Original subtitles

- Grimm.

I found it.

- What is it?

- It's the Mahaya Tablet.

Exactly as Cortez described it.

- Give it to me.

- What are you doing? You give me that.

Who are you working for?

- Never you mind.

You just give us a translation.

- Never.

- Hi, Dad.

- Not bad, kid. Not bad.

That's enough fooling around.

You guys know I got a fight tonight.

- Sorry, Dad. You got a fight now!

- All right. Come on.

Both: Duo forever!

- Hey, wait up.

- I quit, Jimmy.

- If your escape plan had worked,

we would've been okay.

- Well, I didn't wanna get sucked into playing your

stupid kid games.

I'm not playing with you again.

You're such a jerk.

Go find some new friends, if you can.

- United path. We're the duo.

- Go find someone else to be your duo.

I'm not landing in the mud anymore.

- All right, no more mud.

- No more anything.

- I'll clean up the house.

- It's your turn to clean up the house anyway.

- Well, I'll clean up this time and next time.

Come on, Lisa.

We're both getting real good,

and soon we'll both be black belts.

- There is no black belt in kickboxing.

- So we'll be the first.

- Grow up, Jimmy.

- You'll be sorry.

Some day there's gonna be a real live adventure,

and you're not gonna be ready.

- You make up all the adventures.

It's pretend, and I'm sick of it.

- One of these days, there's gonna be a real live one.

- You want a real life adventure?

How about this?

Jimmy gets lost and nobody can find him.

Now get lost!

- All well and good, gentlemen.

All well and good.

Except that it's a worthless piece of junk unless we know

what it means.

- Well, the professor, he just--

- You didn't happen to a translation before--

- But there's gotta be

somebody that can translate it.

- Fortunately for you fellas, there is.

- Uteya Mahaya?

How? Where?

Why don't you bring it to my office immediately,

and I'll have a look at it?

- Well, I'm afraid I can't.

You see, I suspect there was foul play in the

disappearance of the professor, Professor.

- How so?

- I fear telling you more over the phone.

You see, the objects described in the tablet are

very valuable, and, well, money makes

people do terrible things.

Could you meet me at the curious curio.

It's an antique emporium.

And please, tell no one.

- I'll be there.

- Fine.

Boys, this time, I prefer the professor not to--

until after we have the translation.

You think you can handle that?

- Right on.

- Oh, and Zero, Mr. Blade has asked to see you.

- You the let the professor get away, didn't you?

Now, how do you plan to pay for this mistake?

- Sorry?

- Me too.

- And TV player all in her room.

- Oh, yeah?

- Yeah.

She's got a skateboard and roller blades,

and she might even get the roller blades her cousin

doesn't want, because she fell down--

- Hey!

What's the idea, you little retard?

- Sorry!

- I'm gonna take that thing away from you,

if you can't control it.

- Maybe if you were playing with us,

you would not have been in my line of fire.

- I told you,

I'm not playing your kid games anymore.

- Look at this. A total waste.

- Let's go get some more.

- Deal.

You ever pull something like that again,

and I'll beat you up.

- Yeah? You and who else?

- Me.

- Uh-oh.

- Lady, sit down and take a number.

It ain't arrived yet.

- Hey!

Come back!

Hey!

Give me my bike back.

What are you doing?

- You want your bike back, don't you?

- Well, of course.

- Then what's the problem?

Will you please give Charlie his bike back?

- Later, babe.

- You look bigger than me.

What do you think, Charlie?

You think he looks bigger than me?

- Uh-huh.

- Why you ask a stupid question like that?

- Because my dad says I can't pick on people my own

size, but I can pick on people bigger than me,

as long as they were picking on me first.

- So what are you trying to say?

Are you gonna take us all on?

Or one at a time?

- One at a time wouldn't be fair.

- Okay.

- I'll take you all on.

- She looks pretty tough to me--

- Hey! Get her!

- Hang on, Lisa.

I'm coming.

- Where do you think you're going, man.

- No.

Hey!

- Let him go.

- Why don't you try to make me, huh?

- Lisa, help!

- Why do you blow the whistle?

Make you stronger?

- Makes me twice as strong.

- That doesn't make him twice as strong.

Make a move, and I'll tear his arms off.

- Don't worry.

We won't hurt you.

And next time you want to use Charlie's bike, just ask.

- Don't take it. - Okay, okay.

- And I think you owe him a new lock.

- No problem. I will.

- That kid's got class.

- Think I'm in love.

- You know, Lisa.

You did a pretty good job back there.

- I guess you could say that.

- I got some good licks in there too.

I could be your partner as good as you.

- You get scared of a squirt gun when somebody squirts you.

- Jimmy!

- That's okay, Lisa.

He's just frustrated, because nobody wants to play with him.

I'll tell you what, kid.

You got to the count of 60 till me and Lisa go after you.

If you can squirt us before we grab you,

then we'll play with you all you want.

But if we grab you, you gotta leave us alone.

- Deal? - Deal.

- One... Two...

What a maroon!

- You shouldn't play with guns, little dude.

Give me that.

- Hey!

- It appears to be authentic.

- Yeah, but can you translate it?

- Where did you get this?

- Do I detect a little negative energy coming from you?

- You haven't seen anything yet,

unless I get some answers.

- Oh, well.

Our boss will give you all the details you need.

- Okay, so who is he, and where do I reach him?

- You don't need to reach him, baby.

He'll reach you.

- Hey! What are you doing?

Get your hands off me!

Let go!

- Ah! The little dude!

You want this, huh?

- Lisa!

Lisa!

- Sorry about that, Jimmy.

You hid yourself so well, we forgot to find you.

- There's this lady, see.

She's in the shop being kidnapped.

- Right, Jimmy. Right.

- I'm telling you the truth.

She's in mortal danger.

- Now, listen, I'm not gonna be sucked into playing your

stupid, retarded, make-believe games.

- But it's real this time.

- Well, if it's so real, why don't you go rescue her?

- Come on, Lisa. Let's just go.

- But-- - No buts.

Go rescue her, but make sure you're home in time,

or dad's gonna kill you.

- Hey! You get back here!

- Don't worry. I'll deal with him later.

He stole Charlie's bike.

He said he was gonna rescue somebody.

- Rescue who? - I don't know.

He was probably just making it up.

He's just a kid.

- And you were supposed to keep an eye on him, Lisa.

You remember what we promised mom?

- Sorry, Dad.

- I can't wait around here much longer.

Better hope he comes back soon.

- You ought to just ground him.

Teach him a lesson.

- If he's not here by the time I get home,

you're both grounded.

- Jimmy, when I get you home, I'm gonna--

- Just listen, will you?

Because this looks like a job for the duo.

I'm at the old hotel by the waterfront,

and the lady's inside.

She's in danger.

- Jimmy, you're gonna be in danger, and so am I.

Dad's gonna ground both of us

if you don't get your butt back here right now.

- I wish I could help you out there, sis,

but I'm not coming home unless you come here first.

- Okay. I'll be right out there.

But you're gonna come straight home with me.

- Ladies and gentlemen!

Welcome to the grudge kickboxing fight of the century!

In the light heavyweight division,

a nontitle contest, pairing world champion

Greg Matthews...

Against the rough, tough, mad, and bad

King Rat Sylvester!

- Camouflage.

- You're coming home with me right now.

- Okay.

- Hmm.

Right after we rescue the kidnapped lady.

- Strange place, isn't it?

- I hope this thing works out.

I got a bad feeling.

- Oh, man, will you just relax, chicken man?

I mean, come on, you getting too much negative energy

going up through you, man.

Hey!

What's this, huh?

Bad for the lungs, man.

- These two guys kidnapped somebody?

- Yeah.

- I don't believe you.

- I swear.

- We'll soon find out.

Excuse me, did either of you kidnap some lady and keep

her tied up here?

- Kidnap?

Tied up?

Oh, little girl.

Who's been putting all these ideas in your head?

- My stupid brother.

- Oh, it's the little brat!

- Hey!

- Now, do you believe me?

What's with this guy?

You're not too good with a train, mister.

- The train is man's hopes and dreams.

The train track is life itself.

And that is what life has in store for all of us.

Understand?

- No.

- The train--

- Mister, I don't know who you are,

but you're one sick individual,

and I'm going to see to it you're locked up for--

- Excuse me.

Now, will you be needing a pencil and paper to start

your translation?

- Translate it yourself.

- Why must the children always suffer for the

failing of their elders?

Mongoose, if she doesn't cooperate,

you know what to do.

Now, are you going to cooperate?

Or shall harm come to these nice, little kids.

- He wouldn't do that.

- Oh, yes, he would.

- No, he wouldn't.

- Yes, he would.

- No, he wouldn't.

- Yes, he would. - No, he wouldn't.

- Yes, he would! - No, he wouldn't.

- Yes, he would!

- What would your mother say if she saw what you're doing now?

- Can't do it.

- Why not?

- I love my mom.

- Well, I guess I'm just going to have to do it

myself, aren't I?

You are getting very sleepy.

Very sleepy.

- One... Two...

Three... Four...

- Greg, come on. Let's go!

- Very sleepy.

- I gotta go to the bathroom.

- No, I'm not.

- Yes, you are.

- Me too.

- Don't everyone?

Now, shut up and be quiet.

- I might have to go in my pants.

- Phew, it's gonna stink.

- Will you take these--

two little children to the bathroom?

- I can't go in there.

- Why not? - Because I'm a girl.

- I gotta go to the bathroom bad!

- In you go.

- Drowsy.

Very drowsy.

Sleep.

Sleep.

- Boss, you're a genius!

- You're getting sleepy.

- What's he doing in there?

- I don't know, but if I know my brother,

he's up to something.

He's a sneak, and you'd better go and find out what.

- Nice try.

You're coming with me.

- Come on out, you little creep.

I'm gonna get you!

- Come on, we gotta get a phone and call dad.

- Is she really--

- Totally and completely.

Now, when I blow my little whistle here,

you will tell me everything you know.

And when you hear it the second time, you'll awake.

- When I was five years old, I had a really big birthday

party, and my daddy, he gave me a pony ride.

- Yes, yes, yes. That's all well and good.

Now, about the Uteya Tablet.

- And when I was six-and-a-half,

I got a new pair of roller skates, but they didn't fit,

so we took them back.

- Uh, boss, I think she's gone back too far.

- But now we got another pair of roller skates,

but then I fell down, and I hurt my knee.

And then when I was seven, I had a birthday party,

and they gave me a really pretty doll.

But Billy he got a doll and three hand grenades and a tank.

- She broke my whistle.

- But then on my eighth birthday,

my mommy made me a really big cake,

and I blew out all the candles.

- Be quiet!

- And I made a wish, but Billy didn't go away,

so I cried.

- Go and put my dad out now.

It's urgent!

- He's in the ring right now.

Oh, yeah. Sure.

Go ahead.

Kidnapping.

I'm in big danger.

I'm-- Oh, you're!

You're in big danger!

Alamo Hotel by the waterfront.

Okay.

Time is running...

Oh, out.

Out. Time is running out.

Oh, yeah, I'll get that to him.

- Now's our chance to get out of here.

- After we rescue the lady. - Jimmy!

- It's the duo way.

- Let me out of here.

Somebody get me out!

Help! Help!

Get me out of here!

- Come on, man. Yeah!

- I have to talk to Greg.

I have a message for--

- Could you come back a little later?

- But time is running out.

- Yeah, you can say that again.

- There's big danger.

- Get out of here.

Get up! Get up!

- Mayday! Mayday! Mayday!

- And then when I was ten, we learned a really good new dance.

It was really hip and cool.

We danced to the Monkees.

- By the time she gets around to the tablet,

I'm going to be an old man.

- Well, boss, she is almost in junior high.

- Shut up.

- The kids escaped.

- Escaped?

Well, what are you doing standing around?

Round them up!

Everybody!

- Bye!

And then--

- For your sake, Nadir, I hope so.

Both: Party on!

- The constant whining--

- Hey, wait a minute. I--

- Shut up and sit down.

- You can't do that to me.

Why, you nincompoop!

Why, you whippersnapper!

Didn't your mother teach you any respect?

I swear!

- Where's the lady?

The lady!

Boggus! Boggus!

- So then mom said, "Wait until you're 15,

and then you'll understand."

But I said, "But mom, I am 15."

And then said, "Well, you just wait until you're 16."

- Lady, shut up and come with us.

- I said, "Mom, that's really dumb."

- This lady's out of it.

- She's been drugged or something.

- Goose!

- Call off the fight--

- Okay, fighters, let's go.

Come on.

- Let's go. Come on.

Look out!

- Corner. You, go to the corner.

One... Two...

Break it up, guys!

You, settle down right there.

You, I want to shut it down.

Four... Five...

Six... Seven...

Eight... Nine...

Ten.

You're out!

Winner!

- Come on. We gotta find the lady.

- Man, something's wrong.

The alamo hotel.

That's that old deserted place.

- Yeah.

- I'm gonna find out for myself.

- Where do you think the lady went?

- I don't know.

I'm more worried about us right now.

- High school was over,

and I knew that I wanted to go on to college.

So, I told Arnold, "I wanna study archaeology."

But he didn't know what archaeology was.

He thought it was the inside transmission of a Karmann Ghia.

But then what can you expect from a guy who thinks

"bilingual" was something dirty?

Not the brightest guy in the whole world,

but what a body!

Anyway, I dumped the guy.

- How did she get up there?

- How's she gonna get down? - Don't ask.

- Spring break?

No break for me.

- Got her. - Them kids!

- Take her to Nadir.

- They put me in a trash can.

What's the matter with kids today?

Will you stop it!

Why you got nothing to do?

- Goose and boggus are after them.

- Well, why don't you go round them up?

- Come on, Lisa!

Come on.

- Come on, you crooks.

- Yeah, crookies.

- Hey, hey, there they are. Come on, let's jump.

- I can't.

- Why not? They're getting away!

- I'm afraid of heights.

- Oh, come on.

- As I remember, lad, this is the only exit out of here.

- And quite rightly so.

Both: Duo forever!

Whoo!

- All right, young lady.

The fun and the games are over.

Now, I want some answers, and I want them now.

- I know you're in here, little dudes.

- I've got ice cream and candy.

- How about some low-fat yogurt?

A remote-control car?

I'm really sca--

-Hi, fatso!

- Oh, when I get my hands on you--

- Hi!

- What are you doing here, man?

- Where are my kids?

- Those brats are your kids, man?

You ought to be ashamed.

- I don't know what's going on here, but--

- Hey!

Your brats did this to me, man.

- I wanna see my kids, and I wanna see them now.

- Hey, get this thing off my head.

Little brat.

Brat.

- Come on.

Who is this?

- I'm the guy who's gonna kill you,

if you mess with those kids.

- Boy, I am really scared.

- Come on, come on.

- Hey!

- He's the father of those two brats.

- Well, your little cherubs are being rounded up

as we speak.

Here, hold this.

Oh, as a matter of fact, I think I hear them coming.

- Dad?

- Get me out of here!

- What the--

- Them kids-- those kids, they jumped us.

- What do you mean? They got away?

Can't you two do anything right?

- Boss man, it seems like there's more than two of them.

I mean, it's like a double-whammy.

- Well, now we have no time to lose.

Those two little burrs are probably on their way to the

police by now.

Will you give me that?

Now that we have the information,

we're all gonna take a little ride to the mountains.

Everybody, in the truck.

- Hey, when are you gonna put some pants on?

I'm tired of smelling your boxer shorts.

- You got an extra pants, wise guy?

- You know, there's gotta be something in one of those

boxes you can wear.

Why don't you go find something?

- Excuse me for interrupting, guys,

but where are we going?

- Well, if we're going by the translation I gave them,

we're going to the tehachapi mountains

to get the Uteya Mahaya treasure.

- Where are my kids?

- Your brats are a million miles away.

- Thank God. - Amen.

- When this is over, you're gonna wish

I was a million miles away.

- Ooh.

- Why don't you just give it a rest?

I don't know why you didn't let the police handle it

instead of trying to handle it all by yourself.

- At least I tried something.

- Well, maybe you just didn't try hard enough.

- Dude, dudette!

My crystal's starting to hum here.

I mean, can't we be a little more positive?

- Of course!

I am so happy that you picked a fight with them,

and I'm having such a wonderful time.

- That's better.

- I'm so glad that your brilliance is just gonna get

us out of this mess.

- Now, isn't that nice?

Isn't it nice to be positive?

You people don't have anything to worry about.

I mean, Mr. Nadir is one cool dude.

And once we find the treasure, you go home free,

free as a bird.

- Ha!

- Hey, hey, hey, watch that negative stuff, lady.

- Oh, you're right.

He is a cool dude.

He just happens to kidnap and murder people,

oh, but in the most sincere, positive way.

- That's our boss!

- Oh, yeah.

There's one other thing about the treasure cave.

- Is it negative?

- I'm afraid so.

- Then forget it.

- Hey, let her talk.

- It's haunted.

- Oh, I definitely don't want to hear this.

- I do.

What are you talking about?

- Just quoting the ancient tablet,

the Uteya Spirit Mahaya has been assigned to protect the

treasure, and he's really nasty,

and he loves to tear people apart,

and you can't stop him, and even if you cut him in half,

both halves live and fight all by themselves.

- Is that true?

- Guess we'll just have to find out when we get there.

- My crystal's really starting to hum, man.

- Thunder outcropping.

Wouldn't you say, Professor?

- That's what I'd call it too, boss.

- All right, head 'em up and move 'em out!

- Listen, I'm sorry for how I treated you back in the truck.

This isn't your fault.

- Me too.

Sorry.

How did you get messed up in this thing anyway?

- Lucky, I guess.

- I thought archaeologists spent all their time digging

up bones in the desert.

- Yes, one would think that, wouldn't one?

- Well, they're gonna be digging up your bones,

if we don't find treasure at the end of this journey.

- Man, why don't you shut up?

- Oh, really? Who says?

- I said!

Look, can't you all just be quiet?

Come on.

- Let's go, Mr. Negative Man.

Move it.

- We should never have gotten involved in this.

- You said it.

- Should've just forgot about the lady who got kidnapped.

I should've just come straight home.

Who cares about her anyway, right?

- Yeah, although--

- You were right from the start, Lisa.

I should've just dropped this whole duo thing

when you said so.

- Jimmy, you don't sound like a member of the duo.

- Forget the duo!

It's over with.

Put a fork in us, we're done!

- We're in the duo forever.

Remember our motto?

- Duo for never.

- I'm telling you I'm the one that was wrong for

quitting the duo.

You don't think dad would just give up, do you?

- Heck, no.

- He trained us, and he taught us everything we

know, and now he needs us more than ever.

- But what are we gonna do?

- I don't know, but you're the one that always thinks

of things.

- Not right now.

- Come on, Jimmy. Right now.

- Okay, this is what we do...

- Thunder outcropping!

We're here at last.

- I don't know. You're the one with the map.

- 150 paces from where?

- The toe.

- What toe?

- I don't know.

I merely translated the text.

- An extra percent to the man who finds the toe.

- Excuse me, boss.

- Where's Withers and Redondo?

- Yes!

- Yes!

- Goose, yes!

- There's the toe. - Yes, the big toe.

- Looks like we're 150 paces

from seeing if you boys are right.

Let's see now.

From the setting sun.

My dear.

One...

Two...

Three...

145...

146...

147...

148...

149...

150.

This rock here. What does it say?

- Here.

Here!

- Here?

- Goose! Boggus!

Here, here, here!

Bring those picks and axes, boys.

Gentlemen, dig.

- Oh, wow.

- Eww.

Get rid of that thing.

I want one too.

- All right.

Right there.

Oh wow!

- It's ancient.

- It's here. At least something's here.

What's that?

There's gotta be gold.

- This certainly looks like an authentic Uteya idol to me.

- I'd have to examine it more closely to be positive.

- Admit it, Claudia.

You've lost.

I've won.

I have the treasure.

- Thanks.

- Thanks.

- Boss! Boss!

Boss, a chest!

- All right.

- Come on, man.

Come on, you can do it, man.

Yes! Yes! Yes!

- What is that?

- Looks like authentic Uteya pottery to me.

The Uteya were known for expressing themselves

in riddle.

It appears that your famous treasure is nothing more

than a standard household supply of pottery.

- Get out of my way.

- Boss, I think we been robbed.

- Shut up!

You...

You tricked me.

- I gave you an accurate translation.

- You said there was a cave.

- The Uteya were known for their tricks, I told you.

That's as close to a cave as you're gonna get.

- We'll see about that.

Withers!

Redondo!

Where are they?

- I think they're lost, boss.

- Well, go and find them.

- What about the treasure?

- Just go and find them!

The other way!

- Now what?

- Now, you will give me a proper translation,

or my men will take on your friend here one at a time.

- I told you there's nothing more to translate.

- Fine.

Then your friend is going to die

and then of course, you will also.

Grimm?

Begin.

- We gotta do something.

- Turn around. Let's see what you have.

- You know what?

This whole thing better not turn out to be a wild goose chase.

- You know I like to get a hold of that Mahaya spirit myself.

- Oh, there probably isn't any old Mahaya spirit.

She's making it up just like she's making up everything

about that treasure.

I'm sick of it.

What's the matter with you?

Give me this thing.

I'll show you what this is all about.

- Yes.

- Congratulations on winning the first round.

Well?

- I told you, there's nothing more.

- Goose!

Goose, you're next!

Where's goose?

Idiot.

Well, you're just going to have

to finish off our guest yourself.

- Dad, it's me.

- Hi, Dad.

- Come on, what is this?

You little nincompoop!

- Go ahead.

Make my day.

- Nice job, partner, but you two got some explaining to do.

- Okay, dad, right after we get these assho--

jerks to jail.

- Well, obviously, Nadir, the spirits tried to keep

the treasure away from you.

- Actually, my dear doctor, the spirits had nothing to

do with it.

Now put your guns down, or the lady goes in the hole.

- Oh, it's actually good to see you, Mr.Blade.

Uh, this was just a temporary hold-up,

and now we can get on with our business.

- Lucky for you.

- Uteya Mahaya Mahaya. Mahaya, watch over us.

It's an invocation to the guardian spirit Mahaya.

- That's baloney, lady.

As far as we're concerned, there ain't no Mahaya spirit.

I think the only spirit

we see are them kids with attitudes.

- That's right. - All right.

Move it.

- Listen, before we go any further, Mahaya or not,

the cave ahead is gonna be laced with booby traps.

- So what do you suggest we do?

- No problem.

Good reflexes.

You're gonna need 'em.

- Wait. Let me go first.

I know how to spot the traps.

I know what to look for.

- We'll do this together.

- Hey, boss. What happens if she croaks?

- Mahaya gets them before we get the treasure,

we just let the little kiddies lead the way.

- And if Mahaya gets the kids, you'll lead the way.

- Wait. See that?

That symbol triggers...

That.

Is there any way we can set it off?

- How about this rock?

- Well, give it a try.

- Jimmy, Lisa, get back.

Is that it?

- I don't know.

I think so.

- Oh, man.

- Wait.

- Another arrow?

- It's gotta be, otherwise it's a funny place for a vine.

What do we do to trigger it?

You know how fast the arrow came last time.

- Allow me.

- Light the torches.

- What is this?

- This is what you've been waiting for.

- This is it.

This is it!

- Give me the tablet.

- So what happens now?

- I don't know.

Weary traveler, having come this far,

you know well the value of life,

therefore appreciate the true and only treasures of

this world--

the treasures of the earth, the moon,

and the sky;

the treasures of the breath of life drawn daily,

the sweetness of the water, the goodness of food.

These are the true treasures,

and the rest are just an illusion.

Illusion.

- What's that supposed to mean?

- It means, this is your treasure.

- It's lies.

Lies!

You tell me the truth this time.

- That is the truth.

- It's another one of her miserable tricks.

- Hey, man, you can't change what it says

just because you don't like it.

- Oh, really?

Something better happen right now.

Grimm, boggus, starting with him, one at a time,

shoot 'em.

- Say your prayers, tough guy.

- You okay?

- Never been better.

- What do you take me for, you stupid little brats?

I know it's you.

Try some of this!

I saw it.

I saw it. It's there.

- You saw what?

- The Mahaya.

Don't go in there.

Don't--it's there.

- It's there. - There is no Mahaya.

- All right, you guys.

- Pick this clown up. - Come on.

Get moving.

- Hey, wait a minute.

Doesn't anybody care about the treasure?

- There ain't no treasure, and there ain't no ghost.

Just jail, pal. Now, let's go.

- Wow.

Cool.

Dad.

Dad!

Dad, Lisa.

Dad, dad. It's really there.

Come on. I'll show you.

- Yeah, yeah.

- You haven't seen the last of us.

Come on, come on.

- You really did see it, didn't you?

Come on. Let's go home.