Original subtitles

[water running]

Oh.

Mmm, I'm sorry, Khadijah, I gotta go.

I'm not Khadijah, but I can give you a minute.

Who the hell are you?

A‐and what are you doing with my Frutadella bubble bath?

♪ When I get that feelin' ♪

♪ I want sexual healing ♪

♪ Sexual oww ♪

Regine. I see you've met Catherine.

I'll see you at breakfast.

What? Oh, no, you..

You are not about to kick me out

of my own bathroom, so could you play frogman

with little Miss Thursday Night.

"Miss Thursday Night?" Tripp, what is up with that?

B‐baby, that's just, that's nothin', that no..

C‐come here.

Look, I'm not about to let you mess up my flow.

Ey, you are not flowin' in my bathroom.

With my bubble bath, my candles.

Is that my robe?

Uh, uh, you see, Tripp, too much drama.

‐ 'Catherine, what‐‐' ‐ I'm out!

Catherine, I‐look, baby, look.

Where you running out with my robe..

Come on, the kitchen is free.

I'll deal with you later.

♪ We are living ♪ ♪ Hey ♪

♪ Single ♪

♪ Ooh and in a nineties kind of world ♪

♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪

♪ Keep your head up ♪ ♪ What? ♪

♪ Keep your head up ♪ ♪ That's right ♪

♪ Whenever this life get tough you gotta fight ♪

♪ With my homegirls standing to my left and my right ♪

♪ True blue it's tight like glue ♪

♪ We are living ♪ ♪ Check check check it out ♪

♪ Check check check it out ♪ ♪ Single ♪

♪ What you want no free position ♪

♪ Haaa ♪

Make as much money as we spend on these wedding photo

we look good in one of 'em.

God, I look drunk in this one.

Look at you, mama, your eyes are shut in this one.

And, Lord, I don't know what's going on in this one.

Kinda look like the flash kinda binked off your head.

You know what I mean, like a dome.

I know you guys aren't still pouring over those

wedding proofs, when a professional, moi

has already advised you on your selections.

Well, advise this.

I'm not paying for any photos

where the wedding coordinator

looks better than the bride and the groom, hear.

Okay, but you do realize that's going to

severely limit your options.

Hmm.

‐ Hey. Oh! ‐ Oh, no.

Come on, hey, back off. Open this door.

Hey! Alright.

Good news, good news, Khadijah.

My favorite law school professor is in town

for a lecture series.

You remember him? Clayton Simmons?

No.

I mean, no‐uh, no, not really.

I can't says I do.

Come on, I mean, you had lunch when

that time you came to visit.

Um, h‐h‐he was, uh, intelligent, sophisticated, sexy?

‐ My mentor. ‐ Ahh.

You know, that's so wonderful to be in touch with the teachers

that stoked the flames of knowledge, oh.

He stoked more than that, girl.

Yeah, but I never acted on it, you know.

He was a professor and I was just a little law student.

But now we're equals and I'm going for it.

[laughing]

‐ Game freaking on. ‐ Game freaking on!

‐ Whoo! Alright. ‐ Whoo!

Going for it? Going for what?

Khadijah, goin' for the professor.

Stay with us.

Alright, so what you gonna do?

Jump him behind the podium?

Would you get your mind out of the gutter?

Please, I'm past needing a man in my bed.

I need a man in my head.

Someone who can challenge my mind as well as feed my soul.

Hello, why you think I'm with Obie?

[laughs] Yes.

Alright.

[chuckles]

So, I'm off to a stimulating lecture

on the tax credit incentive.

I'm feeling hot already.

[sighs]

I slept with Clayton.

I knew it!

Start from the top. Don't miss any details, go.

Okay, look.

After we had lunch that day, Max had to study.

So I checked out the campus.

I ran into Clayton and the next thing I knew

we were signing a hotel register, Mr. and Mrs. Horowitz.

‐ Mm. ‐ Well, Smith seemed too easy.

You have got to tell her or else this thing's gonna eat at you

and me, for the rest of our lives.

[scoffs] I'm takin' this one to the grave.

I mean, if I tell her now

she's never gonna trust me again.

Oh, oh, sure she would.

Sure she would.

You were young and impressionable

and a worldly older man seduced you

right?

‐ Well‐‐ ‐ Oh, my God!

You were on him, like a, like‐like

salt on a margarita glass?

That man wore tweed like nobody's business.

Wha‐what are you doing?

This living room is a common area

not your personal counter at the funk and fold.

Well, the bathroom is a common area too but there are at least

three bras drip drying in the shower.

Those bras moved in here long before you did.

And for as much room as they take up

they need to be payin' rent.

I shall take that as the compliment

I know it was meant to be.

Now, here is the dry‐cleaning receipt for my bathrobe

and you still owe me from my bubble bath.

W‐w‐w‐wait a minute. Yo‐you..

You ruined my date and I foot the bill?

Nah, I don't think so. Tripp don't play that.

Let me teach you a little something about respect, Ira.

When you have roommates

you don't leave your funky drawers..

Laying all over the living room.

And you don't entertain in the bathroom.

When I have a gentleman caller

I at least take them up to my bedroom.

Yeah, kickin' and screamin'.

[sighs]

Oh, looks like someone was just licked

by the flames of knowledge.

The years have aged Clayton like a fine cabernet.

And I think it's time to pop the cork.

Oh, oh, oh, okay now. Pop that cork, now.

What do you think of that, Khadijah?

Do you think she should... pop it?

Well, too bad he doesn't live in town.

He's probably on that New York to Philly express as we speak.

He would have been but I invited him to stay

through the weekend to my monthly law chat slash

cocktail party that begins this month.

Hey, now.

Man‐trap party at Max's.

[laughs]

Nah, not this time. My place is a mess.

I'm having this party right here.

You can't have the party here.

Why not?

'Cause, uh, 'cause we have a new roommate.

Have to be sensitive to him.

He's not comfortable chatting.

By law.

I know what this is about.

You afraid of losing me.

Oh, yeah, Khadijah, Khadijah, come here, girl, come here.

You were always, you will always be my girl. Alright?

Alright now, maybe next weekend, you, me and Clayton

can get together for lunch.

Just the three of us.

I'd like to suggest a different dessert this time.

[knock on door]

Do you know what used to be at the other end of this rope?

Hmm, judging by the smell of things

I'm guessing a dead horse?

My soap on a rope.

But Miss Regine throws it away because she said it was

both retro and disturbingly phallic.

Then she give me this list of, uh

four soaps that would meet the diva cell of approval.

Go with Spring Garden, it seems to have a calming effect on her.

Listen, Tripp, listen to me.

You are the new roommate.

She is just playfully hazing you like she did me.

It'll be fine.

‐ Do you really believe that? ‐ No, no.

Watch your back, man, watch your back.

I don't see why you trippin' on some soap, man.

She threw your woman out butt naked.

Nah, I was planning on breakin' up with her anyway.

But my soap is sacred.

I mean, it‐it defines who I am.

Strong, creative, determined.

With a hint of lime.

What do I do about Regine?

Well, you can't trap a badger

by slapping a bunch of neck bones

out in the middle of the yard.

See, you gotta hide 'em behind a rock.

Preferably one with some peat moss, but that's just me.

Next thing you know, badger stew for everybody.

Yeah.

Max is buggin'. She acts like I don't have a life.

I mean, I can't drop everything

and help her with her damn party.

Hey, it's fine, alright.

I don't mind doing all of the work for her dear friend

Maxine Shaw.

So..

Terrified?

Hell, yeah.

What if Clayton and I make eye contact

and the magic is still there?

She‐booyi! I'm busted.

Hey, Khadijah.

I've typed up the un‐rehearsed and un‐solicited compliments.

What?

I'm leaving nothing to chance tonight.

Every word, every nuance, every freaking detail

has been carefully choreographed toward one glorious goal.

To convince Clayton that Maxine Shaw is the answer

to all of his dreams and desires.

Okay. Well, alright, we're having a little play.

Very good, I'd like to discuss with you my back story

my character, what's my motivation, how do I move‐‐.

To get that line right without screwing up.

‐ Now come on. ‐ Alright.

"Maxine is a generous contributor.."

"To a variety of charities."

What? Max, dropping off a bag of your sweaty bra's

at Goodwill doesn't count.

According to Uncle Sam it does.

No placard, no party.

Alright, Khadijah, your turn, let's go, sell it, baby.

‐ Max, I can't do this. ‐ What?

You want Synclaire's line?

‐ Here. ‐ No.

No.

I need to get some sleep.

But, uh, it's 7 o'clock!

But I'm tired.

No, you're not. Khadijah, why are you acting like this?

Alright, fine!

You wanna hear it?

[chuckles] Fine.

This is about me and Clayton and that day we had lunch.

‐ Okay. ‐ Break it down.

Well, that day, after lunch..

I..

I..

I..

I noticed I had toilet paper under my shoe

and I think he saw it too.

Oh, come on, wait a minute.

You've had more embarrassing moments than that.

Like, that time when you slipped

on the horse patty at the parade.

Now, come on, let's go.

This lying, it's a sickness with you.

‐ I tried. ‐ I know.

Come here, come here. Come here.

What's up, girl? Let's party.

Whoo! Heh! Whoo! Hey.

Oh, ew, what, what is that smell?

You know that might be me.

You know, I did play some ball and you know, I'd be like

ya, ya, ya, ya, boo ya!

And then, just for the hell of it

I played a little Frisbee.

‐ And then I.. ‐ Whoa!

And I landed in the dumpster twice.

And I had to dig de‐e‐ep for it.

You know, Overton and Synclaire must've had catfish last night.

You think?

Ugh!

Alright, now look, Tripp.

Guests are starting to arrive

so you might want to get with that shower.

I can't. No soap.

Oh, I see.

So, uh, you stank on purpose.

Okay, well you just go ahead on and be funky, hear.

See if I care.

Oh, but you will.

[doorbell rings]

Alright, he's here, he's here.

That's Clayton, that's Clayton.

Shh! Be cool.

Be cool.

Oh, why, hello, Professor Simmons.

Oh, Clayton.

[chuckles]

Welcome. Welcome to my law chat.

Thank you, Maxine, I'm here and ready to chat.

[laughs] Oh.

Okay, alright.

I'd like to introduce you

to some of my intriguing friends.

Overton.

Um, oh, my!

Out of pressure to say something intriguing..

Um, might have to get back to you, okay.

‐ That‐that's, Synclaire. ‐ Hello, professor.

Maxine, regularly donates her sweat and bras to charity, no.

She regularly donates her sportin..

I forgot what I was supposed to say, I'm sorry.

And you remember, Khadijah. Uh, get over here, girl.

I'm sorry, I don't recall meeting you but, uh

it's nice to see you again.

[chuckles] Oh, good to see you too.

‐ Alright. ‐ Oh, great.

Okay, so, I might as well introduce to

a few of the lawyers I beat in court.

Oh, so many to choose from.

[laughs] Okay.

He doesn't even remember me. I was trippin'.

He has totally forgotten you, girl.

Like that sex thing never happened.

Poof! It's gone, great. Phew! Whew.

Hey, hold up.

He doesn't remember my goodies?

Oh, no, hells no, that is not acceptable.

Oh, he will remember me.

So, is this how you interpreted my insightful parable?

By coming in here and stinkin' up the whole party?

I don't know man, it's, it's all good, it's‐it's working

I mean, you're brilliant.

No, I was trying to help you bag one badger

not destroy a whole ecosystem.

By the by, did I mention that I have one of the

top acquittal rates in the public defenders office.

Oh, yes, my career is blossoming.

And so am I.

I can see that.

Can you, now?

Absolutely. You're quite a lawyer.

‐ Oh. ‐ But I'm not surprised.

You took down the whole administration

in that mock trial.

You were good that day.

[laughing]

And I wasn't?

Gentleman, uh, shrimp tempura? Huh?

Yes and don't forget to try some of my fabulous dipping‐‐.

Oh, Regine, let me help you with that there.

I mean, she works so hard. Alright, yeah.

Would you stop it?

You are ruining business

and you're starting to sprout fungus!

Starting? I've got a mushroom growin' in my armpit.

Alright, look, I will replace your damn soap on a rope

but you will pay me back for my bubble bath and my dry‐cleaning.

‐ It's a deal. ‐ Fine.

Here you go. Whoo! I'm glad that's over.

I was starting to feel myself.

These are some great courtroom action shots of you, Max.

Thank you.

Swaying the jury.

[chuckles] Oh.

Showing passion for your defendant.

[chuckles]

Wearing a string bikini on some beach.

Oh! Ooh!

Uh, now how did that get in there?

How embarrassing, oh, look, look.

[laughs]

Oh, oh, excuse me, one moment, Clayton, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Excuse me.

[laughing]

Oh, isn't he beautiful?

Alright. You guys keep pumping me up to him.

I gotta run across the street to get that picture of me

and my cousin's bratty little kid, you know

work the motherhood angle, alright, alright.

Excuse me, Professor Clayton.

Can I speak to you in the kitchen

about a little legal matter?

A wise man once said, "There are no little legal matters."

Just little settlements."

[laughing]

Excuse me, I, um, here's a little known fact.

The stop light was invented by Garret A. Morgan.

A black man.

It's intriguing.

That's me.

How could you forget the Ritz Carlton?

It was the Four Seasons.

And I'll never forget, Mrs. Horowitz.

Okay. So, why did you play dumb out there?

Because I didn't know if you told Max.

And I didn't want to be the first.

‐ Was I wrong? ‐ No.

(Khadijah) 'I sure as hell couldn't tell her I had a fling'

'with her college professor.'

"Fling?" Ow, you and you?

I was only gone three minutes.

Oh, Max, hi.

I can't believe you slept with my mentor.

Former mentor.

No, look, listen

we didn't want to distract you from your finals.

I mean, who knows, if we hadn't kept it from you

you might not be a lawyer today.

So, I owe my career to two sneakin' freaks?

It was only one time.

Yeah, maybe two, three.

Or four, five?

Hours. Times.

Insignificant, nothing really.

Excuse you?

I know what you're doing.

You're playing down your tawdry little affair with Khadijah.

So that you can advantage of me. Oh‐ho‐ho.

‐ Maxine.. ‐ 'Mm‐hmm.'

I'm not trying to take advantage of you.

In fact, I could never date you.

Oh, so..

Khadijah's okay, but I'm just squat.

No, no, you're a beautiful, intelligent, amazing woman.

But you were my student. I don't date my students.

Former or otherwise.

But I‐I‐re, I really didn't learn much in your classes.

Come on, you were one of my best.

And I take pride in thinking that I may have something

to do with the type of lawyer you've become.

You're just trying to get back on my good side.

It could work.

I hope we can still be friends.

Yeah, pff.

But, uh..

Right now, I think you and Khadijah should talk.

It was good seeing you both.

I wouldn't want to do it every weekend but... take care.

(Maxine) 'Freeze, Judas.'

Oh, Max, look‐‐

I can't believe you didn't tell me this.

But then again, you knew that my college roommate was a lesbian

and you didn't tell me that either.

Then the guy I chased my entire sophomore year was Republican.

‐ Jay's a Republican? My God‐‐ ‐ Don't change the subject!

Why, why, why

do you keep such huge secrets from me?

Because you react like this.

Look, I'm sorry, I didn't tell you, Max, but I felt stupid.

You know, one night stands are not my style.

[scoffs] What about Rick from Vegas?

Now, see, that's another reason why I tell you nothing.

'Cause you're always throwing it back up my face.

Okay, now look..

If I would have known you had a thing for Clayton

I would never have hooked up with him.

Well, you obviously did, why wouldn't I?

He still got it, doesn't he?

Hello!

[laughs]

Oh, argh, God.

‐ So.. ‐ Huh!

You still my girl?

Yeah, I would never let some man ruin our friendship.

Unless, I was pushing 40 and desperate.

‐ One more question. ‐ Hmm?

How was the professor?

‐ Not that great. ‐ Oh, good.

[laughs]

The first and second time.

The third time he was pretty good.

Fourth time he really got a rhythm..

Oh, I hate you!

[theme music]

(female ♫1) Whoo‐hooo.