Original subtitles

SAM! AAAH!

IS THIS A CARJACKING? ARE YOU CARJACKING ME?

I'M THE DEVIL! AAAH!

BEFORE YOU WERE BORN,

YOUR MOM AND I SOLD YOUR SOUL TO THE DEVIL.

YOU GONNA TELL ANDI? NO, I'M NOT GONNA TELL ANDI!

IF SHE KNOWS, SHE'LL THINK I'M A FREAK.

SHE'LL NEVER GO OUT WITH ME.

YOU CAN MAKE HER GO OUT WITH YOU, DAMIEN.

YOU'RE JUST GOING TO BRING ESCAPED SOULS BACK TO HELL.

THAT'S COOL, RIGHT?

Sam: HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CAPTURE HIM?

Devil: THIS WILL HELP. A VESSEL,

HAND-CRAFTED IN THE BOWELS OF PERDITION

BY THE INEQUITIES OF THE VILE.

THAT'LL WORK. WORD OF CAUTION--

I DON'T ACCEPT FAILURE.

Sock: YOU FINALLY FOUND THE ONE THING THAT YOU'RE GOOD AT.

YOU SENT AN ESCAPED SOUL BACK TO HELL.

♪ LOOK OUT ♪

♪ YOU DON'T STAND A CHANCE ♪

♪ 'CAUSE THEY WILL BEAT YOU ♪

♪ AND TAKE YOU ALL TO TASK ♪

♪ AND IF YOU TRY OUT ♪

[SONG CONTINUES]

[VENDING MACHINE CLANGING]

♪ STOOD OUT ♪

♪ NO SHIRT, NO SHOES, NO SERVICE AND NO REFILLS ♪

♪ NO, NOTHING COMES FOR FREE ♪

♪ YOU'RE IN THE BACKSEAT ♪

♪ OF A GRAND MARQUIS ♪

♪ THEY TRY TO TAKE YOU DOWNTOWN ♪

[GRUNTS]

OH, FIDDLESTICKS!

[GRUNTS]

URGH, DUDE, I NEED TO FIND ANOTHER PLACE TO LIVE.

[CADY SNORING LOUDLY]

Sock: I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE.

SOCK, YOU CAN'T MOVE BACK TO MY HOUSE.

WE GOTTA FIGURE SOMETHING ELSE OUT. I--

[CADY SNORING LOUDLY]

[PHONE SNAPS CLOSED]

[SNORING STOPS]

MORNING.

WHAT?

WAS I SNORING?

LITTLE BIT.

[GROANS]

YOU--YOU WANT TO GET SOME FOOD

BEFORE WE MEET UP WITH THE GUYS?

YEAH. I JUST GOTTA CHANGE FIRST.

OK.

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE THE FIRST GIRL

TO INFILTRATE OUR BOWLING CIRCLE.

OH. [CHUCKLES]

I LIKE YOU A LOT, TOO, SAM.

AH.

JUST SO YOU KNOW, YOU MIGHT GET YOUR ASS HANDED TO YOU TODAY.

WE BOWL A LOT. OH, YEAH.

IT DOESN'T LOOK THAT HARD.

TRUST ME, IT'S HARDER THAN IT LOOKS.

DON'T WORRY. THE GUYS WON'T JUDGE YOU.

HI, LADY AND GENT. LET'S DO IT.

I THOUGHT WE AGREED TO LOSE THE COSTUMES.

UH, EXCUSE ME? LOSE THE COSTUMES, SAM?

THAT'S LIKE MICK JAGGER WITHOUT KEITH RICHARDS,

OR BONO WITHOUT THE EDGE. IT'S NOT RIGHT.

[SPANISH ACCENT] YEAH.

SO DON'T GO MESSING WITH OUR BOWLING CHI,

OK? I'M SORRY.

NO, COME ON. I LOVE IT.

ALL RIGHT, BITCHES.

[BLOWS] LET'S THROW SOME BALLS AROUND.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

Cady: WHOO!

WHOA!

WHOO!

THAT'S US.

YEAH!

[LAUGHTER]

[GRUNTS]

OH!

[CHEERS]

[LAUGHS]

Ben: YEAH, ALL RIGHT!

LUCKY STREAK IS UP, ROOK.

LUCKY STREAK IS UP.

SUCKER!

Cady: IT WAS FUN WHILE IT LASTED.

Sock: I KNEW IT WOULDN'T LAST.

CHANGE YOUR NAME TO ROOK.

CHANGE YOUR NAME TO ROOK.

I'M TELLING YOU, IT WAS WEIRD.

IT'S LIKE THE BALL HAD A MIND OF ITS OWN.

OH, IT'S BEGINNER'S LUCK.

I WOULDN'T READ TOO MUCH INTO IT.

NO, IT WASN'T.

THERE WAS DEFINITELY SOMETHING ELSE GOING ON, YOU GUYS.

SAM, YOU HAVE GOT TO CHILL OUT.

SHE IS NOT THE SPAWN OF SATAN. WE SAW HER NAKED, REMEMBER?

DEFINITELY NO MARK OF THE BEAST.

YOU SHOULD HEAR THE WAY SHE SNORES.

SERIOUSLY, IT'S NOT NORMAL.

IT'S LIKE SHE'S A CREATURE FROM THE UNDERWORLD.

OH, GOD, I LOVE THAT MOVIE.

KATE BECKINSALE, BLACK SPANDEX.

THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH HER.

WHAT? KATE BECKINSALE IS PERFECTION.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?

NO, YOU NIMROD. CADY.

OH, CADY. ALL RIGHT, WHAT,

SO SHE SNORES, SHE'S A KICK-ASS BOWLER,

SHE'S GOT A SUPER-DUPER HOT BODY, SHE'S COOL,

AND SHE'S INTO YOU. WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT?

Andi: HEY, GUYS. HEY.

UH, I'D GET EXCITED ABOUT THIS MEETING IF I WERE YOU.

I JUST SAW TED. LOOKS LIKE HE'S ON THE WARPATH.

HA HA.

UM, YOU OWE ME A COFFEE.

WANT TO GET ONE BEFORE THE MEETING?

YEAH. OK. DO YOU GUYS WANT ONE?

WE'RE GOOD, THANKS. OK, COOL.

WELL, DID YOU MEAN WHO ELSE DOES HE WANT?

MM-HMM.

NOW THAT THE HOLIDAY RUSH IS OVER,

A FEW ANNOUNCEMENTS TO MAKE.

FIRST OFF, GREAT BIG THANK YOU TO IRA GREENBLATT

FOR WORKING DOUBLE SHIFTS ON CHRISTMAS EVE.

WAY TO SHOW THAT SPIRIT OF THE SEASON, BUDDY.

I GOT YOUR BACK AT PASSOVER, DUDE.

BUT ON THE MORE NEGATIVE NOTE,

IT HAS RECENTLY COME TO MY ATTENTION

THAT SOME OF THE MERCHANDISE IN THIS STORE HAS GONE MISSING.

I FEAR THAT WE HAVE BEEN VICTIMS OF SHOPLIFTING.

WHAT WAS STOLEN?

I'M NOT AT LIBERTY TO DISCUSS THAT INFORMATION RIGHT NOW, ANDI.

BUT I DON'T THINK I NEED TO TELL YOU GUYS THAT SHOPLIFTING

IS A VERY, VERY SERIOUS CRIME.

OH, HURTS US ALL, TED.

YES, IT DOES, SAM. YES, IT DOES.

AND THAT'S WHY WE ARE GOING ON THE DEFENSIVE.

WE WILL BE INSTALLING AN EXTENSIVE VIDEO SYSTEM THROUGHOUT THE STORE.

I'M SURE THAT WILL BE A DETERRENT

FOR OUR SO-CALLED "CUSTOMERS" WITH STICKY FINGERS.

SO LET'S GET OUT THERE, PEOPLE.

REMEMBER, KEEP THOSE LOOKIN' BALLS OPEN.

LET'S GET THESE GUYS! LET'S GET 'EM.

ALL RIGHT, BOYS, LET'S ROLL. YEP.

HEY, WILL YOU COVER FOR US? WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

I FINALLY FOUND A SICK APARTMENT.

GONNA GO CHECK IT OUT.

UH, DID YOU NOT HEAR TED'S SPEECH?

I LIVE HERE, BEN. IT'S NOT STEALING

IF IT'S YOUR OWN HOUSE, COME ON.

AH?

WOW!

TAKE A LOOK, BOYS. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS?

HOW MUCH DO YOU PAY FOR THIS, AGAIN?

ONLY $1,200 A MONTH. IT WAS A TOTAL STEAL.

YEAH, YOU'RE A FREAKIN' JESSE JAMES.

I KNOW. SOCK, HAVE YOU NOT SEEN YOUR PAYCHECK?

YOU DON'T MAKE $1,200 A MONTH.

ALL I NEED IS 4.

SO WHERE ARE YOU GOING TO GET THE REST? FROM YOUR MOM?

NO.

FROM YOU GUYS.

WHAT?! WHAT?!

WE'RE GONNA BE ROOMIES.

I FORGED YOU GUYS' SIGNATURES ON THE LEASE!

ISN'T THAT WICKED?!

NO, SOCK, THE LAST THING I NEED RIGHT NOW

IS MY NAME ON ANOTHER CONTRACT I DIDN'T SIGN.

DUDE, YOU SHOULD HAVE TALKED TO US FIRST!

OH, COME ON, LOOK, IF I'D HAVE OF WAITED,

THIS PLACE WOULD HAVE GONE LIKE HOT CAKES, ALL RIGHT?

WE'LL GET THE PORN CHANNELS.

WE'LL PUT A FOOSBALL TABLE OVER THERE,

MAYBE A LITTLE TIKI BAR, A HOOKAH PIPE.

I DON'T KNOW, WHATEVER WE WANT.

UH, IT'S ON YOU, DUDE.

I MEAN, WE DID SAY WE WANTED OUR OWN PLACE.

BENJI'S IN. SAMMY, IT'S DOWN TO YOU.

I DON'T KNOW, MAN! DON'T SAY--

LOOK...BEN, EXCUSE US. COME HERE.

OK, LISTEN TO ME. I DID NOT WANT TO PLAY THIS CARD,

I REALLY DIDN'T, BUT YOU LEAVE ME NO CHOICE.

THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS, YOU OWE ME.

YOU OWE ME, ALL RIGHT?

I'VE BEEN THERE SINCE THE BEGINNING,

HELPING YOU SEND ESCAPED SOULS BACK TO HELL, MAN!

I'VE BEEN THE FRIGGIN' ROBIN TO YOUR BATMAN.

WHAT DOES THAT MAKE ME?

YOU'RE THE, UH, WEIRD ENGLISH BUTLER GUY.

LISTEN, I NEED A BAT CAVE.

SAMMY, I DESERVE A BAT CAVE.

I'M BATMAN?

YOU'RE BATMAN.

YOU WANT TO MOVE OUT?

WELL, I'M 21,

AND I CAN'T LIVE WITH MY PARENTS FOREVER.

WELL, NO, NOT FOREVER, SAM.

BUT WE THOUGHT YOU'D BE AROUND FOR AT LEAST A FEW MORE YEARS.

OH, COME ON, MOM, DAD.

WE ALL KNOW THAT SAM'S GOTTA BUST OUT OF THIS JOINT SOMETIME, RIGHT?

PLUS, MY PLACE IS AWESOME.

IT'S NOT LIKE I'M MOVING TO AUSTRALIA.

IT'LL BE 5, 10 MINUTES AWAY.

20, MAX. SOCK.

I DON'T KNOW, SAM.

SAM, I DON'T THINK YOU'RE READY TO LIVE ON YOUR OWN.

THOSE ARE MINE. THANKS.

YOUR MOM'S RIGHT, SAM.

IT'S A DANGEROUS WORLD OUT THERE, AND--

DANGEROUS?

DAD, REALLY, DANGEROUS?

I THINK I CAN HANDLE LIVING DOWNTOWN.

WELL, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT FOOD?

I'LL COOK.

I WATCH NAKED CHEF A LOT.

HOW HARD CAN IT BE?

COME ON, THIS MOVE WILL BE GOOD FOR ME, ALL RIGHT?

I'LL LEARN TO DO THINGS ON MY OWN.

FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, I'LL BE TOTALLY INDEPENDENT.

[SIGHS]

IF IT'S THAT IMPORTANT TO YOU, THEN...

YOU HAVE OUR SUPPORT.

YEAH! YES!

THANK YOU, DAD.

OH.

Both: WHOA!

FINALLY LEAVING THE NEST, HUH?

FINALLY COMING OUT OF THE CLOSET, HUH?

OH, A HOMOSEXUAL JOKE. VERY WITTY.

YEAH, YOU'RE QUITE A HOT SHOT NOW, HUH, SAM?

WHAT WITH MOVING OUT AND ALL.

ALL RIGHT, CAN WE JUST BE ADULTS AND GET ON WITH THIS?

OH, SURE WE CAN.

YOU'RE A BIG BOY NOW, HUH?

HERE, LET ME HELP YOU WITH THIS, BIG BOY.

[CHUCKLES]

A PLAYGROUND, CLEVER.

WELL, I THOUGHT YOU'D APPRECIATE THE IRONY.

RIGHT. CAN WE GET ON WITH THIS?

OH, SOMEONE'S TESTY TODAY.

NO, I'M NOT TESTY. I JUST--I'VE DONE THIS SO MANY DAMN TIMES,

AND I'M TIRED OF YOU TREATING ME LIKE I'M A 4-YEAR-OLD.

I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.

AS YOU WISH, MR. OLIVER.

IN LIFE, THE SOUL IS KNOWN AS HERBERT SCRIM.

A TOTAL HERMIT, LIVED IN THE WOODS.

HE MADE THE UNABOMBER LOOK LIKE A SOCIAL BUTTERFLY.

OK, SO WHAT'S HIS DEAL?

WELL, HERBERT WAS A HUNTER.

AND HE KILLED ANYONE WHO DARE RUN THROUGH HIS NECK OF THE WOODS.

AND NOW THAT HIS HUNTING GROUNDS HAVE TURNED INTO A CITY PARK,

THERE'S A LOT MORE PREY.

WHERE DO I FIND HIM?

IN THERE.

BUT YOU BE CAREFUL, SAMMY.

THIS SOUL'S A TRICKY ONE.

ALL THE YEARS THAT HE LIVED,

HE WAS HARDLY EVER SEEN.

YEAH, I KNOW, I GET IT, BUT WHAT'S HIS DEAL?

LIKE, ELECTROSHOCKS, BUGS, WHAT?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

YOU'VE GRADUATED, MY MAN. YOU'RE MOVING ON UP.

THIS TIME, IT'S JUST YOU,

AND YOUR NEW FOUND CONFIDENCE.

[CHUCKLES]

WHY ARE WE DOING THIS, AGAIN?

COME ON, ANDI, THEY'RE OUR FRIENDS.

AREN'T YOU CURIOUS ABOUT THEIR NEW PLACE?

NO, YOU ARE UP TO NO GOOD, I KNOW IT.

MM-HMM. [KNOCKING]

OUR FIRST HOUSE GUEST.

NO, I THINK IT'S MY WATERBED.

BOO-YAH! HI.

IT'S YOU. HMM.

Sam: HEY. HEY.

LOOK WHO'S FINALLY BECOMING A MAN.

WELL, YOU JUST MADE IT LOOK LIKE SO MUCH FUN.

WOW, WHERE DID YOU GUYS FIND THIS PLACE?

WE LUCKED OUT. I THINK, UM,

IT ACTUALLY USED TO BE A METH LAB, LIKE 2 DAYS AGO.

YOU DIDN'T TELL ME THAT. OOPS.

OH, JEEZ.

AH-AH, JOSIE, HANDS OFF MY STUFF.

YOU MEAN MY STUFF.

I WAS GOING TO GIVE THAT BACK.

OK.

ALL RIGHT, R2-D2 OR PRINCESS LEIA?

DEFINITELY R2-D2.

UH-UH-UH. LAST TIME I CHECKED, YOU DON'T LIVE HERE.

BENJI, WHO WOULD YOU RATHER BONE?

A HOT CHICK IN A GOLD BIKINI, OR A BLEEP-BLOP ROBOT?

[POSTER FALLS ON FLOOR]

POINT TAKEN. THANK YOU.

SO, SAM... MM-HMM?

WHERE'S CADY?

UH, I-I HAVEN'T... TOLD HER I'M MOVING YET.

YOU HAVEN'T?

NO.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

SO DID YOU TELL SAM ABOUT CADY'S LITTLE PSYCHO VISIT?

NO, BUT THAT IS NOT MY PLACE.

NOT YOUR PLACE? SAM IS YOUR FRIEND.

IF I WAS DATING TED BUNDY, I'D WANT YOU TO TELL ME.

OK, THAT'S VERY DIFFERENT.

NO, IT IS NOT DIFFERENT.

I THINK YOU OWE IT TO HIM TO SAY SOMETHING.

NO, IF I SAY ONE LITTLE NEGATIVE THING ABOUT CADY,

I'M GONNA LOOK LIKE A WEIRD, JEALOUS FREAK.

ARE YOU JEALOUS?

NO. NO, I'M NOT.

I MEAN, SAM AND I ARE JUST FRIENDS.

I'VE SAID IT A HUNDRED TIMES.

ANDI, I'M YOUR BEST FRIEND. UH-HUH.

DON'T LIE TO ME.

I'M NOT.

LOOK...IF YOU HAVE FEELINGS FOR SAM,

YOU SHOULD SAY SOMETHING.

ESPECIALLY WHEN THIS CADY GIRL

SEEMS TO BE NOTHING BUT BAD NEWS.

NO, NO. HE IS WITH CADY. I JUST HAVE TO ACCEPT IT.

HMM.

YOU KNOW, HE DIDN'T EVEN TELL HER HE MOVED.

MAYBE HE'S ALREADY FIGURED IT OUT FOR HIMSELF.

Reporter: THIS IS THE SECOND BODY DUMPED

IN THE PARK IN THE LAST 2 WEEKS.

POLICE ARE ASKING ANYONE WHO HAVE SEEN OR HEARD ANYTHING

TO PLEASE COME FORWARD.

REPORTING FROM BURBERRY PARK,

THIS IS MAUREEN GLENROY. BACK TO YOU, RICK.

THAT'S GOTTA BE OUR GUY. DEVIL SAID HE WAS A HUNTER.

WHY IS HE KILLING SO MANY PEOPLE?

MUST BE THE THRILL OF THE KILL.

WELL, HOW MANY PEOPLE DOES HE NEED TO KILL BEFORE HE'S SATISFIED?

HE'S AN ESCAPED SOUL FROM HELL, BENJI.

HE'S NEVER SATISFIED.

OH, HEY, LOOK, LOOK, LOOK.

FIRST HOUSEWARMING GIFT.

HA HA.

OH, VERY FUNNY, DEVIL.

OPEN IT, GO.

OH, DUDE, DUDE!

MAGIC BULLET, OH!

I'VE WANTED ONE OF THESE FOREVER.

WHAT IS IT? VIBRATOR?

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? A VIBRATOR?

NO. THIS IS ACTUALLY THE COOLEST KITCHEN APPLIANCE KNOWN TO MAN.

ALL RIGHT, BAR NONE, THE BEST COUNTER TOP FOOD PROCESSOR

OUT THERE ON THE INFOMERCIAL MARKET.

I'VE BEEN SAVING UP 3 EASY PAYMENTS OF NINETEEN NINETY NUFF FOR THIS BAD BOY.

"NO CONFUSING BUTTONS, NO MESSY CORDS.

"A BATTERY-OPERATED PROCESSOR

"THAT IS BOTH FUNCTIONAL AND FUN.

NOTHING COULD BE MORE SIMPLE." HOW DOES IT--

SEE?

WELL, DOES IT WORK--

All: WHOA! [MAGIC BULLET WHIRRING]

OH!

WHOA!

WHAT THE HELL?

DUDE!

[GASPS] OH, WHOA.

HEY. YOU MISSED A SPOT.

AH. WHAT--WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

JUST BROUGHT YOU A WHITE HOT CHOCOLATE.

WENT TO YOUR PLACE TODAY, BUT YOUR PARENTS SAID YOU MOVED OUT.

WERE YOU GONNA TELL ME?

YEAH, NO, SOCK FOUND US A PLACE,

AND IT JUST-- IT HAPPENED REALLY QUICKLY, SO...

YOU DIDN'T THINK I NEEDED TO KNOW?

NO, OF COURSE YOU NEEDED TO KNOW.

I JUST...

I'M TELLING YOU NOW.

SO WE'RE OK?

YEAH, YEAH, WE'RE OK.

WHAT'S WITH THE CAMERAS?

OH, YEAH, TED'S WAGING A WAR AGAINST SHOPLIFTERS.

HE'S INSTALLING A WHOLE NEW SECURITY SYSTEM.

THINK HE'S WATCHING US RIGHT NOW?

PROBABLY.

YOU WANT TO GIVE HIM SOMETHING TO LOOK AT?

[LAUGHS]

[GLASS CRACKLING]

WHAT?

UH, NOTHING. NOTHING.

[CRACKLING]

[GASPS]

WHOA.

ARE YOU-- ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

YEAH. THAT WAS WEIRD, RIGHT?

YEAH, THAT WAS REALLY WEIRD.

ARE--YOU'RE GOOD?

YEAH.

I-I SHOULD--

I SHOULD CLEAN THIS UP.

UM, DO YOU WANT TO HAVE DINNER TONIGHT?

YOU KNOW, I-- I GOT A LOT OF STUFF TO DO.

I'M--I'M--I GOT BOXES TO UNPACK.

MY APARTMENT'S A MESS, AND...

BUT I'LL--I'LL CALL YOU. I'LL GIVE YOU A CALL.

OK. WELL, I'LL LET YOU GET TO IT.

HMM.

MAYBE THERE WAS A FLAW IN THE GLASS ALREADY, SAM.

NO, IT'S LIKE SHE SOMEHOW MADE IT HAPPEN.

MAYBE YOU MADE IT HAPPEN.

YOU'RE CRACKIN', MAN.

IT'S GIVING ME THE CREEPS.

EVERY TIME I LOOK AT HER, IT'S ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT.

I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE I SHOULD BREAK UP WITH HER.

OK, BOYS.

ALL RIGHT.

YOU GUYS READY FOR A LITTLE BRAINGASM,

ULTIMATE GAMING EXPERIENCE?

THIS IS A THING OF BEAUTY.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S FIRE THIS BITCH UP. LET'S GO.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

OH, MY GOD. WHOA.

OH-HO-HO! HEAVEN.

Sam: LET'S GO.

[ALL YELLING]

WHAT DID YOU DO?! WHAT'D YOU PRESS?

I DID NOT TOUCH ANYTHING. [SIGHS]

LOOK, THE SOONER WE FIGURE IT OUT,

THE SOONER WE CAN BE LOUNGING.

LET'S ASK THESE GUYS WHAT'S GOING ON.

OR LADIES. NEVER KNOW.

I WAS BEATING YOUR ASS, TOO.

YOU WERE NOT. YES, I WAS.

HI THERE.

HI, SORRY TO BOTHER YOU. WE JUST MOVED IN NEXT DOOR.

OH. HI, GREAT. WELCOME, I'M STEVE.

SAM, AND THIS IS SOCK AND BEN.

HEY.

SOCK. WELL, THAT'S AN UNUSUAL NAME.

Man: IS THAT THE UPS GUY?

IT'S THE NEW NEIGHBORS.

IS HE HITTING ON ME?

HE'S NOT HITTING ON YOU.

THIS IS MY PARTNER TONY.

HI, FELLAS.

HI. WOULD YOU GUYS LIKE TO COME IN?

I JUST MADE A POT OF GINGER TEA.

NO, NO, THANKS. WE'RE STRAIGHT.

NO, NO, THANK YOU.

ACTUALLY, WE JUST CAME IN TO--

WE WERE WONDERING IF YOU COULD HELP US WITH SOMETHING.

WITH WHAT?

ALL RIGHT! YEAH!

WOW.

YOU ARE QUITE THE HANDY MAN.

HEY, YOU FELLAS HAVE A COUPLE LIGHT BULBS OUT.

I COULD FIX THAT FOR YOU.

OH, NO, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

WE HARDLY USE THE KITCHEN, ANYWAY.

WHOA, WHOA, SPEAK FOR YOURSELF, MAN.

I PRACTICALLY AM THE NAKED CHEF.

NOT--NOT THAT I COOK NAKED.

YOU GUYS WANT A DRINK OR ANYTHING?

UH, I WOULD. YEAH, SURE.

Ben: WE DON'T HAVE ANYTHING IN THE FRIDGE.

HMM. THAT IS MAYBE THE SADDEST LOOKING REFRIGERATOR I'VE EVER SEEN.

YEAH. TELL YOU GUYS WHAT.

TOMORROW NIGHT, YOU'RE COMING OVER TO OUR PLACE

FOR A HOME-COOKED MEAL,

AND I HOPE YOU'RE NOT WATCHING YOUR CARBS,

BECAUSE I AM THINKING PASTA.

OH, MY GOD. YOU GUYS ARE IN FOR A TREAT.

STEVE MAKES THE MOST DELICIOUS LOBSTER MAC AND CHEESE.

HE POACHES THE LOBSTER IN A BEURRE BLANC--

BEURRE BLANC.

SAUCE, WITH MASCARPONE CHEESE. UNBELIEVABLE.

OH, BEAUTIFUL.

THE MASCARPONE PERFECTLY NEUTRALIZES

THE NATURAL SWEETNESS OF THE LOBSTER.

THE FOOD NETWORK.

SO WHAT DO YOU GUYS SAY?

I SAY WHAT TIME DO WE SHOW UP?

IT'S A DATE.

[CHUCKLES] GET TOGETHER. WITH SOME DUDES.

ALL RIGHT, LISTEN, I'M JUST GOING TO SAY THIS ONCE.

I AM NOT INTO DUDES,

BUT I THINK I KIND OF LOVE STEVE AND TONY.

I KNOW. THEY'RE AWESOME, HUH?

I GOTTA HAND IT TO YOU, SOCK.

THIS PLACE IS PRETTY GOOD.

DIDN'T I TELL YOU YOU'D LOVE IT?

DID I NOT TELL YOU YOU'D LOVE IT?

ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO OUT TO THE WOODS,

CATCH THIS SOUL BITCH. I GOT PLACES TO BE.

LIKE WHERE?

UH, LIKE, THE WORK BENCH.

YOU PICKED UP AN EXTRA SHIFT?

HEY, MAN, I GOT RENT TO PAY NOW.

WOW, THAT'S REALLY RESPONSIBLE OF YOU.

I KNOW. NO, I'M JUST MESSING WITH YOU.

NO, I GOT TO HOOK UP WITH THIS CHICK AT THE POOL.

MET HER IN THE ELEVATOR. SHE IS SO INTO ME.

[LAUGHS]

Sock: OH.

HEY, NICE HEADBAND, BRO. IT'S GOOD.

[GROANS]

Sam: DON'T THESE TREES LOOK FAMILIAR?

[SIGHS] IT'S A FOREST, SAM.

THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME.

YEAH, BUT I FEEL LIKE WE'RE GOING IN CIRCLES.

THIS PARK IS RIDICULOUSLY HUGE.

HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO FIND THE SOUL?

WE SHOULD GET A BIRD'S EYE VIEW.

ALL RIGHT.

OH.

ALL RIGHT.

WHO'S CLIMBING IT? BEN.

COME ON, GUYS, I'VE NEVER CLIMBED A TREE BEFORE.

OH, COME ON. WHAT?!

WELL, MY PARENTS WERE A LITTLE OVERPROTECTIVE. SO WHAT?

ALL RIGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT, IT'S TIME YOU BECAME A MAN.

I'LL GIVE YOU A BOOST. HOLD THIS.

HANG ON TO MY BABY!

I DON'T KNOW IF SHE'S UNDER WARRANTY STILL.

GIVE ME YOUR FOOT.

I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M CLIMBING A TREE.

[GRUNTING]

OH, I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M ACTUALLY CLIMBING A TREE.

I FEEL LIKE SPIDERMAN. [GROANING]

[GRUNTING]

HA!

[LAUGHING]

THE VIEW IS AMAZING, GUYS.

THE SOUL?

KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE BALL, BUDDY.

OK.

OK.

[GRUNTING]

OOH! [YELLING]

OH! BENJI!

OH, MY GOD!

BEN, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? [BEN GROANING]

OH, DON'T MOVE.

[ALL YELLING]

DEAD GUY, DEAD GUY, DEAD GUY!

[YELLING]

OK, HERE YOU GO, BENJI.

AAH!

I'M AN INJURED MAN. TAKE IT EASY.

YOU FELL OUT OF A TREE. SHAKE IT OFF.

VICTIM WAS FRANK MOORE. HE WAS 31.

GOD, I CAN'T BELIEVE THE SOUL WAS RIGHT UNDERNEATH OUR NOSES THE WHOLE TIME.

POOR FRANK.

I ALWAYS KNEW JOGGING WAS BAD FOR YOU.

WE SHOULD GO JOGGING.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? DID YOU--

DID YOU NOT JUST HEAR ME SAY JOGGING BAD?

NO, NO, SOCK, THINK ABOUT IT.

WHAT BETTER WAY TO LURE HIM OUT INTO THE OPEN?

ALL RIGHT, WAIT, LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.

YOU WANT US TO GO JOGGING

IN THE CREEPY WOODS WHERE THE SOUL HAS BEEN KILLING PEOPLE?

YEAH. OK, LET'S GO.

COME ON, BEN.

I KNEW THIS WAS A BAD IDEA, SAM.

WHY DID I LET YOU TALK ME INTO THIS?

ALL RIGHT, STOP. STOP, STOP, STOP.

I CAN'T-- I CAN'T BREATHE.

LET'S STOP.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, LET'S TAKE A BREATHER.

OK. [PANTING]

I'M NOT LOVING THIS OUTFIT EITHER, SAM.

I FEEL LIKE A GIANT TRAFFIC CONE.

SOCK, WE WANT THE SOUL TO SEE US.

I'M PRETTY SURE THE SPACE SHUTTLE COULD SEE US, BEN.

ALL RIGHT. COME ON.

WE GOTTA KEEP MOVING. LET'S GO.

COME ON.

COME ON!

OK.

OK, LET'S GO.

Ben: COME ON, THERE YOU GO.

Sock: OK, I GOT ANOTHER ONE.

SUPER GIRL OR WONDER WOMAN? Sam: WONDER WOMAN.

Ben: DEFINITELY WONDER WOMAN.

SOMETHING TO BE SAID FOR A WOMAN WHO'S INTO BONDAGE, YOU KNOW?

LOVE IT. [CELL PHONE RINGS]

WHO WAS THAT? CADY?

YEAH, I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO HER RIGHT NOW.

I DON'T KNOW, SAMMY. YOU IGNORE THE SPAWN OF SATAN,

SOMETHING BAD MIGHT HAPPEN.

[WOMAN SCREAMING] WHAT WAS THAT?

COME ON.

OH! OH, MY GOD.

WHOA.

HE BROKE HER NECK.

I THINK HE'S CLOSE.

YEAH, YOU THINK?

WHAT WAS THAT?

WHERE IS HE?

DON'T...MOVE.

WHAT? WHAT?

WHY?

OH!

GOD! OH, GOD!

GUYS, GET ME OUT OF HERE!

CALM DOWN, SOCK, WE'LL GET YOU OUT.

NO, GET THE SOUL!

YOU JUST SAID TO GET YOU OUT!

I KNOW! I KNOW, STOP!

YOU HAVE TO GET ME OUT! GET ME OUT!

MAKE UP YOUR MIND, SOCK! WHAT DO YOU WANT?

GET THE SOUL! GET IT!

SHH. SHH. WHAT?

HE'S HERE, HE'S HERE.

HUH? WHAT?

OK, COME ON.

COME ON OUT, HERBERT!

IT'S OVER, LET'S GO!

OH, GOD. GUYS, LOOK OUT! SAM, SAM!

BEN, SAM!

SAM! I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO IT! HOW DO YOU MAKE IT WORK?

[DOGS BARKING]

HUH? OH, MY GOD!

[BARKING CONTINUES]

HEY, COME ON. COME ON!

[ALL GRUNTING]

[BARKING]

I SAID COME!

I'M SO SORRY. I HOPE THEY DIDN'T SCARE YOU.

NO, NO, IT'S-- WE LOVE DOGS!

DUDE, THIS IDEA OF YOURS BETTER WORK.

IT WILL. THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY TO MAKE AN INVISIBLE SOUL VISIBLE.

PAINT BALL!

I KILL AT PAINT BALL.

HEY, MAYBE YOU SHOULD ASK THE DEVIL

TO HELP US ON THIS ONE.

HE'S NOT GOING TO HELP US.

HE LOVES WATCHING ME FREAK OUT.

Ted, on P.A.: SAM OLIVER, YOUR ASSISTANCE IS REQUIRED IN AISLE FOUR.

OH, DAMN, I GOTTA GO HELP TED INSTALL THOSE NEW SECURITY CAMERAS.

WILL YOU GUYS TAKE CARE OF THIS?

READY? UH-HUH.

COME ON.

THESE CAMERAS COST ME AN ARM AND A LEG, SAM.

WATCH IT UP THERE.

AH, THE INNOCENCE OF YOUTH.

I BET THE LAST TIME YOU SAT AT ONE OF THESE LITTLE DESKS,

YOU HAD DREAMS OF GREAT THINGS.

AND LOOK AT YOU NOW, SAM. WORKING A MINIMUM WAGE JOB,

LIVING IN A DUMPY APARTMENT,

AND DOING THE DEVIL'S DIRTY WORK.

[CHUCKLES] SEEING RED NOW, SAMMY?

VERY FUNNY. WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME HERBERT WAS INVISIBLE?

WELL, I SAID THAT NOBODY EVER SAW HERBERT.

I FIGURED WITH YOUR GENIUS WIT, YOU'D PIECE IT TOGETHER.

DON'T YOU KNOW THAT BEING INVISIBLE IS THE PERFECT CAMOUFLAGE?

I'M SURPRISED AT YOU, SAMMY.

WITH ALL YOUR NEW FOUND CONFIDENCE,

I THOUGHT YOU'D PASS THIS TEST WITH FLYING COLORS.

LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE GOING TO FAIL.

NO, I'M NOT GOING TO FAIL.

JUST GIVE ME SOMETHING TO WORK WITH.

LIKE THESE?

GLASSES?

THEY HELP YOU SEE THE TRUE FACE OF EVIL.

OH.

HMM. YOU DON'T WANT TO DO THAT, SAM.

TRUST ME.

UNLESS YOU BROUGHT A CHANGE OF UNDERWEAR.

WELL, GO ON, SAY IT.

YOU'RE NOT AS GOOD AS YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE.

YOU NEED ME.

FORGET THAT. TAKE THEM BACK, YOU CAN HAVE THESE.

I DON'T NEED YOU.

OH, GRUMBLE, GRUMBLE, GRUMBLE.

WELL, I GUESS WE'RE TAKING OFF THE TRAINING WHEELS.

YEAH, I GUESS SO.

THIS'LL BE FUN TO WATCH.

OH, YEAH. [CHUCKLES] GOOD LUCK, SAM.

HEY, ANDI.

CADY, HI.

UM, YOU KNOW WHAT, SAM'S NOT HERE.

I THINK HE'S MAKING A DELIVERY... OR SOMETHING.

THAT'S OK. I ACTUALLY WANTED TO TALK TO YOU.

OH, OK. WELL, WHAT'S UP?

SOMETHING GOING ON WITH SAM?

WELL, WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

HE'S BEEN ACTING A LITTLE WEIRD LATELY.

YEAH, HE ALWAYS ACTS WEIRD. I WOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

YEAH, IT'S JUST HE'S BEEN A LITTLE DISTANT WITH ME.

YOU KNOW, LIKE I'D CALL HIM, LEAVE HIM A MESSAGE,

AND HE HASN'T CALLED ME BACK.

WELL, YOU KNOW, MAYBE HE'S JUST PREOCCUPIED.

YOU KNOW, WITH THE MOVE AND ALL.

YEAH, THE MOVE. HMM.

I JUST CAN'T HELP BUT WONDER

IF MAYBE IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH YOU.

ME?

I KNOW YOU AND SAM HAD A THING.

CADY...LISTEN.

ME AND SAM ARE FRIENDS. THAT'S IT.

WELL, I JUST-- I REALLY CARE ABOUT HIM, YOU KNOW?

MM-HMM.

I JUST WISH I KNEW WHAT WAS GOING ON.

Sam: OK, WE CAN SEE THE SOUL WHEN WE PAINT BALL HIM,

BUT HOW THE HELL ARE WE SUPPOSED TO TRACK WHERE HE IS?

WELL, MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE KEPT THE GLASSES THE DEVIL GAVE TO YOU.

NO, NO, WE DON'T NEED HIM. WE CAN DO IT ON OUR OWN.

GUYS, PLEASE, WOULD YOU KNOCK IT OFF?

CAN WE JUST NOT TALK ABOUT DEMONS AND DEVILS FOR 5 MINUTES?

I WANT TO GO IN THERE.

I WANT TO EAT MY GOURMET MAC AND CHEESE,

AND I WANT TO HANG OUT WITH MY 2 FAVORITE DOMESTIC GODS, ALL RIGHT?

[KNOCKS ON DOOR]

Steve: JUST A MINUTE. [DRILL WHIRRING]

NICE THREADS.

THANK YOU, I KNOW.

STEVE AND TONY TOOK ME SHOPPING.

IT'S LIKE LIVING NEXT DOOR

TO QUEER EYE FOR THE STRAIGHT GUY.

WHAT'S UP WITH THE POWER TOOLS?

I DON'T KNOW.

HEY, RIGHT ON TIME. COME ON IN.

ALL RIGHT!

NICE PLACE.

WELL, IT'S HOME.

HEY, HEY, HEY, WHO NEEDS A DRINK?

WE BROUGHT BEER.

OH, THAT WAS VERY THOUGHTFUL.

GIVE THAT TO HIM. I'M GOING TO GO GET THE HORS D'OEUVRES.

YOU GUYS MAKE YOURSELVES COMFORTABLE.

YOU, BAR.

BAR. ALL RIGHT, I LIKE IT.

YEAH, YOU CLEAN UP NICE.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

OH, MY GOD.

YOU HAVE AN '89 GLENFIDDICH IN A SPODE BOTTLE?

GLENFIDDICH, YEAH. YOU A FAN?

WELL, I MEAN, I KNEW IT EXISTED,

I JUST NEVER THOUGHT I'D SEE ONE UP THIS CLOSE.

IT IS BEAUTIFUL.

AND TASTY-LOOKING.

LET ME POUR YOU A GLASS.

OK. [LAUGHS]

YOU GUYS DO A LOT OF CHARITY WORK.

WELL, WE ENJOY HELPING OTHERS.

IT'S GOOD FOR THE SOUL.

YEAH. YEAH, I ONCE GAVE A HOMELESS GUY

IN FRONT OF THE WORK BENCH HALF MY SANDWICH,

SO I CAN DIG IT. YOU REMEMBER THAT.

YEAH, I REMEMBER. OH, THAT WAS KIND OF YOU.

FRESH OUT OF THE OVEN.

WHO WANTS PANCETTA-WRAPPED SHRIMP?

GOD, YES.

HELP YOURSELVES, THERE'S PLENTY MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM.

BUT SAVE ROOM FOR THE MAC AND CHEESE.

THIS IS BETTER THAN MY MOM'S COOKING.

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT EMERIL SAYS--

Both: PORK FAT RULES. [LAUGHTER]

OH, DO IT AGAIN.

OH, MAN!

OH, DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT.

I'VE GOT SOMETHING THAT WILL TAKE THAT RIGHT OUT.

COME WITH ME TO THE KITCHEN. YOU BOYS CONTINUE, BA BA BA!

TONY SPILLS FOOD ON HIMSELF ALL THE TIME.

I HAVE TO BUY THESE PENS IN BULK.

[CHUCKLES]

HEY, STEVEN, WHAT ARE THOSE THINGS?

OH.

THOSE ARE, UH, POWER SANDERS.

WE'RE PUTTING UP SOME CROWN MOLDING.

WOW.

THAT'S IMPRESSIVE.

I'LL YOU WHAT'S IMPRESSIVE.

CHECK OUT THE SECURITY SYSTEM IN HERE.

I'M IN HOME SECURITY,

SO PRIVACY IS SUPER IMPORTANT TO US.

WE GOT TOP OF THE LINE CAMERAS ALL OVER,

AND THOSE MOTION DETECTORS,

THEY PROTECT US AGAINST ALL THE THREATS

YOU CAN'T SEE.

REALLY?

YEAH. AND THIS SHIRT IS DONE.

GOOD AS NEW.

THANK YOU. DINNER'S SERVED.

LIKE GEORGE C. SCOTT SAYS,

YOU GOTTA DRESS BRAVE TO BE BRAVE, BOYS.

THAT WAS GENERAL PATTON, YOU IDIOT.

SAME GUY.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S DO THIS.

GO TIME.

WHAT THE--

[SIGHS] YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME.

MORNING, TED.

YOU SEE?

YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN?

YEAH, YOU REALLY ARE A MORNING PERSON.

NO, THE CAMERAS. SOMEBODY STOLE THE CAMERAS.

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

THAT'S NOT FUNNY. YES, IT IS.

THIS IS HORRIBLE. NOW I GOTTA BUY CAMERAS TO WATCH THE CAMERAS.

WELL, IS ANYTHING ELSE MISSING?

I GUESS NOT.

WELL, YOU SHOULD BE THANKFUL.

THANKFUL?

THANKFUL?

WHOA, WHAT'S WITH ALL THE PEOPLE?

WHAT IS--A CHARITY RUN?

YEAH, RIGHT THROUGH THE SOUL'S HUNTING GROUND.

YOU MIGHT AS WELL JUST PUT A FREAKIN' BULLS EYE ON MY BACK.

ALL RIGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU GO KICK INVISIBLE'S ASS. I GOT THIS.

SOCK, HOW ARE YOU GOING TO DO THAT?

IN THE WORDS OF GANDALF THE GREAT,

THEY SHALL NOT PASS.

IT'S "YOU SHALL NOT PASS."

WHATEVER, BEN, IT'S AM MOVIE, OK?

WHATEVER. GO.

GO, GO, GO.

WHAT WAS THAT? A SQUIRREL.

[WOODPECKER PECKING]

IS THAT HIM? WOODPECKER.

YOU'RE NOT MUCH OF A NATURE GUY, ARE YOU?

I TOLD YOU, MY PARENTS WERE A LITTLE OVERPROTECTIVE.

[TWIGS SNAPPING]

WELL, WHAT IS IT?

HE'S CLOSE.

WHOA-OH, STOP! STOP, STOP, STOP!

HEY! WHOA! I'M SORRY, STOP!

I CAN'T LET YOU THROUGH HERE TODAY.

WE'RE WITH PROTECT THE TREES. WE'VE GOT A PERMIT.

SORRY, ALL PERMITS HAVE BEEN REVOKED.

GIVE IT, COME ON. GIVE IT, GIVE IT.

EXCUSE ME? GIVE IT!

[SIGHS, SNIFFS]

WE'RE JUST TRYING TO PROTECT THE TREES.

IF YOU REALLY WANT TO SAVE AND PROTECT TREES...

SHOW THEM SOME LOVE.

PHYSICALLY.

COME ON OUT, HERMAN! YOU COWARD!

LOOK THAT WAY.

OVER THERE.

THAT'S RIGHT, YEAH. DON'T BE SHY.

GO ON, PICK A TREE.

AND JUST HUG IT, AND DON'T EVER LET GO.

ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY, ENJOY.

I'LL BE BACK IN TEN, OK?

OK.

[GUNSHOTS]

GET OUT THE VESSEL!

WHAT? I THOUGHT YOU HAD IT!

NO, YOU HAD IT! DO YOU REMEMBER?

NO, I DIDN'T!

Both: SOCK!

[GROANING]

[GRUNTING] AAH!

HEY, LET HIM GO!

Sam and Ben: SOCK!

[GUNSHOTS] GUYS?

I'M COMING!

[GUNSHOTS]

[YELLING]

BACK OFF, HERBIE!

[GUNSHOTS] [SCREAMING]

FACE, BEN, FACE!

QUICK, THROW ME THE VESSEL!

[WHIRRING]

YEAH! THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT!

YEAH! YEAH!

[ALL CHEERING]

OH, MAN. WE GOT HIM.

OH, THAT WAS DISGUSTING. I'M OFFICIALLY OVER SMOOTHIES.

[CHEERING]

OK, WOULD SOMEBODY TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON WITH MY CAMERAS?

IS THIS SOMEBODY'S IDEA OF A JOKE?

'CAUSE IT'S NOT FUNNY.

[LAUGHS] PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE THE GENIUS

WHO STOLE TED'S SECURITY SYSTEM.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

OH, OK.

SO... HOW'S CADY?

SHE'S GOOD.

GOOD.

SO YOU GUYS ARE GOOD?

YEAH. ANDI, THIS IS KIND OF WEIRD.

I KNOW, I KNOW, LISTEN, SHE CAME TO SEE ME.

SHE DID--WHAT DID SHE WANT? WHAT DID SHE SAY?

UM, YOU KNOW, IT'S ACTUALLY NOT WHAT SHE SAID,

MORE HOW SHE SAID IT.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

LISTEN, I KNOW THAT YOUR PERSONAL LIFE IS YOUR BUSINESS,

BUT I REALLY WOULD BE CAREFUL WITH CADY.

I JUST GET A WEIRD VIBE,

AND I THOUGHT YOU SHOULD KNOW.

ALL RIGHT.

Devil: HEY, CLASSY DIGS, SAMMY.

I REALLY LIKE WHAT YOU'VE DONE WITH THE PLACE.

LOOK, I DON'T HAVE TIME TO PLAY HOST TODAY. I GOTTA GO MEET CADY.

OOH, I SENSE TENSION IN YOUR VOICE.

TROUBLE IN PARADISE?

YOU DON'T NEED TO WORRY ABOUT IT.

HEY, HEY, COME ON NOW.

I TOLD YOU BEFORE, YOU'RE MUCH MORE THAN JUST AN EMPLOYEE.

I CARE ABOUT YOU.

[KEYS CLANGING]

ALL RIGHT, FINE, YOU KNOW WHAT?

THERE IS SOMETHING.

AH. SEE, I KNEW IT, I KNEW IT.

GO ON. LAY IT ON ME.

GET IT OFF YOUR CHEST.

YOU HAVING TROUBLE SATISFYING HER?

NO, I'M DOING JUST FINE, THANK YOU.

OH, COME ON, I'M JUST TRYING TO HAVE A LITTLE FUN WITH YOU.

DON'T BE SO SENSITIVE.

TALK TO ME.

[SIGHS] ALL RIGHT, LISTEN. I'M GONNA ASK YOU SOMETHING,

AND FOR ONCE...

I NEED YOU TO GIVE ME A STRAIGHT ANSWER.

OOH. SOUNDS SERIOUS.

WILL YOU TELL ME THE TRUTH?

ALL RIGHT.

IS CADY YOUR DAUGHTER?

NO.

SEE, I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.

AND THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM.

IF YOU REALLY LIKE THIS GIRL,

YOU SHOULDN'T LET ANYTHING COME BETWEEN YOU.

ANYWAY, I JUST WANTED TO CONGRATULATE YOU, MAN.

LOOKS LIKE YOU CAUGHT HERBIE ALL BY YOURSELF.

I GUESS YOU REALLY DON'T NEED ME ALL THE TIME.

WELL, THANK YOU.

[CHUCKLES] HEY, WHY DON'T YOU KEEP THESE AS A SOUVENIR?

YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO NEED TO SEE SOMEBODY'S...

TRUE COLORS.

[SOFT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

HEY.

HEY.

WE NEED TO TALK.

I KNOW. I KNOW.

LISTEN, I KNOW I'VE BEEN DISTANT,

AND I'M-- AND I'M SORRY,

BUT...THE TRUTH IS--

I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT, SAM.

LOOK, I WANT TO TAKE SOME TIME.

I'M GONNA GO DOWN TO NEW MEXICO.

I'M GOING TO SEE MY MOM FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS.

I NEED A LITTLE SPACE.

WAIT, WHAT? NO.

THINGS ARE GOOD.

THINGS ARE NOT GOOD.

SAM, YOU DON'T RETURN MY PHONE CALLS.

YOU DON'T WANT TO HANG OUT WITH ME.

YOU DIDN'T EVEN TELL ME YOU MOVED.

I-I KNOW.

I'M SORRY.

LOOK, I THINK, UM, I THINK THIS WILL BE GOOD FOR US.

WE'LL JUST TAKE SOME TIME, AND WE'LL THINK THINGS THROUGH.

WE'LL TALK WHEN I GET BACK.

[SIGHS]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

YOU KNOW WHAT, I NEVER THOUGHT I WAS A GOAT CHEESE PERSON,

BUT THIS STUFF ISN'T BAD.

OH, YOU SHOULD TRY THE CRAP DIP.

I'M TELLING YOU, STEVE AND TONY, NEW IDOLS.

I LOVE THOSE GUYS.

OH, THEY'RE GOING IN MY TOP 8.

THAT'S QUITE NICE OF YOU. YEAH.

HEY, BUDDY--HEY. HEY.

CAN I GET YOU SOMETHING, OR...?

YEAH, CRAP DIP?

NO, NO, I'M GOOD.

OH, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, SAMMY, COME ON.

CADY WILL COME CRAWLING BACK TO YOU IN A WEEK

WHEN SHE REALIZES HOW MUCH SHE MISSES YOUR MAN MUSCLE.

ABSOLUTELY. IT'S JUST A HIATUS.

HEY, HAVE YOU GUYS-- HAVE YOU GUYS SEEN MY SHIRTS?

YES. YES, STEVE AND TONY HAVE THEM.

THEY NEED TO BE LAUNDERED, RIGHT?

THAT'S RIGHT.

YOU GUYS THINK IT'S KIND OF WEIRD WE REPLACED OUR PARENTS

WITH A COUPLE OF GAY DUDES?

WEIRD, SAM? NO. GENIUS.

[CHUCKLES]

[POWER TOOLS WHIRRING]

[KNOCKS ON DOOR]

STEVE? TONY? [KNOCKING]

[POWER TOOLS WHIRRING]

GUYS?

SOMETIMES I THINK IT'D BE EASIER JUST TO WEAR A HAT.

[CHUCKLES]

WHAT? NO!

DO YOU THINK I LOOK FAT?

NO, YOU LOOK GREAT. I THINK YOU'VE LOST WEIGHT,

'CAUSE THE HORNS LOOK BIGGER.

THINK I LOST WEIGHT?

YOU LOOK GREAT. I'M REALLY TRYING.

I KNOW, YOU'VE BEEN SO DISCIPLINED,

AND I REALLY THINK--

WHAT'S A MATTER WITH YOU? YOU LOOK LIKE YOU JUST SAW A GHOST.

NO, WORSE. DEMONS.

WHAT? WHERE?

NEXT DOOR, STEVE AND TONY.

THEY'RE BOTH DEMONS.

OH, MY--[COUGHING]