Original subtitles

Maybe we should all sit, like,

Japanese-style on the floor

or something because all of

our chairs are really uneven,

and I just don't want it

to give, like,

a weird balance/

eye-contact thing.

Yuck.

Hey, this still doesn't taste

like Mom's.

Well, that's really

frustrating feedback, Drew.

I mean, what is it missing,

you know?

I'm sorry.

I just really don't want

to do this, Dory.

[ Sniffs ]

Okay.

Babe, this is part

of our new thing, right --

trying new things?

But I think it's nice, you know,

we're having somebody new over.

No, no, no, no, don't try

to trick me, Dory, okay?

Why does it have

to be Gavin?

Why can't it just be one

of my business-school buddies

or someone fun?

Because he's a nice guy

and he's going

through a really hard time.

Actually,

he's an unstable maniac

who's going

through a hard time.

Drew.

He knows something, okay?

So let's just put on a smile,

and let's get it out of him.

"Get it out of him"?

What is going on with --

I need --

I need to get the wine.

"Get the wi"--

[ Sighs ]

Can you hurry back,

okay?

I don't want

to be sitting in awkward tension

asking this guy where he got

his clothes or some crap.

It's not like he's gonna

gun us down or something.

I mean, he --

-50 buck says he guns us down.

Gavin.

Hi.

Gavin: I'm sorry.

I'm somewhat early.

I can go back outside

if this makes you uneasy.

No.

No, no, no, no.

Come in.

-A-All right.

Drew, Gavin's here.

Drew: Oh, hey, pal.

Yeah.

Hey, buddy.

What can I get you?

What is this, Drew's

General Store, or something?

[ Light laughter ]

No.

Um, so, I'm just gonna run out

and grab the wine.

Please,

make yourself at home.

I'll be back

in, like, one sec, yeah?

-Okay. Yeah.

-Okay. Okay.

[ Door closes ]

Hey, you didn't hear us talking

in here, did you?

I'm just curious, um,

how thin the walls are.

Why?

Were you talking about me?

[ Laughs ]

No.

♪♪

[ Indistinct conversations ]

[ Grunts ]

Ooh, sorry, sorry, sorry!

Sorry.

So, what kind of porn

do you like?

What's up?

It's just us guys here,

right?

Yeah, honestly,

nothing too nuts.

What kind of porn

do you like?

I'm telling you,

just kind of, uh...normal stuff.

Nothing too nuts.

Just...sex.

See, like, me,

I hate when I see a condom.

Yeah.

I mean, I guess

if I had to say something, um...

I alwa-- I like a little bit

of a story.

Kind of like a beginning,

middle, and end type of stuff.

[ Cellphone rings ]

Hey.

Portia: Dory, I've literally

tried on everything that I own,

and I'm stressed out about it.

And Elliott's not here

to help.

Don't overthink it,

all right?

Just wear

what you wore yesterday.

I just --

I don't want to do this.

How many times have I come

over to your house

'cause you thought

there was an owl in there?

-[ Sighs ]

-Okay, listen to me.

You're the only one

who has amazing social skills.

-[ Laughs ]

-You're the only one

who could get someone

to talk about something

that they don't want

to talk about.

I know.

I'm good at that.

Okay.

I love you.

I'm gonna figure it out.

-Okay.

Love you, too.

See you later. Bye.

[ Cash register beeps ]

Hey.

-Hey.

-Sorry.

[ Door closes ]

There was a line,

but, uh, I got the wine.

Nice.

Wine's cool.

-Yeah.

-Want some freaking wine, Gavin?

"Anything is better

than lies and deceit."

I'm sorry?

A famous quote

from this book.

Oh!

[ Chuckles ]

Where did you, uh...

find this copy, Dory?

Um, I'm not sure.

I've just always had it.

It's like I've had it forever,

I think.

Yeah.

Chantal was, uh, reading

this book

when we broke up.

-Really?

-Yeah.

Same edition, actually.

Did she like it?

[ Book slams ]

I want to talk

about something else.

We'll talk

about something else.

Yeah.

Yeah, maybe

we just take it easy

on the drinking

a little bit, you know?

Mm-hmm.

You don't want to get

all loosey-goosey

like I know

that you can do.

I'm just

than I want to be

right now, okay?

And drinking's

helping that.

Oh, I'm sure

that's really helping it.

Mm-hmm.

Gavin: Hey, I'm gonna play

some music

even though I don't love

any of your records.

Totally cool, bud.

Do whatever you want!

Great. Thank you.

[ Door buzzes ]

Hey, did I tell you

that I hate this?

Portia's here.

[ Door opens ]

Hi.

-Hi.

-Mwah, mwah.

-Mmm!

Oh, it smells so good! Hi!

-Yeah?

-I'm Portia.

-Oh, you guys haven't met?

Uh, well,

I saw you the other night.

At the vigil.

Get on in here.

Um, and I also remember

back in college

seeing you perform in numerous

theatrical productions.

Thank you

for your support.

-Here you go, "Porsh."

-Oh, thanks, babe.

Dory: You want to come

in the kitchen with me?

Okay.

Hey. Hey.

[ Snaps fingers ]

Yeah?

-Okay, come on.

-Yeah?

-Look me in the eyes, okay?

-Okay.

Is this

some kind of a setup?

What?

What do you mean?

Portia, me.

[ Sighing ] Oh.

Is it a set-up?

Is it a set-up?

Um...

Yeah, I guess so.

Um...

yeah, I th--

I think, um...

if you feel something,

act on it.

Okay, um...

I just wanted

to say thank you

for, um --

for coming over tonight.

Um, you know, Drew and I don't

do this very often, so...

-They don't.

-...I hope the food is good.

Anyways, yeah,

and, uh, and Gavin, um,

I'm really looking forward

to, you know, getting

to know you better, so, yeah,

welcome, and, yeah.

-Hey, cheers, guys.

-Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Wait, wait.

Toasting people, you got

to make direct eye contact,

or else you get seven years

of bad sex, right?

You know

that old superstition.

None of us want that,

especially not

the couple over there, right?

[ Chuckles ]

If I know anything

about couples...

Right. [ Laughs ]

...they like having sex...

Right.

...for years.

Dory:

Okay, Drew.

[ Glasses clink ]

Portia.

[ Glasses clink ]

Drew, you know

the drill.

Right, yeah.

[ Glasses clink ]

Dory.

Yeah.

[ Glasses clink ]

Yeah.

[ Laughs ]

That's so fun.

I never played that.

Gavin:

[ Slurps, clears throat ]

So, uh, where's the other

blonde friend of yours?

-Oh, Elliott.

-Oh, yeah.

He is in Africa having

the time of his life.

I'm gonna show you

a cute pic.

He's doing such good work.

That's him

with his water charity.

Dory:

Uh, Gavin, um...

I wanted

to ask you, um --

What'd you think

about the vigil?

Oh, God, I mean,

Drew knows how I feel.

Yeah.

He had a real strong reaction.

Right.

Yeah, I mean, personally,

I felt like

I just bought tickets

to, like,

a three-ring circus

or something.

Portia:

[ Laughs ]

That's exactly what I said.

That's the --

Yeah?

Drew, tell her.

That's exactly what I said.

Those are

the words I used.

He said the same thing.

Mm.

Yeah, I just felt like

Chantal would have...

hated the whole thing.

-[ Scoffs ]

Do you --

D-Do you disagree?

[ Slurps ]

[ Gulps ]

I neither agree

nor disagree.

Mm.

Mm-hmm.

I think what Dor is trying to

say is that, um,

Chantal is

just such a little...

humble little sweetheart.

Is such a humble

little sweetheart?

That's what I said.

Is that

what we all think here?

That -- That Chantal was just

a little humble sweetie?

Do you both?

-[ Clears throat ]

Sh-- She was very --

very nice to me.

-Mm-hmm.

-Mm-hmm.

That's interesting.

Definitely.

Um...

I'm gonna just politely request

that we don't talk

about Chantal anymore.

-Yeah.

-Of course.

-Yeah.

Of course.

Of course.

Yeah, I just think

it's, you know --

It's such a tragedy,

you know?

I just hope she knows

she's loved.

I just told you that I didn't

want to talk about that!

[ Breathing heavily ]

-Mm-hmm.

-You know?

Yeah.

I'm sorry.

Portia: Okay, you guys.

[ Laughs ]

Crazy that we've gone, like,

this whole supper

without talking about

the political situation

happening in our country.

Mm, yeah, I'm actually

gonna be right back.

Where you going?

Anybody hear that dog?

I got to go check

on that outside.

[ Sighs ]

April: Hey!

Baby dick.

[ Door closes ]

-Hi.

-Having a party?

Oh, um, no, just like

a small, little get-together.

Kind of offended

I wasn't invited.

Yeah, it was my -- It's kind of

my girlfriend's thing,

so I'm not really,

you know --

-[ Laughs ]

-It's just like a --

I'm kidding.

I'm kidding.

You don't owe me

anything.

Okay.

So, just so you know,

me and my angry boyfriend,

we broke up.

And you were right.

He was a total jerk.

Nice, um...

It seems like that was

a good thing, then.

[ Laughs ]

You don't know

what's good for me, okay?!

Oh, for sure.

Detective Garcia, that's my

character on "Surviving Essex,"

She's Latina,

so she uses her hands a lot.

I -- You're --

You play a Latina?

Oh, yeah,

I'm ethnically ambiguous.

[ Sighing ] Okay.

[ Clears throat ]

[ Sniffs ]

"Gavin, let's be real, okay?"

[ Sniffs ]

"I know about the baby.

Yeah.

I know.

It's crazy.

But I know.

Are you the father?

Gavin, look at me.

Look at me.

What happened to Chantal?"

It's cra-- I've become,

like, paralyzingly aware

of my body at all times

since I've been acting.

It's really, like,

I can't --

I'm like --

Sometimes, I'm just, like --

I can't even get control

over what my feet are doing.

Dory.

'cause I'm always thinking

about them.

-So...

-[ Sighs ]

...what's, like, a weird lie

you guys have told?

-Ooh, fun, a game!

-Yeah? [ Laughs ]

What kind of lie

are you talking about?

Yeah, what kind of lie?

Um, well --

[ Clears throat ]

I-I told my barista once...

-Uh-huh.

...that, um,

my name was Chloe.

My turn. Okay.

Mine's really funny.

Um, when I was in third grade,

I lied,

and I told my teacher

that I was dyslexic

so I wouldn't have to take

any standardized tests,

and she totally

believed me.

[ Laughs ]

And then, actually,

the following year,

in fourth grade,

I was diagnosed as dyslexic.

Oh.

But that's okay.

Um, m-may I, uh,

please, use your restroom?

-But it's your turn!

-Yeah.

-It's --

-Yeah, buddy.

It's, um, just down there

to the left.

-It's right there.

-Jiggle the handle.

You don't have

to jiggle the handle.

Thanks, man.

[ Groans ]

Drunk.

[ Sighs ]

[ Door closes ]

Why won't he loosen

the fuck up

and start talking

some shit, right?

Dory, why would he?

Can we please just drop

this whole thing?

No!

He's scary!

I feel so bad for the guy.

He's such an angry,

sad little psycho.

Can we please stop?

Dory.

That's messed up.

He left his phone.

No, no, no, no. Dory.

Dory, put his phone down.

He left his phone.

Dory, do not do stuff

with his phone.

No. No!

Portia. Portia.

-What?

Make sure he doesn't come

into our bedroom, okay?

What?

We're sitting.

We're sitting. We're sitting.

No, Drew, come.

I need you to sit back down.

Come. Come!

You sit back down!

God damn it.

No!

Dory, stop it!

Stop!

Mother --

Dory.

No, Dory,

I didn't say yes!

Please, give me the phone.

Give me the phone.

Give me the phone.

Hi!

And then,

there were two, huh?

[ Laughs ]

Brown-haired people are

harder to trust.

[ Slurps ]

I don't like this.

I don't like this.

I don't like this!

Stop it!

You're freaking me out.

I'm freaking you out?

[ Sighs ]

Oh, my God.

There are literally, like,

hundreds of e-mails to Chantal.

How do I just, like,

highlight them all

and forward them

all at once?

Dory, for the love of God,

you can't forward

the man's e-mails.

That's illegal.

Yes, I can!

Okay, okay, look, you need to go

into the "Sent" folder, then.

You need to delete those.

Then, you need to go

to the "Trash" folder.

You need to delete those

so that they're gone for good,

or else he's gonna know

that you did this.

I know! I know!

-Hey, um...

-Mm-hmm?

I'm -- I'm, uh, usually not

this forward.

Mm-hmm.

But, um, you know, I can tell

that you're sort of into me,

and I'm really into you,

and, you know, I've had

enough wine that I'm feeling

sort of courageous right now.

Okay.

So, um, could I ask you

if I could kiss you?

Aww.

Would that be acceptable?

That's so sweet...

[ Sighs ]

...and always flattering.

[ Both chuckle ]

But I like

to move slow.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Please --

I totally understand.

Take it real slow.

♪ Right down

to Kokomo ♪

[ Chuckles ]

Hm.

Ooh, you're getting up,

getting to go, going.

Slowly.

[ Chuckles ]

You.

You, you, you, you, you.

Yeah, you, you,

you, you.

-Mm.

-Mm.

[ Cellphone chiming ]

What was that?

[ Chiming continues ]

Is your phone not

on silent?

Oh, my God!

You sent them to my e-mail!

Yeah, because your e-mail's

shorter than mine!

Dory!

Oh, God damn it.

That's so distracting.

Gavin: Hello?

Someone's phone blowing up!

You need to get your ass

out there right now.

I'm not gonna do it.

You think I'm gonna do it...

Yeah, go, go, go.

...go out there

with that psycho?

I had to talk to him

when you went to get the wine!

No, go!

Oh, my God!

[ Chiming continues ]

Hey, buddy.

Ah, sorry about that.

Sometimes, I feel like

the office never closes.

You know

what I'm talking about?

If I could just have

the phone.

Is everything,

uh, okay, man?

Yeah. What?

Um...Wh--

Uh, what are you talking about?

What is -- What?

What is -- What?

Winning the fight in there?

You know, you the put

the princess in her place?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah?

Laying into her.

Yeah.

[ Chuckling ] You know

what I'm talking about?

[ Chuckling ] You know,

guy stuff, so...

Yeah.

If I could just, um,

have the phone?

[ Chiming continues ]

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Thanks. Yeah.

Cool.

Oh, yeah, this is --

This is what I thought.

It's uh...office,

office, office --

bunch of office crap.

I am so sorry, you guys.

I suddenly feel so sick...

Oh, no, really?

...and crappy -- Yeah.

I just -- It's my head

and my throat,

and, like,

my T-zone is --

Well, uh...

I feel so bad.

Can I get your number

before you leave?

How about, um,

you give me your number?

Here you go.

Here's my business card.

Oh, great.

Portia, you're leaving?

No -- Why?

I feel so sick.

Oh, that sucks.

Okay.

-Thank you so much.

-Bye, Porsh.

-Bye. Bye.

-Have a good night, Portia.

[ Shudders ]

I don't know.

I don't get women.

They confuse me, you know?

I --

She looked

genuinely sick to me.

God, I hope so.

I j-- [ Sighs ]

[Sighs] I don't know.

Maybe I'm overthinking it.

I don't know.

I don't know.

[ Breathes deeply ]

W-W-Where's my phone?

Oh, um...

Hm.

It was right there.

Was it?

Yeah, I'm telling you

that it was right there.

Oh.

I thought it was --

Where is it?

Uh, did you check

your pockets?

It's not

in my pocket, Dory.

-Okay.

-It was right there, okay?

Dory: Well, it's got

to be here somewhere.

Drew, you want

to check the kitchen?

Yeah, I'm on it.

-Um [Clears throat]

Have you --

Have you checked your --

your jacket pockets maybe?

Just saying.

Hey!

There it is.

See? I'm doing that

all the time.

I'm always thinking

I lost my phone,

and it just ends up being

in my jacket pocket.

Been there.

I did not put this there.

I would never put this there.

Weird.

[ Breathing heavily ]

What is this, huh?

What's --

What's going on here?

What do you mean,

Gavin?

Why are you touching

my stuff?

Hey.

You okay, buddy?

No, I'm not okay, okay?!

I don't tolerate

people touching my property

without my permission,

okay?!

Okay.

Okay, how would you feel

if I put my greasy paws

all over your stuff,

huh, huh?!

Gavin.

Huh?

How would you feel?

[ Screaming ]

Hey, Gavin, no!

Gavin!

Gavin, calm down.

How you feel about that?

How you feel about that, huh?

Unh-unh, no.

Please, calm down, Gavin.

Ohh, "Gavin,

please calm down."

Please calm down.

"Oh, Gavin, please, calm down.

I don't like it."

Come on.

Make me calm down.

Huh? Huh?!

Aah!

[ Panting ]

Gavin.

That's

what I thought...Drew.

♪ Do you remember? ♪

Some guy

you got there, Dory.

♪ What we did before? ♪

Gavin:

The two of you were made

for each other, you know that?

What the hell?!

♪♪

Did you know

that Chantal was pregnant?

[ Sighs ]

[ Door latch clicks ]

♪ Or are you mad? ♪

How did you know that?

Dory.

No, how did you know that?

How did you know about that?

Because I thought

that you might be

the father.

No, 'cause

she was cheating on me.

♪ And we were blacked out ♪

With who?

[ Coughs, burps ]

Oh!

Ohh! Oh.

-Oh!

-Ugh.

Oh, God!

[ Sighs ]

Gavin.

Oh, buddy.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Hey, uh...

I don't really like myself

sometimes.

Well, we almost had a nice time,

right? [ Chuckles ]

[ Grunts ]

Hey, Gavin.

I just have to ask, um --

Do you know who she might have

been cheating on you with?

Even if I knew that,

I-I feel like

it wouldn't make

that much sense for me

to confide in you.

Right.

Yeah.

Okay. Good night.

♪♪

He actually handled it

pretty well.

Hey, this is nuts.

What?

Don't you think

that tonight got,

oh, just a little bit

out of hand?

Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, things

got a little intense, for sure,

but we found out

that she was cheating on him.

I mean, that's huge.

Is that honestly your takeaway

from this whole night?

Look at the apartment!

Have you not seen

the apartment?

It's not bad.

Dory, I told you that

that guy was crazy.

Did I not tell you that?

Yeah, but didn't I tell you that

he might have some information?

And he did.

So it's like

we're both right.

Okay, I don't know

what's going on.

I am not used to seeing you

like this.

But I'm gonna be honest

with you.

I don't like it.

Don't be mad at me, please.

I'm not mad at you, Dory.

I'm trying to talk to you.

No. Baby.

Stop.

Baby, stop.

Okay?

I need you

on my team for this.

What are you doing?

Baby, look,

I've been distracted.

I've been cleaning up puke,

okay?

Stop. Stop.

I'm not feeling this,

all right?

Okay.

That's fair?

Yeah.

Okay.

Mm-hmm.

I cleaned up

all that puke,

so can you at least

take out the trash?

Yeah.

[ Cuushe's

"We Can't Stop" plays ]

Who are you?

What do you want?

♪♪