All language subtitles for the.twilight.zone.2019.s01e05.720p.bluray.x264-mayhem
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1
00:00:14,806 --> 00:00:16,843
He's waking up.
2
00:00:24,525 --> 00:00:26,562
Can you hear me, Mr. Hanks?
3
00:00:29,279 --> 00:00:30,395
What's going on?
4
00:00:30,572 --> 00:00:31,733
Try to relax.
5
00:00:31,949 --> 00:00:33,406
Do you know your name?
6
00:00:35,744 --> 00:00:36,951
Raff Hanks.
7
00:00:37,079 --> 00:00:38,160
Great.
8
00:00:38,288 --> 00:00:40,371
Do you know who the president is?
9
00:00:42,918 --> 00:00:45,877
Four more years! Four more years!
10
00:00:46,004 --> 00:00:49,873
Four more years!
Four more years!
11
00:00:50,008 --> 00:00:57,006
Four more years! Four more years!
12
00:00:57,307 --> 00:00:59,344
Four more years!
13
00:00:59,476 --> 00:01:02,719
- Well, you did it.
- We did it.
14
00:01:02,854 --> 00:01:04,186
Four more years!
15
00:01:04,314 --> 00:01:06,897
- Stevens did it.
- All right.
16
00:01:08,026 --> 00:01:11,315
But with our help.
Our numbers, our data.
17
00:01:11,446 --> 00:01:13,358
We gave him this election.
18
00:01:13,532 --> 00:01:16,775
Can you not jinx things? I mean,
no one's even counted any votes yet.
19
00:01:16,952 --> 00:01:19,194
Oh, God.
20
00:01:19,329 --> 00:01:20,911
I almost forgot.
21
00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:23,949
Guess what came in the mail today.
22
00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:25,825
Hmm. Subtle.
23
00:01:25,961 --> 00:01:28,248
They never thought Stevens
would get reelected.
24
00:01:28,422 --> 00:01:30,142
Especially not with me
running his campaign.
25
00:01:30,173 --> 00:01:32,790
- They were wrong.
- Again, can you just not jinx things?
26
00:01:32,968 --> 00:01:36,006
Come on, you've seen the polls.
You see the crowds?
27
00:01:36,138 --> 00:01:39,222
We took the most unpopular
president in American history,
28
00:01:39,349 --> 00:01:41,181
and we turned it around.
29
00:01:41,310 --> 00:01:44,223
I want Justin Timberlake
to play me in the HBO movie.
30
00:01:44,354 --> 00:01:46,124
You really think they're going
to turn this into a movie?
31
00:01:46,148 --> 00:01:47,480
Of course they are.
32
00:01:47,649 --> 00:01:50,266
It's only the greatest comeback
in American history.
33
00:01:50,402 --> 00:01:53,065
Well, now you've
really jinxed things, so...
34
00:01:53,196 --> 00:01:57,315
Raff, Maura, the results are coming in.
The president wants to see you.
35
00:01:57,492 --> 00:01:59,654
Stevens! Stevens! Stevens!
36
00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:03,655
Stevens! Stevens!
Stevens! Stevens!
37
00:02:03,790 --> 00:02:06,999
It all started out so well.
38
00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:10,586
Do you know why
you're here, Raff... who did this to you?
39
00:02:11,173 --> 00:02:13,005
Do you know where you are?
40
00:02:13,508 --> 00:02:14,919
Who are you?
41
00:02:15,385 --> 00:02:18,469
I'm here by order of the
president of the United States.
42
00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:22,633
Then I'm fucked.
43
00:02:28,190 --> 00:02:29,806
Hey.
44
00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:37,855
- Thanks.
- Thank you.
45
00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:43,028
What the fuck, Raff?!
46
00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:44,699
Mr. President?
47
00:02:45,290 --> 00:02:47,577
They're saying I just lost New York,
48
00:02:47,709 --> 00:02:49,996
lost New Jersey.
49
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:52,082
I'm from fuckin' New Jersey.
50
00:02:52,214 --> 00:02:54,752
I'm Mr. Fuckin' New Jersey!
51
00:02:54,883 --> 00:02:56,795
We're losing the whole goddamn country!
52
00:02:56,927 --> 00:02:59,670
- No, my data says...
- Oh, your data's horseshit!
53
00:02:59,805 --> 00:03:01,546
I listened to you.
54
00:03:01,723 --> 00:03:04,090
I listened to you.
Your numbers and your polls
55
00:03:04,226 --> 00:03:06,764
and your fancy data
and your high-tech baloney.
56
00:03:06,895 --> 00:03:10,388
And guess what? I lost.
57
00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:13,107
I am a one-term joke.
58
00:03:13,235 --> 00:03:16,148
I'm a diaper filled with baby shit,
59
00:03:16,279 --> 00:03:19,522
and it is all your fault!
60
00:03:20,117 --> 00:03:21,483
Fuck!
61
00:03:25,831 --> 00:03:28,824
Raff, listen, it's gonna
be okay. All right?
62
00:03:28,959 --> 00:03:30,666
You can come back from this.
63
00:03:30,794 --> 00:03:33,207
I mean, you're the wunderkind, right?
64
00:03:38,635 --> 00:03:40,092
Voters are angry.
65
00:03:40,262 --> 00:03:42,379
After two years in office,
the president is facing
66
00:03:42,514 --> 00:03:44,756
increasing criticism
for his handling of the economy,
67
00:03:44,891 --> 00:03:47,133
increasing crime, the environment,
and foreign policy.
68
00:03:47,269 --> 00:03:49,135
I mean, the world is a mess.
69
00:03:49,271 --> 00:03:51,513
And these politicians,
they're not helping anybody.
70
00:03:51,648 --> 00:03:54,008
We should just throw out
the whole system, start over again.
71
00:03:54,109 --> 00:03:56,021
Well, let me ask my distinguished panel.
72
00:03:56,153 --> 00:03:59,146
What should the president do
about the situation in the Middle East?
73
00:03:59,281 --> 00:04:00,692
Thanks for asking, Sam.
74
00:04:00,824 --> 00:04:04,363
"Well, you're one of the most admired
political minds in the business."
75
00:04:04,953 --> 00:04:07,036
That I am, Sam.
76
00:04:07,664 --> 00:04:09,246
That I am.
77
00:04:10,792 --> 00:04:12,909
I just can't pay my rent.
78
00:04:15,630 --> 00:04:17,212
Hey, buddy.
79
00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:20,708
You really ran Stevens' campaign?
80
00:04:21,303 --> 00:04:25,513
I did. I ran it right into the ground.
81
00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:30,927
In lighter news...
82
00:04:31,354 --> 00:04:33,437
Tommy, come on, hit me with another.
83
00:04:33,565 --> 00:04:37,525
...look no further than 11-year-old
YouTube sensation Oliver Foley.
84
00:04:37,652 --> 00:04:41,566
His latest video is racking up
millions of hits because
85
00:04:41,740 --> 00:04:44,107
Oliver's running for president.
86
00:04:44,242 --> 00:04:47,485
Oh, hey, hi. I'm Oliver Henry Foley,
87
00:04:47,662 --> 00:04:52,498
and I'm announcing my candidacy
for president of the USA.
88
00:04:52,918 --> 00:04:55,831
Here's why. I want people
to be nice to each other.
89
00:04:56,004 --> 00:04:59,839
I really do. I know it sounds cheesy,
but it's the truth.
90
00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:03,130
And it's a good enough reason
to run for president as any.
91
00:05:03,261 --> 00:05:05,469
I also believe that
everyone should go to school
92
00:05:05,597 --> 00:05:06,838
and play video games,
93
00:05:07,015 --> 00:05:09,098
because it's good
for your hand-eye coordination.
94
00:05:09,518 --> 00:05:12,511
I may be a kid,
but I sure do get America.
95
00:05:12,646 --> 00:05:15,855
It's the land of equality
and freedom for everyone.
96
00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:18,065
Except maybe my little sister.
97
00:05:18,193 --> 00:05:19,934
You should run that kid's campaign.
98
00:05:20,111 --> 00:05:21,568
He tells it like it is.
99
00:05:21,696 --> 00:05:24,780
- That's crazy.
- Eight million views crazy.
100
00:05:24,908 --> 00:05:27,696
Considering all the crap
coming out of Washington,
101
00:05:27,869 --> 00:05:31,988
- I'd vote for that kid in a heartbeat.
- Me, too. I like what he's saying.
102
00:05:32,123 --> 00:05:34,581
He's a little cutie.
103
00:05:40,966 --> 00:05:44,630
Meet Raff Hanks, a wunderkind.
104
00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:48,596
Once the most successful
campaign manager of his generation.
105
00:05:48,723 --> 00:05:52,763
Now Raff finds himself
in a valley of booze and regret.
106
00:05:52,894 --> 00:05:57,104
One filled with bad choices
and even worse polling.
107
00:05:57,232 --> 00:06:00,725
He's about to embark on
a misguided road to redemption.
108
00:06:00,902 --> 00:06:02,734
And on his way back to the top,
109
00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:07,358
he'll have to take a dark detour
through The Twilight Zone.
110
00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:13,287
You're traveling
through another dimension,
111
00:06:13,415 --> 00:06:16,874
a dimension not only of
sight and sound but of mind.
112
00:06:17,043 --> 00:06:20,127
It is the middle ground
between light and shadow,
113
00:06:20,255 --> 00:06:22,872
between science and superstition.
114
00:06:23,049 --> 00:06:25,462
And it lies between
the pit of one's fears
115
00:06:25,594 --> 00:06:28,337
and the summit of one's knowledge.
116
00:06:28,471 --> 00:06:31,509
You are now traveling through
a dimension of imagination.
117
00:06:31,641 --> 00:06:35,055
You've just crossed over
into The Twilight Zone.
118
00:06:39,566 --> 00:06:43,936
Mr. Hanks,
you did a great service for our country.
119
00:06:44,070 --> 00:06:45,857
Jesus.
120
00:06:45,989 --> 00:06:47,776
Our country?
121
00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:50,073
I saw an angle, man.
122
00:06:50,952 --> 00:06:52,818
I saw my shot, I took it.
123
00:06:57,667 --> 00:06:59,454
Ah!
124
00:07:28,490 --> 00:07:31,983
Mmm. This really is delicious.
125
00:07:32,118 --> 00:07:33,118
Mmm.
126
00:07:33,203 --> 00:07:35,445
Tuesdays is spaghetti,
and Wednesdays is hamburgers.
127
00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:37,955
- Cheeseburgers.
- Cheeseburgers, if you're into that.
128
00:07:38,083 --> 00:07:40,666
Can you pass the parmesan cheese?
129
00:07:41,086 --> 00:07:43,123
- Oliver.
- Yeah?
130
00:07:43,254 --> 00:07:45,337
Do you really want to be president?
131
00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:48,173
Yep. I'm sick of all the war stuff
132
00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:50,714
and the environment stuff
and the fact that
133
00:07:50,845 --> 00:07:52,962
everybody lies all the time
134
00:07:53,098 --> 00:07:55,636
and that we only get two weeks
off at Christmas break.
135
00:07:55,767 --> 00:07:59,010
Wait. If Oliver gets to be president,
do I get to be vice president?
136
00:07:59,145 --> 00:08:02,559
Uh, maybe, honey. Eat your salad.
137
00:08:02,941 --> 00:08:04,728
I first started my YouTube channel
138
00:08:04,859 --> 00:08:07,522
because my friend Charlie had one,
and I wanted one, too.
139
00:08:07,696 --> 00:08:09,483
Then I started vlogging about Minecraft,
140
00:08:09,614 --> 00:08:11,342
which was sort of boring
because Minecraft is
141
00:08:11,366 --> 00:08:13,904
for little kids, and
I'm not little anymore.
142
00:08:14,035 --> 00:08:17,403
Then I started vlogging about Fortnite,
which got me a bunch of views.
143
00:08:17,539 --> 00:08:19,656
But then I decided to run for president,
144
00:08:19,791 --> 00:08:22,408
and I got 12 million views.
145
00:08:22,544 --> 00:08:23,910
And then you showed up.
146
00:08:24,546 --> 00:08:26,128
And then I showed up.
147
00:08:26,256 --> 00:08:28,373
That's what I just said.
148
00:08:30,093 --> 00:08:34,053
Really, Raff, why are you here?
149
00:08:34,222 --> 00:08:36,259
I know this thing has
gotten a lot of coverage,
150
00:08:36,391 --> 00:08:38,348
but he's a kid, it's a joke.
151
00:08:38,476 --> 00:08:39,887
Not to me.
152
00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:42,307
People are really responding
to what Oliver is saying.
153
00:08:42,439 --> 00:08:44,226
- He's 11.
- It's a technicality.
154
00:08:44,399 --> 00:08:45,810
To being president.
155
00:08:45,942 --> 00:08:48,901
Listen, your name will be on the ballot.
He'll just be the one in charge.
156
00:08:49,070 --> 00:08:53,110
Oh. This is getting better and better.
157
00:08:53,241 --> 00:08:55,358
Listen, Andrew Johnson was a tailor.
158
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:57,322
Teddy Roosevelt was a rancher.
159
00:08:57,454 --> 00:08:58,990
Jimmy Carter was a peanut farmer.
160
00:08:59,122 --> 00:09:02,832
This country is very open
to leaders without political baggage.
161
00:09:02,959 --> 00:09:06,452
Raff, I googled you. I did some research.
162
00:09:06,588 --> 00:09:09,171
I know you've had a hard run.
You battled the booze...
163
00:09:09,340 --> 00:09:13,710
Joseph, I'm off it, completely.
I am a new man.
164
00:09:13,845 --> 00:09:17,213
I mean, I am drinking chamomile tea,
for the love of Pete.
165
00:09:17,348 --> 00:09:20,762
Well, still, we see what
you're trying to do here.
166
00:09:22,437 --> 00:09:24,349
You're an opportunist.
167
00:09:25,523 --> 00:09:26,855
Of course I am.
168
00:09:28,943 --> 00:09:30,275
I need this.
169
00:09:30,820 --> 00:09:33,187
This is what I do.
170
00:09:34,032 --> 00:09:38,902
But Oliver, your son, has tapped into
something very, very real.
171
00:09:39,037 --> 00:09:41,700
He connects with people.
172
00:09:41,831 --> 00:09:43,551
Do you realize how rare
that is in politics,
173
00:09:43,666 --> 00:09:45,658
to actually connect with people?
174
00:09:46,961 --> 00:09:49,704
I honestly believe
Oliver can be president.
175
00:09:49,881 --> 00:09:51,497
Come on, now...
176
00:09:51,633 --> 00:09:53,590
And win or lose, when
all this is said and done,
177
00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:55,843
he will have had the experience
of a lifetime.
178
00:09:55,970 --> 00:09:58,257
And he will have made enough
money from endorsements
179
00:09:58,389 --> 00:10:00,927
and TV deals and book deals
to pay for his college
180
00:10:01,059 --> 00:10:03,847
and Lily's college, the dog's college.
181
00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:07,055
You'll have your face back on TV.
182
00:10:07,732 --> 00:10:08,939
Exactly.
183
00:10:09,317 --> 00:10:11,900
Everybody wins, nobody gets hurt.
184
00:10:12,070 --> 00:10:14,403
This is the American dream.
185
00:10:16,658 --> 00:10:18,524
We're making a new video.
Lily's gonna film it.
186
00:10:18,660 --> 00:10:20,743
You want to watch?
It's gonna be awesome.
187
00:10:32,924 --> 00:10:34,916
- Go.
- Go?
188
00:10:35,051 --> 00:10:36,051
- Yes.
- Now?
189
00:10:36,177 --> 00:10:38,590
- Go now.
- Okay. Here are the ten things
190
00:10:38,721 --> 00:10:42,089
I promise the American people
if I'm elected president.
191
00:10:43,101 --> 00:10:44,933
Oh. Hi, Homer.
192
00:10:45,061 --> 00:10:47,348
This is Homer. Anyways,
193
00:10:47,522 --> 00:10:50,265
number one: jobs. Jobs for everyone.
194
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:54,064
Number two: long weekends,
longer vacations.
195
00:10:54,195 --> 00:10:57,029
Number three: less Star Wars movies.
196
00:10:57,198 --> 00:10:59,360
Number four: better air to breathe,
197
00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:01,905
which means more bikes and less cars.
198
00:11:02,036 --> 00:11:04,403
Number five: less war.
199
00:11:04,539 --> 00:11:09,079
Number six: dogs for dog people
and cats for cat people.
200
00:11:09,210 --> 00:11:13,329
Number seven: more pancake houses
throughout the land, please.
201
00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:16,840
Number eight: free video games
for every American!
202
00:11:16,968 --> 00:11:20,632
Number nine: every month has
to have its own holiday.
203
00:11:20,763 --> 00:11:24,006
Number ten: dessert is before dinner!
204
00:11:25,894 --> 00:11:28,477
Got hot dogs waiting on the bus.
Ketchup and mustard.
205
00:11:28,605 --> 00:11:30,221
The little juice boxes like you like.
206
00:11:30,398 --> 00:11:31,559
And baby carrots?
207
00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:34,479
Of course. With ranch dressing.
I'm no monster.
208
00:11:34,611 --> 00:11:38,321
We got CNN and Fox this afternoon,
Rachel Maddow tonight.
209
00:11:38,448 --> 00:11:39,609
She's nice.
210
00:11:39,741 --> 00:11:42,720
She's super nice. And you promised me
the interview with The Times, remember?
211
00:11:42,744 --> 00:11:45,737
Only if we can stop at the water park
on the way back to the airport.
212
00:11:45,872 --> 00:11:47,454
You got it.
213
00:11:48,124 --> 00:11:51,037
Hey, what about the song?
And the music video?
214
00:11:51,169 --> 00:11:53,081
I get a lot of views with my videos.
215
00:11:53,254 --> 00:11:55,291
Recording studio booked,
dancers are rehearsing.
216
00:11:55,423 --> 00:11:56,959
It's been two months now.
217
00:11:57,508 --> 00:11:59,420
You can do better, Raff.
218
00:12:01,304 --> 00:12:02,545
You're right.
219
00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:04,046
I can do better.
220
00:12:04,182 --> 00:12:07,266
Wow. The wunderkind
and the wunderkind.
221
00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:09,305
Maura McGowan.
222
00:12:09,437 --> 00:12:12,145
What are you doing here
on the mean streets of rural Iowa?
223
00:12:12,273 --> 00:12:15,357
I saw your mug on TV,
figured I'd come say hi.
224
00:12:15,526 --> 00:12:18,109
You want to get the band back
together again, don't you?
225
00:12:20,031 --> 00:12:21,818
I wrote you off after Stevens.
226
00:12:23,034 --> 00:12:24,241
I was wrong.
227
00:12:24,369 --> 00:12:26,110
"I was wrong."
228
00:12:26,287 --> 00:12:28,324
My three favorite words
in the English language.
229
00:12:28,456 --> 00:12:29,822
Okay, don't push it.
230
00:12:29,958 --> 00:12:31,915
You know you missed me, Maura.
231
00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:33,576
A little bit.
232
00:12:37,423 --> 00:12:39,164
Good. Come on.
233
00:12:40,635 --> 00:12:43,343
So what are we going to do,
though, when it all, you know,
234
00:12:43,471 --> 00:12:47,431
blows up in our faces?
235
00:12:52,689 --> 00:12:54,772
Look, Mr. Hanks,
236
00:12:54,899 --> 00:12:57,858
we're going to have to operate.
Your condition is not stable.
237
00:12:58,903 --> 00:13:01,486
I'm not sure that I ever was.
238
00:13:02,490 --> 00:13:05,403
A stable person would've seen
what was happening.
239
00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:08,611
Let's hit it!
240
00:13:08,746 --> 00:13:11,489
♪ We the people all across
the nation
241
00:13:11,666 --> 00:13:14,875
♪ It's about time
for a celebration
242
00:13:15,003 --> 00:13:17,791
♪ Bright future is
the new sensation
243
00:13:17,922 --> 00:13:20,585
♪ It's time to break free
like summer vacation
244
00:13:20,717 --> 00:13:23,130
♪ Put your hands up
if you feel that
245
00:13:23,261 --> 00:13:25,127
- ♪ Whoa! If you've had enough...
- Hey.
246
00:13:25,263 --> 00:13:27,346
- Hey.
- Those national ads done yet?
247
00:13:27,473 --> 00:13:29,180
- We have that TV space on hold.
- Almost.
248
00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:31,517
Oliver hasn't signed off yet
completely, but he will.
249
00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:33,761
- He will.
- I hope so.
250
00:13:33,896 --> 00:13:36,229
You know, his last set of
notes were four pages long,
251
00:13:36,357 --> 00:13:39,600
all handwritten and mostly involved
inserting more shots of his dog.
252
00:13:39,777 --> 00:13:42,986
He's smart. The kid's smart.
253
00:13:43,114 --> 00:13:44,605
Hey!
254
00:13:45,241 --> 00:13:47,949
I know. So good.
255
00:13:48,077 --> 00:13:49,784
♪ Oh, oh, oh, yee-haw!
256
00:13:49,912 --> 00:13:51,403
♪ Young enough to hope
257
00:13:51,539 --> 00:13:53,496
♪ O-o-o-old enough to vote
258
00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:55,282
We can do this!
259
00:13:55,418 --> 00:13:56,778
That's a cut!
260
00:13:56,878 --> 00:13:58,835
Yeah, nice.
261
00:14:02,550 --> 00:14:05,088
- Man, that kid is cute, though.
- Fuckin' A he is.
262
00:14:05,219 --> 00:14:07,489
I'm sorry, we have
that doctor's appointment to get to now.
263
00:14:07,513 --> 00:14:10,927
- No way, Mom!
- Oliver, do not argue with your mother.
264
00:14:11,059 --> 00:14:13,551
- I'm not going! I'm not.
- You're going to the doctor.
265
00:14:13,686 --> 00:14:14,802
End of discussion.
266
00:14:14,937 --> 00:14:15,973
- No!
- Yes!
267
00:14:16,105 --> 00:14:17,812
- Bullshit!
- Oliver!
268
00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:20,432
I hate the doctor.
It's always some old man
269
00:14:20,568 --> 00:14:22,434
with bad breath
stabbing me with needles.
270
00:14:22,570 --> 00:14:25,090
The doctor is just there to
make sure that you are good and healthy.
271
00:14:25,114 --> 00:14:27,652
I am healthy!
I just danced for, like, five hours!
272
00:14:27,784 --> 00:14:30,197
You're going to the doctor.
End of discussion, young man.
273
00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:31,827
- I hate you!
- Oliver!
274
00:14:31,954 --> 00:14:35,618
I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!
275
00:14:35,750 --> 00:14:37,457
I hate you. I hate you.
276
00:14:39,420 --> 00:14:43,084
I saw what I wanted to.
277
00:14:43,424 --> 00:14:44,424
Let's hit it!
278
00:14:44,509 --> 00:14:47,252
♪ It's self-evident
Oliver for president
279
00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:50,471
♪ He's the one we need to be
the White House resident
280
00:14:50,598 --> 00:14:53,341
Well, Oliver's not one of these
greasy-palmed hucksters.
281
00:14:53,518 --> 00:14:55,100
We got plenty of those.
282
00:14:55,269 --> 00:14:58,137
There's something inspirational
about starting off with someone fresh.
283
00:14:58,272 --> 00:15:00,584
You know, someone that believes
in the things that I believe in.
284
00:15:00,608 --> 00:15:02,520
♪ Young enough to ho-o-o-o-ope
285
00:15:02,652 --> 00:15:03,893
♪ Old enough to vote
286
00:15:04,070 --> 00:15:05,936
He wants to make this country stronger.
287
00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:07,549
I mean, he wants to bring us
back to basics,
288
00:15:07,573 --> 00:15:09,439
back to what made this...
this nation great.
289
00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:10,861
My grandkids love him.
290
00:15:13,121 --> 00:15:15,432
He's making promises
just like a politician would,
291
00:15:15,456 --> 00:15:17,823
but Oliver Foley is undeniably different.
292
00:15:17,959 --> 00:15:21,168
There's a momentum here of a kind
I haven't seen before.
293
00:15:21,295 --> 00:15:22,773
It doesn't matter
how old he is to me.
294
00:15:22,797 --> 00:15:24,775
He could be eight years old, he could be
eight months old for all I care.
295
00:15:24,799 --> 00:15:26,210
He's got my vote.
296
00:15:26,342 --> 00:15:28,445
What's amazing
is that this kid is in the race at all,
297
00:15:28,469 --> 00:15:30,335
let alone now just six points down
298
00:15:30,471 --> 00:15:32,087
in the latest national polls.
299
00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:36,350
Oliver Foley has captured
the imagination of the American public.
300
00:15:36,477 --> 00:15:38,343
♪ Oh, oh, oh, yee-haw!
301
00:15:38,479 --> 00:15:39,686
♪ Young enough to hope
302
00:15:39,814 --> 00:15:43,353
- ♪ O-o-o-old enough to vote
- We can do this!
303
00:15:45,736 --> 00:15:48,649
Oliver, your competitors
have called you "uninformed,
304
00:15:48,823 --> 00:15:53,739
ill-informed, or not informed at all"
when it comes to global politics.
305
00:15:53,870 --> 00:15:55,611
Can you respond to their complaints?
306
00:15:55,746 --> 00:15:59,581
What do you feel we should be doing
with our troops still in Iraq?
307
00:16:02,003 --> 00:16:04,837
I... I'm glad you asked me about Iraq.
308
00:16:05,006 --> 00:16:08,044
It's... It's an...
It's an intriguing question,
309
00:16:08,176 --> 00:16:10,759
and it is well worth answering,
310
00:16:10,928 --> 00:16:14,968
just not in 60-second sound-bites.
311
00:16:15,099 --> 00:16:18,513
Wait. Hold on. I don't even know
what that fucking means.
312
00:16:18,686 --> 00:16:21,224
- Language.
- Sorry, but this is ridiculous.
313
00:16:21,355 --> 00:16:23,195
He hasn't memorized anything
I've asked him to,
314
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:25,854
and the first primary debate
is one week away.
315
00:16:26,194 --> 00:16:28,436
I don't know why you hired me.
He can't be coached.
316
00:16:28,613 --> 00:16:30,775
- It's a goddamn shit-show.
- Enough!
317
00:16:31,741 --> 00:16:34,358
You're right, I don't know
why I hired you, it was a mistake.
318
00:16:34,535 --> 00:16:36,401
Frankly, we don't need
another canned answer
319
00:16:36,537 --> 00:16:38,073
that people are gonna know
is baloney.
320
00:16:38,206 --> 00:16:41,119
He's gonna be embarrassed.
It's a joke and he's a sideshow.
321
00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:44,709
A sideshow who's only
six points down in Iowa
322
00:16:44,879 --> 00:16:48,247
and whose latest music video
has 56 million views.
323
00:16:48,382 --> 00:16:50,499
He's got you there, Larry.
Kid knows his YouTube.
324
00:16:55,223 --> 00:16:56,223
Larry...
325
00:16:57,725 --> 00:16:58,806
...you're fired.
326
00:17:04,398 --> 00:17:06,310
Is he right, Raff?
327
00:17:06,484 --> 00:17:08,066
Am I gonna be embarrassed?
328
00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:14,152
We have had decades of politicians
who claim to know everything,
329
00:17:14,283 --> 00:17:17,071
and where has that taken
this country, Oliver?
330
00:17:18,996 --> 00:17:21,283
It's taken us straight into the crapper.
331
00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:23,790
You're gonna be fine.
332
00:17:23,918 --> 00:17:25,875
You just do your thing, okay?
333
00:17:26,420 --> 00:17:28,207
Thanks, Raff.
334
00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:32,792
Oh.
335
00:17:40,268 --> 00:17:42,305
I mean, I guess I don't
really understand taxes,
336
00:17:42,436 --> 00:17:44,644
if that's really
your qu... question. I mean,
337
00:17:44,772 --> 00:17:47,685
taxes are good, except when they're bad.
338
00:17:47,817 --> 00:17:49,228
But they're mostly good, right?
339
00:17:49,443 --> 00:17:51,309
- Um... Uh...
- Wow.
340
00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:54,859
Uh, except in Monopoly,
then they're bad.
341
00:17:54,991 --> 00:17:58,075
- And...
- Hey, nice work there, guys.
342
00:17:58,244 --> 00:17:59,576
Real car accident.
343
00:17:59,704 --> 00:18:01,240
- You know what, Pete?
- Just leave it.
344
00:18:01,372 --> 00:18:03,141
We were worried there
for a little while, but this?
345
00:18:03,165 --> 00:18:04,747
This is beautiful.
346
00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:07,312
I think there's a dogcatcher race
in Florenceville Junction, Raff.
347
00:18:07,336 --> 00:18:09,077
Maybe you could get on that campaign.
348
00:18:09,255 --> 00:18:10,857
That's really funny. That's really funny.
349
00:18:10,881 --> 00:18:12,964
- Okay... Just let it go.
- Congratulations.
350
00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:14,958
We trusted you.
351
00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:18,133
Listen, your boy's gonna get
his sea legs soon, I know it.
352
00:18:18,306 --> 00:18:19,717
I can feel it. He's gonna be fine.
353
00:18:19,849 --> 00:18:21,932
His sea legs? This is a disaster.
354
00:18:22,059 --> 00:18:23,899
- No. Joseph...
- They're destroying him, Raff.
355
00:18:23,978 --> 00:18:26,095
- They're destroying my boy.
- No, he's gonna be f...
356
00:18:26,230 --> 00:18:28,973
Lily, Lily, sweetheart...
He's gonna be... You guys.
357
00:18:29,150 --> 00:18:30,766
Come on. You guys...
358
00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:36,529
Mom?
359
00:18:40,161 --> 00:18:42,699
Mom? Mom?
360
00:18:43,205 --> 00:18:44,205
Mom.
361
00:19:01,849 --> 00:19:03,590
Try to relax.
362
00:19:04,518 --> 00:19:07,056
If you're gonna do it, just do it.
363
00:19:07,188 --> 00:19:10,727
The doctor was held up.
He's on a... different level.
364
00:19:10,858 --> 00:19:12,099
He's on his way.
365
00:19:12,234 --> 00:19:14,021
- God!
- Mr. Hanks!
366
00:19:14,195 --> 00:19:17,188
Put me under!
Save my life or let me die, man!
367
00:19:21,285 --> 00:19:23,948
Two days before
Iowa votes in the first caucus
368
00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:27,494
or primary of the season,
the race is truly shaping up
369
00:19:27,625 --> 00:19:30,709
after the embarrassing flameout
of 11-year-old Oliver Foley
370
00:19:30,878 --> 00:19:33,962
in a disastrous campaign
led by Raff Hanks,
371
00:19:34,090 --> 00:19:38,004
one that will be analyzed and
joked about for decades to...
372
00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:43,013
- Thanks for taking pity on me, Tommy.
- I don't have pity on you, Raff.
373
00:19:43,140 --> 00:19:45,223
I just don't want you crying
in the bar again.
374
00:19:45,351 --> 00:19:46,762
Scares the customers.
375
00:19:47,395 --> 00:19:49,352
Right.
376
00:19:54,944 --> 00:19:59,109
Well, so much for that
chamomile tea phase, huh?
377
00:19:59,573 --> 00:20:01,860
Yeah, I replaced it with the
"decimate your liver" phase.
378
00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:03,570
It's much more enjoyable.
379
00:20:03,703 --> 00:20:06,787
Tommy, would you get this fine lady
a bourbon on the rocks, please?
380
00:20:06,914 --> 00:20:09,782
- Make it a double, please.
- Oh, that's my girl.
381
00:20:09,917 --> 00:20:11,158
How you holding up?
382
00:20:11,585 --> 00:20:13,827
Well, better than you are, apparently.
383
00:20:15,005 --> 00:20:18,089
Thanks. Oh, wow.
384
00:20:20,886 --> 00:20:23,720
So what are you doing here?
I got things to do.
385
00:20:23,848 --> 00:20:26,010
I got nuts to eat.
I got beer to cry into.
386
00:20:27,435 --> 00:20:30,052
No, I really am here, actually,
to see how you're doing.
387
00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:35,646
And from the looks of things,
it's... not a pretty picture.
388
00:20:36,318 --> 00:20:38,480
You know what the worst part is?
389
00:20:39,572 --> 00:20:41,063
Hmm?
390
00:20:41,198 --> 00:20:43,518
I started this whole thing
to get out of the mess I was in,
391
00:20:43,617 --> 00:20:47,907
but somewhere along the line,
I started liking what the kid was saying.
392
00:20:48,456 --> 00:20:50,493
- Uh-oh.
- Yeah.
393
00:20:50,624 --> 00:20:53,583
Not the whole
"I actually believe my candidate" story.
394
00:20:53,711 --> 00:20:55,293
I do believe in him.
395
00:20:55,463 --> 00:20:57,876
All right, he didn't know shit
about the tax code.
396
00:20:58,007 --> 00:20:59,589
But he was human.
397
00:20:59,717 --> 00:21:01,570
He was vulnerable,
and that's more than I can say
398
00:21:01,594 --> 00:21:03,005
about everybody else up there.
399
00:21:03,137 --> 00:21:06,005
You know, I never should have
let him go on the debate stage.
400
00:21:06,140 --> 00:21:07,676
He should've kept making his videos.
401
00:21:07,808 --> 00:21:09,674
We could've done one about world peace.
402
00:21:09,810 --> 00:21:11,927
He could've been holding
a homemade globe,
403
00:21:12,104 --> 00:21:13,832
and everyone would have
eaten it up, and no one
404
00:21:13,856 --> 00:21:16,018
- would give a shit about the debate.
- You know what?
405
00:21:16,150 --> 00:21:19,109
- It's too late now. Right?
- Yeah.
406
00:21:19,904 --> 00:21:21,486
Yeah, it's too late.
407
00:21:22,490 --> 00:21:24,732
You know, I actually
stopped by their place.
408
00:21:24,909 --> 00:21:27,401
- The Foleys.
- You did? How they doing?
409
00:21:28,037 --> 00:21:29,949
Um... To be expected.
410
00:21:30,122 --> 00:21:31,738
Maybe...
411
00:21:31,874 --> 00:21:33,581
a little bit worse.
412
00:21:35,002 --> 00:21:36,709
Well, you know their dog, Homer?
413
00:21:36,837 --> 00:21:38,203
Yeah?
414
00:21:38,339 --> 00:21:40,422
He's got some kind of cancer.
He's gonna die.
415
00:21:40,549 --> 00:21:42,882
No. No.
416
00:21:43,719 --> 00:21:46,757
- Yeah.
- Oh, God, I fucked everything up.
417
00:21:46,889 --> 00:21:48,596
I even killed their dog.
418
00:21:49,683 --> 00:21:51,219
Oliver says hi, though.
419
00:21:52,186 --> 00:21:53,597
He did?
420
00:21:53,771 --> 00:21:55,182
He doesn't blame you.
421
00:21:55,356 --> 00:21:57,063
He wanted me to tell you that.
422
00:21:57,191 --> 00:21:58,773
Oh, he's a good kid.
423
00:21:59,401 --> 00:22:01,505
He also wanted me to ask you
if you thought it was okay
424
00:22:01,529 --> 00:22:04,317
for him to post a vlog
about his dying dog.
425
00:22:04,865 --> 00:22:07,733
- Why not, I guess.
- I mean, that's what I said.
426
00:22:08,869 --> 00:22:11,282
It's really sad, you know?
427
00:22:11,997 --> 00:22:14,114
I mean, it's sweet how much he...
428
00:22:15,209 --> 00:22:17,292
...cares about that poor animal.
429
00:22:21,632 --> 00:22:23,043
Oh, Jesus.
430
00:22:24,051 --> 00:22:25,587
It's perfect.
431
00:22:27,054 --> 00:22:28,545
A vlog about a dying dog.
432
00:22:28,722 --> 00:22:31,089
Oh, my God, provided it's done
correctly, it's perfect.
433
00:22:31,225 --> 00:22:33,137
- Raff...
- Are we on the ballot still?
434
00:22:33,310 --> 00:22:35,267
Please tell me we are still
on the ballot.
435
00:22:35,938 --> 00:22:38,351
It was too late
to get us taken off, but...
436
00:22:38,482 --> 00:22:40,690
Raff, what are you doing?
437
00:22:40,818 --> 00:22:44,402
I am getting Oliver Foley elected president
of the United States of America.
438
00:22:44,530 --> 00:22:46,863
We're winning this goddamn election!
439
00:22:51,912 --> 00:22:53,574
That's not good.
440
00:22:56,542 --> 00:22:59,125
This is Homer. My dog.
441
00:22:59,253 --> 00:23:02,291
He's a Labradoodle.
I've known him my whole life.
442
00:23:02,423 --> 00:23:05,416
He's the best dog
in the whole wide world.
443
00:23:05,593 --> 00:23:07,175
He's also dying.
444
00:23:07,344 --> 00:23:08,801
He has cancer.
445
00:23:08,929 --> 00:23:11,842
A dog type of cancer
that's sort of incurable.
446
00:23:13,601 --> 00:23:15,012
Come on. Come over.
447
00:23:15,144 --> 00:23:16,976
This is my sister, Lily.
448
00:23:17,104 --> 00:23:18,766
And these are my parents.
449
00:23:19,982 --> 00:23:21,702
It's pretty clear
I don't know nearly enough
450
00:23:21,817 --> 00:23:24,901
to be president alone.
But if you elect me,
451
00:23:25,070 --> 00:23:28,154
I'll surround myself with
the nicest and smartest people.
452
00:23:28,282 --> 00:23:30,365
I'll work so hard to make you proud
453
00:23:30,492 --> 00:23:33,781
and make sure that you can hug
your sick pets longer
454
00:23:33,954 --> 00:23:37,618
and that you'll get to spend
as many healthy days as possible
455
00:23:37,750 --> 00:23:39,036
with the ones you love.
456
00:23:39,168 --> 00:23:42,582
Because family... family's everything.
457
00:23:47,718 --> 00:23:49,584
Let's hit it!
458
00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:52,554
♪ We the people all across the nation
459
00:23:52,681 --> 00:23:55,640
♪ It's about time for a celebration...
460
00:23:55,809 --> 00:23:58,722
Oliver Foley, surprising
every pollster in Iowa,
461
00:23:58,854 --> 00:24:00,811
has won the first caucus.
462
00:24:00,981 --> 00:24:03,189
In a stunning come-from-behind upset,
463
00:24:03,317 --> 00:24:06,810
11-year-old Oliver Foley
has won the Iowa caucus.
464
00:24:09,949 --> 00:24:11,781
I don't know why people are so surprised.
465
00:24:11,909 --> 00:24:13,946
I mean, Oliver really
connects with people.
466
00:24:14,078 --> 00:24:15,819
He was the 13th story on the news,
467
00:24:15,996 --> 00:24:18,363
and together we made him
headline material.
468
00:24:18,499 --> 00:24:21,561
I mean, after tonight, I think he's poised
to win the whole thing. I really do.
469
00:24:21,585 --> 00:24:24,373
Really? All the national polls
put him very far behind.
470
00:24:24,505 --> 00:24:26,865
Listen, polls are meaningless
when the American people
471
00:24:27,007 --> 00:24:31,297
find someone who honestly
and truly speaks to their core values.
472
00:24:31,428 --> 00:24:34,466
- ♪ O-o-o-o-old enough to vote
- We can do this!
473
00:24:34,598 --> 00:24:36,840
Hmm.
474
00:25:01,500 --> 00:25:03,913
There he is! Hey! Hey, kid.
475
00:25:04,044 --> 00:25:06,536
I'm the President! Yeah!
476
00:25:13,470 --> 00:25:15,211
This is so cool.
477
00:25:16,181 --> 00:25:17,217
Yeah!
478
00:25:18,225 --> 00:25:20,592
This is the president. Bomb Russia!
479
00:25:20,728 --> 00:25:23,186
I'm just kidding.
I'm just kidding. Don't worry.
480
00:25:24,982 --> 00:25:28,102
- Can't believe I get to live here now.
- Well, you're in charge now, Oliver...
481
00:25:28,152 --> 00:25:29,859
uh, Mr. President.
482
00:25:29,987 --> 00:25:32,400
You're the leader of the free world.
483
00:25:32,573 --> 00:25:35,281
Well... as leader of the free world,
484
00:25:35,409 --> 00:25:37,776
we need to fulfill my campaign promises.
485
00:25:37,911 --> 00:25:40,028
- ASAP.
- Absolutely.
486
00:25:40,205 --> 00:25:44,245
First off, free video games
for every American.
487
00:25:44,376 --> 00:25:47,835
Nintendo, PlayStation,
whatever they want.
488
00:25:47,963 --> 00:25:50,626
Um... Oliver...
489
00:25:50,758 --> 00:25:53,501
Honey, I don't think that we can
quite just do that.
490
00:25:53,677 --> 00:25:57,091
- What are you talking about, Mom?
- Well, I mean that there are laws.
491
00:25:57,264 --> 00:25:58,550
Congress.
492
00:25:58,682 --> 00:26:00,924
We talked about this, remember, honey?
493
00:26:01,060 --> 00:26:05,725
But I promised everyone video games,
and you, Mr. Chief of Staff,
494
00:26:05,856 --> 00:26:07,643
are gonna make sure that happens.
495
00:26:07,775 --> 00:26:10,017
Well, I'm not quite sure
that Congress is gonna
496
00:26:10,152 --> 00:26:12,360
go for that, Mr. President, especially
497
00:26:12,488 --> 00:26:14,368
given the way the national
debt looks right now.
498
00:26:14,448 --> 00:26:16,408
And plus, companies aren't
just going to willingly
499
00:26:16,575 --> 00:26:19,283
- give away their games.
- Guess they'll just have to.
500
00:26:19,411 --> 00:26:20,697
- Yes, but...
- But nothing.
501
00:26:20,829 --> 00:26:22,411
They have to.
502
00:26:22,539 --> 00:26:24,121
I made a promise.
503
00:26:24,249 --> 00:26:28,789
So, they give away 270 million games
504
00:26:28,921 --> 00:26:32,710
to every American,
or we put a surcharge tax
505
00:26:32,841 --> 00:26:36,755
of a million dollars a Game Boy
and put them out of business in a day.
506
00:26:36,929 --> 00:26:40,593
The people voted. We have
to give 'em what we promised.
507
00:26:44,061 --> 00:26:46,644
- Hey, Oliver.
- "Mr. President."
508
00:26:47,397 --> 00:26:49,229
Sorry, Raff, but it sounds really cool.
509
00:26:49,358 --> 00:26:50,974
You're right.
510
00:26:51,151 --> 00:26:53,814
Mr. President, maybe we should,
uh, hold off
511
00:26:53,946 --> 00:26:56,029
on the video game thing
until you get settled in...
512
00:26:56,156 --> 00:26:59,570
I'm settled in, Raff,
and I know what I want.
513
00:26:59,701 --> 00:27:02,159
And you guys are gonna
get that done for me
514
00:27:02,329 --> 00:27:04,992
or I'll get other people
to get it done for me.
515
00:27:05,124 --> 00:27:07,286
There won't be a shortage
of people who want to work
516
00:27:07,417 --> 00:27:10,160
for the new president
of the United States.
517
00:27:12,214 --> 00:27:14,922
Now... where's the White House kitchen?
518
00:27:15,050 --> 00:27:18,214
I want a triple-scoop
chocolate chip mint,
519
00:27:18,345 --> 00:27:21,213
vanilla and coffee ice cream sundae
with whipped cream,
520
00:27:21,348 --> 00:27:23,305
chocolate sauce and sprinkles!
521
00:27:35,863 --> 00:27:37,900
I want to make
a new vlog of me singing
522
00:27:38,031 --> 00:27:40,398
and all these dancers around me
dressed like soldiers.
523
00:27:40,534 --> 00:27:43,618
Mm-hmm. I'm not sure if vlogging
is the best way to communicate.
524
00:27:43,745 --> 00:27:46,328
Of course it is.
I want to sing about world peace.
525
00:27:46,456 --> 00:27:50,040
The lyrics should be something like,
"Either you're with peace,
526
00:27:50,210 --> 00:27:52,076
or you're not,"
527
00:27:52,212 --> 00:27:54,452
and if they're not, we start
to kill off all the dancers.
528
00:27:54,506 --> 00:27:56,668
- Um...
- I mean, not for real, obviously.
529
00:27:56,800 --> 00:27:59,918
But in the video, all bloody and stuff.
It'll be cool.
530
00:28:04,224 --> 00:28:06,307
- Dog selection today, Mr. President.
- Finally!
531
00:28:06,435 --> 00:28:09,599
Hi. Hello! Oh, yes, you are so sweet.
532
00:28:09,730 --> 00:28:11,767
Hey, come here, come here.
533
00:28:11,899 --> 00:28:13,481
Okay, no. No.
534
00:28:13,650 --> 00:28:15,312
No. Maybe.
535
00:28:15,444 --> 00:28:16,980
No.
536
00:28:17,112 --> 00:28:18,853
Maybe. No.
537
00:28:18,989 --> 00:28:20,901
This one! This guy right here!
538
00:28:21,074 --> 00:28:22,074
No, no, no, this one.
539
00:28:22,201 --> 00:28:25,660
He's perfect. My new Homer.
540
00:28:25,787 --> 00:28:28,530
- It's a female dog, sir.
- What? Ew!
541
00:28:28,665 --> 00:28:30,076
What were you thinking?
542
00:28:30,209 --> 00:28:31,529
- I thought, um...
- Thought what?
543
00:28:31,585 --> 00:28:32,826
I want a new Homer!
544
00:28:33,003 --> 00:28:34,960
Does Homer sound like
a girl's name to you?
545
00:28:35,088 --> 00:28:36,670
Well, there's other dogs here, sir.
546
00:28:36,840 --> 00:28:38,502
Get rid of 'em. I don't want 'em.
547
00:28:38,634 --> 00:28:41,047
Um, sir? These dogs were
selected from the pound.
548
00:28:41,220 --> 00:28:43,132
I don't really care. I don't want them.
549
00:28:43,263 --> 00:28:46,301
Okay. It is, however,
time for your physical.
550
00:28:46,433 --> 00:28:48,015
Physical? No way.
551
00:28:48,185 --> 00:28:50,121
Well, I'm sorry, Mr. President,
but Congress requires
552
00:28:50,145 --> 00:28:52,637
that the president get a yearly physical.
553
00:28:52,773 --> 00:28:55,186
- Well, then fire Congress.
- We can't quite do that.
554
00:28:55,317 --> 00:28:58,401
Well, I'm not gonna see any doctor.
Especially an old man doctor.
555
00:28:58,528 --> 00:29:01,646
- Okay, but it's scheduled for today, so...
- Well, then un-schedule it.
556
00:29:01,782 --> 00:29:03,648
And never reschedule it.
557
00:29:03,784 --> 00:29:07,118
That's the only real schedule
I can get behind.
558
00:29:07,287 --> 00:29:09,904
And make a new law: no old doctors.
559
00:29:10,040 --> 00:29:11,952
Everyone okay with that?
560
00:29:14,127 --> 00:29:16,369
I said, is everyone okay with that?
561
00:29:17,339 --> 00:29:18,500
Yes, Mr. President.
562
00:29:18,632 --> 00:29:20,544
Yes, Mr. President.
563
00:29:21,468 --> 00:29:23,004
Think fast!
564
00:29:23,136 --> 00:29:25,719
- You lose, you lose.
- You got me.
565
00:29:25,889 --> 00:29:28,552
- You got me.
- Think fast! Ah!
566
00:29:30,143 --> 00:29:32,103
- Mr. Chairman, Mitch. Can...?
- What is it, Raff?
567
00:29:32,271 --> 00:29:34,749
President wants a military parade
for his sister's birthday next week.
568
00:29:34,773 --> 00:29:36,459
I am knee-deep in donkey
shit trying to organize it.
569
00:29:36,483 --> 00:29:39,567
- Right, uh, can I...?
- What? Can I what?
570
00:29:39,695 --> 00:29:41,607
Can I get a minute with you?
571
00:29:41,738 --> 00:29:44,196
What is it, Raff?
You've been out of sorts for weeks.
572
00:29:44,324 --> 00:29:45,565
Um...
573
00:29:49,997 --> 00:29:52,364
- Aren't you a little worried?
- I'm always worried.
574
00:29:52,499 --> 00:29:53,910
What's your problem?
575
00:29:54,084 --> 00:29:55,165
Get out of the way!
576
00:29:55,335 --> 00:29:57,577
Mr. President coming through!
Get out of my way!
577
00:29:58,714 --> 00:29:59,830
- Hey.
- Hey.
578
00:30:01,174 --> 00:30:03,757
Choo-choo! Move it!
579
00:30:04,386 --> 00:30:06,753
Hey, order pizza for everyone.
580
00:30:06,888 --> 00:30:09,756
Don't you think
the president seems like a...?
581
00:30:09,891 --> 00:30:11,803
- A kid.
- Right.
582
00:30:11,977 --> 00:30:14,094
Like a spoiled kid. Like a...
583
00:30:15,981 --> 00:30:19,065
Like the most spoiled kid
in the history of the world, you know?
584
00:30:19,192 --> 00:30:21,272
He's commander-in-chief,
this is the greatest country
585
00:30:21,320 --> 00:30:23,687
in the world. President says "Jump,"
I say "How high?"
586
00:30:23,822 --> 00:30:25,063
I don't care that he's a kid.
587
00:30:25,240 --> 00:30:27,510
Approval rating's through the roof,
everybody loves their video games.
588
00:30:27,534 --> 00:30:29,947
Strange time to be talking treason, Hanks.
589
00:30:30,704 --> 00:30:32,115
- Treason?
- Treason.
590
00:30:32,247 --> 00:30:34,239
No, I'm not talking treason.
591
00:30:34,374 --> 00:30:37,037
Sure sounds like it.
And I don't like it and I won't have it.
592
00:30:37,210 --> 00:30:38,872
Understood?
593
00:30:39,546 --> 00:30:40,582
Understood.
594
00:30:40,714 --> 00:30:41,875
Good.
595
00:30:46,053 --> 00:30:48,921
- Out of my way.
- Helen.
596
00:30:49,056 --> 00:30:51,013
- Hey.
- Helen.
597
00:30:51,141 --> 00:30:53,929
Oliver's not the president,
you are the real president.
598
00:30:54,061 --> 00:30:56,018
Don't you think it's time you intervened?
599
00:30:56,772 --> 00:30:58,308
Intervene?
600
00:30:59,066 --> 00:31:01,308
Why would I do that?
601
00:31:01,526 --> 00:31:04,894
Raff, everything you said
would come true has.
602
00:31:05,030 --> 00:31:06,646
He connects with people.
603
00:31:06,782 --> 00:31:08,239
My child.
604
00:31:08,408 --> 00:31:09,865
He touches people.
605
00:31:10,035 --> 00:31:13,870
Intervening's the last thing
I'm gonna do.
606
00:31:22,881 --> 00:31:25,777
I say if it's bothering you
that much, you should just talk with him.
607
00:31:25,801 --> 00:31:27,383
Okay, it's just hard to know
608
00:31:27,552 --> 00:31:29,919
what to say to an 11-year-old
who's also the president.
609
00:31:30,055 --> 00:31:31,855
Well, you've done pretty good
thus far.
610
00:31:31,890 --> 00:31:33,722
Yeah. It was easier before.
611
00:31:34,935 --> 00:31:37,803
Listen, we're mercenaries, right?
612
00:31:37,938 --> 00:31:39,804
I mean, that's what we are.
613
00:31:39,940 --> 00:31:43,183
Your big mistake was staying
with him in the White House.
614
00:31:43,360 --> 00:31:47,775
You should have followed me.
And I moved on and business is booming.
615
00:31:47,906 --> 00:31:50,239
Didn't have to stick
around and have regrets,
616
00:31:50,367 --> 00:31:52,484
see how the sausage is made.
617
00:31:53,286 --> 00:31:56,199
It's just, no one seems to be willing
to confront him, you know?
618
00:31:56,331 --> 00:31:58,243
Even his parents seem cowed.
619
00:31:58,417 --> 00:32:01,831
Well, maybe they are cowed.
Or maybe everyone's okay with it.
620
00:32:01,962 --> 00:32:05,546
I mean, sure, he's a little bit bratty,
but so are a lot of kids, it's a phase.
621
00:32:05,674 --> 00:32:08,758
Like your chamomile tea phase,
it's gonna pass.
622
00:32:08,885 --> 00:32:12,049
Raff, you of all people knew
what you were getting into
623
00:32:12,180 --> 00:32:14,172
when you decided to run his campaign.
624
00:32:15,142 --> 00:32:18,726
Try and enjoy this moment
instead of worrying so much.
625
00:32:19,479 --> 00:32:22,472
You're the conquering hero. Right?
626
00:32:22,607 --> 00:32:25,566
One of the most famous
campaign managers in history.
627
00:32:26,278 --> 00:32:30,022
The man who got Oliver Foley
elected president.
628
00:32:34,453 --> 00:32:35,864
Thanks.
629
00:32:39,332 --> 00:32:41,039
I tried to do the right thing...
630
00:32:41,710 --> 00:32:42,951
...for once.
631
00:32:43,128 --> 00:32:45,996
Mr. Hanks.
632
00:32:46,131 --> 00:32:48,339
We're losing him.
Get the crash cart in here.
633
00:33:03,523 --> 00:33:05,640
You distracted me, Raff.
634
00:33:05,817 --> 00:33:08,184
- Oh, sorry.
- It's okay.
635
00:33:08,361 --> 00:33:09,977
I never get a hole-in-one.
636
00:33:10,113 --> 00:33:11,649
And it sucks.
637
00:33:13,658 --> 00:33:14,774
Want to play?
638
00:33:14,910 --> 00:33:17,323
Could use the company.
My sister has homework
639
00:33:17,454 --> 00:33:20,993
and the Secretary of Homeland Security
sucks at golf.
640
00:33:23,043 --> 00:33:24,659
Um, sure, thank you.
641
00:33:29,591 --> 00:33:31,253
I think Nixon put in the golf thing.
642
00:33:31,384 --> 00:33:33,626
- But it's so boring, putting.
- Mm-hmm.
643
00:33:33,803 --> 00:33:35,544
Who wants to just putt?
644
00:33:35,680 --> 00:33:39,264
I want windmills and pirate ships.
Those little pencils to keep track.
645
00:33:39,392 --> 00:33:40,678
Right.
646
00:33:47,067 --> 00:33:50,310
- Can I speak candidly?
- I don't know. Can you?
647
00:33:53,365 --> 00:33:55,607
Um, I'm a little worried.
648
00:33:56,159 --> 00:33:57,991
So am I, actually.
649
00:33:59,162 --> 00:34:00,619
What do you mean?
650
00:34:03,917 --> 00:34:07,661
I mean...
this treason thing's pretty serious.
651
00:34:10,090 --> 00:34:12,833
You like the lighting? I think it's cool.
652
00:34:13,510 --> 00:34:16,344
I'm not being treasonous, Oliver.
I'm just worried about a few things.
653
00:34:16,471 --> 00:34:17,928
There is a difference.
654
00:34:18,098 --> 00:34:20,055
- Hit your ball, Raff.
- Oliver.
655
00:34:20,183 --> 00:34:21,390
Putt.
656
00:34:32,779 --> 00:34:33,986
Not bad.
657
00:34:35,198 --> 00:34:36,314
My turn.
658
00:34:39,869 --> 00:34:43,078
Thing is, Raff...
you were my first real supporter.
659
00:34:43,623 --> 00:34:45,956
Hurts me that you're
not fully backing me.
660
00:34:49,921 --> 00:34:53,005
Fuck! I never get it in
on the first try!
661
00:34:53,842 --> 00:34:55,253
Oliver, I do back you.
662
00:34:55,385 --> 00:34:57,297
- I just think that the...
- No.
663
00:34:57,429 --> 00:34:59,170
You don't get to think.
664
00:34:59,306 --> 00:35:02,219
You just back me.
You back me unconditionally.
665
00:35:02,350 --> 00:35:04,704
Whatever happened to surrounding
yourself with the greatest minds
666
00:35:04,728 --> 00:35:06,648
so that you could get
the most informed opinions?
667
00:35:06,813 --> 00:35:08,179
That was your idea.
668
00:35:08,315 --> 00:35:10,272
Your line in that commercial
about my dying dog.
669
00:35:11,610 --> 00:35:13,192
My dog's dying, Raff.
670
00:35:13,862 --> 00:35:15,148
He's dying.
671
00:35:15,322 --> 00:35:16,608
I'm such a good actor.
672
00:35:17,157 --> 00:35:19,114
I just pretended Homer was dying.
673
00:35:19,242 --> 00:35:21,359
Just to get you back on my team.
674
00:35:22,329 --> 00:35:23,410
No!
675
00:35:23,580 --> 00:35:25,037
I want a hole-in-one!
676
00:35:28,585 --> 00:35:31,419
There! Hole-in-one! I win!
677
00:35:32,631 --> 00:35:35,248
- That's not the way it works.
- It isn't?
678
00:35:36,509 --> 00:35:37,670
No.
679
00:35:37,844 --> 00:35:39,460
I said it was a hole-in-one.
680
00:35:39,596 --> 00:35:43,590
And I'm president. Do you support me
or are you treasonous?
681
00:35:52,067 --> 00:35:53,979
I'm not treasonous, Oliver.
682
00:35:55,028 --> 00:35:56,815
"Mr. President."
683
00:35:56,946 --> 00:36:00,280
"I'm not treasonous, Mr. President."
684
00:36:03,370 --> 00:36:05,737
I'm not treasonous, Mr. President.
685
00:36:05,914 --> 00:36:07,155
Good.
686
00:36:07,332 --> 00:36:09,949
So, it was a hole-in-one, right?
687
00:36:13,380 --> 00:36:14,621
No.
688
00:36:16,091 --> 00:36:17,673
No, it wasn't.
689
00:36:20,220 --> 00:36:22,928
It was not a hole-in-one, Oliver.
690
00:36:30,980 --> 00:36:33,518
Gun!
He has a gun! Shoot him!
691
00:36:39,030 --> 00:36:40,896
What do you think
about Raff Hanks?
692
00:36:41,032 --> 00:36:44,400
Oh, I think he's
the worst scum of the earth.
693
00:36:44,577 --> 00:36:47,194
How dare he try and attack
that sweet little boy?
694
00:36:47,330 --> 00:36:49,617
The president dodged a bullet.
Literally.
695
00:36:49,749 --> 00:36:51,018
Raff Hanks got what he deserved.
696
00:36:51,042 --> 00:36:52,561
- He got what he deserved.
- Raff Hanks got what he deserved.
697
00:36:52,585 --> 00:36:53,545
Raff Hanks...
698
00:36:53,546 --> 00:36:54,752
...got what he deserved.
699
00:36:56,339 --> 00:36:58,205
Glad to see you awake, Mr. Hanks.
700
00:36:58,341 --> 00:36:59,798
Was afraid we lost you there.
701
00:37:00,427 --> 00:37:02,043
- What?
- You need an operation
702
00:37:02,220 --> 00:37:04,803
on a ruptured spleen
and a punctured lung.
703
00:37:04,931 --> 00:37:07,844
The president has asked for
his very own doctor to help you.
704
00:37:08,268 --> 00:37:09,850
You're not the doctor?
705
00:37:09,978 --> 00:37:12,095
The law does not permit me
to be a doctor.
706
00:37:12,272 --> 00:37:14,389
The doctor will be with you shortly.
707
00:37:19,446 --> 00:37:22,689
All right.
Let's get this done quick, mister.
708
00:37:23,199 --> 00:37:24,406
No.
709
00:37:26,786 --> 00:37:30,120
- No.
- I want to finish my video games.
710
00:37:30,832 --> 00:37:32,573
No! No!
711
00:37:38,965 --> 00:37:41,378
Society is a fragile ecosystem.
712
00:37:42,260 --> 00:37:44,877
Razzle and dazzle people
with the right lies
713
00:37:45,013 --> 00:37:47,426
and eventually they'll go blind
to the madness
714
00:37:47,599 --> 00:37:49,682
right in front of their faces.
715
00:37:49,809 --> 00:37:53,302
Raff Hanks made a living
selling the American dream.
716
00:37:53,438 --> 00:37:57,182
But, once sold,
he created a true nightmare
717
00:37:57,317 --> 00:37:59,400
that he couldn't buy back.
718
00:37:59,986 --> 00:38:01,898
Especially not here...
719
00:38:02,947 --> 00:38:04,904
...in The Twilight Zone.
55860
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