Original subtitles

Uh, Regine, it, uh, appears

one of our wedding gifts is, uh, missing.

Obviously, you should've been watching the gift table

instead of Desmond Howard's MVP behind.

Excuse you!

But I have never ever misplaced a wedding gift.

Even after that little melee at Darrell's wedding

when his trampy bride swapped spit with the best man.

Oh, Obie, how're we ever gonna break it to Max

that we lost her gift?

What, Max?

Oh, girl, please, now you know

that cow is too cheap to buy a gift.

Yeah, don't you remember that Christmas

she wrapped up our toaster and gave it to you.

That's right. And there was still a Pop Tart in it, girl.

I'm still gonna have a little chat with girly.

Many times as she rolled up on the buffet

she should've gave us three or four gifts.

I mean, Khadijah, the girl took home a ham.

Now, hold up, Obie.

Now, y.. You can't go at Max head‐on.

You‐you'll get nothing.

You've got to handle this delicately.

Max, I can't believe you're too damn cheap

to buy them a wedding gift.

Excuse you.

I would never forget my dear friends.

I just forgot to give it to them.

I'll go get it now.

Back off the toaster, Shaw!

♪ We are living ♪ ♪ Hey‐y‐y ♪

♪ Single ♪

♪ Ooh in a 90s kind of world ♪

♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪

♪ Keep your head up ♪ ♪ What? ♪

♪ Keep your head up ♪ ♪ That's right ♪

♪ Whenever this life get tough you gotta fight ♪

♪ With my home girls standing to my left and my right ♪

♪ True blue ♪ ♪ It's tight like glue ♪

♪ We are living ♪ ♪ Check check check it out ♪

♪ Single ♪ ♪ Do what you want ♪

♪ No free position ♪

♪ Ha‐aa ♪

Ooh, man.

I mean, this is amazing what you have done with this place.

Now can you undo it so our place don't look like such a dump?

Fabulous news, kids.

My new business cards have arrived.

So, if you meet anyone rich or famous

you can help me get into their hearts and their wallets.

And I'll be sure to tell them

about that, uh, couscous you made for our wedding.

Mm‐hmm. Tasted like some boujee grits to me.

"Formal event planning by Regine.

"Specializing in corporate parties, birthdays

and bar mitzvahs."

What?

Oh, please, after the religious part

it's just a kids' party with a rabbi instead of a clown.

Oh, and anyway, I got a great lead on this fundraiser

being thrown by Dexter Knight.

Oh, Dexter Knight.

That's the brother that invented the first black video game.

‐ "Pacman in the hood." ‐ Mmm.

You know, he's big.

He's big alright. About 300 pounds.

You guys see him on the cover of "Fortune?"

Front and back.

Come on, now.

Cut the man some slack.

'Cause, you know, he invented my favorite video game.

"Kricsa, Female Warrior."

See, she travels through all space and time

decapitatin' evil doers and buryin' their heads

in her space garden.

Well, uh..

I'm gonna go and prepare a sales pitch

that'll make his double chins drop.

Millionaires love throwing money at these shindigs

and I just love being the target.

Hey, Shawshank!

One wedding gift, signed, sealed... and delivered.

‐ Oh. ‐ Well, Max, you shouldn't have.

Oh, yeah, she should have.

"Congratulations.."

"on passing the bar?"

Passing the bar, jump the broom, what's the diff?

Oh, look at this. There's a check here for..

W‐well, Max, y‐you failed to fill out

the amount on this check.

Well, I just thought I'd leave that up to you two kids.

Mmm. Okay.

How cheap am I now, Khadijah?

And you have exactly seven minutes to pitch your proposal

to Mr. Knight which by the looks of your resume

should leave six minutes for small talk.

Good looks and a sense of humor.

Aren't you a find?

Okay, listen, God.

Um, I‐I really need a miracle here, okay?

So, please get me this job.

Please get me this job.

‐ Miss Hunter? ‐ Uh!

I'm Dexter Knight.

[chuckles]

You're Dexter K‐Knight?

Oh, wait a minute, wait, I‐I saw you

on the cover of, of "Fortune" and you were..

Uh, were... husky.

Please, I made the nutty professor look skinny.

But thanks to Oprah's chef

and a few million miles on a treadmill

I've managed to shed a few pounds.

Um, looks like you held on to the right ones.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that.

No, I mean, I meant to say it.

I just didn't mean for it to come out that..

Can we start over?

Hey, I'm flattered.

Before I lost the weight, the closest I ever got

to a compliment was.

"Damn, man, you can really put away that fudge."

So, um... shall we discuss the party?

The party.

The party, yes.

The party. Ahem.

You are hosting a fundraiser for CHUMA.

"Children of Harlem's Underfed Minds Association."

Well, you've done your homework.

Well, you don't hear a word like CHUMA

without trying to figure out what the hell it means.

It's my pet charity.

We fund education and resources like the Schomburg Centre.

I love the Schomburg.

I was just there last week for a poetry reading.

"In secret we met, in silence I grieve.

"That thy heart could forget, thy spirit deceive.

And if I should meet thee after long years.."

"How should I greet thee?

In silence and tears."

[chuckles]

That's my favorite poem.

Mine too.

You know, one day..

[laughs] When I was in the fourth grade

I actually shared it with my class.

I got an A in English.

And I got my butt kicked all over the playground.

You know, nobody understood me either.

So, I created imaginary worlds

like Barbie's dream villa in Italy.

Of course, the gutters of East Orange had to double

for the canals of Venice.

I love Venice.

You, you've been to Italy?

No. But, uh, I have a closet full of Ferragamo pumps.

(Mabel) Yoo‐hoo, Mr. Knight.

Linda Davis is here.

She coordinated the Jackie O auction.

I heard the chicken wings were scrawny and cold.

Mabel..

Have Linda wait.

Of course.

Half the people bidding on this event

don't give a damn about the charity.

They're just in it for a big payday.

Uh, leeches.

I am committed to CHUMA.

In fact, I would take 15% off of the lowest bid

so that more money can go to those kids.

Miss Hunter, I like your enthusiasm.

Not to mention your style.

You have got the job.

Really?

Just make sure those chicken wings

aren't scrawny and cold.

Thank you.

Thank you very much, Mr. Right. K‐Knight!

Please, call me Dexter.

‐ Dexter. ‐ Yeah.

And you may call me Regine.

Thank you.

Hey, you can call me Nay‐Nay if you want.

‐ "Nay‐Nay." ‐ Mm‐hmm.

Charming name.

It is now.

Ooh!

‐ Blank check from Max. ‐ Mmm.

Girl, I feel like we just won a Kentucky derby.

Giddy up, mama.

And what did we say we'd do if we won?

‐ Go to Africa! ‐ Go to Africa!

Aha! Aha!

I've always dreamed of driving across the Serengeti.

Zumbale‐baboole.

Hah! Shirt open from the hell‐like heat.

Perspiration just glistening, glistening.

[ululating]

Hoombalu. Hoombalu.

Ooh.

Star, I've got the travel agent's number

on speed dial. Let's go.

Oh, slow your roll, King Tut.

Now, if we take advantage of Max

she'll never give us another gift.

Look here, mama.

This right here is the mountaintop.

Kilimanjaro.

I say, we get while the gettin's good.

Okay, fine.

You write down a number. I write down a number.

We get the average, put it on the check, okay?

Go. Go.

Oh, Obie, look at this, we wrote the same number

except mine doesn't have all those zeros after it.

You guys.

Do you believe in love at first sight?

Is this about that fat guy Khadijah was telling me about?

Dexter happens to have lost a 150 pounds

and is fine as he wanna be.

I'm telling you, man, it was like..

It was like Romeo and Juliet.

Like, like Maria and Tony in "Westside Story."

Julia Roberts in "Pretty Woman."

‐ Y‐yes! ‐ Yes!

She was a hooker.

Okay, so, she has a real career and you don't.

Did I mention that I also got the job?

If I ace this party, you guys..

I‐I c.. I could be planning a wedding of my own.

Would you be my maid of honor?

Uh‐uh.

Ain't wearing none of those fugly dresses.

Oh, right.

The budget for the party came in.

Yours truly sealed the deal by promising to beat

the lowest bid by 15%.

Wait a minute, this.. This can't, this can't be.

This, this budget isn't enough to host 50 people

let alone a hundred.

Two words.

Trail mix.

Shut up!

You guys, thanks to this little screw up

Dexter, Dexter might lose all respect for me.

Now, how is he gonna love me after that?

Love? Regine, you're trippin'.

You know the rats in the alley better than you know this man.

You know what? Now, looks like I may never know him.

You know, maybe Regine Hunter

is just meant to die an old maid.

Why should she be any different from the rest of us?

[sighs]

[chuckles]

Regine, cut the drama.

I mean, there's gotta be a way you can do this party.

Yeah, I could do a great party for a 100 people.

It's just that 80 of them won't be able to eat or drink.

Oh, man, if I tell Dexter that I can't make the budget

he'll think I'm an amateur.

Or worse, a scheming diva.

Regine, you are a scheming diva.

You know..

You know that all my life

I've done whatever it takes to get the man.

Mm‐hmm.

But with Dexter, I was completely honest.

He'd ask me if I'd ever been to Italy.

Now, you know, I have a dozen patented

responses to that question.

Some of which have me descended from Venetian royalty.

But what did I tell him? "No."

And get this!

I said he could call me Nay‐Nay.

Damn, girl.

You are sprung.

What am I gonna do?

Okay, Regine, I would never give anybody this advice.

Ever.

Lie, girl! Lie!

Y‐you dig deep into that diva bag of tricks

pull out the biggest, baddest trick and go get that man.

‐ I can't use that bag on him. ‐ Come on.

‐ Just one more time. ‐ Mm‐mmm.

Look, if it works, you'll have

the rest of your life to make it up to him.

Of course, there is always Russell.

I guess I could come up with a little some‐something.

Sure you could.

Yeah. I could, I could make the hors d'oeuvres myself.

Now, you're talking.

‐ I can get you to help serve. ‐ Now, you trippin'.

Hold the trays high and walk as fast as you can.

If anybody catches you they're only allowed

one shrimp per person.

So remember their faces. Go.

Uh, you guys, thank you so much for helping out.

It's nice to know that I've got two friends

who care enough to just pitch in

out of the goodness of their hearts.

In your dreams.

I'm here to meet Spike Lee.

Yeah. My baby's got a great idea for his next film.

Mo' Better Synclaire.

Yeah, and I'm gonna audition for him

and serve him this flaky salmon I found.

[nasal voice] Here, knock yourself out..

This salmon is the only one that I have

and it is for Dexter.

Anybody touches it, they draw back notes.

Regine, the party is a big hit.

[chuckles]

Oh, yes. She's a dynamic woman.

And a wonderful boss.

Yeah. Anyway, look here.

I got a idea for a new video game, right.

Take a cyber hammer and you hit a cyber nail.

Sometimes you hit it. Sometimes you miss.

Think about it.

Uh, Dexter, how about a little nibble, huh?

Specially prepared by moi.

Hm, all low fat and low cholesterol, huh?

Really looking after my heart, aren't you?

[chuckles] Caught me.

[laughing]

Knight..

‐ Senator Mason has arrived. ‐ Oh.

Thank you, Mabel.

Senator Mason is one of CHUMA's primary supporters.

And the harder you laugh at all his lame jokes

the bigger his donation.

Hey. Hey.

You cannot crash this party.

Two invites.

Courtesy of the public defender's office.

And guess what?

I haven't eaten a thing all day.

Hey, waiter, put the brakes on that shrimp tray.

Come here.

Oh! Khadijah, she's gonna ruin me.

I bought enough food for a party, not a country.

Just relax. Relax.

I'm here to control her.

Oh, liar.

You're here to meet men.

Oh, that too. And it is time to shop.

[laughs] That old man is shopping too.

Wrong store, homie.

Right, here's Max.

Let's tell her we finally agreed to an amount for her check.

Hey, people.

Now, when you decide on an amount for that check

you let me know. Alright?

Because whatever is left in the account

is going to the little CHUMA children.

Mm‐hmm. God bless those little rugrats.

Alright, see you all later.

Hello, foxy lady.

[chuckles] You wanna cha‐cha‐cha?

I just got my new hip.

I'm sorry, I can't.

Um, I'm still on the list for mine.

Senator Mason

I would like you to meet Regine Hunter.

The extraordinary woman behind this event.

A pleasure, Miss Hunter.

You know, Dexter, I'm a little sad at your weight loss.

He used to be so big I could count on him for two votes.

[laughing]

No! Stop!

[laughing]

So, Miss Hunter tells me you were the personal bartender

for the Kennedy family for 15 years.

‐ She told you that? ‐ Mm‐hmm.

Um, well, that's, uh, highly confidential information.

Now, I've got to go kill her.

[whistling]

Okay. Look, look, look, now. What's up with you guys?

You all have been catcalling me all night.

And don't think I didn't feel that little pinch on my ass.

We didn't mean any harm.

I mean, you know, you remind me of a real young Pearl Bailey.

‐ Me? ‐ 'Yes.'

I remind you of Pearly Mae?

‐ Pearly Mae. ‐ Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, she was a babe.

You know, you know seeing you takes us back

to the day when we had game.

Game.

[chuckles]

Listen, would you sing "Hello, Dolly," for us?

Oh, oh, come on. I couldn't.

I mean..

Please, I mean..

I just, I couldn't..

♪ Hello Dolly well hello Dolly ♪

♪ It's so nice to be back home where I belong ♪

♪ You're lookin' swell.. ♪

Uh, I‐I have no idea who that floozy is

but she is out of here.

No‐no‐no, no, no, no!

Those old men are rich.

She shows a little leg and we can send the CHUMA kids

to camp in the south of France.

Did I mention that that songbird is my roommate?

Bring it on home, honey!

♪ Dolly'll never go away ♪

♪ Dolly'll never go away ♪

♪ Dolly'll never go away again yeah ♪

[crowd cheering]

Keyshawn Johnson.

Damn, you a mad cutie.

You a Pearl Bailey fan?

I could be if I can get a date with you.

Well..

In that case we can get out of here

go get something to eat.

Let's go.

Excuse me. I'd like your attention, please.

I would like to thank everybody for coming.

There is good grub, good drink

and good reason to open up those wallets.

So, let's get to it!

[crowd applauds]

Give me that!

No!

You okay?

Ah! Yeah, I'm fine.

I‐I'm fine, everybody.

Thanks.

You sacrificed that dress for me.

Uh, it's okay. It was 20% off.

Damn! I'm getting so honest.

Even with that stain you are a beautiful woman.

I gotta tell you something.

Um, I‐I had to cut a lot of corners

to pull this thing off.

Um, cheap champagne, bulk produce.

One lonely little salmon filet.

You knew?

My first clue was the fine crystal that said.

"Made in Tijuana."

Okay, well, then, I guess, uh

me and my stain will just be up out of here.

No, no, no. Don't be ridiculous.

You pulled off this incredible event

for the children.

Oh, well, I‐I didn't do it just for the children.

I wanted to impress you.

Mission accomplished.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Mr. Knight. Whoa!

This woman is a fraud.

Look, she disguised this cheap swill..

With an expensive label.

Too late, Evilina. He knows.

Well, in that case..

Welcome to our lives.

Now, where were we, Nay‐Nay?

[chuckles]

Right here.

[theme music]

(female ♫1) Woo‐hoo.