All language subtitles for Dont.S01E03.WEB.h264-ROBOTS_track3_eng

All:
168, 167, 166, 165...

Why is this audience
counting down

from a stupidly high number?

...162...

Because the network said,

"Don't start the show with
some bizarre group activity."

We did it anyway

because it really hammers home
the premise of the show ‐‐

rewarding people
not for what they do,

but for what they don't do.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Tonight, one family
could win $100,000...

[ All cheering ]
Adam: You guys did it!

...by making it
to the end of the show alive.

Don't budge.

Whoa!

JK. No one dies.

Okay, I really didn't think
I had that powerful of an arm.

And who am I?

I'm the all‐knowing,
all‐seeing, and apparently

doing‐a‐lot‐of‐walking
Don't Master.

You won't see me,
but you will see this snack ‐‐

your host and 1997 Tiger Beat
cover, Adam Scott.

[ '80s music plays, dies down ]

What?

Man: Give it up right now
for Adam Scott!

[ Cheers and applause ]

Hi, everybody, I'm Adam Scott,
and welcome to "Don't,"

the show
where families can win money

for simply not doing things.

And if any of you at home

happen to be in an action movie
defusing a bomb right now,

whatever you do,
don't cut the red wire.

[ Light laughter ]
Okay, let's get started.

Tonight,
we are joined by the McIntoshes.

[ Cheers and applause ]

This is Angela,
a teacher from Atlanta.

She's here with her two sons
and ex‐husband, Eric,

who's proud that even though
they're no longer married,

they still do
normal family things,

like go on a nationally
televised game show.

Their older son, Javier,
is a photographer

who definitely isn't trying to
"Parent Trap" his mom and dad.

And Jabriel, who in no way
has been secretly planning this

with his brother for years.

[ Cheers and applause ]

The McIntosh clan!

Hey!
Yeah!

How you guys doing?

Fantastic!
Excellent!

Alright!

Yeah, we'll be better
with some money.

You'll be better
with some money.

Yes, definitely.
That's true.

Actually, the Scottish side
of my family,

my Scottish descendants,
are from the McIntosh clan.

Wow!
We might be related!

Yeah,
we might be related!

That's a good omen.

Are you ready to take on
our first game ‐‐

"Don't Make Me
Turn This Car Around"?

We're ready!
Yeah, we are!
Let's go!

We're ready!
Let's go!

Adam: Alright.
Let's go!

Now, have you guys
taken any big family road trips?

Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.

You have?
Lots of them.

She took us on
a Six Flags adventure.

'Cause we're
roller‐coaster junkies.

Front car, hands up,
in the dark.

No hands.
Hands are for wimps.

The Roller Coaster
Safety Commission

would like to remind you
that all hands

must be kept inside the ride
at all times.

Okay,
here is how this game works.

"Don't Make Me
Turn This Car Around."

It's tough enough
being crammed in a small car

on a long road trip,

but when it's your whole family,
it's much harder.

Here you'll have to run a course

that tests your balance,
coordination, and timing.

If you complete the course
in under a minute,

you'll earn $20,000.

But if it takes
more than 60 seconds to finish,

we'll deduct $1,000
for each 10‐second increment.

Don't fall. Don't delay.

And "Don't Make Me
Turn This Car Around."

[ Cheers and applause ]

Alright,
you won't just be

walking your way
through the course.

You will hit the road
as a family

inside this retro‐chic van
we have here.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Come on, guys.

Don't make me
turn this car around.

How are we
gonna get the McIntoshes

into the van without wasting
valuable air time?

We're not.

We're going to highlight
the many skilled craftspeople

who bring "Don't" to life.

[ Dinging ]

Thanks, team.

And those are definitely
your real names.

Yeah!
Whoo! Whoo!

Okay,
before we hit the road,

let's look at
the course ahead.

First, you have to
coordinate your footwork

to cross
the spinning roundabout.

Then avoid
falling off the narrow log

and the wobbly teeter‐totter.

Finally,
you have to work together

to cross the slippery stumps
and another roundabout.

Your journey is complete
when you back the van

into the final parking space.

Whoo! Whoo!
Whoo! Whoo!

We're ready.
Here we go.

"Don't Make Me
Turn This Car Around."

3, 2, 1, go!

Let's do it!

Okay.

Javier: Get on,
get on, get on.

Can you make it across?
Get on.
Get on.

Very smart.
You guys are holding off.

You're about to hit the log.

Commit to it.
Commit to it.

Eric: Go! Go!

Go, go, go, go, go, go!
Go, go, go, go!

Oh, my goodness.
You did it.

We got this,
baby!

Stump it!
Stump ahead!
Stump ahead!

Okay, log!
Stump it! Log!

They're going over
the teeter‐totter.

Go, go, go, go!

I'm trying to!
I'm trying to!

Go! Go! Go fast!
I'm trying to.

Going over the ‐‐
Oh, my God, you guys.

Okay, okay!

Oh, my God.

Okay, here we go.
Whoo!

Go, go, go, go!
Incredible!

Yes, sir!

30 more seconds.

Be careful.
I can't see it.

Great job, guys.

Step! Step!
Step!

Step!
Big log! Big log!

Up high.
Okay, high?

We've got
20 more seconds to go.

These tree stumps were cut
from polyurethane foam trees.

Polyurethane ‐‐
just like real trees,

except made from poison.

‐Go, go, go, go!
‐Get on! Get on!

‐Go, go, go, go!
‐Get on! Get on!

Oh, no! Oh, no!
Alright. Alright.

Go, go, go, go, go!

Aah!

Yeah!
You did it!

Yeah, baby!

Yeah!
Whoo!

$20,000!

Holy cow!

Wow!

Congrats to
the McIntosh family.

You just earned yourselves
$20,000.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Can I have
my shoe back?

Can I have
my shoe back?

Now, Javier and Eric,
you each lost a shoe?

Is that correct?
Yep. No fuel.

Javier: Yes, there it is.
Adam: Just so you know,

those shoes are officially
now our property.

I'm very sorry.

You can have it
for $20,000.

That's actually a pretty good
deal for you guys.

Incredible work.

$20,000.

Doing great.
Oh, yeah!

Now, the gloves are really gonna
come off for this next game.

Okay,
we're ready.

The game is called
"Don't Beat Yourself Up."

[ Bell dings ]

There's being hard on yourself,

and then there's this game.

One of you will put on
giant boxing gloves

while the other three

answer questions
that have two possible answers.

Once you lock in your answer,

if it's correct,
you'll earn $4,000.

If it's incorrect,

your loved one gets smacked
in the face, and zero cash.

"Don't Beat Yourself Up."

[ Cheers and applause ]

So, three wrong answers,
and your game is done.

But if you make it all the way
through, you earn $20,000.

Yeah!

Whoo!
Yeah, boy!

Before we play, there is a way
you can win even more money,

and that is
the "Don't Push" Button.

It's a special feature
that will appear in every show.

Let's hear a little bit more

about my good friend,
the "Don't Push" Button.

[ Women vocalizing ]

The "Don't Push" Button

is a proud member
of the tiny home movement.

Four years ago,
he bought a small plot of land

and built himself a tiny home

out of shipping containers
and reclaimed lumber.

Using rainwater, solar panels,

and a self‐installed
septic‐tank system,

he lives a life
completely off the grid

and re‐connected to our planet.

[ Cheers and applause ]

I mean, it's astounding.

It's just,
he's ‐‐ he's my hero.

[ Laughter ]
Isn't that nice?

Okay, so,
if you do push the button

and you
finish the game perfectly,

it doubles your winnings.

All you have to do
is get every question right.

You get $40,000.

But if you don't play
a perfect game,

it reduces all your winnings
from this game by half.

[ Cheers and applause continue ]

Push me!

What do you guys think?

Do you want to push
the "Don't Push" Button?

Nah, we're good.

Nah.
No?

Let's just
do it straight.

Okay.

So, who is going to be
on the receiving end here?

This guy
right here.

Eric.

Eric: I don't want my sons
to get punched.

Of course.
And I don't want Angela
to get punched.

Of course not.
So I'll ‐‐ I'll take
the beat‐down.

That's a good dad
and a good ex‐husband.

And who's gonna be
distributing the punches?

Mama.
Mom.

Oh, Angela?!

[ Laughter ]
Yeah!

Yep!
[ Laughs ]

No, I did ‐‐
I did ask her

to just remember the good times
and not the bad times.

Of course.

You trust me,
don't you?

Trust, the cornerstone
of every divorced couple.

Okay,
"Don't Beat Yourself Up."

Come on over, guys.

Tonight, Eric McIntosh faces
off with mechanical gloves.

If you're trying
to place a wager,

Vegas has the odds
at two to one

in favor of you having
a gambling problem.

Hmm.
I don't know.

This doesn't
look like fun to me.

[ Laughing ]
Yeah, right.

20,000 reasons
not to punch him.

Be nice.
Be nice.
[ Laughs ]

Are we ready, guys?

Ruh‐roh!

Utilizing Scooby‐Doo
to show concern?

Yeah, Eric is in impressive
dad form tonight.

"Don't Beat Yourself Up"
question number one.

Come on, guys.

"Wicked" wasn't a movie.
That's what
I was thinking.

"Wicked" was a book,
'cause I had that book.

"Wicked" ‐‐ Books. Books.
Yeah, books.

Books.
Let's lock in books, right?

Books?

Yeah.

Okay, lock it in
by pulling the "A" lever.

If your family
answered correctly,

you'll get $4,000,
but if they're wrong,

Dad gets a giant
knuckle sandwich.

[ Laughter ]

You said "A," books.

That answer is...

[ Laughs ]

Come on, Adam!

...correct! That's $4,000!
Whoo‐hoo!

Unh!
[ Laughs ]

On the ball.
Alright, question number two.

John Mayer.
Come on, you guys.
Would that be...

That's a toss‐up
right there.

Yeah.
Yeah.
That's a toss‐up.

But something ‐‐

I'm feeling scented candle
for some reason.

I was leaning
towards that, too.

I'm thinking
scented candles for men

'cause women
love bath bombs.

Men can love bath bombs, too,
Angela.

I do.

Let's go with
scented candle,

unless you feel better.
Let's do "B."

We think
scented candles.

Okay.
So, "B," right?

Adam: Let's lock it in
by pulling the lever.

Your answer was "B,"
scented candles.

"B," "B," "B."

Uh‐oh.

We've just been informed

that Eric hasn't signed
the medical release yet,

so we're gonna have to take
a quick break.

But coming up,
will Eric sign the release?

Can he sign the release
with those gloves on?

Is signing a release with
giant gloves legally binding?

And will he make Adam
his power of attorney?

Guess what, Don't‐ers.

You, too, can go on your
very own "Don't" road trip.

For only $499.99,

we'll send you the "Don't" van
and a map of America.

All you have to do is unpack
the van, then pack in the fam.

Whether you make it down the
block or down the interstate,

you'll definitely regret
the hell out of your purchase

immediately.

Don't order now.

Welcome back to "Don't."

With 4,000 bucks or a giant
smack in the face on the line,

Eric awaits the answer

to the most important question
of his life.

♪♪

Adam: Let's lock it in
by pulling the lever.

Your answer was "B,"
scented candles.

"B," "B," "B."

That answer is...

Uh‐oh.

[ Laughter ]

[ Screaming ]

Oh!
Oh, no!

Jabriel: Oh, man!

[ Laughter ]

Oh, man!

I'm sorry.

Oh, Eric,
how you doing?

Not too good
over here.

Yeah, I'm sorry.
It's not my fault.

You took it
on the chin.
[ Both laugh ]

Alright, that's one strike
against you.

Two more,
and the game is over.

Here we go,
question number three.

...in 2001?

Triple threat?

Jennifer Lopez.
Yeah.

Britney Spears has never had
a number‐one movie, period.

Yeah,
what movie?

She was in that wack, like,
road‐trip movie,

but that was horrible.
Wow.

I went to see that.
You saw that?!

[ Laughter ]

I'm sorry for you.
Right.

Yeah.

"Crossroads,"
starring Dan Aykroyd.

That's true. Look it up.

Okay,
you guys are saying it's...

Angela: J. Lo.
..."B," Jennifer Lopez?

J.Lo, definitely.

Okay,
pull that lever.

♪♪

You're saying it's "B,"
Jennifer Lopez, and...

Come on, baby.

...you're correct.

That's another $4,000.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Let's get it!

My favorite triple threat
is Ina Garten.

Chef, author,
giant cocktail enthusiast.

Okay, here we go,
question number four.

"A," "Friday" by Rebecca Black?

Mm...
No, no, no.

Or, "B," "Gangnam Style" by PSY?

"Gangnam Style."
Lock it in.

Yeah.
Lock it in.
"Gangnam Style."

Really?
That was fast. Okay.

And I love the dance.
Okay!

Angela:
Good! Good! Good!

Let's go with it.
Let's go with it.
"Gangnam Style."

Okay, your answer is "B,"
"Gangnam Style."

Let's lock it in
with a pull of the lever.

[ Laughter ]

Okay, guys.
Hit it, hit it, hit it,
hit it, hit it.

♪♪

Yeah,
that is correct.

♪ Oppan Gangnam style ♪
Yeah, boy!

Yeah!
That "Gangnam Style"!

♪ Gangnam style ♪

That's right,
we licensed "Gangnam Style."

♪ Op, oppan Gangnam style ♪
Enjoy it.

Seriously,
it cost like tons of money.

So, for the rest of the show,

we're gonna
play the hell out of it.

♪ Oppan Gangnam style ♪

That's another $4,000.

Question number five.

Would that be...

I'm thinking
"Wayne's World."

They both had sequels.
Angela: Yeah.

But which one
was a skit?

But "Wayne's World"
came after,

and based on
gross domestic revenue.

[ Laughs ]

[ Laughter ]
Javier.

And based on inflation,

I'm leaning towards
"Wayne's World."

But what
are you thinking?

I'm thinking
"Blues Brothers."

Okay, we trust you.
We trust the mama.

"Blues."
Alright,
"Blues Brothers."

So that is "A,"
"Blues Brothers."

That's your answer?
Yes.

Lock it in.

Angela: We got it.
We got it.
Alright.

I don't know
about this.
I don't know, either.
[ Laughs ]

"Blues Brothers"
is your answer ‐‐ "A."

And the answer is...

We'll wait for him to become
emotionally invested.

♪♪

He's in.

Back to the challenge.

Um, hmm...

Ohh!
Aah!

Oh, no, no, no!

[ All groaning ]

Javier,
you had it right.

I was right, right?
Yeah, yeah.

You had it right.
Are you kidding?

Yeah,
"Wayne's World."

Ohh!
[ Laughter ]

Okay, two strikes.

Final question,
you guys.

It's right in front of me
on a blue card, and here it is.

The first?

Muhammad Ali had his belt
before George had his belt,

but he got it
stripped away from him.

And then Muhammad Ali
beat him again.

So, Muhammad Ali.

Adam:
Is that your answer?

I know boxing.

Javier went on
for the next 30 minutes

recounting every Muhammad Ali
fight from 1960 to 1981

in the greatest of detail.

It's Muhammad Ali.

Okay. Alright.

Let's pull the lever.

Your answer is "A,"
Muhammad Ali?

I'm pretty sure.
I'm 80%.

I've got a headache now.
Come on, now.

80%.

Angela: Ali.

No? No? No?
Uh‐oh. Uh‐oh.

Look at his face.
Come on, man.

You're right.
Muhammad Ali.

[ Cheering ]

Yeah, boy!

Pow, pow, pow, pow!

Yeah! Yeah!

Go, Mac! Go, Mac! Go, Mac!

You just added $16,000,
bringing your total to $36,000.

Whoa!

Very good job, guys.

Now, at great time and expense,
we have manufactured

an artificial break in our show
for our ad partners.

It was very difficult to do.

I hope you appreciate it.

Please don't go anywhere.

♪ Oppan Gangnam style ♪

♪ Gangnam style ♪

Welcome back to "Don't."

Woman:
Alright, we're back from break.

I need Adam to the stage.

Hey, what's, uh ‐‐
What's wrong, Adam?

Well, I ‐‐ You know, I'm just ‐‐
I'm feeling a little guilty

about that last family,
you know?

They all signed
their lives away already.

We have the best lawyers.

No, not that.

I'm talking about, like, the ‐‐
the morality of it, you know?

Listen, I get it, but whenever
I'm in situations like this,

I always have to look deep down
in my soul,

and then I just decide...

Yeah?

...to whip it.

Whip it good.

[ Devo's "Whip It" plays ]

Okay. Alright.
You know what?

[ Cheers and applause ]

Javier, you look like you're
just right at home up there.

I've been fly before,
but never this fly.

Wow.

One of many things I could never
pull off is saying that.

[ Laughter ]

McIntosh family, is baseball
a big deal for you guys?

Yeah, we all played baseball
growing up.

And actually,
our dad was our coach.

I coached everything before
Angela and I got divorced.

That's right.
All the way up until
when he was 5 till he was 18.

That's great.
Now, you guys are divorced.

Mm‐hmm.
Yeah.

And you spend a lot of time
together as a family?

Yep.

Eric: We do Christmases
and Thanksgivings together.

So, you're essentially
just married still.

[ Laughter ]
Uh...

Don't start that,
Adam.

Don't start nothing.

The "Parent Trap" is working.

You know,
she's got a husband now,

so we want
to keep it in.

It is beautiful you guys have
such a nice relationship

and you guys are such
a tight‐knit family.
Yep.

Let's see if we can mess it up
here in this game.

No.
Eric: No.

Adam: Okay.

It is time to play
"Don't Play Ball in the House."

As kids, we're all told,
"Don't play ball in the house,"

but in this game, that's exactly
what you'll have to do.

One of you will pitch fastballs
from a spinning wheel

while another one of you
is swinging upside‐down.

Every catch is $1,000.

Every miss, another destroyed
family heirloom.

You have two minutes
to bank up to $20,000.

"Don't Play Ball in the House."

[ Cheers and applause ]

Before we play, there is a way
you can win even more money,

and that is
the "Don't Push" Button.

Push me!

If you push the button
and complete the game perfectly,

you double
that game's value...

Double!

...to $40,000.
But...

[ Cheers and applause ]
Whoo!

But if you don't
play the game perfectly,

your winnings for that game
will be cut in half.

So, what do you think,
guys?
No.

Push the button!

Want to give it a shot and push
the "Don't Push" Button?

Push me!

Taste unlimited power!

Push the button!
Push the button!

Push the button!

Someone should explain

one of them has to actually
push the button.

Okay, Angela, go over there and
push the "Don't Push" Button.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Oh!

[ Cheers and applause continue ]

"Don't Push Button"!

More money!

Alright, are we ready?
We're ready.
Ready.

Let's go.
Alright!
Eric: Yeah!

And now
for the magic of star wipe.

Adam:
Okay, you took a gamble here.

You could win $40,000
if you catch 20 throws.

"Don't Play Ball in the House."

Your two minutes starts now.

Alright, you can do it, Jabriel!
Ooh, you got it, Javi!

You might want to throw
a little harder, Jabriel.

Eric:
Hold your glove down!
Angela: Ohh!

Hold your glove down!
Hold it down!

Alright!
That's one!

You've got to take the ‐‐
There we go!

There's another one!
$2,000.

You got it, Jabriel! You got it!
You got it! You can do it!

Uh‐oh!

Javier and Jabriel
are really struggling here.

Let's check in with Coach Eric
for adjustments.

Make sure
you get under the ‐‐

under the ‐‐
hold the glove.

Yes, hold the glove.

How did he know?

Don't worry.
You got this.

Get after it.
There you go!

$3,000.
There you go!

There's only 1:30
left on the clock.

$4,000!
Very good!

Hold your glove.
There you go.

$5,000.
There you go.

Slow it down,
Jabriel.

Jabriel, Jabriel,
slow it down.

Alright,
slow it down.

There we go.
You got it!

There's $6,000.

No, wait.

Go.

Yeah!

There we go.
There's $7,000.
Slow it down.

Come on.
Slow it down.

Only one minute
on the clock.
Come on.

And a broken window.
Come on.

Uh‐oh.
Hold it ‐‐
Hold it down.

There's $8,000.
There you go!

Got $8,000 so far.

There's $9,000!

You only have 40 seconds
to get that $40,000.

Yes!

$10,000!

Yeah, you can do it!

Hold it down.
Yes!

$11,000 so far.

Yeah!
Ohh!

Ay, ay, ay!

You got it.
You got it. Ohh!

Almost. Almost.

Don't worry.
You got this.

$12,000!

Yes!

You only have
20 seconds.

You can do it,
Jabriel!

You get seven catches,
you'll win $40,000.

Yes!

Eric's coaching secret?

Clapping.

Come on.
You can get it.

Ohh!

Uh‐oh!

There goes that shelf.
Oh, my God.

[ Laughs ]

All: ...7, 6, 5...

You got it, Jabriel!
You got it!

...4, 3, 2, 1.
Time.

Ohh!

That is
the end of the game.

[ Glass shatters ]

[ Cheers and applause ]
Oh, God.

Great job, guys.
Good job!

So, McIntoshes,

because you pushed
the "Don't Push" Button

and didn't finish the game
perfectly,

your $13,000 from this game
is cut in half to $6,500.

[ Audience groans ]

The damage done to this set
will be repaired by next week.

[ Sentimental music plays ]
But the emotional damage

of seeing their winnings
cut in half

will take much longer
to rebuild.

But overall tonight,
you're up to $42,500 so far.

And I'm told you only racked up
$2,000 in property damage.

So that's really great.
Angela:
We have insurance.

Hopefully a lot more money
to be won here.

Don't go anywhere.
Yeah!

Yay!

[ Pleasant music plays ]

♪♪

[ Pleasant music plays ]

♪♪

Man: We need Adam
to the stage, please.

Adam.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Angela: Whoo‐hoo!

Welcome back to "Don't."

The McIntosh family
is doing a fantastic job.

They've got $42,500 in the bank.

Yeah, baby!

Tell me
if I'm right here.

I think that they are planning
to make even more?

Oh, yeah.
Is that correct?

Yeah.
A lot more.

All the money.
Okay,
that's what I thought.

What we've witnessed so far
tonight has been shocking.

However, not nearly as shocking
as our next game,

which is conveniently titled
"Don't Be Shocked."

"Don't Be Shocked."

Well, actually, be shocked
because you'll each take turns

standing on this zap platform

while answering
true‐or‐false questions.

But don't worry.

It's perfectly safe
when you answer correctly.

If you're right, it's $2,000.

If you're wrong,
it's a whole lot of shock,

you're out of the game,
and it's on to the next person.

"Don't Be Shocked."

[ Cheers and applause ]

If all four of you get shocked,
your game is over.

Oh, my gosh.

Have any of you had
an electric shock before?

Fork, outlet.

Fork into an outlet?
[ Laughs ]

For all of you
watching at home,

sticking a fork in an outlet

is what we call
an actual don't.

Seriously, the network made us
put this disclaimer in.

We fought them on it.

We lost. Big time.

What do you remember
about it?

I just remember,
"Don't do that again."

Yeah.
[ Laughs ]

I've never
been shocked before.

In fact, I've never even
been surprised before.

Turns out I,
uh, have the nerves

of someone doing
a far more dangerous job.

Okay,
before we start playing,

I‐I do have
an offer for you.

I "Don't You Dare" you

to allow me to double the shock
for an extra $5,000?

"Don't You Dare."

Come on,
double the voltage?

Angela's like,
"Wait a second."

Oh, my God!

That's why we got the men
going to get...

potentially zapped,
which we're not.

Yeah, we're not gonna
get zapped.
You know, we ain't worried about
getting zapped.

But just in case,
we'll get zapped first.
Yeah.

And then you probably
won't even get zapped.

Don't even
worry about it.
Yeah.

This moment brought to you
by foreshadowing,

because it's always
about to happen.

Oh, my God.

Okay,
we'll do it.

I'm scared.

Okay,
you're accepting the dare.

That's $5,000.

Now let's double
the shock.

[ Electricity crackles ]

Aah!

Come on! Let's do it!
Let's do it!

[ Laughter ]
Alright!

Now he's embarrassed.

Oh, my God!

Okay,
who's stepping up first?

This guy.
Alright.

Let's play
"Don't Be Shocked"!

[ Cheers and applause ]

We stole this fun zap game

from the Thomas Edison Museum
Kids Zone.

Now, these are
true‐or‐false questions.

And remember,

if you get it right,
it's $2,000,

but if you get it wrong,
you'll be shocked.

Here we go.

Question number one...

[ Laughs ]
False.

Adam:
True or false?

Might be true.

Javier: I think it's so weird
it has to be false.

I think it ‐‐ I think it's
so weird it has to be true.

Is no one else curious
what flavor it was?

Barbecue?

I think it's true.
Sour cream and onion?

What do you guys ‐‐
I'm leaning
more towards true, too.

Okay,
if y'all think it's true,

then let's go true,
but I think it's false.

Put it on the books.

[ Laughter ]

I think
we're gonna go with true.

Okay, the person
who invented the Pringles can

was buried in one.

The McIntoshes are saying
that is true.

And the answer is...

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, man.

It's true.
[ Cheers and applause ]

Come on, baby!
Come on, baby!

$2,000.

[ Laughs ]

Yes!

Question number two.

"Say hello
to my Wookiee friend."

Is that true or false?

I ‐‐ You said ‐‐
I say false

because I don't think

they could have afforded him
at that time.

I don't think Al Pacino's big
enough for that role, either.

No.
Pacino would obviously have
been a way better Han Solo.

Send hate mail
to the address below.

We're gonna go
with false.
Adam: False.

Yes.

Al Pacino was offered the role
of Han Solo but turned it down.
Uh‐oh.

You're saying that's false,
and the answer is...

Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.

♪♪

[ Electricity crackling ]

It's true.

[ Screams ]
Whoa! Whoa!

Whoa! Whoa!
Whew!

"Double the voltage,"
they said!

That wasn't
very nice, guy!

I had nothing ‐‐
nothing to do with it.

[ Electricity sparks ]

You know, if I had my way,

I would go up and just give you
gentle tickles.

[ Laughter ]

You'd rather get shocked?

No,
I'll take the tickles.

You would. Okay.
[ Laughter ]

Okay, step on down.
Jabriel, you're up next.

[ Cheers and applause ]

You guys have made $2,000
so far.

Eric, how are you feeling?

I think
I peed myself.

[ Laughs ]

That's actually
a different game.

We can play that later.

Alright, here we go,
question number three.

Cannibals?
Then they ‐‐
Then they eat each other?

They eat each other?
They eat each other?

To clarify, hippos aren't
allergic to gluten.

They just have
a mild sensitivity.

Jabriel, what do you think?
Angela: Wait.

What do you think,
Jabriel?
What do we want?
What do you want, Jabriel?

I think false.

Okay, we'll go with you.
False. We'll go with false.

Don't go with me.
What do y'all think?

[ Chuckles ]
We say false.

We say false, Adam.
False.
False.

Please don't shock my baby.
Adam: Okay.

Hippopotamuses have been known
to be cannibals.

You're saying this is false.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.

Adam:
And the answer is...

Please don't shock him.

♪♪

Coming up,
are the McIntoshes correct?

This question sponsored by the
new film "The Hungriest Hippo,"

the vicious tale of one hippo
whose hunger took him too far,

a gritty re‐imagining
of America's beloved board game

that no one was asking for.

Beneath the water, no hippo
is safe from the hunger.

Coming never
to "Don't" All Access.

Adam:
Welcome back to "Don't."

Before the break, Eric added
more money to the bank.

$2,000.

Then more electrons
to his nervous system.

Wow!

He's now out of the game.

Javier and Angela
will get their turn,

but first,
Jabriel's gonna find out

if the family correctly answered
this true‐or‐false statement.

You're saying this is false.

The answer is...

♪♪

Angela: Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.

Adam: True.

Oh, no!

[ Electricity crackling,
Angela screams ]

Ohh!

[ Cheers and applause ]

Whew! [ Laughs ]

Okay, step on down.
Good news is you're done.

Bad news is
it's Javier's turn.

Alright, Javier.

Angela:
Come on, Javi.

Come on. We got you.
We got you.

Y'all better get
all these answers right.

Secretly, Javier is hoping
that this

is the horrible
mad‐scientist accident

that gives him superpowers.

Question number four.

That's false.
That's false.

I know raspberry comes from
the anal glands of beaver.

I think,
but I'm not sure,

that artificial
vanilla flavoring does, too.

Angela just casually knowing
that raspberry flavoring

is from beaver anal glands
raises no questions for anyone?

No? No one?

I would go true.
I‐I believe you.
Adam: Okay.

True, yeah.
True.

Please be true.
Oh, my God, please be true.

Javier?

Javier: Yeah?
Oh, my God.
Buddy?

No, no, no, no!

I'm sorry. It's true!

[ Cheers and applause ]

You guys did it!
$2,000!

A special "Don't" apology
to everyone enjoying

artificially flavored vanilla
treats at home right now.

Okay.
I knew it!

Here we go, guys.

True. True.

True.
Very confident
about that.

Different germs.

There's only
one particular germ.

You got all types of germs ‐‐
sneezing.

14 times?

And the surface area
of a desk

is more than the surface area
of a toilet.

Yes.

Here's a graphic
where you can check at home,

using some measuring tape

that should never, ever touch
anything ever, ever again.

I say true.
Okay.

I say true.
Okay,
let's go with true.

We're going with true,
Javi.

True?
Yeah.
We're gonna go with true.

You're the expert,
Mr. Surface Area.

Oh, yeah.
[ Angela laughs ]

Okay, the McIntoshes
are saying true.

Okay.

Come on.

Oh, no!

That's true!

Whoo!

Another $2,000!

Mr. Surface Area!

You guys are on a roll!

Go, Javi! Go, Javi!
Yeah, yeah!

Adam:
That is $6,000 so far.

Whoo!
Whoo!

Next question.
Here we go.

You can't break
a pinky promise because...

Half the strength
in your hand...

No.
True or false?

...comes from your pinky.

Half.
I say no.

False.
Yeah.

All these are strong.
This is the weak one.

And it's less surface area
with that pinky.

[ Laughter ]

I'm the
surface‐area expert.

You got me?

[ Laughter ]
Okay.

False.
See?

Adam:
You're gonna go with false?

Yeah,
we're going with false?

Adam: Okay. Okay.
We say false, yeah.

You're saying that's false.

And the answer is...

Oh, my God.

No? No, no, no.
Come on, man.

Come on, Adam.

No, no, no!
No, no.

Please don't.

[ Electricity crackling ]
Ohh!

Ohh!

Whoa‐ho‐ho!

While you were
up there, Javier,

you made
an extra $4,000.

I did.

That's crazy.
I did.

It was worth it.

Javier,
hop down and join your family.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Okay, Angela,
it's your turn.

Are you ready?

You're the last family member

who can add more cash
to the bank.

I'm so scared.

Nothing to be scared of.

That's what you say.
You're down there.
Yeah.

[ Laughter ]

Here we go, guys.

...until he lost
the next election.

I think it's true.

Mom says true.
I think
it's true, too.

We're going with
Mom's true.
Yeah, Mom.

You're going with true?
I'm going with true.

Okay.

Ohh!

I'm having
heart palpitations.

You guys said
that was true.

Come on, true.

And the answer is...

♪♪

Please!

♪♪

[ Screams ]

[ Electricity crackling ]

Did you feel that?

Yes!
Yeah.

[ Cheers and applause ]

[ Laughing ]
Oh, my God!

You know what?

That last question ‐‐ It was
actually a cat named Stubbs,

and he served 20 years,
until his death.

Oh!
Wow!

I'm the late Mayor Stubbs,
and I approve

this trivia question
and disrespectful In Memoriam.

♪ Oppan Gangnam style ♪

♪ Oppan Gangnam style ♪

Okay, guys.
Okay.

How much money?
How much money?

You know what? You earned
$11,000 in that game...

Eric:
Yeah, baby!

...for a total
of $53,500 so far!

[ Cheers and applause ]

When we come back,
one family is going to get

the surprise of their lives
when we play "Don't Get Wet."

You don't want to miss this.

[ Cheers and applause ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

Welcome back to "Don't."

Now, here is the surprise.

There is no water feature
on this show,

and we're gonna need
those ponchos back, please.

[ Laughter ]

Thank you.

Alright.

Now it's onto
the last game of the night

and your last chance
to bank more money.
Yeah.

Let's play "Don't Look Back"!

[ Cheers and applause ]

This is the game
the ancient Greeks rejected

for Olympia 776 BC.

You'll each try to outrun
or out‐hop

a massive zorb ball

while your legs are conveniently
bound together.

Every ribbon broken
earns you more cash,

and if
you play the game perfectly,

you'll bounce away with $20,000.

So, don't get hit,
and "Don't Look Back."

Okay, McIntosh family,
you have won $53,500 so far.

Yes!

Alright.

Eric, are you ready?

I'm ready.
Angela:
Get it, Eric!

Let's get it!
Get on up there.

Let's do this.
Come on, Eric!

The "Don't" ball is operated
by a pack of feral gerbils,

making this the most dangerous
challenge in game‐show history.

Alright, Eric,
how are you feeling down there?

I used to run hurdles.

Yes, you were a track star
in college at Penn State.

Yeah. Yep.

Alright, so this is
bringing back some memories.

Exactly.
Okay.

Are you focused
on that $5,000 down there?

That's all I'm looking at,
just the $5,000.

That's the right attitude.

I think we're about to witness

a former track star's
return to glory.

How are you guys feeling
about Eric?

I'm good!
I'm feeling confident!
Yeah, yeah.

Javier: He's got it.
He's got the focus.

Confident!
Got your family behind you here,
Eric.

Are you ready?
I'm ready.

Got it.
Here we go.

3, 2, 1.

"Don't Look Back"!

[ Airhorn blares ]

There you go, Eric!

There you go!
$1,000!

[ Laughs ]

The important thing
to remember...

[ Grunts ] Ohh!
[ Grunts ] Ohh!

[ Grunts ] Ohh!

[ Laughs ]
...is that Eric
signed his medical release

earlier tonight.

[ Cheers and applause ]
Go, Eric!

Great job.
$1,000 added.

Okay, Angela.

Angela was not a track star,

but she was
a professor of archaeology.

How are you feeling?

[ Whimpering ]
Eric:
Let's go! Big money!

We are ready to see you

get all the way down
to that $5,000 mark.

$5,000!

$5,000!

Get it.
Get it. Get it.
Okay.

Let's go again
and hope our ball doesn't pop

and release
those rabid gerbils.

3, 2, 1.

"Don't Look Back"!

[ Airhorn blares ]

Come on, come on,
come on!
Good, good, good!

$1,000!

Ohh!

[ Audience gasps ]

That was amazing, Angela.

Nice job.
Yay!
Alright!

Hey, good job!
Good job!

Good job!
Good job! Good job! Good job!

Adam:
Great job, Angela.

I can tell
that the four of you

are looking at "Indiana Jones"
in a whole‐new way.

Oh, yeah.
Oh, absolutely.

I literally just made
an "Indy" joke, Adam.

But you still got
1,000 bucks.

$1,000 is good
for me!
Yeah!

[ Laughs ]
Every little bit counts.

So far,
$2,000 in this challenge.

Alright!
Javier, do you have
any strategy in mind

before you get up there?

You know,
I'll use my thigh muscles.

There you go.
Get on up there, Javier.

Let's do this.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Alright, Javier,
how are you feeling?

I'm feeling good.
I'm feeling focused.

You got a good gauge
of the surface area here?

Great gauge
of the surface area.

Let's check in
with our Javier Vision

to calculate surface area.

[ Electronic beeping ]

Low center of gravity,
jumping through that $5,000.

I'm skiing through it.
I can see it.

[ Laughs ]

Are you ready?

Ready.
Okay, here we go.

3, 2, 1.

"Don't Look Back"!
[ Airhorn blares ]

Eric:
Come on, Javi!

Go, Javi! Go, Javi!

You're up to $4,000!

$5,000!

Go, Javi!
You did it!

Go, Javi! Go, Javi!
$5,000!

Yeah, Javi!

[ Sound winds down ]

The "Don't" ball
also got to the $5,000 mark,

yet no one's cheering
for the "Don't" ball.

[ Cheers and applause ]

$5,000.

That's amazing.
Yeah!

$7,000 for this game.

Represent!
Good job!

You just made it
to the $5,000 marker.

That was amazing.

Alright, Jabriel.
Alright.

Get up there.
Alright, Jabs. Alright, Jabs.
Let's get it.

This isn't just for the money.

No. Angela and Eric are
secretly using this challenge

to decide
who their favorite child is.

Try to get to the $5,000 mark,

and most importantly,
"Don't Look Back."

Come on, Jabriel.
Come on, Jabriel!

You got this!
Whoo!

Come on, Jabriel!

Adam: 3, 2, 1.
"Don't Look Back"!

[ Airhorn blares ]

$2,000, $3,000, $4,000,

$5,000!

There you go!

[ Cheers and applause ]

Whoo!
Congratulations, Jabriel.

Adam: $5,000 added.

$12,000 total for this game.

And you are going home,
McIntoshes, with $65,500!

Yes! Yes! Yes!

I think we all know
what that calls for.

♪ Oppan Gangnam style ♪

[ PSY's "Gangnam Style" plays ]

Oh, no, wait, wait.

[ Music stops ]
Oh, wait.

Sorry, I just learned that
"Gangnam Style" is pay‐per‐use,

so we will not
be playing it again.

Instead,
we'll be using this upbeat,

previously licensed
stock music.

[ Up‐tempo music plays ]

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Angela:
Shake your body!

Congratulations,
you guys!

Shake your body!
Hey!

Good night, everybody.
See you soon.

[ Cheers and applause ]

After the show, Javier parlayed
his deep knowledge

of movies and surface area
into his own podcast called

"Length Times Width
Equals Two Thumbs Up."

Jabriel, seeking redemption,

spends every weekend throwing
baseballs inside his house.

He's lost many valuables.

After realizing they were

being "Parent Trapped,"

Angela and Eric decided

to stay happily divorced.

They're co‐writing a book

titled "Divorce: For When You

Want to Be Friends Again."