Original subtitles

Good news, mon amie.

We just sublet Kyle's apartment to a fellow artist.

Listen to the story now.

(Roni) 'Alright, this next one goes out to Boo Bear from Sweet Pea.'

'Boo Bear, you must be truly loved'

'because this is the fifth song'

'your lady has requested tonight.'

'Oh, and, Sweet Pea..'

'Girl, put that phone down and get with your man.'

I did.

Half an hour later, we were requesting "Love Hangover."

‐ Mmm. ‐ Yes, we were..

No girl, it was more like two hours.

And the song was, "Didn't I blow your mind this time."

‐ Oh, shh, hush up now! ‐ Ooh..

‐ Hush up now. Hush up now. ‐ 'Wait, wait. One minute.'

Roni D from WNKW is moving in and nobody ran it past me?

Well, we also had pancakes with breakfast.

Should we have cleared that with you too, mother?

I'm, I'm just saying. It's a small brownstone.

We can't help but be all up in each other's business.

I mean, how you know this girl is gonna fit in?

[knock on door]

Why don't you ask her?

Inviting her over already?

‐ Khadijah James? ‐ Mm‐hmm.

‐ Roni De Santos. ‐ Hi.

Can I just tell you that "Flavor" magazine

changed my life.

[chuckles]

Would you look at her, girl? Come on in.

Didn't I tell you she'd fit right in?

Right?

♪ We are living ♪ ♪ Hey ♪

♪ Single ♪

♪ Ooh in a 90s kind of world ♪

♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪

♪ Keep your head up ♪ ♪ What ♪

♪ Keep your head up ♪ ♪ That's right ♪

♪ Whenever this life gets tough you gotta fight ♪

♪ With my home girls standing to my left and my right ♪

♪ True blue ♪ ♪ It's tight like glue ♪

♪ We are living ♪ ♪ Check check check it out ♪

♪ Single ♪ ♪ What you want ♪

♪ No free position ♪

♪ Ha‐aa ♪

Mmm.

Mm..

I don't know what tastes better.

These grapes or your fingers.

Well, I'm almost out of grapes.

So, feel free to nip.

Mm.

I have missed you so much, cutie‐pootie.

Well, I'm here now, baby.

What do you say we make up for lost time?

Mm‐hmm.

Khadijah, wake up! We gotta go!

Wake up. Wake up! C'mon! We gotta go. We gotta go.

Stop!

Damn!

Damn! Scooter was just about to kiss me.

Yeah, well. Pillows don't have lips, baby.

Let's go. C'mon.

I don't know why it is I always dream about him.

I ain't seen him ever since we broke off our engagement.

But yet, every time..

Every time I fall asleep

we're making waves in some hot tub.

What the hell are you doing?

Look, I'm getting you ready for the weekend.

Check‐in's at 4 o'clock.

And they're predicting a snowstorm.

"Vishnu's new age weekend.

Explore the greatest mystery of the universe. You."

Yup. Peace and quiet. Spirituality..

All that crap.

I ain't going to no.. Um..

I ain't going to no kook fest, yo.

I'm spending my weekend right on this couch.

Having freaky dreams that scare the hell out of me.

You know, I am always there for you.

Now it's time for you to do something for me.

Remember that Jesus guy I defended?

Well, he threw my life out of whack.

And now I need to go find my life's purpose

damn it.

Well, I'm dressed for it, I might as well go.

Hey! What's going on? Where're we going? What's happenin'?

Khadijah and I are going on a New Age retreat.

You can, uh, water our plants. Let's go.

Oh!

You know, I just moved downstairs.

I didn't move out of your lives, I..

Oh, please.

Alright, you can go, you big baby.

Oh, I didn't know you had your own little tool set.

‐ Yeah, yeah. ‐ What are they? Fisher‐Price?

[laughs]

Look, just 'cause I don't have a shiny red box to keep 'em in

does not mean that I don't have skills.

No bro, it's pronounced shkills.

Mm! My first house warming gift.

So, when do I get the rest of the bike? Christmas?

Nah, not if he's fixing it.

Uh, yo, Trip.

Like you to meet our new neighbor.

This is Roni De‐‐.

De Santos.

You're the new neighbor?

You live here too?

I mean, uh.. Hi. How are you?

Uh, what was the question?

I don't know. I, I have to go.

Umm, my bananas, you know, they're getting cold.

Bye.

Uh‐huh. Uh, just a guess, bro.

But, uh, you two seen each other naked?

Che‐check it, check it.

Six months ago, I won this contest on WNKW radio. Right?

It was, sing an original song

and win a evening of dinner and dancing with Roni D.

‐ Right. ‐ Man the next thing I know..

We're back in my crib doing the six‐inch stride.

Hmm.

Yeah, beats the hell out of winning a pair of vise grips

in the Mr. Fix It competition.

Yeah, but‐but dig it.

The next day, I send her a dozen roses, long stem.

A‐a‐and you know what she sends me?

A note saying, uh, "Good luck on your future endeavors."

Enjoy your free WNKW bumper sticker."

Hm. Damn, you got played.

But, you know.. Hey, I'm cool!

I mean, you know, that's on her.

I‐I‐I mean, she's the one missing out on all this, right?

‐ Right? ‐ Yeah.

‐ Thought so. ‐ Mm‐hmm.

I'm gonna go ahead and go home and get cleaned up.

‐ Alright. ‐ Later, man.

‐ Uh, yo, Trip. ‐ Yo, what's up, dawg?

Um, you live in, in there.

[laughs]

Yeah, yeah.

[bell rings]

(Vishnu) Welcome! I'm Vishnu!

The past life workshop is about to begin.

You know, they're not getting me up there.

Remember when y'all hypnotized me

at that frat party?

You had me paintin' my face with guacamole

and singin' a show tune.

Is that all you remember?

Good.

Now, this is the hardest part.

Finding a brave soul that's willing

to expose their spiritual nakedness to strings.

I'm here.

Expose me.

Focus... on the crystal.

[exhales]

Breathe deeply.

[inhales]

Clear your mind..

And get off my foot.

Oh, sorry. Sorry. Sorry, sorry.

Alright, Maxine.

I'm gonna now take you back

through the birth canal to your past lives.

Each time you hear the bell

you will travel to another life.

So, fasten your spiritual safety belts.

[bell rings]

[growls]

[speaking in foreign language]

(Max) 'Whoa!'

Oh, junk. Max was a sumo wrestler!

[bell rings]

Toro! Toro!

[ululating]

Toro!

Ole! Ole!

Ohh! Senorita!

Ohh, ohh!

Que bonita.

‐ Well, muchas gracias. ‐ Ah! Que bonita.

Alright, ring the bell!

Vishnu, ring the bell!

‐ Ring the bell! Ring the bell! ‐ 'Maxine..'

Maxine, I'm going to bring you back to the present now.

When you awaken, you will be refreshed

and fully aware of all that has happened.

[rings bell]

Hm, girl, get off me. What're you doing?

Max, now we know why you're so good at arm wrestling.

Your cosmic cup runneth over with men.

Yo, I hope there's some women in here because, uh

these men are kicking my ass.

Synclaire, that's the hot tub from my dreams!

Yeah. Look, this is it.

This is the deck.

And the candles.

What the hell is going on here?

Oh. Spooky.

Guess who?

Scooter?

Girl, what in the world are you doing here?

Yo, look. I don't care if I have to walk back to Brooklyn.

I'm out of here. Word is bond.

So what, you ran in to an ex‐boyfriend.

Big freakin' deal.

I found out that I used to be

a 300‐pound Japanese man in diapers.

Haven't you been listening?

Man, I've never been here before in my life.

So, how is it that I have a dream about that hot tub

a‐a‐and then that Scooter, and there it is and there he is.

We're talking fate, Khadijah.

The universe wants you two crazy kids to be together.

So, jump in that tub of love and get your cosmic groove on, okay?

Okay, I'm going to check Scooter.

I mean, whatever happens with him

can't be as scary as the mumbo jumbo

you and Pinhead here

are freaking pushing.

Oh, boy. Do I feel foolish?

I forgot about the brownstone's

new take out the trash dress code.

Hey. Hey. Hey.

What's wrong with a brother

taking a little pride in his appearance, huh?

Oh, nothing, nothing.

I particularly enjoyed that little Tommy Hilfiger

ensemble you wore down to the laundry room.

Uh, not to mention the silk dashiki you

you were sporting to pick up your mail.

Either you've been possessed by the spirit of Kyle

or this little fashion parade

is all for the benefit of Miss Rawr Roni.

Hey, hey, hey. Look.

I am not sweating Radio Roni one bit.

I mean, who cares if she did

the Bankhead Bounce all over my heart?

‐ You know what I'm saying? ‐ No, bro. What you need‐‐.

Do you know that I gave that woman the best nine hours

and thirty seven minutes of my life? Huh?

I mean, why did she dump me?

Why, Wh‐wh‐why, why why?

Why? Tell me why.

[grunts]

First Kyle and Max, and now these two.

Will this brownstone ever know peace?

[knock on door]

Khadijah, thank God it's you.

I was afraid it was Vishnu

trying to get me to hug trees with him.

[laughs]

‐ Oh, lucky trees. ‐ Yeah.

Please tell me you brought me some more caffeine.

They're trying to kill me here.

Honey, all they had at the bar was extract of valerian root.

But don't worry, I spiked it with my own

special stash of brandy.

You know, if you smuggled in some buffalo wings

and a wide‐screen TV, we'd have a party.

You know, I missed your crazy laugh.

I don't crazy laugh.

Yeah, you do. It's kind of like a machine gun.

[laughs]

Shut up.

You sound‐sound like some wolf caught in a trap.

[mocking laughter]

Yo, a toast.

To Vishnu, for bringing two homies together

after too much damn time.

Oh, you ain't lying. Mmm.

Look, I know this might sound little bugged

but I have been having some crazy dreams about you lately.

What, crazy like I'm standing in front of class naked

during show and tell? Just showing and telling.

[laughs]

No. Actually..

We in that hot tub out there.

And... let me put it like this

the steam is not just coming from the water.

Now, I don't know what it means, but..

Uh.. Um..

[clears throat] Uh..

Y'know, I‐I gotta go to bed, um..

Yeah, I‐I signed up for this, um

you know, sunrise chanting thing in the morning.

'And I, I wanna get rested.'

So, you know, I can, uh, you know..

Chant.

Okay.

Well, I guess I should be going then.

Yeah, I‐I'll hook up with you before you leave.

Mm‐hmm.

Alright.

[exhales]

Damn!

He just played me out. That no good son of a‐‐

[bell rings]

Tranquility, sister. Tranquility.

R‐r‐rise up, all warriors of the Zulu Empire.

Shaka will lead you to victory.

Onward to our destiny!

[ululating]

[gong rings]

What's up, dude?

Alright, uh, let's take a ten minute break

for a bee pollen smoothie

and we reconvene for channeling session.

Maxine.

I've taken you through 47 past lives.

And in each one of them you were a man.

As we say in the spiritual world.

"That's all, folks."

Wait a minute.

You're telling me that the only time I've ever been a woman

is now?

What the hell does that mean?

I can only tell you we choose our present lives

to learn specific life lessons.

Perhaps, there's something you've yet to experience.

PMS?

[knock on door]

♪ Do‐do do‐do ta pa pa pa ba pa pa ♪

Yeah, yeah, wassu..

Oh, hi, um, Overton changed my locks

and he told me to meet him here with my new keys.

Oh, here?

Well, no. I mean, I haven't seen him, but..

I mean, y‐y‐you, you're welcome to come in!

Are you going somewhere?

No, I'm just, uh, just chilling.

I think I better wait out in the hall.

(Trip) 'Uh..'

[humming]

Oh! Okay, here we go.

One shiny new set of keys.

Uh, but you can't use 'em on the locks for 15 minutes

till I make this a scuff free zone

and the management appreciates your cooperation. Ah.

So... wrote any good kiss‐off notes lately?

Oh, Trip, I'm sorry.

I mean.. Oh, it was a great night.

I mean, a really great night.

It's just that, you know..

I was embarrassed, and if my station manager

found out that I slept with a contest winner

my butt would be doing the traffic update in Poughkeepsie.

Woah‐woah‐woah, so, so you're saying that

this didn't have anything to do with me?

Knew it! Yes! Yes. Wha..

Not to say that I ever thought it did, you know?

Come here. Sit, sit down. Have a seat.

Uh, yeah. So.. So where does that leave us now?

Oh..

I'm, I'm kinda seeing someone.

But, for what it's worth

you know, he doesn't dance as good as you do.

So, so, so how about one last dance between friends?

Cool! Ah. Ch‐check it, check it.

♪ Why does true love gather round ♪

♪ So hauntingly sweet and it's so.. ♪

Ah, that's the song you won the contest with.

That's right.

[instrumental music]

♪ Here we are searching ♪

♪ For love again and getting closer ♪

♪ We're victims of our own stubborn pride ♪

♪ Oh yeah ♪

♪ Here we are searching.. ♪

Uh, I better go.

Yeah! Yea..

'Yeah.'

Maybe you better.

[Roni screams]

I guess I should've put up some cones.

Ah..

Dick. What are you doing here?

First you kick me out of your cabin

and then you show up in my dream.

And why are you still so damn cute?

Practice, baby.

And it's not a dream.

‐ Ow. ‐ See?

Oh.

Well, I thought you had to get some sleep.

So you could, you know, chant.

I lied.

If you think my laugh is funny, you should hear my chant.

Truth is..

You and your dream scared me..

'Cause my lady just dumped me.

Said my heart wasn't in it.

She was right.

I can't get you out of my head, girl.

Well, is that such a bad thing?

Hell, yeah!

I asked you to go to California, you passed.

Asked you to marry me, you said, "No

we're better off being friends."

I don't wanna lose you, so I pretend it's cool.

Khadijah... I just can't be your friend.

Well, I wasn't really dreaming about you as a friend.

No, no, I'm saying it's gotta be all or nothing.

[sighs] Look, Scooter..

I would marry you tomorrow.

You are the only man I've ever really loved.

Okay? But love is not enough.

I mean, we gotta work at it.

And Lord knows it's not gonna work

with you bein' on the road eight months out of the year

and just letting the relationship

drizzle down to nothing.

Oh, wait, hold up, hold up.

What about your ongoing relationship with Flavor?

You went to bed with that magazine more than me.

‐ Now, how's that gonna change? ‐ It already has changed.

I mean, my magazine is still important to me

but it does not feed my heart.

My heart's a little hungry too.

Now, I could cut down on my road time

if you're willing to venture out of Brooklyn once in a while.

Well, hey. I mean, the poker knows the night.

Hey, you know what?

Maybe this can work.

Damn right it can.

Why don't we start working on it right now in this hot tub?

[chuckles]

Wait, wait, hold up.

‐ What you doing? ‐ Just making sure we're alone.

‐ Mmm. ‐ Mmm.

[door shuts]

Oh, bear in the cabin! Bear in the cabin!

Hey, I got an announcement to make.

Hey, and I got a date. What the hell?

With Scooter? Go ahead, girl.

Ooh, I knew, you and Scooter were meant for each other.

Oh, that's great!

Okay, listen, listen up, listen up, listen up.

Kyle walked out on me

and left me alone with all this love to give.

I threw myself into my work

only to find out that I had lost my passion for the law.

My search for fulfillment lead me here

where I found out that in all my past lives

I was a man.

And all this got me to thinking.

What's the one thing I couldn't do as a man

that I could do as a woman.

I'll take, "Wear a push‐up bra," for a 100, Jim.

Have a baby.

[laughs] A baby?

A baby? You?

‐ She wants to have a baby. ‐ She wanna have a baby.

I'd rather cloven‐feeted..

Oh, yeah, but don't you need a man for that?

That's awkward. That's awkward, girl..

Yeah. That's a minor detail.

Oh, picture you having a baby. Oh, boy.

Goodnight, Max.

[laughs]

(Synclaire) Max trying to be a mommy.

Hey, hey. Maybe you can lay an egg.

(Max) I'm serious.

[theme music]

(female ♫1) Woo‐hoo!