Original subtitles

[laughs] So, listen, the defender asked me.

"Are you sure that you know what you're doing?"

And I said, "You should've asked yourself the same question"

"when you wrote, 'This is a stick‐up'

on the back of your paster."

‐ Paster.. ‐ You're crazy! Ow!

What is LOOFA?

Well, isn't it that children's organization

that you're involved with?

Yes, Leaders Of Our Future America.

One week in a month, I shape the minds

of impressionable youngsters.

I guess that's not long enough to do any

permanent damage to them.

I have been chosen unsung hero of the year.

This is a joke, right?

Not at all.

Last month we were discussing our female heroes

and your name came up right between Maya Angelou

and the pink Power Ranger.

I'm not a hero.

Say what you will, Henrietta Humble.

But I have proof of your heroism right here in black and white.

"July 9th, 1980, Gus McGinty, 44 Trenton

was pooled from his flaming car by an unknown hero."

Synclaire, I didn't save that man's life.

‐ What? ‐ Remember?

That was the summer you teased me about being too scared

to knock on a door to sell those Girl Scout Cookies.

Oh, yeah! The whole troop called you, "Khadijah‐can't‐feed‐ya."

When I saw that article I figured I'd tell you

I was the unknown hero. To shut you up.

You lied to me?

Well, you know, one little lie.

Well, what else have you lied about?

Do you really know the colonel's secret recipe?

‐ Two little lies. ‐ Ah!

♪ We are living single ♪ ♪ Hey ♪

♪ Ooh and in a '90s kind of world ♪

♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪

♪ Oh keep your head up ♪ ♪ What?

♪ Keep your head up ♪ ♪ That's right ♪

♪ Whenever this life get tough ♪

♪ You gotta fight with ♪

♪ My homegirls standing to my left ♪

♪ And my right ♪ ♪ True blue ♪

♪ It's tight like glue ♪

♪ We are living ♪ ♪ Check check check it out ♪

♪ Check check check it out ♪ ♪ Single ♪

♪ Do what you want no free position girl ♪

♪ Ha ♪

To sum things up, Ms. Richards

we're recommending holdings in blue chip and biotech.

We've made the same recommendations

to many of your show business colleagues.

And I'm confident that these sectors will yield

at least a 20% return.

Splendid.

But confidence cannot buy a first class ticket to France.

And in large doses can be fatally boring.

You said the same thing to Harry Belafonte

in office affairs.

She did.

Do I feel the refreshing breeze of a fan?

Well, not a fan so much as a connoisseur

of great performance.

[laughs]

I've always liked you.

What's your name?

Kyle, Kyle Barker.

Um, if we could get back to the subject..

Darling, we never left it.

Kyle Barker.

What do you recommend?

That Lawrence is correct.

Investing in blue chip and biotech funds

would provide relatively risk‐free capital gains.

Not to mention some hefty dividends that are 85% tax free.

Wow!

I have 12 million Swiss Francs collecting dust in Geneva.

I'd like to do something with it.

How does that sound?

That sounds like 10 million American dollars.

I like that sound.

Splendid. Well, it's settled.

But please excuse me.

I'm late for my eucalyptus beauty flogging with Natasha.

And I love my beauty flogging.

[purring]

I'll show you to the other room.

I couldn't call off the award ceremony.

Those LOOFA kids love you.

One of them named his parakeet Khadijah.

I'm up against a wall here.

A wall you built with your bricks of deception.

Well, what am I supposed to do?

Ah, just take the story that fooled Synclaire

make it a little more believable.

Fool the kids.

Fool the kids?

Whoa, the devil's puttin' in some overtime

up in here, ain't he?

At least take a look at this videotape

the children made for you.

It took them two weeks to put this together.

(children on TV) 'Khadijah James, you're our hero.'

'We love you. Yay.'

It took them two weeks to make that?

Well, when you're seven and hopped up on Pixy Stix

it takes you a little while to get focused.

Now, Khadijah, what do you say?

Alright.

If it'll keep them off that sugar, I'll do it.

[knock on door]

Evening people.

Would anyone like to know what time it is

on my new Rolex Presidential?

Whoo!

Okay, shorty, what time is it?

Who cares, man? It's a Rolex Presidential.

Let me see.

Damn, and it's real too.

This is a congratulatory gift to myself.

I just landed a multi‐million dollar account today

by convincing Ms. Jacqueline Richards

to invest with our firm.

‐ Oh‐ho, get out of here. ‐ Jacqueline Richards.

Um, who‐who is Jacqueline Richards?

Oh, my God, I mean, uh, she's‐she's a legend.

The Broadway singer, dancer, actress.

She hosted the Tony Awards last year

in an Yves Saint Laurent original.

Overton, she was on the Love Boat.

Remember she was falling for that con man

and Isaac gave her advice on the Promenade Deck?

Oh, that‐that's the one with Sherman Hemsley

and his tour de force performance as Slick.

‐ Now you know. ‐ Why didn't you just say so?

Anyway, I'm delivering some papers to her house tonight.

Delivering papers.

[laughs]

Is that what the kids are calling it nowadays?

Oh, yeah, I read that Ms. Jacqueline likes her men

young and tender.

Of which Kyle is neither.

Look, just because the lady invited me to her house

does not mean that she wants my body.

Despite the obvious incentives.

Oh, no, be careful, shorty.

'Cause older women can be masters of manipulation.

Ms. Essner up in 4B asked me up there to fix her toilet.

When I got up there, she wanted me to jiggle little more than

just that handle, I tell ya.

[doorbell rings]

Good evening, I'm Carl Barker.

Well, you must be the stock broker.

Jacqueline's been raving about?

I'm Danny, Jacqueline's right hand.

Please.

Jacqueline will be with you momentarily.

Ah‐ah‐ah

the Chippendale is for looking, not lounging.

[scatting]

[scatting continues]

Well..

I thought for a moment Mel Torme had stopped by.

Ms. Richards, uh, I'm‐I'm sorry, I just couldn't resist.

No need to apologize. Well, what do you think?

I mean, this is incredible.

Look, there's Betty Davis and Pearl Bailey, Frank Sinatra.

Oh, the affairs this apartment has seen.

Now, who's the young guy in the matador suit?

Oh, the affairs this apartment has seen.

That's my most recent friend.

He is no friend of ours.

What would you say to a glass of champagne?

Oh, I'm sorry, I never drink while I do business.

And I never do business without a drink.

Are we at an impasse?

[chuckles]

You know, um, I was inspired to take piano lessons

after I heard Joe Sample accompany you on.

"Someone To Watch Over Me."

Well, let's see if the piano lessons paid off.

[piano music]

♪ There's a somebody ♪

♪ I'm longing to see ♪

♪ I hope that he ♪

♪ Turns out to be ♪

♪ Someone to watch ♪

♪ Over me ♪

♪ I'm a little lamb ♪

♪ Who's lost in the wood ♪

♪ Lost in the wood ♪

♪ I know I could ♪ ♪ I know I could ♪

♪ Always be good ♪

♪ To one ♪

♪ Who'll watch ♪

♪ Over me ♪

Kyle, I must ask you something.

I ca.. I.. I can't sleep with you.

[laughs] Silly, silly boy.

Oh, precious.

But frankly, darling, you're a little old for me.

Uh, I'm‐I'm‐I'm really sorry.

I‐I don't know what I was thinking.

Um, look, if‐if you just sign these papers.

I‐I can be on my way.

No need to apologize.

You're not the first man to fantasize about me.

‐ Stay. ‐ Okay.

So, um..

[chuckles] Wha‐what‐what did you wanna ask me?

Sleep with me.

Gotcha!

[laughs]

Escort me to a benefit ball tonight.

The mayor is raising money to clean the graffiti

off the animals in the Bronx Zoo.

Sure, sure, I'd love to go.

Splendid.

Then let's be on our way.

‐ Oh, Kyle. ‐ 'Mm‐hmm.'

Would you bring me my wrap please?

Sure..

And my purse.

I have a surprise for you.

[chuckles]

Oh, wow, a gold lighter.

I'm‐I'm sorry, I really couldn't.

‐ I insist. ‐ But I don't smoke.

I do.

[sighs]

Oh, I just bought the same boa.

You saw me at the mall, you little thief.

(Kyle) 'No, it's..'

Doing a few favors for Jacqueline.

It's a small price to pay

for a multi‐million dollar account.

Don't you think?

People, people, people, people.

I have an important announcement to make.

We like it when our people work hard.

We like it more when they make gobs of money.

Congratulations, Kyle. You're the funds manager of the month.

Thank you.

Okay, kids, let's go and make more gobs.

Oh, Kyle, your first funds manager of the month award.

After only two years.

It's funny.

I got mine the second month I was here.

Yes, Lawrence, they had such high hopes for you back then.

Oh‐ho!

Guess who?

Jacqueline, this is a surprise.

Ah, Ms. Richards, I rented your film.

"Queen Of The Kalahari."

I thought you gave the performance of a lifetime.

That piece of celluloid trash was the bane of my existence.

Don't dawdle, Kyle

we have reservations at The Four Seasons for lunch.

Oh, I'm sorry, I couldn't possibly go.

[knock on door] Ah, Maxine, this is Ms. Jacqueline.

Ms. Richards, Maxine Shaw.

I have seen "Queen Of The Kalahari"

28 times. It is my favorite movie.

Thank you. It was mine too.

What a vivacious young lady!

‐ Are you a member of the firm? ‐ Well‐‐.

No, actually, Maxine is my lunch date for this afternoon.

That's why I have to pass on The Four Seasons.

[chuckles] Wait, wait.

You're passin' up a four star lunch with an icon

for a hot dog on a bench with me?

‐ Yes, I am. ‐ Oh, no, no, no.

Oh, no, no, you go. You must go.

[laughing] This young lady gets more impressive by the moment.

Marry her, Kyle.

‐ Buon appetito. I ‐ Yeah, bye‐bye, yeah.

Four Seasons, huh?

[laughs]

Oh, charming ashtray.

(Khadijah) And then there were flames everywhere.

So I had to like pull my shirt over my face

just to breathe through the smoke.

If your shirt was over your face

couldn't people see your bra?

[laughs]

Anyway, the windows were rolled up and the doors were locked.

So I had to climb on top of the flaming vehicle

and pry open the sunroof.

How'd you pry open the sunroof without a crowbar?

The end, thank you.

What happened to our hero, Ms. Synclaire?

Doesn't she wanna talk to us anymore?

I don't know, Jim.

I just don't know.

There just aren't any heroes anymore.

First, we lost Darryl Strawberry

then MaCaulay Culkin.

Then Darryl Strawberry again.

‐ Now this. ‐ I know, girl, I know.

Well, wait a minute now, I want you to give me a chance.

I wasn't finished.

The flames danced across the black top

like the devil's own chorus line.

From within the car I heard a faint cry for help.

"Little girl on the Kick 'n' Go

you're my only chance."

So with no thought for my own safety

I reached in and I grabbed Mr. McGinty from the inferno.

But didn't the fire burn your hands?

Right through to the bone.

But through the miracle of bionics, these are brand new!

[all cheering]

Yo, for bionic hands, they could have done

a better job on them nails.

And now, Ms. Khadijah, our special surprise guest.

Surprise guest?

The man who owes his life to you Mr. Gus McGinty.

Now, this is a beautiful moment.

I think I see tears of joy in Khadijah's eyes.

Yeah, and now she's gonna have to pull her own ass

out that fire.

I don't‐I don't know, I don't know.

[laughs nervously]

Hi, Mr. McGinty, it's nice to see you a‐again.

Nah, I've never seen you before in my life.

Well, obviously Mr. McGinty is still a little

traumatized from that incident

that happened all those years ago.

Now, work with me, man.

Don't you remember what I said to you

just before I pulled you from the flames?

Everything's gonna be okay.

It was you! God bless you.

[all cheering]

[doorbell rings]

Oh, Kyle.

You look almost as swell as I will.

Uh, excuse me, but I assumed an art auction

at Sotheby's would be a tad more formal.

Oh, your instincts serve you well.

Actually, the auction will not start for another two hours.

And I need someone to walk my poodles, Miles and Dizzy.

Is that what I think it is?

It's a shovel of sorts.

Oh, by the way, Miles was neutered on Thursday

and he's a bit snippy.

With all due respect, Jacqueline

for the past week I have escorted you

to various functions

silently inhaling your secondhand smoke.

I have even blocked your bower

and now you want me to scoop the poop of a neutered poodle?

This must end.

Well, the night has taken an ugly turn.

Jacqueline, there are some things that I am willing to do

for a $10 million account.

And as I'm discovering right now..

Some things that I am not.

I thought we were friends.

No, I don't think you know what it is to be a friend.

Nobody has spoken to me like that

since Cosby refused to snake my kitchen sink.

Uh..

If I ever asked you to do something

you thought was beneath you, I apologize.

Apology accepted.

And if it seemed that at times I have been manipulative

well, it's because through the years

I have found people have been more loyal to my money

than they were to me.

Jacqueline, that's not the way I work.

Look, I really wouldn't mind doing some things for you

but out of friendship, not because you're wealthy.

I'm speechless.

There's only one thing to do.

If we're going to be friends

I am divesting my money from your firm.

Uh, let us discuss the parameters of our friendship

shall we?

If you take your money from my firm

I will be in big trouble.

Now, is that friendly?

Alright, Kyle.

I'll keep the account open for you.

[whispers] Thank you.

‐ Question. ‐ Huh?

Would a friend join a friend in walking her dogs?

Certainement.

But I am not scooping.

A friend would.

Yeah, well, did Mr. Cosby?

Tempestt Bledsoe did.

Well, let's call her.

[Kyle laughing]

(Regine) Don't go away, we'll be right back.

So, I'm sorry I led you to believe I saved your life.

When I saw those worshipping eyes staring at me

there's no way I could've let those kids down.

It takes a big person to admit they lied.

Ah, we all make mistakes.

I shouldn't have been shaving and driving.

Well, I tell you what, first thing tomorrow

I'm gonna call each of those kids and set things straight.

Good for you.

Eh, could you leave the shaving thing out of it?

You okay? Are you.. Oh, my goodness!

[grunts]

My God, you saved my life!

Synclaire, I saved his life.

Yes, Khadijah. You did.

No, no, for real. For real.

Tell her, Mr. McGinty.

She did.

Sure, sure.

No, for real, I did. I'll show you.

Swallow this.

(Regine) Woo‐hoo!

[Regine chuckles]