All language subtitles for DIRTY TRICKS (2000) - R - martin clunes - Pt.1.of.2

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Have you tried the back?

Oh, no, sir.
I haven't.

Oh, shit!

I'm in a spot of bother
with the law.

In a minute, I'll try and
tell you how all this happened.

But just for now
I need to keep my head down.

There doesn't appear
to be anyone here, sir.

Come back this afternoon.
Right, sir.

Do I look like a murderer'?

Well, yes,
I suppose I do in this picture.

Hello.
Northwestern Bank.

Hello.

Um, I'd like to transfer
£1.000.257,63

to a bank in Malagrena in...

Name, sir'?

Malagrena.
In South America.

No, sir, I was asking...

I'm sorry.
You want my name.

All this started when
I met Karen and Dennis Parsons,

Whose house this used to be.

They are both, I'm afraid,
no longer with us.

Isn't that lovely'?
Dennis chose that.

Yes.

The first time I visited
number 9 Ramillies Drive

I was a penniless teacher
at a low-rent language school.

A nobody.

That explains
the whole business, really.

Now, while I make myself scarce,

will you listen to the tale of
how a nice young man like me

came to be wanted for murder'?

Ah, here he is.
Here he is.

Great Scott.
Come 'round, come 'round.

The funny thing was,
Karen... Dennis's wife...

was absolutely not my type.

So...

How did you meet
Karen and Dennis'?

At a Wine and cheese at the
language school where I teach.

Dennis does my boss's books.

I'm Dennis's partner,
Thomas Carter.

Ah.
-I didn't catch your name.

Come on, now.
Get that down your neck, matey.

Yeah, it was his wine know-how
that impressed me,

not his dress sense.

Can't think how he does the
research on what Clive pays him.

Now, what do you think of that'?

Cabernet?

Uh, yes and no.

I know what you mean.

Cabernet franc not sauvignon.

It's from the Loire definitely.

You've got Denny worried now.

Chinon'?

Oh, Bourgueil, in fact.

Oh!
-But not bad. Not bad at all.

Very few people
can tell them apart.

You see, our mortgage
is endowment,

Whereas Thomas's is repayment.

Now, I have taken
a fixed-term loan to improve.

But, then, as I said earlier,

"What the hell,
I'm an accountant."

You say to me,
"What's two and two?"

And I say,
"What would you like it to be?"

But the good things of life,
as I see it...

Well, a nice home, for example.

A good education.

Well, these things
all cost money.

Money is the bottom line.

What kind of mortgage
do you have'?

Uh, the nonexistent kind.

I've been teaching English
abroad for 15 years.

Whereabouts?
-All over.

I ended up in a place called
Malagrena in South America.

All I brought back from there

was a distaste
for working after lunch.

Would you excuse me'?

You know, some of
the South American chardonnays

are coming up very nicely.

I don't know Whether you've
ever had the chance to taste

a really good
Chilean pinot noir.

Why'?

Why do these horrible,
ignorant bloody people

earn more in a week
than I do in a month'?

Karen.

Karen'?

Karen'?

Karen'?

What happened
to the Beaumes de Venise'?

On.
-on.

You've, uh, seen Karen'?

Yeah.
She went upstairs.

Oh, do I need to point Percy
at the porcelain.

Oh, absolutely not.

Dennis, can I have, um,
a word in private?

I think you should know

someone's been playing footsie
with me under your dining table.

Well, I don't think
it would be Thomas Carter.

I think Lyn would have let us
know if he had, uh, tendencies.

He's rather keener on Karen.

Fancying people-

What's that all about,
though, eh'?

You know, Karen isn't...

You know?

I mean,
when you're a married man...

It might have been different if
she'd been able to have kiddies.

And she's very involved
with her gymnastics classes,

and I'm 100% accountant.

That's just the way it is.

She's probably chucking up
in the upstairs bathroom.

Shall we, uh, rejoin the ladies?

I've, uh, just been chatting to
our friend, the eternal student.

I don't think we should give him
any more wine, don't you know,

or the law might take
his precious bicycle away.

If it hadn't been for
the "eternal student" crack,

I don't think I'd have bothered

to try and seduce
Dennis's wife.

As it was,
I had no alternative.

Parsons here.

Hi, Dennis.

Um, look, I-l left, my, uh...

my Wallet
'round at your place last night.

It's... It's a brown leather job

with a...
with a green sticker on it.

Thanks very much for a really
enjoyable evening, by the way.

It was a real eye-opener for me.

Have you seen a wallet, Karen'?

Clive's teacher laddie
left his 'round here last night.

Oh, yeah.
I know Where it is.

Tell him to come 'round now.

Yes. We've got it.
Come 'round now.

Oh, it's you.

Dennis isn't here.

I know he isn't.

I've been Waiting for him to go
for an hour

in the freezing rain.

It's all right. Just give me
my Wallet and I'll go.

I haven't got your wallet.

I know you haven't.

Then why are you here'?

What is it with you?

Pointless Washing the car
on a day like this.

I've got an Australian merlot
you might like to try.

And there's a shiraz with lots
of fruity elegant body about it.

Things were looking up.

An Oxford education.

Tradition and the pursuit
of excellence.

The dreaming spires.

I'm sure I'd believed
in all that

in my time as a student here.

But as things were,
I'd ended up a slave

in the Clive Phillips School
of English for foreigners,

a bucket shop of the worst sort

run by a diminutive
barrow boy who...

Well, see for yourself.

I hear Dennis and Karen Parsons
asked you to dinner.

Small world, isn't it'?

Well, I'm not sure
I like members of my staff

consorting with my accountant.

And his lovely wife, Karen.

You're late.

Not a thing to be

when your contract's
nearly up for renewal.

You owe me £7 exactly.

Why's that, Clive?

'Cause I pay you £6 an hour,

and you are
an hour and 'lo minutes late.

How did you get on with Karen'?

Isn't she a lovely girl'?

You know your trouble,
my friend'?

You haven't
marketed yourself properly.

These days an Oxford education

isn't worth the paper
it's printed on.

Cash is the bottom line.

See, look at me.
Look at what I've got.

And I'm a total yob, really.

Morning.

Sorry I'm late.

Right.

I have recorded
a simple conversation

between me and a lady.

How you say...
with the big jugs, no'?

No, Massimo.

Am I not early, yes'?

No.
Sit down, please.

Hello there.
Can I get you anything?

Yes.

I will give you some money
so that you can buy me carrots.

Give me £20.

£20 is too much.

Why is it too much'?
Please tell me.

Karen.
-I had to come.

You have to go.

If Clive sees you here,
I'm fired.

Denny does Clive's books.
I have privileges.

We can't talk here.

You can say what you like
in front of this lot.

I teach them. None of them speak
a word of English.

Really'?
-Yeah. Just talk quickly.

We can't have an affair.
I love Denny.

Well, who said
anything about love'?

We can't have an affair.

I can't...

This is fun.

Can I really say
anything I like?

Apparently, yes.

Denny and I
don't have sex anymore.

And I want it.

I think about it all the time.

But I love Denny.

So, what's your problem?

Sorry.

I really like you
and everything.

I just can't.

So, uh, Garcia.

What did you think
that conversation was about?

I think he wants to shag her.

But she says she don't want.

Although she do want.

Women always do want.

But she want dollar to shag him,

and he only offer her carrots.

Uh, yeah, yeah.
That's... That's nearly there.

Let's... Let's carry on,
shall we,

and see if... if you were right.

But she got Dennis
to ask me 'round again.

I knew she would.

Karen and I understood perfectly

the complicated rules
of our relationship.

In the beginning, anyway.

Quiero hablar
con Carlos Ventura.

MAN; Si.

Hola. Carlos.
It's me.

I recognize your voice!

Yes, I should hope you do
recognize my voice.

Listen, I'm on my way
back to Malagrena.

Right now.

I'll tell you when I get there.
I've got to go.

Dennis, for some unknown reason,
got rather fond of me.

Mm, there.
Now, what do you think of that'?

That's... That's smooth,
isn't it?

Slips down your throat
like velvet.

Now, this one
is a sort of a cross

between a late-harvest riesling
and an Amarone.

As in Valpolicella.

Ah.

Now, this one is, uh...

Big.

It's a big wine.
Mm.

It's enormous.

It explodes in the mouth.

Big, hot...

hard, and juicy.

With a tremendous attack
on the nose.

Generous,
well-proportioned body.

Soft.

But very firm.

Have you been reading
these tasting notes?

And a long, lingering

final...

...grip.

Are you snoring, Karen'?

She snores like a pig.

I'm going to bed.

Good night.

Night.

I don't suppose
an eternal student like you

could ever afford
30-year-old Armagnac.

You know how much this cost me'?

Not one penny.

Friend of a friend.
Payment in kind.

Lot of it goes on.

Shame to dump it on the dregs.

I'll get some fresh glasses.

Now, according to this bloke,

it has a smooth complexity
that defies description.

[ Zips 1

it must be
absolutely bloody amazing

if he can find no words for it.

Honestly, the old bore
goes on and on and on

about his blessed wine.

You'd think he had nothing else
in his life.

No, no, not the floor cupboard,
you twerp.

The one above your head.

Well, come on.
Chop, chop.

We don't want to be sitting here
all night, boy!

Oh, I'm just...

I was just coming.

Ah! Ah!

You all right'?

Oh. Cramp.

You want to learn to relax, boy.

It's good to be with a lad...

The rules were that this woman
would go down on me

in her husband's presence

but wouldn't touch me,
wouldn't see me or speak to me,

unless he was there.

...and get you
right royally pissed

on a cab sauv from Argentina.

Good night, Dennis.

But wherever it might lead,
whether we wanted to or not,

I knew that night that we were
bound to go all the way.

Dennis even offered me
a free holiday m the Dordogne.

I was hoping that my real
intimacy with Karen

might begin now,

as it so often does
with English women en vacances.

It's about the only occasion

when they have enough time
for sex.

Au revoir.
Merci beacoup, monsieur.

Bonne chance.

Ah, bonjour!

Bonjour!

Hi!

I'm so glad you decided to come.

We have a friend
who's a neighbor.

Alison Kraemer.

Just your sort of person.

Are you trying to pair me off
with someone, Thomas?

Hi.

How's your tan'?

Hello, Dennis.
-Hi there.

You're looking good.

Thanks. Come in.
It's lovely.

Is it?

A couple of clays later

we went for lunch
at the neighbor's house.

I couldn't help thinking
that this

was what
they should have rented.

I felt
immediately at home here.

Just my sort of place.

Alison Kraemer owned it.

And of course
it had been in her family

for several generations.

Hello!
How lovely!

Well done you for finding it.

Come in.

Hello.

This is our friend.

How do you do'?
-Hello. I'm Alison.

Thank you.

So, what made you
read languages?

To learn
how to conceal my thoughts.

Actually, I wanted to experience
"Therese Raquin"

in the original.

The original what?

The original French.

And now we all have to say
why we hate the French.

Without using the word
"lorry driver."

Lyn and I
are just off out, Dennis!

See you!

I'll scream.
-I hope so.

She's a stuck-up bitch,
that Kraemer woman.

Karen'? Karen'?

Where are you, Karen'?

What are we gonna do with him'?

What are we gonna do
without him'?

Hello, Dennis.

Ah.

Where is everybody'?

Where's, um, Karen'?

She's up to something
in the bathroom.

Physical jerks of some sort.

Do you mind if I ask you
a very personal question?

Of course you can.

Do you have a pension plan
of any kind?

I have no fewer than
three personal pension plans.

And I also have
a company scheme.

And I've tied one of them

into a really state-of-the-art
life-insurance plan.

That's great.

If I died tomorrow,

I would be worth three-quarters
of a million pounds.

I mean, I'd be dead, of course.

What I mean to say is,
Karen would be worth

three-quarters
of a million pounds.

That gives me
very real satisfaction.

That's...

That's Wonderful.

After that, killing the man

would have been doing him
a favor, really, wouldn't it'?

But the funny thing is, in spite
of what happened subsequently,

I did not kill Dennis Parsons.

That is the absolute truth.

I'd like the best available
single ticket

to San Bartolomeo, please.

It's in
the Republic of Malagrena.

South America.

Slightly to the right
of Guatemala.

Politically speaking.

You'll have to change
at Newark, sir.

That's fine.

I repeat...
I did not murder Dennis Parsons.

You see, Dennis being alive

suited both of us
very Well indeed.

Our adultery was different
after France.

The rules of engagement
altered.

The great charm of Dennis
was his predictability.

You could set your watch
by him.

And to make things all the more
exciting, we did just that.

Bye, darling!
-Bye!

I've got my period.
-So'?

Karen'?

Karen'?

No!

No what?

I wanted to know
Whether you had rung Roger

about that estimate for
the building work in the cellar.

Karen, did you ring Roger or Ken
about that estimate

for the building work
in the cellar?

Yes! Yes!

Yes!

Well, what did you tell him'?

I told him... l told him...

Go on!
Don't stop!

Oh. Sorry.

Karen, what did you say to Roger
about the cellar?

Carry on!

You're doing a great...

great job down there!

Karen, what are you doing
in there'?

Just... finishing my...

...exercises!

It's late!
You don't want to be late!

It's all very Well for you.

I'm the one who's out there
running around all day,

making all the calls

while you lie around here
enjoying yourself.

Always the life of Riley,
isn't it, woman?

Oh, that was the best ever.

It's like he's here
but... but not here.

Do you know what I mean'?

I think I do, yeah.

Ahh!

And then two weeks after
our return from France,

term started.

I went back almost cheerfully

to the Clive Phillips
seat of learning.

Well, well, well.

It's our tame intellectual,
back from his holiday.

If you're asking me
if I enjoyed myself, Clive,

the answer's yes.

Well, I hope
it didn't cost you too much.

How unusually thoughtful of you

to worry about
my financial situation.

Although I suppose
the appalling bad Wages you pay

do make you
in a sense responsible.

Well, I'm about to take

an even greater share
of that responsibility

because as of, uh,
9:00 this morning,

you're officially
off the payroll, sonny Jim.

You are fired.

By no means
is your contract being renewed.

I take a very dim view
of my teachers leaving me short

while they swan around France
with my friends.

Well, thank you for this
new career opportunity, Clive.

I know Where you live.

Ah!

Fancy meeting you here!
What a coincidence!

Clive Phillips fired me.

From now on you'll meet me on
every street corner in Oxford.

Oh, well, join us, matey!
Come in on our picnic.

Today is my 40th birthday!

We're goin' up de river!

He says it's the first day
of the rest of his life!

Oh, we got to have
a little fun somehow, boy!

We got to take our chances
while we may!

Who knows'? Two hours from now,
I could be dead!

Ho ho!

Whoa! Oh!

Ohh.

The view from here
is delightful.

It takes quite a bit
of expertise, you know,

this, uh, poking your stick
at the bottom.

We haven't got
any champagne left.

Whoop!

I can't seem to find it.

Dennis, do you think
this is an awfully good idea?

It's fine!
It'll be fine.

Oh, I've done this before,
you know.

Dennis, that's...
that's actually the river.

It's the Thames.
-Oh, what can go Wrong?

Don't you worry.

You're in...
You're in safe hands.

Well, the currents can be quite
strong around here, Dennis.

Oh, don't you worry about me.
I shall be fine.

Dennis, uh, do let me have a go.

Dennis, I don't think this is
a very good idea. It's a river.

I may not have been to Oxford,
old boy,

but I do know
a thing or two about...

om
Aah!

Denny!

Aah!

Aah! Denny!
-Ohh!

Aah! Denny!

Grab the paddle.

Can he swim'?

Latch onto this!

Help! Help! Help!

Denny!

Aah!

Oh, dear.
Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear.

Denny!

Aah!

Denny!

We're going away from him!

Perhaps that's 'cause you're
paddling in the wrong direction!

Did you say he could swim
or not'?

Has he ever had lessons'?

Denny! Denny!

Dennis Parsons
was no ordinary accountant.

The boating accident
that claimed his life

deprived us of a man
who was a lot more

than a number cruncher
who knew a lot about wine.

He was a man Whose dedication
to his chosen profession

led him to an appreciation
of the finer things in life.

But gourmet cuisine
and interior design

were not the whole
of Dennis Parsons.

He cared.

I've gathered from all of you

that he really did care
about other people.

You know Alison's a widow too'?

Maybe that's why
they look so good together.

Yeah, Women do look good
in black.

Especially Karen, I think.

Poor Dennis.

I keep asking myself

if there was something more
I could have done.

Oh, you've done
more than enough.

fl How happy could I be
with either fl

F Were Tether
dear charmer away fl

fl But Whilst
they still tease me together fl

fl To neither a word will I say fl

F Ba-dum ba-dee da-da-dum F

I...

I can't see you.

I mustn't see you.

I just mustn't.

I did love him.

We killed him.

We killed Denny.

It was an accident, Karen.

You didn't mean to paddle
in the wrong direction.

I didn't mean to hit him
on the head with the pole.

If I had, I'd have hit him
a damned sight harder.

Somehow or other...
Goo' knows how...

I managed to salvage
a weekend with her in Wales.

But I had to take my bike
on the train.

Karen had insisted
on separate travel.

And separate rooms.

Are you the plumber?

No, I'm a guest, actually.

Stable that, would you?

I always wanted children,
you see'?

Denny didn't.

I mean, he...

He... He couldn't.

You mean, he was...

Well, he... he wasn't...

I mean, he wasn't very...

But he wasn't completely.

It was his sperm.

It often is the sperm.

I've always loved children.

Really?

Oh, love them to bits.

Their little faces and so on.

Can't we at least be friends'?

Can't we try and salvage
something out of all this mess'?

No.

Another bottle
of Meursault, please.

It was Dennis's favorite.

The next morning, I suggested
a walk to a nearby reservoir.

It was there
that I made my big pitch.

I timed it
very, very carefully.

I really thought
I was in danger

of kissing goodbye
to nearly a million pounds,

which was what this
barely literate gym teacher

was now worth.

Karen, you know what
you were saying last night

about children?

Sometimes I wish
I'd just had your baby.

I could have pretended
it was Denny's.

Darling, that's what
I was gonna say!

Karen, babies are
sacred things to me.

I was always secretly hoping
you might get pregnant by me.

That's why I hardly ever
used protection.

I wanted your baby, Karen.

Do you mean that?

Of course I mean that.

Couldn't you tell'?

And it's not too late now.

I know we've been thoughtless
and irresponsible

and all of those things.

But now we've got the chance
to make up for it.

Let's have a baby.

For you and me.

And, you know, for Dennis.

I always thought I was just sex
as far as you were concerned.

"Just sex."

How can you say that'?

The sex was the best
I've ever had,

but you were always a lot more
than just sex.

What we had was love, Karen.

And children
are what makes love real.

They're what survive
after We're gone.

You're so right.

It's like Denny said
that day on the boat.

I could be dead
sooner than I think.

You could.

It's a strong possibility.

I'm a very simple person,
really.

I love animals.
I love the outdoors.

I love my mum.

I love babies.

And I love teaching gymnastics.

I love it!

I'd like one day to devise
a course of simple stretches

and market it commercially.

And you?
You never talk about you.

Oh, well, as Denny used to say,
I'm an eternal student.

I was brought up to believe in
something called culture.

You don't want to hear
my boring views, do you?

You want to know about me,
about my family,

about my personal details.

You want to check out the father
of your child, don't you?

I told her rather more
about myself

than I usually do to women.

But I didn't mention
my vasectomy.

You have both now made
the declarations required by law

and made the solemn promises
to each other

in the presence
of your Witnesses.

We all hope that the feelings
of love and commitment

that you have expressed today

will deepen and grow
throughout the coming years.

It is therefore
my duty and pleasure

to pronounce you
husband and wife together.

Would you like to seal
the marriage with a kiss'?

Now you can
make love to me properly.

I think we ought to wait
till we get home.

Love me lots'?

Lots and lots and lots and lots!

Oh!

This is
an absolutely hideous sofa.

Oh, darling,
it was Denny's favorite.

He chose it.

Then we must never change it.

What's the matter?

Nothing. Nothing.

I'll go upstairs and get ready.

We're married now, darling.

We don't have to be, you know,
furtive about it.

Oh. Actually, kind of
quite like being furtive.

Silly baby.

Beddy-byes.

Karen wasn't
just after impregnation.

She wanted quality impregnation

and approached it
with the fewer

of someone taking Communion.

"Don't pull back...
Give my child a chance"

was her slogan.

It quite put me off my stroke.

Oh!

Are you all right, darling?
-I'm fine, darling.

Are you all right, darling?
-I'm fine, darling.

It's just you I'm Worried about.

I'm fine.

Are you all right, though?

Maybe it's because
you're unemployed.

It can affect your...

Virility.

Our social life wasn't
exactly scintillating either.

Our first outing as a couple
was to a drinks party

at the American
Thomas Carter's place.

Hello, my darling girl.

How's married life'?

You got a job yet, genius?

Or are you
just living off your wife?

As geniuses tend to do,
so I'm told.

I'm looking into a few projects.

A couple in your area, in fact.

And if you're interested, Clive,

we both have separate bank
accounts, don't we, darling'?

Yeah'? Wonder how much
is in yours, then'?

How did Dennis stand him'?

Denny had real respect
for anyone with money.

He would have been
at home here, then.

It's all Well here'?

Just recouping some of
your exorbitant fees, old man.

Okay.
Come on.

I have to be nice
to these people.

They pay the rent.

Yeah, sure.

How come you're so in
with Thomas Carter

and the management set'?

Thomas and I
make music together.

Pbht! Sorry'?

Byrd.
You know Byrd'?

Thomas plays the recorder.

Blimey.

I don't expect
he's heard of Byrd.

I imagine the old Brahms
and Liszt are more his style.

And who's
your favorite composer?

Fauré.
Really'?

I'm particularly fond
of the slow movement

of his second piano sonata.

Me too.

Fauré didn't write
any piano sonatas.

Oh, so sorry.

Am I intruding'?

Not at all.

I was just going.

OW home to your Age, are you?

ls Camilla Parker Bowles
dropping 'round'?

Come on, Rebecca.

Why is it people like you

seem to avoid us
now we're married, hmm'?

Aren't we good enough for you?
ls that it'?

Denny's business head
was good enough for her old man

when Denny was alive, wasn't it'?

I mean, what the fuck
do you think I am playing at'?

Is this my toy boy or what?

What the sodding hell
do people like you

think about people like me,
anyway, eh'?

Come on, darling.
Let's go home.

Have you come yet'?

Almost there, darling.
Are you all right'?

Oh, don't worry about me.

Oh, yes.

Yes! Oh!

Not much has been written about
the simulated male orgasm.

But I faked about three a clay.

How was that for you?

It was Wonderful.

Oh, good.

What do you think about
when we make love'?

I think about the way you move.

I think about
the things you say.

I think about you, darling.

I sometimes worry you might be,

you know,
thinking about...

...you know...

About what?

About Alison Kraemer.

Darling, that's a horrible thing
to say.

It was also...
unusually for Karen...

bang on the money.

So, what are your plans
for today?

I'm trying to find a place
for the new language school

and sorting out the bank loan.

In fact, I was just wondering

if you could transfer a couple
of thou into my account

while I'm Waiting
for the business loan.

You'll get it back, honey.

Of course.

Sorry.

See you later.
-Bye.

Mind how you go
on the parallel bars.

"What are your plans
for today, darling?"

"Living off
your immoral earnings, dear."

God in heaven.

Oh, it's you.
-I'm afraid so.

The man who tried to bluff
on Fauré's piano sonatas.

I am sorry.

I must have seemed
terribly rude.

Not at all.

Disapproval can be
terribly bracing.

Shall we inspect the damage'?

Let's forget about it.

But you have to promise
to meet for tea one afternoon.

Darling, will you speak
to Galen.

He's terribly upset
about Squishy and Trouncy

because they can't come skiing.

Okay'?

I'm not gonna murder her.
Honestly.

I just can't bear you
to think ill of me, that's all.

I want to explain what really
happened between Karen and I.

And I know you disapprove.
You all disapprove.

But your disapproval matters,
and I have to explain.

Tea at Greens?
Next Thursday?

You won't come to any harm.

Karen'?

All okay, darling?

Fine.

I saw Thomas Carter today.

Really?
You see a lot of him.

Well, he was Denny's partner.
He helps administer the estate.

Does he'?

Is that all he does'?

I don't know
what you're on about.

Said he saw you
with, uh, Alison Kraemer.

Yes.
S-She ran into me.

Darling, why should you imagine

I'm interested
in Alison Kraemer'?

She's the sort of Englishwoman

that has a sign that lights up
on her forehead

if you're foolish enough
to touch them.

It says,
"Now please wash your hands."

And what does my sign say'?

"Use twice daily and discard"?!

I can't go on with this!

You're so cold!

She's not the sort of Woman

to have an affair
with a married man.

She's got a nephew called Galen,
for Christ's sake.

Although she might be prepared
to look seriously

at a very rich widower.

What do you think?

Thank you.

I know what everyone thinks
about me.

Even your daughter thinks it.

Oh, take no notice.
-I know you don't like Karen.

Is she having an affair
with your musical friend'?

With whom?
With Thomas Carter'?

Mm.

She's a very ruthless
and calculating woman.

A few days after, um,
Dennis died,

she asked me over there
to help move some of his stuff.

How could I refuse'?

I felt responsible
for the damned accident.

When I got over there,

she answered the door to me
stark naked.

Well, the funny thing is,

that sort of Woman
is not at all my type.

I don't know.
I felt sorry for her.

I felt guilty.

I can quite see
how you could allow yourself

to be seduced by her.

But why marry the woman?

She told me she was pregnant
from that one encounter.

Oh, my God.

But the thing is,
it was a complete lie.

I only discovered after

she'd dragged me off
to the registry office

that she'd had a hysterectomy.

I was trapped.

Can't tell you what it feels
like to have someone to talk to.

To confide in.

I've been so alone.

Guess what.
-What?

I'm pregnant!

Aah!

That's terrific.

Who's the lucky father?

Sorry'?

Joke, darling.

In fact, the discovery
that Karen was pregnant

removed all interest I might
have otherwise had in her death.

All I needed
was the name of the father,

and I was looking at a very
decent divorce settlement.

Dennis's partner...
the American, Thomas Carter...

was the man I suspected.

To what do we owe this honor'?

I wanted to ask you about
that American, Thomas Carter.

Well, I'm a little busy.

Having to get rid of
Senor Garcia here.

What did he do,
ask for his money back?

Well, apparently, back in South
America he was a bit of a swine.

He used to be
a secret policeman.

What did he do?
-Tortured innocent people.

I'm surprised you didn't offer
him a job on your staff, Clive.

Well, the local paper
got hold of it.

Bad for business.

Can't help you, I'm afraid.

Don't gossip about my friends.

It is absolutely true that the
next day I contacted Garcia.

And I do not dispute

that he is one of
the most disgusting individuals

with whom I have ever
had to do business.

But I did not... repeat, not...
hire him to kill Karen.

Hypocrites.
All you British are hypocrites.

I'm sure.

You talk about freedom this
and freedom that.

But you have no idea what it is
to live in a country

where there are people
who want to take it from you.

These people being?
Communist people.

Are there many of them
in your country?

Not now.

Or if they is,
they Walk a little funny.

Yes.
After you...

Torture them.

What your army do
in North Ireland?

Stand up Provo with bag on head.

What your army do
in bloody Serbia?

Bomb Christians.
Psht! Hypocrites.

Yes, let's not discuss politics.

I want to see you
on a personal matter.

Woman?

You is a dirty bastard.

"Are" a dirty bastard.

Look, you're broke.

They've stopped your grant.

Politics.
For my politics.

I imagine you just want to
get back to sunny Malagrena,

Where the men are men
and the Communists are...

Emasculated.

You have a surprisingly large
vocabulary, Garcia.

I think I can take
some credit for that.

All I want you to do
is help me find someone

who has insulted my honor.

And kill him'?

No.

This man is making love
to my wife,

and I want to find out
who he is.

How much'?

300.
-Four.

350.

For 375, I find him real quick.

How'?

Tap phones.

In Malagrena
we do it all the time.

One, two, three, four, five,
six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

Is that all right'?
-Okay.

So...

You think it's a friend

who cheats on you
with your wife, eh'?

Mm. I have a good idea.
He's an American.

American? Pfft!

"Don't be nasty to people,
or we drop bombs on you.

If you're from South America,

maybe we drop bombs
on you anyway.

For practice."
Pfft!

I'm sure.

Garcia, can you
get a move on, please?

My wife's gonna be back
any second.

Maybe we frighten her a little.

Maybe.

What do you use
to frighten people, Garcia?

Electricity is good.

Dentistry.

There are plenty ways.

Plenty of ways.

She's here.

Uh-Oh.

She's coming back.
Pretend you're an electrician.

A fuse blew.
Okay?

And don't say any more
than is absolutely necessary.

Hello, darling.

Oh. Hi.

I thought you were looking over
that school.

I was.
It's great.

I got the loan.
It's all going ahead.

Well,
that's marvelous.

It is.
And We're gonna start a family.

We are.

I'm so excited.

Ah.
There was a fuse blew.

This gentleman's been marvelous.

Electricity is no problem
for me, lady.

Good.

My only problem... women.

Everything okay here'?

Yes, it's... it's fine.
Here we go, then.

Half now and the other half

when we know
it's all worked out okay.

Sure thing.
-Thank you.

You have
a very beautiful wife, senor.

Thank you again.

Nice teeth.

Ugh!
What a creepy guy.

He seems to know his business.

You jumped like a rabbit
when you saw him.

What did you think he was'?
A hit man'?

Karen never did like
anything exotic.

What she did like,
as I was to discover,

was about as depressing
as the view from this window.

Karen'?

I'm home.

Are you there, sweetheart?

Darling?

Darling?

Hi, I wanted to book
a double room

for next Saturday night.

I've stayed at the hotel before.

It's Karen Parsons.

Ah, yes, I remember you,
Mrs. Parsons, yes.

You had a friend with you
in the room along the corridor.

Chap on a bicycle.

He won't be coming.

It'll just be myself
and my husband.

I wonder who that'll be.

Clive Phillips Language School.

I've booked it for Saturday.

I'll tell him
I'm going to my mother's.

Yeah, I think there's
a train to Banbury around 9:00.

I'll meet you up there
with the Merc.

I really want you.
You know that don't you?

I really need you.

Hello, darling.
I'm home.

Where are you?

Just coming, sweetheart.

So, what are our plans
for Saturday?

Oh, I have to go to my mum's.

Her arthritis
is playing her up again.

Darling, that's so sweet of you.

Well...

I'll give you a lift
to the station.

Oh, no.
You don't have to.

I insist.

This is one of
Dennis's rather good stock

of Amarone di Valpolicella.

Can I tempt you?

Yeah, lovely.

Thank you.

I may have to pop out later,
see a student.

Chap from South America.

Might be able to help
with the new language school.

I need your help, Garcia.
That's the fact of the matter.

You got the bastard?

Mm. The same bastard who let
you go from the language school.

Mr. Phillips?
-Uh-huh.

I don't like that guy.

There's a strong possibility
he's a Communist as Well.

I wouldn't put it past him.

You want me to kill him'?
I'll kill him for you.

I just want you
to scare the bastard.

Electricity'?
-Whatever.

To here'?

Well, they have been working
rather hard lately.

A bit of convulsive therapy
might do them some good.

Convulsive therapy... 400.

375 to find him.

Total... 775.

I'll put her on the 9:15
from Oxford this Saturday.

She'll think
she's getting off at Banbury.

What she will not know

is that she's on a train
that doesn't stop at Banbury.

In fact, to use a phrase

you will remember
from our work on idioms,

I'm sending her to Coventry.

We don't speak to her, right'?

In this case it is
to be interpreted literally.

Clive then gets to meet me
at Banbury instead of my wife.

Then you pop up,
we take him somewhere,

and, um, bzzt!

Have you got all the equipment?

I get it Homebase.
No problem.

I'm gonna have a shower.

Nice idea.

Keep yourself fresh for Mum.

I don't know why you're so keen

on running me to the station
in the morning.

Darling, it's no trouble.

Alison.
Hi, it's me.

How are you?
-Oh, I'm fine. I'm fine.

Look, I wondered if we could
possibly meet

for lunch tomorrow.

Say 1:15 at Greens?
-That'd be lovely.

You could?
-Yes.

Oh, that's so marvelous.

I've got something
rather important to tell you.

Have you?
'Okay'? So, bye.

Who was that?

Oh, n-no one.
Just someone from work.

What work?

960005.

Oh, I wonder who that can be.

Why don't you dial it and see'?

It's Alison Kraemer's number.

Hello?

Do you have much to say to her'?
Hello?

Obviously not.

You don't have a lot in common,
do you?

Shall we go out to dinner,
darling?

Why do you deny it'?

Deny what?

You're having
an affair with her.

I'm doing no such thing.

Your sort of person, isn't she'?

Top drawer, isn't she'?

Listen, my father
was a clerk in a bank.

I went to the local comp.

I'm one step away
from the gutter,

and don't you forget it.

You might drive around in that
car all day, but it was Denny's.

And now it's mine.

And you don't get your hands
on it unless I die.

Maybe that's what you want.

Maybe you want to see me dead.

You won't kill me.

Because people would
ask questions, wouldn't they?

After what happened
to poor Denny, wouldn't they?

And if we separate,
I'll make sure you get nothing.

You brought nothing
to this marriage

but the clothes you stood up in,

and that's what
you'll Walk away with.

Why are you so keen
to hang on to me'?

Is it something to do with
having a father for your child?

What's that supposed to mean'?

Let's go home.

What is that supposed to mean'?!

Never mind
about wanting to kill Karen...

It was important I didn't even
lay a finger on her.

I had to remain calm.

AH I wanted was to walk away
from our marriage

with a share of the proceeds.

A piece of the family home.

Like any other
self-respecting sex object.

She'll never accept you anyway.

Who Won't'?

Your friend Alison Kraemer.

God, I do wish you'd stop this.

You just can't bear
being caught out, can you?

You always have to look good,
don't you?

You always have to be

the coolest person in the room,
don't you?

Well, there isn't a lot of
competition for the role

in the circles in which we move.

There's not a whole lot of
competition for the role

in the circles
in which we move.

I don't know why you're being
so bloody self-righteous

after what
you've been getting up to

with that horrid little creep.

What do you mean by that?
-You know exactly what I mean.

I do not.
-Clive Phillips.

What?

Don't pretend you don't know
what I'm talking about.

Clive Phillips.
My ex-boss.

One of the horrible little
mercenary thugs

who seem to have taken over
this country while I was abroad.

How did you know'?

He told me.

He always enjoyed
making my life a misery.

He usually succeeds.

It was only once or twice.

Well, you've been so cold
and distant.

I felt you didn't love me.

I just...
-You just what?

It was just sex!
-Oh!

Oh, and you're the World's great
expert on that, aren't you?

Oh, please don't be cruel.

I only...

I had a thing with him before
when Denny...

If this is all as casual as
you're trying to make it sound,

why on earth were you going
to Wales with him'?

Well, I was gonna tell him
it was over.

I wanted to be careful about it.

Clive can't accept the fact
that I don't love him.

Well, I didn't know
what he was gonna do

when I told him
I was carrying your child.

You're not.

You horrible bastard!

Karen, the only bastard 'round
here is the one in your womb.

You Pig!

Aren't you gonna hit back?!

No.
-Why?!

I don't want to rub up
the divorce court judge

the wrong way.

I imagine he'll be on my side
after the paternity test.

What?

Do you know
what a vasectomy is, Karen'?

A snip job.

I've had one.

That baby is Clive's.

Is he good with children?

[ Crying 1

I'll run you to your train
in the morning.

Some of these hotels
can hold you to your booking

if you've done it
with a credit card.

We don't want to waste money,
do we'?

Not with a kiddie on the way.

Karen'?

Oh, God.

What was it'?

Too much Beaujolais-Villages,

Or did that sofa
finally get the better of you?

Mm'?

Come on, Karen.
Stop messing around.

We have to be adult about this.

Karen.

Will you wake up'?

Oh, Christ.

Oh, you can't be dead.

Oh, don't be dead.

Oh.

Oh, this is very inconvenient.

Oh, shit!

Hi.
Clive Phillips here.

I'm out making lots of money
and having lots of sex.

If any of you
less-fortunate people

want to leave a message,
do so after the tone...

if you think it'll do you
any good.

Clive, why did
you tell him about us'?

You don't know
what he's like, Clive.

W-When he's angry,
he goes all cold.

I'm frightened of him, Clive.

I'm all alone here
in the house with him,

and I'm frightened
of what he might do.

Aah!

Aah!

And that, m'lud, concludes
the case for the prosecution.

Can I help you?

Chief Inspector Moss
from Oxford Police Station, sir.

You ever come to my country
my friend, and I find you,

I kill you.

Is everything all right'?

It's... It's fine.
It's fine.

Wow. You look fantastic.
-Thanks.

It was something about the
police making mistakes again.

So after you saw your wife off
on the train,

how did you spend
the rest of the day'?

You're obviously
frightfully good at lying.

You can tell by the way
your eyes always slide about.

You're priceless, Rebecca.

Priceless.

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