All language subtitles for Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice_eng

- Try it.
- I don't want to try it.

- Try it.
- I don't want to try it.

Try it. Just go...

Now breathe in through your nose.

Hold your breath. Now scream.

No. Watch.

Try it.

Louder.

Hi.

I want to welcome you all to the Institute.

My name is Tim,
and I'm the leader of this Marathon Group.

Leader's a bit strong.
Actually, I'm your guide.

As you know, we're going to try to go
24 hours without a break.

And we'll have two one-hour breaks
for food...

and, as far as sleep is concerned,
that's up to you.

There are no rules here.
If you fall asleep, you fall asleep.

One rule. No physical violence.

I mean, you might get angry with someone...

so please don't clobber him or her.

Okay? That's the only restriction.

We talk a lot about love
but we don't feel it a lot.

So perhaps this Marathon
will open up some doors.

So let's begin by just
introducing ourselves...

and stating, briefly, why you are here.

My name's Conrad...

and I'm here...

because I'm 64 years old,
and I want to continue to grow...

as a human being.

I don't know why I came here. I really don't.

- Why do you feel you came here?
- I just said, I don't know.

- Yeah, but why do you feel you don't know?
- Maybe I'm a little nervous.

We all are.

- Thank you.
- Okay, we'll get back to you later, Toby.

I guess I came here
because I'm having trouble with men.

- We'll get back to you later.
- But I can't say no to any man.

I'm Myrna.

I came because I want a better orgasm.

It's just not good enough.

I'm Bob and I'm here because...

I'm a documentary filmmaker...

and I'm here to do research
on a piece I want to do on the Institute.

At least, I think that's why I'm here.

I'm Carol.

I'm Bob's wife...

and I came because Bob came.

A hundred times a day...

you just walk by people
you know. You chat...

you nod hello,
but you don't really look at each other.

I want you to look at each other.

That's good. See the other person.

Good. Say hello with your eyes.

Try and make contact.

See the other person there.

Really, really look.

Just look.

And give. And don't be afraid
to express what you feel.

Show the other person what you feel.
Show them who you are.

Give of yourself. Don't be afraid.

And really try to make contact.

Really try to see.

That's good. Now show him what you feel.
Go ahead.

Really try.

And learn something
about the other person...

good, by just looking...

and giving of yourself.

Just look and give.

Try to really learn something
about the other person.

Open up.

That's good! Show them what you feel.

Don't be afraid to have fun.

Good.

Pound with those hands!
Think of something you don't like.

Good!

Pound! That's good.

Pick something you don't like.

Scream if you feel like it. Scream! Let it out!

Pound hard. Good.

Go ahead, scream. Let it out.

Scream! Scream louder.

I want to see ugly faces. Ugly faces.

Open up.

Let it out. Go ahead, cry. Good.

Go ahead. Beautiful.

It's all right.

I just don't know why...

I've never been able
to do anything for myself.

I think...

the reason that you feel
so helpless, Roger...

- is because you enjoy it.
- Carol...

don't tell Roger what you think,
tell him how you feel about him.

I feel...

sorry for him.

Thank you.

She wants to mother him.
She loves being a mother.

Not necessarily, Bob.

No, come on, honey.

Bob, you feel like
getting into Carol's circle?

- No, I'm sorry. I was just commenting.
- You're dying to get in there.

Yeah, right, okay. Be delighted.

You can take my place.

- Thank you, Conrad.
- You're welcome, Bob.

I feel very badly about Conrad
leaving my circle.

You're pretty hostile.

I feel very badly about Conrad
leaving my circle.

- You want me to leave?
- How do you feel about Myrna, Bob?

I feel she's hostile.

Probably has to do
with wanting a better orgasm.

- You're full of crap, man.
- You're copping out.

- You're a hostile bitch!
- Is that how you feel?

Is it?

Yeah, I feel hostile.

Good, now you're dealing with
your feelings, you see.

- I feel you're all attacking my husband.
- Thank you, dear.

That won't do here.
What do you feel about me?

I feel sorry for you.

I feel...

that you don't...

share.

I want you to look at me.

Please.

You're pushing me again!

- You're making me do something.
- I'm sorry.

Bob, I want you to express
how you feel right now.

I feel guilty. I feel confused.

Then express it.

I feel I want Carol...

to open to me more...

but that I close her up...

if I force her to open.

I'm sorry.

I hide my feelings,
and I accuse you of hiding yours.

I do hide my feelings.

I'm afraid of you.

Bob, tell Carol how you feel right now.
Tell her right now.

I love her.

I love you.

I know.

I want you to help me.

As long as I've known you...

I've always been afraid to ask for your help.

I didn't know.

Help me.

He was so angry all the time.

Really hostile. Remember the little guy?

This man sat there for 20 hours...

hardly saying a word.

Pathetic little 40-year-old...

Jimmy Cagney type of guy.

All of a sudden he starts to cry.

"I'm impotent."

Forty years...

of his terrible secret.

Something broken.
Poor kid couldn't stop crying.

- I feel moved now just talking about it.
- It was beautiful.

And he was not miraculously cured.
Because it doesn't work that way.

But just being able to say it out,
to a roomful of relatively unknown people...

has got to be a way,
a beginning, to dealing with it.

I must say something now.

Which if I did not say it...

I would be playing games with myself,
with us.

What was that look before?

- What look?
- You know.

- The one to Alice, just before.
- You mean that look?

- I didn't see the look.
- It was a put-down look.

- Now, wait a minute.
- Come on.

- That wasn't a put-down look.
- No, it's okay if it was.

- It wasn't a put-down look.
- It's okay if it was, that's my whole...

- It wasn't a put-down look!
- No, that's my whole point.

If you just get it out, just deal with it...

or deal with me,
or with Carol, or with Alice...

- It was what it was. I dealt with Alice.
- But you didn't deal with Bob.

Come on, you didn't even see the look.

Come on, Alice. I know that look.
Bob and I do it all the time.

No "Oh, ho ho."

That's what we used to do.

That's what we are trying
not to do ever again.

Ever. To the people that we love.

- And we love you.
- We know. I know that.

We really do, you know.
We really do love you.

And we really do love you!

We love you, too.

But we are not always
totally honest with each other.

- Yes, we are! I have never lied to you.
- Alice, do you like my outfit?

I love it.

They don't want to know what you think,
they want to know what you feel.

I feel...

that your outfit is an important contribution
to an otherwise dull society.

No, Ted, don't do that. Don't do that, please.

How can you feel about a dress?
It's not that important.

It's the most important thing
in the world, this dress.

If you don't care about this dress...

you're on the way
to not caring about humanity.

- That's patently absurd.
- It's not...

What do you feel about...

- my hair?
- Your hair?

I don't want to offend you...

but the majority of my day isn't spent
in ruminating about your hair.

- Be honest.
- Your hair looks very good on you.

- You're full of crap.
- Cop out.

- That's what we call a cop-out.
- Yeah. That's a cop-out.

Can't you feel?

How do you feel about it?

Okay. I feel it's a little long.

- That's beautiful.
- That's great. You're starting...

He's starting to open up right away.
As soon as you begin to deal with things.

What you really feel
is that my hair is ridiculously long...

and that I'm a middle-aged guy...

trying to look like
a young hippie or something.

Okay. I think your hair looks ridiculous.

- It's silly.
- That's gorgeous, man.

- The truth is always beautiful.
- That's great.

- That's good?
- That's beautiful.

You like that?

- It's beautiful.
- Marvelous.

The truth is always beautiful.

Here, give me your hand.
Put your hand up here. On top of hers.

Here, give me your hand.
Put your hand up here. On top of hers.

I feel very close to you now.

I feel so moved, so full of love.

Thank you.
And I hope everything was satisfactory.

- Do you really, Emilio?
- I beg your pardon, Mrs. Sanders?

I mean, do you really hope and feel...

that you wish the service was satisfactory?
Is that what you really feel?

There was nothing wrong with the dinner?
My service?

Honey.

Darling, what am I doing?
No. Of course not.

Your service was marvelous,
and the dinner was great.

It's just that we were talking about
the fact that people...

very seldom talk to each other.

I mean, I have been coming in here
for a long time...

and I have never really talked to you.

- Was it the wine?
- What do you expect that poor man to do?

Now really, he does not know
that your life changed over the weekend.

Emilio, people find it very hard...

to tell each other the truth.

- Will there be anything else?
- No. Thanks, Emilio.

It's beautiful. Thank you.

It must have been some incredible weekend.

Excuse moi.

Emilio, I'm sorry.

- I've made you feel uncomfortable.
- That's all right, Mrs. Sanders.

No. It's not all right.

Nobody should ever make anybody
feel uncomfortable.

You're a nice man.

Well, honey.

Listen, I got an early morning.

I feel I have to say something first,
before we go. I really do.

- What?
- What?

This could very well bug you, Bob,
but I feel I have to say it.

- Ted, what do you want to say?
- Alice, I feel I have to say this!

Go.

I feel you should pay for the check.

I really felt that.
I really feel you should pay for it.

Thanks.

Gosh.

Hi.

- I missed you.
- And I missed you.

- Martini on the plane?
- Yeah, two, as a matter of fact.

Shall we have it here on the stairs
or wait till I unpack?

Stairs.

- How did the shooting go?
- It went well, very well indeed.

Got some great footage.
The cameraman is... I don't know.

This new guy's something else.
He's got some kind of juice going.

I don't really understand.
He's very involved with the material.

You know, a cameraman! And he's involved!

And no hostility, no envy.

He's got something going for him
that I wish I had.

You're getting there.

- Nutty.
- What did you buy me, Daddy?

"What did I buy you?"
Is that all I ever get when you come home?

That's what you get!

I got you something,
but you don't get it till tomorrow morning.

- Come on.
- Turn loose.

- Come on, darling.
- Turn loose. I need my whistle!

- I want to see it now!
- You can see it in the morning.

A tiger!

Darling, look at your nice toy
that Daddy got you.

It can bite your nose right off.
You can make it bite off an entire nose!

Put your hand up. Okay.

- Come on, you ready to do our number?
- Go to bed.

Nightie-night.

Now, you ready? There. Okay.

Underneath. Go on, get underneath.

Come on. Underneath. Deep down.

Sayonara.

I have a tiger in my eye!

Get out of my eye, tiger.

That tiger, it keeps going
in my eye all the time.

What did you do in San Francisco?

I made a movie.

Will it be on TV?

Yeah, honey, it's going to be on TV,
but it'll be a while before it's on.

I want to watch it now.

You can't watch it now,
because it's not ready yet to be watched.

When will it be finished?

Like always,
I have to take it to the cutting room first...

and put the different pieces together.

I'll whistle for you.
One whistle, and right to sleep.

Okay, that's all. Good night, son.

Tell tiger a story.

- No stories now. Go to sleep.
- Hug.

That's beautiful.

- Go to sleep.
- Nightie-night.

Leave the door open.

He can whistle.

You're probably tired.

I had an affair in San Francisco.

It just happened, and I owe it...

to you, and to us, to say so.

It was last night. When we finished up...

the soundman had brought this girl
as an assistant.

Blond, nice.

Of course, she asked for a ride home...

and we wound up in my hotel room...

and we made...

Affair is the wrong word.
We had intercourse.

That's what we had.

Well?

I'm not sure how I feel.

Now let me see.

How do I feel right this minute?

I feel...

I don't feel upset. I really don't.

I don't feel surprised.

I feel strange.

- I don't feel jealous.
- You must feel jealous.

Maybe I'm kidding myself.

I mean, maybe I'm hiding something
from myself.

- That's it, you're hiding.
- Let me hear it again.

Now what happened
when you were in San Francisco?

Come on, honey!
I made it with another chick.

- Are you in love with her?
- No, of course not.

- It was a purely physical thing?
- Yes, absolutely!

Darling, I don't see how I can feel jealous...

about a purely physical thing
you had with some dumb blond.

Now wait a minute. Not dumb.
She just got her master's at Berkeley.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- How old is she?
- Twenty.

That's the same age as my kid sister.

- You are hostile.
- Darling, I'm not!

No, I was thinking how close Amy is
to being a woman, that's all.

- You're playing games with me.
- I'm not!

Yeah, you are. Playing games.

Playing the emancipated woman...

a hip chick that doesn't care
what her husband does.

I care very much what you do!

You don't care what I do, that's obvious.

Otherwise you wouldn't be sitting there
on top of a volcano...

that wants to spew out of you,
and you won't let it.

You know what you're doing?
Trying to make me react again.

You feel guilty,
and you're trying to make me punish you.

I did a terrible thing. I cheated!

My darling, you did not do a terrible thing.
You told me about it.

If you hadn't have told me,
then that would have been cheating.

I know what cheating is.

Cheating is when you ball a chick
that's not your wife. That's cheating!

I feel...

closer to you
than I've ever felt in my whole life.

I feel that...

you're sharing something so personal.

I feel very moved that you trust me.

You didn't do anything wrong.

You're an attractive, beautiful man.

And you love your wife,
and you love your child.

Honey, you didn't do anything wrong.

And I love you.

What was she like?

- The girl.
- Very nice.

- Pretty?
- Yeah.

- She looked a little like Candy Bergen.
- Too bad she didn't look like Edgar Bergen.

You are jealous!

I'm joking.

I'm just making a joke.
Can't I be curious without being jealous?

Carol, we had sex, that's all.

Who made the first move?

- You know, when you...
- Show me.

- Come on.
- Come on.

Tell me what happened after that.

We wound up in my hotel room...

and then we started fooling around.

Did you undress her?

I don't remember
whether I undressed her or not.

You remember.

Yeah, I undressed her.

Kissing?

Yeah.

Good?

Yeah.

As good as me?

- No, you're better.
- How much?

A lot.

Grade me.

Better. A lot better.

Bob, I know one thing,
if I know nothing else in the world...

it's a beautiful world!

Carol, good night. Thank you.

- Good night.
- I love you.

I love you, too.

The gazpacho was astonishing.
Great meal, Carol.

You know, I love the Strickners,
and the Hammers...

but whenever they start to leave,
it's like a movie with 10 false endings.

- Sue's little boy is seeing a therapist.
- I didn't know that.

- Don't mention it.
- Why? It's nothing to be ashamed of.

I agree, but it's nothing I'd like to...

- What's his problem?
- He runs away from school.

- How old is he?
- Five and a half.

- I hated kindergarten.
- Where does he run to?

They live across the street from the school,
and he runs home.

It's great stuff.
I'm warning you now, get ready.

True, true.

- Hold on to it, my man.
- Is this Acapulco gold?

No. This is beautiful,
downtown Burbank brown.

It's very heavy stuff.

It's strong.

That thing just burns.
I don't know how you can...

- You just gotta let it happen, honey.
- I never get high.

- My ears are beginning to get warm.
- I never get high.

I am totally and completely
zonked out of my skull.

Did you see Norma's lipstick?

I mean, a little too much lipstick
is one thing...

- but when it's up to there.
- That's very hostile, my dear.

Listen, just remind me,
and I'll send you a demo.

I'll send you a groovy, peaceful demo.

And I'll wrap it in my Nehru jacket
and my peaceful beads.

And then I will groovily and peacefully...

drive your 18-year-old babysitter home
and groove her a peaceful, groovy baby.

The gazpacho was astonishing...

absolutely astonishing.

Astonishing.

- It is astonishing.
- Astonishing.

You have a case tomorrow, adorable one.

You are too much...

my sweet, unstoned mother of my only son,
who I love...

you're too much.

I never get high
doesn't matter how much I try.

Honey, you know what I think it is?

I really think the reason
I'm afraid is because...

you are an attorney
and we could get into a potful of trouble.

Potful, pot.

No, really.

I love you anyway.

Sweetheart, I told you about this phobia.

Sweetheart, I told you about this phobia.

You both look so beautiful.

- You really do.
- How about me?

- You look very, very beautiful.
- I hope so.

I sense...

marital... passion.

- You sense well.
- You gonna play tennis tomorrow?

- I reserved a court.
- Tomorrow?

Junkie, come on, let's go home.

Come on, darling.

- See you.
- The gazpacho was gorgeous. Astonishing.

I love you so much.

I really love you.

I want to share something beautiful
with you.

Bob had an affair
when he was in San Francisco.

It wasn't an affair. It was just sex.

But he told me all about it...

and I had to share it with you,
'cause it's so beautiful.

I really love you.

I love you.

See you tomorrow for tennis.

I have such hostility for Bob
I cannot tell you.

I thought she was gonna
tell us she was pregnant or something.

How could she tell us?

"I have great news for you.
Bob just had an affair." Wow.

Ted, I think I'm gonna be sick.

Here.

- I have to have water for that.
- Look, we'll be home in a couple of minutes.

I am going to throw up!

Relax.

Your order please.

- A glass of water, please.
- How can I face her tomorrow?

We're supposed to play tennis?

- Did you read the menu?
- Just a glass of water.

- What else would you like?
- No. Look, all I want is a glass of water.

We have tacos, enchiladas,
chili rellenos, cheeseburgers...

bonus burgers, hot dogs,
potato chips, barbeque chips.

I'm gonna to throw up.

Look, let me have a taco
and a large glass of water.

Anything else to drink?

No, I just want a glass of water!
Don't you understand that?

I'm not hungry.
All I want to do is get you a glass of water.

Thank you, sir.

Oh, my God. I'm sick. I really am. I'm sick.

Absolutely sick from this thing.

How could she tell us, Ted?
How she just came...

I have such hostility for Bob
I cannot tell you.

I feel sorry for both of them.

I feel sorry for her.
How could she live with him?

- Honey, please don't do that now.
- I'm almost finished.

I have a headache,
and you are shaking the whole house.

- What are you at now?
- 810.

My head won't take 500 more.
Now will you stop it?

- Let me go to nine.
- Please.

- Let me go to nine.
- Will you stop it?

Okay, I'm sorry.

I had the same feeling when Mother died.

I don't want to see them anymore.

- You don't want to see Carol?
- How am I going to face her?

What, we're supposed to play tennis?

I can understand you
being uncomfortable with Bob.

She just came right out and told us.

- We have to help them.
- How are we going to help?

- I don't know yet, but we...
- Yeah, you will have to help your friend Bob.

Look, hopefully it happened and it's over,
and that's all there is to it.

- You know what I think it all is?
- What?

Instead of her saying
that Bob had an affair...

and he told me, and I'm leaving him,
which is what she feels...

- Absolutely.
...she's covering it all up.

Now why Bob did it is another story.
I don't know why he told her.

He's probably very guilty, you know?

And in the spirit of this
whole confrontation thing, he told her.

It's not the most intelligent thing to do.

I wish he'd told me first.

He didn't tell you?
You didn't know anything about it at all?

No. I was as surprised as you were.

Do you know that you've not said one thing
about what Bob has done?

He's done a terrible thing. I agree with you.

He's asking for trouble.
But he wants trouble.

Alice, there must be 50 million men
having an affair right this second...

and not one of them is going to go
and tell his wife.

- And Bob has to go and tell Carol.
- The point is not that he told her.

The point is that he did it.

That he cheated on his wife.
That he cheated on Carol.

I agree. That's bad.
But I think you'll agree with me...

that if he hadn't told her
there'd be no problem.

There'd be no problem
if he hadn't done it, if he hadn't cheated!

All I'm trying to say is that
if we're examining the dumbness...

it was dumb of him to tell her.
The other thing was just physical.

Look, if he needs it that badly,
let him go and get it.

Let him go and get it. I don't know.

Look, thank heavens it's not my problem.

I am very pleased about that.

- Come on.
- No, I really am.

- It gives me a great feeling of security.
- Come on!

It's something I know you'd never do.

- Don't say it even.
- Nothing could make you do that.

Good night, dear.

I'm turned on enough by you.

I don't need anything else.

- Honey, please don't do that now.
- Come on, Alice.

Baby, I'm just not in the mood at all. Okay?

You want to watch some television?

- Would it bother you if I watched some?
- No, honey, you can watch it.

Keep it low, okay?

You want me to give you a massage?
Let me give you a massage.

- Honey, I don't...
- I'll give you a massage.

I just wish you wouldn't
touch me now, that's all.

All right.

Can you understand what happened?

- It just turns me off completely.
- You don't mind if I sleep here?

Now don't be silly.

I understand, Alice. I understand.

I think I'll take a walk.

Honey, no, don't.
Please, Ted, don't go for a walk.

I feel so nervous.

I have this energy in me, Alice, this excess...

Why don't you do your exercises?

- I'll take a walk.
- No, please. I don't want you...

Please don't walk.

- You want me to stay?
- Please stay.

Will you stay, please?

- I'll just stay up.
- Thank you.

I know, hon.

- Okay, honey?
- Yeah.

- Okay, honey.
- Go to sleep.

- Good night, Ted.
- Good night, Alice.

- Come on, Alice, please.
- Honey, I asked you not to.

Will you please stop?

Will you just stop it!

- I'm taking a walk.
- What? Don't walk, just stay!

- Make up your mind, will you?
- Is that the only option I have?

I'm still high
and I'm stimulated and aroused.

Don't take it out on me.

Ted, do you want me
to do something against my will?

Do you?

Do you want me to do something
against my will? Do you?

No, I don't want you to do
anything against your will.

All right, but please
don't take a walk. Okay?

Were you in the mood
before you found out?

'Cause I was in the mood then.

Before when, you know,
when we were in the car...

- were you in the mood then?
- Yeah, I thought we'd come home...

'Cause I was really...

I really was in the mood. I really, really...

Why don't we just forget
about what she told us?

- I know...
- Just...

I know, now,
I know that you are in the mood.

But honey, I'm not. Now, look.

Now do you want to do it
just like that, with no feeling on my part?

Yeah.

Go ahead, do what you want.

- Come on, Alice.
- Do what you have to do.

- I'm going to watch television.
- Here!

- Alice, you're making it very cheap!
- You pick an incredible time!

Maybe it is an incredible time, Alice.

I don't know, Alice. I just can't seem to...

- control my drives.
- Honey, I'm sorry. I really am.

- I'm so upset about Carol.
- I'm upset for both of them, Alice.

But I'm getting more upset for myself.

I don't know, I'm beginning to become a...
Never mind.

What do you mean? What are you...

I have a headache.

There's this incredible band
around my head, Alice.

What can I do? What do you want me to do?

Alice, just...

- What can I do?
- Rub the back of my neck.

- Right here?
- I have this incredible knot.

Is it right there?

Is that good? You poor baby.

You were affected by this thing, too.
You're all tense.

- There?
- Yeah.

- Is that better?
- Yes. It's better.

Okay?

- All over. Is that good?
- That feels perfect.

- I wonder if they'll get a divorce?
- I doubt it.

The thing that annoys me
more than anything else...

- is that she's back at that...
- Did you take your pill?

No, I'll take it later.
Why do you think she told us?

She just came right out and told us.

- I'm very excited.
- I don't...

- I don't feel that way!
- I'm gonna take a walk.

- No, I don't wanna be left alone.
- I wish I had a dog. I'd take him for a walk.

- Let me take a walk, Alice!
- Go do whatever you want.

I don't really care what you do. Go...

Get the pills from the dresser.

Get the pills from the dresser.

Are you sure?

I wouldn't want you to do
anything against your will.

Get them.

What's the matter?

What's so funny?

- Alice, what's the matter?
- I'm out.

- What do you mean?
- I've no more pills.

- What do you mean, you have no more pills?
- Honey, I'm sorry. I forgot to reorder.

- You forgot to... How could you forget?
- Honey, I don't know, I forgot.

- You...
- I forgot.

That's the cruelest thing I've ever...
You forgot? You don't forget.

- Honey, I forgot to reorder...
- Okay, right, fine. It's just as well.

I understand. You know, it's really...
I have a case tomorrow morning.

- I really...
- Honey, now come on...

No, it's quite...

- It's quite... No, Alice.
- No, what? Sweetie, I didn't do it purposely.

I understand the problems that you have,
and it's just as well that...

- Baby.
- No, please, don't touch me.

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday, dear Sean

Happy birthday to you

Now make a wish, darling. Make a wish.

Make a secret wish. Wish to yourself.

- Carol, you're in the way.
- I'm sorry, darling.

- Blow out the candles.
- Don't tell him, let him do it himself.

- I'm sorry, darling. Take a deep breath.
- I want to blow out, too.

No, Christopher, it's not your birthday,
it's Sean's birthday.

Let him blow, too. What's the big deal?

Why are you countermanding
everything I say? You just...

- I'm not countermanding...
- All right, you handle it.

- He wants to blow.
- Take a big...

Terrific! Good, big boy.

Don't start in front of everybody.

You mean, no one can hear us
because we're clenching our teeth?

Maria.

Bob thinks he's shooting
Gone with the Wind.

- Is that a Bell and Howell?
- I don't know.

Maybe it's a Japanese version. A Yashica.

- Carol? Can I help you with that?
- No, thanks, that's all right.

- The kids are really having a wonderful time.
- I know.

- What was that about?
- Honey, you know I love you.

I love you.

You know, I've been afraid to talk to you?
I never know when you're serious.

I want to open my presents.

I'll be right there, darling.
Can you take these?

Carol, I want you to know
I have been very upset.

I didn't know that.

- I'll be right back, all right?
- Okay.

I'm sorry.

Thank you.

You went into the voting booth...

I went in, and you understand,
I just stood there.

I chose, at that moment
to have a personal moment.

- You understand?
- But you didn't vote.

I wanted something more out of the day
than my particular vote...

could have afforded me, perhaps.
I wish you'd understand.

- I told her how upset I was.
- Yeah? What did she say?

- She was sorry.
- All right.

- Coming in for a tight shot.
- What do you want us to do?

You could rip her blouse off,
you know, I'd like to sell this thing.

I don't know what to do.
I can' t rip her blouse off.

Sorry.

Wonder what that was about?

Listen, we could do a tournament
with Chanel.

- They expected a thousand people.
- Everybody showed up.

Do we have a table?

Yes. Phyllis Korwin's on the committee,
and she said she'd be holding a table for us.

Drinks are $2, and here's $20 worth. Okay?

See you later.

Look, there's Sammy Davis, Jr.

- Where?
- There's Alan Landsburg.

- Who's Alan Landsburg?
- A friend of mine.

Hi, Bob.

- That's a pretty girl.
- Who is she?

I know who she is. San Francisco.

You have good taste.

- I love you.
- I love you.

- You're both sick.
- Alice.

It's wrong! That's why...

All sick.

I don't know what we were talking about.

Difficulty having relationships
with your husband.

Yes, that's right.

Tell me about it.

- Yes, I don't feel like doing it. That's all.
- When did you stop enjoying it?

I just don't want to be touched.

Several weeks ago.

- I am a very happy person most of the time.
- What makes you a happy person?

What do you mean, what makes me happy?
I like my husband...

I love my child, and I love going places,
and I love our friends, and...

Yeah, I mean, I love my friends.

I still love them.
I mean, I love them very much.

It's just that they're just...
That's all on their minds, is sex. Sex.

And sex, if it's on your mind all the time,
it can't be a very good thing, can it?

I mean, shouldn't it just happen?
It used to just happen.

Are you aware that, earlier, you said...

that you like your husband
and you love your child?

No, I don't remember saying that.

No, I don't. I mean, I love my husband.

- You do love him?
- Of course I love him!

Did I say that?

Yes. You said,
"I like my husband and I love my child."

"I like Ted."
Now that's just a figure of speech.

I mean, that's how you say... Listen.

You know, I have a child.

I have a wonderful...

My child...

wonderful, well-behaved.

I have never had a day's problem
with Jimmy.

Five. He's a wonderful boy.

Am I supposed to say
everything that I'm thinking about?

Jimmy saw us naked.

I mean, sometimes we...

walk around undressed.
We don't put clothes on...

I mean, that kind of thing
doesn't embarrass us.

I mean that when Jimmy is in the room...

or walks in the room,
and I don't have any clothes on...

I don't put clothes on
just because he walks in the room.

But I was just thinking that...

I got angry at him once.

I don't know.
I think it was because Bob and I...

Did I say Bob?

That was a Freudian slip.

Ted.

Ted and I.

The way you're looking at me.

Ted and I were going to have sex,
and we wanted to have sex...

and Jimmy walked into the room.

And it was daytime,
and I got nervous, so I scolded him...

for not knocking at the door
before he walked in.

He's so cute. You know how children are.
I mean, they're very curious.

He wanted to know why I had a tee-tee.

Pardon me? I don't know what a tee-tee is.

- A vagina.
- It's a pet expression of yours?

Yes, you know words, tee-tee, tinkle,
po-po, wee-wee, kee-kee, poo-poo.

I'd never heard tee-tee before.

What expression do you use
with your children?

Vagina.

I'm really very embarrassed
by this whole thing.

I don't have anything else to say.
I really don't.

When we come right up to sex,
you become embarrassed.

What am I... What would you like...
What am I supposed to say?

I have no wants.
Say what you think you'd like to say.

Do you think I need this?
Do you really think you can help me?

I think it'd be useful to talk some more.

I don't know for sure
if I can help you or not.

Do you think you can help yourself?

Ted is a very nervous man!

Now sex is very important to a man.
You know that.

It seems your time is up for today.

- Maybe I don't trust Ted?
- Let's talk about that on Thursday.

Do you think that that's a possibility?
That maybe that's what it's about?

Let's continue Thursday,
and we'll discuss it at that time.

Is it possible that I was being hostile
to Carol? Could that...

I don't know why it could be.
Why do you think...

Our hour is over.
We ought to take that up next Thursday.

I resented her. Why was that?

We play tennis, we...

Sounds like we have a lot to talk about.
Let's do it at the next meeting.

The same time at Tuesday.
We must stop now.

Sean! Put on your life jacket.

Jimmy! Cut it out!

Jimmy! No running around the pool.

Alice looks terrific, doesn't she?

I'm going up to San Francisco again
this weekend.

- You gonna see the blond?
- I don't know.

I thought you didn't want to know about
that kind of thing.

All right, I don't want to know.

Do me a favor. If you come back...

and you have any great news,
just don't tell Alice.

Most of the time, I just sit there.
Nothing to say.

- Something's happening. I can tell.
- Really?

I definitely do not have that animosity
towards you and Bob anymore.

- I know.
- But you know, I still think you're crazy.

That's your problem. That's your bag.

I really can't tell anymore...

whether it's coming out
of your mouth or hers or what.

You've never in your whole life...

had such prurient thoughts yourself,
is that it?

No, I've thought about it.

Hi, there. I couldn't help noticing you.

I find you absolutely
an extremely attractive man.

I would like to give you a little jump rope.

I realize, of course, that you're married,
but I promise there'll be no complications.

There's a double standard operating here,
and I'm not gonna play that game.

I am not gonna do anything
I don't want my wife to do.

And you know something?

I don't believe that you could handle it
if Carol had an affair, God forbid.

I could handle it.

Go play over there.

I've looked at other women.
I've had feelings. Alice never ever...

Let's play choo-choo train.

- Go play over...
- Choo-choo train! Let's go!

Remember when I went to New York
last year?

I had a lot of work to do.
I was there for two and a half days.

So they assigned me
one of those temporary secretaries.

And she was...

- Here's your drink, darling.
- Thank you very much.

- Ted, do you want one?
- No.

She was a very lovely woman.

Naomi.

You wouldn't know her.
She lives in New York.

She was divorced...

and she was earning a living,
and she was beautiful.

We were working late...

and there was an attraction.

You know, when a woman looks at you,
and you know. You know?

- I know.
- No, I've never ever strayed. Never.

We were working late.

We had a drink.

In my hotel room.

And I don't know how it happened...

but suddenly we were kissing.

And her mouth was open.

That's beautiful. See, that's a lovely thing.

Fantastic. It was really... It was exciting.

And I'd just spoken to Alice
a couple of minutes before...

to say hello and see
how the kids were, you know?

And I had this terrible feeling
of ambivalence...

- you know, at my pleasure.
- I don't believe it.

I couldn't go on with it!
It was so frustrating.

She wanted to go to...
Naomi wanted to go to bed.

How could you, man?

How can you let a moment
disappear out of your life...

that will never ever come again?
It won't come again.

Do you realize you're here
for about 10 seconds? For Pete's sake!

- It's part of life, it's meant to be lived.
- Yeah, but I had such guilt.

Look at you, man,
you got the guilt anyway. Don't waste it.

Hi, my name is Ted. Ted Henderson.

I'm on my way to Miami
for a legal convention.

I'm married. I have a wonderful child.

My wife's name is Alice.

I've never ever strayed.

Once. Almost. With Naomi in New York.
That was... I almost did then.

There's no chance for us to have an affair...

but I'm just trying to seize the moment,
you know?

I know that's
an intellectual statement, but...

And there's absolutely no chance for me.

Like I said, I'm married. Alice and I
have been married for 12 years.

We feel differently about sex
than your generation.

Anyway, it's been very nice talking to you.

You seem like a very nice person.

Well I'd better go now.

Obviously, you have no interest
in having any kind of...

We're in Miami.

... sexual encounter with me.

Hi. My name is Ted. Ted Henderson.

I'm on my way to Miami
for a legal convention.

- I'll put in three frames from here.
- Yeah. Will do.

Okay. Listen, it's been a pleasure
working with you, honey.

- You're very good.
- Thank you.

If you ever want to work
in Los Angeles, let me know.

You catching a plane tonight?

I don't know.

Steak, baked potatoes, garlic toast, and gin?

All we need is vermouth.

I think I'll go home.

- Next time.
- Next time. Good night.

I thought you were coming back tomorrow.

Finished early.

That's a marvelous scent.
You smell wonderful.

- Thank you, darling.
- But I did miss you.

In San Francisco, honey...

in San Francisco, no scenes of any kind.

You could've.
Anything you do is all right with me.

I love you.

I love you.

You'd better get yourself ready...

'cause one of the great ones
is coming your way.

- I have to tell you something.
- All right, tell me.

Look, don't open the door.

- You bought me something.
- No.

- There's someone in there.
- What, is it Sean or what?

No.

There's a man in there.

Doing what? What do you mean,
there's a man in there?

I'm having an affair.

- He's in there now.
- What are you talking about?

I'm having an affair!

What are you doing to me?

Actually, affair is the wrong word.

What do you mean?
What are you doing to me?

How can you react this way?

- Where's my child? Sean!
- He's at my mother's.

- Who's in there?
- A man.

- Who is it?
- Do you want to know his name?

Who is he? Just don't give me any names.

Is there really somebody in there right now?
This second?

- Yes, of course. Open the door.
- I'll kill him! I'll kill the son of a bitch!

This is the man who held my face...

and said to me that
we should be open with each other?

- Everything I do, you have to do?
- I didn't do it because you did it!

Why then?

- I did it because I wanted to do it.
- Why, God almighty?

- Why?
- Because.

Because I wanted to do it.
I just wanted to see if I could do it.

Why in my house? Why in my bed?

Bob, I mean, it just seemed like
a convenient thing.

You were not going to be here.

- He's not in my pajamas, is he?
- No!

I'm sorry.

Why didn't you call me?

Why couldn't you have called me and said:

"Bob, I want to have an affair.

"Please, can I have an affair?" You call me.

Bob, I mean, I couldn't do that.

- You can't call to ask for permission.
- Yeah, it's something.

You always call me, darling.

And this time you didn't call.

- I need a drink.
- What would you like?

- You want me to get it for you, darling?
- No.

I have to get this out and get it dealt with.

Go and tell him to put his clothes on,
come downstairs, and have a drink with us.

I'll tell him.

That his car outside?

- Yes.
- The Chevy?

The Maserati.

He's afraid to come down.
He's afraid you're going to hit him.

I'm not gonna hit him! For...

Hit him in my house, that's beautiful.

Listen, I'm not going to hit.
There isn't going to be any hitting.

We don't do that in this house.
It's a nonviolent household.

We don't even allow any war toys
in the house.

Sir. Hello.

He really is scared, poor guy.

Hello?

I never should have brought him here.

Yes, you should.
You did the right thing. You were open.

No. I didn't.

- I did the wrong thing.
- No, you did not.

You know, you don't bring them
to your own house.

Look, I didn't have your kind of courage.

I had to do it in a cheap hotel room
in San Francisco.

You brought him right into your own home.

You make me feel like a little kid.
Five years old.

Wants to have his cake and eat it...

and doesn't want anybody else to have any.

I love you.

Oh, my God.

Insight.

For the love of...

Lights are going on, baby, in my head.
Lights going on. Insight.

What happened?

What actually took place?
What really, actually did happen?

You had a thing with a man.

- Yes.
- I mean, you already had it, didn't you?

Then. Nobody's hurt.

- Is anybody hurt?
- No.

Physical, it was a physical thing.

- No love?
- No. None whatsoever.

What the... For heaven's sake.

Listen, man, you decent? I'm coming in.

Hi.

I'm Bob Sanders, Carol's husband.

And I'm not gonna hit you
or anything like that.

It's nice to know you.

- I have seen you at the tennis courts.
- Yes, I teach tennis.

- I'm very embarrassed.
- Listen.

Come on, now. That's
what I was trying to say.

You mustn't be embarrassed.
You mustn't feel ill at ease.

I don't want that. Please, sit down. Here.

- Would you like to have a drink?
- Yes, thank you.

Okay. Carol, could we...

- Wait a minute, now. What would you like?
- Pernod.

I don't think we have any Pernod.

- Scotch is fine.
- We haven't had... Scotch?

Yeah, sure. Listen, I got Teachers, J&B...

let's see, we've got, Cutty Sark...

I've got some 12-year-old Ballantine.

- Ballantine would be nice.
- That's beautiful.

Let's have a couple
of Ballantines. Mine on the rocks.

- On the rocks with a little water.
- A little water.

I don't think I actually,
I didn't get your name before.

Horst.

H-O-R-S-T.

Listen, we...

my wife and I, you know, Carol and I,
recently we had...

a weekend experience.

They call it...
It's at a place called the institute.

I know. Carol told me about it.

Then you know
that we've been experimenting...

in the whole field of sexual freedom.

- I believe in that.
- I know.

And that's why, among other things,
I'd like to apologize for all of that...

- shouting...
- No...

No, I mean it. I didn't mean to,
I was caught a little off-balance.

I feel very uncomfortable
sitting here in your bedroom.

Please, I don't want you to feel that way.

The one thing
that isn't necessary is for you to...

I was just telling Horst that it really is...

very unnecessary for him
to feel uncomfortable, that he should be...

That's good.

- You are one hell of a guy.
- Didn't I tell you?

I'm trying.

You've got a lot of class.

Thank you.

Old Hogan's goat

Was feeling fine

Old Hogan's goat was feeling fine

He ate three red shirts off my line

I ain't gonna feed that goat no more

Did you bring any pot?

Did you bring any?

Any what?

You fool!

Shirts off my line

Old Hogan's goat was feeling fine

He ate three red shirts off my line

I ain't gonna feed that goat no more

Look out!

- Hello, there! How are you feeling there?
- Hello there!

So this is the Riviera.
Where's the concert theatre?

Freshen up?

I have money. Good, let's go over there.

- I'll give you some money later.
- Okay.

- Sanders? Sanders's party?
- Right, sir.

We're gonna get ourselves a suite,
we're gonna do some heavy gambling.

- How do you spell Sanders?
- S-A-N-D-E-R.

Room 934.

- I'll bet you $100 on 934.
- You don't bet here, you bet there.

I'm betting $100 on 934.

Honey, two jackpots!

Wait a minute, one more.

- We won! Do you believe this?
- Okay.

- Sorry, folks. We're just checking in.
- Do you believe it?

- Honey, can we come back and play?
- Wasn't that terrific?

You just give him a kiss for us...

and tell him we'll bring him back
some chips, okay? Goodbye.

Jimmy's fine. He's terrific.

Jimmy who? Do we have a Jimmy?

- No, we don't have a Jimmy.
- I give you a toast...

to Alice.

- Why me?
- Because you're nice.

Here's a toast to Bob and Carol
and Ted and Alice.

- That's a good... I'll drink to us.
- That's an...

Four of the grooviest people
I've ever known.

I'm really getting drunk, you know?

- Are you, honey?
- Crocked.

- What time is the show?
- We've got about another half hour.

- Will you fix me another drink?
- Yes, dear.

I love Tony Bennett. You know why?

He just sings, right there.

San Francisco

Open your golden bird

A very interesting choice of song.

I take it all back about the toast.
You're very bad.

How come I haven't heard the box score
on your last trip to San Francisco?

Actually, the reason for that is because,
there's nothing to tell.

You mean, you went to San Francisco
and didn't see that girl again?

Honey, it's none of your business.

- Bob, do you mind?
- No!

Carol? You're sure?

I do not mind because, in all truth,
I must report to you that...

that lady wasn't in San Francisco.

I see.

You really go for the nitty-gritty nowadays,
don't you, dear?

- I think it's great.
- Do you?

I do, too. I think it's marvelous. No kidding.

I hope we'll always be honest
and open with each other.

Really? You been getting any action
in town lately?

You're beautiful.

No action.

What are you, writing a gossip column?

At least not by me, in any event or rate.

- What does that mean?
- Nothing, I was just joking.

You were not.

- Sure I was!
- No, you weren't.

I was...

What?

You ready for some of the big stuff now?

- Sure.
- Come on, Alice that's enough.

One thing I think I've learned in therapy...

is that I must not impose
my values on the world.

I love my friends, no matter what they do.
Now what'd you do?

I can't claim no credit for myself...

- but Carol had an affair.
- Who?

We don't want to know.
Don't tell us who it is.

- I don't want to know.
- Who? Who was it?

Horst.

He was very decent about it, actually.
He offered to give me tennis lessons.

It's all right. You know? I'm very moved.

- Really. I feel I'm sharing a very...
- I had an affair.

...precious moment with you, you know?
That's good, honey.

I mean, I feel that it's right there...

- I had an affair.
- Honey, I said that's good.

I mean, you just don't come
right out and tell everybody...

I had an affair when I was in Miami.

I had an affair when I was in Miami, Alice.

I met her on the airplane.

I hired a car.

And we exchanged a couple of words,
and I was taking her home.

And I did it, Alice!

It really happened, Alice. It was fantastic.

It was no love, Alice,
it was just the girl was totally open.

What are you doing?

- I'm getting undressed.
- Alice, relax.

- Relax.
- Stop it, Alice.

I am being honest.
I'm doing what I feel like doing.

What do you feel like doing?

I feel like doing
what we came up here to do.

- And what is that?
- Orgy. Have an orgy.

- Alice.
- Orgy!

You're just getting even with Ted.

Listen. Will you tell me
why you think we came up here?

- To have fun!
- And what is more fun than an orgy?

You're flipping.
Will you put your clothes on?

That fooling around in the car
and all that stuff.

You don't think that was accidental,
do you?

- Alice, darling, look.
- What?

You're being completely psychoanalytical.

I have no interest in sleeping with Ted.

I have no interest in sleeping with Carol.

You'd love to sleep with Carol!

And you're dying to do it with Ted.

That's sick.
That is really a sick thing to say, Alice.

- I have no interest in sleeping with Ted.
- No?

But you slept with Horst.

But that was an entirely different situation.

- It was different.
- That was totally different.

There was no friendship there.

- There was no love.
- Right.

- I mean, Ted is like my family.
- Is he?

- We love each other. We're involved.
- We're like brother and sister.

- It would be incestuous.
- Cop-out!

You're just being perverse,
I shouldn't have told you. I'm sorry.

I had no right having an affair.

You had every right,
just as I have the right...

I told you because I'm guilty.

- You enjoyed it, didn't you?
- I couldn't help myself.

- She was a very attractive girl.
- Listen.

I don't want to sleep with Ted.
Bob does not want to sleep with you.

Wait a minute.
Bob doesn't want to sleep with me? Bob.

- Don't be disgusting.
- Bob!

- Alice, don't be disgusting.
- Bob!

Hello.

Would you like to go to bed with me?

- Bob.
- Come on, Alice.

Honey, come on.

You're trying to make me say something...

that's going to embarrass everybody,
and make you very unhappy.

I don't think so.
Look, never in my wildest imagination...

in the darkest recesses of my mind...

- You're the wife of my best friend.
- Forget your mind. We're not discussing it.

- You're talking about...
- Do you want to go to bed?

...an imaginary situation.

- Could you make love to me?
- Will you cut this out?

Don't cop out. Can you?

- I suppose I could.
- You son of a bitch!

Great friend!
You're a great friend to me. My friend.

That's your husband.
He could make love to my wife.

Come on, she's dealing with
an imaginary situation.

- Cop-out!
- And I'm trying to be honest.

And don't tell me that you couldn't possibly
make love to Carol.

Absolutely not!

- Under no condition.
- Is that a fact?

- You don't find Carol attractive?
- Of course I find her attractive.

And I love her very much, but like my sister.

I know you love her, man.
That's not in question here.

Does she turn you on?

Yes, in a way,
but that's because of our relationship.

No. Forget the relationship.

I can't forget about it.
I can't forget our relationship.

I let a tennis pro do it, I would let you do it.
Don't you see?

Now, just give me an answer. Yes or no?

Insight.

What a beautiful woman!

You see. You see right through us.

You're beautiful.

- You know where it's at.
- You're helping a lot.

No. She's right. Alice is right.

This is where we are at.
Now what is wrong? What is so wrong?

Wait a second. Carol, look,
we're a close-knit group of people.

We see each other all the time.

I think it's difficult enough for us
to maintain one sexual relationship at home.

And one in Miami.

- Carol, stop it.
- Bob, Alice is absolutely right.

We have to be straight about this.

Now I'm beginning to feel something.

I'm beginning to feel excited.

Now do you want me to deny that?

No.

What do you feel for Alice?

- Alice, I could go to bed with you.
- I'm not going to bed with anybody.

Why, Ted? Why not?

- I know you too well.
- Lf Bob says it's all right...

and Alice says it's all right,
and I say it's all right.

- It just seems wrong.
- It's not.

Look, it's just nice feelings,
it's something that we've never done before.

It's physical fun. It's just sex.

Come on, it'll be fun.

I do feel aroused. I can't deny that.

- It would be purely physical.
- Purely. It would be purely physical.

Come on, it'll be fun.

- She's right, man. It's beautiful.
- But what the hell is the big deal?

We're supposed to experience everything.

Honey, would you get that?

First we'll have an orgy,
and then we'll go see Tony Bennett.

Come on.

No.

Did you put any money into Pittston, Bob?

No.

I'm sick with myself, too.

You know, I gave everybody I knew
Worthington Oil...

and it was only at three,
and I didn't take any myself.

What is it at now?

Fifteen.