Original subtitles

[MUSIC]

[SINGING]

NARRATOR: For centuries, the South Seas

have been remote-- rich in romance and mystery.

It has always been a magnet to lure the scholar,

the sportsman and the adventurer.

[GUNSHOTS]

-Come on, Rooney.

[BARKS]

-Hey.

Hey.

Four.

Three.

Two.

[BARKS]

-You're offside.

Wait a minute, now, you're offside.

Come on, come up

[BARKS]

-Eight.

Four.

Two.

Hike.

Attaboy!

(LAUGHING)

[BARKS]

-There are scores of islands such as these.

Possibly uninhabited since the beginning of time.

-Do you mean to say nobody lives on a beautiful island

like that?

-Not at all.

-Pull.

[GUNSHOTS]

-You know this may sound crazy, but I've got a notion--

-Ha!

If you've got a notion, ten to one it's crazy, all right.

-You know, I'd like to get off at an island like that,

with nothing but a toothbrush.

-For the love of Pete.

We're on our way to shoot tigers in Sumatra.

Now what's the big idea?

-I don't have to kill to get a thrill.

I'd like to get off at an island like this

and fight the battle of nature against man with my bare hands.

Rah.

-(LAUGHING) Well, it was on an island just like

this that Robinson Crusoe lived.

-That's exactly what I mean.

-Ah, Robinson Crusoe was a myth.

-Well let's make him a reality.

-You?

Why you've been living behind that board chair so many years,

you'd be crying mama the first day.

-Don't you believe it.

-You're not in your right mind, old boy.

-Nope.

If I were, I wouldn't be thinking of a thing like this.

I tell you what you fellows do, go on to Sumatra,

get your tiger.

When you get back, you'll find me living in a penthouse

with hot and cold running water and groceries

delivered twice a day.

-Not a chance.

There are cannibals on these islands.

When we got back, we'd find you tied to a stake

and be the remnants of a short dinner.

-Bet you wouldn't.

-Bet you would.

-Bet you wouldn't! -Bet you would.

-I'll bet you a million dollars.

-Make it a thousand in real money, and I'll bet you.

-You're on.

-Roget, uh, pack his toothbrush, he's leaving.

-Now wait a minute now, this is the bet.

I'll bet you when you get back, I'll

be living the life of Riley, and you

bet that I'll be tied to a stake.

That right?

-That's right.

-Good.

Haha!

Watches for flattery and ties for fools.

I'm off!

[SPLASH]

[BARKS]

-Where shall we send your mail?

-Park Avenue and 52nd street. (LAUGHING)

[BARK]

[SPLASH]

-Hey!

How about that dog?

-Well, Robinson Crusoe had a dog.

Here, you can have the toothbrush.

I'll roll my own.

Come on, Rooney!

-He'll win that bet, or die in the attempt.

-Do you think so?

-I've got something up my sleeve.

-Rooney, now you be a good sport and go through with this thing,

I'll take you to a cat farm next summer.

Attaboy!

He's [INAUDIBLE] all right. (LAUGHING)

Well, Rooney, we're certainly in for it now.

Cut off from the world for many, many months.

I suppose the first thing to do is look for water.

No, (LAUGHING) no, drinking water.

Aqua Pura.

Come on, let's go.

Ah.

Rain water.

That's not bad.

Try it.

Here, taste it.

It's a little brackish, but not bad at all.

Go on, try it.

Now, wait a minute, I'll give you one more chance.

Coconuts.

Fresh water from coconuts.

[THUMPING]

-You must have an ancestor, that's not very far removed,

that could pull his teeth in a situation like this

and swallow with one gulp.

[TAPPING]

-Aah.

Try this.

Just live on a high hat, you and I

are going to get into difficulty.

You know, I'm a darn sight more adaptable than you are.

Ha!

Pretty smart, Rooney.

Now you're taking after your great-grandfather.

Well, Rooney?

Rooney, here's looking at you.

Aah.

Now how about something to eat?

Ho, ho. (LAUGHING) I may finish by eating grass,

but I'm certainly not going to start that way.

Ha.

Ha, vanCamp's back yard.

Coconuts-- Bananas-- Breadfruit-- Pineapples!

I'm all set, now what about you?

I'm afraid you've got to go on a diet.

Now, for a place to live.

[SCREECHING]

-Eh, ha ha ha.

-Ha ha.

-Marvelous!

Here's-- here's Park Avenue, and here's 52nd Street.

There it is, all in a nutshell.

Water, food, shelter.

That, my boy, is called a survey.

The next thing is an engineering job.

Now I'm going to show you a little trick.

This happened 10, 15, or 200,000 years ago.

The first thing that man did when he stood on his hind legs

was to throw his brain into a new position.

His nails got short, and his teeth got dull,

and he made himself his first implement.

This is burl bark, Rooney.

Natives of these islands make rope out

of this and various other things.

Rooney, I suppose you're wondering

where I got all this information.

Well, I've been a Boy Scout, and I've

read Dan Beard's Handy Book.

This is the first labor-saving device known to man.

Man found it useful in a hundred ways.

A hundred ways to use it.

No nails, no screws, no spikes.

Nothing to deceive you.

Simple twist to the wrist, and presto chango, you have it.

Eureka!

[THUMPING]

[BARKING]

(LAUGHING) This is going to be a cinch.

Isn't nature wonderful?

Isn't nature kind!

[WHIMPERS]

-Oh, ho ho, ha ha ha.

[CHITTERING]

-I beg your pardon, I'm wrong again.

Come on Rooney, we'll build a house

in spite of our unfriendly neighbors.

-Now here's an island that is totally different,

both uh, geographically and in vegetation,

from our Robinson Crusoe island.

-Uh, oh, look who's here.

Ooh, a little drama going on, on this island.

Little girl evidently does not want to take a bath.

Mama spank.

By jove, she's a cute little princess.

-Wait a minute, do you know what this is?

It's betrothal ceremony.

-Betrothal?

-Yes.

The girl presents her comb to the man

she is supposed to marry.

He accepts it as a token of the engagement.

-Look at the face of the guy she's going to marry.

Hmm.

I wonder who the grouchy old dame is?

-Probably the girl's mother.

-(LAUGHING) Well, she's a good match for the son-in-law,

all right, all right, all right.

There.

What happens after the betrothal?

-Well, after several months, or as the natives say,

after the fourth moon, they have the wedding.

And the girl is bathed by her bridesmaids,

dressed, garlanded, and taken before the groom-to-be.

Whereupon, to complete the ceremony,

the husband knocks out her front teeth.

-(LAUGHING) No kidding?

-Actual fact.

-Oh, well, we do the same thing.

Only we usually wait until after the ceremony.

-(LAUGHING) Yes.

Ha.

OK.

-(PARROTING) OK.

[LAUGHTER]

[BARK]

-Gandhi!

Never pick on a man when he's down.

[WHISTLES] Never.

Come here. [WHISTLES] Come here.

Come on, come on.

(LAUGHING) Nice playing sportsmanship.

[CHITTERING]

[ROAR]

[ROAR]

[ROARS]

[SHOTS]

-Boy, that's what I call a tale!

Think of Crusoe, missing all this, stopping off at an island

to play house where nothing ever happens.

-Hah!

There, boy, that gives us two fine traps.

Now if there are any of these mysterious animals that

seem to be wandering around here and want to contribute

to this little Robinson Crusoe drama, we're ready for them.

[RATTLING]

-Ah, that ought to work without a hitch.

[CHITTERING]

-Come on boy, time for dinner.

It won't be long, now.

We'll soon be moving into our penthouse.

[CHITTERING]

-OK.

[SQUAWKING]

-Ah, where are your manners, Gandhi?

Pass something to Sookie.

[SQUAWKING]

-Aw, nuts!

-Where's Rooney?

[CHITTER]

-Drunk?

[CHITTERING]

-Oh, oh.

Fishing.

[CHITTERING]

-Ah, Rooney.

Only one fish?

[BARKS]

-Hey, you got to do better than that.

[WHINE]

[BARK]

[WHINE]

-Low tide, nothing.

Now you told me that yesterday.

Ha ha.

This looks more like the Swiss Family Robinson.

(LAUGHING) Hey, what's the idea?

[ROAR]

[RATTLE]

-Trap number two.

Our first catch!

Ha.

Ah, welcome to our city.

I was wondering where we were going to get our butter.

[NATIVE SINGING]

[DRUMS]

-[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]

-[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]

-[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]

-[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]

[NATIVE SINGING]

[MUSIC]

[CRASH]

[SQUEAKS]

[WATER RUNNING]

[DRIPPING]

[DING]

[BAA]

[DING]

[BARKS]

[SQUIRTS]

[PATHETIC CHITTERING]

[HORN BLOWING]

[CREAK]

[SQUEAK]

-Hey!

Hey!

Aha!

You wanna play, eh?

[RUSTLING]

[BONK]

-You don't seem to understand, but you're

going to be my man Friday.

Ha!

Science against brute strength.

You know this is Stecher's famous scissor hold.

Now do you give up?

Whew.

I thought you would be a Good Friday.

This is Gotch's famous toe hold, and my own hammer lock.

How do you like that?

There, now you be a good boy.

Hey!

I'm not going to stand for this.

Hope this hurts me worse that it does you.

Oh, you feel that way about it?

Now if this water cure doesn't work,

I'm going to try castor oil.

Now, behave yourself.

Oh, a headhunter.

You must be Friday the 13th.

Aha.

You killed a radio operator, you should

have killed a radio announcer.

Hmm.

I've got a notion, it might be crazy.

[SCREECH]

-Zinc.

Radio tubes, zinc, copper, loudspeaker, a radio.

Friday, you're going to make the first real contribution

to our venture.

We'll call the station F-R-D-Y.

[RADIO MUSIC]

-When you're housebroken, Friday, I'm going to untie you.

[RADIO SQUEALING]

-(RADIO VOICE) and the seamstress...

-Hey!

Come back here!

[RATTLING]

-Now I don't think Robinson Crusoe had anything like this.

I've got to read that book again.

Friday's gone.

You must be Saturday.

[SQUAWK]

[BARK]

[CHITTERING]

-Ah.

You're better, huh?

Tell me, where did you come from?

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

[SPEAKING GERMAN]

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

[SPEAKING PIG LATIN]

-Did you swim?

Did you paddle a canoe?

Oh.

Paddle.

From that island, over there?

Oh, I see, that island over there.

Look around, we're not quite fixed up.

We-- we weren't expecting anyone yet.

Heh.

Yeah, that's early Grand Rapids.

I may exchange that piece.

Ha ha.

Sears, Roebuck.

That bed is only here on approval.

Ah, you want to see this, this is a cute one.

Watch this.

All right.

How do you like that?

[BARKS]

-Well, I must say.

-OK.

-Is that so.

Ha, ha, ha.

-(RADIO SINGING) jewelry.

Look at me, I'm king of all I survey!

Come on and give me the stars, God's heaven above me,

where is that power, the one who will love me,

and I'll travel along, singing a vagabond song.

-Tired?

-(RADIO ANNOUNCER) This is station KTR,

San Flashing the news of the day.

During the month of October, 760 people

were injured in traffic accidents, and 43 were killed.

Wealthy clubman commits suicide.

George Graham was killed instantly

after jumping from a seventh-story window.

The police learned he had lost everything in Wall Street.

-Ha ha.

-(RADIO ANNOUNCER) John Davenport,

retired capitalist was unable to pay his alimony,

so he is spending the next six months in jail.

[RADIO WHISTLE]

-(FEMALE VOICE ON RADIO) This program is sponsored

by the Dorothy Pardon Cosmetic Company.

Now, don't forget, girls, if you want to be beautiful,

if you want to be lovely, use Dorothy Pardon's Famous

Lipstick, Dorothy Pardon's Famous Eyebrow Pencil, Dorothy

Pardon's Famous Vanishing Cream, and Dorothy

Pardon's Famous Cheek Rouge.

[LAUGHTER]

-(RADIO ANNOUNCER) When you hear the sound of the chime,

the time will be 12:00 midnight, Pacific Standard Time.

[CHIMES]

-That's 8:00 South Seas time, four hours difference.

It's time to go to be.

Come on, Saturday, that's all.

Go on, now this is your bed.

Here.

You sleep here.

Heh, heh.

Ha ha.

You sleep here.

Your bed, look.

See. [SNORE] Oof.

Ah ha, ha ha.

Oh, No, Saturday, I sleep out here.

(LAUGHING) That's pretty cute.

Here you are.

There.

Goodnight.

[KISS]

-Uh, uh!

-Oh, you don't kiss down here, huh?

What do you do?

-Ombi.

-Huh?

-Ombi.

-Why, Saturday!

-Deyeh.

-Oh, I see. (LAUGHING) You rub noses.

(LAUGHING) Ombi. (LAUGHING) Well good night.

Pleasant dreams.

See you in the morning. [LAUGHTER] Ombi!

[BELL TOLLING]

[NATIVE DRUMMING]

[GONG]

-Goranda.

Professor, this is where you fit in to this little scheme

of mine.

Just line up some of these natives,

and I'll show you how I'm going to win

that bet from Mr. Robinson Crusoe.

-All right.

[NATIVE SPEECH]

-Ha ha!

That's great, Saturday.

You made a hole in one.

Now I've nothing [INAUDIBLE].

Now look, don't stand behind me.

Move over there, that's fine.

-[SPEAKING NATIVE TONGUE]

-Saturday.

Never, never as long as you live,

ever speak when a man is putting.

You can steal his watch, but never talk.

-[SPEAKING NATIVE TONGUE]

-You can't do that.

Taboo.

Taboo!

-[MUFFLED SPEAKING]

-Ha ha!

I halved him, William.

(LAUGHING) Now we're even.

I'll show the reason why people play golf.

This is the 19th hole.

This is the clubhouse.

I'm going to give you two weeks [INAUDIBLE],

I'm going to put you up.

[CLAP]

[CLAP]

[CLAP]

-Ah, Gandhi.

[INAUDIBLE] Here we are.

Some high-proof orange juice, aged in the wood.

And very good, too.

Like some?

-Ai.

-Huh?

-Ai.

-Ai.

Yes?

Ai, yes?

Yes!

-Yef.

-No, no, no.

Yes!

-Yes.

-Yes!

-Yes.

-Now.

-Mmm.

-Mmm.

Same in our language.

Mmm.

You, uh, have another?

-Aita.

-Huh?

-Aita.

-Aita.

No?

No?

No.

-No.

-That's all women ever need to learn.

No.

Mind if I?

Mmm.

Saturday, this has been glorious.

Fine dinner, 18 holes of golf, the clubhouse, and you.

[SIGH] And what a night.

Glorious!

Marvelous!

[BELL TOLLS]

-Perfectly divine, gorgeous, inspiring, enchanting.

Ah, "How silver sweet sound lovers' tongue by night."

[BELL TOLLS]

-"Like softest music to attending ears!

Oh, heavenly night, I'm appeared being a night,

all this is but a dream.

Too flattering sweet to be substantial."

Do you understand?

-No.

-Ha ha.

Ah ha ha.

-[SPEAKING NATIVE TONGUE]

-Absolutely, aita.

Besides, it's getting late.

The morrow will soon supplant that I do date.

So we must to nest.

N'est-ce pas?

-That's great!

Wonderful!

Just like real cannibals.

Now impress this on them.

Here's all they have to do.

Man on island alone.

Take over.

Scare him to death.

Tie him to a stake, get ready to roast, then we've got him.

-[SPEAKING NATIVE TONGUE]

[CLICK]

-(LAUGHING) Saturday, you're sweet,

blonde, adorable, marvelous.

You're everything the doctor ordered.

But this is an impossible situation.

It's so sudden.

You don't even know my family.

Besides, you may not like it where I come from.

It's so different.

[STATIC]

-(RADIO ANNOUNCER) Oh boy, what a football game!

Notre Dame nothing, Southern California nothing,

into the first half.

[BAND MUSIC]

-Gandhi, stop monkeying with that radio,

can't you see I'm talking?

You see, Saturday?

We're savages.

You're a calm, mild, peaceful people.

We have football, prize fighting, gangsters, dentists.

Now, for instance.

Do you play bridge?

-Yes.

[LAUGHTER]

[LAUGHTER]

[CHATTER]

-No, Saturday!

(LAUGHING) I wouldn't spoil your beautiful teeth

for anything in the world.

Awful.

Awful.

[CYMBAL]

[CYMBAL]

[GRUNT]

-[SPEAKING NATIVE TONGUE]

[SCREAM]

[SCREAM]

[BARKING]

[THUMP]

[WHIMPER]

-[SPEAKING NATIVE TONGUE]

[SCREAM]

-[SPEAKING NATIVE TONGUE]

-[SPEAKING NATIVE TONGUE]

[RADIO CROWD NOISE]

[THUMP]

[SILENCE]

-[SPEAKING NATIVE TONGUE]

-Hey, hey, hey!

Hey, hey, hey!

Hey, hey!

Gotcha!

Quiet!

Or you'll get this.

Saturday!

Go on.

Shake a cocktail.

I've got to figure out something.

-Well, for the love of Pete.

All the comforts of Park Avenue.

[LAUGHTER]

-(LAUGHING) And all the joys of Broadway.

[LAUGHTER]

-Hey, there!

-Hello!

Hello!

-Well, you little son of a gun.

-Well, well, well, well.

-Gee, it's good to see you, boy.

-Fancy meeting you here. (LAUGHING)

-What do you think of that.

[OMINOUS MUSIC]

-This is Saturday.

Saturday, these are my friends.

My friends, this is Saturday.

Ha.

You're just in time for a Robinson Crusoe cocktail.

-(WHISPERING) I wonder what became

of that bunch of cannibals?

-In the bag.

[LAUGHTER]

-Here you are.

Here, try this on your piano.

-(LAUGHING) You son of a gun, you.

Why, it looks as though you have everything in the bag.

-Yeah, you haven't seen anything, yet.

Come on, let me, I'll show you.

-[SPEAKING NATIVE TONGUE]

[RADIO WHISTLE]

[RADIO MUSIC]

-How do like this?

-Well, the man is Mussolini!

[LAUGHTER]

-Here's your $1000, boy, all made out.

You win.

-[SPEAKING NATIVE TONGUE]

-Remember that girl on the island?

That's her mother.

-Huh?

Ooh, what a complication.

-Oh, here's another complication.

-[SPEAKING NATIVE TONGUE]

-How time flies, here's Friday again.

We've got to get out of here, quick.

Take the monkey and the dog and the parrot.

Quick, grab those animals.

Bill, double or nothing on this bet that I get out of this one.

-You're on, and I hope you win.

Ha ha.

Come on, bring them down there and I'll set the trap.

[CHATTER]

-Hurry please.

Hurry please, hurry please.

Hurry please, hurry please.

-Go down to Park Avenue, you get these down to the boat.

I'll join you there, I'm going to draw their fire.

Hurry up.

-Hurry please, hurry please.

-Hey!

Hey.

Hey!

Hey, hey.

Hey, hey!

[ANGRY VOICES]

-That's $2000 you owe me.

-[INAUDIBLE] Son of a gun.

(LAUGHING) Oh, look!

Saturday!

-Oh, for the love of Pete.

-I knew it!

I knew it, I knew it.

-OK.

-This is a question before the house, and no fooling.

Saturday, I told you that it was imp-- you shouldn't have-- you

know I've got to go back on that-- you

should have stayed on that island.

-No, no, no.

-I knew I shouldn't have taught her English.

-What are you going to do with her?

-As a rule, they conveniently jump into volcanoes.

-Huh?

-If she won't, why don't you do it.

-Huh?

-Jump into a volcano.

-Oh, Bill, this is serious.

What am I going to do, professor?

-East is East, and West is West.

-I know it, I know it.

-I shot my tiger.

-Oh.

-Triple or nothing on that bet, you don't get out of this one.

[CLAP]

-I've got it!

I've got it.

I've got it, I've got it, I've got it.

[APPLAUSE]

[NATIVE SINGING]