Original subtitles

♪ Mother, you had me ♪

♪ But I never had you ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I wanted you ♪

♪ You didn't want me ♪

♪ ♪

Synced and corrected by BLuk www.addic7ed.com

- What is this? - It's a list.

Hmm. Why do we each have one?

Because this is important, and I thought it all out,

and I, like, organized it.

Okay, so, you want us to, like, read from this list, or...?

- Yeah. - Okay.

And just please, like, don't say anything

until I go through each thing, okay?

We'll see.

- Mom. - Okay.

- Go. I'm shtum. - Okay.

You have the floor.

- Okay. - Okay.

This is what I want. Number one:

- I want a keg of beer. - Ugh!

I know. I know we're underage, but I want a keg.

It's a keg of beer. Paisley had one.

Design had a one, Adam had two kegs.

Mom, just text Pais's mom and ask her what she did.

We're adults now, Mom.

We're adults now.

Number two: I want a DJ.

And I don't want one of your stupid friends

to, like, plug his iPod into the stereo.

I want a DJ with turntables and, like, the stuff.

A real DJ.

Number three: I want tacos and an ice cream station

with sauces and Heath bar pieces and all of that.

- Number four: I want... - Okay, tacos is a go.

- There is one more. - Okay. Ice cream, check.

DJ, check.

Mom, there was one more.

Max, you're not gonna have a keg of beer in my house.

But if I don't have a keg,

or you don't, then kids are gonna go out

and buy beer illegally and, like, bring it in.

Okay. That's fine with me.

Okay, if I have a keg, and I'm serving a keg

to, like, 18-year-olds, 17, 18-year-olds, then I go to jail.

But if a bunch of people bring, from I don't know where,

that's each of their parents' separate problems, okay?

What about the last thing?

I'm not discussing that.

No! You're ignoring. Read it out!

No. No, Max, I'm not addressing that. No.

You don't have to be here, Mom.

I'm going to your graduation party, okay?

I'm really looking forward to it. I'm excited.

And maybe even I may meet a boy there.

- Ugh! - Max,

the last time you had a party and I wasn't here,

somebody blew smoke in Frankie's face,

and there was a hookah burn on the couch.

You want to know why I know there was a hookah?

Because someone showed me the Facebook photos

before you deleted them.

Yes, that's right. I'm coming to your party.

And I'm gonna go ahead and say

that it hurts my feelings that you don't want me there.

This isn't about you.

- I'm not saying that it is. - Yeah, you just did.

Mom, just please just listen to me.

Like, just take a breath and listen.

I'm listening. I'm listening.

Okay.

This party is about me and my friends,

and, like, I'm... I'm asking for this.

And I know it seems like I'm demanding, because I'm, like...

I'm afraid you'll say no so I'm trying to...

Like, I-I get it. It's your house.

You don't have to do it, but just please let me have this.

No keg. Fine.

Like, I'm not trying to hurt your feelings.

Just... thank you for the food and the DJ.

Please don't be here.

And there's one more thing.

It's not about the party.

I don't know, Max.

I'm kind of tapped out right now. What is it?

Well, I talked to my dad.

You know, he's coming to my graduation.

Oh.

Did he tell you?

What... what is...?

Tell me what you need.

Okay, well, uh, my dad and I planned

that I was just gonna get dressed here,

and then, he was gonna pick me up,

and take me to graduation rehearsal,

and then, we were gonna go get something to eat

before the ceremony, and then, he was gonna

drop me off here with you guys for the family thing after.

You guys planned this?

I mean, yeah, well, I mean,

I know you were gonna do it, but, like, now you don't have to.

Is there any other things you would like me to not do?

Would you like me to vanish into thin air,

but still pay for everything?

Mom.

Okay, baby. I'm sorry.

Just come here.

Come here.

I love you.

It's whatever you want. It's your big day.

No keg, no drugs.

I'll be across the street at Gran's.

Your dad can take you.

I love you.

It's whatever you want.

No keg.

No me.

- Thanks. I love you. - Okay.

Ooh.

Oh!

Mom, do you remember my high school graduation?

No.

- Friends. - Hi.

- Max. - Hi.

Mom, those are grown men. Those are fully-grown men!

Well... she's grown-up now. She'll probably be pregnant soon.

Mom, get low. She's looking!

So how are you going to do this?

Tomorrow's the big day, and your place is going to be a wreck.

Max?

Come on.

Wakey, wakey!

Come on.

Oh, my God.

Yeah!

What time is it?

It's 11:00.

People start arriving at 2:00.

Oh!

Drink this

and eat this onion.

You got to start waking up.

I have to eat this onion?

Honey, your mom knows.

It's time for you to learn these secrets.

Drink this down first.

Quick.

Good.

Now bite down into this.

Serious.

Oh, my God!

How does this help?

It doesn't. Ha!

Oh, my God! Mom!

But you should rub it on your feet.

Really?

Frankie, get that.

Frankie, get that!

- Right there. - Frankie, why are you ignoring me?

Because you're yelling.

Oh. The doorbell is ringing. I'll get it.

- Mmm... - I know.

- Mm-mmm. - I know. Don't do it.

- Not cute. Murder. - Mm-hmm.

- Murder most foul. - Mm-hmm.

- Mm-hmm. - It's illegal.

Yeah, I like the ones I got. Aren't they cute?

And they match your dress. That's very coordinated.

- Yeah, and they smell really good. - Oh, they do smell really good.

- It's your graduation! - I love it.

My dad's coming at 4:00, he's picking me up

- and taking me to rehearsal. - Oh, that's great.

Max, honey, you got to go get dressed.

And he didn't tell me where we're going for lunch,

'cause he's being all secretive about it!

Oh, fun.

Hmm.

Hello?

Hello?

Bro. Bro.

Hi, sis.

- Thank you for coming. - Yes.

- Oh, what? Oh, you're still hugging. - Oh, sorry.

- Okay. - Sorry.

Bro. That was nice.

Yeah, I guess I missed you.

Wait. Oh, my God. What, are you crying?

- Shut up. - Stop it. Gross.

- Hi, Dormin. - Hey.

Okay. Biggest Jew in the world at 19.

- Hi. - Come to your auntie..

How are you?

I'm good, I'm good.

Um, it's my first year at Stanford.

So it's... a bit of an adjustment.

- Mm-hmm. - Yeah.

Impressive.

Dormin! Oh, thanks for coming.

Yeah. So good to see you.

Good to see you too.

Yeah.

- Hi, Marion, how are you? - Hey, sweetie.

- Hi. - Good to see you.

Good to see you. Here's your present.

- Oh, thank you. - It's a... a treasury bond.

Doesn't mature till 2031.

I figure by then you might be in some trouble.

Why? Is that the year I'm gonna die?

No.

That year she's set. She'll have your money.

Please tell me you didn't invite Rich.

- No, I didn't. - Shit, Rich!

- How are you, Marion? - Hey, how are you, grown man?

- Feel a little better. - All right.

Mom.

Hello, Marion.

Mom. Hi.

Hello.

Mom.

- I'm here. - Yes, I see that.

Hey!

Hi!

- Is that Tressa? Hi. - Hello, gorgeous.

My dad's coming at 4:00. He's taking me to graduation.

Mmm, won't that be nice?

- Hi! - Hey, hey.

Hi, I'm Marion, Sam's brother.

Hi. Jeff. I'm Sunny's ex-husband.

Hey.

- Sunny! - Hello!

- Jesus, you look great. - Oh, thank you.

How did you get through a whole husband since I saw you?

'Cause you're never here, asshole. What, am I supposed

to go to Dallas to visit my best friend's brother?

- No. - Come visit.

Cheers.

Max, honey, do you want to go get ready?

- Oh, what time is it? - It's, like, almost 3:00.

- Oh! Oh, we have to go. - Come on.

Go get makeups!

- Oh, yeah. - Yes, thank you.

- Here you go, honey. - To you!

- Hey! - Hey! Now we drink.

Poi... Po-po-po...

- You like that? - It looks great. Thank you.

That... I haven't finished.

Lean in, please.

Thank you, dear.

Can't believe it.

I can.

Really? It didn't all go by so fast?

No.

It all went by really slow.

And it's not over.

I mean, what, do you think she's gonna move out tomorrow?

Plus she's not even 18 yet.

Also, she's a dum-dum.

♪ ♪

♪ Magic moment... ♪

Max, baby, you look so beautiful.

- Thank you. - Thank you.

Oh.

- Hello? - Is that my dad?

Yeah.

Sam.

Hi. What's up?

Does he want to talk to me?

Yeah, I'm at the airport.

Um...

You... You're what?

Did you just land?

Because you're due here in about ten minutes,

according to the plan that you made

with your daughter.

No, no. I'm about to board a plane.

- Not arriving. - What?

I'm at the airport because I'm about to get on a plane.

I don't understand.

Did you not fly here yet?

I had a complication in my schedule.

It's very complicated.

Um, and it's personal, so I can't share the details.

Xander, what-what are you saying?

I'm not coming.

I...

I can't come.

I'm... I'm not coming.

I feel terrible.

I know you're judging me right now.

- People make their choices, Sam. - Yeah. Yeah, they do.

And it's not right to judge people

for doing what they must for themselves.

Okay.

Marion, did you bring a camera?

Hold on. Mom, what'd my dad say?

Um...

Mom?

He's not coming, baby.

What happened?

Uh... I... I don't know.

Uh...

He's not coming.

He's getting on a plane.

What happened? Why is she crying?

Xander's not coming, Phil.

Oh, well, he was never coming.

Sounds familiar.

Your father didn't show up for your graduation?

She didn't come.

Oh... Oh, my God.

Guys, guys. Enough. Enough.

Max.

Max. Maxie.

Maxie.

Look at me. Look at me. Look at me.

That was a lot for nothing, wasn't it?

Max, breathe.

Breathe.

I can't believe he's not coming.

It's okay, because I'm gonna take you.

You certainly are not.

What?

I'm taking you to tea.

Mom, what are you talking about?

It's my surprise.

I'm taking you for afternoon tea, just you and I,

and then we meet up later at her event.

Phil, you didn't tell me.

It was a surprise.

Mom, I'm not going anywhere with you.

I have to take Max to rehearsal.

I can take her.

I can take her to rehearsal or whatever the plan was.

I can take her.

It would be an honor.

Me too.

Well, I think that I should probably take you.

See, baby?

You got your choice.

Mom?

You're the best mom in the world.

♪ I'm glad I spent it with you... ♪

I want to go with Rich.

Oh.

Okay. Let's get going.

Whoo, yeah.

Okay.

I'm, uh... calling an audible.

Rich is gonna take Max.

And, uh, I am going to...

tea with my mom,

apparently.

And, um...

Duke and Frankie...

Dibs on them.

...are going with Jeff.

So everybody else, good luck,

Godspeed,

and I'll see you at the ceremony.

I like tea.

Ha. No.

So, honey, it's fine that you didn't pick me.

I wanted to give you this privately,

because it's not for your mother, it's for you.

- Thank you. - I love you.

- Congratulations. - Love you, too.

Uh-uh-uh-uh, you're not riding back there.

Why? I see dogs ride in the back of trucks

- all the time. - Yeah, well, no one cares

if a dog gets thrown across the highway.

- Babe, you don't have seat belts. - Get in the cab.

Sunny, come with us.

No. Not her.

- We're going alone. This is special. - Phil, don't push it.

Come on.

- What's going on there? - Nothing.

- Whoa. Oh. - Maybe.

♪ ♪

Hi.

Hi.

How ya feelin'?

Mm, it's like normal.

You're probably thinking about your future right now.

Yeah, I guess so.

Can I say one thing to you?

Hmm?

Plastics, Benjamin.

Thanks.

Mom.

I didn't want to say this, 'cause...

I'm not, like, a little kid anymore.

And, like, this is stupid.

But you didn't get me a graduation present.

Just, like, a thing.

Or a something.

This is...

stupid, but, um...

it's a little weird.

I'm sort of surprised,

like, and I don't want to be a jerk about it, I really don't want...

Oh.

Oh.

Oh-ho-ho.

Do you like it?

Mom, it's so beautiful.

Good, because that's not your present, though.

Come on.

Oh.

Can you see?

No.

Okay.

Oh.

Oh. Ooh.

Sit.

Okay.

Stay here. Don't move.

Take off your blindfold.

♪ ♪

♪ I'll die way before Methuselah ♪

♪ So I'll fight sleep with ammonia ♪

♪ And every morning, with eyes all red ♪

♪ I'll miss them for all the tears they shed ♪

♪ But I'm actually good ♪

♪ Can't help it if we're tilted ♪

♪ I am actually good ♪

♪ Can't help if we ♪

♪ I am actually good ♪

♪ Can't help it if we're tilted ♪

♪ I am actually good ♪

♪ Can't help it if we're tilted ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I miss prosthesis and mended souls ♪

♪ Trample over beauty while singing their thoughts ♪

♪ I match them with my euphoria ♪

♪ When they said, "Je suis plus folle que toi ♪

♪ Hey ♪ ♪ I'm doing my face ♪

♪ Mm, mm, mm ♪ ♪ With a magic marker ♪

♪ Hey ♪ ♪ I'm in my right place ♪

♪ Mm, mm, mm ♪ ♪ Don't be a downer ♪

♪ Oh, oh ♪ ♪ I'm doing my face ♪

♪ Mm, mm, mm ♪

♪ With a magic marker ♪

♪ Mm, mm, mm ♪

♪ I'm in my right place ♪

♪ Mm, mm, mm ♪ ♪ Oh, oh, oh, I am ♪

♪ Actually good, good, good, good ♪ ♪ I can't help it ♪

♪ If we're tilted ♪

♪ I am actually good, good, good ♪

♪ Good ♪ ♪ I can't help it if we ♪

♪ I am actually ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh... ♪ ♪ I can't help it if we're tilted ♪

♪ I'm actually good ♪

♪ Good, good, good ♪ ♪ I can't help it ♪

♪ If we're tilted ♪

♪ I am actually good ♪

♪ Can't help it if we're tilted ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Oh, my God!

Fuck yeah, Mom!

Oh, my God.

Whoo!

Yay!

Yeah!

That was so amazing.

I feel like I'm in a fever dream right now.

- We do. - We do, yeah.

Cool.

- Yeah. - Cut.

Synced and corrected by BLuk www.addic7ed.com