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1
00:00:04,600 --> 00:00:06,816
A hot tub in the bedroom, yeah?
2
00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:09,056
You might as well just get a
flashing sign that says, "Playa!"
3
00:00:09,080 --> 00:00:12,456
Ha-ha! Don't be telling me
this ain't lit as fuck, girl.
4
00:00:12,480 --> 00:00:15,536
I could get used to this.
Get the bubbles going, then.
5
00:00:15,560 --> 00:00:17,936
Nah, it's calm. I like it like this.
6
00:00:17,960 --> 00:00:20,736
The bubbles are the whole point.
7
00:00:20,760 --> 00:00:22,320
Uh-uh.
8
00:00:26,120 --> 00:00:27,336
Come on.
9
00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:29,960
I've never done it
in a Jacuzzi before.
10
00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:36,160
Yeah... OK.
11
00:00:45,520 --> 00:00:47,336
What's that noise?
12
00:00:47,360 --> 00:00:48,640
What? I can't hear anything.
13
00:00:50,080 --> 00:00:51,096
Benjamin!
14
00:00:51,120 --> 00:00:53,936
What did I tell you? Ben-ja-min!
15
00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:56,496
I don't remember everything you say,
woman. You're not that interesting.
16
00:00:56,520 --> 00:00:57,896
Benji, what's going on?
17
00:00:57,920 --> 00:00:59,240
Nothing, darling.
18
00:01:02,160 --> 00:01:03,496
You know the rules.
19
00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:04,976
No bubbles after seven!
20
00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:06,776
I'm trying to watch EastEnders!
21
00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:08,016
Who the hell is this?
22
00:01:08,040 --> 00:01:09,216
This is...
23
00:01:09,240 --> 00:01:10,376
What's your name again?
24
00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:11,576
It's Elle. Who's she?
25
00:01:11,600 --> 00:01:12,616
It's my cleaner.
26
00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:14,536
His mother. Benji, you'd better be
wearing protection.
27
00:01:14,560 --> 00:01:16,136
I'm just sitting in the tub, Mum.
Stupid boy.
28
00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:19,416
You can still get STDs from sharing
bathwater with sex workers.
29
00:01:19,440 --> 00:01:21,816
She's not a sex worker!
30
00:01:21,840 --> 00:01:23,576
Are you? You're not...?
31
00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:24,896
No, I'm fucking not!
32
00:01:24,920 --> 00:01:26,680
Benji, cover your ears.
33
00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:35,440
Aguero!
34
00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:48,136
Power dynamics.
35
00:01:48,160 --> 00:01:50,536
You're men. That's power.
36
00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:52,936
But also you're wealthy.
37
00:01:52,960 --> 00:01:54,576
THAT'S power.
38
00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:57,776
Are people doing things that they
don't really want to do
39
00:01:57,800 --> 00:01:58,896
just to please you?
40
00:01:58,920 --> 00:02:01,416
"But, Louis, they always have
a choice to say no."
41
00:02:01,440 --> 00:02:05,936
Remember, guys, that's not a choice,
that's called self-defence.
42
00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:09,040
But knocking me back
is more like self-harm.
43
00:02:10,720 --> 00:02:11,896
Hey, cool!
44
00:02:11,920 --> 00:02:15,336
I know humour can be used to defuse
tension, but maybe not now, yeah?
45
00:02:15,360 --> 00:02:18,616
OK. I'd love to break out into
groups. We can role-play.
46
00:02:18,640 --> 00:02:20,216
No. No time for that.
47
00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:21,496
Look, the bottom line is,
48
00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:24,536
I don't want to see any of you
in the papers over this stuff, OK?
49
00:02:24,560 --> 00:02:26,136
Any questions?
50
00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:27,536
Pascal.
51
00:02:27,560 --> 00:02:29,936
But of course it's still OK when
we
52
00:02:29,960 --> 00:02:34,176
film the sex to share it
on... um...
53
00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:36,096
Oh, putain, c'est quoi?
What is the word?
54
00:02:36,120 --> 00:02:37,616
Cry... Crypte... Cry...?
55
00:02:37,640 --> 00:02:38,936
Encrypted?
56
00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:41,976
Yeah, encrypted.
It's still OK to share filmed sex
57
00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:44,296
on encrypted WhatsApp group, yes?
58
00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:45,976
Hard no.
59
00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:50,216
And just to be clear, Pascal,
that was never OK.
60
00:02:50,240 --> 00:02:51,680
Any other questions?
61
00:02:52,720 --> 00:02:54,136
Petey?
62
00:02:54,160 --> 00:02:56,696
Look, the bottom line is,
you can do what you always did,
63
00:02:56,720 --> 00:02:58,256
as long as you keep it under wraps.
64
00:02:58,280 --> 00:02:59,976
Totally incorrect.
Also, not a question. OK.
65
00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:03,976
Think about what you're about to do,
then afterwards keep it under wraps.
66
00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:06,176
No. And again, not a question.
67
00:03:06,200 --> 00:03:08,896
Guys, this is really not that hard.
It's about consent
68
00:03:08,920 --> 00:03:11,376
and attaining mutual stated consent
69
00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:13,096
before and during lovemaking.
70
00:03:13,120 --> 00:03:16,176
Exactly that.
But put in a less creepy way.
71
00:03:16,200 --> 00:03:19,296
Easy for him to say.
He's a born-again virgin.
72
00:03:19,320 --> 00:03:21,656
Oh, that's interesting.
For religious reasons?
73
00:03:21,680 --> 00:03:24,136
Self-imposed dry patch.
Focusing on my career.
74
00:03:24,160 --> 00:03:27,856
Look, you're all intelligent.
Just be respectful
75
00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:30,896
and avoid situations where
it's easy to confuse the signals.
76
00:03:30,920 --> 00:03:32,856
Basically, stick to strip clubs.
77
00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:34,856
No. Absolutely not.
78
00:03:34,880 --> 00:03:38,416
No cameras. Consenting adults.
Plus, it's empowering for women.
79
00:03:38,440 --> 00:03:40,216
Hard to know if you're being
serious.
80
00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:41,976
Where can we go, then?
I don't know.
81
00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:44,456
The cinema? Or do some charity work.
82
00:03:44,480 --> 00:03:48,416
Food banks, the elderly.
Anything except strip clubs.
83
00:03:48,440 --> 00:03:50,376
Nah, this all smacks
of sexism to me.
84
00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:52,576
I bet you didn't have this chat
with the ladies' team.
85
00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:54,416
Yes, we did, obviously.
86
00:03:54,440 --> 00:03:56,016
For appearances' sake. No.
87
00:03:56,040 --> 00:03:57,576
Because it's important.
88
00:03:57,600 --> 00:03:59,176
I'm going to start my own campaign.
89
00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:00,856
"Believe all men."
90
00:04:00,880 --> 00:04:02,136
Well, that's a terrible idea,
91
00:04:02,160 --> 00:04:04,816
but there's absolutely nothing
stopping you doing so, Petey,
92
00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:07,016
just as long as it's after
you've left the club.
93
00:04:07,040 --> 00:04:08,576
Any other questions?
94
00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:10,496
Really?
95
00:04:10,520 --> 00:04:12,536
Really? Fine.
96
00:04:12,560 --> 00:04:13,856
Pascal, again.
97
00:04:13,880 --> 00:04:15,920
But it's encrypted, so...?
98
00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:23,856
Olivia, why wasn't
Cesare at the talk?
99
00:04:23,880 --> 00:04:25,896
He's a 65-year-old Italian.
100
00:04:25,920 --> 00:04:28,216
He thinks the MeToo movement
is a way to indicate
101
00:04:28,240 --> 00:04:29,536
you'd like to join the orgy.
102
00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:30,736
Oh, really?
103
00:04:30,760 --> 00:04:31,896
No.
104
00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:33,456
Sorry, that was unprofessional.
105
00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:35,296
It's been a stressful morning.
106
00:04:35,320 --> 00:04:37,776
You know, I covered sexual politics
as part of my degree,
107
00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:40,216
so if you ever need a supportive
voice within the squad, just shout.
108
00:04:40,240 --> 00:04:41,416
I'm probably OK.
109
00:04:41,440 --> 00:04:43,616
Anyway, thanks for trying.
I appreciate it.
110
00:04:43,640 --> 00:04:46,056
Yeah, you know,
if you're having a bad day,
111
00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:48,696
maybe we could have a chat
over coffee or dinner?
112
00:04:48,720 --> 00:04:50,296
OK. Two things.
113
00:04:50,320 --> 00:04:52,976
One, I don't date footballers.
It wouldn't be a date.
114
00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:55,576
I just think we'd get along and...
Wait.
115
00:04:55,600 --> 00:04:58,520
I had these made for
this exact situation.
116
00:04:59,760 --> 00:05:02,496
Yes. OK. Very cute. I get it.
117
00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:04,720
But I'm...
Really, I'm not like the others.
118
00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:08,536
You had them laminated?
They get a lot of use.
119
00:05:08,560 --> 00:05:11,176
Right. Did you have a second thing?
120
00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:13,736
Secondly, I've just finished hosting
a talk
121
00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:15,936
on inappropriate sexual behaviour.
122
00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:17,680
So, one second...
123
00:05:21,440 --> 00:05:22,736
Hi, Bob.
124
00:05:22,760 --> 00:05:26,376
Sorry to do this on a Monday,
but I need to send Mattie Sullivan
125
00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:29,080
over to you regarding
an octopus situation.
126
00:05:30,280 --> 00:05:32,056
Great. Thanks.
127
00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:34,096
What's an octopus situation?
128
00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:36,056
Sexual harassment of a colleague.
129
00:05:36,080 --> 00:05:37,960
You know where the HR office is?
130
00:05:43,320 --> 00:05:46,936
Out of the whole squad of deviants,
I'm the one that gets the verbal warning?
131
00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:50,656
Sex rules are baffling. It's probably
safer if we all become born-again virgins.
132
00:05:50,680 --> 00:05:53,496
It's a self-imposed dry patch.
I've been focusing on my career.
133
00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:55,976
I'm nervous now.
Hot-tubbed a girl last night.
134
00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:57,536
What if she goes to the press?
135
00:05:57,560 --> 00:06:00,456
Please tell me that hot-tubbed
isn't a euphemism.
136
00:06:00,480 --> 00:06:01,736
Nah. We done it
in my actual hot tub.
137
00:06:01,760 --> 00:06:03,616
The one in your bedroom?
Yeah, boi!
138
00:06:03,640 --> 00:06:04,976
And let's just say,
when she got out,
139
00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:07,136
there was a lot more liquid in there
than before. Ha-ha!
140
00:06:07,160 --> 00:06:10,056
Because she pissed herself?
No. But it got mad kinky.
141
00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:11,776
I'm not buying it.
Sounds like bullshit.
142
00:06:11,800 --> 00:06:13,536
You should probably give her a call,
you know,
143
00:06:13,560 --> 00:06:15,336
after that chat this morning
and everything.
144
00:06:15,360 --> 00:06:16,936
Yeah. If she's real,
give her a call.
145
00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:18,800
Oh, she's real.
And I'm calling her now.
146
00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:21,536
What?
147
00:06:21,560 --> 00:06:23,456
Sweetheart. How's it going,
sweetheart?
148
00:06:23,480 --> 00:06:24,736
Don't call me sweetheart.
149
00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:26,536
Babes, listen. Last night was sick,
150
00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:28,296
but it has to stay between
me and you.
151
00:06:28,320 --> 00:06:31,176
And your mum?
Ha-ha. Banter. Good one.
152
00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:34,136
But seriously, club wouldn't want to
see my name splashed all over the papers.
153
00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:38,096
Benji, I can guarantee
our story is safe with me.
154
00:06:38,120 --> 00:06:40,376
Cool. Cool.
155
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:43,976
Because I tried selling it,
and no-one's interested.
156
00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:45,616
Turns out you're a fucking nobody.
157
00:06:45,640 --> 00:06:47,656
Not the Cameroonian David Beckham.
158
00:06:47,680 --> 00:06:49,456
What? Not even LADbible!
159
00:06:49,480 --> 00:06:53,656
A girl I know wanked Wes from Love Island
on a train, and even THAT made LADbible.
160
00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:54,736
Nice one. Bye.
161
00:06:54,760 --> 00:06:57,176
The Cameroonian Beckham?
Nah, nah. It's all good.
162
00:06:57,200 --> 00:06:58,576
At least I'm safe from getting
MeToo'd.
163
00:06:58,600 --> 00:07:01,056
Benji, you don't get MeToo'd.
164
00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:03,456
You do something wrong
and you suffer the consequences.
165
00:07:03,480 --> 00:07:06,336
You're right, we got to be careful.
This MeToo got us on lockdown.
166
00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:09,176
We can't go nowhere, not one strip
club. No, it hasn't.
167
00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:12,136
If we behave how we normally do,
everything will be fine.
168
00:07:12,160 --> 00:07:14,936
You got a verbal warning
seconds after a MeToo talk.
169
00:07:14,960 --> 00:07:16,136
It was a misunderstanding.
170
00:07:16,160 --> 00:07:18,776
Hey, if yous want to go somewhere,
I know a place.
171
00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:21,096
I go there all the time, and we
definitely won't get MeToo'd.
172
00:07:21,120 --> 00:07:23,520
You do have to stop saying that.
Come on.
173
00:07:29,880 --> 00:07:31,856
He was right about us not getting
in trouble with women in here.
174
00:07:31,880 --> 00:07:33,456
I doubt a woman has ever been
in here.
175
00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:35,616
It's like they built this
as a MeToo bunker.
176
00:07:35,640 --> 00:07:37,376
Yeah, each way on that one.
177
00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:39,616
Lovely, Jack. Good horse, that.
178
00:07:39,640 --> 00:07:42,216
Any thoughts for the Champions
League games this week?
179
00:07:42,240 --> 00:07:43,776
Oh, yeah, good point. Here's 20.
180
00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:45,576
Juve to win on away goals.
181
00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:48,696
Hey, you're not betting on football, are
you? You really shouldn't be doing that.
182
00:07:48,720 --> 00:07:51,536
Nah, it's fine.
I don't bet on our games - usually.
183
00:07:51,560 --> 00:07:53,176
It's not fine. You'll be suspended
184
00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:55,216
for betting on any football
anywhere in the world.
185
00:07:55,240 --> 00:07:57,256
Nah, they'd have mentioned it
if that was the case.
186
00:07:57,280 --> 00:07:59,736
They do mention it! All the time.
187
00:07:59,760 --> 00:08:02,096
It seems unlikely, to be honest.
188
00:08:02,120 --> 00:08:04,176
Can we go now?
Just watch the end of this race.
189
00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:05,816
I've got a grand on it.
A grand?!
190
00:08:05,840 --> 00:08:08,256
Is it a big race?
Don't know. Probably not.
191
00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:10,176
Why does no-one want
to buy a story on me?
192
00:08:10,200 --> 00:08:12,696
You should be grateful. I'm not,
though. I want to be big enough
193
00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:13,896
that someone will buy a story.
194
00:08:13,920 --> 00:08:16,960
"Not-Cameroonian Beckham
still lives with Mom"?
195
00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:20,776
Sorry about that, Jack.
It happens, Terry, mate.
196
00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:22,296
Don't worry about it.
197
00:08:22,320 --> 00:08:24,696
Seem pretty OK
for someone who's just lost a grand.
198
00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:27,136
Never lost a grand. Oh, good.
199
00:08:27,160 --> 00:08:28,336
In total, it was about three grand.
200
00:08:28,360 --> 00:08:30,176
Jesus is Lord! No, it's fine.
201
00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:32,336
I got paid two grand the other day
off my sponsors.
202
00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:33,696
Screwfix. Yeah.
203
00:08:33,720 --> 00:08:34,736
Mad luck.
204
00:08:34,760 --> 00:08:37,216
Well, this place is super
depressing. Let's get out of here.
205
00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:40,056
I told you, you can't go nowhere.
Nowhere is safe.
206
00:08:40,080 --> 00:08:41,696
Oh, I could cook us all a meal.
207
00:08:41,720 --> 00:08:44,976
Just because we can't date women don't
mean we have to start dating each other.
208
00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:47,016
No, I've been living
out of a hotel for weeks.
209
00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:49,736
Be great to do something normal,
like cook a meal.
210
00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:51,176
Can I use your kitchen, Jack?
211
00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:54,776
Yeah, knock yourself out.
Great. Let's go buy some food.
212
00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:56,776
Yeah, you might need to buy
some cutlery too.
213
00:08:56,800 --> 00:08:57,936
And plates.
214
00:08:57,960 --> 00:08:59,176
And some pots.
215
00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:00,416
And a table.
216
00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:02,976
And probably some chairs as well.
But other than that, you're all good.
217
00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:04,496
You need to be careful
in supermarkets.
218
00:09:04,520 --> 00:09:07,056
That's where women go in the
afternoons if they want sex.
219
00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:08,616
Or if they want shopping.
220
00:09:08,640 --> 00:09:11,736
I saw a TED Talk on it. This guy
knew what he was talking about.
221
00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:17,616
There's a TED Talk on picking up women
in supermarkets on weekday afternoons?
222
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:21,096
Yes. This guy talks about how he picks
up women in supermarkets all the time,
223
00:09:21,120 --> 00:09:22,736
and then he shows the results.
224
00:09:22,760 --> 00:09:24,776
I am almost certain you mean
Pornhub.
225
00:09:24,800 --> 00:09:28,200
Wherever I saw it, we need to be
careful in supermarkets.
226
00:09:32,560 --> 00:09:34,256
These are weird, aren't they?
227
00:09:34,280 --> 00:09:36,856
Like little plastic things
that you hang in your bog.
228
00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:39,576
The TED Talk guy said he got most of
his action in the household goods aisle.
229
00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:41,296
Makes sense.
Yeah, because nothing
230
00:09:41,320 --> 00:09:44,216
puts a woman in the mood
more than an aisle of Toilet Ducks.
231
00:09:44,240 --> 00:09:45,656
Excuse me?
232
00:09:45,680 --> 00:09:48,816
I'm so sorry to bother you, but you're
not Jack Turner, the footballer, are you?
233
00:09:48,840 --> 00:09:49,896
Yes, miss.
234
00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:52,696
Oh, wow. I've seen you
on my son's wall.
235
00:09:52,720 --> 00:09:55,216
He-He'll never believe this.
He's such a fan.
236
00:09:55,240 --> 00:09:56,400
I'm Nicola.
237
00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:03,656
Are you all players?
238
00:10:03,680 --> 00:10:06,016
Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm Mattie.
This is Benji.
239
00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:07,576
Wow.
240
00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:09,376
Actual professional footballers.
241
00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:10,656
What are you doing in here?
242
00:10:10,680 --> 00:10:12,776
I thought you'd have people to shop
for you.
243
00:10:12,800 --> 00:10:14,656
I'm humble, I stay humble.
244
00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:16,336
Would you mind if I got a photo?
Of course not.
245
00:10:16,360 --> 00:10:18,336
We love meeting fans.
Oh, my God. He'll explode
246
00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:20,256
when he sees a selfie of me
and his favourite players.
247
00:10:20,280 --> 00:10:21,416
And Mattie.
248
00:10:21,440 --> 00:10:23,216
Um, right, say cheese.
249
00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:24,280
Cheese!
250
00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:28,256
Thank you. This will make his day.
251
00:10:28,280 --> 00:10:30,776
Anyway, good luck with
the football, boys.
252
00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:32,640
Thank you.
Nice to meet you. Cheers.
253
00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:37,816
Look, I know this is a bit cheeky,
but what the hell?
254
00:10:37,840 --> 00:10:39,936
You did say you love meeting
your fans.
255
00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:42,416
I knew you was a cheeky one
the second I saw you, Nicola.
256
00:10:42,440 --> 00:10:43,696
Um, what are you doing now?
257
00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:45,056
I live just around the corner,
258
00:10:45,080 --> 00:10:48,136
and it would make Stuart's day if
you were there to surprise him when
259
00:10:48,160 --> 00:10:50,896
he got back from school. He'll be
home in about ten minutes?
260
00:10:50,920 --> 00:10:52,096
I-I totally understand
261
00:10:52,120 --> 00:10:53,656
if you've got other stuff to do.
262
00:10:53,680 --> 00:10:56,696
But he's just had a bit of a rough
time of it lately, is all.
263
00:10:56,720 --> 00:10:58,496
Bullying? He has been involved
264
00:10:58,520 --> 00:11:00,216
in some bullying incidents, yes.
265
00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:03,936
Actually, we've got nothing going on
this afternoon. We'd love to.
266
00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:06,616
Oh, wow. My God. This is great!
267
00:11:06,640 --> 00:11:07,816
You boys are so sweet.
268
00:11:07,840 --> 00:11:09,896
Um, let me just get a cake.
269
00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:12,120
The least I can do
is give you some tea.
270
00:11:13,520 --> 00:11:15,736
Ha-ha-ha. Playing with fire, mate.
271
00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:19,096
No. I'm taking time out of our day to
do something positive for someone else,
272
00:11:19,120 --> 00:11:20,536
like Olivia said this morning.
273
00:11:20,560 --> 00:11:24,256
I thought you'd have figured out
by now, Brains... there is no son.
274
00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:25,456
She's after a foursome.
275
00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:27,536
Which is why she's buying
sponge cake?
276
00:11:27,560 --> 00:11:30,576
I don't want to get in any trouble
here. What if the TED Talk guy is right?
277
00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:33,256
The TED Talk guy, who doesn't exist,
is not right, Jack.
278
00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:36,176
Yeah? Well, let's see how she
responds to his coded message.
279
00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:37,216
What's that?
280
00:11:37,240 --> 00:11:39,936
"Can you recommend something to get
these lipstick stains off my penis?"
281
00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:41,776
Not exactly the Enigma code, is it?
282
00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:45,176
Please don't say that to her.
Or any woman. Ever.
283
00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:47,256
Calm down, the Pope.
It's a free hit.
284
00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:49,376
You can't get MeToo'd
if they approach you.
285
00:11:49,400 --> 00:11:51,936
Incorrect. On so many levels.
286
00:11:51,960 --> 00:11:53,176
Haven't changed your mind, then?
287
00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:59,256
Actually, while we're here, maybe you
can recommend something for getting, um
288
00:11:59,280 --> 00:12:00,976
stains out
289
00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:02,856
of my... my boxer shorts.
290
00:12:02,880 --> 00:12:04,016
Oh.
291
00:12:04,040 --> 00:12:05,816
Oh, dear. Poor you.
292
00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:07,616
Oh, well, when my son has tummy
problems,
293
00:12:07,640 --> 00:12:10,456
I normally use a Vanish tablet
and a really hot wash.
294
00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:12,336
Or just throw them away,
to be honest.
295
00:12:12,360 --> 00:12:14,256
No. I meant lipstick.
296
00:12:14,280 --> 00:12:15,736
So...
297
00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:18,000
You want to get poo stains
out of lipstick?
298
00:12:19,120 --> 00:12:20,456
Y-Yes.
299
00:12:20,480 --> 00:12:22,856
Let's go meet Stuart. Yeah.
300
00:12:22,880 --> 00:12:24,480
And-And thank you so much again.
301
00:12:25,720 --> 00:12:28,920
I have a feeling
things are about to get very sexual.
302
00:12:32,680 --> 00:12:34,576
He's usually straight back from
school.
303
00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:36,216
Really sorry.
304
00:12:36,240 --> 00:12:37,840
Shouldn't be much longer.
305
00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:41,096
Can I have another can of Fanta,
please?
306
00:12:41,120 --> 00:12:43,136
Of course. Let me get that for you.
307
00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:45,976
I love TED Talks.
They're always bang on.
308
00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:48,056
I don't know if I've got the energy
for an orgy.
309
00:12:48,080 --> 00:12:50,096
And what if her son comes back
when we're all into it?
310
00:12:50,120 --> 00:12:51,656
There is no son.
311
00:12:51,680 --> 00:12:55,176
Yeah, all these photos of this
14-year-old are just elaborate props.
312
00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:58,056
And for clarity, even if she did want
an orgy, which she definitely doesn't,
313
00:12:58,080 --> 00:12:59,856
I don't want an orgy with you.
314
00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:01,296
Who with, then?
315
00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:02,920
No-one, Jack. There you go.
316
00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:05,536
Can I get you anything else?
317
00:13:05,560 --> 00:13:08,376
How about a slice of
your delicious pie?
318
00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:10,456
Oh, I don't think I've got any.
319
00:13:10,480 --> 00:13:12,056
Is cake OK?
320
00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:14,176
Actually, I might have
a pie in the freezer.
321
00:13:14,200 --> 00:13:17,176
Have you ever shared your delicious
pie? Three ways?
322
00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:19,776
Three ways? Don't think so.
323
00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:21,696
I think the portions
would be too big.
324
00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:23,896
I don't think the club would be
too pleased if they found out
325
00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:25,656
we'd been stuffing ourselves
with pie, Benji.
326
00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:28,576
I'm really sorry.
I don't know where he's got to.
327
00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:31,616
Ever since his dad left,
he's been so emotional.
328
00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:35,376
The only other times he's been late
has been because of the bullying.
329
00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:37,496
Ow! Are you all right?
Ooh, trapped nerve.
330
00:13:37,520 --> 00:13:40,216
I get so stressed when I think
about Stuart and the bullying.
331
00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:42,576
I just need some pressure
applied on my lower back.
332
00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:45,496
Will one of you help? I've been told
I've got magic fingers.
333
00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:48,576
No, no. I took a physiotherapy
module at university.
334
00:13:48,600 --> 00:13:51,216
OK. Just lie face down.
Arms out ahead.
335
00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:53,976
Like Superman flying. There you go.
Like this?
336
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:56,816
Yeah, perfect. While I release the
muscle, just slowly lift your arms.
337
00:13:56,840 --> 00:13:58,536
Argh!
338
00:13:58,560 --> 00:14:01,696
I feel like if her son comes back
now, this isn't gonna look good.
339
00:14:01,720 --> 00:14:02,816
There is no son.
340
00:14:02,840 --> 00:14:05,216
Is that any better?
Yeah, it's easing up a bit.
341
00:14:05,240 --> 00:14:07,856
Argh... That's it.
342
00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:09,896
Oh, oh, let me help.
343
00:14:09,920 --> 00:14:11,656
That's amazing. Oh!
344
00:14:11,680 --> 00:14:14,136
Knew it. Mum, what the fuck?!
345
00:14:14,160 --> 00:14:16,896
Stuart! Surprise!
346
00:14:16,920 --> 00:14:18,816
Fucking right it's a surprise!
What's going on?
347
00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:20,856
My back went.
Mattie was just helping me.
348
00:14:20,880 --> 00:14:22,416
They've come here to cheer you up.
349
00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:24,616
It's not fucking working.
350
00:14:24,640 --> 00:14:26,176
It's a pleasure to meet you, Stuart.
351
00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:28,096
I was starting to think
you might not exist.
352
00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:29,776
Who's this paedo?
353
00:14:29,800 --> 00:14:32,096
They're football players.
From your favourite team.
354
00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:33,856
Well, he barely plays.
355
00:14:33,880 --> 00:14:35,136
All right, mate.
356
00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:36,936
This one, I've literally no idea
who he is.
357
00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:39,136
I'm Mattie Sullivan.
Yeah. No idea.
358
00:14:39,160 --> 00:14:41,376
All right, fair play, that's
Jack Turner. You're decent.
359
00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:43,696
Thank you. What was that?
360
00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:44,976
He doesn't really talk.
361
00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:48,056
OK, hang on, I'm not going to forget
that I just walked in
362
00:14:48,080 --> 00:14:52,016
on the three of you
pulling a train on my mum!
363
00:14:52,040 --> 00:14:54,216
Whoa, whoa, Stuart...
Look, it's not what it looks like.
364
00:14:54,240 --> 00:14:56,776
Obviously there's been a giant
misunderstanding, right, guys?
365
00:14:56,800 --> 00:14:59,136
Yeah. Turns out your mum
genuinely wanted to surprise you.
366
00:14:59,160 --> 00:15:01,376
While we thought she wanted
to smash us into next week.
367
00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:03,136
No, that was not
the misunderstanding.
368
00:15:03,160 --> 00:15:04,496
Oh, my God, no!
369
00:15:04,520 --> 00:15:06,736
Stuart, wait, please!
370
00:15:06,760 --> 00:15:08,936
Right. Time to bounce.
371
00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:10,616
We can't leave now! Why not?
372
00:15:10,640 --> 00:15:12,976
No-one's getting their balls dipped
after that little baby's drama.
373
00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:15,256
We can't leave now,
because we have to fix this.
374
00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:17,256
The state that kid's in,
he could do anything.
375
00:15:17,280 --> 00:15:20,096
Shall we beat him up? Yeah, that's
a brilliant idea, Jack.
376
00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:22,176
Let's beat up the kid who thinks
he's just witnessed us
377
00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:24,696
spit-roasting his mom.
This is awful. He's locked me out.
378
00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:27,656
He's threatening to go on Instagram
to tell everyone how he caught
379
00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:29,536
his mum in an orgy with some
footballers.
380
00:15:29,560 --> 00:15:30,936
Why would he think that?
381
00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:32,936
To be fair... Shut up, Benji.
382
00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:35,616
Jack, you're his favourite.
He'll listen to you.
383
00:15:35,640 --> 00:15:37,440
Will you go and explain?
384
00:15:40,880 --> 00:15:43,816
Bullying can be a
terrible experience.
385
00:15:43,840 --> 00:15:45,576
I'm sure that's why he's so jumpy.
Yeah.
386
00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:47,376
I mean, we took away his phone
for a week
387
00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:49,536
when we were told
what he was doing to the other kids.
388
00:15:49,560 --> 00:15:52,616
Sorry? HE was the bully?
Yeah. The divorce hit him hard.
389
00:15:52,640 --> 00:15:54,416
Not as hard as he hit them kids,
I bet.
390
00:15:54,440 --> 00:15:56,600
Well, at least things seem a lot
calmer up there now.
391
00:16:01,720 --> 00:16:03,056
He's freaking me out!
392
00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:06,256
He hasn't said a word for about
five minutes. I feel unsafe.
393
00:16:06,280 --> 00:16:07,496
I'm really sorry.
394
00:16:07,520 --> 00:16:10,936
I just wanted to make everything
perfect for him. I'm a terrible mother.
395
00:16:10,960 --> 00:16:14,296
Give me one good reason
why I shouldn't send this right now.
396
00:16:14,320 --> 00:16:17,456
Because it's not true, Stuart,
and we might lose our jobs over it.
397
00:16:17,480 --> 00:16:20,696
Look, man, I-I know things have been
tough for you lately and
398
00:16:20,720 --> 00:16:23,576
also for the other kids around
you, but football is our lives.
399
00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:27,240
It looks bad,
but we'll do anything to fix it.
400
00:16:28,240 --> 00:16:31,256
Anything? Yeah. Yeah. Of course.
401
00:16:31,280 --> 00:16:33,736
I want to train with the first team.
402
00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:36,736
Ah, that's a little tricky.
To train with the first team,
403
00:16:36,760 --> 00:16:39,256
you have to be an actual
footballer at the club.
404
00:16:39,280 --> 00:16:41,136
You said "anything". You lied.
405
00:16:41,160 --> 00:16:42,776
OK. I'll see what I can do,
406
00:16:42,800 --> 00:16:45,536
but I'm not promising.
I think you are.
407
00:16:45,560 --> 00:16:47,936
I want to get a photo for my
Insta of me kicking a ball
408
00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:50,896
with the first-teamers.
Or else you'll post the other thing?
409
00:16:50,920 --> 00:16:54,416
Yeah. But now I'm going to add,
"Jack Turner is a paedophile."
410
00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:56,136
We aren't all paedophiles, Stuart.
411
00:16:56,160 --> 00:16:57,976
What are you doing
in my bedroom, then?
412
00:16:58,000 --> 00:16:59,816
Told you we should have beat him up.
413
00:16:59,840 --> 00:17:02,176
I have to say,
my back is feeling much better.
414
00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:04,280
Great. Well, that's something!
415
00:17:15,080 --> 00:17:17,416
Here he is. The lucky boy!
416
00:17:17,440 --> 00:17:19,776
Thanks, Nicola.
We should be done by one.
417
00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:21,656
Still can't believe this is
happening. Thank you.
418
00:17:21,680 --> 00:17:24,256
Aw, look at his face!
419
00:17:24,280 --> 00:17:26,496
He's having the time of his life.
420
00:17:26,520 --> 00:17:27,936
I'd hate to see him on a bad day.
421
00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:29,176
You saw me yesterday.
422
00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:31,576
When you three tried to fuck my mum.
423
00:17:31,600 --> 00:17:34,456
That was a pretty bad day.
424
00:17:34,480 --> 00:17:36,776
Bye, sweetie.
425
00:17:36,800 --> 00:17:39,576
OK. Now, to successfully
pull this off,
426
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:41,736
we need you to play along
with whatever we say, understood?
427
00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:44,896
No. I call the shots.
You're not in charge.
428
00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:47,296
Come on, Stuart. What we're doing
today is highly unusual.
429
00:17:47,320 --> 00:17:51,816
Is it as unusual as three
footballers bukkakeing your mum?
430
00:17:51,840 --> 00:17:52,976
Bukkakeing, anyone?
431
00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:55,376
It's where multiple men
spunk on a woman's face.
432
00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:56,456
Oh, OK.
433
00:17:56,480 --> 00:17:58,616
No. No, it isn't.
434
00:17:58,640 --> 00:18:00,080
Come on, let's go.
435
00:18:01,360 --> 00:18:04,936
Really do think you need to cut down
on the internet porn, though, buddy.
436
00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:09,056
I mean, it's wide, like a Coke can,
but she's still not into it.
437
00:18:09,080 --> 00:18:10,336
She used to love all these...
438
00:18:10,360 --> 00:18:12,136
Chris! Hi. How are you?
439
00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:14,136
Great, great, Mattie. Yeah. Loving
training.
440
00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:15,536
It's better than being at home.
441
00:18:15,560 --> 00:18:16,816
You know what I mean?
442
00:18:16,840 --> 00:18:19,360
It's like a war zone sometimes.
443
00:18:20,920 --> 00:18:21,960
Yeah.
444
00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:26,496
Yeah. Listen, I know we're not meant
to have guests at training,
445
00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:29,136
but my little nephew's here...
Oh, right. Well,
446
00:18:29,160 --> 00:18:31,736
yeah, we don't really allow kids
at the training complex, Mattie.
447
00:18:31,760 --> 00:18:32,896
You should know that.
448
00:18:32,920 --> 00:18:34,736
I... I do know, but
he's a lovely lad,
449
00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:37,376
and I was wondering
if this time maybe you could...
450
00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:40,216
He's got a serious health thing.
He's not got long left to live.
451
00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:41,536
Oh, shit.
452
00:18:41,560 --> 00:18:44,496
Oh, I'm sorry. Poor guy.
Um, where is he?
453
00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:46,856
Er, he's over there. Where?
454
00:18:46,880 --> 00:18:48,536
Just there, next to Jack.
455
00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:50,016
Oh, right. Big boy.
456
00:18:50,040 --> 00:18:52,456
Yeah. Yeah, but he's actually...
He's ten.
457
00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:54,016
Ten? Right. What's he got?
458
00:18:54,040 --> 00:18:57,216
Viral thing. Hay fever.
Leukaemia.
459
00:18:57,240 --> 00:18:58,896
He's got hay fever leukaemia?
460
00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:01,776
Yeah. Every time he sneezes,
his cell count drops.
461
00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:03,816
Should he be outside?
Hay fever is a code word
462
00:19:03,840 --> 00:19:05,096
we use for polio.
463
00:19:05,120 --> 00:19:06,856
Polio? Hmm.
464
00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:08,656
Oh, my God.
I thought that had been eradicated.
465
00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:11,016
Well, have you contacted
the health authorities?
466
00:19:11,040 --> 00:19:13,696
It's not polio.
He's got something else.
467
00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:15,416
Worse, but less worrying.
468
00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:17,776
You know cat AIDS?
I've heard of it.
469
00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:19,016
It is like cat AIDS for kids.
470
00:19:19,040 --> 00:19:22,736
Gosh. Oh, I'm so, so sorry.
Poor little guy.
471
00:19:22,760 --> 00:19:23,840
Let's go see him.
472
00:19:25,120 --> 00:19:27,216
Oh...
473
00:19:27,240 --> 00:19:28,456
Hi.
474
00:19:28,480 --> 00:19:30,376
I don't want to meet this old cunt.
475
00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:31,576
He's also got Tourette's.
476
00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:33,736
I understand. Poor little scamp.
477
00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:34,856
What did you fucking say?
478
00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:36,776
Can we take him in?
Yeah, course you can.
479
00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:38,296
Go on, in you go.
480
00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:39,696
Thanks.
481
00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:41,760
Oh...
482
00:19:43,440 --> 00:19:44,616
Poor kid.
483
00:19:44,640 --> 00:19:47,256
Right, nice. We're in.
484
00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:48,576
It's exciting, isn't it, Stuart?
485
00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:49,896
Not especially, no.
486
00:19:49,920 --> 00:19:51,736
So, when am I doing the training?
487
00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:55,096
Well, it is still breakfast,
and there will be some stretching
488
00:19:55,120 --> 00:19:56,536
I said, "When?"
489
00:19:56,560 --> 00:19:59,176
OK. Let's get some food first.
490
00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:01,016
Then we'll do whatever you want.
491
00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:02,560
You better.
492
00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:05,776
So what's the plan, then?
What do you mean, what's the plan?
493
00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:08,176
Are you going to get him training?
I wasn't, Jack.
494
00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:09,336
I think Chris might notice
495
00:20:09,360 --> 00:20:11,800
if a ten-year-old cat AIDS sufferer
suddenly joined in.
496
00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:14,456
Jesus. Whoa, Stuart, hey!
497
00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:16,840
Let's get our breakfast on, yeah?
498
00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:20,736
And this is the canteen.
No ice cream, I'm afraid.
499
00:20:20,760 --> 00:20:22,536
I'm not a fucking baby.
500
00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:24,176
Hey, maybe you want a smoothie
or something.
501
00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:26,496
Now you're talking!
That's what I want.
502
00:20:26,520 --> 00:20:28,456
To meet Petey Brooks. Club legend!
503
00:20:28,480 --> 00:20:29,856
Christ. Really?
504
00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:32,096
Do you want me
to tell the papers about my mum?
505
00:20:32,120 --> 00:20:34,080
OK. OK, fine.
506
00:20:38,960 --> 00:20:40,656
Petey. Fuck off.
507
00:20:40,680 --> 00:20:41,736
Yeah.
508
00:20:41,760 --> 00:20:44,056
Although, listen, there's this kid
here, and he's sick,
509
00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:45,416
really sick, badly ill.
510
00:20:45,440 --> 00:20:46,736
And I brought him here,
511
00:20:46,760 --> 00:20:48,496
and all he wants to do is meet you.
512
00:20:48,520 --> 00:20:49,856
How much?
513
00:20:49,880 --> 00:20:51,776
What? No, sorry, he's-he's ill,
514
00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:53,416
like-like terminally ill,
515
00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:56,776
and didn't want to visit Disneyland
or pretend to be Batman.
516
00:20:56,800 --> 00:20:58,616
He simply wants to say hello to you.
517
00:20:58,640 --> 00:21:00,776
Oh, right. How much?
518
00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:03,576
It's a sick kid, Petey. I
understand, and what I'm saying is,
519
00:21:03,600 --> 00:21:06,936
how much will you or some GoFundMe
his godfather has set up give me
520
00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:08,456
if I say hello?
521
00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:10,976
I-I... I don't know.
I'll do it for a grand.
522
00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:12,736
To say hello? It's a fair rate.
523
00:21:12,760 --> 00:21:14,576
I charge my brother's kids 250.
524
00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:16,656
OK. This is good, this is good.
We're negotiating.
525
00:21:16,680 --> 00:21:18,896
No, we aren't.
526
00:21:18,920 --> 00:21:20,856
Hey. It's Jack, right?
527
00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:22,496
Er, yeah.
528
00:21:22,520 --> 00:21:24,240
Ruth.
529
00:21:26,080 --> 00:21:27,776
I just thought I'd come and say hi.
530
00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:29,896
Um, they're letting us train
one day a week here now.
531
00:21:29,920 --> 00:21:32,120
It's pretty nice, right?
The canteen food is unreal.
532
00:21:33,440 --> 00:21:35,240
Do you like it?
533
00:21:38,520 --> 00:21:39,696
So, who's the kid?
534
00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:41,496
He's a friend.
I'm not your friend.
535
00:21:41,520 --> 00:21:42,696
No, I mean... my son.
536
00:21:42,720 --> 00:21:45,096
Your... son? What? No.
537
00:21:45,120 --> 00:21:46,896
Not my son. Sorry, I panicked.
538
00:21:46,920 --> 00:21:48,696
I can tell you exactly
how we know each other.
539
00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:50,856
Actually, Ruth, we've got to go.
I'm going nowhere, mate.
540
00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:52,536
So, I came home from school
yesterday...
541
00:21:52,560 --> 00:21:54,616
Sorry. You've got to go.
542
00:21:54,640 --> 00:21:57,416
What? Well, we can't go,
so you've got to go.
543
00:21:57,440 --> 00:22:00,016
Um, OK.
544
00:22:00,040 --> 00:22:01,560
See you around?
545
00:22:02,520 --> 00:22:03,520
Smooth
546
00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:07,576
Stuart, you want to grab some food?
547
00:22:07,600 --> 00:22:10,040
I will. But not cos you told me to.
548
00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:14,016
Petey wants a grand.
Sounds about right.
549
00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:16,536
Yeah, I've been thinking...
Bad start.
550
00:22:16,560 --> 00:22:18,616
The question is, would being in the
paper for gang-banging a MILF
551
00:22:18,640 --> 00:22:19,736
actually be a bad thing for me?
552
00:22:19,760 --> 00:22:21,776
I guess it depends on how much you
value the job
553
00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:23,736
that you've dedicated
your entire life to.
554
00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:25,336
And it is an ethical dilemma.
555
00:22:25,360 --> 00:22:27,816
But it would be nice to know
someone could sell a story on me.
556
00:22:27,840 --> 00:22:30,176
Yeah, I could see that'd be nice
if you're a fucking idiot!
557
00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:32,096
Hey, it's a win-win for me,
I reckon.
558
00:22:32,120 --> 00:22:33,856
Basically, I ain't paying a grand.
559
00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:35,456
Great, great. Jack?
560
00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:38,736
Obviously, I would help, but I've
got no cash till we get paid again.
561
00:22:38,760 --> 00:22:40,936
How? How is that possible?
You just signed a new contract.
562
00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:42,696
I had a run of back luck.
I'll win it back.
563
00:22:42,720 --> 00:22:44,896
I can pay next week, though,
if the kid can hang around.
564
00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:48,320
He's not going to wait a week for
you to still not win at horses, is he?
565
00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:51,616
Oh, fine. Fine. We're fucked.
566
00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:54,056
And I'll tell him.
What's the worst that can happen?
567
00:22:54,080 --> 00:22:56,040
We all get sacked.
You just told us that.
568
00:22:57,920 --> 00:23:00,176
Stuart! Listen, Stuart, we've got
a great day lined up for you
569
00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:03,216
but you can't meet Petey Brooks. And now,
the video suite is that way, where we...
570
00:23:03,240 --> 00:23:04,696
You fucking what, mate?
571
00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:06,816
And discuss tactics.
572
00:23:06,840 --> 00:23:07,936
I can't meet Petey?
573
00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:10,920
Um... No.
574
00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:14,536
You lied!
575
00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:16,176
They lied!
576
00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:18,136
Jesus Christ, shut him up.
Please, please, calm down, Stuart.
577
00:23:18,160 --> 00:23:20,536
You did things to my mum. My mummy!
578
00:23:20,560 --> 00:23:22,576
You bukkaked my mummy.
579
00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:25,376
Oh, dear. Little fella
having another Tourette's attack.
580
00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:27,976
Oh, fuck off,
you total cunting prick!
581
00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:29,216
Oops. A bad one.
582
00:23:29,240 --> 00:23:30,576
Give us a minute, Chris?
583
00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:32,056
Sure thing. I'm sending it.
584
00:23:32,080 --> 00:23:33,696
Do you want me to beat him up?
All right, all right.
585
00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:36,136
I'll fix it up for you to
meet Petey if you shut up.
586
00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:39,216
Really? Yes. Really.
587
00:23:39,240 --> 00:23:41,416
You sure you got this?
Yes. I think.
588
00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:44,296
Now, Stuart, Petey's in there.
Amazing.
589
00:23:44,320 --> 00:23:47,896
And he's really happy to meet you,
but he does insist on no phones.
590
00:23:47,920 --> 00:23:50,176
After the England incident.
Right, yeah, of course.
591
00:23:50,200 --> 00:23:52,000
And in you go. Enjoy.
592
00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:01,096
He's not here.
593
00:24:01,120 --> 00:24:02,816
Fuck you, Stuart.
594
00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:06,696
Hey, no! Let me out!
Let me out! I knew it!
595
00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:08,416
Do not let him out.
I know who can fix this.
596
00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:10,976
Fucking let me out,
you fucking paedos!
597
00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:12,656
Let me out now! I'm underage.
598
00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:15,216
This is illegal. You can't fucking
do this!
599
00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:17,056
I think this has made things
worse. Fuck you! Fuck!
600
00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:19,336
And now he's threatening to tell the
world about us and his mom
601
00:24:19,360 --> 00:24:20,976
unless he meets Petey. And Petey,
602
00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:23,176
the maniac, won't meet the kid
for less than a grand.
603
00:24:23,200 --> 00:24:27,616
I mean, the MeToo briefing
was, what, less than 24 hours ago?
604
00:24:27,640 --> 00:24:30,096
It's not quite as bad as it sounds.
605
00:24:30,120 --> 00:24:31,496
Even though you're telling me
606
00:24:31,520 --> 00:24:35,096
you've got a potential
front-page-of-the-paper situation
607
00:24:35,120 --> 00:24:37,696
regarding precisely what you were
warned about yesterday?
608
00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:40,536
OK, when you put it like that,
it sounds pretty bad.
609
00:24:40,560 --> 00:24:42,176
Right, where is he now?
610
00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:45,816
We stole his phone and locked him
in the video briefing room.
611
00:24:45,840 --> 00:24:47,120
Course you did.
612
00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:50,240
Jesus Christ.
613
00:24:57,000 --> 00:24:59,656
Happy? Got a lot of gear there.
614
00:24:59,680 --> 00:25:02,016
When am I meeting Petey? Listen
615
00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:04,256
you little prick,
you're not meeting Petey Brooks.
616
00:25:04,280 --> 00:25:05,856
What?
617
00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:07,496
Right, I'm going to the papers.
618
00:25:07,520 --> 00:25:12,296
While you've been "shopping", I've
had our IT team hack your phone.
619
00:25:12,320 --> 00:25:15,656
Some very, very interesting stuff
in your search history.
620
00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:18,856
No, that's... That's not mine.
I was, um...
621
00:25:18,880 --> 00:25:21,896
We know every site you visited,
every single one.
622
00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:25,776
So, if you don't want your mum
to find out what you've been up to,
623
00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:28,296
you'll keep your mouth shut,
you little wanker.
624
00:25:28,320 --> 00:25:31,776
Someone at school said it was funny,
and I only checked it out once.
625
00:25:31,800 --> 00:25:35,240
Please, you can't tell my mum. Take
your shopping basket and fuck off!
626
00:25:41,600 --> 00:25:42,776
That was amazing!
627
00:25:42,800 --> 00:25:45,376
I've done it before. Usually
works. Amazing.
628
00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:47,696
So, what kind of sites was he
looking at?
629
00:25:47,720 --> 00:25:50,696
Fucked if I know.
Have you met our IT department?
630
00:25:50,720 --> 00:25:52,936
They can barely work a phone,
let alone hack one.
631
00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:55,416
You bluffed him? Incredible.
632
00:25:55,440 --> 00:25:58,616
The little shit must have thought
you knew about the bukkake videos.
633
00:25:58,640 --> 00:25:59,656
I'm sorry?
634
00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:02,816
Bukkake. Bukkake?
Yeah, he kept mentioning it.
635
00:26:02,840 --> 00:26:04,496
I don't know what you mean. Oh.
636
00:26:04,520 --> 00:26:06,816
Well, bukkake is when multiple men,
well,
637
00:26:06,840 --> 00:26:09,616
unload their ejaculate
simultaneously
638
00:26:09,640 --> 00:26:11,496
onto a woman's face. Er...
639
00:26:11,520 --> 00:26:13,840
Is that HR you're calling?
640
00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:18,416
Bob, are you free?
641
00:26:18,440 --> 00:26:20,960
Yeah, another octopus, I'm afraid.
642
00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:28,896
Yes, yes, yes!
643
00:26:28,920 --> 00:26:32,016
Ha-ha! Guess who's had
a story sold on them?
644
00:26:32,040 --> 00:26:34,856
And that's a good thing?
Yes, sir. I'm money.
645
00:26:34,880 --> 00:26:36,816
Read it out, then.
646
00:26:36,840 --> 00:26:41,656
"Top Prem star Benji Achebe
lives with his mum and has..."
647
00:26:41,680 --> 00:26:42,936
Nah...
648
00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:46,480
"Top Prem star lives with his mom
and has a tiny penis."
649
00:26:48,560 --> 00:26:52,720
Well, hey, listen, it's fake news,
yeah? My mum lives with me.
650
00:26:52,770 --> 00:26:57,320
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