All language subtitles for Cruising Europes Great Rivers with Jane McDonald Ch5 1080p_ENG_Subtitles01

Hi, I'm Jane McDonald.
Did someone mention cruise?

I caught the cruising bug more than
20 years ago when I was working as a

singer on a ship.

When I was on the ships,
I had no window.

I used to have to put the
television on to see what type of

day it was.

It's not just us Brits
who are crazy about cruising.

Last year,
25.8 million holiday-makers

worldwide choose to cruise.

There's a cruise for everyone.

There's quiet cruises, there's party
cruises, there's island cruises,

there's river cruises.

And I'm just going to carry on
cruising till I've found you

your perfect cruise.

Try stopping me.

I'm on a river cruise sailing down
the Rhone from Burgundy to Provence.

I have all this!

On board the Avalon Poetry II,
drifting past gorgeously romantic

riverside villages like these.

It's breathtaking. Oh!

And eating and drinking
everything I see.

Ooh, I wish you could smell
what I can smell right now.

It's like spending a week
eating everything

from Tesco's Finest range.

So we are in France.

Croissant?

Marvellous.

Bonjour, messieurs et mesdames.

I'm in France. Je m'appelle Jane.

Je... I am cruising...

I'm not good at this language.

My French cruise starts
on a train in London,

then via Eurotunnel to Paris,
a bus from Dijon to Beaune and

finally to Lyon,
where we join the ship. Phew!

Then a meander down the Rhone
to Tournon, Viviers, Avignon,

and finally into Arles in Provence.
Flippin' eck!

Yeah, we're just going for a trip
now around Beaune,

and maybe a spot of lunch,
a little cafe.

Then I'm taking myself off
for a drinking lesson.

And then back on the bus
and down to Lyon to join the ship.

CAMERAMAN: Easy. Easy peasy.
I'm going to miss 'em.

Beaune is basically Burgundy wine HQ
and full of stunning ancient

buildings, and like every provincial
French town,

there's a market to die for.

You can't beat a market, you know.

People are drinking coffee
in the street.

Innit lovely?

Bonjour. Why can't we have markets
like this at home?

It's my favourite thing, just
wandering around people-watching

and seeing what's on offer.

You don't get queues like that
for bread in Wakefield, do you?

Smells so good, you can smell
garlic, and ooooh...

Actually, that's very French, innit?

Bonjour. Hello. 16 euros
for a pair of pants?

Bloody hell. Merci.
Au revoir. Au revoir.

Je voudrais fromage.

INTERVIEWER: What do hope to learn
from a nice week in France?

Well, I want to learn about cheese,

wine, definitely wine,
copious amounts of wine.

I've got my Gaviscon with me,
and my Rennies,

so I should be all right,
shouldn't I?

I'm taking meself off for
a French lesson in drinking wine.

To be honest, I'd say I'm already
A-Level standard, but we'll see.

Every year, Burgundy produces
about 200 million bottles of wine.

Their white wines are legendary.

Meursault, Puligny, Mont...
No. Puligny-Mont...

SHE WHINES

I can't say it!

I mean, I'm quite happy with,
you know, Lidl.

Aldi do a very good wine,
Chilean, under a fiver,

that's what I'm used to.

Ah, bonjour.

Bonjour. Bonjour Pascale.
Yes, it's me. Hello. I'm Jane.

Salut, Jane.
Come in my little cellar.

It's lovely, this is really nice.

We use just two grapes here.

One in white and one in red, but we
produce more than 1,000 different

wines from this famous area.
Can we do some?

You can try some, with pleasure.

Now he's talking
my kind of language.

And drinking wine is a simple act if
you know how your body is working.

If you think about how tastes form
in your mouth and you know that

without breathing,
no taste can exist.

Apparently I've being doing it wrong
all my life.

This is NOT how you drink
a glass of wine.

Oh, no.

I eat like chewing meat, my wine.
OK.

Look.

So you do it all over?

Like your favourite ice cream
and breathe and swallow slowly.

Step by step, not too long.
Oh, yeah!

It's amazing, eh?
That is different. Sucking.

OK, I'm going in for another suck.

It were great, that.
I really enjoyed it.

Actually tasting a proper good wine.

Like a candy on top of your palette.

There is a backwards thing...
Yeah. That's amazing.

I can't get over the difference.

And that sensation that actually
came through my mouth,

just something
I'd never tasted before.

That is so good.

You are full of sensations.
I am full of sensations!

That's been a revelation, so I'm
going back for another glass.

Pascale, can I have another glass?
Please. Yes, thank you.

White or red? Whatever you think.

I reckon in 20 minutes, I've gone
from A-Level to a Master in wine.

Arriverderci, Pascale,
I'm off to Lyon.

Lyon is France's second city and the
Rhone is its second longest river.

And come to think of it,
this is my second river cruise.

And look, here's my ship.

The Avalon Poetry II.

Too, too much.

It's me home
for the next seven days.

Right, come on, come on.

I'm Dirk, the hotel manager.
Pleased to meet you.

Very nice to meet you too.
Lovely, lovely.

Please, go ahead.
Thank you very much.

Hello. Thank you so much. Thank you.
Very, very nice to meet you. Hello.

Look at this. Look, look, look.

Look at these lovely staff
all waiting to see you.

Say hello to the camera, everyone.
ALL: Hello.

Already I feel chilled
and everybody's excited,

there's a buzz on board
cos everybody's checking in.

We're finally here.

I'm really looking forward to it.

This ship is all about intimacy,
with room for 128 passengers

along two full decks of suites with
wall-to-wall panoramic windows,

perfect for watching the world
float by.

It's also a perfect size, so, for
once, I shouldn't be getting lost.

Excellent, thank you.

Look at this, this is lovely.
Drinks inside. Yeah.

Mini bar is here.
And all these products.

I'm going to smell lovely.
Oh, yes, for sure.

Look at that. This is what a river
cruise is all about.

I have all this.
I have all this room.

Hello. I've got a bed
with a massive window.

I can see everything going past.

I don't even have to get out of bed,
so you might have to come in

and film me in here...

..in me night dress. Not attractive.

I could not be more happy
with this cabin.

Coming up...
Lyon's beauty seduces me.

This is it, this is it.

And the majestic Rhone
casts its spell on me.

Bonjour. The early birds are out
catching their worms,

but the only thing I'm interested
in catching some more zzzs!

Mind you it looks like a nice sunny
Sunday and Lyon looks lovely,

so I suppose a bit of sightseeing
and maybe some shopping

might be an idea, and some lunch,
and a glass of wine. Why not?

Well, that's today sorted.

KNOCK ON DOOR

What? You're a bit early,
aren't you?

Haven't even got my face
on or anything.

This bed is so lovely.

See, when I were on the ships...

I would be lying in my bed
like this,

my little single bed, and I'd wake
up and there would be a wall there,

and then there's a chest of drawers
right there.

I had no window, so I used to have
to put the television on

to see the front of the ship
to actually see

what type of day it was.

So this...I mean, look, I've got
my little window open this morning.

There's a lot of people out there.

Morning!

Why are they up at this time
in the morning?

Why are you up at this time? Why am
I up at this time in the morning?!

Good morning.

Good to see you,
you had a good night's sleep?

Do you know, it's lovely, isn't it?
And I like the sort of water.

Slight little movement.

It waves you like a baby. It is.

I'm going to have
a look round today.

I know it's Sunday and
everything's shut, but there

must be something open.

There will be, won't there?

Oh, what's that?

One of the things I most like about
my little trips is the unexpected,

and I certainly wasn't expecting
this on my doorstep.

Good morning, bonjour.

Bonjour!

You want to try?

Oh, what?

Oh, my God, what have I let
myself in for here?

I don't think I can do that.

Oh, oh, hang on. Two, three.

Argh!

That's terrible, innit!

That's it, that's me done.

Muscles.

Look at that body.

Look at that... Oh, my goodness me.

This young man's blind.

Wow, but look at him go.

Everybody is welcome to train.

All the handicapped
come and train here.

That's a great thing to do,
isn't it?

Cos they say exercise frees
the mind. Yeah.

Is that true? Yeah.

I must start.

I'm not fit at all,
but what a pleasure. Bye-bye.

Thank you.

Aren't people lovely?

Right, Lyon, I'm coming at ya!

Everything is shut.

The thing is, I quite like the fact
that everything's shut

on a Sunday here,
cos everything's open in England,

there's no such thing as a day
of rest any more, is there?

Lyon has always been
the food capital of France,

or possibly the world.

It's got 18 Michelin-starred
restaurants which, if I'm honest,

is 18 more than Wakefield's got.

And this is Marche Paul Bocuse, the
most famous food market in France.

Oh, smell that!

I wish you could smell
what I can smell right now.

Normally, it's the ship food
that does for my diet,

but here I want to eat everything!

Everywhere is so tempting!

I've got a nose like a ferret
and I can sniff things out

better than anybody I know.

Oh, it's garlic, it's fish,

it's all beautiful things
that are been cooked now.

Mmm.

Nice bit of cheese.

Oh, oysters. I'm gonna have
an oyster, I'm in France.

And a glass of wine.
What do you think?

Deux huitres.

Which one do you want?

Oh, hello, you speak English.

That's brilliant.

A mild one, quite a mild one.

Generally, I recommend
the Gillardeau.

I've just asked for something
in French.

I'm quite proud of myself.

Merci beaucoup.

HE SPEAKS FRENCH

I'm sorry, I don't
understand French.

I am the boss. Oh, really? Voila!

Oh, perfect, perfect!

He's the boss here.
That's very good of you.

I've got a bit of Chablis.
I'm gonna chew it.

I must admit, I'm feeling very,
very French.

Everything is cool,
it's a Sunday afternoon.

I've watched Ratatouille, I know
what I'm talking about.

We've got quite
a few oysters here.

How many did you ask for?
I only asked for two. Dix huit?

No, that's 18. I can't eat these.

Anybody fancy an oyster?

Are these an aphrodisiac?

Oh, they're so good.

18 oysters and several glasses
of Chablis later,

I better get back to the ship
before I get into trouble here.

Hello, welcome back! Hi, guys!

I've explored Lyon,

I've had a nice chilled afternoon
on board,

so now it's time for an outing
with the camera on my stick.

Come on, let's go for a trip
round the ship.

So this is the atrium. There's
always drinks, I've noticed that.

They're very good at that.

Is that a GoPro?

Yeah, yeah, it is. I like them cos
you can spy on people.

Yeah, that's just
what I'm doing with you now.

They want me in California,
don't show my...

What's your name, sorry? Carl.
Really pleased to meet you, Carl.

This is...

It looks like where it all happens.

What do you do on here then?

I do a cheese tasting.
Oh, that's super cos, you know,

we stick to us own,
don't we, really?

A bit of mature cheddar,
that's it for me.

No, we have lots
of lovely things to taste.

I ain't been up here yet.

Oh, wow, look at this.

You see, this is it,
this is it!

We are in France!

There's coffee and everything.
Cookies.

Do you know, you've got to be so
careful on here, haven't you?

I've resisted the cookies.

They look nice, though, don't they?

My ship tours wouldn't be the same
without a brief encounter

with the captain now, would they?

How are you?
Fine, thank you, very well.

Very nice to see you.
Nice to see you.

So it's a beautiful day.

I am also happy for our guests.

You're too good looking
to be a captain!

So I'm going to leave before I say
something

that I'll get into trouble for.

No, no, it's OK.

He's so gorgeous, isn't he,
for a captain.

I mean, whoa! Ruff!

Think it might be true
what they say about oysters!

Everywhere in the world,
river cruises offer their passengers

authentic regional food and drink,
and this one's no exception.

Remember the cheese lady?

I do a cheese tasting.

It's time for a cheesy chat,
so I'm joining in

with my new friend, Carl.

A very good evening, everybody.

Thank you very much
for coming to listen to me.

This one's been
kept in a cave for 12 months.

It's quite firm,
it doesn't taste too goaty,

so don't be scared to taste it.

It's not too goaty, Carl.

Please, come help yourselves.

Hello!

One of the nicest things about these
events on board,

well, apart from the fact
that cheese is involved,

is that they give you the chance to
mingle with the other guests.

Are you all right?
Where are you from?

We're from Cumbria.
Oh, lovely.

It's great fun, wine, chat and
cheese, all in the same place.

Good music, good food,
good company.

Goodnight.

We're leaving Lyon today.

I'm a bit sad to go, if I'm honest.
I think we've bonded.

People are always rushing
to do things, always..

Everybody's lives are full
of everything now.

Sometimes its nice to just sit on
a deck, watch the world go by

and have a cup of coffee.

Holiday or a vacation is what you
make it,

a way to get away
from the real world.

It's nice to just stop.

The first leg of my cruise
is a small hop from Lyon,

through the majestic green
countryside,

and I'm making an unscheduled
stop to head inland.

Ever since that 1970s
Cadbury's Flake advert,

I've always wanted to have
a typical French picnic

in typical French countryside,

and I've decided, today's the day.

First, I'm doing a bit of le
shopping pour une pique-nique,

French style.

LAWN MOWER WHIRS
So here I am, in Vernaison,

where they've decided
to cut the grass today.

To complete my '70s
fantasy flashback, I've rented

a classic French car,

which comes complete with a
classic French bloke as standard.

Il s'appelle, Jean Louis.

Is this your car? Yes,
it's a deux chevaux Citroen. OK.

French old car.

You want me to drive that?

Yes, yes.

I've got the stripy top,
now the beret. Tres chic!

Do you want a croissant?

No, thank you.

Beret? Beret. Yeah.

Right, I'm off to the shops for some
du pain, du charcuterie,

et du vin.

Go, go, go. Oh, train tracks...

SHE LAUGHS

Push.

Yeah? Yeah, it's OK! Woohoo!

I'm going shopping.

At home, if I'm having a picnic,

I get everything from
the supermarket,

but here it's all
still separate shops.

Oh, look at this!

Bonjour!

Je voudrais une baguette.

Look at these tarts,
both raspberry and strawberry.

Yep. You see. you don't need the
language, you just point.

Le finger.

Le thank you, and voila.

Merci.

Bye. Au revoir.

Merci beaucoup, au revoir.

Right.

What?

Le film? Yeah, film. Hello.

Do you want to come
on a picnic with me?

A bientot. A bientot.

See you soon! Yeah, see you soon!
Very good! Tres bien!

Right, wonder if they
do cooked meat?

Jambon.

I love the fact that you can buy
your meat and your wine in the

same shop. Now, that's handy.

Rose. Oui. Une. Une. Mm-hm.

Thank you, au revoir!
Bonne journee.

Voila.

I'm on a river cruise, sailing down
the Rhone from Burgundy to Provence.

I've got my perfect picnic,

now all I need is to find
the perfect place to have it.

Somewhere relaxing...

ENGINE STUTTERS

With the... With the peddle.

I said somewhere relaxing!

On the banks of the Rhone
will do just fine.

This is what I've
been dreaming about for years.

I've even bought a blanket.

This is it. Perfect solitude.

LAWN MOWER WHIRS

Oh, flipping Norah!

It wasn't like this in the '70s.

There's that much noise going
on around me right now,

I can't even hear myself think,

never mind sit here and have
a peaceful picnic.

Oh, no, corkscrew.

Ah, merci beaucoup.
Profitez-en.

Thank you.

Fantastic.

Damn, I haven't got a glass.

Ah, sod it.

Oh, now I've just been bitten
by something.

Now I've got ants. Great.

They're after me strawberry tart,
I just know they are.

I don't believe it,
there's a flaming train as well!

Get me out of here!

I've even got a wet backside.

Oh, you don't believe that, do ya?

I dunno, maybe it was just quieter
in the '70s when they shot that ad.

I should've just stayed on the boat.

MAN WHISTLES

Actual facts about river cruising
coming up,

the average river cruise lasts
seven days

and costs around £1,400 per person.

There's no sea sickness
on a river cruise,

you drink fantastic wine,
eat fabulous food,

and there are great
relaxing opportunities.

Hello, how are you?

This is us going down in a lock.

I'll take you up onto
the next level.

That's the lock there.

And then we're in this
amazing...whooo.

We're saying goodbye to the sun

Men would like this trip,

it's very much, get on board
and relax.

Hello. Hello, Jane, how's things?

Very well, how are you? I'm good.

Oh, you've got your posh voice on.
Oh, yes.

Ey-up, he dun't talk
like that normally.

Yeah, don't worry
about me getting wet.

From Viviers, we're travelling
further down the Rhone,

past Orange, Chateauneuf du Pape -

an actual place not just a wine,
who knew?

Don't answer that.

And on towards Avignon.

I could have gone and looked round
another lovely French town today,

but the dishy captain's
got me all fired up.

He's told me about the famous
Pont du Garde,

which sounds amazing and apparently
best seen from the air.

As it's 60 miles away
and an early start,

I'm spending the night
in a hotel in Uzes,

so I get to take off in time.

It's midnight now,

I've gotta be up
in four and a half hours,

cos I'm going on a hot-air balloon
ride

I'm really looking forward to it,

but I'm scared and I'm excited.

I can't wait.

LOUD ALARM GOES OFF

I can't believe it, I've never been
up this early in me entire life.

But you know what they say -

the early bird catches the balloon.

Bonjour, Jean. Hello. Bonjour.
Comment allez-vous?

Fine, thank you. Oh, thank goodness
you speak English.

A little. A little. Un peu.
Un peu, ouais.

Yeah, me too, me too.

It's gonna be exciting?
I hope so.

It's mahoosive! It's massive!

You could have a wedding in there.

It's like a marquee.

Yes. That little red balloon
is a vital part

of our pre-flight checks.

It's going tell us which way
the wind is blowing.

That's perfect. That's good?

Yeah, that's a good direction.
The Pont du Gard is over there.

The Pont du Gard? Yeah, so we need
that direction there, you see?

Oui. The Pont du Garde
is an ancient Roman aqueduct,

built almost 2,000 years ago and
today is one of France's

most loved landmarks.

You wonder why that
doesn't just go - whoosh.

You know what I mean?

WHOOSHING
Up! It's a bit noisy.

It is very noisy.

SHE SHRIEKS

Joseph Montgolfier
was there in 1782,

and invented the hot-air balloon
just near here. Wow.

LOUD WHOOSH

Bye. Au Revoir. A bientot.

SHE SHRIEKS

Ah, it's so fabulous,
look at this. It's so fantastic.

It's peaceful
when it's not doing that.

Ah, it's fabulous. Fa-bu-lous!

It's breathtaking.

This is the Pont du Gard.
Pont du Gard? Ah.

Built by the Roman, 64 AC.

And the idea was to bring
the water from Uzes 50km

to the Nimes. Unfortunately this is
as close as we're going to get,

the wind's changed direction
and it's taking us away

from the Pont du Gard,
but these views are breathtaking.

I'm just so lucky to be able
to experience things like this.

We're seeing the world.

Hello, horsey, the cheval.

If I'd never started cruising again,

I wouldn't have been able
to do this.

What goes up though must come down,

and it's time for us to come
back to earth.

WHOOSHING
Ahh!

SHE SHRIEKS AND LAUGHS

Did you enjoy it?
I loved it, Jean. Good.

There's no elegant way of doing
this, is there?

I love the South of France.

I'm on my way back from my amazing
early morning balloon flight

to rejoin the boat in Avignon.

But there's one more thing I want
to do before we get there.

What are you reading about?
I'm reading about honey.

Haute Provence is honey country,

it's an essential ingredient
of the region's celebrated

home-made nougat.

Bit of nugget.

We've found Sandrine,
a local beekeeper,

she's going to tell me everything
I need to know about honey.

Hello. Bonjour. Hello.

Sandrine? Yes. I'm Jane. Jane?

Hello... Hello, nice to meet you.
And you.

So tell me about your honey.

They're all different varieties,
cos different flowers

in the night here.

Bees love flowers.

Is it true that the world
would stop without bees?

Mm, yes, I think. Yeah?
Yes, I think.

Could we taste? Can we taste some
honey? Yes, yes. Yay!

Sandrine's taking me straight
to the source.

Forget the stuff in jars,
we're heading to the hives

and she's promised me a nice hat to
wear to meet the bees. Aw.

A beautiful hat.
That's nice. Very nice.

Bit smoking.

Ah, it's not barbecue.
No, unfortunately.

SHE COUGHS

You might wonder what this has
got to do with cruising.

Well, because you've always got
loads of time on river cruises,

you can really explore and get under
the skin of the country.

It's why I love them.

How do they know
which is their hive?

She knows exactly where is hive

in relation with the sun.

Right. When she comes back,
she says, "Look me,

"there is beautiful,
beautiful flowers."

And she make a... Little dance?
..circle. Yeah? Yes.

Marvellous. OK.

So inside it's a big family.

Oh, wow.
It's like all these little workers

all humming away.

This is amazing.

I'm so thrilled I've done this.

Just shake them off.

Now they're gonna be mad, cos we
just nicked all their hard work.

Anywhere? Anywhere.

Look at that.

That really tastes so good.

Mm.

C'est tres bon comme ca.

I wish you could taste this.

Because it's so good, so good.

Back on the boat, and it's
the final leg of my journey,

a 50km meander from Avignon
to a town called Arles.

I'll tell you what, I've loved the
informal formality of this cruise,

and the scenery.

Well, you only get a view like this
while you have your dinner

when you're on a boat like this.

I'm on a river cruise.
My fascinating French adventure

has taken me down the Rhone to
Provence, in the South of France.

On my final day,
I'm heading to the Camargue,

which is a French national park

somewhere between Arles
and the Mediterranean,

it's got loads of wildlife,
including cattle, birds,

flamingos, horses and...

Cowboys. Yes! Cowboys!

That's right, that's what I said -
cowboys!

I would never ever think cowboys
in South of France.

This has been a nice little surprise
pour moi.

These French cowboys have been
around for over 100 years,

they do the same as cowboys in
America - round up the livestock.

What's not to love? Hey, hey?

See that's the shot you want,
isn't it?

With the hair blowing
in the breeze.

Hello, bonjour. Bonjour.

Bonjour. Which is the gentle horse?
Bonjour.

Aww, look at this. Hello.

Impetus. Impetus.
Impetus, je m'appelle Jane, Impetus.

Are you real cowboys?

Non, pas cowboys, gardiens.
Guardians?

What's the difference between
a cowboy and a guardian?

On appelle en France - le gardien,
en Amerique - le cowboy.

Ah, so it's the same, but different.

Mais apres, le travail
c'est le meme.

Yeah.

Look at me, I just need the wind
now.

I'm in a safe pair of stirrups
with Paul and Vincent -

these guys were born in the saddle.

Bye, it's been lovely knowing ya.

Bye.

The ranch covers over 600
hectares, it's mahoosive,

which means I get a lot of time

being the filling
in a cowboy sandwich.

French flamants rose.

Flamants rose? Oui.

Cos they're pink? Pink, yeah.

How... Am I OK?

Good. Good.

Are you married? Yeah.
Course you are.

Well, you can't blame me for asking.

I'm like a professional now,

I've got quite confident on a horse.

And I feel as if I could gallop off
into the... I'm not going to,

but I feel as if I could gallop
off into the wind.

But I've had some great teachers
here.

One's single, one's married,
one's 28, one's a lot older.

And I've had a great time. Oh, yeah.

The High Chaparral beckons.

If they do a remake of that,
I'm in it.

Turns out cowboys and horses

aren't the only Wild West-ish thing
about this place.

Bonjour, monsieur. Hello.

So all aboard!

Feels like we're on safari.

See, once again, it's noisy.

Antoine's promised me he's taking me
somewhere more peaceful.

Merci. Whoa, that's a long way down.
Attention.

Look, lot of... Oh, lots of them.

Do you...regardes...every day?

Yes. The flamingo - yes.
Every day? Every day. Wow.

Finally, I've found peace in France,

and it's absolutely beautiful.

What a perfect way to end
my journey down the Rhone.

The whole week's been fantastique.

Now, where exactly am I?

# I was lost in France

# In the fields
the birds were singing

# I was lost in France

# And the day was just beginning

# As I stood there
in the morning rain

# I had a feeling I can't explain

# I was lost in France

# In love

# I was lost in France

# In the street a band was playing

# And the crowd all dance

# Didn't catch what they were saying

# When I looked up
he was standing there

# I knew I shouldn't

# But I didn't care

# I was lost in France

# In love

# Ooh-la-la-la, ooh-la-la-la dance

# Ooh-la-la-la dancing

# Ooh-la-la-la, ooh-la-la-la dance

# Ooh-la-la-la dancing

# And I looked round for a telephone

# To say, "Baby I won't be home"

# I was lost in France in love

# Ooh-la-la-la, ooh-la-la-la dance

# Ooh la-la-la dancing... #

SHE GROANS

What? What?

This time, I'm in pursuit
of purest Portugal...

Wow, look at this place.
It's amazing.

..taking a trip up
the Stairway to Heaven...

It's beautiful, innit?

I wonder if they'd mind if
I put my feet in that fountain.

..sizzling over
the Spanish border...

I'm sorry but there's nothing
more attractive than a doctor

who can play guitar and sing.

That's pretty hot!

..and sinking me teeth
into luscious Lisbon.

Look at this!

We're in tart heaven.

Do you fancy eight days
in a Portuguese paradise?

Hop on board with me.

Now, this stunner is going to
give us a cruise to remember!

Vamos!

CHUCKLING

Welcome to the port of Porto
in Portugal.

I do like it when they make things
easy to remember.

It's the starting point of
our eight-day cruise

along the River Douro.

But it has at least
one other claim to fame.

Porto is the second-largest
city in Portugal.

It's a UNESCO World Heritage Site.

It's also known as the
capital of the north, but we know

that there's only one capital of
the north and it's not here, is it?

So, let's call it by its other name,

which is the City of Bridges.

And I can see why.

There's six of 'em in all,

making crossing the Douro a doddle.

The Maria Pia Bridge
was designed by Gustave Eiffel,

who went on to create a
great big tower in Paris.

Can't think what that one's called!

Anyway, I've arrived early,

so I can fit in a whistle-stop tour
of the city before we sail.

If you're an architectural buff,

then Porto is filled with
some beautiful Baroque buildings.

I fancy something
a bit more neo-Gothic

with some wizardry connections.

This is the world renowned
Livraria Lello bookshop.

Apparently, it inspired one of
our greatest authors, JK Rowling,

who used to work in Porto
as a teacher.

Legend has it,

she jotted down her early ideas
for Harry Potter around here.

But she had to get in first.

The queues are unbelievable,
and it's only just gone ten o'clock.

Don't bother turning up on spec -

you need a ticket just to
get through the door.

One little tip -

get your voucher online
before you get here.

If you're at the back of the queue
and you get to the front,

you will not get in without that.

So, that's a little tip.
Get that before you come.

Wow!

You can so see where JK Rowling
got her inspiration from.

You just walk in and
you actually feel like

you're in a Harry Potter film.

The Livraria Lello was started
by two brother-in-laws

who both had a burning passion
for books.

No surprises there. The whole place
groans under the weight of them,

from Portuguese literature

to this 18,000-year-old
first edition.

Hope the phrase books
don't cost as much.

You know that five euros
that you've just spent on that?

If you buy a book,
you get it refunded.

So it's a win-win really, isn't it?

English to Portuguese.

That's what I need. I could do with
learning just a few phrases.

Don't have to be bilingual,

just be trialling one,

and try a little bit.

Now, it may be a little early
in the day,

but I can't visit this city without
sampling the drink named after it -

port. That vino with
a dash of arid spirit

that we all love to slurp at
Christmas with a big slab of cheese

was first made here,
over three centuries ago.

But there's something about
the brand names that sound,

I don't know, homely.

We've got Coleburn's, we've got
Osborne's, we've got Taylor's,

we've got Sanderson's.

And I don't know about you,

but they don't sound
very Portuguese to me.

So let's go and find out why
they sound so very British.

I've booked myself on a guided tour
of Taylor's,

one of the oldest port houses,

founded here 327 years ago.

A perfect day out
for people like me,

who want to do more than just drink.

OK, you can stop sniggering.

My guide, Ana,
is showing me around.

Why have the British got
such a taste for port?

Cos we love port.

England and France
were in constant wars.

Mm. And British started to discover
the wines coming from

the Douro Valley region,
full-bodied wines,

and establishing the houses
that we know today.

So all port is made here
in Portugal?

Yes. Yes. Ooh.
Yes, yes. By law, yes, it is.

And on this valley?
On the Douro Valley region, yes.

It is really a unique region
in the world,

with a specific climate,

native grapes
coming from the region also,

and an amazing scenery.

OK, that's the history
and geography sorted.

Now for the really important bit.

Oooh!

It is so good. So smooth.

Fills your mouth. It does.
There's all sorts going off.

It's dancin' across me tongue.

Layers and layers of...
There is. ..complexity.

I might finish this one.

In fact, leave the bottle.

Do you know,
I've always loved port.

And I have had a blast,

and I shall be taking a couple
of bottles of this home.

Mainly in my stomach, methinks.

Mm!

Right, suitably fortified,
I'm off to find my boat.

Now, this time,
I'm cruising down a river.

If you're someone who is
worried about waves,

concerned about a current
or is scared of being sea sick,

then you can't go wrong
with a river cruise.

It's brilliant.

I've done river cruises
all over mainland Europe,

but never in Portugal - until today.

This is the beautiful
Emerald Radiance.

She's got 46 suites.

And I know that's no mega ship,
but size isn't everything.

Well, not in this case, anyway.

She's barely 12 months old,

which is like
brand-spanking-new, innit?

So, come on! Let's go!
Yeah-hee-hee!

Oh. Hi. Welcome aboard.

Oh, hello. Jane.
My pleasure. My name is Manuel.

I am your hotel manager.
Thank you, Manuel.

Welcome to Emerald Waterways,
Emerald Radiance, Portugal.

Oh, it's gorgeous. Thank you,
please. This way. Thank you.

This boat has everything
you'd expect on a seagoing vessel -

three levels housing a restaurant,
a bar and all your other

cruising essentials,
including a pool.

I'm sure I'll be sampling them all.

But, as ever,
I can't wait to inspect my cabin.

Ah!

Owner's suite. Yes!

Oh! Look at this! Oh, wow.

First thing, chuck my bag down,
take my shoes off.

Ah! Oh, it's proper shagpile carpet.

You can't beat a shagpile carpet
in hot weather.

It's very, very, very modern.

I don't think I've ever seen
a room as tastefully done as this.

It's just beautiful.

No shortage of mod cons either.

Coffee machine, iPad,
free bottle of champagne -

don't mind if I do -

and a lovely spacious loo.

Oh, let me just...

Oh, let me just... Oh!

I know it's a beautiful,
beautiful ship,

but the room is so nice
that I could just literally

spend the whole time relaxing,

watching all those
gorgeous views go by.

Our cruise along this fabulous
river's about to begin.

From Porto, we follow it inland
to the historic city of Lamego.

We'll hop over the border into Spain
to visit Salamanca,

then rejoin the Douro to head to
the riverside town of Pocinho.

Then there's a stop off at Regua,
before returning to Porto,

where we'll board a train to
the country's capital, Lisbon.

In Portuguese, the Rio Douro
means "River of gold".

So let's hope we discover some
real treasures on our way.

Night-time sailing isn't allowed
on the Douro,

which means departures
are first thing in the morning -

so early, even the sparrows
are still snoozing.

Hang on!

What?

It's 6.30,
it's time for sail away.

No, it's not. Sail away yourself.

I never was good in the mornings -

especially after a few
glasses of port.

Coming up next, I lug my legs up
this stunning staircase...

498, 499...
I've lost count now!

..and have a brush
with a lovely cockerel.

Look at that! Got a plumage.

SHE LAUGHS

This is the time
when I've got my camera on a stick.

I'm going to see the ship
now for the first time, with you.

SHE HUMS

This ship really is
the height of modern elegance.

It's just beautiful, innit?

Every angle you look at
looks really fabulous.

Hi. Hi.

Now, this is the dining room.

You know, it's not like
a big mega-ship

where there's, sometimes,
29 restaurants on them.

This is the only one
and it is absolutely fabulous.

Sorry, what is your name?

Nuno.

I am the head chef.
Nuno. Oh, you're the head chef.

Yes. Hello, Nuno. Well, thank you
so much for looking after us.

Thank you so much. I'm very,
very pleased to meet you.

And you're the most important
person on the ship, let's be honest.

Thank you so much.

Lovely to meet you, Nuno.
Nice to meet you. Bye. Bye.

Always pays to make friends
with the man who gives out the food.

I like the fact that they've used
mirrors everywhere as well,

so everything looks a lot bigger.

There's a little sundeck out there,
where you can just nip out

and have a cup of tea
or a glass of wine.

I still can't get over...that.

Lots of people waving.

Oh, it's beautiful.

That's a posh pool, innit?

You know, I don't usually, erm...

I don't usually go for
many pools on ships.

But this one just looks
so inviting.

I never thought I would say
ocean cruising would be beaten,

but I'm getting there.

You never tire of this
wonderful, wonderful view.

It's fantastic. I love it!
I love my life!

There's a full day of this cruise
along the Douro

before reaching our
first port of call.

Once there,
I'll be doing some serious walking.

Best get some rest beforehand then.

Oh, hello!
Welcome to me boudoir.

I'm just checking that we're
going to Lamego tomorrow,

which looks fantastic.

It's got fabulous tiles.

I mean, Portugal is well known
for its tiles,

so I'm going to have a look at
some of those, cos you never know

when you're going to change
your kitchen, do you now?

So that's my trip tomorrow.

I do hope you enjoy as much as I do.

I cannot tell you how excited I am
about this amazing bed.

I'll see ya tomorrow.

Ah, this is great, innit?

Think I'll need that button again
to get me up in the morning.

Good morning!

Or - as they say in Portugal -
bon dia!

Let's go to Lamego!

One of the great things
about a river cruise

is that you get to see places that
are off the normal tourist trail.

Just like this hidden gem.

You know, I absolutely adore

discovering somewhere
for the first time.

And Lamego is stunning.

The first king of Portugal
was declared right here

in the 12th century.

Right here. Well, not here.

I mean, here in Lamego.

And we all love a bit of royalty,
don't we?

Almost as much as us Yorkshire girls
love a good step.

That's step singular, by the way!

Hello, fellow passengers.
How are you doing?

Nice to see ya. Nice to see you.
Have you walked up this yet? No.

No, come down it.

How come I've got t' bottom?

How come they've dropped me off
at the bottom

cos I'm supposed to go up 'em?
Is there a stairlift?

No. No, there's nothing there.

Now this was built in the 1700s,

and right at the top is the chapel
of Our Lady's Remedies.

686 steps later,

I hope there's a good foot remedy
for our lady 'ere

because, let's be honest,
I'm gonna need one!

Right. How many?

One, two, three, four, five...

One of the designers credited with
this masterpiece is Nicolau Nasoni.

Remember him cos
he'll be cropping up later.

Now, this is the place
to ask for a cure

if you or someone you know is sick.

52, 53, 54...

Now, apparently, if you're
very religious or pious,

you do this on your knees.

Now, I'm no angel,
but I ain't been that bad.

54, 55, 56, 57...

498, 499,

500, 501, 2, 3, 4, 6, 7...

508.

Now, everywhere you go...

BREATHLESSLY: Just hang on a minute.

Everywhere you go here,
you see these beautiful tiles.

Blue and white tiles called azu...

Azul...
SHE LAUGHS

What is it called again?

Azulejos. OK.

You see these beautiful tiles
called azulejos.

They are absolutely stunning,

and every single time you see this
on the way up,

it's all dedicated
to Our Lady of Remedies.

They are really stunning.

There's a challenge to find a tile
depicting an angel with six toes.

After all this climbing, I think
I've found a heartbeat in mine.

600... I've lost count now.

I just know there's a lot of steps.

But look at this. Look at it!

It is worth it.

This is the pay-off.

It is stunning.

It's beautiful, innit?

It's definitely worth that climb.

I didn't think so halfway up,
but now I'm here

and I can see how absolutely
extraordinary this is...

..it's worth every step.

Look!

I wonder if they'd mind
if I put my feet in that fountain.

Do you know, that trip's left me
feeling all inspired.

The ship runs a
tile painting workshop,

so I've put my name down.

Are you any good at painting?

Absolutely not. No. Good. Are you?

No. Rubbish. Finger painting.
I know. I can't even do that.

The tiles are a Spanish import.

Originating in Seville, they hopped
over the border in the 1500s

and have been a Portuguese tradition
ever since.

We do grouting, they do painting.

What tips have you got
for us 'ere, Joyce?

For doing this? Yeah.

A steady hand.

A steady hand.
SHE LAUGHS

Mine don't look a bit like this.

It will do when it's fired. Yeah.

So it doesn't matter if you put your
own interpretation on, does it?

No. As I say, when it's fired,
it will be a lot better. Will it?

Yeah, I'm sure it will.
Well, you never know, do you?

You never know.

We've got started on our
kitchen tiles, haven't we?

We have, love, yeah.
Is blue and white your kitchen?

Well, no, but it will be. You know?
THEY LAUGH

I might just change it.

And if I do, this will be
the perfect resting place

for me tea pot.

I'm really enjoying this.
SHE LAUGHS

Absolutely.

It's like being back at school.
It's fantastic, innit?

Look at that,
it's a very proud cockerel, mine.

It's got a plumage.

SHE LAUGHS

The cockerel we're painting
is the Barcelos rooster -

Portuguese symbol of good luck.

You'll find it everywhere here,

from tea towels to, well, tiles!

Think I've done a really
good job there. Don't you?

No, actually, that's mine.

It's not great, is it?

THEY LAUGH

I'm very proud.

My teacher said it's quite good.

Thank you. Shall I give you that
now? Yes. Thank you very much. Yeah.

THEY LAUGH

Well, thanks for watching my new
series, Tiling With Jane McDonald.

You've all been wonderful.

Now, I'm due to go
to Salamanca tomorrow.

Salamanca, isn't that...?

Isn't that a Bond villain? Is it?

No, that's Scaramanga.
Scaramanga, isn't it?

Oh, I prefer Goldfinger anyway.

Erm... But tonight,
I've got a licence to chill.

Good morning, Captain. How are you?
Good morning. How are you?

Very well. See you later.

It's a two and a half hour drive
from the port to Salamanca,

so it's wise to have a full English
before setting off.

And be prepared for busy streets.

It's a lively place,

as it's home to around
30,000 students,

as well as all us tourists.

I've booked myself
on a guided city tour -

always useful when you
don't speak the language.

And a great way of getting to
know your fellow passengers.

GUITAR PLAYS

I actually love being
on a group tour

because you're with friends that
you've met over a drink or a meal

and you're all sort of learning
a different thing together,

so you're all, like, bonded,

and you're all in the same boat.
Pardon the pun.

Now we're going to go the direction

to the old headquarters
of the university.

And there we must find
the most famous frog

of the city of Salamanca.

We don't need to kiss it,
only find it.

A frog means long life,
it means good luck,

it means you're gonna
pass your exams.

Well, two out of three ain't bad.

I could do with finding a frog but I
can't find a flippin' frog anywhere.

It's somewhere on this.

You see the first floor,
on the first floor,

on the right column,
the big right column.

Ah, there it is!

And again. One, two, three, there.
Yay!

Little did you think you'd spend
your day frog-hunting.

No, I never did.
Never in a million years.

And I didn't realise it was such
a lucky symbol either.

Or that it was so small.

I know! I'm glad we found it.
CHUCKLING: Yes.

Not every couple
likes the same things.

When you're on an
organised tour like this,

if your wife or your husband
or your partner

wants to stay on the ship
and do what they want to do,

then this is the perfect thing.

You can come and join a group
like this, so you're never alone,

but you're seeing everything
that you want to see

and then nobody's upset.

You have the old cathedral.
The Romanesque cathedral.

Constructed in the 12th century.

In the centre of Salamanca,

there are two huge cathedrals
side by side.

This was built in the 1200s.

And, in the 1500s,
it was so rich was this place,

that they built the massive,
massive cathedral next door.

And they were going to
knock this down,

but people fell in love
with it so much,

and they worshipped here for so long
that they decided to value the old.

And thank goodness they did.
Cos look at the history.

Value the old.
There's hope for me yet.

It's just wonderful.

I love the story as well.

This is their interpretation
of heaven and hell.

All the people from heaven
have got clothes on.

All the people in hell are naked.

That'll put you on the
straight and narrow, won't it?

CROWD APPLAUD

What's going on 'ere?

Hi. Hi. Do you know what's that?

No, what...what is this?
Well, this is the...

This is the tuna.

This is a very special
tradition we've got

in the city of Salamanca.

Traditionally,
they were poor students

that they asked for some money,

and for that, they sang throughout
the streets of the city. Yeah.

Nowadays, we've got the pleasure
to have here the medical school.

The medical...? So these are
all trainee doctors?

Yeah, that's right.
THEY SING

I'm sorry but there's nothing
more attractive than a doctor,

but a doctor who can play guitar
and sing,

that's pretty hot!

I bet they've got
a lovely bedside manner too.

Hope Ed isn't watching.

Feel a bit of an idiot cos
there's only me dancing.

SHE LAUGHS

But I don't care!

What a perfect end to a perfect day.

On second thoughts, there's only
one way to end a day in Spain.

Coming up next, I brave the banks
of the Douro,

with a little help from my brolly...

It gets a little bit wet
going under this.

Ooh!
SHE LAUGHS

..and I call in on
a world-famous wine house.

Things could get messy!

She looks like she's had
a bit too much.

I'm on day five of my cruise
down Portugal's River Douro.

We've crossed the border with Spain,

and are now heading back
up the river.

There's a full day on board

before we reach our next port
of Regua.

But it won't be all plain sailing.

Along with the five massive
hydro electric dams along

this stretch of the river, there
are other pieces of engineering

designed to challenge
our captain to the max.

Now, on this particular journey,
there are five locks.

And we're just about to come to
another one right now.

A lot of people might think this is
a boring part, but for me,

I find it quite interesting.

And it's amazing to see
how high we are here

to how low we're going to
have to get there.

Our skipper, Alfonso Ribeiro -

that's him there, concentrating -

has got less than a metre
either side of the ship

to squeeze in to this lock.

Everyone breathe in.

That is pretty close.

And don't forget, this is
fronty bit, this is pointy end.

But down that side,
there's hardly any room at all.

Captain, just the man I need.
Hello, lovely. How are you?

Very well, thank you. I want...

Wait, good driving.
Good driving there.

Oh, thank you so much.

Yeah, you're good at, sort of,
you know, manoeuvring.

That's the lock that's
the mostly good manoeuvre.

On my car, I've got parking sensors.

So if I'm going to hit a wall,
it goes "Beep-beep-beep."

Have you got one of those in there?
No, no.

No? No, no.

Oh, so you really have to
know your game?

Yeah, I have to do everything
myself. That's amazing.

A lock is basically
a lift for boats.

The difference in water level here
is 27 metres -

that's more than
six double decker buses.

We have come to the next level
of our journey.

Now, apparently, it gets a little
bit wet going under this.

So I have come prepared.

You don't get this type of thing
in ocean cruising,

but I think this is
really spectacular.

Ooh, here we go!

Well, you do, actually, cos you get

caught in a few tropical storms
in the ocean, don't ya?

Oooh!

SHE CHUCKLES

And now, brolly down.

Ooh!

Sunglasses back on.

And we're back on us holidays.

And when you're on your holidays,
there's always time for a shindig.

That's worn me out.
Think I'll take a quick dip.

I told ya I'd get in that pool.

Tomorrow's, er, stop has got
quite a few tours,

but there's one on here that is
particularly catching me eye,

because it's where Mateus Rose
is made.

If I remember rightly, my auntie
Nancy made a lamp out of the bottle

cos we all thought we were
really cool doing that.

Yeah, exactly like this!

She... She made a lamp
exactly the same as this,

but it had a lot more fringing on.
A bit bigger.

Lots of fringing.
Very ornate, very chintzy.

But, yeah, that's exactly
how it was.

So, I would like to go and see
where this is made tomorrow.

So, goodnight for now. Yeah.

How do you switch this off?

I can't switch it off.
Is there a way to switch this off?

Hello?

Morning has broken on day six.

And I'm off to Mateus Palace.

Look at that!

It's definitely
the picture on the bottle.

It is exactly this place.

She looks like
she's had a bit too much.

It was designed by the architect
Nicolau Nasoni -

yes, the same guy that did
the fancy steps in Lamego.

Busy fella, wasn't he?

Now, I'm here
in the height of summer.

So it's August right now.

But if you come in the spring,
this whole place

is awash with a rainbow of colours.

Look at me. Monty Don,
eat your heart out.

Come on. Let's go inside.

Ooh.

Hello. Hi! Nice to meet you. You're
Filipa? Yes. Nice to meet you.

I'm Jane. Very nice to meet you.
Welcome to the House of Mateus.

Thank you. So this is
where it all began?

Yes, exactly. The house was built in
the first half of the 18th century,

so 1749.

It's belonged to generations
of the same family -

a well-travelled bunch who stuffed
it with lots of lovely pieces

from around the world.

They must keep all the Yorkshire
stuff behind lock and key somewhere.

In here, we have one of
the most beautiful pieces

and one of the most valuable pieces
in our collection,

this table here.

This came from Gujarat.
That is north of India.

And, well, this is priceless.

You can see here in the top,

this is made with mother of pearl
and turtle shell.

I daren't even go near it.
THEY LAUGH

I'll just step back
from the priceless table.

I've got a Swedish table
in my house.

It came flat-packed from a store
just north of Birstall.

So this is our beautiful
dining room. Oh, wow.

Oh, it's just gorgeous, isn't it?

It feels peaceful and opulent.

Yes, with the...the gardens.

We can see from here,
it's beautiful too.

It's very Versailles, isn't it?

Yes. The father of the present count

ordered a garden inspired by
the Versailles gardens.

Wow! Look at me, yeah.

I seem to...
You know the stuff. Exactly.

Yeah, I've seen it on the telly.
Yeah. That's what it is.

It really is a beautiful place,
but so far,

no sign of the famous rose.

Now, Matius Rose...

It's not Matius, is it?
It's... Mateus.

Mateus Rose was huge, and still is,
in the United Kingdom.

Yeah, it's mass production.
Yeah. Yeah. Is it made here?

No. Nowadays, no.
But in the beginning,

the first productions was made with
the grapes of this property.

Ah. Yeah.
So it's the vineyard here?

The vineyard is from here.

Nowadays, the only connection
that we have,

it's only the label. Ah-ha.

The label. Yeah, the label is
as famous as the wine. Exactly.

Absolutely.

For years, I have
recognised this image.

It's been in every supermarket
I've ever been in,

on the front of every bottle.

This family are collectors.

They bring wonderful things
from all around the world

back to this home.

I bring back fridge magnets.

As the sun goes down,
it's time for the social highlight.

I've been invited to the captain's
table for dinner, don't ya know?

Oh, hello. You get everywhere.

Now, I've been to
a few of these before

but I still get butterflies
in my stomach.

Well, at least I won't be on my own.

Are we sitting here?
You're next to me, dear.

Oh, am I next to you?
Yes, you are.

Oh, hello! Thank you.
Thank you very much.

An invite to the captain's table
is a great excuse

to get your glad rags on and mingle.

Eating, drinking and chatting -
it don't come much better than that.

But you cruise a lot, don't you,
and you enjoy life? Oh, yes.

We've done... We love travelling.

Well, that's good.

Cruises, we've done 56.

The food on this trip
has been really amazing.

The produce is fresh and local,

so you get a real flavour
of where you are.

Right, risotto time.

My favourite. I love risotto.

Bit of cheese and rice,

but my God, it tastes fabulous,
doesn't it?

And it just keeps on coming.

And on recommendation from the
captain, I'm going for the beef.

I've done quite a lot of captains'
dinners because, of course,

when I was a singer on the ships
as well, I used to host tables.

So I've got used to
talking to people.

It's still nerve-racking,
but I've always left

feeling honoured, pleased
that I've met some wonderful people,

and you always get the finest wines
on the captain's table.

So if you do get an invite
to the captain's table, go.

Cheers, everyone!

Thank you, Captain,
for your invitation.

Thank you. Salute. Salute.

I've had a fabulous time
on this cruise.

It's just a pity
it's coming to an end so soon.

Bittersweet, today, really.

I'm getting off the ship,
but I'm getting on a train

and going to Lisbon. So although
it's quite sad at this side,

it is going to be very exciting
at that side.

So, come on.

Thank you.

Thank you, Jane,
for cruising with Emerald Waterways.

Oh, bless you.
I'll see you very soon.

Thank you. All right. Ciao, baby.
Cheers, lovely. Bye.

So, from the ship
to the station.

But in true Portuguese style,
it's not your average one.

More like an art gallery.

Wow. Look at this place!

It's amazing that there's 20,000
beautifully painted tiles here,

and yet, everybody
who's coming in and out

is just getting on with their lives,
thinking, "Where's my train?"

And yet, there's all
this beauty surrounding.

Sao Bento station
is over a hundred years old

and definitely worth a visit,

even if you don't have
a train to catch.

I mean, look at those tiles.

You don't get them at
Wakefield Westgate, do ya?

It's really something to see.

Right, where's my train?

Erm, right, this way.

It's this one. I'm sure.

Coming up next,
the dolls have eyes -

a few too many if you ask me...

That one there.

That's gonna get me.

..and after eight days away,
I find my home from home.

Look at this!
We're in tart heaven.

I'm nearing the end of my passage
through Portugal.

I've left behind the River of Gold,
and now I'm in the nation's capital.

Hello, lovely Lisbon.

Well, this is slightly different,
isn't it?

The slow pace of the Douro

and now we're in the
busy, busy city of Lisbon.

And there's shops. I'm off.

This is Europe's
second-oldest capital city.

Some of history's most adventurous
explorers were Portuguese.

So, as a tribute to them, I'm off
to do some exploring of my own.

I always say,
when you're on a cruise,

you should try to do something
that you would normally never do.

I'd never normally visit
a dolls' hospital.

So guess where I'm going now.

Hospital de Bonecas
is open to visitors.

And today, guides Melanie
and Manuela are introducing me

to one of the patients.

This is her.

She has come in for cleaning
and for a new dress.

Really?

And people have that
in their bedrooms?

Yes. Sometimes.

They like that? I-I would be...

I would never sleep.

Cos they're just looking at you
the whole time.

Especially dressed as a clown.

There's drawers full of spare
body parts to fix anything

from priceless porcelain heirlooms
to run-of-the-mill Barbies.

Have you got any of the eyes?
Could I see the eyes?

This box has eyes...

JANE STIFLES A SHRIEK
..different colours, different size.

Oh, my God. Look at that.

This, for example...
Oh, yeah. ..it's brown.

So you just do that
and they're weighted, yeah?

Yeah. Weights.

There's also a museum
that's home to over 4,000 dolls.

That's not a
good-looking doll, is it?

Yeah, that's...

That's a spooky...
That's creepy. I mean, this...

She looks....

I mean, that's... That's...

Ooh.

Wow! Every room is crammed
full of eyes,

just peering at you.

Do you not get...?

No, no, it's not... No?
It's just a doll. It's a doll.

So, if you have a doll
that you still love

but it's in a bit of a state,
send it here

and these lovely ladies will
bring it back to all its glory.

Just don't ask me to come
and collect it for you.

I'm thinking...

..that I was just having a look
at some nice, pretty dolls,

and then three of them eyeballed me.

I'm talking, really, as if they were
going to come and go...

SHE SQUEALS
..you know, like the film?

That one there. That's just not...

That's... That's gonna get me.

Lisbon's a bustling
cultural capital,

but the longest lines
aren't for galleries or museums.

This massive queue here
is all for a custard tart.

Huge amounts are sold every day.

And there's lots of bakeries
that claim

that they came up with the recipe.

But I think this
is the most popular.

So I'm gonna join that queue and
I'm gonna to see how they're made,

and I'm gonna taste them for myself.

Cos you know me, I love a tart.

The tarts of pasteis de Belem
date all the way back from 1837,

when a nearby monastery
started producing them.

The same recipe's still
going strong today.

Are you Maria?

Hello. Hello! I'm Jane.

Oh, do you want to join me?

I will show you the baking of
pasteis de Belem. Oh, fantastic.

They make up to 40,000 tarts
here every day.

The recipe is so secret, only three
people in the whole world know it.

So, every single bit is handmade?

Yes. Wow.

Do you want to try it?

Yeah. Come on. Can I? Yes.

OK.

So you do...?

Oh, blimey! This is harder
than you think.

You have to do this for me.
You see the swell over there?

Yeah. You press the swell
to the bottom.

This is a lot harder than you think.

She's made four to my one.

I'm rubbish at this.

So we have the outside,

but what about the
all-important filling?

So this is the custard room?

Yes, it comes from the...the
pressure pan upstairs

and comes down from the hose
to there, to cool down.

So it's all being made up there?

Part of it, yeah.
And then comes down the tube...

Yes. ..and into that?

Into there, yeah.
JANE GASPS

Wow.

This is amazing. Yes.

The tarts are filled with custard
and baked to perfection.

Oooh, look at this!

We're in tart heaven.

Can you get the smell?

Mm. The smell is so good.

Oh, my goodness, me.

I can't wait to eat one.

And when I say I can't wait,
I mean it.

Cos it's time to tuck in.

Oooh, they're nice and warm.

Good, isn't it?
Oh. Do you like it?

Ooh! Mm. Mmmm!

SHE LAUGHS

That is not just a tart.

That is an experience.

And now I have seen them
all being made,

you have to come to Portugal
and you have to come here,

because this is something you will
never taste anywhere else

but here.

And trust me, it's worth it.

Mm!

A delicious way to end my time here
in this beautiful country.

What an amazing trip
from start to finish.

Every single bit of this journey
through Portugal, I have loved.

I feel like I've had a holiday
romance that I don't want to finish.

I have definitely now
got a love affair with Portugal,

and I intend to come back.

What a fabulous time I've had.

I sincerely hope you have
a great time as well.

Go for it.

# In the middle of the
I go walking in my

# Ah-ah

# In the middle of the night

# I go walking in my sleep

# From the mountains of faith

# To the river so deep

# I must be looking for something

# Something sacred I lost

# But the river is wide

# And it's too hard to cross

# And even though I know
the river is wide

# I walk down every evening
and I stand on the shore

# And try to cross
to the opposite side

# So I can finally find
what I've been looking for

# In the middle of the night

# I go walking in my sleep

# Through the valley of fear

# To a river so deep

# I been searching for something

# Taken out of my soul

# Something I'd never lose

# Something somebody stole

# I don't know why I go
walking at night

# But now I'm tired
and I don't want to walk any more

# I hope it doesn't take
the rest of my life

# Until I find what it is
that I've been looking for

# In the middle of the night

# I go walking in the
In the middle of the

# I go walking in the

# In the middle of the night

# I go walking in my sleep

# Through the desert of truth

# By the river of dreams

# In the middle of the night. #

Look at this beautiful day.

Let's go to Lamenga...mo...go.

Lamengo...

BOTH LAUGH

Subtitles by Red Bee Media