, it's not.
- Have a seat.

So what brings you here?

I‐‐I want to change, and

I heard you can help me.

Did something happen today?

Yeah, I, um

a lot happened today.

Uh, I was just at dinner
with my family,

and I saw my dad take a drink

just so he can
impress his‐‐his boss‐‐.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

We are not here to be
in judgment of your father.

Perhaps we should
speak another time

when you're ready to talk
about yourself, Ramy.

No, no I‐‐I can talk
about myself.

Y‐‐you're right. I'm sorry.

All I ask is that you be honest.

I'm not just listening
to your words.

I am reading your heart.

I feel like I have this hole
inside of me

that's

that's always been there.

Just this‐‐this, like,
emptiness.

And I'm always trying
to fill it with something.

Like sex and,

and porn.

And‐‐and I feel like
the more people I'm with,

the more alone I feel.

And I've tried
to fill it with God.

I have. Wallahi.

But I‐‐I just don't know how.

Like, I went to Egypt,
and I tried to find something,

and...

I‐‐I couldn't.

If I'm being honest,
I started watching porn

because I wanted
to be a good Muslim.

Like, I didn't want to have
sex before marriage,

so I

I thought I could just...
watch porn to fill that urge.

Like, I‐‐like, I didn't want
to do it in real life,

so I thought I could just watch,

you know, MILFs and stuff,

but it‐‐it...

It just made me
do crazier things.

Like

I had sex with a married woman
during Ramadan.

It‐‐it was
after Maghrib, though.

Like, j‐‐just so you know.

It was during eating hours,
not that that makes it okay.

I just want you to know, like

if there's a‐‐
if that makes it any better.

I don't know. I don't know if

does it?

Maybe it's all the same.

I don't‐I don't know.

I don't.

I don't know.
What do you want me to say?

Can you say something?

I'm saying all this stuff.
You have nothing to.

I had sex with my cousin, okay?

Is that what you want to know?

I went to Egypt,
and then I fucked my cousin.

Our grandpa died,
and I fucked my cousin.

You remind me a lot of myself
when I was younger.

You had sex
with your cousin too?

Hmm, absolutely not.

But I had an ego and
I was driven by my desires.

Have you ever thought
about the actresses, Ramy?

What?

The women you click on.

Have you ever considered
the plight of the performers,

their pain,

what they're experiencing?

I've heard that they
don't even have beds,

that they're just

driven around in white vans.

Is this true in your findings?

In my findings, yeah.

What if you met a porn star

and if you looked her
in the eyes?

Have you considered
her feelings?

I haven't considered it,

'cause I don't‐‐
I don't consider anything.

I‐‐I just consider myself.

That's it. I'm just

I only ever think about me,
and I‐‐I hate it.

- Like, I...
- I know that feeling.

But I was fortunate
to find someone who

who helped me reframe
my desires, kill my ego.

That's what I want.

I want you to be my teacher.

I want to take the bay'ah.

I want to kill my ego.

How do I know I'm not just
another one of your desires?

I don't want
to have sex with you.

I didn't think you did.

Okay.

But that would be
easy, as your teacher,

to... hand me your pain,

asking me to take it away,

be the solution
to your problems,

relieving you of having
to deal with yourself.

Many people do this.

You seem to have your, um

you seem to be driven by your

by your own set of desires.

I don't want to have desires.

I don't want to want anything.

I just want God.

If I'm to be your teacher,

you must always be honest
and truthful with me.

Always.

You understand the bay'ah?

There is no deeper spiritual
contract in this world.

We are forever bound through
love, compassion, honesty.

Yeah.

Ramy...

Welcome to the path, brother.

May it be fruitful.

Would you like to pray together?

Yeah.

Considering the nature

of what you just shared with me,

I must know

have you showered
since you last masturbated?

What‐‐with the...

You must come to Allah clean.

Since you ejaculated,
have you showered?

Uh, um

yeah, yeah.

Hamdullah.

Are you sure?

No drips in your drawers?

Inshallah.

But‐‐but yeah.

Like, insh‐‐
as in "inshallah, yeah."

It wasn't, like‐‐like,
sometimes people say it

'cause they mean no,
but I meant, like, yeah.

Alhamdulillah.

Let us pray.

Allahu akbar.