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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:16,000 JOE? 2 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:19,000 JOE, ARE YOU OKAY? 3 00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:21,000 [ BREATHING DEEPLY ] 4 00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:26,000 [ SIGHS ] 5 00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:31,000 ♪ WHEN I GROW UP TO BE A MAN ♪ 6 00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:35,000 ♪ WILL I DIG THE SAME THINGS THAT TURN ME ON AS A KID? ♪ 7 00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:37,000 ♪ WILL I LOOK BACK AND SAY ♪ 8 00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:40,000 ♪ THAT I WISH I HADN'T DONE WHAT I DID? ♪ 9 00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:40,000 ♪ WILL I JOKE AROUND? ♪ 10 00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:43,000 ♪ WILL I STILL JOKE AROUND ♪ 11 00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:44,000 ♪ AND STILL DIG THOSE SOUNDS ♪ 12 00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:47,000 ♪ AND STILL DIG THOSE SOUNDS ♪ 13 00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:52,000 ♪ WHEN I GROW UP TO BE A MAN? ♪ 14 00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:03,000 SO? 15 00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:05,000 UH, PANCAKES, I THINK. 16 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:06,000 YEAH, YEAH. 17 00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:08,000 YEAH, I FEEL LIKE PANCAKES. 18 00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:10,000 WHAT'S UP WITH THE SUNGLASSES? 19 00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:15,000 [ CHUCKLES ] 20 00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:17,000 IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE A BLACK EYE? 21 00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:19,000 IT IS A BLACK EYE. 22 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:22,000 OH, REALLY? 23 00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:24,000 THAT'S IT. YOU'RE NOT GONNA ASK. 24 00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:26,000 YOU'RE JUST GONNA SIT THERE 25 00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:29,000 AND PRETEND TO READ A MENU THAT YOU HAVE MEMORIZED ALREADY 26 00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:30,000 AND NOT ASK. 27 00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:33,000 I DID ASK. YOU CHOSE TO FEEL PANCAKES. 28 00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:34,000 [ CHUCKLES ] 29 00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:36,000 ALL RIGHT, SO YOU'RE NOT AT ALL CURIOUS? 30 00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:39,000 WHAT, YOU RUN INTO HER BOYFRIEND OR SOMETHING? 31 00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:41,000 WORSE. 32 00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:43,000 HER HUSBAND? WORSE. 33 00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:46,000 WORSE THAN AN IRATE HUSBAND PUNCHING YOU IN THE FACE? 34 00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:49,000 I'D HAVE TO SAY, UH, YES. YES, IT WAS. 35 00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:52,000 SHE PUNCHED YOU IN THE FACE? 36 00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:53,000 [ CHUCKLES ] 37 00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:56,000 I TELL YOU, SHE WAS, UM... 38 00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:58,000 YOU KNOW, WHEN TERRY TOLD ME SHE WAS FUN, 39 00:01:58,000 --> 00:01:59,000 I THOUGHT THAT WAS BAD. 40 00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:00,000 WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. HOLD ON. 41 00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:02,000 TERRY SET THIS UP? 42 00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:03,000 YEAH. YEAH. I DIDN'T TELL YOU THAT? 43 00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:05,000 YOUR FIRST DATE IN 20 YEARS, 44 00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:08,000 YOU GO WITH A TERRY HAND-ME-DOWN? 45 00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:10,000 YEAH, NO, NO, NO, SHE WASN'T THAT. 46 00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:12,000 HAS HE SLEPT WITH HER? 47 00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:13,000 [ Strained ] OF COURSE NOT. 48 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:15,000 YEAH, BUT YOU TRIED TO SLEEP WITH HER, RIGHT? 49 00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:16,000 NO. 50 00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:19,000 HER NAME IS DORI. SHE'S MY DENTAL HYGIENIST. 51 00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:20,000 PRETTY. 52 00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:22,000 DORI LIKE THE FISH "DORY"? 53 00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:23,000 WHO? 54 00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:25,000 THE "FINDING NEMO" FISH. 55 00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:27,000 LOOK, YOU'LL LIKE HER. SHE'S A LOT OF FUN. 56 00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:28,000 OH, "A LOT OF FUN." WHAT IS THAT? 57 00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:30,000 THAT'S, LIKE, A CODE FOR SOMETHING. 58 00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:31,000 ALCOHOLIC, RIGHT? KLEPTO? 59 00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:33,000 THIS IS WHAT YOU CANNOT DO, ALL RIGHT? 60 00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:34,000 I'M NOT GONNA BE A PART OF THIS 61 00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:35,000 IF YOU'RE GONNA BE A BIG STIFF. 62 00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:37,000 WHAT? "STIFF"? 63 00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:39,000 I JUST WANT TO KNOW HOW YOU KNOW SHE'S A LOT OF FUN 64 00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:41,000 BY SITTING IN HER DENTIST'S CHAIR WITH YOUR MOUTH OPEN. 65 00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:43,000 DON'T DO THIS, JOE -- DON'T GET WRAPPED UP 66 00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:45,000 IN THAT WRECKING-BALL HEAD OF YOURS. 67 00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:47,000 JUST THIS ONE TIME, JUST TRUST ME 68 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:48,000 AND GO WITH THE FLOW. 69 00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:50,000 "GO WITH THE FLOW"? 70 00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:51,000 YEAH, JUST GO WITH IT. 71 00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:54,000 STOP ANALYZING AND OBSESSING 72 00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:56,000 AND JUST LET YOURSELF ENJOY SOMETHING. 73 00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:57,000 HOW AM I OBSESSING? 74 00:02:57,000 --> 00:02:58,000 THIS IS MY FIRST DATE IN 20 YEARS. 75 00:02:58,000 --> 00:03:00,000 I'M ALLOWED TO ASK A FEW QUESTIONS. 76 00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:01,000 OKAY, OKAY. 77 00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:04,000 SHE'S A LOT OF FUN, SHE'S PRETTY, AND SHE'S SINGLE, 78 00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:06,000 AND THAT IS ALL THE INFORMATION YOU NEED, 79 00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:08,000 AND THE REST IS JUST LIKE -- LIKE WATER, JOE. 80 00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:10,000 JUST...LET IT FLOW. 81 00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:12,000 OKAY. READY? YEAH. 82 00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:14,000 [ GRUNTS ] 83 00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:15,000 WRECKING-BALL HEAD? 84 00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:18,000 YOU GOT A HUGE GODDAMN HEAD. 85 00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:19,000 HE SLEPT WITH HER. 86 00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:20,000 NO, NO, NO, NO. 87 00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:22,000 I BELIEVE HIM. HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WITH HER. 88 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:24,000 AND I GOT TO TELL YOU, 89 00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:26,000 THAT MADE ME WANT TO GO OUT WITH HER EVEN MORE. 90 00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:27,000 YEAH, SHE'S LIKE A... RARE BIRD. 91 00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:28,000 [ CHUCKLES ] 92 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:30,000 ANYWAY, SO THEN I DROVE TO THE STORE, 93 00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:32,000 AND I'M TRYING TO FIGURE OUT -- 94 00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:34,000 "WHAT SHOULD I DO? SHOULD I CALL HER? 95 00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:34,000 SHOULD I E-MAIL HER?" 96 00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:35,000 SO YOU STARTED OBSESSING ALREADY. 97 00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:37,000 YEAH. YEAH, BASICALLY. 98 00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:39,000 Maria: QUIERO OíR CóMO LO VAS A DECIR. 99 00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:41,000 DILO "iTHUFFERIN' THUCCOTASH!" 100 00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:44,000 [ Hispanic accent ] SUFFERIA TOCCSHICOBA. 101 00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:46,000 NO, NO, NO. PERO, ESCúCHAME. 102 00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:47,000 iTHUFFERIN' THUCCOTASH! 103 00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:49,000 SUFFERA SECCOSTOCACHA. 104 00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:50,000 [ CHUCKLES ] 105 00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:52,000 I THINK AT TODAY'S PARTY, SYLVESTER HAS LARYNGITIS. 106 00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:53,000 HE ALMOST HAS IT. 107 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:54,000 LET ME SEE. LET ME SEE. 108 00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:57,000 OTRA VEZ. OTRA VEZ. THUFFERIN' THUCCOTASH! 109 00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:58,000 SUFFERIA TUCCOSKISH! 110 00:03:58,000 --> 00:04:00,000 OKAY. NO. HE'S GOT LARYNGITIS. 111 00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:14,000 [ SCOFFS ] 112 00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:22,000 HMM. 113 00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:25,000 MR. T? 114 00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:26,000 HEY, MARIA. YOU ON A BREAK? 115 00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:29,000 YEAH -- JUST A 15. 116 00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:30,000 WHAT'S, UHH... 117 00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:32,000 OKAY. MR. T, I KNOW ABOUT YOUR WIFE 118 00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:34,000 AND YOUR DIVORCE AND ALL THAT, 119 00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:35,000 AND I JUST THINK IT'S REALLY SAD. 120 00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:36,000 OH, THANK YOU. 121 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:39,000 AND, SO, I KNOW YOU LIKE ALL THAT MUSIC FROM THE '40s. 122 00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:41,000 '70s. 123 00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:43,000 RIGHT, BUT ANYWAY, I WANTED YOU TO HEAR THIS DISC 124 00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:45,000 BECAUSE, WELL, AFTER KAITLYN BROKE UP WITH ME... 125 00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:48,000 IT SAVED MY LIFE. 126 00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:50,000 [ SLOW-TEMPO ROCK MUSIC PLAYS ] 127 00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:54,000 ♪ THE LOOK THAT'S ON YOUR FACE ♪ 128 00:04:57,000 --> 00:05:00,000 ♪ I ALMOST BELIEVE ♪ 129 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:02,000 ♪ THAT THINGS WILL NEVER CHANGE ♪ 130 00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:07,000 ♪ WHEN IT'S ALL ILLUSION ♪ 131 00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:09,000 [ MUSIC STOPS ] 132 00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:10,000 THAT'S A GOOD SONG. YEAH. 133 00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:12,000 I'LL LISTEN TO THAT. THANK YOU. 134 00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:13,000 THANK YOU. 135 00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:14,000 OKAY. 136 00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:15,000 ALL RIGHT. 137 00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:17,000 [ SIGHS ] 138 00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:19,000 LISTEN TO IT IN THE BATHTUB. 139 00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:21,000 OH. 140 00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:25,000 Owen: WHAT, SHE'S GOT, LIKE, A DADDY CRUSH ON YOU? 141 00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:26,000 Joe: NO, NO, NO. 142 00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:28,000 MARIA'S JUST... INTENSE, YOU KNOW? 143 00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:30,000 ANYWAY, I'M TRYING TO FIGURE OUT, 144 00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:33,000 HOW DO I END THIS E-MAIL WITHOUT SOUNDING LIKE A DICK? 145 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,000 IT'S TAKING ME LIKE AN HOUR. 146 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:37,000 BUT WHATEVER. I'M JUST... I'M GOING WITH THE FLOW. 147 00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:38,000 SORRY I'M LATE. 148 00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:39,000 NO, YOU'RE NOT. 149 00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:40,000 SO, HOW DID IT GO? 150 00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:41,000 WHOA. 151 00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:44,000 HE THINKS HE HAS A BLACK EYE. 152 00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:46,000 SO EITHER REALLY BAD OR REALLY GOOD. 153 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:47,000 HE WON'T SAY. 154 00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:48,000 I'M GETTING THERE. JUST LET ME FINISH. 155 00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:50,000 I'M TALKING ABOUT THE NIGHT BEFORE. 156 00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:53,000 ALL RIGHT, I'M IN THE BACK OF MY STORE, AND IT'S LATE, 157 00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:54,000 THE STORE'S CLOSED, EVERYBODY'S GONE, 158 00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:58,000 AND I'M JUST PAYING MY BILLS, LIKE I ALWAYS DO. 159 00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:01,000 THEN I HEAR THE "DING," YOU KNOW, ON THE COMPUTER, 160 00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:03,000 [ DING ] AND THE CHAT BOX POPS UP. 161 00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:04,000 IT'S HER. 162 00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:07,000 DORI THE HYGIENIST? YES. YEAH -- LIVE. 163 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:09,000 SO YOU GET TO SEE HER, SHE'S RIGHT THERE, AND 164 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:09,000 YOU'RE LOOKING AT HER? 165 00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:11,000 NO, NO, NO -- WORDS. WORDS. 166 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:13,000 IT'S JUST HER TYPING FROM WHEREVER, 167 00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:14,000 BUT RIGHT THEN, RIGHT THEN. 168 00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:15,000 IT'S THE CHATTING THING, YOU KNOW? 169 00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:18,000 SO I ANSWER HER, AND, YOU KNOW, 170 00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:20,000 I'M JUST TRYING TO BE FUNNY, 171 00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:22,000 TELLING A COUPLE JOKES, AND SHE'S LAUGHING. 172 00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:23,000 WELL, HOW DO YOU KNOW SHE'S LAUGHING? 173 00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:25,000 "LOL." WHAT DO YOU THINK? 174 00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:27,000 [ CHUCKLES ] 175 00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:29,000 ANYWAY, SO, UM... 176 00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:32,000 WE MAKE ARRANGEMENTS TO GO OUT THE NEXT NIGHT 177 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:33,000 AT THE OYSTER BAR. 178 00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:35,000 AND I SAY TO HER... 179 00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:38,000 "WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?" 180 00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:40,000 "WHAT ARE YOU WEARING" THEN 181 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:42,000 OR "WHAT ARE YOU WEARING" ON THE DATE? 182 00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:44,000 EXACTLY -- I MEANT "ON THE DATE," 183 00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:48,000 BUT SHE WRITES, "WHOA. YOU MEAN NOW OR TOMORROW?" 184 00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:49,000 [ SIGHS ] 185 00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:53,000 AND SO I'M WRITING BACK TO HER ABOUT THAT, 186 00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:55,000 AND BEFORE I CAN EVEN WRITE IT, SHE SAYS, 187 00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:58,000 "BECAUSE RIGHT NOW I'M NOT WEARING MUCH. 188 00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:00,000 HOW 'BOUT YOU?" 189 00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:06,000 [ CHUCKLES ] 190 00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:18,000 [ CHUCKLES ] 191 00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:26,000 [ KEYS CLACKING RAPIDLY ] ALL RIGHT. 192 00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:31,000 [ DING ] 193 00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:33,000 [ DING ] 194 00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:37,000 [ SIGHS ] 195 00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:39,000 [ DING ] 196 00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:47,000 [ EXHALES ] 197 00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:50,000 [ CHUCKLES ] 198 00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:55,000 [ CHUCKLES ] 199 00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:00,000 WHAT? 200 00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:02,000 HE TOLD ME TO GO WITH THE FLOW. 201 00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:04,000 [ LAUGHS ] 202 00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:07,000 OKAY. 203 00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:09,000 [ EXHALES SHARPLY ] 204 00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:16,000 [ DING ] 205 00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:19,000 [ DING ] 206 00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:22,000 "HA-HA, LIAR! GOTTA GO. THIS WAS FUNNY, CYA TOMORROW." 207 00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:25,000 [ SIGHS ] 208 00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:29,000 [ SIGHS ] 209 00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:37,000 HEY, MR. T. 210 00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:38,000 HEY! 211 00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:40,000 I JUST FORGOT -- I'M GONNA NEED THAT CD 212 00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:41,000 'CAUSE I'M GOING CAMPING THIS WEEKEND. 213 00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:43,000 OKAY. YEAH. 214 00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:44,000 YOU OKAY? 215 00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:47,000 YEAH, YEAH. I THOUGHT EVERYBODY WAS GONE. 216 00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:48,000 WHEW! 217 00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:49,000 JUST, UH, FINISHING UP HERE. 218 00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:51,000 UM, ANYWAY, I CAN BURN YOU A COPY 219 00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:53,000 AND BRING IT BACK ON MONDAY. 220 00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:54,000 YEAH. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. 221 00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:57,000 OH, NO. YOU NEED THE CD. I'LL MAKE YOU A COPY. 222 00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:59,000 OKAY. GREAT. 223 00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:05,000 YOU HAVE IT? 224 00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:07,000 OH. YES. 225 00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:10,000 UH... THERE IT IS. I GOT IT. 226 00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:12,000 HERE YOU GO. AAH! 227 00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:14,000 OH, GOD! SORRY! ARE YOU OKAY? 228 00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:16,000 YEAH. YOU'RE OKAY, RIGHT? 229 00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:17,000 WOW. 230 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:19,000 YOU ALL RIGHT? YOU'RE ALL RIGHT. 231 00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:20,000 YEAH. 232 00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:21,000 OKAY. SORRY. THAT WAS BAD LUCK. 233 00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:23,000 I'M SORRY. 234 00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:25,000 THANKS, MR. T. 235 00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:27,000 OKAY. I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW. 236 00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:28,000 SORRY. 237 00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:36,000 [ GROANS ] 238 00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:44,000 [ SLAMS DESK ] 239 00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:47,000 [ SIGHS ] 240 00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:50,000 SO, YOU COULDN'T JUST LIE 241 00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:51,000 AND TYPE THAT YOU PULLED YOUR PANTS DOWN? 242 00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:53,000 I TRIED THAT. 243 00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:55,000 YOU WERE HONESTLY GONNA WHACK IT IN THE OFFICE? 244 00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:56,000 WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. 245 00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:57,000 WHO SAID ANYTHING ABOUT WHACKING IT? 246 00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:59,000 THEN WHY WERE YOUR PANTS DOWN? 247 00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:02,000 I DON'T KNOW. I WAS AWAITING FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS. 248 00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:04,000 LIKE WHAT? "NOW STAPLE YOUR DICK TO A POST-IT NOTE"? 249 00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:06,000 Terry: THIS IS THE PROBLEM WITH THE INFORMATION AGE. 250 00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:09,000 NO ONE TALKS ANYMORE. THERE'S NO ROOM FOR NUANCE. 251 00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:12,000 WHAT NUANCE? SHE SAID, "PULL DOWN YOUR PANTS." 252 00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:14,000 SO WITH THE STORE STILL OPEN AND PEOPLE STILL IN IT, RIGHT, 253 00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:16,000 YOU SAID, "WELL, I SHOULD DO WHAT I'M TOLD"? 254 00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:17,000 THE STORE WASN'T OPEN. 255 00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:20,000 MARIA HAS A KEY. SOMETIMES SHE OPENS UP IN THE MORNING. 256 00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:22,000 SO DID SHE SEE THAT UNDER YOUR DESK THERE, 257 00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:24,000 YOU WERE... LETTING FREEDOM RING? 258 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:27,000 I DON'T KNOW. I COULDN'T TELL. 259 00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:30,000 BUT...I HAD TO FIND OUT. 260 00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:32,000 WHY AM I STANDING HERE? 261 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:35,000 YOU NOTICE ANYTHING STRANGE ABOUT ME? 262 00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:37,000 YEAH, YOUR HEAD LOOKS BENT. YOU GOT ALLERGIES? 263 00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:39,000 YOU KNOW, YOU'RE ACTUALLY A LITTLE BIT TALLER. 264 00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:40,000 DO ME A FAVOR -- SQUAT A COUPLE INCHES. 265 00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:42,000 SQUAT? NO. 266 00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:44,000 COME ON, ARE WE GONNA SETTLE UP OR WHAT? 267 00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:44,000 YEAH, IT'S CRAZY. 268 00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:46,000 I LEFT THE CAR RUNNING. IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD, I DON'T -- 269 00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:48,000 ALL RIGHT. YEAH, HERE. HERE. HERE YOU GO. 270 00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:50,000 HOW 'BOUT THOSE JETS, HUH? 271 00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:53,000 OKAY, WHAT -- WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 272 00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:55,000 CAN YOU SEE MY PANTS NOW? 273 00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:08,000 [ ENGINE SHUTS OFF ] 274 00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:19,000 [ INDISTINCT CONVERSATION ] 275 00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:26,000 [ BOTH LAUGH ] 276 00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:28,000 [ BALLOON HISSES ] 277 00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:31,000 MORNING. 278 00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:34,000 HEY, MR. T! YOU SLEEP IN? 279 00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:35,000 YEAH. 280 00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:37,000 YEAH, YEAH, YOU GOT THAT RIGHT. 281 00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:39,000 WHAT'S UP? 282 00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:42,000 YOU LOAD, UH...THE TRUCK FOR THE SPENCER LUAU? 283 00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:43,000 I HAVE A LEG CRAMP. 284 00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:45,000 YOU JUST CLIMBED A LADDER. 285 00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:47,000 HOW DO YOU THINK I GOT IT? 286 00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:48,000 JUST LOAD THE TRUCK. 287 00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:49,000 A'IGHT. 288 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:53,000 I'LL WORK INJURED. I'M A TEAM PLAYER. 289 00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:54,000 [ GRUNTS ] OKAY. 290 00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:57,000 WHOO! THIS CRAMP HURTS. 291 00:11:57,000 --> 00:11:58,000 YEAH, OKAY. 292 00:11:58,000 --> 00:12:01,000 HE'S A PLAYA, ALL RIGHT. 293 00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:04,000 WE ALL KNOW HE'S A PLAYA, RIGHT? 294 00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:06,000 HUH? 295 00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:07,000 DaSHAUN. 296 00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:09,000 OH. YEAH. 297 00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:18,000 LOOK, MARIA, UM... 298 00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:20,000 I DON'T KNOW IF THIS HAS EVER HAPPENED TO YOU, 299 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:23,000 WHERE, UH...YOU KIND OF THINK YOU SEE SOMETHING, 300 00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:24,000 UH... 301 00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:26,000 BUT IT'S NOT REAL. 302 00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:29,000 YOU KNOW, NOT THE WAY YOU THINK IT IS. 303 00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:31,000 LIKE A MIRAGE, KIND OF. 304 00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:33,000 DO... 305 00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:37,000 OKAY, LOOK. 306 00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:39,000 UH, MY FRIEND SET ME UP ON A BLIND DATE. 307 00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:41,000 AND YESTERDAY, I WAS E-MAILING HER 308 00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:43,000 JUST TO INTRODUCE MYSELF. 309 00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:45,000 SO YOU DON'T NEED THAT BREAKUP CD. 310 00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:46,000 YOU NEED A FIRST-DATE CD. 311 00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:48,000 WELL -- NAH, NOT REALLY. 312 00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:50,000 I HAVE A MIX THAT'S FOR FIRST DATES. 313 00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:51,000 IT'S IN MY CAR. 314 00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:52,000 I DON'T, UH... [ SIGHS ] 315 00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:55,000 CUT TO THE CHASE. DID SHE SEE THE PYTHON OR NOT? 316 00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:56,000 NO -- COME ON, MAN! 317 00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:59,000 NO PYTHON. THE PYTHON WAS NEVER OUT. 318 00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:00,000 [ CRUNCHES ] [ CHUCKLES ] 319 00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:01,000 I JUST HAD TO FIND OUT IF SHE SAW SOMETHING, 320 00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:03,000 BUT I HAD TO DO IT 321 00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:05,000 WITHOUT LETTING HER KNOW I WAS TRYING TO FIND OUT. 322 00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:07,000 HMM. SHE'S YOUR SCHRODINGER'S CAT. 323 00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:10,000 YUP. 'COURSE. 324 00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:11,000 YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS? 325 00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:14,000 NOPE, BUT WE ALSO DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOU SAY WHAT IT IS. 326 00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:17,000 SCHRODINGER'S CAT IS A THOUGHT EXPERIMENT. 327 00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:18,000 SHUT UP. 328 00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:21,000 A CAT IS TRAPPED IN A BOX WITH A BOTTLE OF POISON. 329 00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:24,000 IF YOU WANT TO FIND OUT IF THE CAT IS ALIVE OR DEAD, 330 00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:26,000 YOU HAVE TO OPEN UP THE BOX. 331 00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:28,000 BUT IF YOU DO, THE POISON WILL BE RELEASED 332 00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:29,000 AND INSTANTLY KILL THE CAT. 333 00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:31,000 SO IN THE BOX, 334 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:34,000 THE CAT IS IN A STATE OF BEING BOTH ALIVE AND DEAD. 335 00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:36,000 I HATE YOU A LOT. 336 00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:37,000 IT'S A PARADOX. 337 00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:39,000 THE ONLY WAY TO FIND OUT FOR SURE 338 00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:41,000 IF YOUR CASHIER SAW IF YOUR PANTS WERE DOWN OR NOT 339 00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:43,000 IS TO TELL HER YOUR PANTS WERE DOWN, HMM? 340 00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:45,000 ALL RIGHT, LOOK, JUST, AT THIS POINT, 341 00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:48,000 I FIGURE I'M JUST GONNA CANCEL THE DATE 'CAUSE IT'S JINXED. 342 00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:50,000 YOU DIDN'T TRY TO CANCEL, DID YOU, JOE? 343 00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:52,000 JOE. LET ME -- 344 00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:52,000 LET ME TELL IT. 345 00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:54,000 [ WHOOSH ] 346 00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:55,000 UNH! 347 00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:57,000 [ CROWD GASPS ] 348 00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:00,000 [ CROWD MURMURS ] 349 00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:01,000 YOU OKAY, KID? YEAH, I'M ALL RIGHT. 350 00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:02,000 TAKE YOUR BASE. 351 00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:04,000 ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! 352 00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:04,000 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 353 00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:05,000 Coach: SHAKE IT OFF, NOW. SHAKE IT OFF. 354 00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:06,000 ALL RIGHT! HE GETS A BASE! 355 00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:09,000 WAY TO TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM, THERE! 356 00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:11,000 FEELING GOOD NOW, RIGHT? WAY TO GO, DYLAN! 357 00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:15,000 Coach: TWO OUTS, A RUN ON ANYTHING. LET'S GO! 358 00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:16,000 Dad! Dad! 359 00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:18,000 Joe: YOU KNOW, SHE CALLED ME THEN, AT ALBERT'S GAME, 360 00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:19,000 AND I JUST THOUGHT... 361 00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:20,000 [ CELLPHONE RINGING ] 362 00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:22,000 ...I'M GONNA CANCEL RIGHT NOW. 363 00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:23,000 HELLO? 364 00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:25,000 Joe, hey. It's Dori Lamont. 365 00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:27,000 OH, HEY, DORI. UH, YEAH, I'M GLAD YOU CALLED. 366 00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:28,000 Dad! 367 00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:31,000 UH, CAN YOU HOLD ON, DORI? I'M AT A BASEBALL GAME, HERE. 368 00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:33,000 YEAH, I'M RIGHT HERE, BUDDY. I'M WATCHING. 369 00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:34,000 I-I can't do it. 370 00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:37,000 NO, NO, ALBERT, YOU WERE SWINGING GREAT IN PRACTICE. 371 00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:39,000 JUST RELAX AND TAKE A SWING. 372 00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:42,000 No, Dad. I just -- I just can't do it. 373 00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:43,000 WHA-- 374 00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:44,000 NEED A BATTER! 375 00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:46,000 UH, DORI, I GOT TO GO. LISTEN, ABOUT TONIGHT -- 376 00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:49,000 Hey, can you hold on, Joe? The doctor's calling. 377 00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:50,000 NO -- 378 00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:52,000 WHERE'S MY BATTER? 379 00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:53,000 ALL RIGHT, NOW, JUST GET IN THE BOX. 380 00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:55,000 YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO SWING. JUST STAND THERE. 381 00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:57,000 IT'S ALL RIGHT. YEAH. IT'S OKAY. 382 00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:58,000 JUST TAKE A STRIKE. THAT'S ALL. 383 00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:00,000 ALBERT -- TIME RUNS OUT, THERE ARE TWO OUTS. 384 00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:03,000 LET'S GO. MAKE CONTACT. 385 00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:06,000 Umpire: COACH, LET'S GET A BATTER UP HERE! 386 00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:08,000 I THINK YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO GO TO THE NEXT BATTER, LEE. 387 00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:11,000 IT'S AN AUTOMATIC OUT IF WE SKIP A BATTER, 388 00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:11,000 JOE, UNLESS HE'S INJURED. 389 00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:13,000 COME ON, ALBERT. YOUR TEAM NEEDS YOU. 390 00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:14,000 HEY, IT'S NOT THE PLAYOFFS, RIGHT? 391 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:15,000 Umpire: BATTER UP! WHAT'S GOING ON, GUYS? 392 00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:16,000 WHAT'S UP? WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? 393 00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:18,000 NOTHING. WE'RE GOOD. RIGHT, ALBERT? 394 00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:21,000 GET IN THERE, THROW YOUR HANDS AT THE BALL. 395 00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:23,000 NO. UH, THE KID'S NOT FEELING RIGHT. 396 00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:24,000 OH, I UNDERSTAND. YEAH. 397 00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:26,000 WELL, THAT'S AN AUTOMATIC OUT, RIGHT? 398 00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:28,000 INNING'S OVER? OKAY. 399 00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:29,000 HEY, GUYS, BRING IT ON IN! 400 00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:30,000 NO, NO, WE'RE STILL UP! 401 00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:31,000 NO ONE SAID HE'S NOT GETTING UP. 402 00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:35,000 THEN LET'S GET MOVING, COACH. STEP IN THE BOX, SON. 403 00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:38,000 LEG CRAMP! 404 00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:41,000 UM, KID'S GOT A BAD LEG CRAMP. 405 00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:42,000 HE'S GOT AN INJURY. YEAH. 406 00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:44,000 HE'S STILL WALKING AROUND. 407 00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:46,000 I MEAN, YOU DON'T WALK AROUND WITH A LEG CRAMP. 408 00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:49,000 NO, NO, NO, NO. HE GETS THEM. HE GETS THEM JUST 409 00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:49,000 FROM WALKING SOMETIMES. 410 00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:51,000 [ ALBERT GROANS ] HE GETS BAD ONES. 411 00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:51,000 WALK IT OFF. STRETCH IT OUT. 412 00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:53,000 YOU DIDN'T HAVE BANANAS THIS MORNING, RIGHT? 413 00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:54,000 HE'S GOT TO HAVE A BANANA BEFORE THE GAME. 414 00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:56,000 LEG CRAMP DOES NOT COUNT AS AN INJURY. 415 00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:59,000 WHAT, YOU WANT TO WAIT TILL HE COMPLETELY TEARS HIS HAMSTRING? 416 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:00,000 OKAY, ALL RIGHT. 417 00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:02,000 INJURY SUBSTITUTION. NEXT BATTER. 418 00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:03,000 Joe: THANK YOU. 419 00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:05,000 DORI: Hey, Joe. Sorry about that. 420 00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:07,000 OH, YEAH, THAT'S OKAY. I'VE KIND OF GOT STUFF 421 00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:07,000 GOING ON HERE, TOO. 422 00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:08,000 So, it's 8:00, right? 423 00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:11,000 At Oyster Bar or is it Oyster Café? 424 00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:13,000 IT'S THE OYSTER BAR. YEAH. 425 00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:14,000 Okay. 426 00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:17,000 Oh, did you ever say what you'd be wearing? 427 00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:20,000 UH... [ SIGHS ] 428 00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:22,000 SUEDE BLAZER, I GUESS. 429 00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:23,000 Okay. Great. 430 00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:24,000 See you then. 431 00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:26,000 ALL RIGHT. SEE YOU THERE. 432 00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:29,000 [ CELLPHONE BEEPS ] Umpire: BALL ONE! 433 00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:31,000 STRETCH IT. RUB IT OUT. 434 00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:34,000 OKAY. 435 00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:37,000 YEAH, ORGANIZED SPORTS -- A BUNCH OF FRUSTRATED FATHERS 436 00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:40,000 LIVING VICARIOUSLY THR-- I FINALLY 437 00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:40,000 FIGURED IT OUT. 438 00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:42,000 FIGURED WHAT OUT? THE BLACK EYE. 439 00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:45,000 YOU WERE TELLING THIS STORY TO SOMEONE, FELL ASLEEP, 440 00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:46,000 AND BANGED YOUR HEAD ON THE TABLE. 441 00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:49,000 SO, ANYWAY... 442 00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:52,000 AFTER WE WORKED OUT, I WENT TO THE STORE FIRST 443 00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:54,000 AND THEN I WENT HOME TO GET READY. 444 00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:57,000 H-HOLD ON. YOU'RE LEAVING OUT THE PART ABOUT THE SUPERMARKET? 445 00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:58,000 OH, MY GOD. REALLY? 446 00:16:58,000 --> 00:16:59,000 GROCERIES ARE A PART OF THIS STORY? 447 00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:01,000 NO, NO, NO. YOU'LL LIKE THIS PART. 448 00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:02,000 PLUS, I'M IN IT. 449 00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:03,000 GO AHEAD -- SUPERMARKET. 450 00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:04,000 OYSTER BAR'S GOOD, RIGHT? 451 00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:06,000 IT'S GOT THREE STARS IN THE THING, 452 00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:08,000 AND IT'S QUIET -- YOU CAN HEAR PEOPLE. 453 00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:09,000 TOO MUCH SUGAR. HERE. 454 00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:11,000 YOU WANT TO HAVE SOMETHING WITH AT LEAST 25 GRAMS OF PROTEIN. 455 00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:13,000 OKAY? 456 00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:15,000 PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE PICKED A PLACE WITH A BUFFET. 457 00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:16,000 THIS WAY, YOU'RE UP, WALKING AROUND -- 458 00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:18,000 LESS EYE CONTACT. 459 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:20,000 YOU SHOULD PROBABLY SMELL BETTER THAN YOU 460 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:20,000 USUALLY DO, TOO, OKAY? 461 00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:22,000 AH. CONDOMS. 462 00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:23,000 NO. CONDOMS? 463 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:26,000 YEAH, YOU REMEMBER CONDOMS, JOE. THEY GO ON YOUR DICK. 464 00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:27,000 THIS IS NOT GONNA END UP IN SEX. 465 00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:29,000 YOU DON'T KNOW THAT. SHE'S THE ONLY ONE 466 00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:29,000 WHO KNOWS THAT. 467 00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:30,000 LOOK, IT'S NOT GONNA. 468 00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:33,000 AND IF THERE'S EVEN A CHANCE OF SEX ON THE FIRST DATE, 469 00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:35,000 THEN SHE'S PROBABLY ON THE PILL, RIGHT? 470 00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:36,000 [ CHUCKLES ] PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE KIDDING. 471 00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:38,000 WHAT? 472 00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:40,000 JUST BRING A CONDOM, OKAY? BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY. 473 00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:43,000 PLUS, IF ANYTHING, IT'LL HELP YOU LAST LONGER. 474 00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:44,000 I DON'T NEED THAT HELP, OKAY? THANK YOU. 475 00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:46,000 BOY, YOU GOT IT ALL PLANNED OUT, DON'T YOU? 476 00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:48,000 ACTUALLY, ACTUALLY, I GOT A PRETTY GOOD SYSTEM 477 00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:50,000 WHEN IT COMES TO THAT -- NO SHIT. 478 00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:52,000 YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT I DO? 479 00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:53,000 UH, NO. 480 00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:55,000 IF EVER WE'RE MOVING ALONG, AND ALL OF A SUDDEN, I REALIZE, 481 00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:57,000 "SHIT, YOU KNOW, I GOT TO SLOW THIS DOWN," 482 00:17:57,000 --> 00:18:01,000 I STOP AND I SAY, "HOLD ON. 483 00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:03,000 I JUST WANT TO LOOK AT YOU." 484 00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:04,000 "I JUST WANT TO LOOK AT YOU"? 485 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:05,000 ABSOLUTELY. 486 00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:07,000 SERIOUSLY, THAT'S YOUR TECHNIQUE? 487 00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:09,000 THAT DOESN'T FREAK THEM OUT -- 488 00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:11,000 JUST YOU STOPPING AND EYEBALLING THEM? 489 00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:12,000 [ Laughing ] OH, NO. 490 00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:14,000 THEY THINK I'M BEING INTIMATE, WHICH I AM. 491 00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:16,000 BUT AT THE SAME TIME, I'M, YOU KNOW, 492 00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:17,000 PUTTING THE TROOPS BACK IN THE PLANE. 493 00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:20,000 YOU SHOULD HAVE YOUR OWN CABLE-ACCESS SHOW. 494 00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:21,000 YEAH, FOR REAL. 495 00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:23,000 WELL, HERE. THESE WILL DO FOR NOW. 496 00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:24,000 NOTHING FANCY. 497 00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:25,000 [ SIGHS ] 498 00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:27,000 EVEN BACK IN THE DAY, I WASN'T A CONDOM GUY. 499 00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:28,000 THEN YOU WERE AN IDIOT. 500 00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:31,000 HOW DO YOU KNOW THIS IS MY SIZE? 501 00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:33,000 SEE IF THEY GOT A FITTING ROOM. 502 00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:36,000 LOOK AT THIS COUPLE. WHY ARE THEY IN A CANOE? 503 00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:39,000 [ TOYS SQUEAKING ] 504 00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:44,000 HAVE YOU MOVED IN THE LAST THREE HOURS? 505 00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:45,000 I'M ON MY BREAK. 506 00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:47,000 OH, YEAH -- MARIA WAS LOOKING FOR YOU. 507 00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:50,000 OH. HEY. 508 00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:51,000 HEY, MR. T. 509 00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:53,000 I JUST WANTED TO ASK YOU SOMETHING. 510 00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:54,000 YEAH. 511 00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:56,000 UM, BUT... 512 00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:00,000 DaSHAUN, WHY DON'T YOU GO TO THE FRONT OF THE STORE 513 00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:02,000 AND SEE WHAT'S HAPPENING AT THE FRONT OF THE STORE? 514 00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:05,000 OKAY, I MEAN, I STILL GOT A FEW MORE MINUTES 515 00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:05,000 LEFT ON MY BREAK. 516 00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:07,000 I'LL GIVE YOU AN EXTRA MINUTE FOR THE WALK. GO. 517 00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:09,000 GET A LITTLE SUN. YEAH. 518 00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:12,000 WHAT'S UP? 519 00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:13,000 UM, WELL... 520 00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:15,000 I WAS JUST THINKING... 521 00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:18,000 MY MOM'S HOSTING A QUINCEÑERA FOR MY LITTLE SISTER. 522 00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:22,000 SO I WAS JUST HOPING I COULD GET THEM A DISCOUNT. 523 00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:24,000 YEAH. YEAH, OKAY. NO PROBLEM. 524 00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:26,000 YEAH, WE JUST HAD A QUECENIER. 525 00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:27,000 QUINCEÑERA? 526 00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:29,000 QUINCEÑERA. YEAH. YEAH. 527 00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:31,000 OKAY, BUT NO PROBLEM, YEAH. 528 00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:33,000 AND...YOU KNOW WHAT? AT COST. 529 00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:36,000 WOW! [ CHUCKLES ] THANKS SO MUCH. 530 00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:38,000 I WAS GONNA CHECK OUT THE TABLECLOTH CATALOG, 531 00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:41,000 BUT...YOUR OFFICE DOOR WAS LOCKED, FOR SOME REASON. 532 00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:44,000 WHO DID THAT? 533 00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:47,000 I-I DIDN'T DO THAT. WHY WOULD I? GEEZ. 534 00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:49,000 I DON'T KNOW. I'LL FIX THAT. 535 00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:52,000 BUT, UM...GOOD, SO... 536 00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:54,000 I'LL THROW IN THE SALES TAX. MY GIFT. 537 00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:56,000 THANKS, MR. T. THAT'S AWESOME. THANK YOU. 538 00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:58,000 THAT'S ALL RIGHT. HAVE FUN. 539 00:19:58,000 --> 00:19:59,000 HOW MANY PEOPLE? 540 00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:00,000 300. 541 00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:02,000 Owen: IT WAS A SHAKEDOWN? 542 00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:03,000 I GOT NO IDEA. 543 00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:05,000 BUT YOU BOUGHT HER OFF ANYWAY? 544 00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:06,000 I DON'T KNOW. 545 00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:08,000 I MEAN, THE EMPLOYEES GET A DISCOUNT ANYWAY. 546 00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:10,000 I JUST -- YOU KNOW, I'M STARTING TO THINK 547 00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:11,000 EVEN MARIA DOESN'T KNOW IF SHE SAW ANYTHING. 548 00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:13,000 SAD, REALLY. THIS IS ALL JUST VERY SAD. 549 00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:15,000 YOU KNOW, I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU GO ON A DATE 550 00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:16,000 FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 20 YEARS. 551 00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:17,000 YOU'D BE LIKE, "YOU'RE PRETTY. 552 00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:21,000 I KNOW YOU'RE PRETTY 'CAUSE MY PEE-PEE'S BIG." 553 00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:22,000 [ LAUGHING ] 554 00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:24,000 WELL, AT LEAST I'D KNOW HOW TO DRESS. 555 00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:26,000 [ BREATHING HEAVILY ] 556 00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:28,000 WHEN ARE YOU GONNA GET LIGHTS IN YOUR GARAGE? 557 00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:30,000 [ GRUNTS ] WHEN ARE YOU GONNA GET 558 00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:30,000 YOUR SHIT OUT OF MY GARAGE? 559 00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:32,000 HEY, YOU OFFERED. 560 00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:33,000 OH, HOPE IT DIDN'T GET WET. 561 00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:35,000 YOU KNOW, FOR SOME CRAZY REASON, I HAD THIS VISION 562 00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:38,000 OF YOU NOT LIVING IN A HOTEL THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. 563 00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:41,000 HERE IT IS. GOT IT. 564 00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:42,000 DAMN PLAY-DOH. 565 00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:44,000 YOU KNOW, I TELL MELISSA EVERY TIME -- 566 00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:45,000 NO GOOEY SHIT FOR CHRISTMAS. 567 00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:47,000 HARD TOYS -- YOU BREAK THEM, YOU THROW THEM OUT. 568 00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:49,000 LOOK AT THIS. 569 00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:50,000 ALL RIGHT. 570 00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:52,000 [ CLEARS THROAT ] HOW DO I LOOK? 571 00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:53,000 TRYING TOO HARD. 572 00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:55,000 NO. WHAT? THE JACKET OR THE SHIRT? 573 00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:56,000 AH, BOTH. 574 00:20:57,000 --> 00:20:58,000 WELL, I GOT TO WEAR THE JACKET. 575 00:20:58,000 --> 00:20:59,000 SHE'S GONNA BE LOOKING FOR A SUEDE BLAZER. 576 00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:01,000 AND SHE'LL BE HAPPY SHE DOESN'T FIND ONE. 577 00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:02,000 I CAN'T GO HOME AND CHANGE NOW. 578 00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:04,000 I GOT TO BE AT THE OYSTER BAR AT 8:00. 579 00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:06,000 HERE WE GO. 580 00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:08,000 I'LL PRESS THE COLLAR. ALREADY HAVE THE IRON ON. 581 00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:10,000 AND...GOD, PLEASE TAKE THAT OFF. 582 00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:12,000 YOU'RE IRONING FOR THIS MAN? 583 00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:14,000 WELL, WHEN YOU GO ON YOUR FIRST BLIND DATE, 584 00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:15,000 I'LL IRON FOR YOU. 585 00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:17,000 [ CHUCKLES ] 586 00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:20,000 SO, SEAFOOD ON THE FIRST DATE, HUH? 587 00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:21,000 YEAH, WHY? TOO EXOTIC? 588 00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:23,000 [ CHUCKLES ] 589 00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:24,000 I FIGURED, IF SHE'S GOT A SEAFOOD ALLERGY, 590 00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:25,000 SHE WOULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING, RIGHT? 591 00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:27,000 OH, NOT IF SHE'S SMART. 592 00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:29,000 SEE, SMART WOMEN HIDE THEIR HIGH-MAINTENANCE 593 00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:29,000 ISSUES UP FRONT -- 594 00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:30,000 ROLL THEM OUT WHEN YOU'RE MORE INVESTED. 595 00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:32,000 Melissa: WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT 596 00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:32,000 HIGH-MAINTENANCE WOMEN?! 597 00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:35,000 I-I DATED SOME... BEFORE I MET YOU, DARLING. 598 00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:37,000 UH-HUH. THAT'S RIGHT, DARLING. 599 00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:38,000 HERE WE GO. THIS WILL WORK. 600 00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:40,000 OOH, JOE, YOU MIGHT WANT TO TAKE OFF YOUR WEDDING RING. 601 00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:43,000 OH, SHIT. OKAY, THANKS. 602 00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:45,000 OH, MAN, THIS WHOLE THING... 603 00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:46,000 I WONDER IF SHE'S PRETTY. 604 00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:49,000 YOU KNOW, I HOPE SHE'S PRETTY B-BUT NOT TOO PRETTY. 605 00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:51,000 I JUST -- I DON'T WANT HER OUT OF MY LEAGUE. 606 00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:52,000 RELAX. YOU'LL BE FINE. 607 00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:55,000 JOE, YOU'VE ACTUALLY GOTTEN MORE ATTRACTIVE 608 00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:55,000 AS YOU'VE GOTTEN OLDER. 609 00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:56,000 WHAT DOES THAT SAY ABOUT WHERE HE STARTED? 610 00:21:57,000 --> 00:22:00,000 HE HAS A FULL HEAD OF HAIR, NO GUT, OWNS HIS OWN BUSINESS. 611 00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:02,000 FOR HIS AGE, THAT'S HOT. 612 00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:05,000 WELL, YOU REALIZE YOU JUST MENTIONED THREE THINGS I'M NOT. 613 00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:06,000 YES. 614 00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:08,000 BUT YOU... 615 00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:10,000 YOU'VE GOT THOSE BIG, CUSHY CHEEKS. 616 00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:12,000 OH, I GOT IT -- I'M FAT. 617 00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:13,000 YOU ARE NOT FAT. 618 00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:15,000 YOU ARE MY BIG, SEXY BEAR MAN. 619 00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:18,000 WELL, THAT'S NOT EXACTLY A COMPLIMENT, BUT I GET IT. 620 00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:20,000 OH, NO, YOU'LL GET IT, SEXY BEAR MAN. 621 00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:22,000 [ SMOOCHES ] THAT'S MY CUE. 622 00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:24,000 DON'T YOU GET IT? [ SMOOCHES ] 623 00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:25,000 WISH ME LUCK. 624 00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:27,000 [ Muffled ] GOOD LUCK. 625 00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:39,000 [ BRAKES SQUEAL ] 626 00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:44,000 [ ENGINE SHUTS OFF ] 627 00:22:59,000 --> 00:23:00,000 Terry: THANK YOU. 628 00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:02,000 SO, THAT'S IT? 629 00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:05,000 THAT'S YOUR FASCINATING PART OF THIS STORY? 630 00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:06,000 YOU GAVE HIM HIS OWN SHIRT? 631 00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:08,000 WELL, SERIOUSLY, THOUGH, I PROMISED THE BOYS 632 00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:09,000 THAT I'D TAKE THEM TO LASER TAG SOMETIME TODAY. 633 00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:11,000 SO CAN WE SPEED THIS UP? 634 00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:15,000 ALL RIGHT, SO I MEET HER, AND, UM...SHE WAS... 635 00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:17,000 YOU KNOW, I GOT TO SAY -- YES, YOU WERE RIGHT. 636 00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:18,000 SHE WAS GREAT. 637 00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:20,000 Terry: YEAH. I TOLD YOU. 638 00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:20,000 SHUT UP. 639 00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:22,000 NO, YOU SHUT UP. GO ON. 640 00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:34,000 HEY. DORI? 641 00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:35,000 JOE. 642 00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:36,000 YES. HI. HI. 643 00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:38,000 HOW ARE YOU? GOOD. 644 00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:41,000 I-I THOUGHT I WAS LOOKING FOR A SUEDE BLAZER. 645 00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:44,000 OH, YEAH, THAT, UH...THAT LOOKED KIND OF LAME, SO I... 646 00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:46,000 I WAS GONNA CALL YOU, BUT... 647 00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:47,000 YEAH, I DIDN'T. 648 00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:48,000 SORRY. 649 00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:50,000 I DON'T KNOW. I WAS PROMISED SOME SUEDE. 650 00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:53,000 [ CHUCKLES ] WELL, I GOT, UH... I GOT CHAPS IN THE CAR. 651 00:23:53,000 --> 00:23:55,000 [ CHUCKLES ] I CAN THROW THOSE ON. 652 00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:57,000 AREN'T THOSE RAWHIDE? 653 00:23:57,000 --> 00:23:58,000 I HAVE NO IDEA. [ LAUGHS ] 654 00:23:58,000 --> 00:24:00,000 I DON'T EVEN REALLY KNOW WHAT THEY ARE. 655 00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:01,000 I'M GLAD. 656 00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:02,000 ARE WE DRINKING? 657 00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:05,000 THANK GOD SHE WAS EASY TO TALK TO. 658 00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:09,000 I NEVER HAD THAT AWKWARD "WHAT DO I SAY NOW?" THING. 659 00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:10,000 AND SHE LAUGHED A LOT. 660 00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:12,000 YEAH, I TOLD YOU -- FUN, RIGHT? 661 00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:14,000 YEAH, BY THE WAY, WE TALKED ABOUT THAT 662 00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:16,000 AND THE WAY THAT YOU DESCRIBED ME TO HER. 663 00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:17,000 "ECCENTRIC" IS A COMPLIMENT. 664 00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:19,000 NO, NOT REALLY. 665 00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:22,000 WELL, "ECCENTRIC" IS LIKE A GENTLE WAY OF SAYING "CRAZY." 666 00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:24,000 BUT WITH MONEY...MAYBE. 667 00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:26,000 WHICH, BY THE WAY, I'M NEITHER. 668 00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:27,000 [ LAUGHS ] 669 00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:28,000 [ CHUCKLES ] 670 00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:31,000 WELL, HOW DID HE DESCRIBE ME? 671 00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:33,000 UM, HE SAID "VERY PRETTY" 672 00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:36,000 AND "A LOT OF FUN." 673 00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:38,000 WELL, THAT JUST MEANS "SLUT." 674 00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:39,000 [ Laughing ] NO. 675 00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:40,000 YES. NO. 676 00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:41,000 "FUN" MEANS "SLUTTY, 677 00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:43,000 BUT YOU KIND OF LIKE THE GIRL ANYWAY." 678 00:24:43,000 --> 00:24:45,000 WELL, "ECCENTRIC" MEANS "CRAZY, 679 00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:47,000 BUT YOU KIND OF LIKE THE GUY ANYWAY." 680 00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:50,000 SO, I GUESS WE'RE JUST A COUPLE OF FUN, ECCENTRIC WHORES. 681 00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:51,000 [ CHUCKLES ] YEAH. 682 00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:52,000 CHEERS. THERE YOU GO. 683 00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:53,000 [ GLASSES CLINK ] 684 00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:56,000 SO, EVERYTHING WAS REALLY -- WAS GOING GOOD. 685 00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:57,000 I WAS GOING WITH THE FLOW, MOSTLY. 686 00:24:57,000 --> 00:24:59,000 WHAT DO YOU MEAN "MOSTLY"? 687 00:24:59,000 --> 00:25:00,000 WELL, I DON'T KNOW -- I MEAN, THERE MAY HAVE BEEN 688 00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:03,000 A COUPLE TIMES WHERE I WAS JUST KIND OF STARING AT HER 689 00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:06,000 AND MY MIND STARTS THINKING, "OH, MAN, I SHOULD HAVE STARTED 690 00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:08,000 WITH A MORE AVERAGE-LOOKING WOMAN." 691 00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:10,000 JOE... I TOLD YOU NOT TO THINK. 692 00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:13,000 I WAS TRYING NOT TO. 693 00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:14,000 AT THIS POINT, I FEEL LIKE, 694 00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:17,000 WHO HAS THE TIME OR ENERGY TO LIE ABOUT ANYTHING? 695 00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:20,000 I MEAN, LET'S JUST SAY I'M A BIG FAN OF HONESTY. 696 00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:21,000 [ CHUCKLES ] 697 00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:23,000 YEAH, I MEAN, TRUTH... 698 00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:25,000 TRUTH IS LIKE A FUNGUS. 699 00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:28,000 IF YOU DON'T SHINE A LIGHT ON IT EVERY SO OFTEN, 700 00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:32,000 YOU'RE GONNA END UP WITH A CLOSET FULL OF MUSHROOMS. 701 00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:33,000 I DON'T GET IT. 702 00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:36,000 I DON'T -- I MEAN, I DIDN'T MAKE THAT UP, BUT... 703 00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:37,000 [ LAUGHS ] 704 00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:39,000 I THINK I READ IT ON A FORTUNE COOKIE. 705 00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:41,000 OH. THAT'S SOME BIG COOKIE. 706 00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:43,000 IT IS. YEAH. [ CHUCKLES ] 707 00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:44,000 WELL, SO, SCREW IT, RIGHT? 708 00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:46,000 I FIGURE, IF YOU HAVE TO LIE TO YOURSELF 709 00:25:46,000 --> 00:25:48,000 TO MAKE A RELATIONSHIP WORK, IS IT WORTH IT? 710 00:25:49,000 --> 00:25:50,000 [ INHALES DEEPLY ] 711 00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:54,000 YOU WANT, UM... 712 00:25:54,000 --> 00:25:55,000 YOU WANT SOME HONESTY? 713 00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:56,000 HIT ME. 714 00:25:56,000 --> 00:25:58,000 OKAY, IT'S WEIRD. 715 00:25:58,000 --> 00:26:00,000 IT'S -- IT'S WEIRD HONESTY. 716 00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:02,000 SO WHAT? 717 00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:03,000 SCREW IT, RIGHT? 718 00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:04,000 I THINK SO. 719 00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:05,000 YEAH. 720 00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:07,000 OKAY, THE OTHER NIGHT, 721 00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:11,000 WHEN WE WERE HAVING OUR LITTLE...CYBER CHAT... 722 00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:12,000 OH, OH. NO. LISTEN. 723 00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:15,000 I AM SO SORRY ABOUT THAT. 724 00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:18,000 I-I WAS TRYING TO BE FUNNY, AND IT WAS JUST STUPID. 725 00:26:19,000 --> 00:26:20,000 I MEAN, WHAT WAS I DOING? I WAS TRYING -- 726 00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:22,000 MAKING A SEX JOKE ON OUR FIRST CONVERSATION? 727 00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:25,000 I WAS GONNA CALL YOU BACK, BUT THEN I WAS JUST, LIKE, 728 00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:27,000 OKAY, THAT'S JUST GONNA MAKE THINGS WORSE. 729 00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:30,000 SO, PLEASE [SIGHS] JUST -- JUST FORGET IT. 730 00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:32,000 I-I -- JUST CHALK IT UP TO NERVES. 731 00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:33,000 ALL RIGHT. YEAH. 732 00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:36,000 IT'S OKAY. YOU WERE NERVOUS. 733 00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:37,000 YES, I WAS. 734 00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:39,000 I WAS, UM... 735 00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:41,000 I WAS COLD. 736 00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:44,000 I-I... TOOK MY PANTS DOWN. 737 00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:46,000 NO. YEAH. 738 00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:48,000 [ LAUGHS ] 739 00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:51,000 ALL RIGHT. GOOD. YOU'RE LAUGHING. I WAS WORRIED. 740 00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:54,000 NOW -- OKAY, NOW THAT'S PROBABLY A LITTLE TOO MUCH, BUT... 741 00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:57,000 IT'S BETTER THAN YOU RUNNING AWAY, I GUESS. 742 00:26:57,000 --> 00:26:59,000 [ Laughing ] NO, I JUST -- OH, MY GOD! 743 00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:00,000 NOW I FEEL REALLY BAD. 744 00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:02,000 I SEE THAT. YOU'RE REALLY HURTING. 745 00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:04,000 [ CELLPHONE RINGS ] 746 00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:06,000 NO, BUT THAT WAS REALLY HONEST. 747 00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:07,000 [ CHUCKLES ] 748 00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:09,000 Terry: AND SHE ANSWERED? I HATE THAT! 749 00:27:09,000 --> 00:27:11,000 THAT'S THE REASON I DON'T HAVE A CELLPHONE. 750 00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:14,000 NO, WAIT A MINUTE. THE ISSUE HERE IS NOT 751 00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:14,000 HER DAMN CELLPHONE. 752 00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:17,000 IT'S, WHY WOULD YOU TELL HER THAT YOU TOOK YOUR PANTS DOWN?! 753 00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:20,000 YOU WANT TO LOWER YOUR BIG, FAT VOICE? 754 00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:22,000 ALL RIGHT, GO. KEEP GOING. 755 00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:24,000 LOOK, I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT SHE ANSWERED. 756 00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:25,000 YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST -- 757 00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:27,000 IT WAS OKAY, THOUGH. IT WAS GOOD. 758 00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:30,000 GOOD? EVERYTHING -- NOTHING WRONG? 759 00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:33,000 OKAY. UM, SOME WEIRD HONESTY? 760 00:27:33,000 --> 00:27:34,000 I THINK SO. 761 00:27:34,000 --> 00:27:37,000 THAT WAS MY "OUT." 762 00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:38,000 BUT I PASSED. 763 00:27:38,000 --> 00:27:39,000 WHAT "OUT"? 764 00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:41,000 YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU HAVE A FRIEND CALL 765 00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:43,000 ABOUT A HALF-HOUR INTO THE DATE TO CHECK ON YOU 766 00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:46,000 SO YOU CAN PRETEND YOU HAVE AN EMERGENCY 767 00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:47,000 AND BAIL IF YOU'RE NOT FEELING IT. 768 00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:49,000 I DON'T KNOW. REALLY? 769 00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:50,000 YES! 770 00:27:50,000 --> 00:27:52,000 DIDN'T YOU HAVE A BAILOUT PLAN? 771 00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:53,000 I DIDN'T. I WAS JUST -- 772 00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:55,000 I WAS GONNA START A FIRE IN THE BATHROOM 773 00:27:55,000 --> 00:27:57,000 AND WAIT FOR THE SPRINKLERS TO GO. 774 00:27:57,000 --> 00:27:58,000 [ LAUGHS ] 775 00:27:58,000 --> 00:28:00,000 WELL, THAT WOULD WORK. 776 00:28:00,000 --> 00:28:02,000 WOW. 777 00:28:03,000 --> 00:28:05,000 WAIT -- HER, RIGHT THERE? RIGHT FROM THE BAR? 778 00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:06,000 HELLO. 779 00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:08,000 I KNOW, BUT YOU GOT A GOOD REVIEW. 780 00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:09,000 SHE THINKS YOU'RE CUTE. 781 00:28:09,000 --> 00:28:11,000 OH, GOD. SHE'S DRUNK, THEN. 782 00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:13,000 DON'T DRIVE! DON'T, UH... 783 00:28:13,000 --> 00:28:14,000 BYE. 784 00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:18,000 WELL, I HOPE IT IS OKAY, BECAUSE, UM... 785 00:28:18,000 --> 00:28:19,000 NOW I NEED A RIDE HOME. 786 00:28:19,000 --> 00:28:22,000 OH. ALL RIGHT. 787 00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:23,000 I'LL, UH... 788 00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:25,000 WALK YOU TO THE BUS STOP. 789 00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:26,000 [ LAUGHS ] THAT'S GREAT. 790 00:28:26,000 --> 00:28:28,000 NO, I THINK I CAN MANAGE THAT. 791 00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:31,000 YOU LIKE AIR SUPPLY? THAT'S ALL I GOT. 792 00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:33,000 [ LAUGHS ] 793 00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:35,000 HERE. 794 00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:43,000 SO, DO YOU HAVE A DOG, OR IS THAT 795 00:28:44,000 --> 00:28:46,000 SO YOU'LL HAVE SOMETHING TO MAKE ME FOR BREAKFAST? 796 00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:50,000 YOU DID NOT SAY THAT. 797 00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:51,000 NAH, I DIDN'T SAY THAT. 798 00:28:51,000 --> 00:28:54,000 I'M JUST SEEING IF YOU'RE PAYING ATTENTION. 799 00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:57,000 SO, WE GET TO HER HOUSE, AND I'M WALKING HER TO HER DOOR, 800 00:28:57,000 --> 00:28:59,000 AND WE'RE TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING, 801 00:28:59,000 --> 00:29:02,000 BUT ALL I CAN THINK OF -- HOW DO I SAY GOOD NIGHT? 802 00:29:02,000 --> 00:29:03,000 DO I KISS HER? 803 00:29:03,000 --> 00:29:05,000 Terry: MY GOD. JUST FEEL IT OUT, RICHIE CUNNINGHAM. 804 00:29:05,000 --> 00:29:08,000 YEAH, OKAY, WHAT IF I FEEL IT OUT AND I'M WRONG? 805 00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:09,000 WHAT IF I GO TO KISS HER, 806 00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:11,000 SHE TURNS HER HEAD, AND I EAT SOME HAIR? 807 00:29:11,000 --> 00:29:12,000 RIGHT? 808 00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:14,000 YOU GOT KIDS? 809 00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:15,000 NO. 810 00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:17,000 NO KIDS. A DOG. NOT YET. 811 00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:19,000 LIVE-IN BOYFRIEND? 812 00:29:19,000 --> 00:29:21,000 THAT'S MINE. 813 00:29:21,000 --> 00:29:25,000 [ GALLERY'S "NICE TO BE WITH YOU" PLAYS ] 814 00:29:25,000 --> 00:29:26,000 [ SNAPS FINGERS ] 815 00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:28,000 [ CHUCKLES ] ALL RIGHT. RIGHT HERE? 816 00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:30,000 Owen: YEAH, MIDNIGHT BASKETBALL. 817 00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:32,000 Terry: ALL RIGHT. OKAY. 818 00:29:32,000 --> 00:29:34,000 AND SHE WAS GOOD, TOO. SHE WAS REALLY GOOD. 819 00:29:34,000 --> 00:29:36,000 Dori: YOU GOT TO DO THE EXACT DRIBBLE THAT I DO. 820 00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:38,000 OH, GEEZ. DO I HAVE TO WIGGLE LIKE THAT? 821 00:29:38,000 --> 00:29:40,000 ALLEY-HOOP! 822 00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:47,000 OHHHH! 823 00:29:59,000 --> 00:30:01,000 AAAH, SWISH! HA HA! 824 00:30:01,000 --> 00:30:04,000 I DIDN'T EVEN LOOK! I DIDN'T EVEN LOOK! 825 00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:06,000 [ LAUGHS ] 826 00:30:08,000 --> 00:30:11,000 OOH, LET IT RAIN, BABY! 827 00:30:11,000 --> 00:30:13,000 YOU KNOW, THERE'S MORE TO THIS GAME 828 00:30:13,000 --> 00:30:14,000 THAN JUST HOT-SHOT SHOOTING. 829 00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:16,000 WELL, YOU'RE LUCKY I'M WEARING A SKIRT. 830 00:30:16,000 --> 00:30:17,000 I COULD SCHOOL YOU IN SOME ONE-ON-ONE. 831 00:30:17,000 --> 00:30:18,000 OKAY. 832 00:30:18,000 --> 00:30:20,000 Joe: SO, I'M ON THE BRINK OF ELIMINATION. 833 00:30:20,000 --> 00:30:23,000 Owen: NO WAY. SHE BEAT YOU? WHAT WAS THE SCORE? 834 00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:24,000 Terry: SERIOUSLY? THE SCORE? 835 00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:26,000 ANYWAY, SO I'M GETTING REAL NERVOUS, 836 00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:28,000 SO I JUST GO, "ALL RIGHT. 837 00:30:28,000 --> 00:30:30,000 IF I MAKE THIS SHOT, I'M KISSING HER GOOD NIGHT." 838 00:30:30,000 --> 00:30:32,000 YOU'RE LETTING A BASKETBALL SHOT 839 00:30:32,000 --> 00:30:33,000 DECIDE THE FATE OF YOUR DATE? 840 00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:35,000 JUST TAKE YOUR TIME. 841 00:30:35,000 --> 00:30:36,000 YOU JUST GO WITH IT. 842 00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:37,000 HOWEVER IT FEELS, YOU JUST DO IT. 843 00:30:37,000 --> 00:30:39,000 YEAH, BUT THIS WAY, IF I MAKE THE SHOT, 844 00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:42,000 THEN IT'S NOT UP TO ME -- I DEFINITELY HAVE TO DO IT. 845 00:30:42,000 --> 00:30:44,000 'CAUSE I'VE MADE THE BET IN MY HEAD. 846 00:30:44,000 --> 00:30:45,000 ANYWAY... 847 00:30:45,000 --> 00:30:47,000 SO, UH, NO PRESSURE OR ANYTHING. 848 00:30:49,000 --> 00:30:51,000 [ CHUCKLES ] 849 00:30:52,000 --> 00:30:54,000 OHHH! AH. 850 00:30:54,000 --> 00:30:58,000 I GUESS THAT'S "E" FOR "HORSIE." 851 00:30:58,000 --> 00:30:59,000 YEAH. 852 00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:01,000 OH, COME ON. DON'T TELL ME YOU THREW IT TO BE A GENTLEMAN. 853 00:31:02,000 --> 00:31:04,000 OKAY, I NEED TO BE HONEST AGAIN. 854 00:31:04,000 --> 00:31:06,000 WEIRD HONEST? 855 00:31:06,000 --> 00:31:08,000 DO I KISS YOU? 856 00:31:08,000 --> 00:31:10,000 OR DO I NOT KISS YOU? 857 00:31:10,000 --> 00:31:12,000 BECAUSE I REALLY WANT TO KISS YOU. 858 00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:25,000 MM. 859 00:31:25,000 --> 00:31:27,000 I THINK I HAVE SOME, UH... 860 00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:29,000 GATORADE INSIDE. 861 00:31:29,000 --> 00:31:31,000 YOU WANT SOME? 862 00:31:31,000 --> 00:31:33,000 OH, SHIT. 863 00:31:33,000 --> 00:31:34,000 [ SNICKERS ] YEAH, YEAH. 864 00:31:35,000 --> 00:31:36,000 [ LAUGHS ] 865 00:31:47,000 --> 00:31:49,000 AND? 866 00:31:49,000 --> 00:31:52,000 EH...I'M TRYING TO FIGURE OUT IF I SHOULD TELL YOU THE REST. 867 00:31:52,000 --> 00:31:54,000 YOU HAVE A BLACK EYE. 868 00:31:55,000 --> 00:31:56,000 [ CHUCKLES ] 869 00:31:56,000 --> 00:31:58,000 ALL RIGHT. 870 00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:01,000 THIS IS GONNA SOUND CORNY, BUT, I MEAN... 871 00:32:01,000 --> 00:32:03,000 IT WAS -- YOU KNOW, IT WAS GREAT. IT WAS NEW. 872 00:32:03,000 --> 00:32:06,000 [ THE DRIFTERS' "THIS MAGIC MOMENT" PLAYS ] 873 00:32:06,000 --> 00:32:09,000 I DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE SEX JUST TO HAVE SEX. 874 00:32:09,000 --> 00:32:11,000 I WANTED... I DON'T KNOW. 875 00:32:11,000 --> 00:32:14,000 AT SOME POINT, I THOUGHT, "I'M JUST GONNA SAY GOOD NIGHT." 876 00:32:14,000 --> 00:32:16,000 AND WHY? I MEAN, WHY PUSH IT? JUST... 877 00:32:16,000 --> 00:32:18,000 WE HAD A GOOD TIME. 878 00:32:18,000 --> 00:32:20,000 I'M JUST -- I'M NOT EVEN GONNA ASK. 879 00:32:20,000 --> 00:32:21,000 I'M JUST GONNA KISS YOU. 880 00:32:21,000 --> 00:32:22,000 OH, OKAY. YEAH, DO THAT. 881 00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:27,000 ♪ THIS MAGIC MOMENT ♪ 882 00:32:28,000 --> 00:32:30,000 ♪ SO DIFFERENT AND SO NEW ♪ 883 00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:34,000 ♪ BUT LIKE ANY OTHER ♪ 884 00:32:34,000 --> 00:32:35,000 ♪ UNTIL I KISSED YOU ♪ 885 00:32:35,000 --> 00:32:39,000 AND THEN THERE WAS THIS LOOK THAT WE GAVE EACH OTHER, 886 00:32:39,000 --> 00:32:42,000 AND WE BOTH KIND OF KNEW. 887 00:32:42,000 --> 00:32:44,000 "THIS IS GONNA HAPPEN. 888 00:32:44,000 --> 00:32:46,000 I'M GONNA LET THIS HAPPEN." 889 00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:51,000 ALL OF A SUDDEN, I'M NOT SELF-CONSCIOUS ABOUT ANYTHING. 890 00:32:52,000 --> 00:32:54,000 I'M NOT WORRIED ABOUT MAKING A MOVE. 891 00:32:54,000 --> 00:32:58,000 I'M NOT THINKING ABOUT SONIA. 892 00:32:59,000 --> 00:33:01,000 I WAS JUST THERE. 893 00:33:02,000 --> 00:33:04,000 AND IT HAPPENED. 894 00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:06,000 CLOTHES STARTED COMING OFF, AND... 895 00:33:06,000 --> 00:33:10,000 YOU KNOW, IT'S BEEN 20 YEARS SINCE THIS HAS HAPPENED, 896 00:33:10,000 --> 00:33:14,000 BUT IT WAS... IT FELT LIKE IT WAS... 897 00:33:14,000 --> 00:33:15,000 SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN. 898 00:33:15,000 --> 00:33:17,000 I MEAN, IT FELT... IT FELT RIGHT. 899 00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:21,000 YOU KNOW...GOOD. 900 00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:23,000 YOU KNOW? 901 00:33:23,000 --> 00:33:26,000 IT WAS NEW. IT WAS -- IT WAS EXCITING. 902 00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:29,000 ♪ OHHHHHHHH ♪ 903 00:33:29,000 --> 00:33:32,000 ALMOST, UH... ALMOST TOO EXCITING. 904 00:33:32,000 --> 00:33:33,000 HOLD ON. 905 00:33:33,000 --> 00:33:34,000 [ RECORD SLOWS, STOPS ] 906 00:33:34,000 --> 00:33:36,000 [ BREATHING HEAVILY ] 907 00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:38,000 I JUST WANT TO LOOK AT YOU. 908 00:33:43,000 --> 00:33:47,000 H-HERE'S THE PROBLEM WITH "I JUST WANT TO LOOK AT YOU" -- 909 00:33:47,000 --> 00:33:52,000 Y-YOU'RE ACTUALLY STILL LOOKING AT AN INCREDIBLY HOT WOMAN. 910 00:33:52,000 --> 00:33:53,000 THIS SURPRISES YOU? 911 00:33:53,000 --> 00:33:55,000 STUPID SHIT TERRY TELLS YOU DOESN'T WORK? 912 00:33:55,000 --> 00:33:58,000 YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO ACTUALLY LOOK AT THEM. 913 00:33:58,000 --> 00:34:00,000 YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO LOOK THROUGH THEM. 914 00:34:00,000 --> 00:34:04,000 YEAH, WELL, IT WOULD HAVE HELPED IF YOU TOLD ME THAT. 915 00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:07,000 [ CHUCKLES ] 916 00:34:10,000 --> 00:34:12,000 LEG CRAMP! [ GRUNTS ] 917 00:34:12,000 --> 00:34:13,000 [ GRUNTS ] 918 00:34:13,000 --> 00:34:16,000 [ BELT JINGLES ] 919 00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:23,000 [ STIFLING LAUGH ] 920 00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:31,000 W-WE'RE GONNA NEED SOME MORE COFFEE OVER HERE. 921 00:34:31,000 --> 00:34:34,000 [ CHUCKLES ] 922 00:34:34,000 --> 00:34:36,000 Terry: "LEG CRAMP." REALLY? 923 00:34:36,000 --> 00:34:38,000 THAT WAS THE BEST YOU COULD COME UP WITH? 924 00:34:38,000 --> 00:34:39,000 IT'S THE FIRST THING THAT POPPED IN MY HEAD. 925 00:34:39,000 --> 00:34:42,000 "LEG CRAMP"? AS YOU FLED THE SCENE? 926 00:34:42,000 --> 00:34:44,000 AND LOCKED THE DOOR. YES. 927 00:34:45,000 --> 00:34:47,000 WELL, AT LEAST YOU COMMITTED TO IT. 928 00:34:47,000 --> 00:34:50,000 HE DIDN'T COMMIT TO IT. HE RAN. 929 00:34:50,000 --> 00:34:52,000 YOU CAN'T RUN WITH A LEG CRAMP. 930 00:34:52,000 --> 00:34:53,000 WELL, I'M SURE HE LIMPED AS HE RAN. 931 00:34:53,000 --> 00:34:55,000 DRAGGED HIS FOOT OR SOMETHING. 932 00:34:55,000 --> 00:34:56,000 RIGHT? YOU LIMPED A LITTLE? 933 00:34:56,000 --> 00:34:58,000 MNH. 934 00:34:58,000 --> 00:35:00,000 WOW. 935 00:35:15,000 --> 00:35:17,000 JOE? 936 00:35:17,000 --> 00:35:19,000 ARE YOU OKAY? 937 00:35:19,000 --> 00:35:23,000 YEAH, NO, I'M -- I'M -- I'M FINE. 938 00:35:23,000 --> 00:35:25,000 YOU OKAY? 939 00:35:25,000 --> 00:35:27,000 I'M FINE. 940 00:35:27,000 --> 00:35:30,000 WHAT HAPPENED? DID I HURT YOU? 941 00:35:30,000 --> 00:35:31,000 NO. NO. 942 00:35:31,000 --> 00:35:34,000 NO, I GET THESE REALLY BAD LEG CRAMPS. 943 00:35:34,000 --> 00:35:37,000 THAT'S ALL. IT JUST RUNS IN THE FAMILY. 944 00:35:37,000 --> 00:35:39,000 OH. 945 00:35:39,000 --> 00:35:40,000 OKAY. 946 00:35:40,000 --> 00:35:42,000 YEAH. 947 00:35:45,000 --> 00:35:47,000 JOE... 948 00:35:47,000 --> 00:35:51,000 YOU DIDN'T REALLY GET A BAD LEG CRAMP, DID YOU? 949 00:35:54,000 --> 00:35:55,000 [ INHALES DEEPLY ] 950 00:35:55,000 --> 00:35:57,000 [ SIGHS ] 951 00:36:01,000 --> 00:36:03,000 OKAY. 952 00:36:05,000 --> 00:36:07,000 WEIRD HONESTY? 953 00:36:07,000 --> 00:36:09,000 YEAH...? 954 00:36:11,000 --> 00:36:12,000 I GOT A BAD LEG CRAMP. 955 00:36:12,000 --> 00:36:14,000 [ CHUCKLES SOFTLY ] 956 00:36:14,000 --> 00:36:15,000 I DID. 957 00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:21,000 I DON'T KNOW, JOE. 958 00:36:21,000 --> 00:36:24,000 THIS BEHAVIOR'S KIND OF ECCENTRIC. 959 00:36:24,000 --> 00:36:26,000 [ CHUCKLES ] 960 00:36:27,000 --> 00:36:29,000 YEAH, YEAH. 961 00:36:31,000 --> 00:36:32,000 [ SIGHS ] 962 00:36:33,000 --> 00:36:36,000 LISTEN, I REALLY HAD FUN WITH YOU TONIGHT. 963 00:36:40,000 --> 00:36:41,000 YOU KNOW, I CAN REMEMBER 964 00:36:41,000 --> 00:36:45,000 WHEN I USED TO GO OUT BECAUSE IT WAS FUN. 965 00:36:45,000 --> 00:36:47,000 AND THEN... 966 00:36:48,000 --> 00:36:52,000 I DON'T KNOW, A COUPLE OF BAD LONG RELATIONSHIPS, 967 00:36:52,000 --> 00:36:55,000 AND...ONE DAY, YOU WAKE UP PANICKED 968 00:36:55,000 --> 00:36:57,000 THAT YOU'RE GONNA BE SINGLE FOREVER. 969 00:36:59,000 --> 00:37:01,000 AND DATING ISN'T FUN ANYMORE. 970 00:37:01,000 --> 00:37:04,000 IT'S LIKE A... JOB INTERVIEW. 971 00:37:07,000 --> 00:37:09,000 BUT TONIGHT WAS FUN. 972 00:37:11,000 --> 00:37:13,000 YOU KNOW, I WASN'T... 973 00:37:13,000 --> 00:37:17,000 I WASN'T WORRIED ABOUT WHAT WAS GONNA HAPPEN NEXT. 974 00:37:19,000 --> 00:37:21,000 I WASN'T AFRAID THAT... 975 00:37:21,000 --> 00:37:24,000 SOMEDAY I WOULDN'T BE ATTRACTIVE TO MEN ANYMORE. 976 00:37:24,000 --> 00:37:25,000 OH, NO, NO. 977 00:37:25,000 --> 00:37:26,000 NO, YOU'RE ATTRACTIVE. BELIEVE ME. 978 00:37:26,000 --> 00:37:28,000 THAT'S WHY I'M IN HERE. 979 00:37:28,000 --> 00:37:30,000 [ CHUCKLES ] 980 00:37:30,000 --> 00:37:33,000 SEE, THIS IS ALL REALLY FLATTERING TO ME. 981 00:37:48,000 --> 00:37:50,000 OH, MY GOD. YOUR EYE. LOOK AT YOUR EYE. 982 00:37:50,000 --> 00:37:51,000 ARE YOU OKAY? 983 00:37:51,000 --> 00:37:53,000 YEAH, NO, THE EYE'S OKAY. 984 00:37:53,000 --> 00:37:54,000 I THINK MY EGO NEEDS AN AMBULANCE. 985 00:37:54,000 --> 00:37:57,000 HERE. WELL, COME ON. LET ME PUT SOMETHING ON IT. 986 00:38:04,000 --> 00:38:08,000 I GUESS WHAT HAPPENED, UH... 987 00:38:08,000 --> 00:38:10,000 IT'S BETTER THAN THE OPPOSITE PROBLEM, RIGHT? 988 00:38:10,000 --> 00:38:11,000 OH, GOD, YES. 989 00:38:11,000 --> 00:38:13,000 I'VE BEEN THERE, TOO. 990 00:38:13,000 --> 00:38:16,000 BELIEVE ME [SCOFFS] TALK ABOUT EGO WOUNDS. 991 00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:17,000 THIS IS MUCH BETTER. 992 00:38:17,000 --> 00:38:21,000 NOW, WAIT. JUST HOLD STILL FOR JUST A MINUTE. 993 00:38:21,000 --> 00:38:24,000 YOU KNOW, I SAY "PROBLEM." 994 00:38:24,000 --> 00:38:27,000 YOU KNOW, I DON'T NORMALLY HAVE ANY PROBLEM IN THAT AREA. 995 00:38:27,000 --> 00:38:29,000 I DIDN'T THINK THAT. 996 00:38:29,000 --> 00:38:30,000 YEAH. 997 00:38:30,000 --> 00:38:32,000 I MEAN, I'M NO SUPERHERO, 998 00:38:32,000 --> 00:38:35,000 BUT MY AVERAGE TIME'S... 999 00:38:35,000 --> 00:38:38,000 YEAH, A PRETTY GOOD NUMBER. 1000 00:38:38,000 --> 00:38:40,000 [ Laughing ] YOU KEEP AN AVERAGE? 1001 00:38:40,000 --> 00:38:42,000 I MEAN, I DON'T HAVE EXACT TIMES, 1002 00:38:42,000 --> 00:38:44,000 BUT I THINK EVERY GUY KNOWS 1003 00:38:44,000 --> 00:38:46,000 HIS GENERAL STATS IN THAT AREA. 1004 00:38:46,000 --> 00:38:47,000 HMM. 1005 00:38:47,000 --> 00:38:49,000 I'M BEING HONEST. 1006 00:38:49,000 --> 00:38:50,000 OKAY. 1007 00:38:50,000 --> 00:38:51,000 THERE. 1008 00:38:51,000 --> 00:38:54,000 [ SMOOCHES ] 1009 00:38:54,000 --> 00:38:56,000 YEAH, YOU KNOW... 1010 00:38:56,000 --> 00:38:58,000 I'M ALL ABOUT THE HONESTY. 1011 00:38:59,000 --> 00:39:01,000 SEE, I LIKE THAT. 1012 00:39:13,000 --> 00:39:15,000 Owen: BULLSHIT. 1013 00:39:15,000 --> 00:39:16,000 SWEAR TO GOD. 1014 00:39:16,000 --> 00:39:17,000 I CALL BULLSHIT. 1015 00:39:17,000 --> 00:39:18,000 YOU EXPECT US TO BELIEVE THAT -- 1016 00:39:18,000 --> 00:39:20,000 THAT SHE GAVE YOU MORE SEX? 1017 00:39:20,000 --> 00:39:22,000 "GAVE" IS NOT EXACTLY THE RIGHT WORD. 1018 00:39:22,000 --> 00:39:24,000 "TOOK." SHE TOOK MORE SEX. 1019 00:39:24,000 --> 00:39:26,000 I THINK THE WRONG WORD IS "MORE." 1020 00:39:26,000 --> 00:39:27,000 [ BOTH CHUCKLE ] 1021 00:39:27,000 --> 00:39:28,000 YEAH. YEAH, VERY FUNNY. 1022 00:39:28,000 --> 00:39:32,000 ACTUALLY GOT THE AVERAGE UP TO ABOUT 14 MINUTES. 1023 00:39:32,000 --> 00:39:35,000 AND YOU'RE PROUD OF THAT? 14 MINUTES IS BARELY -- 1024 00:39:35,000 --> 00:39:37,000 AVERAGE. AVERAGE NUMBER. 1025 00:39:37,000 --> 00:39:40,000 OKAY, WITH THE FIRST ONE BEING A .5, OKAY, YOU DO THE MATH. 1026 00:39:40,000 --> 00:39:42,000 YEAH, I'M NOT GONNA SPEND MY SATURDAY MORNING 1027 00:39:42,000 --> 00:39:44,000 DOING WORD PROBLEMS ABOUT YOUR DICK, BUT, YOU KNOW... 1028 00:39:44,000 --> 00:39:46,000 JOE, WELCOME TO THE MAGNIFICENT WORLD 1029 00:39:46,000 --> 00:39:48,000 WE CALL POST-40 DATING. 1030 00:39:48,000 --> 00:39:50,000 YEAH, NO, I AIN'T DOING THAT BULLSHIT AGAIN. 1031 00:39:50,000 --> 00:39:51,000 ONCE IS ENOUGH. 1032 00:39:51,000 --> 00:39:53,000 [ LAUGHS ] 1033 00:39:55,000 --> 00:39:57,000 OH... MM... 1034 00:40:04,000 --> 00:40:06,000 AHH. 1035 00:40:09,000 --> 00:40:11,000 [ INHALES DEEPLY ] 1036 00:40:11,000 --> 00:40:12,000 WELL... 1037 00:40:12,000 --> 00:40:15,000 MELISSA'S GONNA DROP GLOVES ON ME IF I DON'T GET HOME. 1038 00:40:15,000 --> 00:40:17,000 YEAH, I GOT TO GET TO THE STORE. 1039 00:40:17,000 --> 00:40:19,000 I GOT A YOGA CLASS TO TEACH. 1040 00:40:22,000 --> 00:40:23,000 SERIOUSLY -- "LEG CRAMP"? 1041 00:40:23,000 --> 00:40:26,000 MY BRAIN HAD NO BLOOD IN IT. LEAVE ME ALONE. 1042 00:40:30,000 --> 00:40:32,000 [ ENGINE REVS ] 1043 00:40:32,000 --> 00:40:34,000 [ BRAKES SQUEAL ] 1044 00:40:34,000 --> 00:40:36,000 [ ENGINE SHUTS OFF ] 1045 00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:48,000 MORNING. 1046 00:40:48,000 --> 00:40:49,000 HEY, MR. T. 1047 00:40:49,000 --> 00:40:52,000 WHAT HAPPENED? YOU FALL AND HIT YOUR FACE? 1048 00:40:52,000 --> 00:40:54,000 NOW, WHY DO YOU ASSUME I FELL? 1049 00:40:54,000 --> 00:40:56,000 HOW ABOUT I GOT IN A FIGHT, MAYBE? 1050 00:40:56,000 --> 00:40:59,000 [ BOTH LAUGH ] 1051 00:40:59,000 --> 00:41:02,000 CARLOS, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I SAID. 1052 00:41:02,000 --> 00:41:04,000 NO. 1053 00:41:04,000 --> 00:41:05,000 [ CHUCKLES ] 1054 00:41:05,000 --> 00:41:09,000 THERE'S A WOMAN IN COSTUMES ASKING FOR YOU. 1055 00:41:10,000 --> 00:41:12,000 OKAY. 1056 00:41:17,000 --> 00:41:19,000 YOU'RE THE FIRST PERSON I'VE SEEN ACTUALLY PULL THAT OFF. 1057 00:41:19,000 --> 00:41:21,000 I'M NOT STALKING YOU. I SWEAR. 1058 00:41:21,000 --> 00:41:24,000 NO, NO. THESE ARE IN DEMAND NOW. 1059 00:41:24,000 --> 00:41:27,000 EVERYBODY NEEDS A BIG, RED, CURLY MARABOU HEADBAND. 1060 00:41:27,000 --> 00:41:28,000 HOW'S THE EYE? 1061 00:41:28,000 --> 00:41:29,000 IT'S OKAY. 1062 00:41:29,000 --> 00:41:31,000 I GOT SOME PIRATE PATCHES IN THE NEXT AISLE. 1063 00:41:31,000 --> 00:41:32,000 PUT THAT ON. 1064 00:41:33,000 --> 00:41:34,000 IT'S KIND OF RUGGED. I LIKE IT. 1065 00:41:34,000 --> 00:41:36,000 YEAH. I FEEL TOUGH. 1066 00:41:36,000 --> 00:41:37,000 [ SNICKERS ] 1067 00:41:37,000 --> 00:41:39,000 WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THESE? 1068 00:41:39,000 --> 00:41:41,000 YEAH. HOLD IT. 1069 00:41:43,000 --> 00:41:44,000 OKAY. DON'T MOVE. 1070 00:41:44,000 --> 00:41:45,000 WHAT? 1071 00:41:45,000 --> 00:41:47,000 I JUST WANT TO LOOK AT YOU. 1072 00:41:47,000 --> 00:41:48,000 [ BOTH LAUGH ] 1073 00:41:48,000 --> 00:41:49,000 I LOVE IT EVERY TIME YOU SAY IT. 1074 00:41:50,000 --> 00:41:51,000 [ Laughing ] OH, NO. 1075 00:41:51,000 --> 00:41:54,000 LOOK AT THAT. MR. T IS WORKIN' IT. 1076 00:41:55,000 --> 00:41:57,000 [ LAUGHS ] 73092

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