Original subtitles

Cruises have never been more popular. Last year,

millions of us Brits booked one and sailed off into the sunset.

Nowadays there are cruises for everyone -

young, old, singles and families.

You can head off on a weekend mini cruise or blow the budget

on a year-long round-the-world trip.

Whatever floats your boat, somewhere there's a cruise for you.

I'm Jane McDonald and 18 years ago

I was a singer on a ship that was filmed for a BBC series.

It changed my life, but I'm still crazy about cruising.

I'm going to show you how to get the best out of any cruise

you ever go on.

This time I'm sailing into the unknown on two cruises

down Europe's second longest river, the Danube.

We'll be setting off from Hungary...

It's a beautiful place. And absolutely packed.

..crossing into Austria...

To top it off with a waltz is really quite special.

..meeting a real princess in Germany...

Haven't brought a present.

..getting spooked in Bratislava...

SHE SHRIEKS

..and transfixed in Transylvania.

Oh, no, don't do that.

It's like my own fairy tale journey.

So hop on board and join the ride.

Budapest, capital of Hungary.

It's cosmopolitan, cultured,

and everywhere I look there's stunning architecture.

Look at this.

This is the Maria Theresa and I've heard it's one of the most

luxurious river ships in the world. I can't wait to see for myself.

I just have a passion for cruising. I love it. I absolutely love it.

I'll be sailing up the Danube, Europe's second longest river.

It rises in the Black Forest in Germany and flows through ten

countries on its way to the Black Sea,

almost 2,000 miles of scenery like this. Magic.

It's fab, innit?

For the first leg of my journey we set off from Budapest.

Then we head west into Austria and the glamour

and romance of Vienna.

Next stop is Artstetten and a meeting with an Austrian princess

in her castle before crossing into Germany

and my final stop at Passau one of the jewels of the Danube.

Where you off to now, then? I'm checking in. You coming? Come on.

It's like a private yacht. Looks like a yacht.

Stunning, this thing.

Hello. Very nice to meet you.

I'm Jane. I'm Danny, I'm the hotel manager.

Our ship is named after Archduchess Maria Theresa,

Marie Antoinette's mother.

There are oil paintings, sweeping staircases, palace-length corridors,

chandeliers, 64 state rooms and 11 suites.

This ship is very much like a floating Dorchester.

Whereas I'm used to Travelodge.

Look at this.

Everything is decorated in a blend of high baroque and rococo styles,

and these coronets are hand-painted with real 22-carat gold leaf.

Are you expecting royalty or something?

These walls are covered in specially designed block printed silk

and the beds are handmade. They're the same as the ones in T'Savoy

and Claridge's.

It's even nice carpet.

Budapest is a treasure trove of architecture, history,

art and romance.

It looks completely different,

but it's only 15 years older than my beloved Wakefield. Who knew?

It used to be three separate cities,

Buda and Obuda to the west and Pest to the east.

The Chain Bridge, a Hungarian national icon, made the merger

possible and the modern city of Budapest was born.

I'd rather go on a recommendation of something.

"Oh, you can go see that and you can go see

"but we did this and it was brilliant."

I think I'd rather do that.

We aren't sailing until tonight, so I've got time to explore the city.

Is this me? Is this is my car? Yes.

Oh, hello. Hello. Hello.

The Trabants is an icon of Eastern Bloc motoring.

After the 1956 Soviet invasion,

Hungarians had to buy cars made in Russia or other

Iron Curtain countries.

Buying a rubbish East German Traby was a subtle act of defiance

and preferable to owning a better car made in Russia.

Is this your car? Mm-hm. Yes, it's mine.

I think it's much more fun to take a car like this.

OK. I'll let you know.

SHE LAUGHS

Up on the hill, that's the Castle District.

That's the Royal Palace. Yeah.

So the Grand Market is right there.

Budapest has a thriving market culture and the Grand Market

is the biggest and most famous. Built in 1897,

it is both tourist magnet and foodie destination for the locals.

I don't understand any of this.

Downstairs, it's all wide avenues selling fresh local produce.

Some weird and wonderful things.

Hungarians are big meat eaters and love their pork,

so if that's what you're after, this is the place for you.

They look a bit like pork scratchings, don't they?

Actually looks a bit more appetising than the ones we've got at home.

Upstairs, it couldn't be more different -

filled with tourists like me,

it's as crammed and crowded as Oxford Street at Christmas,

and I quickly discovered how to annoy one of the stallholders.

I don't even know what the rate is.

SHE SPEAKS HUNGARIAN

Oh, wow, look at this.

Real eggs. Are these real eggs?

Did you do this? No, my chicken.

You've got very talented chickens. Yes. It's very nice.

SHE LAUGHS

How did you like it? Er...not my cup of tea.

So, Jane, where do you want to go? Go and play chess at the...

How do you say that? Szechenyi. Szechenyi.

Spa. Spa. Yeah.

Thermal baths have been a part of life in Budapest since the Romans

first discovered them. The Szechenyi Baths are the biggest in Europe

and the water here is the hottest in the city, up to 38 degrees,

straight from the springs.

But be prepared - they do pong a bit.

Apparently it's the sulphur, which is good for you. Apparently.

It's a beautiful place. And absolutely packed.

I can see somebody playing chess there, look.

I'm not ready to disrobe and play chess with some old men.

Coming up, I get a taste of the high life.

Mm!

I get tied up in knots.

Are you crazy? What you doing to me, man?

And I get ready to meet an Austrian princess.

I feel quite liberated, it's fabulous.

This is the River Danube

and this is the Maria Theresa going up the River Danube.

And this is me, Jane McDonald, in bed in the Maria Theresa

going up the River Danube.

Cruising is all about doing the things you always want to do

but never have time for at home.

This morning, I'm having breakfast in bed delivered by a butler.

Literally just woken up? Mm. Yet somehow completely made up.

I don't understand. Darling, me and Joan Collins

will always look like this when we're in bed on a morning.

Don't lose the mystique.

Hello. Come in. Good morning. Morning.

Do I have it here? Sure, of course. Thank you so much.

Look at this.

Mm!

I feel like a princess.

This is my first river cruise on the Danube.

We left Budapest late last night

and the Maria Theresa is heading west towards Vienna.

I've never been there either. I'm excited!

There's 57 members of staff aboard looking after up to 150 passengers,

including nine housekeepers and state room attendants

keeping everything shipshape.

In the galleys there's a team of more than 20 chefs, sous chefs,

commis chefs and patisserie chefs

creating and making the delicious, extravagant, glorious dishes

and fancies available 24 hours a day.

And if that wasn't enough, there are also three full-time butlers.

Hello, my name is Bushco. I'm coming from Bosnia and Herzegovina.

This is my first year as a butler.

My name is Laszlo. I'm seven years with the company.

My name is Tibor I am Hungarian. and first season butler.

Nowadays, all the top cruise lines offer some kind of spa

or pampering option. This one's no exception

and the Maria Theresa prides itself on its massages.

So I've booked one outside on the top deck.

I'm going to step on you a little bit. Oh, are you? A little bit.

So then just relax, yeah?

If you to say if you feel something wrong just let me know.

I was a little apprehensive because you just never know

how it's going to be with someone personally touching you like that.

Are you crazy? What are you doing to me, man?

Not because it's... SHE LAUGHS

but I mean...different masseurs have different techniques

and I was thinking, oh, please don't be too painful because that's

just not going to be pleasant.

How do you feel? Surprisingly OK.

I like it hard, so you're OK.

I've never been stood on before.

I'm not a heavy person. OK.

But it was one of the best experiences I've ever had

as a massage.

So those are two points, here and here.

So...he's just found two points.

Over here. Have I got it? No.

Forget it. Go sit down.

I'm feeling quite like my chakras have been unuttered.

Oh, that is so good.

You need to get one of these.

With the sun setting ahead of us,

we crossed the border into the Austrian countryside.

Look at that.

It is just stunning. It's just stunning.

Our next stop is Vienna,

capital of Austria, home to almost one third of all Austrians,

the heartbeat of classical music

and one of the wealthiest cities in the world.

But right now, I hope it's somewhere I can buy a frock.

I'm meeting a princess tomorrow. I need something special to wear.

I don't buy an awful lot. I'm such a liar. But money is for spending.

What's the point in just putting it in the bank?

I spend the lot. I'm going to die owing.

Central Vienna is stuffed with baroque buildings,

palaces and churches. They're everywhere you look.

It's breathtaking.

I've never been here before,

but I know some of my favourite composers -

Mozart, Beethoven and Johann Strauss - all lived here.

Wow. Look at all this.

And, of course, Vienna is the home of cafe culture.

This is beautiful.

Vienna.

Go for a wander. All right.

I feel like I'm in a film.

I feel like I'm about to burst into song

and swing myself around that lamppost.

Now that is a sculpture.

Look at that marble effect. That's real, that's all real.

Oh, that's nice.

I think the lederhosen will be fantastic for my fella.

I'll make him wear 'em, you know. Just for my personal use, obviously.

But I like that as well. I'm sure he'd like to see me in that.

Hello, I'm Jane. I'm pleased to meet you.

My name is Daniella. Daniella. Lovely to meet you, too.

You've got every single outfit.

Is this all traditional? This is traditional.

Let me show you one. This one comes from Syria

and every colour symbolises the county it's coming from.

Going to tell you one secret. It's very important to know. OK.

It is very important to know which side you wear the bow.

OK. The bow, you know? The bow. Yeah, bow. OK.

Because if you wear it on the left side, you're available.

Talking about your love life. OK, right.

If you wear it on the right side, you're not available. OK.

It looks great. Cos it's...

You know... It definitely looks very good on a woman.

Actually, you would look stunning in one. Really?

What about meeting a princess in one of those?

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

I need a second opinion. I mean, I can't trust this film crew, can I?

So I've call my friend Kay, who's working here.

I've told her I'm in a dress dilemma and I need her help.

Come on. I'm going to meet me mate.

Cafe Central is one of the most famous buildings in Vienna.

Anyone who's anyone in Austrian history has been through its doors -

Sigmund Freud, Leon Trotsky and even Adolf Hitler were all unable

to resist their cakes, pastries and hot chocolate.

Oh. Oh, hello. Nice fella.

I was going to walk straight past you, then! Hello, darling.

How are you? Love to see you.

This is a big thing, Jane McDonald in Vienna.

I know. I'm so excited.

# The feeling is gone

# This means nothing to me. #

I love it. It's fabulous. Lovely city, isn't it?

I can see why you've fallen in love with it.

Well, you know that I'm going to meet this princess. I do.

I think I found the perfect dress. OK. So, erm...

That's fine. Let's see what you picked. All right.

The food here is brilliant. Absolutely gorgeous.

For you. Oh, thank you so much.

Is it really rich? That's so good!

I'm very, very, very vain. I can't help it.

If I look good in something then I don't want to take off.

Do you feel like that in this dress? I haven't tried it on yet.

Oh. So I'm just hoping that you can help me, really. OK. Very intrigued.

And it's here.

Oh. Oh, gosh.

Hello. This is Kay.

Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you, too.

You want to wear it when you are meeting a princess?

That's right, yes. OK, you want to look classy? Yes.

You're a classy woman. Oh, you'll do for me.

That has been said by a professional.

All right. Thank you so much.

This is really, really nice and very classy at the same time.

At the same time also very traditional because these buttons

are hand-painted China buttons.

My grandmother used to make them and wear them.

So it's something really traditional. OK.

Are you ready to try? I am. Yes. That's good to hear.

It's exciting.

I think when a woman puts it on she feels like a princess.

It's a very special dress that makes you feel like a very special person,

definitely.

OK.

It actually really, really suits you. You're joking!

Oh, I feel like Heidi.

THEY LAUGH

This is a really lovely detail around the neck. That is handmade.

It means frog's mouth.

I feel like I should have some German beer in my arms

and be serving.

You really need to see the boobs a little bit up here.

It's funny how you let people touch you if you think

it's like a doctor.

And she obviously wanted to sort me out and she did.

Princess won't be overwhelmed by my heaving bosoms coming out

of the top, will she? They're going to be under me chin.

That's how it is. Yeah?

We have a saying in Austria

that every woman looks absolutely fantastic when she wears it.

I feel quite liberated. It's fabulous.

I just feel really womanly.

I've got me outfit. So excited. It looks amazing.

Being a tourist is so tiring.

I think it's time for an afternoon nap.

Welcome back. How was Vienna? Oh, it was fabulous.

I've got so much shopping. It was lovely. Your bags, please.

Are you sure? Yes, of course.

Oh, it's just the best place ever. Have a nice afternoon. See ya.

Excursions are a part of every cruise.

They're a great way to meet people and make friends.

And tonight's is dead posh.

Hello, darling.

How fabulous.

I'm off to a Mozart and Strauss concert

with waltzing and operatic arias.

You always look so glamorous. Thank you.

Cheers, darling. Cheers to you. Champagne in there.

Well, listen, it's got to be done.

Are you enjoying yourself? I'm having a great time.

Do you like Vienna? It's lovely.

OPERATIC SINGING

The sound was amazing in there.

If there's ever an event that you should get dressed up for

it's going to see an orchestra, an opera, in Vienna.

And then to top it off with a waltz,

which is what my father taught me to do,

was really quite special.

Cos I filmed it, you could see yourself dancing.

Yes, please.

Oh, I look like I know what I'm doing.

How can you not fall in love with Vienna?

It's funny because you conjure up a fantasy of what do you think

it's going to be like.

And this has far surpassed anything I could have ever imagined it to be.

APPLAUSE

Thanks for doing me hair so nice cos it looked nice on there.

Looked magn...mag...

THEY LAUGH

I thought it looked magnificent.

I was at the back drinking.

Just for a change!

You can have too much culture, you know.

And there's one thing I want to do before we leave.

Oh! You little...

Why you filming me eating a sausage?

There are wurst stalls all over Vienna, and this one is right

opposite the super swanky Opera House.

Everyone comes here. I've heard cab drivers and the occasional

duchess in diamonds and furs stand side by side,

enjoying the best wurst.

INDISTINCT MUMBLE

Coming up...I meet a princess and put my foot in it.

I've brought nothing. I didn't know you had to bring a present.

And we sail across the border into Germany.

Beautiful place. Isn't it?

I'm on a river cruise down the Danube, and I had no idea

it would be like this and I'd be sailing into these timeless valleys.

It's so relaxing, but not right now.

I'm gonna meet a princess.

Sorry, what?

Gonna meet a princess in a castle.

Exciting.

Jane, what are you going to do about this dress?

What do you think? It's creased.

OK. Yeah, see you in a bit. I'm in a rush.

This is Schloss Artstetten,

ancestral home of Princess Anna

Charlotte Maximiliana Euphemia Maria Helena von Hohenberg.

Also known as Princess Anita.

And I'm on my very best behaviour. Me mum would be so proud.

Hello. Welcome to my lovely abode.

Right, get out me shot now.

Your bosoms are looking smashing. Are they? Are they heaving?

Princess Anita is the great granddaughter

of Archduke Franz Ferdinand,

heir presumptive to the Austro-Hungarian throne,

whose assassination in Sarajevo led directly to the outbreak

of the First World War.

I'm meeting a princess in a minute.

A proper, proper one. A proper princess.

Do you feel suitably attired for the occasion?

I think this is the perfect outfit.

I hope she likes me.

She might think I'm bonkers.

This is for your grandchildren.

So we have some biscuits from the royals at home

to commemorate her birthday.

That's so nice. Thank you. Thank you very much. I thank you.

I haven't brought a present.

I've brought nothing. Didn't know you had to bring a present.

Why didn't you tell me?

What's the favourite thing for you about this wonderful house?

Cos it's all big. I like when it's big. Yeah?

THEY LAUGH

See, size does matter.

Like you say, you can say the girl Wakefield...

But the princess can't have minded cos next I knew

she'd invited me for a private audience.

Normally you have a pocket. Really? On the right side.

It has to have a pocket.

Oh, it has!

Thank you.

That's why we put it on every day because we have a pocket in it.

Beautiful dress. I'm so excited I found a pocket.

There is traditional jewellery which usually

is out of silver, but it is rather heavy.

So this way, this would also fit traditionally.

Perfect. Oh.

Oh, hello. There you go.

Have you any photographs of you in any?

We have one there.

My mum, some years ago.

That's beautiful.

It's modern. Yeah. That's nice, because it leaves you free.

But what is not modern, and what is a classically beautiful

is this work. Frog mouth. Yeah. Frog mouth it's called.

Thank you so much for your time.

Alexandra is wearing it. She's one. Oh, there you go.

How cute is that? Thank you so, so much.

Thank you.

That was just so lovely.

# Vienna. #

So approachable. Very.

She seemed relaxed. Yeah. Seemed to enjoy herself, actually.

She genuine, that's what I liked...

INDISTINCT CHATTER FADES

It's the last morning of the cruise.

We are still in Austria

on the Maria Theresa

and some of the passengers are actually going to cycle 30km

to Passau in Germany. Not me, though.

How's it feel? I feel like I'm gonna hit the bus.

This is Chad. He hasn't ridden a bike in seven years.

So I said, no, you may not get a bike.

This is Kate, Chad's wife.

She's very aware that Chad hasn't ridden a bike in seven years.

Kate is a little worried, but we have lots of insurance.

We don't have insurance on him.

Love you. You too.

Oh, dear. Chad is on the bicycle trip.

He's going to be 69 soon and we'll have our anniversary

on June 14th. And I'd like to celebrate it with my husband.

He will be here, I promise you.

After three days sailing through Austria

we've crossed into Germany...

..and are heading for the delightful town of Passau.

I'd never heard of Passau before, but I've discovered that

St Stephan's Cathedral - there - boasts the biggest organ in Europe.

It's the largest cathedral organ in the world. It's a real whopper.

What a beautiful place. Isn't it?

Are you doing anything this afternoon?

They'll have me do something, I can guarantee it.

Yes, you've been busy.

You could say that.

I'm so relaxed I don't fancy doing anything too energetic

so I'm just going to go and wander around the town with some

of me new mates and get something to eat.

And drink.

Oh, dear. Have you just loved it on here?

It's been fabulous. Really enjoyed it.

This looks nice, doesn't it?

We've just got time for a quick tour of the town to take in

the beautiful baroque architecture.

Up on the hill is the Veste Oberhaus.

It's a bit of a walk from here

and was built as a fortress by a local bishop in 1219.

I'll tell you what, my dogs are barking.

I'm not surprised after that walk up that hill.

It has towered over the town for almost 800 years

and it's the best place to look down over Passau

and the three rivers that converge here -

the Danube, the Inn and the Ilz.

That's beautiful. Yeah. Shall we go and get a beer?

Yeah. Take it in a minute, man.

I mean, come on.

It is like Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, ain't it?

At the end of the day it was worth it, wasn't it,

just for the views cos that's beautiful.

Shall we go and get a beer?

Yeah.

Let's go find someone with a beer.

After making all the effort walking up the hill

I've decided to treat everyone to a special Bavarian feast of meat,

beer and pretzels.

I jump up and down like a child when I see something like this.

A bit of black pudding and everything here.

It's the perfect spot for me and my new friends to sit back

and take in the wonderful view.

Happy holidays. Happy marriage. Cheers to all.

And we look forward to coming to one of your concerts in England

very soon. Mm!

He's good. He's very good.

With the first leg of the cruise under our belt

it's time to set off on our second leg from Budapest once more.

I am thrilled to be back in this spectacular European city.

There is so much that I didn't get a chance to see on our first visit.

We're getting right into the swing of things with an exclusive

excursion where you feel like royalty from the moment you arrive.

Step through these doors inside Nyugati Station

an enter the most luxurious waiting room you'll ever see.

Oh, it's lovely, this, isn't it?

This is not Westgate Wakefield, is it? It's beautiful.

This is the grand imperial room

designed for the 19th Emperor Franz Joseph and his wife Elisabeth

or Sisi. Together they ruled the Austro-Hungarian Empire,

so had to travel regularly from Budapest to Vienna.

Oh, is that you? I'll let you... Are we all drinking?

Oh, thank you very much. Cheers.

This room is exactly as Joseph and Sisi would have known it

in the mid-1800s - opulent, elegant and exquisitely designed.

You can see it's been built for an emperor and an empress,

and seeing it up close is a real privilege.

You can only get access if you're in an organized tour like ours.

I honestly could stand here and admire it all day,

but there's even better to come.

We're boarding the Grand Empress Steam Train

named after Elisabeth, which will take us to her former summer home.

To make you feel even more special, lunch is included in the excursion.

Full silver service inside this wonderfully restored carriage

from the 1900s.

This is beautiful. It's like the Orient Express.

Oh, hello, I'm Jane. I'm Virginia. Virginia, nice to meet you here.

TRAIN WHISTLE PEEPS

Cheers, Virginia. Cheers, Jane.

Happy holidays. Thank you.

Like me, my fellow cruiser Virginia's travelling solo,

so we're palling up for the trip. And what a trip!

Oh! Thank you.

Ooh. This looks lovely.

Thank you.

It's only a one-hour journey to the palace so the food comes quickly,

along with the drink - in crystal glasses.

It's slightly different to the food I usually get on the train.

It's like stepping back in time.

This is how the emperor and empress used it. Obviously.

Yeah. We could pretend. Absolutely.

This is our station, Veresegyhaz.

And from here, it's just a ten-minute bus transfer

to our destination, the breathtaking royal palace of Godollo.

Built 250 years ago,

this was originally an aristocrat's private mansion,

but in the 1860s it was bought by the state, enlarged

and presented as a gift to the royal couple from the Hungarian people.

This was Empress Sisi's most favourite palace.

She used to just love coming here. And that welcome happens every time.

So it's pretty special.

Sisi had it all redecorated in the baroque

or extravagantly ornate style.

Thank you.

It's got 32 rooms, a riding hall, even its own church.

When the royals wanted to entertain...

Look at this!

I want to dance.

This is a ballroom, isn't it?

Like most rooms in the palace,

this is finished in red, which was the official imperial colour.

Now the emperor and the empress lived in different sides

of the house. Palace.

Is it a house? No, it's a palace, innit?

This was Sisi's.

You can tell it's Sisi's cos it's got her favourite colour of purple

and gold all down that wing.

And then...you have the emperor.

This is the emperor's wing here.

I bet they used to just meet in the middle,

have a bit of a dance and then say, "Ta-ra, see you later."

I think that's quite healthy.

The age of Austro-Hungarian royalty came to an end in 1918.

It wasn't till the 1990s and the end of communist rule in Hungary

that refurbishment began.

Look at this. They've even got their own theatre.

This is wonderful.

Hello, I'm Jane. Hi, I'm Chris. Nice to meet you.

What a beautiful... This is the only baroque theatre in Hungary?

it is, yes. It's gorgeous.

Now returned to its original glory,

the theatre where the royal couple once sat among the audience

is drawing crowds again, hosting opera and classical music concerts.

Personally, I could just sit and marvel at the fittings.

Oh, my goodness me. Look at that chandelier.

How on Earth do you get it so clean?

SHE GASPS

Oh, my goodness me, look at that.

I cannot believe how it's on this amazing mechanism. I have never

seen such a beautiful chandelier in my entire life.

That's absolutely made my day.

Wow. Empress Sisi...

I can see why she loved this place.

This would be my favourite palace, I think. if I had a palace

because it's rather spectacular.

Well, actually, I do have a palace.

A floating one.

And right now it's waiting for me

a 40-minute drive away on Europe's second longest river, the Danube.

Coming up, I settle into me new surroundings on my second cruise...

Oh, look at this!

..and visit the capital city of Slovakia, Bratislava.

Just means everything thrown in.

That's what goulash means. It's a bit of a hotpot.

I'm sailing down the Danube

on the second leg of my European river adventure.

5 stars, 4 decks, 81 cabins and 160 passengers,

including a very excited me!

Hello, there. Welcome aboard. Thank you very much.

Your passport for the check-in. Yep, that's the one.

Alex will show you the way. Oh. Welcome, Miss McDonald.

Thank you very much. I'll take you to your room. Look at this.

Oh, look at these fabrics. How were your trips?

Very well.

Oh, they do like a pattern on here. Patterned carpets.

Oh, look at this!

Well, this is rather fabulous.

Look at the seating area. Oh, fresh flowers!

Champagne.

SHE GASPS

Look at this.

Look at the size of this. Big bath and everything.

The room comes with its own balcony. Actually, make that two.

This is on a river cruise.

Listen, I am used to working on a ship for years

and I had an inside little single cabin that literally is the size

of that wardrobe.

This is a perfect place to have your breakfast on a morning,

your cup of coffee in the afternoon.

And, of course, a glass of champagne or a cocktail at night

as you're sailing down this magnificent river.

And that journey will take in some of the most stunning sights

the Danube has to offer.

First up, we'll be hopping offboard in Bratislava.

From there, it's a meander down to Mohacs

before making a beeline for the Balkans.

A quick city break in Belgrade, then a last romp in Romania

at Dracula's Transylvanian castle.

9:00pm. An evening sail away like this gives you time to unpack,

freshen up in that supersized bathroom and then emerge on deck

to this.

Oh! Just look at how beautiful Budapest is at night.

It's hard to think of a sight more romantic than this.

No wonder everyone's drinking it all in.

Well, it's a completely different atmosphere, isn't it?

And it's magical. Just so quiet.

And the river, the water, the gleaming. Yeah.

You know, that's just what sets it all off, doesn't it? I know.

And look at those buildings, look, they just look amazing. I know.

And we've hardly even begun.

So here's to the next eight days of new places,

experiences and friends.

It's day two of my cruise along the spectacular River Danube.

After leaving Budapest during the night, we've travelled 55 miles

north en route to the Slovakia capital, Bratislava.

Though, as I often say, there are cruises to suit everyone,

whatever your taste.

And this is for those looking for a quieter style of holiday.

No fighting for space on the decks

but still plenty of opportunity to mingle.

So while my fellow cruises enjoy their buffet, I'm going to show you

exactly what this 440-foot long ship has to offer.

This part of the ship is called the bistro, where you can get

something to eat all day if you want.

This particular vessel has been built with a lot of light in mind.

So all the windows are floor-to-ceiling,

which is incredible.

This is also the entertainments lounge where you can come and listen

to the band here and have a nice drink.

There's also a fancy cocktail bar

where, you know, I just might visit once or twice.

That's the observation lounge as well, which is just stunning.

Right below us on the second deck is the main restaurant

with daily menus inspired by each port of call.

But what really caught my eye is this little place tucked away

in the stern.

That's because it's a change from the captain's tables

that I've been used to on cruise ships.

The captain's table's always the place to go.

That was the seat to get.

Bu the chef's table has absolutely taken over from that now

because the chef, I think, is the most important person on the ship.

Sorry, captains all over the world.

At the chef's table is the best

of the best food and the best of the best wines that you will get.

This chef's table can seat up to 24 diners at one sitting.

Lucky them!

This restaurant is so fabulously placed.

The view...is absolutely stunning.

I don't know, a chef's table, cocktail bar and all-day bistro.

It's just as well there's a gym to help you work off the calories.

And one of these on the top deck.

This is a walking track.

There's a little golf course.

That is a little golf course.

It's putting. I'd say that's more putting, wouldn't you?

Might well try me hand at that later.

Or go for a dip.

That is quite a big pool.

Where you can have a nice cocktail with your friends.

But, of course, there's another reason to come up on this huge,

flat, open deck and that's to appreciate the real star

of the cruise - the river itself.

The Danube is just... amazingly tranquil

and peaceful and calming.

Even if it isn't actually blue!

If this doesn't make you feel good,

then there's summat wrong with you.

SHE LAUGHS

Right, I can't hang around on the boat all day, much as I'd like to,

cos we've now docked at our first stop and there's lots to pack in.

Bang in the middle of Europe, with the Danube running right

through the centre, Bratislava is Slovakia's biggest city,

attracting around a million tourists a year.

Amongst the medieval towers, you'll find more modern attractions

like this, the so-called UFO Bridge.

I've signed up for a walking tour.

All I need to do now is find me guide.

So you get you get a ticket and then you find the lollipop

with your information on and you stick with them.

This here. Uh-huh.

Am I done?

Should I hear you now? Oh, yeah, yeah! Got you. Yeah.

Got you. It's a miracle.

Now, this is a nice touch - an ear gadget

that means that you can keep up with everything our guide Dagmar

is saying. Perfect if you get distracted

or have trouble keeping up.

So this is the St Martin's Cathedral.

This church is the most important Roman Catholic church

in the whole country.

It took them 200 years to complete in the middle of the 13th century.

Must admit, of all the cities in Europe,

this is one I'd never have thought to visit.

But what a mistake that was.

I'd miss this incredible mix of architecture, for a start.

They actually call it goulash.

I actually thought goulash were a soup. Or a stew.

But it just means everything thrown in. That's what goulash means.

It's a bit of a hotpot.

I've just got chatting to Graham from the cruise.

He's come all the way from Oz to do the Danube.

What do you think of Bratislava?

I was here 2007 and I can't get over the change. Really? Oh!

Slovakia was part of Czechoslovakia until 1993.

Since communism collapsed, the economies exploded

and this is now one of Europe's richest cities.

This has transformed from a country that was obviously under communist

rule and what have you. Now it's just....blooming, you know?

So it was really different. Totally different.

And the people weren't happy. You know, they were sad.

Their money wasn't worth anything. Their currency was worth nothing.

But now... It's gorgeous. It's lovely. Just lovely.

The highlight of our walking tour is the Primate's Palace.

This pink 18th century masterpiece was once home to the city's

archbishop but is now the mayor's headquarters.

We're here to sample some authentic Slovak culture.

But first things first.

Hello. Hello. Is that for me? Thank you very much. Cheers.

Oh, that's nice, actually, innit? Bit of a surprise. Yeah.

The whole city was a bit of a surprise. It is absolutely stunning.

And I've been amazed how nice it is. Fantastic. What do you think, Dave?

Dave? Hello? Sorry. Sorry, you've got your earpiece in.

Do you think it's lovely in Bratislava? It is. My first visit.

Yeah? The kind of place where you think, wow, I'd like to come back.

Yeah. Spend a bit longer.

Suitably refreshed, it's time for the main event.

So now I'm going to hear the sounds of Bratislava.

They're putting on a concert for us, so... Yeah, it'll be nice.

Right here in this sumptuous hall of mirrors

11 monarchs were crowned and Napoleon made peace with Rome.

And the entertainment hasn't changed -

centuries-old folk dance and music, played with traditional instruments.

Well, Bratislava has been a feast for the eyes and the ears

but, sadly, after just a few hours, we have to head back to the boat.

I won't be getting off again for another 220 miles, which gives me

plenty of time to enjoy the onboard activities and the views.

Isn't that gorgeous here? Just look at this.

The sandy beaches, there's people on the holidays.

It's just beautiful.

I've done thee Danube before but I've never seen this part.

And the reason why is because it's huge.

It goes from the Black Forest, as in gateaux,

all the way to the Black Sea.

Right, time for a drink.

Good evening, Captain. Thank you so much.

Just the one drink tonight, though.

There's a big day of activities tomorrow

and I need to do some swatting up.

Oh. Sorry. You're all right. Are we dancing?

THEY LAUGH

Coming up, we stop off in Mohacs,

where the locals are pleased to see us.

And I managed to get myself a place on the coveted chef's table.

Cheers. Cheers.

I'm on a mega river cruise along the Danube, heading across Europe,

and our next stop is somewhere called Mohacs.

And every spring, apparently, cos I've been looking it up on interweb,

they all get dressed up and have a festival

called Busojaras. And it's to chase away and scare away the winter.

So they all get dressed up in these monster outfits

and apparently it's a massive thing in this village.

Although we haven't arrived at the time of the festival itself,

you can learn all about it in the local museum.

Like me, you may well never have heard of Mohacs, but it's a charming

little place in Hungary's Baranya county.

But despite its pretty appearance,

it's been at the centre of many land disputes

and at least two major battles over the centuries.

And it was because of one of those that this tradition began.

This is obviously the monsters.

They call these Busos or Buso-men and they're meant to be terrifying.

Obviously they haven't seen a Yorkshire women when she's riled.

Actually, they look quite cute, not scary at all!

Oh, hello!

The Buso legend goes back 400 years when the Turks invaded the area.

Apparently, a mysterious knight told the local men to make costumes

of sheepskin along with wooden masks smeared with animal blood,

and then return to the city shaking cowbells and rattles.

And as a result, the terrifying invaders disappeared

along with the winter weather.

Now, I can't celebrate a tradition without a traditional drink.

In this case, a complementary shot of palinka,

a fruit-flavoured Hungarian brandy.

Thank you very much. Thank you.

My fellow cruisers Marilyn and Dave are leaving it to me.

Really? Have you just done that? Yes.

Down in one? Cheers.

Chuck it down you.

Wise, as it's 37.5 degrees proof.

We've left the Hungarian village of Mohacs and spent the night

sailing 170 miles into the beautiful Balkans.

Good morning.

So, we're in the capital of Serbia, which is Belgrade.

So let's go and explore.

This is actually one of Europe's oldest cities,

dating back around 9,000 years.

Its Slavic name, Beograd,

means "white citadel" because of this fortress, Kalemegdan.

It's built on a ridge overlooking the river and it's where

I'm headed right now.

Got me earpiece. I'm gonna put this on and join the tour.

A walking tour, as it happens. Bang in the middle of summer.

So it's a case of light clothing, comfy shoes and no blisters.

That could be a first.

And the king... This is our guide, Deena.

And what she doesn't know about this spot above the Danube

isn't worth knowing.

She's even turning me into an expert.

This is at the crossroads of the rivers.

And this is where East meets Western Europe.

So it's a very important part here.

Important, and the cause of many an argument. Throughout its history

the city survived 115 battles.

The Celts, the Goths, the Huns, the Romans, Serbs, Slavs, Hungarians,

Austrians, Turks - they've all come here and had a go.

And I haven't even mentioned two world wars.

It's been razed to the ground 44 times.

Yeah. And yet just rebuilt with everybody who's attacked it.

There's certainly a lot of history to take in.

And almost as much fighting.

This monument here is dedicated

to last Turkish Vizier who tried to win.

This is where they laid an 18th century Ottoman general

to rest, or at least parts of him.

He lost battle and his inside organs are buried here

but the body is in Turkey. That's Turkish custom.

So all the innards are buried here?

And then all the body - the outside body - is sent to Turkey.

Oh, dear.

According to me Aussie cruise mate, Don, the Austro-Hungarian

Royal Family had equally gruesome burial traditions.

The hearts are all in one place and the bodies are elsewhere. Really?

Why? They said the hearts...

Because the heart's the most important thing.

So they put them in the cathedral

and then the bodies are in a mausoleum elsewhere.

It's because they give their heart back.

That was that was what we were told. Wow.

Gosh, I'm learning an awful lot here. Are you? Yes.

Mind you, you probably know all this. No, not at all.

I'm glad that I'm just not the only one that feels a bit out me depth.

I should've listen more at school.

I went on this tour because most of the places I've never heard of.

Uh-Huh. Yeah. Not that I hadn't been to - I'd never heard of them.

That's a good thing to do, isn't it?

Over the centuries this whole fortress

has taken take some right batterings.

You see there are traces of wars.

Cannonballs, gun bullets, everything saved on this gate.

Here's the bullet holes.

And then this is obviously a cannonball.

It's amazing, actually, just to see history right in front of you.

And, you know, no matter how much I learned history at school,

it's nothing like being here and seeing it and feeling it

and learning it from a guide who actually comes from here.

Of course, Belgrade's had much more recent troubles.

It was the capital of Yugoslavia,

which broke up as a result of a vicious civil war in the 1990s.

It's now nearly 20 years since the fighting stopped

and today, the smart, cosmopolitan city is very much

looking to the future.

It goes to prove once again you should never prejudge.

If you had said to me, "Let's go to Serbia on holiday,"

I'd have been, "Mm..."

I had a vision in my head that it was war-torn, poor...

And it was nothing like that.

I think Belgrade is a city of regrowth and rebirth.

It's definitely worth a visit. And I'll definitely come back.

One thing about walking during the day, it leaves you

with an appetite in the evening, which is just as well,

as I'm in for an extra special dinner treat at the chef's table.

You're only allowed to book it once if you're on a week-long cruise

and it pays to do it as soon as you board to be sure of a place.

Hello, everyone.

Our English chef will be cooking a six-course tasting menu,

all with carefully paired wines.

Bon appetit. Thank you very much. Thank you so much.

Cheers. Cheers, everyone. Cheers, everybody. Thank you.

There's only 11 of us at the table,

and you can see the chef preparing it right in front of you.

INDISTINCT CHATTER

And trust me, it tastes every bit as good as it looks.

Oh, well, only five more courses to go.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much for letting us

join you this evening.

And I'd like to say a big cheers to the chef's table.

Oh, yes.

ALL: Cheers.

Well, after a meal like that, it's time for bed.

Coming up, it's an early start for me, as I've been told

we have a treat in store.

It's just magnificent to see... something as spectacular as this.

We're on the final leg of our river cruise along the Danube.

During the night we've sailed 145 miles east

towards the so-called Iron Gates

where the Danube narrows and Serbia meets Romania.

I've been told by everyone on board not to miss this

as it really is something unique. But there is a catch.

It's half five in t'morning.

Look at all these people.

People are actually up and dressed.

Oh, there's two people there.

Could I join you? Cos we're in the same uniform. Of course.

Thank you.

My companions Graham and Margaret, have nabbed the cruise director,

Roland, to give us a running commentary.

So we'll be entering the next gorge there.

And then it opens up much wider on the right side is Serbia

and over there is Romania. Is Romania.

This part of the river forms a natural border

between the two countries.

It's breathtaking.

When the Romans were expanding their empire 2,000 years ago,

they struggled to get past this narrow stretch of water.

It took them a few goes but they eventually did break through,

establishing a base in Dacia, now part of modern Romania.

You have a sign showing Emperor Trajan,

he was fighting Decebalus, the King of Dacia.

Decebalus. Yeah, Decebalus, yeah. Decebalus.

Is it Deceba-lus? Deceba-lus in Latin, yeah.

And he was the king of Dacia? That's him. The last king? Yeah, yeah.

I've been reading me programme.

Sometimes it's good to read

your programme cos then you sound intelligent on the telly.

Must do homework.

THEY LAUGH

This is an area of stunning natural beauty

but up ahead we're staring to catch sight of a man-made marvel.

Oh gosh, that's quite eerie, isn't it?

It's just magnificent to see...

..something as spectacular as this. Look at that.

That's Decebalus. The last King of the Romanians.

That's one of the largest sculptures in Europe.

The subject might be ancient,

but the statue itself is only just over a decade old.

A Romanian businessman bought the rock and paid 12 Italian carvers

to create the 140-foot high likeness.

He hoped the Serbians would then build a monument

to Decebalus' Roman opponent, Trajan, on the other side.

But they weren't up for it.

So he's now there, left on his own, poor fella.

Now, we've had our early morning history lesson,

but it's the geography question that's had me puzzled.

So I've been looking for these Iron Gates thinking the were iron gates,

big iron gates that open. SHE GROANS

But they're not. These are the Iron Gates.

Turns out it's just a name for a series of gorges

you have to pass through. A bit like, well, gates.

Still worth getting up for, though.

Well, it's seven days since I boarded the APT AmaVerde

to cruise the mighty Danube, and what a week I've had

I've travelled over 850 miles

and taken in three countries f rom Central Europe to the Balkans.

And now it's time for me last stop in Central Romania.

After a day sailing through the gorges and locks of this vast

country, we've docked in Turnu Magurele

which, sadly, is where I have to get off.

Hi. Good morning. Good morning. I'm checking out.

Thank you very much. Thank you. Here is your passport.

Thank you for cruising with us. Oh, thanks ever so much.

It was such a joy. Hopefully see you again.

Thank you. Bye. Bye.

However, the cruise offers a number of extensions

and we're off to Bran Castle in Transylvania,

better known as Count Dracula's place.

Everyone says it's a must-see and I hope they're right,

as it's a four-hour coach trip from the cruise stop.

The 14th century castle's perched on a mountain pass

between the old principalities of Wallachia and Transylvania

and today it's Romania's most popular tourist attraction.

Christiana? Yes. I'm Jane. Hello. Pleased to meet you.

Welcome to Dracula's home. Ooh, thank you very much.

It was the Irish author Bram Stoker who created the Dracula novel,

but as he never actually visited Transylvania,

I'm relying on my guide, to explain the stories linked to the castle.

That's if I manage to make it up there.

You're OK. Yeah.

SHE PANTS

It's bad enough getting up there.

That's a steep...incline...

Christiana's really, really fit.

I'm not. Right.

Seriously, if you've got any mobility issues, do beware.

There is a lift up to the castle's inner courtyard,

but only steep stairs after that.

This is the doorway, yeah? Yeah.

So welcome this time inside the walls. Can I knock that? Yeah.

Be careful. He might wake up.

Oh! No, don't do that. It's daylight. It's daylight.

Oh, all these stairs have got me blood pumping.

Oh, let's hope he's asleep.

Ooh, look at this, though.

This is the music hall. Ah! The biggest room of the castle.

Yeah, the biggest room. Yes.

See, it's not really huge, is it?

I like the fact that it is quite cosy.

So, Dracula, then.

I always associate him with Christopher Lee -

handsome as well as scary.

But was the book and movie character based on fact or fiction?

Really?

Wow.

Vlad got his nickname after he invited all his enemies

to a banquet, murdered them,

then impaled them on spikes outside his castle. As you do.

You know, it may be a bit of a schlep getting up to the roof,

but the view is amazing.

And it's incredible to think old Vlad himself may have looked out

from here nearly 500 years ago.

The castle now attracts a million visitors a year,

or a million and one if you count me.

Oh, what a perfect end to what was turned out

to be the most perfect cruise.

It's been full of fairy tales and legends and stories.

And we all love a good story, don't we?

This is a beautiful part of the world and definitely

worth a visit. I have loved every single second of it.

It's been an adventure. And all I can say is get here if you can.

# You can reach me by railway

# You can reach me by trailway

# You can reach me on an aeroplane

# You can reach me with your mind

# You can jump on the speedy colt

# Cross the border in a blaze of hope

# I don't care how you get here

# Just get here if you can

# There are hills and mountains between us

# Always something to get over

# If I had my way

# Surely you'd be closer

# I need you closer

# You can reach me by caravan

# Across the desert like a Arab man

# I don't care how you get here just

# Get here if you can

# I don't care

# I need you right here, right now

# Right by my side, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

# I don't care how you get here just

# Get here if

# You can. #

SHE SPEAKS BAD FRENCH

I can't say it!

La pe... Is it la? La per de... Anyway!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media