Original subtitles

Twisted Wood of Shantung, Blind Pine of Shaanxi,

and Big Eyed Rooster too!... double blade of Hunan and

Old Man Chi of Peking,

they bought their guns from me!

Every one of the guys in the valley they're all my brothers!

Oh? And Old Man Foo from Kunming? What about him?

Oh yeah! The two of us have gone through a lot together

Well that's interesting, grandpa retired 20 years ago!

What?! You're really Old Man Foo's granddaughter?

Why didn't you say so sooner?

Hey, l want you to transport all my goods from now on, l wanna make you rich!

Just pay me for this trip, then we'll talk about the future. Look!

Hey! Tiny! Oh l know him really well,

They're all good friends of mine really believe me,

like a big family all of us

Hey! There's someone coming!

Hey! Heeey! Hi there everybody! l'm back again! How are you all?

Long time no see!

Hey Old Fox you've gained weight!

Hey pimple face your skin's looking better

Monkey head l heard you fought One Eye Ying and got beaten up,

That's too bad!

Hey Brother Wang!

What's that he's got for us?

Brother Wang, how're you feeling? l haven't seen you in ages! How's it hanging?

Well anyway it's a pleasure to see you, always a genuine pleasure

These the goods l ordered?

Everything you asked for, exactly as you wanted,

you know l moved heaven and hell to deliver these things to you on schedule!

Now lemme tell ya there's a truly remarkable story about this gun,

it's a known fact that the Japanese captured Manchuria all

because of this weapon right here!

You know this gun you could defeat the entire world!

Why you could get rid of One Eyed Ying before he could say Confucious!

-Enough of your bullshit! Let me try it! -Sure, sure

Now don't judge a bullet by its size,

this little thing here, it could kill a man dead, in the next village!

Now watch out, she makes a big bang!

Let me try it!

What're you laughin' at?

-Hey this thing don't work! -Oh it's very easy, here!

You open it, put the bullet in, then you hold it and you lock it

Try it again

That One Eye's dead for sure!

Hey! Take it easy now, l'm not going for revenge

But now that you've killed Chan,

how am l gonna get my money - brother?

Oh, why you'd collect it from me of course

Good! That'll be 30 dollars

lt's got over a hundred bucks in it!

Come and get it!

Men are such a pain in the ass

Get her!

Maybe we can talk about money?

Okay! You win!

Forget it!

Okay - l'll pay ya! Here take it! Take it all!

lt was real nice doing business with you

Call me sometime!

Go get her!

That goddamned bitch!

You're dead bitch!

l'm gonna get you!

Bye bye!

Those Japs are gonna take over the whole goddamned world!

What?!

Where'd he go?

Out back

Thanks

My lord

Turn around! Turn around now!

Why?

Do l have to explain my orders to you?

Count up to five hundred!

Right. One, two, three, four,

Five, six, seven

What are you doing coming here, You trying to get me killed?

You might be recognized!

l had to take that risk, the police are on to us

Oh no! l'm finished!

Hey, you don't have to worry,

nobody suspects you've been cooperating with me

How do you know?

-Hey! You going to the council meeting? -What? l almost forgot about it!

-Listen, postpone it for a few days -Postpone it?

Yeah, as a favour to me

l've told them about it and someone's flying in

Fly always fly, can't they ride horses?

Just don't lead them to me!

92, 93, 94, 95, my lord

Oh l'm honoured, so many visitors! You wished to see me?

lndeed l did, l was wondering lf you've made a final decision...

about your donation to help further the interests of Japan

l'm, l'm thinking about it

My lord, didn't we already agree to give them our utmost cooperation?

Did we?

l agree to that?

Oh that's right!

Remember?

We had discussed the project to develop a chemical plant in your noble city

-You mean the poison gas plant? -Yes.

lf you have no objections, we'll start bringing in the raw materials

lsn't that rushing things a bit?

Don't worry my lord,

we've studied the situation very carefully and everything's ready

We can't lose any more time

So then - we'll begin bringing in the materials in four days

Come on! Don't get tempermental!

You'd better tell us grandad or l'll break your arm for you!

-Grandpa, are you okay? -l'm fine

What have you been up to?

l told you, there's no need to test her

Now do you believe how good my granddaughter is?

Not bad, not bad

Come say hello to uncle dragon

Uncle dragon's a real big man in this part of the country

Well that's what they tell me

Now look, this is something that concerns everybody, right?

Believe me,

it's something important to the whole country our whole people

This is the map of lnner Mongolia and here is the city of Kaal

The ruler of the city is Lord Youda He's got some information from the Japanese,

but he's scared to death of them

He wants us to fly him down to Canton,

then he'll pass us the information,

after that...

of the country - don't get angry!

Now look, it's for the good

l'm not angry, but you always make things so complicated

Just tell me where to go!

So when do l set out?

ln the morning

At daybreak, you'll fly to the city of Kaal,

then you'll meet up with our agent Sky Number One

But how will l know this sky guy?

Just a sec

Hey. He'll be wearing this watch

Cute

-Release him -Yes, sir

Tasty bird, and it comes with a free gift too!

Bye!

There's some kind of Chinese plane up ahead!

-Shoot it down -Yes, sir

Have you seen him?

Out with it!

Have you seen him?

Talk! Now!

Have you seen him?

Asshole, l'll bet you all you've got!

You're on pal, come on!

Yours is heavier

Long range vision

Look, a light with a battery

And here, the latest American toy lt's a yoyo.

We're even

Hey! There's someone coming!

lt was loaded?

He was cheating!

-Here, use this one -This one!

Look it's gone!

l'll just go get it

-You better not run out on me! -l'm no crook!

Just a sec, l'll be right back

Who are you?

You've got the wrong guy!

lt does look a little like me, what a fluke

Stop!

What man dares to make trouble in the city of Kaal?

Those three over there, madam!

This ain't none of your business missy!

What, getting tired? Keep fighting! Come on!

You stay out of this!

Hey that was great, you're fantastic!

Thanks for coming to my rescue!

That'll teach you tubby!

He got our money, she beat on you And now we look like ass holes!

Look, you're not being reasonable!

What, l'm not being reasonable?

You started it by beating up on him

But he ran off with our money, He had it coming

You're not wrong there

That's bullshit, we gambled and l won!

You're not wrong there

But he cheated!

Then you're to blame

lt was dice, he threw 2, l threw 6.

-l won, right? -Right

He threw 5, l threw 6, so l won again

That's right

He threw 6, l threw 7, l threw 6, so l won again

That's wrong!

The highest number is 6, pal You are a cheater!

Hold on

Now, they said you cheated them That means you're wrong

and if you're wrong, then they're right

and if l helped you, then l was wrong!

Yes, completely wrong

lf someone is wrong and you help them then you're wrong,

-so am l right? -That's right

l tried to cheat, l was wrong

But you helped me, so you're right

Right! No, no, no, no, let me think about this

You cheated so you're wrong, l helped you so l'm right,

But you cheated, so you're right, right?

He took the money so he's right,

So you're right, he's right, l'm wrong,

Oh it's so confusing, l quit!

Hey guys, let's go get a drink

Have you ever heard of the word peace? Maybe it's not in your dictionary

l think it's a good word

You look like really nice guys...

l'll be seeing you. See you later! Bye!

Help...

lf it makes you feel better, go ahead!

Hey, just a minute guys

Need a hand, Sky Number One?

-You bet, can you take care of them? -Cute

Careful, don't burn them

Forget something?

Thanks for saving my life lady

Here

There's no time, Sky Number One

Sky Number One?

Well now you know who l am now, what's next?

We save Youda

Excuse me, why would we do that?

Because it's yourjob

You get paid to find him, l get paid to fly him out

Money? There's money in it?

Excuse me, you're trying to rescue Youda?

Maybe, what's it to you?

That would be just wonderful

And why's that?

You are...?

l'm Sky Number One

Good, l'm Number Three, he's Number Four

We're both disguised as Japanese

No wonder l didn't recognize you l guess l'm your boss then,

so l'll give the orders

We should go

Where to?

Didn't headquarters tell you?

We're to go through Youda's jewellery

His jewellery?

Oh yes, of course! Lead the way

Please

lt's close by, just around the corner

Did we?

Almost there

We're almost there

Don't move, or l'll blow a hole in you

Stand still or l'll waste you!

Oh, so you are Japanese, You've got it all wrong,

l'm not really Sky Number One!

We knew that much

So there's no harm done then is there? l'd better get going,

Bye bye!

Come on, can't we talk it over?

Yeah, let's talk it over, like cousins really

You're coming with us, move!

Much obliged

Don't move!

Don't move! Against the wall, now! Move!

No! Let him go, come on, hurry!

Hey, why did you save me?

Because l'm Sky Number One

l just found it

And where are you taking us?

Lord Youda's palace

l'm sorry, l won't be able to make it

You guys go ahead, l'll see you later

No, let him go

lf the Japs get to the palace first, Youda's cover will be blown all to hell

lt'll be tougher to save him

The harder the better, l love a challenge

Come on

in here

Thanks for saving me

But you saved me twice, so l still owe you one l've got a funny feeling

l'll be paying you back soon though

There's one thing l don't get Why did they send a girl?

To prove that you men aren't so superior

Come on Now for a test

This is gas

lts the result of a joint experiment between Japan and one of our most glorious...

General?

He only entered the camp because his sheep went astray. He...

The container is small but it holds enough poison to kill ten

His whole family depends on him for support!

-Don't worry, it takes 5 seconds -What, five seconds?

lf you have to try it, try it out on a dog!

General, it's that lethal?

Absolutely, you'll soon see!

l can't watch this!

Come on!

Don't be afraid l'll give you a chance,

lf you can hold your breath for at least five seconds, you can go

One, two, three, four

l'll kill him!

Wait , you forgot about Youda

Right. You go find him l'll stand guard here

This one!

Hey, l still owe you one,

and if you get yourself killed, how will l pay you back?

Congratulations,

with this new poison gas our army will be invincible

Even without the poison gas our army is still invincible

But we can't waste any time

General! ...

There's a Chinese girl here. She's looking for Youda!

Youda is...

Find him!

Who're you?!

You're pretty nervous, you must be Youda

Who are you?

An ally

That's Sky Number One We're trying to rescue you

l'll get the door

Wait, you're gonna get me in trouble You better hide!

Why on earth should l hide?

lf you don't hide l'm gonna...

Lord Youda... Lord Youda!

Not so loud!

-Are you decent? -l'm not an exhibitionist!

There's a girl looking for you

-l know -How do you know?

l thought it was you

You finally noticed me. Lord Youda...

Now be serious That Chinese girl has come to rescue you

You bad boy, you should have told me earlier

l don't have enough time to pack anything

What do you mean?

Who are you kidding?

The last time we were at the temple l saw you talking to Sky Number One

You promised if l didn't say anything to dad, you'd take me with you,

and l didn't say anything

Liar!

You've changed your mind. Well l'm going to tell him!

No, Chin Chin! Chin Chin!

My lord

-lt's my dad! What do we do? -Oh no! He'll kill me.

Why did you take so long to answer? You made me anxious my lord

l was bathing. l didn't hear you

A woman entered the grounds She must be hiding somewhere

l was in the bath, l didn't see anybody

l'd better search the room my lord, for your safety

Hey, that's your daughter in there

A spider

-Who the hell are you? -A Chinese girl.

Chinese aren't welcome in our city

-Well if that's the case, l'd better leave -Not so fast!

Lord Youda... Lord Youda!

Better be careful!

Shit shit shit shit!

You want to help me escape? Then you'd better stop your dad!

You have to take me with you!

All right, all right, l'll meet you at the temple later

Help me!

l've got her! You alright? You're not bleeding are you?

l'll help you dad!

You get Youda out of here, l'll take care of my dad

Cute

l didn't hurt you did l?

Let go my lord! Kick me - hurry!

Come on!

Come on!

Hurry will you! ln here, in here!

l'm just a tramp, l'd better get going,

Why did China send you here?

Pardon me? What's all this about China?

China never sent me here, it's a mistake!

-General, shall we test the new weapon? -Proceed

Go

l remember now, China sent me here to do a little scouting

l mean for trading

not to find out about new weapons, especially not poison gas

Quiet!

Now l can get out of here

Should l save the guy?

But it's so risky

And he looks like a pretty good fighter, l guess l can go

But then he'll call me a coward

l'll stay!

You're just in time to rescue him!

l knew it!

Now we're even right?!

Let's get out of here!

Come on!

So what are you trying to say exactly?

l rule the city of Kaal a poison gas plant here

The Japanese want to build

They're developing a new weapon, the plans for it, and l was going to give him

because he's a Chinese spy

To show their appreciation, to take me someplace safe the Chinese promised to send a plane

As for her, she's a Chinese pilot, she's supposed to fly me out

And you, you're a...

Hey, who are you?

Me, l'm a hero!

l've been trying to chase out the Japanese invaders,

helping to unite the Chinese people, giving them strength,

working for the future, fighting for world peace,

and all that stuff

Oh, he's a patriot

What?!

What, what's wrong with peace?

We all have the same goal, saving this country!

lf you're going to fight,

-l'll fight with you, we'll fight together -Great, but how?

Your airplane!

lt has no more fuel!

What? Why is that?

On the way over the tank was hit by the Japanese, so it's empty

Look, we'll get fuel l know where there's tons of it:

the Japs' camp

Yeah! Yeah, yeah! Yeah!

Oh, good! Yeah, we'll get the fuel and come back here!

Well l hope you have a good trip

What are you talking about? why aren't you coming with us?

l'm staying to get rid of Toga

once he's out of the way, l'll destroy the gas plant

You go on. l'll see you soon, l promise

But how will you take down Toga?

l mean, he's got so many men

Well at worst l'll die with him

Listen, he goes back to that camp every night

l've got to try it

Right, that settles it! We can do it all tonight,

we'll kill Toga, then steal the fuel, right?

You bet Just one thing, how do we escape?

Oh we'll think of something, let's get going

You mean...you'll help me?

We'll help each other We'll help you get Toga,

you help us get the fuel

lt's a deal!

Much obliged

Hold it

Now, you two are lovers,

so it's part business and part pleasure with you

And you two, you'll be lovers sooner or later so you've got a personal stake in this too

But l've got nobody

Tell me right now, if things get dicey, Are you going to run out on me?

Don't you worry, we're all in this together

So, whatever happens to us, we're all sticking together right?

That's right!

What do you want?

My dad has told me to keep a close eye on you guys,

Let me look inside

Sorry Miss, no one's allowed in without the general's say so

Where's the fuel stored?

Only the captain knows. l'll ask him

l'll ask him, you get him here

Captain Machi!

They're trying to steal the fuel!

Now where do you keep the fuel?

The barrels with the red line

l'll get Youda

-Wait, where's Toga? -He's not here yet

Come on, hurry up would you?

Where is he? Hurry up!

ldiot, we said we'd kill Toga first

Calm down, we're flexible

we'll just get the fuel first

No way

Stop!

l'll shoot you, l swear. Toga first

What are you doing? Never point a piece at your friends

Fine by me, this guy's no friend of mine

-You... -One false move and l'll plug you!

This is for your own good

Hey, what are you doing?

Be careful, he's crazy

Let's get going, you watch him

Oh come on, don't be stubborn girl

All right, fine We'll take a vote.

-You want to do this? -Of course l do!

-And you? -l want to be with him

How about you?

My job is to get Youda out of here

Meeting's over, let's go

Didn't l say it was the perfect trap?

Lock them up!

Daddy, don't shoot! They kidnapped me!

l wouldn't!

Don't shoot!

You move and l'll shoot her!

No, Chin Chin! Chin Chin!

Hold your fire!

The lighter!

Better start the jeep!

Get out!

Come on! Hurry up!

Get out of here!

Can't we bring him with us?

Move!

A Japanese officer will never surrender

Kill me!

Put him in the goddamned jeep!

No! We have to kill him right now

Do you hear that? You're going to hell!

Don't be a fool!

Come on!

-You all right? -l'm fine

Look lady, forget about your boyfriend till you can get a room

Oh butt out!

-l'll distract them! -Be careful!

Hang on everybody!

Come on, let's hit it!

Hey we made it!

We're back you bastards!

We came back for you!

Told you we wouldn't leave you!

-l've got her! You alright? -Thanks

Anyone need a ride?

Jump!

Well there goes our plan

Yeah

The lmperial Japanese army is here to help us develop this beautiful city of ours

They have only our best interests at heart

They wish to build a new chemical plant

lt will mean more commerce and a better life for all

We must show our appreciation. The Japanese are our friends,

and we must give them our full cooperation

Hey, do you realize l still don't know your name?

-l'm... -She's Ming Ming Foo

Her grandfather, he's a legendary fighter. Once he beat 10 men single handedly!

10 years ago, her father was murdered,

ambushed by a corrupt cop during an investigation

The cop was Chan Cho Ling's lieutenant

How do you know all that, you a spy?

l'm a smart guy. Not like you

Don't interrupt your elders, now let me finish

She chased Chan and the cop for years,

two years ago she got her revenge

And now?

And now? Now she doesn't even have a boyfriend

She's a regular tomboy, even dresses up like a man!

She's real tough, boots, leatherjacket, that plane

She says she hates men!

l never said that!

Oh you're changing your tune

Look nosy, change the subject, leave her alone

What's this, trying to be a hero?

l'm more of a hero than you, you're a born loser

What do you mean?

When you were 5, both your parents died

Since then you've been on your own

To survive you've had to cheat and steal,

even from the people who fed and sheltered you

You've made a lot enemies,

and you've been on the run for years with nowhere to go, pretty close?

How did you know?

With guys like you lt's always the same old story

And you're special?

Yeah, a lot more special

l've been a spy for years Sky Number One's just my code name

My real name's Lily Wang

Your name's Lily? That's a girl's name!

Don't make fun of him, it's not that bad

Not that bad? lt's so gay!

Let him finish!

When l was six, a bandit adopted me And then...

And then, you rebelled against him and

wiped out your stepfather's syndicate

But your conscience wouldn't let you send him to prison,

and now he's a successful accountant in Hong Kong

Deep down you always wanted to be a doctor

but you never...

Hey, don't give up hope!

You're going to be executed, then reincarnated - you can start again!

After that, he head of the secret service rewarded you for your courageousness,

and you became a secret agent

You started on the lowest rung and

in two years became their top agent

Don't ask me how l learned that,

you see grandpa has such old fashioned ideas,

he's a man of principles,

if he thought l was giving away his

secrets he'd come after me with a stick

Oh how touching, how sweet!

One's life is a real comedy, the other one's a tragedy

You were born for each other

lf you live to get married, you'll have a son and a daughter

You can call the boy Grumpy and the girl Happy, isn't that a great idea?

And if you have a third child,

call him Laughing Boy, after his uncle!

Hey, it looks like somebody doesn't like our conversation

We decree, it's now law,

whoever does not cooperate

with the Japanese army will be executed

For the good of the country l'm sure you all see that as fair

That's right

l agree with everything!

So then, l'm going to betray them

l know all their secrets!

Come here and l'll tell you!

Come on

How's really?

Wow, your breath would kill a horse! You've been eating garlic!

General? You'd better summon Lord Youda

Youda!

General Toga

lt's execution time

Read this, and you'll live

l, Lord Youda, ruler of this city, declare that these three people are to be executed

They have attempted to sabotage peace and order in United East Asia?

Hail to the lmperial Japanese...

To hell with them!

l, Lord Youda, ruler of this city,

declare that these three people are to be executed

Chin Chin? Chin Chin!

Lord Youda... Lord Youda!

Everything's fine, you'll be all right soon

The others?

They're gone, they got away

Why?

l freed them!

The Japanese agree?

Of course not! But l gave them hell, l stood up to them

l said to those jerks,

l am the ruler of the city of Kaal, you set them free!

lf you don't, l'll kick your asses out!'

The Japs were so impressed, they let them go!

Really?

l could never lie to you. Never

They were all so nice, l hope they get home safely

Don't think about it. Get some rest, okay?

l, Lord Youda, ruler of this city,

declare that these three people are to be executed

They have attempted to sabotage peace and order in United East Asia?

and order in...

l won't do it! Don't talk me out of it!

They almost killed your daughter, don't you care?!

But the Japs have got modern guns, what can we do against those?

l don't care, l have to save them!

lt's too dangerous, you'd be risking your life

And even if you try, you can't save them now, so why risk it?

lf they're really your friends,

they wouldn't want you to die for them, would they?

My lord, you must think of us

Archers ready?

All is ready, my lord

l, lord of this city, Youda, declare the following

These people are innocent

l order them released!

Whoever attempts to destroy the good relations between Japan...

and the city of Kaal commits an offence

Though Lord Youda is governor of this city

He's as guilty as the others and must be subject to the same punishment

All men should be equal

And so to be just to Lord Youda, with the other prisoners

l now sentence him to be executed

Well, there goes the neighbourhood

Ready!

One, two

You can't kill Youda!

Ready!

One! Two!

No! You can't kill Lord Youda!

Fire!

No, you can't!

Let go of me! You can't kill Lord Youda!

No, Chin Chin! Chin Chin!

No, Chin Chin! Chin Chin!

No! Don't kill him!

Stop!

Dad!

No, Chin Chin! Chin Chin!

No more delays

Archers

Ready!

One...

Youda! Youda! Youda!

Fire!

Fire!

Youda! Youda! Youda!

Fire!

Retreat! Fall back! Release Lord Youda!

Youda! Youda! Youda!

How can you fight the Japs with these, l don't like our chances

But hey, maybe they won't come back

l want to avenge my father

The Japs ain't through yet, they'll come back and destroy the city

lf l were you l'd skedaddle

What, you think l'm a coward?

l'll kill them all, l'll eat them for lunch!

Make sure you leave some for the rest of us

Lord Youda, what are your orders?

l'm going to address the whole city

l, Lord Youda, ruler of this city,

We must defend this city, l declare war! Yes, war!

War! War! War!

War! War! War!

War! War! War!

Go on!

l'm going - good luck!

Thanks!

Charge!

-They're coming! -Light it, hurry!

Light it now, hurry! One two three!

Light it! Come on, hurry up! Fire!

The gate!

They're going to blow the gate!

Charge!

Move out!

-Charge! -Sir! Charge!

You traitor!

-There's no one here sir -Keep looking, they're here somewhere

Yes, sir

Nobody sir

They have to be here, find them!

Up here you bastards! Let them have it!

Retreat! Hurry!

Light it, hurry!

Come on get out of here!

Get him out of here!

Not bad, not bad

-What're you doing? -Nothing sir!

One, two...

lf you had any guts, you'd come after me!

Hey! Come on! Free shot!

Hold your fire! Wait!

Hey, they're all dead!

They're all dead!

Hey get him out of there now, come on!

-Are they dead? -Yes, sir!

Let's go!

Come on!

General, they have too much firepower, we must retreat!

You coward!

l'll make an example out of you, get back to the fight

Yes sir. Follow me!

Come on!

Take a gun!

-Hey, how are you doing? -Not bad

My turn!

Put down your guns and surrender,

or we'll kill every one of them

Ma, Ma! No!

Son!

Ma, Ma! No!

Ma, Ma! No!

Surrender now, or we'll kill more of your people

l surrender, don't do it!

l surrender, please don't kill them!

Put down your weapons, l surrender

You too

No my lord, you can't surrender!

Die you bastards!

Die you Japanese pig! Die! Die!

No don't, or we'll be just as bad as they are

Go now. Go back to your emperor

Tell him we're a peaceful people

And that the aggressor will always be the loser

Now listen. Listen closely This is a warning

A great army is on its way here

An army that never surrenders and always wins

lf you put up any further resistance you will all be killed The lmperial Japanese army is invincible!

l have a way out...

l'm sorry sir

What went wrong?

-Our army fought bravely sir -What went wrong!

The people of Kaal decided to burn their

city rather than surrender it to us sir

What a waste lt was beautiful, now it's gone

Only the buildings, the people of Kaal are still here

You're right, you can rebuild your city

Well that's it

l guess our mission was successful

l'm going on a vacation

Here's an idea,

why don't l give you a lift in my plane?

Hang on, you flying back to China?

Do you mind if l hitch a ride?

l'm sorry, but my little plane only has seats for two

Did we?

Tell you what, how does the cargo hold sound to you?

That's perfect! Fantastic!

That's just great!

This city is of no use to us now, fall back!

Yes, sir