Original subtitles

I'm Jane McDonald and I love to cruise.

For 20 years, the sea has been my home -

first, below deck as a cruise ship singer

and now onboard as a passenger.

I've learned the ropes, and now it's your turn.

I want to show you how to cruise with confidence...

Happy new year!

..and push your comfort zone...

Fantastic!

..and uncover amazing places.

I still feel like I'm in a dream.

So, come on board with me for a journey of discovery,

as I invite you to join me on my tropical cruise

around the Caribbean.

We'll be setting off from Miami...

Look at that! There's a pink police car!

..swinging our hips to the Latino beat in Puerto Rico...

Oh! I missed it!

..and enjoying the unique appeal of downtown Havana.

It's fabulous, it's sexy, it's vibrant, it's hot -

and I love it.

So, grab your Cuban heels and come along for the ride.

The Caribbean, the world's -

and definitely my - favourite cruise destination.

It's impossible not to be excited about coming here.

It's the ultimate sun, sea, sand and sailing holiday.

It's got islands - 7,000 of them -

some of the best beaches in the world, weather to die for

and gorgeous people.

It's absolutely beautiful here!

Look at that. That's the Caribbean. That's what everybody comes for.

I love everything about it.

And I've got such happy memories of times here

when I worked on the ships.

This is going to be a real trip down memory lane.

Almost every Caribbean cruise starts in Miami.

It's the biggest cruise port in the world

and five million holiday-makers set sail from here every year.

It's just famous for its beaches

as it is for being the US capital of fun.

Here, the party never stops.

I've got a few hours to kill, and the plan was to get a vintage car

driven by a Ricky Martin lookalike.

I've got the car, and this is Larry.

Well, one out of two's not bad!

Have you lived here all your life?

My whole life. I had family here, my wife's family's from here.

Just never left. I mean, I love it here.

I can see why. Not bad, is it?

This is a unique city. Uh-huh.

This is basically the capital of Latin America.

This is a great public beach right here.

Is that where you see the people in bikinis and the...?

Well, you see people in less than bikinis on this particular beach.

Oh! Is it a nudie beach? Topless. Topless.

So you can come down here and get the girls out, yeah?

Absolutely. You can get them out.

I don't. JANE LAUGHS

Oh! Look at that! There's a pink police car!

You don't get many of those in Wakefield, do you?

Come to think of it, there's loads of things here that you wouldn't see

in Wakefield, but I'm feeling right at home

in Larry's gorgeous '66 Mustang.

Do you know what, Larry?

When I lived in America, my first car that I ever drove was a Mustang.

It's a beautiful vehicle.

I refer to this as my time machine.

I put the Rolling Stones on and I'm 17 years old again.

Oh!

I feel like a film star, Larry. I really do.

You look like a film star. Aww!

Look at that view.

This, to me, is Miami - palm trees, great buildings, in a Mustang.

This has just got to be it.

If you've got time and you're going on a cruise, please, please...

No, I'm not even going to... I'm going to tell you.

Don't just sit in the airport or go straight to the port,

find someone like Larry with a Mustang and drive round

and just get the absolute vibe of this fantastic place.

You really have got to do that.

Have you ever been on a cruise, Larry?

Yes. Cruising is great. Uh-huh. It's a lot of fun.

You check in, you put all your stuff in your room,

then you go see all these places. It's great.

It's a resort hotel...

..that moves.

Here's my ship - the Divina,

one of the biggest liners in the world.

So, I'll have lots of company - 4,300 passengers, to be exact -

all aboard our floating resort hotel.

It's massive! Look at it!

It's so big, you cannot even get it in the shot.

It's from there...right to there.

LAUGHS: It's massive!

Arriving on a new ship for the first time is always exciting.

You never know quite what to expect.

And I'm already looking forward to exploring.

That's what makes cruises such fun.

You have a different experience every single time.

Can you tell me about my room? Yes, you are in Room 247.

Thank you very much. You're welcome!

Every ship is laid out differently,

and I'm hopeless at working out where I am and where I should be.

But there are always maps - or crew - to help you.

251...

I'm near. 249...

Ah! Here we are.

Right. Go in!

SHE GRUNTS Oh!

Oh, look at this!

Real luxury on a ship is a balcony.

Cos then you can have your coffee on a morning and just sit out there

and take the day in, which is vital.

If you can afford a balcony, definitely go for one.

The fact that I've got daylight in me room is a real luxury.

You never get an outside cabin when you're a crew member.

Right now, it's hard to imagine I'll be waking up

in the Caribbean tomorrow, but I will!

It's 4,346 miles from Wakefield to Miami,

where I'm starting my seven-day, three-island cruise.

From Miami, we sail overnight to our first stop, Nassau in the Bahamas,

then on to Saint Martin - which is half-French, half-Dutch

but totally one of my favourite islands -

and then on to Puerto Rico,

birthplace of Ricky Martin and the pina colada.

Like every cruise anywhere, this one starts with a party -

the sail away.

The magic of the sail away is just brilliant.

Everyone's in the same boat... Well, literally. Pardon the pun.

You've made it on board, you've all got a drink in your hand

and that's it. You're at sea.

You're on your jollies! And it's brilliant!

And there's always some friendly faces.

I knew you were here, you see.

I thought, "I'm going where I've got friends."

Yeah? Absolutely. Yeah!

It's going to be fabulous.

We were on this ship in December. The same ship? The same ship.

We're going to have a lot of fun. I can feel it in the water, yeah.

If we can stay sober. No, stop that!

Cheers! I'll see you later on. Cheers! See you later!

Caribbean, here I come!

Coming up...

Welcome to the Bahamas! Thank you.

..I take a trip down memory lane in the Bahamas...

Do you know what?

LAUGHS: I'm going to buy this!

..I go to church with surprising results...

I can't speak, I'm so sorry.

But that is what we all need.

..and I feel the sun between my toes on a gorgeous Bahamian beach.

Look at that! That's the Caribbean!

How fabulous is that?

I'm cruising in the Caribbean.

So far, I've had a quick trip around Miami in a Mustang...

Ooh! Look at that! There's a pink police car!

..and a shock at the size of the ship I'm on.

It's so big, you cannot even get it in the shot.

We're about to arrive in the Bahamas. But before we do,

I'm going to do some onboard exploring.

They've got everything on here. It's like a floating city.

There's shopping malls,

a 1,600-seater theatre,

four swimming pools, 12 bars, eight restaurants,

a gym and spa and 24-hour entertainment.

Look at this! This is a bit flashy, innit?

This is amazing - a staircase made of Swarovski crystal.

Look at these stairs!

I bet the Kardashians have got three of these at home.

Maybe four!

It's taken just eight hours to sail overnight from Miami to Nassau,

our first port of call.

The Bahamas is a group of more than 700 islands

and Nassau's a major cruise destination.

Up to seven liners can berth here at one time,

which can mean between 15 and 20,000 people disembarking

and looking for something to do.

Most of my fellow passengers will be heading off on excursions

or just checking out the local shops,

but I'm feeling a bit nostalgic.

They're all off on tours.

It's the first time for a lot of these people.

But being a member of crew, I've done this island so many times,

so I'm taking you down memory lane today.

Welcome to the Bahamas! Thank you!

How are you today? Very well. And you?

You have a beautiful day in my country! I will.

Thank you so much! Thank you very much, my friend! Bye!

Nassau is the capital of the Bahamas,

which used to be part of the British Empire.

And you can still see its influence here in the architecture

and even the police uniforms.

Because of its UK links, Nassau was always a favourite stopover

for the British crew I sailed with.

And there was one thing we all wanted.

I'm having a full English.

How would you like your eggs? Er...

Ooh! I think I might have them poached. No problem.

Have you got any tea? Yes, we have. Fantastic!

Cor! Can't wait for this. I'm starving.

This is the only place on the island you can get a proper full English.

Oh, look at this! Oh, Connie!

Connie likes to mix it up a bit with some local specialities.

Oh, really? Yeah. While you in the Bahamas, you got to try...

Is that right? What is this? This is called sheep tongue.

Oh, tongue?! Tongue! Oh! Yeah. Sheep's tongue?

Yeah, sheep tongue! THEY LAUGH

Right! I'm going... I'm going in.

Let's have a go.

Actually, it's not bad.

In fact, it's that good, it speaks for itself.

There's only so much ship food, when you're a member of crew,

that you can stomach.

And my last contract on the ships was ten months.

And we used to just love... Cos the baked beans here...

..are proper English baked beans.

So when you'd come in and get these baked beans,

it'd taste like home.

And that's all you do when you're a crew member -

you want everything that reminds you of home.

It's pathetic, innit, really? But...that's what you do.

Well, that's my taste of home.

Next, the Straw Market on Bay Street is a tourist magnet.

I'm just going to pop in and have a look.

I won't be buying anything, though. Definitely.

You're in Nassau, Bahamas, the Straw Market.

That's where you guys are at. Yeah!

This is the stock exchange of the Bahamas.

The stock exchange of the Bahamas.

Do you make all this stuff, then? Yes. Do you make it all yourself?

So this is a great line... Oh, love it.

Yeah... I wouldn't... I wouldn't trade it in for nothing.

Born and raised, born and raised. I was born here,

In this business. Yeah! Fun. You look like you're having fun.

I wouldn't change it for the world. No. That's great.

I love your hair as well. I love all that look. It's... It's good!

This is a fake. Oh, I'm a bald head! Are you?

THEY LAUGH

Oh, that's brilliant! That looks so real!

That looks so real. Very youthful. I like that. Yes.

You see, this type of thing.

Looks fantastic here in its setting.

But where would you put it in your house?

I'm not going to buy anything.

I'm not. I'm not!

Do you know what?

LAUGHS: I'm going to buy this!

What were you saying...?

I know! I can't help it! You see what I mean?

They draw you in. They draw you in.

And I've just seen something that I really like.

What is it? What's so special about it?

It's a piano and it's got two hands doing that.

And that's.... I've got a piano, so... I'm a musician.

A lot of people would disagree! SHE LAUGHS

But look at that! You would not find that anywhere else, would you?

I mean, look at that! That's great, innit?

I'll have that as well.

Jane, don't buy it. Jane, don't buy it!

So that's tourist Nassau,

but I want to show you something more authentic.

It's Sunday morning

and most of the locals are in one of the 20 churches on the island.

Bethel Baptist Church is the oldest in the Bahamas.

It was founded in 1790 by two runaway slaves,

Prince William and Sambo Scriven,

whose descendants still worship here.

A friend in Wakefield told me about this.

To be honest, I'm not sure what to expect.

Thank you for 225 years right here in the Commonwealth of the Bahamas!

Thank you for the words still being preached!

Thank you, Lord, for us all still being safe!

Thank you, Lord, for all that you're doing in our midst

and all that you will do.

We give you thanks, we give you praise,

we give you glory and we give you honour.

In the name of the Father, in the name of the Son,

and in the name of the Holy Spirit.

CONGREGATION SINGS

I've read that 75% of the population here attends church regularly.

That's amazing.

SINGING CONTINUES

APPLAUSE

And then the people of God shall praise the Lord!

This morning, we celebrate a good God here...

God is in charge.

He is on the throne and he cares for his own.

APPLAUSE DROWN OUT PREACHER

..say thank you for your presence today.

I can't speak, I'm so sorry.

But that is what we all need.

We all need something to make us do this.

We need something to touch us here.

And we haven't got much of that now, have we?

After all that emotion, I just needed a moment.

And where better than this beach?

It's absolutely beautiful here.

Look at that! That's the Caribbean. That's what everybody comes for.

How fabulous is that?

Oh!

Now that is doing me bunions good, that. That is doing me bunions good.

That'll beat any foot balm, hands-down.

Ooh!

It's a new day on the ship -

and for the crew, that means putting out 2,500 deck loungers

and breakfast for more than 4,000 passengers.

There's more choice than I've ever seen anywhere.

Absolutely everything up there - eggs, waffles, doughnuts,

pizza! There's a breakfast pizza! I mean...

..breakfast pizza!

So, it is very, very easy to just eat and eat and eat and eat,

so you have to have a little bit of willpower.

For the days we spend at sea with no land excursions,

the daily programme is packed with things to do.

This is your daily programme.

And there's all sorts of lovely things that you can do today,

like a morning walk.

There's arts and craft,

there's a get together, there's morning trivia,

there's a Merengue dance class. I could have done any of that.

But instead, I'm going to do something I've never tried before -

aqua spinning.

What was I thinking of?

Push, push, push! More power!

I've been pushing! It's like being in labour!

THEY LAUGH

45 minutes aqua spinning burns off about 700 calories.

That's two slices of breakfast pizza.

Can we just go downhill instead of uphill?

Three, two, one!

Yay! Happy new year!

I-I'm shattered.

I don't know how people do that every day. You know?

Maybe cos I don't do it every day.

We're on our way to Saint Martin,

one of my favourite Caribbean islands

and the furthest point of this cruise.

Saint Martin is unique.

It's the only Caribbean island that is half-French and half-Dutch.

Coming here, you can go on an excursion

or just get yourself to the beach and lie in the sun all day.

It's a big favourite with all the cruise companies,

and I had some great times there when I was working on the ships.

God, doesn't she look like me? I get told all the time! Yeah!

Honestly! Are you having the best time on here, though?

It's the first cruise we've ever been on... First cruise ever!

..and we're loving it, aren't we? Yeah, it's brilliant.

Isn't it great? Yeah, loving it. We'll do another cruise, definitely.

So what are you doing today, then, here?

Go on the beach, find some shops, things like that.

Lovely! Spend all his money!

That's what we're good at, isn't it? Have you got some? No.

No, I've spent it!

OK, see you soon! Bye, darling! Have a good day playing with the sharks!

I will! See you, love! Bye!

The seas around here are full of fish,

but today, I'm only interested in one variety - sharks.

Yes, I'm doing a shark dive.

Shark diving is not an excursion that Divina offers.

I'm off on my own on this one.

And for $89, I'll be fulfilling a lifetime ambition.

This is not in a cage. I'm not going to be in a cage shark diving.

I'm actually diving...

..with the sharks. I really hope they've have summat to eat

before I get in there! Cos there's a bit of tasty little flesh on me

and they might be having it for dinner!

I'm now in the Dutch half of the island

and about to do my first dive in 17 years.

I've done my test dive and I know I'm in safe hands

because these guys do it every day -

and so far, everyone has come back in one piece.

We're going to go to the boat

and we're going to take you for a great dive. OK. Can't wait.

Yay!

Astrid has lived here for seven years.

She came on holiday, fell in love with the place,

gave up her job in Germany and never looked back.

She loves the sharks.

You found the dream job

and you decided to close the door on the rat race?

Yeah. We earn enough to live, and then we save some money... Uh-huh.

..and then we go sailing.

Yeah. And then the money's gone.

Yeah. Then we are coming back and working again.

What a great way of life!

We love it. We work all year

for two weeks of what you're doing all the time.

Yeah. I think we've got it a bit wrong!

THEY LAUGH

Well, are you ready for the sharks? I think so. OK.

You jump in the water, go down a little bit on the line,

and then we go to the bottom. We sit it on the bottom.

And in that moment we sit it on the bottom, we touch ground,

probably sharks will be swimming above us... OK.

..you know, towards us, away from us.

And the only thing I'll ask you, for safety, don't move your arms,

don't try to touch the sharks. Oh. OK? Don't worry. I won't.

THEY LAUGH And don't be afraid.

Don't move yourself away.

Just let them do whatever they need to do. OK. OK?

Coming up, I get up close and personal with our fishy friends

and enjoy some sexy salsa moves!

Are you married? HE LAUGHS

I'm married, yes. Oh. You sure?

I'm on a tropical cruise around the Caribbean,

and I'm about to dive into an underwater rendezvous

with the shark world.

And now it's about to happen, I can't pretend I'm not nervous.

I promise you... Look at me.

I promise you you're going to love it. Thank you...

Now, one hand.

And the other one. A little higher. OK.

And just take two breaths like... SHE INHALES

Here we go!

So basically, as soon as she's in the water,

she's going down a little bit, maybe one or two feet.

Because when you're going down, the pressure down there,

it's getting bigger.

Then she's going down slowly, slowly, slowly.

This dive site is one of my favourite ones.

When you see all the creatures down there, it's really beautiful

and it's a completely different world.

People who are doing the shark dive get nervous going down there

because you don't know what to expect.

The sharks are coming, and then they may be coming in big circles

because they are curious.

You know, there's something going on down there.

Then you see that they are not these monsters coming immediately

after you because they are really gentle and beautiful swimmers,

and then it's... Basically, what you do,

it's like watching Discovery Channel live and in colour.

And she's down there for now 20 to 25 minutes,

so I think she really enjoys it.

Oh, my God! Just unbelievable!

Fantastic! Better than I could have ever imagined.

It was just fabulous.

Fabulous!

THEY SCREAM

I hadn't realised just what a treat it'd been to be a diver till now.

That was one of the best experiences I've ever had.

Yay!

That was amazing! Wasn't it? It really was.

That's just bucket list stuff, you know.

THEY CHEER

Theme nights are a parts of cruising.

And tonight, it's Italian Night.

I'm exhausted after my dive and I'm not leaving my cabin,

but I'm joining in thanks to room service.

Well, there's seven restaurants on this ship, all fabulous.

I could have anything tonight...

..but sometimes, all you really fancy doing

is staying in with a pizza.

And that - Woo! - is what I'm going to do.

I still can't believe I've been diving.

Ended up to be one of the best things I've done in years.

I loved every minute of it. Absolutely fantastic.

I feel as if I've achieved something today,

which probably sounds a bit...

Blegh!

..but I do feel so proud at what I done today.

I'm in this calmness, thinking,

"Oh, hey! What you done!"

I've got to die somehow. I've survived sharks!

It's a new day, and now we're on our way back to Miami

via a stopover in San Juan, capital of Puerto Rico.

Puerto Rico was discovered by Christopher Columbus in 1493,

just after he found America.

It was a Spanish stronghold in the Caribbean for hundreds of years.

And the architecture in San Juan

is classic 16th-century Spanish colonial. It's stunning.

The ship offers loads of excursions at every port.

Today, I'm playing it safe and trying one they've laid on.

It's my first excursion today. I'm quite excited.

You see, it's great being on an excursion

cos you meet lots of people that you would normally not meet.

And even when you're on your own like me,

cos I'm on me own on this...

I know you're sort of here, but I'm on me own, really.

And you never know - you might meet another husband or a wife.

There you go!

I don't want one, but somebody else might!

Right, where do I go now? Erm...

Hi, good morning. Good morning.

I'm here for Tour 15?

OK, great! The coffee tasting, right? That's right, yes.

OK, so this will be your sticky number for today. OK.

Please put it somewhere visible... All right. ..and have a seat,

relax and just listen for the announcements. I will.

Thank you very much.

It's... Oh! 15.

All right? Hello, I'm Jane.

So are we all big coffee buffs?

ALL: Yeah! Yeah?

I've got a confession to make. I don't really like coffee.

I'm glad. I didn't want to admit that going on a coffee excursion.

Oh, I'm glad, Valerie! I'm a bit Mellow Bird's myself.

I love the smell of it... Yes. ..and I like the idea of it.

I might actually like it, you see? This is why I'm doing this.

We might be converted! THEY LAUGH

Hello, everyone! Are you ready for your tour? Yes! OK, great!

You see, I'm from Wakefield, so a cup of tea is really my,

well, cup of tea.

But Puerto Rico is famous for its coffee.

So, when in Rome, or San Juan...

Ready to have the best coffee in the world?

Yeah.

OK, fantastic. This way, please.

Coffee used to be the thing which put Puerto Rico on the map.

Now, it's famous for being the birthplace of both Ricky Martin

and the pina colada.

You know, I'm not sure which I fancy more.

Our host, Joaquim Gonzalez, is a prize winning barrister.

No, barista.

Has this got something to do with me making coffee?

That is for tasting, to know the difference between good and bad

and different origins.

And you become a cupper.

I'm a professional cupper. That's what I do.

So you cup for a living?

Yes.

Means something completely different in England.

First, he's going to show us the difference between

good and bad coffee.

This is bad coffee.

It's fermented. Overroasted.

Is that why it's bitter?

That's why it's bitter.

I specialise myself in good coffee.

This is good coffee.

That smells lovely.

This really smells nice.

Am I going to be converted to coffee?

This is honestly the first time I've ever been excited

about a cup of coffee.

Thank you.

We can put it here.

Thank you very much.

And I'm here to serve you, all right?

Are you really here to serve me?

Yes. Well, I like the sound of that.

Actually, it's not bad.

San Juan is our longest stopover on this cruise.

So I've got time to do something I never did when I visited his crew.

I've been to Puerto Rico about 150 times, I've never been this far.

Being a crew member, I was too tired to pay for a cab, or as bus fare

all the way out here.

And there was always a worry that you'd miss the ship,

so, you would never come out this far.

Did you ever miss the ship?

Yeah.

What happened? Twice.

I got drunk on a beach.

In the early days, there was no electronics to get on, so,

they didn't even know I were off.

So, thankfully, I've left my wallet with me, that paid for flight,

and I just joined the ship the next day and nobody knew.

I can't believe I've just admitted that.

Puerto Rico has more than 300 miles of sandy beaches

and I'm heading off to check out Luquillo Beach,

just 26 miles east of San Juan.

I could sit on a beach all day.

No problem whatsoever.

This is my idea of heaven now.

I love it.

I love the beach.

I love the water.

I love the sea.

What more could you want?

And just when I thought it couldn't get any better.

Oh, hello.

Trouble is I'm old enough to be his mother.

Where are you guys from?

We're from England.

Frank. Hello, Frank.

Francisco. Francisco.

Hola. Como estas? Very nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

Rafael. Rafael.

Rafael. Si. Yeah. Where are you from?

We're from New York.

Well, he was born here.

My family was born here.

Yeah. Si. Yeah.

You guys are together, yeah?

Yeah.

Today, actually, we're celebrating our one year anniversary.

This is our one year anniversary.

Well, congratulations.

Thank you.

We are planning our wedding.

We get married October 1st, 2017.

Oh, wow.

So we're excited about that.

So tell us a little bit about what you do.

I'm a singer.

You're a singer? You're a singer?

Yeah.

Salsa is the heartbeat of Puerto Rico and it pours out of the doors

and windows of every bar on every street.

I've heard there's a guy here at La Factoria

who's a world-class bartender, Mario Seijo.

And guess what I'm ordering?

Could I have a pina colada?

Sure, so this is Don Q rum.

Yeah. This is special bottling from the 1940s.

It is actually the original that was used for the first pina colada

in 1954, if I am not mistaken.

This rum is from the same batch

that was used to make the original pina colada.

So, this was 50 cents then.

How much is this worth now?

Now, well, in an auction,

It could be up to $1,000.

$1,000. Wow.

I'm very blessed today.

Thank you so much.

We are. Yeah, we are.

We both are. We are.

So, this is the original recipe you're doing now?

Yes, a little bit of coconut cream,

freshly juiced pineapple

and then the thousand dollar bottle of Don Q. Oh, my God!

Does it go off?

Does it go off at all?

No.

That would be one of the most expensive pina colada's ever made.

Mmm!

How's that?

Oh, my! So good!

Like it?

Oh, my goodness, me.

That is a gorgeous recipe.

Nights out like this with my new-found friends

are one of the reasons I'm addicted to cruising.

This one has had it all.

Sun, sea and salsa.

What an experience.

Back, two, three.

Tell me when you want to turn.

Next time.

Right.

Not this time. Coming up.

Oh, I missed.

We've got it, girls.

Speak for yourself.

Come on, then, girls.

We're going back.

Off we go.

One, two, three. One, two, three.

One, two, three...

Coming up, I set off for my next cruise around the party loving

island of Cuba.

I'm on the second leg of my Caribbean Cruise,

and this time we're sailing around Cuba.

So where better to start than the Spanish colonial capital of Havana?

Look at this! This is happening in the street!

Come with me to the Havana, baby!

It's fabulous! It's sexy! It's vibrant! It's hot!

And I love it.

No other city beats to a rhythm like Havana.

Tourism is only just starting to take off.

So get a quick while, it's still got its sass.

There's music everywhere.

I haven't been here for 24 hours and I'm already smitten.

It's got a hint of Spain,

and the heat of the Caribbean,

but it's got a feel all of its own does Cuba.

Nowhere is like this.

Look at these pink cars.

We've got to go in one of them!

The buildings are crazy.

Half of Cuba looks like it needs finishing.

What does the other half look like?

It's finished.

So, some of it is absolutely all finished and looks magnificent.

And it's fabulous.

And then next door, you think,

"They've run out of money."

Cuba couldn't be more different from our disposable society.

Here, they keep and fix everything.

Well, they have to.

Since the revolution in 1959, it's been pretty much isolated

from the rest of the world.

Nowadays, it's all change and tourists are welcome everywhere

and where there's tourists, there's souvenirs

and they even take credit cards now.

When you're in a different country, you just see loads of things

that you think I'm going up to buy that,

and when you get them home, they end up in your loft.

But it don't matter cos it's part of the experience.

And you've got to buy a little bit of the economy as well.

Come on, let's be honest.

I need a hat.

Don't forget, I know I've said this before,

but when you go on your holidays,

Don't bother in a hat.

because they never look right when you packed them anyway.

And just buy another one when you get there.

They're not that expensive.

All right. Watch this all cost a fortune now.

What do you think?

I like this one.

Perfect.

I like the man and the woman.

Yeah, I'll have both.

Two. Thank you very much.

Have a good day.

Bye.

I love to shop, you know, I think it's a bit of an illness with me.

But look, I've got a little thing here.

Hello.

SINGS IN SPANISH

Yeah.

Are we doing that?

Is this a love song?

Canta conmigo.

Quieremes?

Quiereme.

Quiermes. I haven't had as much to drink as you.

Bon qui te llamas?

Bon qui te llamas.

Perfect! Thank you for that love song!

Thank you very much.

Everywhere I look, I see life, passion and colour.

I've never fallen in love with a city before.

But, Havana, I'm hooked.

I've been here a day and I know I haven't even touched the sides. But I'll be back in a week.

And right now, there's a ship arriving and I need to get on board.

Hola! Senora? Cruise ship.

Cruise ship? Le barco.

Shhhh, shhhh.

Boat. Hoooo! Hoooo!

HE SPEAKS SPANISH Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

You like Havana? Oh, yes!

Fabulous place! Fabulous! You?

We'd be rubbish in a relationship, me and him, wouldn't we?

Epic everywhere you look.

It's just so different to anything else.

And that's what I'm loving.

Thank you. Gracias.

Gracias. Gracias. Gracias.

Ships are like books. Never judge them by the cover.

Look at this! This is my new home!

The Crystal is an older vessel and I don't think she'll mind me saying that.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

She started life as a ferry in the Mediterranean

and now she's living the dream here in the Caribbean.

Oh, it's like a yacht! I feel like the Queen on the Britannia.

Red carpet, look at that.

Hello. Ooh.

That's it, I can cruise now? Yes. Thank you! At last, you are inside.

I'm inside the ship with air-con!

All ships have their own character and atmosphere

and already I know I'm going to love the small-ship feel.

This is old-school cruising.

And I'm looking for 7204.

So I'm here. So I'm that way.

Is that right?

I think it's that one. I found it. God, that were easy, wasn't it?

Usually I'm walking for miles!

Ah! Well, this is nice, isn't it?

I've got a balcony. Look at this.

I like this.

That's where I'm going to get my tan, have a cup of tea on a morning.

We're sailing right round Cuba,

starting in Havana, then south to Cienfuegos.

Then a quick day trip down to Montego Bay in Jamaica,

then back to Santiago de Cuba in the south.

And then home to Havana.

But before we set sail, there's one more thing I have to do.

Hello! You all right? Yeah. Where you off to?

I'm going to, erm, Havana's Club Tropicana.

You see, the thing is, at home, we don't do anything.

Cos, you know, people think I've got this really glamorous life,

and unless I'm working, I don't go out at all.

So for me, this is hugely exciting! I'm going out!

I think that you need an umbrella cos it's raining very hard outside.

Is it strong? Yes. Really strong rain. Enjoy your night. Monsoon?

Thank you. I will enjoy. Thank you. You're welcome. And thank you for the brolly.

THUNDER BOOMS Oh, my goodness!

I need this like a hole in t'head, don't I? Right, this is...

This is quite bad weather, isn't it? Hang on a minute. Just one minute.

THUNDER BOOMS

I came prepared. Now let's go clubbing.

THUNDER BOOMS Agh!

The rain here is not like the rain in Wakefield.

THUNDER BOOMS It's like a warm shower!

Ta-da!

Look at the state of me now!

I look a bit like a Smurf cos of all the blue lights.

But me toenails... SHE LAUGHS

They're amazing! Look at that!

SHE LAUGHS

This is THE Club Tropicana that George Michael wrote his song about.

Club Tropicana... drinks are not free.

Beyonce came here last year and joined in with the dancers.

I think I'll stay in me seat.

Oh, look! CUBAN MUSIC

Look at all these people!

There's a lot of flesh, but it's very sexy flesh.

Today we're heading for Cienfuegos. Now, I wonder what's for lunch.

Ooh! Ooh, it's barbecue.

I love a bit of a barbie.

I missed breakfast because of me late night and I'm starving.

Hello! Would you like to have some fresh meat?

Er, yeah. You can't beat having a bit of fresh meat, love, can you?

You want a small piece or big one? If the cameras weren't rolling, I'd take the biggest.

SHE LAUGHS

This is what happens on a cruise ship. You start the line and you like everything on it.

And that's why usually people on cruise ships have a plate... like that.

It's just basically greedy.

Ooh, hello.

Gosh, look at the melons there. That's an art form, isn't it?

It's not every day you see a melon with a face on it, is it?

Oh, that is really good.

It's the end of the season here, so the ship isn't full.

Sometimes that doesn't work, but here it does.

Everything is just...well, it feels so relaxed and chilled.

Tonight's a big night on board.

It's the captain's cocktails,

so I've started my preparations early.

All the passengers get to meet the man in charge,

which is exciting.

The captain's cocktail is a huge night on a ship

cos it's when everybody's in their finery,

er, there's always one dress that you look fabulous in

that you've bought for the cruise

and tonight's the night you wear it.

It's very exciting, you know?

What's the captain like, Danielle?

The captain? Yeah. Yeah, he is so good.

Is he nice? Really, so nice.

Aww. Is he handsome?

Handsome?

No?

OK. SHE LAUGHS Handsome?

Han... Good-looking? Yeah, he good-looking. Oh, he's good-looking. He is young.

Things are looking up! Is he married?

Yeah. Yeah.

Right. Exciting night. Put my light out.

Right. I love this bit.

Hello!

There's the queue.

It's like waiting to see Santa. It's very exciting.

Hello! How are you? I'm really well!

Allow me to introduce our captain. Oh, hello!

Hello, captain. Jane comes from England. Very nice to meet you.

Hello! Do you mind if I join you? Can I join you? Yes!

Is that all right? Aren't this band amazing?

We listen to them every night and sometimes we're the only ones in here.

Really? We stay until they finish. I love them! They're fabulous!

CUBAN MUSIC

APPLAUSE

It's old-school fun. That theatre is one of the best I've ever seen

cos it's like a proper cabaret venue.

Not only is the entertainment absolutely brilliant,

but they've got a live band, which you don't often see on ships now.

CUBAN MUSIC

Tonight I might go out and find where the party is

because, actually, it's everywhere on this ship. So cheers.

We left Havana 24 hours ago

and are heading south to Cienfuegos, known as the Pearl of the South.

Morning. Are you coming in?

I'm excited. I have a salsa lesson today and I think I've got the perfect skirt.

I got it from a charity shop at home.

Look.

Now, I'm sorry, but that's proper good... Look at that!

It's got flounce on it, look.

You know what I mean?

Two of them, I think they were about £12 for both of them.

So I'll probably get more wear out of these on this cruise.

And then, you know, if I don't do another Cuban cruise, cos I've done one now,

I'll probably give them back to the charity shop.

Coming up...

Uno, dos...

..I slip into some sensational salsa moves...

Woo!

..and try some al fresco dining, Jamaican style.

I do feel like I'm in a dream.

I'm cruising round the Caribbean,

and now we're in Cienfuegos, in Cuba,

a world heritage site on account of its urban planning.

And I can see why. The streets are nice and wide

and there's not a problem with parking.

Wakefield Council, are you listening?

I'm here to dance myself dizzy

and I've roped in some of my mates from the crew for moral support.

Minnie from the shop and Sonny and Vlad from the entertainment team.

So, Jane, let me introduce you to a friend of mine.

His name is Joyo.

My teach, Joyo, is one of the world's best salsa teachers.

He's back here on holiday - lucky fella!

One more time?

CUBAN MUSIC

SHE LAUGHS

SHE SQUEALS

Very nice! And forward!

Cinco, seis...

Nailed it. Nailed it. Come on!

And a surprise for you.

And turn. Oh, oh, oh.

Woo! Oh, yes! SHE LAUGHS

Ooh, I quite like that bit.

One, two, one...

Feeling a bit fabulous and a bit smug, actually.

Cos I'm into it, I'm going for it.

Just cos there's snow on the roof, doesn't mean to say the fire's gone out, you know?

SHE LAUGHS

OK! I'm back! Good.

HE SPEAKS SPANISH

These are Jimmy Choos. SHE LAUGHS

HE SPEAKS SPANISH

OK.

This OK? Perfect.

CUBAN MUSIC

Uno...

HE SPEAKS SPANISH

OK. Open and release.

Open, release. Are you married?

HE LAUGHS Yes. Are you sure?

THEY LAUGH

And uno and dos and tres

and cuatro. Uno and dos...

Yay! Gracias. Thank you.

You did great! So did you!

We did it, we did it. HE SPEAKS SPANISH

CUBAN MUSIC

I understand now why they're all so fit.

Cos they all do all this isolation, don't they?

Ooh! It moved! Did you see that? It moved!

It... Oh, look! It's moving!

Oh, I've got it now. I'm tribal.

We left Cuba behind us and headed south to Jamaica

and I've just woken up in Montego Bay.

Apart from Florida, 103 miles away,

Jamaica is Cuba's closest Caribbean neighbour.'

STEEL DRUMS PLAY

Oh, look at this!

Oh, this is a bit fab, isn't it?

This is the beach in Jamaica and it's paradise.

SHE GASPS Look at that sea.

Ohh. It's just really relaxed.

It's completely different to Cuba.

And I've been told there is an unusual dining experience here,

not to be missed.

How do you get out there? Hi!

How you doing? I'm Jane.

Aww, what's your name? Trace. Trace.

How do I get out there? Just walk.

I... How... I just... Do I?

Just walk. You just walk on water. Right.

Ooh!

I've done some mad things for this series, but eating lunch on a home-made Rasta raft

in the middle of the Caribbean really takes the biscuit.

So, how you finding Jamaica, my lady? Oh, it's just so fabulous, Jerome. I love it.

I'm called Jane. You don't have to call me my lady.

That's so very nice of you, though. SHE LAUGHS

OK, Jane, definitely. The sun complements you very nicely.

Yes, this is the finest dining you can get in Jamaica, you know?

Thought it was Cruising With Jane McDonald?

Now it's Dining With Jane McDonald Jamaican style.

I do feel like I'm in a dream

cos this is just what dreams are made of,

sat here right now in the beautiful breeze of this hot weather

and, er, and having fresh seafood just prepared.

Rocky the fisherman has been down here and caught all this fantastic fish

and he's just cooking for me now.

It doesn't get any better than this, really, does it?

I'm really quite hungry, as well, so...I'm really going to enjoy this.

Hope you're hungry because we have a whole lot of food and fruits for you.

Oh, smashing! All right!

Respect Jamaican style.

You're amazing, you are.

Thank you, thank you. And such a great cook, as well, man.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you.

You're very good company, too. SHE LAUGHS

She's eating up that food like crazy. It's good. I know.

It's so good. Yeah. Really good.

Next stop, Santiago de Cuba

in the far south of the island.

STEEL DRUMS PLAY

We have docked this morning in Santiago de Cuba.

Look at that.

Look at the beautiful day there.

All this... All these things to explore,

all these adventures to have.

All with you.

So I think I'd like to go off today.

Ooh. Summat's just dropped on me head.

Oh, are you painting? Hello! Hello! Morning.

Are you painting? No, we put the grease.

Oh, you're putting grease. Great.

Just got grease in me hair. Ooh!

SHE LAUGHS

Maybe not... I've just got drenched.

Santiago de Cuba is the home of Bacardi rum

and the city where Fidel Castro began the revolution.

It's like Wacky Races everywhere you look. It's so busy.

Get off the road.

See what I mean? Look. I mean, it's just everywhere you look.

It's just so busy and so loud!

HORNS BLARE It's like...

It's like La La Land in Cuba. It's mad.

CUBAN MUSIC PLAYS See, there's probably a party going on in here.

Hello! Hello. How are you? Is there a party going on?

Yeah, it is a party. Can I go in there?

Yes! Yes! Are you sure? Yes, sure.

Right. Wait, wait, wait.

Oh, my God, I'm getting stamped! Yes.

Oh, it really is like an old-fashioned Yorkshire disco.

Thank you! Yes. Thank you!

Come on in here!

CUBAN MUSIC

This is ace! This is ace!

CUBAN MUSIC

SHE LAUGHS

Oh, my God, look at this!

Wow!

I've just walked into a musical! It's bizarre!

HE PLAYS TRUMPET A band in somebody's house.

BAND PLAY CUBAN MUSIC There's people dancing.

It's 20 past 12, everybody's drinking rum!

Not everybody. Nope.

I need to drink some rum!

I need a drink.

Cheers, everyone!

I think we're going to have to do it all in sign language

cos it's seriously loud in here!

CUBAN MUSIC

Santiago de Cuba is the musical capital of the island and the birthplace of salsa.

It's closer to Haiti than Havana.

CUBAN MUSIC

If Havana is hot, Santiago sizzles.

HE PLAYS TRUMPET

No-one knows how to party like the Cubans.

HE PLAYS TRUMPET

It is amazing!

Coming up, back in Havana...

Is this for me? Yes, this is just for you! Oh, look at this!

And I finally get to ride in a pink Cadillac!

All I need now is a cigar. Oh, my God. And a glass of rum.

You tell me and we can go to the place.

We're back in Havana.

It's our last day, and I'd do it all again if I could.

This place has got right under my skin.

Ooh. Ooh, oh, hello! SHE LAUGHS

It takes a lot to get me up early, but I wanted to see as much of Havana as I could,

so I've skipped breakfast and come for a wander.

Cuba's like the sleeping beauty.

It's been hidden away from most of us for over 50 years

and it's only just catching up with the modern world.

Everywhere I look, there are reminders of its revolutionary past

and I just hope its future does that past justice.

This actual cruise book you in these trips,

they book you on one of these amazing cars.

So I've booked myself in! Come on, let's go and have a ride!

Oh, wow! Look at this! Is this for me? Yes, this is just for you!

Wow! Oh, look at this! I'm going round Cuba in this!

Oh, that's like... Hello. Are you the driver? Yeah, I'm the driver. Oh, hello!

My name is Alexis. Nice to meet you. Alex.

Alex. Yeah, you can call me Alex. Are you married?

Er, not yet. Not yet. Woo!

Woohoo! OK. I feel like a film star! It's great, isn't it?

I'm so happy! And you're lovely! Thank you very much.

It's so colourful and the people are so alive

and it's great, isn't it? This is Cuba.

We love music. Yeah! We laugh all the time.

I need to live here! Yes. THEY LAUGH

So, where do these get imported from? How do the cars get here?

Mainly through America. Yeah. They came from America before '59.

Wow. They've all been here since '59? Yes. The revolution in '59. Yeah.

Most of the rich families, they abandoned the island.

Yeah. But, of course, they had to leave the cars here.

And there's a lot! We don't know the number exactly, but many.

Many. All over Cuba. Mainly Havana, but all over Cuba. Wow.

These cars, a few years ago, nobody wants it. No.

Maybe you can buy it for 2,000, 3,000.

Right now, 15,000. Wow. 30,000. Wow.

This part of the old Havana is called Centro Habana.

Centro Habana. Yes.

The colours are so vibrant, aren't they? Yeah.

It's a Caribbean island, we love yellow, orange... Coral, pinks, everything.

All I need now is a cigar. Oh, my God. And a glass of rum.

You tell me and we can go to the place.

Ohh. Thank you! Gracias.

Cheers. Salut. Salut.

Whoa!

That's like boom in my mouth!

That is so good! I'm jealous.

THEY LAUGH Poor boy. He cannot drink.

ALL: It's hot, it's sticky, it's fantastic,

it's Havana, baby!

THEY CHEER

This reminds me of my very first ship I did years ago.

It's typical old-fashioned cruising

and I've loved every minute of the charm of it,

with the amazing staff,

the family-like atmosphere,

the fun,

and this takes me back to the love affair

that I have with cruising.

I feel like I've been in a musical all week.

Everywhere you went, there was a beat, there was a beat of music,

and it was like the heartbeat of Cuba.

Cuba is passionate,

erotic, sexy...

..addictive.

And you know what? I want to come back.

CUBAN MUSIC

# Cuba

# Quiero bailar la salsa

# You dance to the music like nobody does

# The first time I saw you

# I knew it was love

# Cuba

# Quiero bailar la salsa

# Cuba

# Quiero bailar la salsa

# My heart is on fire

# The night is divine

# My only desire

# Is making you mine

# You're the one

# That I want

# You're the one

# Yes, you are

# Cuba

# Quiero bailar la salsa

# Cuba

# Quiero bailar la salsa

# When you're in motion

# You seem not to care

# You hide your emotions

# Your joy, your despair

# You're the one

# That I want

# You're the one

# Yes, you are

# Cuba

# Quiero bailar la salsa

# Cuba. #

What?

Subtitles by Red Bee Media