All language subtitles for Deliver Us From Eva

[ Women ]
♪ You're All I Need ♪

♪ To Get By-y-y ♪

♪ You're All ♪
♪ Like The Sweet Morning Dew ♪

♪ I Need ♪
♪ I Took One Look At You ♪

♪ To Get By-y-y ♪
♪ And It Was Plain To See ♪

♪ You Were My Destiny ♪

♪ You're All ♪
♪ With Arms Open Wide ♪

♪ I Need To Get By ♪
♪ I Threw Away My Pride ♪

♪ I'll Sacrifice For You ♪

♪ Dedicate My Life To You ♪
♪ Oh, Oh ♪

♪ I Will Go Where You Lead ♪
♪ Come On, Baby ♪

♪ Always There In Time Of Need ♪
♪ Ohhh ♪

♪ And When I Lose My Will ♪

♪ You'll Be There
To push me up the hill ♪

[ Together ]
♪ There's No,
No looking back for us ♪

♪ We Got Love ♪

♪ Sure Enough, That's Enough ♪

♪ You're All
You're all I need ♪

♪ To Get By ♪
♪ You're All I Need ♪

♪ To Get By-y-y ♪
♪ Yeah, Yeah, Yeah ♪

♪ Listen ♪
♪ You're All ♪

♪ Like An Eagle
Protects his nest ♪
♪ I Need ♪

♪ For You I'll Do My Best ♪
♪ To Get By ♪

♪ Stand By You Like A Tree ♪

♪ And Dare Anybody
To try and move me ♪
♪ You're All ♪

♪ Darling, In You I Found ♪
♪ I Need ♪

♪ Strength When
I was torn down ♪
♪ To Get By ♪

♪ Don't Know What's In Store ♪

♪ But Together
We can open any door ♪
♪ Ohhh ♪

♪ Just To Do
What's good for you ♪
♪ Come On, Darling ♪

♪ And Inspire You
A little higher ♪
♪ Ohhh ♪

♪ I Know You Can Make A Man ♪

♪ Out Of A Soul
That didn't have a goal ♪

♪ 'Cause We,
We got the right foundation ♪

♪ And With Love
And determination ♪

♪ You're All ♪

♪ You're All I
Want to strive for
and do a little more ♪

♪ You're All,
All the joys under the sun
wrapped up into one ♪

♪ You're All
You're all I need ♪

♪ You're All I Need ♪

♪ You're All I Need ♪
♪ Ohh ♪

♪ To Get By ♪

♪ Oh, Baby ♪
♪ Ooh-hoo ♪

♪ Oh, Baby ♪

♪ [ Vocalizing ]

♪ Yeah ♪
♪ I Need You, Darling ♪

♪ Oh, I Need You ♪
♪ You're All ♪

♪ All I Need ♪
♪ [ Vocalizing ]

♪ Oh, Baby ♪
♪ Oh, I Need You ♪

♪ You're All I Need ♪
♪ I Need You Bad ♪

♪ You're All I Want ♪
♪ Oh ♪

[ Man narrating ]
You know when a funeral
is really awful?

When it's yours.
[ Chuckles ]

That's me, ray adams--

young, gifted and dead.

These are my remains.

And these three
mournful brothers,

they're the men who killed me.

Aw, they look so sad,
don't they?

But this is how
they really feel.

♪ [ Hip-hop ]

But they're not
the real reason I'm dead.

These are their women.
Fine, ain't they?

Some families
are blessed with great genes,

and the dandridge sisters
had it all.

But they're not the reason
I'm dead either. She is.

How did this sweet-faced woman
cause a man to die?

Well, it began six months ago.
[ Men ] go! Go! Go!

- [ All shouting ]
- now howard
cuts up the middle,

- breaks a tackle
and gets the first down.
- [ men whooping ]

Hey, baby, that's really nice
of you, sweetie, but we already
have some food here.

- what are you doing in here?
- trying to watch the game
that's right behind you.

My book club is meeting
in here tonight.

Baby, remember when we
talked last month?

You said it was okay
if we watched the game.

Oh, yeah. Eva changed all that.
She was supposed to tell you.

- well, she didn't.
- hey, it's the men.
What are you doing here?

Are you joining our
book club? It's gonna
be very enlightening.

Sweetness, precious,
listen.

Would it be okay, you know,
if you could take it
in the other room?

- Because we're all settled in.
- yeah, the other room.

- well, I guess we could.
- [ man ] you got a great girl!

I love you, baby.
[ Woman ] no! No, we cannot!

Oh, yeah-- oh.

Michael, timothy, darrell.

Our book club
is reading beloved,

and we're gonna need
the television to watch
the film when we're done.

Oh, yeah.
That's right, honey.
We need the room.

You did not tell me
you wanted to use the room
in my house, eva.

Well, I'm telling you
right now, timothy.

And it is half
my sister's house too.

Community property.

See, 'cause I want kareenah
to make a good impression
on the book club.

Don't you?
No!

- excuse me?
- yes.

Look, we were here first, eva.

Yes, but certainly
the temporal proximity
of our advents...

Isn't determinative, is it?

- I'll get back to you
on that one.
- yeah.

'Cause I don't know what
she just said right there.

- you don't get to me
with your $50 words, eva.
- [ darrell ] that's right.

What would you say
if I demanded you
to leave this room?

Yeah.
Yeah.

I would say I find
your particular brand
of crack very amusing.

This isn't about a book...

Versus a football game, fellas.

Oh, no. This is about men
versus women.

Women who aspire to culture...

And men who aspire
to scratch themselves.

Women who bear
the burdens in life and men
who create those burdens.

Women who uplift humanity
and men who uplift lap dances.

If society were left
to the whims of men,

we'd still be in caves
carving pictures
with our non-opposable thumbs.

So, today, gentlemen,

is the day
for civilized behavior.

Today we women raise
our voices against tyranny,
crudeness and play-off games.

And that is it, gentlemen.

End of story.
The fat lady's singing!
Out of the room.

By the way, if any of that
was lost upon you, then I've
just proven my point again.

[ Chuckles ]
Excuse me.

Kareenah, baby,

I am putting my foot down.

[ All shouting ]

Damn! Damn! I can't stand her.

I can't stand her either,
but you really need
to calm down.

You're making me stressed.
You need to stand up
to your wife, timothy.

It's like she took your balls
and turned them into earrings.

Your wife is bling-blingin'
with your nuts.

This is what we get for being
with eva's little sisters.

They could never stand up
to us without eva.

I really did think
I was getting one of
the fabulous dandridge girls.

I didn't know it came with
the sister-in-law from hell.

You gotta admit,
they were the finest women
in the neighborhood.

We used to say
their daddy's johnson--
should be bronzed. Right.

Did you notice
how they stuck together
in an argument?

One for all and all for eva.
That's how
they're getting down.

Come on, fellas.
We need to be
more compassionate.

Their parents
died when they were young
and left them alone,

so they have
to stick together.
Yeah.

I should've used that argument
to get on eva
about that dandridge fund.

- you know what?
I would've done it.
- look at you cosigning.

Mike, please, you need to
let that go. Every time.
Okay.

They've been putting money
in that account ever since
they were teenagers.

- what are they doing
with it? Nothing.
- Step away from my man.

I bet they don't even know
how much is in there.

- There's no need for this.
- if he's your man, then what's
he doing here with me?

Charity work, heifer.
Look-- look-- hey, hey, hey!

This is just
a big misunderstanding, okay?

Fellas, I know that brother.
Yo, ray!

Hey!

I didn't even know
he was back in town.

You should be mad at me,
not each other.

I've been dating both of you,
and-- true, we don't
have a commitment.

But I couldn't
decide between you.
Hey, fellas.

I think
he might be the man
to rid us of eva.

That dude? Aw, hell, no.
You'd be better off
getting ike turner.

They're about to cuss
his ass out and leave him
high and dry. Watch.

- yeah, he's right.
- let's go, ray.

Oh, me too?
Uh-huh.

- get out of here!
- be right back.

- Did you see that?
Did you see that?
- wow!

- Good to see you, man.
- yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

Fellas, he said
he'll meet us here
the day after tomorrow.

So he's a freak.
How does that help us with eva?

- eva just needs a man.
- come on, now.

Remember, we tried that?
Remember rashaun?
Yeah.

All I said was,
you was a little uptight.

But I like that though.

So it was like a compliment
in reverse.

Oh, reverse. Right. I see.
Yeah. Yeah.

You feeling me.
Yeah, sure.

Did you know that
female spiders eat the male
when she's done with him?

Yeah. They date, they laugh,
and then she turns his ass
into a crab cake.

Now, while the prospect
of biting your head off
makes me happy,

I am sure that ultimately
you are not a happy meal.

So I'm moving on
to better cuisine.

Good-bye, rashaun.

Eva, wait. You're just
gonna say good-bye?

Oh, no, it's not good-bye.
It's hello in reverse.

Eva. Come on, girl.

- eva put that man
in the mental ward.
- you're always exaggerating.

Eva drove the brother insane.
I seen him last week.

Dude sound like ron hopper.
Now he t-t-talk like th-th-this.

This can work with ray.
The boy is a specialist.

He is a master player.

Listen, ray can get eva
to let go of her sisters.

Then when it's
just us and them,
we can have all their love.

- right, right.
- we can get him to seduce her.

- yes!
- 'cause all she really needs
is some you-know-what.

Hold up.
What eva really needs
is a sensitive man--

somebody that can help her
with her personality problems.

What she needs is a dude
that can hit that ass till
she starts speaking in tongues.

- amen.
- [ Chanting ]

Right, right, right.
Can ray do that?
[ Laughing ]

[ Darrell ] okay, later,
after we finish doing it,

we're gonna lie together
and hold each other
and talk for a while, right?

Okay. We can do it,
but I have to study.
Come on.

Eva says if I stick
to a study schedule--
don't say the "e" word.

- not in this house.
- I have to stick
to my study schedule, okay?

All of us agreed.
What is with
you dandridge women?

I love my sisters, okay?
I'm sorry.

I love you too.
It's just
in a different way.

Okay. Then I demand that
you love me the same way
that you love them.

You and them--
it's like apples
and oranges.

What? Lady,
I am your husband, okay?
I pledged my life to you...

Before god and a bunch
of ugly-ass relatives
I don't even like.

I gave up all my wild ways
for you, and, baby, I had
a hell of a lot of them.

I never told you about the roses
and the butt-naked midgets
or none of that shit.

I had midget pros
in different area codes.
Uh-huh.

Therefore, I demands
to be a damn orange.

You can stop playing now.
You know what? Fine.

If a brother can't be an orange,
then you're cut off.

I'm cut off?
Yeah.

For real?
That's right. Back up.

I'm cut off?
You gonna cut me off?
Don't touch me.

Don't do that.
Don't do it. Oh, damn.
♪ [ Soft Jazz ]

Don't do this. Don't.
♪ [ Vocalizing ]

Oh, damn,
the flesh is weak. Oh.

Mmm.

Up.
[ Growling ]

Down.
[ Chuckling ]

♪ Come On, Baby ♪

Right there.
♪ Fight What You're Feelin' ♪

♪ I Got So Much Love-- ♪

- I have a dreadful problem.
I need your help.
- ♪ [ Needle scratches record ]

- gosh, you're doing it.
- how the hell
did you get in here?

Jacqui gave me a key
in case of an emergency.

- are you okay?
- don't mind us.
We're just having sex.

So I should just come back in,
what, two minutes?

- is it really important?
- Get your ass out!

- just give us one minute.
- oh, just one minute? Damn,
it's worse than I thought.

Man, what the--
she probably had a bad day
or something.

Look, hold on.
Where you going?

Eva needs me.
But we need you too! No--

wait a minute! Damn you, eva!

- So, you two still talking
about having a baby?
- [ Chuckles ] shh.

Not so loud.

If tim even hears
the word "baby,"
He jumps on top of me.

Oh, that's just
his male biological clock.

It's when a man begins
having baby fever,
like a woman.

I read about it
in psychology today.

All I know is that
every time we argue about it,
he ends up drinking.

The drinking
isn't serious, is it?

No, but--

well, you know, his father
had a drinking problem.
Mm.

Mmm. Ah!
[ Kareenah ] what do you
think I should do?

I don't like getting in
married people's business.

There's nothing wrong
with a grown man
having an occasional drink.

Mm.

Although a study did show
that a drinking problem
can be hereditary.

You don't want your baby coming
out of the womb talking about,
"where the liquor at?"

It wouldn't be right.

Oh, hey, hey, hey.
Baby, I was still
drinking that.

Honey, I know,
but you shouldn't
drink so much, you know?

Eva and I
were just talking, and--
this is not what you need.

Do you wanna do
the breathing exercises
bethany talked about?

I don't wanna breathe.
I just want a drink.
I want that drink.

Baby, I don't like
to bring up the past,

but you know
that little problem
your daddy has.

- I am not my father.
- oh, sweetie, I know. I know.

It's just--
tonight, no more drinking
for me. Okay.

- thank you. Thank you.
- baby, can I just--

[ Chopping ]

[ Screaming ]

♪ Ain't No Stopping Sunshine ♪

♪ Ain't No Stopping Me ♪

♪ Ain't No Stopping
All The Love
That sets the people free ♪

♪ [ Vocalizing ]
[ Chuckling ]

Aw, come on, honey.
Sing it with me. Please?
No.

It's our theme song.
Aw, party-poop.
No. No. No. No.

♪ Don't Try To Tell Me
To wait till I belong ♪

Hey, I'm in here!
Get out of here!
♪ You Can't Convince Me ♪

I hate that damn song!
Yeah! Smell that!
Ew!

♪ Don't Matter What You Say
You can't climb ahead ♪

♪ I Push The Fear Away ♪

♪ You Remember What I Said
Now ♪

♪ You Can't Stop The Tide
Risin' high, no ♪

♪ You Can't Stop The Light
In my eyes ♪

♪ Oh, No ♪

♪ You Can't Keep Me Down
I'll tell you why-y ♪

♪ Ain't No Stopping Sunshine ♪

♪ Ain't No Stopping Me ♪

♪ Ain't No Stopping
All The Love
That sets the people free ♪

♪ Ain't No Stopping Wisdom ♪

♪ Or Changing People's Minds ♪

♪ Ain't No Stopping Sunshine ♪

♪ Gonna Leave The Dark Behind ♪

♪ Oh, Yeah, Yeah ♪

This is ray adams, y'all.
What's happening?

I thought you
moved to Florida.
I did.

I worked at
a car dealership down there,
but that was about a year ago.

I never keep a job
more than a year.

- I work for jomo's meats
in LA. Now.
- I know jomo's.

Why do you quit
your job every year?
What's that about, brother?

Well, I have to service
my many talents.
Oh!

I was brought up an orphan.
No mama, no daddy.

No ties. That's how I do it.

If you guys hadn't noticed,
ray is quite the player.

- as we saw the other night.
- yeah. Love your work, baby.

You ought to be exempt
from taxes for that shit.

Nothing mike couldn't do.
No, I turned in
my player card, ray.

I'm practically engaged
to a beautiful woman
named bethany.

Congratulations.
Thank you, thank you.

She's gorgeous too,
but not as fine
as her sister, eva.

- yeah, I can't even front.
- I wish I was good enough
for eva.

- I wish I was
her garbage, man. Look.
- pow!

[ Chuckles ]

She's cute. But why is
she scowling like that?

Her face is so tight.
That's her sexy smirk.

She ain't scowling.
Right. Right.

W-w-what's c-c-cracking,
f-fellas?

B-bitch!

Whoa!
Bitch!

Hey! Hey!

Back over here, man.
Don't pay the retard--

the drinking--
he got out early.
That's all.

Ray, how would you like
to meet eva?

- is she giving it up?
- [ Together ]
"Is she giving it up?"

- man, she's double-jointed.
- she's lookin' up at her feet
every night.

- bumping her head
on the headboard, all that.
- that's right.

So I only have one QUESTION:
What's wrong with her?

Nothing.
Nothing. Nothing.

So three grown men
walk into a bar...

To hook up a man
for a perfectly good woman.

What is it?
She got five kids,
a violent ex-con boyfriend?

Is she one of those evil,
nasty sisters who beats
a brother down till he's dust?

- what is it?
- it's the ex-con thing, bro.

- darrell!
- Ray, ray, look,
I gotta be honest with you.

worth your while
to take her out.
Eva is a piece of work,
but we're prepared to make it

[ Chuckles ]
You're gonna pay me
to go out with her?

Are you worried
that that makes you
look like a gigolo?

- no. I mean, I kind
of like that aspect.
- okay!

All right.
I'm in a financial bind.

My landlord
is selling my house.
I need cash to buy it.

Man, that is perfect.
Then we all can benefit
from this deal.

Here's what we need you to DO:
Take her out for
a couple of months.

Not just distract her,
but make her fall hard for you.

I can definitely do that.
And I love a challenge.

Really, she can't be
all that bad, can she?

Eva's sisters gave her
a cross with jesus on it
for her birthday.

- the next day, jesus was gone.
- you're kidding, right?

No. When you do it,
you have to make her
fall in love with you,

then you tell her
you're leaving town
and get her to go with you.

- then you can dump her. It'll
take her years to relocate.
- yes!

Time-out. I'm sorry.
This ain't my kind
of thing, you know.

I'm a lover, not a con man.
Mike, let's hang out
sometime, okay?

But, ray--
get him a drink.

Take another look at her.
That's not a zero.

But think about it, ray.

You just had to bring up
the jesus thing.

He got muscles.
I didn't think he'd
be scared of her.

♪ [ Hip-hop ]

Hey, I went out with that
construction guy yesterday.
The cute one?

Mm-hmm. And you know
we ended up in the bed.

Did he have to take a number,
or was the line moving briskly?

Ooh!
[ Laughing ]

No, no, tell it, please.
Ormandy, go.

Thank you, eva.
Honey, he dropped his pants,

and he whipped it out
all proud.

And I said, "oh, no.
Where's the rest of it?"

[ All laughing ]

[ Foreign accent ]
Ya have to put man in place
sometime, ya hear that?

- did she just call me a bitch?
- right.
[ Chuckles ]

What's up?
[ Women cat calling ]

- [ Wolf whistle ]
- hey!

Hey, baby.
Hi, sweetie.

Listen, eva, I need
to have a little talk with you
about the dandridge fund.

Why is that, michael?
You're not in our family.

- but I'm almost in.
- almost isn't in, now, is it?

Mike, honey, do you really want
to get into an argument...

With a woman in here, hmm?

Got some frosted mini-wheats
in your scalp.
Hey! You're fine.

You're right, baby.
You got that thing for me?
Oh, yeah.

Fiber? "Fiber power."

Are you okay, mike?
Is everything moving all right?

He's a little irregular.
All right. You don't
have to announce it.

- and if she can't fix you,
I know I can.
-Hey,
I got somethin' for that.

You need to quit, telly,
'cause I ain't even close
to going your way.

Damn. Let me call headquarters.

Hello. Yeah, it's me.
Listen,
take mike off the list.

Mm-hmm.

Sixty-nine out.
Ooh-hoo-hoo!

I should've never
came to this place,
better known as "man hell."

No, this is
a female sanctuary.

-Way the whole world ought to
be. Ain't that right, ladies?
-Mm-hmm.

See you.
Bye.

Get some milk
for them cornflakes.
Hey.

if you guys
are gonna get married.
You should start making him
take better care of himself

He should get a colonic
or see a specialist.
And I know a good one.

[ Breathing heavily ]

Hey, got your order.
Where do you want it?

Freezer number one.
Make sure you stack them neatly.

Excuse me.

Hello.
Where's leonard?

He's sick. I'm oscar,
the assistant manager.

Okay, oscar,
I'm inspector dandridge
from the health department.

Yes, I've heard about you.
Good. Then you
know the drill.

Let's get clean.

[ Beeping ]

It does not look good, oscar.

I found contamination
in red zones.

Your glass freezer door
has a hairline break in it.

And I found black pellets
behind the food containers
in the back.

That is probably
just graphite from
the new units we put in.

Your water's only 105 degrees.
Can you just
let that slide?

The requirement is 110,
because science tells us...

At that temperature all
dangerous organisms will die.

That means in your water,
some will live.
And not just any germs, oscar.

No. The bad-ass ones,
the ones that can swim in
105-degree-temperature water...

And live to party on
some child's french fries.

We don't serve fries.
Are you mocking me?

No, ma'am.
That's good,
because I'm not done yet.

This entire kitchen
gets a level-four sanitation
or you get written up.

What? No, that means
it's in the newspaper.

Thank goodness for you
I've got a soft heart.
Heart?

You don't have a heart.

You got a hole with
an ice pump in it. You know,
I don't understand you.

Why do you have to be
so goddamn uncompromising?

It's called
principle, oscar.

Maybe the world
is in short supply,
but I am not.

People pay their tax dollars
for my principle...

So they can go into a restaurant
and not eat chicken fried rat...

Or bite into a bacon,
lettuce and ptomaine sandwich.

If I slack up on you,
then I have to
cut everyone a break,

and pretty soon,
the almonds on your salad
have legs.

If that makes me uncompromising,
well, I wear it
as a badge of honor,

because I'm in
damn good company.

Martin luther king was
uncompromising, nelson mandela
was uncompromising,

and I'm sure your mother
was uncompromising,

although the evidence of that
is not apparent today.

So, why don't you think of me
as your mom right now?

And mama says,
"clean it up!"

See you in 48 hours.

All right.
I'll go on the date with eva.

Mmm! Yes! Yes! What made you
change your mind, ray?

I saw her
at a restaurant.

If I can get that woman,
I'll go down in
the player hall of fame.

[ Laughing ]
You sure will. Okay, okay.

So what's your price?
I need five grand
to get the house.

Five thousand dollars?
I don't know, man.
Hey, hey, hey--

[ Man on radio ]
Forty-five, what did you
say about $5,000?

Um, I said,

"five pounds
of collard greens, man.

No ham." ordering soul food.

Five thousand dollars?
Yes, man.

I saw her in action.
You're getting off cheap.

I don't know. I gotta talk
to the guys about this, ray.

All right.
Well, let me know.
I'm ready.

Ooh.
[ Radio chatter ]

Thank you. Thank you.

- I want to talk to you
for a second, eva.
- what about, sir?

I was offered a position
as deputy health inspector
in Chicago.

- that's great.
- I'm not taking the job,

but I think
you should consider it.

Me, theo?

The representative from
Chicago's been here all week
checking out my best inspectors.

- he liked you.
Send in Mr. Tillman.
- [ Woman ] yes, sir.

- oh, goodness.
- hello, eva.

- you were checking me out
the other day.
- yes, I was.

And you were amazing.

You passed with flying colors.

I should have worn my diaper.
Chicago's a tough town.

We need our inspectors
to have your intensity.
Okay!

- I'm at a loss for words.
- and that doesn't happen often.

You don't have to
say anything now.

I've still got
a few more candidates
in other cities to look at.

But I'll let you know
in a few weeks
when I make my decision.

Meeting you was...
An experience.

Uh, theo. Right. Bye.

That's great.
I wanted your job,
but this is way better.

- oh, my god!
- this will be
very exciting for you.

Better job,
more money in a new city.

Yeah, my sisters are--

- what?
- nothing.

I'm sure they're gonna be
really happy for me.

Thank you
for recommending me.

Thanks.

I will see you
in two weeks.
Thank you.

Great.
Bye.

How come I can never
get my toes done
on girls' night?

'Cause it's only
for the dandridge sisters.

- and nobody wants to touch
your funky-ass feet.
- [ Laughing ]

Oh! Ladies, ladies,
guess who I saw.

Lucius johnson.

- luscious lucius.
- hmm.

I wouldn't mind
seeing him again.

[ Telly ] me neither.
I wonder if he's married.

Eva, are you okay?

Yeah, sure.
Why wouldn't I be?

- are you still stuck on lucius?
- no! G-god!

Come on. Ancient history.
Eva,

once you give a man
some of your energy,
he always has it.

- well, yeah.
- especially if he
popped that cherry.

- pop, pop, pop!
- no, no, no!

- there was no pop, pop, popping
of any cherries, ormandy.
- [ Mouths word ]

Lucius was my first,
and I was his. That's all.

Listen, the best way
to get over an old man--

is to get under a new one.
[ Inhales sharply ]

Yeah!
I am not thinking
about lucius.

Okay?
It's girls' night, right?

I'm sure that a group
of intelligent... Women
can come together...

And talk about something
besides men.

- [ All laughing ]
- sad.

Well, tim did introduce me to
somebody new
in his department.

- do you wanna meet him?
- I do need a date...

To the mayor's formal
fund-raiser in a couple weeks.

All right. I'll bite.
What are his vitals?

Thirty-six, divorced, two kids.
I hear he's in group therapy.

- pass.
- mmm.
- uh-uh.

Girl, messed-up men
are the best ones.

- a messed-up man is redundant.
- I don't need
to be set up, okay?

I'm good.
I prayed on this.

God-- god's gonna
take care of it.

God ain't shipping out
no men.

Like hell he ain't.
Look here, when you talk to god,

tell him a sister needs
a tall, fine one.

- and not gay.
- [ telly ] you know
you want the soul pole.

No, he didn't.
No, he didn't!
Bam!

♪ [ Soft R&b ]
A star for a star.
[ Chuckles ]

You shouldn't let eva stop us
from moving in together, beth.

See, I just don't sense
that we're spiritually...

In tune with each other...
Completely.
[ Sighs ]

And besides,
we're not married. Hmm?

I'm not gonna propose
just to spend the night.

Okay. Have I ever
pressured you about that?

Of course not.

♪ [ Continues ]

And eva says cohabitation
does not increase the chances
of a lasting relationship.

Oh, my god. Will you stop it
with the "evaisms"?

That woman with her statistics
and her philosophy--
mike, honey--

she's very intelligent.
Don't hate on her for it.

If she's so smart,
why doesn't she
dissolve the fund...

And let you live your own lives
with your own money?

You know what? This is stress.
You wanna do
some meditation, hmm?

[ Humming ]
No. No meditation.

Stress is why your colon
is all clogged up.

Thanks to eva's doctor,
my colon is a freeway.

Look, all I wanna do
is spend the night
with you...

And not have to get up
in the middle of the night
like some criminal.

I enjoy spending time
with you.

I love the way you blink.

I love that smile.

I love you.

I love you too.

But why should a man
buy the software
when he can download for free?

That is eva talking.
That is not you talking.
No, actually--

jacqui said it,
but it doesn't matter.

You know, eva took charge of the
family after our parents died.
[ Mouthing words ]

If we wanna have a child,
it should be our decision,
not eva's.

All she said was
that most marriages fail
within the first five years.

Fifty-two percent.
We've only been married
for three.

If we had a baby
and something were to go wrong,

then there's an innocent life
hanging in the balance
of our failure.

Nothing... Is going...

To go... Wrong.

Mmm. Hmm?

Besides, you know
I didn't have a good
relationship with my father.

Honey, I know, but--
and all I want...

Is my chance...
To be a good daddy,

to have
a little brown bundle...

Of love... And life.

And I want it
because I love you.

Now, tell me,
is that so wrong?

Fifty-two percent.

[ Scoffs ]
Honey, eva gives great advice.

She put me through med school,
you know?

God, do I know that!

You know what?
You're not married to me.

You're married to eva.
I'm just a handyman
with a penis.

Tim, like you ever fix
anything around here!

What-- what did I say?

[ Choir ]
♪ Wade In The Water ♪

♪ Wade In The Water, Children ♪

♪ Wade In The Water ♪

♪ God's Gonna Trouble
The water ♪

♪ God's Gonna Trouble
The water ♪

♪ Stepped In The Water
The water was cold ♪

♪ God's Gonna Trouble
The water ♪

♪ Chill My Body, Not My Soul ♪

♪ God's Gonna Trouble
The water ♪

♪ God's Gonna Trouble
The water ♪

I cannot believe we are paying
five grand to this man.

♪ Wade In The Water ♪
Just think of it
as an investment.

Once eva's gone,
we'll all be happy.
♪ Wade In The Water, Children ♪

♪ Wade In The Water ♪

[ Tim ] It was a great idea--
you having him meet eva
at church.

- She is going to love that.
- well--

fellas, I don't think
we should be talking
about this here.

God might hear us.
God made eva, so we're even.

Speaking of which,
where is this guy?
♪ [ Continues ]

Church is almost over.

Tim, this is a black church.
It's never over.
♪ God's Gonna Trouble The ♪

♪ Wa-ter ♪

[ Applauding, whooping ]

Excuse me.

Yo, what took you so long?

I'm not the churchgoing type.
You people get up early.

Nice job with the choir,
eva, girl. They were bangin'.

You know, reverend,
your sermon today was great.
I mean, bang-up job.

Although you did Miss
a word of that verse
from the book of acts.

I think I was the only one
who caught it, and,
well, god, of course.

So I took the liberty
of jotting down
a few suggestions...

On how you can do better
in the future.
Say what?

My child, please.
I appreciate that.

But you know what?
I got this.

- [ Chuckles ]
- praise the lord.

Praise him.
Eva, we're all
waiting for you.

Can't you see I'm busy, michael?
I am speaking with the reverend.

Oh, no, no, honey.
Please, go.

Go back to your friends.
Please-- no. Go.

Actually, reverend,
I needed to talk to you
and get your advice...

For a friend of mine
who has a dilemma about
a job she's considering.

Hmm. I've got people
who have much bigger
problems, eva.

People whose souls need to be
saved from eternal damnation.
Stuff like that.

A soul lasts forever, reverend,
and this job may not.

Please, I need
to tell her what to do.
Tell your friend I--

follow her heart.

Now, please, excuse me.

Amen.

Eva, this is ray adams,
a friend of mine.

Hello.
Hello, raymond.

Call me ray.
No one calls me raymond.
Well, I do, raymond.

[ Chuckles ]
What's so funny?

I love a woman
who speaks her mind.

My girlfriend's the same way.

Oh. Well, good for her.

Ray, I didn't know
you were seeing anyone.

Oh, yeah, about six months now.

I see a friend of mine
over there. It's nice
to meet you. All of you.

What the hell
was that, man?

Why did you tell her
you had a woman?
We gave you half the money.

If you're thinking about
screwing us-- mm!
Calm down. Calm down. Calm down.

No woman wants a man
who another woman
doesn't already want.

The next time I meet her,
I'll make my move.

I'm sure me and my girlfriend
will be having trouble by then.

[ Chuckling ]

You're good.
I should've known.
Yeah.

Look, tim is having
some people over next week
for a barbecue.

Why don't you come by?
I will.

Just let the master
handle his business.

By the way, I'm gonna need
a little expense money.

Expenses for what?
I need funding
to take eva on a date.

What about the five grand?
That was my fee.

"Fee." "expenses."
See how the words are different?

Three hundred should do it.
Three hundred?

[ Exhales sharply ]
Three hundred dollars?

All right. Fine. Fine.

But you're on it.
Like wet paint.

Okay.

- ray was pretty fine.
- yeah, and he has a girlfriend.
- leave him alone.

- All the good prospects
are all taken.
- or gay.

You should always use
an opportunity like this
to swoop on a man, eva.

When Mr. Mason
left his wife last year,
I jumped right on it.

- ormandy, Mr. Mason is 70.
- are you crazy? See,
an old man is a perfect man.

You give him a little viagra
so he can handle his business,
ugh.

And right before he gets
on your nerves, honey,
he dies and leaves you his cash.

That's like having a dick
with a lottery number
on it! Yeah!

- mm-mmm. That's nasty.
- [ jacqui ]
Eva isn't a home wrecker.

So don't worry
about them, big sis.
You can do much better.

- jacqui, you are always
blocking on eva.
- I do not.

[ Scoffs ]
You do too. You're spoiled.

- you always wanna
keep eva to yourself.
- no, that's ridiculous.

- isn't that, eva?
- of course it is, honey.

Jacqui,
you are a big-ass baby.

- The queen of big-ass babies.
- so why are you guys
always ganging up on me?

- because you're an evil,
twisted little heifer.
- twisted!

- it has been this way
since we were little!
-Ladies,
is this how we behave?

When you cut off my
baby doll's head
when I was 10!

You broke my boo-boo kitty,
so the bitch had to die!

[ Sisters shouting ]

- I'm moving to Chicago.
- [ shouting stops ]

- eva, what did you just say?
- I'm moving to Chicago.

I might be getting
a better job and moving...

To Chicago.

My boss told me
the other day.

Come on. I mean,
it's deputy health inspector
of Chicago!

It's a great opportunity.

Look, I've been looking
for a way to tell you guys.

So there it is...
In a nutshell.

Eva, th-that--
that's great for you.

Yeah, it-- it is.

Girl, there's some fine brothers
up in Chicago.

So you're just
gonna up and leave,
just like that?

No, I have to get
the job first.

I'll find out
in a few weeks.
Oh, I'm sorry.

First you get the job,
then you pack up and leave
like a thief in the night?

You're just gonna
leave us like that?
Do not attack eva.

She has sacrificed for us.
I'm not!

Okay, okay, stop!
[ Sisters shouting ]

Please, stop it! Stop it!
[ Shouting stops ]

If you don't want me to go,
jacqui, I won't.

- it's not my decision.
- it is if you're gonna
hate me for it.

I don't wanna
lose your friendship,
any of you.

Jacqui doesn't mean it,
do you?

I do want you
to be happy, eva.

So if going...
Makes you happy,

I'm happy.

You sure?

- [ Mouths word ]
- you promise?

Yeah.

Oh!

I love you, sister.
I love you too, sister.

Mm-hmm. We so pretty,
perfect and shit.

[ All laughing ]

♪ [ Dance Pop ]
Did I tell you how
beautiful you look today?

Hey, make sure you
cook that meat thoroughly.

I'd hate to tell you
what kind of things
live in raw meat.

Please don't.
Thank you very much.

[ Choking ]

Babe.
Is he eating
those beans again?

[ Bethany ] what's wrong?
I see darrell found
my spicy baked beans.

- give him the heimlich.
- separates the men
from the boys.

- he knows better.
- no. See, give him some bread,
you guys. Bread.

Baby, here, eat this.
Eat this.
Here, here, here.

If you wanna help,
stop making these damn beans
every function, eva!

- what did you put
in that stuff?
- [ eva ] special recipe.

- it's only for a real man.
- I just wanna hear him talk.

Give him
some more beans.
Can he talk?

Oh, hey. I didn't know
mike's friend was coming.

Oh, baby, listen.
Why don't you
take care of this?

I'm gonna go over
and say hello.
Okay.

Excuse me, eva. Thank you.

Ray, what's up, yo?

He's really fine, eva.

I'm not impressed
by that... Much.

You say hi to ray, man?
[ Coughing ]

Give him a chance.
You gotta bend
a little, girl.

Are you saying
I'm not accessible?

Yes, that is what
I'm saying, eva.

You know, you're too good
of a person to be alone.

What's going on?
Everything's cool?
Yeah.

I'm your sister,
I love you, and
I'm asking you to bend.

Okay, but it's the fine ones
who leave you broke,

with bad credit
and a hair weave you don't need.

Mm-mm-mm!

Hello again, eva.
Hi, raymond.

Look here,
I hope you don't mind,
but I invited ray.

No, he's most welcome.

[ Chuckles ]

Look, I have to
go tell darrell something.

I'll be right back.

Yeah, you know what?
These-- we don't
need to cook these.

Excuse us.

Good to see you.

So, raymond, what is it
that you do again?

I deliver meat... For jomo's.

Meat delivery. Interesting.

Jomo's deals in
only premium meats,
high-end clientele.

What about you?
I'm a health inspector.

- that sounds interesting too.
- I need a gurney for my ass.

See the man with flames
coming out of his ass?

We're gonna need backup.
Thank you.
Squeeze and pull.

- how about we go get
a plate of food?
- sure. A nice hot one.

♪ [ Soft Pop ]

Two minutes and she
has not insulted him.

This could be very promising.
Mm-hmm. They feel
good together to me.

So, you wanna go out
with me sometime?

Is your girlfriend coming too?
'Cause we could all
play canasta...

Or parcheesi
or taboo or something.

Well, she's, uh--

actually, it's not working out.
We're not together anymore.

Oh.

As one car breaks down,
you just hop
into another one?

I'd like to think
that going out with you
is riding in a limo.

- I'm sorry. Did I insult you?
- no. No, it was very funny.

I just don't laugh a lot.

Lord, help me.
That's a good-looking man.

I can't keep
my legs together.

The sun comes up
and you can't keep
your legs together.

Telly.
He's got sneaky eyes.

Jacqui, don't you start.

I didn't make the man's eyes
all beady and shifty.
Shh!

- what?
- you never answered
my question.

What question was that?
Will you go out with me?

Look, raymond, I know
we just met, and you seem
like a really nice guy,

but I think I should tell you
a little something about myself.
Okay.

I know the one thing
that scares men to death.

- what's that?
- I know the truth about them.

And the truth is,
most men don't really know
what they want.

I've been through
all the basic types.

The playa-playas,
who think women
are disposable toys.

The confused man,
who doesn't know if he wants
to date you or your brother.

The lazy ones, who live
with their mother and expect you
to pick up the check.

So if you really
wanna go out with me,

realize that it means
being a gentleman,

understand that it means
respecting my mind,
body and spirit.

Eva, I'm not afraid of you.

And I wanna
go on record as saying
I totally respect...

Your mind and your spirit.

- what about my body?
- it's beautiful.

- but will you respect it?
- I'll do anything to it
you want me to.

Look at that.
The corners of your mouth
actually turn up.

A smart-ass.
I like that.

So, will you go out with me?

He's eating the beans.
He's eating the beans.

Oh, no, brother.
Don't do it, brother.

Ahhh!
[ Inhales sharply ]

Whoo! That's good.
That's really good.

- kareenah sure can cook, huh?
- actually, I made those beans.

Really?

You put your foot in them, girl.
Damn, I love spicy food.

- how about we go out
this weekend?
- sounds good.

Fabulous.

[ Eva ] you're late.
I know.

I left early,
but there was a real bad
accident on the street.

Really?

- who told you I like lilies?
- sometimes a man gets lucky.

[ Footsteps approaching ]

Looks like somebody likes--

I was noticing
all the pictures
of the horses.

[ Exhales sharply ]
You look good.

I love horses. And thank you.

Here. Uh, let me
take these from you.

You ever see the accident rates
on these things?

They're very dangerous.
No.

That's why I drive this.
Okay.
[ Chuckling ]

You're joking, right?

[ Alarm chirps ]
Nope.

[ Grunts ]

This is what you drive
when you take out a woman?

Yeah. It's clean
and it's free.

I'm saving
to buy a house.
Oh.

I can understand that.
Home ownership
is very important.

Does your mother live
with you?
No.

Even better.

My boss has been hinting
he might want to slow down,

let somebody run
the day-to-day for him.

I think he might
want me to do it.
That's great. When do you start?

I'm thinking about it.
There is nothing wrong
with a little ambition.

I was a secretary
in my department.
Now I'm the lead inspector.

I gave myself
five years to get there.
I did it in four.

There you go,
doing that thing you do
with your face again.

Just drive
your meat wagon, man.

Did you hear about
the black caveman
they found?

They knew he was black
by the curve of his jaw,
length of his spine,

cadillac he was buried in.
[ Laughs ]

You tell me a joke now.
I'm not a jokey-joke
type person, so--

okay. How about
a little music?

♪ [ Soft R&b ]
Ahh!

All right, all right.

Yeah.
[ Chuckles ]

I love this record.

[ Singing with radio ]
♪ I Will Love You Anyway ♪

♪ Even If You Cannot Stay ♪

♪ I Think You Are
The one for me ♪

♪ Here Is Where
You ought to be ♪

♪ I Just Want
To satisfy you ♪

♪ You're Not Mine
And I can't deny it ♪

♪ Don't You Hear Me
Talking, baby ♪

♪ Love Me Now
Or I'll go crazy ♪

♪ Ohhh, Sweet Thing ♪

♪ Don't You Know
You're my everything ♪

♪ Ohhh, Sweet Thing ♪

♪ Don't You Know
You're my everything ♪

This must be a pretty
good restaurant, you being
a health inspector and all.

Oh, yeah. Most places
I can't even go to.

They try to poison me.
But this place is--
oh, god, it's different.

The manager has OC.D.
Obsessive-compulsive disorder.

He cleans all day long.
You could eat off the floors.

Sounds appetizing.
Oh, you think that's funny?

Did you know that if food
isn't prepared just right,

your throat can close up
and you can drown
in your own vomit?

Oh, I'm hungry now.

Mmm! Just like
mama used to make.

Okay. That's really funny,
raymond, but I know
when somebody's choking.

[ Laughs ]
You can stop now.

[ Chuckling ]

Oh, my god. Call 911!

[ Grunts ]

That's not the hug
I was hoping for,
but it'll do for now.

[ Coughs, chuckles ]

I'm just playing.

Is everything all right?
Yes.

Yes.
My friend here was
just telling a little joke.

- what are you doing here?
- well, well,
inspector dandridge.

Now, you-- you manage
the red leaf restaurant
across town.

Oh, no, not after
your last inspection.

I was fired
for a broken light bulb
in a freezer. Remember?

No. No, no, no,
I don't want you.

I want the man with OC.D.

Eva, relax.
Sorry.

The old manager's not here.
How's that salad working?

You know, we used
our special house dressing
just for you.

- creamy, isn't it?
- I'm not eating here. Let's go.

I'm sure it's okay.
Did you hear what I just said?

- I am not eating here.
Let's go!
- okay. Okay.

[ Clears throat ]

Don't forget to validate.

Don't be mad at me.
I just wanted to stay.

And have her
put things in my food?

I don't think so, pal.
I just think you overreacted
a little bit.

You're a civil servant,
not the F.BI.

Well, excuse the hell
out of me.

Why don't you tell me
about the demanding world
of meat delivery?

So, you just basically
pick it up and deliver it
to a guy named bob?

Or is there some sort
of math involved?
You don't need to be so nasty.

Oh, there is definitely a need
for me to get nasty.

My job is serious.
It is not a hobby.

Guess what, meat boy.
I'm sure my job
pays more than yours does.

So in my eyes, the eyes
of society and the I.RS.,

that makes me bigger
and better than you.

So why don't you
think about that
the next time you're out...

Doing the complex work
of toting around a pig's ass.

'Cause that's like
a family thing.
[ Phone ringing ]

You know, with the thing--
excuse me.

Hello.
Kareenah, it's eva.
I need to talk.

[ Phone ringing ]
Hey.

It's eva.
And kareenah.
We got an emergency.

[ Answering machine beeps ]
Jacqui, it's eva.

And kareenah.
And bethany. Code seven, girl.

[ Gasps ]
No!

- what's up?
- the date was catastrophic.

Wait till I
tell you what happened.
This fool had the nerve to--

- what the hell went wrong?
- kareenah was falling in love
with having a baby.

And me and my wife
were cuddling. I mean,

I was hitting it real manly,
and I didn't get to finish.

They had
a four-way phone conference
about your date all night.

I thought you was
the master player.
The master player.

I can't get to her.
Most women have a few barriers
around their hearts.

Eva has an electrified fence
with rabid pit bulls. Okay?

And that mouth!
My ears are still bleeding.

We got to do something
about this, 'cause we can't
have eva messing up our plan.

Ray, listen, all you have to do
is to find a way to get back
on her good side. That's all.

- he's gotta sleep with her.
That's what you gotta do.
- yeah, that's it.

Look, I would love to have
another shot with her,
all right?

My pride was hurt.
But I'm sure it's
out of the question.

What, you don't like women?
Watch yourself now.

- you have to have sex with her.
- I don't think
that's the answer.

Oh, man, he don't like women!
I told you this dude was--

hey, hey!
I do like women, all right?
How are you?

Look, fellas, I'm sorry,

but there's no way she's
gonna go out with me again.

Hmph. No way. I'll
give you your money back.

You're damn right
you will.

[ Eva ] 'cause I'm in
damn good company.

Martin luther king
was uncompromising.

Nelson MANDELA: Uncompromising.

CONFUCIUS: Uncompromising.

And so am I.
Here is your citation.
Eva.

What, raymond? I am working.
So am I.

And you were right.
There's no math involved.

[ Narrating ]
Why did I stop her
from leaving?

It wasn't just curiosity
that made me go after her.

Now that I'm dead,
I know it was
something special about eva.

I know you're upset with me,
but I want you
to go out with me again.

And why is that?
'Cause you're pretty.

That's the most
shallow thing
I've ever heard.

It's not like I got to really
know you. So basically,
I'm working on beauty here.

Well, you know what? I am
so much more than what's
on the outside, okay?

More than what appeals
to some... Meat man.

[ Chuckles ]
And thank you
for the compliment.

I feel like I owe you.
We can do anything you want.

Anything?
Anything. Sky's the limit.

♪ [ MAN: R&b ]

[ Grunting ]
Wait. Okay. Okay. Whoa. Whoa.

♪ [ Continues ]

[ Screaming ]

[ Ray continues grunting ]

Whoa! Oh, god. Oh, god.
Hang on! Hang on!

My ass feels like it got
caught in a blender.

You did good.
You only fell,
what, four times?

Yeah.
[ Chuckles ]

I have a confession to make.
I used you.

I can't afford to
come here all the time.

I come but once a month
when I save my pennies.

When you asked to go out again,
I didn't really want to, but...

I thought, you know--

I guess that makes me
a bad person, right?

No. I just wanted to make up
for the other night.

Did you know I wanted to be
a horse trainer when
I was a little girl?

No. But I could have guessed.

What happened?

I had to take care of my
sisters, and a beginning horse
trainer doesn't pay big bucks,

so I took a job with the city
and another as a waitress.

And there you go.
Steady pay checks.

So why didn't you go back to it
after your sisters were okay?

You know what?
Let's do something
you want to do.

Anything?

Yeah, sure.
[ Whinnies ]

I have to say, this is exactly
how I thought you'd be living.

What, you got something
against pool?

No, but a sofa wouldn't
kill you, would it?

Uh-uh.

Your turn.

So how does
a meat delivery man...

Afford a nice place like this?

He struggles and makes do.

Did I tell you
my boss and I are going
to the mayor's mansion...

So we can show him cuts for
a private dinner he's having?

You're doing a meat show
for the mayor?

Meat presentation.
There's a subtle difference
of humiliation.

So you never did
answer my QUESTION:

Why you didn't go
back into horse training after
your sisters got on their feet?

I don't want to talk
about it, okay?

It's hard to get
to know someone when
they won't talk to you.

You know, we're having
a really good time
right now, raymond.

Let's just drop it, okay?

Did you know...

That I was an orphan
just like you and your sisters?

My mom gave me up after
I was born. I don't think
she even knew who my father was.

Yeah, so that explains it,

why the idea of staying
in one place scares you so much.

Scares me? I said
I was a multi-talented guy
that liked to travel.

- I didn't say I was scared.
- I read about it.

When a child is abandoned,

he becomes afraid
that his entire life
will fall apart again.

I don't think
you should feel bad about it.

It's a completely
natural reaction.

Okay then.

I won't feel bad
about it.

What about you?
[ Clears throat ]
[ Scoffs ]

Okay.

Our parents died
in a car accident when I was 18.

Insurance paid for the house,

and we started a bank account
that we called
the dandridge fund.

I guess as they grew older,

I settled into this cushy
little life I have now.

And I didn't wanna go back
and chase dreams of
becoming a horse trainer.

So I guess if it doesn't
kill you, it makes
you stronger, huh?

I think what people mean
when they say that...

Is that you deal with
whatever pain that you have
by building a bridge over it...

With all the things that life
hasn't taken away from you.

So if it doesn't kill you,
it makes you build a bridge.

Yeah. Yeah. That's good.
I like that.
I'm gonna use that.

You should be proud
of yourself.

No. I'm proud
of my sisters.

What about you, eva?
I know all that
devotion cost you.

It did.

There was this guy,
lucius johnson.
Lucius.

Anyway, he was
our local Mr. Everything.

You know. We were young,
but it was serious.

We were gonna get married,
and ready for the world
was gonna sing at our wedding.

But... He asked me to choose
between him and my sisters.

And when I didn't choose him,
he dumped me.
Why didn't you choose him?

Because my sisters
needed me more than he did,
and what I needed didn't matter.

So, what about you, raymond?
What has the tragedy
in your life given you?

[ Knocking ]

[ Mike ] you know!

Just cough up the damn money
so I can get goin'.

Uh, okay. I didn't mean
to interrupt.

- yeah, you never do, mike.
- pay you on the bet
later, mike.

No problem, ray.

It's all good, baby.

Mike's a lucky pool player.
That I am.

Look, I'm gonna let you two
get back to your date.

See you later.

[ Mike shouts joyously ]

You know, mike
and his little buddies
are not fooling me.

I didn't think so.
No. They set us up,
you and me.

They want us to date
so I'll stay out
of their hair.

You might not believe this.
They don't really
like me very much.

I didn't get that.
Really?

So, uh, do you mind that
they set you up with me?

Just show me how to
hit the ball straight.

You want me to show you
how to hit the ball straight?
Yeah.

First, hold
the stick straight.

That's it.
Now slide the stick
between your fingers.

[ Gasps ]

Eva never misses our night.

Something must
have happened.

- maybe she had an accident.
- oh, please. Eva would call
from the ambulance.

- eva's with ray.
- what?

But... She hates him.
We all agreed.

- how do you know that?
- she called me on her
cell phone to say that...

She and ray were going
horseback riding.

- I guess it went well.
- horses? Three WORDS:
E-rot-ic.

[ Chuckles ]
Horses make me feel all tingly.

Shut up. Shut up.

Oh, my god.

Eva has a man.

[ Women ]
♪ I Am Your Star For Life ♪
♪ Yes, I Am ♪

♪ Entertaining For You ♪
♪ All Night Long ♪

♪ And I'm Willing To Do ♪
♪ Yes, I Am
Yes, I am ♪

♪ Anything You Want To ♪
♪ What You Want Me To Do ♪

♪ Baby, I'll Shine So Bright ♪
♪ Shine So Bright ♪

♪ When You Look Up At Me ♪

♪ You Will Understand We ♪

♪ Were Meant To Be ♪

♪ I Am Your Song ♪

♪ Ready To Be Sung ♪

♪ And The Name Of This Tune ♪

♪ Is "I'm Your Number One ♪

♪ Whenever You Need Me" ♪

♪ Just Call On My Name ♪

♪ And I'll Be There
In a hurry ♪

♪ And On That You Can Depend
And never worry ♪

♪ I'll Be Your Star For Life ♪
♪ I'm Your Star ♪

♪ [ Fades ]

- hey, guys.
- eva.

Chi-town is calling you.

[ Theo ] congratulations, eva.

I don't know what to say.
Um, wow.

Can I have some time
to think about it?

- sure, but why?
This is a great opportunity.
- I know. I know.

A lot's changed in my life
since all this happened.

I know
how relocation can be.

Take some time.
Thanks.

[ Mike ]
Ray, you are the messiah.
[ Men murmuring agreement ]

I haven't seen eva
in a week, bro.

And kareenah and I
are having baby talk,
my blood pressure's down,

and, fellas, I do believe
I am growing another penis.

Eva's cool because ray
got her into bed.
Right, player?

That's right.
No, no. We're just hanging out.

-He's modest.
-Now you have to tell her you're
moving to another state...

So she can get out
of our lives forever.

Yeah. Tell her you're going
to somewhere like Delaware.

Can't nobody find that shit
on the map. I know I can't.

- do you have to be
so gleeful about it?
- what did he say?

Hey, ray, ray,
ray, ray, ray.

- you gotta be tough. You gotta
stay strong for all of us.
- yeah.

Men who get away with shit
are the backbones
of this here country, ray.

Yeah, life, liberty and
getting away with shit, ray.

Did you know
that eva does charity work,
teaches bible studies?

She loves animals.
She rides this horse
named romeo.

He reacts to her
like he understands.

We didn't say she was
a bad person. We said she
was an irritating person.

Yeah, and that horse
is probably retarded, man.

- I'm just saying--
- just saying what, ray?

We had a deal, ray.

- Remember your motto?
Player first--
- [ All ] women second.

- Now, are you the man
or what, ray?
- come on, ray.

You're not hearing me.
Are you the man or what, ray?

- you know I'm your man.
- yeah! All right!

That's a player.
I wasn't worried.

That's my money working
right there.

♪ [ Slow Jazz ]

Eva, you
flying solo tonight?

Yeah, my boyfriend ray
had some kind of
inventory thing tonight, so--

so you given any thought
to the offer?

I'm still thinking
about it, sir.

Don't let me rush you,
eva. We do have
a small window here.

I'll keep that in mind. Thanks.

Excuse me.

Hi.

Um, let me get a white wine
spritzer, please.

You got it.

Eva. Eva dandridge?

- lucius?
- I thought that was you.
How you been?

I'm fine, lucius.
It's nice to see you again.

I want you to meet somebody.

My wife, renee.
Baby, this is eva.

- The one I told you about.
- oh, the love of his life.

I've heard so much about you.
I hate you.

Yeah, eva and I were engaged
after high school,
but it didn't work out.

- you dumped me, lucius.
- right. Didn't you have to go
work for your baby sisters?

[ Renee ] eva, you broke
lucius's heart.

Thank god you did though.
Or else I never
would have got him.

These are our kids.

They're cute. Real cute.

I'm assistant to the mayor now.
Hired me right out
of general motors.

[ Renee ]
At a very generous salary.

- so, eva,
what is it that you do?
- I'm a health inspector.

Great. So you go look
at dirty kitchens
and public restrooms...

And stuff like that?

- sounds fascinating, girl.
- it pays the bills, yeah.

So where's your date?

He's running late.

Sorry, baby.
I had that thing.

You okay?
Yeah.

Hi. Ray adams.

How you doing, man?
Lucius johnson. My wife, renee.
Hello.

Lucius.
Heard a lot about you.

- so how long you two
been going out?
- not long.

I was in africa on business.
The city is trading
with the brothers over there.

I came all the way back
to escort eva.

I had no idea the city
of Los Angeles
was a trade partner in africa.

You wouldn't.
It's on the highest levels
of city government.

Really? Well, let's hear
all about this
so-called trade program.

Ray, shush.
It's fun time now.
Mr. Mayor!

Hey.

Ray, how is my main man?
Good, sir. Good, good.

Good to see you.
This is my date, eva.

So this is eva.

Ray, you didn't
do her justice.

Thank you, sir.

- and this is, uh,
lumpy and reeses.
- lucius and renee, sir.

I'm one of your new assistants
and I thought that--
ray.

I want you to bring
this beautiful young lady
up to the house sometime.

Will do, sir.
Great to meet you.

Nice to meet you too.
Thank you, sir. Thank you.

Ray, my man.
I'm sorry about that--

you can have a rain check
on kissing my ass, leo.

I have to dance with
the prettiest girl here.

Right.
Good seeing you again, eva.

If you don't stop
staring at her,

I'm gonna slap the taste
out of your mouth.

Was that okay?
The question is,
how did you do it?

Well, first I got home
from work early,

then I watched you
from across the room
looking like you wanted to die.

Okay. And what
about the mayor?

I did a hell of a meat
presentation for him. Remember?
That's right.

He's a really nice guy.
I only had to beg him once.

You know you look good
in that tux, right?

Your hair looks fine.

Thank you. Bethany did it.
Really?

I should go by there one day.
No. Promise me
you will not go in there.

Okay. Okay.

You know, you're a good dancer.

You know. Body movement's
my specialty.
[ Gasps ]

Smooth.

You know, they once banned
dipping in some countries...

Because it was considered
a form of foreplay.

I didn't know that.

[ Chuckles ]
Okay.

You learn something new
every day, huh?
Yeah.

How long do you
wanna stay here?

After watching lucius grovel,

not long.

What you wanna do?

Something fun.

[ Eva pants ] nice sofa.

I bought it just for you.

Just a second.
Let me get this off.

No, eva. Don't take
your clothes off.

You wanna do it with them on?
I'm into that.
Let me hike this up.

No. No, no, no, no.
I can't do this.

The bulge in your pants
didn't get that memo, so--

no, no, no, no. I-- I need
to tell you something.

Yes. Whatever it is,
yes. Yes.
No, look.

I don't wanna move too fast.

Fast? No. The average
american couple has sex
on their third date, and...

We have been dating way,
way, way longer than that.

I just--

look, you've been through
so much stuff with men.

And I don't wanna
mess things up.
I want it to be perfect.

I just think
we should wait a while.

I have to respect that,
don't I?

Yeah, I guess you do.

I have to go.

Please, don't be mad at me.
No, I'm not. It's just--

I just never had a guy who cared
so much about my feelings.
It's kind of--

ooh. It's making me
want you even more.

And if I don't leave
right now,

I'm gonna start saying
all kinds of hot, nasty,
dirty things.

How hot and nasty?
Real freaky.

Go. Go.
Oh, god. Okay.

Stay.
Yeah? Oh, god.

No.
Okay.

Look--

[ Knocking ]

Yes!

Oh, my god.

Did I hurt you?
Yes.

But I liked it.
Yeah?

Maybe next time
we'll actually
make it to the bed.

Oh, my god. Oh, my god.

That was good.

Ray,

I wanted to say,
the stuff I said before,
I just wanted to apologize.

I mean, how I acted.

That was
a beautiful apology.

The best part was when
you called me ray.

That's 'cause there's not
a lot of need to be
formal right about now.

'Cause I'm a big ho.
[ Chuckles ]

If you really wanna
make it up to me,
tell me a joke.

No. I'm not a good joke teller.
I'm terrible.
That's what makes it so special.

Okay. Oh, god.
Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay.

This guy goes to a zoo, right?

You're gonna like it.
Okay, he goes to a zoo.

And he sees this gorilla.
Okay.

Okay. And he says
to the gorilla,
"yo, brother. Can you give--"

No. He says,
"yo, brother. Can you loan--"

Yeah. "Yo, brother.
Can you loan me a dollar?"

And the gorilla says,
"that's why I don't wear pants."

Right.
Oh, my god.

Don't you get it?
The pants and the gorilla.

Yeah. Best joke
I ever heard.

Best joke I ever heard.
I forgot about that joke.

Oh, my god.
Oh, my goodness.

Ray?
Hmm?

Thinking about what you told me
about your parents.

God, I mean, my folks died,
but I had my sisters
to live for, you know?

I just think it might be--

it might be easier
for you to get over
your fear of building a life...

If you had someone there
to help you do it.

I see.

You wanna be my bridge.

It's not like I wanna get
married to you or anything.
[ Clears throat ]

I can-- I can be a really
good friend, that's all.

You give me your body, and then
you offer me your friendship?

My priorities are straight.
Thank you very much.

I'm offering you
the best of me right now.
[ Scoffs ]

Eva.
Hmm?

I'm not the person
you think I am.

I know most women think
their man is the one
that's different.

None of us are different.

I'm just like other men.

Maybe not as good as most.

I want you to think about
what it would take to build
a bridge with me.

I can handle it, ray. Okay?
I can handle it.

As long as you keep
giving me what I need,
I am good.

Is that all you want?
Yeah.

That. That.
A whole lot of that.

A lot of that?
A lot of that.

And all the other stuff too.

You hear me?

How can I turn down
a deal like that?

You can't.

Can you?

What's up?

Hey, girl. Nice shoes.

Ormandy. You look good.

Telly, baby,
give me some love.
[ Grunting ]

Eva, what has
gotten into you?

- [ Telly ] not "what," "who."
- what are you wearing?

- eva, you're glowing.
- [ bethany ] what did you do?

Shit, I ain't sharing
my "bidness" with you.

- Oh, my god. She said "shit."
- and "bidness."

- she gone mad to her ass.
- y'all need to stop trippin'.
I'm just in a good mood.

It's a beautiful day out.
I'm with my girls. Stop
sweatin' me. My joints is hot.

And my cakes is moist.

Can a sister get some water
or a fan or iceberg
or something?

- okay, eva, for real.
You're scaring me.
- did you and ray do it or not?

Well,

he did show up
at the mayor's fund-raiser.

Just when I was trapped
by lucius johnson...
[ All gasp ]

And his wife.

- you saw lucius?
What did you do?
- nothing. Ray did it.

He put that little sucker
in his place.

Excuse me. Is there
like some, um, boning...

Or salad tossing or
something in this story?
Stop it.

Come on.
Okay. After he rescued me,

we danced all night long.

Slow, close,

just pelvis to pelvis.
Mm-hmm.

And then we went back
to my place...

And had a nice
respectable evening.

[ All groaning ]

And then we burned
a hole in the floor!

You better
work it, honey!

[ Darrell ]
Wow. There's my baby.
Let's get freaky-deaky.

Come on. To the bedroom.
Follow me.

You know what eva told me?
Here we go.

She told me that ray
drives his old van
from his job to save money.

So what? I mean, what's that
got to do with freaky-deaky?

I don't feel like
I sacrifice like ray does.

You know, when I need
to get back into being
focused on school.

Look. First off, ray and eva,
they ain't you and me.

I know that.
They're not married.

They ain't phone-boning.
They're not having sex.
None of that.

Actually, they do have sex.

He hit that?
Mm-hmm.

And from what I hear,

you could take
a little lesson
from him in that department.

What the--

what's that supposed to mean?
He got some tricks and shit?

I seen the dude
lickin' his lips and stuff.

Come on, sexy.
Let's play doctor.
Tim, listen to me, all right?

I have been thinking a lot
about ray and eva...

And how they have
this wonderful
new relationship, right?

And it's made me think
about myself and the plan
that I had for my life...

And how I let it go.

What? But, baby,
I threw all my condoms out.

Honey.
Ohh.

I'll get you some more.
They're on sale at target.

Come on, kareenah!
Sweetie, listen.

I am ready. Baby, I am
so damn fertile that if you
kiss me you'll get pregnant.

This isn't like buying a coat.
If you have a baby,

you can't give it back
if you don't want it.

Who said that, ray or eva?
I don't remember.

[ Groans ]

Honey, why is my potpourri
on the bed?

See--
get the dustbuster.

It was-- I was gonna--
tired.

Baby, I thought we've
been through this already.

Ray and eva have
a good relationship
and they don't cohabitate.

Oh, my god. That's all
I've been hearing lately.
Ray and eva. Ray and eva.

It's not like they're will
and jada or george and weezy.

They each have their own place.
They have respect
for each other.

Ray doesn't even
care about eva. I paid--

I paid close attention to him.
He does not like her.

Sure. That's why ray
calls her every day.

That's why they have lunch
together three times a week.

That's why eva's thinking about
passing on a new job to stay.
What job?

Eva was offered
a new job in Chicago.

But she's gonna say no
because she found ray.

- ain't that a--
- but here's something
that'll make you happy.

- we're dissolving
the dandridge fund.
- really? That's great.

- eva's gonna keep it all.
- what?

You know. She has a new life,
a new man. She's gonna need
that money. Okay, baby.

Here's all your stuff.
Let yourself out, okay?
Love you.

[ Woman ]
♪ Ain't No Stopping Sunshine ♪

♪ Ain't No Stopping Me ♪

♪ Ain't No Stopping
All the love ♪

♪ That Sets The People Free ♪

♪ Ain't No Stopping Wisdom ♪

♪ Or Changing People's Minds ♪

♪ Ain't No Stopping Sunshine ♪

♪ We'll Leave The Dark Behind ♪

♪ 'Cause You Can't Stop It ♪

♪ My Sunshine ♪

♪ You Can't Stop It ♪

♪ My Sunshine ♪

♪ You Can't Stop It ♪

♪ My Sweet Sunshine ♪

♪ You Can't Stop It ♪

♪ Mmm, You Can't Stop It ♪

♪ You Can't Stop It ♪

♪ Oh, Yeah, Yeah ♪

♪ Gonna Spread My Love Around ♪

Is there something wrong?

I took your advice and
convinced my boss to
let me run his company.

He told me I could
start next week.

He did? That's great.
Congratulations.

That's good news, right?

Yeah.

You made me realize
I can't run from myself.

It's like someone gave me
a pair of glasses...

That filter out
all the foolishness
and stupidity in my life.

What have I given you
for that gift, eva?

Nothing.

You taught me how to
trust again, ray. I wouldn't
call that nothing.

[ Scoffs ]

And you've helped me come
to a decision of my own.

What?

Baby,
if you're gonna be here,

then this is exactly
where I wanna be.

Crossed the line with eva,
didn't you, ray?
No.

Don't lie, you lyin'
bald-headed son of a bitch.

All I did was what
you paid me for.

And now that eva's
in a relationship,
our women are even worse.

Everything that you do
comes back on us.

And eva's keeping
all the money, ray.

That's not my fault.
Like hell it ain't
your fault, ray!

Something's wrong with you, ray.
You've been having
too much damn fun with eva.

You haven't asked for any
expenses lately. Why's that?

You pay for the woman.
You must like the woman.

That's ridiculous.
I'm a player. I'm on the job.
What's in the garment bag, ray?

Nothing. A suit.
I got a promotion at work.

A promotion?
That is eva all the way.
No, that's me.

Then what the hell is this?
Tupperware.

That's eva's
middle name.

I just needed
to organize a few things.

Organization is eva's
second middle name.

Look, eva got a job offer
in Chicago.

You're gonna dump her.
That way, she has no reason
to stay here, get it?

Yes. Say "yes," ray.
She's staying because of me?

Uh-uh. She's staying
because you boned her.
You boned her!

We know all about it, partner.
And that is like
stealing from your job.

You have embezzled
the booty.
Now, look.

You're gonna call her
tomorrow, and you're gonna
tell her it's over.

No.
He did not just
say "no," did he?

- no, I said "no."
- listen, now!
Hold up for a second!

You're supposed to be
a master player.
You forgot the rules.

Players don't feel.
That's like a pimp
with a health plan, brother.

Mike, where did you find
this big-ass bamba, man?

You done went from dmx
to babyface on us, man.
What's up with that?

Wait. They done gave you
a copy of their theme song.

They done made you
a orange.
Okay, okay, look.

I'm sorry. I do like her,
all right?

I had to open my heart
to get to her, and when
I did, she got to me first.

- I think I might love her.
- [ All ] love?

Love is an excuse, an alibi,
a justification for sex.

But it is not something
that should stop a man
from keeping his promise, ray.

Look. I'm sorry, fellas.

I'm going
to see eva tonight,

and the least I can do
is tell her in person
what I did.

So... That's it.

Mike?

Come on. Let's go.

Mike. Mike!

So, is she real good, man?
Does she have some
methods that she did?

'Cause I'm trying
to get jacqui--

ha!

[ Indistinct chattering ]

This is bull--

thank you, thomas.
No problem.

I need to get up out of here
so y'all can get back
to dissin' us brothers.

I know how y'all is.
Excuse us?

Aw, man. Y'all females
be trippin', man.

Look. First y'all
drive men away,

then y'all wanna bitch and moan
when y'all ain't got one.

Hold up. Hold up.
Code 12.

You know why I complain,
thomas?

- 'Cause I need a real man.
- here we go.

I need a real man,
not a child or a boy.

Give me a hard rock,
not a soft little toy.
Well!

You think women are hard?
You think we're evil and mean?

- well, I think maybe
you don't need us.
- maybe you on the wrong team.

[ Women laughing ]

So I need a real man,
and my standards are high.

Don't like what you just heard?
Then you need not apply.

[ All cheering ]

Wait a second. Fresh meat.

Come on.
Leave 'em alone, ladies.

Mike. Honey,
is something wrong?
I got some bad news.

It's, uh-- it's about ray.

Ray!
My ray?

What-- is he okay?

[ Ray narrating ]
Some story, huh?
Well, it's not quite complete.

We got three hours before
the funeral, fellas. Is all
the food and water okay?

Everything is okay.
Darrell, where did
you find this place?

This is an old
postal storage warehouse,
but we don't use it anymore,

not till now.
[ Chuckles ]

Look here, ray,
you got everything you need.
You even have two bathrooms.

Bucket number one,
and bucket number two.

You'll be a little gamey
in a few days,
but you'll be alive.

This won't work.
Oh, yes, it will,
baby muscles.

See, you've died
in a car accident,
according to this police report.

Show him. Right here.
Yeah, yeah.

Eva needed to know
that your body was
immediately cremated.

What about my family?
Did you think about that,
smart guys?

You ain't got no relatives, ray,
and very little friends,
thanks to your job-hopping.

And eva took that job
in chi-town after she
found out you were dead.

It's not fair for you
to make her leave under a lie.

It wasn't fair for you
to screw us on that deal.
[ Shouting ]

No, ray. Let him go.
Let him go!

Come on. Fellas,
fellas, fellas, listen.

Listen. Maybe we need
to just think about this
for one minute, all right?

No, you think about this.
It's our word against his.

By the time
he tells eva the truth,
she'll be long gone.

And then we can say we didn't
know anything about this
sick joke that he played on her.

What the hell are you doing
falling in love with eva?

I think it's 'cause she got
some good booty, man. See all
that aggression he got in him?

That's 'cause
he ain't gettin' none.
Let's go.

The booty's good.

Come on, tim.

Tim, come on!

First of all,
I'd like to thank all of you
for coming today.

You know, ray and I
didn't really know
each other very long,

but... In that short amount
of time,

we became really close.

You know, when someone
enters your life, you--

you don't really know
how it changes you...

Until they're gone.

I thought you said
this was gonna be
a simple funeral.

Who are
all these people?

Eva. She invited
all her friends from work.

Where the hell does
eva work at, soul train?

Look at all these
black people in here.
It's packed.

Look, just hang in there.
It's gonna be okay. I promise.

I've, uh,

invited my friend valerie
from my church choir...

To sing a song.

♪ Amazing ♪

♪ Grace ♪

♪ How Sweet ♪

♪ The Sound ♪

♪ That Saved ♪

♪ A Poor Wretch ♪

♪ Like Me ♪

♪ I-i-- I Once ♪

♪ Was Lost ♪

♪ But Now ♪

♪ I Am Found ♪

♪ I Was Blind ♪

♪ But Now ♪

♪ I See ♪

- eva!
- [ Woman screams ]

[ People gasping ]

Lord, it's a miracle.

Oh, my god.

Oh, my god. Baby.

[ Sighs ]
What happened? Oh, my god.

This whole thing was a lie.
It's all a lie.

[ Indistinct chattering ]
No, I wasn't in on this, okay?
Y'all did this on your own.

Tim, mike and darrell...
Faked my death...

So that you'd leave town.
That's a lie!

Eva, he wanted to dump you,
but he didn't have the guts
to tell you face-to-face.

That's what happened. Mm-hmm.
Ray?

Is that true?

No, it isn't.
Don't, tim!

- Please!
- it's over.

Eva, we did take ray.

And we lied about him
being dead.

This is the best funeral
I've ever been to
in my life.

Ooh, you got
that right. Huh.

I'm sorry.

It's not their fault.
Like hell it isn't.

You three...

Have yet to feel my rage.

Eva, you don't understand.

It was because of me.

The only reason
I went out with you...

Is because they paid me to.

[ Sighs ]

I was supposed to...
Make you like me...

Then trick you
into moving away.

But I didn't know you then.

I didn't realize
how wonderful you are--

how much you've changed me
and make me wanna change.

I know
I was wrong, but...

What we have is bigger
than all the mistakes I've made.

I'm certain of that.

How much did they pay you?

Eva, that's not--
how much?

Five thousand dollars.

But, eva, I'm giving them
that money back,
and I promise--

[ People gasping ]

Ooh!

You are exactly
who I thought you were.

So, I guess
you're single now, huh?
[ Chuckles ]

Excuse me.

[ Indistinct chattering ]

♪ [ R&b ]

[ Woman ]
♪ Give Myself A Common Goal ♪

♪ We Travel On Two-lane Roads ♪

♪ Eventually We Met
Where it ends ♪

♪ [ Continues ]

Police!

Eva, please. Let me
have a minute.
Stalker!

Sixty seconds, eva.
Okay, okay, one minute.
Go, raymond.

Raymond? How did I get
all the way back
to raymond? Right.

I don't want you
to stop being mad.

I understand
how you feel.

I'm upset, too, at myself.

But we need to remember
what we're losing here.
Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.

I know you still have
feelings for me.

I have feelings for you.

Life is hard, eva.
We both passed up
on a lot of good things.

We are too wise
for that now.

I am never, ever gonna find
another woman like you.

I love you.

You know what I learned
about love, raymond?

It isn't a virus
that infects you.
It's a choice.

We choose to be in love,
and we choose
what love makes us do.

I earned your choice,
and you stole mine.

I was ready to give up
my entire life for you,

and all you were
ready to do was let me.

So are you sure?

Are you sure you love me?

Or are you just upset that...

I found out
what you were and...

Made a different choice?

That's what I thought.
Excuse me. I have travel plans.

What's up, fellas?

Eva, you don't
have to rub it in.

We've been trying to apologize
to your sisters for weeks.
They still hate us.

My sisters love you.

They love you so much.

I was just a distraction
and a huge pain in the ass.

And I am so sorry.

We dissolved the dandridge fund
and split it up yesterday.

Let's go home.
Let's get out of here.

And I can read you a book.

Yeah. As long as
it's not a scary book.

[ Chuckles ]
I don't like scary books.

Maybe we could have
some, uh-- some make-up sex.

Don't worry.
I have plenty of protection.

We don't need it.

I wanna do this right now
before I lose my nerve.

What are you doing?

Oh, my god. Oh, my god!
Oh, my god.
[ Screams ]

Will you?
Yes.

[ Laughing ]

[ Both ]
Congratulations.

You know what? We should all
go to dinner. Eva, let's--
yeah.

[ Indistinct chattering ]

Holy mother of god.

Hey, eva!

[ Whinnies ]
Whoa. Whoa.

I quit my job, sold my house
and bought him.

You shouldn't have.
I can't be bought.

I got him a home in a stable
just outside of town.
It's paid up for a year.

Are you even listening to me?

Yes. Now you listen to me.

You said love is a choice.
Well, I love you.

And I'm not leaving.
I'm gonna show up
at your job every day.

I'm gonna send you gifts,
and tell you I'm sorry...

Until you understand
that I will not live
without you.

Or until you call
the cops on me, but...

Even that won't stop me.

Excuse me, ma'am.
Is this your animal?

Yes, Officer.
This is my horse.

My horse.

You're gonna have
to move him off the street.

[ Man ]
♪ La, La, La, La, La, La ♪

Will you buy
a horse for me?

[ Chuckles ]
No.

♪ My Cherie Amor ♪

♪ Lovely As A Summer Day ♪

♪ My Cherie Amor ♪

♪ Distant As The Milky Way ♪

♪ My Cherie Amor ♪

♪ Pretty Little One
That I adore ♪

♪ You're The Only Girl
My heart beats for ♪

♪ How I Wish That
You were mine ♪

♪ [ Man Harmonizing ]

♪ It's So Unbelievable ♪

♪ I'd Never Ever Let You Go ♪

♪ My Heart Is Yours ♪

♪ For Keeps ♪

[ Male backup singers ]
♪ Let's Make A Vow ♪
♪ Let's Make A Vow, Baby ♪

♪ Right Here And Now ♪
♪ Here And Now ♪

♪ This Is The Day
That I prayed for ♪

♪ That I Prayed For ♪

♪ And You Are The Girl
Of my dreams ♪

♪ Of My Dreams ♪

♪ And My Place In Life ♪

♪ Is Right Here
By your side ♪

♪ On This Day ♪

♪ [ Vocalizing ]

♪ At This Very Moment ♪

♪ This Very Moment ♪

♪ O-o-oh, This Very Moment ♪

[ Man #2 ]
♪ Today It's You And I ♪

♪ We Celebrate
A brand-new life ♪

♪ That God Has Given Us ♪

♪ We Said The Words I Do ♪
♪ Yes ♪

♪ Forever All My Love For You ♪

♪ This Is The Day
That I prayed for ♪

♪ I Prayed For ♪

♪ And You Are The Girl
Of my dreams ♪
♪ The Girl ♪

♪ You Are The Girl
Of my dreams ♪

♪ And My Place In Life ♪

♪ Is Right Here
By your side ♪
♪ By Your Side ♪

♪ On This Day ♪
♪ On This Day
On this day ♪

♪ On This Day ♪
♪ At This Very Moment ♪

♪ [ Vocalizing ]
♪ This Very Moment ♪

♪ At This Very Moment ♪

♪ This Very Moment ♪

♪ At This Very Moment ♪

[ Man ]
♪ I Can't Believe It's True ♪

♪ I'm Standin' Here
In front of you ♪

♪ And You Are Here ♪

♪ With Me ♪

[ Man #2 ]
♪ This Very Moment ♪

[ Woman ]
♪ O-o-oh, Yeah ♪

[ Female backup singers ]
♪ If You Need Me, Baby,
I'm for real ♪

♪ The Rest Of Your Life
I'll take you to paradise ♪

♪ I'm Gonna Give You
All my love, yeah ♪

[ Man ]
♪ We Went Through This Before ♪

♪ Actin' Like The L's
Can't bag 'em no more ♪

♪ Nightgown Draggin' On
The heated marble floor ♪

♪ Flash Cartier
When you open up the door
slide these on, baby ♪

♪ So Butter
Still relate to the gutter ♪

♪ Just Your
Lifestyle's different
spirit uplifted ♪

♪ Fell In Love
With a cat who's gifted ♪

♪ Turn Your Back To Paradise
Damn, I missed it ♪

[ Woman ]
♪ If You Need Me, Baby,
I'm for real ♪

♪ The Rest Of Your Life
I'll take you to paradise ♪

[ Man ]
♪ Paradise Is Very Nice ♪

[ Woman ]
♪ If You Want It, Baby,
Just be real ♪

Hello. Is linda there?

Hey, babe.

Listen, I'll pick you up
over on fairfax.

I'm at work.

No, you know you can't come by.

I'm pretending to be gay.

Because in LA.,
a straight hairdresser
is an unemployed hairdresser.

Well, at least
until I get my own place.

Absolutely.
Okay, I love you too.

Telly, honey.
Would it kill you to come
in there and do some work?

Oh, I'm sorry.
I just had to check on my honey.
You know how they are.