Original subtitles

I'm Jane McDonald, and I am cruising the world!

Do you want to come?

After half a lifetime at sea,

I've lost count of the number of ships I've been on...

Cooee!

..but I'm definitely in good company.

With two million Brits setting sail each year,

this type of break is more popular than ever.

CORK POPS

Do you know? I love that sound, don't you?

Fancy a cruise yourself?

In this series, I'm sampling just a few of those on offer.

We're going on our holidays!

I'll be exploring the terrific South Pacific -

with its smoky water

and one very uneasy rider...

SHE SCREAMS

..painting a picture of Chile,

the country that lives up to its name...

Oh, my God, look at this!

Look at this!

..and touring the Monte Carlo of South America.

I'm in a millionaire's playground, let me play!

Oh, no! No, no, no!

You can never get tired of cruising, there's just so many things to see!

And that's pretty special, isn't it? That's pretty special.

How are you doing, girls? Hiya!

So many people to meet...

I can't wait to tell me mam! Yeah, ring your mum.

..so much to eat...

I like me meat, so I'm going for it.

..and even more to drink.

Oh, another one of these, you won't stop me!

This time, I'm going Down Under...

It's absolutely stunning.

..having a blast in Australia and New Zealand.

What's not to love?

Look at this!

I'll be cruising around on this little river...

It's exciting, isn't it?! Whoo!

I've got a fabulous cabin and it's all mine.

I love my life!

Along the way, I'll be seeing Skippy...

Kangaroo yummies. Ouch! Hey!

..meeting me very own Crocodile Dundee...

It's a love bite, I promise. No, it's not! It's a love bite!

It is! ..and trying to keep me feet on the ground...

This just feels a bit weird.

Oh! Oh-eh! Ooh!

Oh, it's stunning from up here. Ah!

..I get a kick out of Wellington...

Just look at that. It's breathtaking!

..I'm touched by Maori tradition in Napier...

Welcome, Jane. Oh, I feel very humbled by that.

..Hobbiton proves nothing short of amazing...

Oh, my goodness, look at this! Yeah.

We are actually in a movie set.

..and I fall for the city of Auckland.

I can't do this! You can. I can't! Hold on, hold on. Oh, no, no, no.

A 16-day Australasian adventure.

I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it!

Let's just say I'm one very happy Sheila.

Fantastic!

So hop on board with me... Cooeeee!

..and we'll have a right blast together.

Bring it on! Come on!

G'day, Sydney,

Australia's largest city, and home to the biggest harbour in the world.

There's tonnes to see here -

beaches, galleries, botanical gardens,

weather's not bad either.

I'd love to head for the surf, but me ship sets sail in a couple

of hours, so just enough time to do the city sightseeing bus tour...

I'm off on bus.

Hiya, love, you all right?

..a great way to see all the major landmarks

and places of interest when you're a bit tight for time.

You know, when you've travelled all the way to Australia,

and you're jet lagged within an inch of your life,

the best way to take in this wonderful city

is to get on top of a bus like this.

How fab is this?!

Oh, wow!

There's the bridge and there's the Opera House.

Don't get any better than this, does it?

The great thing about this tour is you can hop on and off as many

times as you like, and now seems like a good time to stretch my legs.

The shell-like roof of Sydney Opera House is famed the world over.

It was designed in 1957 by the Danish architect Jan Utzon,

so that's this week's pub quiz question sorted.

And it was opened in 1973 by none other

than Her Majesty, the Queen.

If it's good enough for Liz, it's good enough for me.

We're outside this iconic place,

and I'm going to take you and me inside.

So come on! Come on!

SHE HUMS A TUNE

The only way to see behind the scenes is to book yourself

a tour guide, talking of which...

You must be Bella. Hi, Jane! Hi. How are you?

I'm really well. Nice to meet you. Welcome to the Sydney Opera House.

Thank you. You're very welcome.

So are we going to go and have a look now?

Let's rock and roll. Come on!

I've always wanted to perform here,

and to get this close - I'm in my element!

Oh, wow! Look at this.

Welcome to the northern foyer of the concert hall.

Oh, my goodness me, its gorgeous.

Look at this carpet, just hang on.

I've got a thing about carpets.

Oh, my God, that's so gorgeous, look at the purple.

Be my guest!

Very regal, very '70s.

It is. You see, that's why I'm so at home on this.

Shut your face!

But it's... It's a nice carpet that, isn't it? It is.

OK, I'll admit, there are other things to marvel at here.

Oh! Oh, Bella, look at that backdrop!

That is fantastic, look at that!

Come and show me the concert hall. Let's go. Follow me. Oh!

The six stages play host to over 40 shows a week,

that's more than 2,000 every year.

Oh! Welcome, Jane, to the concert hall

Oh, my goodness!

It's massive!

The acoustics are...

SHE SINGS A NOTE

That's pretty good acoustics, isn't it? Yes.

Just even for me.

Wow, that's a big organ.

138 pipes in the front,

10,000 more pipes in the back. My goodness.

This floor trembles underneath your feet

when it is getting played.

Oh, my goodness me!

If you don't fancy a bone-shaking show,

there's always opera on the other stages.

The acoustics are great here as well, aren't they? Yes.

Do you know? This is where I'm most at home - on a stage.

Yeah. I just love to sing, it's just a fantastic.

You like to sing? Would you like to sing now? Oh, I can't...

This is an opera place. Come on. It's opera.

Do whatever you want. Yeah, well...

Oh, I'm a bit nervous! Lights on you.

I can't, not now.

# O mio babbino caro

# Mi piace, e bello, bello. #

Oh, I've sang!

I've sang at the Opera House, at the Sydney Opera House!

Thank you. You're welcome.

No, you're used to hearing professionals!

I've stood on that stage and I've sang a little bit

and it was a proper dream come true.

I have to say, I'm slightly in love with Sydney Opera House now.

I could stay here forever.

But, sadly, the fat lady has already sung on my time in Sydney,

my chariot awaits.

This fabulous vessel is going to be our home...

..for the next 16 days!

And that's a lot of pants!

Come on! Bring it on!

11 decks high, the Noordam is equipped with two pools,

a spa, casino, and even a basketball court -

plenty to keep you busy.

Not to mention the nine bars, nearly enough to occupy me.

Hello. Thank you.

That's it, I'm on. I'm on my holidays! Whoo!

Right, let's get this party started!

Well, before I get too carried away,

I suppose I'd better tell you where we're heading.

From Sydney we're going to sail south to the island of Tasmania,

From there we say "hooroo" to Australia

and "kia ora" to New Zealand,

heading east to the fjords of Milford Sound,

then we're going Down Under the South Island,

before exploring its east coast.

And finally, to complete the 9,000 mile journey,

I'll be stopping off in Picton

in one of New Zealand's, wine regions.

No surprise there, then!

But before I do anything, I need to find me state room.

Here we go!

Oh, this is good, it's right here.

Oh!

Look at this.

I've got a nice balcony and it's got very comfortable bed!

It's got a lovely bed! Oh, I love a bed!

I like the fact that you can

shut out the wall there as well.

That's quite nice, isn't it?

I like a curtain.

I always like to check out my bathroom.

It hasn't got a vanity mirror,

but it doesn't natter because the light is that good in here.

Oh, blimey, it's a bit too good.

A bit too good in here.

I've got my line for me smalls.

I do love a line.

The 968 state rooms onboard this cruise

range from standard cabins to high-end luxury suites.

So, I've got a fabulous cabin

and it's all mine.

My Australasian adventure has officially begun.

Bring it on!

That's it, we're sailing away, cocktail in hand,

we're just about to go under the Sydney Harbour Bridge,

which is one of the most famous in the world.

Eh, it's exciting, isn't it?! Whoo!

HORN BLARES

I think we can say that, as far as sailaways go,

this one's pretty spectacular.

SHE LAUGHS

Oh, God, look! How tight is that?!

SHE CHEERS

THEY CHEER

That was that was pretty hairy, wasn't it?!

That was a close one, yeah.

Oh, my goodness me!

That's pretty special, isn't it? That's pretty special!

SHE LAUGHS

Coming up... brews, devils and wombats...

Are you keen to play with one? Are they all right to play with?

Absolutely. Look, they only really attack the English.

Is it a good time to mention she's only killed three people this year?

Oh, stop it, Greg!

..and about those pants...

Attractive, aren't they?

Nice!

..necessary for an unusual onboard spa treatment.

Ooh! You need to think positive.

Ooh!

Oh, my God. Oh, my God!

Welcome back on board my Australasian cruise adventure.

We've left Sydney and are now sailing south

towards the island of Tasmania, known locally as Tazzy.

It's day two, and with a full day and night until we get there,

I'm going to get to know the ship a bit better.

Let's go and have a mooch with me camera on a stick.

I like this bit because I ditch the crew,

so I'm just going to... Oh, look, I match the decor.

Yeah, I match the decor, look.

If I just stand here, I blend in.

It's not the biggest ship I've been on but it packs a lot of punch.

Spacious lounges, five restaurants, delicious food and wine,

what more could a girl want?

I like it.

Oh, yeah!

We're on us holidays! Come on.

I love it cos everybody's really friendly

because they're in the same position as you are

and, as I always say to you,

a stranger is just a friend you haven't met yet.

Hello there. How are you? I'm really good. How are you?

I'm good. What do you think so far? Everybody's happy. Yeah!

Everybody's on vacation, so everybody's happy.

That's so... I mean, what's to not be happy about? I know.

I hope you have a wonderful time. Same to you. Sorry, I'm Jane.

I'm Lisa. Lisa, nice to meet you. Thank you.

We'll see you soon, Lisa. Bye.

Now, on a night when you're feeling like a bit of a sing song,

this is the place to come and listen to the live piano player.

So I might be in here a couple of nights.

I am going to be in here a couple of nights!

Fabulous. Well, you know me well enough by now.

I think I'll give it a miss tonight, though,

even a 32-year-old needs her beauty sleep. Leave it.

I'm just looking at tomorrow's trip that I'm going on

which is to Bonorong Wildlife Sanctuary, and it says here,

"You'll be fascinated by Tasmania's native and endemic species."

That flippin' thing looks a bit frightening,

that Tasmanian devil.

It looks a bit fierce.

Saying that, it might look at my face and think the same!

"Wombat, sort of in the name - bat."

Is it a bat?! Is it?!

What is a wombat?!

Anyway, I'm absolutely shattered so night-night.

See you tomorrow.

OK, I am no David Attenborough but I do like me wildlife

and this is where you'll find some of the best.

We're only stopping here for the day,

so I've booked a tour to see a few examples up close.

Whoohoo! Welcome to Tasmania, you little devils!

Let's go see some wombats.

Well, not only wombats.

This place provides a refuge for a whole range of injured animals,

with an army of passionate volunteers,

nursing them back to health before returning them to the wild.

I'm here at Bonorong Wildlife Sanctuary. Greg? Jane?

Pleasure. Great to have you here. Fantastic. Great to see you.

Thank you. Brought the sunshine with you.

Trying my best. Let's go meet some animals, eh? Thank you.

From four legs, to two legs, to no legs,

all animals are given a warm welcome here.

So this is not a zoo, is it? No, very different.

Most of our animals are a bit different to the other

kids at school, so... Yeah

Some are missing a leg, others are blind in one eye.

Every animal is here for a reason

and they are some of the animals I want to introduce you to today.

Oh, look! This is a...? A wombat.

That's a wombat?! That's right. This is a very young wombat,

an orphan wombat. Oh.

So her mum was hit by a car unfortunately,

which is why she's here.

That's not what I thought a wombat was going to look like,

I'll be honest. What did you think? I thought it was a bat!

You thought it was a bat! I did.

Yeah, they grow their wings...

No, that's a lie! That's a flat-out lie!

Are you keen to play with one? If you like, yeah. Absolutely.

Are they all right to play with? Absolutely.

They only really attack the English, aside from that...

No, they're fine, absolutely. OK. No, let's go and have a play.

All right. Here we go!

You'll be calling me the wombat whisperer by the end of this.

Have a seat there and pop your legs out this way.

Is it a good time to mention she's only killed three people this year?

Oh stop it, Greg!

I bet people are coming up now thinking I'm a wombat.

Although, I feel more like a dingbat sat here.

Here she comes, the little munchkin. Hello.

Hello! How you doing?

So this is Willow. So you can give her a bit of a pat now.

Yeah. She's nice and relaxed.

There you go, Willow. They're not nervous... Oh!

..I guess, around people.

Apart from me. That's right!

Maybe Wombat whisperer was a bit premature.

I will mention that they do bite a little bit,

but it's only play biting.

They're not dangerous to us, it's more things like

fences, for example, they'll push straight through... Oh!

He just bit me there. It's a love bite, I promise.

No, its not. It's a love bite. It is!

Here we go, see, we're good. You lived to tell the tale.

Strewth! That were a bit of a shock.

And I've still got the Tasmanian devils to come.

So have you met Tazzy devils before? No, I have only seen the cartoon.

What do you think compared to the cartoon? A little different?

I mean they're so cute. Look at it, it's just cute

as anything, isn't it?

It's lovely to see these poor animals getting looked after

so well.

But if there's one species you just have to see when Down Under,

it's these. Kangaroo yummies. Right.

So the way we feed them, we just pop a bit in our hand

and they will eat it right out of your hand.

After my experience today, I'm going to let you feed them.

Absolutely! I'll go first. He's a big boy, isn't he?

I'm not sure about this -

once bitten and all that!

Now, come with me brave, your turn.

I don't think I can! Oh!

No, I'm just kidding! Oh!

I just can't help myself!

The look on your face every time!

Not helping, Greg, not helping. Hello.

Hello there.

Oh, look.

There we go, you've redeemed the experience

after the wombat attack with a kangaroo. That's true. Good boy.

Thank you. Good boy! Oh! There you go.

I'm so brave! You've done well, you've done very well!

You didn't take off up the hill... No, I didn't, I'm so pleased!

So the next lesson is how to ride a kangaroo,

are you ready for that one? Yeah, all right, yeah!

Not today? No! Grab the saddle!

Get me on the emu.

I've really enjoyed this experience.

It's a beautiful part of the world

and to meet someone as passionate about their job as Greg is

has been a great pleasure.

Would I like to meet a wombat again?

Probably not, but I don't mind looking at it from a fence!

Like most people do!

Day three and the sun's setting on our time in Tasmania.

Overnight we're heading 1,000 south-east.

It'll take us two full days to get to New Zealand's South Island,

but after yesterdays wombat ordeal, that's fine with me.

Gives me time to de-stress in the onboard spa

with a treatment called Ionithermie.

So, I'm just going to go in and get myself electrocuted, apparently.

Apparently they cover you in clay and put electrodes in.

Erm... What am I doing?!

Why am I doing this? I'm going to get electrocuted.

It's going to electrocute my fat away. Here we go!

My name is Ola and I will take care of you today. Thank you.

Can you get rid of my fat?

Let me see. Let me see!

Let me see what I can do for you. Come on!

So please follow me. Right.

I've got a fat back, is that normal?

Let's make it... I can make it... I can fix it for you.

Can you fix me fat back? Yes, I can fix it for you.

I'm excited about this. I can do a little magic.

This is for you, it's paper underwear.

Thank you. You're welcome.

Paper pants.

Attractive, aren't they?!

Nice!

No.

I'll just go behind this curtain, shall I?

Thank you!

This isn't right, is it?! This is just not right.

Paper pants now on.

So if I start rustling, you'll know why.

Let's hope they don't dissolve, eh?

For the science geeks out there, the electrodes are covered in conductive

clay, an electric current will make me muscles and body mass contract,

at least temporarily. Sounds, erm... Fun.

OK, Jane? Yeah. Are you ready? Eh, no.

Yes, you are!

Anything you say.

Let me know when you feel something, OK?

Oh! Oh-eh!

Ooh! Oh, yeah, it's tingling.

Oh flippin' heck! It's not quite as relaxing as I'd hoped.

Oh! OK?

So I'm going to increase the sensation

because then you're going to have a better result. OK.

Oh, my muscles are getting used to it now.

Oh! No, they're not!

Ooh!

Oh, my God. Oh, my God!

SHE EXHALES

Ooh!

You're quite brutal, aren't you, Ola?

No, I'm not. I want to help you, I am here to help you!

SHE EXHALES

So, Jane, are you ready for it? No!

We're going to increase to 100%.

Come on, then! No pain no gain! What you doing to me?!

Oh! Blinkin'...

Ooh!

You need to think positive.

It's like getting a six-pack without a workout.

OK, let's release you.

Ohh!

Well, I feel fabulous, thank you. I do, now it's stopped!

You're welcome. JANE LAUGHS

Right, moment of truth. It better have been worth it!

Very big difference now. Is that a big difference? Mm-hm.

Really? Mm-hm. Four and one quarter.

Four and a quarter inch. Yes.

VOICEOVER: Ooh, I'll take that!

Thank you. You're welcome. Cheers.

That were hard work!

That were pretty intense, actually, that were pretty intense.

Think I'll just have a massage next time.

It's day six and we've reached our second land Down Under.

And here it is! It's New Zealand!

We've arrived! Yay!

New Zealand's stunning fjord land covers 5,000 square miles -

that's eight times the size of London.

It's one of the country's top five tourist attractions,

and for my money, the most memorable.

It's the wettest place in the world,

and trust me, it is living up to its name!

This particular stretch is called the Milford Sound,

and being a singer, I like a bit of sound.

But it is breathtakingly beautiful.

Look at that!

You're from...? Quebec. Quebec. Quebec? Oh, fabulous.

So what do you think of this? Oh, this is wet!

It's wet! It is really wet. Yes. Yes.

But it is one of the wettest places in the world.

Yeah, it is, and it's wonderful. It is. It's a nice place.

And it's our 30th cruise.

30th? Yes. Yeah. My goodness me! I like it.

Yeah, you like it! Yeah.

Er... SHE SPEAKS FRENCH

What she want to say is, you got your hotel

and you have the world going around you.

Yes.

I could not put it better myself.

Thank you for giving us THAT. No problem. Have a good one.

You too. Bye-bye. Nice to meet you.

Ohh!

Perfect.

What's not to love? Look at this!

Coming up...

There's a lot of McDonald tartan around 'ere,

so it feels like I've came home!

..I pay the piper in Dunedin...

Blow into this here and see if you can make a sound.

LOUD HONK

JANE LAUGHS

This is pretty steep, I have to say!

..and take a stroll down the world's steepest street.

Taxi! Ooh!

One week into my Australasian adventure,

I am on the east coast of New Zealand's South Island.

Whoo! Ooh, it's a wee bit brisky!

And I've made it Dunedin,

a city with strong links to somewhere a bit closer to home.

That's it, I am on New Zealand,

this is the Scottish part of New Zealand.

Och aye the noo! Come on!

Oh, did I not tell you? I'm from Scottish descent, me.

The first Scots settled on the South Island in 1848,

naming its second largest city Dunedin -

the old Gaelic name for Edinburgh.

BAGPIPES PLAY

I've got a full day here,

so to get me to the heart of the action, I've joined a group tour,

starting at Larnach Castle.

That's fabulous - not only that,

there's a lot of McDonald tartan around here, so, er,

feels like I've come home! Hame! Er...

It's just a beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful place.

This is one of only two castles in New Zealand,

and has a very tragic history.

Businessman and politician William Larnach built

this home for his wife in 1871.

But nine years later, she died,

as he did his second wife and young daughter not long afterwards,

contributing to William later taking his own life.

WHISPERING: It's beautiful, innit? It's gorgeous.

It's not like a big castle, it's more like a stately home.

Now, William was in fact a great family man.

He often said that monetary problems didn't concern him greatly,

but family troubles knocked him over.

Despite all the sadness attached to it,

I could definitely see myself living here.

Apparently, there is a great view from the roof an' all.

Ohh!

Oh, wow!

Look at this! Look at this!

Oh, my goodness me!

It's absolutely stunning.

And the really strange thing is,

this is at the other side of the world, the furthest

place you can get from Scotland, and it is very similar.

Amazing.

Sadly, I've only got a few more hours left in Dunedin -

just enough time for a quick blow.

Hello! Aww, that was so good!

It's just transporting me back to Scotland, listening to you.

Would you like to learn? What, me, play bagpipes?

Yes. I'll show what to do. Right.

Now, just put them over here... OK.

VOICEOVER: With my surname, I should be good at this.

Blow into this here and see if you can make a sound.

FAINT HONK

SHE LAUGHS

TUNELESS DRONE

No, I don't think I can do that!

It's all a bit of... Ooh! No, that takes a lot of doing!

See you later. Thanks very much, bye! Bye.

What a fantastic place.

There is so much Scottish heritage here,

and I sincerely hope I get a chance to come back here again.

I have loved it.

Och aye the noo!

On the way back to the ship, the tour is stopping off

where you can take the high road - literally.

We're here in Dunedin,

on the steepest street in the world.

Selfie moment!

Because nobody will believe that I am here.

Yep. Oh, you're supposed to smile on these, aren't you?

Right, I'm going down.

This is pretty steep, I have to say!

VOICEOVER: Baldwin Street sits at 19 degrees,

and by 'eck, it's right good for your thighs.

Ooh!

This just feels a bit weird.

If you go to the side of me, you could see that...

this is me stood comfortably.

Otherwise, I am going to fall backwards.

Right. Taxi! Ooh!

VOICEOVER: I hope I didn't leave anything at the top.

Anyway, that's enough exercise for one day.

I'm heading back to the ship for something a bit less strenuous.

Oh, yes, there's a shop.

I keep losing this, which is my key,

so I am going to look to see if there's a lanyard

that I can put over my neck, because I keep putting this down

and that is really dangerous, cos it's got your name on it

and your cabin number!

Hi, have you got a lanyard that I can... Yes! Have you?

Yeah, I can show you. Oh, thank you! Follow me, please.

Oh! Are these them? A selection here for you.

VOICEOVER: of course, the great thing about shopping on board

is that we're all in the same boat, so to speak!

I'm thinking that's quite nice. Yes. What do you think, girls?

Quite dressy. It's very you.

What do you think to that? Does that match?

Very classy. Do you think?

Classy? Blimey, I'm definitely getting it if it's classy.

Something I don't often get called!

Aww, you're lovely girls. Thank you so much.

See you later, bye.

Yeah, I quite like this as well.

Take them both. Shall I? Yeah, why not?

So, that'll match everything.

That'll match everything as well.

VOICEOVER: Two of 'em - I just can't help meself!

But if shopping's not your thing, the ship offers other activities -

like a pampering in the spa,

music and theatre shows,

and yoga.

But instead of dusting off my Lycra, I'm off to tickle my taste buds.

Now, there is a lot of rivalry between Australia and New Zealand.

And I'm just gonna go and do a wine tasting - fabulous! -

er, to see which is the best wines,

Australia or New Zealand.

So, I'll let you know, very shortly. Bye!

You've not seen me with a drink in me hand

that often so far this cruise.

So, I'm about to have several,

as part of the ship's onboard wine tasting afternoons.

I love my life!

VOICEOVER: Like I need an excuse!

Ooh!

I like that one.

This one is not going in the bucket.

This one is going in MY bucket!

I like it, but I'm a Chardonnay drinker,

so for me, it's a very nice finish...

Not only do you get to taste some fabulous wines at this session...

So, you drink Pinot Grigio all the time?

..it's a great way of making new friends on board.

THEY LAUGH

I've got me drinking buddies now!

Cheers. Cheers.

So, New Zealand is in the lead.

VOICEOVER: This is my kind of research.

I always got told that red wine is better for you than white wine.

So I'm always thinking..

..it's better for me,

which is a load of rubbish, isn't it, really?

INDISTINCT CHATTER

That's nice. Yeah, yeah.

My favourite wine of all time is from Napa Valley.

Oh... Oh, it is...

Is that over the hill from you?

I'm coming to stay. 15 miles.

Wow.

That is just the best wine for me, ever.

I love it, I'll drink to that, girls.

I'll drink to that.

INDISTINCT CHATTER Fantastic!

You know, that was really good fun,

not only did I meet some lovely, lovely passengers on here,

but I've also drank some extremely good wines.

I've always been a big fan of Australian wine.

But, I have to say, I preferred the New Zealand

to Australian wines, so, erm...

..cheers!

I'm going to finish this and then I'm going to go and have a nap,

because that's the only thing you can do after a wine tasting!

It's the end of my first week,

and overnight we're steaming over 250 miles north,

to the largest city on South Island - Christchurch.

The only thing I remember about Christchurch

was a terrible, terrible earthquake seven years ago,

so, you just don't know how well it's done since then,

and, you know what?

I'm now looking forward to...

..to seeing this wonderful part of the world.

The harbour is still too badly damaged for our ship to dock in,

so we're boarding a smaller passenger boat,

called a tender, to go to another port nearby.

What a beautiful day.

Thank you.

I've been freezing since I got 'ere

and I thought, right, I'm going to put thermals on today.

I'm going to be sweating now.

Glowing, sorry! Glowing.

I don't sweat.

Thank you very much.

Hope you enjoy! Thank you.

Until the harbour reopens, it's a one-hour drive to the city.

But it's OK, around every corner in New Zealand

there's a stunning picture postcard scene.

Christchurch has always been popular among tourists -

fabulous architecture,

food markets

and punting

all made the city a must-see.

But then came 2011.

With a magnitude of 6.2,

the earthquake reduced much of it to rubble.

185 people lost their lives on that February day.

Entire buildings collapsed.

Roads and bridges were torn up,

and around 10,000 homes were left so unsafe

they had to be demolished.

Today, every tourist penny goes towards

helping re-build this beautiful place.

I've decided to spend my day here,

on a city tour with a difference,

and my guide is one of the quake survivors.

You must be Wendy. I'm Jane.

Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you, yes.

Right, let's see this wonderful place.

So, 22 February, 2011... Yes. ..is a horrendous day for you.

Yes, indeed.

For all of Christchurch. Yeah.

And can you tell us exactly what happened?

Were you actually here?

I wasn't right in the city,

I was coming in to babysit my grandson

and as soon as I felt the earthquake,

my car went like this,

and so did the power lines beside me.

Oh, wow. So, my son was in a building just on the square

and he was, erm, trapped on the ninth floor.

Oh, no.

The stairs in his building, which is about 18 storeys high,

fell down. Oh gosh!

So, he was watching everything going on while trapped? Yes.

They eventually got them out with a fireman's ladder.

Oh, gosh. I mean, so, not only is everything going around you,

but you knew that your son was in danger as well? Yes.

Wow, and this is just unbelievable.

When you see it in this state,

you realise just how catastrophic it was.

Although it's seven years on,

the devastation is still all around to see.

There was a massive tower attached to that cathedral.

And, the thought of Wendy's son

watching all that collapse while trapped in his own office,

with no staircase,

you just can't even put yourself in that situation.

While rebuilding continues,

Christchurch has made sure the victims will never be forgotten.

Each of the 185 chairs in this memorial

represents a life lost.

It really does sort of bring it to reality

when you see every single different chair.

It's so...

..moving to see this.

But it's also moving to see

all the new life building again.

Yes, indeed. Yes.

Coming up...

Ah!

..I get a kick out of Wellington...

Just look at that! It's breathtaking.

..it's a farmer's life for me...

Woo!

We're bringing in the harvest to make fabulous wine.

..and all that work deserves a reward.

My drinking buddies! Oh, yeah.

We were drinking without you. I'm sorry. I can tell!

It's day nine, and my final day on New Zealand's South Island

before I continue my journey around the north one.

Picton!

The land of logs!

What's all these logs doing 'ere?

They're actually one of the main exports,

along with the fantastic grapes grown here

in New Zealand's famous wine region.

Covering nearly 5,000 square miles,

the district of Marlborough produces some of the world's best wine.

You could choose to spend your afternoon here

on the standard group winery tour offered by the ship,

which includes tasting and nibbles.

But, because I'm me, I've been invited for a more intimate look

around one of the vineyards with the general manager, Amanda.

Oh, welcome, Jane. Oh, what a beautiful place you have here.

Oh, it's lovely to see you. Oh, and you, too.

So, where are you taking me now?

We're off to do some harvesting. Harvesting.

Does that mean I've got to work? Yes, absolutely.

Oh, dear, they told me drinking. AMANDA LAUGHS

This is one of the few remaining

family-owned wineries in New Zealand.

Producing nine varieties from seed to bottle,

it's a big operation.

The vineyards stretch over 300 acres.

That's a lot of grapes.

So, Jane, this is part of our vineyard. This is... Lovely.

..a Sauvignon blanc that we're harvesting at the moment.

Shall we try some? Have you got some for me to try?!

Yes, let's try some. Oh, please, that would be lovely.

I'll just pick this bunch off here. OK.

And... Oh, look at those!

Yeah, they're quite small grapes but they're sweet and delicious

and it should taste like Sauvignon blanc. Mm.

Mm... Pip's in. Yeah. Yeah.

Not very attractive, is it?

Erm...

That's lovely. It's amazing how true to flavour they are.

It really is like tasting the wine itself.

Shall we do a ride in the harvester?

Do you want to help us pick some grapes? Me?

Yeah. Ride in the harvester?

Why not? Oh, go on, then.

All right, we shall!

Glad I put my trousers on. Lovely.

Woo!

Such grace.

Oh, this is brilliant up here.

Oh, you've got to get it just right.

This is fabulous.

We're bringing in the harvest to make fabulous wine!

Which I'm going to be tasting any minute now.

Woohoo!

These grapes are going to make a lot of people very happy.

Once turned into wine, of course.

It doesn't look so appetising over there, does it?

No. No. SHE LAUGHS

I'm not drinking that!

Hey, that were absolutely brilliant.

I loved every minute of that

because you feel so empowered being that high up

and feeling that vibration of that massive piece of equipment,

it's really exciting.

It's really good, and I've made some wine.

OK, not quite. But it looks like too much hard work for me.

I think I'll leave it to the professionals and

skip straight to the end product.

Ah, look who's here! Well, look at you!

How lovely to see you! Oh, and you! Oh, thank you.

How wonderful! My drinking buddies.

Oh, yeah. We were drinking without you, I'm sorry.

I can tell!

I can tell. How rude! I need a glass. What is this?

We have our Sauvignon blanc 2017,

if you want to try today, Jane? Is that a good one?

You need to taste it for yourself

because everybody has their own taste. OK.

Cheers. Cheers. Chin-chin.

Very nice.

Cheers.

Mm!

This is like drinking...

..last of the summer wine. Oh, nice. Yeah.

Do you know, I'm only halfway through this cruise,

but I've already made enough memories to last a lifetime.

SHE CHEERS

And that's pretty special, isn't it?

I've fulfilled a dream on stage...

I've sang at the opera house!

..come face-to-face with fierce creatures...

Ow. Ha-ha!

..and been touched by the rebirth of a devastated city.

This is just unbelievable.

Most important, I've made lots of new friends along the way.

I love my life!

# Nonstop, dancing the bus stop

# To the funky music

# Hustle, pumpin' my muscle

# Blame it on the boogie

# Remember the old days

# Remember the O'Jays

# Walkin' in rhythm

# Life was for livin'

# When you can't find the music

# To get down and boogie

# All you can do is step back in time

# Ball of confusion

# When nothing is new and

# There's nothing doin'

# Step back in time

# Keep on truckin' along

# Riding on a love train

# And then we can float on

# You'll never go wrong

# When you can't find the music

# To get down and boogie

# All you can do is

# Step back in time

# Ball of confusion

# When nothing is new and

# There's nothing doin'

# Step back in time

# When you can't find the music

# To get down and boogie

# All you can do is

# Step back in time. #

Do you know, I did so much on the first leg of this journey

that I think I'm due for a bit of relaxation,

Oh, that is so good.

Do you like it when it's rough?

I quite get excited when it's a bit rougher.

Does that sound a bit weird?

SHE LAUGHS

Ah!

I hope that is not a camera looking at me from that angle,

and if it is, go away!

Oh, well, all good things must come to an end,

especially when you've got a film crew following you around.

I've got a journey to plan, so let's get cracking.

It's day ten of 16,

and on this final leg we'll be going round New Zealand's North Island,

stopping off in the capital

before reaching Napier in Hawke's Bay.

From there, it's up the coast to Tauranga,

followed by the nation's biggest city, Auckland.

Finally, we'll be heading west back to Sydney, where it all began.

Good morning! We're kicking off in Wellington. How's that?

We're going on a scenic tour with a bit of a difference.

So come on! Woohoo!

Now, this is no place for umbrellas

because it's actually the windiest city in the world,

with gusts reaching well over 100 miles an hour.

You could choose to explore it all on a nice little gentle guided tour,

but New Zealand's tickled my adventurous streak.

I'm throwing caution to the wind and taking a quad-bike tour.

Hi. G'day, how are you? I'm Jane. Good to meet ya.

Nice to meet you, too. Yeah, welcome.

So you're going to take me on a ride now? Yeah.

Come on down. We'll get you geared up first. Oh, right. This way.

That's Nigel, by the way,

and he's fixed me up with all the protective gear.

Reckon I'll need it.

Smells a bit damp.

SHE SNIFFS Or is that just me?

OK, not me strongest look, but at least it'll keep the wind out.

It's the glamour. I do it for the glamour.

All good.

SHE LAUGHS

Grab the handlebars. Here we are. All good.

Easy rider!

OK, so get used to the feel of the throttle.

Rrr, rrr!

Does feel good. Just can't drive a bike.

There's a tree right in front of me. That's a bit of a worry.

Is it too late to do a city tour instead?

Yay! This is great! Ah!

SHE LAUGHS

Oh, my God. What are we doing? Yeeeh!

It's a bit of a bone-shaker.

Erm... Oh, this might be a bit dodgy.

Oh! Oh, no. Oh!

Ah! Woo!

SHE LAUGHS

Now, this is what you call the great outdoors.

Oh, wow! Look at this view.

Oh, it's just amazing.

Almost a third of New Zealand is covered with forests.

Full of trees unique to this incredible place.

They'll not go short of paper here!

I mean, if you're doing summat as exhilarating as this,

and you're seeing that,

I mean, life doesn't get any better than this, does it?

SHE LAUGHS

Oh, this is brilliant!

Come on! Yeah.

It's been a bumpy ride, but at 900 metres above sea level -

that's nearly 3,000 feet in old money -

we've reached the top of the bottom of the world.

Hey, shipmates, how you doing? SHE LAUGHS

Oh, wow! This is just the best experience I've ever had.

How you enjoying it?

Loved every minute of it - and the view -

how can you beat this scenery? It's absolutely gorgeous.

But I'm getting a bit fed up of her, cos she just looks like a model!

She looks amazing!

So how do you do that? How do you just look fantastic?

I don't know. I have happy life. My husband makes me happy.

Oh, well - that's it, then.

My husband - well, my future husband -

makes me very happy, but I don't look like that!

SHE LAUGHS

No offence, Ed, love!

Anyway, onwards and upwards -

or should that be backwards and downwards?

It's a bit blowy up here.

SHE LAUGHS

Oh, dear! Oh, my God!

Ooh!

It's living up to its name, being the windiest place in the world.

It's very windy.

And all that wind adds up to a lot of dust and a whole lot of chafing.

Best head back to the ship, where a shower and a cuppa awaits.

I've had such a fabulous day - fabulous, fabulous, fabulous.

I went quad biking - something I thought

I would never, ever experience in my life.

But I'm giving the boot now to Wellington,

so farewell and thanks for a fab time.

Woohoo!

Coming up...

I hit the North Island's natural thermal pools...

You won't believe your eyes. Or nose.

It does smell a bit.

..and try my hand at some Maori traditions.

Ooh!

SHE LAUGHS

Sorry!

Morning!

Look at that day. Just look at that day!

I'm having the time of my life cruising round New Zealand.

It's day 11, and we're steaming up the North Island,

towards Napier in the scenic Hawke's Bay region.

It's a few hours till we get there,

so I'm going to have a little nose round.

I've got you to myself - me and my selfie stick, which is a camera

on a stick, basically, isn't it?

So off we go.

Erm, I don't need you lot, by the way,

cos this is me and my stick. Bye.

This is a restaurant.

Gold!

It's very, very gold, is this place.

Very, very nice.

This is the atrium.

It's like the hub of the ship, really.

That's lovely. Look at that.

Hello.

Hello. How are you?

Really good. How are you?

Are you having a good time? Yeah, brilliant. Good.

I'm obsessed with your programme. Oh, that's good to know.

Lovely to see you. Bye.

Ta-ra, loves.

This ship has plenty to keep you occupied - a games room, gym,

theatre shows - there's something for everyone.

This is very popular.

Coffee shop.

Cos have you noticed now,

coffee shops are the most popular thing, and

everybody has a coffee in their hands most of the time, don't they?

And that's become extremely popular on ships now as well.

Shall we go out and see this beautiful deck?

It is a lovely day.

Here goes the hair.

Ah!

I love cruising. Have I told anybody that yet?

I love cruising. It's fabulous.

Morning!

We venture on to our next stop, Napier.

Ooh! Look at this beautiful day.

We're off to see a traditional Maori village

where it's still very authentic, so come on!

It takes about an hour to get there.

Let's be honest - who doesn't love a coach trip?

The Maori are New Zealand's indigenous people,

believed to have been here for nearly 1,000 years.

Times change, but traditions don't.

The tribe at Hakakino village hold on to theirs dearly,

including the Hongi, the famous ceremonial touching of noses.

Now, we do it twice, Jane.

The first one would be for those who have passed away

in remembrance. The second one would be for us, the living.

Aw, how wonderful.

Or we could do it like - let's warm up on the first one,

and then we'll get it right on the second one. Like it.

Welcome, Jane. Thank you so much.

Welcome to Hakakino. Oh, how lovely!

Wow! I feel so welcomed. Thank you very, very much.

You're welcome. Oh, wow! Oh, I feel very humbled by that.

What a lovely thing to do!

Why don't we do that?

SUSTAINED HORN NOTE

Hey up!

EXCLAMATIONS

It looks like we're getting a warrior's welcome and all!

THEY SPEAK IN MAORI

Wow, that's some face!

HE SPEAKS IN MAORI

I think it's time to go. They know we come in peace.

That's a welcome so when they come out with that,

if it's aggressive, it's war,

but if you put the stick down it means "welcome".

That's nice. Come on.

I may not know much about the Maori people but they love their music,

and that's good enough for me.

Welcome.

My name is Ike Wallis - not a very fine example of a Maori name,

but it's my pleasure to share with you the Taonga Puoro -

Taonga Puoro, of course, being our Maori musical instruments.

Now, I am going to invite you, Jane,

yes, I'm going... Me? Yes, I'm going to invite you.

If you would like to come and play our instrument here,

and I do tell you, this is the easiest one, so come and...

Yeah. Oh, dear!

OK. Do you want me to take my lipstick off? No, you're fine.

Right, brace yourselves.

ROUGH SUSTAINED NOTE

Not bad. Not bad, not good.

Oh, I think I'll stick to singing!

LONG SUSTAINED NOTE

All right, Ike - no need to rub it in!

I'm off to learn about ti rakau, and have some fun with sticks.

I'm going to teach you a game.

To play the game, you need to stand up, OK?

Can you come up here and make a circle?

Hope this is a better effort than my last one.

There are four positions to this game. OK?

Well done, everyone. Two.

So nobody tells on anybody, OK?

Three, drop your right hand and left hand out.

Four. Ooh!

THEY LAUGH

Sorry! Actually, throwing it down puts you at the top of the class.

Oh, well, you can't accuse me of not trying.

I think I'll leave this next activity, poi, alone, though,

because I'm supposed to be doing it later on the ship.

Talking of which, it leaves soon, so I'd better get my skates on.

What a lovely day. What a lovely experience,

finding out about the Maori ways and how good-humoured they all are.

But now I'm a bit thirsty and I'm going to go for an orange juice -

Kia-Ora, maybe.

I should have no problem getting refreshed back on board -

after all, it does have nine bars...

..along with a coffee shop, spa, three pools,

one casino, and loads of friendly passengers.

See you later. Bye. Bye.

Aw, people are just so nice on here - they really are.

Everyone on this ship - passengers and crew -

do make you feel incredibly welcome.

Hi. Morning. Morning. How are you?

Really well, how are you? Very good. Good.

But it's still good to slip away every now and again.

You know, on every single ship, there will be a place

that becomes YOUR place, where you feel chilled out,

and it doesn't necessarily mean your cabin -

it can be in a wonderful little area like this,

which is the library, where you can come in and do a jigsaw,

or just do some internet, and I'm enjoying every minute

of just sitting with a book and having a read.

As the sun sets on day 11, we continue north overnight,

travelling 420 miles towards

the home of New Zealand's natural thermal pools.

So we're in Tauranga.

Is it Tau-RANGA? TAU-ranga. Tau-RANGA?

TAU-ranga. TAU-ranga. Yes.

Tau-RANGA - TAU-ranga.

Let's call the whole thing off! SHE LAUGHS

Over an hour's drive from port, you'll find Wai-O-Tapu,

a conservation area in the town of Rotorua.

And inside, you'll find stunning pools like this.

It don't look that natural to me,

but then I'm not an expert on geothermal elements,

sculptured by thousands of years of volcanic activity -

unlike Sarah, my guide.

This is an 18-square-kilometre scenic reserve.

It does smell a bit.

It does, so that's hydrogen sulphite gas that you're smelling.

So that's a volcanic gas that is coming up out of the ground, and

that's that rotten-egg smell that you're getting there. Yeah, I was

just going to say I have done that on... You know when you have got

your packed sandwiches, and your little plastic Tupperware thing?

And your little cooler. Yeah.

Yeah, that smells so... It's not the best smell, but it's not doing us

any harm... No, it's not.

..and the sort of, yeah, with the air blowing through, it's fine.

We can live with that.

There are amazing sights everywhere you turn here.

This one could be a nightclub cocktail.

It's not the weirdest one, though.

Oh, wow! Look at this! It looks like kitchen cleaner!

SHE LAUGHS

Yeah.

So this is the Devil's Bath here, and this colour actually has

to do with that smell that you're smelling -

that hydrogen sulphite gas.

But if you had a soak in it,

you'd get a skin-peel after a while and then

the rest of you would peel too, eventually. Ugh! Yeah!

That's why it's called the Devil's Bath, is it? Hence, yeah -

only the devil could take a bath in it. Oh.

The dirty devil! That's it. Ugh!

Oh, I'm glad I'm not going swimming in that.

Right. Look at the old geysers over here.

These are nice.

Now, I couldn't possibly pass up the chance to check out the geysers.

This is the champagne pool,

and this is the largest hot spring in New Zealand.

Wow, look at this!

It's bubbling away.

Oh, yeah - there you are.

It's bubbling away,

and that's why it's called the champagne pool.

And this is a very, very mineral-rich pool.

They estimate there's 10,000 ounces of gold in it.

Wow! Really? There's silver, there's lead, there's mercury,

and that's just naming a few.

There's also life in this pool.

Every single body of water that we have has some form of life in it,

erm, we call thermofiles, cos they like the heat.

Nasa has been here to sort of study them, because

if they can live in here, it should be able to live somewhere else, too.

Ooh! That's a bit alien, isn't it? It is, yeah, so,

there is our little, maybe there is little aliens in there.

You don't know. Ooh, spooky!

SHE LAUGHS

Oh, wow! This is fantastic! Aliens in New Zealand.

Who knew?

I have to say, that no matter how many places you travel to,

nature still has a way of surprising you

and humbling you.

As cruises go, this one's quite lengthy - 16 days in all -

which is why they lay on so many activities and entertainment.

Today, there's a chance to learn

more about that great Maori tradition - poi.

So I'm off to have fun with some balls.

THEY SING IN MAORI

Now I'd like to take this time to ask if anyone would be

able to come up and learn this tutorial.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm coming, you lot sit there.

SHE LAUGHS

Right.

So what you do, is you swing the poi.

OK, swinging poi. And then you catch.

SHE LAUGHS So yes! yes!

SHE LAUGHS

So would you like to try it with the song now? Yeah.

THEY SING

Again. Ooh! SHE LAUGHS

OK. Down.

SHE LAUGHS Sorry! One, two, and up, and wrap.

THEY SPEAK IN MAORI

SHE LAUGHS

Thank you. Thank you very, very much. This is great!

Coming up...

I get to raise a glass at the home of Bilbo Baggins...

Things are looking up in Hobbit Land.

..and I'm given a bird's-eye view of Auckland.

Fabulous. Is that a romantic place, captain?

Oh, it can be, yeah. Yeah? Oh, it can be.

SHE LAUGHS

I'm 12 days into my Australasian adventure,

and our ship's docked in Tauranga.

You know, there are times on this journey when

I felt like I've been in another world, and today I really am.

Welcome to the Shire,

home of little blokes with long pipes and hairy feet.

I've known a few of them.

We're in a place called Hobbiton, which is where Lordy The Rings...

Lordy?

Which is where Lord Of The Rings was made.

One, two and three, and The Hobbit.

One, two and three - very, very long films, let's be honest.

I haven't seen any of them yet, but at my age, if I started

watching it, I probably haven't got enough life left to finish it.

It's a very, very, very busy place.

Pre-book.

If you get here, and you haven't pre-booked,

you'll be told to 'obbit.

I booked my tour online before leaving Wakey -

not as daft as I look, am I?

This famous 12-acre set was created in 1999,

when director Peter Jackson fell in love with its lush green

rolling hills and natural lake - the perfect home for Hobbits.

Six movies of short people running round with a ring later,

Hobbiton attracts 2,500 visitors every day, on average.

Yunell is one of the guides who shows them around.

Oh, my goodness! Look at this! Yeah! SHE LAUGHS

This is it, then. This is where the Hobbit...

Definitely stunning, yeah. Yeah.

It's where you see Gandalf and Frodo ride through on a horse and cart,

so that's the Fellowship Of The Ring.

The Fellowship Of The Ring.

Frodo and Gandalf come through on the cart,

and they see what we're seeing right now.

Oh, wow! Yeah, which is awesome.

We are actually in a movie set!

And this is fantastic.

I'm really excited about this because this is really, really cool.

Every inch of this place has been carefully crafted

to fit in with the natural beauty surrounding it.

I know it sounds strange, but it kind of reminds me of home.

Now, these roofs - we have these in the United Kingdom,

in certain... Who built these?

We had four men from the UK come over and...

Oh, wow! From the UK. Yeah, so it's a dying art.

It's a dying art. You've got to... Yeah. ..get the professionals in,

and they've done an amazing job.

We get everywhere, you know. We do get everywhere,

people from the United Kingdom.

It's only a small island, but we're everywhere!

THEY LAUGH

I suppose we're a bit like Bilbo Baggins.

Except a bit taller, maybe!

And of the 44 Hobbit holes here, his is the most popular.

Wow, look at this place! This is it.

Bag End, the iconic Hobbit hole, and so if you've seen the film, this is

the one that you'll recognise.

So this is the most famous house of the film?

Definitely, yeah.

Where everybody wants a photo. This is the one you want to see, yeah.

I love that tree growing out of there as well. Yes.

So that tree is actually totally artificial. No!

And it's our only artificial tree on the movie set.

It's made of steel, expanding foam and silicone,

and we've over 200,000 plastic leaves on the tree.

Oh, my goodness me! Yeah.

That is amazing.

Oh, look at this!

Oh!

It's lovely here, but the big question is, where's the Hobbits'

watering hole? So there is a pub on here as well?

Yeah. There it is.

The Green Dragon Inn.

And they sell real alcohol? Yeah. Definitely.

Better than the stuff they had in the film.

They made a 1% beer for them in the film.

Oh, they wouldn't like that!

Right, to the pub. You promised me a pub. Yeah.

Photo. Of course you can. Oh, my God, come here. You.

How you doing, girls? Ee, bloody hell! You're so skinny!

Oh, you'll do for me!

Did we get that on camera, that they just said I'm really skinny?

Oh, my God! Do you know, where we're, like,

we're in Hobbiton, and we bump in...! I know.

Can someone take a photo of us, please? Aw!

Can't wait to tell me mam! You ring your mum.

Yeah. I will.

Aw, it was lovely to meet you. And lovely to meet you, too.

We're just staring. Aw.

Can't believe this. Aw, you're so lovely. Thanks, girls.

Where's that pub?

My throat's drier than a Hobbit's flip-flop.

Oh, look at this! Yeah. Oh, this is so fabulous!

Oh, things are looking up in Hobbit Land!

This has been a really exciting adventure today.

I have never seen the films but I REALLY want to see the films now.

And just seeing the set and the beauty of it all.

I've been on t'Corrie set and, I'm sorry, it's nothing like this.

I still love Corrie, but I love this as well.

Time for this Lady Of The Rings to continue her adventure.

Overnight, we're travelling 300 miles up the coast,

to New Zealand's biggest city - Auckland.

We won't dock for a few hours yet, so I hope you don't mind,

but I've had a little lie-in this morning.

There's lots of trips here, but my old man, Ed,

said to me that if you're going to Auckland, you must go up

the Sky Tower, because you'll see

the whole of Auckland from the Sky Tower and apparently, it is amazing.

So if you're afraid of heights, don't look down, erm,

but, no, it'll be fine.

You'll be in very safe hands with me and the crew.

There are only six sea days on this cruise.

So it's nice to have a bit of downtime before docking,

and I thought I'd pay the onboard jeweller's a visit.

I mean, it can't hurt to look, can it?

Hello. Hello. Hi, I'm Jane.

Genghis. Nice to meet you. Genghis.

Genghis. Fabulous name. Fabulous. As in Genghis Khan. Oh, yeah.

But you're much nicer, I hope. I'm a nicer version of it, yeah.

Fabulous! What you got to show me, Genghis?

Well, actually, today, we have on display our Australian opals.

Oh, Australian opals! Australian opals.

Ooh, look at that one!

I would say, let's start to have some fun and take it out, and, er...

Yeah? Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it. Let's get the magic key.

Let's have some fun and take it out.

Opal is Australia's national gemstone made of silica layers that

reflect the light with fantastic results.

This display of colours,

it has the beautiful red flashes, the greens.

Actually, you're holding a rainbow right on your hand.

It is lovely, isn't it?

It's a beautiful ring.

And how much is that? Nearly half a million dollar ring in your hand.

Half a million dollars for that?

Oh, my goodness me!

Oh! All that money on a ring.

Blimey!

But with my scatty brains, forget it.

Thank you, Genghis. Thank you, Jane. Lovely to meet you.

My, pleasure, yes. Aw, mwah, mwah!

It's day 13, and I'm ready to explore Auckland.

Sat on a peninsula, this city of sails is a yacht-lover's

paradise, with clear waters and unbeatable landscapes.

You could choose to see it all on a walking tour,

but I'm splashing the cash and taking to the skies.

You can't beat a good chopper.

I've just arrived in Auckland,

and trust me, I have well and truly arrived,

because I'm going to take a helicopter ride now

all around the city, to see the wonders of this beautiful place.

Let's go and be fabulous, darlings!

Hi. Hello. I'm Jane. I'm Laith. Nice to meet you, Laith.

Nice to meet you. Shall we go for a fly?

Yeah, let's do it. Ooh!

It's not the cheapest tour available,

but it promises to be the finest view money can buy.

This is exciting!

SHE LAUGHS

This is the best job in the world.

I love it.

Woo!

It's just the best thing being in a helicopter.

Wow, look at this. Welcome to Auckland on a nice day.

Oh, it's stunning from up here.

Oh, look at this.

I want to live there! I want to live there!

Beautiful views. Oh, fabulous.

The only way to see all 200 square miles of this city

is from inside a helicopter, and I'm not complaining.

This is Rangitoto Island in front of us,

and it's Auckland's youngest volcano. Ooh!

And when you get up here, there's a crater,

and a great view of the city in the background.

That is stunning.

I never realised that Auckland had so many volcanoes.

In fact, there are around 50 of them, all ready to blow at any time.

Crikey! So wherever you look around the city,

if you see a mountain or a mound of any sort, they're all volcanoes.

They've been inactive for a very long time,

but, you know, never say never.

There are a lot of similarities

between the United Kingdom and New Zealand There are. There are.

And up ahead of us here is... Actually the suburb we're over now

is called Balmoral. Oh, Balmoral.

And the next one here is Sandringham.

A very royal name. Yes.

Is that a romantic place, Captain?

Oh, it can be, yeah.

Yeah? Oh, it can be!

SHE LAUGHS

Oh, it's spectacular up here.

Oh, there's the Sky Tower.

That looks a lot higher than I thought.

Wow. We're coming down.

Oh, thank you so much!

Oh, I'm getting a bit grand for myself now, aren't I?

SHE LAUGHS

Little lass from Wakefield.

Taking a helicopter around Auckland.

That were pretty special.

And not something I'll forget quickly.

And, what a fabulous city this is,

jam packed with places to go and things to see.

Dominating everything is the Sky Tower.

This is the place Ed recommended, so I'm paying a visit.

It is a little bit bigger than I thought. Have a look.

1,076 feet, to be precise,

more than three times taller than Big Ben.

Doing the walking tour is going to be tough,

but at least I'm not one of these guys.

Now, that's just silly, innit?

Hello. Hi, there. Hi. I'm Kailer. Kailer. Nice to meet you

Nice to meet you. Ready? Yeah, I'm going on a walk, yeah.

The walk? The walk off the edge.

The walk, what? Off the edge, the jump.

I'm doing the jump? You're jumping, yeah, come on.

I thought I was doing the walk. Yeah, the walk off the edge.

So it's a jump, not a walk?

The walk followed by a fall, yes. Right.

Definitely. No walking for you. Are you ready?

Right. OK. Think I'll need a word with Ed when I get home.

Just give you one more number on your hand first. OK.

Is this so...

they'll know what I'm like in the morgue?

It's to recognise the body afterwards, Jane.

Oh, that's good. That's good, you'll know who it is.

Come on through. Let's go.

Argh!

Feet first, zip goes to your back. Really.

Right, OK. Unfortunately, yeah.

See, my balance wasn't that good there.

No.

I feel like Wonder Woman in this.

Um, OK. Maybe not.

See, I want to do this for everybody sort of my age group

out there as well, you know, don't be frightened to do stuff like this.

Why am I doing this?!

Yeah, ooh! How's that? Is it all right?

Thank you. yes, thank you.

Don't need that hip again.

Safe as. Yeah.

We're good to go, guys.

You're really jokey, you, aren't you?

I sincerely hope so.

Argh! Ha-ha-ha!

Bye-bye, cruel world.

Yeah.

Oh, this is chaffing a bit.

SHE HUMS

Have you seen down there?

Oh. Ooh!

Hey, that, that's...

You can stand on it if you like.

Should I press the button to open it up as well? No!

SHE LAUGHS

Blimey, it's high!

I can think of other ways to spend an afternoon.

This will be you very shortly.

Ah, is that going to be me? That will be, indeed.

Argh! This is probably the scariest thing I have ever done.

To date.

It's only 192 metres, OK? Yeah, argh! Yeah.

You got this. Are you sure? Yeah, I am, yeah.

Are you sure you're ready?

Argh!

Let's go, after you.

Sweet as.

Argh! Look at that!

What am I doing?

It's like, it's scary.

That's a long way down.

That is a long way down.

I'm going to need a very large drink after this.

Actually, I could have done with one before. No!

Coming up...

Life on the edge ain't all it's cracked up to be.

Tippy toes over the edge, Jane. Argh!

It's going to start pulling you up. No, no! Don't worry!

And I get a world-beating view from the bridge.

I'm the queen of the world!

I've made it! Look at this!

It's day 13 of my Australasian adventure,

and I'm hanging out in Auckland, on New Zealand's North Island.

Argh! It's going to start pulling you up.

No, no! Don't worry! I can't do this!

Don't worry. You can. I can't!

Hold on, hold on. Wait one minute. No, no!

Literally, I'm on top of the Sky Tower,

wondering if jumping off is such a good idea.

Argh! Jane, I'm holding you, OK? Right.

Jane, I'm holding on to you. You're fine, I promise.

Yeah! OK, so stay holding on. OK.

Jane, very shortly, I'm going to give you a countdown, OK?

No! When I say go,

both hands off and a nice big step off for me, OK?

Argh!

The hands off is the main part, OK? Yeah!

Are you ready? No!

Here we go!

OK!

Argh! Argh! Argh!

No!

Argh! Argh! Argh!

No!

Oh! Oh!

No! Argh!

Argh!

Oh!

Oh, my God!

Oh, what am I doing with my life!

Ed, I love you.

Oh, my goodness, I'm alive, I'm alive.

I'm alive.

Thank you. You're welcome.

It felt...awful. I'll be honest.

It's the worst thing ever!

Oh, my God, I feel a bit ill.

Right, where's the ladies?

Best get back to the ship.

We're on the home stretch of my two-week walkabout.

We've been heading up the coast, towards the Bay of Islands.

But we're unable to dock.

Why? Well, take a wild guess.

Yeah, an overnight storm played havoc with the seas.

So instead of stopping,

we're now steaming back to Sydney where it all started.

And I've been given special permission

to meet the main man on board.

I'm up here to go and see the captain

because I'm going to have a chat with him,

why we've changed course, and how he's got round the storm

and everything, but every time I meet the captain, I'm nervous,

because it feels like I'm going to meet the headmaster.

Don't know why cos they're always so lovely when I meet them,

but I still have that little bit of nerves, ooh.

OK.

Ah. Captain Draper.

Thank you for seeing me today. Hello, Jane.

Welcome on the Bridge, how are you doing? I'm very, very well.

Jolly good. Oh, this looks interesting.

This looks a bit, like, clever.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Is it clever? It's very clever, yeah, yeah.

SHE LAUGHS

This is the weather chart.

So this one gets updated every six hours.

It has been a bit of a choppy ride, this one, hasn't it?

Yeah, yeah.

So you avoided quite a big storm for us, didn't you?

You drove round it. Drove. No, that's wrong, isn't it?

Sailed round. Sailed round it. Sorry, Captain.

Yeah, I understand. The original plan, we would have encountered,

like, 8 metre-high swells.

So if we'd have gone straight through it, it would have been...

Yeah, it would have been pretty bad, so we took a more northerly route,

and I think we made about 140 miles extra,

just to stay out of the bad weather...

Out of the storm. Yeah. Yeah.

Thank you very much, Jane. Nice to meet you.

Good to see you. Thank you so much. Thanks a lot. Bye. All right.

Enjoy your last day. I will!

Nobody likes to miss a stop, but, you know,

it's better to be safe than sorry.

And if it gives me a bit more time in this place,

then I'm not arguing.

Feels like only yesterday that we left.

16 days! It's just gone so quickly.

Like that!

One more thing to do here, in Sydney and then we're finished.

See ya later.

Aw.

Thanks, love. Bye.

SHE HUMS A TUNE

It's easy to see why Sydney attracts

more than ten million visitors each year.

World-beating beaches,

fabulous restaurants and glorious sunshine - what's not to love?

I saw the Opera House on day one. There's a Sky Tower,

though I think I might give that a miss this time,

and a zoo. Hey-up! Royals alert.

But since we've sailed under the Harbour Bridge

on our first day here,

it's only right I go over it on my last.

Apparently the views from the top are breathtaking.

But, of course, you've got to climb all 440 feet of it first.

Luckily, my guide, Mitch, is a patient young man.

How many steps are there?

1,438 steps.

Oh.

1,438? Yeah.

Ooh.

I'm not that fit. I'm not fit!

You're going fine. We're almost there.

To be quite honest, I had hoped there'd be a lift on this tour.

Are we there yet? Yeah, almost.

I've probably only done 38 and I'm knackered.

Ooh.

Only a couple of steps away.

Yeah, I believe you!

Are we there yet? Are we there yet?

Yeah, almost.

Are we there yet? I'm not fit.

I'm really not. I'm really not fit.

Mitch, I'm sorry. It's all right.

You look good while you're doing it anyway, you're fine.

SHE LAUGHS Thank you, Jane. Oh.

This is photo opportunity. Yeah, exactly right.

We'll see what we can do, yeah? All right.

You stand right in the centre for me, perfect. OK.

Ready? Get a bit of the bridge action behind.

One, two, three.

Lovely.

You come with your own poses, that's fantastic!

You know me, camera shy, always have been.

And we go, one, two, three.

Stunning. You've done modelling before, yeah?

SHE LAUGHS

Once you get into it, that's not bad.

Oh, stop it. I love him!

It's worth the climb.

It's absolutely stunning up here. I mean, look at it.

It's amazing, and anybody can do this.

If you've got the energy. SHE LAUGHS

I'm not joking, you know.

It takes a full hour and a half to get to the top.

Right.

440 feet. Oh. You've done it!

Oh, my goodness me! Look at this!

Yeah, take that in. Woohoo!

Oh, wow!

I'm the queen of the world! I made it!

Look at this!

I feel exhilarated

that I've made it to the top of Sydney Harbour Bridge

and it's worth every single step,

all 1,438 of them.

Yes! Yes!

What a way to end my 16-day cruise Down Under.

This has been my voyage of discovery.

Oh, wow. Look at this view.

Oh, it's just amazing.

I've been touched by the warm-hearted people...

Welcome, Jane. Thank you so much.

Welcome to Hakakino.

..taken a leap into the unknown...

Argh! Argh! Argh!

..and said g'day to some spectacular wildlife.

Kangaroo yummies. Ow!

Although this continent couldn't be further away,

I've never felt more at home.

Very regal, very '70s.

It is. You see, that's why I'm so at home on this.

Shut your face!

So, Australia and New Zealand,

I love you,

thanks ever so much for a brilliant time.

I sincerely hope I see you all again.

Mwah!

And if you're up for it, there's a whole world out there,

just waiting to be explored.

# Over the sea and far away

# She's waiting like an iceberg

# Waiting to change

# But she's cold inside

# She wants to be like the water

# All the muscles tighten in her face

# Buries her soul in one embrace

# They're one and the same Just like water

# And the fire fades away

# Most of every day

# Is full of tired excuses

# But it's too hard to say

# I wish it were simple

# But we give up easily

# You're close enough to see that

# You're the other side of the world

# Oh, the other side of the world

# You're the other side of the world

# To me. #

Don't worry. I know exactly what I'm doing here.

BUZZING

What?

Subtitles by Red Bee Media