Original subtitles

-I can't keep doing it. -Come on, just once more.

I'm too tired, even my arms hurt.

Do it for me, babe.

No... really. That's enough. Let's stop.

Beautiful, it's only a photograph.

Yeah, but I don't understand

why I can't take a Polaroid and just hand it to you.

-What did we agree on? -Okay, but...

can you explain it to me again?

One more time, and that's it.

Okay, ready?

You click on camera and on "take photo,"

and then you select a contact.

Once it's selected, attach the photo and click on "send." See how easy it is?

-Are you listening to me? -Yes.

Okay, here.

There.

You're invading my privacy. You can't take pictures of my butt.

-Oh, yeah? -Yeah.

So what? Are you going to sue me?

That depends.

What are you willing to do to keep me from suing you?

-I plead guilty. -Oh, you do?

Really? This is what you want?

HOW TO SURVIVE BEING SINGLE

Listen, Gonzalo.

I said it once, and I won't say it again. This is the last time.

I wouldn't fuck you if I got paid a million dollars, okay?

I'm not calling for that, Fabiana.

I want to know if you're coming over because you haven't confirmed

and I have to know how much to buy.

I'll be there, I guess. I don't know, I'll go.

Great, see you here. Bye.

We're an intergalactic fuck away from being unemployed again.

Well, at least...

-Let me see. -...this movie will be better than Dumped.

Well, ready.

I wanted to say this. I'd love to continue working with you.

I'm setting up a production company with some friends,

and we're going to develop a lot of projects.

We don't have a lot of money, but we'd like you to participate.

We can run your errands, keep your ledgers...

You can count on me, say no more.

-Really? We can't pay much. -Of course.

-I can't wait to start my next project. -And what's next in the world of Lucía Gamero?

A miniseries on the life of Yolanda Saldivar, Selena's murderer.

That's so lame. Who would want to watch that?

-A lot of people. -Sure, I was just saying...

Guys, our director has been delayed. Take a break.

-Okay. -What's so funny over here?

-Very important. -No one's going to watch that.

Selena is great, but her killer?

Fish!

Fish!

Oh, fuck!

Hey, what's up, man?

I didn't know you were home.

Hey, Melodi will be staying with us for a few days.

Come here, honey.

My nose hurts like shit.

Was she run over? What the fuck happened to her?

No, she took advantage of Dr. Marquez's four-for-one sale.

She had a nose, a boob, a lipo, and a butt job all in one operation.

It fucks up your body, but what a great deal!

It sucks because she can't lie on her back or stomach, only on her side.

And I have to drain the wound.

-This bag is for blood and pus. -Fish!

Please don't make a mess on the furniture, it's new.

No, don't worry. Your furniture is in good hands.

Help me...

You know who else is in good hands?

It's Dr. Tickle!

-No, no! Asshole! -Sorry, sorry.

-Excuse me, miss... -Where is he?

-Who? -I know his games. Where is he?

-Who? -Gonzalo and his bullshit.

Tell him to cut the shit. Open it.

Go ahead. Is there a bomb inside, or is it full of glitter?

-Did you order a pizza? -Does it tap-dance?

Go ahead, open it.

Okay.

-It's pizza. -Yes.

Miss, 240 pesos, please.

I wish I were a millionaire and had 240 pesos.

What--? What do you mean, he's gone?

He can't simply disappear. Who is he, Criss Angel or Jesus Christ?

Let me know when he turns up.

Where is he?

-I don't know, nobody does. -Look, we have to do this.

This is the last scene and we'll be done with the movie.

I know. But nobody knows where he is. None of his boyfriends know.

And...

In this world created by me,

you allowed me to draw and paint my dreams

just like Hitchcock, Kubrick, Lynch,

Farré, and several other geniuses did.

That's why I am now obliged to protect this work,

so that it's never corrupted by ignorant audiences

or by the commercial industry that devours all.

Because that's what it does, it devours and devours.

The public isn't ready for this gem.

All I have left to say to the producers and investors is:

Go fuck yourselves.

Go fuck yourselves!

When you see this video,

the film reels will already be completely destroyed.

And, please, don't look for me. I'm in a better place.

I'm in Cannes.

What?

I'm gonna talk to Lorenza. Nobody can shelf me.

Nobody leave, nobody leave.

You know he puts on a suit every day to "go to the office."

-Poor thing. -I know.

-Oh, Fabi. -Oh, no!

Daniel is doing the best he can, you should give him that.

But it hurts to feel that he's keeping me out.

-We're supposed to be a team, you know? -Yeah, but it's Daniel.

He has the emotional intelligence of a rock!

He's never been good at asking for help.

-Leave it there. -Really?

Yes, someone might see it.

They're all opportunities.

Listen. What if I talk to him?

No! No, no, no.

I'll call and pressure him to tell you.

-Yes, incredible. -Yeah.

Thank you, Fabi.

-Let me know right away. Okay. -Yeah.

-See you at dinner. All right. -Fine.

Do you guys want couples therapy? I'll take food and beer.

I love you!

I was serious.

Surprise, surprise!

Stop it, Gonzo! Enough!

Stop playing jokes on me!

What am I, your clown? Your buffoon?

Come out of there! Show yourself, coward! Is this anthrax?

What the fuck? What is it this time?

Show yourself, Gonzalo!

Oh, no...

I mean... I don't...

I don't understand why this shit happens to me!

Sebastián, how often do you see a Mexican, Argentinean

or Latin American movie in theaters?

Not unless they're romantic.

Good projects are yet to come. Trust me.

Look, this project wasn't only for me.

It was an opportunity to do something important in my career, get it?

Yes, I get it. New things will come.

No. Good things don't fall from the sky for me.

-You know what you need? -What?

A vacation. To see things from a different perspective.

Lie on the beach, look at the horizon, do yoga, dance, capoeira, something.

The only thing I want is for once, once in my life,

for things to turn out right for me.

-For me. Is that too much to ask? -No.

-Is to too much to ask? So there. Why? -No!

I'll leave you with your anger. Go ahead and vent.

Grab a pen and write.

Write what's inside of you, get it out.

Spit that venom out. But don't dwell on it.

-Don't dwell on it? -Whatever.

-Aren't you going to tell Mafer? -Yes, of course I'm going to tell her.

After I resolve my work situation.

Mafer isn't your daughter, she's your future wife.

You don't have to protect her, you're a team. She's cool, she'll get it.

Fabiana, nobody asked for your opinion.

You asked me to lie to my best friend. Come on.

It's my problem too now.

If you don't tell her, I might let it slip. It just might slip out.

Okay, I'll tell Mafer.

Do whatever you want to, dude.

Fabiana.

He "shelved" you?

No, no, no. He shelved the movie. That means it won't be coming out.

-It was your fault, right? -It wasn't my fault.

Stop laughing, this is serious. Leave me alone--

-Sebas? I told you he'd be here. -Hold on a second.

I know it's fucked up and that this movie was vital to you,

-but you have to be strong, okay? -Yeah.

I'll move heaven and Earth to get you auditions.

-Yes, but... -Quiet. Don't say a word, please.

Take that sad look off your face.

-I need coffee and Wi-Fi. -Okay, I'll come with you.

I'll ask the Yolanda producers if they cast Selena's brothers yet.

-Excellent idea. -Thanks, but actually...

-Iñarritu... -It'll be fine.

...tell Cuarón I need to talk to Del Toro.

This is awful!

I feel like I was hit by a truck.

But you know what?

I'm really stoked because I'm gonna be hotter than the Kardashians.

That's great, my Kardashian.

-They've got nothing on me. -Nothing at all.

-Poor thing. -She looks terrible.

-She's clearly a victim of patriarchy. -For real.

Sebastián. Today was the last day of filming, wasn't it?

Yes, actually, there won't be any movie.

What? Are you for real? Why?

Are you all right? Relax, Sebi. I'm here for you, brother.

We're here for whatever you need.

-I'm fine. Relax, people. -You can tell me your troubles.

I'm a good listener. Five hundred per hour, I have to pay my electric bill.

Don't worry, I'm fine. It was a good opportunity, and I had the Farré experience.

-Who are you? -What did you do to my friend?

I put a spell on him.

Okay, everybody, try what I made in my cooking class.

Is it gluten-free?

-Sebas. -Thanks, excuse me.

I can't believe you're taking cooking lessons.

-Not really. -It's excellent.

I'm going out with a chef.

Well, it's cool that you're dating people with abilities.

Yes, I realized it was time to raise my standards. Want some?

Julieta, how's your band coming along?

It's great. We're playing for a foundation tomorrow.

-Fabulous. -That's cool.

Sofi also does catering, in case you need her.

Yeah, sure. We do.

If you want, I can help you.

-Sure, baby. Whatever you want. -Okay...

Hi. What's up?

Sorry, babe. Billy wants the report on market closings.

So you're not coming?

I don't think so, I'm not done yet.

I understand.

You have to protect your job.

I'll call you later. Bye.

Once you know we can do it.

Okay? Do you like it, baby?

It's almost ready...

Finally alone.

Stop it, Gonzo. What's going on?

What's the catch to all this? Where's the dramatic twist, the trick?

What's the catch?

-What do you mean? -What's the trick?

It's a pinch of nutmeg to give it fragrance.

Check it out.

-Gonzo! -That must be Sofi.

Gonzo!

Hi. Nice to meet you, I'm Sofia.

Hey, nice top. I love it.

Hi!

-How are you? -I'm glad you're here.

-Did you start? -Yeah.

It's very balanced.

Can you taste the underlying spice and berry flavors?

What else do you detect?

-Wood? -Yes, a bit.

-Smoked. -Pepper.

Good.

Fish!

-Coming! Love! Sorry, my friends. -What the fuck!

I beg your pardon.

My girlfriend just had a triple operation, and she practically can't move.

She can't even wipe--

-Stop, Fish! -That's enough!

Don't wait for me. Listen.

I loved your wine lecture.

Welcome to the group.

Let's continue.

This is a good pinot noir, or black pinot, because these grapes are from Tuscany.

Sofi is one of the youngest triple-platinum certified sommeliers

-in the whole world. -I am the youngest.

Wow!

Did I tell you that I'm doing my Master's...?

That's not it.

-It's this one. -Thanks.

-Careful, Fabi. -Don't mix them, Fabi.

My master's on...

-Carl Jung's thought? -No! I did my thesis on Jung.

I can help if you need it.

I studied psychology before cooking.

It really inspires me when I create dishes.

Shit. I was pissing through my ears.

-Sorry, babe. -Wake up, dude!

-Yes, dear. -Mafer, is Daniel coming or...?

No, he's working.

-Who's this? -Easy. Stand here.

How many operations have you had?

Operations? None. Why?

You're perfect.

How nice. What can I say?

It's genetic, my mom's Swedish.

You know who could use a pair of bubble boobs?

You.

She's right, Fabi.

You could use some breasts.

-Yeah, girl. -A bit bigger.

-It's just a comment. -Nah.

I'm perfectly satisfied with...

my boobs.

I forgot, I have to study for my Master's tomorrow.

-No way. -Don't go, Fabi.

Stay and try another wine, Fabiana.

Sofia is just joining the group, you can't go now.

I don't drive very well at night.

Fabiana!

She took the glass with her.

We're out of milk.

Can you buy some?

-After work? -Sure.

I'll stop on my way home.

-Slim, lactose-free. -Slim, lactose-free.

Isn't it getting late?

For work?

Billy Boy is going to kill me!

-Slim, lactose-free! -Yes, sure.

Bye.

-What are you doing with that? -I found it in a box.

No. You don't want to read that.

Stop it, I'm about to finish.

Wait, please, I don't want you to...

Wait a minute, Sebas! Leave me alone!

-What? -Seriously.

Are you crying?

-No. -You're shitting me. Is it that bad?

This is... beautiful.

Why don't you make a movie based on this screenplay?

No. It's...

the corniest movie,

written by someone who clearly doesn't know anything about life.

The industry needs screenplays like this. Something innocent, sweet, romantic.

Nobody would produce such a movie.

How many producers have read this screenplay?

It's not what they're looking for.

Someone's sabotaging himself.

Look, look, look.

I'm not sabotaging myself.

I just think there are more important things in life.

Now I have you.

I want to give myself the chance to enjoy life.

To go back to playing tennis and visiting museums.

Eating good food.

Can we...

enjoy life, period?

We can enjoy life...

period.

The office is chaos right now, babe.

The Dow Jones is down.

That's too bad.

I swear, there are people running all over the place.

We're on fire, you wouldn't believe this...

What's that?

It's Billy Boy.

He's trying to win over some clients from the state of Tabasco.

Good, that's good.

Well...

I'll leave you to it.

-Bye. I love you. -Don't forget the slim, lactose-free milk.

I won't forget. Slim, lactose-free. I'll get it.

Yes. Okay. I love you, dear.

Me too.

Hey. What are you doing in the dark?

I didn't realize it was nighttime.

Really?

So you didn't play tennis.

I stayed and worked on the screenplay.

Good. Do you want something to eat?

Yes.

Thanks.

I'm going to cook for the first time in my life.

Believe it or not.

A pinch of nutmeg to give it fragrance.

-Hi, dear. -Hi.

That's not the milk I asked you for.

-What? -I said slim, lactose-free.

That's almond milk.

I said it several times.

-It's organic and vegan, you like this stuff. -But it's not what I asked you for.

I think you're exaggerating, calm down.

How can I calm down when I can't trust you with a simple errand?

We'll try this. That's all.

The problem...

is that this isn't real milk.

The carton says "milk,"

but everybody knows that almond milk isn't real milk.

It's a lie.

You know the worst part?

In spite of knowing that it's not milk, you still bring it home for me to drink

and pretend I love it...

when I know that this isn't milk.

If I'd known that almond milk offended you so much, I would have--

You would have brought what I asked for?

It tastes like milk.

But don't worry, I'll go out and get what you want.

It's not the milk, Daniel.

What is it then, Mafer? The brand?

I can bring you a damn cow so you can have real milk.

Or better yet, you can go and get it yourself. Because quite frankly, I'm tired. Shit.

Tired of what?

Mafer, don't start.

No, no, no. Tired of what? Tell me.

-Tired of what? -Yes.

Tired of what? Of all this damn pressure on me all the time.

When it isn't you, it's my dad.

Shit! When did anybody turn to me and ask what I want?!

What do you think I do all fucking day at the office?

I don't know.

You tell me.

Because as far as I know, you were fired last week.

What do you do?

What do you do when you tell me you're going to the office?!

-Why didn't you say anything? -The question is, why didn't you tell me?

You didn't tell me you were fired.

-I have a plan. -What plan?

I'm setting up my firm, we'll pay for the wedding with that.

You said your dad was helping you.

I don't need him. This is our wedding, and I'll pay for it.

That's your problem, Daniel.

You don't need anybody's help.

But the real problem is that you lied to me.

-I know about the coke too. -Oh, no, not that.

That was a once-in-a-lifetime thing. My presentation was great.

-I don't know what you mean! -I was tricked.

Do you hear yourself?

I only wanted you to be happy.

When did you stop trusting me?

I've never stopped trusting you, we're a team.

From the moment you made decisions for both of us,

we stopped being a team.

Fuck.

That's why it's called Napolitan.

Because the king of Naples couldn't decide on one flavor.

-You're making this up. -No, I'm not!

I know things. I went to the university.

Some bored Italian didn't know what to call it, so he named it that.

What's up?

Sign, please.

Are you serious? My contract?

A great contract.

Here.

You know where.

Yeah.

I'm leaving.

Hurry!

I'm going.

-Are you leaving without this? -No, I'm not.

Good luck, I have faith in you. They're going to say yes. Okay?

Thank you.

Okay.

I love you.

So do I.

I love you.

-Now. I love you. Bye. -I love you.

Okay.

Thanks.

Hi. Sorry I'm late.

ALMOST AT THE END BY SEBASTIÁN YBARRA

-You wrote a movie? -Yes.

Darling, there's no reason for you to write a movie.

I'm setting up auditions with important directors.

I don't want to do my movie with an important director.

I want to direct it myself.

But you've never directed a movie before.

That's precisely why you are all here. Rodrigo, I need your insight on set.

I'd like for your production company to help us.

-Yeah. -Lucía, you've always been honest to me.

Lorenza, you have all the contacts, and...

And who's going to pay for all this?

I still have some money from the Dumped chips campaign.

It's going to be an independent movie.

Yes, but we'll compensate by making the movie we want to make.

Very independent.

You can count on me!

-Yeah? -Yeah.

May I direct the second unit?

Is this the final screenplay, or can we make suggestions?

This thing's delicious.

What's Vadhir doing here?

I'm waiting for Diego Luna, you know? So we can read our parts.

Diego Luna isn't coming.

It wasn't Luna? I get them mixed up.

It's... Boneta.

Neither of them is coming. No Diegos.

Isn't this the movie with one of the two Diegos?

As I was saying, this is Sebastián Ybarra's movie.

Who the fuck is Sebastián Ybarra?

Me.

Nice to meet you. Sounds great. Let me check my schedule.

-There is no date yet. We can adjust it. -We can? Perfect.

Sounds super cool. Something independent, kind of indie.

Do you have any problem if I stay here? I already ordered a burger.

Yes, if you want. Stay and finish your burger. And I'll tell them the story.

Santi, what a great guy.

-Sebastián. -Let's have a brainstorming session.

More than a story, it's a celebration of life.

Well, it's more than just a theme.

I'd like to tell a story about the loss of innocence, in a certain context...

Like in the movie Lolita?

The girl is throwing herself at the old guy,

and he's freaking out.

Love, get the champagne.

Love?

Where are you?

I'm looking for you, where'd you go?

I'm buying supplies so we can stay in for three days.

-Here you go. You're welcome. -Thank you.

That means I have time to prepare a surprise for you.

You're going to surprise me?

Yep.

Actually, it's ready.

But since you didn't tell me you were going out, you have to send me a selfie.

You're nuts if you think I'm going to send you a selfie. No way!

I relented to using a cell phone, but I won't betray my principles.

See? It's not so hard.

We have to solve this problem with selfies.

I can't go too long without seeing your face.

I want to look at you from now until you're wrinkled.