Original subtitles

This is so cute!

Bye.

As the Mets, who trailed 2-0...

have stormed in front 4-2 and look to do some more damage...

against the Cincinnati Reds here at Shea Stadium.

Now the 0-1 pitch, and he smokes it deep to left field!

This one will make it to the wall, and it's one hop off the fence!

I'm gonna tell you why they're not goin' anywhere.

Why aren't they goin' anywhere, Tommy?

- Management. - Oh, Jesus!

Those guys are walkin' around with their heads up their asses.

- Right. Yeah. - Well, ya know, they made some good trades too.

Carter and Hernandez. Without them two, there never would've been a World Series.

- Am I right, Jerry? - That was four years ago! That's it.

- I am talkin' about now. Look who they got rid of. - Yeah.

- McDowell, Mitchell, Backman, Aguilera, Dykstra. - Aguilera!

Mookie. Mookie! Mookie! Mookie Wilson, for Christ's sake!

Oh, please, please. Don't forget Nolan Ryan.

Yeah, don't forget Amos Otis.

Amos Otis!

The team was good.

The best fuckin' team in baseball, and they had to go screw it up.

Hey, yeah, Auggie. How's it goin'?

Hey, man. Good to see ya.

- What can I do for you today? - Two tins of Schimmelpennincks...

and, uh, throw in a lighter while you're at it.

The boys and me were just having a philosophical discussion...

about women and cigars.

Yeah, well, I suppose that all goes back to Queen Elizabeth.

- The queen of England? - Yeah, not Elizabeth the Second.

Elizabeth the First. Did you ever hear of Sir Walter Raleigh?

Yeah, sure. That's the guy who threw his cloak down over that puddle.

Uh, uh, I used to smoke Raleigh cigarettes.

Yeah, they came with a free gift coupon in every pack.

That's the man. Well, Raleigh was the person who introduced tobacco in England.

And since he was a, a favorite of the queen's...

Queen Bessy he used to call her...

smoking caught on as a fashion in court.

I'm sure old, old Bess must've shared a stogie or two with Sir Walter.

Once... he made a bet with her...

that he could measure the weight of smoke.

You mean, weigh smoke?

Exactly. Weigh smoke.

Can't do that. That's like weighin' air.

I admit, it's strange. It's almost like weighing someone's soul...

but Sir Walter was a clever guy.

First he took an unsmoked cigar...

and he put it on a balance and weighed it.

Then he lit up.

He smoked the cigar, carefully tapping the ashes into the balance pan.

When he was finished, he put the butt into the pan along with the ashes...

and weighed what was there.

Then he subtracted that number...

from the original weight of the unsmoked cigar.

The difference...

was the weight of the smoke.

He's a writer. Lives in the neighborhood.

Well, what kind of writer is he? An underwriter?

Very funny.

The cracks you make, Tommy.

Sometimes I think you should see a doctor.

You know, go in for some wit therapy or something.

- Oh-ho. - To clean out the valves in your brain.

It's just a joke, Auggie.

He's a novelist.

Paul Benjamin. Ever hear of him?

That's a stupid question.

The only things you guys ever read are the racing forms...

and the sports page of the Post.

He's published three or four books.

But nothing now for the past few years.

Well, what's the matter? He run outta ideas or somethin'?

He ran outta luck.

Remember the holdup out here on Seventh Avenue a few years back?

- Yeah. Oh, yeah. - You mean the bank, right?

- They were sprayin' bullets all over the street. - Yeah, that's it.

- Four people got killed, and one of them was Paul's wife. - Oh, man.

The poor lug. He's never been the same since.

The funny thing was, she stopped in here just before it happened...

to stock up on cigars for him.

She was a nice lady, Ellen. Four or five months pregnant at the time.

Which means that when she got killed, the baby got killed too.

- Wow. - Hey. It was a bad day at Black Rock, eh, Auggie?

It was bad, all right.

You know, sometimes I think that if she hadn't given me exact change that day...

or if the store had been a little more crowded...

then maybe it would've taken a few more seconds to get outta here...

and she wouldn't have stepped in front of that bullet.

She'd still be alive, the baby would've been born.

Hey! What are you doin' there, kid?

Cut it out, you...

Hey!

You better watch out, man! You'll get yourself killed like that!

It's a law of the universe.

Please, you have to let me do something for you...

to put the scales... in balance.

It's okay.

- I think of something, I'll send my butler over to tell you about it. - Please!

Let me at least buy you a cup of coffee.

I don't drink coffee.

Lo... On the other hand...

since you insist...

if you offered me a cold lemonade, I wouldn't say no.

Good.

My name is Paul.

I'm Rashid. Rashid Cole.

Listen, if someone was to offer you a place to stay...

you wouldn't necessarily refuse, would you?

People don't do that kind of thing, not in New York.

I'm not people, I'm just me, and I do whatever I goddamn wanna do. Got it?

Um, thanks. I'll manage.

In case you're wondering, I like women, not little boys.

And I'm not offering you a long-term lease.

I'm just...

offering you a place to crash for a couple of nights.

I can take care of myself. Don't worry.

Suit yourself.

But in case you change your mind, uh...

Miss? Uh, uh, Sue?

Do you happen to have a pen I can borrow, if...

I need it back.

Yeah. In case you change your mind...

here's my address.

You never take anything serious, do you?

I try not to, anyway.

It's better for your health. I mean, look at you, Vincent.

You're the guy with the wife and the three kids and the ranch house on Long Island.

You're the guy with the... with the white shoes...

and the white Caddy and the white shag carpet...

but you've had two heart attacks, and I'm still waitin' for my first.

I should stop smoking these is what I should do.

Fuckers are gonna kill me one of these days.

- Enjoy yourself while you can, Vin. - Yeah.

They're gonna legislate us outta business pretty soon anyway.

Yeah. Pretty soon, they catch you smoking tobacco...

they'll line you up against a wall and shoot you.

Yeah. Tobacco today, sex tomorrow.

Three or four years, it'll probably be against the law to smile at strangers.

Speaking of which, uh...

you still goin' ahead with that deal on the Monte Cristos?

It's all set. My guy in Miami said he'd have 'em for me in the next few weeks.

You sure you don't wanna go in with me?

Five thousand dollars' outlay, a guaranteed ten thousand-dollar return.

A consortium of Court Street lawyers and judges.

They're just droolin' to get their lips around some Cuban cigars.

Look, I don't care what you do, just don't get caught, huh?

Last thing I heard, it's still illegal to sell Cuban cigars in this country.

It's the law that's buying. That's the beautiful thing about it.

I mean, when's the last time you heard of a judge sending himself to jail?

Suit yourself. Just don't keep the boxes here too long.

They come, they go out. I got it planned to the last detail.

I gotta get goin'. Terry'll bust my chops if I'm late.

- I'll see you in September, Auggie. - Okay, my man.

- Are you closed? - Run outta Schimmelpennincks?

Yeah. Suppose I could buy a couple off you before you leave?

No problem.

It's not as though I'm rushing off to the opera or anything.

Looks like someone forgot a camera.

Yeah. I did.

- That's yours? - It's mine, all right.

I've owned that little sucker for a long time.

I didn't know you took pictures.

I guess you could call it a hobby.

Only takes me five minutes a day to do it, but I do it every day.

Rain or shine, sleet or snow.

Sorta like the postman.

So you're not just some guy who pushes coins across a counter.

Well, that's what people see, but...

that ain't necessarily what I am.

They're all the same.

That's right. More than 4,000 pictures of the same place.

The corner of Third Street and Seventh Avenue at 8:00 in the morning.

Four thousand straight days in all kinds of weather.

That's why I can never take a vacation.

I gotta be in my spot every morning at the same time.

Every morning in the same spot at the same time.

I've never seen anything like this.

It's my project.

What you'd call... my life's work.

Amazing.

- I'm not sure I get it, though. I mean, uh... - What?

What was it that gave you the idea to do this... project?

I don't know.

Just came to me. It's my corner, after all.

I mean, it's just one little part of the world...

but things take place there, too, just like everywhere else.

It's a record of my little spot.

It's kind of overwhelming.

You'll never get it if you don't slow down, my friend.

What do you mean?

I mean, you're goin' too fast. You're hardly even lookin' at the pictures.

But...

they're all the same.

They're all the same, but each one is different from every other one.

You got your bright mornings and your dark mornings.

You got your summer light and your autumn light.

You got your weekdays and your weekends.

You got your people in overcoats and galoshes...

and you got your people in T-shirts and shorts.

Sometimes the same people, sometimes different ones.

Sometimes the different ones become the same...

and the same ones disappear.

The Earth revolves around the sun, and every day...

the light from the sun hits the Earth at a different angle.

Slow down, huh?

That's what I'd recommend.

You know how it is. "Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow...

time creeps on its petty pace. "

Oh, Jesus.

Look.

It's Ellen.

Yeah. That's her, all right.

She's in quite a few from that year.

Must've been on her way to work.

Huh, it's Ellen.

Look at her.

Look at my sweet darling.

Shit!

- Who is it? - Rashid.

- Who? - Rashid Cole.

The lemonade kid, remember?

Oh. Yeah. Come on up.

Come on in.

I didn't expect to see you again.

Same here.

But, uh, I had a long talk with my accountant this afternoon, ya know...

to see how a move like this would affect my tax picture, and he said it would be okay.

Time to wake up.

Rashid.

Up and at 'em, huh? I gotta work.

Slumber party's over.

What time is it?

It's 8:30.

- It's 8:30? - You'll find juice and eggs and milk in the refrigerator.

Cereal's in the cupboard. Coffee's hot.

- Take what you want, but I gotta get to work. - All right.

- Okay? - Yeah.

Man, you make a lot of noise. Can't you see I'm trying to work?

Sorry. They just slipped outta my hands.

A little less clumsiness would be nice, don't ya think?

- How long have you been staying here? - Two nights.

And how long did I tell you you could stay?

A couple of nights.

Well, it looks like our time is up then, doesn't it?

Sorry I messed up.

You've been very kind to me...

but all good things must come to an end.

No hard feelings, okay? I...

This is a small apartment, and I can't get my work done with you around.

You don't have to apologize.

Coast is probably clear now anyway.

Are you gonna be all right?

Absolutely. The world is my oyster, whatever that means.

You need some money? Extra clothes?

Not a penny, not a stitch. I'm cool, man.

Take care of yourself, okay?

Yeah. You too. Make sure the light is green before you cross the street.

Oh, by the way, I liked your book.

I think you're a hell of a good writer.

- Is your name Paul Benjamin? - How can I help you?

I just wanna know what your game is, mister, that's all.

How the hell did you get into this building?

How did I get it? I pushed the door and walked in. What do you think?

That damn lock is broken again.

So you just barge in on strangers? Is that what you do? Is that your game?

I'm looking for my nephew, Thomas.

- Thomas? Who's Thomas? - Don't give me any of that. I know he's been here.

- You can't fool me, mister. - I'm telling you.

I don't know anyone named Thomas.

Thomas Cole. Thomas Jefferson Cole.

My nephew!

You mean Rashid?

Rashid?

Rashid. Is that what he told you his name was?

Well, whatever his name is, he's not here anymore.

He left a couple days ago, and I haven't heard from him since.

What was he doing here in the first place? That's what I wanna know.

What's a man like you messing around with a black boy like Thomas for?

- You some kind of pervert or what? - Now look, lady.

That is enough. You don't calm down, I'm gonna throw you outta here.

- You hear me? Right now. - I just wanna know where he is.

Well, as far as I know, he went back to his parents.

His parents? Is that what he told you? His parents?

That's what he said. He said he lived with his mother and father on East 74th Street.

I always knew that boy had an imagination...

but now he's gone and made up a whole new life for himself.

Oh, Jesus.

Do you mind if I sit down?

Look, he's been living with me and his Uncle Henry since he was a baby.

And we don't live in Manhattan. We live in Boerum Hill.

- In the Projects. - You mean...

he doesn't go to the Trinity school?

He goes to John Jay High School in Brooklyn.

And his parents?

His mother's dead, and he hasn't seen his father in 12 years.

I shouldn't have let him go.

Did anything happen recently?

Unexpected? Anything unusual?

Well, there's one thing, I suppose, but I don't think it has anything to do with this.

A friend of mine called about two weeks ago.

Said she spotted Thomas's father...

workin' at some gas station outside of Peekskill.

And you told your nephew about that?

I figured he had a right to know.

- And? - And nothing.

Thomas looked at me straight in the eye and said, "I don't have a father.

As far as I'm concerned, the son-of-a-bitch is dead. "

You gonna sit here all day?

I don't know. I haven't decided yet.

Why don't you go find yourself another spot?

You know, it gives a man the creeps to be stared at all morning.

It's a free country, isn't it?

As long as I'm not trespassing on your property, I can sit here 'til kingdom come.

Let me give you some very useful information, kid.

There's $2.57 in the cash register over there.

Now, considering how long you been casing the joint...

I'd say that's about, uh, 50 cents an hour for your pains.

Any way you slice it, it's a losing proposition.

Okay?

I'm not trying to rob you, mister.

- I look like a thief to you? - I don't know what you look like.

As far as I can tell, you kinda sprouted up like a mushroom last night.

You from around this town, or you just kinda goin' from here to there?

- I'm just passing through. - You're just passing through?

Yep.

Lonesome traveler. You just... plop your knapsack down.

Sit across from my garage just to admire the view.

There are... a lot better places to roam, kid.

Ya know? I mean, you don't want to make a nuisance of yourself, right?

I was working on a sketch.

That garage of yours is so rundown...

it's kinda interesting.

Yeah. It's rundown.

You drawin' a picture of it, it ain't gonna improve it.

- Let me see what you got. - Cost you five bucks.

Five bucks? Five bucks just to look at your picture?

- Hey, once you look at it, you're gonna wanna buy it. - Hmm.

That's guaranteed, and that's the price. Five bucks.

So if you're not willing to spring for it, you might as well not look at it.

Once you look at it, it's just gonna tear you up inside, make you all miserable.

Oh. Son-of-a-bitch.

- You're some piece of work, man. - I just tell it like it is, mister.

I'm gettin' on your nerves, though. You might wanna think about hiring me.

Are those... eyes in your head...

or those two brown spots bulgin' outta their sockets just marbles?

I mean, you been sitting here all day.

How many people you seen drive up and ask me for gas?

- Not a one. - Not a one.

- Not a one. - Nope.

- Not one customer? - Nope.

I bought this piece of land here, this piece-of-shit place, about three weeks ago.

If it don't pick up business soon, I'm goin' down the skids.

So what the fuck do I wanna be hirin' somebody for?

I can't even pay my own wages.

It was just a thought.

Well, you should keep your fuckin' thoughts to yourself.

Keep your hands to yourself.

Auggie.

Auggie, I think there's a customer.

Hello, Auggie.

It's really you, isn't it, Auggie?

Christ, Ruby. It's been so long.

I figured you were dead.

Eighteen and a half years.

Is that all? I thought it was about 300.

You're lookin' good, Auggie.

No, I'm not. I look like shit.

And so do you, Ruby. You look just awful.

What's with that patch, anyway?

What'd you do with that old blue marble?

Hock it for a bottle of gin?

I don't really wanna talk about it.

If you really wanna know, I lost it.

I'm not sorry I did.

The thing was cursed. Never gave me nothin' but grief.

And you think it looks better to go around dressed up like Captain Hook?

You always were a son-of-a-bitch.

A little weasel with a fast, dirty mouth.

At least I stay true to myself.

Which is more than I can say about some people.

Look. I came here to talk to you about something...

and I think the least you can do is listen to what I have to say.

You owe me that much. I drove here all the way from Pittsburgh...

and I ain't goin' back 'til you heard me out.

Fine. Talk away, lady of my dreams. I'm all ears.

I think this is between you and I.

Maybe we can have some privacy.

You heard her, pipsqueak. The lady and I have private business to discuss.

Go outside and wait in front of the door.

If anyone tries to come in, you tell 'em we're closed. You got it?

Yeah, I got it. Store's closed.

When do I tell 'em it's open?

When I tell ya it's open.

It's open when I tell ya it's open!

Okay.

Got it. You don't have to yell.

All right, sugar. What's on your mind?

Will you stop starin' at me like that? It gives me the creeps.

Like what?

Like that. The way you're starin'at me.

I mean, I'm not gonna eat you up.

I came to ask for your help,

and if you keep starin' at me like that, I might start screamin'.

Help, huh? I don't suppose this help could have anything to do with money, could it?

Don't rush me. You jump to conclusions. I haven't even opened my mouth yet.

Besides... it isn't for me.

It's for our daughter.

Our dau... daughter?

Is that what you said? "Our daughter"?

I mean, you might have a daughter, but I sure as hell don't.

And even if I did, which I don't...

she wouldn't be our daughter.

Her name is Felicity.

She just turned 18, and she ran away from Pittsburgh about a year ago.

And... now she's living here in Brooklyn...

with, uh, some guy called Chico...

in some shit-hole.

And she's... she's strung out on crack...

and she's four months pregnant.

I can't bear to think about that child, Auggie.

It's our grandchild. Can you believe that? Our grandchild.

Stop it, already. Just stop all this crap right now.

Was that your idea to call her Felicity?

- It means "happiness. " - I know what it means.

That still don't make it a good name.

I don't know who else to turn to, Auggie.

You've suckered me before, sweetheart.

Why should I believe you now?

Why should I lie to you?

You think it's easy, comin' in here, talkin' to you... to this place?

Why would I do that... if I didn't have to?

That's what you told me when I shoplifted that necklace for you.

You remember, baby, don't ya?

The judge gave me a choice:

Either enlist or go to the can.

So I wind up in the Navy for four years instead of goin' to college.

I watched men lose their arms and legs.

I almost get my head blown off, and you, sweet Ruby McNutt...

you run off and marry that... asshole, Bill.

You didn't write to me for over a year. What was I supposed to think?

Yeah, well, I lost my pen!

By the time I got a new one, I was clean outta paper.

It was all over with Bill before you came home.

You may not remember it now, but...

you were pretty hot to see me back then.

You weren't so lukewarm yourself.

At least at first.

It fizzled, baby. That's the way it goes.

But we had our good times. It wasn't all bad.

A couple of moments, I'll grant ya that.

And that's how Felicity came into the picture. One of those two seconds.

You're conning me, sweetheart. I ain't responsible for no baby!

I thought I could handle it.

I didn't wanna bug you. I thought I could handle it... on my own.

And I couldn't.

She's in it real bad, Auggie.

Nice try, old girl. I'd like to help you out.

You know, for old times' sake.

But I really can't right now.

All my spare cash is tied up in a business venture...

and, uh, I haven't collected on my profits yet.

Too bad. You caught me at the wrong time.

- Auggie always gives me cigars... - You really are a coldhearted bastard.

- Look, I want my cigars. - How'd you get to be so mean, Auggie?

I know. You think I'm lyin' to you, but I'm not.

- Get out of my way! - Every word I told you was the God's own truth.

Hey, store's closed. Didn't you hear what the kid said?

- Yeah, but your sign says you're open from 8:00 to 6:00. - The store's closed!

The goddamn store's closed!

You're takin'all the oxygen, you fat fuck!

Tell ya what.

Wanna work? I'll give ya a job.

You see that upstairs room? The one above the office?

It's a hell of a mess.

It looks like they been throwin' junk in there for 20 years.

Needs to be cleaned up.

What you offering?

Five bucks an hour. That's the going rate, right?

It's about a quarter past 2:00 now.

My wife's gonna pick me up around about 5:30.

So that give you about three hours.

What you can't finish today, you can finish up tomorrow.

And is there a benefits package, or are you hiring me on a freelance basis?

- Benefits? - Yeah.

You know, health insurance, dental plan, paid vacation?

It's not fun being exploited. Workers have to stand up for their rights.

Yeah.

No, I think we're gonna work on a strictly freelance basis here.

Hmm.

- Five dollars an hour? - Yeah.

- All right, I'll take it. - Oh.

Cyrus Cole.

I'm Paul. Paul Benjamin.

- Let's take a pause, kid. Relax. - All right.

Okay.

I don't mean to be nosy, but I was wondering what happened to your arm.

See this, uh, ugly piece of hardware, you know.

Look at it.

Tell you what happened to my arm?

I'll tell you what happened to me.

Uh, 12 years ago...

God looked down on me and said, "Cyrus...

"you're a bad, stupid, selfish man.

"First, I'm gonna fill your body with spirits.

"And I'm gonna put you behind the wheel of a car.

"Then I'm gonna have you crash that car...

"kill the woman that loves you.

"But you, Cyrus, I'm gonna let you live.

"Because living's a lot worse than dying, kid.

"But just to make sure that you don't forget...

"what you did to that poor girl...

I'm gonna rip off your arm, and I'm gonna replace it with a hook. "

Now He could've ripped off both my arms, both my legs.

But, uh, nope. Mm-mm.

He was gonna be merciful and just rip off...

my left arm.

So every time I look at this hook...

I can remember...

what a bad, stupid, selfish man I am.

Let that be a lesson to you, Cyrus.

A lesson so you can mend your ways.

A warning.

So, have you mended your ways?

Well, I try.

Every day...

Oh. Who's that?

Is that daddy?

- Hey. - How ya doin'?

- Oof! - How ya doin'? You all right?

If I have to wash one more old lady's hair, my fingers are gonna fall off...

but I'm all right.

- That's good. That means you're busy. - Yeah.

- Real busy. - It's kinda sleepy around here.

Well, it's early days yet, Cy.

Yeah. Look who's here.

Who's that?

Uh-oh.

- Uh-oh. Let's come out and see. - How ya doin'?

Ohhh.

Okay, let's go.

Oh, it's you.

Look, I just wanted to give you this as a token of my appreciation.

Appreciation for what?

I don't know. For helping me out.

You want it?

- Where did you get that thing? - Bought it.

Twenty-nine... twenty-nine, ninety-five on sale.

Goldbaum's TV and Radio.

Well, I guess that just about does it.

Now you'll be able to watch the games, you know, as a break from your work.

Where do you think you're going?

Business meeting. I'm meeting my accountant at 3:00.

Cut it out, will you? Just cut it out.

- Come back here. - I don't really have time.

Close the door.

And sit in this chair.

Now listen carefully.

Your Aunt Em came by a couple of days ago.

She was... sick with worry. She was out of her mind.

We had an interesting talk about you...

Thomas.

You understand what I'm saying?

Your Aunt Em thinks you're in trouble...

and so do I.

Tell me about it, kid. I wanna hear all about it right now.

You don't really wanna know.

I don't, huh? What is it that makes you such an authority on what I want and don't want?

- Okay. Okay. - Well...

- Jesus! - Okay.

It's all so stupid.

There's this guy, see? Charles Clem, the Creeper.

That's what people call him.

The kind of guy you don't wanna cross paths with.

- Yeah? - And I crossed paths with him.

That's why I'm tryin' to stay clear of my neighborhood,

make sure I don't run into him again.

Does this have anything to do with whatever it was you weren't supposed to see?

Yes.

Look, I just happened to be walking by. All of a sudden,

the Creeper and this other guy come running outta the check cashing place...

with masks on their faces and guns in their hands.

They just about run smack into me.

And the Creeper recognizes me.

And I know he knows that I recognize him.

If the guy from the check cashing place hadn't run out screaming bloody murder...

he would've shot me.

I'm telling you, the Creeper would've shot me right there on the sidewalk.

But the noise distracted him...

and when he turned around to see what was going on, I took off.

One more second and I would've been dead.

Why didn't you go to the police?

The man has friends...

and I don't think they're likely to forgive me if I testify against him.

What makes you think you'll be any safer around here?

You're only about a mile from where you live.

It's not that far away, but... it's another galaxy.

Black is black, and white is white...

and never the twain shall meet.

Well, it looks like they've met in this apartment.

Let's not get too idealistic.

Fair enough.

I wouldn't wanna get carried away now, would I?

What?

You call your Aunt Em and tell her you're still alive.

Cone will try and help himself in this pitchers' duel.

Coming up for the second time this afternoon...

And he swings and fouls the first pitch back for strike one.

Count's 0-1. It's still hard to watch him swing a bat...

without thinking of that pitch from Atlee Hammaker...

that broke one of his fingers a few years ago, forced David...

Around first, headed into second is David Cone.

And the Mets' pitcher, Dave Cone, has himself...

Brooklyn boogie

Flatbush extension

Coney Island

Mm, and the Belt Parkway

Auggie. Get in the car, Auggie. I got something to show you.

- You don't give up do you? - Just get in the car and shut up.

- I'm not asking you to do anything. Just come with me. - Where to?

Damn it, Auggie, don't ask so many questions. Just get in the car!

- I told her she was gonna meet her father. - You what?

It's the only way, Auggie. Otherwise, she wasn't gonna see me.

- You better stop the car and let me out. - No, no, no.

Come on, come on. Just relax, will ya, please? Now just relax.

It's not like you have to do anything. You gotta go in there and pretend a little bit.

It wouldn't kill you to do me a little favor, ya know.

Besides, you might learn something.

- Yeah? Like what? - Maybe you'll find out I wasn't bullshittin' you, sweetheart.

Like maybe you'll find out I was telling you the truth.

Look, I'm not saying you don't have a daughter.

It's just that she's not my daughter.

Stop. Wait 'til you see her, Auggie.

- What's that supposed to mean? - She looks just like you.

- Cut it out. - Oh, no. Look, I gotta tell you something.

- When I told her she was gonna meet... - Just cut it out.

When I told her she was gonna meet her father, she absolute... she melted.

She hasn't spoken nice to me since she left home.

She's dying to see you, Auggie.

Nice neighborhood you brought me to.

Full of happy, prosperous people.

Honey? Felicity?

- Well? - Well, what?

Well, aren't you gonna say anything?

- What do you want me to say? - I don't know.

Uh, hello, Mom. Hello, Dad.

- Something like that. - I ain't got no daddy, you dig?

I got born last week when some dog fucked you up the ass.

Jesus Christ! This is all I need.

You said that you wanted to see him.

Well, here he is.

Yeah, I might've said that.

Chico told me to check him out, see if there might be some dough in it for us.

Well, I seen him now, and I'm not too impressed.

- Are you rich, mister? - Yeah, I'm a millionaire.

I walk around in disguise because I'm ashamed of all my money.

Sweetie, come on, please. Would you just please be nice?

- Get away from me! - Goddammit! I'm tryin' to help you!

I don't need your help. I got a man to take care of me...

which is more than you can say for yourself, Hawkeye.

Hey, hey. Don't talk to your mother like that.

Are you telling me you actually slept with this guy?

Are you telling me you actually let him fuck you?

You can do whatever you want with your own life.

We're here for that baby.

Now why don't you get yourself cleaned up for the baby before it's too late.

- What baby? - Your baby.

The baby you're carrying around inside that body of yours.

There ain't no baby in there now, you dig? There's nothing in there now.

What are you talking about?

An abortion, stupid.

I had an abortion day before yesterday.

There's no baby in there now, and you don't have to bug me about that shit anymore!

Bye-bye, baby.

Come on. Let's get outta here. I've had enough.

Yeah, that's right. You better go.

Chico will be back in a minute,

and I don't think your boyfriend wants to mess with Chico.

Chico's a real man...

not some scuzzy dickhead you pick outta last month's garbage, you hear what I'm sayin'?

He'll chop Mr. Dad here into little pieces.

That's a promise.

He'll kick the livin' shit out of him.

Listen carefully.

About 25 years ago...

there was a young man...

who went skiing alone in the Alps.

There was an avalanche.

The snow swallowed him up...

and his body was never recovered.

- The end. - No, no, no.

Not the end. The beginning.

His son... was just a little boy at the time.

But the years passed...

and he grew up to be a skier too.

And one day last winter, he went out, alone...

for a run down the mountain.

He gets about halfway to the bottom...

and he stops to eat his lunch beside a big rock.

Just as he's unwrapping his cheese sandwich...

he looks down...

and sees a body right there at his feet...

frozen in the ice.

He bends down to take a closer look.

Suddenly he feels that he's looking in the mirror...

that he's looking at himself... there he is, dead...

and the body is perfectly intact...

frozen in a block of ice...

like someone preserved in suspended animation.

He gets down on all fours...

looks right into the dead man's face...

and he realizes he's looking at his father.

And the strange thing is that the father...

is younger than the son is now.

The boy has become a man...

and it turns out...

that he's older than his own father.

What are you gonna do today?

I don't know. Read. Think.

Do some drawings if I get in the mood.

But tonight I'm gonna celebrate. That's definite.

- Celebrate what? - It's my birthday.

I'm 17 years old as of... 47 minutes ago...

and I think I should celebrate having made it this far.

Hey, hey. Happy birthday.

Oh... dear.

I thought I recognized you. You're Paul Benjamin, the writer, aren't you?

I confess.

I keep waiting for the next novel to come out.

Anything in the works?

- Well, I, um... - It's coming along.

At the rate he's going, he'll have a story finished by the end of the summer.

- Wonderful! - Uh...

I apologize for springing this on you at the last minute...

but Mr. Benjamin and I are attending a celebration tonight...

and we would be most pleased if you chose to accompany us.

Isn't that right, Mr. Benjamin?

Yes.

We would be honored.

What's the occasion of this celebration?

- It's my birthday. - Your birthday?

- Yes. - And how many people will be attending this birthday party?

Well, I wouldn't actually call it a "party. "

It's more along the lines of a dinner in celebration of my birthday.

The guest list is quite restricted. So far, it's Mr. Benjamin and myself.

- If you accept, that would make three of us. - Mm-hmm. I see.

A cozy dinner. But aren't threesomes a little awkward? How's that phrase go?

- Three's a crowd. - Three's a crowd. Yes, I'm aware of that.

But I have to keep an... an eye on Mr. Benjamin wherever he goes.

- Make sure he doesn't get himself into any trouble? - What are you? His chaperon?

Actually... I'm his father.

Most people assume that I'm his father.

It's a logical assumption, seeing as how I'm older than he is and so on.

But... But the fact is that, you know, the reverse is true.

He's... my father...

and I'm his son.

And nothing will ever catch the joy

Auggie?

Hey! Ben!

- What are you doing here? - Auggie, this is April Lee.

- April Lee, say hello to Auggie Wren. - Howdy, Miss April.

- Hello, Auggie Wren. - I'm very pleased to make your acquaintance.

- Yeah. Well... - And this here pretty little lady is...

Miss Violet Sanchez de Jalapeno!

The hottest chili pepper this side of the Rio Grande.

- Hi. Nice to meet you. - Ain't that so, baby?

That's right, Augusto! You're not so cold neither, baby.

- I love this guy. - What are you doing at a dive like this?

Rashid's birthday today, and we decided to whoop it up a little bit.

- How old, kid? - Seventeen.

- Ay! - Seventeen?

Well, I remember...

When I was 17

Christ!

I remember, ya know, when I was 17...

I was a whacked-out... little son-of-a-bitch.

Is that the way it is with you, son? You a whacked-out, crazy kid?

Definitely. I'd say you hit the nail right on the head.

That's good! Keep it up. Maybe one day you'll grow up and be a great man like me.

Yes! Yes! Yes!

He's a great man. He is.

Bye-bye. Come on. Let's go.

Auggie, I've been thinking.

You need any help in the store? Some summer help now that Vinnie's gone?

Help? What'd you have in mind?

I've been thinkin' about the kid.

- I'm sure he'd do a good job for you. - Hey, kid!

You interested in a job?

Your employment agency here says you're looking for a position in retail sales.

A job? I definitely would not turn down a job.

Come down to the cigar store tomorrow morning...

at 10:00 and we'll talk about it. Okay?

- We'll see what we can work out. - 10:00 tomorrow morning. I'll be there.

Okay, let's go, let's go.

- I owe you one. Don't forget. - Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

It's 1942, right.

He's caught in Leningrad during the siege.

I'm talking about one of the worst moments in human history.

500,000 people died in that one place.

And there's Baktin, holed up in an apartment, expecting to be killed any day.

He has plenty of tobacco, but no paper to roll it in.

So he takes the pages of a manuscript he's been working on for ten years...

and tears them up, so he can roll his cigarettes.

- His only copy? - His only copy.

If you think you're gonna die, what's more important? A good book or a good smoke?

So, he huffed and he puffed, and little by little he...

smoked his book.

Nice try. You had me goin' for a second, but no.

No writer would ever do a thing like that. Would he?

You don't believe me? Look.

All right, I'll show you. It's all in this book.

What is this?

I don't know.

Is this yours?

Yeah, it might be.

- Here, catch. - Hey!

So you're saying that, that, that it wasn't like that at all?

- Not exactly. I mean, there was more to it than I told you.

You didn't just see what happened.

They dropped the package on the ground and you picked it up?

- I picked it up. - And started to run?

And started to run.

Good thinking.

See, that's just it. I wasn't thinking. I just... I just did it.

Yeah, you have got one hell of a knack for getting into trouble, don't you?

- How much is in there anyway? - $6,000.

What?

$5,814 to be exact.

So, you robbed the robbers, and now the robbers are after you.

That's it in a nutshell.

Yeah, well, ya know, you have got to be crazy to do what you did!

You want my opinion? Take that money back to the Creeper and tell him you're sorry.

There's no way I'm giving this money back! This is my money now.

A lot of good it's gonna do you if the Creeper finds you.

This money is my whole future!

With an attitude like that, you are not going to have a future.

Seventeen is a hell of an age to die.

Is that what you want?

Iran has kept to the...

Hey, Bob-a-re-bop hey, Bob-a-re-bop

I'm back in about an hour.

- Keep your eye on the register while I'm gone, okay? - Sure thing. See you later.

The main thing the president said yesterday

is to stop the oil from coming out of there...

and that is what they're going to do.

That clearly is what the Saudi's have also decided to do.

The Saudi decision to turn away an Iraqi tanker...

is the kingdom's line drawn in the sand.

It is a decision the Saudi's have...

Jesus! Goddamn!

They may be illegal...

but it's hard to see where the crime is if there's no victim, right?

- No harm done. - This must be what it was like...

to go to a speakeasy during prohibition.

Forbidden pleasures, huh?

- Much business while I was gone? - A little. Not much.

Step this way, gentlemen. Let's retire to my office, shall we?

What the fuck is going on here?

Look at this! The goddamn place is flooded!

Holy fuckin'shit!

- The kid's sorry, Auggie. - Yeah?

Well, I'm sorry too.

It took me three years to save up those 5,000 bucks, and now I'm broke.

I can't hardly pay for this beer.

Not to speak of havin' my credibility destroyed.

Do you understand what I'm sayin'?

My credibility.

So, yeah, I'm sorry too. I'm sorry as I've ever been in my whole fuckin' life.

The kid's got somethin' to tell you, Auggie.

If he's got somethin'to say to me, why don't he tell me himself?

- It's for you. - For me?

- What am I supposed to do with a paper bag? - Open it.

What is this, some kind of joke?

No, it's $5,000.

I don't want your money, you little twerp.

It's probably stolen anyway.

What do you care where it comes from? It's yours.

And why do you wanna give me money?

To get my job back.

You're a dumb, whacked-out, little fuck, do ya know that?

Don't be an ass, Auggie. He's trying to make it up to you. Can't you see that?

He's crazy.

No, he's not; you are.

You're right.

- I just didn't think you knew. - You didn't think I knew?

It's written all over you like a...

like a neon sign.

Now, you say something nice to Rashid to help him feel better.

Fuck you, kid.

Fuck you too, you white son-of-a-bitch.

Good.

Good.

I'm glad that's settled.

Mr. Benjamin. Yo!

Mr. Benjamin, I presume.

You got a security problem in this building, you know that?

That lock on that door downstairs? It's busted.

It's not a good idea in these troubled times.

You never know what kind of trash might just wander in here off the streets.

Well, I'll have the landlord look into it tomorrow morning.

Yeah, you do that, 'cause you don't want any unpleasant surprises now, do you?

Who do I have the pleasure of talking to now?

- Pleasure? - That's you.

Not a pleasure. No, I wouldn't exactly call this "pleasure," funny man.

This here's more on the nature of business.

It doesn't matter. I, I know who you are anyway.

- You're the Creeper, aren't you? - The what?

- Ahhh! - Listen! Nobody... nobody calls Charles that name to his face!

- Do you understand me? - Yes, I understand.

'Cause you're gonna help us locate a certain party.

And I want it now before I leave.

- Who are you looking for? - Tommy, man! Tommy Cole!

Tommy Cole. I don't know anybody...

If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, it doesn't.

Do ya understand what I'm sayin'?

Ya never know what's gonna happen next.

And the moment ya think you do, that's the moment you don't know a goddamn thing.

This is what we call a paradox.

Are you following me?

Yeah. I, I follow you, Auggie.

When you don't know nothin', it's like paradise.

I know what that is.

Uh, that's... that's after you're dead...

and you go up to heaven and you sit with the angels.

- Jesus! - Hi, Auggie. Hi, Jimmy.

You're one fuckin' mess, man.

If the cops hadn't come, I might not be standing here now.

Ho-ho. They did a number on you.

I managed to keep my mouth shut for once in my life.

There's something to be said for that, right?

No. Jimmy, don't.

- Does it hurt? - Of course it hurts! What does it look like?

I thought maybe he was pretendin'.

- You heard from Rashid? - Not a peep.

I spoke to his aunt two days ago. She hasn't heard from him either.

It's startin' to get a little scary.

Could be a good sign, though. Could mean that he got away.

Yeah, or he didn't. There's no way to know, is there?

Hitting with two on and nobody out. Two more runs in. It's 4-2, New York.

Sasser ahead on the count, 2-0. Gullickson deals. Outside, ball three.

And so, Bill Gullickson...

So you're just gonna give up and go home?

What choice do I have?

I mean, she's made it pretty clear she doesn't want me around.

Well, you can't just write her off.

What am I supposed to do? You know what I mean?

There's no baby anymore, and... it's her life.

- What she does with it is her own business. - She's just a kid.

- There's time for more babies later after she grows up. - Oh, God, Auggie, dream on.

At the rate she's goin', she's not gonna make her 19th birthday.

Not if you got her into one of those rehab programs.

She'd never let me talk her into one of those things. Besides, they cost money.

And that is one thing I do not have. I mean, I am flat broke.

- No, you're not. - Look, are you callin' me a liar? I'm tellin' you, I'm flat broke.

I don't even have the goddamn money for that goddamn car!

Remember that business venture I was telling you about?

Well, my tugboat came in.

- I'm flush. - Well, bully for you.

- No, bully for you. - What?

- What's this? - Why don't you open it up and find out?

Oh, Jesus, God, Aug, there's money in here!

Five thousand bucks.

This is for me?

Just for you, baby.

- For keeps? - For keeps.

Oh, God!

Oh, Jesus.

Oh, God.

God, you're an angel! You know that?

- Oh, fuck this "angel" shit. - You're an angel from heaven.

Just take the dough, Ruby.

- And no bawlin', okay? - I'm sorry.

- I can't stand people who blubber. - I'm sorry.

Oh! Oh.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Ah!

- There's just one thing I wanna know. - What? Anything at all.

- You name it. - Felicity.

She's not my daughter, is she?

Well, I don't know. I mean...

she might be.

And then again... she might not.

Mathematically speaking, I guess it's about a 50-50 chance.

It's your call, Auggie.

Yo, Missing Persons. Sergeant Fosdick.

Well, blow me down. Peter Rabbit's alive.

Hey, what are... what are you guys doing here on a Sunday?

- We decided to have a picnic. Why don't you join us? - Yeah, sure. Just a second.

Okay. Do you got everything?

- Yeah. Yeah. - Let's go, men.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

- Yeah. - It's all right. I got it.

Hiya, kid.

Oh, wow, they really did a job on you.

Research. If I work the scene into the story...

that makes the medical bills 100... 100% tax deductible.

Try tellin' that one to the I.R.S.

You know these men, huh? I thought we had some customers here.

- Yeah, he knows us, but you also got some customers. - Yeah?

We came here to deliver some clean laundry.

Hey, it's... it's all right. I... I really do know them.

- Cyrus Cole. - Augustus Wren. Pleasure.

- I'm the owner here. - Paul Benjamin.

That's funny. He's got the same name as you.

Well, you and junior got the same name too, don't you?

Yeah, but he's my son. I mean, my flesh and blood.

You got the same name as this man here, and you ain't even the same color as him.

That's how we met.

See, we, um...

we're part of the "International Same Name Club. "

Believe it or not, there are 846 Paul Benjamins in America...

but, uh, only two in the New York metropolitan area.

That's how we... got to be such good friends.

We're the only two who show up for the meetings.

You're full of crap, kid.

Why don't you come clean and tell the man who you really are.

What's goin' on, guys?

Maybe you better ask him.

Come on, Rashid baby, spill it.

- Rashid? - Sometimes.

It's sort of a nom de guerre.

I don't even know what we're talking about, so you wanna help me out here?

Come on, your real name.

The name that's on your birth certificate.

Thomas.

Paul, Rashid, Thomas, whatever. Which one is it?

- Thomas. - Thomas?

Come on, come on, you yellow belly. The whole thing.

- The whole name. First name and last name. - What difference does it make?

If it doesn't make any difference, why not just say it?

I was gonna tell him in my own time! In my own time!

There's no time like the present, man.

Well...

I'm listening to you.

Thomas Cole.

My name is Thomas Jefferson Cole.

You makin' fun of me?

Are you... you mockin' me?

You mockin' me!

I ain't gonna let no little... punk kid come here and mock me!

You mockin' me? Are you mockin' me?

Like it or not, Cyrus, that's my name, Cole, just like yours!

- Now ask him who his mother was. - I don't like this.

I don't like this one bit. Go upstairs. I'll take care of this.

- Louisa Vail. - Shut up!

- You remember her? - You shut your fuckin' mouth!

Hey! Hey, damn it!

Ow! Ow! Ow!

There'll be none of that, you sorry piece of shits!

Cyrus, stop it! Stop it! Stop it!

Stop it! You'll kill him! He's your son, goddammit! He's your son!

- Shut up! You're lyin'! You're lyin'! - He's your son!

You're lyin'! You're lyin'! You shit, you're lyin'!

You...

Cigar?

No, thanks.

Here, uh, have one of mine?

- Look, I'm tellin' you, - What are you...

There's gonna be another war.

Those slobs in the Pentagon are gonna be out of a job...

unless they find a new enemy, and they got this Saddam character now.

I mean, they're gonna hit him with all they got. You mark my words.

- How's it goin'? - Eh.

Hi, Auggie.

- Two, right? - No, uh...

Make it one.

- You usually get two. - I know.

I'm tryin' to cut down.

Someone is worried about my health.

Aha.

- So, how's the work goin' these days, Maestro? - Fine.

Or was until a couple days ago. I got a call from a guy from the New York Times.

They want me to write a Christmas story.

They wanna publish it on Christmas Day.

That's a feather in your cap, man. The paper of record.

Yeah, it's great, except I have to come up with something in four days...

and I haven't got a single idea.

You don't know any Christmas stories, do ya?

Christmas stories? Sure.

I know a ton of 'em.

You know... You know any good ones?

Good ones? Of course.

Are you kiddin'? I'll tell you what.

Buy me lunch, my friend, and I'll tell you the best Christmas story you ever heard.

How's that? And I guarantee every word of it is true.

So... you ready?

Ready.

Whenever you are.

I'm all ears.

You remember how you once asked me how I started takin' pictures?

Well, this is the story of how I got my first camera.

As a matter of fact, it's the only camera I've ever had.

- Are you followin' me so far? - Every word.

So, this is the story of how it happened.

Okay.

It was the summer of'76, back when I first started workin' for Vinnie.

The summer of the bicentennial.

A kid came in one morning and started stealing things from the store.

He's standin' by the rack of paperbacks along the far wall...

and he's stuffin' skin magazines under his shirt.

I didn't see him at first because it was crowded around the counter.

But once I noticed what he was up to, I started to shout.

He took off like a jackrabbit. Zzzzzt!

By the time I got out from behind the counter,

he was tearing ass down Seventh Avenue.

I chased him about half a block. Then I gave up.

He dropped something along the way.

And...

since I didn't feel like running anymore, I bent down to see what it was.

It turned out to be his wallet.

There wasn't any money inside, but his driver's license was there...

along with three or four snapshots.

I suppose I could've called the cops and had him arrested.

I had his name and address from the license.

But I felt kind of sorry for him. He was just a measly little punk.

And once I looked at those pictures in his wallet...

I couldn't bring myself to feel very angry at him.

Roger Goodwin.

That was his name.

One of the pictures, I remember, he was standing next to his mother.

Another one, he was holding a trophy he got at school...

and smiling like he just won the Irish Sweepstakes.

I just didn't have the heart.

A poor kid from Brooklyn, not much goin' for him.

Who cared about a couple of dirty magazines anyway?

So... I held onto the wallet.

Um... every once in awhile...

I'd get a little urge to send it back to him, but I kept delaying.

I never did anything about it.

Then Christmas rolls around...

and... I'm stuck with nothin' to do.

Vinnie was gonna invite me over, but his mother got sick...

and he and his wife had to go to Miami at the last minute.

So, I'm sitting in my apartment that morning feeling a little sorry for myself.

And then I see Roger Goodwin's wallet lying on a shelf.

I figure, what the hell, why not do somethin' nice for once.

I put on my coat and I go out to return the wallet.

The address is somewhere in Boerum Hill, somewheres in the Projects.

It was freezing out that day, I remember...

and I kept getting lost trying to find the right building.

Everything looks the same in that place.

And you keep going over the same ground thinkin' you're somewhere else.

Anyway, I finally got to the apartment I was lookin' for, and I ring the bell.

Nothing happens. I assume no one is there.

I ring again just to make sure.

And just as I'm about to give up, I wait a little longer...

and I hear someone shuffling to the door.

An old woman's voice asks, "Who's there?"

And I say, "I'm lookin' for Roger Goodwin. "

"Is that you, Roger?" She says.

And then she undoes about 15 locks and opens the door.

She's got to be at least 80, maybe 90 years old.

And the first thing I noticed about her is...

she's blind.

"I knew you'd come, Roger," she says.

"I knew you wouldn't forget your Granny Ethel on Christmas. "

And then she opens her arms as if she's about to hug me.

I don't have much time to think, you understand.

I had to say something real fast.

And before I knew what was happening,

I could hear the words coming out of my mouth:

"That's right, Granny Ethel," I said.

"I came back to see you on Christmas. "

Don't ask me why I said it. I don't have any idea.

It just came out that way.

Suddenly, this old lady's huggin' me there in front of the door,

and I'm huggin' her back.

It was as if we both decided to...

play this game...

without having to discuss the rules.

I mean, she knew I wasn't her grandson.

She was old and dotty, but she wasn't so far gone...

that she couldn't tell a complete stranger from her own flesh and blood.

But it made her happy to pretend.

And since I had nothin' better to do, I was happy to go along with it.

So, we both go into the apartment, we spend the day together.

Every time she asked me how I was doing, I would lie to her.

I told her I had found a good job in a cigar store.

I told her I was about to get married.

I told her a hundred pretty stories, and she made like she believed every one of them.

"That's fine, Roger," she would say, nodding her head and smiling.

"I always knew things would turn out for you. "

After a while, I started getting hungry.

Since there was no food in the house, I went out to a store in the neighborhood...

and I picked up a whole bunch of stuff:

A precooked chicken, vegetable soup...

a bucket of potato salad.

Whole bunch of stuff.

Granny Ethel had a couple of bottles of wine stashed in her bedroom.

And so...

both of us together managed to put together a fairly decent Christmas dinner.

We both got a little tipsy from the wine, I remember.

And after the meal was over, we went out to sit in the living room...

where the chairs were more comfortable.

I had to take a pee, so I excused myself and I went to the bathroom down the hallway.

And that's when things took another turn.

It was ditzy enough doing my little jig as Granny Ethel's grandson...

but what I did then...

was particularly crazy...

and I've never forgiven myself since.

I go into the bathroom...

and stacked up against the wall next to the shower...

I see a pile of six or seven cameras.

Brand-new 35-millimeter cameras...

still in their boxes.

I've never taken a picture in my life...

much less ever stolen anything.

But once I see those cameras sitting there in the bathroom...

I decide I want one of them for myself.

Just like that.

And without even thinkin' about it, I pick up one of the cameras...

tuck it under my arm and go out back to the living room.

I wasn't gone more than three minutes, but in that time...

Granny Ethel had fallen asleep.

Too much Chianti, I suppose.

I went out to the kitchen and wash the dishes.

She slept through the whole racket, snoring away like a baby.

There was no point in disturbing her...

so... I decided to leave.

I couldn't even write her a letter to say good-bye, seein' that she was blind and all.

So I just left.

I put her grandson's wallet on the table...

picked up the camera again...

and walked out of the apartment.

And that's the end of the story.

Did you ever see her again? You ever go back to see her?

Once, maybe three or four months later.

I, uh... felt so bad about stealin' the camera.

I hadn't even used it yet.

I finally made up my mind to return it, but... Granny Ethel wasn't there anymore.

Someone else had moved into the apartment, and they couldn't tell me where she was.

She probably died.

Yeah. Probably.

Which means she spent her last Christmas with you.

I guess so.

I hadn't thought about it that way.

It was a good deed, Auggie. That was a nice thing you did for her.

I lied to her and I stole from her.

- I don't see how you could call that a good deed. - You made her happy.

The camera was stolen anyway.

Not as if the person you took it from really owned it.

Anything for art, eh, Paul?

I wouldn't say that, but, um...

at least you put the camera to good use.

And now you got your Christmas story, don't ya?

Yes, I suppose I do.

Bullshit is a real talent, Auggie.

To make up a good story, you have to know how to push all the right buttons.

I'd say you were up there among the masters.

What do you mean?

I mean, um...

It's a good story.

Shit. If you can't share your secrets with your friends,

then what kind of friend are ya?

Exactly.

Life just wouldn't be worth living, would it?

The bats are in the belfry

The dew is on the moon

Where are the arms that held me

And pledged her love before

And pledged her love before

And it's such a sad old feeling

All the fields are soft and green

It's memories that I'm stealing

But you're innocent when you dream

When you dream

You're innocent when you dream

When you dream

You're innocent when you dream

made a golden promise

That we would never part

I gave my love a locket

And then I broke her heart

And then I broke her heart

And it's such a sad old feeling

All of the fields are soft and green

And it's memories that I'm stealing

But you're innocent when you dream

When you dream

You're innocent when you dream

When you dream

You're innocent when you dream

We're running through the graveyard

And we laughed my friends and I

We swore we'd be together

Until the day we die

Until the day we die

- And it's such - Such a sad old feeling

All of the fields are soft and green

And it's memories that I'm stealing

But you're innocent when you dream

When you dream

You're innocent when you dream

When you dream

You're innocent when you dream

And it's such a sad old feeling

All of the fields are soft and green

And it's memories that I'm stealing

But you're innocent when you dream

When you dream

You're innocent when you dream

When you dream

You're innocent when you dream

And it's such a sad old feeling

All the fields are soft and green

Its memories that I'm stealing

But you're innocent when you dream

When you dream

You're innocent when you dream

When you dream

You're innocent when you dream

I made a golden promise

That we would never part

I gave my love a locket

And then I broke her heart

And then I broke her heart

And it's such a sad old feeling

All of the fields are soft and green

And it's memories that I'm stealing

But you're innocent when you dream

When you dream

You're innocent when you dream

When you dream

You're innocent when you dream

They...

asked me how I knew

My true love was true

My true love was true

I, of course, replied

Something here inside

Cannot be denied

They said someday you'll find

All who love are blind

When your heart's on fire

You must realize

Smoke gets in your eyes

So I chaffed and

Then I gaily laughed

To think they could doubt

My... love

Yet today

My love has flown away

I am without

My... love

Without my love

Ooo-oh

Now laughing friends deride

Tears I cannot hide

Tears I cannot hide

So I just smile and say

When a loving flame dies

Smoke gets in your eyes

Eye-eye-eye

Smoke gets in your eyes

Oh

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