Original subtitles

There it is, Fred.

'It's my extra money makin' machine.'

Eh, watch.

We give this a few turns.

Then open this little door here.

[Barney chuckling]

There we are. Nice and fresh.

How's that, Fred? Pretty tricky, huh?

Barney, let me see that thing.

Oh, no, no. Not this one, Fred.

It's still wet.

Come over here into the dryin' room.

I keep a low fire goin' in here.

The hot dry air dries them evenly.

- No ink runs. - Wowie-wow-wow!

Just feel the quality of that money.

I use a better grade than the government.

When people get used to my money

they won't accept any another.

- Eesh! - Eh, what's the matter, Fred?

Barney, are you out of your mind?

(Barney) 'Why, Fred?'

You, Barney Rubble

you are a counterfeiter.

[theme music]

[blows whistle]

screech

[siren wailing]

[blows whistle]

vroom

screech

[music continues]

screech

vroom

screech

wham

thud

slam

mwah

[instrumental music]

What do you mean, Barney

you got the grass mowin' record licked?

Well, it works like this, Fred.

I get the grass soaked on good.

Then when Betty tells me to mow the lawn

I tell her it's too wet.

[chuckling]

Yeah, it cuts down on the mowin', alright.

- Uh-oh. - What's the matter, Barney boy?

(Barney) 'The water stopped comin' out.'

Looks like the hose is plugged up.

Shaking it won't do any good.

Blow it out, Barney.

Hey, good idea, Fred.

[blowing]

[laughing]

You're lucky, Barney..

...to have such a good friend..

...who knows first aid.

You sipped a lot of water.

I'm-I'm sick and tired..

...of your corny practical jokes..

...all the time, Fred.

Oh, stop beefin', Barney.

Where's your sense of humor?

Well, like cuttin' the hammock rope when I was in it.

[chuckling] Yeah.

A-and then there was the time you gave me the hotfoot

while I was fixin' my watch.

And don't forget the time I put cement

in the holes of your bowlin' ball.

Ha-ha! Boy, that was a great one.

[laughing]

Hey, where you goin', Barney?

I got somethin' to do.

(Fred) 'Boy, what a sorehead.'

You know, Wilma, that Barney next-door is gettin' old.

- Getting old? - Yeah.

I think I'll get a new best friend.

One with a sense of humor, not an old grouch.

Barney happens to be a little younger than you are, Fred.

Oh, yeah, countin' years, maybe. But not in spirit.

I am the young-at-heart type.

Fun loving, good company..

- Soft in the head. - Soft in the head.

- Blowhard. - Blowhard.

Hey, cut that out, Wilma!

[laughing]

Now you listen to me, Fred.

I can tell you've had trouble with Barney

and probably over one of your corny practical jokes.

Why don't you stop with the gags, Fred?

There's nothing funny about them.

You don't see Barney acting juvenile like you.

Oh, yeah?

Barney just doesn't have the brains

to figure out a funny gag like I can.

Okay, Fred. Now open your eyes.

Wham!

Barney, what are you doing?

I'm figurin' out a practical joke

to play on Fred.

It ends like this.

Okay, Fred, open your eyes. Wham!

Barney, you put that club away.

Well, it's only a practical joke.

You are not going to sock Fred with that club

as much as he deserves it.

But, Betty, Fred's played

hundreds of practical jokes on me.

Not once did I ever play one back, not once.

That's right, Barney.

I thought Fred would get tired

when I used passive resistance but he didn't.

He's gotta be stopped, Betty.

Well, I'll have to admit you're right, Barney.

- You do? - Yes.

But it'll have to be something

strong enough to make him quit.

Well, uh, maybe you're right, Betty.

- I'll get a bigger club. - No, nothing like that.

It's gotta be, it's gotta be something

that'll cure him of practical jokes forever.

Uh, somethin' special, eh?

Well, uh, let's put our heads together.

(Betty) Okay.

It won't help us think, but it sure is cozy.

[both chuckling]

[doorbell rings]

I'll get it, Betty.

Mr. Rubble? Mr. Barney Rubble?

Yeah, that's right.

Are you the Barney Rubble who sent in a jingle

in the Sudsy-Wudsy Soap Contest?

I'm the Barney Rubble who enters all the contests.

Sends in box tops, slogans, 25 words or less

how many faces can you find in this picture?

Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

(Betty) 'He's also the Barney Rubble who never wins anything.'

Well, you may have won first prize

in the Sudsy-Wudsy Contest.

If you can prove it by reciting the jingle you sent in.

Uh, Sudsy-Wudsy, hmm.

(Betty) 'Oh, th-think hard, Barney.'

I'm tryin', but there were so many.

Yeah, let's see, uh, Sudsy-Wudsy--

Come, Mr. Rubble, do you know it?

I got it, "If you scrub with Sudsy-Wudsy

you'll wash away the mudsy wudsy."

(male 1) 'That's it! You're the winner, Mr. Rubble.'

And here are 500 brand new bills

fresh from the government printing press.

Boy, 500 brand new smackeroos!

Oh, thank you very much, mister.

Yeah, thanks a million, o-or at least 500.

[chuckling]

Don't thank me. You've earned it.

"Wash away the mudsy-wudsy." Oh, brother!

Half for you and half for me, Betty.

- Isn't this wonderful, Barney? - Sure is.

? Wash away the mudsy wudsy ?

? Skiddledee doo-doo-doo doo-doo fudsy wudsy ??

Barney.

Uh, what is it, my rich, rich wife?

Do you know what I'm gonna do with my half?

(Barney) 'Buy a spotted leopard stole trimmed with mastodon whiskers?'

No, I'm going right out and buy you a real nice present

for your birthday tomorrow.

Gee, Betty, I forgot I had a birthday comin' up.

(Betty) 'And I want you to make up with Fred by then, too.'

Oh, yeah. Fred.

- Uh, hey, Betty, just a minute. - 'What is it, Barney?'

I just got an idea for a practical joke on Fred.

This is a sure-fire way to cure him of his practical jokes.

'Hey, remember the man said, "500 brand new bills'

fresh from the government printing press?"

Mm-hm, but what?

Well, uh, I'll have to have your help to pull it off, Betty.

Well, okay, but I'll have to know what it is.

[chuckling]

Of course, wait till you hear this.

It's a pip. A real ringer dinger.

Eh, now, here's the gag.

Eh, pardon me, but this is such a gasser

I can't take any chances of Fred findin' out about it.

[whispering]

- You're kidding. - No, no, listen.

[whispering]

[chuckling]

W-what do you say, Betty? Will you help me?

Huh. Well, okay.

Good, now, you go over to Fred and Wilma's

and get things started like I told you.

And I'll get things ready down in the basement.

? If you scrub with the Sudsy-Wudsy ?

? You wash away the mudsy wudsy ?

? Skiddly doo-doo-doo skiddly-doo-doo.. ??

[chuckling]

Betty, you haven't sat still five minutes since you got here.

That's the fifth time you've looked out that window.

Are you expecting someone?

I thought I heard a police car coming this way.

A police car?

Why are you worried about a police car?

(Betty) 'Oh, I'm not worried for myself.'

'I'm worried for Barney.'

(Wilma) Worried for Barney?

Do you wanna tell me about it, Betty?

Well, it would make me feel better, I guess.

He always goes down in the basement

and locks the door and he does something

down there for hours.

I'm sure he's up to something illegal

or else he'd tell me about it.

Oh, you're just imagining things, Betty.

Oh, no, he's up to something. And I'm afraid that..

- Oh! Was that a police siren? - No, it wasn't.

Calm down, Betty. I'm sure it's nothing.

But if you'd feel better

I'll have Fred take a look over there.

Oh, that would be fine.

- Oh, Fred. - You called, honey?

Yes, and what delayed you?

Oh, I just happened to be crawling by.

Okay, Fred, since you've been tuned in

on what we're talking about

run over and see what Barney is doing in the basement

so Betty can stop worrying.

Okay, glad to do it for you, Betty.

(Wilma) 'And for once, Fred, no practical jokes.'

Okay, okay.

You'll see it's nothing when Fred comes back.

- Uh, Wilma.. - What is it, Betty?

Uh, I-I feel like a heel telling you a fib.

This whole thing is a gag

that Barney wants to pull on Fred.

And I went along with it, because I promised Barney

I would.

So, call Fred back and tell him, Wilma.

[chuckling]

- Hm? - I'll do no such thing.

It's about time Barney gave Fred

a taste of his own medicine.

Maybe it'll cure Fred of that practical joke thing he's got.

He-he. Oh, gee, Wilma, I'm glad you're not mad.

[chuckling]

That's a laugh.

Barney doin' something illegal down in his basement.

He always throws in an extra ten bucks

when he pays his income tax, just to make sure.

I'll just peek in Barney's basement window

and check what's goin' on.

Yeah. He's there. I see a light.

Hey, Barney, what you..

Why, that..

Alright, Barney, open up.

knock knock knock

Open the door!

- 'Are you alone, Fred?' - Of course I'm alone.

Open up that door!

Okay, Fred, come in.

Lock up after you're in.

'Well, what's new, Fred?'

What's new? That's what I wanna know.

What are you doing' down here?

Can you keep a secret, Fred?

Yes, I can keep a secret, Fred.

Remember how we used to sit around

and wish we could make some extra money, Fred?

Of course, I do.

Well, I'm not wishin' for extra money anymore

I'm makin' it.

Really? And just what are you doin' to make extra money?

I'll show you, Fred.

Uh, promise you'll keep this quiet?

Yes, yes, y.. Get on with it!

Well, there it is, Fred.

(Fred) There is what?

What's so great about that?

(Barney) 'It's my extra money makin' machine.'

Eh, watch.

We give this a few turns.

Then open this little door here.

[Barney chuckling]

There we are. Nice and fresh.

How's that, Fred? Pretty tricky, huh?

Barney, let me see that thing.

Oh, no, no. Not this one, Fred.

It's still wet.

Come over here into the dryin' room.

'You can look at one there.'

I keep a low fire goin' in here.

The hot dry air dries them evenly.

- No ink runs. - Wowie-wow-wow!

Here, Fred, just feel the quality of that money.

I use a better grade than the government.

When people get used to my money

they won't accept any other.

- Eesh! - Eh, what's the matter, Fred?

Barney, are you out of your mind?

(Barney) 'Why, Fred?'

You, Barney Rubble

you are a counterfeiter.

(Barney) Oh, Fred, you promised you'd keep it quiet.

Now, Barney, believe me, you're headed for trouble.

No matter how good this money looks

they'll nail you the minute you try to pass it.

- Do you understand? - Ha-ha-ha. I understand.

You're tryin' to muscle in, but it won't work, Fred.

I've got a good thing goin' here and I'm keepin' it.

Go build your own machine.

Uh, here's a couple of samples to go by.

No, no. I-I-I don't want 'em. Let me get outta here.

[chuckling]

Fred oughta be back any minute now with the big news.

Yeah, that Barney is a counterfeiter.

Shh, here he comes.

Oh, Fred, what was Barney doing down in his basement?

- 'Fred?' - Wha..

Oh, oh. W-was that a police car siren?

Fred, Betty wants to know what Barney

is fooling around with down in his basement?

Fooling around with?

He's fooling around with a 20-year stretch

on the Big Rock.

But Fred, what could he be doing?

He could be playing with a model train set

but he isn't, he is making money.

- 'Oh, that's good.' - 'Oh, that's good.'

Phoney money!

- 'Oh, that's bad.' - 'Oh, that's bad.'

Betty, I hate to tell you this

but your husband is a counterfeiter.

- A counterfeiter? - I don't believe it.

Well, you'll believe it when the unmentionables

raid your house and drag him off in the paddy wagon.

I think I'll go over and speak to Barney.

Be careful, just speaking to him could get you

a five-year stretch.

Gee, thanks, Wilma. Fred really went for it.

Well, Fred deserved it.

But I'll tell him when I go in that it was a gag.

Oh, Wilma, since it was Barney's gag

would you mind if Barney told him?

Of course, Betty. I promise I won't say a word.

- Let Barney tell him. - Thanks, Wilma.

[both chuckling]

[chuckling]

Oh, boy! Oh, boy! What a gag!

"You're doin' wrong, Barney," he says.

"You, Barney Rubble, are a counterfeiter," he says.

[chuckling]

Okay, okay, Barney. Your joke is over.

Now, go over and let Fred in on it.

Oh, you're kiddin', Betty.

When you get a poor fish like Fred hooked

y-you don't let him off the hook that easy.

You play him, you give him a little line, then reel him up.

- Give him a little line-- - Barney.

What's the matter with you?

Oh, nothin' at all.

Uh, I just didn't realize

how much fun practical jokes are.

[chuckling]

Eh, and remember, you also

helped set him up for the gag.

[chuckling]

Yeah, I know.

And I'm sorry I did.

(Wilma) Fred, will you stop that pacing up and down?

You're making me nervous.

If you wanna get nervous, get nervous about living

next door to a counterfeiter.

And if he tries to pass any of that do-it-yourself money

they'll grab him, they'll find out

I know about it and I'll get ten years

just for living next-door to the guy.

I'll visit you, Fred.

And bring a cake with a file in it--

Oh, boy, everybody's becomin' unglued at once.

I gotta talk Barney out of this nutty scheme.

In the meantime, to protect myself

I can't let him try to pass any of that homemade money.

I know what I'll do.

I'll start bright and early in the morning

and I'll follow him all day if I have to.

(Barney) 'That was really tasty, Harry.'

'Uh, how much do I owe you?'

Uh, two fried dodo eggs

a cup of Java, and a prune Danish.

- 'Eighty-five, Barney.' - Here, keep the change, Harry.

Oh, no, you don't. This one is on me, chum.

His money's no good here, Harry.

Your money's no good anyplace.

- Well, come on, Harry. - I can't believe it.

Fred Flintstone treating?

Oh, come off it. Keep the change.

Keep the change?

Oh, no! A tip from Fred Flintstone?

I can't believe it.

[chuckling] Oh, no!

I don't know why I ever go into this ptomaine trap.

Why aren't you workin' today, Fred?

Well, I, uh..

Because I wanted to talk to you, Barney

about you-know-what.

Oh, uh, you mean, uh, the counterfeit money?

Shh, Barney, please

don't ever do that again.

You're wasting your time, Fred.

I think my money is better than the old-fashioned stuff.

And I'm gonna spend the day shoving it.

As we say in the funny money business.

Oh, yeah?

Well, I'll see to it

that you don't spend a cent all day.

I'll pay for everything you buy.

[chuckling]

[humming]

Barney, did you spend all our money on this stuff?

No, uh, these are all little goodies

Fred bought for me today.

[chuckling]

I think I'll keep this practical joke goin' all summer.

[chuckling]

Oh, you should've seen Fred go white

when I looked in the auto showroom window.

Fred's lying down. And yes, I heard what went on today.

Fred signed up all over town with time payments.

He owes his shirt.

Well, I'm sending all that sporting good stuff back, Wilma.

- So, Fred will owe nothing. - Thank goodness, Betty.

Now I'll tell Fred it was all a practical joke.

Um, Wilma, just a minute.

Uh, think for a moment.

If you tell Fred, he'll get mad

and get a practical joke to top Barney's.

That's right. And then, Barney will top that.

- 'Then Fred.' - Then Barney.

- 'Fred.' - Barney.

Oh, no, Betty.

It will be a war of practical jokes.

With us caught in the middle in no man's land.

If there was some way to teach them both a lesson.

Mm, but how?

Well, women are pretty good at outsmarting men, you know.

Mm-hm, I know.

I-in fact, that's how I got married.

Is there another way?

[both chuckling]

(Fred) Hey, Wilma! Hi, Betty.

I got a great idea, girls.

- What's that, Fred? - The machine, the machine!

Barney can't make phoney money without his machine.

So, if I can get a hold of it, I can bury it someplace

then Barney is out of business.

- 'Good idea, Fred.' - 'Good idea, Fred.'

All I gotta do is wait till Barney leaves the house

and I will grab it.

I'll call him on the phone and ask him to come over here.

Good. That will give me a chance to get in.

Oh, Fred, where are you going to bury it?

(Fred) 'In the gully in the park.'

In the gully in the park, eh?

Before you call Barney, I wanna make a call, Betty.

Okay, Wilma.

Fred is sure falling hard for this gag.

(Wilma) 'He sure is.'

What's taking those girls so long to call Barney?

[telephone ringing]

Ah, there it is.

And there he goes.

And here I go.

There. I got the machine.

Wait a minute, I better take all that homemade money, too.

This should be deep enough.

'Now to get the stuff out of the car.'

Boy, I'll be glad to get this buried forever.

Then maybe, I'll be able to sleep nights again.

Oops!

Alright, this is a stick up.

Huh? Ha-ha-ha-ha.

The joke's on you, friend.

This isn't even real money, it's fake money.

This machine here makes it. It's just for laughs.

Okay, just for laughs

make some more money.

Well, I, uh, I-I can't make it, a-a friend of mine makes it.

Okay, let's find your friend.

Any friend of yours is a friend of mine.

Uh, b-b-but he isn't home now.

Okay, we'll wait for him.

And he better show up, or else!

[instrumental music]

Betty calls me up, makes me walk over to Fred's house

then forgets what she called me for.

Huh! I don't get it.

There's no figurin' women.

Oh, bless their little inscrutable minds.

Hey, Fred! What are you doing down in my basement?

Put up your hands. Get over there with the fat lug.

Okay, now, which one of you make the money?

- He does. - 'Okay, shorty.'

'Get your machine goin' and make some more money.'

I-I can't, can't.

Barney, make the man some money, he isn't fooling.

I-I can't make money.

I-it's just a practical joke

eh, to fool my friend, Fred.

Uh, this is real money, that's how I fooled him.

A practical joke?

I'm laughin', I'm laughin'.

(male 2) I don't believe it

you guys are holdin' out.

Okay, bring the machine and the phoney dough.

We're going to Max's.

You'll turn out the money for Max.

'Max has ways of making guys do anything.'

- M-M-Max? - Who-who-who's M-Max?

(male 2) 'You've heard of Max. Max the Knife?'

- Max the Knife? - M-Max the Knife?

B-b-but I can't make money for-for Max the Knife.

Uh, I can't make money at all.

Eh-eh, the money machine is-is just a practical joke.

Max the Knife don't go much for jokes.

'So, I hope you decides to be smart'

'and make the money for him.'

'Okay? Let's go.'

'And no funny stuff, understand?'

I don't feel very funny. Do you, Fred?

No.

It's all your fault, Barney. You and your practical jokes.

My practical jokes?

This wouldn't have happened if you hadn't been pulling gags

all the time.

Pipe down, you two.

We're just about the Max's place.

Uh, pull over to the corner.

[tires screeching]

Come on, get up. This is the place.

- Yes, sir. - Let's go. Keep movin'.

Uh, Fred, I-I just happened to think

eh, today's my birthday.

Well, enjoy it. It looks like your last one.

Yeah, I know. Uh, n-no need of both of us goin' in, Fred.

- Th-that's right. - So-so, you go in.

- And explain it to Max. - Oh, no.

- No, no. Y-you go in. - You're both goin' in.

(Barney) 'A-anybody home?'

(male 2) Get in there and close that door.

(Barney) 'Eh, yes, sir, I-I hope'

'M-Max the Knife ain't home.'

Max, these two guys

have a machine to make money

but they won't do it.

(Fred) 'Uh-oh. Somebody put out the lights.'

(Barney) 'P-p-please, Mr. Max. W-we can't make any money.'

(Fred) 'Uh, i-it was just a practical joke.'

- 'You can have it all.' - 'Yeah, keep it.'

- You can have it. - Spare us, Max.

Please let us go, Max.

(in unison) Happy birthday, Barney!

(all) 'Happy birthday!'

- Uh, happy.. - B-b-birthday?

[both groaning]

thud

[chuckling]

So, it was you girls

pullin' a practical joke all the time.

Ha-ha. That Max the Knife thing sure had me worried.

We hope this has cured both of you

of anymore practical jokes.

- Oh, it's cured me for sure. - Me too, forever.

Hey, uh, who'd you get to play the robber with the mask, girls?

(Wilma) 'Oh, that was Joe Rockhead.'

Joe Rockhead? How about that!

Yeah, you lugs, Max wants to see ya.

[laughing] Hi, fellas!

Uh, you guys didn't know me with my mask on, did ya?

[Barney and Fred laughing]

(Barney) 'Yeah, we sure didn't, Joe.'

Ha-ha. No hard feelings.

(Fred) Of course not, Joe.

- You know something, Wilma? - What, Fred?

We two practical jokers are lucky.

Yeah, we got two practical wives.

You can say that again.

[all laughing]

[theme music]

[yawning]

clink

boing

thud

[door rattling]

Wilma!

thud thud thud

Wilma!

[banging door]

Come on, Wilma, open this door!

Wilma!