Original subtitles

My other vehicle was a hamster wheel!

[ Cow moos ]

[ Munching ]

Ew, Uncle G, what're you doing?

Yeah. What's up with all these pretzels?

[ Wheezes ]

Here. Drink some water.

There's supposed to be a prize

inside certain bags of pretzels --

like a contest, you know?

I haven't found one yet, though,

and my jaw is getting pretty tired.

Uncle Grandpa, I've told you before,

it's really hard to win those types of contests.

Ooh!

I won!

[ Laughs ]

In...

your...

face!

Let's see what the prize is.

A bus pass?!

I don't want to ride the bus.

Oh! Can I have it?

Please?

Knock yourself out.

Yeah! [ Laughs ]

[ Screams ]

Ah!

Sweet victory.

Now to enjoy this unusually smooth bus ride.

This bus driver is doing a great job.

I'd better go give him my compliments.

Might I say, great job, sir.

As the winner of the pretzel contest,

I wanted to let you know how smooth your --

Boogie Man?!

Hey, Uncle Grandpa.

[ Whimpering ]

Wait!

How come you're driving the city bus

and not out scaring kids?

Well, times have changed.

Kids just aren't scared of the old Boogie Man anymore,

so I took this job driving the bus.

Got to make a living.

Whoa, you really aren't scary anymore.

Hey, I'm still a little scary, Uncle G.

I'm just doing this now, that's all.

But, uh, I'll tell you, nothing beats scaring.

[ Sobs softly ] What I wouldn't give

just to scare one more time.

Boogie Man, you used to be a legend!

And I don't like to see a guy like you

give up without a fight.

Ah, who are you kidding?!

I'm all washed up.

That's nonsense!

And with my help,

you'll be back to scaring kids in no time.

Ahh!

[ Brakes squeal ]

Wait. I don't think I can just abandon my post.

Ah, you'll be fine. Just trust me.

Okay, let's start simple.

Do that thing you used to do that really scared me.

Sorry, i-it's been so long,

I can't remember what I used to do to scare you.

It was this thing where you kind of went like...

Aah, it was so scary!

Well, there's got to be other things

you can do to scare people.

Hmm.

[ Ding! ] I've got an idea!

Come with me!

[ Humming ]

[ Slurps ]

[ Humming ]

I bet you he's gonna freak out.

[ Ghostly ] Oooh!

[ Ghostly ] Oooh!

Oooh!

Oooh!

Man, what the?! [ Grunts ]

[ Screams ]

Sorry, sorry!

[ Screaming ]

Ohh...

I-It's okay. I'm okay.

Don't you worry, Boogie Man.

I know who we can scare for sure -- Tiger.

We're gonna scare the stripes off of her!

[ Scoffs ]

Go, go, go, go! Quick, quick, quick!

Just wait till she's not looking,

then pop out and scare her.

[ Weakly ] Oooh!

[ Roars ]

[ Screaming ]

Oh, no, Boogie Man, what happened?!

I thought she'd be scared for sure.

Here, come with me.

I know who we can scare.

[ Engine revs ] -Sorry, boys,

but nothing scares Pizza Steve.

I think I believe him.

Nine letter word, starting with "D."

Hmm.

Dissipate.

[ Munches ]

He is gonna freak out when he sees this.

Watch.

[ Chuckles ]

All right, very funny.

Who's the comedian?!

-Boo! -[ Grunts ]

Oh, no, Boogie Man!

Are you okay? -Ohh.

Uncle Grandpa, none of these things are working.

Yeah, I think I know what the problem might be.

You're just not scary anymore.

I'm just gonna go back to my job driving the bus.

Hey, there, Agnes.

Nuh-ah-ah!

Where do you think you're going?!

My next shift starts in a few minutes.

Oh, no, it doesn't!

You're fired. -What?!

You abandoned your bus in mid route.

We called you several times to see what was going on!

Yeah, it's true!

They did call a bunch of times,

but I told them you didn't want the job anymore.

That job was all I had!

This is all your fault!

I think I have to go, uh, pick up some dry cleaning!

[ Screaming ]

[ Roars ]

[ Screaming ]

[ Laughs maniacally ]

There's nowhere to run, Uncle Grandpa.

Nowhere to hide.

[ Screams ]

I got to find a safe place to hide!

The cement factory! Perfect!

[ Panting ]

[ Loud clicking ] [ Gasps ]

Boogie Man: [ Laughs maniacally ]

[ Screams ]

Have a ball, baby!

[ Laughs ]

I'm so scared!

What did you just say?

I said, "I'm so scared!" Everyone is.

[ Whimpering ]

Uncle Grandpa, you did it!

You made me scary again!

Yeah, I know. It was terrible.

Oh, thank you so much, Uncle G!

This is great!

[ Shudders ]

[ Roars ]

[ Laughs ]

Wow.

What a story.

Good morning! Boogie Man?!

I thought you got fired from driving the bus driving!

Yeah, but I was able to convince my boss

to give me my old job back.

I've been scaring kids at night again, thanks to you.

But the money's not so good.

So this job really helps pay the bills.

Wow, that's awesome.

Mm-hmm.

Say, Uncle Grandpa, what do you say

you ride up here with your old pal Boogie Man!

No, thanks!

[ Whimpering ]

[ Chuckles ]

Suit yourself.

[ Both laughing ]

Tag, you're it!

Once upon a time long, long ago,

there was a very evil, mean, and smelly man.

Let's call him Mr. Gus!

And he had two beautiful children,

called Pizza Hansel and Uncle Gretel.

But mean old Mr. Gus

didn't want to pay for their hot dogs

or school tuition anymore,

so he took them on a fun trip --

To the Deep Dark Woods.

He told them to wander into the forest to gather wood.

And he promised he'd be back to get them in a few days.

[ Both coughing ] But that was a lie.

His children and his problems

would be lost in the woods forever.

[ Sighs ] Finally.

Uncle Grandpa: Fortunately, little Pizza Hansel

was a crafty as he was attractive --

and he was very attractive.

He took little pieces of his pizza crust head...

[ Grunts ] ...and laid them on the ground,

so they could find their way back out of the woods.

Unfortunately, a giant realistic flying forest tiger

ate up all the crust crumbs.

[ Ding! ]

Without the crust crumbs,

Pizza Hansel and Uncle Gretel were completely lost.

[ German accent ] Oh, no! Vot are vee going to do?!

[ German accent ] Relaxen, mein sister,

for I have an unbelievably swanky sense of direction.

Hmm. Probably this way!

Oh, mein brother, you are so smart and uber cool!

Chyeah, I know!

Ve'll be home before you can say "schadenfreude."

[ Singing om-pah-pah tune ]

[ Groans ]

Guess zis is it for zee handsome Hansel.

Ooh, but, Hansel, look!

Zee house made of hot dogs?!

[ Ding! ]

[ Munching ] [ Munching ]

Enjoying devouring my home, children?

Come inside!

I have even more treats for you!

[ Chuckles evilly ]

Both: Ooh, ja!

Uncle Grandpa: However, she actually wanted to

fatten up Uncle Gretel, cook him, and eat him.

But she then realized

Uncle Gretel was fat enough already.

So Old Witch Gus put young Hansel in the oven

to stoke the flames.

I'll be with you in a moment, my tasty little piggy.

[ Chuckles ]

Hey, do you mind closing zee door?

You're letting all the sweat heat out.

Why, you little!

I'll teach you to be nonchalant!

[ Munching ]

Get back here, you slippery worm!

Pizza Hansel!

[ Stomach rumbles ]

[ Farts ]

Fellas, can you let me out, please?

Are we really doing zis?

It is a dark story...

[ Screams ]

But it is a moral story!

And so they cooked her and ate her!

The end!

Very good -- bravo!

Why was I playing the two bad guys in the story?!

At least you got a part!

[ Upbeat music plays ]

That was quite delicious.