Original subtitles

Can we have Chinese food tonight? Chinese food is fun.

No, we're having pizza.

I've planned pizza, so we're having pizza.

Can't change it now. Well, you could, by not ordering pizza.

We can have those slimy mushrooms.

They look like dead slugs. I like them.

No, Amber, I've got all the toppings planned already. We're having pizza.

OK, but can we use chopsticks?

Wait, wait. Everyone wait. There's a penny.

I need to save up £600.

As my nana used to say, if you look after the pennies,

the pounds look after themselves.

Oh, that's nice.

So, if Holli saves a penny every day,

she'll have £600 in, like...

Roughly 164 years.

My fucking nana. No wonder she's skint.

Why do you need to save up £600? That's private.

Is it for a lawyer? Is it for a pit bull?

It's for a secret. Is it for a boob job?

Seriously, that's your first guess?

Have you ever looked at Holli's boobs?

Well, I'm saving for a boob job. I've got a boob job jar.

How much you saved? Hmm, about £7.

That could pay for the pen.

You know, the pen they use to draw on you

before they start cutting you up.

Come on, Holli, let's look for money under the vending machine.

I found 50p under there once,

but the next time, there was just a dead mouse

and the time after that, there was a really smelly dead mouse.

Don't forget, pizza at mine tonight. I'll be there.

What did you tell your parents? After-school chess tournament.

And they really believe that? Yes, they trust me.

Especially now I've set up a fake Saz Kaur Facebook account

and leaked them the password so they can secretly check up

on all my fake activities.

Can you help me take some fake pictures

of me playing fake chess in the library?

My mum and dad are going to love this one.

Don't you feel bad?

No. I'm making them so happy. Why would I feel bad?

Oh, geez, that baby's destroying my jelly bonkers.

Suck, suck, suck.

I've got nipples like lumps of old chewing gum.

Must be nice having a baby, though.

Ah, she's wonderful, and I did the right thing passing on my genes.

But I've also sacrificed what was once an extremely beautiful vagina.

Haven't I, Viva?

DOORBELL RINGS

Thank God. She was just about to show it to you.

Everyone round here's had to have a look.

Mr Burton next door had one of his episodes.

Rocky, what are you doing here? It's girls' night, remember?

Hello, Viva. Your boyfriend's turned up unexpectedly.

It's romantic.

Yeah, it is romantic.

But it's still girls' night. I need to talk to you.

Sure.

You know how I've got, like, an allergy to reading and writing

and rubbers and rulers and exercise books and pens?

I'm not sure it's a proper allergy.

It is a proper allergy, Viva. I get a rash when I smell ink.

Well, I realise what I need to do.

It's so obvious. I've got to drop out of school.

What?! But you're so close.

Rocky, just...just get through your exams

and then you'll never have to smell ink again.

Except when he's signing on. I can't do it, Viva.

I'm not some sort of A-star boffiny genius.

And most of the information, I'm never going to use, innit?

I mean, like, where's your gastrocnemius? No-one cares.

Geez, Rocky, that was year eight.

If you don't know where that is by now, you're basically screwed.

So, if I did drop out, would you dump me?

Would you?

I need to know.

I'm not saying that I'd dump you,

but I really don't think you should rush into it.

Right, I get it.

I need qualifications to be going out with you.

Well, sorry I'm not Professor Rocky from the University of..

..of somewhere there's a university that's good. Rocky...

I'll see you at school.

Wait, let's talk. Let him go.

At the moment, our dough ball order divides perfectly between four.

If he stays, we could have a dough-ball division dispute

on our hands. Why can't he see how important it is

just to stay motivated a little bit longer?

Let him drop out. He'll probably fail anyway.

Rocky let us in. He looked upset,

so we gave him three dough balls to cheer him up. Three?!

Everything's ruined.

Can I see the baby, please, Miss Hitchcock?

She's asleep, so, no.

But, if you like, you can watch me express the baby's midnight feed.

I can pump half a pint of full cream mummy milk in five minutes.

Hey, does anyone want to help me? I'd love to, please, Miss Hitchcock.

I'll do the right if you take the left.