Original subtitles

Whoo! Nay‐nay.

This is the best seafood gumbo I've ever had.

Girl, where did you learn to cook like this?

My mother. She was a lousy cook.

So I either had to learn or starve to death.

You know, I was ten before I realized

that gravy doesn't have skin.

Now, you know what I like with my dinner.

A little dessert.

Boy! Something smells good up in here.

It's called a relationship. Get out.

[sneezes]

Ooh, now that's just right.

See, I was born on the Bayou.

Yeah, well. Bye, you.

So, uh, next time..

We do this at your place.

You know, it's funny you should say that.

Regine, how would you feel, about moving in with me?

Movin' in?

Baby, I don't know, I mean..

You know, trade this cramped apartment with two roommates

and one bathroom for, a mansion with the man that I adore

and an army of servants.. Hmm..

You think they could come and pack my stuff up tonight?

♪ We are living ♪

♪ Single ♪

♪ Ooh and in a 90's kinda world ♪

♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪

♪ Keep ya head up ♪ ♪ What ♪

♪ Keep ya head up ♪ ♪ That's right ♪

♪ Whenever this life get tough you gotta fight ♪

♪ With my home girl standin' to my left and my right ♪

♪ True blue we tight like glue ♪

♪ We are living ♪

♪ Single ♪

I've told you before, get your drunk butt off our stoop.

Baby, it's here at last.

Tickets for tomorrows O State Michigan game.

Oh, good, football.

Yeah.

My Cousin Damien is the starting quarterback.

You know Uncle Smoke Eye's youngest son?

Girl, we gonna be telling this story to our grand kids

till they pull the plug on us.

Oh, would you look at this?

A fabric softener sample.

I figured we leave tonight and get there in time

for the predawn tail gate party.

And then we enter the holiest of holies, Ohio stadium.

The Horseshoe. Yeah. Think about it, baby.

Us just sittin' there, drinking beer

and eating hot dogs and hoping our frozen fingers

don't snap off like brittle twigs.

Oh, well, I‐I can picture all that, Obie.

‐ Yeah.. ‐ Except one thing's missing.

‐ Oh, what's that, girl? ‐ Me.

Obie, I hate football.

Wait a minute. Now, this just can't be.

Now, wait a minute.

Didn't you go with me to all those Jets games

when we were datin'?

Yeah, but we were datin'.

Come on, man. Now, get your drunk butt off the porch.

Oh, Khadijah.

Hey, you want to go with me

to the O State Michigan game tomorrow?

I mean, you not repulsed by the world's greatest sport, are you?

‐ 'No, I'm down with that.' ‐ Cool.

Sure. Drinking beer, eating hot dogs.

Watching 22 Titans run up and down the field.

Oh, hold it. I'm sure you've got one of these.

"You are cordially invited to a high tea this Saturday

"where Ms. Regine Hunter will make an announcement

of great social and political import."

What the hell is this?

Regine, whatever this drama is, I cant make it.

Oh, but you have to.

It's a critical turning point in my life.

And I already did the calligraphy

on your place card.

Oh. Oh, wait now. This is big.

The last time she calligraphized

was when she announced that she was becoming a vegetarian.

Girl, you started eating pork‐chops again.

Alright, if you must know

Dexter asked me to move in and I accepted.

Oh! Oh, my God! Oh! My God!

Hey, look, I‐I'm happy for you too.

But Overton just invited me to the Ohio State game.

Now, can't you have this tea party

in the stadium parking lot or something?

‐ Ohio State Michigan? ‐ Yeah.

Man that, man that game's been sold out for months.

Look, please tell me you've got an extra ticket

for the brother that makes the blueberry pancakes

you said you'd go to war for.

Well, I might, let's just see

how this little scenario, uh, works out.

Shall we?

Alright, now, Khadijah, look.

This is not some frivolous girl party, alright?

I need, I need my friends, my girls around me

when I tell mom.

She doesn't usually fake a seizure when there's company.

So once again you're using us.

Just one last time.

‐ Get off of me. ‐ Yes!

Regine, I came over as soon as I heard

that you were moving out.

Oh, no, I did dance around a little bit..

Don't hide your pain, Max, how do you really feel.

Just let it out.

You know, I can't even believe that you cool

with this living together thing.

I mean, you cried for days when

Oprah let Stedman move in.

So what? You, you think I'm makin' a mistake?

No, no, absolutely not. No, come one.

I'll help you pack, girl, come on. Let's go.

Alright, look.

Dexter and I are headed to the altar eventually.

You know, I mean in the meantime..

Hey, why shouldn't we share every moment

that we can together?

And if that's what you're going to say to Mother Hunter

you've got your work cut out for you.

Regine, I heard the news of your impending co‐habitation

and I'm here to extend my sincerest good wishes.

Russell, that is so sweet.

And so totally not you.

Oh, I'm full of surprises, Here's another one.

Marry me.

Okay, Regine, I'mma go warm up the car.

Russell, I'm, I'm speechless.

Oh, um..

Let's give the lovebirds some privacy.

Oh, I'm staying. I want to hear her answer.

Sweetie, it's beautiful. It really is and..

When the right woman comes along

I know that she will love it and you very much.

You're an elegant woman, Regine.

Come now, shimmy for me one last time.

Go ahead, girl.

I'll carry this memory to my grave.

I may belong to another man

but my shimmy will always belong to you.

Look, Synclaire..

I don't want to sound ungrateful

but we, we just going to the game, not catering it.

Yeah.

Gentlemen, when you are going on a road trip

you can never have enough gas, food and clean underwear.

Oh, so that explains the Ziploc bag full of Jockey's.

Overton, if you're bound for the road

please take me with you.

I need to drive away my pain

on an endless stretch of blue highway.

Oh, cool, then join the party.

Lord knows we've got enough food and drawers for everybody.

Right, man.

My customized van is at your disposal.

It has very few miles on it and only one previous owner.

One owner, huh?

What did he use this van for? Voodoo ceremonies?

Man, I don't care if you drag me

behind this buck in a little red wagon.

I'm going to the O State Michigan game, eh?

I'll never forget the first time dad and Uncle Smoke Eye

took me down to Columbia.

Ten below zero, up in the nosebleed seats.

When Jim Holders ran that kickoff back for a touchdown

I spit my pacifier right out my mouth.

Man, the law of American football is beyond me.

Women's soccer? Whoo! Now, that's a game.

A very good way to meet large aggressive women.

Hey, man, how do you cut the heat down on this thing?

Hotter in here than two boll weevils in wool socks.

Actually it is off.

What you're feeling is the heat coming off

our slightly cracked engine block.

Oh, man!

Now, that's much better.

What is that blasphemous word written across

your puny little chest?

I'm just a Michigan fan.

Go blue.

You a Wolverine?

Russell, pull the van over.

No, on second thoughts, just speed up and open up the door.

No, man, I already got one ticket

for dumping a foreign object. No.

Is that a mirage with legs?

Has God sent me a beautiful budding flower to heal my pain?

No, no, we are not picking up some stranger

man, she could be a serial‐killer.

‐ Hey, guys. ‐ 'Hey, girl.'

Who you for? O State or Michigan?

Buckeye to the bone.

‐ Oh, well, get on the bus! ‐ Yeah!

♪ Fight the team across the field ♪

♪ Show them Ohio's here ♪

Do you know what a buckeye is?

It's an inedible nut that falls to the ground and lies there.

Oh, like your players.

And you know what would happen to a Wolverine's head

if a Buckeye hit it at a 100 miles an hour?

No, but I know one thing, I know one thing‐‐.

Quiet! Quiet now, quiet now!

Now, your squabbling will awaken my sleeping angel.

What she needs is the soothing sound of reggae music.

(man on radio) 'On the local front'

'the manhunt continues for Camille Harris.'

'Suspected in a spree of convenience store hold‐ups.'

'She was last seen hitch‐hiking outside of Pittsburgh.'

Hold up now, uh, uh, didn't we pick up girlie

right outside Pittsburgh?

'Witnesses describe her as being about 5'2"'

'with a tattoo of a penguin on her left wrist.'

‐ Oh? ‐ 'What the..'

Gimme that. This is not a penguin.

That's a bird wearin' a tuxedo.

We are all going to die.

Just chill out, brave Wolverine.

We'll pull this van over and we'll come up with a plan.

Look, that woman's a disgrace to Buckeye fans everywhere.

I say we leave her here and get our bus to the game.

‐ Yeah that's what I'm saying. ‐ No, no, no.

Let us not act rationally.

Now this is obviously a case of mistaken identity.

Whoo! How about that.

Most women can't drive a stick.

Baby girl, I know why I'm here

so stop stalling and show me the rock!

I bet it's as big as that door knob.

Mom, um, I, I didn't call you over to announce my engagement.

‐ Um, ladies. ‐ Oh, yes.

Um, Dexter and I are movin' in together.

Congratulations. I'm very happy for you.

Maybe you didn't hear her!

She said that they are moving in together in the same house

in the same bed.

I heard.

And as long as she's happy, that's all that matters.

I was expecting fireworks and this is what I get?

As usual, Regine, you are a big disappointment.

That was the worst reaction I could've ever expected.

Anger I could deal with, but... being polite?

Wishing me well. Not raining on my parade.

Now, that is just plain... hateful.

You know, your mother is... worse than.

Penny's mom on "Good Times."

That's what I'm saying.

Oh, excuse me, officer, uh, we need to report a stolen vehicle.

It was a highly customized classic 1967 Volkswagen bus

with... patches of the original paint still on it.

If you're talkin' about a dig little hippie bus

with a "Hemp for health" bumper sticker?

We've got it in impound.

Unfortunately right after we towed it here

it burst into flames.

There he is, officer. That's him.

That's the freak that let me drive away

in their broke down hooty from hell.

Girl, you got more nerve than a pick‐pocket in church.

You better butt out of it, curly.

You're a menace to society.

If I ever get out, I'mma come back and hunt you down

like the dog you are.

Did you see that fire, that passion?

I'll wait for you, my lovely felon.

Russ, have you ever thought about going after a woman

that you might have a chance in hell of getting?

Man, all I know is, there's three minutes before kick‐off

and we stuck out here in the boonie.

We've got a black and white out back.

You expect me to watch my cousin lead the Buckeyes to victory

on a black and white TV?

Oh, relax man, it's just a game, huh?

A game, you say?

No, no not where I come from.

See? Cleveland is a simple place.

Blue collar town with hard‐working people.

See, when I was growing up, car plants and steel mills

were closing down left and right.

Jobs were hard to come by. And hope?

Hope was just the name of our local librarian.

So the only thing that kept us alive

was O State football on Saturday

and the Browns on Sunday.

Man, some of my best memories

are with my dad down on those frozen stadium benches.

And then, Art Modale cold jacked the Browns

like an armored truck with the keys left in the ignition.

So now, all we got left is O State.

So if it's all the same to you, officer

I'd rather die trying to get there than to watch my Buckeye

on your black and or white TV.

I meant a black and white squad car.

If you throw on the lights and sirens

I can get you there in three hours.

Oh. Alright, let's bounce.

[cheering]

Come on, man, the game's almost over

we've got to get to our seats.

Oh, yo, you might want to cover that up, man. Buckeye country.

Oh, brother, please. I am strong.

I am proud. I am a Wolverine!

Now, you're strong, proud and naked.

(male announcer) 'Ohio State calls their final time‐out.'

‐ Oh, hey! ‐ Hey.

Look who finally showed up.

My fast talking New York nephew. Hey, come here, boy!

Uncle Smoke Eye!

I thought you were dead!

Only reason you'd miss a big game like this.

I know!

And who's your naked friend?

Hey, hey, I'm, I'm Tripp. Can I borrow your coat?

Hell, no!

Y'all settle in. We're five points down.

My boy is driving the team down the field.

Alright. Oh, excuse me, dawg.

‐ I think you're in my seat. ‐ Uh, look, bro.

Two hours and fifty bucks ago, this became my seat.

Wait are you trying to tell me somebody sold my seat?

Well, like I said, son, I thought you were dead.

(man on radio) 'Well, it all comes down to this.'

'Just five seconds on the clock'

'this is the last play of the game.'

'Alright, Damon Howard takes the snap'

'fades back into the pocket Can't find a receiver!'

'Scrambles to the left! Scrambles right!'

'Fights it over, he dives in, touchdown! Ohio State!'

[cheering]

Yeah, boy. I told you it was our year.

That's Obie right there, see him?

I know my man when I see him.

That's him right there. Look, look.

You know what my mom is in there doing, don't you?

See, it's that old passive aggressive routine of hers.

She's just going to stay in there until I

until I just get worn down.

But you know what? Not this time.

You know what? I, I, I'm just going to pack my bags.

‐ And I am going to‐‐ ‐ Move!

Move, to the Hamptons with my man.

And if I never see her again, well, smooches to her!

Don't you talk about your mother that way.

‐ How you gonna smooch her? ‐ How could you say that?

‐ It's your mother. ‐ Oh, my goodness!

I never speak to my mother like that.

‐ What're you talking about? ‐ Listen here, Miss Missy.

My mother and I have a special relationship.

So do Khadijah and her mom.

Yours is a twisted one.

Strangely, it works. Go fix it.

Alright... I will be the bigger person.

But then, Khadijah, I'm going to need

the number to your therapist.

Therapist? Man, you see somebody once or twice

and now you've got a therapist.

‐ What's up with that? ‐ I know.

Okay, um, here I am..

So let me have it.

Do you girls ever clean out this refrigerator?

I just found my casserole from the Fourth of July.

Well, I won't have to worry about that

when I move in with Dexter, because he's got a live‐in maid.

Hmm.

That was your opening, ma.

This is where you yell and, and start hollering

about how I'm such a disappointment

and oh, how I will be living in sin

and, and how will you ever break this

to your bowling league.

Get mad!

I'm not mad at you, baby girl.

I'm hurting for you.

Look, now, I didn't just meet you, Regina.

I've known you all your life.

And I know that, moving in with Dexter without marrying him

is not what you want.

Okay, alright, so.. So I do want it all.

But what, what am I supposed to do

tell Dexter and risk losing him?

Ma, he's the one.

If that's the case, then you should be able

to tell him the truth.

And if he can't hear it, well..

Maybe he's not the one.

[piano music]

Baby, what, what is all of this fabulousness?

This is the song that I always dreamed

would be played at my wedding.

I'd like you to be there to hear it too.

Regine..

Will you marry me?

[gasps]

Are you alright?

Yes.

Yes? Yes?

‐ Yes. ‐ Yes.

Yes! Yes.

Yes!

‐ 'We're getting married!' ‐ 'Uh‐huh.'

We're getting married!

‐ We, we.. ‐ Whoo!

[theme music]