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[DC THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
2
00:00:05,422 --> 00:00:08,422
- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -
3
00:00:22,170 --> 00:00:26,478
How can he call himself
Batman if he's not part bat?
4
00:00:26,480 --> 00:00:29,948
He's just a dude who
dresses up like a bat.
5
00:00:29,950 --> 00:00:32,878
That's animal appropriation.
6
00:00:32,880 --> 00:00:36,718
Hey, everybody! How was
Kite Man's bachelor party?
7
00:00:36,720 --> 00:00:40,188
I got married and saved the
Oceanic Trade Federation.
8
00:00:40,190 --> 00:00:41,588
Other than that, pretty chill.
9
00:00:41,590 --> 00:00:43,958
How was Ivy's bachelorette bash?
10
00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:45,590
It was great. It was so great.
11
00:00:45,592 --> 00:00:47,198
Emotionally low stakes, you know.
12
00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:48,933
I had a great time.
Ivy had a great time.
13
00:00:48,935 --> 00:00:50,568
We slept in separate beds...
14
00:00:50,570 --> 00:00:53,568
Normal bachelorette stuff. So, yeah...
15
00:00:53,570 --> 00:00:56,408
Well, hey! I'm just, I'm
ready to keep the party going!
16
00:00:56,410 --> 00:00:57,828
[BLOWS AIR HORN]
17
00:00:57,830 --> 00:00:59,229
Who wants to get a drink with me?
18
00:00:59,231 --> 00:01:01,848
One or two? Or a few
drinks? Or a lot of drinks?
19
00:01:01,850 --> 00:01:05,348
Drink so much we forget the
last 48 hours or maybe more?
20
00:01:05,350 --> 00:01:08,918
Oh. I'd love to but I gotta
be with my wife, Tabitha.
21
00:01:08,920 --> 00:01:10,848
Sunday's are big at her family.
22
00:01:10,850 --> 00:01:12,498
They are very religious,
23
00:01:12,500 --> 00:01:14,488
seeing as how Jesus was really a shark.
24
00:01:14,490 --> 00:01:16,018
What about you, Clayface?
25
00:01:16,020 --> 00:01:18,488
I, too, am spending this
evening with a paramour.
26
00:01:18,490 --> 00:01:19,898
His name is Tony.
27
00:01:19,900 --> 00:01:22,628
And he's the only
award show that matters.
28
00:01:22,630 --> 00:01:26,030
Okay, have fun, guys...
29
00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:31,468
[HARLEY SIGHS]
30
00:01:31,470 --> 00:01:33,908
A landlord always knows two things:
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00:01:33,910 --> 00:01:35,279
when an oven's busted,
32
00:01:35,281 --> 00:01:37,808
'cause ya can't charge
rent without a working oven...
33
00:01:37,810 --> 00:01:38,978
[CHUCKLES]
34
00:01:38,980 --> 00:01:40,748
and when a tenant's blue.
35
00:01:40,750 --> 00:01:42,248
So, spill it, hon,
36
00:01:42,250 --> 00:01:43,988
or I could get my torture kit?
37
00:01:43,990 --> 00:01:47,418
It's just, everybody's got
somebody special in their lives,
38
00:01:47,420 --> 00:01:49,028
- except me...
- So what?
39
00:01:49,030 --> 00:01:51,028
You don't need a lover to be happy.
40
00:01:51,030 --> 00:01:53,558
Do the thing that makes you happy.
41
00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:56,428
Life is about feeding your soul!
42
00:01:56,430 --> 00:01:58,798
Yeah, no. I'm just gonna go out
and boink the fuck out of somebody.
43
00:01:58,800 --> 00:02:01,568
Let's get this party started, bitches!
44
00:02:01,570 --> 00:02:04,738
Harley Quinn's here
and she's down to clown!
45
00:02:04,740 --> 00:02:07,778
[CLEARS THROAT] Do
you have a reservation?
46
00:02:07,780 --> 00:02:10,948
- Um, no.
- You'll have to clown at the bar, then.
47
00:02:10,950 --> 00:02:12,718
[SIGH]
48
00:02:12,720 --> 00:02:14,650
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
49
00:02:16,820 --> 00:02:19,618
Room for Squares
is, of course, a classic,
50
00:02:19,620 --> 00:02:21,520
but it's really John Mayer's third album
51
00:02:21,522 --> 00:02:24,628
when he solidified the John Mayer sound.
52
00:02:24,630 --> 00:02:26,628
- [YAWNS]
- So, my place or yours?
53
00:02:26,630 --> 00:02:29,600
Actually, I'm just gonna
stop talking to you right now.
54
00:02:31,330 --> 00:02:33,298
God. The guys in this place suck.
55
00:02:33,300 --> 00:02:34,868
Yeah, well, they beat the food.
56
00:02:34,870 --> 00:02:36,668
But what do you expect from a Wayne?
57
00:02:36,670 --> 00:02:38,018
[BOTH LAUGH]
58
00:02:38,020 --> 00:02:40,008
That's the first funny thing
a guy's said to me all night.
59
00:02:40,010 --> 00:02:42,710
If you like that, I
got plenty more jokes.
60
00:02:43,710 --> 00:02:45,510
[JOKER LAUGHING]
61
00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:50,690
You gotta be fuckin' kiddin' me.
62
00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:54,988
[GORDON] I want a squad
of men and a single woman
63
00:02:54,990 --> 00:02:57,758
over to the oil refinery district, ASAP.
64
00:02:57,760 --> 00:02:59,199
Those Parademon bastards
65
00:02:59,201 --> 00:03:01,728
are chugging down oil like a
desperate teen to Benadryl.
66
00:03:01,730 --> 00:03:04,968
Then send another unit, same
gender ratio, to Gotham Park.
67
00:03:04,970 --> 00:03:07,068
And a third crew to... Jesus!
68
00:03:07,070 --> 00:03:10,738
Those hell-rats are spreading
faster than chlamyd' on my knob!
69
00:03:10,740 --> 00:03:11,959
- Where, sir?
- My privates!
70
00:03:11,961 --> 00:03:13,508
Where else would an STD spread?
71
00:03:13,510 --> 00:03:15,678
I meant where do you
want the third squad, sir?
72
00:03:15,680 --> 00:03:16,708
Oh. The harbor.
73
00:03:16,710 --> 00:03:18,778
- Commissioner, sir! This came for you.
- Oh!
74
00:03:18,780 --> 00:03:20,878
Gotta be the new Dave
Barry book I ordered.
75
00:03:20,880 --> 00:03:22,919
Every time I read this
guy's stuff I'm like...
76
00:03:22,921 --> 00:03:23,950
"That's pretty funny".
77
00:03:24,890 --> 00:03:26,390
- The Dark Knight needs me.
- _
78
00:03:28,320 --> 00:03:31,260
Oh! He remembered.
79
00:03:33,530 --> 00:03:34,900
[BATMAN] Jim, get in.
80
00:03:36,430 --> 00:03:39,540
[SNORING] No, don't go in, Magnum.
81
00:03:40,470 --> 00:03:42,508
[LOUD BANG]
82
00:03:42,510 --> 00:03:44,768
Oh. It's you.
83
00:03:44,770 --> 00:03:46,258
I thought ya left the crew.
84
00:03:46,260 --> 00:03:48,031
I'm so sorry, I would've called
85
00:03:48,033 --> 00:03:49,538
but I never got your phone number.
86
00:03:49,540 --> 00:03:51,878
- Oh, well, mine's 203...
- Don't care.
87
00:03:51,880 --> 00:03:53,348
I'm gonna get my stuff and head out.
88
00:03:53,350 --> 00:03:55,918
So you're really gonna just leave Harley
89
00:03:55,920 --> 00:03:57,658
after everything she did for you?
90
00:03:57,660 --> 00:04:01,058
Okay look, I'm in a very zen place,
and we have very different goals.
91
00:04:01,060 --> 00:04:03,506
I wanna trounce the
skulls of my fallen foes,
92
00:04:03,508 --> 00:04:05,082
and she wants to... I don't know,
93
00:04:05,084 --> 00:04:06,758
do whatever someone
with a moral compass does.
94
00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:08,528
You ungrateful little shit!
95
00:04:08,530 --> 00:04:11,768
You leave the dance
with the one you brought!
96
00:04:11,770 --> 00:04:14,098
- Riddle me this...
- Oh, shut the fuck up!
97
00:04:14,100 --> 00:04:17,538
Can't you see I'm trying to
elegantly end this conversation
98
00:04:17,540 --> 00:04:19,638
with this mechanical fossil?
99
00:04:19,640 --> 00:04:21,808
Good luck getting out again, fuck head!
100
00:04:21,810 --> 00:04:24,378
Alright, so I fortified the
shackles on that hamster wheel.
101
00:04:24,380 --> 00:04:26,019
It's basically impenetrable.
102
00:04:26,021 --> 00:04:27,563
Feed him at 5:00, shock him at 7:00.
103
00:04:27,565 --> 00:04:29,088
Maybe a snack at 9:00 if he's good.
104
00:04:29,090 --> 00:04:32,048
Have fun dying alone, you fuckin' freak!
105
00:04:32,050 --> 00:04:33,620
Smell ya later, old man.
106
00:04:36,630 --> 00:04:39,360
[SCREAMING]
107
00:04:40,760 --> 00:04:43,468
Jiminy, you look familiar.
Do I know you?
108
00:04:43,470 --> 00:04:45,768
No! No, no, I have a very common look.
109
00:04:45,770 --> 00:04:48,108
Oh, I remember you from Noonan's!
110
00:04:48,110 --> 00:04:49,397
You probably don't remember me
111
00:04:49,399 --> 00:04:50,938
because I was a low-rent barback,
112
00:04:50,940 --> 00:04:53,708
and now I'm an upscale bartender.
113
00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:57,708
It's a meteoric rise virtually
unheard of in this industry.
114
00:04:57,710 --> 00:05:01,678
Hey! Wait, hold on. Can I
offer you a Wayne fashioned?
115
00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:04,148
It's like an old fashioned,
but more expensive.
116
00:05:04,150 --> 00:05:07,558
Ya think all ya gotta do is
buy me one spirit-forward drink
117
00:05:07,560 --> 00:05:08,858
and I'll go gushy for ya?
118
00:05:08,860 --> 00:05:10,488
Uh, not gonna happen.
119
00:05:10,490 --> 00:05:13,098
Whoa, to be clear, I'm
not trying to hit on you.
120
00:05:13,100 --> 00:05:16,568
I'm unbelievably happy with
my wonderful girlfriend.
121
00:05:16,570 --> 00:05:18,468
Mmm, sweet as pie.
122
00:05:18,470 --> 00:05:20,198
Why couldn't you have just died?
123
00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:22,598
Gosh, I love her. And our kids.
124
00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:24,289
Well, you know, her kids,
125
00:05:24,291 --> 00:05:27,578
but gosh darn it if they
don't feel like mine, y'know?
126
00:05:27,580 --> 00:05:29,678
I don't know, and I don't need to know.
127
00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:32,718
All I know is, right now, you're the
last person I wanna be around!
128
00:05:32,720 --> 00:05:34,779
- I'm hittin' a different bar.
- Hoo, boy. Good luck.
129
00:05:34,781 --> 00:05:37,688
Every watering hole around here
has been infested with Parademons,
130
00:05:37,690 --> 00:05:39,548
except this one on account of the...
131
00:05:39,550 --> 00:05:41,988
- [THUDS]
- ... bulletproof glass.
132
00:05:41,990 --> 00:05:45,758
Yep, the top of Wayne tower
is the safest bar in town.
133
00:05:45,760 --> 00:05:47,828
- [DOOR SLAMS OPEN]
- Hey, everybody!
134
00:05:47,830 --> 00:05:52,598
Sorry to alarm you, but you're
in a hostile hostage situation.
135
00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:54,668
- Hi, how are you doing?
- [MACHINE GUN FIRING]
136
00:05:54,670 --> 00:05:57,408
Geez, Nicholas. Not that hostile.
137
00:05:57,410 --> 00:05:59,038
I'm sorry, everyone, it's his first day.
138
00:05:59,040 --> 00:06:00,138
[ALL GASPING]
139
00:06:00,140 --> 00:06:02,078
Hey, where are you going?
140
00:06:02,080 --> 00:06:05,848
I've read your best chance of
survival is giving up easily.
141
00:06:05,850 --> 00:06:08,218
Yeah, normally, I'd go
beat the shit out of 'em,
142
00:06:08,220 --> 00:06:10,188
but I'm havin' a night and wanna
be able to return this dress.
143
00:06:10,190 --> 00:06:12,078
So, you're just gonna escape?
144
00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:14,488
Uh, yeah. I'm not spending
my big night out here,
145
00:06:14,490 --> 00:06:17,028
- and certainly not with the likes of you.
- [THIEF] Oh, sugar.
146
00:06:17,030 --> 00:06:18,860
- We got a wild one.
- [THUD]
147
00:06:21,160 --> 00:06:22,700
[GROANS]
148
00:06:24,700 --> 00:06:26,139
You gotta be kidding me.
149
00:06:26,141 --> 00:06:27,388
[MAN ON RADIO] Look,
bud, all we're asking
150
00:06:27,390 --> 00:06:29,308
is that you release the swanky hostages.
151
00:06:29,310 --> 00:06:34,278
Not gonna happen until
I get $50 million!
152
00:06:34,280 --> 00:06:36,908
I'll wire it to you right now! Please!
153
00:06:36,910 --> 00:06:39,048
Hold your horses, I wasn't done.
154
00:06:39,050 --> 00:06:41,148
But let's defiantly sidebar after.
155
00:06:41,150 --> 00:06:44,718
Also, gonna need a W76-2 nuclear warhead
156
00:06:44,720 --> 00:06:46,758
on a Trident II D5 missile...
157
00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:50,888
I'm a military contractor. You
can have it. Just don't shoot!
158
00:06:50,890 --> 00:06:54,158
Wow. Okay. Well, you
know, while we're here...
159
00:06:54,160 --> 00:06:59,360
I'm also gonna need a pair of
game-worn Air Jordan 2 OG's.
160
00:07:00,540 --> 00:07:02,168
Would ya stop starin' at me?
161
00:07:02,170 --> 00:07:03,968
Sorry, it's just...
162
00:07:03,970 --> 00:07:06,208
this is gonna sound crazy, but...
163
00:07:06,210 --> 00:07:08,608
since we're not going
anywhere anytime soon...
164
00:07:08,610 --> 00:07:12,648
after the first time we met,
I had a dream about you!
165
00:07:12,650 --> 00:07:15,218
- Boy was it wacky.
- Wacky how?
166
00:07:15,220 --> 00:07:17,948
We were on a yacht with these bankers.
167
00:07:17,950 --> 00:07:21,118
And get this: we were a couple! Right?
168
00:07:21,120 --> 00:07:23,288
Us? No way!
169
00:07:23,290 --> 00:07:25,658
That bleached skin gives
me the heebie-jeebies.
170
00:07:25,660 --> 00:07:28,058
It's gross. I mean, no offense!
171
00:07:28,060 --> 00:07:31,598
But in the dream, I
was so filled with rage,
172
00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:34,238
I robbed the bankers.
173
00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:36,181
You didn't set them on fire, did you?
174
00:07:36,183 --> 00:07:38,208
Wait. You had the same dream?
175
00:07:38,210 --> 00:07:40,078
- Freaaaky.
- Yes!
176
00:07:40,080 --> 00:07:42,608
A dream. Never happened. Pure
fiction. Not canon. Ignore it.
177
00:07:42,610 --> 00:07:45,378
It's like meeting you triggered some...
178
00:07:45,380 --> 00:07:47,918
Well, darn it, it felt like a past life!
179
00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:49,749
Funny, huh? [YELLS]
180
00:07:49,751 --> 00:07:51,021
- What are you doing?
- Jesus Christ,
181
00:07:51,023 --> 00:07:52,288
I'm getting us the fuck out of here.
182
00:07:52,290 --> 00:07:54,318
Please don't use the
Lord's name in vain.
183
00:07:54,320 --> 00:07:55,468
How much do you weigh?
184
00:07:55,470 --> 00:07:57,044
I did a Paleo November,
185
00:07:57,046 --> 00:07:59,188
and now I'm fitting
into my skinny cords.
186
00:07:59,190 --> 00:08:02,300
- So, I'm guessing around 170...
- Uh! Never mind.
187
00:08:03,330 --> 00:08:04,998
- [YELLS]
- [GRUNTING]
188
00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:07,300
This! Night! Sucks!
189
00:08:09,740 --> 00:08:12,808
[GRUNTS]
190
00:08:12,810 --> 00:08:16,278
Um, I think you just straight
up killed that guy back there.
191
00:08:16,280 --> 00:08:18,848
- Do you wanna talk about it, or...
- No.
192
00:08:18,850 --> 00:08:20,884
Are you sure? My girlfriend
says I'm a good listener.
193
00:08:20,886 --> 00:08:21,908
Sometimes too good.
194
00:08:21,910 --> 00:08:23,410
On what occasion would that be?
195
00:08:23,412 --> 00:08:25,818
Because you have not
shut the fuck up all night!
196
00:08:25,820 --> 00:08:28,058
It just seems to me like
you have something going on.
197
00:08:28,060 --> 00:08:30,228
Trust me, you're not someone
I can talk to about this.
198
00:08:30,230 --> 00:08:33,758
Why not? A bartender is
basically like a therapist.
199
00:08:33,760 --> 00:08:35,998
- So, come on!
- [GASPS]
200
00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:38,598
- I told my best friend I love her!
- There it is.
201
00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:40,698
But she doesn't trust me
enough to love me back.
202
00:08:40,700 --> 00:08:42,339
You can't love without trust.
203
00:08:42,341 --> 00:08:44,293
[EXHALE] I thought
I was fine bein' alone
204
00:08:44,295 --> 00:08:46,208
after my relationship with Jok...
205
00:08:46,210 --> 00:08:49,008
esph... fina... stein.
206
00:08:49,010 --> 00:08:51,948
Joksephfinastein? Sounds Flemish.
207
00:08:51,950 --> 00:08:55,388
No one knew his backstory. Anyway,
he was a total abusive dick,
208
00:08:55,390 --> 00:08:56,893
hell-bent on utter destruction
209
00:08:56,895 --> 00:08:58,457
and the world's better off without him!
210
00:08:58,459 --> 00:09:01,758
You go, girl! Having a good
vent in a literal vent. Come on!
211
00:09:01,760 --> 00:09:03,030
Keep on going!
212
00:09:11,700 --> 00:09:12,800
[YAWNS]
213
00:09:13,670 --> 00:09:15,068
[LOUD THUD]
214
00:09:15,070 --> 00:09:17,068
This sucks. I'm not even doing anything.
215
00:09:17,070 --> 00:09:19,408
That's not true. You
get to hit the button.
216
00:09:19,410 --> 00:09:21,778
But I wanna fly the plane.
217
00:09:21,780 --> 00:09:24,078
Be a part of the action! At least
let me shoot a sweet missile.
218
00:09:24,080 --> 00:09:27,918
Okay. It takes years of training
to expertly control the Batplane.
219
00:09:27,920 --> 00:09:31,018
- But, Batman, I wanna!
- Alfred, this is ridiculous.
220
00:09:31,020 --> 00:09:32,818
Why don't you let me
go out there already?
221
00:09:32,820 --> 00:09:35,088
Your city needs you
healed, Master Bruce.
222
00:09:35,090 --> 00:09:38,428
I won't allow you to return
to action prematurely, again.
223
00:09:38,430 --> 00:09:40,798
Besides, it's only Parademons.
224
00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:42,268
[SPITS] It's too hot.
225
00:09:42,270 --> 00:09:45,098
- You could wait, Master Wayne.
- Yes, Alfred...
226
00:09:45,100 --> 00:09:46,100
I could.
227
00:09:49,070 --> 00:09:50,120
[BLOWS]
228
00:09:57,380 --> 00:09:59,418
Huh?
229
00:09:59,420 --> 00:10:02,148
Batman! Are you seeing this?
Gunfire at Wayne Tower.
230
00:10:02,150 --> 00:10:04,218
Come on, big guy! Give papa some action.
231
00:10:04,220 --> 00:10:07,088
[EXHALE] Fine. Don't scratch the paint.
232
00:10:07,090 --> 00:10:08,390
Booya!
233
00:10:11,390 --> 00:10:13,958
I just feel so alone without Ivy!
234
00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:16,298
I mean, sure, there are some things
I could've done differently. Okay!
235
00:10:16,300 --> 00:10:18,268
At the end of the day, she broke
up with me 'cause I'm too impulsive
236
00:10:18,270 --> 00:10:20,338
and I go around 'causing
messes and never clean 'em up.
237
00:10:20,340 --> 00:10:23,116
Aw! Doesn't it feel good
just to say it out loud?
238
00:10:23,118 --> 00:10:25,968
- Harley? Well, well, well...
- No! Riddler?
239
00:10:25,970 --> 00:10:28,438
... if it isn't the simple
clown herself.
240
00:10:28,440 --> 00:10:30,308
- How did you...
- Get here?
241
00:10:30,310 --> 00:10:32,548
[CHUCKLES] Well, I escaped the mall.
242
00:10:32,550 --> 00:10:36,788
Then, I orchestrated a hostage
situation upstairs as a distraction,
243
00:10:36,790 --> 00:10:40,558
so I could sneak in
here to grab this baby.
244
00:10:40,560 --> 00:10:43,585
- Classic misdirect.
- Yeah, yeah, great. But, I was gonna say,
245
00:10:43,587 --> 00:10:45,098
- how did ya get so buff?
- Hmm?
246
00:10:45,100 --> 00:10:46,702
Oh. Spending every waking moment
247
00:10:46,704 --> 00:10:48,498
running on that hamster
wheel gets you shredded.
248
00:10:48,500 --> 00:10:51,328
I mean, check out these
quads... wait, wait, wait.
249
00:10:51,330 --> 00:10:52,828
Is that Joker?
250
00:10:52,830 --> 00:10:55,408
Oh, my, you think I look like the Joker?
251
00:10:55,410 --> 00:10:59,068
[JOKER LAUGH]
252
00:10:59,070 --> 00:11:00,997
Nope, no! He's just a bartender
253
00:11:00,999 --> 00:11:02,602
who gives great, non-judgmental advice.
254
00:11:02,604 --> 00:11:05,644
Well, either way, you're both gonna die.
255
00:11:07,450 --> 00:11:09,719
Sure, I moved back to Gotham to see 'em,
256
00:11:09,721 --> 00:11:11,252
but what if my kids
don't want to see me?
257
00:11:11,254 --> 00:11:12,918
Don't say that, Carl.
258
00:11:12,920 --> 00:11:14,710
Yeah, but it's been seven long years.
259
00:11:14,712 --> 00:11:16,328
I left 'em when they needed me most.
260
00:11:16,330 --> 00:11:18,528
You can't keep blaming
yourself for the past.
261
00:11:18,530 --> 00:11:20,058
You need to forget.
262
00:11:20,060 --> 00:11:21,898
Maybe they're better off without me.
263
00:11:21,900 --> 00:11:22,900
[HARLEY GASPS]
264
00:11:25,030 --> 00:11:26,898
[GUNSHOTS]
265
00:11:26,900 --> 00:11:28,700
[EXCLAIMING]
266
00:11:36,210 --> 00:11:38,618
[GASPS]
267
00:11:38,620 --> 00:11:40,780
Tuck in any fingers you wanna keep!
268
00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:47,058
- Oh. What'd that do?
- I don't know.
269
00:11:47,060 --> 00:11:50,028
Oh, no. Carl, I'm so sorry...
270
00:11:50,030 --> 00:11:52,028
It's a cancer ray.
271
00:11:52,030 --> 00:11:54,198
Harley Quinn, you gave me cancer?
272
00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:56,099
Why would they even make this?
273
00:11:56,101 --> 00:11:57,613
Well, that's it, Kev. I'm gonna go
274
00:11:57,615 --> 00:11:59,238
spend the holidays with my kids.
275
00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:00,540
I'm so sorry!
276
00:12:02,440 --> 00:12:03,970
- [ZAPPING]
- [SHOUTS]
277
00:12:05,510 --> 00:12:07,510
No, no, please. Please, please... Ow!
278
00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:10,080
[STRUGGLES]
279
00:12:11,110 --> 00:12:12,210
[YELLS]
280
00:12:13,620 --> 00:12:15,288
- [JOKER LAUGHTER]
- No.
281
00:12:15,290 --> 00:12:17,418
No, no, no. No, no, no, no!
282
00:12:17,420 --> 00:12:20,158
Ow! [ZAPS OUT]
283
00:12:20,160 --> 00:12:21,888
My blood sugar must be crashing.
284
00:12:21,890 --> 00:12:24,528
Is there a vending machine
around here? [GASPS]
285
00:12:24,530 --> 00:12:26,358
Did you kill another person?
286
00:12:26,360 --> 00:12:28,258
Let's just chopper out of here.
287
00:12:28,260 --> 00:12:30,528
All that gratuitous violence. Yuck.
288
00:12:30,530 --> 00:12:32,498
This is why I don't like TV today.
289
00:12:32,500 --> 00:12:34,468
Violence ups the dramatic effect.
290
00:12:34,470 --> 00:12:36,638
I got enough drama in my life.
291
00:12:36,640 --> 00:12:38,574
Just once, I'd like to watch something
292
00:12:38,576 --> 00:12:39,607
where two people fall in love,
293
00:12:39,609 --> 00:12:41,838
and experience no
complications whatsoever.
294
00:12:41,840 --> 00:12:43,840
Oh, and they don't have
sex till they're married.
295
00:12:47,620 --> 00:12:50,120
Oh, my gosh, Batman?
296
00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:53,260
Harley Quinn! And...
297
00:12:54,320 --> 00:12:55,688
It's the Joker.
298
00:12:55,690 --> 00:12:59,088
- [IMPACT AND STRUGGLING SOUNDS]
- I did it!
299
00:12:59,090 --> 00:13:02,058
I took down Batman's
archenemy! On my own.
300
00:13:02,060 --> 00:13:04,668
Papa for the win! [LAUGHS]
301
00:13:04,670 --> 00:13:07,268
Gordo? [MANIC LAUGHTER]
302
00:13:07,270 --> 00:13:09,010
[IN LOW VOICE] Good to see ya, buddy!
303
00:13:12,010 --> 00:13:13,978
What's happening?
Don't leave me in here!
304
00:13:13,980 --> 00:13:15,979
- Please, I don't like small spaces!
- [BATPLANE LOCKS]
305
00:13:15,981 --> 00:13:17,493
I knew it was only
a matter of time until
306
00:13:17,495 --> 00:13:19,618
you two psychos started
knocking boots again.
307
00:13:19,620 --> 00:13:22,018
What? No. Uh! See, he's...
308
00:13:22,020 --> 00:13:23,448
Never mind, I'll explain later.
309
00:13:23,450 --> 00:13:26,158
Harley! We came as soon
as we got your text.
310
00:13:26,160 --> 00:13:29,058
Indeed! I paused the
Tonys and I'm DVRing it,
311
00:13:29,060 --> 00:13:31,528
so no one tell me who won
Best Lighting in a Musical.
312
00:13:31,530 --> 00:13:33,958
It was Howell Binkley, wasn't it?
313
00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:38,268
When's Japhy Weideman going to
get his day in the fucking sun!
314
00:13:38,270 --> 00:13:40,840
- I didn't text anyone.
- Then who did?
315
00:13:43,170 --> 00:13:44,568
- Swole!
- [ALL EXCLAIMING]
316
00:13:44,570 --> 00:13:46,378
Did ya just run up 18 flights?
317
00:13:46,380 --> 00:13:49,108
Uh, try 19 and a half. [CHUCKLES]
318
00:13:49,110 --> 00:13:51,618
How did you escape
Psycho's fortified jail?
319
00:13:51,620 --> 00:13:53,520
And get so hot without us knowing?
320
00:13:57,350 --> 00:13:59,288
Here ya go, pal.
321
00:13:59,290 --> 00:14:01,658
You know what, I lied. I
did have your phone number.
322
00:14:01,660 --> 00:14:04,358
I actually had everyone's phone number!
323
00:14:04,360 --> 00:14:07,128
And I was the one who texted you all!
324
00:14:07,130 --> 00:14:08,668
- [ALL GASP]
- How dare you?
325
00:14:08,670 --> 00:14:10,628
Yep! And get this...
326
00:14:10,630 --> 00:14:13,138
we actually like each other. A lot.
327
00:14:13,140 --> 00:14:15,068
You were working for Riddler all along.
328
00:14:15,070 --> 00:14:17,568
- Um, actually...
- He's with me.
329
00:14:17,570 --> 00:14:19,608
You're dating Riddler?
330
00:14:19,610 --> 00:14:22,508
Quel scandale!
331
00:14:22,510 --> 00:14:25,078
- [IN SHOCK]
- Okay, we're not fucking!
332
00:14:25,080 --> 00:14:26,448
- We're together!
- I see.
333
00:14:26,450 --> 00:14:28,278
Not using labels yet, are we?
334
00:14:28,280 --> 00:14:31,188
Too new, is it? Lot of changes, Psycho.
335
00:14:31,190 --> 00:14:33,458
Dating, hooking up, "baring ass".
336
00:14:33,460 --> 00:14:34,908
Call it what you will,
337
00:14:34,910 --> 00:14:38,288
I'm proud of you for
finally being who you are.
338
00:14:38,290 --> 00:14:40,530
We're in a business partnership
339
00:14:40,532 --> 00:14:43,268
based on mutual respect, idiot.
340
00:14:43,270 --> 00:14:45,638
And you know what, he doesn't
belittle me like you did, Quinn.
341
00:14:45,640 --> 00:14:47,098
How did I belittle you?
342
00:14:47,100 --> 00:14:49,108
You never recognized my talent!
343
00:14:49,110 --> 00:14:51,208
You never let me shine!
344
00:14:51,210 --> 00:14:53,178
And also, you hated working for a woman.
345
00:14:53,180 --> 00:14:55,608
Okay, also I hated working
for a woman! But who cares?
346
00:14:55,610 --> 00:14:58,378
So, you and Ninja Turtle Calves
are gonna fight us? Oh, please.
347
00:14:58,380 --> 00:15:01,248
You're a tiny man in
a silly tinfoil hat.
348
00:15:01,250 --> 00:15:03,250
All right, here we go!
349
00:15:04,390 --> 00:15:07,020
[PSYCHO SCREAMING]
350
00:15:07,790 --> 00:15:09,488
[PARADEMONS SCREECH]
351
00:15:09,490 --> 00:15:12,158
Maybe your gal-pal Ivy can help!
352
00:15:12,160 --> 00:15:14,828
You wanna call her, maybe?
353
00:15:14,830 --> 00:15:18,098
No, I don't wanna get her
wrapped up in this 'cause this...
354
00:15:18,100 --> 00:15:20,598
This is a very strong example
355
00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:23,110
of one of those messes I
make I was tellin' you about.
356
00:15:24,510 --> 00:15:27,138
This "tinfoil hat"
357
00:15:27,140 --> 00:15:29,108
amplifies brainwaves,
358
00:15:29,110 --> 00:15:31,708
supercharging my mind powers.
359
00:15:31,710 --> 00:15:33,537
And with this bad boy,
360
00:15:33,539 --> 00:15:35,718
plus my new hobby of guided meditation,
361
00:15:35,720 --> 00:15:39,388
I can control every
Parademon in the city.
362
00:15:39,390 --> 00:15:43,188
Oh, I see. He's doin' my old
plan of takin' over Gotham
363
00:15:43,190 --> 00:15:44,758
to team up with Darkseid
and rule the Earth.
364
00:15:44,760 --> 00:15:47,258
Then I'm gonna take over Gotham
365
00:15:47,260 --> 00:15:49,598
- and team up with Dark...
- [GORDON] She just said that.
366
00:15:49,600 --> 00:15:51,298
Shit! Fuck.
367
00:15:51,300 --> 00:15:53,538
The point is, I'm gonna
do what you never could,
368
00:15:53,540 --> 00:15:55,338
because you are a pussy.
369
00:15:55,340 --> 00:15:58,168
Pussies are powerful. They
birthed all of humanity!
370
00:15:58,170 --> 00:15:59,280
I was a C-Section.
371
00:16:00,640 --> 00:16:04,478
Bring it on! I'm hungry for Parademons!
372
00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:06,180
Stage combat!
373
00:16:07,650 --> 00:16:09,788
Get me outta here! Not...
374
00:16:09,790 --> 00:16:11,648
- [BEEPING]
- This one! This one...
375
00:16:11,650 --> 00:16:16,450
- [ELECTRICAL BUZZING]
- [SCREAMS]
376
00:16:23,330 --> 00:16:24,628
Wow. It's like straight steel.
377
00:16:24,630 --> 00:16:27,268
What's black, blue, and red all over?
378
00:16:27,270 --> 00:16:29,168
Your ass when I beat it!
379
00:16:29,170 --> 00:16:31,538
I guess when the abs get harder,
the riddles get dumber.
380
00:16:31,540 --> 00:16:32,890
Bring it, bitch.
381
00:16:42,420 --> 00:16:44,488
- [PARADEMON SCREECHES]
- I've got this, boys.
382
00:16:44,490 --> 00:16:46,358
[GUNSHOTS FIRED]
383
00:16:46,360 --> 00:16:48,390
- [SCREECHES]
- And it's all you.
384
00:16:51,290 --> 00:16:54,258
Give up, Psycho, and
maybe I'll let you live
385
00:16:54,260 --> 00:16:57,268
as one of those orphans
that builds Wayneboxes.
386
00:16:57,270 --> 00:16:59,240
Uh... I'm gonna pass!
387
00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:03,290
[MANIACAL LAUGHTER]
388
00:17:10,210 --> 00:17:12,608
You thought this would be a fair fight?
389
00:17:12,610 --> 00:17:15,310
You're going down!
390
00:17:19,520 --> 00:17:21,318
Why didn't it work on the old timer?
391
00:17:21,320 --> 00:17:23,528
Same reason I can't go to the airport:
392
00:17:23,530 --> 00:17:25,288
metal plates, baby!
393
00:17:25,290 --> 00:17:27,958
God, you're old. Whatever.
I'll kill you too.
394
00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:30,230
[BOTH GROWL]
395
00:17:33,540 --> 00:17:35,968
Why don't you just
brainwash me and end this?
396
00:17:35,970 --> 00:17:39,308
Oh, but where's the pizazz in that?
397
00:17:39,310 --> 00:17:43,548
It's way more fun to torture
you with everything you love.
398
00:17:43,550 --> 00:17:47,280
This right here is exactly why
you're a terrible supervillain.
399
00:17:48,250 --> 00:17:49,750
- [GROWLS]
- [HARLEY GRUNTS]
400
00:17:51,250 --> 00:17:52,290
[GUNSHOTS]
401
00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:57,388
[GROWLING]
402
00:17:57,390 --> 00:18:00,928
You know what, for too long
I've been looked at as a joke,
403
00:18:00,930 --> 00:18:02,557
but when I'm through,
404
00:18:02,559 --> 00:18:06,368
people are gonna respect
the name Dr. Psycho!
405
00:18:06,370 --> 00:18:09,538
With Batman and the Justice League gone,
406
00:18:09,540 --> 00:18:12,608
Gotham was yours for the taking, Harley.
407
00:18:12,610 --> 00:18:14,610
But you couldn't do it.
408
00:18:17,650 --> 00:18:19,150
[GROWLING]
409
00:18:22,261 --> 00:18:24,390
You know, I should thank you, Harley.
410
00:18:24,392 --> 00:18:26,546
If you never made me feel so small,
411
00:18:26,548 --> 00:18:29,262
I never would've known
how big I could be.
412
00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:32,610
[BOTH GROWLING]
413
00:18:37,870 --> 00:18:39,868
[YELLS]
414
00:18:39,870 --> 00:18:42,638
Quinn, God I hate you,
415
00:18:42,640 --> 00:18:44,309
but I need your help.
416
00:18:44,311 --> 00:18:46,838
If we can break through the dome
we can escape in the Batplane.
417
00:18:46,840 --> 00:18:48,878
Can't you just use a bat-missile?
418
00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:51,978
Yeah. We could, but sometimes
I just don't feel like it.
419
00:18:51,980 --> 00:18:53,618
Or I don't wanna.
420
00:18:53,620 --> 00:18:55,578
All right, I'm not allowed to use them.
421
00:18:55,580 --> 00:18:57,788
- I'll do it. I'll break through the dome.
- What?
422
00:18:57,790 --> 00:18:59,548
Sy, that's suicide!
423
00:18:59,550 --> 00:19:00,658
[GASPS]
424
00:19:00,660 --> 00:19:03,528
Harley, dear, I'll admit,
425
00:19:03,530 --> 00:19:05,522
when you left the mall earlier tonight,
426
00:19:05,524 --> 00:19:07,858
I did not expect to be in this position.
427
00:19:07,860 --> 00:19:10,828
- But it's a gift!
- Sy, you're...
428
00:19:10,830 --> 00:19:12,538
You're standing.
429
00:19:12,540 --> 00:19:14,868
This is me feeding my soul, baby.
430
00:19:14,870 --> 00:19:17,868
Nothing would make me fuller
than saving your tuchis
431
00:19:17,870 --> 00:19:22,078
and helping you take down that
angry little shvants in a tux.
432
00:19:22,080 --> 00:19:23,349
I never liked that one.
433
00:19:23,351 --> 00:19:25,978
[ON PA SYSTEM] He's gonna kill all
of us if you don't stop talking.
434
00:19:25,980 --> 00:19:27,818
[CRYING] Oh.
435
00:19:27,820 --> 00:19:30,348
You were the best
landlord I've ever had.
436
00:19:30,350 --> 00:19:32,588
You always fixed our oven so fast,
437
00:19:32,590 --> 00:19:34,688
and you never judged me
no matter how many times
438
00:19:34,690 --> 00:19:36,888
I flushed my tampons down the toilet.
439
00:19:36,890 --> 00:19:39,958
[GRUNTS]
440
00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:43,700
As long as you've got this,
you've always got a friend.
441
00:19:46,900 --> 00:19:47,950
[GASPS]
442
00:19:51,980 --> 00:19:53,778
Hey, Psycho!
443
00:19:53,780 --> 00:19:57,848
Thousands of years ago,
my people, the Maccabees,
444
00:19:57,850 --> 00:20:01,348
prayed for oil to last
when they needed it most.
445
00:20:01,350 --> 00:20:06,458
Unlucky for you, that very
same oil runs through my veins
446
00:20:06,460 --> 00:20:08,488
today!
447
00:20:08,490 --> 00:20:10,930
[LOUD GRUNT]
448
00:20:11,860 --> 00:20:14,358
Yes! I mean darn.
449
00:20:14,360 --> 00:20:17,098
Ah, those Parademons took
out the communications system.
450
00:20:17,100 --> 00:20:19,438
No more autopilot! Buckle up, Quinn.
451
00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:21,750
Papa's about to earn himself some wings.
452
00:20:29,710 --> 00:20:34,018
I regret lots of things!
453
00:20:34,020 --> 00:20:35,720
[EXPLODES]
454
00:20:38,450 --> 00:20:41,450
[SHIELD POWERS DOWN]
455
00:20:43,930 --> 00:20:45,290
Fuck!
456
00:20:47,730 --> 00:20:50,828
[GORDON] Okay, that
was the plane's fault.
457
00:20:50,830 --> 00:20:52,838
We need to take Psycho down, now.
458
00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:55,018
Who knows how much damage
he can do with that helmet?
459
00:20:55,020 --> 00:20:58,067
Yeah, but how? It'd take, like, the
entire Justice League to stop him.
460
00:20:58,069 --> 00:20:59,878
I had a dream about them, too.
461
00:20:59,880 --> 00:21:03,448
This is gonna sound crazy
but they were stuck in a book.
462
00:21:03,450 --> 00:21:06,748
- What did ya just say?
- Yeah. It was this Book of Fables?
463
00:21:06,750 --> 00:21:08,787
Yeah! Queen of Fables.
How did you know that?
464
00:21:08,789 --> 00:21:11,488
Was in one of my dreams. I held a book
465
00:21:11,490 --> 00:21:13,958
with the entire Justice League in it.
466
00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:16,928
But, you know, then I woke up
and I don't remember the rest.
467
00:21:16,930 --> 00:21:18,658
[CHUCKLES] Weird!
468
00:21:18,660 --> 00:21:20,600
Gordon, I need you to
drop us off somewhere.
469
00:21:22,970 --> 00:21:25,198
There's a lot of powerful memories here.
470
00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:27,068
Is this your hideout?
471
00:21:27,070 --> 00:21:29,808
It's not very cozy. Let me call Beth.
472
00:21:29,810 --> 00:21:32,708
She has family in Central
City. We could stay there
473
00:21:32,710 --> 00:21:34,678
till this whole mess blows over.
474
00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:37,878
Just me, Beth, the kids,
and my new pal Harley Quinn.
475
00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:40,678
Nah, no, no, Ivy was right.
I keep makin' messes.
476
00:21:40,680 --> 00:21:42,138
I brought in the Parademons.
477
00:21:42,140 --> 00:21:44,188
I took in Psycho. I caused all of this.
478
00:21:44,190 --> 00:21:46,388
I can't keep runnin' from my messes.
479
00:21:46,390 --> 00:21:48,118
And the way I see it,
cleanup starts with
480
00:21:48,120 --> 00:21:50,628
gettin' the Justice League
out of that storybook.
481
00:21:50,630 --> 00:21:52,558
The storybook is real? Where is it?
482
00:21:52,560 --> 00:21:54,528
I don't know, but I think you do.
483
00:21:54,530 --> 00:21:56,628
Are you sure you can't just remember?
484
00:21:56,630 --> 00:21:59,568
It's like I see the
book, but... [GRUNTS]
485
00:21:59,570 --> 00:22:01,099
everything else is cloudy.
486
00:22:01,101 --> 00:22:05,007
That's disappointing because
I really, really, really,
487
00:22:05,009 --> 00:22:06,738
don't wanna have to do this.
488
00:22:06,740 --> 00:22:08,808
- Do what?
- [SIGHS]
489
00:22:08,810 --> 00:22:11,948
I'll be seein' ya soon, Mistah J.
490
00:22:11,950 --> 00:22:16,000
- [SHOVING GRUNT]
- [SCREAMS]
491
00:22:23,660 --> 00:22:25,160
[CLOSING THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
492
00:22:25,162 --> 00:22:28,162
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37453
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