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Subtitles : RaceMan
www.forom.com
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♪ Love and marriage ♪
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00:00:18,467 --> 00:00:20,934
♪ Love and marriage ♪
4
00:00:20,934 --> 00:00:22,734
♪ Go together like ♪
5
00:00:22,734 --> 00:00:25,200
♪ A horse and carriage ♪
6
00:00:25,200 --> 00:00:29,200
♪ This I tell ya, brother ♪
7
00:00:29,200 --> 00:00:31,133
♪ You can't have one ♪
8
00:00:31,133 --> 00:00:34,033
♪ Without the other ♪
9
00:00:34,033 --> 00:00:36,334
♪ Love and marriage ♪
10
00:00:36,334 --> 00:00:38,934
♪ Love and marriage ♪
11
00:00:38,934 --> 00:00:40,334
♪ It's an institute ♪
12
00:00:40,334 --> 00:00:42,734
♪ You can't disparage ♪
13
00:00:42,734 --> 00:00:46,501
♪ Ask the local gentry ♪
14
00:00:46,501 --> 00:00:51,067
♪ And they will say
It's elementary ♪
15
00:00:51,067 --> 00:00:55,868
♪ Try, try, try
To separate them ♪
16
00:00:55,868 --> 00:00:59,567
♪ It's an illusion ♪
17
00:00:59,567 --> 00:01:04,701
♪ Try, try, try
And you will only come ♪
18
00:01:04,701 --> 00:01:08,133
♪ To this conclusion ♪
19
00:01:08,133 --> 00:01:10,234
♪ Love and marriage ♪♪
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00:01:28,434 --> 00:01:31,734
Let go of my hair,
you little psychopath!
21
00:01:31,734 --> 00:01:34,000
Die, commie bimbo.
22
00:01:35,367 --> 00:01:38,400
Now, Bud, I thought
we talked about this before.
23
00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:40,000
What's that, Mom?
24
00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:42,000
Sneaking up
behind your sister,
25
00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:44,834
pulling her hair,
pretending to kill her.
26
00:01:44,834 --> 00:01:46,434
Remember the effect
it had on Grandma?
27
00:01:48,300 --> 00:01:50,234
Nobody likes it,
nobody thinks it's funny.
28
00:01:50,234 --> 00:01:51,767
So cut it out, okay?
29
00:01:51,767 --> 00:01:52,868
Sure, Mom.
30
00:01:52,868 --> 00:01:54,267
Now go to school.
31
00:01:54,267 --> 00:01:56,567
[HORN HONKS]
32
00:01:56,567 --> 00:01:58,267
I hate you.
33
00:01:58,267 --> 00:01:59,300
Good.
34
00:02:00,601 --> 00:02:03,267
Hey, hon.
Anything going on?
35
00:02:03,267 --> 00:02:04,300
Nope.
36
00:02:05,934 --> 00:02:08,934
Sweetie, is this
your little cactus?
37
00:02:08,934 --> 00:02:10,267
Uh-huh.
38
00:02:10,267 --> 00:02:11,634
Any particular reason
39
00:02:11,634 --> 00:02:15,701
you put it where
the alarm clock used to be?
40
00:02:15,701 --> 00:02:20,234
I thought it would dress up
the room a little bit.
41
00:02:20,234 --> 00:02:22,167
Gee, I meant to tell
you to be careful
42
00:02:22,167 --> 00:02:24,367
before you slammed your hand
on the alarm this morning.
43
00:02:24,367 --> 00:02:25,534
Well, you didn't.
44
00:02:25,534 --> 00:02:26,667
Sorry.
45
00:02:26,667 --> 00:02:27,834
That's okay.
46
00:02:27,834 --> 00:02:30,701
I stopped the bleeding
with your slip.
47
00:02:32,634 --> 00:02:33,834
Where are the kids?
48
00:02:33,834 --> 00:02:35,133
They've left.
49
00:02:35,133 --> 00:02:38,601
By the way, Bud has
show and tell at school today.
50
00:02:38,601 --> 00:02:40,567
The subject is,
"What does daddy do?"
51
00:02:40,567 --> 00:02:42,033
So when you come home tonight,
52
00:02:42,033 --> 00:02:43,467
if there's a can
of beer missing,
53
00:02:43,467 --> 00:02:45,300
and you can't find
the remote control,
54
00:02:45,300 --> 00:02:46,734
that's where they are.
55
00:02:46,734 --> 00:02:49,267
I hope he brings
that stuff back tonight.
56
00:02:49,267 --> 00:02:50,934
The Bulls are playing on TV.
57
00:02:50,934 --> 00:02:53,200
Oh, my God.
You're kidding.
58
00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:56,701
It's not as exciting as your
Cookin' with Clyde the Cajun,
59
00:02:56,701 --> 00:02:59,901
but at least it gives me
a reason to come home.
60
00:02:59,901 --> 00:03:03,033
Al, do you have to leave
the refrigerator door open?
61
00:03:03,033 --> 00:03:05,200
I'm getting a draft.
62
00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:09,567
I'm sorry. Maybe I should look
for some food in the dishwasher.
63
00:03:10,901 --> 00:03:12,400
We have no juice.
64
00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:15,400
I didn't buy any.
I didn't have time.
65
00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:16,701
That happens.
I understand.
66
00:03:16,701 --> 00:03:21,267
You don't have a job
or anything, do you?
67
00:03:21,267 --> 00:03:24,267
Well, I do sandpaper the stains
out of your shirts
68
00:03:24,267 --> 00:03:25,734
and battle your socks
and underwear
69
00:03:25,734 --> 00:03:27,567
into the washing machine,
70
00:03:27,567 --> 00:03:30,133
but I guess that is more
of an adventure than a job.
71
00:03:30,133 --> 00:03:32,000
What has that got
to do with juice?
72
00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:34,367
Al, there's a store
on your way home from work.
73
00:03:34,367 --> 00:03:36,501
I'm sorry.
Why didn't I think of that?
74
00:03:36,501 --> 00:03:39,000
Sure. I don't mind
doing the shopping too.
75
00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:41,534
Anything else I can do
to make your life easier?
76
00:03:41,534 --> 00:03:43,434
You could shave
your back.
77
00:03:46,033 --> 00:03:49,033
Hey, that hair is there
for a reason.
78
00:03:49,033 --> 00:03:51,901
It keeps you off
of me at night.
79
00:03:53,133 --> 00:03:54,701
Al, let's not start.
80
00:03:54,701 --> 00:03:56,234
We were having
such a nice morning.
81
00:03:56,234 --> 00:03:58,634
Yeah, I'm sorry.
You're right.
82
00:03:58,634 --> 00:04:01,067
It's just that I got
a hard day ahead of me
83
00:04:01,067 --> 00:04:02,834
and nothing to eat
to get me going.
84
00:04:02,834 --> 00:04:05,300
I'm sorry, honey.
It's my fault.
85
00:04:05,300 --> 00:04:09,467
Tonight, I promise,
there will be food in the house.
86
00:04:09,467 --> 00:04:10,534
And juice.
87
00:04:10,534 --> 00:04:11,734
Right.
88
00:04:11,734 --> 00:04:12,901
Those kids.
89
00:04:12,901 --> 00:04:15,834
I hate wasting food.
90
00:04:17,567 --> 00:04:19,667
Yes, my little baby.
91
00:04:23,167 --> 00:04:25,067
Have a nice day, honey.
92
00:04:30,968 --> 00:04:33,834
There better be juice
when I get home.
93
00:04:41,133 --> 00:04:44,167
I don't care what
your little ruler says.
94
00:04:44,167 --> 00:04:47,534
I've been a 7 since I graduated
from high school.
95
00:04:48,667 --> 00:04:50,133
Well, these are 7s.
96
00:04:50,133 --> 00:04:53,133
The box says 9
because, well, uh...
97
00:04:53,133 --> 00:04:55,300
Look, lady.
You're a 9.
98
00:04:56,501 --> 00:04:59,400
I can accept it.
Why can't you?
99
00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:01,167
You're very fresh!
100
00:05:01,167 --> 00:05:02,501
No, ma'am,
that's impossible,
101
00:05:02,501 --> 00:05:04,133
because
for the last hour,
102
00:05:04,133 --> 00:05:06,267
I've been trying to squeeze
your foot into a shoe,
103
00:05:06,267 --> 00:05:08,968
when I really should have
been easing them into the box.
104
00:05:08,968 --> 00:05:11,367
I'd say I'm anything
but fresh.
105
00:05:11,367 --> 00:05:13,868
By the way, you want
to tell John Henry there
106
00:05:13,868 --> 00:05:16,868
to give the $100
pumps a rest?
107
00:05:16,868 --> 00:05:20,234
Your ad says
"Courteous service."
108
00:05:20,234 --> 00:05:22,167
That's not my ad, ma'am.
109
00:05:22,167 --> 00:05:23,667
That's the former owner's.
110
00:05:23,667 --> 00:05:26,167
He was killed, tragically,
on this very spot
111
00:05:26,167 --> 00:05:29,667
when a size 9
exploded in his face.
112
00:05:29,667 --> 00:05:32,167
Come on, Arnold.
We're leaving.
113
00:05:32,167 --> 00:05:33,667
I want a balloon.
114
00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:35,033
You've already
got one.
115
00:05:41,467 --> 00:05:43,968
Hey, Al. You mind
if I go to lunch?
116
00:05:43,968 --> 00:05:45,968
You just came
from lunch.
117
00:05:45,968 --> 00:05:47,234
Yeah, technically.
118
00:05:47,234 --> 00:05:50,133
Biologically, I was
in bed with some broad.
119
00:05:50,133 --> 00:05:52,667
Luke, how can
you be happy
120
00:05:52,667 --> 00:05:55,167
sleeping with every
woman you meet?
121
00:05:55,167 --> 00:05:58,300
I don't know,
but I am.
122
00:05:58,300 --> 00:05:59,901
I'll tell you,
as your friend,
123
00:05:59,901 --> 00:06:01,801
I can't wait till you
get married.
124
00:06:01,801 --> 00:06:04,801
Yeah. A wife and kids
who adore you.
125
00:06:04,801 --> 00:06:05,968
A wife...
126
00:06:05,968 --> 00:06:07,133
Kids...
127
00:06:07,133 --> 00:06:08,634
The list goes on and on.
128
00:06:08,634 --> 00:06:11,868
It's just seeing their faces
light up in the morning
129
00:06:11,868 --> 00:06:13,234
when they see you.
130
00:06:13,234 --> 00:06:15,100
They can't do enough for you.
131
00:06:15,100 --> 00:06:16,300
It's heaven on earth.
132
00:06:16,300 --> 00:06:18,300
No, Al. That is.
133
00:06:20,667 --> 00:06:22,968
Luke Ventura,
at your feet.
134
00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:27,701
Do you work here,
135
00:06:27,701 --> 00:06:29,701
or are you
just loitering?
136
00:06:29,701 --> 00:06:31,200
I'm sorry.
Can I help you?
137
00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:33,501
I'd like to see
some shoes, please.
138
00:06:35,534 --> 00:06:36,968
Uh, let me guess.
139
00:06:36,968 --> 00:06:39,501
Uh...size 7s.
140
00:06:39,501 --> 00:06:41,467
Yes. How did you know?
141
00:06:41,467 --> 00:06:43,234
All women are 7s.
142
00:06:46,634 --> 00:06:49,634
I know you've been
told this before,
143
00:06:49,634 --> 00:06:52,234
but you have the instep
of a movie star.
144
00:06:52,234 --> 00:06:54,300
Really?
145
00:06:54,300 --> 00:06:56,300
Hey, Al. Meet Tawny.
146
00:06:56,300 --> 00:06:57,634
Al's married.
147
00:06:57,634 --> 00:06:59,534
[BOTH LAUGH]
148
00:07:01,167 --> 00:07:03,067
Listen, Al,
I forgot to tell you.
149
00:07:03,067 --> 00:07:05,167
I got an extra ticket to
the Bulls/Lakers game tonight.
150
00:07:05,167 --> 00:07:06,767
Court level.
Want to go?
151
00:07:06,767 --> 00:07:07,934
Hell, yeah!
152
00:07:07,934 --> 00:07:09,400
Sure your wife
will let you?
153
00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:10,667
Let me tell you something.
154
00:07:10,667 --> 00:07:12,868
No woman tells
Al Bundy what to do.
155
00:07:12,868 --> 00:07:15,467
Hey, you.
Get my shoes.
156
00:07:15,467 --> 00:07:16,501
Yes, ma'am.
157
00:07:19,334 --> 00:07:22,334
FEMALE ANNOUNCER:
We're here todaywith our staff anthropologist,
158
00:07:22,334 --> 00:07:26,834
Dr. Jim, who discovereda tribe of women in the Amazon
159
00:07:26,834 --> 00:07:28,834
who, like the praying mantis,
160
00:07:28,834 --> 00:07:31,367
devour their malesafter mating season.
161
00:07:31,367 --> 00:07:32,534
Oh, my God.
Ladies?
162
00:07:32,534 --> 00:07:33,901
[APPLAUSE]
163
00:07:36,634 --> 00:07:37,667
[CAR DOOR SLAMS]
164
00:07:41,567 --> 00:07:42,767
[TURNS VACUUM ON]
165
00:07:52,701 --> 00:07:54,167
Hi, honey.
166
00:07:54,167 --> 00:07:57,100
Hi. Working hard?
167
00:07:57,100 --> 00:07:58,334
Oh, yeah.
168
00:07:58,334 --> 00:08:01,834
You know I like
to keep the house clean.
169
00:08:01,834 --> 00:08:02,901
Whew! Hard day?
170
00:08:02,901 --> 00:08:04,234
Yeah. You?
171
00:08:04,234 --> 00:08:06,534
Oh, yeah.
172
00:08:06,534 --> 00:08:09,400
Yeah, it must have been.
Even the TV's sweating.
173
00:08:10,667 --> 00:08:13,167
Hey, get me
some juice, okay?
174
00:08:13,167 --> 00:08:16,167
Oh, that's what
I forgot to do.
175
00:08:16,167 --> 00:08:17,834
That's okay.
Juice isn't important.
176
00:08:17,834 --> 00:08:20,434
Listen, honey,
I know you've been busy
177
00:08:20,434 --> 00:08:22,100
around the house all day.
178
00:08:22,100 --> 00:08:24,367
so you don't have to bother
making me dinner tonight.
179
00:08:24,367 --> 00:08:26,400
I got a little
surprise for you.
180
00:08:26,400 --> 00:08:28,934
I'm going to the
ball game tonight.
181
00:08:28,934 --> 00:08:30,434
Al.
Hm?
182
00:08:30,434 --> 00:08:32,000
You're not going
to the game tonight.
183
00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:33,100
Sure, I am.
184
00:08:33,100 --> 00:08:34,534
See, let me explain
something to you.
185
00:08:34,534 --> 00:08:36,133
I work all day.
186
00:08:36,133 --> 00:08:39,367
And when somebody works all day,
they need to have fun at night.
187
00:08:39,367 --> 00:08:41,868
I don't actually expect
you to understand,
188
00:08:41,868 --> 00:08:45,033
but trust me. I'm your husband.
I know best.
189
00:08:46,167 --> 00:08:48,868
Isn't staying home
with me fun?
190
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:54,934
Don't wait up.
191
00:08:54,934 --> 00:08:57,701
Al, you're not
going to the game tonight.
192
00:08:57,701 --> 00:08:59,000
I see you misunderstood me.
193
00:08:59,000 --> 00:09:00,367
You must have
thought I said,
194
00:09:00,367 --> 00:09:02,701
"Is it okay with you
if I go to the game?"
195
00:09:02,701 --> 00:09:04,701
You know,
like a question.
196
00:09:04,701 --> 00:09:06,434
There's no question
about this.
197
00:09:06,434 --> 00:09:07,934
No, there isn't.
198
00:09:07,934 --> 00:09:09,400
You cannot go
to the game tonight.
199
00:09:09,400 --> 00:09:10,567
Why not?
200
00:09:10,567 --> 00:09:11,801
Because I invited
company over.
201
00:09:11,801 --> 00:09:12,901
Company?!
202
00:09:12,901 --> 00:09:15,534
Who the hell would want
to come over here?
203
00:09:15,534 --> 00:09:17,334
You know that honeymoon couple
that moved next door?
204
00:09:17,334 --> 00:09:18,400
No.
205
00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:20,234
I invited them over.
I thought I told you.
206
00:09:20,234 --> 00:09:21,400
You didn't.
207
00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:22,801
Look, I worked hard
all day.
208
00:09:22,801 --> 00:09:24,300
The last thing
I want to do
209
00:09:24,300 --> 00:09:26,200
is spend the evening
with people I don't know.
210
00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:28,767
Now, look. They are new
in the neighborhood.
211
00:09:28,767 --> 00:09:30,200
They have lived here
for two months,
212
00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:31,601
and they have no friends.
213
00:09:31,601 --> 00:09:33,100
We have lived here
for 15 years,
214
00:09:33,100 --> 00:09:34,767
and we have no friends.
215
00:09:34,767 --> 00:09:37,834
Al, I want to have
some friends.
216
00:09:37,834 --> 00:09:39,200
Are you implying
217
00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:40,934
that it's my fault
you have no friends?
218
00:09:40,934 --> 00:09:44,801
Oh, no. It's me who sits in
front of the TV set burping,
219
00:09:44,801 --> 00:09:47,367
with my hand
thrust down my pants.
220
00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:52,133
You keep it cold
in this house, Peg.
221
00:09:52,133 --> 00:09:55,167
Al, every night
when the kids go out,
222
00:09:55,167 --> 00:09:57,167
it's just you and me.
223
00:09:57,167 --> 00:10:01,934
Can't you see how boring
that is for me, honey?
224
00:10:01,934 --> 00:10:03,534
Look, all I am asking
225
00:10:03,534 --> 00:10:05,934
is that we have
some people over for one night
226
00:10:05,934 --> 00:10:07,701
and for you
to be nice.
227
00:10:07,701 --> 00:10:09,200
Oh, I'm gonna be nice.
228
00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:11,434
How's this for nice?
I'm not even gonna be here.
229
00:10:11,434 --> 00:10:13,100
I'm going to the game.
230
00:10:13,100 --> 00:10:15,100
All right, Al. Fine.
But before you go,
231
00:10:15,100 --> 00:10:17,868
I would just like to say
three things.
232
00:10:17,868 --> 00:10:20,901
The bank book
is in both our names,
233
00:10:20,901 --> 00:10:23,901
the credit cards
are in both our names,
234
00:10:23,901 --> 00:10:26,267
and the stores
are still open.
235
00:10:37,501 --> 00:10:39,868
Why didn't you
get me juice?
236
00:10:52,234 --> 00:10:53,734
Kids gone?
237
00:10:53,734 --> 00:10:58,434
Yeah.
But they'll be back.
238
00:10:58,434 --> 00:11:01,934
I can't believe you invited
these people over tonight.
239
00:11:01,934 --> 00:11:03,334
I hate company.
240
00:11:03,334 --> 00:11:05,334
Would you for once
think about me?
241
00:11:05,334 --> 00:11:07,334
I am at home all day,
alone.
242
00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:09,834
You're out there around people
all the time.
243
00:11:09,834 --> 00:11:12,033
You know,
I need some fun too.
244
00:11:12,033 --> 00:11:14,067
Too? Oh, sure,
on the surface
245
00:11:14,067 --> 00:11:15,534
selling women's shoes
is fun.
246
00:11:15,534 --> 00:11:16,868
But once you cut through
247
00:11:16,868 --> 00:11:18,534
all the hype, the myths,
the glamour,
248
00:11:18,534 --> 00:11:23,100
it's really very much like any
minimum-wage-paying slow death.
249
00:11:27,100 --> 00:11:28,267
Hi, Mom.
250
00:11:28,267 --> 00:11:29,934
Dad, can I
have $5.00?
251
00:11:29,934 --> 00:11:32,400
When I was a kid,
I had to earn my money.
252
00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:35,501
Did you ever once think about
trying to earn your money?
253
00:11:35,501 --> 00:11:36,667
Okay, Dad.
254
00:11:36,667 --> 00:11:38,167
Do you want to know
255
00:11:38,167 --> 00:11:40,667
who Kelly was with
this afternoon?
256
00:11:40,667 --> 00:11:41,701
Who?
257
00:11:47,734 --> 00:11:50,234
You know the kid
they call Cobra,
258
00:11:50,234 --> 00:11:52,734
the kid with the sore
on his mouth?
259
00:11:52,734 --> 00:11:54,234
Good job, son.
260
00:11:54,234 --> 00:11:55,400
Thanks, Dad.
261
00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:56,601
Where are you going?
262
00:11:56,601 --> 00:11:58,067
Joey's dad's
waiting for me outside.
263
00:11:58,067 --> 00:12:00,067
We're going
to the basketball game tonight.
264
00:12:00,067 --> 00:12:01,767
Mom said it was okay.
Bye.
265
00:12:01,767 --> 00:12:03,601
The Lakers
are in town.
266
00:12:03,601 --> 00:12:05,334
He really wanted
to go.
267
00:12:06,467 --> 00:12:08,334
Hi, Mom.
Dad, can I have $10?
268
00:12:08,334 --> 00:12:10,267
Who were you
with today?
269
00:12:10,267 --> 00:12:11,334
Nobody.
270
00:12:11,334 --> 00:12:13,400
Does nobody
have a name?
271
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:16,868
You know, Tom, Dick, Cobra
with a sore on his mouth?
272
00:12:16,868 --> 00:12:19,300
Oh, Dad. It's not
that kind of a sore.
273
00:12:19,300 --> 00:12:21,501
He just fell asleep
with a cigar in his mouth.
274
00:12:21,501 --> 00:12:22,868
What?
275
00:12:22,868 --> 00:12:25,868
You gave some to Bud,
you have to give to Kelly too.
276
00:12:25,868 --> 00:12:27,033
Remember, Al.
No favoritism.
277
00:12:27,033 --> 00:12:29,534
Peg, she's going out
with a guy
278
00:12:29,534 --> 00:12:30,634
named after a reptile.
279
00:12:30,634 --> 00:12:32,667
His real name
is Stanley.
280
00:12:32,667 --> 00:12:35,400
They only call him Cobra because
he has one painted on his van.
281
00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:36,868
And you find this
acceptable?
282
00:12:36,868 --> 00:12:39,801
I've met him,
and he's a very nice boy.
283
00:12:39,801 --> 00:12:40,968
[TIRES SQUEAL]
284
00:12:40,968 --> 00:12:43,667
[HORN PLAYING]
* Dum de dum dum *
285
00:12:43,667 --> 00:12:46,000
That's his horn.
Isn't it great?
286
00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:48,300
I guess that's why
I fell in love with him.
287
00:12:48,300 --> 00:12:49,701
Bye, Mom.
288
00:12:49,701 --> 00:12:51,000
Bye, honey.
289
00:12:52,801 --> 00:12:55,801
You know, we must have
done something right.
290
00:12:55,801 --> 00:12:57,734
We raised
two great kids.
291
00:12:58,868 --> 00:13:01,067
[TIRES SQUEALING]
292
00:13:01,067 --> 00:13:04,067
I'm sorry, honey.
I didn't hear you.
293
00:13:04,067 --> 00:13:07,100
I was just thinking
of killing myself.
294
00:13:07,100 --> 00:13:08,601
Not tonight, honey.
295
00:13:08,601 --> 00:13:10,934
We have company
coming over.
296
00:13:10,934 --> 00:13:13,434
Look, it's time
for the pre-game show.
297
00:13:13,434 --> 00:13:15,834
Oh, no, you don't.
Every time we have company,
298
00:13:15,834 --> 00:13:17,200
you turn on this TV
299
00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:18,868
and immediately
separate yourself.
300
00:13:18,868 --> 00:13:21,634
Not tonight. You can always
watch a basketball game.
301
00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:23,534
Oh, but I couldn't always
meet our next-door neighbors.
302
00:13:23,534 --> 00:13:24,634
Now I see.
303
00:13:24,634 --> 00:13:25,734
[DOORBELL RINGS]
304
00:13:25,734 --> 00:13:27,534
That must be Steve and Marcie
from next door.
305
00:13:27,534 --> 00:13:29,601
Steve and Marcie?
I'm gonna miss a game
306
00:13:29,601 --> 00:13:31,467
for people named
Steve and Marcie?
307
00:13:31,467 --> 00:13:34,400
What's their
last name, Gorme?
308
00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:35,901
And that is another thing, Al.
309
00:13:35,901 --> 00:13:38,934
When they're in here, I do not
want you making snide comments.
310
00:13:38,934 --> 00:13:41,734
That is why we have
no friends.
311
00:13:41,734 --> 00:13:44,234
Excuse me, Peg.
I thought we had no friends
312
00:13:44,234 --> 00:13:46,100
because I put my hands
down my pants.
313
00:13:46,100 --> 00:13:47,200
[Doorbell rings]
314
00:13:47,200 --> 00:13:48,567
Now, that's them.
315
00:13:48,567 --> 00:13:50,701
Another thing. Do not
eat or drink anything.
316
00:13:50,701 --> 00:13:53,701
One of them may have to use
the bathroom after you.
317
00:13:53,701 --> 00:13:55,734
I'm gonna hate
these people.
318
00:13:55,734 --> 00:13:57,701
You will not hate them
They are very nice.
319
00:13:57,701 --> 00:14:00,701
If they were nice, they'd
be dead and I'd be at the game.
320
00:14:00,701 --> 00:14:02,968
Get the door.
Get my juice.
321
00:14:04,734 --> 00:14:06,234
Hello.
I'm Marcie.
322
00:14:06,234 --> 00:14:07,400
I'm Steve.
323
00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:08,868
You have
a beautiful home.
324
00:14:08,868 --> 00:14:11,067
Yeah, so do you.
Come on in.
325
00:14:12,601 --> 00:14:13,767
Howdy, neighbor!
326
00:14:13,767 --> 00:14:16,100
Yeah, yeah.
I hate these people.
327
00:14:16,100 --> 00:14:17,601
Why don't
we sit down.
328
00:14:17,601 --> 00:14:19,634
Gee, you know,
I'm kind of embarrassed.
329
00:14:19,634 --> 00:14:22,467
I have nothing
to serve you.
330
00:14:22,467 --> 00:14:24,033
Listen,
if you're hungry,
331
00:14:24,033 --> 00:14:26,400
there's a store
a few blocks away.
332
00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:29,400
If you're going,
get me some juice, okay?
333
00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:30,801
Al's only kidding.
334
00:14:30,801 --> 00:14:32,200
He's just upset because
335
00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:33,901
I didn't have time
to do the shopping.
336
00:14:33,901 --> 00:14:35,901
You know,
Steve and I
337
00:14:35,901 --> 00:14:38,734
decided to share
the household chores.
338
00:14:38,734 --> 00:14:40,400
Gee, that's great.
339
00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:43,300
You see, Al.
Steve helps around the house.
340
00:14:43,300 --> 00:14:44,868
Way to go, Steve.
341
00:14:46,434 --> 00:14:48,334
Say, listen,
who do you like
342
00:14:48,334 --> 00:14:51,033
to win the NBA championship
this year?
343
00:14:51,033 --> 00:14:54,334
Well, Al...
to tell you the truth,
344
00:14:54,334 --> 00:14:56,701
since we got married,
345
00:14:56,701 --> 00:14:58,701
I don't watch
much sports.
346
00:14:58,701 --> 00:15:00,200
Marcie doesn't like it,
347
00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:03,400
and we decided we'll only
do things we both like.
348
00:15:04,901 --> 00:15:08,100
I feel that sports glorify
violence and competition,
349
00:15:08,100 --> 00:15:10,601
and I don't think it's
psychologically healthy.
350
00:15:10,601 --> 00:15:13,234
When we have a child,
we don't want it to grow up
351
00:15:13,234 --> 00:15:15,534
with that "winning
is the only thing" attitude.
352
00:15:15,534 --> 00:15:19,934
A child is better off
not being exposed to sports.
353
00:15:19,934 --> 00:15:21,634
You gonna neuter him too?
354
00:15:26,100 --> 00:15:27,601
Do you two have any kids?
355
00:15:27,601 --> 00:15:28,601
Two.
356
00:15:28,601 --> 00:15:29,901
Where are they?
357
00:15:29,901 --> 00:15:31,267
I don't know.
358
00:15:35,167 --> 00:15:36,667
So, Steve...
359
00:15:36,667 --> 00:15:40,100
looks like life is really
shaping up for you two.
360
00:15:40,100 --> 00:15:42,601
How long you two crazy kids
been married?
361
00:15:42,601 --> 00:15:44,067
Two months, Al.
362
00:15:44,067 --> 00:15:45,667
Well, Marcie,
looks like you got
363
00:15:45,667 --> 00:15:49,534
a heck of a piece of clay
to work with.
364
00:15:51,801 --> 00:15:54,133
We've been married
15 years.
365
00:15:54,133 --> 00:15:55,868
Well, what's
your secret?
366
00:15:55,868 --> 00:15:58,100
Oh, no secret, really.
367
00:15:58,100 --> 00:16:01,200
Just to be considerate, accept
each other for what you are,
368
00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:02,834
don't point out the fact
369
00:16:02,834 --> 00:16:04,701
that the hair
he's losing on his head
370
00:16:04,701 --> 00:16:06,267
is now growing
out of his nose.
371
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:09,467
And his ears.
372
00:16:16,501 --> 00:16:19,000
And accepting the fact
that nowadays
373
00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:22,501
it's harder to figure out
where her chest ends
374
00:16:22,501 --> 00:16:23,868
and her stomach begins.
375
00:16:27,133 --> 00:16:29,234
I'll get us
some coffee, Marcie.
376
00:16:29,234 --> 00:16:30,367
I'll help.
377
00:16:30,367 --> 00:16:31,400
Me too.
378
00:16:31,400 --> 00:16:32,901
Hey. You know
another thing
379
00:16:32,901 --> 00:16:36,067
that makes women
such a blessing to us?
380
00:16:36,067 --> 00:16:38,567
It's like when you're
sitting somewhere,
381
00:16:38,567 --> 00:16:41,067
and they come over
and they say to you,
382
00:16:41,067 --> 00:16:43,100
"What are you
thinking?"
383
00:16:43,100 --> 00:16:44,601
And you
start thinking...
384
00:16:44,601 --> 00:16:47,100
"You know, if I wanted
you to know,
385
00:16:47,100 --> 00:16:48,467
I'd be talking."
386
00:16:53,934 --> 00:16:56,434
Isn't that
an awful lot of coffee
387
00:16:56,434 --> 00:16:57,934
you're putting in there?
388
00:16:57,934 --> 00:16:59,167
Yes.
389
00:16:59,167 --> 00:17:00,634
That's for them.
390
00:17:00,634 --> 00:17:02,133
Ours will be good.
391
00:17:02,133 --> 00:17:03,901
You see,
if they enjoy
392
00:17:03,901 --> 00:17:05,634
eating and drinking
at home too much,
393
00:17:05,634 --> 00:17:07,400
they never
take you anywhere.
394
00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:11,501
With men, if you ask them
for something,
395
00:17:11,501 --> 00:17:13,000
you are never
gonna get it.
396
00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:15,000
But if you
do some damage
397
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:16,501
to their
internal organs,
398
00:17:16,501 --> 00:17:17,868
you got a shot.
399
00:17:19,634 --> 00:17:21,634
And if it
doesn't work...
400
00:17:21,634 --> 00:17:23,067
what have you lost?
401
00:17:23,067 --> 00:17:25,434
Could you fill this
with tap water, please.
402
00:17:27,167 --> 00:17:29,701
Well, I have
to be honest.
403
00:17:29,701 --> 00:17:32,968
So far, Steve has been
the ideal husband.
404
00:17:32,968 --> 00:17:34,167
Oh, really?
405
00:17:34,167 --> 00:17:36,400
I bet the first couple
of weeks you were married,
406
00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:38,968
you went to bed
at the same time.
407
00:17:38,968 --> 00:17:40,267
Oh, yes.
408
00:17:40,267 --> 00:17:42,934
Have you noticed how
in the last month or so,
409
00:17:42,934 --> 00:17:46,334
he seems to be going to bed
a little later and later?
410
00:17:46,334 --> 00:17:47,868
Why, yes.
411
00:17:49,734 --> 00:17:52,300
How did you know?
412
00:17:52,300 --> 00:17:54,934
You're letting him
slip away, Marcie.
413
00:17:54,934 --> 00:17:57,567
You've got
a good thing going.
414
00:17:57,567 --> 00:18:00,534
Don't start letting him
have a good time alone.
415
00:18:00,534 --> 00:18:03,033
But we still have
a good time together.
416
00:18:03,033 --> 00:18:05,434
Then why is he
staying up?
417
00:18:10,400 --> 00:18:12,901
I'm telling you,
your son is gonna be a sissy
418
00:18:12,901 --> 00:18:14,901
if you let that woman
419
00:18:14,901 --> 00:18:16,267
take away your sports.
420
00:18:20,434 --> 00:18:22,634
I used to love sports.
421
00:18:22,634 --> 00:18:24,067
Of course you did.
422
00:18:24,067 --> 00:18:25,567
You're a man.
423
00:18:25,567 --> 00:18:27,501
But, Steve...
424
00:18:27,501 --> 00:18:29,501
you can love it again.
425
00:18:29,501 --> 00:18:32,667
Start with me
right now, Steve.
426
00:18:34,167 --> 00:18:35,667
Turn on that TV.
427
00:18:35,667 --> 00:18:38,167
I can't do it
for you.
428
00:18:38,167 --> 00:18:39,901
Turn it on...
429
00:18:39,901 --> 00:18:41,300
Settle back...
430
00:18:41,300 --> 00:18:42,367
Relax...
431
00:18:42,367 --> 00:18:45,434
and watch sports.
432
00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:55,567
[CROWD CHEERING]
433
00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:02,501
You know, lately...
434
00:19:02,501 --> 00:19:05,634
he's been getting up
earlier than me too.
435
00:19:05,634 --> 00:19:08,100
Mm-mm-mm.
That's not good.
436
00:19:08,100 --> 00:19:09,968
Do you have PMS?
437
00:19:09,968 --> 00:19:11,267
No.
438
00:19:11,267 --> 00:19:12,367
Get it.
439
00:19:18,167 --> 00:19:19,534
Steve!
440
00:19:19,534 --> 00:19:20,601
Shh!
Hey!
441
00:19:20,601 --> 00:19:22,934
I thought we agreed:
442
00:19:22,934 --> 00:19:24,267
No sports.
443
00:19:24,267 --> 00:19:25,634
Nice shot.
444
00:19:26,834 --> 00:19:28,601
[COUGHS]
445
00:19:34,734 --> 00:19:37,567
I demand to know
what you do late at night
446
00:19:37,567 --> 00:19:39,400
after I've
gone to bed.
447
00:19:39,400 --> 00:19:41,167
Are you
having fun alone, Steve?
448
00:19:44,501 --> 00:19:48,067
No. I just like
to stay up and think.
449
00:19:48,067 --> 00:19:51,234
What are you thinking?
450
00:19:51,234 --> 00:19:54,701
Well, if I wanted you
to know, I'd...
451
00:20:02,567 --> 00:20:04,601
Oh, just about...
452
00:20:04,601 --> 00:20:06,601
how much I love you.
453
00:20:06,601 --> 00:20:10,100
I'm going to the game
next week with Al.
454
00:20:10,100 --> 00:20:13,734
My mother's coming over
next week.
455
00:20:13,734 --> 00:20:15,767
Oh, yeah? She gonna
teach you how to bury me
456
00:20:15,767 --> 00:20:18,167
like she buried
her three husbands?
457
00:20:21,868 --> 00:20:22,868
Steve!
458
00:20:24,634 --> 00:20:26,634
Are you implying
that their suicides
459
00:20:26,634 --> 00:20:29,067
had something
to do with Mother?
460
00:20:32,801 --> 00:20:34,234
Oh.
461
00:20:34,234 --> 00:20:36,234
Well, if that's
your attitude,
462
00:20:36,234 --> 00:20:39,400
then maybe I should just pack
my bags and move in with her.
463
00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:42,133
Great. Then I could
go to bed at a normal hour.
464
00:20:44,634 --> 00:20:47,200
All right, Steve Rhoades,
let's go.
465
00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:48,734
We're going home.
466
00:20:48,734 --> 00:20:51,734
It's time to redefine
our relationship.
467
00:20:51,734 --> 00:20:52,934
Okay.
468
00:20:52,934 --> 00:20:55,968
Al, I'll see you
next week at the game.
469
00:20:55,968 --> 00:20:58,934
Peggy, I think we'll be spending
a lot of time together.
470
00:20:58,934 --> 00:21:00,100
Come on, Steve.
471
00:21:00,100 --> 00:21:01,767
We've got to talk.
472
00:21:01,767 --> 00:21:03,734
Make it quick.
I'm gonna watch boxing.
473
00:21:03,734 --> 00:21:05,567
You'll watch
nothing!
474
00:21:14,634 --> 00:21:16,100
Yeah!
475
00:21:16,100 --> 00:21:19,000
It's gonna be
rough for them.
476
00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:22,801
Yeah. Well, it was rough
for us, and we made it.
477
00:21:24,534 --> 00:21:26,067
Hey, you know what?
478
00:21:26,067 --> 00:21:28,467
Bud got an A
in school today.
479
00:21:28,467 --> 00:21:30,267
No kidding?
Yeah.
480
00:21:35,567 --> 00:21:38,100
Hey, let's go out
Saturday night.
481
00:21:38,100 --> 00:21:40,667
You know, to eat.
Just me and you.
482
00:21:40,667 --> 00:21:42,200
Sure, if you want to.
483
00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:43,367
We haven't been
484
00:21:43,367 --> 00:21:45,067
to The Captain's
Table in a long time.
485
00:21:45,067 --> 00:21:47,067
We always
like it there.
486
00:21:47,067 --> 00:21:49,601
They have
such a nice menu.
487
00:21:49,601 --> 00:21:50,934
Yeah.
488
00:21:53,100 --> 00:21:55,100
You want to go
upstairs?
489
00:21:55,100 --> 00:21:58,267
I thought you wanted
to watch the game.
490
00:21:58,267 --> 00:21:59,501
Nah!
491
00:21:59,501 --> 00:22:00,801
Who cares?
492
00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:09,968
You know, I like
the coffee there too.
493
00:22:25,534 --> 00:22:28,868
[***]
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