All language subtitles for Smoke 1995 720p BRRip x264 titler

This is so cute!

Bye.

As the Mets,
who trailed 2-0...

have stormed in front 4-2 and
look to do some more damage...

against the Cincinnati Reds
here at Shea Stadium.

Now the 0-1 pitch,
and he smokes it deep to left field!

This one will make it to the wall,
and it's one hop off the fence!

I'm gonna tell you why
they're not goin' anywhere.

Why aren't they
goin' anywhere, Tommy?

- Management.
- Oh, Jesus!

Those guys are walkin' around
with their heads up their asses.

- Right. Yeah. - Well, ya know,
they made some good trades too.

Carter and Hernandez. Without them two,
there never would've been a World Series.

- Am I right, Jerry?
- That was four years ago! That's it.

- I am talkin' about now.
Look who they got rid of. - Yeah.

- McDowell, Mitchell, Backman,
Aguilera, Dykstra. - Aguilera!

Mookie. Mookie! Mookie!
Mookie Wilson, for Christ's sake!

Oh, please, please.
Don't forget Nolan Ryan.

Yeah, don't forget Amos Otis.

Amos Otis!

The team was good.

The best fuckin' team in baseball,
and they had to go screw it up.

Hey, yeah, Auggie.
How's it goin'?

Hey, man.
Good to see ya.

- What can I do for you today?
- Two tins of Schimmelpennincks...

and, uh, throw in a lighter
while you're at it.

The boys and me were just
having a philosophical discussion...

about women and cigars.

Yeah, well, I suppose that all
goes back to Queen Elizabeth.

- The queen of England?
- Yeah, not Elizabeth the Second.

Elizabeth the First.
Did you ever hear of Sir Walter Raleigh?

Yeah, sure. That's the guy who
threw his cloak down over that puddle.

Uh, uh, I used to smoke
Raleigh cigarettes.

Yeah, they came with
a free gift coupon in every pack.

That's the man. Well, Raleigh was the
person who introduced tobacco in England.

And since he was a,
a favorite of the queen's...

Queen Bessy he
used to call her...

smoking caught on
as a fashion in court.

I'm sure old, old Bess must've shared
a stogie or two with Sir Walter.

Once...
he made a bet with her...

that he could measure
the weight of smoke.

You mean, weigh smoke?

Exactly.
Weigh smoke.

Can't do that.
That's like weighin' air.

I admit, it's strange. It's almost
like weighing someone's soul...

but Sir Walter
was a clever guy.

First he took an
unsmoked cigar...

and he put it on a balance
and weighed it.

Then he lit up.

He smoked the cigar, carefully tapping
the ashes into the balance pan.

When he was finished, he put the butt
into the pan along with the ashes...

and weighed what was there.

Then he subtracted
that number...

from the original weight
of the unsmoked cigar.

The difference...

was the weight
of the smoke.

He's a writer.
Lives in the neighborhood.

Well, what kind of writer is he?
An underwriter?

Very funny.

The cracks you make, Tommy.

Sometimes I think
you should see a doctor.

You know, go in for some
wit therapy or something.

- Oh-ho.
- To clean out the valves in your brain.

It's just a joke, Auggie.

He's a novelist.

Paul Benjamin.
Ever hear of him?

That's a stupid question.

The only things you guys ever
read are the racing forms...

and the sports page
of the Post.

He's published
three or four books.

But nothing now for
the past few years.

Well, what's the matter?
He run outta ideas or somethin'?

He ran outta luck.

Remember the holdup out here on
Seventh Avenue a few years back?

- Yeah. Oh, yeah.
- You mean the bank, right?

- They were sprayin' bullets all
over the street. - Yeah, that's it.

- Four people got killed, and one of
them was Paul's wife. - Oh, man.

The poor lug.
He's never been the same since.

The funny thing was, she stopped
in here just before it happened...

to stock up
on cigars for him.

She was a nice lady, Ellen.
Four or five months pregnant at the time.

Which means that when she got killed,
the baby got killed too.

- Wow. - Hey. It was a bad day
at Black Rock, eh, Auggie?

It was bad, all right.

You know, sometimes I think that if she
hadn't given me exact change that day...

or if the store had been
a little more crowded...

then maybe it would've taken a few
more seconds to get outta here...

and she wouldn't have stepped
in front of that bullet.

She'd still be alive,
the baby would've been born.

Hey! What are you
doin' there, kid?

Cut it out, you...

Hey!

You better watch out, man!
You'll get yourself killed like that!

It's a law of the universe.

Please, you have to let me
do something for you...

to put the scales...
in balance.

It's okay.

- I think of something, I'll send my butler
over to tell you about it. - Please!

Let me at least buy
you a cup of coffee.

I don't drink coffee.

Lo...
On the other hand...

since you insist...

if you offered me a cold lemonade,
I wouldn't say no.

Good.

My name is Paul.

I'm Rashid.
Rashid Cole.

Listen, if someone was
to offer you a place to stay...

you wouldn't necessarily refuse,
would you?

People don't do that kind of thing,
not in New York.

I'm not people, I'm just me, and I do
whatever I goddamn wanna do. Got it?

Um, thanks.
I'll manage.

In case you're wondering,
I like women, not little boys.

And I'm not offering you
a long-term lease.

I'm just...

offering you a place to crash
for a couple of nights.

I can take care of myself.
Don't worry.

Suit yourself.

But in case you change
your mind, uh...

Miss?
Uh, uh, Sue?

Do you happen to have
a pen I can borrow, if...

I need it back.

Yeah. In case you
change your mind...

here's my address.

You never take anything
serious, do you?

I try not to, anyway.

It's better for your health.
I mean, look at you, Vincent.

You're the guy with the wife and the three
kids and the ranch house on Long Island.

You're the guy with the...
with the white shoes...

and the white Caddy and
the white shag carpet...

but you've had two heart attacks,
and I'm still waitin' for my first.

I should stop smoking these
is what I should do.

Fuckers are gonna kill me
one of these days.

- Enjoy yourself while you can, Vin.
- Yeah.

They're gonna legislate us outta
business pretty soon anyway.

Yeah. Pretty soon,
they catch you smoking tobacco...

they'll line you up against
a wall and shoot you.

Yeah. Tobacco today,
sex tomorrow.

Three or four years, it'll probably be
against the law to smile at strangers.

Speaking of which, uh...

you still goin' ahead with that
deal on the Monte Cristos?

It's all set. My guy in Miami said he'd
have 'em for me in the next few weeks.

You sure you don't
wanna go in with me?

Five thousand dollars' outlay,
a guaranteed ten thousand-dollar return.

A consortium of Court Street
lawyers and judges.

They're just droolin' to get their
lips around some Cuban cigars.

Look, I don't care what you do,
just don't get caught, huh?

Last thing I heard, it's still illegal
to sell Cuban cigars in this country.

It's the law that's buying.
That's the beautiful thing about it.

I mean, when's the last time you heard
of a judge sending himself to jail?

Suit yourself. Just don't
keep the boxes here too long.

They come, they go out.
I got it planned to the last detail.

I gotta get goin'.
Terry'll bust my chops if I'm late.

- I'll see you in September, Auggie.
- Okay, my man.

- Are you closed?
- Run outta Schimmelpennincks?

Yeah. Suppose I could buy
a couple off you before you leave?

No problem.

It's not as though I'm rushing
off to the opera or anything.

Looks like someone
forgot a camera.

Yeah.
I did.

- That's yours?
- It's mine, all right.

I've owned that little
sucker for a long time.

I didn't know you
took pictures.

I guess you could
call it a hobby.

Only takes me five minutes a day
to do it, but I do it every day.

Rain or shine,
sleet or snow.

Sorta like the postman.

So you're not just some guy who
pushes coins across a counter.

Well, that's what
people see, but...

that ain't necessarily
what I am.

They're all the same.

That's right. More than 4,000
pictures of the same place.

The corner of Third Street and Seventh
Avenue at 8:00 in the morning.

Four thousand straight days
in all kinds of weather.

That's why I can
never take a vacation.

I gotta be in my spot every
morning at the same time.

Every morning in the same
spot at the same time.

I've never seen
anything like this.

It's my project.

What you'd call...
my life's work.

Amazing.

- I'm not sure I get it, though.
I mean, uh... - What?

What was it that gave you
the idea to do this... project?

I don't know.

Just came to me.
It's my corner, after all.

I mean, it's just one
little part of the world...

but things take place there, too,
just like everywhere else.

It's a record of
my little spot.

It's kind of overwhelming.

You'll never get it if you
don't slow down, my friend.

What do you mean?

I mean, you're goin' too fast. You're
hardly even lookin' at the pictures.

But...

they're all the same.

They're all the same, but each one
is different from every other one.

You got your bright mornings
and your dark mornings.

You got your summer light
and your autumn light.

You got your weekdays
and your weekends.

You got your people in
overcoats and galoshes...

and you got your people
in T-shirts and shorts.

Sometimes the same people,
sometimes different ones.

Sometimes the different
ones become the same...

and the same
ones disappear.

The Earth revolves around
the sun, and every day...

the light from the sun hits
the Earth at a different angle.

Slow down, huh?

That's what I'd recommend.

You know how it is.
"Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow...

time creeps on its petty pace. "

Oh, Jesus.

Look.

It's Ellen.

Yeah.
That's her, all right.

She's in quite a few
from that year.

Must've been on
her way to work.

Huh, it's Ellen.

Look at her.

Look at my sweet darling.

Shit!

- Who is it?
- Rashid.

- Who?
- Rashid Cole.

The lemonade kid, remember?

Oh. Yeah.
Come on up.

Come on in.

I didn't expect
to see you again.

Same here.

But, uh, I had a long talk with my
accountant this afternoon, ya know...

to see how a move like this would affect my
tax picture, and he said it would be okay.

Time to wake up.

Rashid.

Up and at 'em, huh?
I gotta work.

Slumber party's over.

What time is it?

It's 8:30.

- It's 8:30? - You'll find juice and
eggs and milk in the refrigerator.

Cereal's in the cupboard.
Coffee's hot.

- Take what you want,
but I gotta get to work. - All right.

- Okay?
- Yeah.

Man, you make a lot of noise.
Can't you see I'm trying to work?

Sorry. They just slipped
outta my hands.

A little less clumsiness would
be nice, don't ya think?

- How long have you been staying here?
- Two nights.

And how long did I tell you
you could stay?

A couple of nights.

Well, it looks like our time
is up then, doesn't it?

Sorry I messed up.

You've been
very kind to me...

but all good things
must come to an end.

No hard feelings, okay?
I...

This is a small apartment, and I can't
get my work done with you around.

You don't have to apologize.

Coast is probably
clear now anyway.

Are you gonna be all right?

Absolutely. The world is my oyster,
whatever that means.

You need some money?
Extra clothes?

Not a penny, not a stitch.
I'm cool, man.

Take care of yourself, okay?

Yeah. You too. Make sure the light is
green before you cross the street.

Oh, by the way,
I liked your book.

I think you're a
hell of a good writer.

- Is your name Paul Benjamin?
- How can I help you?

I just wanna know what your
game is, mister, that's all.

How the hell did you
get into this building?

How did I get it? I pushed the door
and walked in. What do you think?

That damn lock
is broken again.

So you just barge in on strangers?
Is that what you do? Is that your game?

I'm looking for
my nephew, Thomas.

- Thomas? Who's Thomas? - Don't give
me any of that. I know he's been here.

- You can't fool me, mister.
- I'm telling you.

I don't know anyone
named Thomas.

Thomas Cole.
Thomas Jefferson Cole.

My nephew!

You mean Rashid?

Rashid?

Rashid. Is that what
he told you his name was?

Well, whatever his name is,
he's not here anymore.

He left a couple days ago, and
I haven't heard from him since.

What was he doing here in the first place?
That's what I wanna know.

What's a man like you messing around
with a black boy like Thomas for?

- You some kind of pervert or what?
- Now look, lady.

That is enough. You don't calm down,
I'm gonna throw you outta here.

- You hear me? Right now.
- I just wanna know where he is.

Well, as far as I know,
he went back to his parents.

His parents?
Is that what he told you? His parents?

That's what he said. He said he lived with
his mother and father on East 74th Street.

I always knew that boy
had an imagination...

but now he's gone and made up
a whole new life for himself.

Oh, Jesus.

Do you mind if I sit down?

Look, he's been living with me and
his Uncle Henry since he was a baby.

And we don't live in Manhattan.
We live in Boerum Hill.

- In the Projects.
- You mean...

he doesn't go
to the Trinity school?

He goes to John Jay
High School in Brooklyn.

And his parents?

His mother's dead, and he hasn't
seen his father in 12 years.

I shouldn't have let him go.

Did anything happen recently?

Unexpected?
Anything unusual?

Well, there's one thing, I suppose, but I
don't think it has anything to do with this.

A friend of mine called
about two weeks ago.

Said she spotted
Thomas's father...

workin' at some gas station
outside of Peekskill.

And you told your
nephew about that?

I figured he had
a right to know.

- And?
- And nothing.

Thomas looked at me straight in the
eye and said, "I don't have a father.

As far as I'm concerned,
the son-of-a-bitch is dead. "

You gonna sit here all day?

I don't know.
I haven't decided yet.

Why don't you go find
yourself another spot?

You know, it gives a man the
creeps to be stared at all morning.

It's a free country, isn't it?

As long as I'm not trespassing on your
property, I can sit here 'til kingdom come.

Let me give you some very
useful information, kid.

There's $2.57 in the
cash register over there.

Now, considering how long
you been casing the joint...

I'd say that's about, uh,
50 cents an hour for your pains.

Any way you slice it,
it's a losing proposition.

Okay?

I'm not trying
to rob you, mister.

- I look like a thief to you?
- I don't know what you look like.

As far as I can tell, you kinda sprouted
up like a mushroom last night.

You from around this town, or you
just kinda goin' from here to there?

- I'm just passing through.
- You're just passing through?

Yep.

Lonesome traveler.
You just... plop your knapsack down.

Sit across from my garage
just to admire the view.

There are... a lot
better places to roam, kid.

Ya know? I mean, you don't want to
make a nuisance of yourself, right?

I was working on a sketch.

That garage of yours
is so rundown...

it's kinda interesting.

Yeah.
It's rundown.

You drawin' a picture of it,
it ain't gonna improve it.

- Let me see what you got.
- Cost you five bucks.

Five bucks? Five bucks just
to look at your picture?

- Hey, once you look at it,
you're gonna wanna buy it. - Hmm.

That's guaranteed,
and that's the price. Five bucks.

So if you're not willing to spring for it,
you might as well not look at it.

Once you look at it, it's just gonna tear
you up inside, make you all miserable.

Oh.
Son-of-a-bitch.

- You're some piece of work, man.
- I just tell it like it is, mister.

I'm gettin' on your nerves, though.
You might wanna think about hiring me.

Are those...
eyes in your head...

or those two brown spots bulgin'
outta their sockets just marbles?

I mean, you been
sitting here all day.

How many people you seen
drive up and ask me for gas?

- Not a one.
- Not a one.

- Not a one.
- Nope.

- Not one customer?
- Nope.

I bought this piece of land here, this
piece-of-shit place, about three weeks ago.

If it don't pick up business soon,
I'm goin' down the skids.

So what the fuck do I wanna
be hirin' somebody for?

I can't even
pay my own wages.

It was just a thought.

Well, you should keep your
fuckin' thoughts to yourself.

Keep your hands to yourself.

Auggie.

Auggie, I think
there's a customer.

Hello, Auggie.

It's really you,
isn't it, Auggie?

Christ, Ruby.
It's been so long.

I figured you were dead.

Eighteen and a half years.

Is that all?
I thought it was about 300.

You're lookin' good, Auggie.

No, I'm not.
I look like shit.

And so do you, Ruby.
You look just awful.

What's with that patch, anyway?

What'd you do with
that old blue marble?

Hock it for a bottle of gin?

I don't really
wanna talk about it.

If you really wanna know,
I lost it.

I'm not sorry I did.

The thing was cursed.
Never gave me nothin' but grief.

And you think it looks better to go
around dressed up like Captain Hook?

You always were
a son-of-a-bitch.

A little weasel
with a fast, dirty mouth.

At least I stay
true to myself.

Which is more than I can say
about some people.

Look. I came here to talk
to you about something...

and I think the least you can do
is listen to what I have to say.

You owe me that much. I drove here
all the way from Pittsburgh...

and I ain't goin' back
'til you heard me out.

Fine. Talk away,
lady of my dreams. I'm all ears.

I think this is
between you and I.

Maybe we can
have some privacy.

You heard her, pipsqueak. The lady and
I have private business to discuss.

Go outside and wait
in front of the door.

If anyone tries to come in,
you tell 'em we're closed. You got it?

Yeah, I got it.
Store's closed.

When do I tell 'em it's open?

When I tell ya it's open.

It's open when
I tell ya it's open!

Okay.

Got it.
You don't have to yell.

All right, sugar.
What's on your mind?

Will you stop starin' at me like that?
It gives me the creeps.

Like what?

Like that.
The way you're starin'at me.

I mean, I'm not
gonna eat you up.

I came to ask for your help,

and if you keep starin' at me like that,
I might start screamin'.

Help, huh? I don't suppose this help could
have anything to do with money, could it?

Don't rush me. You jump to conclusions.
I haven't even opened my mouth yet.

Besides...
it isn't for me.

It's for our daughter.

Our dau... daughter?

Is that what you said?
"Our daughter"?

I mean, you might have a daughter,
but I sure as hell don't.

And even if I did,
which I don't...

she wouldn't
be our daughter.

Her name is Felicity.

She just turned 18, and she ran away
from Pittsburgh about a year ago.

And... now she's living
here in Brooklyn...

with, uh, some guy
called Chico...

in some shit-hole.

And she's... she's
strung out on crack...

and she's four
months pregnant.

I can't bear to think
about that child, Auggie.

It's our grandchild. Can you
believe that? Our grandchild.

Stop it, already.
Just stop all this crap right now.

Was that your idea
to call her Felicity?

- It means "happiness. "
- I know what it means.

That still don't
make it a good name.

I don't know who else
to turn to, Auggie.

You've suckered me before,
sweetheart.

Why should I
believe you now?

Why should I lie to you?

You think it's easy, comin' in here,
talkin' to you... to this place?

Why would I do that...
if I didn't have to?

That's what you told me when
I shoplifted that necklace for you.

You remember, baby, don't ya?

The judge gave me a choice:

Either enlist or
go to the can.

So I wind up in the Navy for four years
instead of goin' to college.

I watched men lose
their arms and legs.

I almost get my head blown off,
and you, sweet Ruby McNutt...

you run off and marry
that... asshole, Bill.

You didn't write to me for over a year.
What was I supposed to think?

Yeah, well, I lost my pen!

By the time I got a new one,
I was clean outta paper.

It was all over with Bill
before you came home.

You may not
remember it now, but...

you were pretty hot
to see me back then.

You weren't so
lukewarm yourself.

At least at first.

It fizzled, baby.
That's the way it goes.

But we had our good times.
It wasn't all bad.

A couple of moments,
I'll grant ya that.

And that's how Felicity came into the
picture. One of those two seconds.

You're conning me, sweetheart.
I ain't responsible for no baby!

I thought I could handle it.

I didn't wanna bug you. I thought
I could handle it... on my own.

And I couldn't.

She's in it real bad, Auggie.

Nice try, old girl.
I'd like to help you out.

You know,
for old times' sake.

But I really can't right now.

All my spare cash is tied
up in a business venture...

and, uh, I haven't collected
on my profits yet.

Too bad. You caught me
at the wrong time.

- Auggie always gives me cigars...
- You really are a coldhearted bastard.

- Look, I want my cigars.
- How'd you get to be so mean, Auggie?

I know. You think
I'm lyin' to you, but I'm not.

- Get out of my way! - Every word
I told you was the God's own truth.

Hey, store's closed.
Didn't you hear what the kid said?

- Yeah, but your sign says you're open
from 8:00 to 6:00. - The store's closed!

The goddamn store's closed!

You're takin'all the oxygen,
you fat fuck!

Tell ya what.

Wanna work?
I'll give ya a job.

You see that upstairs room?
The one above the office?

It's a hell of a mess.

It looks like they been throwin'
junk in there for 20 years.

Needs to be cleaned up.

What you offering?

Five bucks an hour.
That's the going rate, right?

It's about
a quarter past 2:00 now.

My wife's gonna pick me
up around about 5:30.

So that give you
about three hours.

What you can't finish today,
you can finish up tomorrow.

And is there a benefits package, or are
you hiring me on a freelance basis?

- Benefits?
- Yeah.

You know, health insurance,
dental plan, paid vacation?

It's not fun being exploited.
Workers have to stand up for their rights.

Yeah.

No, I think we're gonna work
on a strictly freelance basis here.

Hmm.

- Five dollars an hour?
- Yeah.

- All right, I'll take it.
- Oh.

Cyrus Cole.

I'm Paul.
Paul Benjamin.

- Let's take a pause, kid. Relax.
- All right.

Okay.

I don't mean to be nosy, but I was
wondering what happened to your arm.

See this, uh, ugly piece
of hardware, you know.

Look at it.

Tell you what happened
to my arm?

I'll tell you what
happened to me.

Uh, 12 years ago...

God looked down on me
and said, "Cyrus...

"you're a bad, stupid,
selfish man.

"First, I'm gonna fill
your body with spirits.

"And I'm gonna put you
behind the wheel of a car.

"Then I'm gonna have you
crash that car...

"kill the woman
that loves you.

"But you, Cyrus,
I'm gonna let you live.

"Because living's a lot
worse than dying, kid.

"But just to make sure
that you don't forget...

"what you did to
that poor girl...

I'm gonna rip off your arm,
and I'm gonna replace it with a hook. "

Now He could've ripped off
both my arms, both my legs.

But, uh, nope.
Mm-mm.

He was gonna be merciful
and just rip off...

my left arm.

So every time
I look at this hook...

I can remember...

what a bad, stupid,
selfish man I am.

Let that be a lesson
to you, Cyrus.

A lesson so you
can mend your ways.

A warning.

So, have you
mended your ways?

Well, I try.

Every day...

Oh.
Who's that?

Is that daddy?

- Hey.
- How ya doin'?

- Oof!
- How ya doin'? You all right?

If I have to wash one more old lady's hair,
my fingers are gonna fall off...

but I'm all right.

- That's good. That means
you're busy. - Yeah.

- Real busy.
- It's kinda sleepy around here.

Well, it's early days yet, Cy.

Yeah.
Look who's here.

Who's that?

Uh-oh.

- Uh-oh. Let's come out and see.
- How ya doin'?

Ohhh.

Okay, let's go.

Oh, it's you.

Look, I just wanted to give you this
as a token of my appreciation.

Appreciation for what?

I don't know.
For helping me out.

You want it?

- Where did you get that thing?
- Bought it.

Twenty-nine...
twenty-nine, ninety-five on sale.

Goldbaum's TV and Radio.

Well, I guess that
just about does it.

Now you'll be able to watch the games,
you know, as a break from your work.

Where do you think
you're going?

Business meeting.
I'm meeting my accountant at 3:00.

Cut it out, will you?
Just cut it out.

- Come back here.
- I don't really have time.

Close the door.

And sit in this chair.

Now listen carefully.

Your Aunt Em came by
a couple of days ago.

She was... sick with worry.
She was out of her mind.

We had an interesting
talk about you...

Thomas.

You understand
what I'm saying?

Your Aunt Em thinks
you're in trouble...

and so do I.

Tell me about it, kid.
I wanna hear all about it right now.

You don't really
wanna know.

I don't, huh? What is it that makes you such
an authority on what I want and don't want?

- Okay. Okay.
- Well...

- Jesus!
- Okay.

It's all so stupid.

There's this guy, see?
Charles Clem, the Creeper.

That's what people call him.

The kind of guy you don't
wanna cross paths with.

- Yeah?
- And I crossed paths with him.

That's why I'm tryin' to stay
clear of my neighborhood,

make sure I don't
run into him again.

Does this have anything to do with whatever
it was you weren't supposed to see?

Yes.

Look, I just happened to be walking by.
All of a sudden,

the Creeper and this other guy come
running outta the check cashing place...

with masks on their faces
and guns in their hands.

They just about run
smack into me.

And the Creeper recognizes me.

And I know he knows
that I recognize him.

If the guy from the check cashing place
hadn't run out screaming bloody murder...

he would've shot me.

I'm telling you, the Creeper would've
shot me right there on the sidewalk.

But the noise distracted him...

and when he turned around to see
what was going on, I took off.

One more second and
I would've been dead.

Why didn't you go to the police?

The man has friends...

and I don't think they're likely to
forgive me if I testify against him.

What makes you think you'll
be any safer around here?

You're only about a mile
from where you live.

It's not that far away,
but... it's another galaxy.

Black is black,
and white is white...

and never the
twain shall meet.

Well, it looks like they've
met in this apartment.

Let's not get too idealistic.

Fair enough.

I wouldn't wanna get
carried away now, would I?

What?

You call your Aunt Em
and tell her you're still alive.

Cone will try and help himself
in this pitchers' duel.

Coming up for the second
time this afternoon...

And he swings and fouls the
first pitch back for strike one.

Count's 0-1. It's still hard to
watch him swing a bat...

without thinking of that pitch
from Atlee Hammaker...

that broke one of his fingers
a few years ago, forced David...

Around first, headed into
second is David Cone.

And the Mets' pitcher,
Dave Cone, has himself...

Brooklyn boogie

Flatbush extension

Coney Island

Mm, and the Belt Parkway

Auggie. Get in the car, Auggie.
I got something to show you.

- You don't give up do you?
- Just get in the car and shut up.

- I'm not asking you to do anything.
Just come with me. - Where to?

Damn it, Auggie, don't ask so
many questions. Just get in the car!

- I told her she was gonna
meet her father. - You what?

It's the only way, Auggie.
Otherwise, she wasn't gonna see me.

- You better stop the car
and let me out. - No, no, no.

Come on, come on. Just relax,
will ya, please? Now just relax.

It's not like you have to do anything. You
gotta go in there and pretend a little bit.

It wouldn't kill you to do me
a little favor, ya know.

Besides,
you might learn something.

- Yeah? Like what? - Maybe you'll find
out I wasn't bullshittin' you, sweetheart.

Like maybe you'll find out
I was telling you the truth.

Look, I'm not saying you
don't have a daughter.

It's just that she's
not my daughter.

Stop. Wait 'til
you see her, Auggie.

- What's that supposed to mean?
- She looks just like you.

- Cut it out. - Oh, no. Look,
I gotta tell you something.

- When I told her she was gonna meet...
- Just cut it out.

When I told her she was gonna meet
her father, she absolute... she melted.

She hasn't spoken nice
to me since she left home.

She's dying to see you, Auggie.

Nice neighborhood
you brought me to.

Full of happy,
prosperous people.

Honey?
Felicity?

- Well?
- Well, what?

Well, aren't you
gonna say anything?

- What do you want me to say?
- I don't know.

Uh, hello, Mom.
Hello, Dad.

- Something like that.
- I ain't got no daddy, you dig?

I got born last week when
some dog fucked you up the ass.

Jesus Christ!
This is all I need.

You said that you
wanted to see him.

Well, here he is.

Yeah, I might've said that.

Chico told me to check him out, see if
there might be some dough in it for us.

Well, I seen him now,
and I'm not too impressed.

- Are you rich, mister?
- Yeah, I'm a millionaire.

I walk around in disguise because
I'm ashamed of all my money.

Sweetie, come on, please.
Would you just please be nice?

- Get away from me!
- Goddammit! I'm tryin' to help you!

I don't need your help.
I got a man to take care of me...

which is more than you can
say for yourself, Hawkeye.

Hey, hey. Don't talk
to your mother like that.

Are you telling me you
actually slept with this guy?

Are you telling me you
actually let him fuck you?

You can do whatever you
want with your own life.

We're here for that baby.

Now why don't you get yourself cleaned
up for the baby before it's too late.

- What baby?
- Your baby.

The baby you're carrying
around inside that body of yours.

There ain't no baby in there now, you dig?
There's nothing in there now.

What are you talking about?

An abortion, stupid.

I had an abortion
day before yesterday.

There's no baby in there now, and you don't
have to bug me about that shit anymore!

Bye-bye, baby.

Come on. Let's get outta here.
I've had enough.

Yeah, that's right.
You better go.

Chico will be back in a minute,

and I don't think your boyfriend
wants to mess with Chico.

Chico's a real man...

not some scuzzy dickhead you pick outta last
month's garbage, you hear what I'm sayin'?

He'll chop Mr. Dad here
into little pieces.

That's a promise.

He'll kick the livin'
shit out of him.

Listen carefully.

About 25 years ago...

there was a young man...

who went skiing
alone in the Alps.

There was an avalanche.

The snow swallowed him up...

and his body was
never recovered.

- The end.
- No, no, no.

Not the end.
The beginning.

His son... was just
a little boy at the time.

But the years passed...

and he grew up
to be a skier too.

And one day last winter,
he went out, alone...

for a run down
the mountain.

He gets about halfway
to the bottom...

and he stops to eat his
lunch beside a big rock.

Just as he's unwrapping
his cheese sandwich...

he looks down...

and sees a body
right there at his feet...

frozen in the ice.

He bends down to
take a closer look.

Suddenly he feels that he's
looking in the mirror...

that he's looking at himself...
there he is, dead...

and the body
is perfectly intact...

frozen in a block of ice...

like someone preserved
in suspended animation.

He gets down on all fours...

looks right into the
dead man's face...

and he realizes he's
looking at his father.

And the strange thing
is that the father...

is younger than
the son is now.

The boy has become a man...

and it turns out...

that he's older
than his own father.

What are you
gonna do today?

I don't know.
Read. Think.

Do some drawings
if I get in the mood.

But tonight I'm gonna celebrate.
That's definite.

- Celebrate what?
- It's my birthday.

I'm 17 years old as of...
47 minutes ago...

and I think I should celebrate
having made it this far.

Hey, hey.
Happy birthday.

Oh... dear.

I thought I recognized you. You're
Paul Benjamin, the writer, aren't you?

I confess.

I keep waiting for the
next novel to come out.

Anything in the works?

- Well, I, um...
- It's coming along.

At the rate he's going, he'll have a story
finished by the end of the summer.

- Wonderful!
- Uh...

I apologize for springing this
on you at the last minute...

but Mr. Benjamin and I are
attending a celebration tonight...

and we would be most pleased
if you chose to accompany us.

Isn't that right,
Mr. Benjamin?

Yes.

We would be honored.

What's the occasion
of this celebration?

- It's my birthday.
- Your birthday?

- Yes. - And how many people will be
attending this birthday party?

Well, I wouldn't actually
call it a "party. "

It's more along the lines of a dinner
in celebration of my birthday.

The guest list is quite restricted.
So far, it's Mr. Benjamin and myself.

- If you accept, that would make
three of us. - Mm-hmm. I see.

A cozy dinner. But aren't threesomes
a little awkward? How's that phrase go?

- Three's a crowd.
- Three's a crowd. Yes, I'm aware of that.

But I have to keep an... an eye on
Mr. Benjamin wherever he goes.

- Make sure he doesn't get himself into any
trouble? - What are you? His chaperon?

Actually...
I'm his father.

Most people assume
that I'm his father.

It's a logical assumption, seeing as
how I'm older than he is and so on.

But... But the fact is that,
you know, the reverse is true.

He's... my father...

and I'm his son.

And nothing will
ever catch the joy

Auggie?

Hey!
Ben!

- What are you doing here?
- Auggie, this is April Lee.

- April Lee, say hello to Auggie Wren.
- Howdy, Miss April.

- Hello, Auggie Wren. - I'm very
pleased to make your acquaintance.

- Yeah. Well...
- And this here pretty little lady is...

Miss Violet Sanchez de Jalapeno!

The hottest chili pepper
this side of the Rio Grande.

- Hi. Nice to meet you.
- Ain't that so, baby?

That's right, Augusto! You're
not so cold neither, baby.

- I love this guy.
- What are you doing at a dive like this?

Rashid's birthday today, and we
decided to whoop it up a little bit.

- How old, kid?
- Seventeen.

- Ay!
- Seventeen?

Well, I remember...

When I was 17

Christ!

I remember, ya know,
when I was 17...

I was a whacked-out...
little son-of-a-bitch.

Is that the way it is with you, son?
You a whacked-out, crazy kid?

Definitely. I'd say you hit
the nail right on the head.

That's good! Keep it up. Maybe one day
you'll grow up and be a great man like me.

Yes! Yes! Yes!

He's a great man.
He is.

Bye-bye.
Come on. Let's go.

Auggie, I've been thinking.

You need any help in the store? Some
summer help now that Vinnie's gone?

Help?
What'd you have in mind?

I've been thinkin'
about the kid.

- I'm sure he'd do a good job for you.
- Hey, kid!

You interested in a job?

Your employment agency here says you're
looking for a position in retail sales.

A job? I definitely would not
turn down a job.

Come down to the cigar
store tomorrow morning...

at 10:00 and we'll
talk about it. Okay?

- We'll see what we can work out.
- 10:00 tomorrow morning. I'll be there.

Okay, let's go, let's go.

- I owe you one. Don't forget.
- Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

It's 1942, right.

He's caught in Leningrad
during the siege.

I'm talking about one of the
worst moments in human history.

500,000 people died
in that one place.

And there's Baktin, holed up in an
apartment, expecting to be killed any day.

He has plenty of tobacco,
but no paper to roll it in.

So he takes the pages of a manuscript
he's been working on for ten years...

and tears them up,
so he can roll his cigarettes.

- His only copy?
- His only copy.

If you think you're gonna die, what's more
important? A good book or a good smoke?

So, he huffed and he puffed,
and little by little he...

smoked his book.

Nice try. You had me goin'
for a second, but no.

No writer would ever do
a thing like that. Would he?

You don't believe me?
Look.

All right, I'll show you.
It's all in this book.

What is this?

I don't know.

Is this yours?

Yeah, it might be.

- Here, catch.
- Hey!

So you're saying that, that,
that it wasn't like that at all?

- Not exactly. I mean, there was
more to it than I told you.

You didn't just see
what happened.

They dropped the package on
the ground and you picked it up?

- I picked it up.
- And started to run?

And started to run.

Good thinking.

See, that's just it. I wasn't thinking.
I just... I just did it.

Yeah, you have got one hell of a knack
for getting into trouble, don't you?

- How much is in there anyway?
- $6,000.

What?

$5,814 to be exact.

So, you robbed the robbers,
and now the robbers are after you.

That's it in a nutshell.

Yeah, well, ya know, you have got
to be crazy to do what you did!

You want my opinion? Take that money back
to the Creeper and tell him you're sorry.

There's no way I'm giving this money back!
This is my money now.

A lot of good it's gonna do you
if the Creeper finds you.

This money is my whole future!

With an attitude like that,
you are not going to have a future.

Seventeen is a hell
of an age to die.

Is that what you want?

Iran has kept to the...

Hey, Bob-a-re-bop hey,
Bob-a-re-bop

I'm back in about an hour.

- Keep your eye on the register while
I'm gone, okay? - Sure thing. See you later.

The main thing the
president said yesterday

is to stop the oil from
coming out of there...

and that is what
they're going to do.

That clearly is what the
Saudi's have also decided to do.

The Saudi decision to turn
away an Iraqi tanker...

is the kingdom's line
drawn in the sand.

It is a decision
the Saudi's have...

Jesus!
Goddamn!

They may be illegal...

but it's hard to see where the
crime is if there's no victim, right?

- No harm done.
- This must be what it was like...

to go to a speakeasy
during prohibition.

Forbidden pleasures, huh?

- Much business while I was gone?
- A little. Not much.

Step this way, gentlemen.
Let's retire to my office, shall we?

What the fuck is going on here?

Look at this!
The goddamn place is flooded!

Holy fuckin'shit!

- The kid's sorry, Auggie.
- Yeah?

Well, I'm sorry too.

It took me three years to save up those
5,000 bucks, and now I'm broke.

I can't hardly
pay for this beer.

Not to speak of havin'
my credibility destroyed.

Do you understand
what I'm sayin'?

My credibility.

So, yeah, I'm sorry too. I'm sorry as
I've ever been in my whole fuckin' life.

The kid's got somethin'
to tell you, Auggie.

If he's got somethin'to say to me,
why don't he tell me himself?

- It's for you.
- For me?

- What am I supposed to do
with a paper bag? - Open it.

What is this,
some kind of joke?

No, it's $5,000.

I don't want your money,
you little twerp.

It's probably stolen anyway.

What do you care where it
comes from? It's yours.

And why do you
wanna give me money?

To get my job back.

You're a dumb, whacked-out,
little fuck, do ya know that?

Don't be an ass, Auggie. He's trying to
make it up to you. Can't you see that?

He's crazy.

No, he's not; you are.

You're right.

- I just didn't think you knew.
- You didn't think I knew?

It's written all
over you like a...

like a neon sign.

Now, you say something nice
to Rashid to help him feel better.

Fuck you, kid.

Fuck you too,
you white son-of-a-bitch.

Good.

Good.

I'm glad that's settled.

Mr. Benjamin.
Yo!

Mr. Benjamin, I presume.

You got a security problem
in this building, you know that?

That lock on that door
downstairs? It's busted.

It's not a good idea in
these troubled times.

You never know what kind of trash might
just wander in here off the streets.

Well, I'll have the landlord
look into it tomorrow morning.

Yeah, you do that, 'cause you don't want
any unpleasant surprises now, do you?

Who do I have the pleasure
of talking to now?

- Pleasure?
- That's you.

Not a pleasure. No, I wouldn't exactly
call this "pleasure," funny man.

This here's more on
the nature of business.

It doesn't matter.
I, I know who you are anyway.

- You're the Creeper, aren't you?
- The what?

- Ahhh! - Listen! Nobody... nobody
calls Charles that name to his face!

- Do you understand me?
- Yes, I understand.

'Cause you're gonna help us
locate a certain party.

And I want it now
before I leave.

- Who are you looking for?
- Tommy, man! Tommy Cole!

Tommy Cole.
I don't know anybody...

If it happens, it happens.
If it doesn't, it doesn't.

Do ya understand
what I'm sayin'?

Ya never know what's
gonna happen next.

And the moment ya think you do, that's the
moment you don't know a goddamn thing.

This is what we
call a paradox.

Are you following me?

Yeah. I,
I follow you, Auggie.

When you don't know nothin',
it's like paradise.

I know what that is.

Uh, that's...
that's after you're dead...

and you go up to heaven
and you sit with the angels.

- Jesus!
- Hi, Auggie. Hi, Jimmy.

You're one fuckin' mess, man.

If the cops hadn't come,
I might not be standing here now.

Ho-ho.
They did a number on you.

I managed to keep my
mouth shut for once in my life.

There's something
to be said for that, right?

No.
Jimmy, don't.

- Does it hurt? - Of course it hurts!
What does it look like?

I thought maybe
he was pretendin'.

- You heard from Rashid?
- Not a peep.

I spoke to his aunt two days ago.
She hasn't heard from him either.

It's startin' to get
a little scary.

Could be a good sign, though.
Could mean that he got away.

Yeah, or he didn't.
There's no way to know, is there?

Hitting with two on and nobody out.
Two more runs in. It's 4-2, New York.

Sasser ahead on the count, 2-0.
Gullickson deals. Outside, ball three.

And so, Bill Gullickson...

So you're just gonna
give up and go home?

What choice do I have?

I mean, she's made it pretty clear
she doesn't want me around.

Well, you can't
just write her off.

What am I supposed to do?
You know what I mean?

There's no baby anymore,
and... it's her life.

- What she does with it is her
own business. - She's just a kid.

- There's time for more babies later after
she grows up. - Oh, God, Auggie, dream on.

At the rate she's goin', she's not
gonna make her 19th birthday.

Not if you got her into one
of those rehab programs.

She'd never let me talk her into one of
those things. Besides, they cost money.

And that is one thing I do not have.
I mean, I am flat broke.

- No, you're not. - Look, are you callin'
me a liar? I'm tellin' you, I'm flat broke.

I don't even have the goddamn
money for that goddamn car!

Remember that business venture
I was telling you about?

Well, my tugboat came in.

- I'm flush.
- Well, bully for you.

- No, bully for you.
- What?

- What's this? - Why don't
you open it up and find out?

Oh, Jesus, God, Aug,
there's money in here!

Five thousand bucks.

This is for me?

Just for you, baby.

- For keeps?
- For keeps.

Oh, God!

Oh, Jesus.

Oh, God.

God, you're an angel!
You know that?

- Oh, fuck this "angel" shit.
- You're an angel from heaven.

Just take the dough, Ruby.

- And no bawlin', okay?
- I'm sorry.

- I can't stand people who blubber.
- I'm sorry.

Oh!
Oh.

I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Ah!

- There's just one thing I wanna know.
- What? Anything at all.

- You name it.
- Felicity.

She's not my daughter, is she?

Well, I don't know.
I mean...

she might be.

And then again...
she might not.

Mathematically speaking,
I guess it's about a 50-50 chance.

It's your call, Auggie.

Yo, Missing Persons.
Sergeant Fosdick.

Well, blow me down.
Peter Rabbit's alive.

Hey, what are... what are you guys
doing here on a Sunday?

- We decided to have a picnic. Why don't
you join us? - Yeah, sure. Just a second.

Okay.
Do you got everything?

- Yeah. Yeah.
- Let's go, men.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

- Yeah.
- It's all right. I got it.

Hiya, kid.

Oh, wow, they really
did a job on you.

Research.
If I work the scene into the story...

that makes the medical bills
100... 100% tax deductible.

Try tellin' that
one to the I.R.S.

You know these men, huh?
I thought we had some customers here.

- Yeah, he knows us, but you also
got some customers. - Yeah?

We came here to deliver
some clean laundry.

Hey, it's... it's all right.
I... I really do know them.

- Cyrus Cole.
- Augustus Wren. Pleasure.

- I'm the owner here.
- Paul Benjamin.

That's funny. He's got
the same name as you.

Well, you and junior got
the same name too, don't you?

Yeah, but he's my son.
I mean, my flesh and blood.

You got the same name as this man here,
and you ain't even the same color as him.

That's how we met.

See, we, um...

we're part of the
"International Same Name Club. "

Believe it or not, there are
846 Paul Benjamins in America...

but, uh, only two in the
New York metropolitan area.

That's how we... got
to be such good friends.

We're the only two who
show up for the meetings.

You're full of crap, kid.

Why don't you come clean and
tell the man who you really are.

What's goin' on, guys?

Maybe you better ask him.

Come on, Rashid baby, spill it.

- Rashid?
- Sometimes.

It's sort of
a nom de guerre.

I don't even know what we're talking about,
so you wanna help me out here?

Come on, your real name.

The name that's on
your birth certificate.

Thomas.

Paul, Rashid, Thomas, whatever.
Which one is it?

- Thomas.
- Thomas?

Come on, come on, you yellow belly.
The whole thing.

- The whole name. First name and last name.
- What difference does it make?

If it doesn't make any difference,
why not just say it?

I was gonna tell him in my own time!
In my own time!

There's no time
like the present, man.

Well...

I'm listening to you.

Thomas Cole.

My name is
Thomas Jefferson Cole.

You makin' fun of me?

Are you...
you mockin' me?

You mockin' me!

I ain't gonna let no little...
punk kid come here and mock me!

You mockin' me?
Are you mockin' me?

Like it or not, Cyrus, that's my name,
Cole, just like yours!

- Now ask him who his mother was.
- I don't like this.

I don't like this one bit.
Go upstairs. I'll take care of this.

- Louisa Vail.
- Shut up!

- You remember her?
- You shut your fuckin' mouth!

Hey!
Hey, damn it!

Ow! Ow! Ow!

There'll be none of that,
you sorry piece of shits!

Cyrus, stop it!
Stop it! Stop it!

Stop it! You'll kill him!
He's your son, goddammit! He's your son!

- Shut up! You're lyin'! You're lyin'!
- He's your son!

You're lyin'! You're lyin'!
You shit, you're lyin'!

You...

Cigar?

No, thanks.

Here, uh, have one of mine?

- Look, I'm tellin' you,
- What are you...

There's gonna be another war.

Those slobs in the Pentagon
are gonna be out of a job...

unless they find a new enemy,
and they got this Saddam character now.

I mean, they're gonna hit him with
all they got. You mark my words.

- How's it goin'?
- Eh.

Hi, Auggie.

- Two, right?
- No, uh...

Make it one.

- You usually get two.
- I know.

I'm tryin' to cut down.

Someone is worried
about my health.

Aha.

- So, how's the work goin'
these days, Maestro? - Fine.

Or was until a couple days ago. I got a
call from a guy from the New York Times.

They want me to write
a Christmas story.

They wanna publish it
on Christmas Day.

That's a feather in your cap, man.
The paper of record.

Yeah, it's great, except I have to
come up with something in four days...

and I haven't got
a single idea.

You don't know any
Christmas stories, do ya?

Christmas stories?
Sure.

I know a ton of 'em.

You know...
You know any good ones?

Good ones?
Of course.

Are you kiddin'?
I'll tell you what.

Buy me lunch, my friend, and I'll tell you
the best Christmas story you ever heard.

How's that? And I guarantee
every word of it is true.

So... you ready?

Ready.

Whenever you are.

I'm all ears.

You remember how you once asked
me how I started takin' pictures?

Well, this is the story of
how I got my first camera.

As a matter of fact,
it's the only camera I've ever had.

- Are you followin' me so far?
- Every word.

So, this is the story
of how it happened.

Okay.

It was the summer of'76, back when
I first started workin' for Vinnie.

The summer
of the bicentennial.

A kid came in one morning and
started stealing things from the store.

He's standin' by the rack of
paperbacks along the far wall...

and he's stuffin' skin magazines
under his shirt.

I didn't see him at first because it
was crowded around the counter.

But once I noticed what he was up to,
I started to shout.

He took off like a jackrabbit.
Zzzzzt!

By the time I got out
from behind the counter,

he was tearing ass
down Seventh Avenue.

I chased him about half a block.
Then I gave up.

He dropped something
along the way.

And...

since I didn't feel like running anymore,
I bent down to see what it was.

It turned out
to be his wallet.

There wasn't any money inside,
but his driver's license was there...

along with three
or four snapshots.

I suppose I could've called
the cops and had him arrested.

I had his name and address
from the license.

But I felt kind of sorry for him.
He was just a measly little punk.

And once I looked at those
pictures in his wallet...

I couldn't bring myself
to feel very angry at him.

Roger Goodwin.

That was his name.

One of the pictures, I remember,
he was standing next to his mother.

Another one, he was holding
a trophy he got at school...

and smiling like he just won
the Irish Sweepstakes.

I just didn't
have the heart.

A poor kid from Brooklyn,
not much goin' for him.

Who cared about a couple
of dirty magazines anyway?

So...
I held onto the wallet.

Um...
every once in awhile...

I'd get a little urge to send it
back to him, but I kept delaying.

I never did
anything about it.

Then Christmas rolls around...

and... I'm stuck
with nothin' to do.

Vinnie was gonna invite me over,
but his mother got sick...

and he and his wife had to go
to Miami at the last minute.

So, I'm sitting in my apartment that
morning feeling a little sorry for myself.

And then I see Roger Goodwin's
wallet lying on a shelf.

I figure, what the hell,
why not do somethin' nice for once.

I put on my coat and
I go out to return the wallet.

The address is somewhere in Boerum Hill,
somewheres in the Projects.

It was freezing out
that day, I remember...

and I kept getting lost trying
to find the right building.

Everything looks the
same in that place.

And you keep going over the same
ground thinkin' you're somewhere else.

Anyway, I finally got to the apartment
I was lookin' for, and I ring the bell.

Nothing happens.
I assume no one is there.

I ring again just
to make sure.

And just as I'm about to give up,
I wait a little longer...

and I hear someone
shuffling to the door.

An old woman's voice asks,
"Who's there?"

And I say,
"I'm lookin' for Roger Goodwin. "

"Is that you, Roger?"
She says.

And then she undoes about
15 locks and opens the door.

She's got to be at least 80,
maybe 90 years old.

And the first thing
I noticed about her is...

she's blind.

"I knew you'd come, Roger,"
she says.

"I knew you wouldn't forget
your Granny Ethel on Christmas. "

And then she opens her arms
as if she's about to hug me.

I don't have much time to think,
you understand.

I had to say
something real fast.

And before I knew
what was happening,

I could hear the words
coming out of my mouth:

"That's right, Granny Ethel,"
I said.

"I came back to see you
on Christmas. "

Don't ask me why I said it.
I don't have any idea.

It just came out that way.

Suddenly, this old lady's huggin'
me there in front of the door,

and I'm huggin' her back.

It was as if we
both decided to...

play this game...

without having to
discuss the rules.

I mean, she knew
I wasn't her grandson.

She was old and dotty,
but she wasn't so far gone...

that she couldn't tell a complete
stranger from her own flesh and blood.

But it made her
happy to pretend.

And since I had nothin' better to do,
I was happy to go along with it.

So, we both go into the apartment,
we spend the day together.

Every time she asked me how
I was doing, I would lie to her.

I told her I had found a
good job in a cigar store.

I told her I was
about to get married.

I told her a hundred pretty stories, and she
made like she believed every one of them.

"That's fine, Roger," she would say,
nodding her head and smiling.

"I always knew things
would turn out for you. "

After a while,
I started getting hungry.

Since there was no food in the house,
I went out to a store in the neighborhood...

and I picked up
a whole bunch of stuff:

A precooked chicken,
vegetable soup...

a bucket of potato salad.

Whole bunch of stuff.

Granny Ethel had a couple of bottles
of wine stashed in her bedroom.

And so...

both of us together managed to put
together a fairly decent Christmas dinner.

We both got a little tipsy
from the wine, I remember.

And after the meal was over,
we went out to sit in the living room...

where the chairs
were more comfortable.

I had to take a pee, so I excused myself and
I went to the bathroom down the hallway.

And that's when things
took another turn.

It was ditzy enough doing my little
jig as Granny Ethel's grandson...

but what I did then...

was particularly crazy...

and I've never
forgiven myself since.

I go into the bathroom...

and stacked up against the
wall next to the shower...

I see a pile of six
or seven cameras.

Brand-new 35-millimeter
cameras...

still in their boxes.

I've never taken
a picture in my life...

much less ever
stolen anything.

But once I see those cameras
sitting there in the bathroom...

I decide I want one
of them for myself.

Just like that.

And without even thinkin' about it,
I pick up one of the cameras...

tuck it under my arm and go
out back to the living room.

I wasn't gone more than
three minutes, but in that time...

Granny Ethel
had fallen asleep.

Too much Chianti,
I suppose.

I went out to the kitchen
and wash the dishes.

She slept through the whole racket,
snoring away like a baby.

There was no point
in disturbing her...

so... I decided to leave.

I couldn't even write her a letter to say
good-bye, seein' that she was blind and all.

So I just left.

I put her grandson's
wallet on the table...

picked up the camera again...

and walked out
of the apartment.

And that's the end
of the story.

Did you ever see her again?
You ever go back to see her?

Once, maybe three
or four months later.

I, uh... felt so bad
about stealin' the camera.

I hadn't even used it yet.

I finally made up my mind to return it,
but... Granny Ethel wasn't there anymore.

Someone else had moved into the apartment,
and they couldn't tell me where she was.

She probably died.

Yeah.
Probably.

Which means she spent
her last Christmas with you.

I guess so.

I hadn't thought
about it that way.

It was a good deed, Auggie.
That was a nice thing you did for her.

I lied to her and
I stole from her.

- I don't see how you could call that
a good deed. - You made her happy.

The camera was
stolen anyway.

Not as if the person you took
it from really owned it.

Anything for art, eh, Paul?

I wouldn't say that,
but, um...

at least you put the
camera to good use.

And now you got your
Christmas story, don't ya?

Yes, I suppose I do.

Bullshit is a real talent, Auggie.

To make up a good story, you have to
know how to push all the right buttons.

I'd say you were up there
among the masters.

What do you mean?

I mean, um...

It's a good story.

Shit. If you can't share your
secrets with your friends,

then what kind
of friend are ya?

Exactly.

Life just wouldn't be
worth living, would it?

The bats are in the belfry

The dew is on the moon

Where are the
arms that held me

And pledged
her love before

And pledged
her love before

And it's such
a sad old feeling

All the fields
are soft and green

It's memories
that I'm stealing

But you're innocent
when you dream

When you dream

You're innocent
when you dream

When you dream

You're innocent
when you dream

made a golden promise

That we would
never part

I gave my
love a locket

And then I
broke her heart

And then I
broke her heart

And it's such
a sad old feeling

All of the fields
are soft and green

And it's memories
that I'm stealing

But you're innocent
when you dream

When you dream

You're innocent
when you dream

When you dream

You're innocent
when you dream

We're running
through the graveyard

And we laughed
my friends and I

We swore we'd
be together

Until the day we die

Until the day we die

- And it's such
- Such a sad old feeling

All of the fields
are soft and green

And it's memories
that I'm stealing

But you're innocent
when you dream

When you dream

You're innocent
when you dream

When you dream

You're innocent
when you dream

And it's such
a sad old feeling

All of the fields
are soft and green

And it's memories
that I'm stealing

But you're innocent
when you dream

When you dream

You're innocent
when you dream

When you dream

You're innocent
when you dream

And it's such
a sad old feeling

All the fields
are soft and green

Its memories
that I'm stealing

But you're innocent
when you dream

When you dream

You're innocent
when you dream

When you dream

You're innocent
when you dream

I made
a golden promise

That we would
never part

I gave my love a locket

And then
I broke her heart

And then
I broke her heart

And it's such
a sad old feeling

All of the fields
are soft and green

And it's memories
that I'm stealing

But you're innocent
when you dream

When you dream

You're innocent
when you dream

When you dream

You're innocent
when you dream

They...

asked me
how I knew

My true love
was true

My true love
was true

I, of course, replied

Something here inside

Cannot be denied

They said someday
you'll find

All who love are blind

When your
heart's on fire

You must realize

Smoke gets
in your eyes

So I chaffed and

Then I gaily laughed

To think they
could doubt

My... love

Yet today

My love has
flown away

I am without

My... love

Without my love

Ooo-oh

Now laughing
friends deride

Tears I cannot hide

Tears I cannot hide

So I just smile and say

When a loving flame dies

Smoke gets
in your eyes

Eye-eye-eye

Smoke gets
in your eyes

Oh

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