All language subtitles for Il Commissario Pepe comedia(Ettore Scola 1969) Ugo Tognazzi,FA6.2

COMMISSIONER PEPE

Here, Dottore! Piping hot!

Why were you using the siren?
- Sir, a cold pizza is no good.

If the boss sees, he'll pizza you!

Why? Is he here?
- No.

Here.
- Thanks.

Hey, Marshal, I've finished watering
the tomatoes. Can I go?

Get back to work! When the chief
gets here it'll be up to him! - Fine!

Our town is a quiet one,
dedicated to work and family.

25 factories both large and small.

Sometimes, there's a small
strike or a meeting.

But nothing to disturb the public order.

We hear fiery speeches,
vibrant protests, some applause.

Then life goes on as before.

The bosses are still bosses,
the workers are still workers.

Our town is Catholic: 34 churches,
some big, some small.

It's a town that makes
the sign of the cross.

Telegram of Solidarity from the President
to the victims of the CasalNuovo landslide

Work, work! Dammit! They arrest you
only to make you work like a dog!

Morning, Commissioner.
- Who's that? - Garibaldi.

Arrested for drunkenness.

Where does he find the money to get drunk?

We give some odd jobs when we have them.

And her?
- The Big Tits of Vinaccia.

We arrested her last night:
prostitution at Viale Teramo.

You know that poor woman works
nights there, what do you go there for?

Watch the ladder, Dottore!

Any problems?
- No.

Except the drunk Garibaldi,
all smooth as oil!

In this town, Commissioner Sir,
they all love you.

And they don't want to displease you.
- Ah, yes.

Morning, Commissioner.
- Morning.

Well then... what's here?

Let's see... Cerveteri...
Zanon...

Archives... archives... archives.

Trash...

Ah, "urgent".

They're always in a hurry.

"Urgent", my foot!

Archives...

Ah! Two anonymous letters.

Looking over my shoulder? - Oh, no!
I thought I recognized the handwriting.

You never date them for me, eh?
Never, never, never.

The mayor's direct line?
- 42-20!

Is the boss in?
-Yeah, he's calling his girlfriend.

No, no, I wasn't late.
I read a little, then I slept.

I slept all night. 8 hours straight.

I'm fresh as a rose.

What?

Ah, you don't know when
you're leaving tomorrow.

OK.
Maybe I'll come to visit you tonight, eh?

No, no, don't phone here.

OK, like usual.

No, don't worry.

No, let's not.
Fine.

Bye!

Come in.

Morning Commissioner.
- Morning, Cerveteri.

Zanon and I finished our investigation.

When you have some time...

The boss called me too.

For him, it's top priority!

I'm sorry, but now I must
swing by the bookstore.

As you wish.

What? Wait one moment.

Excuse me, Pepe, they're predicting some
trouble at the school. - Who's predicting?

Well... I... the principal!

Know why there's trouble?
Somebody's always predicting it.

And it's bad for your health.
You look pale.

Watch out, Dottore, it's bad luck!

You look pale!

What are you doing? - What's the matter?
Don't you watch where you're going?

Thank you!
- You take advantage, eh?

Very nice! Yours is the nicest
I've seen all week!

Hi, Counselor!
- Hi, Parigi.

You wanted your name on the handbill
of protests? Congratulations!

IN CASE OF ACCIDENT
I'M ALWAYS RIGHT

Oh, good morning!
Mr Commissioner!

The commissioner is already at work!

Your books, Commissioner: "China in the
Year 2000", "Truth and the Czech Economy."

I'll take this too.
- The "Satires" of Persius? Nice.

Beautiful.

Good day, Miss.
- Miss Matilde!

Um, excuse me, do you have "The Confessions
of Nat Turner" by Sayron... Syron...

Tyron?
- Styron. Styron.

Ah, Commissioner, how are you?
- Well, thank you and you? I see very well.

Thank you. Now let's see...

Miss, your book is sold out. But if
you like I can get it here in 2 days.

No, don't. I'll buy it it Milan.
I'm leaving tomorrow morning.

Goodbye, Commissioner. See you soon.
- Have a nice trip, Miss. - Goodbye, Miss.

Sir, here are your books.

Miss Matilde is so beautiful, right, Sir?
Always so elegant.

Too bad she never buys a thing from me!
Did you see the cute little hat she had?

She looked like an Alpine.
Your change.

Oh, my package!
- Goodbye. - Thank you.

Here.

Do you want to play the moralists?
Then start with a big city, the capital.

This is a small town. We've always
done politics with one eye closed.

Zanon, why are you acting like a sheep?
- Looking for an outlet.

Down there, to the left.
Hey, hey!

Sorry, Sir!

If we start to open both eyes,
who knows how this will end.

Maybe the boss received orders from Rome.

Yeah. Rome is one big bordello and
they're worried about a few hookers here.

Or maybe it was the bishop?
- A nice guy!

We've made a careful investigation and
honestly there's nothing to be happy with.

For example, the Piazza Cavour
houses aren't limited to the usual

secret lovebirds.
The business has grown.

The Zaccarin Villa is even worse!

It's all in here.
- In alphabetical order!

Brigadier!
- Orders, Sir?

Going to the prefecture. If anything
happens, call me. - Yes, Dr Puntini.

As if anything'll happen. - Nope! There
was only blood at the circus 5 years ago.

A knife thrower missed his target!

Like I always said, the north is
the place to go if you want a career!

Hello, police station. Yes?
Yes?

Yes. OK.
- Here.

They wanted the homicide division.
- What for?

They wanted to tell Dr Puntini
they've killed Godfather Turiddu!

That's a good one!
Excuse me, Dr. Seeing that... that...

Police station!
Sorry, Commissioner. Yes?

3 beers and 3 sandwiches? OK.

Smeraldo Bar, this is the police station.
4 beers and 4 sandwiches.

The entrance to the Zaccarin Villa.

The door to Azuna Pension.

I see it.
Speed it up.

Inside st...
- Am I wrong or is it upside down?

Yes, exactly.
- Upside down.

Interior staircase of the Azuna pension.
- Well done, Zanon.

And that's what? - I don't know.
My memory's fuzzy. - I see.

I don't remember.

Why didn't you use normal nice photos?

I thought slides would be better.

Not much to see.

Ah, good Lord, how many things to fix.

"VERY NICE", SAID LENA
WHEN SHE SAW HER DAUGHTER PREGNANT.

"VERY NICE", SAID LENA
WHEN SHE SAW HER DAUGHTER PREGNANT.

It's a Neapolitan saying from my grandpa.
He used to say it when he was in trouble.

OK. Seeing that I gotta worry about this...
gimme a few days, eh?

What few days, Commissioner? The chief
wants... - The chief can say what he wants.

In my 20 year career, it's the most
thankless task that has fell to me.

So I'll do it my way.
Gimme, Zanon.

Thank you.

It's '69 and all is not well!

The hovels crumble but the villas grow!

The bishop bought a Mercedes to hurry
to his compartment at the Quirinal!

The Vatican doesn't pay taxes,
but you do and pay theirs!

The boys of '49 do military duty
and get the heat, poor guys!

We're in '69 and everything sucks!
But in '70... it'll get worse!

The diligent commissioner shows
up at the scene of the crime.

What is it? An old lady pickpocketed?
Or tires stolen?

Parigi, why don't you try leave
in peace the people who sleep?

That's an error: Sleeping makes you forget.

The next war will happen when
people have forgotten the last one.

And I remember the last one too well!

I want them to remember even
those who have both their legs!

Be alert, Mr. Commissioner!

Wake up, retards! Open your eyes!

If not you'll find yourself with a gun
in your hands like 30 years ago!

Did anyone see you?
I heard Parigi pass by.

Are you sure they didn't see you?
- No, no.

Hi.

Certainly a commissioner shadowed by
a cripple, that would be the limit, no?

Yeah, it's quite funny. Excuse me,
why are we still talking so low?

We've been seeing each other for 5
years and we still act like schoolkids.

You know how people are.

It's exactly because I do know them,
I say it.

Why are you so late?
- I had stuff to do. The investigation.

An investigation?
- Yes, an investigation on public morality.

Or public immorality. Same thing.

Want something to eat?
- No, thanks.

I came because I promised
but I gotta run in a bit.

Perfect! I leave tomorrow, we haven't seen
each other for 10 days and you gotta run!

Well, not run, It's just a figure
of speech. I can stay a bit.

Are you tired?
- Not at all. Just not hungry.

Besides if we start to eat there won't
be anytime to make love. - No, please!

Eh? I see. You prefer to eat.

No, that's silly. Only sometimes
it's nice to be just like this.

Oh, yeah? Then let's bet that
you prepared everything classy like usual

with the linen freshly sewn, embroidered.
- No, Antonio, please.

Is it possible you must behave like this?
It's not true! - Not true? Then let's see.

But I didn't prepare anything, I swear!
- Lemme pass. You were saying?

The lampshade with a foulard!
- Why are you always so stubborn?

I'm so happy I'm going to Milan...

You're an idiot!
I say you're an idiot!

No, it's you who's the idiot!
- No, it's you!

Living things don't only live on the earth!
Look toward the sky!

People live up there!
- You're a moron!

You see that star? The star up there?

To the right. You're are so blind!
- What star?

The one in the galaxy! - Galaxy?
- Don't you know what a galaxy is?

Yeah, your whore wife!
- My whore wife?

She's a good woman!
Take that!

You take this!
- Lowlife!

OK! Come on! We're friends!
- OK, OK...

What the devil? Holy Madonna!

You come home this hour?

Oh, Mr. Antonio, I was so worried.

Usually, you get here before Carosello.
I saw a whole play!

Yes? Which one?
- Don't know. I understood nothing.

Then I saw the weather
report and Carosello.

When I saw what time it was and
you didn't come home, I began to worry.

Yes, I see you were worried.

I watched the news twice tonight.
They kept talking about this "BiAfrica".

What is this "BiAfrica"?
- You know what Biafra is?

No, I understand nothing!
What the devil!

It's probably all cold now.
But how can you go on so?

Take it away. I'm not hungry.
- There, very nice!

Away? What will I do with
all this stuff now that it's cold?

What the devil! It got all cold!
You hafta eat something. - Yeah, yeah.

Later, I'll have some milk and cookies.

Milk and cookies? That's not how a man
eats! You mustn't go to bed like that!

What the devil!
- Go to bed, Lianna.

I'm sick of going on like this!
- Goodnight.

Oh, Lord! - Night.
- ... a madman!

You remember this song?

It's still dangerous to sing it!

POLITICS FOR ALL

What the devil!
Just look at him over there!

Poor boy! Always working!
Running here, running there!

Turn this way! Turn that way!
But how can he go on in this way?

Always on duty! And he eats little
or poorly. You must be kidding me!

Goddamn it! How can he go on
in this way? What the devil!

Morning, Sir! - Ah, morning!
The commissioner is already on the job!

What are you doing?
What's with the salutations?

Commissioner Pepe.

Come in, Commissioner.

Did anything happen?
- No, nothing. Nothing to worry about.

Come, this way, Commissioner.

Maybe it's about the time I left
the car in the no parking space.

Fines are not my jurisdiction, Ma'am.
- Please sit down. - Thank you.

We've received a letter certainly posted
by a tenant from this building where...

where not so clean traffic is spoken of.

I wanted to know if this letter was sent
by you or if you're aware of such traffic.

We know nothing!
- We didn't write any letters.

We mind our own business.

Hello? Is it...?

No, Sir, you've got the wrong number.
Yes. Pardon.

Carlo, how did these dirty magazines get
into our house? - Please, I was reading.

I don't know! - These are sold at the
kiosks. Nothing wrong here, it's legal.

Besides private flats are there any
professional offices in this building?

Oh, yes, yes!
There's Dr. Masi, the dentist.

Then there's the fashion house
of the sisters Biondi. - That, Sir.

And then right above us, always busy...
- Above! - ... the soprano Cavalli Demugno.

Who besides having a private
singing school, also runs a...

a small boarding house with 5 or 6...
- Yes, 6! - ... guests. - Guests! - Yes.

All regular guests, naturally?
- No.

They come and go, I'd say.
- Then that explains everything.

Dressmaker, dentist,
boarding house, singing school.

Normal comings and goings.
That's why people suspected...

think the worst, not having anything
to do, write to the police. - Right.

It probably happened exactly as you said.
- No, thanks, I don't smoke.

Let's play a little game. Pick a card.
Look at it.

You recognize her? No?

No.
- No matter, put it back in.

Will you pick one?

Look at it.
Do you recognize her?

I never have any luck with this game.
OK.

Then let's look at all of them at once.

Recognize them?
- Never seen them. - Who are they?

Girls who sell themselves in your house.

My dear Sir, you accuse us wrongly.
We don't know those girls at all.

Not in any shape or form, Commissio...
- Then today after...

...noon?

What am I doing?

What are you doing?
- Well?

Attention! The express is departing
for Milan on the first track.

The express is departing
for Milan on the first track.

La Pravda.
- I don't have it..

Isvestija.
- Nor that.

The Daily Mirror.
- What is all that stuff?

OK, give me il Resto Del Carlino.
- Ah, here you go.

Commissioner Sir.

Thank you.

Good day, Commissioner.
- Good day.

Fine, fine, I�ll feel fine.

But the doctor said he can't take
the responsibility of letting me leave.

10 days ago, I felt a pain
in the neck during training

and he seeing I had great pain
wanted me to recuperate for a few days.

But you've been here a week.

And on Sunday we lost the game.
- Of course with Belardin!

He's a bit immature. - Immature?
I'd say a cripple. We lost 6 to 0.

We'll wind up disqualified.
- What can I do?

The doctor says have mipain,
a neurotic mipain...

A neuralgic migraine.
It can be cured with an aspirin.

Fine, if I just need an aspirin,

why did the doctor say that if I don't
get cured, I could get really sick?

Uh! Exaggerations!
- How are you, young man?

Maybe the doctor likes you and
doesn't want you to go away?

But my sister-in-law, a while back,
had these same mipains I told you about.

The doctor visited her.
But she never got better!

Well, you know,
the doctor specializes in men.

Want any, Inspector?
- No, thanks.

Puppi Carmello, 21, unemployed mechanic,
and healthy in mind and body.

Confined to hospital bed, then sequestered
personally by Dr. Mario Valenga,

who abuses his profession, by lying with
the abovementioned young man like a female.

Does it hurt here?
- No.

And this?
- No.

Here?
- No.

Here?
- Not even there, Doctor.

How old are you, Commissioner?
- 45.

You know you don't look it?
- I know.

Glowing skin, healthy weight,

A nice deep breath.

You smoke a lot, Commissioner?
- Once. Now I just put them in my mouth.

Very good, you do well.
Continue to not light up

and you'll be our commissioner
for another 50 years.

I hope not!

Excuse me.

You're healthy as a fish, Commissioner.

But you did well to come to make sure.
- Ah, really?

I came just to make sure.

How is Carmelo Puppi?

Who's that?

Who? The goalie of our soccer team.

I came by a while ago and
found him here in your clinic.

Ah, Carmelo Puppi!

If all the commissioners were like you,
I'd cry out loud too, "Viva the police!"

Why? Do you have a good reason
not to yell, "Viva the police"?

No, not at all.
- OK.

Only I don't think I've ever heard anybody
shout that. - That's true. No, let me.

Anyhow, dear Doctor, I think that
our young hope, this Puppi...

is definitely cured, don't you think?
- Yes, definitely. He's much better.

I think one of these days we can
let him out. - I'd say today.

Today? - Today. - Why do you
say that so roughly? - No, not rough.

I said today, dear Doctor, because
if Puppi gets back to training,

we can put him in his team for Sunday
and with him maybe we can win a game.

Well, perhaps so.

Goodbye. - Goodbye. I'm curious: how
long have you been interested in soccer?

Since you've been interested
in soccer players. - Sister!

It's not for you.

Coffee artistes and second rate
Coppa Del Nonno wannabees!

"I'd rather play hard than work hard"!

Look at the born tired.

Here we are again, Mr Commissioner.

Again in what sense?
- In the sense you know.

Want some?
- No, thanks.

Cuckold!

You know how much I despise you,
don't you, Parigi?

You're not being original.
Everybody despises me.

I am original: I despise you the most.

Of course. Because I know more about
everything than the police records.

What you know I read every day
in the anonymous letters you send me.

It's my duty. I'm a good citizen
and I try to help the poor police.

Third sex!

Did it ever occur to you
to say anything nice?

No, so-called "good people"
even if they exist, piss me off.

What's the fun in talking about
the virtues of good people?

Then you'll never talk about me.
- You?

45 years old, 320,000 a month,
appendix operation in '65,

a legal separation in '62.
According to the report.

normal sexual habits.
You!

Frequency: weekly.

Always arguments of little interest.

Beautiful! Can I try it?
- Which?

Her or the car?
- You pick!

Here.
- Hi, Oreste. - Hi.

There she is! We were just thinking
about her! Her ass is always around.

The prefect's daughter. - Yet you're
not the prefect's daughter? - No.

If I had been,
I wouldn't have gone to war.

See that lady over there? Her daughter
went to Switzerland to give birth.

Teenage mother, a baby boy.
3.4 kg.

Does the prefect's daughter
come here often? - Everyday.

Show me your police intuition.

At that table over there
is a whore and a pimp.

Let's see if you can identify them.

Look how she bats her eyelashes.
When she bats both of them,

like that, it means she's nervous.
But if she bats just one like that,

it means she needs money.
20 thousand!

Which she then passes to the other one.

Waiter!

Thank you, Commissioner!

Incest! He lies with his sister-in-law.

Why should you care? - Why are you
interested in the blonde? - It's my job.

And this is my hobby.
That's why I know more than you.

Hey, Garibaldi! Built yourself a car?
- G'day, Commissioner.

Watch out for the ladder, Dottor!

When will you be done?
- Soon.

Why don't you use paper in the typewriter?
- Good day, Commissioner.

Anything new?

Yes, holding a retiree who jumped
on a girl in a miniskirt in the street.

Pretty as a flower, so sweet!
She'd make you lose your mind.

She'd make you... make you...
- Jump on her in the street. - Yes.

Yes? No, the passport office is closed!

Don't worry about dinner.
I found some fresh fish. Bye!

Did you see, Commissioner?
There are zucchini this big.

Beautiful, tender! - Tasty?
- The tastiest! - How would you know?

OK, Sir, I brought some home.
So many we're going bad.

A shame to have a garden in this condition.
Should remove the clumps, raise the sticks.

You're right, but we don't know where
Garibaldi is! - What do you mean?

Probably changed pubs.
I just saw him in the square. Listen.

Call Cerveteri.
- Right away, Sir.

Hello, whom am I speaking to?
Villa Zaccarin?

Listen I want to speak to the marchesa.
Commissioner Pepe.

At San Giuliano institute?
What time will she be back?

What kind of tie do you have on?

No, not you. Excuse me.

No, don't bother, thank you.
I prefer to call myself.

Yes, I'll eventually call later
or tomorrow. Goodbye.

I didn't want you, I wanted Cerveteri.

Dottor Cerveteri is out on call.

Why are you frozen there?
You want something?

Yes, Commissioner, Sir.
- Let's hear it.

If I didn't take advantage of this moment
when Dr. Cerveteri wasn't here,

maybe I wouldn't have the courage.
- OK. Don't hold back.

An order?

Let's talk about it then. Speak.

This is it: I believe... believe...
believe... - You believe.

I've committed a grave error.
Maybe the first in 30 years of service.

Continue.

I mean, Dottore, in the investigation
on the house with the "dates"... - Yes?

which Dr. Cerveteri and I conducted
together. - The usual procedure.

Before handing over the material to Dr.
Cerveteri, I removed a picture and a name.

A frequenter of Azuna House.
A certain Clara Faluschin.

In her 30s. Married.

Somebody you know?
- The sister of Dr. Cerveteri.

No! Really?
- Yes.

Are you sure?
- Yes, Commissioner.

This is great. This business is
getting more and more unpleasant.

Alright. Bring me what you
left out and leave it to me.

Zanon.
- Your orders?

Put your tie back on, you look
like a prisoner. - Yes, Sir.

WHO BLASPHEMES
DEGRADES THE HUMAN RACE

Hi, Garibaldi.
- Hi there!

Look who's here! Lt Sheridan!

It's Coca-Cola.

Yes, it is.

Aged prosecco very dry, Garibaldi!
- Well, I asked for...

Coca-Cola! They tricked me.
Dunno why but they tricked me...

And you know that...

Because I'm not drunk! Look.

I can stand on one leg like a ballerina.
You saw them on the tv?

Was it you, you jerk?
Old drunk, I'll kill you!

I won't allow you to...

Silence!

Enough. I said enough! Got it?

It was an accident.
- This is an outrage.

Now you'll come with me to the station.
- In the scuffle I lost my...

So a sergeant is small potatoes, eh?
- Judas!

Put your hat on and move it. Don't worry,
there's not much to do in the orchard.

Besides, tonight I'm on watch.
We can have a game of scopone.

Have you met my sister?
- No, I never had the pleasure.

My sister, Commissioner Pepe and my
brother-in-law. - A pleasure. - Faluschin.

How's the famous little sister?
- Me famous? Why?

That's what you call
somebody you hear much of.

They spoke about me?

Good or bad?
- It depends on your point of view.

I'm teasing.
Your brother talks often of you.

We must leave, my aunt is waiting.

I don't envy you. She probably made you
a cake out of polenta and cod! - What?

Even a cake?
- Eh, yeah!

Then my father said,
"Listen... Excellency"

Back then they used voi.
"If voi (you) meddle in my affairs,"

"I'll start meddling with yours."

"Only I'll bore myself silly,
unlike voi (you)."

Your brother-in-law? What does he do?

Farm equipment salesman.

Then he travels a lot?
- Yes, he's often away.

What's he like?

A good guy. A quiet person.

To be honest I find him a little boring.
- Maybe your sister too?

Well! Let's hope not.

Listen, Cerveteri...
- Yes, Commissioner?

No, forget it. Must we always
be talking about work? Never mind.

Once my grandpa, that time he had
to go to Rome for the Congress of Law...,

Who put up this junk?
- We'll do as we like!

You've no right to judge our ideas!
- Who put this crap in your heads?

Have you read Levi Strauss?
- I wouldn't dream of it!

Outside of school, you don't matter, OK?
- Then, see you inside!

They're only good for speechifying.
It's a good excuse to not study!

Jan Palach, the student of Prague

I usually walk home from school
but today I'm escorted by the Commissioner.

What an honor! But you do it
out of respect to my father or...

because I interest you?

How is your father?
- Good, thanks.

Are you looking at my legs?
- Yes.

That is no.
What's on your leg? A tattoo?

It's a tattoo with my blood type:
AB RH Positive.

In the event of a traffic accident
or an attempted suicide,

if a transfusion is needed, they'll know
which group I belong to. - Good precaution!

But now cover it. - Does a bit of leg
have such an effect on you? - Of course.

I thought commissioners were vaccinated
against this kind of temptation.

No, only against smallpox and tetanus.

It's nice that you're escorting me home
but you haven't answered my question.

Is it merely disinterested?
- Nothing is for nothing.

Not even for a commissioner.

There is a reason.
One who's called... Oreste.

You know my fiancee?
- Not really.

But I've read a lot about him.
In the police files.

Ay! I'm in for a sermon!
- No.

You're not my daughter. And you haven't
done anything so bad to get my attention.

Ah, this is just advice!
- Right.

In a certain sense, yes. Advice.

May we stop a bit here?

This Oreste isn't a choirboy.
You love him? - Of course.

So why do you accept
to share him with another?

Another?

The one who supports him.

Who would that be? - That we don't know.
We're making some inquiries.

And couldn't I be the girl who supports
him? - No, I wouldn't dream it. No.

What are you doing?

The lady who supports him appears
to get her income from...

what we call in our slang
"occasional meetings".

Well, if Oreste is kept by ladies,
it means he's more attractive than them.

No doubt. But I must be attractive
too since the State supports me.

Do you know the Azuna couple?
Those who live in the Cavour pension?

Why?
This is an interrogation.

No, just a conversation.
- You have no right.

I'm walking!
- I told them I would bring you home.

I want to get out!
Let me get out!

Let me out or I'll get naked!
- Don't talk nonsense.

Fool!

Cover up! Go on!

It's '69 and all is not well!

The industrialist leaves for
Switzerland with his bags full!

And he comes back with his bags empty!

Are you Commissioner Pepe?
- Yes.

Come in.
I'll let the marchesa know right away.

I knew I'd find you with a book.
- Excuse me. Any chance I get.

I know your time is valuable.
Talk to me then.

On the contrary, a provincial commissioner
has nothing but free time to give.

Lucky you. I can't say the same.

Please speak, because I must see my trout.
Yes, trout.

You have a fish farm? I find that
very interesting. I'll wait.

If I'm not mistaken, on the phone you
hinted at a difficult case on adopting

a certain orphan.

Do you prune your vines in
the sunshine or in the arbor as well?

Satisfy my curiosity: are you here
as a friend or as a commissioner?

As a friend, of course.
- Ah, I meant...

We're all a bit like orphans, no?

Some more than others.
Well then...

What's this all about?
- I'm just getting to it.

There are some things happening in
our town which are bit curious.

Which have nothing to do with your job
as president of the San Giuliano Charity.

It's the only thing I care about.

Is it spawning time?
- Yes, Sir, exactly now. One can see it.

Then you'll have fry soon.
- Fry? What are fry?

What? Don't you know after
the egg comes the fry?

You don't know your trout well, Marchesa.

It might be me, but I don't find
your humor amusing. Let's move on.

I was saying this is a town of curiosities
and speaking of Villa Zaccarin,

one talks of parties, receptions,
all quite normal things.

Excepting the participation of some minors,
some young men, a bit dressed up.

One talks of tableaux, not from an author,
but one stacked on another.

In Rome, we call it an orgy.

I said sooner or later
it would come and it did.

There seems to be some games and
I'm not talking about briscola or scopone.

They speak of the use of certain
cigarettes not exactly legal.

You or whoever has only scraped some
dirty rags from the dungheap of scandal.

Mine is a respectable house.
You can imagine who visits it.

My connections are of the highest class.
- Exactly. That's what I wanted, Marchesa.

I've no doubt of the class of your clientele.

"Clientele" is not the correct word.
- Then let's say "paying guests", OK?

Be careful, Commissioner, I could make
you sorry. And the people you're close to.

Don't force me to speak. - Please,
speak if you have something to say.

At the right time, if necessary.

Look, there's nothing you could
say we don't already know.

I doubt it.
- Don't worry, Marchesa.

Who must pay will pay! People close
to me and clientele of the highest class.

We make no favorites.

"My connections are of the highest class."

High, middle, low class.
People close, people far. Good day.

Ah, yes. Because we're an industrial
town, catholic, a town for gourmets,

athletic, studious...
but we're not.

The people at church
the factories, the table,

in the stadiums, libraries
only think of one thing.

You see one that walks the street
sad, preoccupied.

You think maybe he has money,
family problems. You'll feel sorry for him.

But you're wrong.

He's only thinking of that... catholically.

The children are in a hurry
to grow up and get started.

The adults don't want to grow old
for fear of stopping.

The old hope for a pill
which can make them start again.

The wives of the older
look for the younger.

The wives of the younger
look for the older, richer.

They say all paths lead to Rome.

To Rome!
I know where they lead.

Gabriel Gandolfi, 46, widower, lawyer.

Exhibition through a window of his
masculine member to one across from him.

Reported by the same given that she was
compelled every morning to undergo

repeatedly the indelicate spectacle
of the aforementioned.

Jeremia Contanti, 42, married.
Coach of the local girl's basketball.

Has the habit of forcing girls,
trusted to him in sports matters,

into the adulterous company of males,
showing an abuse of power,

taking advantage of minors
and a lack of team spirit. PS:

The team in question is ranked last.

Edmondo Beroni, single, aristocrat.
Brother of a certain Assunta Beroni.

The above Edmondo is linked
carnally with his sister.

She has filed a complaint against
him for obscene acts

that her brother has committed with
another woman not part of the family.

Antello Demitri, 58 years old,
principal of the local high school.

Bachelor and couldn't be anything but,
given his certain detailed friendships.

I note how he during the Ventennio,

risked confinement in
Carbonia always for inversion.

But he was always spared on account
of his proven fidelity to the regime.

And on account of protective
connections in another place.

Go, life goes, with her she carries us,
promises us what's to come

A virile youth... sing it loud!
...with Roman will shall fight!

Will come, the day will come, when
the great mother of heroes will call us!

Alfredo! Davide! Lucio! Won't
somebody help me? - Miss Maristella?

At your service. Diotallevi.
- Pepe. - Pleased to meet you.

I was preparing the decorations and I fell.

God, I hope it doesn't leave a mark!
Just look.

No, I don't think so.
- Have a seat, please.

What are you preparing for? New Year's?
- Yes, a little family party.

There.
- Thanks.

I bet that these are the guests
to the New Year's party. Let's see.

Paolo De Monachesi, Franco Morais,
Manfredo Elauteri, Eusebio Allegretti.

My nephews.
- Yes, the famous 10 nephews.

11. I've a new one since 2 days ago.
- Ah, a newborn.

I bet he is between 18 and 20 too.
- Yes, more or less.

11! You can have your own soccer team.

Is the bedroom in there? - Yes, that's
Giovanni sleeping but don't worry,

he sleeps like a rock.
- Thank goodness. - But excuse me,

Who are you?
- Your commissioner, Miss Maristella.

I see. But they're all students, you know.
- Of course.

Tell me, Commissioner, did something
happen? - No, no. Nothing serious.

One says, it seems...

They say you sleep with all these nephews.

Ah! I thought something had happened!
- Oh, no.

It's a cop.

Bye, I'm going home. - Fine,
but tell me how many are staying to eat.

I don't want to throw away the pasta.
- You make pasta too? - Sure.

I can't remember if I added salt.
- Can I speak to Claretta?

Yes, I put some.

How does your m�nage work?
- M�nage is an ugly word, isn't it?

No.

See, Commissioner, I did manicures at Venice.
- Manicure is an ugly word, isn't it?

Well, the way I meant it, perhaps yes.

I made a lot, but I got some trash...

So when these boys asked me
if I could come here, I accepted.

It was convenient for me and them.

They're all nice boys
and they treat me like a... - An aunt.

Yes. And I don't think I'm
a manicurist anymore.

The exact words would probably
be "sexual educator". Don't you think?

Fine! Sex education is
talked about a lot these days.

I believe I could teach them something,
don't you think?

Then they also come here
independent of the material side.

They study, play and deposit a monthly fee.
Very punctually!

A cultural center in short.
- Yes. Like some grappin? - Sure.

Here they make themselves at home.
May we pass?

This one always talking to his girl.
And this one always studies. He's so pale.

What are you studying today?
Trigonometry?

No. Greek.

Greek?
You can make it out, Commissioner?

Kouros, vide, vide...
- Eilon.

The aorist of orao.
- Orao, orao, orao...

Eilon! Correct!
Even the police know Greek?

Every once in a while, the police
hire somebody with a diploma.

But do you have a warrant?
- No.

I didn't come here
to arrest or frisk anybody.

Just to bust our balls.
- What are you saying? You crazy?

Don't pay any attention. They say things
as they come. - They come heavily to him.

He's a poet!
- Yes, of annoyance.

Are they nephews too?
- Yes. He's an engineer.

You're leaving now, right?

Sometimes we've ping pong tournaments
and when we eat all together, it's a table.

All very nice: dinners, parties,
entertainments, studies.

There's only one thing. The room upstairs.

It's not as you believe.
I'm faithful to these boys.

I wouldn't change them for the world.

One considers fidelity to be to one man.
Another considers it to be to 10 men.

Actually, 11.
- Yes, I know.

But for me that's more than enough,
don't you think?

Yes.
They're are complaints from parents.

And at this point, the law has snapped.
- Why?

When I was a manicurist, I could go with
anybody and now it's forbidden with 11?

It seems so.

Can something happen to my boys?

Well, that I don't know.
- It was my idea.

I don't believe that.

12, 13, 14, 15...

Want to play a game? - With pleasure!
- You know how to play? - I get by!

Do you start? Sorry, it's me.
- Yes.

Yes? - Excuse me, the young lady
that just left. Blonde, very pretty.

What is her room number?

Look, her room number is 12,
on the first floor.

But you must show me some ID.
- Yes.

What brings you to these parts, Count?

Ah! Good day, Commissioner!
- Count Lancillotto.

You're here too?
- Yes, me too.

I was passing by and I said to myself,
"Why don't I get some coffee?"

Just like me.
A good idea.

If I may, I'll offer you some.
- Thank you. - Come.

After you.

Manager, why don't you take some coffee
with us? - Be right there. - Come this way.

This coffee is good.
- Good, eh?

Yes, but it's better at Rome.
- Really?

It must be the water.
At least that's what they say.

Undoubtedly.
- Are you from Naples? - Yes.

Well in Naples...
- That's another thing entirely.

However it's good. Well done.
- Thank you, Dottore.

What's your name? - Gervasio.
- Gervasio.

Well, dear, Commissioner, now I must...
- What? Returning to the city?

Well, I think I will go back.
- Been a while since you've had coffee.

Yes, nice. Dear Commissioner...
- Come, I'll go with you.

Why? Returning as well? - No, I'd enjoy
your company. - Thanks. - I got this.

After you. - Shoot, I need
to make a telephone call. - No.

Don't do it.
The phone is disconnected, I tried it.

Then I won't call.
- Good. Don't.

To be honest, though the coffee is
good here, I won't ever come back.

I think a clandestine traffic
of minors goes on here. - No!

Yes. - That's why you were there then.
- Yes. Exactly so.

Who would ever have guessed it.
- It happens. - Goodbye. - Goodbye, Count.

A nice car, eh? You've chosen well.
Say hi to your dad.

What were you thinking? When I need
some peace, I come to study at the hotel.

The teacher who was coming to give
you your lessons isn't coming.

That is he took some coffee and left.

Commissioner, be clear,
what do you want from me?

I should report you for your behavior.
But I'm trying not to.

Because I'm the prefect's daughter?
- No, because you're 17.

Those who are 50 are in less demand.

Bravo, bravo! A quick response.

But doesn't it sicken you to go
with the first that comes along?

Do you think if I went with you I'd try it?

Commissioner, where have you been?
What romances are you reading?

Shouldn't you update your library?

Yes, I really should.
- There are other things which sicken me.

Being the daughter of a self-
righteous father and a mother...

... and an honest, conformist mother,
getting a diploma, attending good society.

And marrying an upright official
whom my father can help with his career.

That would make me vomit.

With the career you've chosen, I doubt
you can count on your father's help.

That's exactly what I want.

Tell me, Commissioner,
did you only come here on business?

The demands of my job often constrain me
to act the part of a pestering moralist.

Tell the truth:
You like me but keep your distance.

Yes, I do like you.

But I'm not here for that.
- You swear by the Minister of Interior?

Good day, Commissioner.
- Good day.

At San Giuliano convent, many orphans
and some foreigners take language courses.

One of them let slip a few dark words
on the strange habits of Suor Clementina.

She's not the Mother Superior,
but she's in charge and temperamental.

It was always she who had the idea to put
on a little show. Amateur things, you see.

Which gave her the opportunity,
with the excuse of pleasing the girls,

to indulge certain inclinations
which the habit failed to repress.

And when one of the girls broke the rules,

the punishment was always the same:
Suor Clementina made her sleep on the floor.

Annalisa.

Annalisa!

Come here.

It's not nice to sleep on the floor.
But I had to do it!

Then, at a certain time at night,
the sister softened, felt ready to forgive,

and made room for
the little victim in her bed.

At a bar, this pretty unscrupulous girl

has invented an ingenious system
to supplement her income.

A kind of auction begins every morning
with a very modest opening bid: 100 lire.

There's a little book available for the bar
clientele and others to write their bids.

200, 500, 1000, 2000.

The highest bidder, after closing,
has the right to drive home

the pretty cashier who lives with a very
respectable family 3km from the city.

Naturally, during the ride,
a brief stop has been planned.

It seems one time the auction
reached 30,000 lire.

Well, other times,
it hasn't gone beyond 150.

But a game's a game and you must follow
the rules even when you're losing,

don't you think? In short...
- Put the stopper in.

If you wanted to make a list, you'd
need one longer than a telephone book.

Because there are those
who don't even have a phone.

Is the test tube leaking?
- No, it'll stop after a while.

Chaotic traffic! But not in the streets,
in the bedrooms. - Like everywhere!

I don't want to brag,
but I used to turn tricks. - We know.

Only I've never tried to hide it.

I picked a street and would walk it
keeping all the sacred laws.

Whether right or wrong.

Maybe wrong. - I don't think it
was wrong. - Don't say that.

You must be serious even in that work.

Mine was a mission like a doctor,
a priest, a vocation!

These little guys are cute. How many
are there? - But today they want

their beds full
but their consciences clean!

Too easy, my dear young ladies!

God damn it! Imbecile!

These chinchillas bite! - I was never
afraid of my activities being discovered.

If I were asked what I did for a living,

I worked in a bordello.

Just as I would say, housewife
or elementary school teacher.

Oh, God. Better I said school teacher, no?

For the pay, no!
- It's a matter of choice.

The only animal that
prostitutes himself is man.

Do you think this cat would go
with another cat for a bowl of milk?

Not even in its dreams, believe me!

But you've been here for more than 10 years
and you're just starting to catch on?

You think I'm an idiot? I always knew
but I preferred not to rock the boat.

Well, one moment, the cement guy,
for example, is still in jail today.

The adulterator of wines gets in trouble.

But on the question of morality...
but which morality?

Sometimes I've taken some measures,

some recalls, some arrests,
some round ups, nothing more.

Want a light?
- No, thanks, I don't smoke anymore.

Then, don't give a shit!
Let it go on and leave them all alone.

Very nice. If it were only
that easy. Nah, nah.

This time it's impossible.

This time the order to clean up the square
has come from high. - Pick that up, please.

Besides, I get paid to do this, no?

Whoever is paying you can ask
whatever he wants. Beginning with us.

Eh! When the bomb does explode,

many inhabitants of this town

some never suspected before
will be hurling through the air.

Nobody will be spared.

"TARIFF: 20 LIRE"

What's with the diploma?

Rome, year 1940,
Via Capo Le Case, number 10.

Even those not blown up in the air will
have a friend, a relative, a girlfriend...

...on the list.

I really don't want to be
there on that day. - Why?

I want to be there!

I'll be on my balcony enjoying the show!

"Instead of meddling
in the affairs of others,"

"why don't you find out why your lover
Matilde Carroni goes to Milan every month?"

Have you asked her?

Did you write that? - No, I respect Miss
Matilde too much to play these games.

Expensive stationery, the cutting out of
the letters decided yet very neat,

correct use of the subjunctive,
has a sense of the word "cuckold".

The sender is a refined person.

The handwriting analysis aside,
is any of it true?

What do you know?
- The only thing I can tell you is

that sometimes there's more truth in an
anonymous letter than in a Chinese proverb.

Come on, speak, you wreck!

Commissioner Pepe is losing his calm!
Don't let it get to you, Commissioner.

Matilde is a good girl.
The little bad that she'll do

she'll do in Milan, far from here.
Which means she has respect for you.

Rather, you should be grateful and increase
the pinmoney you give her every month.

You don't give her enough!

What does that mean? "The little bad"?
Is she bad or not?

She is.
But it's nothing, Commissioner, really.

Matilde is well built, has a great body.
You know well she does.

Women are vain, they're beautiful
and want to show it off.

There are some who call it pornography,
others who call it "artistic nudes".

There's a photographic
studio in Milan, via Magenta.

Poor thing! Surely she never would've
expected from me a return like this.

But that's the way I am.
What I know, sooner or later I spit out.

Are you happy now? Now you'll have
one more person to call you a lowlife.

Of course, I'm happy, sure. For me
there's nothing worse than people's esteem.

If I wasn't this man, what would I have?

Compassion, pity? That poor man,
poor wretch, poor maimed... no!

Compassion, no! I hate it I do!

That lowlife! That slime!
That son of a bitch! Excellent!

I live for the contempt of others!

And in this contempt
I find the will to live!

And it's like I feel whole again!

Alive! Valuable! And equal.

If you call Milan, it's 20840!

Don't ask for Miss Matilde,
but for Jolanda!

It's her art name!

Hello? - Hello?
- Yes?

Am I speaking with the photoart
studio, "Ars et Amour"? - Yes.

What do you want?

I'd like Miss Jolanda. - Who wants her?
- A friend. - One moment.

Hello? Hello?

There's nobody here.
Hello? Hello?

Don't scream anymore.
Stop killing the dead!

Don't scream anymore.
Don't scream.

If you want to still hear,
if you hope not to... - Well done!

Yes, he speaks well, a beautiful voice.

...the imperceptible whisper...

Truly well done. You're on fire!

Bravo! Truly excellent.
Very intelligent.

Nice!

Must be quite the genius!

Thanks again, professor.
- I'm a man...

who always is learning something.
I'd like to be a disciple again.

and old disciple,
a very old disciple of life.

What do you mean?
You're in the flower of life!

Here again the poetry is again
exceptional. In our time, in our...

Look who's come back!

Miss Matilde called you from Milan.

She said, "Is he in"?
I said, "No, he's not." What could I say?

What time did she call?
- Between "Tic Tac" and the weather.

Probably around 8:10 to 8:30.

We're very grateful you've came. Your
presence counts as much as your poetry.

You have entitled your poetry,
"Life of a Fulfilled Man".

We've abused too much of your patience...

If Miss Matilde calls again...
- What should I say? - I'm not in.

Damn it, I must always tell lies?
Always lies!

What a nasty job we have!

When in an investigation among the accused
there's your wife, sister, daughter

or the lover of one of us
as has happened now,

Besides Cerveteri's sister who
else is on the list? - Many others.

Besides, should the police's
women be any different? - Right.

Why should they be any different?

Hi, Papa!
- Hi, Nino.

Nino! What's wrong with you?
You crazy?

Why?
- I know the reason why!

You, my dear Pepe, have my ample and full
approval for the work you've uncovered.

Work that is serious, accurate, detailed
that will be of great use to your career.

There was much to expect
from an official like you.

I did my best though
it was a thankless task.

The duties of the police
are always thankless.

But you must understand sometimes one needs
to open the window and get some fresh air.

To reopen that eye again which for
convenience's sake we kept a little closed.

No use having secrets with you: When there
are elections, there's always some stir.

Like students in the last days of school
trying to make up for lost time.

But I supposed you realized
the true goal of this investigation.

That's why I'm surprised...
Do you smoke? - No, thank you.

Surprised over what? - You see,
the judiciary is always impartial.

The police sometimes not as much
but always out of reasons of justice.

You see, right?

I really don't see.
- You don't?

You see, dragging certain people into
a scandal could be counterproductive.

Why?
- I'll explain.

The sister of a deputy commissioner.
Your deputy.

The son of a count who
employs 2000 workers.

An illustrious specialist of national fame.

A high school principal,
an esteemed educator.

The daughter of the Prefect.

The president of a charity organization.

Certainly they're as guilty as the others,
maybe even more than the others.

But is it in our interest
to create such an earthquake?

Even the case of that
sister is very delicate.

I don't want to reproach you, but you've
been too zealous, Commissioner Pepe.

It's never good to stick your
nose in the church's affairs.

especially when there's
been no formal complaint.

That in convents, one commits
some small sins is well known.

That's why they have thick walls,
so you can't get out.

Do we really want to be spying
in the keyhole of the sacristy...

and right in the middle of elections?

Don't pretend you don't understand.

I don't say this to stop the investigation.
You must do your duty of course.

But you're about to be
appointed Vice Deputy.

You must go all the way,
while keeping in mind a few requirements.

In summary, Commissioner,
pass your report to the judiciary,

but remove the 5 names I've underlined

which had you been wise,
would never had been on the list.

Half a billion in prize money!
First prize: 150 million! 150...

Cuckolds! Mangy dogs,
searching for the golden goose!

Cuckolds in slippers in front of the tv!

On July 20, 1942 Corporal Appariti
was massacred for your sins!

Eurovision assholes!
Slaves of football and the lottery!

Lunatics of the first and second channels!

Remember that every 6 minutes
in some part of the world

a corporal dies like Nicola Appariti!
- ... all join in our song!

Mr. Antonio.
Mr. Antonio! - Eh?

I forget all about it. - What?
- During the tv some kids brought this.

It must be from Miss Matilde.
It came from Milan.

You want me to read it out loud?
- No, no. I don't care.

I return tomorrow at 6:30. I miss you.
Kisses, your Matilde.

I know all and despise you!

Whore!
- Antonio!

Here, look at the porn collection!
Completely nude with or without a partner!

For all tastes! For you! For you, Sister!
For you! One for you, Father!

For you soldier, put it in the barracks!

Matilde! I know nothing. I don't
want know. I love you and that's it.

But Antonio, no, there are people here.
- Who gives a shit about the people?

The president for charity work,
Marchesa Zaccarin, no.

Nor the Count Lancillotto.

The illustrious doctor, no.

The esteemed educator, no.

The sister of a vicedeputy, no.

Suor Clementina's out.
The prefect's daughter's out.

And her partner is out too.

All of them gone.
All respectable people.

That is to say, "people to respect."

And you imagine you can keep
doing your dirty work? Poor fools!

You're only small fry.

Eh, no! You must pay!

Someone has to pay!

Otherwise, what are we doing?
Nobody pays!

What is it?
- Cod.

It's time you should know:
I hate cod. Take it away. - Fine!

Watch it or I'll put you on the list!

And nobody will say nothing!
Don't you worry.

Here he is: Antonio Pepe,
profession commissioner,

who to heal the wounds of the world,
know what he does?

He flings in jail, Maristella Diotallevi,
profession prostitute in a flat.

What bad language, goddam!

And so I won't do it!
Why?

Because you're respectable too,
God curse you, Maristella!

You too, Azuna House!
You too! You too! You too! And you!

And you! And you too,
dear Matilde, art name "Jolanda"!

Whom I'm very hurt by your betrayal.
Even if it's not true, I believe you.

There. You're all respectable.

Uliana! Bring me the cod.

Coming, polenta and cod. Stone cold!

The gazette, please.

Everyone in the vans!

Wait, arrest me too!

Good day, Commissioner.
- Good day.

I haven't seen you for two days, Sir.

Anything new?

For whom? - Anything new?
- You have anything?

The investigation, Commissioner.
- Which investigation? - The dossier.

The dossier we gave you. Dr. Cerveteri
wanted to know what you decided.

Look.

Look well.
Does this look like a corrupt city to you?

Yes. No.

Yes or no?
- I don't know.

Commissioner! Your change.
- Ah, thank you.

My replacement will give you the answer.

If he's worse than me,
he'll undergo what I didn't want to undergo.

And if he's better than me, he'll do
what I didn't have the courage to do.

Of course, Commissioner!

What a goodbye.

Miss? Miss Matilde, shall I carry
your suitcases to the taxi? - Yes.

What? Are you all lions?

I know how it will end.

They'll send me to some lovely
island surrounded by sea

and with a city in the heart of it.
Like this one.

With lots of sex.

An illustrious doctor, a noblewoman,
an esteemed educator,

the industrialist's son,
the prefect's daughter, the doctor's son,

the noblewoman's daughter,
an illustrious educator...

English subtitles by sineintegral@KG
Revision of tommyzax and termodrom's subtitles