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All language subtitles for Fat.Ass.Zombies.2020.720p.AMZN.WEBRip.800MB.x264-GalaxyRG_Subtitles01.ENG

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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:25,547 --> 00:00:28,317 (dramatic music) 2 00:01:45,760 --> 00:01:48,397 (ominous music) 3 00:02:23,932 --> 00:02:26,635 (crowd applauds) 4 00:02:27,802 --> 00:02:31,005 - And do we have a peach of a day or not? 5 00:02:33,107 --> 00:02:36,445 You know, it's my goal to get more jobs 6 00:02:36,478 --> 00:02:40,048 to the people of this city than ever before. 7 00:02:40,048 --> 00:02:43,518 Well, we have here the executive of Freedom Foods, 8 00:02:43,518 --> 00:02:45,520 and we have them to thank for it, 9 00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:47,722 so let's give them a big round of applause. 10 00:02:47,789 --> 00:02:50,459 (crowd applauds) 11 00:02:52,961 --> 00:02:55,330 - [Crowd] USA, USA, USA, USA! 12 00:02:58,467 --> 00:03:01,002 (playful music) 13 00:03:04,706 --> 00:03:06,908 (munching) 14 00:03:46,348 --> 00:03:47,582 (screaming) (snoring) 15 00:03:47,582 --> 00:03:48,683 - [Man] Oh God, it's got teeth. 16 00:03:48,717 --> 00:03:51,219 Oh my God, let me through. 17 00:03:51,219 --> 00:03:52,454 (screams) 18 00:03:52,454 --> 00:03:54,423 - I forgot how to get-- - Better run, everybody. 19 00:03:54,423 --> 00:03:56,558 You can't stay, you can't stay. 20 00:03:56,591 --> 00:03:58,527 One pass and I'm done. 21 00:03:58,527 --> 00:04:00,629 I can't see. - I can you. 22 00:04:00,629 --> 00:04:02,364 You're ascared of me. 23 00:04:03,432 --> 00:04:06,067 (growling) 24 00:04:06,100 --> 00:04:07,035 (gun fires) 25 00:04:07,035 --> 00:04:10,138 - Oh, hello, Principal Johnson. 26 00:04:10,138 --> 00:04:11,473 You just missed movie time. 27 00:04:11,540 --> 00:04:12,541 (bell rings) 28 00:04:12,574 --> 00:04:14,876 Oh. (kids cheering) 29 00:04:14,876 --> 00:04:16,144 Alright, kids. 30 00:04:16,144 --> 00:04:17,646 Have a great weekend. 31 00:04:17,646 --> 00:04:20,081 I'll see you next week; one more week of fifth grade. 32 00:04:20,114 --> 00:04:22,617 Try not to act, uh, too upset. 33 00:04:24,753 --> 00:04:27,055 - I just had to see for myself. 34 00:04:27,055 --> 00:04:29,223 Congratulations, Sam? 35 00:04:29,257 --> 00:04:31,326 This isn't exactly school curriculum. 36 00:04:31,326 --> 00:04:34,295 - It's the second to last Friday of the school year. 37 00:04:34,295 --> 00:04:35,630 I just thought I'd reward them 38 00:04:35,630 --> 00:04:37,632 with something a little more fun. 39 00:04:37,632 --> 00:04:39,734 - What's Sam deserve congratulating for? 40 00:04:39,768 --> 00:04:42,303 - He finally got one of his films into a big film festival. 41 00:04:42,303 --> 00:04:43,304 - Oh! 42 00:04:43,304 --> 00:04:44,473 Did he? 43 00:04:44,506 --> 00:04:47,008 Oh, was it, Zombie Space Vikings? 44 00:04:55,684 --> 00:04:57,318 Zombie Prom Night? 45 00:04:57,318 --> 00:04:59,954 - There's something wrong with my face! 46 00:04:59,988 --> 00:05:01,956 (screaming) 47 00:05:01,956 --> 00:05:03,024 - Shirley no! 48 00:05:07,028 --> 00:05:09,097 - Or was it, uh, something with babies? 49 00:05:09,130 --> 00:05:11,966 - Zombie Abortion Apocalypse. 50 00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:13,502 - Zembryos attack! 51 00:05:15,504 --> 00:05:18,473 Sweet revenge, sweet revenge! 52 00:05:18,473 --> 00:05:20,141 - Oh, oh, yeah that one, yeah. 53 00:05:20,141 --> 00:05:21,876 - You have to admire his persistence. 54 00:05:21,876 --> 00:05:25,714 - Dear, persistence can be a sign of insanity. 55 00:05:26,948 --> 00:05:27,782 - Hyyy-ya! 56 00:05:33,888 --> 00:05:35,223 - Easy. 57 00:05:35,289 --> 00:05:38,960 - That, boys and girls, is our classic ninja 58 00:05:39,794 --> 00:05:41,195 zombie kill move. 59 00:05:42,464 --> 00:05:43,898 Well that's it for class today. 60 00:05:43,898 --> 00:05:46,367 Parents, you should be proud of these little ninjas. 61 00:05:46,367 --> 00:05:48,136 - And remember, next Tuesday is our home 62 00:05:48,169 --> 00:05:50,872 invasion defense workshop. 63 00:05:50,872 --> 00:05:52,373 - Yes parents, it's good practice 64 00:05:52,373 --> 00:05:53,875 for those of you who do not want your kids kidnapped, 65 00:05:53,875 --> 00:05:56,578 or raped, or raped by kidnappers. 66 00:05:58,046 --> 00:06:00,582 - Kidnapping can really stunt a child's development. 67 00:06:00,582 --> 00:06:01,550 - Hell yeah. 68 00:06:03,518 --> 00:06:05,520 * I can't buy you dinner 69 00:06:05,554 --> 00:06:07,756 - [Man] Popper, Popper! 70 00:06:07,756 --> 00:06:09,491 - Hey, what the shit? 71 00:06:11,059 --> 00:06:13,895 I'll just, I'll just stay down here. 72 00:06:13,895 --> 00:06:15,830 - [Woman] You're gonna want to get up for this. 73 00:06:15,864 --> 00:06:16,931 - Oh, I'm up. 74 00:06:18,366 --> 00:06:20,368 - What can I help you with? 75 00:06:20,368 --> 00:06:22,270 - Steve Popolopsis? 76 00:06:22,270 --> 00:06:24,506 - My friends call me Popper. 77 00:06:24,539 --> 00:06:26,240 What do they call you, baby? 78 00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:27,676 Hot Pink? 79 00:06:27,709 --> 00:06:31,946 - Oh you can call me whatever you like, Popper, 80 00:06:31,946 --> 00:06:34,015 but you've been served. 81 00:06:34,048 --> 00:06:35,550 - Oh, shit. 82 00:06:35,550 --> 00:06:36,585 - Been served what? 83 00:06:36,585 --> 00:06:37,586 A sexy-gram? 84 00:06:40,354 --> 00:06:41,856 Fuckin' bitch. 85 00:06:41,890 --> 00:06:43,391 - I get that a bunch. 86 00:06:43,391 --> 00:06:46,060 You have a nice day, Mr. Popper. 87 00:06:50,799 --> 00:06:52,567 - Popper don't preach, bro, 88 00:06:52,601 --> 00:06:54,769 she done filed for D. 89 00:06:54,769 --> 00:06:56,070 (laughing) 90 00:06:56,070 --> 00:06:56,905 - Shut up. 91 00:06:57,906 --> 00:06:58,740 Shut up! 92 00:07:01,743 --> 00:07:05,079 - [Felecia] Mr. Pentergass, we thank you 93 00:07:05,079 --> 00:07:08,717 for your short film submission, Deadbeat Zombie Dad, 94 00:07:08,717 --> 00:07:11,419 to the 2016 horror film fest. 95 00:07:11,452 --> 00:07:14,455 We are sorry to inform you Deadbeat Zombie Dad 96 00:07:14,455 --> 00:07:17,125 did not make our final lineup in the festival. 97 00:07:17,158 --> 00:07:20,161 The truth is your movie is a steaming pile 98 00:07:20,228 --> 00:07:22,797 of shitnuggets, with the production value 99 00:07:22,797 --> 00:07:24,633 of a home video shot by a deaf, 100 00:07:24,633 --> 00:07:28,169 blind amputee that is drunk on cheap gin. 101 00:07:28,236 --> 00:07:31,506 Please consider quitting filmmaking altogether, 102 00:07:31,506 --> 00:07:33,842 maybe concentrating on digging ditches full time. 103 00:07:33,908 --> 00:07:35,610 Hopefully you'll perish in a fire 104 00:07:35,644 --> 00:07:37,846 or contract genital herpes. 105 00:07:39,013 --> 00:07:43,518 Warm regards, festival director Felecia Fugate. 106 00:07:43,518 --> 00:07:45,419 - Sweetie, how's my little Scorsese? 107 00:07:45,453 --> 00:07:48,790 - Uh, yeah, mom, just a second. 108 00:07:48,823 --> 00:07:50,625 - Sweetheart, I want that letter 109 00:07:50,625 --> 00:07:52,026 to put in your book. 110 00:07:52,026 --> 00:07:54,162 - This is not a good time, alright? 111 00:07:54,162 --> 00:07:56,665 - Honey, all your friends are here already. 112 00:07:56,698 --> 00:07:58,499 You've gotta come out. 113 00:07:58,499 --> 00:08:02,270 Now get your tail out here, you're being rude! 114 00:08:06,541 --> 00:08:08,442 (upbeat music) 115 00:08:08,476 --> 00:08:09,310 - Hey. 116 00:08:19,020 --> 00:08:20,789 - Hey. - Hey, congratulations. 117 00:08:20,789 --> 00:08:21,856 - Yeah, thanks for coming. 118 00:08:21,856 --> 00:08:22,857 - Course. 119 00:08:22,857 --> 00:08:24,559 - Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam. 120 00:08:26,294 --> 00:08:27,361 - Hey, Horatio. 121 00:08:27,361 --> 00:08:29,130 - Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam! 122 00:08:30,398 --> 00:08:34,402 Well, I guess a congratulations is in order. 123 00:08:34,402 --> 00:08:36,404 - Thank you. - Sam, Sam. 124 00:08:37,872 --> 00:08:40,374 It is not that I don't-- 125 00:08:40,408 --> 00:08:41,743 - 'Scuse me, bro. 126 00:08:41,810 --> 00:08:43,812 - Hey, man. - Guys look! 127 00:08:45,046 --> 00:08:45,914 Stoner cam! 128 00:08:47,548 --> 00:08:48,717 - Hey that's awesome, man. 129 00:08:48,717 --> 00:08:49,718 That's really cool. 130 00:08:49,751 --> 00:08:52,220 - It's great, it really was, 131 00:08:52,220 --> 00:08:55,056 It's not that I don't like Zombie Dad, 132 00:08:55,089 --> 00:08:58,927 it's just that it is lacking something. 133 00:08:58,993 --> 00:09:01,195 It's just, it's lacking something. 134 00:09:01,229 --> 00:09:02,063 How would one say? 135 00:09:02,063 --> 00:09:03,531 It is... 136 00:09:03,531 --> 00:09:05,199 It is complete shit, Sam. 137 00:09:05,233 --> 00:09:07,736 It is complete and utter shit. 138 00:09:07,736 --> 00:09:10,571 Because you casted amateurs, Sam. 139 00:09:10,571 --> 00:09:12,340 Amateurs. - Oh, yeah. 140 00:09:12,373 --> 00:09:14,575 - And I know that Ocean Spray has his Megacuts commercial, 141 00:09:14,575 --> 00:09:15,910 I know that. 142 00:09:15,944 --> 00:09:17,111 I know that but I-- - Yeah it's a good commercial. 143 00:09:17,111 --> 00:09:18,279 - It's a pretty good commercial, 144 00:09:18,346 --> 00:09:19,347 I will say that. 145 00:09:19,347 --> 00:09:21,415 But everybody else, Sam-- 146 00:09:21,415 --> 00:09:22,617 - I'll be thinking 147 00:09:22,684 --> 00:09:24,185 about you when I drop this deuce. 148 00:09:24,185 --> 00:09:26,955 I've got a turtlehead saying let me out, let me out. 149 00:09:26,955 --> 00:09:27,889 Move, bitch. 150 00:09:27,922 --> 00:09:30,091 - No, Tibo, I actually really-- 151 00:09:30,091 --> 00:09:33,628 - That was lovely, Tibo, thank you. 152 00:09:33,628 --> 00:09:34,863 - M-hmm. 153 00:09:34,896 --> 00:09:36,064 - It is a wonder, Mr. Pentergass-- 154 00:09:36,097 --> 00:09:37,098 - Yes. 155 00:09:37,098 --> 00:09:38,066 - If you're even talented at all. 156 00:09:38,066 --> 00:09:38,967 - Great. 157 00:09:38,967 --> 00:09:40,769 Thank you so much, Horatio. 158 00:09:40,769 --> 00:09:44,272 Do you mind if I just kinda have my party? 159 00:09:44,305 --> 00:09:45,974 - I'm leaving now, Sam. 160 00:09:46,040 --> 00:09:47,541 - Okay. 161 00:09:47,541 --> 00:09:48,542 Thanks, thanks for coming. 162 00:09:48,542 --> 00:09:49,744 Awesome, Sam. 163 00:09:49,778 --> 00:09:51,045 How you gonna get out of this one? 164 00:09:51,045 --> 00:09:53,214 It's not like you can say, whoops, sorry, 165 00:09:53,214 --> 00:09:56,050 I didn't actually read the letter. 166 00:09:56,050 --> 00:09:59,153 (upbeat music) 167 00:09:59,153 --> 00:10:01,923 - You're like a legit filmmaker now, bro! 168 00:10:01,956 --> 00:10:03,624 We should team up, you know, make a movie, 169 00:10:03,624 --> 00:10:06,260 like, what if like two guys travel across 170 00:10:06,294 --> 00:10:10,799 the country on their motorcycles in search of America? 171 00:10:11,833 --> 00:10:13,334 - Yeah, man, um... 172 00:10:15,303 --> 00:10:17,806 I think that's already might've already kinda 173 00:10:17,806 --> 00:10:19,140 been done, but we can do something else-- 174 00:10:19,140 --> 00:10:21,009 - Okay, okay, okay, okay. 175 00:10:21,075 --> 00:10:22,243 Alright, I got another one. 176 00:10:22,276 --> 00:10:23,945 I got another one. - Okay, alright, yeah. 177 00:10:23,978 --> 00:10:25,346 - Two guys. - Okay. 178 00:10:25,346 --> 00:10:27,348 - Wake up in the morning, 179 00:10:27,348 --> 00:10:29,183 and their car is gone. 180 00:10:30,651 --> 00:10:31,485 - Yeah. 181 00:10:31,485 --> 00:10:32,653 Yup. 182 00:10:32,687 --> 00:10:34,022 - What was up with that cheer uniform today? 183 00:10:34,022 --> 00:10:35,123 I saw you at the rally. 184 00:10:35,156 --> 00:10:36,457 - Shut it down... 185 00:10:36,457 --> 00:10:37,959 - You were looking awfully cheerful. 186 00:10:37,959 --> 00:10:40,028 - The new owners are making that place my prison. 187 00:10:40,028 --> 00:10:41,295 - Mmm. 188 00:10:41,329 --> 00:10:42,463 - But I got paid one hundred bucks 189 00:10:42,463 --> 00:10:43,664 to put on the costume. 190 00:10:43,664 --> 00:10:44,598 - Hiiya! 191 00:10:44,632 --> 00:10:45,466 - Oh! 192 00:10:45,499 --> 00:10:46,500 Alright, alright. 193 00:10:46,500 --> 00:10:47,869 - Oh. - Oh, okay. 194 00:10:49,170 --> 00:10:50,471 - Hey, hey baby. 195 00:10:51,539 --> 00:10:52,606 - Die, asshole. 196 00:10:52,640 --> 00:10:54,375 - Oh, asshole, sass, I dig. 197 00:10:54,375 --> 00:10:55,877 You like to party? 198 00:10:55,877 --> 00:10:56,878 - You wanna play? 199 00:10:56,878 --> 00:10:57,979 - Mmm, yeah I wanna play. 200 00:10:58,012 --> 00:10:59,013 - You wouldn't get anywhere near 201 00:10:59,013 --> 00:11:02,350 this unless I was dead, or dead. 202 00:11:02,350 --> 00:11:04,685 You have poop on your shirt. 203 00:11:04,685 --> 00:11:06,320 It's gross. - Hi, y'all! 204 00:11:06,354 --> 00:11:09,523 I have some Freedom Cakes fresh from the factory. 205 00:11:09,523 --> 00:11:10,792 Eat 'em all up! 206 00:11:11,726 --> 00:11:12,727 - I'm alright. 207 00:11:12,794 --> 00:11:13,661 Thanks. 208 00:11:13,694 --> 00:11:14,796 - Aw, they're good. 209 00:11:14,796 --> 00:11:15,964 You have a good time! 210 00:11:15,997 --> 00:11:17,665 - Thanks, Ms. Ecky. 211 00:11:17,698 --> 00:11:18,699 - I think I'm going to vomit. 212 00:11:18,699 --> 00:11:20,068 - Yeah, vomit. 213 00:11:20,068 --> 00:11:22,670 - Sam, I, I had my kids make you cards. 214 00:11:22,703 --> 00:11:23,838 - Nice. 215 00:11:23,838 --> 00:11:24,973 Thank you. 216 00:11:24,973 --> 00:11:28,176 Oh. - Yeah, and this one's mine. 217 00:11:28,209 --> 00:11:29,043 - Nice! 218 00:11:37,318 --> 00:11:38,152 Bros. 219 00:11:41,389 --> 00:11:42,223 - Fuck off! 220 00:11:42,223 --> 00:11:43,758 - Hey, hey. 221 00:11:43,825 --> 00:11:46,160 - Your hair looks like my cousin's bleached asshole. 222 00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:47,829 - Why you got so much aggression? 223 00:11:47,862 --> 00:11:49,530 Be so pretty. 224 00:11:49,530 --> 00:11:52,233 Your cousin bleaches her asshole? 225 00:11:53,434 --> 00:11:56,905 Hey neighbor, you like to party and get naked? 226 00:11:58,506 --> 00:11:59,373 I eat butt. 227 00:12:01,742 --> 00:12:03,778 And not just on Fridays. 228 00:12:03,845 --> 00:12:05,013 - You see that Tiffany chick? 229 00:12:05,013 --> 00:12:06,047 She's here. 230 00:12:06,080 --> 00:12:06,915 - Tiffany? 231 00:12:06,915 --> 00:12:08,082 - Yeah. 232 00:12:08,082 --> 00:12:09,283 Dude, I think she's in the kitchen. 233 00:12:09,350 --> 00:12:10,184 - Yeah. 234 00:12:10,184 --> 00:12:11,019 - She's really here? 235 00:12:11,019 --> 00:12:12,220 - Yeah. 236 00:12:12,253 --> 00:12:13,687 She's like an angel, man, I'm telling you. 237 00:12:13,687 --> 00:12:14,923 I talked to her for a minute. 238 00:12:14,923 --> 00:12:15,756 - Oh yeah? 239 00:12:15,756 --> 00:12:16,590 - Yeah. 240 00:12:16,590 --> 00:12:18,426 - We're twins. 241 00:12:18,426 --> 00:12:19,794 - Twins? 242 00:12:19,861 --> 00:12:20,694 Really? 243 00:12:21,963 --> 00:12:23,631 - Identical. 244 00:12:23,697 --> 00:12:24,698 - Identical. 245 00:12:32,373 --> 00:12:33,374 - Hey guys. 246 00:12:33,374 --> 00:12:34,575 - Hey. 247 00:12:34,608 --> 00:12:36,777 - Sammy finally has a ticket out of here. 248 00:12:36,777 --> 00:12:38,579 And a girl like Tiffany only thinks about 249 00:12:38,579 --> 00:12:41,282 one thing; getting out. 250 00:12:41,282 --> 00:12:43,551 - What are we talking about? 251 00:12:43,584 --> 00:12:44,986 - Tiffany Taylor. 252 00:12:46,720 --> 00:12:47,922 She's blonde. 253 00:12:47,956 --> 00:12:48,957 - Mm... 254 00:12:48,957 --> 00:12:50,391 - I touched her hair over there. 255 00:12:50,391 --> 00:12:51,926 - Oh... 256 00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:53,261 - Oh man, did you tell 257 00:12:53,261 --> 00:12:54,462 her that you were going to do that? 258 00:12:54,462 --> 00:12:55,897 - No I just went by and I swiped it. 259 00:12:55,930 --> 00:12:58,432 (upbeat music) 260 00:12:58,466 --> 00:12:59,467 - Oh! 261 00:12:59,467 --> 00:13:01,135 Peter Anthony! 262 00:13:01,135 --> 00:13:02,470 - So your little runt did it, huh? 263 00:13:02,470 --> 00:13:03,571 - Yes he did. 264 00:13:03,571 --> 00:13:05,173 And he's gotta go say something. 265 00:13:05,173 --> 00:13:06,407 He can't just like, sit there. 266 00:13:06,440 --> 00:13:07,608 You gotta go get him to make a speech. 267 00:13:07,641 --> 00:13:08,910 - I think this could be a good thing 268 00:13:08,910 --> 00:13:09,844 because he is such a good public speaker. 269 00:13:09,844 --> 00:13:10,979 - Honey, please! 270 00:13:10,979 --> 00:13:13,647 Oh, don't you be nasty! 271 00:13:13,681 --> 00:13:15,083 - Congratulations, sis, I'm proud of you. 272 00:13:15,116 --> 00:13:15,984 - I'm so proud. 273 00:13:15,984 --> 00:13:17,118 I'm so proud! 274 00:13:17,151 --> 00:13:18,319 Ah! 275 00:13:18,319 --> 00:13:20,488 - Hey Spray, thanks for coming, man. 276 00:13:20,521 --> 00:13:21,589 - Sammy. 277 00:13:21,622 --> 00:13:22,857 - Hey Uncle P. 278 00:13:22,857 --> 00:13:23,858 - How you doin'? 279 00:13:23,858 --> 00:13:24,926 - Good, man, yeah. 280 00:13:24,959 --> 00:13:26,194 - There's a mind-numbing fox walking 281 00:13:26,194 --> 00:13:28,129 around this shindig. 282 00:13:28,162 --> 00:13:29,363 Good work. 283 00:13:29,363 --> 00:13:30,865 Normally you just have a bunch of pot-faced 284 00:13:30,865 --> 00:13:34,768 losers, but um, you've got like have the town here. 285 00:13:34,802 --> 00:13:37,205 - Yeah man, her name is Tiffany. 286 00:13:37,205 --> 00:13:40,508 I was just getting ready to go talk to her. 287 00:13:40,508 --> 00:13:41,675 - No shit. 288 00:13:41,709 --> 00:13:45,513 - Oh come on, man, she's like half your age! 289 00:13:45,513 --> 00:13:47,448 - Maybe some of you devils just showed up 290 00:13:47,481 --> 00:13:50,218 'cause you heard my boy made a winning film. 291 00:13:50,218 --> 00:13:51,385 Woo! 292 00:13:51,385 --> 00:13:54,388 (crowd applauds) 293 00:13:54,455 --> 00:13:55,789 I'm so proud of you. 294 00:13:55,789 --> 00:13:57,391 I'm so proud of you. 295 00:14:00,528 --> 00:14:02,063 I'm so, 296 00:14:02,063 --> 00:14:03,497 I'm so so sorry, honey. 297 00:14:03,531 --> 00:14:06,334 - No, it's alright, um-- - They didn't they don't know 298 00:14:06,334 --> 00:14:07,668 he didn't have such an easy way of it 299 00:14:07,701 --> 00:14:09,170 when he was growing up. 300 00:14:09,170 --> 00:14:11,305 Without his papa, 301 00:14:11,305 --> 00:14:13,474 well, that lowdown, scumbag, 302 00:14:13,474 --> 00:14:15,809 scoundrel, may he rot in hell forever. 303 00:14:15,843 --> 00:14:16,677 - Okay. 304 00:14:16,677 --> 00:14:18,012 - But anyway! 305 00:14:18,012 --> 00:14:21,082 I always told him, I always told him, 306 00:14:23,051 --> 00:14:25,920 what you think about, what you believe, 307 00:14:25,987 --> 00:14:27,655 you can make happen. 308 00:14:28,756 --> 00:14:29,690 And he did! 309 00:14:30,891 --> 00:14:31,993 He did. 310 00:14:32,026 --> 00:14:33,761 Save me, honey. 311 00:14:33,761 --> 00:14:34,762 Save your mama. 312 00:14:34,762 --> 00:14:35,596 - Oh okay. 313 00:14:37,165 --> 00:14:38,166 Alright. 314 00:14:38,166 --> 00:14:39,700 - I'm just so proud of you. 315 00:14:39,733 --> 00:14:40,901 - Thank you, mom. 316 00:14:40,901 --> 00:14:42,903 Thank you, seriously, thank you so much. 317 00:14:42,903 --> 00:14:44,405 Thank you so much. 318 00:14:45,906 --> 00:14:48,342 - Uh, um, well everybody, um, 319 00:14:51,412 --> 00:14:55,749 you know how much I love making movies, and uh, 320 00:14:55,749 --> 00:14:59,253 so I want to thank you all for being here. 321 00:15:00,454 --> 00:15:02,090 Um, you know, but the thing 322 00:15:02,090 --> 00:15:05,293 is guys, um, well when I got the letter 323 00:15:09,197 --> 00:15:11,032 in the mail, you know? 324 00:15:23,477 --> 00:15:24,979 We did it! 325 00:15:25,046 --> 00:15:26,047 We totally made it! 326 00:15:26,047 --> 00:15:27,381 We're going to Hollywood! 327 00:15:27,415 --> 00:15:29,917 Mom, we're going to Hollywood! 328 00:15:31,285 --> 00:15:32,286 We're going! 329 00:15:32,286 --> 00:15:35,889 (crowd applauds) We did it! 330 00:15:37,958 --> 00:15:40,428 - [Crowd] Deadbeat Zombie Dad! 331 00:15:40,428 --> 00:15:41,829 Deadbeat Zombie Dad! 332 00:15:41,829 --> 00:15:42,997 Deadbeat Zombie Dad! 333 00:15:42,997 --> 00:15:44,498 - Come here, sweetheart. 334 00:15:44,565 --> 00:15:47,068 Listen, we're just going to slide out of here 335 00:15:47,101 --> 00:15:49,303 'cause we're already late for our little girls' trip. 336 00:15:49,303 --> 00:15:51,172 Now, we're going to be back on Sunday 337 00:15:51,239 --> 00:15:53,741 and you better be sure that this whole place is cleaned up 338 00:15:53,774 --> 00:15:54,942 by then, okay? 339 00:15:54,975 --> 00:15:56,644 - Okay. - Oh I love you, sweetheart! 340 00:15:56,644 --> 00:15:58,346 I am so proud of you! 341 00:15:58,412 --> 00:15:59,413 - I love you, mom. 342 00:15:59,413 --> 00:16:00,514 Thank you. 343 00:16:00,514 --> 00:16:01,649 Okay, alright. - I love you so much. 344 00:16:01,649 --> 00:16:03,151 Have a good time. - Thanks. 345 00:16:04,352 --> 00:16:05,186 - Yeah! 346 00:16:07,421 --> 00:16:09,657 - I'm so proud of you, dude. - I know. 347 00:16:09,657 --> 00:16:11,625 - You killed it. 348 00:16:11,659 --> 00:16:12,993 I love you, man. 349 00:16:15,596 --> 00:16:16,597 - Sam? 350 00:16:16,597 --> 00:16:17,631 - Hey! - Hey! 351 00:16:17,665 --> 00:16:18,866 - Hey! 352 00:16:18,866 --> 00:16:21,535 - Hey, I just wanted to say again how amazing 353 00:16:21,535 --> 00:16:23,204 I think you did today. 354 00:16:23,271 --> 00:16:24,105 - Okay. 355 00:16:24,105 --> 00:16:24,938 - Um. 356 00:16:24,938 --> 00:16:26,140 - Yuhuh. 357 00:16:26,174 --> 00:16:29,177 - And I always knew you could do it. 358 00:16:30,844 --> 00:16:33,214 - So yeah, no thank you. 359 00:16:33,214 --> 00:16:35,049 So here's the thing-- - So congratulations! 360 00:16:35,049 --> 00:16:37,218 - No I, thank you so much! 361 00:16:37,218 --> 00:16:39,187 Thank you! - Thanks. 362 00:16:39,187 --> 00:16:40,188 - Pam. 363 00:16:40,188 --> 00:16:42,890 So hey, here's the thing. 364 00:16:42,956 --> 00:16:45,359 - What? - I did not get in. 365 00:16:45,359 --> 00:16:47,395 I totally did not get in. 366 00:16:48,862 --> 00:16:49,863 - What? 367 00:16:49,863 --> 00:16:52,032 - No, absolutely not. 368 00:16:52,032 --> 00:16:54,034 - Oh okay, I think you've had a little 369 00:16:54,068 --> 00:16:55,069 too much to drink. 370 00:16:55,069 --> 00:16:56,304 - I have. 371 00:16:56,337 --> 00:16:59,173 And that's fuckin' great everybody. 372 00:16:59,207 --> 00:17:00,541 So here's the thing. 373 00:17:00,541 --> 00:17:03,677 You are great, and I, I appreciate it, 374 00:17:04,845 --> 00:17:06,013 so thank you. 375 00:17:06,046 --> 00:17:07,648 Thank you guys! 376 00:17:07,648 --> 00:17:10,984 And I'm gonna, I'm goin' I don't know... 377 00:17:12,820 --> 00:17:13,987 - Yeah! 378 00:17:14,021 --> 00:17:16,224 You know what, where we're going? 379 00:17:16,224 --> 00:17:17,391 Hollywood! 380 00:17:17,425 --> 00:17:19,193 - We are kings of the world! 381 00:17:19,227 --> 00:17:22,563 - I'm gonna punch you right in the dick. 382 00:17:23,897 --> 00:17:25,499 - So, first of all, 383 00:17:27,768 --> 00:17:28,936 you are great. 384 00:17:31,272 --> 00:17:33,341 And you're very talented. 385 00:17:34,842 --> 00:17:38,912 So I think that you should come out to the premiere. 386 00:17:40,248 --> 00:17:42,250 Quentin Tarantino, you know Quentin Tarantino? 387 00:17:42,250 --> 00:17:44,017 - Hey dude, look at all this hot ass! 388 00:17:44,017 --> 00:17:45,786 - Yeah I know. - Look at all this hot ass! 389 00:17:45,786 --> 00:17:47,288 - And so you need to know. 390 00:17:47,355 --> 00:17:48,356 - To us. 391 00:17:48,389 --> 00:17:49,757 - That you're pretty. - To us. 392 00:17:49,757 --> 00:17:51,091 - And you should come to the show. 393 00:17:51,091 --> 00:17:52,260 You can be in my next movie, 394 00:17:52,293 --> 00:17:54,595 and that's really fucking great. 395 00:17:54,595 --> 00:17:56,430 - We love you man. 396 00:17:56,430 --> 00:17:57,465 - Dude, I love you. 397 00:17:57,531 --> 00:17:58,366 - Dick punch. 398 00:17:58,366 --> 00:17:59,533 Dick punch it. 399 00:18:00,734 --> 00:18:01,702 - Sam? 400 00:18:01,702 --> 00:18:05,105 * Just out, hanging around 401 00:18:08,976 --> 00:18:10,411 - Sweetie? 402 00:18:10,444 --> 00:18:13,781 How's my very own little Clint Eastwood? 403 00:18:15,949 --> 00:18:17,385 - Mr. Pentergass. 404 00:18:18,752 --> 00:18:22,923 Your movie is a steaming pile of shit-nuggets. 405 00:18:22,923 --> 00:18:24,057 - No! 406 00:18:24,057 --> 00:18:25,459 It was a mistake! 407 00:18:29,430 --> 00:18:30,264 - Sam. 408 00:18:31,232 --> 00:18:32,065 Sam! 409 00:18:33,334 --> 00:18:34,835 Sam! 410 00:18:34,902 --> 00:18:36,404 Sam! - Shit, what? 411 00:18:36,404 --> 00:18:37,605 - Sam get your ass up. 412 00:18:37,638 --> 00:18:38,572 Come on, we gotta go, we gotta go. 413 00:18:38,572 --> 00:18:39,573 - What, man? 414 00:18:39,573 --> 00:18:40,608 What the fuck? 415 00:18:40,641 --> 00:18:41,809 - Ninja painting, bro, man. 416 00:18:41,809 --> 00:18:42,943 We gotta finish colonel's house today 417 00:18:42,976 --> 00:18:44,812 or we do not get paid. 418 00:18:45,746 --> 00:18:46,580 Come on! 419 00:18:46,580 --> 00:18:47,481 - Uh, shit. 420 00:18:47,481 --> 00:18:48,649 - Fellas are already in the van. 421 00:18:48,682 --> 00:18:49,850 Come on, let's go. - Are you kidding me? 422 00:18:49,850 --> 00:18:51,252 - The dojo is not going to pay for itself. 423 00:18:51,285 --> 00:18:52,353 - That's today, man? 424 00:18:52,353 --> 00:18:53,854 - No it was last week. 425 00:18:53,921 --> 00:18:54,922 What the fuck you think, man? 426 00:18:54,922 --> 00:18:55,923 Come on get your ass up. 427 00:18:55,956 --> 00:18:57,325 Come on, come on, man. 428 00:18:57,325 --> 00:19:00,328 - Okay, okay, fuck it. - Come on. 429 00:19:00,361 --> 00:19:02,630 Your place is trashed. 430 00:19:02,663 --> 00:19:04,465 You're lucky your mom's not here, dude. 431 00:19:04,465 --> 00:19:05,299 - Agh. 432 00:19:06,434 --> 00:19:09,303 (laughing) 433 00:19:09,337 --> 00:19:11,439 Dude, what the fuck, man? 434 00:19:13,274 --> 00:19:15,276 - Here, here, here, clean your face off 435 00:19:15,276 --> 00:19:20,281 you got some shit on your forehead. (laughs) 436 00:19:21,014 --> 00:19:22,783 oh my God, that is bad. 437 00:19:23,784 --> 00:19:25,786 - Aw shit, man! 438 00:19:25,819 --> 00:19:26,987 Shit! 439 00:19:26,987 --> 00:19:28,822 - Aw hell no, is that? 440 00:19:32,860 --> 00:19:34,061 - This place is trashed. 441 00:19:34,127 --> 00:19:36,864 You're lucky your mom is not here. 442 00:19:40,167 --> 00:19:41,001 - Noodles! 443 00:19:42,903 --> 00:19:43,737 Good girl! 444 00:19:43,804 --> 00:19:45,005 Aww, good girl. 445 00:19:45,038 --> 00:19:47,375 Yes you eat that up! - Oh hell naw. 446 00:19:47,375 --> 00:19:49,977 - Oh! - That's disgusting, man. 447 00:19:54,982 --> 00:19:58,319 * I don't want her - Come on, let's go! 448 00:19:58,319 --> 00:19:59,553 - Dude! 449 00:19:59,553 --> 00:20:00,754 You want to take a shit? 450 00:20:00,821 --> 00:20:02,390 I've got a big yard. 451 00:20:02,390 --> 00:20:04,224 Neighbors would love that, sorry, sorry! 452 00:20:04,258 --> 00:20:05,092 Come on, would you come on! 453 00:20:05,092 --> 00:20:05,926 - I'm sorry! 454 00:20:05,926 --> 00:20:08,596 (intense music) 455 00:20:11,265 --> 00:20:13,434 - I'm sorry, Sam-a-lamading-dong, 456 00:20:13,434 --> 00:20:15,936 about last night but I had to let off some steam. 457 00:20:16,003 --> 00:20:17,505 - No problem, man. 458 00:20:22,510 --> 00:20:24,278 You're already drinking? 459 00:20:24,278 --> 00:20:27,548 - Well it's Saturday, so I'm gonna get fucked up. 460 00:20:27,581 --> 00:20:32,286 And then there's Janice, bitch is divorcing me, 461 00:20:32,286 --> 00:20:33,721 so I hope she gets genital herpes 462 00:20:33,754 --> 00:20:36,757 and poison ivy on her nipples in the same afternoon. 463 00:20:36,757 --> 00:20:39,092 Fuck it, I'm getting wrecked! 464 00:20:40,794 --> 00:20:42,796 You're a fuckin' mad man lying about getting 465 00:20:42,796 --> 00:20:44,532 into the festival. 466 00:20:44,565 --> 00:20:45,599 - Wait, what? 467 00:20:47,100 --> 00:20:48,068 - Yeah, you said we were going to get 468 00:20:48,068 --> 00:20:50,037 an apartment in L.A., asshole. 469 00:20:50,037 --> 00:20:53,541 - Yeah, I was totally gonna get laid by a girl. 470 00:20:53,574 --> 00:20:54,775 - And I think you should be with me 471 00:20:54,775 --> 00:20:56,710 at the premiere and that's, 472 00:20:56,744 --> 00:20:59,413 it's gonna be good for everybody. 473 00:20:59,447 --> 00:21:00,614 And wait no, 474 00:21:00,614 --> 00:21:03,050 I don't even know-- - You charlatan! 475 00:21:03,083 --> 00:21:04,318 - You know you are a dick. 476 00:21:04,318 --> 00:21:06,487 And I don't, know-- - Rejection letter? 477 00:21:06,487 --> 00:21:08,489 - You shouldn't read that because here's the thing. 478 00:21:08,489 --> 00:21:09,957 - No! - No because I'm gonna go, 479 00:21:09,957 --> 00:21:11,291 because I'm gonna because I talked to his agent. 480 00:21:11,291 --> 00:21:13,494 (laughing) 481 00:21:14,828 --> 00:21:16,063 Shit. 482 00:21:16,096 --> 00:21:17,398 - You know folks are going to have a heyday 483 00:21:17,398 --> 00:21:18,399 with that one, maestro. 484 00:21:18,399 --> 00:21:21,502 But don't worry about us, Sam, 485 00:21:21,502 --> 00:21:24,605 I never really thought you got in. 486 00:21:24,638 --> 00:21:25,806 - Thanks? 487 00:21:25,806 --> 00:21:28,075 - You're welcome. - I did! 488 00:21:28,075 --> 00:21:29,242 Dumbass. 489 00:21:29,242 --> 00:21:30,310 I mean, the head smash in this last one 490 00:21:30,310 --> 00:21:32,012 was the best one ever. 491 00:21:32,079 --> 00:21:34,147 - Can you not hit so many bumps, Tibo? 492 00:21:34,147 --> 00:21:35,583 I know I'm five minutes younger 493 00:21:35,616 --> 00:21:38,018 than you but shit, learn to drive, man. 494 00:21:38,018 --> 00:21:40,120 - Look man, that's what you get for polluting your body. 495 00:21:40,153 --> 00:21:42,490 I told you before, your body is your temple. 496 00:21:42,490 --> 00:21:44,157 You should be ashamed of yourself. 497 00:21:44,157 --> 00:21:46,627 - Oh my gosh, are you really bringing that up right now? 498 00:21:46,660 --> 00:21:49,763 The person who jerks off to pregnancy videos? 499 00:21:49,763 --> 00:21:50,931 Yeah, tell 'em, Tibo. 500 00:21:50,964 --> 00:21:53,133 Tell everybody Tibo your darkness, 501 00:21:53,166 --> 00:21:56,370 your dark secrets of the of the mom's birthing 502 00:21:56,370 --> 00:21:58,839 and the babies coming out of the vagina. 503 00:21:58,839 --> 00:22:00,708 And he jerks off to that. 504 00:22:00,774 --> 00:22:01,875 Argh, I need to stop. 505 00:22:01,875 --> 00:22:03,043 - Dude, what? 506 00:22:03,110 --> 00:22:05,012 - Listen, they're not pregnancy videos, 507 00:22:05,012 --> 00:22:06,013 they're birthing videos. 508 00:22:06,013 --> 00:22:07,214 Pregnancy videos are nasty. 509 00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:09,717 Birthing videos are sexy and they're art. 510 00:22:09,717 --> 00:22:11,018 - Whatever, your temple's just wrong. 511 00:22:11,018 --> 00:22:12,019 - Dude. 512 00:22:12,019 --> 00:22:13,854 - I haven't even tried that. 513 00:22:13,887 --> 00:22:15,122 - Oh it's good, you should try it, man. 514 00:22:15,155 --> 00:22:17,324 - Okay, okay, it gets kind of hot, 515 00:22:17,357 --> 00:22:18,559 but it shouldn't be hot. 516 00:22:18,559 --> 00:22:19,793 - See, when you see those thighs open wide 517 00:22:19,827 --> 00:22:23,497 and that water break and, and she's wet, yo. 518 00:22:23,497 --> 00:22:24,498 - Ah! 519 00:22:24,498 --> 00:22:25,666 Oh God! 520 00:22:25,699 --> 00:22:28,201 (yelling) 521 00:22:28,201 --> 00:22:29,036 - Ow. 522 00:22:30,671 --> 00:22:32,239 - Is that a walker? 523 00:22:32,239 --> 00:22:34,908 We almost had grandma in the grill. 524 00:22:34,908 --> 00:22:37,077 - What's wrong with her? 525 00:22:37,144 --> 00:22:38,145 - She's old? 526 00:22:41,515 --> 00:22:42,382 Mrs. Henry? 527 00:22:43,584 --> 00:22:46,987 Mrs. Henry we are so sorry, are you okay? 528 00:22:47,020 --> 00:22:47,888 Mrs. Henry? 529 00:22:50,390 --> 00:22:51,759 Hey, you alright? 530 00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:56,263 Let's get you back to your house okay? 531 00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:02,836 Okay, here we go, there we go. 532 00:23:04,071 --> 00:23:05,839 I love what you did with your flowers. 533 00:23:05,839 --> 00:23:08,008 (farting) 534 00:23:16,850 --> 00:23:17,685 Oh, okay. 535 00:23:19,052 --> 00:23:22,222 Okay, Mrs. Henry I'm just gonna head back in, 536 00:23:22,255 --> 00:23:25,125 you got it from here, right, yeah? 537 00:23:25,125 --> 00:23:28,796 Okay, okay, uh, you should change your pants 538 00:23:30,898 --> 00:23:32,933 - Did you hear that shit? 539 00:23:32,933 --> 00:23:35,368 I mean, I'm gonna need therapy after that, 540 00:23:35,402 --> 00:23:36,904 or a birthing video. 541 00:23:36,904 --> 00:23:39,139 - Guys can we please just go? 542 00:23:39,139 --> 00:23:41,709 It's like a dutch oven in here. 543 00:23:42,976 --> 00:23:45,245 - You know what, there hasn't been a brother 544 00:23:45,278 --> 00:23:47,615 like that in the state since, 545 00:23:47,615 --> 00:23:50,383 and he gave him the ol' dipsy-do. 546 00:23:51,485 --> 00:23:53,286 - [Waitress] Hi, what can I get for you? 547 00:23:53,286 --> 00:23:54,287 - Just a root beer float. 548 00:23:54,321 --> 00:23:56,289 - [Waitress] You got it. 549 00:23:59,960 --> 00:24:03,463 - Hey, you're Pistol Love's nephew aren't you? 550 00:24:03,463 --> 00:24:04,665 - Yeah. 551 00:24:04,732 --> 00:24:08,135 - Man, we were just talking about him. 552 00:24:08,135 --> 00:24:10,270 Hey listen, let me ask you somethin', son. 553 00:24:10,303 --> 00:24:11,805 What's this bullshit lies we've been hearing 554 00:24:11,805 --> 00:24:15,976 about you winning some sort of award or something? 555 00:24:17,244 --> 00:24:19,580 - Uh, yeah, it was more of a misunderstanding. 556 00:24:19,580 --> 00:24:21,448 I didn't win anything. 557 00:24:21,481 --> 00:24:24,151 (sniffing) 558 00:24:24,151 --> 00:24:27,988 - I smell bullshit boy, a big ol' steaming pile of it! 559 00:24:27,988 --> 00:24:30,457 - Tell 'em, daddy! - Why don't you get 560 00:24:30,490 --> 00:24:33,527 yourself a job and contribute something to society. 561 00:24:33,527 --> 00:24:35,462 - Yo, Spielberg! 562 00:24:35,495 --> 00:24:36,697 Nice one, guy. 563 00:24:36,697 --> 00:24:38,866 I heard you notched up another rejection? 564 00:24:38,932 --> 00:24:42,536 Going for a Guinness world record? 565 00:24:42,536 --> 00:24:44,037 - How did you guys hear about this? 566 00:24:44,037 --> 00:24:47,207 - I saw it on Instagram, I saw it on Instagram, 567 00:24:47,274 --> 00:24:50,343 Instagram, Instagram, Instagram, son. 568 00:24:53,013 --> 00:24:54,447 - [Sam] And now the young have shown up to feed. 569 00:24:54,447 --> 00:24:56,449 I'm like an Easter ham. 570 00:24:56,449 --> 00:25:01,121 This town is going to be chewing on my gristle for years. 571 00:25:09,396 --> 00:25:11,999 - Well, if he's gone he's gone, 572 00:25:13,033 --> 00:25:14,534 we still gotta paint. 573 00:25:14,534 --> 00:25:15,869 And pick up two weeks of dog shit 'cause 574 00:25:15,869 --> 00:25:17,738 we're late again. 575 00:25:17,805 --> 00:25:19,840 - Well I got good news and good news; 576 00:25:19,873 --> 00:25:21,709 Patton's gone and I'm divorced. 577 00:25:21,709 --> 00:25:23,043 Let's paint. 578 00:25:23,076 --> 00:25:25,679 (upbeat music) 579 00:25:33,320 --> 00:25:35,923 Aw Jojo, you're killing me, man. 580 00:25:35,923 --> 00:25:36,890 That ain't painting music, 581 00:25:36,890 --> 00:25:38,525 we need some rock n' roll. 582 00:25:38,558 --> 00:25:40,327 - Asian is good, too. 583 00:25:40,327 --> 00:25:41,695 - Asian music? 584 00:25:41,729 --> 00:25:43,731 - Zen, my brother. 585 00:25:43,731 --> 00:25:45,232 - What happened to you? 586 00:25:45,232 --> 00:25:46,900 Help me out Sam-alam-a-ding-dong, 587 00:25:46,900 --> 00:25:50,070 what kind of music do you like to listen to? 588 00:25:50,070 --> 00:25:51,071 Sammy? 589 00:25:51,104 --> 00:25:52,239 You alright up there? 590 00:25:52,239 --> 00:25:53,440 - Yeah, all good, man. 591 00:25:53,506 --> 00:25:54,608 - Quit napping on the job, bitch. 592 00:25:54,608 --> 00:25:56,109 Who wants a beer? 593 00:25:56,109 --> 00:25:57,344 - I'm good. 594 00:25:57,377 --> 00:25:58,746 - Guys, something was wrong with her eyes. 595 00:25:58,746 --> 00:26:00,013 - Whose eyes? 596 00:26:00,047 --> 00:26:02,082 - It wasn't her eyes that were the problem, 597 00:26:02,082 --> 00:26:03,684 it was her ass. 598 00:26:03,717 --> 00:26:05,285 Popper? 599 00:26:05,285 --> 00:26:06,720 - It was her ass. 600 00:26:08,021 --> 00:26:09,289 - Sam. 601 00:26:09,289 --> 00:26:10,423 Sam? 602 00:26:10,423 --> 00:26:12,425 What are you looking at? 603 00:26:13,526 --> 00:26:14,527 - I don't know, man. 604 00:26:14,527 --> 00:26:15,896 Give me a second. 605 00:26:18,131 --> 00:26:19,532 Uh, guys, we got a problem up here. 606 00:26:19,566 --> 00:26:22,435 - Yeah, we don't have enough beer. 607 00:26:22,435 --> 00:26:23,270 - Shit! 608 00:26:23,270 --> 00:26:24,537 Go, go, go! 609 00:26:24,571 --> 00:26:25,739 We've got a problem, we've got a problem. 610 00:26:25,739 --> 00:26:27,240 - Yo, yo, what the fuck's the problem, man? 611 00:26:27,240 --> 00:26:28,876 - The colonel, man, he's fucked up! 612 00:26:28,876 --> 00:26:29,910 Hide! - Be careful, man. 613 00:26:29,943 --> 00:26:30,878 Slow down, man! 614 00:26:30,878 --> 00:26:32,112 - Hey! - Come on! 615 00:26:32,112 --> 00:26:35,883 - What, is he butt-naked or something? 616 00:26:35,916 --> 00:26:37,117 - Sam! 617 00:26:37,117 --> 00:26:37,951 - Shit! 618 00:26:37,985 --> 00:26:38,819 Agh! 619 00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:40,553 Ah, shit! 620 00:26:42,489 --> 00:26:44,658 (yelling) 621 00:26:45,826 --> 00:26:47,795 - Go, go, go, go, go! 622 00:26:47,795 --> 00:26:49,096 - Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit! 623 00:26:49,129 --> 00:26:50,297 - Go, go, go, Popper! 624 00:26:50,297 --> 00:26:51,899 Go Popper! 625 00:26:51,932 --> 00:26:52,733 - Shit! 626 00:26:52,733 --> 00:26:53,566 Shit, shit, shit! 627 00:26:53,566 --> 00:26:54,735 - Hey, watch out! 628 00:26:54,735 --> 00:26:55,736 - Hey, what are you doing? 629 00:26:55,736 --> 00:26:56,569 Wait, wait! 630 00:26:56,603 --> 00:26:57,838 He's our only client! 631 00:26:57,838 --> 00:26:58,939 - I know. 632 00:26:58,972 --> 00:26:59,907 - What the fuck? 633 00:26:59,907 --> 00:27:01,241 - Everybody move! 634 00:27:03,410 --> 00:27:05,445 (yelling) 635 00:27:05,478 --> 00:27:07,681 - Shit that wasn't even close! 636 00:27:07,681 --> 00:27:09,016 What is that? 637 00:27:09,016 --> 00:27:10,250 You had one shot! 638 00:27:10,283 --> 00:27:12,585 - We'll be back once you fix yo' shit. 639 00:27:12,585 --> 00:27:15,522 And sorry about your chair. 640 00:27:15,522 --> 00:27:17,124 Let's get the fuck out of here. 641 00:27:17,157 --> 00:27:18,625 - No, Jojo, let's stick around, 642 00:27:18,625 --> 00:27:19,760 maybe play a little Backgammon. 643 00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:20,761 - Did you see his face? 644 00:27:20,761 --> 00:27:22,095 Did you see that shit? 645 00:27:22,129 --> 00:27:23,964 - He's possessed by a demon! 646 00:27:23,964 --> 00:27:25,298 Probably that Asian curse. 647 00:27:25,332 --> 00:27:26,700 - There ain't no Asian curse, it's rabies, 648 00:27:26,700 --> 00:27:29,970 and I ain't getting 18 shots in my abs. 649 00:27:32,605 --> 00:27:34,607 - What the hell is that? 650 00:27:36,777 --> 00:27:37,610 - Patton. 651 00:27:39,512 --> 00:27:41,048 - Oh that's rabies. 652 00:27:42,215 --> 00:27:45,786 - Well that's one dog you're better than, Sam. 653 00:27:47,020 --> 00:27:47,821 What the hell are you going to do with that? 654 00:27:47,821 --> 00:27:48,989 Cook him to death? 655 00:27:49,022 --> 00:27:51,191 - You guys got all the good shit. 656 00:27:51,191 --> 00:27:52,392 I'm trying my best. 657 00:27:52,459 --> 00:27:53,794 - Shut up, guys. 658 00:27:57,364 --> 00:27:59,666 Alright we're gonna make a run for it, alright? 659 00:27:59,699 --> 00:28:01,034 We're gonna get to the van, 660 00:28:01,034 --> 00:28:02,235 we're gonna lock the doors, 661 00:28:02,302 --> 00:28:03,403 we're gonna get the fuck off this street. 662 00:28:03,403 --> 00:28:05,638 - Alright, let's do it. 663 00:28:05,672 --> 00:28:09,576 - Jojo, the ladle, man, you look ridiculous. 664 00:28:09,576 --> 00:28:11,144 (glass breaking) 665 00:28:11,178 --> 00:28:12,012 - My bad. 666 00:28:13,346 --> 00:28:14,181 - Time to go, boys. 667 00:28:14,181 --> 00:28:15,082 - Come on! 668 00:28:15,082 --> 00:28:16,149 Let's go, go, go, go, go! 669 00:28:16,183 --> 00:28:17,217 - Stupid ass. 670 00:28:19,887 --> 00:28:20,888 - Who's got the keys? 671 00:28:20,888 --> 00:28:22,255 - Me, me, me, me! 672 00:28:26,259 --> 00:28:28,929 - Go, come on, come on, come on! 673 00:28:28,996 --> 00:28:30,230 Popper come on! 674 00:28:34,367 --> 00:28:36,837 Get the door, get it! 675 00:28:36,837 --> 00:28:37,670 - Get the keys! 676 00:28:37,670 --> 00:28:38,839 Let's go! 677 00:28:38,872 --> 00:28:41,909 Put they keys in there, come on, man! 678 00:28:44,778 --> 00:28:45,745 Go, go, go! 679 00:28:45,745 --> 00:28:47,781 Would you just please go? 680 00:28:47,848 --> 00:28:48,681 Tibo! 681 00:28:50,217 --> 00:28:51,051 Go! 682 00:28:55,388 --> 00:28:56,723 - Shit, man. 683 00:28:56,756 --> 00:28:58,425 - Oh fuck. - We need to call the police. 684 00:28:58,425 --> 00:28:59,726 - What? - We need to call the police. 685 00:28:59,759 --> 00:29:01,962 - We are two months behind on our dojo rent, 686 00:29:01,962 --> 00:29:03,196 he's our only client. 687 00:29:03,230 --> 00:29:05,265 - Okay, at the very least we have to contact 688 00:29:05,265 --> 00:29:07,067 the Humane Society and report this. 689 00:29:07,100 --> 00:29:09,202 - You might as well report Sam too. 690 00:29:09,202 --> 00:29:11,538 Hey, he's the one feeding Noodles vomit 691 00:29:11,538 --> 00:29:13,373 pudding on the floor. 692 00:29:13,406 --> 00:29:14,574 - You guys don't even fuckin' care. 693 00:29:14,574 --> 00:29:15,575 - Sam. 694 00:29:15,575 --> 00:29:16,576 - What? 695 00:29:16,576 --> 00:29:17,644 - Your place. 696 00:29:19,146 --> 00:29:20,480 - What the hell? 697 00:29:21,581 --> 00:29:22,449 - Hey guys! 698 00:29:24,651 --> 00:29:26,253 - Pam! 699 00:29:26,286 --> 00:29:28,221 Uh, what are you doing here? 700 00:29:28,221 --> 00:29:29,056 Guys. 701 00:29:29,056 --> 00:29:29,890 - What? 702 00:29:29,890 --> 00:29:31,224 I ain't saying nothin'. 703 00:29:31,258 --> 00:29:32,559 - What are you doing here? 704 00:29:32,559 --> 00:29:35,495 - Oh, uh, I knocked and the door was open, 705 00:29:35,495 --> 00:29:38,665 and I came in and saw the place and, well. 706 00:29:38,665 --> 00:29:40,333 It was not big deal. 707 00:29:43,136 --> 00:29:44,004 - Thank you. 708 00:29:44,004 --> 00:29:45,805 - No big deal? 709 00:29:45,805 --> 00:29:48,308 There was vomit like, everywhere. 710 00:29:48,341 --> 00:29:49,843 - There was? 711 00:29:49,843 --> 00:29:50,978 - [Announcer] We interrupt your regular programing. 712 00:29:50,978 --> 00:29:52,479 - Holy crap! 713 00:29:52,479 --> 00:29:53,480 - [Announcer] This is the emergency broadcast system. 714 00:29:53,480 --> 00:29:55,315 This is not a test. 715 00:29:55,315 --> 00:29:57,650 Repeat, this is not a test. 716 00:29:57,650 --> 00:29:59,086 State and local authorities have issued 717 00:29:59,119 --> 00:30:00,954 a countywide warning. - Sam. 718 00:30:00,988 --> 00:30:03,156 - [Announcer] Stay indoors, lock all doors and windows. 719 00:30:03,156 --> 00:30:04,324 - Holy shit. 720 00:30:04,324 --> 00:30:05,792 - The authorities will be issuing further 721 00:30:05,825 --> 00:30:09,863 instructions through the emergency broadcast system. 722 00:30:14,534 --> 00:30:18,972 - Sam, is that your mailman chasing Mrs. Henry's dog? 723 00:30:24,777 --> 00:30:27,480 (dramatic music) 724 00:30:33,186 --> 00:30:34,354 - Mom, please, please stop. 725 00:30:34,354 --> 00:30:35,322 Mom please! 726 00:30:35,355 --> 00:30:36,323 - There is something seriously 727 00:30:36,323 --> 00:30:37,357 wrong, your mom is whack. 728 00:30:37,357 --> 00:30:39,492 (moaning) 729 00:30:55,042 --> 00:30:57,544 (bright music) 730 00:31:09,089 --> 00:31:14,094 * Moments are such fleeting things * 731 00:31:17,897 --> 00:31:20,567 * It's strange though 732 00:31:20,567 --> 00:31:24,071 * What rapture one brings 733 00:31:25,338 --> 00:31:26,173 - Sam? 734 00:31:26,173 --> 00:31:27,374 Sam, Sam! 735 00:31:27,407 --> 00:31:28,341 What the hell are you doing, man? 736 00:31:28,341 --> 00:31:29,842 This is not a fucking movie! 737 00:31:29,876 --> 00:31:31,378 Come on, let's go! 738 00:31:31,378 --> 00:31:33,713 - Man we are not going to survive without this weaponry. 739 00:31:33,713 --> 00:31:34,881 We need some damn guns. 740 00:31:34,914 --> 00:31:37,584 - I don't have any guns, I have a camera. 741 00:31:37,584 --> 00:31:38,851 - Who gives a damn? 742 00:31:38,885 --> 00:31:41,054 - How are we the only people in Texas 743 00:31:41,054 --> 00:31:42,722 that don't own guns? 744 00:31:44,357 --> 00:31:45,858 - Let's go to my uncle's! 745 00:31:45,858 --> 00:31:47,627 - [Together] Pistol's. 746 00:31:49,929 --> 00:31:51,431 - [DJ] Alright, let's take a phone call here. 747 00:31:51,464 --> 00:31:53,300 Good morning, you're live on the air 748 00:31:53,300 --> 00:31:55,368 with Morning Fiasco. 749 00:31:55,402 --> 00:31:56,469 There's nobody there. 750 00:31:56,469 --> 00:31:57,570 There's nobody there. 751 00:31:57,604 --> 00:31:58,905 Uh, guys? 752 00:31:58,905 --> 00:32:00,974 (yelling) 753 00:32:12,785 --> 00:32:15,555 (sirens blaring) 754 00:32:27,800 --> 00:32:29,569 - Looks like we've got company. 755 00:32:29,569 --> 00:32:31,071 Ready to whoop some ass, little brother? 756 00:32:31,071 --> 00:32:33,140 - Yeah. - (laughs) Let's go. 757 00:32:33,140 --> 00:32:34,641 - Wait! 758 00:32:34,641 --> 00:32:36,976 Yeah, they're just regulars, man. 759 00:32:36,976 --> 00:32:39,512 - Let's whoop their ass anyway. 760 00:32:48,821 --> 00:32:49,956 - Pistol. 761 00:32:49,956 --> 00:32:51,458 You here? 762 00:32:51,491 --> 00:32:52,292 Uncle P! 763 00:32:53,493 --> 00:32:54,294 Pistol? 764 00:32:55,962 --> 00:32:56,763 Pistol! 765 00:32:58,131 --> 00:32:59,499 - What the hell is going on here, huh? 766 00:32:59,499 --> 00:33:01,634 Somebody better start talking, quick. 767 00:33:01,668 --> 00:33:03,370 - You want the short or the long version? 768 00:33:03,370 --> 00:33:04,204 - Short. 769 00:33:04,204 --> 00:33:05,372 Very short. 770 00:33:05,438 --> 00:33:06,773 - Alright, so the town has been overrun-- 771 00:33:06,773 --> 00:33:08,341 - Corsicana has been overrun 772 00:33:08,341 --> 00:33:11,010 by bloodythirsty, crazed zombies. 773 00:33:11,010 --> 00:33:13,012 They may be rabid. 774 00:33:13,012 --> 00:33:15,215 Either way it's very bad. 775 00:33:15,282 --> 00:33:17,150 We came to you for guns. 776 00:33:17,184 --> 00:33:19,786 - Hey, any of these work? 777 00:33:19,786 --> 00:33:21,988 - Does a pig shit turds, huh? 778 00:33:22,021 --> 00:33:23,190 - Mhm. 779 00:33:23,190 --> 00:33:24,124 - What kind of idiots gonna keep working 780 00:33:24,157 --> 00:33:25,692 pistols in a roadhouse bar? 781 00:33:25,692 --> 00:33:27,394 - None of these work? 782 00:33:28,828 --> 00:33:31,198 - Did somebody say Pistol? 783 00:33:31,198 --> 00:33:33,032 - Mr. Love strikes again. 784 00:33:33,032 --> 00:33:35,368 Now what're we going to do? 785 00:33:35,368 --> 00:33:37,070 - Are you kidding me? 786 00:33:38,705 --> 00:33:42,075 - Shit happens, Sam, I'm sorry about that, okay? 787 00:33:42,075 --> 00:33:44,344 Now the rest of you idiots, outta here, 788 00:33:44,377 --> 00:33:46,012 the joke's over, go home. 789 00:33:46,012 --> 00:33:48,148 - We're being serious. 790 00:33:48,148 --> 00:33:50,317 (banging) 791 00:33:52,152 --> 00:33:53,353 - Somebody open it. 792 00:33:53,386 --> 00:33:54,554 - No, don't get it, don't get it! 793 00:33:54,554 --> 00:33:56,356 ibo, do not get that door. 794 00:33:56,389 --> 00:33:57,657 - Who is it? 795 00:33:57,657 --> 00:33:59,159 - It's Virginia, Dani-- - It's Virginia, Dani? 796 00:33:59,159 --> 00:34:01,428 - And Horatio! - And Horatio. 797 00:34:01,428 --> 00:34:02,662 - Horatio? 798 00:34:02,695 --> 00:34:04,831 Leave him out there. 799 00:34:04,831 --> 00:34:05,665 - What? 800 00:34:08,034 --> 00:34:09,068 Open the door. 801 00:34:09,068 --> 00:34:11,238 (yelling) 802 00:34:12,705 --> 00:34:14,341 - What the hell is wrong with you people? 803 00:34:14,341 --> 00:34:16,343 - We got shot at. 804 00:34:16,376 --> 00:34:18,178 What the hell is happenin'? 805 00:34:18,178 --> 00:34:20,180 - They have got the entire town blocked off. 806 00:34:20,180 --> 00:34:21,414 - I got it on my phone. 807 00:34:21,414 --> 00:34:23,116 - There were bodies right in the middle 808 00:34:23,183 --> 00:34:24,184 of the street. 809 00:34:24,184 --> 00:34:26,186 - Oh Goddamn, oh shit! 810 00:34:26,219 --> 00:34:27,053 Fuck me. 811 00:34:29,689 --> 00:34:30,690 - Oh my God. 812 00:34:32,725 --> 00:34:34,394 I am calling my dad. 813 00:34:35,562 --> 00:34:37,264 - Can we have some guns? 814 00:34:37,264 --> 00:34:38,931 - How is it that no one understands the guns 815 00:34:38,931 --> 00:34:40,066 are for decoration? 816 00:34:40,099 --> 00:34:41,268 - Pistol, we're pretty hungry. 817 00:34:41,268 --> 00:34:42,269 You got anything to eat? 818 00:34:42,269 --> 00:34:43,436 - Beer nuts, chips. 819 00:34:43,436 --> 00:34:44,271 - Sweet. 820 00:34:44,271 --> 00:34:45,638 - Sam, no more lies. 821 00:34:45,705 --> 00:34:47,907 - Pistol, this is not a joke. 822 00:34:47,940 --> 00:34:49,976 Something is seriously wrong here. 823 00:34:49,976 --> 00:34:51,644 - What am I doing here with you people? 824 00:34:51,711 --> 00:34:53,146 Pistol, take me home. 825 00:34:53,146 --> 00:34:54,481 - It's like two for one night at the sizzler out there. 826 00:34:54,481 --> 00:34:56,716 We need guns like, pronto. 827 00:34:56,749 --> 00:34:57,817 - And ammo. 828 00:34:57,817 --> 00:34:59,252 - And beer. 829 00:34:59,286 --> 00:35:00,287 - Ammo. 830 00:35:00,287 --> 00:35:01,488 - [Both] Jerky. 831 00:35:01,554 --> 00:35:05,892 (speaks in foreign language) 832 00:35:05,892 --> 00:35:08,895 (speaks in foreign language) 833 00:35:08,928 --> 00:35:10,430 - Why exactly are we not sending 834 00:35:10,430 --> 00:35:13,132 in the military to address this tragedy? 835 00:35:13,132 --> 00:35:15,134 - Look, if these people want to kill themselves, 836 00:35:15,168 --> 00:35:16,803 let them go at it. 837 00:35:16,803 --> 00:35:19,339 Where I'm from, we call that trimming the herd. 838 00:35:19,406 --> 00:35:21,341 - Trimming, trimming the herd! 839 00:35:21,341 --> 00:35:23,810 - Now this is a perfect example of us 840 00:35:23,810 --> 00:35:26,313 not taking care of our citizens. 841 00:35:26,313 --> 00:35:27,347 - Citizens? 842 00:35:27,414 --> 00:35:28,248 Who said they were citizens? 843 00:35:28,248 --> 00:35:29,749 - No, no, no, no! 844 00:35:29,782 --> 00:35:31,784 - Who the hell are you to judge who is an American? 845 00:35:31,818 --> 00:35:33,253 - They would not be running wild in the street. 846 00:35:33,253 --> 00:35:35,922 - The people of the Southern States are as American 847 00:35:35,922 --> 00:35:37,089 as the rest of us. 848 00:35:37,123 --> 00:35:38,991 If you were in this room I would bitch-slap 849 00:35:38,991 --> 00:35:40,260 you right now. 850 00:35:40,293 --> 00:35:42,762 (intense music) - Stay together. 851 00:35:42,762 --> 00:35:44,531 * It 852 00:35:44,531 --> 00:35:47,200 * Ain't real 853 00:35:47,200 --> 00:35:48,701 - Man, this sucks. 854 00:35:52,004 --> 00:35:53,673 I had plans. 855 00:35:53,673 --> 00:35:54,874 - What? 856 00:35:54,941 --> 00:35:58,811 - I was gonna finish my associates degree. 857 00:35:58,845 --> 00:36:00,613 - Uh oh, look up here. 858 00:36:02,315 --> 00:36:04,784 Hey, hey, Sam, check it out. 859 00:36:04,784 --> 00:36:06,786 - Alright, get it. 860 00:36:06,819 --> 00:36:07,654 Nice! 861 00:36:09,021 --> 00:36:10,056 - Yeah, yeah! 862 00:36:12,692 --> 00:36:13,526 What? 863 00:36:14,561 --> 00:36:15,962 - You gotta hit him. 864 00:36:15,995 --> 00:36:16,863 - For real? 865 00:36:18,565 --> 00:36:21,000 - It's a zombie, hit it. 866 00:36:21,033 --> 00:36:22,569 - That ain't right. 867 00:36:24,203 --> 00:36:25,204 (yelling) 868 00:36:25,204 --> 00:36:26,038 - Get it! 869 00:36:28,341 --> 00:36:29,342 - Oh my God! 870 00:36:30,377 --> 00:36:31,811 - Holy shit! 871 00:36:31,811 --> 00:36:32,645 Yes! 872 00:36:37,684 --> 00:36:41,721 * I'm losing myself 873 00:36:41,721 --> 00:36:43,823 * I dunno when to brace myself 874 00:36:43,856 --> 00:36:46,526 * I dunno when to brace myself 875 00:36:46,526 --> 00:36:48,027 - Alright come on, let's go. 876 00:36:48,027 --> 00:36:49,996 - [Reporter] This just in: the White House released 877 00:36:49,996 --> 00:36:52,365 drone footage of the chaos in Corsicana. 878 00:36:52,399 --> 00:36:55,234 I warn you these images are horrific. 879 00:36:55,234 --> 00:36:58,271 The rioters are attacking innocent people in their cars. 880 00:36:58,338 --> 00:37:01,374 - The town is right next to the Mexican border, no wall, 881 00:37:01,408 --> 00:37:04,577 they're coming in, these damn illegal aliens 882 00:37:04,577 --> 00:37:05,778 take over the town. 883 00:37:05,845 --> 00:37:10,049 (speaks in foreign language) 884 00:37:10,082 --> 00:37:11,083 - Did you see the footage? 885 00:37:11,083 --> 00:37:12,285 What are you going to do? 886 00:37:12,352 --> 00:37:13,953 Tell me; what are you going to do 887 00:37:13,953 --> 00:37:17,023 when they come in and they beat down your door, hm? 888 00:37:17,056 --> 00:37:18,691 Oh I'm gonna give 'em a hug. 889 00:37:18,691 --> 00:37:20,460 No, I'll tell you what you want; 890 00:37:20,460 --> 00:37:23,596 you want to get a gun, a big gun. 891 00:37:23,596 --> 00:37:26,433 That's right a gun, so that you can protect your family 892 00:37:26,466 --> 00:37:30,202 before they steal your dog and your daughter. 893 00:37:55,127 --> 00:37:57,730 - Alright, guys, go over there. 894 00:38:02,569 --> 00:38:04,737 (howling) 895 00:38:06,639 --> 00:38:09,141 - I love this fuckin' country! 896 00:38:11,678 --> 00:38:13,112 - Horatio get out of my frame. 897 00:38:13,145 --> 00:38:17,350 - No, no, no, no, see, I am making my own movie. 898 00:38:17,350 --> 00:38:18,618 - Seriously, really dude? 899 00:38:18,651 --> 00:38:20,353 - Really, really, yeah, yeah, yeah. 900 00:38:20,353 --> 00:38:23,523 I'm doing one about a shitty filmmaker making 901 00:38:23,590 --> 00:38:26,759 a horror film and trying to use real zombies 902 00:38:26,793 --> 00:38:30,129 to make his film, that's what I'm doing. 903 00:38:31,498 --> 00:38:35,167 - You really think someone would watch that? 904 00:38:44,276 --> 00:38:45,311 - Jojo! 905 00:38:45,344 --> 00:38:47,179 - Keep your voice down. 906 00:38:47,179 --> 00:38:48,014 - Beer! 907 00:38:50,517 --> 00:38:52,018 - Sh, don't, don't! 908 00:38:52,018 --> 00:38:52,852 - Yes. 909 00:38:56,188 --> 00:38:57,289 - Don't move. 910 00:38:59,959 --> 00:39:00,693 - Yes. 911 00:39:01,528 --> 00:39:02,361 - Don't! 912 00:39:03,663 --> 00:39:05,498 (laughing) 913 00:39:05,498 --> 00:39:08,167 (intense music) 914 00:39:11,738 --> 00:39:14,907 (gun firing) - Get out of here. 915 00:39:14,907 --> 00:39:16,409 - Fucking A! 916 00:39:16,476 --> 00:39:20,346 - Weapons work better with ammunition. 917 00:39:20,379 --> 00:39:23,149 * It's making me sad now 918 00:39:23,149 --> 00:39:28,154 * A little sad, yeah, yeah 919 00:39:28,921 --> 00:39:31,357 * Gets me, memory 920 00:39:31,390 --> 00:39:32,692 - What's going on? 921 00:39:32,692 --> 00:39:34,160 - Seems like everyone thinks the bar 922 00:39:34,160 --> 00:39:36,496 is the best place to be when all hell breaks loose. 923 00:39:36,496 --> 00:39:37,830 - We're gonna be lucky if we even make it out 924 00:39:37,864 --> 00:39:39,098 of this town alive. 925 00:39:39,098 --> 00:39:40,266 - Jojo, you gotta stop looking at me 926 00:39:40,266 --> 00:39:41,534 while I'm taking a piss. 927 00:39:41,568 --> 00:39:43,402 - I, I'm not, what are you talking about? 928 00:39:43,402 --> 00:39:44,871 - And it doesn't matter anyway, 929 00:39:44,871 --> 00:39:46,539 wasn't that always the case, I mean come on, man. 930 00:39:46,539 --> 00:39:48,541 How come my movies never go anywhere? 931 00:39:48,541 --> 00:39:50,710 - Because they suck? 932 00:39:50,743 --> 00:39:53,580 Except for your hair, and your acting. 933 00:39:53,580 --> 00:39:56,082 - Tibo my movies do not suck. 934 00:39:56,082 --> 00:39:57,617 I don't have production value, man. 935 00:39:57,617 --> 00:39:59,686 I've never had production value. 936 00:39:59,719 --> 00:40:02,054 - So you're going to film us while we get 937 00:40:02,088 --> 00:40:04,190 attacked by zombies. 938 00:40:04,190 --> 00:40:05,024 - No. 939 00:40:06,392 --> 00:40:08,528 (farting) 940 00:40:08,528 --> 00:40:09,729 I have an idea. 941 00:40:11,764 --> 00:40:14,100 (crowd applauds) 942 00:40:14,100 --> 00:40:16,368 - Alright, y'all, we're gonna take a break, 943 00:40:16,402 --> 00:40:18,738 we'll be back in just a few. 944 00:40:27,980 --> 00:40:30,149 - Hello, hey, Popper here, 945 00:40:31,450 --> 00:40:33,219 I've probably changed your oil, 946 00:40:33,252 --> 00:40:36,088 I know I've changed your oil. 947 00:40:36,122 --> 00:40:38,290 Or fixed something on your car 948 00:40:38,290 --> 00:40:39,626 or your bicycles. 949 00:40:40,893 --> 00:40:44,664 Hey, there's one man here tonight who saw 950 00:40:44,664 --> 00:40:48,000 the shit comin' before anybody. 951 00:40:48,067 --> 00:40:50,770 Like, like Nostradamus or something. 952 00:40:50,803 --> 00:40:53,606 He said the shit was gonna hit the fan, 953 00:40:53,606 --> 00:40:57,443 the zombies, the undead, and said zombie apocalypse, 954 00:40:57,443 --> 00:41:00,913 before anybody else knew what was happening. 955 00:41:00,913 --> 00:41:04,350 He's my main man, my best friend, Sammy P. 956 00:41:07,453 --> 00:41:09,756 - Oh for fuck's sake! 957 00:41:09,756 --> 00:41:13,826 His movie didn't even make it into the damn festival! 958 00:41:13,826 --> 00:41:15,928 - Yeah, no shit, dumbass. 959 00:41:15,962 --> 00:41:18,631 And we all know that now. 960 00:41:18,665 --> 00:41:21,000 But it's okay, you know why? 961 00:41:22,669 --> 00:41:23,870 Hit 'em, Jojo. 962 00:41:23,870 --> 00:41:25,838 - Sam has an idea. 963 00:41:25,838 --> 00:41:27,506 - That's right, Jojo. 964 00:41:27,540 --> 00:41:29,809 Ladies and gentleman, our zombie maestro 965 00:41:29,842 --> 00:41:31,010 of ceremonies, Sammy P! 966 00:41:31,010 --> 00:41:33,512 (crowd claps) 967 00:41:35,848 --> 00:41:39,018 - Thank you, Popper. - You're welcome. 968 00:41:40,653 --> 00:41:43,823 - Well, um, so I've been thinking, um, 969 00:41:48,527 --> 00:41:49,829 we're in crisis. 970 00:41:51,197 --> 00:41:54,701 The world out there is upside down; 971 00:41:54,701 --> 00:41:56,569 brother eating brother. 972 00:41:58,070 --> 00:42:01,240 And you know, we can sit here and we can drink 973 00:42:01,307 --> 00:42:04,210 and party 'till the bitter end, or, 974 00:42:06,579 --> 00:42:09,749 we could unite for a common cause. 975 00:42:09,749 --> 00:42:13,385 We can show the world that we are one people, 976 00:42:13,385 --> 00:42:18,057 that we are survivors, that we can beat unbeatable odds! 977 00:42:19,826 --> 00:42:22,228 And how do we show the world? 978 00:42:23,395 --> 00:42:25,732 I will document it! 979 00:42:25,765 --> 00:42:29,435 This town, yeah it might be dried up, 980 00:42:29,435 --> 00:42:31,103 we're sitting on an oilfield here, 981 00:42:31,103 --> 00:42:32,839 this is our goldmine! 982 00:42:34,006 --> 00:42:36,242 We can make a movie as one, 983 00:42:37,209 --> 00:42:38,878 and we will triumph! 984 00:42:43,683 --> 00:42:46,018 - Okay, so what's the movie? 985 00:42:47,419 --> 00:42:48,888 - Have you ever heard the phrase found footage? 986 00:42:48,888 --> 00:42:52,224 - Have you heard the term DOA, dead on arrival. 987 00:42:52,224 --> 00:42:53,459 Have you? 988 00:42:53,459 --> 00:42:55,695 You jackasses, go make your homemade movie, 989 00:42:55,728 --> 00:42:57,964 I'm gonna sit right here and drink my beer. 990 00:42:57,964 --> 00:42:59,799 - Come on, Bird Dog. 991 00:42:59,866 --> 00:43:02,702 We finally have a chance to make something of ourselves. 992 00:43:02,702 --> 00:43:03,803 - Oh shut up! 993 00:43:03,803 --> 00:43:04,871 You're drunk! 994 00:43:05,938 --> 00:43:09,375 (crowd booing) - Come on. 995 00:43:13,412 --> 00:43:15,447 - Hey, get off the stage! 996 00:43:20,086 --> 00:43:23,289 (intense rock music) 997 00:43:23,289 --> 00:43:25,491 - Listen, listen, big Jim. 998 00:43:25,557 --> 00:43:29,395 There are many, many, many bonuses to the film 999 00:43:30,629 --> 00:43:32,498 and entertainment industry. 1000 00:43:32,564 --> 00:43:33,565 - Like what? 1001 00:43:33,565 --> 00:43:35,134 - Number one, poontang. 1002 00:43:35,134 --> 00:43:38,137 Number two De Niro, or money as we call it 1003 00:43:38,170 --> 00:43:40,172 in the States. - Sure. 1004 00:43:40,239 --> 00:43:42,074 - So, pussy and money. 1005 00:43:43,309 --> 00:43:45,411 So think about it, think about it like this okay, 1006 00:43:45,444 --> 00:43:48,981 like, you ever like work really hard to get 1007 00:43:48,981 --> 00:43:51,250 into a chick's pants, like you really want it, 1008 00:43:51,283 --> 00:43:54,754 and you spend a lot of money and time, 1009 00:43:54,754 --> 00:43:56,288 you're not going to get any of that money 1010 00:43:56,322 --> 00:43:58,825 or time back, but you get the experience, 1011 00:43:58,825 --> 00:44:01,427 even if she's not very good you get the experience. 1012 00:44:01,460 --> 00:44:05,164 Look, man, look, you are getting in on the ground 1013 00:44:05,164 --> 00:44:08,000 level of so much production value. 1014 00:44:09,635 --> 00:44:14,540 You never get this; real fucking zombies here in Corsicana. 1015 00:44:16,042 --> 00:44:20,479 So, but if you are in now you first money out. 1016 00:44:20,512 --> 00:44:22,181 - I can't leave here, though. 1017 00:44:22,181 --> 00:44:24,350 - You can't leave, you don't have to leave here! 1018 00:44:24,350 --> 00:44:25,517 - I don't know what you're talking about. 1019 00:44:25,551 --> 00:44:26,853 - You don't know what I'm talking about? 1020 00:44:26,853 --> 00:44:27,854 - No I don't. - Do you like pussy? 1021 00:44:27,887 --> 00:44:29,321 - Yes. - Do you like money? 1022 00:44:29,355 --> 00:44:30,522 - Yes. - Then you're in. 1023 00:44:30,522 --> 00:44:33,292 (crowd applauds) 1024 00:44:39,031 --> 00:44:43,302 * Oh when I dreamed that you called my name * 1025 00:44:43,335 --> 00:44:47,239 * Oh when I dreamed that you called my name * 1026 00:44:47,239 --> 00:44:48,174 - Oh, shit. 1027 00:44:53,880 --> 00:44:54,881 Who is that? 1028 00:44:58,885 --> 00:45:02,654 Hey let me get out of here before you wreck this place. 1029 00:45:02,654 --> 00:45:03,489 Oh, dude! 1030 00:45:04,757 --> 00:45:07,059 You're gonna wake up the dead with that! 1031 00:45:07,059 --> 00:45:08,594 Quit fuckin' around, Pistol. 1032 00:45:08,660 --> 00:45:10,162 (yelling) 1033 00:45:10,196 --> 00:45:12,999 * Hear bells and who's to blame * 1034 00:45:12,999 --> 00:45:15,267 (yelling) 1035 00:45:15,267 --> 00:45:16,903 * Are calling my name 1036 00:45:16,903 --> 00:45:17,837 - Pistol! 1037 00:45:17,870 --> 00:45:19,371 Pistol, you've got to see this! 1038 00:45:19,405 --> 00:45:20,239 Pistol! 1039 00:45:21,407 --> 00:45:23,175 - Oh my God, get off my man, you slut! 1040 00:45:23,175 --> 00:45:24,376 - Shut your pie hole, bitch. 1041 00:45:24,410 --> 00:45:25,912 - Oh he got me! 1042 00:45:25,912 --> 00:45:27,246 He got me! 1043 00:45:27,246 --> 00:45:30,049 (yelling) 1044 00:45:30,082 --> 00:45:30,917 - Run! 1045 00:45:33,019 --> 00:45:34,921 - Get out of my way! 1046 00:45:34,921 --> 00:45:36,422 Get out of my way! 1047 00:45:37,924 --> 00:45:39,058 - Oh my God, he neutered him! 1048 00:45:39,091 --> 00:45:41,093 - I think I wet myself, I pissed myself. 1049 00:45:41,093 --> 00:45:42,761 - Go, go, go, go, go! 1050 00:45:42,761 --> 00:45:43,595 - Where are we going? 1051 00:45:43,595 --> 00:45:44,530 Where are we going? 1052 00:45:44,563 --> 00:45:45,231 - We're going to Pam's school! 1053 00:45:45,264 --> 00:45:46,198 - Why? 1054 00:45:46,198 --> 00:45:46,966 - Because the windows have bars! 1055 00:45:46,966 --> 00:45:47,800 - Go, go! 1056 00:45:47,800 --> 00:45:49,735 Just get in your truck! 1057 00:45:54,306 --> 00:45:57,109 - Hey kids, there's a new sheriff in town. 1058 00:45:57,109 --> 00:45:59,445 All your worries will wash away with one bite 1059 00:45:59,445 --> 00:46:00,880 of these delicious chocolatey, 1060 00:46:00,913 --> 00:46:03,415 cream filled Freedom Cakes. 1061 00:46:03,449 --> 00:46:04,917 Your parents keeping you down? 1062 00:46:04,917 --> 00:46:07,719 Do they keep making you eat food not fit to feed an ostrich? 1063 00:46:07,719 --> 00:46:08,888 Blech! 1064 00:46:08,921 --> 00:46:11,824 Don't worry, Freedom Cakes are here! 1065 00:46:11,824 --> 00:46:13,425 This is America, where we get to eat 1066 00:46:13,459 --> 00:46:17,296 what we want, it's your God given right! 1067 00:46:17,296 --> 00:46:20,499 Coming to a store near you on July 4th. 1068 00:46:25,271 --> 00:46:26,238 - Hey, guys. 1069 00:46:26,238 --> 00:46:27,439 - Hey. - Hey. 1070 00:46:27,473 --> 00:46:30,476 - Really like your handiwork back there. 1071 00:46:30,476 --> 00:46:32,678 You guys have any film production experience? 1072 00:46:32,744 --> 00:46:36,748 - No, boss, but as you can see we're productive. 1073 00:46:37,649 --> 00:46:39,418 - Yeah, yeah you are. 1074 00:46:40,619 --> 00:46:42,021 Better that way anyway, film production 1075 00:46:42,021 --> 00:46:44,490 experience will make you jaded. 1076 00:46:44,490 --> 00:46:46,993 You guys want to make a movie? 1077 00:46:50,162 --> 00:46:51,797 - Why the hell are we here? 1078 00:46:51,830 --> 00:46:55,467 - Ladies and gentleman, this is our destiny. 1079 00:46:55,467 --> 00:46:58,437 We have a movie lot, right there. 1080 00:46:58,437 --> 00:47:00,672 We have hair, we have make up, 1081 00:47:00,672 --> 00:47:02,641 we have set-- - Ahmm. 1082 00:47:02,674 --> 00:47:04,176 - Yes? 1083 00:47:04,176 --> 00:47:07,846 - Um, are you suggesting that we use real zombies? 1084 00:47:10,649 --> 00:47:12,384 - Real, real zombies. 1085 00:47:15,854 --> 00:47:17,056 Yes. 1086 00:47:17,056 --> 00:47:20,893 We are going to make the first ever zombie film 1087 00:47:22,361 --> 00:47:24,663 using real zombies. 1088 00:47:24,696 --> 00:47:25,531 - What? 1089 00:47:27,366 --> 00:47:30,536 - Sam, you know I'll do anything for a movie, 1090 00:47:30,569 --> 00:47:33,405 kind of known for being a team player, but uh, 1091 00:47:33,472 --> 00:47:35,374 isn't this a little dangerous? 1092 00:47:35,374 --> 00:47:36,375 - Yes. 1093 00:47:36,375 --> 00:47:37,376 Yeah, right? 1094 00:47:39,178 --> 00:47:41,380 Working with zombies could be misconstrued 1095 00:47:41,380 --> 00:47:42,548 as not a good idea. 1096 00:47:42,548 --> 00:47:44,150 - Fair enough. 1097 00:47:44,183 --> 00:47:46,852 - We're not going to use dangerous ones. 1098 00:47:46,852 --> 00:47:50,056 - What kind of zombies are you planning on using? 1099 00:47:50,056 --> 00:47:51,257 - Safe ones. 1100 00:47:51,323 --> 00:47:52,158 Safer. 1101 00:47:52,191 --> 00:47:53,359 - Safe zombies. 1102 00:47:53,392 --> 00:47:55,227 - The only safe zombie is a dead zombie. 1103 00:47:55,227 --> 00:47:57,663 - Got that straight, son. 1104 00:47:57,663 --> 00:47:59,231 - [Both] Hah! 1105 00:47:59,231 --> 00:48:01,167 - The name of our movie. 1106 00:48:02,201 --> 00:48:03,502 You guys ready? 1107 00:48:03,502 --> 00:48:04,336 - Yes. 1108 00:48:04,336 --> 00:48:05,237 - Yeah, yeah. 1109 00:48:05,237 --> 00:48:05,938 - Come on, are you guys ready? 1110 00:48:06,005 --> 00:48:06,838 - Yeah! 1111 00:48:06,838 --> 00:48:07,673 - Yes! 1112 00:48:07,673 --> 00:48:09,175 Alright! 1113 00:48:09,175 --> 00:48:09,942 Fat 1114 00:48:11,510 --> 00:48:12,344 Ass 1115 00:48:13,579 --> 00:48:14,380 Zombies! 1116 00:48:17,216 --> 00:48:18,750 Fat Ass Zombies. 1117 00:48:18,750 --> 00:48:20,686 - Wilson, come on, that's even worse 1118 00:48:20,719 --> 00:48:23,222 than Deadbeat Zombie Dad. 1119 00:48:23,222 --> 00:48:26,725 - It's amazing, and it's perfect for the film 1120 00:48:26,725 --> 00:48:29,195 that we are going to make. 1121 00:48:29,195 --> 00:48:32,564 - Fat Ass Zombies, I love it, bro! 1122 00:48:32,598 --> 00:48:35,401 - Alright, so we're in school, right? 1123 00:48:35,401 --> 00:48:36,602 How about a quiz? 1124 00:48:36,602 --> 00:48:37,903 - Oh, oh, me, pick me! - You guys want a quiz? 1125 00:48:37,936 --> 00:48:39,438 Come on, come on, alright here we go. 1126 00:48:39,438 --> 00:48:41,940 What does this town not have a shortage of? 1127 00:48:41,940 --> 00:48:43,109 - Ooh oh oh! 1128 00:48:43,109 --> 00:48:44,143 - Who's got it? 1129 00:48:44,143 --> 00:48:46,145 Alright, Wilson! 1130 00:48:46,145 --> 00:48:47,913 - [Together] Zombies! 1131 00:48:49,715 --> 00:48:51,917 - You're right, head of the class. 1132 00:48:51,950 --> 00:48:53,285 Before the zombies. 1133 00:48:53,285 --> 00:48:54,286 - Ooh oh oh! 1134 00:48:55,287 --> 00:48:56,122 - Popper! 1135 00:48:56,122 --> 00:48:57,289 - Stupid people! 1136 00:48:57,323 --> 00:49:00,492 - Also true, yup, lot of stupid people. 1137 00:49:01,960 --> 00:49:04,463 - I think I had third grade English in this class. 1138 00:49:04,463 --> 00:49:06,065 I'll always remember because this was the site 1139 00:49:06,098 --> 00:49:07,399 of my first erection. 1140 00:49:07,399 --> 00:49:09,135 - What else? - Oh! 1141 00:49:09,135 --> 00:49:10,436 I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it! 1142 00:49:10,469 --> 00:49:11,470 - Give it one more shot. 1143 00:49:11,470 --> 00:49:13,972 - Stupid people with no jobs! 1144 00:49:13,972 --> 00:49:15,641 - Okay, that's true. 1145 00:49:15,674 --> 00:49:17,343 We're kind of staying on that. 1146 00:49:17,409 --> 00:49:18,577 Think bigger guys, think bigger. 1147 00:49:18,610 --> 00:49:19,811 - Sam! 1148 00:49:19,811 --> 00:49:21,513 - Stupid people with no jobs and no money! 1149 00:49:21,580 --> 00:49:22,448 - Fat people! 1150 00:49:22,481 --> 00:49:23,315 - Woah! 1151 00:49:23,315 --> 00:49:24,150 - Fatties! 1152 00:49:25,317 --> 00:49:27,853 Big ol' fat, fat, fat, fatties, guys! 1153 00:49:27,853 --> 00:49:29,088 - Damn straight! - We have five 1154 00:49:29,121 --> 00:49:31,790 Chinese buffts for a town of 20,000 people. 1155 00:49:31,790 --> 00:49:33,092 That's is a lot of tub. 1156 00:49:33,092 --> 00:49:36,328 All of your parents are very, very fat. 1157 00:49:36,328 --> 00:49:38,164 And that, ladies and gentleman, 1158 00:49:38,197 --> 00:49:40,866 is what we are going to use. 1159 00:49:40,866 --> 00:49:42,368 The fat, the slow. 1160 00:49:44,536 --> 00:49:47,206 What is the name of our movie? 1161 00:49:47,273 --> 00:49:49,007 - [Together] Fat Ass Zombies! 1162 00:49:49,007 --> 00:49:49,841 - Yes! 1163 00:49:49,841 --> 00:49:50,776 Come on! 1164 00:49:50,809 --> 00:49:52,711 - [Together] Fat Ass Zombies! 1165 00:49:52,711 --> 00:49:54,613 Fat Ass Zombies! 1166 00:49:54,646 --> 00:49:56,815 Fat Ass Zombies! 1167 00:49:56,815 --> 00:49:58,717 Fat Ass Zombies! 1168 00:49:58,717 --> 00:50:00,552 Fat Ass Zombies! 1169 00:50:00,619 --> 00:50:02,721 Fat Ass Zombies! 1170 00:50:02,721 --> 00:50:04,156 Fat Ass Zombies! 1171 00:50:06,225 --> 00:50:07,059 - Magic! 1172 00:50:08,060 --> 00:50:10,662 (upbeat music) 1173 00:50:53,539 --> 00:50:55,006 - Blue team! 1174 00:50:55,006 --> 00:50:57,509 You guys are operation Capture Fat and Safe Zombies. 1175 00:50:57,509 --> 00:50:58,944 Remember, anything fat, slow, 1176 00:50:58,944 --> 00:51:00,746 doesn't move fast and it's easy to kill. 1177 00:51:00,746 --> 00:51:03,782 Yellow team, you guys are weapons and gear. 1178 00:51:03,849 --> 00:51:07,052 Somehow nobody thought to grab it when we left Pete's place. 1179 00:51:07,085 --> 00:51:10,456 So, get us weapons, hatchets, shovels, bats, 1180 00:51:10,456 --> 00:51:12,023 chainsaws, ladles, I don't care, 1181 00:51:12,057 --> 00:51:13,425 anything is better than what we have, 1182 00:51:13,425 --> 00:51:15,727 just remember it's lame to shoot zombies. 1183 00:51:15,761 --> 00:51:18,597 Get us something fun to kill zombies with. 1184 00:51:18,597 --> 00:51:20,466 (grunting) 1185 00:51:20,466 --> 00:51:22,468 Red team, you guys are operation Munchies; 1186 00:51:22,534 --> 00:51:24,636 we need food and drink! 1187 00:51:24,636 --> 00:51:28,807 The school shut down the lunch program, right, Pam? 1188 00:51:28,807 --> 00:51:31,277 Ugh, where do our taxes go? 1189 00:51:31,277 --> 00:51:32,744 Get us food, guys. 1190 00:51:32,778 --> 00:51:34,980 Green team, you guys are with me here at basecamp 1191 00:51:34,980 --> 00:51:36,482 starting preproduction. 1192 00:51:36,482 --> 00:51:37,983 Let's make movie magic here people, 1193 00:51:38,049 --> 00:51:40,719 rendezvous here no later than 13:00. 1194 00:51:40,719 --> 00:51:41,987 Let's move! 1195 00:51:41,987 --> 00:51:43,822 - Si, maestro! - Come on! 1196 00:51:43,822 --> 00:51:45,224 (speaks in foreign language) 1197 00:51:45,257 --> 00:51:47,726 (bright music) 1198 00:51:47,726 --> 00:51:49,895 * Chest 1199 00:51:49,895 --> 00:51:53,632 * Nuts 1200 00:51:53,632 --> 00:51:56,302 * Feed it to him 1201 00:52:11,617 --> 00:52:12,951 - Put craft here right on that table, 1202 00:52:12,951 --> 00:52:14,186 and get all the weapons out 1203 00:52:14,186 --> 00:52:15,754 and on those shelves, alright? 1204 00:52:15,787 --> 00:52:16,622 - Okay. 1205 00:52:27,766 --> 00:52:30,936 - Oh I am getting the ice cream, bros! 1206 00:52:32,504 --> 00:52:36,508 - Okay, okay, uh, might I suggest getting items 1207 00:52:36,542 --> 00:52:37,809 with more sustenance. 1208 00:52:37,843 --> 00:52:38,977 - Nope! 1209 00:52:38,977 --> 00:52:41,046 - God, this is so stupid. 1210 00:52:45,851 --> 00:52:48,019 (yelling) 1211 00:52:52,824 --> 00:52:55,461 Oh, I love berries, I really do. 1212 00:52:56,528 --> 00:52:58,163 Oh Jesus Christ, ah! 1213 00:53:00,031 --> 00:53:01,300 Oh my God! 1214 00:53:01,300 --> 00:53:02,701 Okay, time to go! 1215 00:53:04,470 --> 00:53:05,371 Time to go! 1216 00:53:12,378 --> 00:53:15,714 - Drive, drive, drive, come on, come on! 1217 00:53:16,715 --> 00:53:17,983 - It's a child. 1218 00:53:19,084 --> 00:53:20,252 - What? 1219 00:53:20,319 --> 00:53:22,388 - Who brought the baby? 1220 00:53:22,388 --> 00:53:23,489 - Baby? 1221 00:53:23,522 --> 00:53:24,523 - Oh dear God! - What? 1222 00:53:24,556 --> 00:53:25,391 What? 1223 00:53:25,391 --> 00:53:26,592 (yelling) 1224 00:53:26,592 --> 00:53:28,394 - What do I do, what do I do, what do I do? 1225 00:53:28,394 --> 00:53:30,095 - Um, get rid of it, get rid of it! 1226 00:53:30,161 --> 00:53:31,763 - Okay, okay, okay! 1227 00:53:31,763 --> 00:53:34,266 (baby cooing) 1228 00:53:36,735 --> 00:53:40,071 - Don't look back guys, don't look back. 1229 00:53:45,243 --> 00:53:46,111 - Sam? 1230 00:53:46,177 --> 00:53:47,112 - Hey! - Sam, God! 1231 00:53:47,112 --> 00:53:48,347 There you are. - Fresh markers! 1232 00:53:48,380 --> 00:53:50,616 Pam, this is amazing, the ideas are flying out 1233 00:53:50,616 --> 00:53:51,883 of my head, this is it! 1234 00:53:51,917 --> 00:53:53,885 - I'm so excited for you! 1235 00:53:53,885 --> 00:53:54,786 - I know, right? 1236 00:53:54,786 --> 00:53:56,288 - Okay wait, I've been thinking, 1237 00:53:56,355 --> 00:53:57,623 I don't want anyone to get hurt 1238 00:53:57,623 --> 00:53:58,924 and we don't know what's going on out there so-- 1239 00:53:58,924 --> 00:54:00,225 - Pam, I know what's going on out there. 1240 00:54:00,258 --> 00:54:01,460 This town's been one heatwave away 1241 00:54:01,460 --> 00:54:02,861 from destroying itself for years. 1242 00:54:02,894 --> 00:54:05,864 - Yeah, yeah, I know, it's just... 1243 00:54:05,864 --> 00:54:08,767 I just wanna make sure no one's gonna get hurt, you know? 1244 00:54:08,767 --> 00:54:10,268 - We're gonna sneak around, 1245 00:54:10,302 --> 00:54:13,872 we're gonna watch chompers chasing people, that's it! 1246 00:54:13,905 --> 00:54:14,740 - Okay. 1247 00:54:17,242 --> 00:54:19,911 - I wonder if the sheriff's turned. 1248 00:54:19,911 --> 00:54:21,547 I gotta go. 1249 00:54:21,547 --> 00:54:22,448 I gotta go! 1250 00:54:30,322 --> 00:54:33,425 So, you tell me we've got no weapons, 1251 00:54:34,460 --> 00:54:36,828 a very meager craft services, 1252 00:54:40,332 --> 00:54:43,001 and for a zombie, you got me a fifth grader 1253 00:54:43,001 --> 00:54:44,336 in a retainer. 1254 00:54:44,336 --> 00:54:46,338 (yelling) 1255 00:54:46,338 --> 00:54:47,906 - We're making a movie! 1256 00:54:47,939 --> 00:54:50,642 Let's review the following; 1257 00:54:50,642 --> 00:54:53,745 I'm not gonna change the way I look or the way 1258 00:54:53,779 --> 00:54:56,281 I feel to conform to anything, 1259 00:54:57,282 --> 00:54:59,351 I've always been a freak. 1260 00:55:00,486 --> 00:55:02,954 Okay, yeah, I've never liked it either. 1261 00:55:02,954 --> 00:55:04,155 Okay, moving on. 1262 00:55:04,155 --> 00:55:07,859 Another one from another John, a real 'Merican, 1263 00:55:07,926 --> 00:55:12,598 courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway. 1264 00:55:14,032 --> 00:55:17,369 And finally, screw it, let's do it, yes! 1265 00:55:18,837 --> 00:55:21,373 Sir Richard Branson, yes! 1266 00:55:21,440 --> 00:55:23,375 - Are you freakin' kidding me? 1267 00:55:23,375 --> 00:55:24,876 This is what you've been doing 1268 00:55:24,876 --> 00:55:26,044 while we've been out there risking our necks, huh? 1269 00:55:26,111 --> 00:55:27,946 - Yeah, it's what I've been doing, and, 1270 00:55:27,946 --> 00:55:30,782 you know, getting art department and a script together. 1271 00:55:30,816 --> 00:55:32,551 You can't have a movie without a script. 1272 00:55:32,551 --> 00:55:34,219 - Yeah, and we can't live without food, huh. 1273 00:55:34,285 --> 00:55:35,521 I should have been on the red team. 1274 00:55:35,521 --> 00:55:36,988 - Hey, man! 1275 00:55:37,022 --> 00:55:40,659 We have like, enough gummy bears to last a month! 1276 00:55:42,528 --> 00:55:43,395 Jeez, here! 1277 00:55:45,196 --> 00:55:47,966 - I'm not worried about the food, 1278 00:55:47,999 --> 00:55:50,702 I'm worried about being their food. 1279 00:55:50,702 --> 00:55:51,903 They're fast. 1280 00:55:51,970 --> 00:55:53,171 - Anything's faster than you, brother, 1281 00:55:53,204 --> 00:55:56,408 the way you keep smoking that shit. 1282 00:55:56,408 --> 00:55:57,909 - Don't hate, man! 1283 00:55:58,910 --> 00:56:00,512 - Woah, woah, guys! 1284 00:56:00,546 --> 00:56:02,013 - Okay, okay, okay! 1285 00:56:02,013 --> 00:56:04,015 - Woah, guys, seriously! 1286 00:56:04,049 --> 00:56:05,551 Come on, guys! 1287 00:56:05,551 --> 00:56:09,154 - Mr. Pentergass, report to the principal's office, 1288 00:56:09,154 --> 00:56:11,557 once you stop dicking around. 1289 00:56:22,333 --> 00:56:23,869 So, Mr. Pentergass, 1290 00:56:27,939 --> 00:56:30,542 what do you have to say for yourself? 1291 00:56:30,576 --> 00:56:33,178 - I'm sorry sir, I didn't think using the school 1292 00:56:33,178 --> 00:56:34,913 would be a big deal, it's been abandoned, 1293 00:56:34,913 --> 00:56:37,415 - Mr. Pentergass, I've heard it once, 1294 00:56:37,415 --> 00:56:39,851 I've heard it a thousand times. 1295 00:56:39,885 --> 00:56:40,719 Spare me. 1296 00:56:42,120 --> 00:56:45,624 Pentergass, this calls for greater action. 1297 00:56:46,858 --> 00:56:48,860 This calls for something way more sizable 1298 00:56:48,860 --> 00:56:50,061 in my response. 1299 00:56:52,130 --> 00:56:54,232 This calls for Priscilla. 1300 00:56:55,300 --> 00:56:56,602 'Scuse me, sir? 1301 00:56:56,602 --> 00:56:57,603 - Priscilla! 1302 00:57:00,606 --> 00:57:02,574 Meet Priscilla, Mr. Pentergass! 1303 00:57:02,574 --> 00:57:04,109 - Mr. Johnson you have a big gun, sir, 1304 00:57:04,109 --> 00:57:06,712 - Shall we make a zombie film? 1305 00:57:06,745 --> 00:57:08,947 (laughing) 1306 00:57:18,089 --> 00:57:20,325 (grunting) 1307 00:57:24,996 --> 00:57:25,931 - Hit me here. 1308 00:57:25,964 --> 00:57:28,233 Yo, hit me here, hit me here. 1309 00:57:28,233 --> 00:57:29,300 - Hey! 1310 00:57:29,300 --> 00:57:30,135 Listen up! 1311 00:57:31,336 --> 00:57:34,239 - Thank you, Pam. - You're welcome. 1312 00:57:37,442 --> 00:57:40,679 - Alright, this is where it all begins. 1313 00:57:42,280 --> 00:57:46,952 This is where they discover something's not quite right. 1314 00:57:46,952 --> 00:57:51,790 They see some folks on the side of the road, they're hurt, 1315 00:57:53,458 --> 00:57:54,459 or are they? 1316 00:57:57,629 --> 00:57:59,765 Let's make a movie! - Yeah! 1317 00:57:59,765 --> 00:58:01,432 - Let's make a movie! 1318 00:58:03,001 --> 00:58:05,336 - Jose, Eldad, crafty. 1319 00:58:05,336 --> 00:58:08,674 (speaks in foreign language) 1320 00:58:08,674 --> 00:58:09,675 - Hey, now which direction 1321 00:58:09,675 --> 00:58:10,876 are we shooting in again? 1322 00:58:10,942 --> 00:58:12,177 - We're gonna shoot all the way down the road, 1323 00:58:12,177 --> 00:58:13,378 so make sure it's clear down there. 1324 00:58:13,444 --> 00:58:17,148 - Alright, you got it, partner, let's do this! 1325 00:58:18,984 --> 00:58:21,119 - Next, maestro? 1326 00:58:21,119 --> 00:58:24,823 (speaks in foreign language) 1327 00:58:24,856 --> 00:58:26,057 - Quiet on set! 1328 00:58:27,859 --> 00:58:29,027 - Sound speed. - Speed. 1329 00:58:29,027 --> 00:58:30,662 - Roll camera. 1330 00:58:30,696 --> 00:58:31,897 - Rolling, rolling. 1331 00:58:31,897 --> 00:58:33,699 - You guys ready for awesome? 1332 00:58:33,699 --> 00:58:34,532 - Yeah. 1333 00:58:35,901 --> 00:58:37,736 - Release the zombies! 1334 00:58:38,970 --> 00:58:40,071 - Go, go, go! 1335 00:58:40,071 --> 00:58:42,473 - Ey, ey, c'mon, zombies, go! 1336 00:58:43,709 --> 00:58:45,543 - Go, go, go, zombies, go! 1337 00:58:45,577 --> 00:58:46,511 - C'mon! 1338 00:58:46,544 --> 00:58:48,714 (speaks in foreign language) 1339 00:58:48,714 --> 00:58:50,882 Come on you little shit, go! 1340 00:58:50,882 --> 00:58:51,750 Go, go, go! 1341 00:58:52,884 --> 00:58:55,520 - Come on zombies, go! - Pistol? 1342 00:58:55,520 --> 00:58:57,188 Release the zombies! 1343 00:58:58,156 --> 00:58:59,825 - They won't go! 1344 00:58:59,858 --> 00:59:01,693 - Pistol, they ain't like cattle or horses, 1345 00:59:01,727 --> 00:59:03,394 I don't know how to do this! 1346 00:59:03,394 --> 00:59:05,731 - Just get back there and give 'em a hand! 1347 00:59:05,731 --> 00:59:07,098 - Sam, I'm trying! 1348 00:59:07,098 --> 00:59:08,399 You wanna come do this? 1349 00:59:08,399 --> 00:59:10,936 - Dani, hit them in the ribcage! 1350 00:59:11,002 --> 00:59:12,203 - Alright, I'm tryin'! 1351 00:59:12,237 --> 00:59:13,772 - C'mon, blood, blood over there! 1352 00:59:13,772 --> 00:59:15,006 Blood! 1353 00:59:15,040 --> 00:59:15,741 - Alright you guys, brace yourselves, 1354 00:59:15,741 --> 00:59:16,875 here we go. 1355 00:59:16,908 --> 00:59:18,376 - Zombies el prontos, pronto! 1356 00:59:18,376 --> 00:59:20,779 - Go get that blonde girl, c'mon! 1357 00:59:20,779 --> 00:59:23,514 (dramatic music) 1358 00:59:29,287 --> 00:59:31,356 - What the fuck was that? 1359 00:59:32,691 --> 00:59:33,725 - Oh, shit. 1360 00:59:33,759 --> 00:59:35,426 - C'mon, zombies, go! 1361 00:59:35,426 --> 00:59:37,796 Go for that blonde girl! 1362 00:59:37,796 --> 00:59:39,197 - She's handicap. 1363 00:59:40,231 --> 00:59:41,099 - She okay? 1364 00:59:42,600 --> 00:59:45,436 - Course she's not okay, she's a damn zombie! 1365 00:59:45,436 --> 00:59:46,972 - No I know, but is she gonna get back 1366 00:59:47,038 --> 00:59:48,539 in the wheelchair? 1367 00:59:48,573 --> 00:59:49,775 - She ain't going anywhere, 1368 00:59:49,775 --> 00:59:51,276 she's crippled, Sam. 1369 00:59:51,276 --> 00:59:52,811 - Already down a zombie and we haven't 1370 00:59:52,878 --> 00:59:55,246 even got the first shot off, bro! 1371 00:59:55,280 --> 00:59:56,114 - Dammit. 1372 00:59:57,582 --> 01:00:01,586 Dani, I said slow zombies not completely paralyzed! 1373 01:00:01,619 --> 01:00:05,991 - I know, I guess we just got all the defective ones! 1374 01:00:09,260 --> 01:00:11,129 - Okay, they're out! 1375 01:00:11,129 --> 01:00:12,230 Quiet on set. 1376 01:00:13,231 --> 01:00:14,565 Action! 1377 01:00:14,565 --> 01:00:16,735 (yelling) 1378 01:00:22,340 --> 01:00:23,174 - Yeah? 1379 01:00:23,174 --> 01:00:24,009 Yeah? 1380 01:00:25,176 --> 01:00:26,111 - Let's tone it down a bit. 1381 01:00:26,144 --> 01:00:28,113 Just a smidgen, sweetheart. 1382 01:00:28,113 --> 01:00:29,781 Yeah, you're going to scare the zombies. 1383 01:00:29,781 --> 01:00:30,782 - Come on, guys! 1384 01:00:30,782 --> 01:00:32,283 Just start running, let's go! 1385 01:00:32,283 --> 01:00:34,285 - Hey, let's just shoot some tights and fix it in post. 1386 01:00:34,285 --> 01:00:35,486 - We're not gonna fix shit in post, Popper, 1387 01:00:35,486 --> 01:00:36,922 you just gotta get the shot. 1388 01:00:36,955 --> 01:00:37,789 - Okay. 1389 01:00:37,789 --> 01:00:39,991 - Tiffany, look scared! 1390 01:00:39,991 --> 01:00:42,527 - She's too hot to look scared. 1391 01:00:44,495 --> 01:00:45,997 - Come on, guys, just start running! 1392 01:00:45,997 --> 01:00:48,867 - Okay, now when you're running, really exaggerate. 1393 01:00:48,867 --> 01:00:50,635 - Alright look, you're scared, 1394 01:00:50,668 --> 01:00:53,038 the zombies are coming, they're gonna rip your face off! 1395 01:00:53,038 --> 01:00:55,273 You gotta run to the car, c'mon! 1396 01:00:55,306 --> 01:00:57,042 - You look stupid! 1397 01:00:57,042 --> 01:00:58,543 - Tiffany, stay in character, c'mon. 1398 01:00:58,609 --> 01:01:01,146 - Whatever happened to less is more, huh? 1399 01:01:01,179 --> 01:01:02,981 - Okay, let's go. 1400 01:01:02,981 --> 01:01:05,216 C'mon, c'mon, woman! - I don't want to! 1401 01:01:05,216 --> 01:01:07,385 (yelling) 1402 01:01:08,553 --> 01:01:09,387 Go, go! 1403 01:01:10,355 --> 01:01:11,189 - I'm trying! 1404 01:01:11,189 --> 01:01:12,023 - Go, go! 1405 01:01:16,027 --> 01:01:17,028 - Cut! 1406 01:01:17,028 --> 01:01:17,996 Beautiful! 1407 01:01:18,029 --> 01:01:19,197 Yeah, alright! 1408 01:01:20,465 --> 01:01:21,566 Very good. 1409 01:01:21,566 --> 01:01:23,134 - Hey, Sam, man. 1410 01:01:23,168 --> 01:01:26,304 What's the plan on getting them back in? 1411 01:01:26,304 --> 01:01:27,839 - Oh, shit. 1412 01:01:27,873 --> 01:01:29,207 Uh, that's a good question. 1413 01:01:29,207 --> 01:01:30,408 - Oh... 1414 01:01:30,408 --> 01:01:31,576 Alright, time to go, people, let's go! 1415 01:01:31,642 --> 01:01:33,311 - I should get some of this! 1416 01:01:33,311 --> 01:01:34,212 - Move, move! 1417 01:01:34,212 --> 01:01:35,146 - Move, move, move, move! 1418 01:01:35,180 --> 01:01:36,381 - Pistol, get the zombies! 1419 01:01:36,381 --> 01:01:39,017 - I'm gettin' this, I'm gettin' this! 1420 01:01:39,050 --> 01:01:40,685 - How are we with these idiots? 1421 01:01:40,685 --> 01:01:42,187 - This is crazy. 1422 01:01:42,220 --> 01:01:43,488 - Carl, Carl, come on! 1423 01:01:43,488 --> 01:01:46,324 Dude, what's wrong with your eyes? 1424 01:01:48,226 --> 01:01:50,195 - You're fucked up, man. 1425 01:01:52,597 --> 01:01:55,834 You went too far, now you're gonna pay. 1426 01:01:57,068 --> 01:01:58,837 - [Reporter] This is a special report. 1427 01:01:58,837 --> 01:02:00,238 Why, America, why? 1428 01:02:01,506 --> 01:02:03,208 Our investigative team is on the hunt 1429 01:02:03,241 --> 01:02:07,345 for the cause of the chaos in Corsicana. 1430 01:02:07,345 --> 01:02:10,015 - I frequently, we, support a lot 1431 01:02:10,048 --> 01:02:11,616 of charitable organizations. 1432 01:02:11,616 --> 01:02:14,719 Locally and nationally, internationally. 1433 01:02:14,752 --> 01:02:18,589 - So me and my son and my grandson, Bubba and Bubba Jr., 1434 01:02:18,589 --> 01:02:20,959 we drink a 30-pack together. 1435 01:02:21,026 --> 01:02:22,861 And that night I have this idea; hey, 1436 01:02:22,861 --> 01:02:26,264 what if we got liberals to send us money? 1437 01:02:27,799 --> 01:02:30,301 - It's the Worldwide Redneck Fund, 1438 01:02:30,368 --> 01:02:34,372 and it allows people like us to adopt a redneck. 1439 01:02:36,607 --> 01:02:39,945 - You know, it's like adopt a kid over there in Africa, 1440 01:02:39,945 --> 01:02:41,046 you know, them little black kids, 1441 01:02:41,046 --> 01:02:42,747 you can feed one for 10 cents. 1442 01:02:42,780 --> 01:02:45,083 - Occasionally he would ask for cash. 1443 01:02:45,083 --> 01:02:47,052 - You know, we got certain rights, and that's a right 1444 01:02:47,052 --> 01:02:49,921 to worship God, a right to carry my gun... 1445 01:02:49,955 --> 01:02:51,789 - And I thought we were making progress. 1446 01:02:51,789 --> 01:02:53,624 He said to me once, I'm considering 1447 01:02:53,658 --> 01:02:56,995 about going gluten free for a week. 1448 01:02:56,995 --> 01:02:59,931 - And I don't know what the other ones are, the other ones 1449 01:02:59,965 --> 01:03:00,899 don't even matter. 1450 01:03:00,899 --> 01:03:02,100 - The latest gun that he bought, 1451 01:03:02,133 --> 01:03:03,168 he didn't name it. 1452 01:03:03,168 --> 01:03:04,169 - Oh, Ethyl? 1453 01:03:04,169 --> 01:03:06,104 This is my AR10. 1454 01:03:06,137 --> 01:03:08,806 - What's happening in Texas is certainly distressing 1455 01:03:08,806 --> 01:03:10,741 and we're all concerned. 1456 01:03:10,775 --> 01:03:12,510 - We got a silencer or suppressor on it. 1457 01:03:12,510 --> 01:03:16,181 - What I think my wife is trying to say is-- 1458 01:03:17,648 --> 01:03:20,485 - Please don't tell me what I'm trying to say, thank you, 1459 01:03:20,485 --> 01:03:22,653 I know what I'm trying to say. 1460 01:03:22,653 --> 01:03:25,256 - The more money we have the more bullets we can get. 1461 01:03:25,290 --> 01:03:28,293 - I sent 400 recycling containers. 1462 01:03:28,326 --> 01:03:29,594 - The more stuff we can shoot. 1463 01:03:29,594 --> 01:03:32,964 - You sent four hundred recycling bins to Bubba? 1464 01:03:32,998 --> 01:03:35,466 - There's a lot of things wrong with this country. 1465 01:03:35,466 --> 01:03:37,602 - I thought Bubba was a place in Ethiopia. 1466 01:03:37,602 --> 01:03:39,337 - There ain't no daddies anymore. 1467 01:03:39,337 --> 01:03:41,839 - Do they even recycle in Texas? 1468 01:03:41,873 --> 01:03:42,974 - Killed a lot of hogs. 1469 01:03:43,008 --> 01:03:44,375 - I sent him kombucha. 1470 01:03:44,375 --> 01:03:46,011 - Money started pourin' in, man. 1471 01:03:46,011 --> 01:03:48,013 - The poems of Maya Angelou. 1472 01:03:48,046 --> 01:03:49,647 - Let freedom ring! 1473 01:03:51,116 --> 01:03:54,285 - You know I could use a little kombucha right now. 1474 01:03:54,319 --> 01:03:56,154 - Okay, guys, I know we're tired, 1475 01:03:56,187 --> 01:03:57,522 I know it took us a while to get here, 1476 01:03:57,522 --> 01:03:59,157 I know we're down to our last two bags of chips, 1477 01:03:59,157 --> 01:04:02,060 but listen, we got great stuff back there, 1478 01:04:02,060 --> 01:04:04,795 and yeah, we had to strike fast and we left 1479 01:04:04,829 --> 01:04:07,132 some stuff behind, and Carl's probably dead, 1480 01:04:07,132 --> 01:04:11,202 but what is the classic location for a zombie movie? 1481 01:04:11,202 --> 01:04:12,337 - Corsicana, Texas. 1482 01:04:12,370 --> 01:04:13,571 - Yes, more local though. 1483 01:04:13,571 --> 01:04:15,406 - Cemetery? - No. 1484 01:04:15,406 --> 01:04:16,908 - Hospital. - No. 1485 01:04:16,975 --> 01:04:17,875 - Black hole? 1486 01:04:17,875 --> 01:04:19,210 - Okay, that's above our budget. 1487 01:04:19,210 --> 01:04:20,211 - Oh! 1488 01:04:20,211 --> 01:04:21,646 Ninja dojo! 1489 01:04:21,679 --> 01:04:23,548 - That's very gratuitous. - Submarine. 1490 01:04:23,548 --> 01:04:24,382 - A theater! 1491 01:04:24,415 --> 01:04:25,650 An abandoned theater! 1492 01:04:25,683 --> 01:04:28,353 With concessions. - They got beer? 1493 01:04:28,353 --> 01:04:32,023 - Guys, we're hungry, I'm starving. 1494 01:04:32,023 --> 01:04:33,925 Let's kill two birds with one stone, 1495 01:04:33,925 --> 01:04:34,926 or one shot! 1496 01:04:36,394 --> 01:04:38,063 Huh? - Really? 1497 01:04:38,063 --> 01:04:40,999 - Okay, come on, let's go. 1498 01:04:41,032 --> 01:04:43,768 (dramatic music) 1499 01:04:55,513 --> 01:04:56,347 Action! 1500 01:05:00,585 --> 01:05:02,120 - Sam! 1501 01:05:02,120 --> 01:05:05,290 Listen, why are you filming this? 1502 01:05:05,290 --> 01:05:07,192 - Stay in character. 1503 01:05:07,225 --> 01:05:11,062 - I would love to, but I do not know what I am playing. 1504 01:05:11,062 --> 01:05:13,398 - Fellatio, just go with it, 1505 01:05:13,398 --> 01:05:14,732 you're screwing up the scene. 1506 01:05:14,732 --> 01:05:15,900 - Alright guys, we've got to do this again. 1507 01:05:15,900 --> 01:05:17,402 Please, stop breaking the fourth wall. 1508 01:05:17,435 --> 01:05:20,405 - Negative, this is a search and destroy mission, 1509 01:05:20,405 --> 01:05:22,907 there's only one way; forward! 1510 01:05:25,143 --> 01:05:27,778 - Follow the man with the gun. 1511 01:05:27,778 --> 01:05:30,148 (soft music) 1512 01:05:42,727 --> 01:05:44,629 - Nut up, ya pansies, I'm covering the rear. 1513 01:05:44,629 --> 01:05:46,431 - Yes captain, my captain. 1514 01:05:46,464 --> 01:05:51,169 - Guys, stay together, we've got to make sure it's clear. 1515 01:06:05,116 --> 01:06:06,451 - Hey, Fellatio! 1516 01:06:08,653 --> 01:06:09,987 - Holy shit, ah! 1517 01:06:15,826 --> 01:06:16,661 Okay. 1518 01:06:19,830 --> 01:06:22,133 (laughs) 1519 01:06:22,167 --> 01:06:23,268 Look at that. 1520 01:06:26,604 --> 01:06:28,539 - There's a concessions. 1521 01:06:28,539 --> 01:06:29,540 Okay, Popper, take this. 1522 01:06:29,540 --> 01:06:30,375 - Yup. 1523 01:06:32,277 --> 01:06:36,181 - Okay, Tibo, Jojo, try to sneak around, right? 1524 01:06:37,348 --> 01:06:38,816 You gotta get back there but there are zombies, 1525 01:06:38,849 --> 01:06:42,553 so try to get as close as you can to them, okay? 1526 01:06:48,359 --> 01:06:51,196 Alright, alright, are you ready? 1527 01:06:51,196 --> 01:06:52,830 (growling) - Ah, shit! 1528 01:06:52,863 --> 01:06:53,864 (yelling) 1529 01:06:53,864 --> 01:06:55,066 Shit, shit! 1530 01:06:55,133 --> 01:06:57,135 Help, she's gonna bite me! 1531 01:06:57,168 --> 01:06:58,169 - Okay, I got you, I got you! 1532 01:06:58,203 --> 01:06:59,137 - I'm acting. 1533 01:06:59,137 --> 01:06:59,970 - Shit! 1534 01:06:59,970 --> 01:07:00,705 (yelling) 1535 01:07:00,705 --> 01:07:01,539 Shit! 1536 01:07:01,539 --> 01:07:02,540 You gotta get her! 1537 01:07:02,540 --> 01:07:03,874 She's gonna bite me, I'm serious! 1538 01:07:03,874 --> 01:07:05,210 What are you doing? 1539 01:07:05,243 --> 01:07:06,077 Get the shot! 1540 01:07:06,077 --> 01:07:07,078 - Okay, okay! 1541 01:07:07,078 --> 01:07:08,413 - Oh my God, oh God! 1542 01:07:08,479 --> 01:07:09,980 - I'm getting the shot! 1543 01:07:09,980 --> 01:07:10,981 - She's gonna kill me! 1544 01:07:10,981 --> 01:07:12,983 No I'm actually serious! 1545 01:07:16,321 --> 01:07:17,822 Did you get the shot? 1546 01:07:17,855 --> 01:07:19,257 - I don't know, I was really confused. 1547 01:07:19,257 --> 01:07:20,091 - Yeah. 1548 01:07:20,091 --> 01:07:21,326 - Let's go, men! 1549 01:07:21,359 --> 01:07:23,027 We are in hostile territory! - Oh shit. 1550 01:07:23,027 --> 01:07:25,996 Get up, get up, get up! - Come on, come on! 1551 01:07:25,996 --> 01:07:28,333 - that's a negative, Horatio, time to go, come on! 1552 01:07:28,333 --> 01:07:30,668 - I cut this guy's head off! 1553 01:07:33,070 --> 01:07:34,772 This is my moment. 1554 01:07:34,839 --> 01:07:36,541 - Hey, hey! - What? 1555 01:07:36,574 --> 01:07:38,876 - I think it's Carl. 1556 01:07:38,876 --> 01:07:40,111 It's Carl, man! 1557 01:07:42,713 --> 01:07:43,781 - Wait, wait. 1558 01:07:44,949 --> 01:07:46,451 - Get the, get the camera, get the camera! 1559 01:07:46,451 --> 01:07:48,953 - I don't think he notices us. 1560 01:07:50,788 --> 01:07:51,622 I got it, man! 1561 01:07:51,622 --> 01:07:52,457 I got it! 1562 01:07:52,457 --> 01:07:53,291 - Good job! 1563 01:07:53,291 --> 01:07:54,792 - Thanks, Carl! 1564 01:07:54,792 --> 01:07:56,361 - We miss you, bro! 1565 01:07:58,363 --> 01:08:01,932 - To be, or not to be, that is the question. 1566 01:08:04,635 --> 01:08:06,137 - Go, go, oh shit! 1567 01:08:07,071 --> 01:08:08,072 Shit! 1568 01:08:08,105 --> 01:08:08,939 Fuck! 1569 01:08:08,939 --> 01:08:10,308 - Go, go, go, go! 1570 01:08:10,308 --> 01:08:13,043 - Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go! 1571 01:08:14,445 --> 01:08:16,714 Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go! 1572 01:08:16,747 --> 01:08:20,285 - Grab the door, hold it, hold it, hold it! 1573 01:08:21,652 --> 01:08:23,254 - This way, troops! 1574 01:08:42,640 --> 01:08:43,741 - Oh man, oh! 1575 01:08:45,776 --> 01:08:46,944 He's been bit! 1576 01:08:48,813 --> 01:08:50,615 What are we going to do? 1577 01:08:50,615 --> 01:08:52,283 - I'm leaving, let's go. 1578 01:08:52,317 --> 01:08:54,485 (yelling) 1579 01:08:55,620 --> 01:08:56,521 - [Sam] Horatio, you're going to be alright, 1580 01:08:56,521 --> 01:08:57,455 we're going to get you help. 1581 01:08:57,488 --> 01:08:59,123 - Oh give it a rest, Sam, 1582 01:08:59,123 --> 01:09:01,158 you know the script. 1583 01:09:01,158 --> 01:09:02,760 God that hurts! 1584 01:09:02,793 --> 01:09:03,661 That hurts! 1585 01:09:06,163 --> 01:09:08,132 - Can you actually feel it coursing 1586 01:09:08,165 --> 01:09:09,300 through your veins? 1587 01:09:09,300 --> 01:09:10,601 - Uh, Sam, you should see this, bro. 1588 01:09:10,601 --> 01:09:12,136 - Sam, Sam, listen to me! 1589 01:09:12,169 --> 01:09:14,038 - Now is not a good time, not a good time, you guys! 1590 01:09:14,038 --> 01:09:15,206 - Sam! - What? 1591 01:09:15,273 --> 01:09:16,207 What, fine! 1592 01:09:16,207 --> 01:09:18,343 What, what do you want? 1593 01:09:18,343 --> 01:09:20,345 - Come here, Sam. 1594 01:09:20,378 --> 01:09:22,046 - No. - Sam, listen. 1595 01:09:22,112 --> 01:09:24,282 For fucks sake, I'm not going to bite you, Sam, 1596 01:09:24,315 --> 01:09:25,516 just come here. 1597 01:09:26,717 --> 01:09:28,286 - Okay. - God! 1598 01:09:28,319 --> 01:09:29,153 - Sam, no. 1599 01:09:32,390 --> 01:09:35,059 - Hey, I'll be alright. 1600 01:09:35,059 --> 01:09:36,361 I'll be alright. 1601 01:09:37,628 --> 01:09:38,863 Here. 1602 01:09:38,863 --> 01:09:39,697 - Mhm. 1603 01:09:41,031 --> 01:09:42,132 It's your life. 1604 01:09:42,132 --> 01:09:43,534 - Sam, Sam, Sam, listen to me, 1605 01:09:43,534 --> 01:09:45,736 I want to tell you something. 1606 01:09:45,803 --> 01:09:49,474 I want to ask you something, rather. 1607 01:09:49,507 --> 01:09:51,008 Look at me. 1608 01:09:51,041 --> 01:09:52,477 - Okay. 1609 01:09:52,477 --> 01:09:55,680 - Do you know how much your films suck? 1610 01:09:57,648 --> 01:09:59,517 They are horrible, Sam. 1611 01:10:00,651 --> 01:10:01,486 - Okay. 1612 01:10:01,486 --> 01:10:02,320 - Stop it, Sam! 1613 01:10:02,320 --> 01:10:03,153 Look at me, look at me! 1614 01:10:03,153 --> 01:10:04,522 - Okay, Horatio! 1615 01:10:04,555 --> 01:10:08,192 I'm looking at you. - They are horrendous, Sam! 1616 01:10:09,494 --> 01:10:13,163 You are a talentless sack of shit, but this, 1617 01:10:16,434 --> 01:10:19,036 this is something truly genius. 1618 01:10:19,937 --> 01:10:20,771 Sam. 1619 01:10:21,872 --> 01:10:25,276 This could be something really special. 1620 01:10:25,276 --> 01:10:26,511 - Okay. 1621 01:10:26,544 --> 01:10:30,214 - You need a good zombie transformation scene. 1622 01:10:33,918 --> 01:10:34,752 Voila! 1623 01:10:37,254 --> 01:10:39,790 Just make sure that you get it. 1624 01:10:41,426 --> 01:10:42,793 Don't fuck it up! 1625 01:10:43,728 --> 01:10:45,095 - Okay! 1626 01:10:45,095 --> 01:10:46,364 - Promise me. 1627 01:10:46,397 --> 01:10:48,098 - Okay, I promise. 1628 01:10:48,098 --> 01:10:50,735 - Okay, we should get to filming, 1629 01:10:50,768 --> 01:10:53,471 I'm really starting not to feel good. 1630 01:10:53,471 --> 01:10:54,905 (yelling) 1631 01:10:54,939 --> 01:10:56,073 Ooh the anger! 1632 01:10:59,276 --> 01:11:00,478 - Okay. 1633 01:11:00,545 --> 01:11:02,212 - Okay, just um, turn it on Popper, 1634 01:11:02,246 --> 01:11:03,381 turn on the camera, turn it on. 1635 01:11:03,381 --> 01:11:04,582 - I'm rolling, I'm rolling. 1636 01:11:04,615 --> 01:11:07,385 - Okay, everyone settle, alright? 1637 01:11:07,385 --> 01:11:08,786 Quiet on the set. 1638 01:11:09,754 --> 01:11:10,621 Ready? 1639 01:11:10,621 --> 01:11:11,456 - Yeah. 1640 01:11:11,489 --> 01:11:12,757 - Sam, this isn't right. 1641 01:11:12,790 --> 01:11:14,559 We should be finding him help. 1642 01:11:14,559 --> 01:11:16,961 - Pam, I'm about to shoot the most important 1643 01:11:16,961 --> 01:11:19,564 scene of my life, and his life, 1644 01:11:20,798 --> 01:11:22,633 which is just about over. 1645 01:11:22,633 --> 01:11:24,301 So just let me freakin' do this. 1646 01:11:24,301 --> 01:11:25,803 - Sam, this isn't okay! 1647 01:11:25,836 --> 01:11:27,137 - Alright, Tiffany. 1648 01:11:27,137 --> 01:11:28,105 You're up. - No, no, no! 1649 01:11:28,138 --> 01:11:29,139 I'm not going near him! 1650 01:11:29,139 --> 01:11:30,140 - You are in the scene! 1651 01:11:30,140 --> 01:11:31,141 - I don't care! 1652 01:11:31,141 --> 01:11:32,142 No! 1653 01:11:32,142 --> 01:11:32,843 Dani will do it, Dani will do it! 1654 01:11:32,843 --> 01:11:33,844 - No! - Fine. 1655 01:11:33,911 --> 01:11:34,845 Dani, you're in. 1656 01:11:34,845 --> 01:11:35,680 Come on! 1657 01:11:35,680 --> 01:11:36,514 C'mon, c'mon, c'mon! 1658 01:11:36,514 --> 01:11:38,015 Right here, right here. 1659 01:11:38,015 --> 01:11:42,653 - Let's go, people, I am actually dying over here. 1660 01:11:42,653 --> 01:11:45,322 - Come on, c'mon buddy, c'mon! 1661 01:11:45,356 --> 01:11:48,426 Turn around, face to camera, alright. 1662 01:11:49,494 --> 01:11:50,861 Popper, here we go. 1663 01:11:50,928 --> 01:11:52,029 This is the shot! 1664 01:11:52,029 --> 01:11:53,431 - I got the shot. 1665 01:11:56,133 --> 01:11:56,934 - Okay. 1666 01:11:58,335 --> 01:12:02,473 Okay, this is the scene, you found your best friend, 1667 01:12:02,507 --> 01:12:04,108 he's been bitten. 1668 01:12:04,108 --> 01:12:06,444 - Are you ready Ocean Spray? 1669 01:12:07,545 --> 01:12:08,513 - Yeah. 1670 01:12:08,513 --> 01:12:09,780 - Okay, action! 1671 01:12:13,518 --> 01:12:16,621 - I always knew that this town 1672 01:12:16,654 --> 01:12:19,790 was going to be the death of me! 1673 01:12:19,790 --> 01:12:23,794 All of these fat asses, taking up all the space. 1674 01:12:25,195 --> 01:12:27,698 With their oversized derrieres 1675 01:12:29,166 --> 01:12:33,137 and their abundant bottoms and their kingsize rumps! 1676 01:12:38,342 --> 01:12:39,176 Run! 1677 01:12:41,812 --> 01:12:44,649 Run. (farting) 1678 01:12:44,649 --> 01:12:46,884 You can still get out, 1679 01:12:46,884 --> 01:12:49,820 unless you let the ones like me go. 1680 01:12:54,425 --> 01:12:55,726 Shoot me! 1681 01:12:55,726 --> 01:12:56,561 - Spray! 1682 01:12:56,561 --> 01:12:57,562 Say the line. 1683 01:12:58,596 --> 01:12:59,897 Come on, say your line, man! 1684 01:12:59,897 --> 01:13:00,731 - Shoot me! 1685 01:13:02,066 --> 01:13:03,668 Shoot me, shoot me. 1686 01:13:05,235 --> 01:13:07,104 You skinny little shit! 1687 01:13:08,773 --> 01:13:12,610 Before I eat your little slut of a girlfriend! 1688 01:13:14,178 --> 01:13:16,046 I'm coming, I'm coming! 1689 01:13:17,414 --> 01:13:18,415 I'm com, ah! 1690 01:13:20,951 --> 01:13:22,186 - Ocean! 1691 01:13:22,219 --> 01:13:23,387 - This is fucked up. 1692 01:13:23,387 --> 01:13:24,555 Is he supposed to do that? 1693 01:13:24,589 --> 01:13:26,924 - Dude, that's not in the script! 1694 01:13:26,924 --> 01:13:28,258 - He's a zombie! 1695 01:13:29,259 --> 01:13:31,395 - Man, fuck this shit! 1696 01:13:31,428 --> 01:13:33,397 These are our friends, you shoot it! 1697 01:13:33,397 --> 01:13:34,565 - Fine! 1698 01:13:34,599 --> 01:13:35,432 Eldad! 1699 01:13:36,300 --> 01:13:37,234 - Maestro! 1700 01:13:37,267 --> 01:13:39,269 - Sam, what are you doing? 1701 01:13:39,269 --> 01:13:40,270 - This is great. 1702 01:13:40,270 --> 01:13:41,606 - These are your friends! 1703 01:13:41,606 --> 01:13:44,441 - And I will tell their story! 1704 01:13:44,475 --> 01:13:46,477 (yelling) 1705 01:13:46,544 --> 01:13:48,713 (gun firing) 1706 01:13:48,746 --> 01:13:49,980 - Dammit! 1707 01:13:49,980 --> 01:13:51,448 Dammit, who did that? 1708 01:13:51,448 --> 01:13:52,950 I did not say cut! 1709 01:13:52,983 --> 01:13:57,421 - Sorry, Sam, I can't let Horatio go out like that. 1710 01:13:57,454 --> 01:13:58,889 - (speaks in foreign language) brother. 1711 01:13:58,889 --> 01:14:00,124 - Have you lost your mind? 1712 01:14:00,124 --> 01:14:01,458 This is sick! 1713 01:14:01,458 --> 01:14:03,628 - I have this under control. 1714 01:14:03,661 --> 01:14:04,962 - Under control? 1715 01:14:04,962 --> 01:14:05,963 - What is happening? 1716 01:14:05,963 --> 01:14:07,464 I thought he had to get bit! 1717 01:14:07,464 --> 01:14:08,833 Did anyone see him get bit? 1718 01:14:08,899 --> 01:14:10,467 - Have we all lost our minds? 1719 01:14:10,467 --> 01:14:13,971 - Did anyone see anything unusual with Ocean? 1720 01:14:13,971 --> 01:14:16,140 - He had the serious cause of the munchies, guys. 1721 01:14:16,173 --> 01:14:19,009 He ate like five of these bitches! 1722 01:14:21,979 --> 01:14:24,582 - Shit, it's the Freedom Cakes! 1723 01:14:24,582 --> 01:14:26,751 (yelling) 1724 01:14:31,288 --> 01:14:34,024 - Oh my God, I baked those things. 1725 01:14:34,024 --> 01:14:35,359 Does that mean I'm going to turn into one? 1726 01:14:35,359 --> 01:14:36,193 How do I look? 1727 01:14:36,193 --> 01:14:37,261 - Stay away from me! 1728 01:14:37,294 --> 01:14:38,763 Those are gross! 1729 01:14:38,763 --> 01:14:41,799 - We bake to box at least 50,000 of those a day! 1730 01:14:41,832 --> 01:14:43,601 We just shipped a shit ton of them out. 1731 01:14:43,601 --> 01:14:44,602 - Where? 1732 01:14:44,635 --> 01:14:45,803 - Nationwide! 1733 01:14:45,836 --> 01:14:48,205 - Oh my God, we're all gonna die! 1734 01:14:49,674 --> 01:14:50,875 - We've got incoming, people. 1735 01:14:50,941 --> 01:14:52,442 Let's go, let's go, into the theater! 1736 01:14:52,442 --> 01:14:53,678 - What about Horatio? 1737 01:14:53,678 --> 01:14:54,478 - There's nothing we can do for him now. 1738 01:14:54,511 --> 01:14:56,013 Let's go, come on! 1739 01:14:57,214 --> 01:14:58,148 - Ocean! 1740 01:14:58,182 --> 01:14:59,216 - Come on Jessie, we have to go! 1741 01:14:59,216 --> 01:15:01,719 We have to go, Jessie, come on! 1742 01:15:04,855 --> 01:15:06,523 - Are you guys insane? 1743 01:15:06,523 --> 01:15:08,793 We are going to finish this film, 1744 01:15:08,793 --> 01:15:10,695 we are going to be famous! 1745 01:15:10,695 --> 01:15:12,496 Get back in here! 1746 01:15:12,529 --> 01:15:13,698 Come on! 1747 01:15:13,698 --> 01:15:15,365 Oh, do it for Horatio! 1748 01:15:15,365 --> 01:15:18,035 (intense music) 1749 01:15:34,885 --> 01:15:36,553 - Come on, shh, shh. 1750 01:15:39,056 --> 01:15:40,925 Come on, lock the door. 1751 01:15:40,925 --> 01:15:42,059 - Okay, okay, I got it. 1752 01:15:42,059 --> 01:15:42,893 - Popper! 1753 01:15:42,893 --> 01:15:43,728 I'm sorry, alright? 1754 01:15:43,728 --> 01:15:44,561 I lost my head, man. 1755 01:15:44,561 --> 01:15:45,562 We gotta go! 1756 01:15:47,231 --> 01:15:48,565 What the? 1757 01:15:48,599 --> 01:15:50,100 - Sam, stay in character. 1758 01:15:50,167 --> 01:15:51,836 You gotta stay in character, Sam. 1759 01:15:51,836 --> 01:15:53,070 - A dolly shot? 1760 01:15:54,438 --> 01:15:55,272 Okay. 1761 01:16:02,847 --> 01:16:04,682 - Why am I not a zombie? 1762 01:16:04,715 --> 01:16:05,716 - Popper! 1763 01:16:05,750 --> 01:16:07,017 - Hey. - Popper, holy shit, 1764 01:16:07,017 --> 01:16:08,185 we gotta get out of here, man. 1765 01:16:08,185 --> 01:16:09,920 - Dude, look at this. 1766 01:16:09,920 --> 01:16:10,955 - Woah. 1767 01:16:11,021 --> 01:16:12,589 - Zombie hotties! 1768 01:16:12,589 --> 01:16:13,791 We gotta get this shot! 1769 01:16:13,858 --> 01:16:15,693 Yeah, you wanna stream this movie? 1770 01:16:15,693 --> 01:16:17,194 Dudes are gonna look, they're gonna see 1771 01:16:17,194 --> 01:16:20,197 no titties, sausagefest, they go right through it. 1772 01:16:20,230 --> 01:16:21,265 - Yeah. - Oh! 1773 01:16:22,566 --> 01:16:23,634 - I don't have the camera. 1774 01:16:23,634 --> 01:16:24,902 - What? 1775 01:16:24,935 --> 01:16:26,871 - Dude, we just got to get out of here! 1776 01:16:26,871 --> 01:16:28,238 - Catch up to ya. 1777 01:16:32,777 --> 01:16:35,646 - Been saving this for a long time. 1778 01:16:37,915 --> 01:16:39,449 I call it El Morte. 1779 01:16:41,786 --> 01:16:43,153 It's inside here. 1780 01:16:45,455 --> 01:16:46,290 Yeah. 1781 01:16:49,226 --> 01:16:51,061 - El Morte? - El Morte. 1782 01:16:52,462 --> 01:16:54,564 - Dude, that wouldn't even get a fifth grader high. 1783 01:16:54,598 --> 01:16:55,833 - Oh! 1784 01:16:55,833 --> 01:16:57,735 Famous last words, man. 1785 01:16:59,737 --> 01:17:00,604 Ready? 1786 01:17:00,637 --> 01:17:01,471 - Yeah. 1787 01:17:03,774 --> 01:17:05,943 (yelling) 1788 01:17:08,512 --> 01:17:11,348 - Oh, the Freedom Cakes. 1789 01:17:11,348 --> 01:17:13,117 Oh wait, the Freedom Cakes. 1790 01:17:13,150 --> 01:17:15,352 The, the, I'm not a zombie! 1791 01:17:19,857 --> 01:17:21,826 Oh my God, I'm not a zombie. 1792 01:17:21,826 --> 01:17:24,161 I am not, I am not a zombie. 1793 01:17:27,631 --> 01:17:29,499 - What's your name? 1794 01:17:29,499 --> 01:17:30,968 (yelling) 1795 01:17:31,001 --> 01:17:34,371 - And now we have exclusive footage for you from Corsicana, 1796 01:17:34,371 --> 01:17:36,807 and the carnage that is happening there. 1797 01:17:36,841 --> 01:17:38,475 People are rioting, screaming, 1798 01:17:38,475 --> 01:17:40,644 you'll notice fires in the streets. 1799 01:17:40,644 --> 01:17:43,714 People appear to be in nothing but survival mode, 1800 01:17:43,714 --> 01:17:45,682 using just their wits 1801 01:17:45,682 --> 01:17:48,352 and their surroundings to survive what can only 1802 01:17:48,352 --> 01:17:51,889 understandably be viewed as the apocalypse. 1803 01:17:56,193 --> 01:17:58,695 - These people are so blasted! 1804 01:18:01,398 --> 01:18:04,568 - Why aren't your lips moving? 1805 01:18:04,634 --> 01:18:06,703 - Isn't that your sister? 1806 01:18:08,005 --> 01:18:10,640 - Are my eyes still there? 1807 01:18:10,640 --> 01:18:12,042 - We're in Texas. 1808 01:18:20,184 --> 01:18:22,920 - Come on, come on, come on. 1809 01:18:22,920 --> 01:18:25,555 Yeah get back, come on, come on. 1810 01:18:25,555 --> 01:18:28,225 (horns honking) 1811 01:18:29,894 --> 01:18:32,429 (wind howling) 1812 01:18:43,841 --> 01:18:44,909 - [Sam] But look at them all. 1813 01:18:44,909 --> 01:18:46,076 These are my people. 1814 01:18:46,076 --> 01:18:47,912 They all want me, finally, 1815 01:18:47,912 --> 01:18:51,949 this whole town wants me, they need me. 1816 01:18:52,016 --> 01:18:55,419 You can do this, Sam, your day has come! 1817 01:18:55,419 --> 01:18:57,187 (farting) 1818 01:18:57,221 --> 01:18:58,555 - Hey! 1819 01:18:58,588 --> 01:19:02,426 I'm all out of bullets, I'm going hand to hand! 1820 01:19:06,897 --> 01:19:08,132 - What are we going to do? 1821 01:19:08,132 --> 01:19:10,600 - Why don't we just film ourselves dying? 1822 01:19:10,600 --> 01:19:12,736 - That's a great idea, buddy. 1823 01:19:12,769 --> 01:19:14,538 - Alright, I'm going to draw them away. 1824 01:19:14,538 --> 01:19:15,940 I'm going that way, you guys. 1825 01:19:15,940 --> 01:19:19,109 Get o the streets, try to get out of town. 1826 01:19:19,143 --> 01:19:20,878 - Sam, no, you don't have to do this! 1827 01:19:20,911 --> 01:19:22,579 - Pam, I'm so sorry. 1828 01:19:26,250 --> 01:19:27,651 This is my fault. 1829 01:19:29,920 --> 01:19:33,390 Thank you, thank you for always believing in me. 1830 01:19:33,390 --> 01:19:34,825 - Sam, Sam, no, you don't have to do this. 1831 01:19:34,825 --> 01:19:35,893 - I love you. 1832 01:19:50,007 --> 01:19:50,908 - Sam! 1833 01:19:50,941 --> 01:19:52,176 (yelling) 1834 01:19:52,176 --> 01:19:53,577 Sam, Sam, no! - Come on! 1835 01:19:53,610 --> 01:19:54,478 Come on! 1836 01:19:54,478 --> 01:19:55,479 Let's go! 1837 01:19:55,479 --> 01:19:56,813 Come on! 1838 01:19:56,813 --> 01:19:59,416 - Go get 'em, Sammy! - Really? 1839 01:19:59,449 --> 01:20:01,818 Why does anyone ever listen to that guy? 1840 01:20:01,818 --> 01:20:02,819 - Come on! 1841 01:20:02,819 --> 01:20:03,921 Let's go, come on, here! 1842 01:20:03,954 --> 01:20:04,855 Come on! 1843 01:20:04,855 --> 01:20:05,856 Here we go, come on! 1844 01:20:05,923 --> 01:20:08,158 This way, come on, come on. 1845 01:20:10,260 --> 01:20:12,362 I'm delicious, I'm tasty, 1846 01:20:12,362 --> 01:20:13,430 come on right over here! 1847 01:20:13,463 --> 01:20:14,664 Take a bite of me! 1848 01:20:14,664 --> 01:20:18,835 Yeah, yeah alright, yeah you want some of this! 1849 01:20:18,835 --> 01:20:20,104 Yeah! 1850 01:20:20,137 --> 01:20:23,007 Muscle, a little bit of fat for ya, yeah! 1851 01:20:23,007 --> 01:20:24,341 I'm a tasty man! 1852 01:20:26,143 --> 01:20:28,478 Right here, right here, yeah! 1853 01:20:28,478 --> 01:20:29,846 Look at these meaty thighs! 1854 01:20:29,846 --> 01:20:33,050 Yeah, yeah, yeah, come on, let's go! 1855 01:20:33,117 --> 01:20:35,285 (yelling) 1856 01:20:49,799 --> 01:20:50,667 Well, shit. 1857 01:20:51,701 --> 01:20:53,203 Yeah, I'm a dead man. 1858 01:20:53,203 --> 01:20:55,039 Great idea, Samuel. 1859 01:20:55,072 --> 01:20:58,408 Look at this, that kid is eating his mom's kneecap! 1860 01:20:58,475 --> 01:20:59,910 I have never seen that, oh my God, 1861 01:20:59,910 --> 01:21:03,313 I don't even know what that guy's eating. 1862 01:21:03,347 --> 01:21:04,514 What the hell? 1863 01:21:08,252 --> 01:21:09,086 Dammit. 1864 01:21:10,020 --> 01:21:11,721 Zombie rain? 1865 01:21:11,721 --> 01:21:15,059 Figures, now the heavens are raining production value. 1866 01:21:15,059 --> 01:21:16,393 Man, this hurts! 1867 01:21:17,561 --> 01:21:20,730 Man, this movie was going to be beautiful. 1868 01:21:28,272 --> 01:21:31,175 Feels good to finally nail my part. 1869 01:21:38,515 --> 01:21:39,349 Eldad? 1870 01:21:40,284 --> 01:21:41,618 Nice shot, Eldad. 1871 01:21:41,685 --> 01:21:45,022 (speaks in foreign language) 1872 01:21:45,022 --> 01:21:46,590 - Sam, Sam! 1873 01:21:46,590 --> 01:21:47,591 Sam, you're gonna be okay, 1874 01:21:47,624 --> 01:21:48,959 we're gonna get you help. 1875 01:21:48,959 --> 01:21:52,129 - I'm sorry, guys, I'm a shitty filmmaker. 1876 01:21:52,129 --> 01:21:53,297 - Yeah, yeah you are. 1877 01:21:53,363 --> 01:21:55,532 - What the hell is this? 1878 01:21:55,532 --> 01:21:58,468 (yelling) 1879 01:21:58,468 --> 01:22:00,370 - We're gonna get you help, little buddy. 1880 01:22:00,404 --> 01:22:01,571 C'mon. 1881 01:22:01,571 --> 01:22:02,973 - Come on, come on, come on! 1882 01:22:02,973 --> 01:22:03,807 Go, go, go! 1883 01:22:03,807 --> 01:22:05,709 Go, go, go, go, go, go! 1884 01:22:07,944 --> 01:22:10,981 - [Tiffany] Hurry, he's losing blood. 1885 01:22:17,154 --> 01:22:17,988 - Come on now, guys. 1886 01:22:17,988 --> 01:22:19,489 Hold up, wait on me! 1887 01:22:19,556 --> 01:22:20,957 I got a bad knee! 1888 01:22:22,993 --> 01:22:24,328 You sons of bitches! 1889 01:22:24,394 --> 01:22:26,396 I saved your lives about 12 times tonight! 1890 01:22:26,430 --> 01:22:27,264 C'mon now! 1891 01:22:28,999 --> 01:22:31,268 (laughing) 1892 01:22:40,477 --> 01:22:45,182 - [Sam] I always knew this town would be the death of me. 1893 01:22:46,650 --> 01:22:47,917 - What's this? 1894 01:22:47,951 --> 01:22:49,353 A red carpet premiere into the great beyond? 1895 01:22:49,353 --> 01:22:50,587 Nope. 1896 01:22:50,620 --> 01:22:52,256 Turns out getting bit just hurts, 1897 01:22:52,256 --> 01:22:54,824 it doesn't actually turn you into one. 1898 01:22:54,824 --> 01:22:57,461 When the world goes to shit, it's a gift I say. 1899 01:22:57,494 --> 01:22:59,696 What I needed was just a little chaos to get 1900 01:22:59,696 --> 01:23:02,699 my shot, and it happened, they gave it to me. 1901 01:23:02,699 --> 01:23:05,001 I got money, honey wagons, respect, 1902 01:23:05,001 --> 01:23:07,671 20 something interns happy as hell to get me 1903 01:23:07,671 --> 01:23:09,173 some shitty coffee drink. 1904 01:23:09,206 --> 01:23:12,442 I don't even like coffee, I get one every 20 minutes! 1905 01:23:12,476 --> 01:23:13,877 God it feels good! 1906 01:23:13,877 --> 01:23:15,379 - I am beyond excited! 1907 01:23:15,445 --> 01:23:17,847 - Well I play myself, so that's fun. 1908 01:23:17,847 --> 01:23:19,116 - Jojo! 1909 01:23:19,149 --> 01:23:21,651 - And that's where I get to meet my leading man. 1910 01:23:21,685 --> 01:23:23,853 (yelling) 1911 01:23:35,065 --> 01:23:36,066 - It's the best day of my life, 1912 01:23:36,066 --> 01:23:37,401 thank you all so much! 1913 01:23:37,401 --> 01:23:38,902 Thank you, Corsicana! 1914 01:23:38,902 --> 01:23:40,170 - And spoiler alert, 1915 01:23:40,204 --> 01:23:42,372 are you guys expecting? 1916 01:23:42,372 --> 01:23:45,409 - Well we were expecting to keep it a secret. 1917 01:23:45,409 --> 01:23:46,743 - I will see you in there! 1918 01:23:46,743 --> 01:23:47,577 Come on! 1919 01:23:50,414 --> 01:23:51,981 - As I sit here watching this, 1920 01:23:52,015 --> 01:23:54,651 it's like it's not me, it's some different 1921 01:23:54,651 --> 01:23:56,653 version of me; an imposter, it's a fake! 1922 01:23:56,686 --> 01:23:58,722 Which it is, I mean, Ryan Reynolds looks 1923 01:23:58,722 --> 01:23:59,989 nothing like me. 1924 01:24:00,023 --> 01:24:01,691 I can't help but think what would have happened 1925 01:24:01,725 --> 01:24:04,394 if I had actually gotten into that shitty festival, 1926 01:24:04,394 --> 01:24:05,662 or what would have happened 1927 01:24:05,662 --> 01:24:08,232 if I hadn't lied about the whole damn thing. 1928 01:24:08,232 --> 01:24:10,100 Oh well, by the looks of the reviews, 1929 01:24:10,167 --> 01:24:11,835 I'm not getting the chance to make 1930 01:24:11,868 --> 01:24:13,370 Fat Ass Zombies 2 anytime soon. 1931 01:24:13,403 --> 01:24:15,505 That's okay, I kind of had my heart 1932 01:24:15,505 --> 01:24:19,376 on making Zombie Space Vikings 2: The Horny Revenge. 1933 01:24:19,409 --> 01:24:21,345 - [Reporter] Parents beware, the Freedom Cake Challenge 1934 01:24:21,345 --> 01:24:23,447 is sweeping social media. 1935 01:24:23,447 --> 01:24:24,881 Teenagers are finding the deadly cakes 1936 01:24:24,914 --> 01:24:26,783 that haven't been turned in and destroyed 1937 01:24:26,783 --> 01:24:29,586 by the authorities and are filming themselves eating them. 1938 01:24:29,586 --> 01:24:31,455 This is a very dangerous situation, 1939 01:24:31,521 --> 01:24:33,957 and we urge anyone with knowledge of any cakes 1940 01:24:33,957 --> 01:24:36,726 still not turned in to report it immediately. 1941 01:24:36,760 --> 01:24:39,296 And parents, please make sure you speak 1942 01:24:39,296 --> 01:24:41,965 to your children about the dangers of these cakes, 1943 01:24:41,965 --> 01:24:43,933 and also have Colin Street Bakery Honey 1944 01:24:43,933 --> 01:24:45,235 in your cupboard. 1945 01:24:45,269 --> 01:24:47,070 As we reported earlier, this honey was found 1946 01:24:47,070 --> 01:24:49,739 to be the only antidote for anyone poisoned 1947 01:24:49,773 --> 01:24:51,541 by eating the cakes. 1948 01:24:51,541 --> 01:24:54,578 (intense rock music) 1949 01:25:00,884 --> 01:25:02,719 * It 1950 01:25:02,752 --> 01:25:05,655 * Ain't real 1951 01:25:05,655 --> 01:25:10,494 * Am I what I'm supposed to be 1952 01:25:10,494 --> 01:25:12,896 * I fear 1953 01:25:12,929 --> 01:25:15,599 * I'll disappear 1954 01:25:15,599 --> 01:25:20,604 * I'm losing touch with myself 1955 01:25:21,805 --> 01:25:24,174 * I dunno when to brace myself 1956 01:25:24,174 --> 01:25:26,476 * I dunno when to brace myself 1957 01:25:26,476 --> 01:25:28,978 * I dunno when to brace myself 1958 01:25:28,978 --> 01:25:30,947 * I dunno 1959 01:25:30,980 --> 01:25:34,184 * 'Cause I'm displaced 1960 01:25:41,458 --> 01:25:43,427 * It 1961 01:25:43,427 --> 01:25:46,463 * Ain't real 1962 01:25:46,496 --> 01:25:51,501 * Am I where I'm supposed to be * 1963 01:25:52,135 --> 01:25:53,970 * I fear 1964 01:25:53,970 --> 01:25:56,806 * I'll disappear 1965 01:25:56,840 --> 01:26:01,778 * I'm losing touch with myself 1966 01:26:02,679 --> 01:26:05,181 * I dunno when to brace myself 1967 01:26:05,181 --> 01:26:07,551 * I dunno when to brace myself 1968 01:26:07,617 --> 01:26:10,153 * I dunno when to brace myself 1969 01:26:10,186 --> 01:26:12,055 * I dunno 1970 01:26:12,055 --> 01:26:15,292 * 'Cause I'm displaced 1971 01:26:25,802 --> 01:26:28,305 (funky music) 1972 01:26:36,646 --> 01:26:38,982 * Better get jumpin' 1973 01:26:39,015 --> 01:26:41,485 * Here come the boogeyman 1974 01:26:41,485 --> 01:26:43,987 * Better get bumpin' 1975 01:26:44,020 --> 01:26:46,390 * Here come the boogeyman 1976 01:26:46,390 --> 01:26:48,892 * Better get jumpin' 1977 01:26:48,925 --> 01:26:51,528 * Here come the boogeyman 1978 01:26:51,561 --> 01:26:53,830 * Better get walkin' 1979 01:26:53,830 --> 01:26:56,666 * Here come the boogeyman 1980 01:26:56,700 --> 01:27:01,605 * When the boogeyman lose his heart * 1981 01:27:04,073 --> 01:27:08,745 * When the boogeyman, his eyes get lost * 132475