Original subtitles

Oh, look.

"To the beautiful Synclaire." Signed, "Guess who?"

Oh, I wonder who they're from.

Who do you know that likes you and is that corny?

Overton. Oh, but Overton never likes to send flowers.

He says, "Things should not die so that our love may live."

Still waters run deep.

You know what? I know it's not Bobby Dougan.

We gonna hear about Bobby Dougan.

He was my sixth grade secret admirer.

He signed all of his notes "Your secret admirer

Bobby Dougan."

It could be someone who works at the dry cleaners, you know?

Someone who likes your silk teddies.

Gives you unclaimed items.

Romances you for two weeks and then just..

Up and leaves you for some model/actress whatever.

It happens.

[Queen Latifa singing "Living Single"]

♪ We are living single ♪

♪ Ooh in a 90's kinda world ♪

♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪

♪ Keep your head up ♪ ♪ What! ♪

♪ Keep your head up ♪ ♪ That's right! ♪

♪ Whenever this life gets tough you gotta fight ♪

♪ With my home girls standing to my left and my right ♪

♪ True blue and tight like glue ♪

♪ Check check check it out check check check it out ♪

♪ What you want? No free position ♪

♪ Ahhh ♪

Eukay, Max. Question number nine.

After sex, I feel like, A‐Cuddling, B‐Talking

or C‐Compulsively washing my hands.

I'll say D.

Sending him out for snacks and locking the door behind him.

Oh! Max, you wouldn't really treat a man like that.

[scoffs] Remember that guy running down the street with the pink robe

carrying a box of Fig Newtons.

That was one of hers.

Regine. Welcome home.

Oh, cheer up, Regine. Look what I got.

Isn't it beautiful?

Bad day, huh?

Ugh. Bad would've been a step up.

Okay. The brother was fine, but he‐‐.

But he kept checking himself out in the butter knife.

And‐and of course he had a lot of money, but‐‐.

But he spent all night talking about it to your cleavage.

You know what your problem is?

Besides, having an extra mouth to feed at dinner time?

You choose your men based on their income.

Oh. Are you suggesting I use your method of chasing a man

a couple of miles to see if he has stamina?

You date any man who can breathe and reach for his wallet

at the same time.

Ooh. Words of wisdom coming from Kyle's concubine.

Whoa! Okay. Alright now.

Alright yo, yo. Yo, yo, yo.

Only people who pay rent are allowed to draw blood

in this apartment.

I'll write you a check.

[indistinct chatter]

Just black coffee for me.

Any new gifts from Mr. Guess Who?

A beautiful box of Swiss chocolates

in a multi‐layered package.

More like a chocolate condo really, with a..

With a delicious tenant in every room. Yum. Yum.

So, uh, who is this rascal

who obviously has excellent taste in women?

Mmm. I'm thinking he's some romantic and powerful diplomat

who spotted me when I took the tour of the U. N.

‐ Oh. Really? ‐ Mm.

Or maybe that handsome movie director that Khadijah

interviewed for the magazine last week. Could be him.

How nice for you.

Maybe it is just some inmate who saw your picture

and is doing push‐ups while chanting your name.

Synclaire.

Synclaire.

(Overton) 'Hey, Regi, you're pretty handy with a mystery.'

I was wondering what you..

She's on a scent.

Go girl. Sic him, sic him.

[scoffs] I can't believe you guys.

You think I'd go after a man

just because he has a valid gold card.

You could see that from here?

Gregory Johnson. Card member since 1987.

Regine, bravo.

Oh, why single out Regine?

Many a woman's head has been turned by a flashy trick or two.

Some flowers, credit card, American chocolates

in a Swiss box.

I sense he owns property.

Regine's my kind of woman. Completely transparent.

I thought your kind of woman was completely sedated.

Max. Stop throwing yourself at me.

Stop it.

Just take your ass over there. You know you can't fight it.

I can't believe you all think so little of me.

I too have a smidge of self‐control.

Ah, that is it.

I'm, I'm gonna prove you all wrong.

Ginger ale, please.

Keep the change. Huh.

Give it up for Regine. She paid for her own drink.

Thank you.

Overton, what are you doing, man?

Getting some air.

The calf is going with you, is she?

Just getting rid of this gift from Synclaire's secret admirer

before she sees it.

Look man, I understand you're a little jealous.

‐ But that's not right. ‐ No, no. You don't understand.

‐ Mr. Guess Who? ‐ 'Mm‐hmm.'

I am he. He is me.

I was just trying to romance her in my own special way.

By sending her gifts from some other man. Ooh.

Clearly you revealed a flaw in my plan.

Mm‐hmm.

I figured, look, I give her a few gifts

she would guess who and show me a little appreciation.

Know what I'm saying?

But now she probably thinks her secret admirer

is some bigshot.

She'll be disappointed to find out it's just me.

I know I am.

Man, the way she fantasized about this guy, I felt like

I felt like Clark Kent listening to

Lois Lane talk about Superman.

But in Superman too Clark revealed his true identity

to Lois and they hooked up.

Yeah, and while that was happening

the whole world was destroyed.

Man, I can't tell her now.

If I do that, she'll just laugh at me the same way you did.

Overton, I'm not laughing at you man, I'm just..

Laughing at the things you do.

Oh, what a tangled web I've weaved.

Have weaved.

Woven?

(Overton and Kyle) 'Hey, Regine.'

Don't you just hate it when the Foodmart runs out of Advils.

Argh!

Oh, Regine, what's wrong?

Everything. I have no self‐control.

After we all left the cafe

I tracked down Mr. Gold Card Gregory Johnson.

How did you find him?

Simple. Scent and Fabric.

I identified his citrus and sandalwood cologne

and tracked it to Scott Henry's custom perfumery.

His suit, raw silk twill

undoubtedly Julian of Paris, the silk twill king.

A quick cross reference

I had his address and his phone number.

Ooh, you're good.

Listen, I'm trying to track down my cousins in California.

I think they wear Brut.

They're not on my side of the family.

Now, you know the brother was fine, but he‐‐.

But he butter knife, to your cleavage, blah, blah, blah.

Khadijah, what's my problem?

Which one?

Regine, you only date vain, pretentious, superficial men.

Rich, though.

It's just not fun anymore.

I'm just, I'm just going through the motions.

[sighs]

‐ May I offer a suggestion? ‐ Mm.

Really? Thanks.

When I registered for night school

I saw a listing for a seminar.

"Finding The You Within."

It's only $400, and the instructor's this famous doctor

I saw on Oprah.

She made Oprah and Whoopi cry.

‐ For real? ‐ 'Yes.'

Regine, you are a fool if you spend one dime on that crap.

But if you need help that bad, for only 200 I'll make you cry.

‐ Shoot. ‐ Khadijah, please, alright?

If I really want to sit in a room full of unsatisfied women

yak, yak, yaking about their problems

I'd stay around and talk to you all.

I am Dr. Madeline Flaylin and we are here to live better.

To love better.

To find the you within, defining ourselves without men.

Welcome back, ladies. And Dennis.

Fulfill.

Find your life first

if love is to last.

Know yourself. Need yourself.

Love yourself.

Alright, it's time to stand and deliver.

Who from last week would like to start us off?

There are no refunds. So let's get things moving.

(Max) 'Well, my name is Maxine, and..'

How are we supposed to make pots up in here without any clay?

Well, well, well, if it isn't Miss Hornier than thou.

You are in the wrong class.

Gold diggers, promiscuous is down the hall.

You're calling me promiscuous?

‐ Doctor, question. ‐ Yes.

Is there something wrong with a woman

who has to have the ceiling fans removed from her home

because she keeps losing the heels off of her shoes?

But, doctor, isn't it worse to be a woman

who thinks of the Fortune 500 as a to do list?

‐ Back, back, back! ‐ Ladies. Ladies!

Now, this room is supposed to be a safe haven for women.

And Dennis.

'Now, Maxine and..'

Chiquan.

Maxine and Chiquan need to realize something.

They're both two sides of the same dysfunctional coin.

'It's all in my second book.'

"Two Sides Of The Same Dysfunctional Coin."

Now, Maxine and Chiquan, let's try a little something.

An exercise that you'll find in your blue workbooks.

It's called Blue Workbook Exercise Number Two.

It requires a little bit of self‐revelation.

Now, Max here told us all about herself last week.

In fact, we had to stay a little overtime. Didn't we, max?

[no audio]

Max is what I like to call a loan shark.

She's borrowed some heavy grief from a few men in her life

and now she wants to pay them all back with interest.

Now, Chiquan, as if that's your real name

I'm guessing that you're in a special category

I like to call Olympians.

I'm an Olympian.

You go for the gold, but not your own

because you're too afraid to compete.

You want a man to run your race for you.

How do you know that?

It's not an exactly unusual story, Chiquan.

How many in here are Olympians?

I have a home.

Now, this week I want you all to date yourselves.

That means no rendezvous with men.

‐ What? ‐ Uh‐uh, uh‐uh.

The point of this exercise is to spend time with yourself.

Find yourself.

Need yourself.

Love yourself.

Let's take a five minute break.

Everyone out in the hallway.

We have coffee, cookies and cassette tapes.

Good luck dating yourself, Chiquan. You're gonna need it.

Lord knows how you can afford it.

Oh, Max. Hey, girl.

You got a date finally without yelling at the car window.

Movie starts in 20 minutes.

Come on, Khadijah, I wanna get there early.

You know the preview is always better than the movie.

So, uh, Synclaire

any new thoughts on the identity of your secret admirer?

As a matter of fact, I haven't heard from him in two days.

But I've been doing some detective work.

Look at that headline.

‐ Peace pact in the Middle East. ‐ Uh‐huh.

My secret admirer dropped out of sight just when this happened.

See now, I'm no Regine.

But all fingers point to my guy being the King of Jordan.

[knock on door]

Hey. Sorry I'm late. I was indisposed.

Hey, did you get that grey hair out your back?

Overton, please.

He had a devil of a time reaching, even with the tweeze.

Overton.

You'd have thought it'd be easy. That sucker wasn't alone.

He was back there just pulling..

Oh. What's this?

It's addressed to me.

I bet it's from Mr. Guess Who.

Does it have a royal seal on it?

"My dearest Synclaire

"I've been convicted of a terrible crime I did not commit.

"I have also contracted

"an extremely contagious skin fungus."

"Further more, I've been drafted by the French Foreign Legion."

"I feel this means goodbye forever."

"Yours truly, Guess Who."

‐ Can you believe it? ‐ Ha ha ha. Just barely.

I'm, uh, really sorry about your friend, Synclaire.

But he didn't admire you secretly

half as much as I do publicly.

Aw. That's so sweet, Overton.

But Regine's gonna be devastated.

Ever since she swore off men yesterday

she has taken a real interest in this.

Skin fungus?

It was a nice touch man.

Well, I couldn't spell psoriasis.

You know, Regine, I'm throwing a seminar of my own next week.

It's only a thousand bucks.

It's called "My Roommate's A Fool."

Mock if you must.

But dating myself is going to make me a much better woman.

Lonely and passively bitter, but better.

If you say so. Go on, Synclaire.

Regine, I have some bad news about my secret admirer.

Who cares?

She's in denial.

Alright now, Regine. You have fun dating yourself.

Have your butt home by 11.

Don't you try anything funny.

Just starting your date?

Mine's over.

Took me all of 12 minutes to be myself, know myself

love myself.

Quite frankly, I'm sick of myself.

Well, I'm having a lovely time.

Candlelight, nice dinner, chocolate.

And later on, I might read a book with myself

or play dominoes with myself or call up a radio station

and dedicate a song to myself.

Well, lookee here.

I'm taking my date up town. You wanna ride shotgun?

You're ridiculous. I cannot believe you.

You are compromising everything that we're trying to do

and the whole point of this seminar.

God, Max. I don't know about you.

But me, I take my self‐development very seriously.

I'm only going with you because my date is dragging me along.

We're waiting.

So she brings this dress in big pit stains and all

thinking I'll take it back 'cause it has the tags on it.

I said to her, pretty to look at, nice to hold.

Once you make it stink, sister, it's sold.

Doesn't she know if you're gonna return

you've to wear dress shields?

I'm saying.

Oh, this is sad.

The best Saturday night I've had in months.

And it's with you.

It just goes to show we don't need men to have a good time.

You don't have to play the mind games. We're in charge.

Yo. Two more.

I guess once you look at it that way this is very liberating.

‐ To the sisterhood. ‐ Yes, yes.

I want a man!

Buy me a drink. Tell me I'm cute.

[weeping] I'm hopeless.

Alright, okay.

Now Regine, I know you're in crisis

but you're also embarrassing me. Okay?

Thank you.

Listen. There is nothing wrong with wanting a man.

God put them here for us. It's a beautiful thing.

But they can't complete us. We have to do that ourselves.

If you are so well adjusted

why are you even taking the seminar?

Because as much as I hate to admit it

you and I are not that different.

I mean, sure, hey, I've got it going on.

But, uh, lately my one night stands

haven't been as fulfilling as they once were

and I knew I hit bottom one morning when I woke up

next to a strange man and it was..

[gasps] Kyle.

[gasps]

Okay, breathe, breathe, breathe.

Come on, come back, come back. Hey, hey, hey, hey.

I'm sorry. I‐I didn't mean to make you relive the incident.

The bottom line is, once we give ourselves the respect we deserve

we empower ourselves to be free.

Free to choose a man who deserves us

or to march on by ourselves.

Well, miss girl, you really do know yourself.

I read in Dr. Madeline's third book.

"Marching On By Ourselves."

Hey, you know what, Max. I think we're gonna be okay.

I mean, we‐we can do this.

Take tonight. We did... we did okay without men.

Are you kidding me? We excelled without them.

(male announcer) 'Ladies, Men Overboard takes great pride in presenting'

'"Police And Cowboys On Parade."'

[instrumental music]

Whoo!

Alright!

'Yeah!'

Shake it, shake it, shake it.

(Overton) 'Storing your letters from Mr. Guess Who, Synclaire?'

(Synclaire) 'I suppose it's time for me to put that part of my life away.'

'But you know, it's a funny thing.

(Overton) 'Funny?'

(Synclaire) 'Well, yes. I've been thinking.'

'Every time I got something from my secret admirer'

'you were nearby.'

(Overton) 'So what are you saying? That I'm your secret admirer?'

'Be serious, Synclaire.'

'Next thing you'd be telling me, I'm Superman.'

[laughing]

Whoo‐hoo!

♪ Ahhh ♪