Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,248 --> 00:00:03,248
sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
2
00:00:04,249 --> 00:00:06,939
This is terrible.
3
00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:09,308
Not the beer, you nobsicle, this!
4
00:00:09,310 --> 00:00:10,777
Bad news out of Wullerton.
5
00:00:11,979 --> 00:00:13,779
Their weekly newspaper
is shutting down.
6
00:00:13,781 --> 00:00:15,048
Poor Wullerton.
7
00:00:16,383 --> 00:00:18,417
Yup, papers are either
going digital
8
00:00:18,419 --> 00:00:20,085
or they're dying.
It's all the rage.
9
00:00:20,087 --> 00:00:23,356
What are you doing,
conducting an invisible choir?
10
00:00:23,357 --> 00:00:25,223
Waving down a tiny waitress?
11
00:00:25,225 --> 00:00:28,428
- A third thing that's funnier?
- Well, by my air calculations,
12
00:00:28,429 --> 00:00:30,796
our paper must be
on the chopping block too.
13
00:00:30,798 --> 00:00:33,899
What? That paper is the
lifeblood of this town!
14
00:00:33,901 --> 00:00:37,169
We need to save it.
Who's with me?
15
00:00:38,471 --> 00:00:41,440
I said, who's with me?!
16
00:00:43,476 --> 00:00:47,312
I say let it die.
Kill the paper, kill the paperboy!
17
00:00:47,314 --> 00:00:50,415
Hmm, murdering a child
seems a tad harsh,
18
00:00:50,417 --> 00:00:53,677
- even for you.
- Oh, please, that boy is a monster.
19
00:00:54,020 --> 00:00:56,488
Top of the morning, Mr. Leroy!
20
00:00:57,590 --> 00:00:58,791
Ooh!
21
00:00:58,792 --> 00:01:00,759
That was no accident.
22
00:01:00,761 --> 00:01:04,796
Oh, uh, yes, dear.
Save the Howler!
23
00:01:06,366 --> 00:01:09,368
I'll kill that
paper if it's the last thing I do.
24
00:01:09,370 --> 00:01:11,670
You're going against Mom,
so it probably will be.
25
00:01:11,672 --> 00:01:15,307
♪ You think there's
not a lot goin' on ♪
26
00:01:15,309 --> 00:01:18,577
♪ Look closer, baby
You're so wrong ♪
27
00:01:18,879 --> 00:01:21,980
2x05 - Paper Sashay
28
00:01:23,483 --> 00:01:26,386
- How was breakfast?
- Well, I don't mean to complain,
29
00:01:26,387 --> 00:01:28,954
but I ordered bacon and eggs,
you gave me eggs and bacon.
30
00:01:28,956 --> 00:01:30,622
Yeah, I turned the plate around.
31
00:01:30,624 --> 00:01:32,758
It's like having
breakfast in Australia.
32
00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:35,061
Ooh, exotic.
Can I get a coffee to go?
33
00:01:35,062 --> 00:01:36,795
Oh. I'm swamped.
How about I bring it by later?
34
00:01:36,797 --> 00:01:39,798
- Whatever you say, City Walk.
- "City Walk"?
35
00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:42,301
- Wh-what does that mean?
- Nothin'.
36
00:01:42,302 --> 00:01:43,935
Don't go all Lacey on me.
37
00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:47,551
"Go all Lacey"?
What does that mean? Wha...?
38
00:01:48,040 --> 00:01:49,575
If we're gonna save the Howler,
39
00:01:49,576 --> 00:01:51,543
we need to help it generate revenue.
40
00:01:51,545 --> 00:01:54,312
Okay, but why do you care
about the paper so much?
41
00:01:54,314 --> 00:01:56,114
I have my reasons.
42
00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:58,384
- Why do you care?
- Crossword.
43
00:01:58,385 --> 00:02:00,485
You do the Howler crossword?
44
00:02:00,487 --> 00:02:03,121
It's my 30-second warm-up
for the Times crossword.
45
00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:05,490
You've got to crawl
before you perambulate.
46
00:02:09,830 --> 00:02:10,863
Aah!
47
00:02:10,864 --> 00:02:13,364
Not again!
48
00:02:13,365 --> 00:02:16,868
Officer under attack.
Officer under attack!
49
00:02:16,869 --> 00:02:20,739
What is it with that crow?
That is the third time this week.
50
00:02:20,741 --> 00:02:21,974
Maybe you smell like a worm.
51
00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:24,544
- Ever think of that?
- Not even once.
52
00:02:24,545 --> 00:02:29,147
Oh, hey,
more homemade muffins.
53
00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:31,283
Is this the orgasmic gluttony kind?
54
00:02:31,285 --> 00:02:33,318
Organic and gluten free?
Yes.
55
00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:36,021
Oh.
All right.
56
00:02:38,257 --> 00:02:40,158
I've got a plan to kill the paperboy.
57
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:42,394
Okay, step one, count me out.
58
00:02:42,396 --> 00:02:44,496
You can't be out.
It was your idea.
59
00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:47,899
My idea?
I've always been very against murder.
60
00:02:47,901 --> 00:02:48,901
It's kind of my thing.
61
00:02:48,902 --> 00:02:52,371
I just mean kill the paper.
You're going to help me do
62
00:02:52,372 --> 00:02:54,706
one of those digital
in-line news things.
63
00:02:54,708 --> 00:02:56,275
Step two, no, I'm not.
64
00:02:56,276 --> 00:03:00,045
- I'll pay you. Five bucks.
- Tempting offer, but sadly,
65
00:03:00,047 --> 00:03:02,582
I've sent my computer to
the Internet for repairs,
66
00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:04,984
- so... no.
- I'll take that as a yes.
67
00:03:04,985 --> 00:03:08,053
Oh, and step three,
don't tell your mother.
68
00:03:09,590 --> 00:03:13,592
Step four, continue searching
for biological father.
69
00:03:16,395 --> 00:03:18,497
Buy whipped cream, ketchup, eggs.
70
00:03:18,499 --> 00:03:20,298
Whipped cream, ketchup, eggs.
71
00:03:20,300 --> 00:03:23,101
"Going all Lacey"?
What does that even mean?
72
00:03:23,103 --> 00:03:24,870
Is he saying
I get inside my own head?
73
00:03:24,872 --> 00:03:28,273
I don't get inside my own...
Dammit, Lacey!
74
00:03:28,275 --> 00:03:31,943
City Walk?
I mean, I don't have a city walk.
75
00:03:31,945 --> 00:03:34,247
Wait, what is a city walk?
Brent's just so...
76
00:03:34,248 --> 00:03:35,548
Oh. Dammit, Lacey!
77
00:03:35,549 --> 00:03:38,242
Well, at least I don't walk like that.
78
00:03:42,488 --> 00:03:45,657
- You okay?
- A crow keeps dive-bombing me.
79
00:03:45,659 --> 00:03:48,060
That wasn't a crow.
It's just my ringtone.
80
00:03:50,097 --> 00:03:52,932
- That's like nails on a chalkboard.
- Oh, I have that one too!
81
00:03:54,101 --> 00:03:56,268
Oh, I must've changed that.
82
00:03:56,270 --> 00:03:58,837
Anyway, if you're
having crow trouble,
83
00:03:58,839 --> 00:04:01,507
- I'm an expert.
- I find that hard to believe.
84
00:04:01,508 --> 00:04:03,075
Nah, I've got the whole kit.
85
00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:05,912
Nerf gun and, uh...
other stuff.
86
00:04:05,913 --> 00:04:08,847
Fine, you can help,
but only because I'm desperate.
87
00:04:08,849 --> 00:04:12,918
- Oh, I specialize in desperate.
- Now, that I believe.
88
00:04:15,121 --> 00:04:16,355
Oh, hey, Mom.
89
00:04:16,356 --> 00:04:17,989
Dad told me not
to tell you something.
90
00:04:17,991 --> 00:04:20,186
- What is it?
- He wants me to help him
91
00:04:20,229 --> 00:04:22,160
kill the Howler
by setting up an online version.
92
00:04:23,229 --> 00:04:26,032
I should have married Wilbur
Watson when I had the chance.
93
00:04:26,033 --> 00:04:28,534
- Who's he?
- A guy who died years ago
94
00:04:28,535 --> 00:04:30,201
and isn't causing me any problems.
95
00:04:30,203 --> 00:04:32,371
Well, don't worry,
Dad's not going to pull this off,
96
00:04:32,372 --> 00:04:34,839
- because I'm not going to help him.
- Yes, you will.
97
00:04:34,840 --> 00:04:38,176
The best way to make anything fail
is to put your dad in charge.
98
00:04:38,178 --> 00:04:41,681
Oh, and Corner Gas needs
to buy an ad in the Howler.
99
00:04:41,682 --> 00:04:45,150
Why would I advertise in a paper
people come here to buy?
100
00:04:45,152 --> 00:04:47,118
Because your mother
would like you to.
101
00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:49,821
Full page ad, done.
Love you, Mommy.
102
00:04:54,595 --> 00:04:57,429
Hank's got a loose
definition of "expert."
103
00:04:57,431 --> 00:04:59,364
I don't see this ending well.
104
00:05:00,099 --> 00:05:01,968
Gotcha!
105
00:05:01,969 --> 00:05:05,136
Uh-oh.
106
00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:07,540
- Ooh...
- Not the eyes!
107
00:05:07,541 --> 00:05:10,075
Oh, right in the eyes!
108
00:05:11,111 --> 00:05:14,512
That's three businesses who've
bought ads in the Howler.
109
00:05:14,514 --> 00:05:17,183
I asked at the liquor store.
They kicked me out.
110
00:05:17,184 --> 00:05:19,517
Maybe you didn't ask nicely enough.
111
00:05:20,186 --> 00:05:25,457
- Now's your chance.
- And a good day to you, Won,
112
00:05:25,459 --> 00:05:28,526
valued local business owner.
113
00:05:28,528 --> 00:05:31,027
- What's wrong with your mouth?
- How'd you like
114
00:05:31,028 --> 00:05:34,799
to increase foot traffic
in your fine establishment
115
00:05:34,801 --> 00:05:39,070
by purchasing an
advertisement in the Howler?
116
00:05:39,072 --> 00:05:41,307
No, thanks.
We're plenty busy.
117
00:05:41,308 --> 00:05:44,443
Just sold some whipped cream,
ketchup, and eggs, as a matter of fact.
118
00:05:44,444 --> 00:05:48,380
Nice dairy cooler.
Is that new?
119
00:05:48,382 --> 00:05:50,982
You know, I think I will buy an ad.
120
00:05:50,984 --> 00:05:53,252
Half page, maybe?
Full?
121
00:05:53,253 --> 00:05:56,554
- Okay, done.
- You're a peach.
122
00:05:56,556 --> 00:05:58,758
See?
You catch more flies with honey.
123
00:05:58,759 --> 00:06:01,259
Sure, if the honey is terrifying.
124
00:06:01,261 --> 00:06:02,662
Got any tape?
125
00:06:02,663 --> 00:06:05,096
I read that sticking eyes
on the back of your head
126
00:06:05,098 --> 00:06:07,132
will stop a crow from attacking you.
127
00:06:07,134 --> 00:06:10,635
Smart. Make it think you're
a giant mutant spider.
128
00:06:10,637 --> 00:06:13,071
No. Crows attack from the rear.
129
00:06:13,073 --> 00:06:16,042
- Four eyes? No rear.
- Always been my motto.
130
00:06:16,043 --> 00:06:18,110
- Your tape in here?
- No!
131
00:06:18,111 --> 00:06:21,246
Hey...
aren't you eating my muffins?
132
00:06:21,248 --> 00:06:24,750
I'm... saving them.
To binge eat.
133
00:06:24,751 --> 00:06:27,752
Really?
Why not binge-eat one now?
134
00:06:27,754 --> 00:06:29,155
O...kay.
135
00:06:29,156 --> 00:06:31,624
Mmm... can't wait.
136
00:06:31,625 --> 00:06:33,225
Karen!
Look over there!
137
00:06:33,926 --> 00:06:35,768
- Really?
- That was your fault.
138
00:06:35,803 --> 00:06:38,103
You supposed to look over there.
139
00:06:38,265 --> 00:06:40,933
Hey!
He likes my muffins!
140
00:06:40,934 --> 00:06:43,502
Great!
Share the wealth.
141
00:06:44,303 --> 00:06:46,071
Come on.
142
00:06:50,277 --> 00:06:52,110
I brought our computer from home.
143
00:06:52,112 --> 00:06:54,279
Now we can get down to business.
144
00:06:54,281 --> 00:06:56,314
No, you just brought the monitor.
145
00:06:56,316 --> 00:06:58,450
You need to get the
actual computer,
146
00:06:58,452 --> 00:07:00,052
and the keyboard, and the mouse.
147
00:07:01,621 --> 00:07:03,856
There.
Now can we start?
148
00:07:03,857 --> 00:07:05,557
Fine, but let's use this one.
149
00:07:05,559 --> 00:07:08,359
- I thought you didn't...
- Yeah, yeah, the Internet sent it back.
150
00:07:08,361 --> 00:07:10,962
Wow, that Internet is fast.
151
00:07:10,964 --> 00:07:13,131
Well, they use lasers
and what-have-you...
152
00:07:13,133 --> 00:07:16,201
Anyway, first step to
getting the Howler online
153
00:07:16,203 --> 00:07:18,569
is you retyping all the articles.
154
00:07:21,173 --> 00:07:24,710
Why are you walking like that?
Ooh, did you get a horse?
155
00:07:24,711 --> 00:07:27,679
No, I'm just feeling
a little self-conscious.
156
00:07:27,681 --> 00:07:30,082
Brent said that I have a...
city walk.
157
00:07:30,083 --> 00:07:31,150
Uh-huh, and...?
158
00:07:31,151 --> 00:07:33,719
So it's true?
I have a city walk?
159
00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:35,353
Well, it ain't a country walk.
160
00:07:35,355 --> 00:07:39,023
- There's a difference?
- Ho-hokay, yeah.
161
00:07:39,025 --> 00:07:40,326
There is a difference.
162
00:07:40,327 --> 00:07:42,495
- I can teach you if you want.
- Okay.
163
00:07:42,496 --> 00:07:45,731
So what do I do that
makes mine a city walk?
164
00:07:45,732 --> 00:07:46,865
Too much bounce!
165
00:07:46,866 --> 00:07:48,067
Got a stick up yer butt!
166
00:07:48,068 --> 00:07:50,568
Quit hip-wagglin', ya floozy!
167
00:07:50,570 --> 00:07:53,572
I was asking Davis.
Geez...
168
00:07:53,573 --> 00:07:55,876
They're not wrong.
169
00:07:58,894 --> 00:08:02,162
Okay, I want to watch you walk.
170
00:08:02,164 --> 00:08:05,800
And I want you to find a less
creepy way to phrase that.
171
00:08:05,801 --> 00:08:08,236
I'm just analyzing your bio-motion.
172
00:08:10,405 --> 00:08:13,308
Uh-huh... interesting.
173
00:08:13,309 --> 00:08:15,477
Rapid pace.
Rolled shoulders.
174
00:08:15,478 --> 00:08:19,313
- And... squat.
- And we're back to creepy.
175
00:08:19,315 --> 00:08:23,350
- I'm not squatting in public.
- It's for science.
176
00:08:24,452 --> 00:08:26,688
You look like a dog pooping.
177
00:08:26,689 --> 00:08:28,256
And creepy becomes gross!
178
00:08:28,257 --> 00:08:30,424
- Can I walk country now?
- Patience!
179
00:08:30,425 --> 00:08:33,594
To truly walk country,
you must learn them all...
180
00:08:33,596 --> 00:08:35,997
the Backwoods Boxstep,
the Jealous Jaunt,
181
00:08:35,998 --> 00:08:38,733
the Hayseed Hip Thrust,
the Poky Yokel.
182
00:08:38,734 --> 00:08:41,001
I'll never be able to do all that.
183
00:08:41,003 --> 00:08:46,240
Believe in yourself, Lacey-san.
Walk on, walk off...
184
00:08:46,242 --> 00:08:48,675
Now, there's one thing left to do...
185
00:08:48,677 --> 00:08:51,045
I've seen that movie,
and I'm not washing your car.
186
00:08:51,046 --> 00:08:53,046
Then there are
no things left to do.
187
00:08:53,048 --> 00:08:55,338
Unless you want to paint my fence?
188
00:08:57,619 --> 00:09:02,055
Hang back a little.
I'm doing this one Emma-style.
189
00:09:02,057 --> 00:09:04,391
By "Emma-style,"
you mean sweetly?
190
00:09:06,629 --> 00:09:08,630
Hey, Wanda.
What's up?
191
00:09:08,631 --> 00:09:11,499
Howler subscription,
that's what's up.
192
00:09:11,500 --> 00:09:14,002
Maybe you'll play this smart
and buy one.
193
00:09:14,003 --> 00:09:15,636
That's a nice doorbell.
194
00:09:15,638 --> 00:09:17,638
Shame if you should
wake up one day
195
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:20,240
and it don't
"bing-bong" no more.
196
00:09:21,810 --> 00:09:24,378
Hey, whoa, do I amuse you?
197
00:09:24,380 --> 00:09:25,980
Am I your circus clown?
198
00:09:25,981 --> 00:09:27,648
Should I twist up
a funny balloon poodle
199
00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:30,919
- for your entertainment?
- Hey, Emma,
200
00:09:30,920 --> 00:09:33,487
have you heard Wanda's
Joe Pesci impression?
201
00:09:33,489 --> 00:09:36,723
Sounds more like Phyllis Diller
doing Joe Piscopo.
202
00:09:36,725 --> 00:09:40,795
But seriously, Rheena.
Rheens...
203
00:09:40,796 --> 00:09:43,331
- About the Howler...
- A subscription?
204
00:09:43,332 --> 00:09:45,466
Sign me up.
Okay, bye!
205
00:09:47,436 --> 00:09:50,604
- See?
- You really don't hear it?
206
00:09:50,606 --> 00:09:53,774
...and then I was like "If you
don't value my authentic self,
207
00:09:53,776 --> 00:09:57,273
you don't deserve a third date."
208
00:09:57,712 --> 00:10:01,754
Stay perfectly still if you
think I did the right thing.
209
00:10:01,916 --> 00:10:04,651
You're so supportive.
210
00:10:06,422 --> 00:10:08,221
Get your filthy wings off her!
211
00:10:09,858 --> 00:10:12,393
- You scared Edgar away!
- Edgar?
212
00:10:12,394 --> 00:10:15,129
Edgar Allen Crow?
We're friends now.
213
00:10:15,130 --> 00:10:17,764
So... you don't want me
to get rid of him?
214
00:10:17,766 --> 00:10:19,466
No, he's a great listener.
215
00:10:19,468 --> 00:10:23,264
Okay.
Weird, but okay.
216
00:10:24,105 --> 00:10:25,206
You know what's weirder?
217
00:10:25,207 --> 00:10:27,474
You never thought of "Russell Crow."
218
00:10:27,476 --> 00:10:30,877
I did!
It was too obvious!
219
00:10:33,014 --> 00:10:37,417
There, that should do it.
May I present the Online Howler.
220
00:10:37,419 --> 00:10:39,720
"Insert headline here"?
221
00:10:39,722 --> 00:10:43,057
- That's not a very catchy lead story.
- It's just a template.
222
00:10:43,058 --> 00:10:44,691
You need to paste in
the stories you typed up.
223
00:10:44,693 --> 00:10:47,562
Here?
Oop! Where'd it go?
224
00:10:47,563 --> 00:10:50,564
You just deleted everything I did
over the last two hours.
225
00:10:50,566 --> 00:10:53,501
...and template's finished.
Again.
226
00:10:53,502 --> 00:10:55,202
Whoa, whoa, you touch nothing.
227
00:10:55,204 --> 00:10:56,903
I'll do the cutting and pasting.
228
00:10:56,905 --> 00:10:58,406
Which one do you want to do first?
229
00:10:58,407 --> 00:11:02,109
"Ragweed on the Rise,
Homegrown Terror!"
230
00:11:02,111 --> 00:11:04,144
Bah, that's a little bland.
231
00:11:04,146 --> 00:11:06,080
Bland?
It's got the word "terror" in it.
232
00:11:06,081 --> 00:11:08,916
Needs some spice.
"Agro-Armageddon!
233
00:11:08,917 --> 00:11:12,253
- Death in the Dirt."
- Yeah, that's some pepper.
234
00:11:13,856 --> 00:11:16,923
- Should be a "y" in that.
- It's not "army-geddon."
235
00:11:17,860 --> 00:11:19,027
...then my eczema flared up.
236
00:11:19,028 --> 00:11:21,795
You're right,
it probably was the dairy.
237
00:11:21,797 --> 00:11:23,997
- Whenever I have...
- Hey, guys!
238
00:11:23,998 --> 00:11:25,533
...I'll tell you later.
239
00:11:25,534 --> 00:11:28,903
Peace offering. I figured all
three of us could hang out.
240
00:11:28,904 --> 00:11:30,304
Hank, we're having
a conversation.
241
00:11:30,305 --> 00:11:32,172
Great, what are we talking about?
242
00:11:32,174 --> 00:11:34,041
Girl stuff?
Bird stuff?
243
00:11:34,043 --> 00:11:35,942
You know, in England,
it's the same thing.
244
00:11:35,944 --> 00:11:38,445
It's a private conversation
between me and Cameron.
245
00:11:38,447 --> 00:11:41,948
Cameron?
Oh! I get it.
246
00:11:41,950 --> 00:11:47,318
Okay, then. Uh, guess I'll
just, uh, leave you to it.
247
00:11:47,755 --> 00:11:51,658
Where were we?
Oh, right, skin conditions.
248
00:11:51,660 --> 00:11:54,861
And shuffle, shuffle, shuffle.
249
00:11:54,863 --> 00:11:59,032
- Slower, shufflier...
- Can I have my soup?
250
00:11:59,034 --> 00:12:02,036
We've covered shuffling, slouching,
and the scratch 'n' walk.
251
00:12:02,037 --> 00:12:05,039
- I'm ready to put 'em all together.
- Are you mad?
252
00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:06,973
That's too much to concentrate on,
253
00:12:06,975 --> 00:12:09,543
and we all know you're not
a great multitasker.
254
00:12:09,545 --> 00:12:11,411
Not a great multitasker?
255
00:12:11,413 --> 00:12:13,915
What does that mean?
And why am I holding soup?
256
00:12:14,983 --> 00:12:18,819
- Lacey? Hello?
- Oh, sorry, here you go.
257
00:12:18,821 --> 00:12:20,487
Hey, Nate, what can I get you?
258
00:12:24,926 --> 00:12:27,828
Oh, well, if it isn't Mr. Popular.
259
00:12:27,830 --> 00:12:30,530
Thought you were hanging out
with your best friend, Karen.
260
00:12:30,532 --> 00:12:33,767
Hmm?
Oh, you like this?
261
00:12:33,769 --> 00:12:36,537
Swedish army knife.
It's like a Swiss army knife,
262
00:12:36,538 --> 00:12:39,556
but instead of a nail file,
it has a "nagelfile."
263
00:12:39,941 --> 00:12:43,110
You know, you are
a good listener, little fågel.
264
00:12:43,112 --> 00:12:45,445
That's "bird" in Swedish.
265
00:12:45,447 --> 00:12:47,949
Hey! Stop!
Thief!
266
00:12:47,950 --> 00:12:50,050
Why, you little
gärningsmannen...
267
00:12:50,052 --> 00:12:51,619
Geez, I know a lot of Swedish.
268
00:12:51,620 --> 00:12:55,622
...and that's how the Nazis
invented recycling!
269
00:12:55,624 --> 00:13:00,026
I'm Oscar Leroy,
and that's my Digital Two Cents.
270
00:13:00,028 --> 00:13:01,261
You get all that?
271
00:13:01,262 --> 00:13:04,097
I wouldn't say I get it,
but I wrote it all down.
272
00:13:04,099 --> 00:13:06,428
Enough dithering.
It's time to share this
273
00:13:06,429 --> 00:13:08,693
on-the-line newspaper
with the world!
274
00:13:08,694 --> 00:13:11,057
Sure. You wanna do
a quick spell-check or...
275
00:13:11,092 --> 00:13:14,207
- Publish.
- I admire your passion.
276
00:13:14,209 --> 00:13:16,176
I'd like to report a robbery
277
00:13:16,178 --> 00:13:19,213
- perpetrated by your CFF.
- CFF?
278
00:13:19,214 --> 00:13:24,017
- Your Crow Friend Forever is a thief!
- CFF... clever.
279
00:13:24,019 --> 00:13:26,721
Calm down, Hank.
You're just jealous
280
00:13:26,722 --> 00:13:28,890
because I'm friends with Chad,
and you're not.
281
00:13:28,891 --> 00:13:31,526
I'm not jealous, I...
Chad?
282
00:13:31,527 --> 00:13:34,061
- Chad Crowger.
- Oh-ho-ho, good one.
283
00:13:34,062 --> 00:13:35,896
But I'm serious, he robbed me.
284
00:13:35,898 --> 00:13:37,331
My prints are all over that knife.
285
00:13:37,332 --> 00:13:39,533
What if he kills someone
and frames me?
286
00:13:39,535 --> 00:13:41,902
They don't call it
a "murder of crows" for nothing.
287
00:13:41,904 --> 00:13:44,906
Whatever.
I don't appreciate you
288
00:13:44,907 --> 00:13:47,040
spreading rumours about my friend.
289
00:13:47,042 --> 00:13:50,011
Your friend is a thief,
and I'm gonna prove it.
290
00:13:51,446 --> 00:13:53,780
Have you read the online Howler?
291
00:13:53,782 --> 00:13:56,184
It's a riot.
Hey!
292
00:13:56,185 --> 00:13:59,019
"Save your heating bill,
Support Global Warming."
293
00:13:59,021 --> 00:14:01,721
"Brexit is the most important
meal of the day."
294
00:14:01,723 --> 00:14:04,925
- That's my lunatic.
- Wow, this trash is even worse
295
00:14:04,927 --> 00:14:06,327
than the original Howler.
296
00:14:06,328 --> 00:14:09,229
But for some reason, people love it.
297
00:14:09,231 --> 00:14:12,099
Oh right.
People love trash.
298
00:14:12,100 --> 00:14:14,427
This is all Brent's fault.
299
00:14:15,469 --> 00:14:18,039
Hey, Davis!
I've been doing a little practicing,
300
00:14:18,040 --> 00:14:20,607
and I've got a surprise for you.
301
00:14:20,609 --> 00:14:22,944
- Is it cake?
- Just watch.
302
00:14:22,945 --> 00:14:25,178
Foot drag, slouch,
303
00:14:25,180 --> 00:14:28,582
lazy turn, shuffle, and...
304
00:14:28,616 --> 00:14:30,985
- Oh!
- Not the Hayseed Hip Thrust!
305
00:14:30,986 --> 00:14:32,019
Ooh...
306
00:14:33,188 --> 00:14:36,017
Floozy down!
307
00:14:39,897 --> 00:14:42,298
I can't believe you'd
help your own father.
308
00:14:42,300 --> 00:14:44,700
You told me to.
How was I supposed to know
309
00:14:44,701 --> 00:14:46,702
the digital Howler
would be a runaway hit?
310
00:14:46,704 --> 00:14:48,071
It's a hit?
311
00:14:48,072 --> 00:14:51,975
My free paper-free paper's a hit!
Rot in hell, Jeff!
312
00:14:51,976 --> 00:14:54,211
- Who's Jeff?
- The paperboy, I'm assuming.
313
00:14:54,212 --> 00:14:56,379
Oscar, you're interfering
with our mission
314
00:14:56,381 --> 00:15:00,216
to save the newspaper.
Shut. It. Down.
315
00:15:00,218 --> 00:15:03,287
- Dream. On. Woman.
- Please?
316
00:15:03,288 --> 00:15:06,289
Fine.
Dream. On. Please.
317
00:15:06,291 --> 00:15:08,291
This isn't over.
318
00:15:09,326 --> 00:15:11,627
Well, well, well.
319
00:15:11,629 --> 00:15:14,597
It appears intimidation
doesn't always work.
320
00:15:14,599 --> 00:15:16,832
Maybe it's time we shift gears
321
00:15:16,834 --> 00:15:20,036
and use a little of the old
Wanda Dollard intellect.
322
00:15:20,038 --> 00:15:22,005
- Get the door.
- Right away.
323
00:15:22,907 --> 00:15:27,176
Wow...
that chiropractor was a-mazing.
324
00:15:27,178 --> 00:15:29,780
- So you're all better now?
- Yep.
325
00:15:29,781 --> 00:15:33,082
- Great.
- Oh, look at these beautiful walks.
326
00:15:33,084 --> 00:15:35,384
Upright, paced for success.
327
00:15:35,386 --> 00:15:38,408
These are my people.
Merging!
328
00:15:38,443 --> 00:15:41,291
Lacey, slow down!
Have I taught you nothing?
329
00:15:41,292 --> 00:15:44,226
- Oh!
- On your left, Hayseed!
330
00:15:44,228 --> 00:15:45,696
So how about this?
331
00:15:45,697 --> 00:15:49,131
"Laser Eye Surgery Gives
Local Man Laser Vision,
332
00:15:49,133 --> 00:15:51,635
- says unnamed source."
- What are you talking about?
333
00:15:51,636 --> 00:15:54,338
Headline for the next Digital Howler.
We've got to start now.
334
00:15:54,339 --> 00:15:56,773
Another one?
We just did one!
335
00:15:56,774 --> 00:15:58,407
And we have to do one every week
336
00:15:58,409 --> 00:16:01,243
- until the end of time.
- Oh. To hell with that.
337
00:16:01,245 --> 00:16:04,513
There's got to be a more
efficient way to kill the paperboy.
338
00:16:04,515 --> 00:16:06,182
You could put poison in his...
339
00:16:06,184 --> 00:16:08,517
H-Hang on, I'm not
helping you with that.
340
00:16:08,519 --> 00:16:10,954
Look, for the last time,
the paperboy is not your enemy.
341
00:16:10,955 --> 00:16:12,732
Says you.
There's something shifty
342
00:16:12,733 --> 00:16:15,185
about that knot-knockin'
news-slinger.
343
00:16:15,192 --> 00:16:16,593
So what, we're not
doing this anymore?
344
00:16:16,594 --> 00:16:20,396
Nope. The Online Howler
is officially dead.
345
00:16:21,198 --> 00:16:23,599
This is a cease and desist letter.
346
00:16:23,601 --> 00:16:26,469
If you publish one more word
in the Online Howler,
347
00:16:26,471 --> 00:16:28,571
the real Howler will sue you
348
00:16:28,572 --> 00:16:31,574
- for misrepresentation.
- Okay.
349
00:16:32,476 --> 00:16:33,543
We won!
350
00:16:33,544 --> 00:16:36,913
How did you get the cease
and desist so quickly?
351
00:16:36,914 --> 00:16:39,049
I didn't.
This is my phone bill.
352
00:16:39,050 --> 00:16:42,718
See?
Intellect over intimidation.
353
00:16:42,720 --> 00:16:45,154
Threatening a lawsuit
isn't intimidation?
354
00:16:45,156 --> 00:16:49,024
Okay...
but it's intellectual intimidation.
355
00:16:49,026 --> 00:16:51,293
Okay... city walk.
356
00:16:51,294 --> 00:16:54,330
Shoulders back, chest out,
heel-toe, heel-toe,
357
00:16:54,332 --> 00:16:55,732
eyes forward, stick up butt.
358
00:16:55,733 --> 00:16:58,000
Hey, I think
I'm getting the hang...
359
00:16:58,002 --> 00:16:58,935
Ah!
360
00:17:00,004 --> 00:17:02,104
My back.
361
00:17:04,254 --> 00:17:05,681
What are you doing?
362
00:17:05,716 --> 00:17:08,111
Catching a thief,
claw-handed,
363
00:17:08,112 --> 00:17:11,213
- with this GoPro.
- You mean CrowPro?
364
00:17:11,215 --> 00:17:13,015
Geez, you're
obsessed with puns.
365
00:17:13,017 --> 00:17:14,884
Here's the plan...
crow approaches,
366
00:17:14,885 --> 00:17:16,752
lured by sexy decoy girl crow,
367
00:17:16,754 --> 00:17:18,854
flies into certified
crow-catching net,
368
00:17:18,856 --> 00:17:21,290
where I attach the GoPro
to said criminal.
369
00:17:21,292 --> 00:17:22,692
Crow flies back to nest,
370
00:17:22,693 --> 00:17:25,528
providing video evidence
of the location of my knife.
371
00:17:25,530 --> 00:17:27,063
All you're missing is an anvil,
372
00:17:27,064 --> 00:17:29,231
and a tunnel painted
on the side of a cliff.
373
00:17:29,233 --> 00:17:31,333
How are you going to attach
the GoPro to the crow?
374
00:17:31,335 --> 00:17:32,903
ACME bird glue?
375
00:17:32,904 --> 00:17:35,932
I've created a custom harness that...
376
00:17:35,967 --> 00:17:37,907
Hey, he took my GoPro!
377
00:17:37,909 --> 00:17:40,876
Oh.
Awesome, he took my GoPro!
378
00:17:40,878 --> 00:17:45,048
- Hey, Nick! Good news.
- Suitcase?
379
00:17:45,049 --> 00:17:46,650
Don't tell me the Howler's shutting down
380
00:17:46,651 --> 00:17:48,051
and you're moving away.
381
00:17:48,052 --> 00:17:50,085
Shutting down?
Hardly.
382
00:17:50,086 --> 00:17:51,787
We just had the best
week of our lives!
383
00:17:51,789 --> 00:17:53,155
Really?
384
00:17:53,156 --> 00:17:55,458
There was a huge surge
in out-of-town subscriptions
385
00:17:55,460 --> 00:17:57,760
because of Oscar's
trashy online Howler.
386
00:17:57,762 --> 00:18:00,529
It's got readers in high places.
387
00:18:00,531 --> 00:18:02,565
Now some online rag is saying
388
00:18:02,567 --> 00:18:05,935
I'm responsible for sea
monsters on the prairie.
389
00:18:05,937 --> 00:18:07,237
Sea monsters?
390
00:18:07,238 --> 00:18:09,638
I mean, do people just
make up whatever they want
391
00:18:09,640 --> 00:18:12,175
- and call it "news"?
- Pretty much, yeah.
392
00:18:12,176 --> 00:18:15,778
Unbelievable.
What a time to be Prime Minister.
393
00:18:15,780 --> 00:18:18,080
It's been a real boon
to the business,
394
00:18:18,082 --> 00:18:20,916
so we're going
on a vacation to Greece.
395
00:18:20,918 --> 00:18:24,920
But one good week
wouldn't cover your annual losses.
396
00:18:24,922 --> 00:18:26,288
What losses?
397
00:18:26,289 --> 00:18:27,757
We own the building,
we've got plenty of supplies,
398
00:18:27,758 --> 00:18:29,592
and the paper only costs
pennies to print.
399
00:18:29,594 --> 00:18:32,217
Plus, we've always sold corn
liquor out the back door.
400
00:18:32,251 --> 00:18:34,864
- That... that's off the record.
- Bah...
401
00:18:34,865 --> 00:18:36,932
I forgot to factor moonshine
into my calculations.
402
00:18:36,934 --> 00:18:38,701
Hey, Emma, thank Oscar for me.
403
00:18:38,703 --> 00:18:42,872
I hope his digital paper
goes on forever.
404
00:18:42,874 --> 00:18:46,775
Wow!
That chiropractor was amazing.
405
00:18:46,777 --> 00:18:49,144
Oh. Let's get out of here and go home.
406
00:18:49,146 --> 00:18:51,815
Sure, but maybe,
to get safely to the car,
407
00:18:51,816 --> 00:18:54,985
we split the difference between
a country walk and a city walk.
408
00:18:54,986 --> 00:18:59,355
- Suburban stroll?
- All right!
409
00:19:01,726 --> 00:19:04,626
So that's what you've been up to...
410
00:19:05,695 --> 00:19:09,198
- Told ya it stole my knife.
- Yeah, but look at all my muffins!
411
00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:12,701
- He loves them.
- He's not a he, he's a she,
412
00:19:12,703 --> 00:19:14,603
and she is using your muffins
413
00:19:14,605 --> 00:19:16,505
to build a nest
for her babies.
414
00:19:16,507 --> 00:19:19,909
Aw...
So no one likes my muffins?
415
00:19:19,911 --> 00:19:23,613
- A true friend would eat your muffin.
- Amen, sister.
416
00:19:25,582 --> 00:19:28,451
Ugh!
Oh, god, not worth it.
417
00:19:30,921 --> 00:19:35,057
I like my city walk,
thank you very much.
418
00:19:35,059 --> 00:19:37,394
Yeah, I like it too.
It has a good pace.
419
00:19:37,395 --> 00:19:38,828
It means I get my food faster.
420
00:19:38,829 --> 00:19:40,297
Well, then, why were you
making fun of it?
421
00:19:40,298 --> 00:19:43,432
Pointing something out doesn't
necessarily make it an insult.
422
00:19:43,434 --> 00:19:47,002
Oh. Wow.
I really went full Lacey on that.
423
00:19:47,004 --> 00:19:50,240
Now that, I was making fun of.
So, how about some lunch?
424
00:19:50,241 --> 00:19:52,876
Back in a minute...
Pickle Lips.
425
00:19:52,877 --> 00:19:55,946
Pickle Lips?
What does that mean?
426
00:19:55,947 --> 00:19:59,507
And why is my voice all
echo-y and inside my head?
427
00:20:04,540 --> 00:20:09,977
- And... time.
- 20 seconds. Nice.
428
00:20:09,978 --> 00:20:11,579
Want my Howler?
I'm done with it.
429
00:20:11,581 --> 00:20:15,150
- Oh, I don't read that drivel.
- You... wait, what?
430
00:20:15,151 --> 00:20:17,852
Then why did we put in
all that effort to save it?
431
00:20:17,854 --> 00:20:21,155
I use the paper
to make my thera-piñatas.
432
00:20:21,157 --> 00:20:22,757
Your thera... what?
433
00:20:22,791 --> 00:20:24,692
Where are my pants?
434
00:20:24,694 --> 00:20:27,061
On your legs, dear!
435
00:20:30,365 --> 00:20:32,868
Oh...
therapy Piñatas.
436
00:20:32,869 --> 00:20:34,769
So you basically
whack Oscar with a stick.
437
00:20:34,771 --> 00:20:36,771
And then eat candy.
438
00:20:36,773 --> 00:20:38,706
Well, Dad really is losing it.
439
00:20:38,708 --> 00:20:40,875
He thinks the paperboy
is out to get him.
440
00:20:40,877 --> 00:20:43,010
Hey, there is evil in this world.
441
00:20:43,012 --> 00:20:45,379
I know a crow that's
a criminal mastermind.
442
00:20:45,381 --> 00:20:48,016
A crow took your knife.
That doesn't mean it's evil.
443
00:20:53,488 --> 00:20:56,090
No!
Not the guy in the black hat.
444
00:20:56,092 --> 00:20:57,992
I said the old man
in the green hat!
445
00:20:57,994 --> 00:21:01,436
Get it together, Sheryl!
446
00:21:07,386 --> 00:21:08,887
♪ I don't know ♪
447
00:21:08,888 --> 00:21:11,823
♪ The same things
you don't know ♪
448
00:21:15,127 --> 00:21:17,161
♪ I don't know ♪
449
00:21:17,163 --> 00:21:20,331
♪ I just... don't know ♪
450
00:21:22,201 --> 00:21:26,104
- ♪ Ooh
- It's a great big place ♪
451
00:21:26,105 --> 00:21:29,641
- ♪ Ooh
- Full of nothin' but space ♪
452
00:21:29,642 --> 00:21:33,711
- ♪ Ooh
- And it's my happy place ♪
453
00:21:33,713 --> 00:21:36,314
♪ I don't know ♪
454
00:21:36,840 --> 00:21:40,266
sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
35098
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof