All language subtitles for Kevin And Perry Go Large 2000 part A ENG

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:38,114 --> 00:01:40,697 Please don't execute me. 2 00:01:40,698 --> 00:01:44,655 It is such a waste of my lovely woman's body. 3 00:01:44,656 --> 00:01:48,238 I've got years of shagging in me. 4 00:01:48,239 --> 00:01:51,113 Why chop off my head when thou could... 5 00:01:51,114 --> 00:01:55,198 lift up my dress and look at my front bottom? 6 00:01:56,906 --> 00:02:00,322 Phwoar! I'm not gonna kill you! 7 00:02:00,323 --> 00:02:02,822 CHEERING 8 00:02:02,823 --> 00:02:04,530 Sir... 9 00:02:04,531 --> 00:02:06,864 I owe thou a shag. 10 00:02:08,697 --> 00:02:10,072 Oh... 11 00:02:13,114 --> 00:02:15,655 - ALL: - Large! 12 00:02:15,656 --> 00:02:18,239 HE GULPS 13 00:02:20,739 --> 00:02:23,530 Kevin? > 14 00:02:23,531 --> 00:02:26,571 - Kevin! - Wuuurrrgh! 15 00:02:26,572 --> 00:02:31,530 - How's your homework going? - Fine, until you came in. Oh! 16 00:02:31,531 --> 00:02:34,654 Bring this mess down when you come. 17 00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:37,821 I'm not your slave! 18 00:02:37,822 --> 00:02:40,863 Don't talk to your mother like that. 19 00:02:40,864 --> 00:02:44,739 MIMICS: Don't talk to your mother like that! 20 00:02:46,155 --> 00:02:47,364 HE SNORTS 21 00:02:51,447 --> 00:02:53,363 Oh... 22 00:02:53,364 --> 00:02:56,030 So unfair... 23 00:03:05,363 --> 00:03:08,821 "Dear diary. Sorry I've never written in you. 24 00:03:08,822 --> 00:03:11,905 "I have higher things on my mind." 25 00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:20,946 "If I did write down my thoughts, you would be a bestseller. 26 00:03:20,947 --> 00:03:24,946 "I am a teenage genius, unrecognised by the world. 27 00:03:24,947 --> 00:03:30,029 "The only person who understands me is my best mate Perry." 28 00:03:30,030 --> 00:03:31,695 All right, Kev. 29 00:03:31,696 --> 00:03:35,820 "He is joyful in his understanding of my wisdom." 30 00:03:35,821 --> 00:03:38,029 Your jacket's inside out. 31 00:03:38,030 --> 00:03:42,612 I do know. I don't conform to conventional dress patterns. 32 00:03:42,613 --> 00:03:46,779 "Until Perry met me, he was but a humble peasant, 33 00:03:46,780 --> 00:03:49,946 "but now he is top." 34 00:03:53,905 --> 00:03:55,945 Respect. 35 00:03:55,946 --> 00:04:00,737 "We are only free to express our philosophy through our mixes." 36 00:04:00,738 --> 00:04:02,612 # All I wanna do is do it 37 00:04:02,613 --> 00:04:04,070 # Big girl, big girl 38 00:04:04,071 --> 00:04:05,653 # All I wanna do is do it 39 00:04:05,654 --> 00:04:07,070 # Big girl, big girl 40 00:04:07,071 --> 00:04:09,237 # All I wanna do is do it 41 00:04:09,238 --> 00:04:10,612 # Big girl, big girl 42 00:04:10,613 --> 00:04:13,029 # Big girl, big girl, big girl... # 43 00:04:17,988 --> 00:04:20,529 Kevin! Turn it down! 44 00:04:22,279 --> 00:04:24,779 MUSIC GETS LOUDER 45 00:04:29,904 --> 00:04:35,486 "When we are top DJs, my senile parents will surely eat their pants." 46 00:04:35,487 --> 00:04:40,070 - You're a genius, darling! - You certainly proved us wrong. 47 00:04:40,071 --> 00:04:42,987 I sure did. Huh! 48 00:04:44,987 --> 00:04:46,986 Thanks. Will you shag me? 49 00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:49,736 OK. 50 00:04:49,737 --> 00:04:52,946 - GIRLS: - Shag me! 51 00:04:55,362 --> 00:05:00,319 "For, dear diary, there is pain behind my genius. 52 00:05:00,320 --> 00:05:03,319 "My teenage heart is broken. 53 00:05:03,320 --> 00:05:07,361 "I've been up for it for three bloody years, 54 00:05:07,362 --> 00:05:11,528 "but no girl has yet let me go the whole way." 55 00:05:11,529 --> 00:05:14,279 HE HOWLS 56 00:05:24,779 --> 00:05:27,403 HOWLING 57 00:05:37,487 --> 00:05:39,695 HOWLING 58 00:05:46,945 --> 00:05:49,820 HOWLING CONTINUES 59 00:05:54,112 --> 00:05:56,652 - You got it? - Yeah. 60 00:05:56,653 --> 00:06:00,528 - I get the goods, you give him that. - Go, go, go. 61 00:06:06,236 --> 00:06:07,570 Go, go, go. 62 00:06:13,945 --> 00:06:16,153 This, please. 63 00:06:17,153 --> 00:06:19,070 Wurrrgh! 64 00:06:31,028 --> 00:06:33,153 £3.99, please. 65 00:06:36,028 --> 00:06:37,403 Thank you! 66 00:06:39,444 --> 00:06:41,569 KEVIN GASPS 67 00:06:49,278 --> 00:06:52,318 You were scared of the pigs. 68 00:06:52,319 --> 00:06:55,401 - I ain't. - They're scared of me. 69 00:06:55,402 --> 00:06:59,026 - I rule this manor. I'm hard. - There's your dad. 70 00:06:59,027 --> 00:07:00,485 KEVIN YELPS 71 00:07:00,486 --> 00:07:01,944 No! 72 00:07:11,152 --> 00:07:12,943 Are you all right, Kevin? 73 00:07:12,944 --> 00:07:16,485 Oh... Hi, Dad. Yeah, fine, thanks. 74 00:07:16,486 --> 00:07:18,193 Why are you lying there? 75 00:07:18,194 --> 00:07:21,444 I'm a bit tired. I need a sleep. 76 00:07:22,444 --> 00:07:25,819 We're knackered, Mr Porno-P-Patterson. 77 00:07:27,319 --> 00:07:28,694 Yawn. 78 00:07:34,735 --> 00:07:37,901 "Debbie from London loves clubbing. 79 00:07:37,902 --> 00:07:42,526 "I go to Ibiza every year for the clubs and the carefree sex. 80 00:07:42,527 --> 00:07:48,276 "It's fantastic. Everyone gets off with everyone else. It is so horny." 81 00:07:48,277 --> 00:07:50,817 - I love her, Kev. - That's it! 82 00:07:50,818 --> 00:07:52,234 What? 83 00:07:52,235 --> 00:07:55,609 We are DJs. Where do DJs go for the summer? 84 00:07:55,610 --> 00:07:56,817 Ibiza. 85 00:07:56,818 --> 00:08:01,442 And all girls who go to Ibiza shag anyone, especially DJs. 86 00:08:01,443 --> 00:08:04,526 So where are we going to go? 87 00:08:04,527 --> 00:08:09,735 Ibiza? What, you think you deserve to go to Ibiza after this? 88 00:08:10,735 --> 00:08:12,234 HE MUMBLES 89 00:08:12,235 --> 00:08:16,984 It's worse than we expected. "Kevin lacks application. 90 00:08:16,985 --> 00:08:18,942 - "Is still a virgin..." - What? 91 00:08:18,943 --> 00:08:24,275 "Is still emerging from a rebellious phase that shows no sign of ending." 92 00:08:24,276 --> 00:08:27,650 - Huh! - It's just awful, isn't it? 93 00:08:27,651 --> 00:08:31,442 What have you got to say for yourself? 94 00:08:31,443 --> 00:08:35,025 So can we go to Ibiza? 95 00:08:35,026 --> 00:08:37,942 I think I've answered that! No! 96 00:08:37,943 --> 00:08:40,984 Oh! That is so unfair! 97 00:08:40,985 --> 00:08:43,484 Mum... 98 00:08:43,485 --> 00:08:45,275 - Perhaps if... - I said no! 99 00:08:45,276 --> 00:08:47,233 Ugh! 100 00:08:47,234 --> 00:08:52,442 - What your father says goes. - Ugh! Ugh! I can't take any more! 101 00:08:52,443 --> 00:08:58,608 I'm adopted! My real parents couldn't possibly treat me like this! 102 00:08:58,609 --> 00:09:00,734 I hate you! 103 00:09:01,776 --> 00:09:02,942 'Scuse me... 104 00:09:02,943 --> 00:09:06,608 I'm running away! Goodbye for ever! 105 00:09:06,609 --> 00:09:10,233 - You leave no room to compromise. - DOOR SLAMS 106 00:09:10,234 --> 00:09:14,650 - Compromise with that? - He has nothing to look forward to! 107 00:09:14,651 --> 00:09:19,108 - He deserves it. - He'll be impossible all holiday! 108 00:09:19,109 --> 00:09:24,026 'Scuse me, Mr and Mrs Patterson. Erm... Could I have a jam sandwich? 109 00:09:25,942 --> 00:09:28,526 WHIMPERING 110 00:09:34,067 --> 00:09:37,026 CHURCH ORGAN PLAYS 111 00:09:52,734 --> 00:09:55,566 Kevin left us a note, 112 00:09:55,567 --> 00:09:57,941 to remember him by. 113 00:09:57,942 --> 00:10:02,941 It is typical of the Kevin we all knew, 114 00:10:02,942 --> 00:10:05,274 loved, 115 00:10:05,275 --> 00:10:08,150 and in many cases, shagged. 116 00:10:13,317 --> 00:10:17,816 "I'm killing myself because I'm too good for this world. 117 00:10:17,817 --> 00:10:22,317 "A prophet is never understood in his own land, innit? 118 00:10:24,192 --> 00:10:27,524 "Soft friends, don't be sad. 119 00:10:27,525 --> 00:10:32,524 "I've gone to a better place, where you never have to tidy your room, 120 00:10:32,525 --> 00:10:37,483 "a place where your parents buy you new Nike trainers every week." 121 00:10:40,067 --> 00:10:44,274 "I didn't mean to cause you any pain, Mum... 122 00:10:44,275 --> 00:10:47,941 "but you shouldn't have made me wash." 123 00:10:49,441 --> 00:10:51,691 - SOBBING: - Kevin! 124 00:10:52,691 --> 00:10:54,857 Kevin! 125 00:10:54,858 --> 00:10:59,107 Yeah. I'm dead now. Yeah. 126 00:10:59,108 --> 00:11:01,233 Oh, Kevin! 127 00:11:02,233 --> 00:11:05,358 Kevin, tea's ready! 128 00:11:07,066 --> 00:11:08,315 HE SIGHS 129 00:11:08,316 --> 00:11:09,400 HE FARTS 130 00:11:16,274 --> 00:11:20,773 How nice you've come back. We thought you'd gone for ever. 131 00:11:20,774 --> 00:11:22,608 Eeeuurrrgghhh! 132 00:11:27,399 --> 00:11:31,523 We've decided... that you can both go to Ibiza. 133 00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:32,815 BOTH: Come on! 134 00:11:32,816 --> 00:11:36,440 Provided you get a job to pay for it. 135 00:11:36,441 --> 00:11:40,773 What are you talking about? YOU pay for my holidays. 136 00:11:40,774 --> 00:11:43,648 That's what parents are for! 137 00:11:43,649 --> 00:11:48,440 - Our lives are about more than that. - Don't be so ridiculous. 138 00:11:48,441 --> 00:11:51,773 Pass the salt, please, Kevin. 139 00:11:51,774 --> 00:11:54,315 I am not your slave! 140 00:11:54,316 --> 00:11:57,940 This is what happens when you compromise! 141 00:11:57,941 --> 00:12:02,731 Do you know what the trouble with you two is? You're so alike! 142 00:12:02,732 --> 00:12:05,774 BOTH: What?! That is so unfair! 143 00:12:15,232 --> 00:12:19,439 - You want ME to give YOU a job? - Yeah. HE WHISTLES 144 00:12:19,440 --> 00:12:20,523 Please. 145 00:12:20,524 --> 00:12:23,314 - Do you know the store? - Yeah. 146 00:12:23,315 --> 00:12:25,064 Where do you find punk? 147 00:12:25,065 --> 00:12:27,357 On my sheets. 148 00:12:34,190 --> 00:12:36,939 Spunk. Pp-pp! 149 00:12:36,940 --> 00:12:39,523 MUSIC: "Ooh La La" by The Wiseguys 150 00:12:41,273 --> 00:12:42,689 # Come on! 151 00:12:42,690 --> 00:12:46,315 # Come on! Come on! 152 00:12:48,690 --> 00:12:51,272 # Say ooh la la, say zoom 153 00:12:51,273 --> 00:12:52,439 # Come on! Come on! 154 00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:55,147 # Say ooh la la, say zoom 155 00:12:55,148 --> 00:12:56,481 # Come on! Come on! 156 00:12:56,482 --> 00:12:58,731 # Say ooh la la... # 157 00:12:58,732 --> 00:13:00,981 Finished! 158 00:13:00,982 --> 00:13:05,398 Well done, boys. Here's one for you and one for you. 159 00:13:07,981 --> 00:13:10,981 - Thank you. - Thank you. 160 00:13:14,731 --> 00:13:17,522 We're not cut out for manual work. 161 00:13:17,523 --> 00:13:19,855 Intellectuals aren't. 162 00:13:19,856 --> 00:13:23,147 - I've got too many great thoughts... - Mopeds! 163 00:13:23,148 --> 00:13:24,772 - Cider! - Party! 164 00:13:24,773 --> 00:13:28,315 - I can see her bra! - Bra? Where? Oh, yeah! 165 00:13:29,815 --> 00:13:33,147 MUSIC: "King of Snake" by Fatboy Slim Remix 166 00:13:33,148 --> 00:13:34,730 # Dogman and the king of snake 167 00:13:34,731 --> 00:13:36,730 # King of snake, king of snake 168 00:13:36,731 --> 00:13:38,355 # Dogman and the king of snake 169 00:13:38,356 --> 00:13:40,022 # King of snake 170 00:13:40,023 --> 00:13:41,647 # Dogman and the king of snake 171 00:13:41,648 --> 00:13:43,855 # King of snake, king of snake 172 00:13:43,856 --> 00:13:45,230 # 24 hours with the king of snake 173 00:13:45,231 --> 00:13:46,480 # Snake, snake, snake 174 00:13:46,481 --> 00:13:48,647 # Snake, snake, snake, snake 175 00:13:48,648 --> 00:13:50,981 # Snake, snake, snake, snake... # 176 00:14:21,022 --> 00:14:23,563 Oh, man... 177 00:14:23,564 --> 00:14:27,022 Oh... Oh, my head... 178 00:14:52,772 --> 00:14:54,271 SHE GROANS 179 00:14:54,272 --> 00:14:57,147 Oh, hi, baby. 180 00:15:00,730 --> 00:15:06,105 MUSIC: "I'm In The Mood For Love" by Jools Holland featuring Jamiroquai 181 00:15:10,813 --> 00:15:14,229 # I'm in the mood for love 182 00:15:14,230 --> 00:15:18,354 # Simply because you're near me 183 00:15:18,355 --> 00:15:22,396 # Funny but when you're near me 184 00:15:22,397 --> 00:15:25,563 # I'm in the mood for love 185 00:15:26,563 --> 00:15:29,729 # Heaven is in your eyes 186 00:15:29,730 --> 00:15:33,146 # Bright as the stars we're under 187 00:15:33,980 --> 00:15:36,730 # Oh, is it any wonder 188 00:15:38,063 --> 00:15:41,104 # I'm in the mood for love 189 00:15:41,105 --> 00:15:45,145 # Why stop to think of whether 190 00:15:45,146 --> 00:15:48,730 # This little dream might fade 191 00:15:49,646 --> 00:15:52,520 # We'll put our hearts together 192 00:15:52,521 --> 00:15:56,396 # Now we're one, I'm not afraid... 193 00:16:08,646 --> 00:16:09,938 Kev! 194 00:16:12,229 --> 00:16:14,395 Good morning, Perry. 195 00:16:14,396 --> 00:16:16,938 PERRY CHUCKLES 196 00:16:18,063 --> 00:16:19,854 KEVIN CHUCKLES 197 00:16:24,063 --> 00:16:26,311 - Did you shag her? - Yeah. 198 00:16:26,312 --> 00:16:29,978 - You shagged Sharon? - Only three times. PERRY WHISTLES 199 00:16:29,979 --> 00:16:31,062 Cor. 200 00:16:35,562 --> 00:16:40,771 - So you've done it with a girl, then? - Yeah. I stuck it up her good. 201 00:16:44,146 --> 00:16:47,395 That mean you don't want to go to Ibiza? 202 00:16:47,396 --> 00:16:51,686 Now you don't need to go to Ibiza for a guaranteed shag. 203 00:16:51,687 --> 00:16:54,645 I'll get a shag here, probably. 204 00:16:54,646 --> 00:16:59,811 No, we can still go to Ibiza. I can always do more shagging. 205 00:16:59,812 --> 00:17:05,603 Oh. Thanks, Kev. You're a mate. But how are we going to get the money? 206 00:17:05,604 --> 00:17:08,853 It's all in the mind. We're DJs. 207 00:17:08,854 --> 00:17:12,645 We can earn our money on the street. 208 00:17:24,895 --> 00:17:26,561 # All I wanna do is do it 209 00:17:26,562 --> 00:17:28,144 # Big girl, big girl 210 00:17:28,145 --> 00:17:29,727 # All I wanna do is do it 211 00:17:29,728 --> 00:17:31,352 # Big girl, big girl 212 00:17:31,353 --> 00:17:32,852 # All I wanna do is do it 213 00:17:32,853 --> 00:17:35,519 # Big girl, big girl, big girl 214 00:17:35,520 --> 00:17:37,978 - # Big girl, big girl, big girl... - Oi! 215 00:17:38,978 --> 00:17:40,394 I want a word. 216 00:17:40,395 --> 00:17:43,602 Oh... Hi, darling. How's it going? 217 00:17:43,603 --> 00:17:47,436 - Did you say you shagged me? - No... 218 00:17:47,437 --> 00:17:50,436 Yeah, you bloody did. Stacey heard you. 219 00:17:50,437 --> 00:17:53,602 N-No... I didn't. 220 00:17:53,603 --> 00:17:56,894 I wouldn't shag you, you sad twat. 221 00:17:56,895 --> 00:18:01,353 Say anything like that again and I'll smack ya! Virgin! 222 00:18:06,353 --> 00:18:09,102 You said you shagged her three times. 223 00:18:09,103 --> 00:18:12,435 Shut up! I'm getting outta here. 224 00:18:12,436 --> 00:18:15,728 This place is full of losers. 225 00:18:19,353 --> 00:18:22,353 ALL CHANT: Virgins! Virgins! 226 00:18:34,394 --> 00:18:38,060 Girls here don't appreciate our musical genius. 227 00:18:38,061 --> 00:18:41,685 - What we going to do? - I don't know. 228 00:18:41,686 --> 00:18:45,018 It's all gone Pete Tong. 229 00:18:45,019 --> 00:18:48,102 Registered letter for your father. 230 00:18:48,103 --> 00:18:51,727 - Will you sign for it? - Yeah, sure. 231 00:19:01,769 --> 00:19:03,018 Cheers. 232 00:19:03,019 --> 00:19:05,643 Thank you. 233 00:19:05,644 --> 00:19:09,144 Perry! We're saved! 234 00:19:10,894 --> 00:19:14,393 We get the money and go to Ibiza. Sorted. 235 00:19:14,394 --> 00:19:18,018 It's your dad's credit card. It's stealing. 236 00:19:18,019 --> 00:19:21,269 We'll go to prison and get buggered. 237 00:19:23,185 --> 00:19:25,934 You will. You're small. 238 00:19:25,935 --> 00:19:28,559 I'll be all right. KEVIN GASPS 239 00:19:28,560 --> 00:19:31,352 Eurggh! Virgins! 240 00:19:33,102 --> 00:19:38,059 I'm not staying here. We'll pay him back when we're top DJs. 241 00:19:38,060 --> 00:19:40,810 - Are you in or out? - In. 242 00:19:43,352 --> 00:19:46,268 - Aaarrgh! - Shut your noise! 243 00:19:46,269 --> 00:19:49,184 You two! Move, now! Move! 244 00:19:49,185 --> 00:19:52,351 Put your hands up! Keep your mouths shut! 245 00:19:52,352 --> 00:19:55,852 - You! Sit down and put your hands up. - THEY WHIMPER 246 00:19:56,393 --> 00:19:59,310 You, fill that up. 247 00:20:10,768 --> 00:20:12,684 ALARM BLARES 248 00:20:12,685 --> 00:20:15,018 Money, now. Come on! 249 00:20:36,393 --> 00:20:41,017 On behalf of the bank, thank you. Enjoy that reward money. 250 00:20:41,018 --> 00:20:43,100 BOTH: Thank you. 251 00:20:43,101 --> 00:20:46,433 If you want a job, give me a ring. 252 00:20:46,434 --> 00:20:51,433 Banking offers many exciting opportunities for virgins like you. 253 00:20:51,434 --> 00:20:53,933 BOTH: Thank you. Thank you. Eh? 254 00:20:53,934 --> 00:20:56,767 We're very proud of you. 255 00:20:56,768 --> 00:21:00,433 - It was really public spirited. - Kevin... 256 00:21:00,434 --> 00:21:04,392 and public spirited. Never thought I'd hear those words. 257 00:21:04,393 --> 00:21:05,850 Urrghhh... 258 00:21:05,851 --> 00:21:08,934 We've got a present for you. 259 00:21:13,892 --> 00:21:15,558 Thank Dad. 260 00:21:15,559 --> 00:21:16,808 What? 261 00:21:16,809 --> 00:21:20,391 He's paid for our tickets. 262 00:21:20,392 --> 00:21:23,183 What do you mean, "our tickets"? 263 00:21:23,184 --> 00:21:26,350 We're coming, too. 264 00:21:26,351 --> 00:21:29,017 BOTH GASP 265 00:21:30,351 --> 00:21:34,808 - You didn't think you could go on your own? - THEY LAUGH 266 00:21:34,809 --> 00:21:38,601 That is so unfair! Ow! 267 00:21:42,559 --> 00:21:44,892 It's so unfair... 268 00:21:46,184 --> 00:21:49,516 I'd hate to have my head chopped off. 269 00:21:49,517 --> 00:21:53,809 If it was raining, you'd get water in the hole. 270 00:21:54,809 --> 00:21:56,641 Never mind, Kev. 271 00:21:56,642 --> 00:21:58,724 Those bastards! 272 00:21:58,725 --> 00:22:04,100 If they're paying for the flights, we've got more dosh for top gear! 273 00:22:07,434 --> 00:22:09,724 Perry, you're right. 274 00:22:09,725 --> 00:22:11,933 Let us prepare. 275 00:22:19,850 --> 00:22:22,767 # All I wanna do is do it... 276 00:22:34,225 --> 00:22:35,517 # Big girl... # 277 00:23:38,016 --> 00:23:41,641 Kev! Look! The girls of our dreams! 278 00:24:14,807 --> 00:24:16,681 Boys! 279 00:24:16,682 --> 00:24:19,514 - Over here, now! - Oh! 280 00:24:19,515 --> 00:24:22,723 This is the worst holiday of my life. 281 00:24:22,724 --> 00:24:24,973 Kev, look! 282 00:24:24,974 --> 00:24:28,390 Whoa. The superstar DJ Eyeball Paul. 283 00:24:32,765 --> 00:24:35,722 Tits up, Big Baz. 'Aving it large. 284 00:24:35,723 --> 00:24:38,098 All right, Eyeball Paul? 285 00:24:39,515 --> 00:24:41,264 HE BURPS 286 00:24:41,265 --> 00:24:44,347 - Cool! - Brilliant! 287 00:24:44,348 --> 00:24:47,597 Be careful, you clumsy twat. 288 00:24:47,598 --> 00:24:52,473 Muff, Wankette, you dirty little club babes, get in. 289 00:24:53,473 --> 00:24:57,014 Kevin, Perry! Hurry up, boys! 290 00:24:57,015 --> 00:25:00,764 Your mummy's calling, little boys. Hurry up. 291 00:25:00,765 --> 00:25:04,556 - She is one lippy bitch. - HE LAUGHS 292 00:25:05,640 --> 00:25:08,180 Eyeball Paul's such a nice bloke. 293 00:25:08,181 --> 00:25:11,472 He's our new best mate, isn't he? 294 00:25:11,473 --> 00:25:17,597 If we get him to hear our mixes, he might let us do a set with him. 295 00:25:17,598 --> 00:25:21,347 - And shag his birds. - All the birds we want! 296 00:25:21,348 --> 00:25:24,305 This is the best holiday of my life. 297 00:25:24,306 --> 00:25:25,848 DANCE MUSIC 298 00:25:40,681 --> 00:25:44,931 - See you on the beach. - Huh! I don't think so! 299 00:25:45,598 --> 00:25:50,805 - You've got to go to the beach. - Yeah...but not your beach. 300 00:25:50,806 --> 00:25:55,055 We are going to the beach you don't even know about, 301 00:25:55,056 --> 00:25:57,847 because you're nearly dead. 302 00:25:57,848 --> 00:26:00,763 Mr Patterson, Mrs Patterson. 303 00:26:00,764 --> 00:26:03,430 How dare you speak like that! 304 00:26:03,431 --> 00:26:05,846 - HORN BEEPS - Kevin! 305 00:26:05,847 --> 00:26:07,972 El beacheo! 306 00:26:10,472 --> 00:26:13,472 - Kevin, I'm talking to you! - Wanker! 307 00:26:31,847 --> 00:26:32,971 The beach! 308 00:26:32,972 --> 00:26:35,263 - Banging! - Large! 309 00:26:35,264 --> 00:26:37,222 DANCE MUSIC 310 00:26:54,305 --> 00:26:56,679 Oi, Kev, look! 311 00:26:56,680 --> 00:26:59,721 It's the girls from the airport. 312 00:26:59,722 --> 00:27:02,430 Zoom, zoom, zoom! 313 00:27:06,305 --> 00:27:08,055 BOTH: Ooh... 314 00:27:21,305 --> 00:27:24,596 Let's stand close to them so they get interested. 315 00:27:24,597 --> 00:27:26,847 Good idea. 316 00:27:28,805 --> 00:27:31,762 - Oh. I'm hooked in. - Me, too. 317 00:27:31,763 --> 00:27:34,930 We'll get in the sea to cool off. 318 00:27:55,388 --> 00:27:57,638 SQUELCHING 319 00:28:02,096 --> 00:28:04,429 SQUELCHING 320 00:28:11,763 --> 00:28:12,970 Afternoon, ladies. 321 00:28:12,971 --> 00:28:15,262 How's it hanging, ladies? 322 00:28:15,263 --> 00:28:18,803 A lovely afternoon for the beach, eh, ladies? 323 00:28:18,804 --> 00:28:24,886 Yeah, it's me. Yeah, cos we're going to El Divino tonight, yeah? 324 00:28:24,887 --> 00:28:27,845 - Would you like a drink? - Or Pasha. 325 00:28:27,846 --> 00:28:31,928 - Margarita, no salt, innit, Gemma? - It is, Candice. 326 00:28:31,929 --> 00:28:34,720 Cos Ministry's at Pasha, yeah? 327 00:28:34,721 --> 00:28:37,886 Two margaritas with no salt, please. 328 00:28:37,887 --> 00:28:40,845 Shaken not stirred. 329 00:28:40,846 --> 00:28:43,096 Or Manumission. 330 00:28:44,429 --> 00:28:48,595 - We might go to Manumission tonight. - Or Es Paradise. 331 00:28:48,596 --> 00:28:51,220 Or we might go to Es Paradise. 332 00:28:51,221 --> 00:28:53,053 - Or Privilege. - Or Privilege. 333 00:28:53,054 --> 00:28:56,386 - Or Amnesia. - Or Amnesia. 334 00:28:56,387 --> 00:28:59,408 Cos the tunes there are banging... 335 00:28:59,409 --> 00:29:00,470 PHONE RINGS 336 00:29:04,179 --> 00:29:05,386 Ladies. 337 00:29:05,387 --> 00:29:09,512 Cheers, waiter. Keep the change. 338 00:29:15,970 --> 00:29:19,678 - Very lovely ladies, aren't they? - Very lovely. 339 00:29:19,679 --> 00:29:24,094 - What's my chubby babe called? - Gemma. Mine's Candice. 340 00:29:24,095 --> 00:29:28,969 - Gemma's got a lovely personality. - Candice is so interesting. 341 00:29:28,970 --> 00:29:31,719 I think they love us, Kev. 342 00:29:31,720 --> 00:29:34,387 DANCE MUSIC 343 00:29:38,012 --> 00:29:39,719 The evening begins. 344 00:29:39,720 --> 00:29:44,012 Superstar DJs Kev P and Perr E hit the town. 345 00:29:47,012 --> 00:29:50,261 Cor, yeah. Trannies! Ugh! 346 00:29:50,262 --> 00:29:52,552 Wooh! Urgh! 347 00:29:52,553 --> 00:29:55,635 - LOUD FOOTSTEPS - What the bloody hell's that? 348 00:29:55,636 --> 00:29:57,761 Germans! 349 00:30:06,595 --> 00:30:09,135 Here, Kev, look. 350 00:30:09,136 --> 00:30:15,469 Tonight Gemma is going to see what is down my trousers. 351 00:30:15,470 --> 00:30:20,177 What is down my trousers? Would you like a look? 352 00:30:20,178 --> 00:30:24,177 # What is the matter? 353 00:30:24,178 --> 00:30:26,635 # Don't tell me that it doesn't hurt...# 354 00:30:26,636 --> 00:30:31,511 - HE LAUGHS - Gemma! Lick my lurve plank. Mmm! 355 00:30:33,761 --> 00:30:36,886 Candice, suck my candy. 356 00:30:39,053 --> 00:30:40,968 Oh, look - snoggers. 357 00:30:40,969 --> 00:30:42,093 Eh? 358 00:30:42,094 --> 00:30:44,469 Cor... 359 00:30:45,469 --> 00:30:48,093 Urrgh! 360 00:30:48,094 --> 00:30:50,927 SPANISH MUSIC PLAYS 361 00:30:59,052 --> 00:31:01,219 Isn't this fun? 362 00:31:03,052 --> 00:31:05,718 Now, what would you boys like? 363 00:31:05,719 --> 00:31:08,843 - I am not hungry. - Come on, Son. 364 00:31:08,844 --> 00:31:12,968 You'll need energy if you want to go bopping. 365 00:31:12,969 --> 00:31:15,094 HE GROANS 366 00:31:16,386 --> 00:31:19,676 - We'll order for everybody, shall we? - Good idea. 367 00:31:19,677 --> 00:31:24,759 Er, como el primo plato quisiera tapas. Una mezcla, por favour. 368 00:31:24,760 --> 00:31:28,259 Y despues una gran paella por todo? 369 00:31:28,260 --> 00:31:32,968 Una necesita se fuerte para hacer el amor, cara mia. 370 00:31:32,969 --> 00:31:35,176 KEVIN RETCHES 371 00:31:35,177 --> 00:31:36,260 PERRY GROANS 372 00:31:39,094 --> 00:31:42,094 The table's a bit wobbly. 373 00:31:43,177 --> 00:31:47,301 We need a wedge. Pass me that beer mat, sexy pants. 374 00:31:47,302 --> 00:31:48,885 Oh, for God's sake! 375 00:31:52,218 --> 00:31:54,760 Hasta banana, Mrs Patterson. 376 00:32:04,510 --> 00:32:08,884 - What a couple of wankers! - Yeah, we are, ain't we? 377 00:32:08,885 --> 00:32:13,009 - No, my parents! - Oh, yeah. Sorry. 378 00:32:13,010 --> 00:32:15,468 DANCE MUSIC 379 00:32:24,426 --> 00:32:27,050 - Cool! - Rinsin'! 380 00:32:27,051 --> 00:32:28,718 Large! 381 00:32:32,218 --> 00:32:34,551 BOTH: Eyeball Paul! 382 00:32:40,801 --> 00:32:44,051 Come on, Big Baz. Shift, you fat tart. 383 00:32:46,134 --> 00:32:47,592 All right, Eyeball Paul! 384 00:32:47,593 --> 00:32:50,675 It's the little wankers from the airport. 385 00:32:50,676 --> 00:32:53,343 BOTH LAUGH 386 00:32:55,843 --> 00:32:59,383 - Are you here tonight? - How's your mummy, Ginger Pubes? 387 00:32:59,384 --> 00:33:02,676 HE LAUGHS She's a bitch! 388 00:33:04,051 --> 00:33:07,426 Don't stand there. Give him a hand. 389 00:33:08,634 --> 00:33:11,758 - Thanks very much. - Ginger Pubes! 390 00:33:11,759 --> 00:33:14,467 And you, Sad Act. 391 00:33:25,342 --> 00:33:26,508 Ladies. 392 00:33:26,509 --> 00:33:28,551 Ladies. 393 00:33:29,634 --> 00:33:31,591 Eyeball Paul? 394 00:33:31,592 --> 00:33:35,216 - What do you want? - We done some mixes of our own. 395 00:33:35,217 --> 00:33:38,258 - What, you and Sad Act? - Yeah. 396 00:33:38,259 --> 00:33:43,716 I don't suppose we could play them for you some time? No? All right, then. 397 00:33:43,717 --> 00:33:46,466 - So you're brother DJs? - Yeah. 398 00:33:46,467 --> 00:33:49,758 What tunes you got? What beats you into? 399 00:33:49,759 --> 00:33:51,341 Well, erm... 400 00:33:51,342 --> 00:33:52,591 House or garage? 401 00:33:52,592 --> 00:33:55,466 House... 402 00:33:55,467 --> 00:33:58,508 Acid house or pumping house? 403 00:33:58,509 --> 00:34:00,675 Er... Pumping house? 404 00:34:03,634 --> 00:34:07,300 Balearic pumping or commercial pumping? 405 00:34:07,301 --> 00:34:08,467 Balearic pumping. 406 00:34:10,300 --> 00:34:13,466 - Sash or Chicane? - Sash! 407 00:34:13,467 --> 00:34:15,342 HE LAUGHS 408 00:34:17,592 --> 00:34:21,592 Boys, these blaggers are pants! 409 00:34:22,717 --> 00:34:24,883 KEVIN LAUGHS 410 00:34:27,383 --> 00:34:32,050 Yeah, I'll hear your mix. My pad tomorrow. 411 00:34:33,217 --> 00:34:36,674 - Be there. - Oooh! 412 00:34:36,675 --> 00:34:39,215 Fuck off! 413 00:34:39,216 --> 00:34:41,882 - Thanks, Eyeball Paul. - Thank you. 414 00:34:41,883 --> 00:34:46,549 - Oh, he's such a nice bloke. - Brilliant. We're gonna be DJs! 415 00:34:46,550 --> 00:34:49,008 DANCE MUSIC 416 00:35:48,257 --> 00:35:50,131 Sorry, girls. 417 00:35:50,132 --> 00:35:52,631 No monsters. 418 00:35:52,632 --> 00:35:56,090 Beautiful people can pass. 419 00:35:56,091 --> 00:35:58,673 But monsters - no. 420 00:35:58,674 --> 00:36:00,631 Do you understand? 421 00:36:00,632 --> 00:36:05,840 Look. Your faces - Urrrgh! - offend my mirror. 422 00:36:08,257 --> 00:36:11,590 Go on. Go on. 423 00:36:16,215 --> 00:36:20,424 - Cos I didn't want to go, anyway. - Yeah, me, neither. 424 00:36:21,924 --> 00:36:26,214 Maybe tomorrow, I'm going to have a makeover with Boots beauty products. 425 00:36:26,215 --> 00:36:27,631 Yeah, and me. 426 00:36:27,632 --> 00:36:32,798 Them boys can get us in cos they're mates with Eyeball Paul, innit? 427 00:36:32,799 --> 00:36:34,797 Yeah. Best mates. 428 00:36:34,798 --> 00:36:37,298 DANCE MUSIC 429 00:37:37,589 --> 00:37:40,610 Oh, man, that was banging. 430 00:37:40,611 --> 00:37:42,088 Eyeball Paul plays hammering tunes. 431 00:37:42,089 --> 00:37:47,005 - What happened to our ladies? - You've got to be sorted to get in. 432 00:37:47,006 --> 00:37:51,338 - We're gonna be loved-up DJs. - We're having it large! 433 00:37:51,339 --> 00:37:54,213 - We've been up all night! - We bleached it! 434 00:37:54,214 --> 00:37:58,505 If we get the girls in, we'll be up all night shagging... 435 00:37:58,506 --> 00:38:02,171 Oh, my God! Hello, Perry. 436 00:38:02,172 --> 00:38:04,880 PERRY GIGGLES Eeeeurrrrgh! 437 00:38:04,881 --> 00:38:07,963 - Hello, darling. - Had a good night? 438 00:38:07,964 --> 00:38:10,631 You are disgusting! 439 00:38:12,464 --> 00:38:15,547 Mrs Patterson, you cheeky girl. 440 00:38:23,339 --> 00:38:25,339 Phwoar! 30672

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