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All language subtitles for Corner Gas Animated - 02x06 - Oedipus Hex.HDTV-aAF

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,327 --> 00:00:03,227 sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~ 2 00:00:05,563 --> 00:00:06,898 Ten dollars! 3 00:00:06,899 --> 00:00:09,166 Do I hear ten dollars for Phil? 4 00:00:10,935 --> 00:00:13,403 Come on, people, it's a bachelor auction. 5 00:00:13,405 --> 00:00:16,573 Let's go! A ten-spot for Phil. 6 00:00:16,575 --> 00:00:19,276 Phil your boots with Phil the Thrill. 7 00:00:19,278 --> 00:00:21,278 Look at him Phil those pants! 8 00:00:22,914 --> 00:00:24,982 Come on, I'm running out of Phil puns. 9 00:00:24,984 --> 00:00:26,818 Fine. Ten dollars. 10 00:00:26,819 --> 00:00:30,554 Finally! Sold to Karen Pelly for ten bucks. 11 00:00:30,556 --> 00:00:34,158 - You sweet on Phil, Karen? - No. This was the fastest way 12 00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:36,995 to get him back behind the bar to Phil my glass. 13 00:00:36,996 --> 00:00:39,097 Hey! I thought of another Phil pun! 14 00:00:39,098 --> 00:00:42,293 Moving on. Are you ready for your next 15 00:00:42,294 --> 00:00:43,800 hunk of man meat, ladies? 16 00:00:45,738 --> 00:00:48,139 You're up, Brent. Look sharp. 17 00:00:48,140 --> 00:00:50,374 I feel like I'm wearing neck Spanx. 18 00:00:50,376 --> 00:00:53,443 Come on... I need this fundraiser to raise some funds, 19 00:00:53,445 --> 00:00:55,512 so get out there and shake your money-maker. 20 00:00:55,514 --> 00:00:58,181 I'm not sure my maker was made to make money, 21 00:00:58,183 --> 00:00:59,651 but I'll give it a twirl. 22 00:00:59,652 --> 00:01:01,953 I'd prefer a shake, or a twerk. 23 00:01:01,954 --> 00:01:04,955 Good luck, but so far I've brought in the most money. 24 00:01:04,957 --> 00:01:07,658 Women love a man in uniform. 25 00:01:07,660 --> 00:01:09,326 It's because the shirt and pants match. 26 00:01:09,328 --> 00:01:12,029 The next bachelor in our auction 27 00:01:12,031 --> 00:01:14,331 to raise money for Ike's burned-down barn 28 00:01:14,333 --> 00:01:16,867 is a real barn-burner himself, 29 00:01:16,869 --> 00:01:19,970 though not actually responsible for Ike's recent tragedy. 30 00:01:19,972 --> 00:01:22,064 Brent Leroy! 31 00:01:25,677 --> 00:01:29,846 - Do something sexy! - I thought I was. 32 00:01:29,848 --> 00:01:31,481 But... okay. 33 00:01:34,853 --> 00:01:37,454 Let's start the bidding at $20. 34 00:01:37,456 --> 00:01:38,589 Do I hear 20? 35 00:01:40,759 --> 00:01:42,359 $500! 36 00:01:42,727 --> 00:01:45,228 - Phone bid. - Sold! 37 00:01:45,229 --> 00:01:48,066 No takebacks, final sale, to the mystery phone woman! 38 00:01:48,067 --> 00:01:49,933 We assume it's a woman. 39 00:01:49,935 --> 00:01:52,470 - Probably a blind one. - Huh. 40 00:01:52,471 --> 00:01:54,414 All this time, I've been sitting on 41 00:01:54,415 --> 00:01:55,305 an actual money maker. 42 00:01:55,307 --> 00:01:58,976 ♪ You think there's not a lot goin' on ♪ 43 00:01:58,978 --> 00:02:01,912 ♪ Look closer, baby you're so wrong ♪ 44 00:02:02,342 --> 00:02:05,295 2x06 - Oedipus Hex 45 00:02:07,685 --> 00:02:09,553 Oh. Is that the money from the auction? 46 00:02:09,555 --> 00:02:12,622 Good, because I need to pay for the lumber for Ike's barn. 47 00:02:12,623 --> 00:02:14,058 I thought you put it on your credit card. 48 00:02:14,059 --> 00:02:16,094 I did. I only put it on the card 49 00:02:16,095 --> 00:02:18,663 to get the travel points. But I need to pay it off right away. 50 00:02:18,664 --> 00:02:21,665 I can't be paying interest on a $5,000 balance. 51 00:02:21,667 --> 00:02:24,935 Oh... So the fact that we only raised $2,000 52 00:02:24,937 --> 00:02:28,906 - is not good news? - What? How did we raise less than half? 53 00:02:28,907 --> 00:02:31,375 You said a bachelor auction would bring in a fortune. 54 00:02:31,377 --> 00:02:34,211 And you said you could get Chris Hemsworth as a bachelor. 55 00:02:34,213 --> 00:02:37,248 I said I could get Chris Hadfield. And I did. 56 00:02:39,385 --> 00:02:40,617 What? 57 00:02:40,618 --> 00:02:44,187 I said, my good looks are out of this world. 58 00:02:44,189 --> 00:02:46,675 At any rate, I seem to have left my wallet 59 00:02:46,676 --> 00:02:48,163 out in my spaceship. 60 00:02:51,196 --> 00:02:54,065 Aw, thanks a lot, Emma. Now I'm in debt. 61 00:02:54,066 --> 00:02:56,300 - I'll pay for his coffee. - I mean the lumber. 62 00:02:56,301 --> 00:02:57,635 Maybe you should have waited 63 00:02:57,636 --> 00:02:59,636 till we knew what kind of money we'd raise 64 00:02:59,638 --> 00:03:02,039 before putting it all on your credit card. 65 00:03:02,041 --> 00:03:05,076 It was double points day! And I was trying to be nice. 66 00:03:05,077 --> 00:03:06,644 I was trying to be nice too! 67 00:03:06,645 --> 00:03:09,112 Well, aren't we both just really nice?! 68 00:03:09,114 --> 00:03:11,461 The nicest! 69 00:03:13,551 --> 00:03:16,254 Hey. Watch where you're pointing that thing. 70 00:03:16,255 --> 00:03:18,355 Based on current interest in this thing, 71 00:03:18,357 --> 00:03:19,924 you owe me 50 bucks. 72 00:03:19,925 --> 00:03:22,926 Brent's love life is none of your damn business, Davis! 73 00:03:22,928 --> 00:03:25,128 Come on, tell us who bid on you. 74 00:03:25,130 --> 00:03:27,098 I dunno yet. I got an invite card, 75 00:03:27,099 --> 00:03:28,266 and I'm meeting my mystery date 76 00:03:28,267 --> 00:03:31,035 - for dinner in the city tonight. - Mystery date! 77 00:03:31,036 --> 00:03:32,669 I wonder who it is... 78 00:03:32,671 --> 00:03:35,406 Oh, Brent, please introduce me, 79 00:03:35,407 --> 00:03:39,142 a sexy international supermodel, to your friend Davis. 80 00:03:39,144 --> 00:03:42,012 I love the way his shirt and pants match. 81 00:03:42,014 --> 00:03:44,181 Hmm... 82 00:03:44,183 --> 00:03:48,185 Oh, Brent, Wanda was right, as usual. 83 00:03:48,187 --> 00:03:50,120 She should get a raise. 84 00:03:50,122 --> 00:03:52,397 Hmm. 85 00:03:52,623 --> 00:03:57,527 Oh, Brent, Karen has such a limited imagination. 86 00:03:58,496 --> 00:04:00,297 Did my own brain just burn me? 87 00:04:00,299 --> 00:04:03,233 This mystery woman might be dangerous. 88 00:04:03,235 --> 00:04:05,602 - Want a police escort? - Nice try. 89 00:04:05,603 --> 00:04:07,138 Besides, don't you have a date tonight? 90 00:04:07,139 --> 00:04:10,407 - Who's a hard 70? - Yup. Heading to Helen's now. 91 00:04:10,409 --> 00:04:12,809 Need to pick her up a few things first. 92 00:04:12,811 --> 00:04:15,745 Eggs, milk, four litres of baby oil... 93 00:04:15,747 --> 00:04:17,581 What the hell kind of cake is she making? 94 00:04:17,583 --> 00:04:19,983 Did Helen just bid on you so you would do her shopping? 95 00:04:19,985 --> 00:04:22,361 - No... - She wants him to make 96 00:04:22,396 --> 00:04:24,955 siren noises when he puts away the groceries. 97 00:04:26,358 --> 00:04:27,558 What were you thinking, Emma? 98 00:04:27,559 --> 00:04:30,827 Women buying men like they're pieces of meat. 99 00:04:30,829 --> 00:04:33,197 It's sexist! How's my sandwich coming? 100 00:04:33,198 --> 00:04:36,234 I just wanted to help Ike get money to rebuild his barn. 101 00:04:36,235 --> 00:04:39,035 I try to do something nice for someone, 102 00:04:39,037 --> 00:04:42,205 - and I get my head ripped off. - Nice is for ninnies. 103 00:04:42,207 --> 00:04:43,584 Would it kill you to do 104 00:04:43,585 --> 00:04:46,210 something nice for me once in a while? 105 00:04:46,211 --> 00:04:48,912 Oh, you'd like it to kill me, wouldn't ya? 106 00:04:48,913 --> 00:04:50,314 Where you going? 107 00:04:50,315 --> 00:04:54,384 I'm going to have a nice time somewhere with someone nice. 108 00:04:55,253 --> 00:04:57,687 Who's going to cut my sandwich? 109 00:04:58,723 --> 00:05:00,438 Hey, Hank. how come you weren't 110 00:05:00,439 --> 00:05:01,959 at the bachelor auction last night? 111 00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:03,094 Yeah, with you in the mix, 112 00:05:03,095 --> 00:05:05,463 we could've raised $2,000 and 40 cents. 113 00:05:05,464 --> 00:05:08,365 Oh, uh, I had my own fundraiser for Ike. 114 00:05:08,367 --> 00:05:11,269 - A silent auction. - I never heard about it. 115 00:05:11,270 --> 00:05:13,436 That's why it's called a silent auction. 116 00:05:13,438 --> 00:05:14,872 How much money did you raise? 117 00:05:14,873 --> 00:05:17,208 - 500 bucks. - Hey, that's great! 118 00:05:17,209 --> 00:05:19,544 Give it to me, and I'll add it to the lumber debt. 119 00:05:19,545 --> 00:05:21,811 No way. This isn't for rebuilding Ike's barn. 120 00:05:21,812 --> 00:05:24,314 It's for paying a witch to lift the curse off him. 121 00:05:24,316 --> 00:05:26,674 Hmm, and here I thought there was nothing 122 00:05:26,675 --> 00:05:28,920 left in this town that could surprise me. 123 00:05:28,921 --> 00:05:30,288 I have a couple questions, 124 00:05:30,289 --> 00:05:33,056 number one, what the hell are you talking about? 125 00:05:33,058 --> 00:05:36,293 Ike's had a run of bad luck that just can't be explained. 126 00:05:36,295 --> 00:05:37,728 He was walking and texting, 127 00:05:37,729 --> 00:05:40,130 and unexplainably tripped on a stump. 128 00:05:40,132 --> 00:05:42,699 He also dropped the can of gasoline he was carrying 129 00:05:42,701 --> 00:05:45,302 into a pile of burning leaves beside the barn. 130 00:05:45,304 --> 00:05:49,506 Shortly after that, the barn mysteriously burned down. 131 00:05:49,508 --> 00:05:51,341 Okay, question number two, 132 00:05:51,343 --> 00:05:53,243 what the hell are you talking about? 133 00:05:53,245 --> 00:05:54,578 He's obviously cursed, 134 00:05:54,579 --> 00:05:58,348 so I need a quality witch to get rid of Ike's juju. 135 00:05:58,350 --> 00:06:00,885 - There are no witches in Dog River. - How do you know? 136 00:06:00,886 --> 00:06:03,351 Because I am one, and no one else comes to the meetings. 137 00:06:03,386 --> 00:06:06,323 Hmm... I mean, you do have stringy hair, 138 00:06:06,325 --> 00:06:07,625 and you are kind of pale. 139 00:06:07,626 --> 00:06:09,460 - What? - It's true, Hank. 140 00:06:09,461 --> 00:06:11,861 Lacey comes from a long line of witches. 141 00:06:11,863 --> 00:06:14,864 You see, dissolve to... 142 00:06:14,866 --> 00:06:17,267 Lacey is a descendant from the Puritan minister 143 00:06:17,269 --> 00:06:18,935 George Burroughs. 144 00:06:18,937 --> 00:06:22,772 He was made famous during the Salem witch trials. 145 00:06:22,774 --> 00:06:25,609 He borrowed some money and never paid it back, 146 00:06:25,611 --> 00:06:27,978 which made the villagers angry. 147 00:06:27,980 --> 00:06:31,348 They accused George of being a priest of the devil, 148 00:06:31,350 --> 00:06:37,120 and he was executed on August 19, 1692. 149 00:06:38,590 --> 00:06:42,092 His family changed the spelling of their last name to... 150 00:06:42,094 --> 00:06:46,263 ...Burrows with a "W". As in Lacey Burrows. 151 00:06:46,265 --> 00:06:48,332 Whoa. Is that true? 152 00:06:48,333 --> 00:06:49,700 She's a sorceress! 153 00:06:49,701 --> 00:06:52,976 How else does she always have ripe avocados? 154 00:06:53,704 --> 00:06:56,039 Is 500 bucks enough to lift the curse? 155 00:06:56,041 --> 00:06:58,508 - Um... - You gotta do this. 156 00:06:58,509 --> 00:07:01,811 It's a better cause than the magical guacamole. 157 00:07:01,813 --> 00:07:03,547 Okay, fine. I'll lift the hex. 158 00:07:03,548 --> 00:07:06,816 - But keep it on the DL. - Great! Meet me at Ike's farm. 159 00:07:06,818 --> 00:07:11,698 I don't need to tell you when. Your witchy ways will know. 160 00:07:12,423 --> 00:07:14,557 This'll help put a dent in the debt. 161 00:07:14,559 --> 00:07:16,326 Thanks for making up that story, Wanda. 162 00:07:16,328 --> 00:07:17,428 It's totally true. 163 00:07:17,429 --> 00:07:21,431 George Burroughs was a real person. Google it. 164 00:07:21,433 --> 00:07:23,500 And you could be a direct descendant. 165 00:07:23,502 --> 00:07:26,637 - Wait, you believe in witches? - Nope. I just like to argue 166 00:07:26,638 --> 00:07:28,505 the impossible side of an issue sometimes. 167 00:07:28,507 --> 00:07:30,841 Like when I told you that travel points credit card 168 00:07:30,842 --> 00:07:33,311 - was a good idea. - Exactly. 169 00:07:33,312 --> 00:07:35,613 Wait, you what? Oh, dammit! 170 00:07:35,614 --> 00:07:37,247 It's going to pay off! 171 00:07:43,688 --> 00:07:46,723 I'll assume she's gluten intolerant. 172 00:07:46,725 --> 00:07:50,360 Mom? What have I told you about coming on my dates? 173 00:07:50,362 --> 00:07:52,730 - It always makes it clunky. - Extra clunky this time. 174 00:07:52,731 --> 00:07:56,133 - I am your mystery date. - What? 175 00:07:56,134 --> 00:07:59,502 So you phoned yourself and bid on your own son? 176 00:07:59,504 --> 00:08:01,038 Are we on Dateline? 177 00:08:01,039 --> 00:08:02,473 I was worried no one would bid on you. 178 00:08:02,474 --> 00:08:04,708 I didn't want your feelings to get hurt, 179 00:08:04,710 --> 00:08:07,378 - so I started the bidding. - Well, you missed a few steps 180 00:08:07,379 --> 00:08:09,546 between 20 and 500 bucks. 181 00:08:09,548 --> 00:08:13,316 - I got caught up in the frenzy. - You were the frenzy. 182 00:08:13,318 --> 00:08:15,385 Well, this is disappointing. 183 00:08:15,387 --> 00:08:17,454 Pretend I'm not your mother. 184 00:08:17,456 --> 00:08:20,957 We're just two nice people having a nice dinner 185 00:08:20,959 --> 00:08:23,561 - being nice. - I don't know. 186 00:08:23,562 --> 00:08:24,929 Seems a little weird. 187 00:08:24,930 --> 00:08:26,964 - I'm buying. - Garcon? 188 00:08:29,700 --> 00:08:33,036 Wow, you really know how to gather a crowd, Glinda. 189 00:08:33,038 --> 00:08:36,406 Hank! Why are all these people here? 190 00:08:36,408 --> 00:08:38,808 I told you to keep it on the DL. 191 00:08:38,810 --> 00:08:41,312 You did, but I don't know what that means. 192 00:08:41,313 --> 00:08:43,546 Well, now I wish I'd worn a costume. 193 00:08:43,548 --> 00:08:44,782 I have something in the car. 194 00:08:46,852 --> 00:08:49,753 You have a wizard hat in your car? 195 00:08:49,755 --> 00:08:52,422 It's just a traffic cone with some star stickers on it. 196 00:08:52,424 --> 00:08:55,792 What am I supposed to do now? I don't know any spells. 197 00:08:55,794 --> 00:08:58,261 Make up gibberish and dance around. 198 00:08:58,263 --> 00:09:00,631 If they believe the hex is gone, it will be. 199 00:09:00,632 --> 00:09:03,454 Power of suggestion. 200 00:09:04,201 --> 00:09:05,902 Hey, there, Ike! 201 00:09:05,904 --> 00:09:08,972 To the spirit that has cursed Ike. 202 00:09:08,974 --> 00:09:10,740 I say to thee... 203 00:09:10,742 --> 00:09:13,710 "Maka-laka-tucka rucka-nucka-bucka-lucka... 204 00:09:13,712 --> 00:09:17,509 tucka-maka-rucka-lucka nucka-bucka-rucka." 205 00:09:18,048 --> 00:09:22,285 - Isn't that the Macarena? - Legally, it's different enough. 206 00:09:22,287 --> 00:09:23,953 Begone! 207 00:09:26,957 --> 00:09:30,794 - Did it work? - Don't feel any different. 208 00:09:30,796 --> 00:09:32,929 Try to trip on a stump again. 209 00:09:34,064 --> 00:09:36,333 I'm not going to trip over a stump if I can see it. 210 00:09:36,334 --> 00:09:39,302 It worked! Lacey is a witch! 211 00:09:40,205 --> 00:09:42,505 I knew it! 212 00:09:42,507 --> 00:09:45,944 Well, this could go one of two ways. 213 00:09:49,984 --> 00:09:52,951 Aw, even with Hank's 500 witch bucks, 214 00:09:52,953 --> 00:09:55,887 I still won't be able to pay off this credit card right away. 215 00:09:55,888 --> 00:09:58,090 So? Carry a balance for a couple of months. 216 00:09:58,092 --> 00:10:00,626 It's not like your card has a 21% interest rate. 217 00:10:00,628 --> 00:10:03,062 - Oh, wait. - This is your fault! 218 00:10:03,063 --> 00:10:05,097 But I will not let the system beat me. 219 00:10:05,099 --> 00:10:06,332 How many points have you earned so far? 220 00:10:06,333 --> 00:10:08,153 I'm a quarter of the way 221 00:10:08,188 --> 00:10:10,036 to a free flight to Branson, Missouri. 222 00:10:10,071 --> 00:10:12,839 Provided I get myself to Detroit, the City of Departure, 223 00:10:12,840 --> 00:10:14,374 and I don't check a bag. 224 00:10:14,375 --> 00:10:16,676 Yup. You really got 'em by the nards. 225 00:10:16,677 --> 00:10:19,444 Hey, Lacey. My cat won't stop meowing. 226 00:10:19,446 --> 00:10:22,715 Oh, how sad. Is that sad? 227 00:10:22,716 --> 00:10:25,484 Yeah, so could you cast a spell and make it stop? 228 00:10:25,486 --> 00:10:27,687 Bu... I don't really think... 229 00:10:27,688 --> 00:10:29,688 That you could afford her services. 230 00:10:29,690 --> 00:10:32,298 How much does it cost? 231 00:10:33,108 --> 00:10:36,329 Ooh, that's steep, but reasonable. 232 00:10:36,330 --> 00:10:38,530 There's nothing reasonable about any of this. 233 00:10:39,565 --> 00:10:41,266 I'll get my wizard cone. 234 00:10:43,537 --> 00:10:46,706 - So, you met the mystery woman? - Yup. 235 00:10:46,707 --> 00:10:48,708 - How was the date? - Very nice. 236 00:10:48,709 --> 00:10:51,376 So... do you love her now? 237 00:10:51,378 --> 00:10:53,913 - I don't not love her. - So you do love her! 238 00:10:53,914 --> 00:10:55,964 You could say I have feelings for her. 239 00:10:55,965 --> 00:10:58,550 - Are you gonna see her again? - Don't know how I can avoid that. 240 00:10:58,552 --> 00:11:00,820 You sound obsessed. You should call her right now. 241 00:11:00,821 --> 00:11:01,721 Nah, I'm good. 242 00:11:02,756 --> 00:11:06,658 Some woman is finally interested in the likes of you? 243 00:11:06,660 --> 00:11:09,728 Call her now before she regains her sanity. 244 00:11:09,730 --> 00:11:11,831 Okay, fine. I'll call her. 245 00:11:11,832 --> 00:11:14,467 Ah. Calling the day after a date seems desperate. 246 00:11:14,468 --> 00:11:16,903 Text her. That says you're interested, 247 00:11:16,904 --> 00:11:18,704 but not enough to hear her voice. 248 00:11:18,706 --> 00:11:21,173 When did you become a dating expert? 249 00:11:21,175 --> 00:11:24,043 Those who can't do, due to lack of options, teach. 250 00:11:25,746 --> 00:11:27,412 Second date confirmed. 251 00:11:28,415 --> 00:11:29,649 Hello? 252 00:11:29,650 --> 00:11:32,984 Oh, okay. Emma cancelled movie night. 253 00:11:32,986 --> 00:11:34,686 She's going to Helen's to play cards. 254 00:11:34,688 --> 00:11:37,845 - Emma may be trying to ghost you. - How did you know 255 00:11:37,880 --> 00:11:39,791 what movie we were going to watch? 256 00:11:41,929 --> 00:11:44,396 I have to find out who Brent's secret lady is. 257 00:11:44,397 --> 00:11:47,165 Why's this such a craw stuck in your... jaw, 258 00:11:47,167 --> 00:11:48,467 or whatever that saying is. 259 00:11:48,468 --> 00:11:50,869 I should've been the one who brought in 500 bucks. 260 00:11:50,871 --> 00:11:52,871 I'm the only rugged, square-jawed, 261 00:11:52,873 --> 00:11:55,908 single man in town. This is fishy. 262 00:11:55,909 --> 00:11:57,909 There's only one thing for me to do. 263 00:11:57,911 --> 00:12:00,479 Go to Helen's and put away her groceries? 264 00:12:00,481 --> 00:12:04,317 There's two things for me to do. Actually, three. 265 00:12:24,405 --> 00:12:25,363 Whoo! Whoo! 266 00:12:32,412 --> 00:12:36,415 Ah! I am only 200 bucks away from paying off this card. 267 00:12:36,417 --> 00:12:39,785 Who knew everyone in town would be so into my witchy ways? 268 00:12:39,787 --> 00:12:40,820 They're scared of you. 269 00:12:43,257 --> 00:12:44,624 Hmm... 270 00:12:44,625 --> 00:12:47,959 Remember, anything less than a 20% tip 271 00:12:47,961 --> 00:12:49,795 angers the spirit world. 272 00:12:49,797 --> 00:12:51,898 - Oh! - Yeah, of course... 273 00:12:51,899 --> 00:12:53,828 I've got something here... 274 00:12:54,100 --> 00:12:56,234 You know, it's really lovely 275 00:12:56,236 --> 00:12:58,870 spending some one-on-one time with you. 276 00:12:58,872 --> 00:13:01,006 I'm glad Dad pressured me into asking you out 277 00:13:01,008 --> 00:13:03,643 on a second date, and I already regret that wording. 278 00:13:03,644 --> 00:13:06,178 Let's keep our little tryst a secret. 279 00:13:06,179 --> 00:13:08,915 - "Tryst" is even worse wording. - How about "rendezvous"? 280 00:13:08,916 --> 00:13:10,316 How about we change the subject? 281 00:13:10,317 --> 00:13:12,617 Can we get some tiramisu? 282 00:13:14,654 --> 00:13:15,955 Where's Emma? 283 00:13:15,956 --> 00:13:18,690 I'm making coffee and can't find the chocolate pudding. 284 00:13:18,692 --> 00:13:21,861 No idea. She's not here. 285 00:13:21,862 --> 00:13:23,329 She said you'd be playing cards. 286 00:13:23,330 --> 00:13:25,330 Wee-oo! Wee-oo! 287 00:13:25,332 --> 00:13:29,000 - Who you got in there? - Go home, Oscar! 288 00:13:29,002 --> 00:13:31,703 But I need pudding for my coffee! 289 00:13:32,606 --> 00:13:37,676 - Wee-oo! Wee-oo! - Sure looks like thirsty work, Davis. 290 00:13:37,678 --> 00:13:39,045 How about you take off your shirt 291 00:13:39,046 --> 00:13:42,248 - and have some lemonade? - No time. 292 00:13:42,249 --> 00:13:44,616 Gotta find a mystery woman. 293 00:13:45,919 --> 00:13:48,520 I'm right here. 294 00:13:54,862 --> 00:13:57,128 Hello, wife of mine. 295 00:13:57,130 --> 00:14:00,899 Why are you sitting in the dark? Is the clapper broken? 296 00:14:00,901 --> 00:14:02,701 No, it's called drama. Ever heard of it? 297 00:14:02,703 --> 00:14:05,705 I want to know where you've been and what you've been doing. 298 00:14:05,706 --> 00:14:08,040 - I was out with Brent. - Hogwater! 299 00:14:08,041 --> 00:14:10,910 I happen to know Brent was on a date with his mystery woman. 300 00:14:10,911 --> 00:14:13,211 I can believe you're this stupid, 301 00:14:13,213 --> 00:14:15,680 but I can't believe you'd call me a liar. 302 00:14:15,682 --> 00:14:18,717 I'm sorry. I, uh, I trust you completely. 303 00:14:18,719 --> 00:14:20,452 Emma's having an affair! 304 00:14:20,454 --> 00:14:22,587 Follow her and find out who it's with. 305 00:14:22,588 --> 00:14:25,090 Seriously, this is not what the police are for. 306 00:14:25,092 --> 00:14:26,892 Mind you, what else am I doing these days? 307 00:14:26,894 --> 00:14:28,227 Any idea who it is? 308 00:14:28,228 --> 00:14:30,930 That's your job, jackass! But I'll tell you what. 309 00:14:30,931 --> 00:14:32,931 He may look like Brad Clooney 310 00:14:32,933 --> 00:14:35,166 and smell like Ricardo Mintybalm, 311 00:14:35,168 --> 00:14:39,543 but he doesn't have the one thing Emma married me for! 312 00:14:40,836 --> 00:14:44,743 My personality! Now, get sleuthing, Nancy Drew! 313 00:14:49,081 --> 00:14:50,916 Back from a delightful second free meal 314 00:14:50,918 --> 00:14:52,351 with my mystery woman. 315 00:14:52,352 --> 00:14:53,653 Hey, how come you're the only one 316 00:14:53,654 --> 00:14:56,222 not chomping at the bit to know who my mystery woman is? 317 00:14:56,223 --> 00:14:59,090 You want me to imagine you in an amorous liaison? 318 00:14:59,092 --> 00:15:02,662 Okay, gross, I just did, and it's "champing at the bit," 319 00:15:02,663 --> 00:15:04,419 not "chomping at the bit... " Oh great, 320 00:15:04,454 --> 00:15:05,931 just imagined you with a bit in your mouth. 321 00:15:05,933 --> 00:15:08,968 Hey, why are you going around telling people Lacey's a witch? 322 00:15:08,969 --> 00:15:10,469 You don't believe in that hocus-pocus. 323 00:15:10,470 --> 00:15:13,189 I was just proving argue on the other side of an issue. 324 00:15:13,224 --> 00:15:16,274 Lacey's not lifting curses. She's using the power of suggestion. 325 00:15:16,276 --> 00:15:18,977 She waves her hands, chants some mumbo-jumbo... 326 00:15:18,979 --> 00:15:21,222 - I thought it was "Hocus pocus." - ... and those suckers 327 00:15:21,223 --> 00:15:25,193 believe it's witchcraft and fork over the cash. 328 00:15:25,685 --> 00:15:27,352 Oh, uh... 329 00:15:27,354 --> 00:15:31,556 you did not hear what I just said... 330 00:15:31,558 --> 00:15:33,960 Uh, yeah. I did. 331 00:15:33,961 --> 00:15:35,794 She's not a witch! 332 00:15:35,796 --> 00:15:38,797 She's not a witch! She's not a witch! 333 00:15:38,799 --> 00:15:41,601 Yes, I am! I am totally a witch! 334 00:15:41,602 --> 00:15:45,978 Yup, this was definitely one of two ways I saw this going. 335 00:15:48,727 --> 00:15:51,829 She's not a witch! She's not a witch! 336 00:15:51,831 --> 00:15:53,064 If I'm not a witch, 337 00:15:53,065 --> 00:15:56,001 how do you explain my black hair and this broom? 338 00:15:56,002 --> 00:15:58,603 Genetics, and Home Depot! 339 00:16:00,339 --> 00:16:03,440 All right, make way for the town's most expensive tush. 340 00:16:03,442 --> 00:16:05,142 Look, why don't you drop the charade 341 00:16:05,144 --> 00:16:07,278 - and come clean? - Can't. 342 00:16:07,279 --> 00:16:08,879 I'm still carrying a balance on my credit card. 343 00:16:08,881 --> 00:16:11,348 I just need to pull a couple more tricks. 344 00:16:11,350 --> 00:16:13,250 You should probably call them "spells." 345 00:16:13,252 --> 00:16:15,120 Back me up again, Wanda. They'll believe you. 346 00:16:15,121 --> 00:16:17,917 Too late. I already argued the other side of the issue, 347 00:16:17,918 --> 00:16:20,337 and based on the level of anger in this mob. 348 00:16:20,372 --> 00:16:23,828 I did a damn fine job. Up top! 349 00:16:23,829 --> 00:16:25,397 We want our money back! 350 00:16:25,398 --> 00:16:28,265 Mon-ey back! Mon-ey back! 351 00:16:28,267 --> 00:16:30,802 Oh, fine! Take it! 352 00:16:30,803 --> 00:16:34,038 This is all your fault. Curse you, Wanda! 353 00:16:34,040 --> 00:16:36,441 - Curse you! - Nope, not a witch. 354 00:16:36,442 --> 00:16:39,076 - Power of suggestion. - I'm confused. 355 00:16:39,077 --> 00:16:40,811 Do you believe in this hinkus-dinkus or not? 356 00:16:40,813 --> 00:16:44,915 Yes, 12 long-stem roses to Corner Gas, 357 00:16:44,917 --> 00:16:48,953 and sign the card, "Love, your Mystery Woman." 358 00:16:48,955 --> 00:16:51,089 - Who are you whispering to? - No one. 359 00:16:51,090 --> 00:16:52,958 Just Mable. I mean Mavis. 360 00:16:52,959 --> 00:16:54,726 Avis! I was renting a car. 361 00:16:54,727 --> 00:16:58,062 - Gotta go. - What's your rush, my sweet? 362 00:16:58,064 --> 00:17:02,587 - I made you a cup of coffee. - That's very nice of you. 363 00:17:03,168 --> 00:17:04,703 Is there pudding in this? 364 00:17:04,704 --> 00:17:07,405 There's also a hot bubble bath waiting for you. 365 00:17:07,406 --> 00:17:10,641 Oh, Oscar. That sounds perfect. 366 00:17:13,612 --> 00:17:15,046 Dog River Flower Shop. 367 00:17:15,047 --> 00:17:17,481 Where can we deliver your love and-or condolences? 368 00:17:17,483 --> 00:17:19,550 Straight to hell, jackass! 369 00:17:19,552 --> 00:17:23,153 Emma sent flowers to some juiced-up Valentino. 370 00:17:23,155 --> 00:17:24,755 Can't you arrest her or something? 371 00:17:24,757 --> 00:17:29,260 Are you serious? Dog River has a flower shop? 372 00:17:29,262 --> 00:17:32,363 Sorry, I can't tell you where your wife sent those flowers. 373 00:17:32,365 --> 00:17:34,565 Can we at least look at the order form? 374 00:17:34,567 --> 00:17:36,433 Is this something you should really be spending 375 00:17:36,435 --> 00:17:38,837 - your police hours on? - Not at all. 376 00:17:38,838 --> 00:17:40,438 Hand over the form. 377 00:17:40,972 --> 00:17:44,642 "Tryst or rendezvous, I'll always have you. 378 00:17:44,644 --> 00:17:46,644 Love, your mystery woman." 379 00:17:46,646 --> 00:17:48,746 Is that some kind of French limerick? 380 00:17:48,748 --> 00:17:51,148 Karen! What are you doing here? 381 00:17:51,150 --> 00:17:52,850 Oscar thinks Emma's having an affair. 382 00:17:52,852 --> 00:17:55,152 Wants to know who she sent flowers to. 383 00:17:55,154 --> 00:17:58,289 Someone just sent Brent flowers, and I need to find out who. 384 00:17:58,291 --> 00:18:01,292 Everybody's getting flowers. This dump must make a killing. 385 00:18:01,294 --> 00:18:02,460 Let me get this straight. 386 00:18:02,461 --> 00:18:05,029 You want to know who Emma sent flowers to, 387 00:18:05,031 --> 00:18:08,098 and you want to know who Brent got flowers from? 388 00:18:08,100 --> 00:18:11,535 Enough with your riddles. Just give us the information, 389 00:18:11,537 --> 00:18:14,872 and how did I not know Dog River had a flower shop, 390 00:18:14,874 --> 00:18:17,975 because these snapdragons look hella fresh. 391 00:18:20,413 --> 00:18:21,713 We're having a sale on pitchforks 392 00:18:21,714 --> 00:18:24,748 - if you want to join the angry mob. - Nah, I'm good. 393 00:18:24,749 --> 00:18:26,318 I'm here to see how it's going now that you're cursed. 394 00:18:26,319 --> 00:18:29,920 Come on... Lacey has no powers. 395 00:18:29,922 --> 00:18:31,423 Ow! My soda! 396 00:18:31,424 --> 00:18:34,992 Ah! My crossword! Oh! My pencil! 397 00:18:34,994 --> 00:18:36,494 Ah! My head! 398 00:18:36,495 --> 00:18:40,252 Yeah, you're not cursed at all. 399 00:18:41,099 --> 00:18:44,368 Easy now, Davis. Keep your distance. 400 00:18:44,370 --> 00:18:45,904 Don't let him see you. 401 00:18:50,508 --> 00:18:51,509 What are you doing here? 402 00:18:51,510 --> 00:18:54,412 - I was following Brent. - I was following Emma. 403 00:18:54,413 --> 00:18:55,547 Looks like they're both heading to the city 404 00:18:55,548 --> 00:18:59,983 - for their dates. - I get it. Carpooling. 405 00:18:59,985 --> 00:19:03,020 Good for the environment. Guess I'll see you there. 406 00:19:03,022 --> 00:19:05,523 - Or... we could carpool too. - Sheesh... 407 00:19:05,524 --> 00:19:07,858 Monkey see, monkey do. 408 00:19:09,361 --> 00:19:11,395 I will not let the system beat me. 409 00:19:11,397 --> 00:19:13,530 If I make minimum payments every month, 410 00:19:13,532 --> 00:19:16,722 the balance will be paid off in... 411 00:19:16,968 --> 00:19:19,136 Well, I'm sure apes will be ruling the world by then, 412 00:19:19,138 --> 00:19:20,372 and none of this will matter. 413 00:19:20,373 --> 00:19:23,340 Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! It stings! It stings! 414 00:19:24,377 --> 00:19:26,711 - What happened to you? - Suffice to say, 415 00:19:26,712 --> 00:19:28,679 I've had a wee string of unfortunate events 416 00:19:28,681 --> 00:19:31,982 in a short span of time that are merely a coincidence. 417 00:19:31,984 --> 00:19:34,752 But, um... since you asked, 418 00:19:34,754 --> 00:19:36,087 how's about you lift that hex? 419 00:19:36,088 --> 00:19:38,756 Hmm, thought you didn't believe in curses. 420 00:19:38,758 --> 00:19:41,392 I don't. I believe in the power of suggestion, 421 00:19:41,394 --> 00:19:43,727 and I suggest you remove this suggestion. 422 00:19:43,729 --> 00:19:47,131 Oh, sure, I can do that... 423 00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:51,403 - For a fee. - Oof! Mama... 424 00:19:51,404 --> 00:19:53,404 Do you take monthly installments? 425 00:19:53,406 --> 00:19:56,241 This is the last one of these whachamacallits we can do. 426 00:19:56,242 --> 00:19:58,743 Agreed. "Whachamacallits"? 427 00:19:58,744 --> 00:20:00,110 That's what you want to call this? 428 00:20:00,111 --> 00:20:02,546 It's the only word that doesn't make me dry heave. 429 00:20:02,548 --> 00:20:03,481 No offense. 430 00:20:03,482 --> 00:20:04,849 I don't get it. 431 00:20:04,850 --> 00:20:08,185 Why are Brent and Emma in this restaurant together? 432 00:20:08,187 --> 00:20:10,421 I see what's going on here. 433 00:20:10,423 --> 00:20:14,391 Brent's going to introduce his mother to his mystery woman. 434 00:20:14,393 --> 00:20:16,093 Must be getting serious. 435 00:20:16,095 --> 00:20:18,195 And somehow you are the one with seniority. 436 00:20:18,197 --> 00:20:20,598 Get in the car. I'll explain it on the way home. 437 00:20:20,599 --> 00:20:23,134 Okay, then drop me at Helen's. 438 00:20:25,879 --> 00:20:28,781 We had the entire force on this non-case, 439 00:20:28,783 --> 00:20:30,649 and the results are in, 440 00:20:30,651 --> 00:20:35,254 and it is now clear that Emma is... 441 00:20:35,256 --> 00:20:38,291 - not having an affair! - Hot damn! 442 00:20:38,292 --> 00:20:40,159 My wife's not cheating! 443 00:20:40,161 --> 00:20:42,728 Now I can stop pretending to be nice to her. 444 00:20:42,730 --> 00:20:44,597 Don't you want to know what she was doing? 445 00:20:44,599 --> 00:20:46,432 Because I totally get what happened now. 446 00:20:46,434 --> 00:20:48,100 Karen showed me using dolls. 447 00:20:48,102 --> 00:20:51,938 No, if she's not having an affair, I don't care what she does. 448 00:20:52,906 --> 00:20:55,442 Hey, uh, what happened with your mystery woman? 449 00:20:55,443 --> 00:20:57,043 It turns out she was married. 450 00:20:58,712 --> 00:21:01,515 - To a real nutjob, too. - Hmm. 451 00:21:07,287 --> 00:21:08,722 ♪ I don't know ♪ 452 00:21:08,723 --> 00:21:11,657 ♪ The same things you don't know ♪ 453 00:21:15,028 --> 00:21:16,996 ♪ I don't know ♪ 454 00:21:16,998 --> 00:21:20,199 ♪ I just... don't know ♪ 455 00:21:22,041 --> 00:21:25,944 - ♪ Ooh - It's a great big place ♪ 456 00:21:25,945 --> 00:21:29,481 - ♪ Ooh - Full of nothin' but space ♪ 457 00:21:29,482 --> 00:21:33,551 - ♪ Ooh - And it's my happy place ♪ 458 00:21:33,553 --> 00:21:36,154 ♪ I don't know ♪ 459 00:21:36,680 --> 00:21:39,806 sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~ 35923